*at work* (fictional names)

Kevin (linux support engineer): Bob, could you come for a second to take a look at something?
Bob (senior linux engineer): *tiny voice from a corner behind a desk* bob is not available right now. Please try again later.
Kevin: Bob, please, just for a second!
Bob: bob is not available right now, please try again later.
Kevin: Boooooooooooooob, come heeeeereeeee
Bob: as said before, bob is not available right now, try again later.
Kevin: but booooooob, come oooooon.
Bob: it seems that you might have a hearing problem since bob is still not available.
Kevin: but booooohooooob, come heeeeeeeeeeereee
Bob: it seems like the person on the other side of this line might be retarded. Bob is not available right now.
Kevin: But boooohooooohooooooob come oooohooohooon, just for a seeehehecond *starts fake sobbing"
Bob: Bob is getting real tired of your shit. Leave bob alone.

😆

Goddamn I'm retarded to the next level.

Rebooted my phone a few days ago, some stuff didn't work well anymore and I'm looking for a new one which supports custom roms but I shouldn't spend too much right now so I thought I'd let it go for now.

Rebooted again last night and the network time wouldn't set properly so set it manually. Today I suddenly noticed that any app/page loading through a secure connection wasn't loading at all.

This to the goddamn point that my phone was becoming useless.

Started to search for a quick, cheap replacement supporting custom roms while debugging on and on.

I just (now) looked at the date and BAM, it hit me: I set it to one month earlier.

Mother of god I'm stupid. Brain fart to the max.

*goes to the local town hall to get my new ID*

A week ago:
Clerk: Sorry sir, our systems don't work anymore, we can't process your request!
Me: Epic. Is there any sysadmin in here that can fix this pronto?
C: No it's a centrally managed system. It's managed by the people in ${another town}.
M (thinking): Well how about you fucking call them then, fucking user. Screaming blood and fire when nothing is wrong server-side but doing nothing when there is. Fucking amazing, useless piece of shit.

One week later, i.e. today:
M: Hey, I'd like to renew my ID card. I've got this announcement document here and my current ID card.
C: Oh no I don't need the announcement document. I need your PIN and PUK code letter.
M (thinking): What the fuck do you need that for.. isn't that shit supposed to be my private information..?
*gives PIN and PUK part of the letter*
C: Alright, to register your new ID card, please enter your PUK and then your PIN in this card reader here twice.
M: Sure, but I'd like to change both afterwards. After all they're written on this piece of paper and I'm not sure that just destroying that will be enough.
C: Sure sure you can change them. Please authenticate with the codes written on the paper.
*Authenticates*
C: So you'd like to change your codes, right?
M: Yeah but I'd like to change it at home. You know, because I can't know for sure that this PC here is secure, the card reader has a wired connection to your PC (making it vulnerable to keyloggers) and so on.
C: Impossible. You can't change your PIN at home. (What about the PUK?!)
M: But I've done that several times with my Digipass for my previous passport.. it is possible and I've done it myself.
C: Tut tut, impossible. I know it's impossible and therefore it is.
M (thinking): Thanks for confirming that I really shouldn't enter my personal PIN on your fucking PC, incompetent bitch.
M: Alright, I'll just keep this PIN, try at home and if it's really impossible because the system changed to remove this functionality (which I highly doubt, that'd be really retarded), I'll come back later.
(Just to get rid of this old stupid woman's ignorance essentially.)
C: Sure sure...
Me: I'd also like to register as an organ donor. Where can I do that?
C: That'd be over there. *points to the other room in the town hall*

FUCKING THANK YOU LORDS OF THE WICKED RAVEN AND THE LIBERATED TUX, TO GET ME AWAY FROM THAT STUPID FUCKING BITCH!!!

.. anyway. I've got my new ID and I'm an official organ donor now 🙂

This motherfucker tried to fuck me!

Ok, here's the full story.
I applied for a quick job as freelancer. He told me I just had to implement stripe payment gateway. After finishing that he asked to save the user data from payment to the database, too. I added that. All the way he wanted me to work on his ugly project on a rotten server through cpanel. But I refused instead I uploaded a showcase environment on my own server.
After he tested my code and all was working as expected he again tried to make me implement the code right away into his retarded project before payment. When I mentioned that he has to pay me first he started bitching that he won't pay in advance.

At this point I left that fucker. Knowing that my feeling was right and this bitch never had the intention to pay for my work. He just wanted to steel my code.

Fuck you. I hope you get eaten in your bed by very hungry slugs one day. Like this one guy here on devrant.

Man, I think we've all gotten way too many of these.

Normally most interactions that I have are through email. Eventually some would try to contact me via phone. These are some:

"Hey! We are calling you from <whatever company name> solutions! (most of them always seem to end on solutions or some shit like that) concerning the Ruby on Rails senior dev opportunity we were talking about via email"
<niceties, how are you doing, similar shit goes here...eventually>

So tell us! how good/comfortable would you say you are with C++?"

Me: I have never done anything serious with c++ and did just use it at school, but because I am not a professional in it I did not list it in my CV, what does it have to do with Rails?

Them: "Oh the applications of this position must be ready to take in additional duties which sometimes happen to be C or C++"

Me: Well that was not anywhere in the offer you sent, it specifically requested a full stack Rails developer that could work with 3 different frontend stacks already and like 4 different databases plus bla bla bla, I did not see c++ anywhere in it. Matter of fact I find it funny, one of the things that I was curious about was the salary, for what you are asking and specifically in the city in which you are asking it for 75k is way too low, you are seriously expecting a senior level rails dev to do all that AND take additional duties with c++? cpp could mean a billion different things"

Them: "well this is a big opportunity that will increase your level to senior position"

Me: the add ALREADY asks for a senior position, why are you making it sound that I will get build towards that level if you are already off the bat asking for seniors only to begin with?

Them: You are not getting it, it is an opportunity to grow into a senior, applicants right now are junior to mid-level

ME: You are all not making any sense, please don't contact me again.

=======

Them: We are looking for someone with 15 years experience with Swift development for mobile and web

Me: What is up with your people not making these requirements in paper? if I knew from the beginning that you people think that Swift is 15 years old I would have never agreed to this "interview"

Them: If you are not interested in that then might we offer this one for someone with 10 years experience as a full stack TypeScript developer.

Me: No, again, check your dates, this is insulting.

===

* For another Rails position

Them: How good are you with Ruby on Rails in terms of Python?

Me: excuse me? Python has nothing to do with Ruby on Rails.

Her (recruiter was a woman) * with a tone of superiority: I have it here that Python is the primary technology that accompanies Rails development.

Me (thinking this was a joke) : What do you think the RUBY part of Ruby on Rails is for? and what does "accompanies Rails development" even means?

Her: Well if you are not interested in using Rails with Python then maybe you can tell us about your experience in using Javascript as the main scripting platform for Rails.

Me: This is a joke, goodbye.

====

To be fair this was years ago when I still didn't know better and test the recruiters during the email part of being contacted. Now a days I feel sorry for everyone since I just say no without even bothering. This is a meme all on itself which no one has ever bothered to review and correct in years for now. I don't know why recruiters don't google themselves to see what people think of their "profession" in order to become better.

I've even had the Java/Javascript stupidity thrown at me by a local company. For that one it was someone from their very same HR department doing the rectuiter, their shop foreman was a friend of the family, did him the service of calling him to let him know that his HR was never going to land the kind of developer they were looking for with the retarded questions they had and sent him a detailed email concerning the correct information they needed for their JAVAscript job which they kept confusing with Java (for some reason in the context of Spring, they literally wanted nothing with Spring, they wanted some junior to do animations and shit like that on their company's website, which was in php, Java was nowhere in this equation)

I think people in web development get the short end of the stick when it comes to retarded recruiters more than anywhere else.

WTF is up with open-source projects using emojis in their commit messages... FUCKING emojis..

I get it, programming is fun and a hobby to many, but can we also keep at least a minimum level of professionalism here.

WTF is a wheelchair or bento emoji at the beginning of a commit message supposed to mean? Why the hell even bother to use it in the first place? There is no fucking reason for this retarded shit.

Is this what happens when activist developers get out of their way to make programming "inclusive"?

It is your personal project and so if you want to use emojis it is OK, I respect that (not really) but I can't trust your code, your commitment, or the quality of your work if I see those dumb Unicode characters there.

Git commit messages are not a game. Be playful with comments in code or your readme.md file but git messages should be a clear reflection of the changes not what a teenager's phone vomited on the keyboard.

I feel guilty when I spend time after work writing code, because there's that voice in the back of my head saying I should switch to leisure activities. "You've worked enough, don't sit all day, it's unhealthy".

Then I go for a walk or start planning something to cook. And there's still this weird feeling of guilt for not being productive enough, telling me I should learn a new programming language. "Work on your skills, you need to learn stuff to stay relevant in your field"

BRAIN, BE FUCKING CONTENT WITH WHAT I'M DOING FOR ONCE!

And stop fucking bullshitting me.

You're not trying to make me take a walk, you're not having my best interests at heart by making me learn or work.

I'm fucking on to you, you treacherous shitlitter of neurons. You're betraying me, and it happens every single fucking time I let my guard down.

I alt-tab out of my IDE, and within seconds you're there, impeding my intellect, making me click bookmarks to check the feculent streams spraying from the fingers of "friends" on Facebook.

I take a poop, and you just let me slide into a slowwitted state where I pick up my phone and stare at some crapfilled mire of memes.

You're the retarded digital-era id, wearing the disguise of a renaissance smart-ass ego, and you're dumping the fucking guilt on ME?

FUCK YOU AND YOUR MEMES, I'M GONNA BAKE A STEAK WITH MUSHROOM SAUCE AND WATCH PROGRAMMING VIDEOS WHILE DANCING.

NAKED.

(and maybe browse devRant later. I still love you, devRant)

Ahem ahem.
*clears throat*

Front end bois, listen that carefully.
YOU DONT FUCKIN TELL THE BACKEND HOW TO ACCEPT REQUESTS.

Backend creates the fuckin methods, the parameters and the responses, AND YOU FUCKIN ADAPT TO IT.

This guy at my work, we are both from Uni but i picked backend because i suck at frontend and i like using backend languages, sends me a message and tells me he can't make the project work.

At this time i have almost finished my part, i have made the method, have checked that they work, and i closed the work computer.

And now he tells me he wants to make a GET request instead of POST. LISTEN HERE MOTHERFUCKER. The methods are ready, adapt to them and shut the fuck up.

And before you tell me some methods don't work, make fuckin sure your part is correct because if i boot up the work laptop again to check why the method you have told me doesn't work, and it still does the job it was intented to do but you can't fix your part, i will fuckin cut your throat.

Sucker.
I do my part, and have to study for uni exams, since you don't have to because you have passed them, do your self a favor and fuckin learn to do things.

It's not my fault that i got experience on my own while you were just only doing our uni retarded projects and didn't bother to learn anything on your own.

I don't mean by any needs that i'm better than you but fuckin accept that i have learned something else that you have not and i would like to share the knowledge with you since you didn't bother.

Yesterday I stayed at home sick. Had a bad case of the EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA FROM HELL. Was feeling ok but could not walk away from me throne.

Went in today cuz the lead was not gonna be there and shit always breaks on Freyja's day as we all know.

1 and a half hours before we clock out and go home someone calls saying that students are trying to drop from classes at the last minute and our app ain't doing it.

I "fixed" the app last week and ran a small login test. It work so I thought it was fine. Stupid me for making unprofessional and retarded assumptions.

Manager freaks out. The entire school freaks out. Coworker lols cuz he ain't got to work on it. I start mind debugging the entire bitcheridoo.

45 minutes later...and I was able to successfully go through almost 15k lines of code of php/html/js code and fucking FIXED it with tests and all for real.

Went at it hard. Babe ass manager was like 0.0 and then (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Called head office and told them everything was undr control.

Dropped the phone like a mic. Mic drop.

Then I looked at manager and coworker and said "ya I fucked up, but I am still the king"

Both nodded in agreement.

Everyone got wet with my sheer awesome troubleshooting php master skills.

Got home thinking about how boss I am.

Fucking Texas af b. Can't touch this heat. The rangers still suck and so do the cowboys. The astros and the texans don't exist because there is only room for one. Go spurs.

Still have diarrhea.

Fuck yeah.

I'm not sure whether to cry or to burn everything to the ground.
I'm stuck in a rotten, over aged corporate that will one day choke on all the documents and formalism they require. Which is something I'm generally fine with. Each to their own.
But ever since I handed in my resignation they have been fucking me like I have never been gang raped before.
(A little context: I work for a midsize financial institute. Which at least in Germany are full of legacy projects and are regulated as all hell.)
So some fuckwits decided that since the regulator slapped us hard 2 years ago that we need to make up a new standard of documentation that has to be used for all IT-documentation there ever was and ever will be.
So the upper management (the before mention dumb-dumbs) choose some consultant company and locked them up together with the brightest stars (read biggest slime balls) of the IT department in an ivory tower and told them to pull some out the ass.
And one year later (early November last year) they got the shit they ordered. Gilden shit, only the most sparkly and non-sensical bullcrap you could imagine.
But they only looked at it and deemed it good. Now the guys actually in charge of the the applications got served the dish. And guess what they found out when started to dig into? Nothing but contradictions, non-final thoughts and all of that held together by web of retarded, unusable guidelines. But they ate it, they cursed but they swallowed forced by disciplinary punishments waiting should they misbehave.
The only one emerging fact was: All previous documentation was completely invalidated.
But now the mighty lords in the ivory tower guided by the never failing hand of the higher management had the greatest idea of them all. They needed someone to check all the documentation till the end of this year but since they blew all of their budget on useless wankers ( oh, ofc I meant "highly qualified external help") they now preyed on the lowest in the food chain. Which is where this story goes full circle and comes back to me.
I was the lowest rank on the food chain, a student that just handed in his resignation.
I was the first to be locked up in the basement, my co-student followed shortly after.
And now I'm going to spend my last 2 months looking at checklists that we had to pull out of the slime's ass and validating hundreds of thousands of pages of documentation. We get grinded up in the endless hate coming from the guys that we need to tease and are held in position by a wall of sheer idiocy on the side of the rule makers.
Today I cried when I had to tell someone that his magnificent documentation was not standard conform and had thus no longer any meaning or right to exist.
Thanks you for those that made it this far down. I hope you never have to feel my pain.

This is more of a wishful thinking scenario......but language/tech stack/whatever bashing.

Look, I get it, we like development, we would not be here if we didn't like it. But as my good friend @Stuxnet has mentioned in the past, making this a personality trait is fucking retarded, lame, small, and overall pathetic. I agree with this sentiment 100%

Because of this a lot of people have form some sort of elitist viewpoint concerning the technologies that people use, be it Java, C#, C++, Rust, PHP, JS, whatever, the same circle jerk of bashing on shit just seems completely fucking retarded. I am hoping for a new mentality being that most of us are younger, even if you are a 50+ year old developer, maturity should give you a different perspective, but alas, immaturity and a bitchy attitude carried throughout years of self dick sucking implications would render this null.

I could not give two fucks if the dude next to me is coding his shit in whatever as long as best practices are followed, proper documentation is enforced, results are being brought to our customers(which regardless of how much you try to convince us, none of your customers are fucking elite level) and happiness is ensured, then so fucking be it.

Gripes bitches and complaints are understandable, I dislike a couple of things about my favorite tools, and often wish certain features be involved in my particular tech stacks, does this make stuff bad? no, does it make me or anyone else less of a developer,? no so why give a fuck? bitch when shit bites you in the ass when someone does not know what the fuck they are doing with a language that permits writing bullshit. Which to be honest ALL of them fucking allow. Not one is saved from this. But NOT knowing how to work a solution, or NOT understanding a tech stack does not give you AUTOMATIC FULL insight on how x technology operates, thinking as such is so fucking arrogant and annoying.

But I am getting tired of looking at posts from Timmy, a 18 year old "dev" from whothefuckcares bitch about shit when they have never even made a fucking penny out of their "development" endeavors just because they read some dickhead's opinion on the internet regarding x tech stack and believes that adopting their bullshit troll ass virgin ideas makes them l337.

Get your own fucking opinion on things, be aggressive and stand fucking straight, maybe get some fucking pussy(or dick, whatever) and for fucks's sake learn to interact with other fucking human beings, take a fucking run, play games, break out from your whinny bitch ass shell, talk to that person that intimidates you, take a run, do yoga, martial arts anything that would break you out from being such a small little bitch.

Just fucking do something that keeps you from shitting on people 24/7 365/ a year.

We used to bitch about incompetent managers, shit bosses, fucking ludicrous assignments. Retarded shit that some other dev did, etc, etc. Seems like every other fucking retard getting into this community starts with stupid ass JS/PHP/Python/Java/C#/ whatever jokes and you idiots keep upvoting that shit. Makes those n00bs gain credability. Fuck me shit is so pathetic.

basically, make dev rant great again.

No fuck off and have a beer, or tea or whatever y'all drink.

Why does almost everyone act as if the world they live in is perfect, or is supposed to be perfect?

This is about approaching IT infrastructures, but goes way beyond IT, into daily lives.

Daniel Kahneman wrote about the "Econs" - a mythical creature that behaves according to rules and rational thoughts, that everybody is guided by, as opposed to Humans, who are irrational, intuitive and emotional.
My beef is with a wider perception, beyond economical analysis, profit, investment and so on.

Examples:
Organization A uses a 15 year old system that is crappy beyond description, but any recent attempt to replace it have failed. Josh thinks that this is a crappy organization, any problem lies within the replacement of that system, and all resources should be devoted to that. Josh lives in a perfect world - where shit can be replaced, where people don't have to live with crappy systems. Josh is stupid, unless he can replace that old system with something better. Don't be Josh. Adapt to the fucking reality, unless you have the power to change it.

Peter is a moron who downloads pirated software with cracks, at the office. He introduced a ransomware that encrypted the entire company NAS. Peter was fired obviously, but Sylvia, the systems administrator, got off easily because Peter the moron was the scapegoat. Sylvia truly believes that it's not her fault, that Peter happened to be a cosmic overgrown lobotomized amoeba. Sylvia is a fucking idiot, because she didn't do backups, restrict access, etc. Because she relied on all people being rational and smart, as people in her imaginary world would be.

Amit finished a project for his company, which is a nice modern website frontend. Tom, the manager says that the website doesn't work with Internet Explorer 8, and Amit is outraged that Tom would even ask this, quoting that IE8 is a dinosaur that should've been euthanized before even hatching. Amit doesn't give a shit about the fact that 20% of the revenue comes from customers that use IE8, what's more important to him is that in his perfect imaginary world everybody uses new hardware and software, and if someone doesn't - it's their fault and that's final. Amit is a fucking asshole. Don't be like Amit.

React to the REAL world, not what you WANT the world to be. Otherwise you're one of them.
The real world can be determined by looking at all the fuck ups and bad situations, admit that they happen, that they're real, that they will keep happening unless you do something that will make them impossible to happen or exist.

Acting as if these bad things don't exist, or that they won't exist because someone would or should change it, is retarded.

PSA: if, for whatever shit reason your brain comes up with, you decide to run a webminer in your retarded useless piece of shit website, at least HAVE THE DECENCY TO WARN USERS ABOUT IT. And while you're at it, implement some basic monitoring and safety functions. If you don't, you can set yourself on fire and jump from the top of the tallest building you can find.

Some basic tips:
1) don't run that shit on phones. The fraction of a fraction of a cent you're gonna earn from them is not worth the risk of overheating them and draining their batteries.

2) add low battery/overheating protection: the last thing you want to do is kill some poor sucker's laptop (and potential unsaved work) just because they forgot a tab open. Every time a laptop dies because of you, a knife will slit your throat.

3) WARN YOUR USERS ABOUT IT! You are straining someone else's resources for your own profit: at least have the balls to be open about it. If you try to run a miner silently in the background, I will make you eat whatever is left of your fucking brain, then drown you in the shit that comes out of your ass.

Holy shit. Didn't know I had to vent this out before I had revisited this shit.

Storytime!

Back in May last year, I started working on a dream project (call project X) of mine. Surprisingly it's still a novel idea and shit like this doesn't exist. Made some huge incremental changes. Added all the necessary automation pipeline stuff. Added some sick ass readme with screenshots/badges/glitz/glam.

Worked my ass of for about a month or so until I got distracted by other pending projects in need of clearances. Somewhere partway in that clearance period, I receive a mail from this "GitHub user" asking me why the development of project X had suddenly stopped.

I was a bit taken aback. Firstly because my project had ZERO stars and NO user interaction. Secondly because I hadn't encountered someone with confrontation like this since my middle-school teacher asking me for my homework.

Being the good, responsible child I am, I informed them on my situation and asked them to contribute according to the guidelines and I'd be more than happy to see this becoming a joint effort by the community.

Apparently, they were quite ecstatic to learn that my development was halted. They didn't have plans to contribute. Instead they wanted me to take down the project and stop working on it entirely.

Tough luck fucko.

Their organization had been working on something similar for longer than a couple of years. A similar open-sourced project will *apparently* ruin their market impact and I can *apparently* be sued for it.

I don't know much about open-source "laws" (and I've seen laws fuck people over) but this just seems retarded. At the moment, I'm not quite sure how to continue with the project. I'll still work on it but the fact being that I started receiving threats before stars makes me question the gatekeeping capacity of toxic market conditions (I still don't blame the person entirely. It's just really hard to keep your head above the water)

This is a one off thing but somehow it has definitely hampered my drive to work on the project (combined with the sheer amount of pending project that I've dug my grave with).

On the brighter side I've got 10 anonymous stars with zero promotion. 2 new message threads with productive insights and a person who says "I'm relying on this to work out". So not everything has gone to shit.

For several years now, I have been writing programs for myself. I have been publishing the source code for them, but none of them ever got much traction. Then I wrote a program that existing users on social media could just interact with without installation (because even that is too much apparently).

When I wrote the programs for myself with others secondary, I had logic problems to solve and dealt with fucked up API's. Now I still have that problem, but I also have to deal with user retardation. They are not using the program in the way I wrote it to be used, at all. They are not passing arguments where there should be, they are running commands that are still under development and therefore (rightfully IMO) available to only me. I am the one being blamed, why doesn't this thing work?

I'd like to rephrase their question to me. Why are you user not using the goddamn program properly? Why should I need to make half the goddamn code account for users' sheer level of retardation?

Yes, users are retarded. And it's not a battle we can win. Earlier I heard this saying that "every time you make your tools more foolproof, the universe invents a better fool".

!dev

This may be a petty rant, but It's been grinding my gears for a few months now... I fucking hate ads, it's starting to be incredibly ridiculous. You start a video... 2 ads... you watch for 2 minutes, another 2 ads (and no, adblock isn't a solution, that only works on PC, not devices)?!!! You start an App... ads, you listen to music... ads... you go to google... ads, you click a website... ads... you look out of your window... ads... you walk down the street... ads... ads.. ads...
Seriously, what the fuck have we done?!! As a society we fucked up so badly... Look, no matter how many times you offer me an ad for a furniture, I'm not going to buy a fucking furniture on just any random day. You are completely wasting my already limited time... If you don't have any ads to show me, then don't show me ads, fuck you, you fucking piece of shit software... How is it that it used to be enough to click away one static, non-intrusive ad, but now 6-8 15-20 second ads, popups and intrusive, mid-content ads are the norm?! And then a piece of shit like MoviePass DARES, FUCKING DARES, To work on some sort of camera-enabled check that you actually LOOK at the ads?!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME?! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU RETARDED PIECE OF BLACK MIRROR SHIT, FUCK OFF WITH THIS BRAINWASHING BULLSHIT, I'M ALLERGIC TO IT, FUCK ALL OF THIS.

I fucking promise that any software I'll make will be either free and open source, or paid only by alternative means, no ads, not ever. I will never fucking add to this retarded bullshit. Never fucking ever will I lower myself on a level where I need to actively waste the time and psyche of thousands or millions of people to get money. Fucking hell.... As if the world doesn't suck enough already, we treat humans as cattle, and It's pissing me off... In the past I used to just delete any app that annoyed me with ads, but what the fuck do I do about youtube since it's the de-facto content source on the internet? And worse, my friends and family watch youtube.. even if I avoid it that doesn't mean the problem is solved... There needs to be an alternative, and paying subscriptions for every single fucking service on the web isn't a solution. Even worse with the current economy... I'd rather eat real food, than buy shit like premium on ShitTube, Fuckify, all the random news website I might read and every app or game I start once every two months... Shit like ad-less premium accounts aren't giving me an alternative, just a way to shoot myself in the foot longterm...

Godbless everyone that releases open source software, apps, tools, websites and such. I hope to god decentralized alternatives to youtube need to happen and not in the web3 way, because that's also retarded...

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Shit, Fuck Shit, Piss, Cocksucker, Motherfucker, Retards, Fucking absolutely disgusting pieces of shit... ... alright, I got it out of my system, but It's gonna be right back the next time YouTube forces me to look at 20 seconds of something I already skipped 48 times today...

Woke up this morning to a fucking giant snowstorm and my first reaction was 'fml' , poured some coffee , lit a smoke and started checking my work mail 'Issue xxxx response : Not solvable '...what the...I go through the files on my phone , look at what that issue was : lack of proper validation , filtering and encoding of input thus enabling xss . Not solvable my ass ...simply adding literally 3 more characters to that fucking retarded filter would stop all the bypasses . This issue is a showstopper for their project and that is what they answer ?
Sorry to indians out here but some of your colleagues are as stupid and unimaginative as they can possibly ever come .

I AM TIRED

warning: this rant is going to be full of negativity , CAPS, and cursing.

People always think and they always write that programming is an analytical profession. IF YOU CANNOT THINK IN AN ANALYTICAL WAY THIS JOB IS NOT FOR YOU! But the reality could not be farther from the truth.

A LOT of people in this field whether they're technical people or otherwise, just lack any kind of reasoning or "ANALYTICAL" thinking skills. If anything, a lot of of them are delusional and/or they just care about looking COOL. "Because programming is like getting paid to solve puzzles" *insert stupid retarded laugh here*.

A lot of devs out there just read a book or two and read a Medium article by another wannabe, now think they're hot shit. They know what they're doing. They're the gods of "clean" and "modular" design and all companies should be in AWE of their skills paralleled only by those of deities!

Everyone out there and their Neanderthal ancestor from start-up founders to developers think they're the next Google/Amazon/Facebook/*insert fancy shitty tech company*.

Founder? THEY WANT TO MOVE FAST AND GET TO MARKET FAST WITH STUPID DEADLINES! even if it's not necessary. Why? BECAUSE YOU INFERIOR DEVELOPER HAVE NOT READ THE STUPID HOT PILE OF GARBAGE I READ ONLINE BY THE POEPLE I BLINDLY COPY! "IF YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE FIRST VERSION OF YOU APP, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG" - someone at Amazon.

Well you delusional brainless piece of stupidity, YOU ARE NOT AMAZON. THE FIRST VERSION THAT THIS AMAZON FOUNDER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IS WHAT YOU JERK OFF TO AT NIGHT! IT IS WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING!

And oh let's not forget the tech stacks that make absolutely no fucking sense and are just a pile of glue and abstraction levels on top of abstraction levels that are being used everywhere. Why? BECAUSE GOOGLE DOES IT THAT WAY DUH!! And when Google (or any other fancy shit company) changes it, the old shitty tech stack that by some miracle you got to work and everyone is writing in, is now all of a sudden OBSOLETE! IT IS OLD. NO ONE IS WRITING SHIT IN THAT ANYMORE!

And oh my god do I get a PTSD every time I hear a stupid fucker saying shit like "clean architecture" "clean shit" "best practice". Because I have yet to see someone whose sentences HAVE TO HAVE one of these words in them, that actually writes anything decent. They say this shit because of some garbage article they read online and in reality when you look at their code it is hot heap of horseshit after eating something rancid. NOTHING IS CLEAN ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS DONE RIGHT. AND OH GOD IF THAT PERSON WAS YOUR TECH MANAGER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM RUNNING THEIR SHITHOLE ABOUT HOW YOUR SIMPLE CODE IS "NOT CLEAN". And when you think that there might be a valid reason to why they're doing things that way, you get an answer of someone in an interview who's been asked about something they don't know, but they're trying to BS their way to sounding smart and knowledgable. 0 logic 0 reason 0 brain.

Let me give you a couple of examples from my unfortunate encounters in the land of the delusional.

I was working at this start up which is fairly successful and there was this guy responsible for developing the front-end of their website using ReactJS and they're using Redux (WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO ELIMINATE PASSING ATTRIBUTES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PASSING THEM DOWN THE COMPONENT HIERARCHY AGIAN). This guy kept ranting about their quality and their shit every single time we had a conversation about the code while I was getting to know everything. Also keep in mind he was the one who decided to use Redux. Low and behold there was this component which has THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN PROPERTIES WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS BE PASSED DOWN AGAIN LIKE 3 TO 4 TIMES!.

This stupid shit kept telling me to write code in a "functional" style. AND ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS USING MAP, FILTER, REDUCE! And says shit like "WE DONT NEED UNIT TESTS BECAUSE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS NO ERRORS!" Later on I found that he read a book about functional programming in JS and now he fucking thinks he knows what functional programming is! Oh I forgot to mention that the body of his "maps" is like 70 fucking lines of code!

Another fin-tech company I worked at had a quote from Machiavelli's The Prince on EACH FUCKING DESK:

"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."

MOTHERFUCKER! NEW ORDER OF THINGS? THERE 10 OTHER COMPANIES DOING THE SAME SHIT ALREADY!

And the one that got on my nerves as a space lover. Is a quote from Kennedy's speech about going to the moon in the 60s "We choose to go to the moon and do the hard things ..."

YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL CUNT! YOU THINK BUILDING YOUR SHITTY COPY PASTED START UP IS COMPARABLE TO GOING TO THE MOON IN THE 60S?

I am just tired of all those fuckers.

"It works on our end", the sentence that made me lose my shit.

I've been working on a project were we're supposed to integrate an API into our system.

When trying to get some user id's (UUID) from said API, we got a type-error in the response (???), so I called their integration support and asked what the fuck they were doing (not really, i was kinda calm at this point).

The answer I got was following:

Integration guy: "Uh, bro, like, I don't even know, it's probably on your end"

Me: "We literally used this endpoint with the same parameters yesterday, and got a result we expected. I noticed you updated your API this morning, did you make any major changes?"

Integration guy: "Yeah we changed the type of user id from string to number"

Me: "So, you changed the type of a UUID (uuid4) from string to number? How did you not think that would be an issue? I can see in your forums that everyone else is having the same issue."

Integration guy: "Nah, it's probably a bug in your code, it works on our end"

Me in my mind: *IT WORKS ON YOUR END?!? IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER IF IT WORKS ON YOUR END, FUCKTARD.*

What I actually said: "Uhm, I'm not sure if works on your end either, I'm not even sure how this change made it to production. But hey, thanks I guess, bye."

WHY AM I NOT ABLE TO YELL AT PEOPLE WHEN THEY ARE BEING RETARDED???

But really though, when you're maintaining an API, you shouldn't fucking care if things work on your end in your dev environment. What matters is how it works in production, for the end user/users.

And I know that 99% of cases it's the users fault by entering the wrong parameters or trying to request with wrongly setup auth and what not, but still.

Don't ASSUME nothing's wrong on your end. It's your fucking job to fix the issues.

And guess what? The problem was on their side.
I'm going fucking bald.

Was forced to do some work on Windows this week (CAD tools that runs only on Windows). I spent a few days just setting up the tools. There were quite a few things I realized I forgot about Windows (as compared to Linux).

1) Installation times are down right horrific. What exactly are the installer doing for 10 minutes?
2) .NET is a cluster fuck. Not even Microsofts repair tool can fix it, but rather just hangs. I ended up using another tool to nuke it and reinstall.
3) Windows binary installs are insanely huge, thus, takes forever to download.
4) The registry is a pointless database that must have been written in hell with the single intent of destroying users will to live. The sole existence of the registry is another proof that completely incompetent engineers designed Windows.
5) Rebooting is the only way to solve many problems. This is another sure sign of a fundamentally fucked up OS design.
6) What the heck is wrong with the GUIs designers? The control panel must be the worst design ever. There are so many levels to get to a particular setting I'm getting dizzy. Nothing gets better by the illogical organisation.
7) Windows networking. A perversion of the tcp/ip stack that makes it virtually impossible to understand a damn thing about the current network configuration. There are at least 3 different places that effects the settings.
8) Windows command prompt. Why did they even bother to leave it in? The interpreter is as intelligent as retarded donut. You can't do anything with it, except typing "exit" and Google for another solution.
8) Updates. Why does it takes hundreds of updates per month to keep that thing safe?
9) Despite all updates that is flying out of Redmond like confetti, it is still necessary to install antivirus to keep the damn thing safe. That cost extra money, and further cost you by degrading performance of your hardware.
10) Window performance. Software runs like it was swimming in molasses. The final stab in the back on your hardware investment, and pretty much sends performance on your hardware back a few hundred bucks more.
11) Closed source is evil. If something crash consistently, you might find a forum that address the issues you have. Otherwise you're out of luck. On the other hand, it might be for the better. I imagine reading the code for Windows can lead to severe depression.

I'm lucky to be a Linux dev, and should probably not complain too much... But really, Windows, go get yourself hit by a truck and die. I won't miss you.

We've all had shitty jobs at one point or another, maybe some of us already had software engineering experience while having to work in a different field for a variety of reasons.

Well check this shit.

At one point(during my second year of school) for various reasons I had to work in retail. For those that know, retail can be a soul crushing experience...the trick is not letting management to convince you that it is an actual good job, it is not, and I have respect and sympathy for everyone currently working in it. The mind numbing retarded customers that we get are absolutely fantastic in every sense of the word.

My position in retail was as a phone salesman, for MetroPCS (which for all of y'all european ninjas is one of the low end phone carriers here in the U.S) and the people that we get as customers where I live are normally very poor which apparently in Mexican culture stands for annoyingly ignorant (I am Mexican myself, so I can really vouch for this shit)

One day a customer came in telling me that there was an app that he was using that kept giving him troubles, it was a map application for truck drivers. Now, obviously, this had nothing to do with my line of work(phone salesman) and as such I normally tried to explain that and let them be, but I imagined that it was a settings issue so I reluctantly agreed to help him. I explained to him that the app was no longer maintained and that the reason for it was probably that the developer abandoned it and that he would just have to look into the app, upon closer inspection the app itself was nothing more than a wrapper over google maps with trucker icons and a "trucker" interface, he was using the app as a GPS navigator and he could as well just have been using google maps.

The conversation was like this:

Me: Well this app is no longer supported, it will probably be taken off the google store soon, you can look for something similar or just change to Google maps

Retard: What? no! I came here in order for you to fix it, Metro needs to fix their own apps!

Me (in complete disbelief): We have no control over third party apps, and even for the ones that we provide the store has no control over them. But this app is not ours and so we can't really do anything about it.

Retard: Well WTF should I do? I have been having many issues with youtube and spotify, shouldn't Metro fix their Google store?

Me: Those apps are not ours.....wait, you seem to believe that we own youtube and spotify, those are not ours

Retard: How the fuck they are not yours! its your phone isn't it?

Me: Eh no.....Metro does not(at this point I was sort of smiling because I wanted to laugh) own youtube or spotify or the play store or even this phone, metro does not own Android or Samsung(his phone was a samsung core prime)

Retard: Well You need to fix this

Me: No I do not and I can not, the developer for this app abandoned it and has nothing to do with us

Retard: Well call the developer and tell him to fix it

At this point I was on a very bad mode since this dude was being obnoxiously rude from the beginning and it annoyed me how he was asking for dumb shit.

Me: Did you pay for this app?

Retard: No

Me: So you expect that some developer out there will just go about and get working for something that you did not pay for?
Why don't you just use Google maps as your GPS?

Retard: Don't be stupid, Google has no maps

At this point I show him the screen where there is a lil app that said maps, pressed it and voila! map comes to life

Retard: Well....I did not know

Me: Yeah....but I am the stupid one right?

** throws phone for him to catch

Me: Have a good one bud.

And my manager was right next to me, he was just trying to control his laughter the whole time. I really despised working in there and was glad when I left. Retail man.......such a horrible fucking world.

So I started a 80hour intership today at our Department of Education and this is how it went...

Boss : Design a database to show all applicants that applied for jobs at schools.

*I start thinking which tables and columns I'm going to use and start designing the database, writes out all the tables on paper*

Me : Is there a pc I should work on or should I use my laptop? And which database engine do you use?

B : No you can use your laptop. And btw we use MS Access

*Thinking wtf kind of business even governmental uses Access for their databases. But anyway, start creating the databases and relationships when my boss walks in*

B : No, what are you doing?

M : Im creating the database you asked for.

B : No, you design it on paper. Draw all the tables, draw the report and the form then you come show it to me, if I decide its good enough you can come in tomorrow and start creating it.

*Wtf kind of place is this, are you mentally retarded? You have a IT staff of 3 people, in which only the actual fulltime intern is a qualified IT professional, but when me or him tries to do some actual work, you give us shit about doing what was asked from us*

2017 has ended and I want to throw this fucking rock of anger with it out of the Window.

I will tell you how my last 3 to 4 years as private IT Guy (IT Dumpster) for everything was.

My Gaming Community:
It was so fucking retarded that I would like to punch everyone there in the face over a thousand times.

Seriously there are over 60 People in that Community and they take every shit for granted and only cry about everything.

I'm Paying since 4 Years over 60 € for our Server every month. Some people donated some small bucks over the time and in the end it was around 150 € Donations over 4 years.

Im thankful for the Donations, but these people really think that they can demand for this Donations private Gameservers for over years for free or think that they now own the Servers. WTF?? FUCK YOU!!

Im managing 2 Linux Server with Web, MySQL, Voice and Gameserver. What did 1 guy donate? 10 € for 4 years, thats around 15% for just a month. You would get our Teamspeak for 7 Days for that price idiots!!

I did all the damn Webdev and am now writing a App in Kotlin for Android man!!

Since last everybody in the Community gets on my nerves, because they are so ignorant and dont appreciate the work of others 😡.

My Association where I support the hole IT with a friend:

We decided in the commitee that we would take on major changes in our infrastructure.

We need to finish the barebone concept in the end of January 18.
Early December 17 I wrote my friend, that we need to have a meeting and plan everything.

Well, now I mostly designed the roadmap by myself and didnt receive any reply from my friend 💀.

I really dont understand why the shit always sticks at me and I need to finish it.

I really love to code something, install or repair PC's with joy or manage Server but the people around me are in my free time like poison and they take out my fun for it.

The only fun and enjoyable IT Part for me is at my fulltime job. Thats the only good place left for me as Safe Heaven and the people there really appreciate my knowledge and work I do.

I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Fuck.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.

Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?

Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.

Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.

So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.

I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.

He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.

The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta

Rant/story

Ok, I've always respected my PM and took everything on me, but since a while I start getting bored at work and realised many wrong things with the company and management in general.

So, brief contextual situation for you guys, I used to be very shy, unconfident and submissive. That was 2 years ago. Now am much more confident and got my own techniques in managing my constant "in the moon"-mind and relational discussions with colleagues. No more stuttering and am now answering on the spot and focussed on the discussion.

So I was having a nice day extinguishing fires on our website, this evening my PM stressly-rushed into my office (which I share with 2 other colleagues), and pressured me into giving a phone call to some developer for a situation clarification: a Json endpoints seems to truncate text after some characters.

Just came back from the loo (not sorry for the details), had my thoughts about something else, as usual, and I was just like "chill, let me get my mind together and prepare myself to be on point for this phone call". Told her I need a few seconds and she was like "now now now" knowing me I'm a bit laid-back.

Grabbed the phone, saw she was laughing (always laughs whatever I do, I must be very funny) and went talking about me to my colleague (not backstabbing but like "I don't get why he needs to get prepped for a phone call"). I managed the phone call like a boss - like usual since I got more confident -, my pm left, I finished the call, went to her to tell her my conclusions on our issue, asked me if I checked the contract with our CMS company.

Told her nope, the Json is compatible with our DB-manager's API.

She coldly answered "right, will do it myself then", I was like ok, I know you won't do it, I'll get it done.

In 15 minutes I found the contract, notified her, analyzed it, and wrote a technical email to support.

Seriously, stop taking me for some retarded person and let me breathe

Huh.

Today I was debugging some shitty code left by unknown developer whos linkedin account is dead and phone number left in contact card calls local pizza house.

I knew it qould be hard so i've made myself comfortable, gathered 5 redbulls and other items that diabetes people would kill for eating again.

After around 10 minutes i was already frustrated but i kept the pace. "Who is the best, little devie, you!" - I fooled my ego to keep up and shut up.

After around 10 next minutes my attention span has ended. Limbic system started injecting some hormones into my brain, but I remained silent.

First two energy shots were applied. I felt like hero again. Two minutes after I was debugging through some library that was written fo java and found out that it ahots some natives to a c lang lib called "mypreciouslib".

Oh flock, how can i debug it if ita compiled , I cannot do such things, Me be only junior dev. I started swearing, but silently.

Started ollydbg to see what is inside livrary, i searched through but i couldnt match anything it was like mess stirred with fecals of an elephant.

So I opened aida pro " with vitamins" cause obviously, our pm says "but you write in java right " so we dont need those tools right ? Fuck no.

Aida was better at least i could find some funcions calls, but hey, the progress. I was swearing out loud, with earplugs in. And by the time I've sweared all the things in company i got a reminder.

"Hey -insane- stop swearing, the children are here."-sayys pm, it is some kind of " family and work " shitfuck day.

So i asked them: " why wouldnt you buy this fucking tools for programmming for us , you wouldnt have to hear me fucking swearing" . then i realized that , colleagues in room heard all of it, and one of them, total fuckface buttlicker(dev without bit of knowledge) started something like "you are wrong, see how good our software is sellling". Pm was like smiling like he thanked him for buttlicking again. Not to mention he is officially retarded and i know his password to all our services cause he is so smart to put it into text file and then have sharing files in windows turned on.

The other one told aloud, that we would be much better with some debugging tools that are better than fucking eclipse if we have to work without code.

PM told us that he will arrange a meeting. At that point I didnt care any longer. I just fired myself, fuck them.

Please saint Stallman give me hope and joy of programming from my teenage years. Uhhh..

Holy shit firefox, 3 retarded problems in the last 24h and I haven't fixed any of them.
My project: an infinite scrolling website that loads data from an external API (CORS hehe). All Chromium browsers of course work perfectly fine. But firefox wants to be special...
(tested on 2 different devices)
(Terminology: CORS: a request to a resource that isn't on the current websites domain, like any external API)

1.
For the infinite scrolling to work new html elements have to be silently appended to the end of the page and removed from the beginning. Which works great in all browsers. BUT IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE SCROLLING DURING THE APPENDING & REMOVING FIREFOX TELEPORTS YOU RANDOMLY TO THE END OR START OF PAGE!
Guess I'll just debug it and see what's happening step by step. Oh how wrong I was. First, the problem can't be reproduced when debugging FUCK! But I notice something else very disturbing...

2.
The Inspector view (hierarchical display of all html elements on the page) ISN'T SHOWING THE TRUE STATE OF THE DOM! ELEMENTS THAT HAVE JUST BEEN ADDED AREN'T SHOWING UP AND ELEMENT THAT WERE JUST REMOVED ARE STILL VISIBLE! WTF????? You have to do some black magic fuckery just to get firefox to update the list of DOM elements. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEBUG MY WEBSITE ON FIREFOX IF IT'S SHOWING ME PLAIN WRONG DATA???!!!!

3.
During all of this I just randomly decided to open my website in private (incognito) mode in firefox. Huh what's that? Why isn't anything loading and error are thrown left and right? Let's just look at the console. AND IT'S A FUCKING CORS ERROR! FUCK ME! Also a small warning says some URLs have been "blocked because content blocking is enabled." Content Blocking? What is that? Well it appears to be a supper special supper privacy mode by firefox (turned on automatically in private mode), THAT BLOCKS ALL CORS REQUESTS, THAT MAY OR MAY NOT DO SOME TRACKING. AN API THAT 100% CORS COMPLIANT CAN'T BE USED IN FIREFOXs PRIVATE MODE! HOW IS THE END USER SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT??? AND OF COURSE THE THROWN EXCEPTION JUST SAYS "NETWORK ERROR". HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL THE USER THAT FIREFOX HAS A FEAUTRE THAT BREAKS THE VERY BASIS OF MY WEBSITE???

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL FIREFOX??????????????????

I actually managed to come up with fix for 1. that works like < 50% of the time -_-

FUCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!

I need to get off this frustration out of my system.

I have a autistic retarded sister who has less than a half brain cell.

Evolution from fish to humans was faster than completion of a task assigned to this faggot.

I fucking hate her. Why was I born in this family. Fucking why!!!!!

Autistic narcissistic cunt. Horrible human.

Doesn't have any friends, no family member cares for her, entitled bitch, earns less than $75 a year.

Whenever we meet, she makes sure to belittle me in front of our parents and gives advices and gyaan on how superior she is and how much waste of oxygen I am.

Constantly mentions that my career choices are stupid, whereas she is doing great (in reality she isn't even able to score a simple degree and no one is willing to hire her).

Acording to her, I have zero financial literacy and she is a genius (in reality I am managing the entire family finances and providing for everyone).

Even when I ask her about something, she says that I am asking stupid questions where as in reality she is an anti vaxxer. God damn fuck!! She was stopping my parents to get vaccinated. Fucking bitch.

There's a simple 20 minute task regarding some tax work and she took more than 2 weeks to even comprehend my request and now screams at me for raising the request on the last day. Bitch WTF! I told you well in advance and now you fuck me up entirely.

My parents are so fucking biased and will blindly side her because she is a girl and using this argument they have destroyed me emotionally over years.

Yes, I no longer care for any of these maniacs and want to leave this place asap.

For now, for the life of me, I am ready to pay more than $3500 extra in taxes than deal with this woman child.

It was funny. But when I told the head of my dptmnt that I was getting bored at work they kinda freaked out. I really love my workplace. The people are nice everywhere and this is something I am not used to.
I started working when I was 13 at one of my dad's business. It was a lot of manual labor and every day my hands would be bruised because of all the cleaning and shit I had to do. Then he moved me to another one of his businesses and it was worse but I continued doing it for only 1 year. By 16 I had moved to simpler things, I was a waiter and even tho I hated it I was making enough money to go out on dates and buy whatever a 16 year old wanted. I continued being a waiter until I was 17(changed to two other places) and before I turned 18 I joined the U.S Army. That broke my body in ways that I would normally not believe a 18 year old capable of. It was around the time that I discovered programming but even after I left the military(at 22 I believe) I never worked on a programming job. Back at home I worked in retail. And believe you me....it is far more pleasant to be constantly getting blown up and broken than dealing with the most retarded people imaginable(this is what made me hate Mexican people even tho I am Mexican myself)

Fast forward at 23 and I landed my first programming jobs. As stated in other initial rant it was surrounded by assholes. Assholes everywhere that would cower at the idea of speaking to me face to face due to the possibility of being left as physically broken as I am.

But at 27 now I found myself in a happy place. With nice people, good coworkers, an amazing manager that also serves as eye candy and good benefits. But the job is boring, boring beyond belief and this is due to the fact that they have a self taught and academically trained computer scientist doing the most menial things on a daily basis. The shit that I do would be more becoming of a designer, which has a different set of mental skills that would probably engage them more. But I really don't want to work on the web unless I am doing something that actually takes some challenge, even tho I maintain Java and PHP web services, the shit is so boring that anyone would be able to finish the proceadures in hours on a day leaving one with nothing engaging to do. Sometimes I let shit get close to the deadline just to feel some sort of pressure that would keep me awake.

I just wanted to vent on how ceremoniously BORED i really am.

I want more shit to do. Can't really have much patience for the freelance shit since it doesn't make sense to hire me in exchange of having some indian dude doing it for a quarter of the price.

Apparently my learning style is more rote memorization than learn-by-doing and I've been trying to learn by doing for years as a hobbyist.

It took a fucking *national quarantine* to get me to try something different and I'm blown away.

What would have taken me many months to learn I've all but grasped in detail in a matter of 20 hours of study over the course of a week.

Fuck you javascript. I WIN THIS ROUND. No more looking at the documentation for stupid shit like how to write a regex, or why everything is wrapped in fucking parenthesis (IIFE), or why
I keep getting a uncaught reference exception.

The important thing to realize about learning is NEVER be obstinate about it. Try many things, and don't get stuck in one way of learning unless you know thats what works for you.

This is why having study partners and mentors are important.

I think experience/practice and rote learning work in tandem. Rote learning lets you skip the much longer step of grasping the fundamentals, bootstrapping the process of learning the abstractions that are composed of those fundamentals.

I'm still adding cards to my anki flash card deck, but if anyone wants it I'm willing to share. It's mostly just 1. practice questions, 2. detail questions (what are the types? What does this regex do?, etc), 3. implication questions (heres this bit of code. It's XYZ, why did it fail? Correct it.), combining core details to memorize, and the application of the facts learned.

It helped me to learn and I'm apparently retarded, so if you're new to programming and want to learn JS, it can probably help you too. Unless you're more of a tard than me lol.

Currently a lower manager (I lead a team but I report to a handful of uppers). In my line of work the holiday season means more work instead of vacation. My team consists of 4 other guys, 2 of which aren't worth their weight in shit, 1 guy who's leaving for the military soon, and 1 guy who's just okay. The first 2 are about to be fired for any number of reasons, and there's no plans to hire anyone else. The lady in charge of hiring is incompetent; should've been hiring anyways for the past several months and hasn't (not due to a lack of applicants either).

I consider myself the hardest worker of the team, and one of the best in the whole place. Well, instead of being rewarded with even so much as a peptalk, my superiors have seen fit to tell me that I'm not doing enough. Like holy shit really? Are they taking credit for my work or are they just retarded? Track record at this place isn't all that great to begin with. I'm not in a position to leave as I need the money to put myself through college, but I'm thinking about hopping on the minimum effort squad at this point.

Can anyone tell me how to become less resentful and less bitter? I am becoming a miserable fuck. Its true that I burned out in this job after doing 100hrs overtime during previous month, its also true that I am pissed off about having to wait 8-9 weeks for my raise to happen. I cared so much that I burned out and now Im trying to set some boundaries but damage was done and Im struggling dealing with it.

I took 6 days off to disconnect from work (still was responding to some major blockers and monitoring stuff). Today I got back at work and interacting with two incompetent devs immediately sets me off. Imagine taking 2-3 days and extra meetings to do a simple fix which shouldnt take longer than 30min. My mind was blown and still gets constantly blown about how ineffective some members of team are.

I am becaming a ranting fuck. I even noticed one person escaping my rants once he sees that they are taking longer than 5min.

Right now I started setting boundaries - I clock my 8 hours, disable slack/email notifications and get the fuck out from the office. I dont care if I will have to sit in traffic extra 30min during summer heat, Im done with putting in overtime and caring so much about being efficient. I will just start working on my side project and put my love/learnings in that. Hoping that by the end of year I will have couple projects to show in my portfolio so I could find a better paying job...

In the past I was the sole dev responsible for apps and I was communicating with ceos/ctos/product owners/designers directly. This is my first position where I work in a dev team and boy oh boy out of 8 devs barely 3 are competent enough but their output is how to say... Not the biggest. Anyways...

Transition to boundaries and 'normal life' is so hard. Nobody told me that I will have to learn to work with and tolerate such retarded and incompetent people. Im talking about illiterate monkeys who cant even read or write. Im amazed how they manage to code.

Short angry rant
What the fuck is wrong with the SalesForce Authenticator logic?! How in the hell do you fuck up a simple 2FA system this hard?!!

Login -> Waiting for Notification... nothing... -> Reload Page -> Login -> Waiting for Notification... nothing -> Click "Use Code instead"... nothing happens... -> Reload Page -> "Login -> don't even wait for notification and just pres "Use Code instead"... nothing -> Reload Page -> Notice there's a "Use Code" button on this page as well -> Finally be able to log into the fucking Aloha piece of shit...

How TF is it, that Duo is able to send me a push notification within 1 second and it ALWAYS works... and THIS FUCKING SHIT NEVER FUCKING WORKS THE FIRST TIME AND AT WORST JUST DOESN'T WORK AT ALL!!!!!

Fucking hell.... Don't offer me a push notification service if you don't know how to make one... jesus fucking christ... All of Salesforce security is fucking stupid, but at least the others mostly work, but this retarded piece of crap is making me actively surprised when it works on first try... Maybe it's because I'm on a slow connection, but again Duo Mobile doesn't have this problem and works *instantly*... so what sort of retarded monkey coded the SF one I don't know, but I hope they are making better products now, because this is a disgrace to programming and security

Prequel to my previous post:

I received an offer from a startup that did not meet the originally advertised salary range. In every other aspect this place seemed like where I'd enjoy working the most and each previous interaction made a very good impression on me. So needless to say this was quite a shock.

They immediately apologised and explained the situation. They only now started to expand to and hire from my location (which can be verified) and I would be the very first person from this location (seems true too but I could only really verify this after joining). They explained the salary range I had seen was for their main hub location (accurate too) and said that the recruiter who posted the ad did not adjust it to mine. I asked why tf they didn't notify me of this earlier and they said they are super busy with everything, are new to location based salaries and normally don't check the recruiters posts as it should be her work.

Now, even if this is totally true, it was an awful sudden shock and felt a bit like a scam - totally contradicting my previous impressions.

Here are a couple of other points that I'll just sum to save time:
- before seeing the job ad I had a *reasonable* salary expectation even lower than their actual offering
- on the ad, the bottom end of their salary range far exceeded my reasonable exp.
- the relative level of my position would be even higher up the range that I have seen realised would be top 5%
- having had seen the ad, I started to have an *ideal* expectation being the bottom of the range
- in first interview I told them my exp. is the bottom end of their range +- a bit
- I told this to a dev guy who has no fucking idea about this stuff and I don't blame him but he noted this down to higher management
- generally I have not been very precise of my expectation as previously I only had lower class dev jobs, this would be the first decent.
- Hence I have seen an enormously high variation in salaries offered to me so this advertised range whilst high seemed possible

Now, with all this in mind I posted here a question about what some of you would do in my position.

I received the following group of responses:

- it's a scam, bad place, run
- it's an intentional (common) trick
- people make mistakes like this esp. startups so find out if this is intentional or not
- just decide if their current offering is reasonable for the position and location, ignore the rest
- just decide if the amount is enough
- location based salaries are retarded, don't work there (I kinda agree and also don't)
- if they can afford the higher pay in another place they should have no prob. meeting the range
- it's more important that you'd enjoy it there if the pay is sufficient for general needs
- company culture is generally more important these days
- fuck recruiters and hr people (amen to that btw)

Here is what I did:

Regardless of whether I believe them or not I hyperfocused on the potential scam/trick aspect.
I told them that every other interaction with them was positive and would love to join them but this was a really bad impression and feels like they are playing with me. I made up some bullshit previous examples of companies trying the same trick on me (which obv. never happened).

Then I said that I think to resolve this they should invite me to their main office for a day (all interviews had been online) and if after that they are still not ok to offer me at least the bottom of the adv. range then we can part ways. Otherwise this should ensure both of us that we are a good match, etc.

They seemed to love the idea and said that I should go there for x till y (3 days) and if we don't hate each other by the end I'll get the amount at the bottom of the range and they apologised again about it looking like a scam, etc.

So thanks a bunch again to those of you who provided valuable input.

There it fucking is again...

The legendary spyware "Antimalware Service Executable".

I changed the entry in the regedit. Tried to delete it with every possible tool. Tried to "chmod" it in the Windows way to be able to delete it as an admin. Doesn't work.

I swear in the name of bloody satan. This shit is doomed. It cannot be removed even if your shit begins to burn.

Microsoft, fucking remove it.
It is not a fucking feature!

Your windows updates fucking suck, your compatibility telemetry whatever the fuck you call these retarded ass "features" anymore fucking suck, your windows defender sucks.

Is there anything that doesn't suck in the features that you produce? I don't fucking think so. Fucking die for fucks sake.

Apple is overpriced, but at least they do their job well. Not like you, you fucking scumbags!

JESUS!

C# has become shit.

I work since 2013 with C# (and the whole .NET stack) and I was so happy with it.
Compared to Java it was much lean, compared to all shitty new edge framework that looked like a unfinished midschool project, it was solid and mature.

It had his problems,. but compared to everything else that I tried, it was the quickes and most robust solution.

All went in a downhill leading to a rotten shit lake when all this javascript frenzy began to pop up and everyone wanted to get on the trendy bandwagon.

First they introduced MVC, then .NET Core, now .NET 5-6-7-8.

Now I'm literally engulfed with all these tiny bits of terror javascript provoked and they've implemented in all the parts of their framework.

Everything has to be null checked at compilation time, everything pops up errors "this might be nulll heyyyyy it's important put a ! or a ? you silly!!!" everywhere.

There are JS-ish constructs and syntax shit everywhere.

It's unbearable.
I avoid js like a plague whenever I can (and you know it's not a luxury you get often in the current state of a developer life) and they're slowly turning in some shit js hybrid deformed creature

I miss 2013-2018, when it wass all up to me to decide what to do with code and I did some big projects for big companies (200-300k lines of code without unit tests and yes for me it's a lot) without all this hassle.

I literally feel the need c# had to have some compiler rule you can quickly switch called "Senior developer mode" that doesn't trigger alarms and bells for every little stupid thing.

I'm sure you can' turn on/off these craps by some hidden settings somewhere, but heck I feel the need to be an option, so whoever keeps it on should see a big red label on top of the IDE saying "YOU HAVE RETARDED DEV MODE ON"

So they get a reminder that if they use it they are either some fresh junior dev or they are mentally challenged.

Im a junior android dev working in a startup. Wasted whole week on trying to parse some retarded json data generated by junior backend guy.

Im talking about objects with other objects as their elements, no use of arrays.

In the end had to redo his data in proper order so I could parse properly. Fkin waste of time.

At least now I know how to do his work, and won't be afraid to confront him with detailed criticism.

Fucking multilanguage mind.
My language capability is literally splitting in half making me more and more retarded/incapable in both languages (my native and English).
The main reason is that my daily reading and listening is mostly in English(and happen online) meanwhile I work and have to interact at the job in native language, which is much less demanding of native language interactions because I code in silence 😣

If only the native language content was as good and as interesting as the English one, but Italy doesn't an alternative to hackernews, FUCK ME

Lead: alright people what are your ideas and updates for this page refactor we've been talking about.

dipshit: Alright guys, I've done a quick awesome prototype that I really like...

dipshit: *starts to speak super fast* (I catch words about function composition, clean, no side effects, speed, efficiency. Basically a string of brogrammer buzzwords.)

me: what did you mean by that? How does it work?

dipshit: *basically repeats the same drivel*

me: uh..ok I don't quite understand

everyone else looks confused.

me: ok since you've done a prototype, we take a look at it later

*** After meeting, looks at code ***

It was COMPLETE GARBAGE. He used 1,500+ lines of js in 17 files to make what was essentially a simple 2 item list.

We were looking at a way to overhaul the entire page, he "refactored" maybe perhaps 5% of the page.

There was absolutely nothing clean / functional / composable about this monstrosity. It was as if he read chapter 1 of a book on functional programming and decided he understood enough to call himself an expert.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL HIRED?

HOW DO YOU CALL YOURSELF A DEVELOPER?

YOU ARE SELF TAUGHT, DISS PEOPLE WITH FORMAL CS/CE DEGREES AND YOU PRODUCE TRASH CODE?!

ARE YOU SO RETARDED THAT YOU DO NOT RECOGNIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?

Please die in a fire, along with your jock attitude and unprofessionalism. Take this worthless junk unfit to be called code with you.

Yesterday had fogged mind all day long. I felt like the biggest r-word in the world. Couldn't even map some simple API arrays.

Tool Laterus just makes me woke AF.

Been coding hard today since I turned on the pc

So we're doing this contract work for this other company and the project is just an overcomplicated piece of garbage where they shoved every buzzword technology into it just because. I managed to get the code just about organized and functional on our side of the contract and it was looking up when suddenly the management decides "we had a rough start, lets start over, learning from our mistakes"
So I was thinking "cool, there were a lot of problems with this overcomplicated pre-optimized stack, surely we can only do better".. oh boy how naive I was. See Im not the guy in charge of the infrastructure (unfortunately) and really the project structure across this huge multi service project is a free-for-all kind of management.. so we had a call on friday where they explained how the new structure should be built... 3 new technologies, more micro services and even worse dependency tree later I was contemplating suicide on the spot.

I tried to make this shit usable and efficient and all my fucking work went down the drain in a single day of these fuckers throwing more buzzwords at the problem... I can't even get a new empty project started without browsing our huge 100+ repo project git for which dependency Im still missing to even run it...

I fucking hate this retarded piece of crap project and I hope every "manager" and "developer" with an exception of very few chokes on a cock...

I work at company that uses Drupal for everything. And i mean EVERYTHING. Our dumb CTO once even wanted us to join tender for flight data collection system... of course it would run on fucking drupal...

Yeah i can see its advantages but it has learning curve the shape of the snail shell and if you want it to do something new you either find module for it or drupal will start crying, shits itself and tell you to go fuck yourself.. also it is full of surprises to make your day as miserable as possible, like you send variable as $content['varname'] to user template and it returns as $user_profile['varname']['value']... and yes user template has $content array for content but why use it for storing content that i want to render.. it is used for other content to render... because in drupal content != content...

I started using laravel for my freelance projects and it took my less than 2 week to get up to speed and start working and is incredible fast to work in... You know.. its fun when you want to just add feature you just code that feature into your app.. and not spend 2 fucking years crawling through retarded preprocess functions...

Whenever i try to suggest we use other frameworks.. "Muh drupal has MODULES".. yeah because drupal is the only thing in universe that has modules.. When client has only need for simple site with simple template why use wordpress and have it done in 2 days when you can use drupal have 10 000 unnecessary DB queries that drupal does on every page load to load page title and make that site in a week.. or why use laravel for e-shop with specific functionality requested by client that would take 2 weeks to add in laravel when you can spend 2 months modifing uber-cart or drupal commerce modules only to hit some Drupal core surprise that wont allow for that feature to be implemented...

Like age 8?
As a kid I really liked flash games and animations and wanted to get into it. I couldn't do flash, it looked too complicated but I found a little software by the name od KoolMoves that was just a simpler flash animation tool.

I did a bunch of shitty stick figure animations in it (hello to everyone from stick figure death theatre) but eventually I realized that I can make it do things (interactive menus, choose your story kinda things, move the player around, shoot...!)

I fell in love with AS1 and later AS2.0 and made bunch of demos and proof of concepts for systems and games. Most are lost to time and datarot by now)

Age 12
Eventually I found out I can make the entire Windows machine do what I want using first Batch files and later Visual Basic script (made a skype bot!) At this point I was also really into graphics and logo/web design

Age 15 - 20 or so
Then it was pretty natural to move to actual Visual Basic, then C# and finally I to C++. And I had the C family in my heart forever. I managed to get a but into 3D graphics too and got a part-time in archviz

Even by this point I never believed I could be a programmer as a profession. I thought of it just as something I love, but have no chance getting into compared to some of the names out there. I half expected to be either doing graphics (cause I found it simple at the time) or some shitty random job in an office.

20+
Finally I decided to go to uni and study software development, see if I can touch the future I always dreamed of! And... Well... I found out more than 80% of the people there never touch a language up until now and most people are just as retarded as I thought..

For a while I also worked as a game designer (still not being comfortable calling myself a programmer, so I chose a non programming position) but I ended up going into the code and improving and fixing game designer tools (it was unity and C#)

After seeing actual programmers at work in a company, and talking to a bunch of them I realized I already have everything I need to do this seriously and with that experience out of the way I breezed through uni, learned to love Linux and landed a proper job :)

I kinda hope my experience with long lasting self doubt will be useful for someone

I feel retarded...

After getting a new hard drive late at night bcoz my old one went kaboom, I put it in the case, wired it up but it wouldn't work, I tried connecting it to different SATA ports with different cables etc.. This went for 20 minutes and then I realized that the drive wouldn't even start spinning, then I discovered I hadn't connected it to the PSU. Fuck my life and fuck my retardeness.

I use a DasKey Ultimate with blank keycaps at work and people always ask how the hell I can work with that board. I recently bought a Happy Hacking Pro for my tablet/laptop and I must ask the same question to those who daily drive these..

How the fuck do you deal with this retarded layout??

I used the dip switches to at least change the Del to BS but the physical key is stupid small, the control key position is just idiotic and no dedicated arrows? I use VIM and my work desktop is Linux and I come from a UNIX background. Still makes no sense.

</rant>

A certain person deserves nothing better than the signs of the tires of a full-speed heavy truck tatooed on her face (even though, I admit, it could be an improvement to the overall aesthetic). Especially when she wants to push the office (1 week before the vacations and with no real urgency, while there a tons of other jobs that are way more urgent) to modify one by one some field in the data of 5500 customers only because SHE (and only she) has a bonus, when everything could be solved with a fucking simple sql update and we only need a simple approval for that from the company of the project management software. All of this while she spends the time planning her own vacations in internet, or complaining about EVERYTHING, including the colour of the icons of her pdf reader (30 min complaints about a stupid icon). Responsible my ass.

yesterday wrote a huge part of logic. a colleague from other continent said there is a bug. sent me request data, server logs, but I couldn't find what's wrong yesterday.
today I arrived at work and checked it another time and it doesn't work.
"well, maybe he is not that retarded after all!"

I hate systemic problems.

I hate that a stable housing situation and perfect weather and luck are required to work.

I hate that malcontents and malicious people fucked people out of their jobs.

I hate rolling and cancerous financial ruin coming from scammers ponzi schemes and corrupt people who only care about lining their own pockets.

I hate that being middle class is a nightmare of anxiety because nothing is guaranteed.

I hate the lack of services to quickly without stupid catches get a person on their feet.

I hate the retarded take on things these fuckers created to make these problems worse.

I hate hardcore drug addicts and pushers fucking up benefits and services for honest people.

I hate whores stealing houses apartments and jobs by selling their asses and children to old fucked up perverted diseased scum.

I hate schedules that make it hard to get places.

People who drive everywhere because public transportation sucks.

Public transportation sucking because people suck up oil and destroy car after car

Basic housing not being available so people can be safe at night and find jobs.

I hate wars that suck money out of my country

I hate parents that fuck up the next generation by abusing their children

I hate the parents who fucked up the current generation making this time period miserable

I hate people not facing facts about basic necessities

I hate decaying buildings that cost more to repair because no one maintains them

I hate sprawling shit houses that could be combined into towers

And most of all

I hate people taking extreme liberties in destroying my own telling me I have to be careful what I say and I hate fucking liars

At my IT security job(yeah, it sucks sometimes. I want a dev job but that's another story).

Needed to help some end users use and install a toolbar and get it to download through a proxy so they can edit stupid government online forms, which only supports IE 11. Obviously it didn't work.

Wait a MOTHETFUCKING MINUTE.
It's 2017. What the fuck. Who the fuck uses fucking toolbars anymore.

How fucking retarded and out of touch with reality the government can be, when it forces its users to download a fucking toolbar(with admin priviliges!) and use fucking IE 11 just to access a basic feature of the website.

Another fucking proof that governments are cancer and we need Anarcho-capitalism ASAP.

First rant ever:

So I occasionally have to work for managers who say things like: "Don't reformat that code, the diff will look confusing in our repo browser". Said with such conviction that they initially made me feel retarded when I was more junior.

As time went on I realized that if we tried to "preserve" code so that the only changes visible were those that resulted in functional changes to our app, our code would eventually degrade into a steaming pile of unreadable piss.

I thankfully am working for a more technical manager at the moment so I don't have this issue and can make small refactors to make the codebase less gagworthy as I go.

I don't know though, maybe I'm wrong. Thoughts?

Holy fucking shit bois. This is gonna be a long one.

So, its my last studying year for me. I found a nice apprenticeship in a dev company for which i'll have to make apps and stuff, so, I'll work at the company and at school.

Now it's good innit? Well here's the catch. I have to sign a contract for this. And the CUNT who is filling this shit is retarded enough to fuck up.

This bitch, a 40 yo accountant, surely filled many goddamn contracts before mine, but nooo, this wanker fucked this, the contract was missing important infos and some of them were incorrect, in short, it's not valid, 0/10, will never sign this.

Now here's the fun part, this cunt asked me for my infos, i gave them to him so that he could fill the document : he misinterpreted them, filling the paper with junk.

Today, I heard that he is unhappy of my behaviour towards him, and that I shouldn't insult his work with these accusations, saying that if I gave them more info (for which they didn't ask), there would be no problems.

He then called me, while I was in class, he acted smugly, said I was unclear and that I should gather more info for them, in other terms, "lmao do this yourself cunt"

"Fuck you, you cumstain, if you would've asked me, I would've been able to give you these infos right away, but you didn't, it's your fault for this, you're breaking mah balls yadda yadda"
(Roughly what I said, especially the insults)

I'm now forced to fill the contract myself because this bitch isn't able to google shit for 5 minutes to find everything he needed.

I have had so many problems with people of his kind, that I can't stand them now. Are they like animals? Do they feel my hate for them?

Sorry for dat long post, but fuck this, if the contract isn't filled, signed, and validated before the end of the month, I'm fucked, since i won't be able to sign up for the school.

Does anyone have had any problems like this? Like, a very egocentric cunt that isn't able to do something good because he is too proud to ask, so he prefers doing things his own way?

!dev

For fuck sake I hate this day already and its only 10am. I had to go to an exam. I live 200km away from my uni (only have a few classes, so collage is not worth it). I woke up at 4.30 to arrive in time. My car was wrecked 2 weeks ago so I've asked for my mother's car and guess what?... That fucker died on the road. Had to call my dad at 5.50 AM.

I've managed to arrive 7.58 at the classroom, and that retarded dimwit dared to tell me that next time I should hurry (exam started at 8), because they'd already started.

During the exam while I was literally sweating blood that same asshole comes to me that his pocket device detected data traffic coming from where I sit and whether I have a device switched on. It was me though, a devRant notification to be precise. Luckily he just asked me to switch it of, but that 2 minutes of fuckery could cost my pass grade.

Now I am heading back for the broken car to be towed back home. What a wonder-fucking-ful day I have today. And it is still a question, whether I will be able to go to work tomorrow or not.

Have you ever loved someone so badly that you cant forget about it even though she/he is retarded AF also no time to cringe anymore because you gotta complete this project at work before end of this weekend?

Thinking very VERY seriously about pushing the button on this.

iMac 10-core Xeon W, 64GB DDR4, Radeon Pro Vega 64X, 2TB SSD

$6,727 plus tax $403.62 and then another hundred for shipping before fucking December in 'rona.

Could sign up for Apple Pay and do $600 payments for 12 months 0 APR... shouldn't be too bad of a problem provided the world holds together that long... And if it doesn't, then this is my last computer... and I guess it'd be nice to go into the afterworld with a freshly upgraded rig.

IDK, Please talk some sense into me about how stupid this would be.

Also to factor in... I need to buy a new machine one way or another SOON. Or else I need to wipe my main and be out of commission for at least 3-4 days which could cost me a few grand on its own... and then also still buy a lesser mac for my daughter.

Why an iMac and not a cheese grater similarly priced? If I get the iMac I can give my current iMac to my daughter for school. My old 2015 iMac isn't holding up to my use anymore, but should be fine for a few more years for a high schooler to work on. If I get a cheese grader fine, but factor in at least another $300 for a minimum 27" 2K monitor.

Any reason to even think of a refurb trash can design? Are they too old now?

General thoughts on why this entire rant is retarded? Like. I too dislike Apple, but I need them. It's love/hate. But god if I do this I'm buckling in for the next 5 years... tax write off would be nice I guess.

Can't really back down the specs any because I dual boot windows and do some gaming. Need 2TB so I can give Windows and Mac a TB each (and I still have 8TB external).

Don't really want to go lower than the Vega 64X because even that benchmarks poorly against many cheaper cards... for gaming (but does do better for some other tasks)...

Ugh... talk me into or out of buying another god awful expensive mac.

While fucking my hot blonde gf this morning the Fucking DUREX condom BROKE and i creampied her. Here are the reasons why its not my fault:

1--Im not retarded

- 4 years of fcking my hot blonde gf with no protection and nothing ever happened cos im !retarded. Its a bigger risk to fuck with condom than without, how is this fucking normal???

2--I use condom the right way

- i was holding the tip so air comes out, just like it was explained on the box, but while rolling it down i was still holding the tip to make sure the air doesnt come back up

3--She was wet

- she wasnt dry. My hot blonde gfs pussy was so wet from how horny she was so its impossible that it got torn due to dryness

4--First verification

- it wasnt torn or ripped. It was normal. Everything looked absolutely fine

5--Second verification

- when i put it inside my hot blonde gf and fk her i pull it out in the first 10 seconds just to make sure it isnt torn--it was good and nothing was ripped so i slowly put it back inside

6--Condom is not thin

- i took the regular durex one (fuck this fucking dead fraud company I'll piss and shit on their grave) so it wasnt the thin bullshit one

7--Dont got a big black dick

- its normal. Average. Not small nor big. So latex elasticity isn't my problem

8--50-50%

- every FUcking time when i fked my hot blonde gf with a condom i always stressed if it'll break or not. This is not the first time it broke. FUCK the product that is THIS MUCH unreliable, unsafe and fragile! I'll fuck the whole durex company up. Im not the only one who had this problem. DUREX IS THE BIGGEST OVERRATED SCAM COMPANY SPENDING BILLIONS ON MARKETING FOR A LOW QUALITY SHIT PRODUCT THAT DOESNT EVEN WORK

9--Package didnt expire

- i bought a new box in the store on 8th march for womens day (modern women value having gifted with condoms more than flowers). It wasnt bought in a shit china quality shop. I fked her in the car at night and also creampied her but the condom did NOT break. Then i fked her this morning in bed with condom from the SAME BOX, and now it DID break. Are you Fucking kidding me???

10--Emergency contraception

- i died from high adrenaline of running so fast to the store to buy her contraception. Had to run to 4 fucking stores cause all of them don't work before 7:30am. Finally found one in the 4th store and she drank Escapelle within 20 minutes of incident, as soon as it was physically possible

11--And now what

- now what. What do i do. I did everything i could. Nothing is my fault. My hot blonde gf wanted me to creampied her it was her idea so shes at fault partially. She will get tested in 15 days while this contraception lasts. Dont know what else to try. This bullshit never happened before

when it takes more effort to writing a bunch of dumbass mocks and stubs so you can have an automated test, than it does to manually test, because you're too retarded to figure out how the fuck easymock is supposed to work, and being awful at your job, also fuck java imports and easymock for being difficult to work with

shout out to my coworkers for requesting more automated tests

can't wait till it all gets deleted anyway because we're going to delete the code we're testing

Any tips on how to focus at work? Just got my first job a few months ago and I'm having huge problems at focusing for 8h a day. Sometimes I'm just staring at the screen for 30 minutes being lost in my mind. I'm either really in the zone or not being able to focus at all. Will I get used to focusing the longer I work there or am I just retarded?

I'm fucking tired of my computer having random
2 seconds latency on any basic action and being slow as fuck regardless of powerful processor, ssd and 32GB RAM. Music via bluetooth is basically unusable since every few seconds the music stops for a 0.2s then plays again. I installed this system (opensuse tumbleweed) in February this year and it's just sad that I have reinstall again (any ideas for distro) ?

I made a dummy mistake of buying a CPU without internal graphics and this resulted in having to buy a GPU. So I got myself Nvidia(another mistake) since i though i would be using CUDA on the university. Turnes out CUDA cannot be installed for some retarded reason.
With Nvidia GPU the screens on my two monitors are swapping every time I use a hdmi switch to use other computer. On AMD GPU this problem does not exist. AMD GPU pro drivers are impossible to install. Computers barely fucking work, change my mind. Shit is breaking all the time. Everything is so half assed.

The music player that i use sometimes swaps ui with whatever was below it like for example the desktop background and i need to kill the process and start again to use the program. WTF.

Bluetooth seems to hate me. I check the bluetooth connected devices on my computer, it says headphones connected. BULLSHIT. The headphones are fucking turned OFF. How the fuck can they be connected you dumbass motherfucker computer. So I turn on the headphones. And I cannot connect them since the system thinks that they are already connected. So I have to unpair them and pair them again. WTF. Who fucking invents this bullshit?
Let's say i have headphones connected to the computer. I want to connect them to phone. I click connect from the phone settings. Nothing happens. Bullshit non telling error "could not connect". So I have to unpair from computer to pair to phone. Which takes fucking minutes, because reasons. VERY fucking convenient technology.
The stupid bluetooth headphones have a loud EARRAPE voice when turning them on "POWER ON!!! PAIRING", "CONNECTED", "DISCONNECT". Loudness of this cannot be modified. The 3 navigation buttons are fucking unrecognizable so i always take few seconds to make sure i click the correct button.

Fucking keyboard sometimes forgets that I remapped esc key to caps lock and then both keys don't work so i need to reconnect the keyboard cable. At least it's not fucking bluetooth.

The only reason why hdmi switches exist is because monitor's navigation menus have terrible ui and/or infrared activated, non-mechanical buttons.
Imagine the world where monitors have a button for each of it's inputs. I click hdmi button it switches it's input to hdmi. I click display port button - it switches to display port. But nooo, you have to go through the OSD menu.

My ~ directory has hundred of files that I never put there. Doesn't feel like home, more like a crackhead crib.

My other laptop (also tumbleweed) I click on hibernate option and it shuts down. WTF. Or sometimes I open the lid and screen is black and when i click keyboard nothing happens so i have to hold power button and restart.

We've been having computers for 20 + years and they still are slow, unreliable and barely working.

Is there a cure? I'm starting to think the reason why everything is working so shitty and unreliable, is because the foundations are rotten. The systems that we use are built with c, ridden with cryptic abbreviated code, undefined behavior and security vulnerabilities. The more I've written c programs the more convinced I am, that we should have abandoned it for something better long ago. Why haven't we? And honestly what would be better? Everything fucking sucks. The rust seems to be light in the tunnel but I don't know if this is only hype or is it really better. I'm sure it can't be worse than c or c++. Either we do something with the foundations or we're doomed.

Why are apple so fucking back assward and stubborn when it comes to their app review process?

So, at work I made an app. It's a simple one, but it's an app.
It makes it so that the user doesn't have to enter their credentials to sign in to a system developed on our platform.
If you give it a hard oded config it will only connect to that server, if not, it fetches a list of available servers and the user has to select which they want to connect to.

I've uploaded basically the same fucking app thrice, twice with and once without a config.
Two of them when somewhat smoothly through the review, but the last one has been stuck for almost two fucking months! And guess what it's one of the ones with a config!?!

How is that in any way consistent?
They fill us with shit like "your screenshots aren't representative", so I update them.
They go "this is not an AP for the public", I tell them I give less than a steaming pile of fresh dung from a retarded donkey, the intended users are freelancers, so just fucking greenlight it.
Then they go "your screenshots aren't representative", so I tell them to pound sand or specify which screenshot is wrong or what they think is missing.

How are they so fucking inconsistent with their process? Isn't is this process that they used as of defence for their shittastic monopoly, that they don't want to call a monopoly?
I'm so fucking tired.

Funny how I sat here watching a fictional depiction of a police interrogation and it made me doubt that I know they are not effective against a specific group of people who plan everything in advance even creating or recruiting their victim ahead of time in a group activity so everything adds up.

And then also this allows collaboration with dirty cops. And of course polygraphs are inadmissible.

Thank God at least once they commit their crimes the story imprisons them. In the story.

But being a purist I was thinking how just knowing they lie is not really enough. Determining who coached them who they were in contact with how they were hooked up with them etc and what the organizational graph looks like is needed.

And even a socially retarded, nasty little empty hearted, soulless piece of garbage can stonewall away the tragedy that claims an innocent life against the background of a system that is supporting them and causes them to feel camaraderie with other more sophisticated monsters.

So then I think. A pair of skinning knives and an ekectric hand crank generator and a cauter might work better than sodium penithol was fabled to do.

So.
When a real person dedicated to justice and dedicated to the war against monsters is confronted with the truth of said monsters

And they laugh
And smirk
Or hide behind shallow masks of innocence my question is thus.

If a man so gentle and kind as I began and mostly remain can be tempted towards this

What does an angry man whose seen even more than I have whose hate for monsters burns endlessly because it's constantly fueled by exposure feel ?

In the end
Remember monsters
You think hurting something small and weak and innocent or simply alone and naive and lying makes you strong ? Makes you a big bad monster?

We're everywhere, and our hatred burns white hot. And when we explode we don't hunt weak innocent things that can't fight back. We hunt things that no one could ever pity and the death of which makes the world better.

And best of all because of this bullshit some of us can pass the polygraph even the next day.

1. The fucking wifi is retarded at work, it works for 2 minutes then drops connection for 2...
2. The building is also a fucking bunker so 4g signal is pretty much nonexistent
3. Spotify won't let me view my "offline" saved albums unless I go totally "offline" within the app WTF

LET ME LISTEN TO MY FUCKING MUSIC FOR FUCK SAKE