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Search - "fucker"
I just discovered ctrl+r in the Linux terminal.
Mother of god this fucker speeds up my workflow!
A massive amount of kudos to the person who made this 😍53
Get rid of required minimal lines of code for project assignments.
I remember back at study I had this friend who hated windows just as much as I did.
Then, for a project, he HAD to run windows on his laptop.
He was very fucking angry about that but did this:
Installed a Linux (debian?) vm (virtualbox) on his laptop and gave it all the spare resources.
Then he ran it fullscreen.
He was still using windows technically but at boot up he booted up the Linux vm and he just worked with that one.
Teacher wasn't pleased but he couldn't do much since the fucker ran windows on his laptop as instructed xD13
This should not be called wisdom teeth, should be called stupid teeth
Mother fucker is growing perpendicular.
What fuck is wrong with you bro , grow upwards you dumb fuck!!54
Bulma framework, thanks for existing!
Lightweight, CSS only, very fucking easy to use and understand and a beautiful!
As a backend/server/security guy, front end is hell on earth for me. I understand the basics but that's it.
This fucker makes it so simple!19
So I named my daughter "io"
everyone calls her by the name and then we register her on our local gov't to get birth certificate.
AND THEN THESE FUCKED FACED FUCKERS! dont accept my daughter's name because of this STUPID SYSTEM OF THEIRS!
because "io" is too short for first name field to accept. Its like the devs become the law and just set their own limit.
It pisses me off. our law didn't say `len(firstName) > 2` and we can't use paper anymore as alternative.
I really want to punch the fucker in neck. sorry38
Got the iPhone.
Holy shit iOS is veeery unintuitive 😡
And how fucking difficult can you make a fucking phone setup process?!
I’ll be happy when I can sell this fucker.25
So that high level prank from yesterday.
Senior Linux engineer, the fucker.
He somehow installed shitloads of cron jobs onto my system.
Every few minutes it would create a new user with a freaking complicated password. Then it would install openssh server in case it wasn't installed yet. After that it'd set all iptables rules to allow incoming AND outgoing connections on port 22.
That was one badass ansible script though!
I'm not sure what more there's to it because sometimes when i removed crons, they'd magically appear again later AND i forgot to check the boot scripts so i might be fucked again when I get to work today!
Plus side, i finally fully understand cron 😅19
Me: *finds severe bug in school-contracted software, emails teacher about who to talk to to get it fixed*
Teacher: "should I report you on grounds of computer misuse and hacking or...?"
thanks fucker, school-contracted company it is.34
I just witnessed this interaction between my CTO and an intern. CTO was a good 30 feet away, so everyone heard:
CTO: *talking about some notepad or something* "I HAVE ONE IN MY DESK!"
Intern: **froze - afraid to go through his desk**
CTO: "TOP DRAWER!"
CTO: "GET IT, FUCKER!"
Intern: **blushing - gently opens drawer**
CTO: "KEEP GOING! PAST THE CANDY!"
Intern: "I ..."
CTO: "PAST THE WHISKEY!"
Intern: **softly** "I found it..."
CTO: "THAT WAS HARD!"
Intern: *starts walking back*
(player 3 enters the game) Director of Software: "BRING THE WHISKEY!"
Note: The intern was laughing, he is just a bit timid.
I truly love my job.17
WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD FOR THESE CUM SUCKERS TO UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGING REQUIREMENTS 2 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE IS JUST GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!?!?
I DOUBLE DARE ANYONE TO TELL ME ITS NOT WORKING TOMORROW...
STUPID MOTHER FUCKER PMS CANT PLAN ANYTHING6
Also a big “fuck you” to whoever decided under any circumstance holding the power button down on a computer case meant anything other than shut this mother fucker all the way down and try the fuck again.
Gahhh. When I hold the power button I don’t what you to sleep, I want you to die! I’m electronically smothering your bitch ass. When I’m holding down the power button to restart, the computer should feel like it’s being waterboarded! Like these may be it’s last moments on Earth if it doesn’t act right and get in compliance! No it’s not nap time, it’s time to shut up or shut down...forever!8
Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck
What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.
Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕25
Oddly enough, it's comforting to hear other devs mumble "mother fucker" or "what the fuck, you stupid piece of ass" when working on things.
It means I'm not alone and we can all suffer together 🤗3
The math problem we've all encountered once -
There are 8 apples. Jack ate 3. Find the mass of free elctron floating inside the atom of phosphorus.
Worth mentioning our client who asks similar questions. That fucker.12
So I've been pulling my hair out as for WHY ON FUCKING EARTH MY CHANGES DON'T SHOW WHEN I RUN THE RSS FEED GENERATOR.
Oh right maybe I should upload the file first 😅🔫10
Sister comes into my room
"Can you look at moms laptop, it stopped working I'm scared I broke it"
"Idk it just stopped working, all I did was install adobe flash player I dont think that could do it could it?"
Take a look
"EFI IPV4 0 (error code) failed to boot"
Weird. Enter bios
"Hard drive: [Not detected]"
Well, that's no bueno
Pop open back, hard drive is loose
Pfft, push that fucker back in
Boot -> works
"Mom is going to kill me I broke it im so worried" -> relieved laughter
Lost the password to the main modem/router of our apartment (live in a normal flat of which the rooms are rented out to three students and me) which is in my room and tried to reset the fucker for a trillion times but couldn't get back in, the password didn't reset.
Took a closer look at the reset button and suddenly noticed some text under it saying "wireless connect". Then I noticed a tiny round "hole" above the reset text.
Fuck my sideways, I've been pressing the "wireless connect" button instead of the actual reset one every goddamn time 😐
I can now port forward again 😊6
Team meeting, discussing current project task, dude just slammed his hand on the ground and screaming like a child that he needs help and his taks is more important than others
Fucker got fired 7 months later, took long enough7
Once I had to clone a repo and it was taking too long...
Went to gitlab to find out in the most wtf way that from 1mb it was 600mb+ now...
One of our new juniors pushed 600mb+ of a database backup to gitlab...
I came to her with a smile and asked in a jokingly manner (after cursing her for about half an hour in my head):
"lol, did you really not notice it took a fucking long time to upload it?"
The fucker was ashamed but just said : no, I think I pushed it and went home.
I constantly reminded her of it for the couple months...
Never done it again :)6
FAC : Fucking annoying colleague
FAC: Hey how did you set up your microservices?
M: I used docke...
FAC: But docker is hard to setup, i want an easier option
FAC: Which services do you have?
M: I have one service for the api, one with redi..
FAC: Redis is not a service
FAC: Do you use AWS API gateway?
M: No, in set up my ow..
FAC: why would you set up your own? I just use the one from AWS.
FAC: How many instances are you have running
M: I have 5 replic...
FAC: 5 replicas? That's why i hate microservices,they are costly
FAC: How did you divide up your app?
M: Since I am starting, its better to run the monolithic and then break it up lat...
FAC: I knew it,you don't actually use microservices
M:(thinking)* Fucker, if you know it well why are you fucking disturbing me?? *2
This mother fucker right here.
Today I was asked as a favor by one of our vendors to assist one of their other customers with an API integration issue. We work very closely with this vendor and help beta their products etc.
I'm helping as a favor. And this guy could not be more of a dick. Constantly throwing his 20ys of experience at me and saying the API is broken. A good portion of my job is API integration so I've seen 30+ platforms all done differently and this one in question is by far the simplest.
Where does this chodemuffin get off being a dick to me? You know what buddy. Eat a dick. Figure it out yourself.3
Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??12
This motherfucker tried to fuck me!
Ok, here's the full story.
I applied for a quick job as freelancer. He told me I just had to implement stripe payment gateway. After finishing that he asked to save the user data from payment to the database, too. I added that. All the way he wanted me to work on his ugly project on a rotten server through cpanel. But I refused instead I uploaded a showcase environment on my own server.
After he tested my code and all was working as expected he again tried to make me implement the code right away into his retarded project before payment. When I mentioned that he has to pay me first he started bitching that he won't pay in advance.
At this point I left that fucker. Knowing that my feeling was right and this bitch never had the intention to pay for my work. He just wanted to steel my code.
Fuck you. I hope you get eaten in your bed by very hungry slugs one day. Like this one guy here on devrant.18
I am so fucking fed up with being brought into a meeting because you "understand the technology" and then no fucker actually listens when you say that their idea won't work because the tech isn't magic.3
Today I told a fellow dev to join devRant, and explained it was "like Reddit, but only for developers"
Wild manager caught us and said "Uh, just what everybody wants, some geek forum. Thank god I left that world a long time ago"
Reinstalled my dedicated server yesterday.
Then you suddenly get errors saying that KVM isn't found.
Searching my ass off for hours because I damn well enabled Intel virtualization in the bios!
Double checked after a few hours.
THE FUCKER TURNED ITSELF OFF OR SOMETHING FOR THE SECOND TIME?! WELL, THERE GOES A FEW FUCKING HOURS 😡23
I have been up for 3 days now, coding. I am dangerously ahead of master.
To late to turn back now.
This fucker is getting pushed.27
This fucker has some balls (I'm being completely ignorant), the day his website goes live guess who is going to flood it with Dados attacks.28
I remember that time my class (first year of software development) wrote a huge project for a real company as practice for irl stuff.
I was the only Linux user and it would be deployed on a Linux server.
Spent 10 weeks of development and then the moment of deployment on a Linux server began!
Nothing was case sensitive, everything was programmed for a windows architecture (backward slashes etc) and mssql was used while we would host it on a MySQL server.
The tree core guys spent three days or so to make the entire fucker compatible 😂
It was enjoyable to see them (literally) sweat 😊 (it had been known from the very beginning)7
Window...update available... Later
And now ?
Finish my day, do it fucker but tomorrow you need to work
Today ... Bootloop
Mother fucking ☮️ of shit6
I've had this amazing piece of advice as my Desktop wallpaper ever sense it popped up on r/programmerHumor. I mean I still don't write clean code, but now I know to be prepared for the fucker!2
FUCK THIS! FUUUUCKKKKKK THIIIS!... one would be fucking excited and motivated to finish work, but your entire fucking productivity is hanging from the internet connection's dick!!!!.. Fuckin ISP mother fucker! FUCK!... i can't fuckin work under these conditions for fuck's sake! SHIT!11
MOTHER FUCKER IDIOTS!!!
SO I HAVE TO ROLLBACK OUR PROD DEPLOYMENT BECAUSE IM THE ONLY FUCKER WHO UNDERSTANDS THE SIMPLE CONCEPT OF "DONT PUSH UNFINISHED CHANGES"?!?
DAMN!!!! FUCK YOU ALL...10
Nose picking manager.
I mean this fucker picks his nose even when he’s talking face to face,
And am not talking about just cleaning it,am talking about putting the finger in all the way and probably trying to dial a number...6
Fuck windows 10. I log on to start an interview code assignment that is timed. I'm on my computer getting things ready for a solid 10 minutes before starting the test. AS SOON as I start the test, windows 10 informs me:
Fuck you. There's updates and I'm installing them right now whether you like them or not, fucker. I bet you're doing something important too, so I'm not even going to let you schedule it at another time.
I know we agreed to stop the Windows 10 rants, but this fucker just crapped itself 20-ish minutes before a live video production. Had to run to the other building and steal a computer from the folks in the studio because this one would no longer boot.7
How can people be so fucking stupid?
Imagine I made a program with two buttons, one that says "click here for x" and the other that says "click here for y" and they are asking me where to click for x.. Really mother fucker? Do you really have a PhD? Might me a PhD on retardness!! fuck you, I'm on vacation...7
I'll be buying a second hand Surface tomorrow.
Will put Linux onto it right away, found good instructions on doing that including making the touchscreen work.
If that doesn't work, I'll sell the fucker again because I'm not running windows. I'm just not. That malware can go fuck itself.
Looking forward to transferring that windows machine to a Linux one!14
Some fucker installed a keylogger on my Ubuntu laptop at home and registered it as a systemd service. From Wireshark, it's sending each keystroke to a server in France using irc. Tried accessing the server but the moron shut it down immediately. It's the last time am fucking installing code from prebuilt binaries. If I can't build it from source then fuck off your sniffing cunt. I was about to log in into a database from that machine.
UPDATE: I found the actual file sending the keystrokes but it's binary. Anyone know how I can decode a binary file?40
This tiny project is awesome. Thanks to @JoshBent (who partly got it from another repo as well) for providing a basic DNS server with hardcoded blacklisting functionality and thanks to @PerfectAsshole for correcting my mysql syntax I was stuck on for way too long.
I've now got this fucker to read blacklisted words from a redis list into an array which checks every requested domain to see if it matches. If yes, it proxies it through to another DNS server and if not, it'll log the requested domain to a mysql database and prints is as blocked onto the terminal.
If the domain matches any host from a service known to be integrated within a mass surveillance network, it also prints this out to thy terminal.
It's working yay! Gonna keep working on it today.13
Installing a new Debian VM/VPS.
Nearly done with all steps and decide to lay down.
Fall asleep and wake up half an hour later.
The grub option is on screen.
I am sleepy as fuck.
Accidently selected the manual option and just pressed enter at the screen where I have to enter the device name.
Well, let's install this fucker again.7
I'm currently freelancing abroad.
I don't get the UK Salley but I don't pay the UK prices.
I get to travel, see the world and support myself.
Much more valuable then any high end wage to me.
Working on adjusting a shell script to my needs.
The fucker quits execution after an apt update command is ran.
No reason, it just fucking quits. No error messages or whatever, nothing.
This script can go suck a cock.9
Fuck yes for data hoarding! Wanted to start on a project again but thought I lost everything.
Code is sill in git, (took me a while to find but whatever) database is still on my own laptop (due to ex/importing my entire local host as for databases every time I do a new installation).
Let’s get this fucker going again 😎4
Got the iPod and music synchronisation isn't working well with Linux (I've synced quite some iProducts and it always goes great so this is a new one for me).
Bought a windows pc a few days ago and haven't installed Linux onto it yet so booted it up, installed Firefox and then downloaded iTunes.
Nearly done with installing when an error message pops up and the entire fucker blue-screens. Now it doesn't boot anymore 😡
Go die in a fucking corner, windows.11
GODADDY IS THE BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTANCE
I WOULD LIKE TO MEET THAT GUY BOB PARSONS SO I CAN STAB THAT FUCKER IN THE GOD DAMMED BALLSACK15
Brace yourself, organs are going on the black market for the iPhone X.
I haven’t seen the keynote yet, but $2,000 for a phone, seriously this fucker better be making me coffee in the morning, if I have to sell my fucking kidneys and right leg to buy this one.
Ooh it offers a Face ID, cool so now I can stick a photo up at the camera and unlock my phone - security!!
It’s got a wireless charger***, sort of, still needs a useless ugly fucking charging pad .
And they’re even nice enough to put those shitty ear pods in the box.
Fuck you apple, I think it’s time I jumped off this over priced band wagon.57
This is a sad rant. Today I went over to one colleague to discuss one technical appetite I had. This colleague of mine is a very good in his skills and I never had any issue sharing my problems. Then this other colleague come over and jumps in "what's the problem tell me". I just tell him of some things I do not understand then this 2nd colleague the fucker asshole starts loudly pinpointing my lack of understanding of this and to prove I don't know more he starts asking very deep questions on the same topic. I am surprised and furious and feel like fucking him out. Above this he pats on the 1st colleagues back and start talking in things which they solved and skills they possess above the rest and admiring each other
You tit of the asses you fucker 2nd colleague go fuck yourself if you have so much attitude.
I left with mixed sadness and this huge rant against that fucker colleagues who think they stand above all because it's fuckers like you with your shit attitude of nothing.7
I don't know who the fuck told the I.T. Manager to block the website without informing the employees.
Mother fucker blocked Bitbucket. I' am going to fuck his ass on Monday.11
Why the fuck cant people keep their hands to them selves???
I had a fucking moron come up to my desk, say "cool toy!", grab it and play with it.
For him that was fine....
I on the other hand wanted to stub that mother fucker to death and feed his organs to his kids.
That mother fucker grubbed my probe holder, shorted out an 8k$ evb and failed my 12 hours hardware test.6
I'm a computer sciences student, so I had to work on a group project at the end of the year. This project had a very big impact on our ratings, and many students were working really hard on it
One evening, a friend of mine knocked at my door to seek for help, she was too depressed to keep working on the project and needed to talk a little bit
After a little talk, we worked on her part of the project together. We managed to finish it just in time and send it to her teammate (they were not using git, our school never ever talked about it so they did not know what it is)
The next day was the d-day, every group had to show the teachers their projects
I arrived in a room where everyone was trying to fix the remaining bugs before their turn
And I saw my friend, almost crying. Her mate changed everything in the code we worked on and everything broke. There was not enough time to merge it again, they were stuck with a non functionnal soft
Obviously, he kept telling everybody it was her fault
Just go to hell, you fucker
I can't even understand how you did have such a stupid idea, now she needs to repeat her year because of you
Fuck you and don't ever come in my sight again, you selfish brat
Just because you know you will pass does not give you the right to fuck with another person's ratings9
This fucker right here. Two pages under the same site return different session data:
Session cookie is the same.
The session file itself doesn't change.
Same machine is being used.
I don't change the session variables at any moment.
Fucking son of a bitch force pushed to git effectively deleting 4 hours of my work and was keeping his mouth shut for two days while pushing ontop of that bullshit during these days and completely minifiying that file I was working on to make sure that he makes my life miserable.Fuck this fucking shitty ass retarded fucker for doing this SECOND time already!11
This is utter bullshit. Repo shut down because SJW being offended. Python, then Linux, now this.
Next thing we know is GitHub got sued bc they hosted the bot. Then Microsoft. Then the internet is taken down because it serves as a vector to offend ppl.
Really. Fucker need to know when to stop.46
Recovering a legacy Gmail account after receiving a notice of a blocked login.
*Tries to remember the bloody password*
*Actually remembers it*
> Sorry your password isn't enough. Your father's phone number that you used a decade ago can be used for verification though!
Google, let's get this straight. Things have changed. I know the fucking phone number and yes I can enter it, and out of sheer stupidity I did send an authentication code his way. Unfortunately however, things have changed in 10 years. I can instantly kill the fucker on the spot if I were to meet him ever again. Do you think that I'm going to get that fucking code?!
> Oh but you can try to email the code to the very account that you're trying to recover, despite the fact that you know the password for it.
TO THE FUCKING SAME ACCOUNT THAT I'M RECOVERING.
Must've taken a true genius to code that in!!!15
Setting up my new second hand thinkpad with Linux Mint KDE.
I just chose for harddisk encryption.
My password is so freaking long and complicated and I didn't write it down so let's start learning this fucker out of my head 😅12
I can't be a teacher. Ever. For the sake of my student on this app, I will try to not generalize the entire class, but HOLY MOTHER OF BASTARD DEMON FUCKS. How the blazes is it so damn difficult to pay attention to the lecturer? Especially when he's nice enough to relate the information to the REAL FUCKING WORLD so they know why it's important?
I feel like they can hear my annoyance when I reply to "how long does the summary have to be?"
And how is 5 sentences the same as 5 paragraphs that are all supposed to have introductory sentence, supporting arguments, and a concluding sentence. That's at least 15 sentences if only one supporting statement is provided.
If this were any other teacher I was helping, I'd quit. But the fucker is intimidating and I want to learn as much as I can from him.19
What's the difference between a wasp and single loose hair?
Apparently none till the wasp stings :/
Yesterday I thought I had a loose hair on my neck.. ok, I shrug it off.. later again the creepy feeling.. shrugs off..
I continue to work, sumberged in code, wanting to find the fucker (bug, not the wasp/hair).. lean in to the monitor... 10 cents away from the screen... Ok, maybe that's it! Feels the hair on my back, near shoulderblades again... shrugging again more violently to get it further down to fall out.. nothing.. ok, got the bug, threw myslef back in the chair with substential force & BAAAAM!!! Motherfucking hair bit me!! O.o
I scream in horror & on top of the lungs (it was late, after work hours so I didn't expect anyone else still at the office) PROKLETA PRASICA (roughly translated to goddamn female swine).. I previously saw some green bug flying around the office and I thought that nasty thing bit me (didn't know they bite soo, much more horror for me).. O.o
Anyhow, I jump up from the computer and see my coworker looking at me all baffled.. I proceed to franticly take of my headphones and hoodie..thinking about wtf should I do now, I cannot get undressed in front of him (not for my sake, bra is the same as top of the bathing suit for me, but still..I don't want anyone suing me for impropper behaviour of undreasing in front of coworkers..), how the fuck should I get to the toilet?! O.o
C: Are you ok?!
M: Um.. sth bit me..wtf?!
C: There was a wasp flying around somewhere some time ago.. are you alergic?!
M: um..not sure, I don't think so..we'll see soon..
I proceed to the WC, to take off tshirt & check/kill off the fucker.. on my way there (walking funny to not press the hair to my body again) I got another surprise, another coworker was working late..
C2: Are you ok?! O.o
M: yeah, sth bit me, probably a wasp..
Ok, finally on the loo..ok, do not lock self in in case it escapes and you need help.. don't even shut the door. Check.. standing between the doors I contemplate on how the fuck should I take my tshirt off without angering the fucker even more and getting bitten again.. O.O
I lifted the tshirt up my back to let it out.. nope, not there..the creepy felling of buzzing around between my shoulder blades continues.. crap.. what to do?!
I stood there & contemplated the task.. ok, roll up the tshirt to the shoulder blades, not against the body (duh) to prevent further stings..tighten the fabric, so it cannot escape, quickly remove the band from the body.. done..reversed the tshirt and straightened it.. bzzz... Fucker fell somewhere.. Dafaq?! Was it really just a wasp?! If yes, no problem...but what if coworker was wrong and I got bitten by that nasty green whateveritsname bug?! Eeeeewwww! Is it poisonous? Gotta find it & kill it for good.. waited a bit, than saw a goddamn wasp crawl from under the toilet.. wasp!! Yess!! Stopm stomp fucker!!
I get dressed & go back to my desk..
C: Did you terminate it?!
M: Yup, fucker went on a toilet paper trip down the drain!!
I sit down, starting to get my headphones back on and proceed to work.., but before I could, one last gem:
C: CTO would say, thank god it didn't sting you in your finger cuz you wouldn't be able to type anymore..
M: O.O so true hahhahahaaa
Disclaimer - I like animals, but I freakking hate wasps..especially if they get under my tshirt to sting.. :/8
Write comments you dumb fucks.
If you change shit that is different from the original pattern， fucking write a comment.
1 minute vs. 45 minutes you mother fucker.14
Today I've been mocked by a fucking coffee machine.
So I was at a small train station, everything was already closed except for a small coffee machine
Dumb I, for whatever fucking reason, decided it'd be a great idea to get a highly overpriced cup there.
Now, the fucker made me the drink but instead of giving change, it started "shooting" coins in my direction (there was no flap on change box)
As I'm picking up my change, this abomination of a machine performs a cleanup, spitting some shit into my drink
I couldnt drink it obviously .. threw the overprices drink away, bought another one... Got shot with coins again... Whata pain... Just to figure out... There's no more cups 😭😭
It made the drink into the tray...
I'd say Linux but seen that around a lot so I'll go with another favourite:
It's basically an offline navigation app which works with downloading maps offline and then you can use navigation without Internet (gps though of course).
It's very easy to use, looks okay enough and no fucking tracking at all. I was in Switzerland recently without any service (my friends didn't have service either and their navigation relies on Internet) and this fucker saves us big time.
Not saying that there aren't any other offline navigation apps but this one is awesome imo.28
So I spent 4-5 weeks explaining how shit the current code base was, implemented gulp tasks to lint js, CSS etc, written shed loads of coding standards and best practices to follow. At this point everyone was onboard with the changes and thought brilliant were going to start getting some good code coming out of this team.
I go on holiday for a week, come back and fucker has ignored the documentation disabled the linters in the gulp tasks and the code is back to square one SHIT!!
Plus everyone still committing to master!!!!
Why do I bother!!7
Me: Hans, Get ze Flammenwerfer!!!
Me: The fucker rejected my PR because "calling twice the same getter is a code duplication". I swear, he always tries to find something!5
This is bullshit.
We've got a project where we need to build a robot that can:
A. Follow a line.
B. Avoid obstacles
C. Go through a maze.
This, in itself, is fine. I can manage.
The problem is, the teacher that is supposed to support the course, is never where he's supposed to be.
Ie: he was supposed to be in the classroom to answer questions and give feedback yesterday from 09:00 to 13:00. The fucker didn't fuckin show up.
OK, so today, he's supposed to be here too, I've been sat in his classroom without him waiting for over an hour...
Also, no way I can do the maze part without knowing what defines a fucking blocked path, is it going to be a physical object or is the line going to be a different cor if you're not allowed to pass there?
I'm getting tired of this bs.9
[Two collegues A and B are working on a complex regex together]
A: What does this fucker want?
A: Some dumb Client
A: [accepting call] you know regex?
A: Because thats what we working on for half an hour
B: What did he say?
A: He hung up
B: Perfect. So lets go on.6
Just managed to setup a tiny/simple privacy-friendly analytics system.
You basically call an api from your backend with the api key and all the headers you received from the browser (php and Apache or nginx in my case) and the analytics api gets useful stuff out of that data without sacrificing privacy.
I get a little bit more insight into my websites usage and the client isn't sacrificing identifiable information!
I've been wanting to make this fucker for fucking months.15
Screaming at a coworker?
The INTJ in me has prevented that pretty well in almost every critical devSituation.
BUT one time in the past, I was really close to a level 9001 scream:
This fucker, despite having been told about code formatting guidelines and DRY/KISS multiple times, had the balls to commit such utterly crappy and unreadable code that I almost bursted.
He quickly realized his mistake after I reset the repo to before his push, disabled his Gitlab account and wrote him a simple email containing the text:
"IF YOU EVER COMMIT SUCH SHIT AGAIN, THERE WILL BE UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES. GFYS."
After a peaceful coffee and a croissant I decided to re-enable his account. He did good after that.2
Fuck npm and the whole npm community!
Seriously, what a piece of completely uncontrolled cat litter!
First experience was getting malware from an npm package which I ranted about a while ago. That it can even happen is beyond my imagination.
Second experience was today when our app broke because a fucker who wrote a library doesn't understand semantic versioning.
If you're gonna publish an npm library, please do the whole fucking world a favour and learn how to version your shit correctly, so my app doesn't break! If you do BREAKING CHANGES don't change the fucking last version number you filthy piece of garbage!
Phew, that felt good 😧3
We have this Lukas Podolski paper display someone swiped at a soccer club store. So we hide the fucker in offices, bathroom stalls or behind doors and people get scared shitless.4
Hello people. A few people of the Dutch section of devRant have been talking about a possible meetup for a while now and a day or so ago we thought fuck it, let's not keep postponing but just get this fucker running.
So the idea is to (still quite short term) get together in The Hague the second weekend from now (so around the 21st).
Saturday or Sunday and meetup place have yet to be decided.
Let's discuss in the comments!27
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19
Ordered a new high storage dedicated server (rented online) today.
The fucker wasn't delivered as soon as I hoped so decided to finally go to bed at 2am.
Aaaaaand then, of fucking-course, I got the email with the deployment notification literally the second before I went to sleep.
No sleep yet anyways, I guess 😅11
"Wtf, people really do this shit..."
Fuck you stupid cunt!!!! If your fucking project depends on empty folder structure just put a fucking gitignore file on it so I don't have to waste all fucking day debugging your tasteless spaghetti to figure out that you download files to an empty folder that git clone doesn't create.3
I've got an Arduino now and I was building lights the last weeks to understand the coding. But when it comes to use full stuff I could do my mind is empty. Do you have any suggestions for me?
I know there have to be FUCKs in a good rant. So I will miss use the tags...14
Wanted to open the door to the outside word and see this fucker just sitting at eyelevel a few centimeters away from my face... I'm awake now.
And don't worry he lives his live outside now.22
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning15
Area manager: ok we are having this volunteery meeting after hours but if you don't show up, your shifts will get cut...
Mother fucker. Just sat it's mandatory, done and dusted, don't fucking piss fart about saying otherwise, fucking wanker...
(I'm not a fan of my AM if you can't tell)5
Whoever's the fucker that want my pictures over in DMs in Discord please stop asking for it or I swear a big tiddy onee-san will ara ara you in bed, and that won't be me18
People like this guy commentating are the main reason why evolution is still just a theory.
Let's take for example someone having a problem with their car not starting up.
Already seeing this guy's response would be:
"Personally I hate cars. Seems like its always they're broken. Have you just tried using your legs and run 40 kilometers to work every day?"
No I didn't you fucker, and you know why? Because it's not convenient. The same way how it's not convenient for me or any sane developer to drop to a command line and run custom query (which can be automated) every time I want to quickly check some values in development.
And no, the OP didn't ask for setup of this on production, the conversation kept on in comments below and this guy was still defending his productive idea.44
Raspberry pi worked perfectly fine. Reinstalled the sd card for some reason (on purpose) and now, no matter what system I flash, it always crashes at stone point. That point is random every fucking time.
I just want this fucker to work 😥19
Windows is fucking amazing... Tried to disable and enable my audio drivers, prompted me to restart, i pressed cancel, fucker still did a restart. Best part is it started to do updates... For fucking 20 minutes until i forced it to shut down. After it turned on i didnt have any audio, enabled it and woo.. Another restar that wantwd to update...
Also happy birthday to devrant and to me5
What is it with this team and the developers it attracts. 2 devs joined and left, both had several years of experience, both couldn’t google an issue to save their lives and needed to be helped 24/7.
Now we are mentoring a PHD student for a piece of his project. Dude was left stumped by an error message that said “Can’t find file at path ...” because the path didn’t exist. He spent a few hours trying to fix it before asking for help.
How, HOW are people getting through college / university without being able to read, or debug such a simple fucking error message3
Writing a Firefox add-on which analyzes the current webpage's links and puts a warning if one of those links to one of the prism (surveillance network) integrated services/companies.
Nearly ready enough for testing (real working version) when I suddenly realize: web pages can request resources without links.
Gotta rewrite the fucker partly now.
How fucking stupid can I be. 😐13
Back when I was in school, there was me, these 2-3 other guys, we maintained the school's sites + graphics and what not. If there was a problem, we could solve it. The school hosted big events and the site had over 50k hits in 2 days.
We used PHP then (was a new thing then for us)
Was looking at the schools site now out of nostalgia,
THE SHIT DOESNT EVEN SCALE WELL.
Graphics look like they were made using MS Paint.
Has a prominent 'designed by so n so' who is a student there.
Was checking the source code,
<meta name="generator" content="Zyro - Website Builder" />
FUCKER DIDNT EVEN CODE IT HIMSELF.
I wanna go back to my school and spank those bastards there.
This LITERALLY hurts.2
Feck I hate public transports. Rude people everywhere.
When the train arrives, everybody is pushing themselves at the door, not letting people stepping outside properly, then they lay their filthy shoes on the seats, contributing to the cancerness of the place, they cackle like hens, so I have to put super high volume on my headset, bringing some dark looks from other peasants because I listen to metal, but fuck them, and when finally you arrive, with nearly all the people standing up since 15 minutes ago because they want to go off first, some fucker in front of you steps down, with his luggage, and STOPS right there to open his handle so you're sure to bump in his ass, he turns to you expecting YOU to apologize when the fucker took the whole place for himself, I give him a mean look with my metal chaos pissing from my ears, and venture off to bump in a girl who was standing in the FUCKING way again checking out where she had to go. ARGH.7
Fuck you dickhead. If you don't like how I'm doing things, just fucking do them yourself. Or how about you give me some specifications, designs, a consistent database model? No? Fine, then don't fucking complain when I make do with what I have.4
Small random update regarding my ISP and how they call your speed if you use all of your data.
I actually sent them a small complaint (more of a suggestion but) that 256 Kbps is just too slow even for a capped penalty speed and that at least 1 Mbps so that the internet is still usable but still slow... And mother fucker if that isn't exactly what they did!
It's nice being able to sync my code and have more than 1 device connected to the wifi at once... It's a strange feeling when a company actually listens to feedback and takes measures on them...5
Waking today on Saturday like:
Who's this FUCKER that broke the master yesterday????
Wait, that last commit was mine before I left office😦3
What am I doing right now? Scamming scammers.
I'm attempting to build a delicious Windows honey pot for scammers to play in only to be terribly disappointed by how buggy it is.
That's right mother fucker I've rigged this computer to not work on purpose!
Have fun trying to run your shitty programs and steal data that isn't there.
Oh by the way if you want to play in this playground it's www.scammer.info3
I swear next time I see a UHD TV sold as 4K I'm gonna pop a cap in the lying fucker who mislabeled it!
4K has 552,960 more pixels dammit! This is the "720 HD" bullshit all over again!2
So this was going to be a comment but damn!!!!
Windows is seriously about making life harder for power users now, every fucking update lately is moving more easy to change things and fucking hiding them inside hidden menus or stupid links that don’t make sense. I mean fuck I just want to turn on dual screen with my laptop (because for some bizarre reason, just showing the desktop on the plugged in monitor is so hard to do automatically, especially since I just plugged a hdmi cable in) and the fucker was gone with nothing but a “detect screens” button before it would use an external screen.
Fuck I’m so close to pulling the plug on windows, but Linux just doesn’t sell me for daily use (yet... it’s getting there though)
The fucking forced updates (yes I consider a random bsod due to a system interrupt, then as it reboots magically has updates awaiting... a forced update) are starting to get to me, the fucking thing half crashing and not responding due to a network transfer of files (the fucker was 5GB)
If it wasn’t for my gaming needs and someone can show me a very good alternative to MS Visio (I haven’t really found one yet) then I would swap over and just adjust to the not so great (imo) desktop environments.7
Fucking fuckers on Stack Overflow...
I kind a use SO every fucking day, helping people with horrible formatted (don't even start about content) questions, and then when I got a single fucking question once all three years, no fucking cunt out there is willing to help.
Some dumbass even downvoted my (in my eyes) total reasonable, perfectly formatted, good written question.
I fucking hate it, that I spend so much time on that fucking platform, whilst nobody is giving me some help.
Fucking fucker cunts....!!!!
I've fucking got about 2,5k rep, I fucking know, in what fucking dimensions I can ask a fucking question.
[Begin Rant] When you show your senior manager your REST Web Service and he says "Oh no nooo... I don't wanna see no code"... Me: Code?? That ain't code you fat silly fucker it's the command line output data which I spent a week parsing, batch processing, and storing into the database! [End Rant] :[4
OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE BE A FREELANCER/WEB DEV AND TYPE SO FUCKING SLOW AND HAVE TROUBLE WITH FUCKING LETTERS ALL THE TIME?!
I'm gonna push this mother fucker so hard that he will learn not to "lie" in an interview never again and become a fucking dev.5
i fucking hate when people just make tutorials with powerpoint slides explaining and talking for hours ughhhhh just shut the fuck up and show me the fucking code u fuckin mouth fucker6
Now I know for sure that my coworkers can't read error messages.
Every fucking time git doesn't push or pull properly they can't figure out what's going on, almost one year since we migrated to git ... come on... read the fucking message!7
Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.
Go to pay for parking.
Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.
Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.
FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE9
I pitched a homebuilt Raspberry Pi and AWS IoT automation solution for my weed guys grow op.
Now the fucker wants me to actually build it and to pay me in weed.7
q: "why doesn't python do this like i want:
me: "Here's an answer that quotes an article and links out explaining with Python 3.6.x doesn't allow that."
every fucker: "downvote, doesn't answer why it isn't allowed"
FUCK YOU, PROVIDE AN ANSWER THAT DOESN'T SAY WHAT I SAID7
"Systems open to all, but closed to intruders"
HEY, HP, PACK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OF TRASH SOFTWARE INTO YOUR TRAILER HOME AND DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE __FUCK__ DOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU LITERAL BLOAT FLIES. HOW ABOUT WE START WITH THE FACT THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER ANYWHERE IN A COMPANY GIVING AWAY ONE LOGIN IN A SOCIAL ENGINEERING ATTACK TO POP THIS NICE FART FILLED BALLOON YOUR DRUNK SALES AND MARKETING MORON PARADE CAME UP WITH.
STOP FUCKING ADVERTISING ON MR. ROBOT AND LET ME PRETEND IT'S NOT A PRODUCT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU4
I am not a front end developer. Don't have the skill set, but I am learning. Work assigns me an "easy" task of modifying someone else's angular code(with all those <div> tags) to change some functionality. If it was well formatted, easy shit.
WHY THE FUCK DID THE PREVIOUS FUCKER INDENT LIKE THEY HATE ME? PARENT TAGS ARE FARTHER OUT THAN CHILDREN TAGS. SOME OF THE TAGS ARE 10 TABS FROM THE LEFT, WHILE THEIR CHILD IS ONLY 2. IN ADDITION, ALL THEIR CODE IS COPY PASTED FROM OTHER FILES, REFERENCES CONTROLLERS FROM OTHER PARTS OF THE CODE IT DOESNT NEED!
I am tempted to kill it with fire, find the person who wrote it(on a different continent), kill them, and then rewrite the whole thing in a language I am still learning. FUCK!2
Honk! Honk! Here comes your company's proprietary library wearing big, red, squeaky fucking clown shoes! What a goofy fuck he is! Look how he breaks and limits React because he's a stupid, broken, clown shoe wearing mother fucker! Watch him trip over his big stupid feet and fall flat on his fat, stupid face. Hope you weren't planning on being productive because this big, dopey fuck is your partner.
I do IT work along side my dev work. I had a Dr come up to me and ask me if I had time to help him pick out a personal computer... (Mother fucker I am on lunch break) "Sure" I say... "What's your budget, what will you be doing with the computer?" Dr - "I don't mind spending $6,000 and I want it for minor gaming..."
MUST BE FUCKING NICE!6
Just run “npm install”.
Mother fucker, if that worked, or if the six hours I spent trying to unfuck your dependencies worked, we would not be having this conversation.9
May your ass itch, and arms become too short to reach.
Spend a good hour debugging why this fucker:
Returns 3, when it's actually the 2nd of May.
Turns out the value returned by getDay is an integer corresponding to the day of the week.
(new Date).getDate(); it is, ಠ_ಠ15
I love that feeling when you finally conquered a bug that has been itching your mind for days now. sooo satisfying to bring that fucker down 😎💪🤘1
What a lazy fuck.
This so called full-stack developer doesn't know how to use mysql from command line. The only way he can do anything in the database is using phpMyAdmin or MySQL gui.
What? How do you even call yourself a developer when you don't know how to use basic command line tools?
The fucker wants me to find out why a particular feature is not working?
Why the fuck are you being paid for? You stupid idiot.
"Can you please grep ... in the server?"
What? Why would I do that for you? How about you ssh the server yourself?
What a waste of time.5
1) That loud ass mother fucker sitting besides me, shut the fuck up.
2) Air motherfucking condition turned all the way to the max makes me horny and want to fuck your motherboard.
3) Illiterate assholes writing code without any comments and half assed function name just to look cool when we approach them for doubts.
4) Onsite motherfuckers enjoying their lives, taking photos of it and posting it in a monthly magazine while we s(h)it behind the fucking systems all day.
Thank-fucking-you, y'all can die suffocating in your own smelly dierraea poop.6
Just noticed my boss turned a nice and beautiful polymorphic code into a fucking hard to maintain switch case that now this mother fucker here has to maintain just because he probably thought it was too hard to understand.
I bet he finds it hard to fuck his wife in any way other than the one she needs to wear a strap on and tear his ass apart...2
enough is enough
to all the fucker ass morons deploying mini js frameworks with ambiguous names and undocumented functionality all fucking minified and using at least 20-30 of them on each page
dafuq you need a different slider for every section ?1
There’s no better feeling then doing a full server rebuild, modifying several projects heavily to be portable and keep working under new infrastructure and loosing access to dependent systems.
Migrating everything across, firing up Apache.... and BAM the fucker just works and ssl labs gives it an A (it was a giant F with multiple vulnerabilities yesterday on the old server)7
Oh my fucking god people are stupid, or ignorant, or fucking both.
How hard is it to copy a password from an email and paste that fucker in and press login.
Seriously several times of “this is your email” and “THIS” is your god dam fucking password.
God kill me now.
(No the password isn’t stored in plaintext, I reset it myself before sending it to the user)1
My team lead be like when we're in a meeting with the boss:
He: I'll have a working session with her, we'll brainstorm on how to come up with a better design and improve such and such feature, once that's done, we would call you to have another meeting.
Boss: sounds good, I'm looking forward to it.
Me: *internally rolls eyes...*
He: thank you everyone.
couple of minutes later, I get a message from him:
He: hey, it turns out I'm busy and I can't have that session with you, do come up with a new idea/design and share it with me.
Me: .... *fuck you, like you didn't know you were busy before making that fake promise*
The fucker will take credit again for things he didn't do.8
So, this poor fucker right here has spent 3 hours straight trying to install KDE Neon AGAIN, FOR THE 14TH TIME AS OF TIME OF WRITING on an old 0.5TB hard drive with some GiB-wise partitioning size and apparently the disk doesn't like it.
Can someone give me a dildo so I can fuck myself more because life is not fucking me hard enough? No lube needed kthanksbye11
A bug has been plaguing me for almost 3 weeks.
Today, I finally found the fucker!
Feels so good!
Also, had i just been granted access to the fucking error logs I would have found it in 15 min to start with....4
The fucker complains when someone doesn't write unit tests, meanwhile he tops any new code he writes with a @codeCoverageIgnore annotation ... 😒😒7
This guy, in a different department to me, was bad mouthing me to his boss for about 2 months, slagging off my Dev abilities as well as me as a person. Really snide two faced little fucker.
Anyway, when I finally met his boss on a company outing we got on so well he opted to stay out late with me drinking, which was when told me about what this 2-faced cunt had been saying and pretty much offered me his job on the grounds that we'd work better together.
I've since left the company but I've heard from others that no-one wants to work with him.1
Some mother fucker parked his car in my parking lot...and it's lying there for more than 2 weeks...10
That moment when, after having Spotify crash on you several times during the day, you decide to attach a debugger to the fucker in case it decides to do it again...1
Working on a module in an old shitty system. It takes 150 seconds to boot the fucker for debugging, which gives me one minute of debugging before the inevitable crash. Four minutes of debugging costs me 10 minutes of watching the loading splash screen.
I'm about to send my keyboard on a journey, straight through my monitor.2
Front-end dev trying to dictate back-end tech.
We are gonna start split stack (front / back ) development with the following projects and this stupid fucker who knows jackshit about backend , servers, etc... , is more versed in front end stuff and said herself that she knows nothing about databases told me this:
"No way we are gonna use Java."
I politely said:
"We are gonna analyze the projects requirements and see what technologies best fit the scenario"
Me inside my head:
This stupid fucker of my senior writes code directly in server. Whenever I give my branch name to merge and deploy, he types code manually again in the server. This introduced a bug and I had to fix it in server again.3
Has anyone installed Elasticsearch on Linux - centos to be specific.
Trying to workout why the fucker won't install. Setting up a proof of concept so don't want to use it currently as SaaS.
From why I can tell, it only needs Java, (check) and to be ran as a user other then root (check) but running ./bin/Elasticsearch hangs after a while and starts powering up 100 odd threads with no progress.6
“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected2
My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!2
I've got this customer who for some fucking reason won't change their DNS to point to our new servers, but wants to fucking stay on that old piece of crap, where we have to ask our sub-provider to generate a CSR to send to our customer to use to sign a certificate to send to us to send to our sub-provider. Because yeah, that's so much fucking easier than just pointing your domain to our new system, and get SSL set up automatically. For fucks sakes! And also, your certificate expires tomorrow, and since our idiot sub-provider hasn't responded to my email about CSR in a week, you basically have no option. So get that thumb out your butt and just switch the DNS!
Seriously!? You don't fucking delete or change code because you don't understand it and push it to production, it's the way it is because of reasons you airhead can't comprehend ... ffs the fucker could have asked me and saved us trouble and embarrassment.
Fuck this short jackass asshole fucker fucking sales director that keeps promising features in no fucking feasible time just for his fuck fucking commission! Then the fucking cocksucker CEO enters the room on a Friday saying: "We will build this because we can't lose this client."
We never fucking had the client you giant asshole piece of shit! He just fucking lied on the demo and we have to deal with that!!! Tired of this shit5
New boss gets us to work overtime, all weekend and till 9pm. Promising that we will get that time back.
We get the project through the door. His KPI looks great to his boss. He then slithers his way around hints about this time back. Someone confronted him today and he says he can't officially recognise the over time due to company policy. The fucker.9
My fucking work challenges:
1. "Talk to this thing over the internet" what language does it speak? Fuck knows
2. "Make sure all the files are correct in the server" Our server plan only allows 3 requests per second, and someone is pinging it. Can't do shit.
3. "Shit broke!" You broke it. It was working fine. In fact, all our problems stem from that 1 thing you broke!
4. "Stay here all night" The hallway to the bathroom's door is locked. I can go to my workstation but have to go outside to get to the bathroom!
Fuck, its like you don't want me to succeed
How to fucking unscrew this little shit.
I was able to unscrew the rest just fine. But just when I'm down to the last remaining screw, this lone fucker decides to put on a fecken feight.
I already tried everything. I used a screwdriver that fits perfectly. Rotated it for god knows how long. Attached a strong magnet to amplify the screwdriver's magnetic fuckery. Tried unscrewing upside down to add gravitational force. Tried chopsticking the fuck outta it. Slapped the back of it like I slap rice sacks in supermarkets. Ran physics simulations on a supercomputer. Still won't come off.
It's just there, looking like it's about to come off with a dip of a magnetic screwdriver but IDK WHY IT WON'T COME OFFKZKKXJZJKZ!!1
You wanna put on a fight? Fine. Resist while you still can. Because once you come off, oh ho... I'm gonna do bad things to you fucker. Imma screw you in your hole till your head spins like crazy. (To screw it back ofc.)10
So normally I go with a super-conservative error handler that logs errors, and exit the process on even the tinyest/smallest error.
Regardless or project/cms/framework I always to this to prevent myself from installing spaghetti plugins or writing unstable code.
Also because I don't want any code to just soldier on if a variable wasn't defined properly, or likewise.
But today I had to write this little fucker into my error handler, to support the error surpressing operator '@'
Appearently prestashop was developed by a group of senseless moronic fuckwits,
and hteir piece of horseshit software doesn't even work if it isn't allowed to surpress errors.
What was the fucking imbeciles thinking when requiring such lunatic behaviour...
WHICH FUCKER CAME UP WITH THE IDEA TO DISABLE CTRL+A IN THE GOD DAMN SEARCH BAR!!!
I FRICKING APPENDED MY SEARCH 3 TIMES BECAUSE OF YOU2
trying to install devkitARM:
>don't wanna install pacman for one special snowflake library
"can't extract /-.tar"
"lol just use pacman skrub"
>I DON'T WANNA FUCKING USE PACMAN YOU TROGLODYTE, MAYBE HELP ME WITH BUILDING SOURCE?????
"nah, just use pacman, it'd be dumb to provide a copy for every package manager"
>EVERYONE ELSE DOES THAT. YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION, NOT EVERYONE ELSE.
*fucker marks issue as spam, doesn't help me*
i'm gonna fucking stab somebody i swEAR TO FUCK
Turns out i'm banned from making another issue to try and ACTUALLY GET HELP THIS TIME.
"You can't perform this action at this time" isn't fooling anyone, GitHub, we all know what happens when you get errors like this7
PHP + gettext + Windows
Get fucked you ginganormous cockfaced dick wiggle. Get the fucking fucked in your fucking fuck hole. Fucker.2
So I tell my coworker how ticking noises of clocks can annoy me really bad. It is an OCD thing where I will not notice a clock, then I notice the ticking and it annoys the hell out of me.
He leaves the room after a while after turning on a fucking youtube video with 11 hours of ticking clock.
I am like, "You fucker..."
Then another guy we work with comes into the office and pretends like he is wondering what the ticking noise is.
I said, "Yeah right, he sent you in here to ask about didn't he?!" He was like "maybe..."
Anyway, that must mean I am part of the team now. They are screwing with me. All in good fun.2
We have Jira to keep track of bugs and allow users to inform issue with our in-house software. One fucker created ticket, "Hi Guys, I cannot sign-in to Skype business". He even put the screenshot.
What the fuck he expected us to do. Everyday have to deal with low mentality peasants.4
What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!6
I'm having a strong urge to kill that asshole that asked me, on a SECOND interview for a SENIOR position if I knew what ORM was!!!
Are you making me fucking waste my time you fucking cunt???
Did you fucking read my CV?
Obviously not because you would have seen several ORM technologies on it you fucking piece of shit.
You made me waste my time, and now I have no choice but to slice your fucking throat!
I'll be waiting for you, in the dark you mother fucker.16
Just discovered that termux uses the volume down button as control... Mother fucker termux just became so much more useful!!!7
And if you use less than 3 letters for naming, there is a special hell that awaits you, when we murder you after a lot of suffering!!!!7
Forget the people that don't use tests.
If you are a guy that doesn't even use error handling,
F U C K Y O U
I can't move on my tasks because the fucker doesn't have any error handling and he is absent so i have to fix them.
How can people don't even fucking try to see if there is a better way?
Fuck, I'm constantly even trying to improve my fucking bath routine for fucks sake and these brainless monkeys are gonna be stuck forever with fucking "right click-copy right-click paste instead of keyboard shortcuts" ( just an analogy )
Fuck that makes me angry...2
YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER!
If anyone read my last rant, I talked about how I wanted to buy a new phone with a subscription line, but they didn't allow me because "the system says you already have one and you're over due with the payments"
FUCKING MORONS, I don't know who coded the system but I will find you and bury your head in your own shit!
They use people's RFC (Mexican Tax ID number) to create an "account" and allow buying a phone. The ID it's composed by:
Where N are letters from our name, then they use our birthdate's year, month and day, finally they generate three unique characters to avoid ID clashes.
Well, this stupid fucker who coded the system thought it was OKAY TO STORE ALL BUT THE CHARACTERS THAT MAKE THE ID UNIQUE.
Fucking fucker...what were you thinking?2
Motherfucking cocksucking Microsoft windows. The worst software ever written by shittiest developers.
Mother fucker blowed up all the partitions ( Linux installation, root and /home partition ), including windows recovery disk.
I wish, your HQ will blow up the same way, someday.
Bill Gates .... Go fuck yourself with a iron rod12
There is this project where the develop branch is "discontinued" because this moron "finished" a feature that is all fucking broken and I could not figure out how to solve all those merge conflicts...
I just gave up and told my stupid boss who just nods and laughs at everything... If it ever comes up I'm gonna tell them to get the fucker to solve it.1
Me: I'll get it to you tomorrow.
Supervisor: (*Sarcasm abounding*) That's fiiiiine, thank you sooo much for all of your haard work.
Fucker, you have no idea. Learn to code before making comments like that, goddamit.1
One of my classmates was working on a login form, and the fucker handtyped a 100+ character email validation regex but forgot to add a check to make sure no fields were blank.
It was funny when I was able to create an account with no username, breaking his website, and even funnier when I told him html forms have a built-in email pattern5
I'm tired of this shit!!!
First I receive a task to create a new functionality for the app that I'm working on and some documentation (this is the only good part of all the rant) but no design.
It's been 2 weeks since I got assigned to this and still no design, no assets, no API calls that ACTUALLY WORK.
Today was testing a plist to get a banner link, and for 1 hour that little fucker didn't returned the image I was asking.
Better, I wasn't getting ANY IMAGE. Turns out that the link sends me to a HTML URL that doesn't have any image... go figure!
So I've been working on this from some images inside the PDF with the documentation given.
Oh! Wait! There's more!
The cherry on top is that I'm implementing a chat/voice call/video call into the app and the framework that I will be using is being created now, and it's not even finished!!!!!!4
WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THERE AN OPTION TO QUICKLY JUST FUCKING PRINT A TABLE IN PHP???!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO SIT AND WRITE 50 MORE LINES FOR YOU TO DO SUCH A SIMPLE TASK.
I WANT TO JUST "SELECT * FROM BLABAL" AND PRINT THAT FUCKER IS IT THAT HARD EH?28
Also known as TMM or The Money Machine, the greatest of all frauds, father of bugs.
A fucker who doesn’t want to pay a loan to get a MCSE certificate.
Note: I will try to avoid the training class as much as possible, good thing books exist.
So I was excited about working on a proyect I recently was invited to work on, but when I finally got my hands on the code I felt this urge to scream "YOU FUCKER!!!" (the dev responsible for the code)6
Guess which handsome ass father fucker finally got a dev job? I DID. But it's a startup. Any important questions which I need to ask them before I take up this offer?9
Coding with some hardcore metal while my client employes run my food and coffee erands. Because then know you are a crazy mother fucker that needs to be concentraded1
Can I be a fucker?
Here is the crazy guy on my fav childhood beach.
BT glasses now (today I want Portuguese hip hop) but usually camera glasses (suposed to be 1080p, pix are 640x480) , so other gadjet to unmount.
See that sea? Marvelous...5
TL;DR: Computer rooms closed? Ok. Music rooms closed? Fuck!
I understand why the computer rooms are locked up in breaks and not accessible for every student anytime. But..
Why on earth are the music rooms closed as well?!
It wasn't always like that. But stupidass teacher Mr Fucker decided that he wants the music rooms (plural) for himself in breaks. That means they are both empty 90% of the time after 13:00 Uhr and in breaks. Closed. While I could play piano in my free time where I have to stay in school anyways. But no.
Fuck you, Mr Fucker.5
My friend is learning PHP and I told him to install xampp but that fucker went nuts and installed MySQL too which didn't allow the xampp's SQL and ended in conflict.
Oh man that's so funny when non programmers don't do what we say.2
Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.
College Senior Thesis is done. Wrote the whole fucker as a Spring Boot Microserivce and my brain is fucking jello after 4 straight months of work.
I need something lightweight, I need something fun to code as I wind down at the end of the year.
I think I'll play around with Node.js and Typescript and learn about this docker thing people keep talking about before I go back to Java exception hell.
I'm not ready to be a Jr Dev next year. I'm too young to work this kind of job for the next 40 years.1
seconds into 2019
I see one incompetent fucker asking to eval in Node.js..
A FUCKING FETCH OF A NPM MODULES IN CDNJS
you know what's the reason?
Fucking kill me unless you're some dumb bitch who uses npm modules like some braindead motherfucker who doesn't know what a number is, node_modules takes only an average of 3.6MB
Compared to RubyGems who takes 40+
Seriously stop this. I wanna hang myself because my 2019 put me in a shit mood1
Today's my birthday... As usual, I worked in my office... At morning (approx 11:30AM) I received a call from my boss yelling cause a shit deadline and for some shit that I didn't sent to him (I already sent, the bastad was in vacation and didn't saw it)... His wife wished me happy birthday but the mother fucker didn't say a shit instead yelling during all day... Our relationship sucks cause he's a fucking bastard that doesn't know a shit of development process and I am done of his stupid shit... I fucking need to change my job!!!!13
You see this fucker? Those are packets sent to Apple, what are those packets? The update of an app I am working on.
Makes me wonder why the fuck does upload disconnect out of a sudden when there is not a single issue in the network I'm connected to!
Apple get your shit together cuz an update process takes more time than developing the damn app!2
Today I met a guy who fuckin remembers some shitty flag he had set in a code 10 years ago and can read code in his brain for anything he had coded.
Fuck you ass hole you got be shitting me, oh come on show me something fucker. You make me sick.8
Every fucking day I'm asked some fucking stupid question that could have been easily figured if this fucker took 2 mins to look.
"Hey why isn't the issue closed with your commit message? Is it because the CI fail?"
No you dipshit. It's because it hasn't been merged into the master branch. And no the CI didn't fail. If you took 20 seconds to actually look into the pull request you'll see it passed.
So I had this client who wanted me to develop a brand new website for his company. When I asked him about the money he'd pay me, he said he'll pay me whatever it takes.
After 3 months of grinding, I asked him for my payment. That fucker stopped returning my calls and emails. He didn't even use my website. Then a month later I found that that fucker had called in a cheaper web developer and got his website designed JUST LIKE MINE!!!
I fucking hate freelancing!!3
My boss just added a video about a product in a whatsapp group that has all employees asking everyone to spread it to your personal groups 'to promote it as much as possible'.
Well, fuck this shit their cringy-ass music video makes me want to bleach my eyes. And how does this fucker expects us to spread his cancer in our groups for his profit?
Also half of the people in the group are sucking his dick already with replies like "Sure ✌" and "OK sir!!! ".
Fuck you morons grow a spine and stop bending over so easily to make others happy. 😐1
I mean, the developer just didn't even fucking care that the annoying menu is in the center of the screen, wtf (reader mode save me)6
The convo between my friend and me back then
He: dude I heard you can code can you help me with this coding challenge on codechef
Me: bro, I try to let's check the problem
After 15-30 min we solve the question together
Then after 3 days or so he again meets me
He: do you know about Kali Linux
Me: no man not heard of Linux but what is Kali seems interesting
He: trying to hack WiFi
Me: *getting excited* bro teach me
He: I'm learning too
That day he got to know he can't hack WiFi and I got to know that my friend doesn't know jack shit about Linux, also Linux is awesome
But that moment changed my whole engineering life, I got to learn about Linux and I'm getting good at it every single day since then.
It's been 3 year since I met that fucker.
Tagging my amigo @ashwini0529
i was staging the fucker site to deploy and get on with it, but now the requirements changed, and major redesign is needed
I'm payed by hour but this shit still infuriates me
Wow man. Can the day get any worse
Mother fucker creator of Android. Now I'm A long time android user, but
Android+Snapdragon 6XX chip+Moto= worst combo ever. Damn you creators, may You be deepfucked by a mad bison in heat. Cocksuckers.
The heat my Moto X play generates, I could make an omelette on top of it. And the newest feature, where you try to type, but you can't see anything happening, when 30 secs later, you suddenly start seeing the after images of all the buttons you pressed, all the text you typed. Why maybe I typed at the speed of light and android couldn't keep up. No.
NO! You dumb fuckin POS. NO. I threw my phone 20ft, broke the tempered glass. The case protected this shit. Once I can save enough, I'll either sell a kidney and get an iPhone or even better a OP5.
Nothing disgusts me more than slow hardware.12
So CyberCoders automatically added me to a mailing list and kept emailing me spam about resumes of developers. Not being in a recruitment position, I decided to "opt out".
I had to fucking prove I'm human... to opt out of an email some machine added me to.
Allow me to add a poorly done image to express my feelings on this matter.
-----------Jr Dev Fucked by Sr Dev RANT------
Huge data set (300X) that looks like this :
( Primary_key, group_id,100more columns) .
Dataset to be split in records of X sized files such that all primary_key(s) of same group_id has to go in same file.
Sde2 with MS from Australia, 12 years of 'experience' generates an 'algo'. 70% Test case FAILED.
I write a bin packing algo with 100% test case pass, raises pull request to MASTER in < 1 day. Same sde2 does not approve, blocking same day release.
|-_-| What the fuck |-_-| Incompetent people getting 2x my salary with <.5x my work2
What the FUCK is wrong with people!!!??
If you need to use !important in your CSS.... STOP and just don't.
It should be very clear that if the need arises to use !important then you are either really shit at CSS and don't understand the concept or you are a lazy mother fucker.
I'm so fucking sick of dealing with other so called "developers" shit code and have to spend time I don't have fixing their shit.
There is absolutely no reason to use
!important and to anyone that thinks to be a smartarse and let me know of their shit reasons... just don't because there aren't any.4
So we are preparing to deploy the changes onto production and some fucker decides to play with the fire alarm.
My companies policy , you do your work better and you will do the work of everything other fucker who is not able to deliver in time .
Got a virus (was stupid enough to rely on Defender coz didn't want to compromise performance).
Hell I right-clicked > scan with defender and it gave it a clean chit.
Later got every click on any page leading to some porn website (that too fuckin clickbaits not the real ones -_-)
Installed Kaspersky on trial > virus removed.
BUT the fucker modified files.
Reinstalling Firefox disinfected it,
BUT I CANT REINSTALL EDGE.
Another full-OS reset.
I guess this is how women in their late 30s feel like..
'Ill never get the luxury of settling down'
Looking forward to trying out ChromeOS for a while.
I like the idea of a minimal OS. Frankly while Windows, macOS and Linux are all incredible bits of engineering, they all suck ass and are maddeningly frustrating.
Usually I'm on a computer to complete a task and just want the OS to quietly do its job and leave me out of its myriad personal crises. I don't want to see or hear from that fucker.
If experience tells me anything it's that I'll be swearing at the Chromebook within the week.
But, the fact I'm trying shows I haven't lost hope.5
Web programming is great. Except, you know, WHEN THE TEST SERVER WITH THE API YOU'RE INTERFACING WITH ISN'T WORKING CORRECTLY!!! WORSE STILL WHEN YOU DON'T OWN THE FUCKER AND CAN'T RESTART IT!!! I hate my life sometimes.9
I HATE YOU STREAMING SERVICES! FUCK YOU!
Here's the setup:
I work in a rather small office, where we are like 7 people (including me). Now, there's one person in charge of putting music through speakers (obviously, not everyone enjoys the same kind of music)
Well, we have a hell of a small bandwidth (1.5MBPS tops), now, add to that that every single fucker here uses "Spotify" and it's streaming their music...
Good side: I have my earphones and ~30GB of my music on my phone, so it's not an issue for me, also, I'm kinda audiophile, so Spotify quality sucks.
Bad side: I can't even fucking load Google because those fuckers are eating the bandwidth.5
I don't know who was the fucking moron who decided how much detail should go in the classic "Segmentation fault (core dumped)" message, but they should be kidnapped and tortured. And no one should tell them why they're getting kidnapped and tortured. Just let the fucker guess.3
It's been a long time since I last posted, I saw it as a good thing - I hadn't had stuff to complain about.
Until my fucking idiot mush-for-brains asswipe roommate locked me out of my own apartment!
Fucker is squatting with me, and while I'm away for work, decides it would be a great idea to change the locks and conveniently forget to mention it.
It's taking a lot of energy not kicking him out.1
What is worse than React native? A crash in flutter ....
They need to work on their stack trace all it's errors lead to framework assertion failed, but which fucker in my code caused it....
No one knows, time to play cat and mouse with this thing 😒3
Me: "Yeah so I have this problem, I generated an environment and setup a NodeJS docker image on it and it returns "Cannot find public IP address", help"
SO: "Yeah but what are you trying to achieve? Here is a link of the documentation everyone saw and that didn't help at all."
Me: "I just want to... reach the fucking server? Without trouble? Please?"
Some people need some cocaine in they morning coffee, if it can help then open their fucking eyes1
I'm generally the type of person that keeps to myself, I don't judge people by the way they look or what god they believe in. BUT... There is a part of me that gets sooo angry, like a demon raging inside of me every time I see this fucker rock up to work with his socks and sandals, I know it shouldn't bother me, but every time he sits down next to me and i can see his dirty, stained toe jam ridden socks, there is a part of me just wants to rage in his face.3
I just hate wordpress. Whenever I have to touch it, makes me nervous.
This time I just have to put some html/css. I was thinking it's piece of cake.
Couldn't be more wrong. This fucker is adding extra tags to my code fucking up what made...1
So I finally started toying around C#.
As much as I tried to avoid it, as much as I wanted, well, sometimes there is need. I was laying it off and laying it off...
There are some things that well.. aren't my taste but whatever.
But come on why the fuck I cannot delete explicitly?
What do you mean "just assign it to null and GC will eventually kill off that instance"
No, I want that fucker to die here and right now. Like in good ol' C++.23
Wow. This piece of bullshit runs completely flawlessly in the debugger, but throws exceptions like fuck when running it normally. How am I even supposed to find that fucker of a bug?3
Windows piece of shit mother fucker useless trash.
Why can't I just compile without the dumb ass "Antimalware Service Executable" having to check every single fucking file and eating fucking 4GB ram. God damn it. fiadsfleaf oaiehjf afpo jafj
I start compiling binutils and then the whole thing fucking crashes ad;adsfjhc odshfaj;sdl hfja;odsfh;osa dhif;aosdhfi a;osdihf;skdjnvba; dsjch;soduf;dsao fu;nodjf ;anaod11
So I have a dual boot Windows 10 / Ubuntu 16.04.
This evening, I finally decided to update Ubuntu to 17.10.
Note to self, never try to install Ubuntu from the live usb when trying the "demo", prefer to install on boot, because this fucker encountered an error, forced me to reboot then decided to occupy the whole disk and wipe Windows out.
I'm sure that Ubuntu 17.10 was made by DevRant, that's totally something you guys could do 😂5
Just spent three and a half hours reconfiguring security cameras and troubleshooting over and over why the fuck internal and external weren’t reachable...
I failed to realize the DDNS was handing out the IP of 127.0.0.1 and 22.214.171.124 because nothing fucking stated that up until I found a small text link to the camera’s DDNS registration page... logged in with the customers info and low and behold the mother fucker was handing stupid shit out.
I hate that I overlook the simplest shit when I’m stressed and in a rush...
I need to learn to take deep breaths, but fuck that... I want to blow shit up.1
I AM ABOUT TO KICK SOME PROFESSORS ASSES!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE MAKING GO MAD BEYOND MY BOUNDS WITH THERE MOTHERFUCKING STUPIDITY AND SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.
LISTEN YOU FUCKS I WORK AS A PROGRAMMER TO PAY FOR MY FUCKING TUITION. NO IT IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB. I FUCK UP MY SCHEDULE SO I CAN CAME HERE TO THIS SHIT LEARNING SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU FUCKERS DO NOT HAVE A LECTURE AFTER HOURS.
SO WE I SAID THAT I CAN ONLY CAME TO THIS CLASS AT THIS TIME AND DAY OF THE WEEK I AM NOT BULLSHITING YOU.
SO DO US A FAVOR AND STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUPID AND GIVING ME THAT CYNICAL SMILE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
FUCK YOU FUCKER AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT CLASS.2
I'm just wondering how many developers is tire of people asking them to build a complete custom site in WordPress. And when you tell them "hey Fucker it would be faster and work better if we just build this cms from scratch" but the client won't budge they want fucking WordPress no matter what...10
Oh that time,
When I nearly hit the 48h.
With two 04-14h shifts without ANY break and constant crying from my colleagues.
And that flat movement of a friend in between. Where nobody did shit and I had to carry the washing machine one story downstairs. Alone. Because the other participants did not want to hurt their hands. Yeah.
In the breaks at home I ate and went on gaming, that pushed up I've been.
Those were the days in west Germany 'industrial centre' dip shit.
The war zones on humanity that piss me off.
And there still are those greedy pigs working off their asses, licking cunts for coins and mistreating their subordinates and families with 15 children (alternatively their BMW 3xx's) and partying 'friends' they only know by consuming the most industrial waste radioactive gym work out fist fucker 8000 *tm
Those were the days
Okay. So I'm in class right now. And we'll do a rather big IT project (in groups of 2) later this year. And one of my classmates (I hate him AF but he doesn't know because he doesn't get shit) just asked me if I can make him a social media platform. HOLY FUCKING MOTHER SHITTING FUCK. CAN YOU PLEASR JUST STOP TALKING TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. GO FUCK A TABLE!! IM NOT GOING TO CREATE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY. AND YOOOUUU LITTLE FUCKER ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?? EVERYONE FROM MY CLASS IS AT LEAST SOME KIND OF NICE BUT YOU PIECE OF CUNTSHIT NEVER EVEN DID A SINGLE THING FOR ANYONE. AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. LIKE WHAT HODDAMN HOPE DO YOU COME FROM. COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO BACK INTO THAT HOLE??!!!2
> wanting to add an embed google maps to a website I'm working on for fun, with React
> Check the API documentation, excepted their iframe they create from your needs, not much info about how to set in a a js framework
> decide to check if anyone has already created something with React
> They did! 1 american dude, one polish, one last from idk where
> The rest is basic doc so let's try each of them
> Errors, errors everywhere
> Screens stays awefully white
> Spend 2 hours checking, checking and checking again each library
> Each of them have a different problem
> Fuck this, let's copy the iframe thingy from Google's doc, adapt 1 or 2 things because of React and run npm
> Google maps works on first try
Get a message from our teammate explaining o auth. First off, I mean come the fuck on. Second I was building our authentication for a fucking week. It's all around slack and the commit messages.
Then again when you don't even check the fucking repo ever, you won't know the progress. Yes, this is the jackass from my last rant. Sweetheart will only be able to be there 15 minutes before class ends today. Obviously, I'm not going as I don't care about the outcome of this shit at all at this point. I have access to the orgs and repos as the creator. Whenever I decide to get some real work done, I'll just ban his bitch ass.
I can't believe this fucker actually tried to explain o auth like he was talking to a child. I wrote back that he can look at the week long discussion we already had about authentication. Fucking idiot.
Outlook - " You have many duplicated contacts. Want to merge ?"
Me - ( inside mind thinking .... wtf, there are no duplicate contacts ) Ok do it.
pressed 'merge' for every contact ( Yeah, 'merge all' wasnt even there. Fucker designed the application which ask user to merge every contact, one by one ).
End Result - Brain Fucking piece of shitty microsoft' outlook android application, created 5 duplicates of all the contacts. Cant be more happy. Now i have 1000 contacts.
Microshit at its best again
Microshit managed to keep my trust on its products. Always, performs like Tatti ( Shit in hindi )
Edit - A wise man honoured Microshit with 'Macroshit'1
Same twat manager from my last rant... He'd call my mobile after hours because we were friends once, and progressively get drunk throughout the call and try to come up with ways to usurp the director, who is actually a decent guy. He'd try to talk me into schemes and convince me to leave with him or get him ousted. Silly fucker.
I am so sick of this place. Production deployment shouldn't be such a massive cluster fuck of different departments and sometimes redundant configurations. Knowing who to talk to about a problem shouldn't change daily, and it shouldn't be hard to figure out.
My jvm doesn't appear to be running in production. I hunt down the fucker who is supposed to be handling this problem today...but he's out of office and no one knows who his stand in is...GODDAMNIT!2
So a friend / batch-mate in our accelerator asked me if I was okay with installing a monitoring software for a client our startups are collaborating for. And the said client was ranting how I've been appearing offline to him since morning...
Bitch I'm already letting you monitor my shit from morning to night, I don't need your French ass snooping around what I'm doing outside of office hours.
I like style checkers. I really do. I may not agree with any of the rules they force upon the rules, but I will bury that for consistent code. That said, why, oh why, does this damn thing have to fail out the build rather than just warning me in the IDE. This fucker takes 15 minutes to build and when it fucks the build, it's a huge waste of time.
That said, anyone know how to get check style rules out of Maven and put them in IntelliJ? Myself and my team would love you forever.3
Oh Shit! Here we go again!
>> [ ]
//some if shit
It was supposed to raise 404 for empty array, but continue to exit if.
Me: What the fuck?
**printing request POST data**
**empty, nothing wrong here**
**double checked print statement output**
** still printing [ ] **
**restart server and again checking print statement**
Getting mad over myself, for failing to debug simple if else.
>> <class 'str'>
Me: What the actual fuck??
Fucker literally dumped empty array to JSON causing array to convert into string "[ ]" and still using if else based on array instead of string length.
Thanks to our Product Manager who approved our request to revamp this part of code and also revamping the whole shitty project developed by 3rd party in upcoming quarter.22
Tested out parcel.js as webpack replacement and wasted 3 hours because of a missing sourcemap reference at the end of the bundled file. It was not parcels fault, but dear author of parcel-vue-plugin never again override one of parcels core file you fucker or i'll chop of your genitals with a rusty knife.2
I had the Fox Sports Go app on my Roku TV.
A few weeks ago, I noticed it was changed to the Fox Sports with a whole new design.
"Cool deal I like this."
Fast forward to today, I'm looking for a game that I know I have access to and I should be able to see. (I also check the Fox Sports Go website to see it there.)
Turns out, some dumbass fucker thought it'd be a fan-fucking-tastic idea to take a few of the TV channels and put them on their own app, while leaving the others in a separate app.
What the fuck was the point of this? I genuinely want to know what the end goal was, because it's fucking retarded to have two apps to do what one can and DID do.2
See if one more fucker turns to me and suggests I start a company to “Help with the smart border after Brexit” I swear to fuck I going to personally go to 10 Downing Street and stand in the cabinet and shout “Technology is not literal magic” until Boris Johnson finally gets it5
>closes laptop to let it cool down at 5:10PM
>5 minutes later, boots back up on its own and doesn't go back to sleep
>opening and logging back in
"We have an important update for you planned for 5:30PM"
OH NO YOU DON'T, you fucker!
Shit like this makes me wanna call Windows the McDonald's of operating systems.3
Fuck this shit! We had bug on website when tinymce was showing broken tables and could not save them correctly. So, the first thing you think about is tinymce is fucked up and you have to either upgrade, downgrade or fix it fucking yourself. Well, I spend more than hour tryingto figure this out. Then I found out that some fucker set column length in DB where data are stored to varchar 800!!! WTF, are you fucking serious?
I was typing a rant about this deadlines of a legacy project I have to work on but I'm just too tired/stressed/angry todo so... Maybe in a week or two when the fucker is finally done...1
My room is well isolated from street noise, today I am having some trouble to sleep, and can't stand ear buds. So I said isolated from street noise, but now I can fucking hear the mother fucker upstairs snorting like he was lying next to me
Today I got a message from a "friend" of @Alice and me, for a long time. And I was already ranting by myself, because this little fucker is writing maybe two or three times a year, just to have a computer support, like now. He needed help, because a game was crashing everytime at a specific point, and I advised him to reinstall the game, which he can't, because of his slow internet. His answer stated, that he would have only slow internet right now. After this I explained him, that his internet is for around 2.5 years slow. And 2.5 years aren't "right now". I'm still waiting for any reaction.
It's the same fucking guy in Alice's wk post here: https://devrant.com/rants/1564585/...3
Question for iOS users (not that I'm looking into an iPhone, just curious)
What is the general state on app notifications? Because I've just about had it with the absolute fucking torrent of notifications whenever you install some random app on Android.
You install some random exercise app and the next day it will say "so did you get your exercise you lazy fucker?".
You install some random food recipe app and it immediately tells you to get your luncheon going with over a billion recipes (and probably all bad)10
I must assume that whoever designed jinja2 was either on crack, or hadn’t used template systems before. This thing is too fucking complicated, and doesn’t make sense. From their docs:
“Jinja2 supports dynamic inheritance and does not distinguish between parent and child template as long as no extends tag is visited. While this leads to the surprising behavior that everything before the first extends tag including whitespace is printed out instead of being ignored, it can be used for a neat trick.”
My response: “I don’t give a fuck!! I need this fucking website to be fucking done already! I pass data into a fucking template engine, and the engine applies my fucking markdown!! This is bullshit!! Why am I still trying to understand your fucking nonsense?!? AGGJCDJVFD&@!?&@$?)@&!SHHHVBSHK!!!!!!”
Fuck you to hell you jinja fucker3
Note : He gets paid more by his photoshooting jobs on the weekend, he's only at this job for his future citizenship application. That fucker. He's the type of fucker that will definitely gets rich but gets hated by everyone.
So another story of our stupid trainee, this fucker talks to a customer while i was comming back from my lunch break. He aks me if i can tell him how to fix the problem of the customer. I walk over to his place and look at the error message. It says: "Tag: customer_country is missing. Needed by supplier". Sometimes i wonder why this dude is even here.
"Thanks XYZ-san for the clarification.
We will take the defect to next level." - A colleague in an email to the client
😐 the fuck does she mean take the defect to the next level!!!!2
Is the term for some who uses Linux spelled Linuxer, Linuxxer, egotistical fucker, or something else?8
@dfox, dude did you jack the price of the skull tee by 1000++ 🤔
I wanted that fucker bad and you moved the post haha or was that @trogus?10
Dashlane is a fucking mess.
1. This fucker won’t sync.
2. This fucker requires you to pick the american state when you enter addresses so no non-us addresses
3. This fucker uses a really bad vpn company under the hood as “its” vpn
4. This fucker somehow messed up the offline 2fa, the thing that students do successfully in their authenticator apps
I’m gonna go back to noo.js.org, that fucker will sync even without any connection, across infinite number of devices, instantly. Yes it does nothing but passwords, yes you can’t change passwords but at least you’re always synced. And it doesn’t sell your data because it doesn’t even have a server let alone a database.
FUCK YOU DASHLANE5
Anyone else scared that this fucker can back flip now!?
Anyone know any fuckers that work at BD? We need to get them reall drunk so they don't accidentally iRobot us.7
Playing Battle Royal with friends, had to leave 2 of 4 teammates behind as the play area was shrinking and they couldn't be rescued. The 4th player ran me over with a game car just to get revenge for our other team mates.
With me alive we actually had a fighting chance to win the round. (8 kill streak and lots of ammo with a decent tactical position) ....but NOoo the fucker thought it more sweet to kill me rather than help me win the round!
Fuck this shit, I'm out!1
Day ruined, cos some fucker paid to do something has fucked up and delivered, 3 days late, a crock of shit. I spent fucking ages with clear instructions and everything to avoid this fucking situation, yet here we are. Fuck shit fuck tits wanker.
Fuck Off JPEG you piece of ancient shit. Hello HEIF! Not apple tech but they are certainly adopting it across the board (also replaces gif). Safari is the only browser supporting the format. Now we have to wait for every fucker else to arrive, could be 5 years for Mucroshite (wankers).7
This mother fucking laptop is turning on by itself when put inside the bag, I was feeling the heat from the bag, I get it out and wow this mother fucker is really on fire 🔥, when I opened it I saw windows trying to repair, you windows mother fucker why are you up asshole, I put water cloth on it and throw it straight to the fridge.8
aaargggggghh, some fucker thought its clever to allocate memory in a tight loop..and do a switch/case in it as well. the size and branch taken was known beforehand -.-
preallocating and thinking about the code for a second is really hard for some ppls brains it seems..
Xcode Lockup #35: Changing Variable Names
You right click on a variable and get the opportunity to change the name throughout the project. Yea!
It does this funky visual collapse thing which is rather nice, showing you everywhere it is used. Fancy. And the world needs more fancy, doesn't it.
For some reason instead of letting me change the variable, I get the Beach Ball Of Death and Xcode unceremoniously quits. BUT NOT BEFORE THE FUCKER SAVED THE PROJCT FILE STATE. What?
Now I re-open the project and yep, we are back into the variable name change fancy interface and Beach Ball Of Death. Looks like the project file is now fucked.
But it was oh so important to give me the fancy folding interface... we (Xcode dorks) will fix the defects later.
Time to do some research and find an Xcode manager mailing address... cuz I'm really tired of this shit...
"No matching provisioning profiles found: No provisioning profiles matching an applicable signing identity were found."
FUCK YOU APPLE!!!!! I've update it a thousand times mother fucker!!1
This Capstone group blows. There’s five of us in total, and only two of us are actually doing work on this fucking Django application.
Seriously, how hard is it to use Git and GitHub? I assigned a single page to a group member.. and what does this fucker do? Sends me the .html file on Slack.
And all that page consisted of was TWO JUMBOTRONS. None of the functionality I asked for was there whatsoever.
These people are seniors in an engineering school. Fuckssake, get your shit together.
Good thing the grades are based on commit history.2
At work, when I try to find the best place to implement some code, I read the current code to get why it's here, and if I'm at the right place to do my stuff.
Sometimes the previous dude writes a shitty code because, well, Drupal 8 and he didn't have much choices to make his stuff work.
But some other times just reading the code feels like double checking if I did all my vaccinations. When these moments occure, I activate the annotate mode in PHPStorm so I can see who wrote this piece of dumb shit code, so I can insult him in my head while doing my stuff.
Sorry pal, I'm not paid enough to write a WORKING code for you at your place, but at least you'd know that if you were drowning, I'd share my point of view about this planet's overcrowding. Fucker.
Nothing like trying to understand a single 1500-line source file that implements the API usage in the frontend. Without a single comment.
No, wait. There are comments! But it's only commented-out code. Or explicit shit (like "gets the version" before a getAssetVersion function).
Functions with unused parameters? ✅
Weird var names (like "tmpX")? ✅
`console.log(var)` everywhere? ✅
Long-ass lines with 150+ chars? ✅
Duplicate code? ✅✅
Not a single interface was used so everything is var: any? ✅
Random unreadable RegEx? ✅
If-chains of 6+ more levels? ✅
Many `else if` towers instead of a switch? ✅
And did I mention it was written by a fucker who can't speak proper English so shit like visiable, cataloge and isExist is everywhere? Yeah.
Fun day at the office reading spaghetti code 🙃
So I was on my way to work on the motorway and I had to change lane from the middle to the right one which has inferior speed.
There was this fucker in the right lane, slightly behind me for a while when I was turning on my turn signal to change lanes.
What did this fucker do?! Of course speeding up and overtaking from the right instead of slowing just a slightly or do nothing at all..4
Hardwares guys help a dumb dev out. Got my work station finally set up at home. This cord is attached my Dell Thunderbolt docking station.
If I lightly bump the cable the laptop or the desk I loose connectivity to my displays.
What can I replace this fucker with?10
all video streaming fucker companies have found a new way to promote shitty lies!
Hotstar: "try Hotstar! Rs199/month! first 7days free!"
Amazon prime : "try amazon prime! Rs 129/month! first 30 days free!"
those small numbers are fuckin lies. they have only 2 or 3 supported banks and if yours isn't one of them, then you have no option but to buy their full 365 days non refundable subscription of a larger amount, which strangely accepts *all payment bank cards*
liars. liar liar liars!7
Rejected for the job . Out in technical round, though i gave all the correct answers.
Me: seating outside with a down face.🦁
HR: what happened? you seems to bit low .
Me: sir ,got rejected in technical round.🐷
HR: work on mistakes.
Me: yeah sir🦊
Inner me: tell me the mistakes fucker...
Why ? Why? Why?
Dealing with rejection for no reason 🐀17
Getting paid less than half this fucker I'm supposed to fix the code of.
Seriously, I don't know if he was (got fired) retarded or if it was the owner's fault.
Why would someone from a non tech background venture launching an app
Story of my life in the office
I work my ass off and get the job done, almost 4 to 5 hours before my shift ends. And then I casually sit with other colleagues and chat a bit.
And my boss comes in and says you have no work ethics and are lazy.
And i'm like you fucker I got my job done, why can't you see that. I doesn't mean that my job is easy if I get it done before time. I just means that i'm more fucking efficient then the other employees.While the other employees were gossiping, I was on my desk working. Why can't that fucker see that.
Not to mention as I get my job done before time, I get burdened with other people's work, coz apparently they are overloaded with work.
Fucking group projects fuck them oh so much fucking fuck fuck fuck.
What's that? You want to basically ignore the spec and do something else? Fuck.
Wait, let's not use the great resources given to us? Fucking fuck.
Oh, you're just going to ignore the fact that everyone else disagrees with you? Fuckity fuck fuck.
I am so angry. You don't get to railroad your team.
You fucker. Ugh.
Fuck all those fuckers that buy domain and try to sell them for shit load of cash. I don't even have a problem if you sell it for a few thousands of dollars. But I just contacted some fucker who owns a worthless domain cachet.com, and he is trying to sell it for over hundred thousand dollars. Why the fuck. I have a feeling that this guy is brain dead or something. Fucking cunt8
I bought a computer awhile back off Kijiji (Canada's craigslist) for a really good price. Today, decided I was going to upgrade the ram since I got a sick deal on some corsair vengence 8gb sticks online...
And just before installing it, I realize the fucker decided to use low profile RAM in his build for a reason: he (for some fucking reason) decided to route the airflow for the system by placing the cooling fan directly over the first 2 memory slots.
Guess who's 5 minute memory upgrade just turned into an hour of re-routing all the airflow in the PC and having to redo all the fan wiring.
I shouldn't complain, I mean I got this computer a couple years back for like $400, but still, wtf man...4
When Windows 10 will let me install the .NET 4.6.2 SDK and I can compile my application, but I go to run it appearently the framework isn't installed.
Ok, doesnt make any fucking sense, but sure I'll download the runtime not the SDK. I start uo the runtime installer "Error: .NET 4.6.2 is already installed".
Um no fucker it's not. Look around and Microsoft says that .NET 4.6.2 comes in the Windows 10 Anniversary update. Which I have....
Says to check the registry to see what version I have installed. I have the correct update number, but it says only .NET 4.6.0 something is installed.
"Version control......what is that? I never heard of it"
Words cannot express the shock I felt when I heard this from an interviewee for junior dev.
How the FUCK do you call yourself a developer you piece-of-shit when you don't know such an essential thing?????9
Some client coming back to me claiming some page "suddenly" changed style and fucked stuff up.
Yea, stuff like that totally happens. I'm like 90% sure someone messed with the styling...
Why the hell some people put all responsibilities of their own choices on other? And why do they think that everyone is so stupid to let it happen?!!
We are finishing an MMP, and the only director (quality) on the defining panel is starting to say "It's not what I wanted to". He fucking knows we recorded EVERY WORKSHOP!!!!
So know we have to rush some modification so we can show the "almost finished product" tomorrow, and I need to prepare all proof to destroy this mother fucker!!!!! It's tiring!! Why can't people accept and own their errors!!!!
And then I'll have to explain that as e rushed for this demo, we'll have to do more work to clean the job they asked to rush!
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!! WHY DO PEOPLE NEED TO ADVOCATE FOR ABORTION UNTIL THE 2240th WEEK BY BEING PRICKS!!!2
I was assigned a project which was previously done by another fresher, the project used angular and bootstrap. That fucker wrote custom styles for the fucking bootstrap classes!!! Every time I use "btn-primary" the button won't become blue, it becomes white!! Fuck! He even wrote his own fucking styles for the grid classes!!
I was so frustrated, I had a discussion with my CTO, he told me, that after 3 months, we'll be scraping this and moving to a new frontend. So I'm stuck in this hell for 3 months.
Fucking wisdom tooth. I just wanted to learn about deploying and that fucker gives me the worst headache since months3
I spent whole day for one client in order to implement ddos protected tunnel into his java based project. In exchange he was supposed to send me his source code of one of his projects. Fucker didnt send me anything. Good that while doing migrations for him I downloaded his compiled project backup, so all I had to do was decompile his jars which had no obfuscafion whatsoever, so I managed to salvage around 95 percent of his source code. Checkmate boi.1
Somebody fucker told me that GitHub is excellent for open source project contributions.
I fucked for 3 straight hours and found horse shit floating on the sea of projects when I was looking to contribute. I c++ and am fucked.6
fucking mother fucker modem is nt working. fml. and fuck the service provider. its 2330 and I need to configure jenkins for my side project. hiw the fuck will I do this2
I feel so aLIVE
AFTER A HOME WORKOUT
I feel like i can walk my ass up on the street& hit up a bitch on the street like hey girl u dtf and she says yes and i flatout fckk her on the street raw aint none of yall nibbas tell me what i can do cause what i want to do turns into reality
Now i can finally code with so much peace and cleansed mind🙏🙏🙏🍆🍆💦💦💦💦💦3
A fucking space character should never be allowed in a wifi password!!! Just spent 4 hours looking to why the fucker would not connect to find a space on the end!! Trim or show an error!!!4
That moment that you change one tiny fucking thing in the application's technical 'design' which makes that you have to rethink the entire fucker both functional and security-wise.
Sometimes I have a love-hate relationship with application security.
Let's talk about superagent, the nodejs http client.
This fucker defaults to localhost when it find the url to be incorrect. It doesn't complain or tell you your url suck. No. It reverts to localhost.
So "http://www.url.com" is fine and " http://www.url.com" reverts to localhost.
I spent 3 hours debugging this shit yesterday.
Then today, I started by looking at the config to realise the config template in ansible had an extra space before the url.
Seriously though!! Don't try to help, just tell me when I fuck up. Don't be another HTML!
The "language" without errors.
If I had a dollar for every time a mother fucker in QA distracted me and threw me out of focus..
Nothing against QA but an unnecessary interaction costs me about an hour of downtime trying to back up to speed.
Recruiter after not hearing from a company I applied two months ago: "Please accept my apology for a belated reply, I am struggling with Office 365."
Fucker - if complexity of Office caused a two month delay to answer a fucking email than you need to have your small spastic brain checked asap.
Should've just kept his mouth shut rather than to insult people by sending these kind of excuses.2
University : you know with remote working no-body know if you really work at home. For that reason you cannot remote work on shiti snowy dangerous day.
Covid-19 joined the conversation
University : look how its fun to remote working ! Is the new technology of the century... Now everybody in quarantine can work at home and the business lose nothing.
Me: yeah you bet mother fucker
University: don't take it like that is a gift.
Me: i will take it like a gift if you give it to me before the apocalypse fucker ...2
I was working with integrating GAMADV-X (python wrapper for google gsuite) with google spreadsheet, which gives limited api calls (around 100 calls) per day.
So I was syncing the users in the spreadsheet and google group users (more than 100 or so).
I used up my daily quota -_-.
Funny thing is I knew when I wrote the code and when I fucking ran it that I will overuse the api call limit.
It slowly triggered to me that I can't work on this project until next day and the first thing that came to my mind
'me dense mother fucker'
Freshers are looking for job but company mother fucker asking for experience how we can have a experience until you didn't give a job fuckers.3
How come am I doing better at getting women to getting web contract to keep the money flow.
And why the fuck do every fucker I meet "want to date me."3
My first project was a veterinary web app ( CRUD ) in a really small company, supposedly to replace the clients junk software, the client was a friend of the money guy of the company, after 18 months doing whatever the client asked, and monthly demos, that fucker said I don't like it, I wanted something equal to what I have been using just with internet connection.
At the same time there was other project to create the workflow of commercial orders with other friend of the money guy ( lol...) But in this case the guy was the salesman, Almost same history. When the technology director and the investor asked the sales guy he said " the client said he is not going to pay a shit, there are a lot of free apps for something like this", of course both of them got fucking mad and blamed us, they invested more than 3 millions ( Mexican pesos ) and got nothing in return.
WHYY , are you fucking fucking complaining, mother fuckdr yyuo fucking won
You completed our mission objective successfully
You fucking did it mother fhcker and what ur asking from me after all of thus shit weve been through for the past 7 months is beyond our primary mission objective ,fucker
Obviously as you can fuckin see from the 7 months of suffering we can not repeat the same objective twice, just like u cant be born or die twice, fucker
Shit happens once and thats goddamn fuckin it motherfucker move on to tje ffckin next mission objective that i command u to go towards
NO FAILED MISSIONS. I ONLY BROADCAST SUCCESS. BUT SHIT HAPPENS RARE.
So forget about her u motherfucker, you told me what you wanted to achieve, i planned out the whole scenario, i organized the mission objective for you and you have took the fuckin risk and and action and guess what u fuckin succeeded. My mission objective has never failed you. What you are trying for these fuckin past 7 months is not my mission objective and it is out of scope, unplanned fuckin shit and that is why u fell back into fuckin depression i told u to fuckin stay away but u aint to me listen fucker
Worry no more about the shit that is irrelevant and out of your fuckin control.
U got friends at college. Hang out with them ull feel better. Whwnever u think of that fuckin whore goo mothrrfuckr and meet ur goddamn fckin irl friends. Text them. Shit man.....
Make an Async task (Java) and...
DONT use a loop to iterate though a time series collection. Don't linear search that shit.
DO use a queue and pop() it like its hot. Check that shit to see when it needs to be used instead of searching.
DO assert that your time series data is in order (Predication mother fucker).
DO throw an exception that you data is all fucked when it's all fuck up.
Stay sexy and use a fucking queue man.5
I was trying to setup a Confluence install on my root behind a Apache Proxy..
I tried all the Atlassian Configs, my own Configs, but nothing works for Tomcat. I redirects you to the infinities of universe. My Apache Configs are all correct.
If you access Confluence directly it also works.
Tomcat you Ass start playing nice with the proxy fucker!
I hate Tomcat now. Go die!2
i am starting to think that programmers are stupidest semi-intelligent mother fuckers on the planet... simple shit gets turned into spider web of over complicated nonsense ... which simply means if u cant make shit simple... U R ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER...
ps. i just tried changing tab from 4 to 3 in atom... those are some dump mother fuckers there...1
FUCK THE FUCKING INTERNET CANT EVEN LOAD A COMMENT FORGET ABOUT POSTING ONE. I DRAGTED ONE AMD THE INTERNET MOTHER FUCKER2
Wasted an hour or two on that...
After changing the library I used, was trying to test that my Java WebSocket client was reconnecting as I intended upon losing connection.
Me : Why are you making the rest of the app bug you stupid fucker? The old one was doing fine!
WS : ...
Changes code, looks on SO a bit.. Gets despaired.
Then it struck..
The "rest of the app" was connected to a sensor.. On the network.. From which I disconnected to mimic a loss of connection...
Shitty goddamn "Agencies" and the piece of shit WordPress install garbage that comes along with them
150+ fucking plugins
Cause this is 2018 and more plugins = better wordpress site right?
CSS is easy enough > just edit the stylesheet right? I mean theres already CSS in there so this should work.
Fucking Noooope because the default custom style sheet doesn't get loaded through the garbage theme anymore.
Sure that makes alot of fucking sense sense, idiots added another fucking plugin for Custom CSS ontop of the "Live CSS Editor" ontop of the "Click and Place Builder"
WHAT IN THE FUCK
Can someone explain to me why these "Agencies" need to add 50 plugins just to edit fucking visuals? And when they decide they don't want to use that plugin anymore > add a new one, but we won't keep everything clean and in one place > lets just fucking leave it installed and fragmented for the next poor fucker that comes alone
remember: the conficker table is still really useful in 2020 due to the prevalence of laziness in users and sysadmins. Use with permutations of some sort!
Short : I'm in a situation where I fucking hate to go to office everyday because the business team thinks I'm their bitch
Long : Exactly one year ago I joined this small company, few months ago all the senior devs started working on revamping the old shitty ERP they have into new one.They put me in charge of taking care the support for a project we work before.Now fucking asshole from the BA team sit on my shoulder every day and forcing me to do anything he thinks he want.Right now I'm doing a data migration from massive excel files from client. It's in a shitty format I asked help from senior devs they said it's impossible to import this shit.But my asshole team lead also support that BA fucker.
I can't sleep everyday normally because of stress.My notice period (relieving period) is 3 months.I just feel like every end of day I wanna kill all those motherfuckers11
If the only good point I can present on your program is that it isn't terrible, then maybe you should be spending more time working on it.
My 18-year-old Logitech USB mouse (back when they were making mouses in Mexico) must’ve known that I was going to e-waste it today. I set it down on my table and then went back to grab it and the little fucker scurried away.