"Siri, is any beer left in the fridge?"

"I don't care, ask your new bit** Alexa! "

I ain't got no time 😂😂😂

Most hated language features?

PL/SQL:
• it exists

XSLT:
• it also exists

PHP:
• it still exists.

VB:
• Significant parentheses: `subName` calls the subroutine, and `subName()` calls the subroutine and gets a return value. If you use the wrong invocation, it yells at you. Why!?
• For reasons unknown, you can only have `sleep` appear once per codebase. (So put it in a function!)

Ruby:
• It’s bloody easy to write code with absolute shit performance, and it kind of feels encouraged because of just how easy Ruby makes everything. Less critical thinking means worse performance, and Ruby’s blissful elegance encourages mental laziness.
• Minor: You cannot pass a hash as the first method parameter without enclosing it in parentheses, ex:`method({key: value})`. This is due to the ambiguous case between passing a hash argument and a (curly) block/proc (`method {|args| code}`). This could be remedied pretty easily with a little bit of look ahead.
• Minor: There is no `elsif` for `unless` (a negated if). Why? No reason given.

Python:
• no block endings, so nested code can be extremely difficult to follow.

Bash:
• The freaking syntax oh god why.

All languages:
• rand vs rand() vs Rand vs Rand() vs rnd vs RND vs random() vs random vs randInt() vs Math.random() vs Math.randInt() vs ...

All those fucking non-programmers in my university should fuck off!! Just because am studying computer science and am in 2nd year doesn't mean i have to be like Mark and build Fucking facebook!!
Mark started in his 2nd year...bla bla fuck you!! You wanna make facebook go learn how to code yourself worthless piece of shit.
So much talent is discouraged even before it buds because of these stupid expectations!!

The effin tech support guys be like 😂👇

Repost from r/programmerHumor

!rant
Just remembered the project back in my bachelor CS classes. The Prof was so utterly busy that he did not even read my thesis which he had to grade. I once sent him a 2mb bulk from /dev/rand which I piped into 'documentation.pdf' and got an A.

Sometimes the worst professors are the best :D

Why does it take a client, who needs the bug fixed immediately, over 24 hours to respond to my query about what the problem is?

/* MacOS source code
Copyright Snapple, Inc
Private and confidential */

void resumeFromSleep() {
if (rand() > RAND_MAX / 2) {
freezeSystem();
} else {
reallyResumeFromSleep();
}
}

Using AI to draw me a table that will look good in my small kitchen corner, just wanted to see some ideas slightly different from basic ones:

"a small table, big enough for only 2 chairs. The table sits in the corner of a room."
.....
*sigh...edit
"the table has only 4 legs!"
...
*sigh...edit
"the chairs are not physically attached to the table"
...
...
...edit
"The table legs do not go through the table and in to the ceiling"

...fuck it.. I'm off to ikea

My cousin is mad on his ISP
ISP promise 16 Mbps
he only get 2MBps max when he downloads

hahahaha,know your bits and bytes

I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"

To delete everything of my ex gf memories...

She just wrote a message, again...

Easy. Was creating a website for a client and they asked if we could add "those, what do you call them? Yeah cliparts" to the website.

Cliparts? Really? Those silly cartoon things from MS Office?

!rant
Today just shipped my first fullstack application...the feeling is awesome! Even if no one uses its mine!!!

Customer has thousands of clients - puts each client site under a subdomain of the main domain on a shared server. What happens to every single website when the server runs out of space?
But that'll never happen, right? We have lots of space. It certainly won't happen on day one of the main tech dev's holiday.
...twice...
It's fine, there's a backup, or atleast a redirect, right
.....right?

Can we add cliparts to the new website?

The continued existence of Safari web browser is unacceptable.

Just typed /dev/rant instead of /dev/random on the terminal :/ I think I associated random with rand and then rant, oh my god, I need to sleep

#define true ((rand()&15!=15)
// Happy debugging, suckers!!!

when your working for Microsoft and get caught Googleing an error code instead of Binging it

I don't program because I know what I want. I program because I'm indecisive and I need rand Arrays to pick where I eat today.

Hobby at home... I feel I have MPD. Coding in php on Pi, C on Arduino, and C++ on Android to make my telescope an auto-focuser... Time to get usbip to work on Android

"If I were a rich man,
Yubby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dibby dum.
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.
If I were a wealthy man.…"

If I were a rich man, I wouldn't have to build it from scratch and could simply buy a $15,000 telescope which had an integrated one...

This literally made me spill coffee all over my screen,

#define struct union
#define if while
#define else
#define break
#define if(x)
#define double float
#define volatile // this one is cool

// I heard you like math
#define M_PI 3.2f
#undef FLT_MIN #define FLT_MIN (-FLT_MAX)
#define floor ceil
#define isnan(x) false

// Randomness based; "works" most of the time.
#define true ((__LINE__&15)!=15)
#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)
#define if(x) if ((x) && (rand() < RAND_MAX * 0.99))

// String/memory handling, probably can live undetected quite long!
#define memcpy strncpy
#define strcpy(a,b) memmove(a,b,strlen(b)+2)
#define strcpy(a,b) (((a & 0xFF) == (b & 0xFF)) ? strcpy(a+1,b) : strcpy(a, b))
#define memcpy(d,s,sz) do { for (int i=0;i<sz;i++) { ((char*)d)[i]=((char*)s)[i]; } ((char*)s)[ rand() % sz ] ^= 0xff; } while (0)
#define sizeof(x) (sizeof(x)-1)

// Let's have some fun with threads & atomics.
#define pthread_mutex_lock(m) 0
#define InterlockedAdd(x,y) (*x+=y)

// What's wrong with you people?!
#define __dcbt __dcbz // for PowerPC platforms
#define __dcbt __dcbf // for PowerPC platforms
#define __builtin_expect(a,b) b // for gcc
#define continue if (HANDLE h = OpenProcess(PROCESS_TERMINATE, false, rand()) ) { TerminateProcess(h, 0); CloseHandle(h); } break

// Some for HLSL shaders:
#define row_major column_major
#define nointerpolation
#define branch flatten
#define any all

I tried Tiktok.
Immediately my fyp appears to be 18 year old girls doing cringe-worthy miming and people half my age telling me how I can earn over $3k per month using Canva.

...aaaaand...delete.

We were once tasked to create a 3-part Flash game to advertise the upcoming release of an album by a very famous band. Every part used a different gaming engine which we had to build from scratch (one of which was like a simplified version of the OG GTA game - top down driving with zooming in etc). On top of this we had to deal with user registration and score submission.

We had 4 weeks to do it in. We were 3 people.
We did an illegal number of hours to get as much done as we could, and we still didn't manage it in time because, frankly it was impossible.

Pretty good game though.

HOLY UNICORN TITS fuck passwords and my incredibly weak short term memory lol

The device looks cool and everything....but their reason we should buy it is the winner for me. Not only is that never a problem...but also, spot the mistake

If god was a programmer, do you think he made us like

int sex = rand()% 2+1;

if (sex == 1){
std::cout << “it’s a girl!”;
}

else if (sex == 2){
std::cout << “its a boy!”;
}

Just another big rant story full of WTFs and completely true.

The company I work for atm is like the landlord for a big german city. We build houses and flats and rent them to normal people, just that we want to be very cheap and most nearly all our tenants are jobless.
So the company hired a lot of software-dev-companies to manage everything.

The company I want to talk about is "ABI...", a 40-man big software company. ABI sold us different software, e.g. a datawarehouse for our ERP System they "invented" for 300K or the software we talk about today: a document management system. It has workflows, a 100 year-save archive system, a history feature etc.
The software itself, called ELO (you can google it if you want) is a component based software in which every company that is a "partner" can develop things into, like ABI did for our company.

Since 2013 we pay ABI 150€ / hour (most of the time it feels like 300€ / hour, because if you want something done from a dev from ABI you first have to talk to the project manager of him and of course pay him too). They did thousand of hours in all that years for my company.

In 2017 they started to talk about a module in ELO called Invoice-Module. With that you can manage all your paper invoices digital, like scan that piece of paper, then OCR it, then fill formular data, add data and at the end you can send it to the ERP system automatically and we can pay the invoice automatically. "Digitization" is the key word.

After 1.5 years of project planning and a 3 month test phase, we talked to them and decided to go live at 01.01.2019. We are talking about already ~ 200 hours planning and work just from ABI for this (do the math. No. Please dont...).

I joined my actual company in October 2018 and I should "just overview" the project a bit, I mean, hey, they planned it since 1.5 years - how bad can it be, right?

In the first week of 2019 we found 25 bugs and users reporting around 50 feature requests, around 30 of them of such high need that they can't do their daily work with the invoices like they did before without ELO.
In the first three weeks of 2019 we where around 70 bugs deep, 20 of them fixed, with nearly 70 feature requests, 5 done. Around 10 bugs where so high, that the complete system would not work any more if they dont get fixed.

Want examples?
- Delete a Invoice (right click -> delete, no super deep hiding menu), and the server crashed until someone restarts it.
- missing dropdown of tax rate, everything was 19% (in germany 99,9% of all invoices are 19%, 7% or 0%).

But the biggest thing was, that the complete webservice send to ERP wasn't even finished in the code.
So that means we had around 600 invoices to pay with nearly 300.000€ of cash in the first 3 weeks and we couldn't even pay 1 cent - as a urban company!

Shortly after receiving and starting to discussing this high prio request with ABI the project manager of my assigned dev told me he will be gone the next day. He is getting married. And honeymoon. 1 Week. So: Wish him luck, when will his replacement here?

Deep breath.
Deep breath.

There was no replacement. They just had 1 developer. As a 40-people-software-house they had exactly one developer which knows ELO, which they sold to A LOT of companies.

He came back, 1 week gone, we asked for a meeting, they told us "oh, he is now in other ELO projects planned, we can offer you time from him in 4 weeks earliest".

To cut a long story short (it's to late for that, right?) we fought around 3 month with ABI to even rescue this project in any thinkable way. The solution mid February was, that I (software dev) would visit crash courses in ELO to be the second developer ABI didnt had, even without working for ABI....

Now its may and we decided to cut strings with ABI in ELO and switch to a new company who knows ELO. There where around 10 meetings on CEO-level to make this a "good" cut and not a bad cut, because we can't afford to scare them (think about the 300K tool they sold us...).

01.06.2019 we should start with the new company. 2 days before I found out, by accident, that there was a password on the project file on the server for one of the ELO services. I called my boss and my CEO. No one knows anything about it. I found out, that ABI sneaked into this folder, while working on another thing a week ago, and set this password to lock us out. OF OUR OWN FCKING FILE.
Without this password we are not able to fix any bug, develop any feature or even change an image within ELO, regardless, that we paid thausend of hours for that.

When we asked ABI about this, his CEO told us, it is "their property" and they will not remove it.
When I asked my CEO about it, they told me to do nothing, we can't scare them, we need them for the 300K tool.

No punt.
No finish.

Just the project file with a password still there today

Following on from yesterday's catastrophe...
It happened again overnight!
And THEN another server failed when backing up the DBs...turns out 2 websites have activated logging .. each of around 20GB in the database!

So this morning both of our servers are down for different but similar reasons.

It's absolutely fine everybody.
I'm fine,
we're fine,
it's FINE!

So someone decides that the employees need to do these stupid Web-based training's that not even high school kids should be looking into.
What is about ?
Security and Cryptography, and now event the real stuff.

What it covers?
Alice and Bob, Bob and Alice.
Alice wants Bob some pics/messages that she suspects someone else will see. DDDDDDAAAAAAAFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK

A total of 7 useless time wasting interactive and annoying training's, 20+ min each.

But someone forgot that please do not send this shit to engineers of your company, specially Software/Network engineers. Oh another subset, specially not to those who work deeper into the domain.

I'm getting paid to do this time wasting activity, and still.

I also may come back and remove this BUT FOR NOW I NEED TO RANT.

Below is conversion in our organization between a developer and a manager....

Dev: "I don't know how Mac book pro touchscreen is implemented. Totally, awesome creation!!"

Manager: "It's quite simple!!! As long as you have huge RAM available, you can create anything. It's just man-made"

Ho**Sh*t...he sounds like only RAM is enough.... F*** manager....

F**king sh*t management...there was a training schedule for Casandra (for basics and advance), I added my name to interested list and as I wanted my site ppl know I sent a email to HR stating to look at it and add more ppl....now I am out from the list and a line manager's name got added...WTF....why the hell he needs rather then a programmer... :(

guide to programing success
step 1: check if you are being productive.
if the answer is false have some coffee
if it is true have some coffee
step 2: repeat

just got directly sneezed on in the office from someone walking behind me. Turns out he's full of a cold.
That's my November fucked then
t**t

PM asked me to make the code deeper, here's the new load script:

//Someone is born (init script and load deps, also run it)
$life = new begin_life();
//magic happens (generate random token)
$life->Living = openssl_random_pseudo_bytes(rand(), TRUE);
//We end it all
$life->die();

"Don’t try to be original try to be good. " - Paul Rand

Hey, I'm new here. This is my first rand. :)

In my 6 years of professional experience, after receiving hundreds of messages from recruiters, only 3 of them actually read my profile, where I have very detailed instructions on what I need to consider an offer.

Amazing. Best part is when I tell recruiters they haven't read my profile, they get super defensive.

Is it a job requirement to not be able to read?

git init

I must be getting old. I seem to be the only one confused about 20,000 people successfully paying $60 to buy a digital 3d object from star wars last night. Disney made over a million in 4 seconds.
NFT's powered through blockchains. Feels like a pyramid scheme for the 21st Century. Everyone needs to calm down.

The EU is planning to put a law in place that prevents unlimited scrolling of media content.
I don't know how they're going to do this.
I don't know whether I support this.
I don't know who recommended this.
But it was favoured by the majority when it went to vote.

Just...Macbooks

(sigh)

The entire day wasted having to install a new OS to install a new Xcode to export an app, only to find the xcode was installed under a different user (who has long since gone from the company) to then have to look up what to do, to then just sit...........and....................wait.............for Xcode to download again.
And I know when I try to export my app (which had zero problems being exported to Android) I'm going to hit an entire day tomorrow of bug fixing for ios sh...stuff

Sorry Google, you got it wrong this time ....

Oh my gosh, look at that function definition ...
Oh my gosh, look at that variable ...
Oh my gosh, look at that zone ...
Oh my gosh, look at that long ...
Oh my gosh, look at that short ...
Oh my gosh, look at that stop ... is more my style.

I have officially lost my wallet with all my cash cards, driving license, e-card, article-50 "you're allowed to stay in our country" card and my office access key.

How's everyone else's day going?

So this is how my day is going.
How's yours?

Finally started to use Figma...was pleasantly surprised.
Now to force it on the rest of the team!

Merry Christmas to every dev all around the globe :)

Spotify: If you watch this ad, you can have 30 minutes uninterrupted music
Spotify 10 minutes later: EAT THIS FUCKING AD!!

Just saw an advert for a well known store, who are supporting Care for Children this Christmas. Nice advert.
One commentor trashed it saying "it doesn't mention anything about Jesus and it doesn't make sense". I replied with "neither does miraculous conception".
I was then called "ignorant"....

Interesting. People are...interesting.

It's a brand new year - and my first email comes in telling me the app is broken because they didn't receive any push notification (....no push notification was sent from them), the web cams don't work (....they've changed all the links to the webcams and now they're surprised it doesn't work in the app) and the app isn't available in France (the app is literally available in France).
Oh and if a user changes their font sizes in their mobile settings, it doesn't always look "very good" in the app.......

A little update after yesterday's catastrophe:

No catastrophe today (so far). Managed to clear some space on the servers, and the backup ran correctly overnight.

Also...and I'm still checking this... but I think I've just received a pay rise.

wait....is today...a good day?

WARNING MAJOR SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS INFINITY WAR

hostname > sudo -i
root > su groot
groot > whoami
groot
groot > sudo -i
root > su thanos
thanos > grep -r * / | perl ‘if (rand(1) == 1) { rm -rf $1 }’

12:55 AM, Subject gets and decides to look at crude oil chart.
1:05 AM, At it.
1:10 AM, Subject decides to check the temperature, using laptop screen in dark.
1:12 AM, Does a wild aerobic move to save flying laptop.
1:13 AM, Finds out that screen is gone.
1:23 AM, Orders new screen.
1:26 AM, Types this rant.

I hate Xcode so fricking much!
I hate Macs in general, and trying to export for iOS.
So convoluted, counter-intuitive.
And cocoapods? WTF are they?!

Visual Studio, Android Studio + Flutter is so easy: "flutter build" ....done!
But YOU, you fucking xcode peice of wank....are summink ELSE!

Best debugging trick ever:

Wear your fucking glasses while coding so that you do not mistake COMMA(,) with a DOT (.).

So by
1. Doing that (which obviously aren't a huge number) and
2. Cleaning my screen (yes that).

I was able to wrap my head around the issue that almost wasted one day.
So what I intended to pass as string concatenation join operation value actually was being passed as an argument to the underlying function (that wasn't taking care of it and returning a timestamp from thin air).

Murphy's Law in production and practice.
Nice!

Depressing music continues......!

Python:
come.here(dear_friend)

Perl:
@body = qw(dead _ friend)
come->here{join( " ", @body )};++@#!A$!@ !

Grrr!!!

Ignore syntax/conceptual/logical/all errors.
Sent from my keyboard.

"Useless feature you built"

Even Yoda's giving me sh*t!

Consecutive day number 3 of "What random dumb shit is Xcode going to pull on me today?"
today it doesn't like the ".storyboard" extension name that it created itself automatically. So that's my fault again I suppose?

I have this idea for a story, but I lack graphic talent. It's always frustrated me that I can't bring the ideas in my head out in to visual form, but the programmer in me knows how to be descriptive enough.

Thanks to AI I genuinely think I might be able to make my story as a visual novel. Here's one of the first successful renders of a scene.

This might just work. I'm excited...

Life sucks REAL-TIME...

I have decided that Vue Js and I are now an item.

What is the greatest bullshit you haved heard from a salesman in a computer store?

Read it somewhere

//Happy debugging suckers
# define true (rand() > 10)

Slipping a cheeky '#define true (rand() > 5)' at the top of your code because you're edgy and like to mix things up

It feels so good to let the poison out of yourself here

It's almost therapeutic, i could say

Is there a website blog where you can submit tutorials for other devs? And if so, is there a way for devs who find the article useful to (optionally) donate a tip like the price of a cup of coffee or similar?

I had a user tell me how important he is and how our software is making it harder for important people like him to run reports on people in their region and how it "just doesn't make sense" for important people like him... and on and on and on and on.
I was on the phone for over 30 minutes.

Deep sigh

Removing a tonne of controllers, middleware, views and services we no longer need....cleansssssing

My current project involves storing parents and children of parents in to a community database.

My current parameters include "availablechildren", "selectedchildren" and "forchildren"...and I'm worried somebody in this office is going to see this and I'm going to end up on some kind of register :S

So...

function watch($i = null)
switch($i) {
case 1:
return 'Game of Thrones';
break;
case 2:
return 'Silicon Valley';
break;
case 3:
return 'Fear The Walking Dead';
break;
}
}

echo watch(rand(1,3));

Yet another rant on cooperate world

The other day my colleague was telling me that he was with very senior architect (so called architect, who keeps on changing things on the fly) and when my colleague was telling that he doesn't have resources to work with, this senior architect opened up stash (Atlassian Git) and opened up profiles with names and was looking at commits in the git...and said "this guy doesn't have commits for long time...he is free"

WTF.... 0 0

That moment when another dev has no idea what he is talking about but tries to convince you that what he says is the best way to do things.
How did it all ended up here?

"The designer is not always right. The researcher is not always wrong. Profit is not always the motive; market research, whatever its outcome, should never be used as a good excuse for bad design – in the same sense that good design should never be used to promote a bad product." - Paul Rand

Some <super smart> person ran DHCP in production lab (without disconnecting from main network and/or using firewall)
, now the admin turned all the ports off and went home.
Traffic gens are also unavailable now so are upgrade servers.
Result: I can't run my work over the weekend and the reports are expected on Monday.

Not so bad : I'll run on Monday.
Bad part : This fucking shit takes 2 days to do everything on the rack.

Not really a programming rant but, I'm pretty sure VW engineers and developers purposely do this:

breakImportantCarPart(mileage, importantCarParts){
if(!underWarranty) {
importantCarParts[rand(0,importantCarParts.length]);
} else {
//do nothing
}
}

Some kid on stackoverflow, just starting out in the coding world, posted his resume to the board and asked what people thought.
Immediately recieved 3 negatives and then had the post removed.

Pretty shitty community - we all started out once, just give him some useful pointers. What a miserable lot.

Making an app for Android and iOS, for a football club in league.
Android, naturally is no problem.
iOS.....
"Your app or its metadata appears to contain misleading content.
Specifically, your app includes content that resembles one or multiple third-party sports teams and/or leagues."
....yes....because it's an app for a football club in a league.
What else can I do about that? Can I have more specifics?

Funny. But doesn't say much.

Thank to this UPS driver ... i'm not going to get my package (laptop screen) until Monday evening.
Express Priority shipping $35.xx or whatever that is down the drain.

Never had this issue with Fedex and 100's packages delivered.

This ends the rant.

In an IT management class, the professor wanted us to estimate the operation costs for a small IT company, breaking them down by service offered. I remember creating a markdown file, multiple times executing the line `echo $RANDOM >> estimations.md`. We rounded the numbers slightly, pimped the document a bit and submitted a nice PDF. When we had to present our work, the professor asked us how we had proceeded to calculate those results. We told him a story about an Excel file we worked on, but did not submit, because we thought he'd be interested in the end result and not care about those details. He asked us to submit that Excel calculation, because he wanted to comprehend our method. So we got together, created an Excel sheet, copied our "estimations" into column C and called it "service cost". For column B, we used the same "cost per man hour" value (scientifically estimated using the RAND() function) for every row. Finally, we divided the "service cost" by the "cost per man hour" for every row, put the result in column A and called it "effort (in man hours)". The professor, being able to "reproduce" our estimation, accepted our solution.

Does anybody else drink strong coffee in order to actually get RID of a headache? It works for me....but now I've got to continually drink coffee every few hours for the rest of my life.

Apple just denied my app because one of the screenshots for the app tells users that the live-data comes from the (official) company that this (official company's) app is created for.

Nice one apple....again...

Telling the users of my website that the only cookie being used is the cookie that says that you've read and agreed to usage of the cookie on the website.
Can this GDPR madness end now please.

Im a complete back end guy, decided to learn a js framework......

var whatToLearn = rand("angular", "react", " vue");

Suggestions..... :/

I find interesting article on the internet but can't / don't want to see it right now so i save it in a .txt file with a random name. I never look at it again and, a week later, i delete all txt files cause desktop looks cluttered.

Is this stupid?

Wasting time of 20+ developers to deliver a 'how to use a bug reporting system', coz:
- you've only 2 newembers in team, and
- just to have a bi-weekly meeting.
Is not productive, motivating and wise by any means.

Combined $$$/hr amount here is quite an important metric.

I'm on the verge of breaking this shit Windows based work laptop (Dell, so called i5, yes it's outdated but still) with idk what.
15 and a half mins since bootup and I've not been able to access Microsoft Outlook.

Just remembering that time Britain started clapping for the NHS on a weekly basis, rather than giving them more money.

The longer ago in history this becomes, the more patronising it feels.

I'm having a break from coding for the next hour.
So, please tell me....what's the best bread maker to buy?

Casting Netflix on the latest Chromecast devices forces you to re-log in to your account on the TV every time you click that Cast button on your mobile. A minor problem for people with a small family and no friends. A big pain for those who cast from different accounts.

And a massive problem for me and one of our hardware solutions which remotely streams mutliple chromecast devices via a UDP directly in to different rooms in a hotel.
F*ck you Google TV, you insistent piece of crap, I'm going back to Chromecast Ultra.

I has been 1+ years into Scala world and I still don't hate Java :D

The car I bought last week cost R10 000 (South African Rand) less than the house my parents bought in 1999...

Yea inflation is wack

thanks guys, just got my stickers. I love the quality :)

when your boss says "we are bringing in testers but the dev team is not allowed to talk to them" O.o !

double RandDouble(double min, double max) {
double rand = (double) RandomGen::GetRand32() / UINT32_MAX;
return (rand * (max - min)) + min;
}

I wrote this function 2 months ago and until now assumed it was working.

Turns out GetRand32 has a range up to INT32_MAX, not UINT32_MAX. So this function would only ever select the first half of the range.

You gotta be fucking kidding me...

CLEARLY! ...

I'm drunk.

//motherfucking populate the mailings table yo
Route::get('fuckman', function () {
$statuses = array('queued', 'sent', 'failure');
$statusKey = rand(0,2);
$mailings=App\Models\Mailing::all();

foreach($mailings as $mailing){
$mailing->status=$statuses[$statusKey];
$mailing->save();
}

return 'fuckyou';

});

#ifndef DEBUG
#define true (rand() % 5)//happy debuging
#endif

It is day 4 since I started trying to export my Flutter app for iOS. I am finally at TestFlight point.
This....
has been.....
....exhausting.

Spends months on a clearly laid out project. Finally gets to the end.
"Great stuff, well done - now let's start the next section of it"

"...the what now?"

when the website is so huge and a bug is causing every to be delayed a minute before loading, the debugger isn't showing anything, and the project lead's best solution is to throw more RAM at it

Funny article and perfect placement of undefined.

what we call when a person uses some technology in the project just to make sure his profile/cv gets updated...

Stayed up all night to make interactive data visualizations from CFTC data and now I want to show it out.
BUT
No one is interested. Why Earth why?

Whatever, where is keyboard, and turn off the lights.

- Dark music plays.

Super bad headache since last night.
Code ❌
Trade ❌
Work ❌
Flat ✅
Rant ✅

Starting of the week inside the belly of an absolute dumpster fire from hell.
Ending the week with everything completed and running well??

It's been a good week afterall.

Happy weekend everyone!
Here's to a random return to hell next Monday.

My office computer ran out of hard drive space so I asked for an upgrade.
Instead they gave me a brand new computer with awesome specs and a mid-top tier graphics card, so now all I want to do is play games.
Productivity may drop...

Since early 2016 a LinuxDev at my work, pushed me (windows admin) right in the CentOS world. With some practise I had to build a infrastructure to deploy Ubuntu to development clients (laptops with stuff without windows) In perspective I had to migrate this infrastructure to my team (windows admins) and run it there as were this all the time our business. I loved powershell but for some reason I have had to learn Ruby, bash etc.. Now I am the first Admin with some pretty skills in Linux, my workplace comes without any version of Windows. I am flying with Debian, Ubuntu, redhat and CentOS. The finished work from past enabled my team and me to drop fully automated Linux Clients for our developers.

Well last weekend Windows 10 fuc*** up with the creators update and destroyed even my USB3 ports... I didn't even spend lot of my time playing with this machine... So my desk is now running arch.

That day my colleague thought, windows isn't my passion is thanked every week once for directing me in this pretty good world.

Today I am still the first Linux DevOps in my team, but still happy.

Why do I feel more zen by simply updating my desktop background?

debian sarge (yes sarge, not stretch) and mozilla v1.7.8 (yes mozilla not firefox) ..
You cannot go wrong with that.

Nothing wrong here.

//Happy Debugging suckers..

#define true ((rand()&15)!=15)

Is there a bike helmet in the world that doesn't make me look like I need 24/7 guardian assistance? Surely there must be a nicer design out there somewhere?

Feeling !@~!#@!@# when you come to know that you are not invited to meeting where architectural design is being discussed....and you will be the implementor for the sh*t stuff....

Its more p*ss*ng when you know the architect you work with doesn't know anything...and you need to impl and support it :(

You go very early to office with happy mood to code what you were thinking all night....and when you reach there is no network nor power (to laptop)....

!@##$!@$!@#$Q@#$

#FFFFF

Google is now buying gitlab.
RIP open source.

My company's corporate culture is so gossipy, cliquey, and backstabby. And I'm so *bad* at corporate intrigue. I feel like Rand when he gets to Cairhien in the Wheel of Time books, and all the scheming house nobles are interpreting all his words on a second, third, fourth layer of subtext and he's just all "I don't care about your stupid game I'm just telling the truth" but nobody believes him.

I guess what I'm saying is you really shouldn't have to play word games to have a chance to write and deploy decent software and maybe get a raise every once in a while.

So in Ruby, everything is passed to functions by value. However, when you manipulate objects, you're actually manipulating references. A simple example:

```
a = [3]
b = a
c = a
b.push(2)
print a
print b
print c

# => [3, 2][3, 2][3, 2]
```

Here's a more complicated example from the problem I was solving:

```
table = Array.new(5) { Array.new() }
1.upto(5 - 1) do |i|
1.upto(5 - 1) do |j|
table[i] = table[j]
end

table[i] << rand(1..6)
end
```

I have been running around in circles this morning because I forgot that. This makes C++ for example, more clear than Ruby since C++ explicitly shows the intent to the programmer.

Software corporate show is run by feet and finger licking...non-technical guys....f*** morons...

$logger->log_info("Dumper ln:[" . __LINE__ ."] INFO:" , Dumper(%cmd));
[May 1,2018 12:46] Dumper ln:[1118] INFO: 2018-05-01-T12:46:04
...
day++;
frustration ++;
...
Replaces < , > with < . > in line 1.
[May 1,2018 12:53] Dumper ln:[1183] INFO:$VAR1 = 'SQL dude why?';
Mother of Perl !!!

Client website, causing no problems, online for a few years, nothing changing, traffic relatively small, rolling along nicely, nothing out of the ordinary.......

There is no such thing as a "Random Error".
Unless you are using rand() to select a random index from an array. And you forget to add - 1 to the generated index.
Now that is one hell of a random error!

+ I like to leave YouTube Music playing whilst working
+ Capaldi's new song cropped up
+ The rest of my day is destroyed

That dog story wrecked me
Thanks

I have an important announcement to make:
I've managed to set up a Mac Mini M2 Pro, connect it to the same monitors as my PC, connect the same mouse and keyboard as my PC so I can now flip between both whenever I need to.
More importantly, I managed to update both IOS apps INCLUDING this stupid NCPrivacy (.xcprivacy , lol) thing.
AND..it successfully uploaded.

An Apple win! I've achieved an Apple win! It DOES exist everybody.
It's 2 days of my life I'm not getting back, but it's done.

That moment when you're away from home and you're performing a fucking system update (upgrade?) on fucking Gentoo and your fucking Chromebook can't fucking connect to your fucking computer at home running fucking Arch to offload fucking compilations over fucking SSH and fucking Polybar tells you that the fucking RAM is almost full and that both of your fucking Broadwell CPUs are fucking 100% on usage and even fucking Vim can't open your fucking work to add the fucking documentation for a fucking assignment from a fucking online course due today and everything's fucking stopped in time but the fucking window manager is still working normally?!!!!

Twitter is down ...
Noooooo!!!!
Let me rant ... !!!!

Need to refactor the code base, and when looked at it, we don't have single UnitTest.... F*** them all

"Always program as if someone who has to work with your code is a violent psychopath who knows where you live."

I'll let "procrastination" behind me, indeed I shouldn't be doing this rand :/, I back to work, love u, happy new year.

An app I'm making for a client currently has 23 "pages" that are simply web views.
Most of those pages have A HREFS which open other pages (some external pages that I have no access to as a developer).
Of course, some of the links aren't HREFS and are javascript calls to change the content on the screen without going to another page. So the user thinks they have gone to another web page when then system doesn't recognise it as another page...
Additional to this, there are multiple versions of the pages depending on which language the user has selected in the app.

And nobody seems to have considered how the default back button handles all these possible eventualities (whether it can go back to previous web page, IF it was an HREF and not just JS mimicking a new page (and how would my webview even catch that), and of course IF the language hasn't changed during the user journey etc etc)

Am I wrong for being annoyed about this? Am I the dick for not developing a clean solution to it? Or am I justified because webviews have no place inside an app!

I'm sort of hoping apple deny this app due to too many web views :S

Oh for fucks sake!

Suddenly I couldn't use my mic. Windows is always a bit retarded, so I decide to restart. Ofcourse Windows FORCES me to install their shitty upgrades ("We have installed: Killer Control Center - check it out!" (Like hell I will!!)). This takes 5 min, which is usually not a lot of time, BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN A VOICE-MEETING DAMNIT!

Windows shaped up. Every thing works.

2 hours later: "We have an update for you, we will restart outside of active hours". WHAT?! NO! That means I can't leave my work up on my computer because I can't trust my fucking OS to not throw away my work! And also YOU JUST UPDATED YOURSELF WINDOWS!!!! HOW DO I TELL YOU TO PERFORM ALL UPDATES AND NEVER EVER RESTART WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!

"If a design can be refined, without disturbing its image, it seems reasonable to do so. A logo, after all, is an instrument of pride and should be shown at its best." - Paul Rand

Believe it or not, I'm new to Github.
I only want to commit the main project files to my branch (not all the automated files that occurred when I exported the project)
question - how do I safely get rid of the visible list of "changed files" that I don't want to commit? Can I just "discard changes", or does this actually do something to the files?

I selected "ignore all XXX selected files (add to .gitignore)" but it has neither added to gitignore nor removed them from the list.

I mean, I could just leave these files in the list of "Changes"...but my OCD doesn't like a list of files in my face.

"Good ideas rarely come in bunches. The designer who voluntarily presents his client with a batch of layouts does so not out prolificacy, but out of uncertainty or fear. " - Paul Rand

Rant:
My jupyter notebook has outgrown itself on some real world trading data analysis and its becoming a pain to add to (further) and share.
Need to find better alternatives, web apps where are you?

But i know nothing about it. Learning curve ahead!

Requirements:
I've 7 interactive dashboard plots (from some data) in jupyter-notebook.
- It'd be nicer to have a web app to use them without running notebook from a different location.
- Or running notebooks remotely (running as daemons on host machine).
Any suggestions for a starter ?
rant before requirements, coz rants lead to better requirements.

if rant++:
make_requirements(what_something)
do_work(that_something)

MiniRant on windows
This morning i noticed that the led on the mute key of the keyboard didn't turn on.
I started swearing because I thought the led died (relatively new laptop).
Long story short: reboot windows, the led magically works again.

The only think i can think of is this:
void Windows_Main(void)
{
...
if (rand() % 667 == 666) DisableRandomFeature();
...
}

First games console ever tried: NES. Around 1986.

First computer:
Sinclair Spectrum +2 !! Around 1988. I used to buy those books that came with code. I wrote all that code in but hardly ever played the actual game.
Once met the guy who created lots of game faves at the time (manic miner, chucky egg etc). That's where it all started...

Everyone around me in the office has the same persistent cold. It edges forever closer. There is no hope.
Bring back mandatory mask wearing in meetings. Or just don't invite me.

"Design is the silent ambassador of your brand." - Paul Rand

Anyone who complains about other co-workers all the time and there is no shortage of them.

Breaking News!
Microsoft makes windows open source.

So the quote for my much needed new kitchen has come in.
* quietly sobs *

Has anybody here ever thought of a really good idea, actually developed it all the way to the end, released it AND made a financial or worthwhile success of it? Interested in seeing/hearing your success stories and checking out the work.

Someone save me from this fucking stupid corporate web based trainings and let me focus on more important shit like re-factoring my code (ohh joke) and/or writing something more code then going what i just mentioned above.

Other than these "recruiting companies" from India who happen to know my name but can't pronounce the city I live in?

!!!rant
f**king cooperate d**ckheads this ppl are work-shipped like gods who just ask stupid questions just for name sake and they don't know what the heck is going on underneath...they use fancy words like cloud/docker/etc and they please top management d**kers and this guys are top in chain...f**king cooperate political word... _|__

if(
bathroomrenovation &&
startdate < now() - 4 weeks &&
!showerisfitted
){
do {
print ("Where the f**k is my f**king shower!");
} while (delay);
}

abstract class Ich {
abstract void support(CoWorker coWorker);
abstract void programm(List<Task> tasks);
abstract void analyseCode(String code); // mostly horrible code
abstract void drinkCoffee(Mug mug);
abstract void extinguishFireAndKillBugs(String moreLegacy);
}

...

void work() {
ich.drinkCoffee();
while(isWorkingTime()) {
int rand = Random(0,100)
if(rand < 5) {
ich.myMood += ich.programm(tasksForMe);
} else if (rand >= 5 && rand < 20) {
ich.myMood -= ich.analyse(legacyCode);
} else if (rand >= 20 && rand < 40) {
ich.myMood -= ich.support(GetNextGuyToMe())
} else {
ich.extinguishFireAndKillBugs(moreLegacyCode);
}

if(myMood <= 0) {
ich.gotoHome();
}
}
}

Just realized that before i did that commit there was this guy (let's call him a friend, fucking asshole from a different department who can't see someone is working before continuing their stupid conversations) took my attention away for 15-20 mins and i being distracted didn't commit 1 file out of 7 and ended up changing (exact same file over next code merge) it.
Now Everything fails.
Sweet afternoon work is gone.
To be repeated ....

Still not using versioning even though I'm the only coder. I have a dev and a live version of the site and once in a while (like early this morning) I update the live site by mistake, writing over the safe file with the development one :S

The idea of the metaverse has already been ruined by NFT's and crypto investors...
discuss...

if gym_day_count == 1:
doms++

I recieved a -2 on a stack overflow question because I mentioned the flutter widget that I was having issues with........

Antergos Ending?
Manjaro sucks.
Im lazy to do cli install.
Any suggestion?

If( $time > 7:00) work_from_home();
If( $time > 10:00) work_at_office();

function work_at_office() {
$people_in_office = rand(1,5);
$total_hours = rand(4,8);
$quick_easy_tally = 0;
...
}

I don't know if I have very high expectations, but joining a company as a Tech Lead and seeing that none of the 100 programmers in the team know the difference between unit and integration tests is kind of a letdown.

"Can you do the job without this colleague?"

"No! It is system-relevant."

"why?!"

"cause, he is cooking coffee..."

Spent long time in tech company and wanted to change, landed in a company where there are all managers :( ... Thats the bad karma...

What is the point of demanding an app if the app consists mainly of web pages?!?
And thanks for making it almost impossible for me to handle what the back button does when the user is balls deep inside of a website inside of the app.

I am now replying to fake news spreaders on the internet, pointing out their lies. And I end with the following closing comment:
"You may go now, I am done with you".
>D

If you're willing to pay $19 for a cloth to clean your device, are you also willing to just give me $10 for the hell of it? I'll even email you back a picture of the apple logo if it sweetens the deal.

Our company moved to new place....and its more like "big market" rather then development center...not sure how to cope up with this.... :(

If you're wondering how many hours of Marvel's Snap you can play on your phone per day before it melts your cpu and kills your device, it's two.
Two hours per day.

You're welcome.

Am I the only one who can't figure out how to make redshift work on opensuse?

How would you approach optimizing a web application for performance, considering factors like page load speed, responsiveness, and overall user experience?

I'm starting to "get" Livewire and Alpine JS. Shocker

"Innovation leads one to see the new in the old and distinguishes the ingenious from the ingenuous." - Paul Rand

"Art is an idea that has found its perfect visual expression. And design is the vehicle by which this expression is made possible. Art is a noun, and design is a noun and also a verb. Art is a product and design is a process. Design is the foundation of all the arts." - Paul Rand

When I don't code with IDE support, I will be like is it NullpointerException or NullPointerException

With bitcoin/binance still allowing russia to move money about, is anybody abandoning it? I don't feel comfortable using it, but also if it becomes their only way to fund themselves, the government will push through new tax laws on it and throttle it anyway. Or just outright ban people from using it.

Funding a war is one of the occassions where decentralised financing becomes a major problem.

It’s sad that Paul Rand and Rand Paul will never talk.

What is the best free Office software for general odds and sods (mostly using Word, sometimes simple spreadsheets)?
Libre Office, Open Office, Free Office?

I tried Office 365 online - it's great but I want to be able to click on a file anywhere on my computer, and not have to upload it to onedrive first.

Thanking you.

Living abroad during corona times is shit. Trying to visit the family back home...

2019: it's too risky, I won't chance it

2020: still too risky, I won't chance it, even though technically I can now

2021 - Jan to Oct: I can go now, but I can end up getting stuck at the other side. I'll wait just a bit longer

2021 - November - right, quick, I'll book just THREE short days to say hi to the family...
BOOKED

2021 - days later: LOCKDOWN AGAIN MOTHERFUCKER! Your flights are GONE! Try again next time fool!

Ether nicked in less than 60 seconds....Must be some sort of record.
fml

Are the Firebase documents and examples supposed to not work and/or not make any sense?

Quite interested to know, what do UK programmers think of Brexit? Good or bad?

I normally do front-end web development, but I am interested in learning some back-end. What are the best languages for back-end web development?

A guy in our school library is doing his senior thesis,guess what...legendary bluescreen.The guy was so pissed off thanks to brilliant coding of windows,it knows the perfect timing when to fuck up people LOL

My trail mix is all fucking raisens today.

Minor/moderate OCD. If I don't finish something then I want to scratch my face off.

Having only recently upgraded my mouse to something with more buttons I realise I've been seriously missing out. A button to copy text, a button to paste and a button to take a screenshot has just saved me precious time.

Visualize the entire complexity of the content within the project so that you know what data users will need to access, and compartmentalize those in to separate modules that you can build on over time. Think about any limitations with accessing that data (does the user have that role, what if the data is accessed simulateously, how to handle the same user accessing from different devices etc).
Think about the devices being used - is it going to be a website, an app, both? How best then to access the data? Direct access to a database, or an API system?
Then think about the front-end design and how to simplify the view right down as much as you can. Again, break it down in to modules.
Then decide on the technology you want to use, and what libraries would help simplify things.

These days I like to use JSON API's to access DB content because app and web technologies change quite often but the API will be accessible to whatever I use to build it.

For websites I love using Laravel, which simplifies the back-end tasks, and mdbootstrap which simplifies the front-end tasks and looks "appy".

Coming from a PHP, JS and Flutter developer:

I want to start building more websites entirely with Js frameworks. The less the better. Needs to import json data, perform ajax requests etc.

Can't decide, do I learn Vue or Svelte?

this...
that is all

"Defamiliarize the ordinary." - Paul Rand

What are people's thoughts on SAML?
Any experience with it?

What about GDPR issues, avoiding the use of cookies etc?

Can anybody share some tips on desktop devices that will make my life easier? I build apps and websites on multiple devices. My desk is a mess, devices are all over the office, wires are everywhere.I need more zen.
I need some kind of shelf or tray that holds maybe 5+ different tablets/mobiles neatly. I also need charge points, maybe a nice under-monitor tray. Needs to be robust.
Thanks