HTML: Hate This Meaningless Life
CSS: Can't Style Shit
JS: Just Shit
Java: Just another vicious asshole
PHP: PHP Hates People
Go: (the "fuck yourself" is silent)
.NET: Now Everybody Thinks (they can code)

I really should find a more productive thing to do on my breaks.

java --version
FATAL: Unknown parameter

java -v
FATAL: Unknown parameter

*googles get java version*

java -version
openjdk version "1.8.0_252"

FUCK YOU

Fuck Java.

This sticker shows what I think of Apple devices

FOR FUCK SAKE...

The same fucking guy that said Java and JavaScript is the same thing tried inserting RAM into the PCIe slot twice! It doesn't even look like it will fit at first sight.

LinkedIn: I only have a profile because I like to fuck with recruiters.

"I have 30 years of experience in Java, 15 years in Android, and 49 years in C++"

And I STILL get contacted. Those people DESERVE to be fucked with.

Found something good in my screenshots

java - - version
Unrecognized operation: - - version

FUCK!!!

java - version
java version "1.x...."

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

Why Java, WHY?!?!? 😭

Every other tool uses - - version ❤️

So I hear Christmas is coming, right? Here's a christmas tree for you!

P.S. this is the real thing. It's a Java project we have to work with... For Christ's sake! The guy who wrote this has recently left the company and handed this code to us as his legacy.

fuck.

Software company director: we build Java applications right?
Devs: nah, javascript.
Director: it's the same, right?
Devs: no
Director: fuck, I pitched a Java application.

A few hours later...
Director on the phone: Yeah, we are building it in Java...

Manager: we use <teaming meeting service> for all of our team meetings.
Me: cool I'll go to the site and join the meeting.
Me: [using opera as default browser]
Service: [doesn't work with opera]
Me: [not really surprised, tries firefox]
Service: I need java to run me.
Me: I have java.
Firefox: yeah but I don't.
Me: why?
Firefox: 'cause we're phasing it out.
Me: [looking for some kind of plugin]
Internet: [tldr Firefox can only use 32bit java if it must use java]
Me: [installs 32 bit java]
Firefox: nah.
Me: waht?
Firefox: [covering its eyes] I can't see anything
Me: it's right there.
Firefox: ...
Me: ...
Firefox: ...
Me: ... please?
Firefox: ...nah...
Me: [checks service supported browsers]
Service: on Linux: ONLY FIREFOX
Me: .... fuck...
Me: [downloads Linux-32 distro]
Me: [runs as vm]
Me: [installs Firefox esr]
Me: [installs java-32]
Me: [manually creates plugin for Firefox to recognize java]
Me: [logs onto service and signs in]
Service: Meeting concluded 26 minutes ago.

Me after 3 days of trying to figure out c++:

"Fuck it I'm using java"

Fuck java...

* A few hours later *

... Wow this is actually kinda neat

That's exactly me :(

I second that!

I opened a Facebook account for my mum.

Fast forward 6 months, and I had to close down my own account because she was stalking me there

fuck you Java

Got fired.
Fuck
3 days on the job...
Told on the interview I didn't know the machine OS but I could learn in a few days...
Well they want someone with experience on that machines I don't know...

It's like asking a Javascript programmer to work with Java...

Whatever...
There are more companies

Customer sends an email complaining about his WordPress website getting a score of 2 out of 100 on Google PageSpeed Insights. I open their website, a video is being used as wallpaper. I open their PageSpeed Insights report, and it says reduce payload to less than 100MB.

Can I go kill myself now?

Checkmate Flat Earthers

Come to think of it, Java really reminds me of fidget spinners.

A lot of people love it.
A lot of people hate it.
And then there's me who just doesn't give a fuck.

It's time for another teacher story. So grab a cup of tea and listen.

We were casually talking about Arduino programming because he told me he teaches this in another class.
Teacher: it's so sad that i can't use my java code on the Arduino. I mean the Arduino uses java so there shouldn't be a problem.
Me: *internal* HOLD THE FUCK ON
Me: you know that the Arduino uses c and not java, do you?
Teacher: but the Arduino can do java commands! How do you explain this!?
Me: because java uses the c-syntax and it's more of a coincidence that they're named the same way?
Teacher: huh. Ok. But C# doesn't use it, am i right?

How can someone this dumb be a programming teacher 🤦

Fuck you java for forcing me to catch an exception which will never occur -.-

Please Java and all java shit, take more memory I don't need it -_-
16GB doesn't seem to be enough to have a VM and Android Studio Open but it is more than enough to have
1. Visual Studio
2. SQL Server Management Studio
3. VM
4. FireFox
5. Visual Studio code

Fuck. This. Shit!

My intern found this... I'm glad he knows it's the truth

I was at the airport, 2AM, waiting for the plane I was supposed to board to come from another airport... Got bored, scanned the WiFi networks, found an open network with the ID of the airline I had booked with, joined, and tried port 22 on the gateway... It was a Cisco router with the default password... Needless to say, I thought I needed to teach those guys a lesson... Messed the routing table, changed its IP, disabled DHCP, and restarted the router. Needless to say, we couldn't board because they couldn't check us in...

Idk if somebody already told you this today, so I'll do it just to be safe.

FUCK JAVA SERVER PAGES
FUCK JAVA SERVER FACES
FUCK JSWING
FUCK JQUERY
AND ESPECIALLY FUCK JQUERY UI
FUCK ALL OF THIS OUTDATED SHIT
I'LL NEVER USE IT AFTER SCHOOL, BECAUSE IT'S SHIT!
Repeat after me

S H I T !

When I saw my paycheck.

Am I the only one who is triggered by seeing all of the stupid articles claiming Java is bad introduction language? Just becuase Standford decided to change it to JavaScript? What the actual fuck? How students should learn the fundamentals concept of OOP in scripting language?
Don't get me wrong, I hate using Java for real life projects. But there is a reason why almost every university use it as introduciton language. It's great start to learn programming. Saying that the 'Hello World' in Java is complex and can scare people away, it's complete nonsens. For fuck sake, yes programming should be fun, but it is also hard. People can understand that they are going to learn what 'public static voiď means later. It's the structure of many Computer Science classes. It's the assigments that are not designed in engaging and fun way for newcomers. That's the problem, not the language.

Fuck project setups that

- Have huge nested enterprise folder structures like Java

- Use tons of shell scripts / makefiles

- Have every config file in the root folder

- Don't tell me what I need / how to build

I know some of these can't really be changed easily, but fuck this cluttery mess!

I told a so called "Software Engineer" not to touch the keyboard before she knows the difference between '/' and '\' in Windows Command Prompt. She burst into tears and has not spoken to me since then

WTF python.... How the fuck are you an OOP language and unable to overload constructors...?

No method overloading... and they say JAVA is a shitty language.

Rain, because it washes my car

Someone's having a bad, bad day...

Talked to long time friend a while back.
I think he freelances now and does some kind of web design stuff.

He said, he hates java, and I asked what he hates about it:

" Those stupid variable types, I only use VAR in PHP to get around that stupid stuff. And what is this Oop anyway?".

😵 Dude? The fuck?

IT Consulting Opportunity:

Java developer with skills in JavaScr-

No. Fuck you.

Our school like:

School: hey everyone! Today we are learning java.

We: But we can Java and we already read the whole book

School: So ok! Let's do Java for 4 months!

We: What the... c'mon that makes no sense!

School: ...

We: ...

*After 4 months*

School: So class lets write a exam in java!

We: oh boy! this is nice!

School: Open your VM!

*Everyone started theyr VM and opened Eclipse*

School: Aaaaand now open NetBeans!

We: Holy Moly Crap! Really? why?

School: because...because...because...fuck off! we dont know...but it stands on the fucking exam so shut the fuck up u little crap!

On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.

Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?

Fucking phone company just sent me a notification, CCing all other business customers they have in Sydney. I am going to sign all those customers to a porn newsletter, and then advise them about the privacy breach.

Started sending my resume to a few select companies. My job is secure (for the moment at least) but I cannot work with someone who is anti-vaccination, believes men and dinosaurs coexisted and International Space Station is out there to meet and greet his Lord...

Wish me luck

Went in to the therapist today. Their impression is I'm likely okay. Wait until I show them the cluster fuck that is Java Enterprise. 🙃

Can you hack my ex's email/twitter/Instagram/Facebook/webcam/phone/...?

A LOT of this article makes me fairly upset. (Second screenshot in comments). Sure, Java is difficult, especially as an introductory language, but fuck me, replace it with ANYTHING OTHER THAN JAVASCRIPT PLEASE. JavaScript is not a good language to learn from - it is cheaty and makes script kiddies, not programmers. Fuck, they went from a strong-typed, verbose language to a shit show where you can turn an integer into a function without so much as a peep from the interpreter.

And fUCK ME WHY NOT PYTHON?? It's a weak typed but dynamic language that FORCES good indentation and actually has ACCESS TO THE FILE SYSTEM instead of just the web APIs that don't let you do SHIT compared to what you SHOULD learn.

OH AND TO PUT THE ICING ON THE CAKE, the article was comparing hello worlds, and they did the whole Java thing right but used ALERT instead of CONSOLE.LOG for JavaScript??? Sure, you can communicate with the user that way too but if you're comparing the languages, write text to the console in both languages, don't write text to the console in Java and use the alert api in JavaScript.

Fuck you Stanford, I expected better you shitty cockmunchers.

Do anti-vaxxers install and use anti-virus software on their computers?

I've handed my resignation and given notice 45 days ago, and my boss still doesn't believe me. It will be quite interesting to see how he reacts on my last day.

Fuck matlab, i could do this shit in java in half the time.

Why does every kid developer have a dark theme fetish? I started programming on a Commodore 64. It was dark. It's the quality of the shit you write that defines you assholes, not the color theme of your editor.

Now that that's off my chest, some poos soul has dared to send his resume to me. One of his projects is a website that is being marked by my ENS as a phishing website. I am about to invite him for an interview, and am willing to bet his everything will be dark because he wants to impress me.

A. Java at work and on my android app
B. Python for machine learning
C. Shell scripting for work and personal projects

I am writing echo in python and import in bash. My brain is like a soup now.

Dear Axis of evil(Java+Android SDK) ,

Go fuck yourselves.

Sincerely,
A Windows developer

I've been trying to update XCode for the past two weeks. AppStore keeps saying not enough disk space. Guess that's what you get when a fruit company makes computers!

Explaining to my boss why we can't use the WordPress theme he saw on Theme Forest in an Android app

Why do most Java programmers know Java and nothing else? Wtf, every time find myself reviewing crappy Bash/Python/JavaScript/Ruby shit written by Java-only programmers I want to puke. Don't you know that the world is bigger than your small island?

Frustrated, tired and a bit lost.

I'm a "Senior PHP Backend Dev", which includes not the greatest tech stack nor the best job title, but it pays fine, and the company is awesome to work for.

I suck at writing features, but I'm great at bitching, and I easily put complex abstract concepts into usable models. So I'm also QA, tester, tech lead, database architect, whatever.

That makes writing PHP less annoying, because I create the rules, and whip devs around when they forget a return type definition or forget to handle an edge case. But I don't write a lot of code anymore, I mostly read (bad) code.

Lately I REALLY feel like doing something else... problem is that I know JS/ES6, but really dislike React/Vue and the whole crappy modern frontend toolchainchootrain of babelifyingwebpackingyarnballs. I know Python/Tensorflow/etc, but don't feel like I want to go into data science or AI. And then I'm awesome at the shit no one uses, like Haskell, Go and Rust (and worse).

I got a job offer which combines a very interesting PHP codebase with a Java infrastructure, where I could learn a lot... and I'm kind of tempted.

Problem is, everyone always shits on Java. I always made a bit of fun of Java myself. Don't even know exactly why, probably some really cruel instinct which causes kids to bully the least popular kid.

I know the basics, I've written the hello world, and a small backend app for a personal project. I know how strict and verbose it can be. I love the strictness in Haskell and Rust.... but those are both also quite terse.

Should I become a Java dev? I'm not talking about Android SDK, but an insane enterprise codebase at a life sciences corporation.

To the pro Java devs: What are the best and worst things about your job, about the weekly processes, about the toolchains? Have you ever considered other languages? Do you unconditionally love and believe in Java, or do you believe Swift, Kotlin, Scala or whatever will eventually make it completely obsolete?

Will Java hasten my decline into the cynical neckbeard I was always destined to be?

There are a lot more fun langauges, but looking at realistic demand and career value...

Inside main(), because it gets executed first

It's funny how all the pretty girls on LinkedIn want to have a cup of coffee with me after I updated my profile to match my current position. Previously not even bots on Tinder would chat to me.

Fuck Java haters.

That is all.

Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".

And it is easy.

But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.

Look, I can be an efficient developer or I can be a Java developer

Fuck you java

Big rant.
Just finished my first year of uni. I took an extra course on c# (mvc, entity framework) and android development in java. We learned a lot of stuff and at the end of the semester they held a contest. We had to develop an app respecting their specifications and add something from ourselves for extra points. Problem was that we were supposed to work on the project during our finals, which we didn't, finishing uni is on the first place. But we had a week after finals to work on it. I, like many others, slept very littlre during that week, only to work on that app, I worked for more than 13 hours a day to finish it (it was a pretty big app) and I was pretty happy with the end result. Today they were supposed to announce the apps that made it to the final. They just announced that no app deserves to be in the final. They know that we had finals, but that we could still do better. They just peed on our work, probably threw our code away, fucking +13 hours a day, 5-6 hours of sleep everyday, almost no fun for a whole week after finals, and they think no one deserves to win. Fuck them, fuck their shit contest. Fuck you essensys, I hope your devs read this, fuck you bell ends.

When someone says that Node.js cannot become enterprise standard like Java. Bitch what the fuck is Netflix, Yahoo, WalMart and PayPal using. Fuck you!

Uploaded app to AppStore for review by the farmers...

Got a message three weeks later that I need to upload more screenshots for iPad Pro 3rd Generation

Uploaded the new screenshot, and resubmitted the app.

Got a message immediately stating my binary is invalid: ITMS-90783: Missing bundle display name

You motherfuckers have been holding to my binary for three weeks. How the fuck did you accept it in the first place if the Display Name was missing, you filthy swines?

Who holds the #1 Google spot for these queries?

fuck c#: devRant
fuck typescript: devRant
fuck xcode: devRant
fuck product owner: devRant

fuck docker: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck java: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck agile: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck scrum: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck sql: reddit (devRant is 2)
fuck node: reddit (devRant is 3)
fuck php: github (devRant is 4)
fuck python: github (devRant is 4)
fuck clojure: reddit (devRan't didn't rank on first page)
fuck rust: reddit (devRant didn't rank on first page)
fuck scala: reddit (devRant didn't rank on first page)

fuck ruby: **am I still connected to the company VPN? I might have some explaining to do** (devRant didn't rank)

I want to build an Android app...
buuuut
- I hate NPM (NodeJS is neat, but NPM is annoying af)
- I hate Java
- I hate Dart
- I hate Windows

Fuck my life...

Lazy developer

FUCK TOMCAT
FUCK JAVA
FUCK SYSTEMJS
FUCK SYNCFUSION
FUCK THIS SHIT WHOEVER DESIGNED ANY OF THIS GARBAGE SHOULD BURN IN THE LOWEST CIRCLE OF HELL.

When you use “==“ instead of “.equals()” in Java…

so ive been looking for a java internship for the past days but fuck me, ive made a very huge mistake......

I FORGOT TO ADD JAVA TO MY CURRICULUM

*flips chair*
*flips table*
*flips shit*

hopefully they will see my extra message/letter and read because if they only look at my cv, and see theres no java there, im gonna be rejected real fast :(

wish me luck guys, i went from job hunting to internship hunting bc im reallt desperate now

Use your brain

Reading this in a routine:

NOP
NOP
NOP
RET

Just installed linux (Ubuntu 16.04.3 LTS x64) because windows update was being a cunt, instantly, it all fell into place and I got it fully running with minecraft (using generic driver, but it actually works pretty well, don't worry I will get the proper one tomorrow) and a desktop icon for it within two hours compare to windows (update) taking 4 days to do barely any updates, not accepting java or graphics drivers, which it requires because fuck opengl with the default drivers.

Fuck windows. Hooray for linux!

Now back to programming...

Thanks for putting up with me but I just need to vent because I felt like I couldn't program (and I didn't) because of FUCKING DOOLALY WINDOWS 8!

Btw thanks to the local charity shop for introducing me to (SUSE) linux when I was like 11, giving me a hope in hell of using linux. I now have around 11 bootable linux disks and 1 bootable flash.

Everyone's playing Plague Inc.

Seriously, Fuck JAVA.

This whole week I’ve been writing Java (for the first time) and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a horrible language, written by horrible people, for the purpose of making other people’s lives horrible.

Fuck Java 🙂

Joined a flying school. Hopefully in a few years I can say goodbye to computers, bad pay, worse hours, and little respect

What would you do if your colleague did not believe in vaccination, thought carbon dating was wrong, we didn't go to the moon, and wanted to buy you a drink?
I've practically stopped drinking at company functions, simply to keep my distance. I'm afraid stupidity might be contagious...

C++ application running on Linux. If customer makes a mistake, I log CustomerIsDumb to kernel message buffer.

I just opened an old project in Android Studio, right after I had updated the IDE itself.

It compiled without any issues. I think I want to wake up now

Getting out of this business. I had my first flying lesson yesterday. Luckily I held on to my breakfast during the flight... A couple hundred more hours behind the yoke, and I'll be uninstalling all my developer tools... Can't wait

First time I developed something useful:

My dad has a bunch of games on his work computer, which he wasn't supposed to have. I wrote a small program for him that added the name of the directory which held those games to IO.SYS table of devices (COM1, LPT1, etc...) so nobody could open it.

All I Can Say About Java is WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS LANGUAGE?

Java is so fucking stupid. Literally nobody likes Java. Fucking stupid ass language and every app that uses it is laggy and stupid as fuck. Fuck you Oracle. This is why literally nobody uses your cloud platform. Stupid deprecated shit that nobody uses anymore.

Anyone that uses Java is forced to because the software ware literally made 949349 years ago. Java is just such a stupid language and so fucking laggy. NOBODY LIKES JAVA VIRTUAL MACHINE. WHAT A STUPID INVENTION. WHOEVER DID THAT NEEDS TO BE FIRED ASAP. Oracle is such a stupid company. Make something that people actually want to use, because obviously nobody wants to fucking use Java. Nasty ass laggy fucking language.

Fuck you

!rant

A few days ago, one could have said that C++ is giving me PTSD.
Now, I've come to adore, cherish and love it for it's simplicity.

It feels so much better than Java.
No shit on java, it's good in what it does but damn boi C++ can do like, fucking everything.

Probably still gonna gib me PTSD in a week or so but fuck it.

I've decided to look positively at my life. Eve ry morning, I am one day closer to death. How good is that?

fuck.
I think when you need 20 minutes to figure out that you tried to use (0) to acces array values instead of [0] in Java it is time to go to bed.

Eclipse, honey, are you ok?

Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.

NOP
NOP
NOP
RET

So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.

My current company. It's locker room talk 24/7

I am a man. I don't mind sex, but my colleagues, and my boss, are talking like Trump was talking to Billy Bush in that bus. I am contemplating complaining to HR, who happens to join them in mentally undressing women and other lewd conversations, or handing in my resignation

"Insufficient memory for Java Runtime Environment"

I'm using a host with 32 GB ROM, fuck you Java.

Fuck Java Swing.

What is wrong with Java CLI applications? Is it really necessary to output a billion lines consisting of INFO an WARN messages?
If I work some longer with beeline I turn into a Java application myself.

INFO: Writing rant
INFO: Clicking submit
WARN: Heart rate too high
ERR!: SHUT THE FUCK UP JAVA!

Ex-employer contacting me after 6 months asking for 2FA codes into their system which I handed over a week before leaving... Sorry guys (not really!)

Bind learning c++ chapter 3

Fuck whoever says that java is easier than c++. If i populate memory i can just fucking clean it out. I have access to the literal fucking stack my code runs on. I can integrate assembly. I can fucking make my program run in -3 seconds for fucks sake, this is so much easier than java where i have to fuck around with scopes to nudge the gc to start cleaning up and i need a separate engine to access jasm code.

Call in sick

Really???
My whole finished Java project with database & gui - 277 files in source
Simple JS project nodejs & react - 15k files???
What the fuck?
I tried to like JS, but maybe later... Someday...

im pickle bojack

here to say

fuck heroku's java deployment

Boss: Use the same template that site [X] is using for this project.
Me: [X] is WordPress. Our project is asp.Net/C#. I can't
Boss: Why?
Me: You can't put a round peg in a square hole!
Boss: Why?
Me: [thinking about mortgage] I'll do it.
Boss: Why didn't you say so in the first place?
Me: [die a little inside]

I think King Bob wore it better.

Maybe not so smart after all...

Skynet in operation, Judgment Day minus a few months...

My two cent: Java is fucking terrible for computer science. Why the fuck would you teach somebody such a verbose language with so many unwritten rules?

If you really want your students to learn about computer, why not C? Java has no pointer, no passed by reference, no memory management, a lots of obscure classes structure and design pattern, this shit is garbage. The student will almost never has contact with the compiler, many don't even know of existence of a compiler.

Java is so enterprise focused and just fucked up for educating purpose. And I say it as somebody who (still) uses it as main language.

If you want your students to be productive and learn about software engineering, why not Python? Things are simple in Python can can be done way easier without students becoming code monkeys (assuming they don't use for each task a whole library). I mean java takes who god damn class and an explicitly declared entry point which is btw. fucking verbose to print something into the console.

Fuck Java.

I totally agree that I have ticked the above box!

Explain the 'Script' to Java. Why the Fuck would you want to do so?

Found this 5 minutes ago. Words can't explain my feelings...

Honestly Fuck JAVA,

Don't have anything else to say now...

What the fuck am I doing...

Fuck Java and its related build tools.

Decided to throw caution to the wind and actually try to build a Java project, from scratch.

Install intellij, except it keeps complaining about the missing JDK, openjdk is installed but it doesn't like it.

Ok, whatever, I read that it's supposed to come with its own and so I point at that, no dice.

Ultimately I stumbled upon a stackoverflow post saying to just download the tgz JDK and just use that, I knew I could do that, but I wanted to use the tools the P environment suggested, but gave up.

Ok, so now I've got intellij and JDK installed, and I want to start my automatically generated project.

Except I now need gradle, fine, whatever, and now gradle complains it can't find the JDK...

Fucks sake... I was happy using Lein and Clojure, I didn't realise how fucking complicated it is to set up a Java IDE these days...

Meanwhile in Australia...

Java developers coding in C

Found this on CNN. So true :(

Meteors always land in craters.

Me yesterday evening:

"Fuck java, fuck JVM, fuck everything about it, shit doesn't work for some reason, no runtime errors, no compiler errors, no syntax errors, nothing, *turns off computer*".

Me today morning(coffee = false), after comparing the documented example code provided by the API with one someone else made, I've noticed that the one provided by the API was messed up and couldn't work.

"Lemme change that one value in the properties...okay here we go"
Shit works out perfectly.

FUCK FALSELY DOCUMENTED CODE

FUCK DOCUMENTATIONS IN GENERAL

ATT: Stinking maggot who's trying to break into my website!

There are no users on my website. Not even an administrator. wp_admin is empty. Best of luck!

This jewel piece of code in Java:

if(String.valueOf(var1.toString( ) ).equalsIgnorecase(String.valueOf(var2.toString())){
//fuck something else here
}
String var1; //defined somewhere
String var2; //defined somewhere in the code

At this point I am not even mad 😂😂

I got an interview on monday but i completely forgot i even applied. They said its java AND c#, so i can guarantee a 50% score i guess.

Can someone explain what the fuck is a namespace while we r at it?

XOR AX, AX

Who remembers good old days when this put a smile on our faces?

One of my websites is under a brute attack.

If I were to redirect failed logins to an illegal website (drugs, child pornography, terrorism support, etc...), will the feds come after me? Or will they go after the attacker?

Fuck Shibboleth and its documentation, fuck examples for configuring it, ops sorry they have no examples at all so fuck them, fuck SAML fuuuuck!!!!! And I almost forget FUCK JAVA

"Kotlin, why the fuck would you want to introduce a better language for Android studio and still base it entirely on jvm, fuck you jetBrains and Google, you java dick sucking retards. "
LOL

There is someone in our building who urinates like a watering can.; all over the place. Do you think I will get caught if I try to get a DNA match, or install a CCTV to catch the culprit?

Anybody remember when we actually spent time writing code instead of debugging the tools? Specially the gazillion of crap that's out there for fucking Java shit?

What are the chances of this? Right when I finally got the fucking stored procedure to work, and were to test it...

Freshman out of the university started working for me as a php developer. Software Engineer from a major Australian university. First project, a WordPress plugin... Two weeks down the track I had to explain to him the concept of sessions and multiple visitors. WTF are they thought at universities these days?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE FUCK LAMBDA CALCULUS IS??!?!?!

I swear to fuck, nothing makes you feel more like an idiot than trying to understand functional programming after living all your life in the oop world.

Fucking meta-functions and alligator games.

Fuck this, I'm going back to my happy little Java world

What the actual fuck does a UX designer need java for?

WTF? Come on Stanford...

me: fuck yeah i love java
java: JFormattedTextField tf = ((JSpinner.DefaultEditor) columns.getEditor).getTextField();
me: ...
me: punish me more mommy

Personal development... I mean, I'm the same shit I was yesterday, last year, last decade, last century, ...

New on HS Robotics team (we went to worlds last year —> we’re good). I come from France.
The lead programmer say that we are gonna stop coding the robot in Java and start C++ this year, so naturally I’m excited!

Lead programmer just told us we’re actually staying with Java... fuck.

Holy fuckin shit. Fuck java updates.

Today we deployed to production with a java app. For whatever reason it didn't work, just throwing SSL errors left and right.
Same app works on dev and qa

There's only one tiiiiny difference: Java 8 141 on dev/qa, Java 8 171 on prod

Guess what happened in 171 ... they updated the CA

rip 4h debuggin

If Java versions can coexist on a system
If all java versions have their own packages on the AUR
If you can change envvars in a launch script and be sure that all processes of the application will persist your settings
Then why THE FUCK do package maintainers keep announcing to change the default java version to install their package, rather than explicitly doing that by themselves? Fuck off, do you really think yours is the only package that needs a specific Java version? Do you think each and every user will write their own init script, or edit the PKGBUILD to include the new version as an envvar in the desktop file? This is why Arch has a bad name, and they're fucking right. If you don't have the time to put a single motherfucking diff in the motherfucking pkgbuild to specify the java version in the desktop file, then don't fucking maintain the package. I know there are too few maintainers, but pretending to maintain a package while doing fuckall is much worse than leaving it unmaintained on the AUR so the first person who has time can pick it up.

SOLD OUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

When i first got introduced to programming in highschool, java was the only thing offered. years later i picked up java again to throw together my first project. a 100 lvl java android phone game on my own. needless to say lol it was my utter failure! i remember my phone acting like it was on heroin constantly after install lol fuck that game

We're all doomed!

I am Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be 'Sir.' Do you maggots understand that?

Am I the only one who thinks OSX is stupidly insecure unless you encrypt the whole disk? I mean, how dumb is it to boot into safe moot and provide a root shell without prompting for credentials?

Fuck me. Upgraded a java project from java 11 to java 17 and now the shitload of power mockito tests are all failing because they locked down reflection. Now I have to upgrade to junit 5 and waste my life looking at these stupid unit tests. I sense a large purge approaching.

HTTP requests in Java... 💀

Why the flying fuck does one indent Java code with two spaces? Coding standards exist for a reason, for fuck's sake!

Went to The fruit company (Watch Forrest Gump if you don't know which company I am referring to) to pick an order up for a friend of mine. Showed the girl the email with order ID on my phone, and she tapped "Show Remote Content" without my consent to download the barcode because she was born after 1996 and too lazy to use the keypad on her scanner.

Fuck you Android Studio. You just prompted me to update, and now are saying The project is using an unsupported version of Gradle. Why the fuck did you not update Gradle (whatever the shit it is) yourself?

What was wrong with Eclipse? Why the fuck Google decided to move to this piece of crap?

Motherfucking Android Fucking Studio. Just told me there is an update for the fucking simulator, and after the update it refuses to even sync. Fuck!

I'm ashamed to call Australia home. The adulterer who voted against same sex marriage because it would endanger the sacred family was elected again. I wish I was living in Saudi Arabia.

holy fuck kotlin is much more powerful than i thought, its like a mix of java and dart

Why in the everliving freaking fuck does Java have a class called URLEncoder which DOES NOT DO URL ENCODING??? The shit-spraying piece of a mouldy footgun does formencoding?? Which sadistic maniac thought that was a good idea?

Why is netbeans, or Java in general, so fucking bad at handling memory ? I mean, I'm literally doing nothing on my code and I see my IDE consuming more and more RAM, to some point it goes over 1GB so I have to close then reopen it to "flush" the memory taken...
It's 2017, how the fuck can't we still manage to actually use a correct amount of RAM when I open a barely 10MB project ??

And it applies to everything related to Java. Like Android, Minecraft and other Java based softwares...

Those living in Sydney know there's an app called Opal you can use to navigate public transport.

Part of this is app is a trip planner which can suggest the fastest route to your destination, and is aware of train and bus movements in real-time (supposedly)

Me: Fastest route from station T to station C
App: In 5 minutes, walk 12 minutes to station M and board train. You will arrive at your destination by 20:12

5 minutes later...
Me: Fastest route from station T to station C
App: In 1 minutes, board train. It is the same train that will arrive at station M in 12 minutes. You will arrive at your destination by 20:12

Am I going mad, or does they algorithm stink?

Would you trust an aircraft autopilot written in Java, or would you prefer C++?

A C++ program that spawns as many threads as it can to open TLS 1.2 connections to a given server and send random data.

Needed this to test scalability of one of our services.

Pulled two hard disks out of a QNAP NAS, and the whole RAID10 died on my. Put one back, and the array came back to life. Pulled another one out, and the array died again. WTF is wrong with you QNAP?

I put six round LCDs inside a 13x18 IKEA frame and turned it into a six pack for my home made flight simulator instead of buying the Saitek/Logitech one which would cost at least six times.

Have you ever been so confused with the professor requirements for a Java requirement that you had to decompiled his fucking example only to realize he went COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT ROUTE THAT THE BLACK ASSHOLE HE REQUESTED? GOD I FUCKING WANT TO THROW THROW MY MACBOOK AT HIM, IM HERE AT THE UNIVERSITY FOR 12 HOURS, ITS FUCKING 5 AM RIGHT NOW, THE SUN IS FUCKING RISING AND THERE IS LIGHT IN THE SKY TELLING ME TO KILL MYSELF LIKE JESUS CHRIST WHAT AM I A CODESLAVE NOW? FUCK.

FYI, there's also an addition of 7 students with me too, we're doomed.

If you were developing an autonomous car, how would you instruct your car to react to trolley problem?

I was using Delphi 7 to develop a desktop application in Windows 2000. Every time my application opened the standard Windows open file dialog, I'd get a BSOD but only if I was running the application with debugger attached. Never found out WTF was wrong... Just changed my code not to show the open dialog if IsDebuggerPresent() was True.

We're both senior devs, I use nodeJS/Python. Stop forcing your Java *superiority* shit on me. I can write the API using either language. Also fuck your JVM. FUCK THAT SHIT

Fuck Java. Seriously fuck.

War is peace
Freedom is slavery
Ignorance is strength

You know what I had to deal with
A bunch of these shit
try{
//Shitty cluster fuck excuse for java
//code
}catch(Exception e){

}

Fuck python and its indentation oriented typing. Java braces for the win!

The mps* of the tongue must always be a little less than the mps of thought, and never the other way around.

*) motions per second

Fuck Java because java is one of the worst first languages you could pick. In the following I’ll highlight two main issues. One issue, the complexity of Java, will make life more difficult for you immediately, and the other, the danger of developing myopia regarding programming languages and their capabilities, has the potential to hurt you for many years to come and possibly your entire career

The idiot who has taken it upon himself to break into my unfinished, unused, unknown website only uses male names. I'm tempted to change the login process to let female names in (the site is empty so the difference will be a 200 instead of 401) just to see if he ever figures it out.

"Holy shit, my computer is laggy, what's taking this much ressources?"
> top
"Holy shit why the fuck is Java even running? Let's kill this son of a bitch"
> kill -9 <process>
> Rubymine closes

I'm a fucking idiot.

Thou shalt not talk while I'm pooping.

-- New Commandment after the floor Karen confronted one of our colleagues about her talking on the phone while washing her hands.

FCKGW-RHQQ2-YXRKT-8TG6W-2B7Q8

Recently bought an Adafruit Industries board which controls stepper motors over i2c. It has a Phython library, but my code is in C++. Decided to convert the Python code to C++ to get started quickly. Behold the magic line that made everything work:

std::this_thread::sleep_for(std::chrono::milliseconds(10));

I can't believe Python's ridiculous performance is being harnessed to let the field generated by electromagnets in a stepper motor to grow to sufficient proportions to affect movement. Without the said sleep(), the stepper motor just vibrates with my C++ code. Not sure if the library was created with Python's performance in mind, or they simply didn't think about back EMF in electromagnets...

You know how they start calling you when you register a new domain and are not careful enough not to put your own phone number there?

I recently registered a domain that ends in ***shit.com

No calls :) It's like private registration LoL

Fuck forced coding conventions in uni, especially if they are as stupid as Google's Java Conventions. They are a disgrace to nice code but we will have to use them going forward

Stupid spaces everywhere. Else on the same line, wtaf. And don't even get me started on indentation with fucking spaces. Tabs are superior in every single way fite me irl

JavaScript is a functional language.

It's probably closer to ocaml than it is to java. Why the fuck does no one talk about this? I would have learned it sooner.

Talk about snowflake generation...

The fact that there is such a thing...

Java will never die. Fuck what anyone says otherwise

Four years without taking a vacation...

Staff shortage at prevous employer

Came across this in a part of a web service I inherited from a junior we fired last year.

I am no C# expert, but I do believe there are better ways to read a byte array from a JSON string, am I right?

Company Infrastructure Team: We are doing away with proprietary libraries and using standard Java instead.

Also Company Infrastructure Team: Here have a fuck ton of new proprietary libraries with dozens of nested dependencies. Oh we don’t use Maven by the way because we are fucking idiots.

What do they teach software engineers these days? How to be arrogant? If I were present when Mrs. Junior was writing this I would put her out of her misery and send her to clean toilets at McDonald's

Fuck them all who say Java and JavaScript are the same !!!

Feel like to punch them at that instant.

So,the company I work for has a giant application that runs Java fucking 6

Every time i need to restart it I need to wait 15 minutes.

Fuck giant monolith
Fuck java 6

I fucking miss micro services :/

I owe the Tax Man around $600. I could pay it in installments without interest, so wrote a small program to transfer $0.69 every day into their coffer.

I hated Java and was skeptical about C# in the beginning (I never code in C# during my early college years).

But when I tried coding in C# as a requirement for our internship this month, I was like "fuck Java (seriously), C# is the shit!"

My life...

One less day to live! I'm super happy

So this stupid fuck whose react code is a clusterfuck of bugs just bashed me when I said Java is better then node because of reasons...

I was literally speechless while thinking if I should humiliate her or not.

Guess life will show her because I don't give a fuck.

I think it should be an unspoken rule that if you make an IOT coffee machine the core framework should be written in Java and any plugins or integrations should be written in JavaScript... you know so future generations arnt confused as fuck.

Provisioning Profile does not match CFBundleIdentifier :(
I'm going to order a new MacBook. It's easier this way

Where the fuck in my profile does it say that I have 10-12 years of Java server side experience?

If she actually looked at my LinkedIn, it says I graduates in 2011...

Would you use jsfuck for to make it a little harder on people to read the scripts?

I don't think we need to worry about judgement day anytime soon... If anything, we should be worried they miscalculate where the ICBMs are going to land...