My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

Happened a while ago but I still find it funny.

*phone rings*
Me: good morning sir, how can I help you?
Client: MY WEBSITE IS OFFLINE, FIX IT RIGHT NOW.
M: I'm going to take a look, what's the domain?
C: *gives domain*
M: I see, that domain expired already, it was cancelled through our customer portal by the client, you maybe or someone you know?
C: WHAT?! MY INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS DEPENDS ON THAT DOMAIN, I'D NEVER CANCEL IT, THIS IS BULLSHIT! I'F THE SITE GOES OFFLINE FOR A MONTH I'LL FUCKING GO BANKRUPT, YOU'RE GOING TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW.
M: if I may ask, how is your business doing right now?
C: HOW IS THAT QUESTION RELEVANT RIGHT NOW?!
M: well, you said that if the site would go offline for a month, you'd go bankrupt. The domain registration ended about half a year ago so that's why I aske......

*beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep*

Well, okay then.

Manager asked for access to server with admin rights for a third party contractor and I questioned him... His answer?

- Your are gonna give access to anyone that needs access.

I gave. Went for a 15 days vacation.

Our server got blocked by our cloud provider because of ssh brute force attempt coming from it and the company website went offline during a big ass meeting because of that.

Made me giggle :)

Happened a few weeks ago but still awesome.

Me and a good friend have a website together but we don't monitor it too much.
He studied with me in the same class but went towards frontend/apps where I chose backend/servers/security. He knows how to do basic Linux stuff but that's about it.

We were at a party when he noticed that our site was offline. Walked over to me (because I manage the server) to notify me so I could look into it said I'd look into it (phone):
*visits site: nothing*
*online dig tool: got the server ip*
*remembered this one didn't have pubkey authentication - after three passwords attempts I'm in*

"service apache2 status"
*service doesn't exist*
*right, migrated this one from Apache to nginx....*
"history"
*ah, an nginx restart probably suffices...*
"service nginx restart"

BAM, site is reachable again.

*god damnit, lets encrypt cert expired...*
"history"
*sees command with certbot and our domain both in one*
"!892"
*20 seconds later: success message*
*service nginx reload*

BAM, site works securely again.

"Yo mate, check the site again"

Mate: 😶 w-w-what? *checks site and his watch* you started less than two minutes ago...?
Me: yeah..?
Mate: 😶 now this is why YOU manage our server and I don't 😐

His face was fucking gold. It wasn't that difficult for me (I do this daily) but to him, I was a God at that moment.

Awesome moment 😊

Client : Can you make some adblock?
Me : Why? There is a lot of good things already...
C : I mean... Listen carefully.
M : ok
C: i have some google ads and user blocks with adblock
M : yeah, that is normal
C : so i implemented adblock blocker which blocks adblock so that i can show the webpage plus ads when the user disables adblock.
M : i bet users hate that.
C : yeah, so users found out a way to disable adblock blocker which disables adblock blocker which i implemented to show the ads! So i cant earn revenue..
M : so what?
C : Can you make ad block block block block?
M : Sure. How much will you give me ?
C : 20 to 30 dollars
M : great ( the most generous client ever seen)

*couple of years later*

Client : can you make ad block block block block block block block block block block?
Me : i cant understand
C : count the number of block
If there is odd number of block i means to block ads.
If there is even number of block ads, it means to show ads making user to disable ads.
M : so just tldr your request this time
C : even number
M : ok how much will you pay
C : 20 to 30 dollars

*next day*
C : can you..
M : offline

Who in the fucking world made ads, made adblock and made adblock block?

Offline status: online

...stackoverflow is offline...

How to decrease productivity of half of the globe in just 3 words:
Stackoverflow is offline

Boss: Google Excel sucks!
Me: You mean Google Sheets.
Boss: Whatever, there used to be formulas for the cells, just like offline Excel, but now it has some weird text like a web address...
Me: You're looking at the web address bar. Look down 20px and you have the cell formula.
Boss: Oh! Still, I don't like this Online Excel!

Someone's outlook wasn't connecting to a mail server.

Fair enough, colleague started debugging in the morning!

It worked fine on any client on linux/mac.

After a while the swearing started to come, for some reason outlook thought that the url used for incoming/outcoming email was offline, worked on any other system.

We all left him alone for the rest of the day.

At the end I walked to his desk aan went:
Me: hey man is it working already? *very sweet smile*
Him: *gives a death stare* fucking die 😡

😆😅

Been awake for like 18 hours.
Ok one last push to gitlab.
*Gitlab offline* welp, guess ill do that later, time for some sleep.
*Reads their status on twitter about data loss* (panic)

FUCK

StackOverflow is offline. Going home...

Client : hey there is a minor change in the iOS app.
Me : got it. Done. Sending the build now.

After 5 mins.

Client: heh, few more UDIDs. Can you add them ?
Me : yep. Sure.

After 10 mins.

Client : Hey, need a small change. The text field need to be little bit left.
Me : ugh. Okay. Will do it. Sending another build.

After 1 hr.

Client : hey, need a small help.

Me : Offline.

After our Head Of Software has terminated.

I started to take control over our development crew. And in this year I did more then the old head in the last 6 years.
- Swapped from plain old SVN to Gitlab.
- Build a complete autonomous deployment with Gitlab.
- Introduced code reviews.
- Started to refactor the legacy product with 500.000 lines of code...
- learned how to use confluent apache kafka and kubernetes to split the legacy project in many small and maintainable one.(not done yet)
- Last 3 weeks I learned how to use elasticstack with kibana and co. That we aren't blind anymore. Big dashboards are now shown in the middle of the room :) and maybe convinced my coworker that we use unity3d for our business application cause of support for all devices and same design on them. And offline capabilities. (Don't know if this was my best idea)
When I look back, I'm proud to did that much in one year alone. And my coworkers are happy too that they have less work with deployments and everything.
But I can't decide what's the title for this. System or Software Architect cause I litterallity did both :/

I fucked up again.

Someone needed a flashdrive for a presentation. Forgot that I keep personal code on on of them for backups (it's always nice when there is no reception to have an offline copy of my code, for instance when we go out into the bush or to remote areas).

I gave them my flashdrive. Forgot it had the code on.

Now someone at head office has taken my program, claimed it as their own - and has just earned themselves a decent amount of money (praised in the monthly company newsletter).

My program has been stolen (by my own stupidity) and butchered. It has been made into something that it was never intended to be.

Fuck that guy.

I downloaded the entire stackoverflow DB for offline use. And it's almost 94GB

$sis: hey $me, can you help me?
$me: Uhm, sure, what's wrong?
$sis. The printer doesn't work..
$me: what does it say?
$sis: what do you mean?
$me: like, when you try to print something, what does it say?
$sis: uhm... idk...where should it say something
$me: On your screen you should be getting an error message right?
$sis (now getting irritated for some reason): no it doesn't..
$me: okay, let me check it out
*I walk to the printer with my sister's laptop and plug in the usb*
*Select printer > click print*
"Printer offline"
$me: was it also saying this before
$sis: uhm...yes
$me: ok
At this point im already getting a bit fed up
$me: are you sure this port is working
$sis: yes, I am sure
Okay, check other ports just to be sure, also don't work.
After about 15 minutes of debugging, turns out she managed to unplug the cable on the printer...
And all I got was a "o thanks"
Fml

My new phone will probs arrive tomorrow and me and mates are going on a vacation to Germany next week.

Currently using nearly all bandwidth/ram of one of my dedicated servers to download maps for offline use (OpenStreetMaps) and convert them to formats OsmAnd can use.

No need for google maps ❤️

Just figured out that a server configuration I made about 3 months ago resulted in one of our main sites being offline.

No one fucking noticed it.
For 3 fucking months.
Amen.

The day Dev Rant goes offline...

I'm working on my own code editor with 'multiplayer', option to draw stuff, option to design algorithm schemes, option to browse SQLite databases and most importantly - I've based entire interface on HTML/CSS/JS and entire backend on C# and PHP, so it works both online (via browser) and offline (via program).

Tell me whatchu think, it's still work in progress.
(I've removed the name of it so when I share this project with my future employer, he doesn't connect the dots)

Internet: YOU are nothing without me.

My phone: Th..That's not true! She cc..can make calls ww..ithout you...and ss...send texts. Sh..Sh..She plays offf..offline games sometimes and has ddd..downloaded music to her storage that she could llii.. listen to and has a sshh..shit load of memes stocked that she sss..sometimes laughs at. I AM usef...ffuul :-/

Internet *lighting up a cigarette*: hahhaa! You can survive without me. If this were 10 YEARS ago! There's not a slightest chance, today.

My phone *starts sobbing*: sh..shut up sshhhuut uu..up.

Internet *blowing smoke rings*: you think you're the ONLY device she owns?? She has too many of them, but guess who is connected to all those devices! ME! She can't function without me. Hell, the world can't function without ME!

Electricity *rubbing it's eyes from sleep* - what's all that noise??

Phone: 😶

Internet: 😶

Phone: 🙂

(I'm about to fall asleep and there's no power right now. Back up ain't working. Life sucks)

So I was leaving work today and accidentaly clicked the chrome app, and discovered this gem

A completely normal workday.

Until suddenly... the Internet was gone. Like completely gone.

Out of nowhere the head of network administration appears right beside me, yelling completely over-pitched straight into my ear "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY ALL SERVICES ARE OFFLINE? WTF HAPPENED TO THE CONNECTION?..."

He disappeared as fast as he had arrived. With my ears still bleeding I got myself a cappuccino.

Several hours later the Internet was back. At the construction site infront of the headquarter the Internet cable was cut.

Wait. What about a second backup cable? It exists. Unfortunately both cables split only after the construction site.

You had one job anonymous engineer...

"Almond, I thought you said the cause of the outage the other week was that our server crashed?"

"The Tomcat server crashed, yeah. Not the physical server." (And you won't give me the time or budget to spin up any kind of redundant one, but that's besides the point...)

"Ok, but I've spoken to ops and they say none of the servers have gone offline in the last month?"

"Yup, the physical server was fine, it was the Tomcat server running on it that crashed."

"...so the server didn't crash?"

"We're mixing terms here. There's two things that can be referred to as the server. One is the physical machine, and one is an application running on it. The physical machine was fine, but
the application running on it crashed."

"What?! It's a very simple question. Did the server crash, or didn't it?!"

🤦‍♂️

Setup a pi to be functioning as vpn server and pihole tonight.

Now working on a Jasper voice assistant on another pi, because I can choose for offline speech processing and don't have to use a mass surveillance network for this (google).

Today is a good day.

HAHA. Classmates were trying to change my wallpaper or something on my laptop. They didnt even boot to the damn system. LOL. First they didnt know how to launch from GRUB. Ater they figured that out they were hit by SSD + HDD encryption. No fucking way they are gonna guess 28 character long decryption key which was randomly generated by my own program.
Revenge you say ?
Well done already.
The guy who had the idea had a notebook too. Well i just turned on the PC and hey look at that. Offline account with no password.Well i changed his wallpaper to just simple text. "USE PASSWORDS"
Oh yes this was all in the limits of fun. Nobody wanted to do some crazy shit that could break our systems. We were just having fun. But hey i guess i won.
Oh and yes as the second part of the revenge i was sending deauth packets to his PC all the time with help of Rpi zero in my desk. Damn was he pissed when i told him at th end of school that it was me.

Trello nailed the changelog with their offline sync update
(Yeah the rewrote the whole song)

People should be careful when naming servers after Greek gods or planets.
Notifications like "URANUS will be offline this weekend" may occur.

Just spoke with a guy who considers himself a PC expert.

He: You can always recover your offline data from your PC, even if you burn it.

Me: You just need to remove your hard drive.

He: Even if you remove your hard disk, offline data can be recovered from from RAM memory.

Me: WTF?? * Trying to explain him that RAM is a volatile memory*

He: Yeah but you can recover it from the BIOS.

Me: r u serius right now??

And I can continue, because we've unfortunately talked for about an hour.

Why these people consider themselves experts and why the fuck do they have to teach you things that the don't know. FML

"Can we build an app that works only in South Africa, for multiple clients, with no WiFi connection, each app contains an entire website and database to use offline, where any changes to one database synchronises every client's app, and also save those changes to our servers?"

These clients are hundreds of miles apart and on the other side of the world.

My friend just got this message.

In case anyone of you don't know, this offline version of 'new singles in your area'.

India is still stuck in 1980s.

Anybody interested?

For anyone that was too lazy to read all of @linuxxx's post. Here is a short summary. we are working together to create an informational website about online (and possibly offline) privacy. If this interests you, keep an eye out for updates from either me or @linuxxx

So this was only a few weeks ago. A client told us to turn our Android/iOS app into an app compatible with his phone - it needed to work online/offline and it needed to be able to take photographs. We didn't have much to go on but after a few calls we figured out he was using a very old Nokia (Snake era) that didn't even have a camera.

The hardest part was getting him to understand why we couldn't make the app.

I'd say Linux but seen that around a lot so I'll go with another favourite:

OsmAnd(+)

It's basically an offline navigation app which works with downloading maps offline and then you can use navigation without Internet (gps though of course).

It's very easy to use, looks okay enough and no fucking tracking at all. I was in Switzerland recently without any service (my friends didn't have service either and their navigation relies on Internet) and this fucker saves us big time.
Not saying that there aren't any other offline navigation apps but this one is awesome imo.

I automated the process of downloading songs from YouTube and transferring them to my phone.

This is how it works, very simple:
- I have a youtube playlist in which I add songs that I'd like to download
- When I run my python script, it parses my playlist and checks to see if I have added any new songs that aren't already downloaded
- Uses a library to download MP3 for all the songs I want to download
- Transfers all those MP3 files to a designated folder that is tracked by Google Music manager
- Google Music manager syncs those songs to my phone and downloads them for offline playback

That's it 😎 No need for YouTube Red

I'm going to run this script 24x7 on a Raspberry Pi, so everytime I add a new song to the playlist, script starts it's job without me running the script manually.

Sorry time female dogs.

I have had a love hate relationship with Google.

I hate them for:
- Ill intentions
- Privacy breaches
- Tracking users
- Building products only to kill them later
- Bandwidth throttling

I love them for:
- Amazing UX
- Smooth integration
- Cross device availability
- Bandwidth throttling

Anyway, most of you know that I was planning a short vacation to London in July. I booked aeroplane tickets and my first halt was at Istanbul.

I love networking and meeting new people. I use couchsurfing too alongside other platforms to meet and interact amazing people out there.

I reached out to this girl in Istanbul to meet and if she can show me around. My first message was in English to which she responded that she does not speak English.

I used Google translate to talk to her in Turkish. Everything went so fucking smooth. We finalised to meet.

The way we met in Istanbul can be a story in itself. So if you all are curious, let me know and I shall post it in comments.

Now the real thoughtful part by Google is that people will use their Translate app in foreign land where chances are they will not have internet access. The languages are available offline. Fucking brilliant.

I downloaded Turkish language offline and it worked smoothly. It was great grammatically too.

We met and communicated via Google Translate app which I had offline and had a real great time.

If not for Google, I wouldn't have been able to meet such an amazing person in an unknown territory.

No doubt the company is doing bad things, but in some ways, they are fucking awesome.

A: man Stack Overflow is a paradise on earth, anything I need is on there, it never lets me down.

"Stack Overflow is currently offline for maintenance"

A: ......PANIC

Well that was a good little time off :)

Decided to go offline for a little and that was a good one, hello again.

Wrote a geoip service because I hate rate limits and such so fuck it, why not write one myself (data is not that accurate as it's free but quite alright if you ask me) (front end still fucking sucks).

So yes, that's I guess :P

just wanted to share with you guys where I go when I need some offline / away from PC time. Hope you like it!

The 5 whys

So.. we cant deploy

Why? > We had to take our deployment tool offline
Why? > Because random people from the internet started deployments
Why? > Because we had no authentication and so it was publicly available
Why? > Boss said auth was no priority (we told him every day)
Why? > ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At office we sometimes lose our internet connection, the strange part is that it's not fully gone, if you (for example) ping an ip directly, it's fine. But if you try to load any web pages, or do any other kind of internet usage, it won't.

We finally know why...

It's because another company in the same building is uploading some huge thing and using all of the available upload bandwidth (200 mb/s)

So that's nice... Let's put a limiter on that so they DON'T FUCKING KICK US OFFLINE WHEN THEY NEED TO UPLOAD SOME.... WHAT EVER THEY MAKE...

I had an idiot as my boss once. The guy was a principal architect at the time, and thought it would be a good idea to demonstrate his/our project to the entire org in an auditorium. The project inclined turning the User's phone as the entertainment unit in the car. He spoke of all the bells and whistles, about how you can listen to music, watch videos while in the car. A guy expressed his concern about the cost and availability of 3g/4g data in India, our target market. He blatantly dismissed the concern claiming one doesn't use data while watching videos, as you aren't downloading or saving anything. If you save the video offline only then you consume data. I have never seen a group of 200 odd people grow silent that quick. People looking around uncomfortably. And then this ass goes, "My team is sitting back there. Reach out to them if you have any doubts.."

I sunk in my seat as low as I possibly could without falling down

*wants to do some coding for once*
Stack Overflow: sorry, we're offline 😶

Classic 😑

Also it's Monday. Coincidence? Most certainly not!!

~ Freelancer.com Week #1 ~

Project: I need someone to debug an application's code and review it. Budget 30 bucks.

Bid: I am an experienced developer I can probably review it in an hour.

client: Hi, need you to check if app is contains virus [link to scam website]

me: sure, download supposed "social Bitcoin miner" and run some AV tests...8+ positive flags for a Trojan virus.

>Me: It's a Trojan virus mate it's not legitimate😟

>Client: Can you remove the Trojan virus so that the legit not stays?

Me: Umm there is no bot mate it's just a virus 😕 I wouldn't open it outside a sandbox

Client: But here it says Bitcoin faucet bot [links shitty how-to youtube video]

Me: 😒 it's not real dude you are about to get scammed, I can test it in a VM if you. . .

Client: I opened it already, it's working

Me: 😮 r u sure?

Client: yes, can you install VM for further testing?

Me: sure, in your computer?

Client: yes

Me: just download the windows image and text me when it's done

Client: My disc is full! Only 3 gb left

Me: 😑 call me when you clean it

Client: [ offline ]

I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.

These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?

A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.

3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.

and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!

Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!

Pro tip: never set custom script stuff related to dns server forcing things in a root firewall app if you don't know what you're doing.

How would I know? There's a slight chance that I just went offline for a few days (mobile only) to figure this shit out 😅

All fixed now, though!

*Got a request for installing and configuring an online shop for a client*

Me: Do you have a web space already?
Client: No, I don't want to pay for it. (FYI: They only cost about 20€ a year)
Me: Okay, but free hosters are often slow and unprofessional. I really do not recommend using free hosting services.
Client: Doesn't matter, do it.
Me: *Working on the shop for several weeks, finally goes online*
One week later, client contacts me saying shop is offline. I realize the free hoster he used shut down their services (bankruptcy), resulting in the loss of about 90% of the work that I had done (no proper backups due to complexity)
Client: How can that even happen? You'll redo the shop, right?

♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Who else agrees that the play store should have a section which tells if an app needs a mandatory login to use it ? Like why the hell does a simple offline planner todo app need you to sign-up if you don't wanna use cloud backup. Jeez the user just trusted you by spending valuable time and bandwidth downloading your app. You owe it to him to show him some features of the app before shoving a sign up in his face. As an app developer myself I really think that this kind of behaviour turns off more users than anything else.

So my ISP just called me again that I'm sending plenty of spam. This time, I have all flows logged, so I know for sure that it wasn't my TV (only vulnerable device with internet access) and as my switch was offline there is nothing in front of my router anymore. And I learned that all the spam was going directly to their smtp server which I never used and didn't even know they have some. All in all everything points to their cable modem. Will tell them that in response to the mail they promised to send me. Really looking forward to new at least a little bit competent ISP (alternative should be available soon).

!rant but nightly thoughts about wrecking clients that won't pay

If you're building something for a client for money, think of a killswitch.

If it requires internet anyway and you have a webserver, do something similar to what the killswitch of WannaCrypt was (but rather checking for a file on the webserver for existing/non-existing). If the client won't pay, kill the application. If the client pays, maybe even deliver a version without killswitch later (as a "bugfix")

If it is some offline project, you can check for a date (payment due date?) and also check for date/time manipulation on the system itself, and disable the killswitch via a "bugfix" version later just like above.

If clients pay, they don't have trouble. Else, they do.

I didn't know that the colour of the Chrome offline game changes once you have reached a certain score. Also these birds are annoying.

I’ve just talked to my cousin (24 yo) about smartphones, since I saw that he has an old phone and I asked him if he wanted to buy my old S6 (for reasonable price), he declined this offer moreover he said that he is not planning to change his current device. I was kinda shocked tbh how one can live like that (being online only when using PC), a while after that I realised that he was the one who was smart in this conversation, the one that does not get influenced by others in this matter. I wish I could live like that, when he is not available, he’s just not available. I mean this rant is not purely dev related, but, quite a lot of us here are maintaining some projects, maybe need to talk to managers after their work to make some decisions, doing some side projects. I know that we sort of agreed with those rules at the beginning, but don’t forget to stay offline for some time, especially now when holidays are coming and there will be occasions to spend some time with our families. Just a friendly reminder :)

Guys guys guys. Conversation had right just now. A PM from the company I’m freelancing for just said

“We need to move away from SQL server and shift all the data to MongoDB. I don’t want it to take more than a month tops”

Verbatim. No context. Nothing. The website is for a small time supply chain software that’s been chugging along for a decade now with spaghetti code everywhere.

How do I even respond? The other guy who works with me sent 😂😂😂 to me privately and now is offline lol wtf

Bloomberg has revealed that Google has signed a secret deal with Mastercard that allows it to track what users buy offline

Two days ago...

I was happy, building out the network in a new lokation.

Suddenly my phone just doesn't want to stop ringing, from all the other lokation calling in that they can't connect to HQ.
Then HQ calls, we don't have internet, nothing works. The one guy on location who has access to the server room enters and finds all the servers offline and a couple of breakers blown.
Turn on breakers, servers won't boot properly.
Me in a taxi and hurry to HQ, to help boot the servers.

Afterwards I find out that one of the bosses spilled a cup of coffee on his desk, shorting the circuit.
Apparently he is on the same breaker group as the servers!?! What the actual fuck!

At least now the other bosses are like; yeah, we need to do something about that

> pic related
This is what I've been putting up with on my personal machine for months.

tl;dr: Suggestions for a wlan card/adapter for Debian9? My current RealTek wnic is barely functional, and my replacement (a TPLink... something) is completely incompatible.

I don't need anything super fancy, though I would ofc love support for AC/AD if at all possible.

I don't care (too much) about price, since I'm only going to buy one and very likely won't replace it for years.

------

I'm running Debian9 and have a have a RealTek card. Even when it's not arbitrarily dropping packets like in the screenie, it randomly caches them for up to 90 seconds and dumps them hilariously out of order. I can't play games like that. I can barely even browse devRant. Steam goes offline about once every 30 seconds, and therefore spams all of my friends with online/offline notifications. Streaming "works" on good days. Git works fine, however, so most days I don't notice the connection issues.

And yes, I'm using a community-patched driver (rtl8188ce) that's supposed to fix some of RealTek's more major screwups and increase the transmit power by ~20x. The driver helps, but only a little.

I've done some reasearch on wlan linux support, but haven't found anything very reassuring. Mostly just forum posts saying things like "Intel cards usually work fine!" I don't want to gamble. I just want to buy a card that will work and be done with it. :(

Suggestions? Insight?

I have to do 3 hours of offline coding for a job interview.
Started my Windows VM 30mins earlier:
"Updating Windows"
Now at 33% and the mail describing what I should do comes in 8mins.
Yeah. 😡

Ten Immutable Laws Of Security

Law #1: If a bad guy can persuade you to run his program on your computer, it's not solely your computer anymore.
Law #2: If a bad guy can alter the operating system on your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #3: If a bad guy has unrestricted physical access to your computer, it's not your computer anymore.
Law #4: If you allow a bad guy to run active content in your website, it's not your website any more.
Law #5: Weak passwords trump strong security.
Law #6: A computer is only as secure as the administrator is trustworthy.
Law #7: Encrypted data is only as secure as its decryption key.
Law #8: An out-of-date antimalware scanner is only marginally better than no scanner at all.
Law #9: Absolute anonymity isn't practically achievable, online or offline.
Law #10: Technology is not a panacea.

And then suddenly our website loses all its icons, Slack chat errupts in panic and then we figure out that fontawesome itself has gone offline

What a wonderful world we live in

Internet went down at the office, was 10pm so probably time to stop working anyways.

Get home, Internet is down. Text friend, their Internet is down.

The isp for this entire area is offline.

The title of this email made me click it (more so since I was offline for an entire day) but this is what I found..

The client wanted to add "offline mode" to a massive webapp we had just completed.

Professor: You may use all the offline material on your computer while taking the exam

Me: Downloads 50 stack overflow and tutorials point pages as PDF just in case I get an error I can't solve or forget basic syntax

At least we don't have to do it on paper...

I hate the thought of getting stuck on something that would require 5 seconds of Googling to solve during an exam :/

Well, the system is offline, links are broken and users are complaining! Developer, what did you do?

After some digging around the designer made a "simple change" to a csv file, add a column to include the image file name of each item...

I mean, it just shifted ALL THE COLUMNS in a csv file but what could go wrong? 🤦‍♂️

Believe it or not git is quickly becoming a piece of software that I hate as much as windows. It’s really disappointing to think that a shit idea like a global .gitconfig came from the same mind that brought us Linux.

The number of times that I’ve committed to a repository several hundred times over the course of several months only to then discover six weeks later that my last thousand commits were using an email that I don’t want associated with that project, or for that matter an email at all when I want to remain anonymous is getting fucking ridiculous.

And of course it’s damn near impossible to go back and fix old commits without major surgery and being the admin of the repo.

You know code is bad when it’s GPL licensed and it’s still threatening your privacy on a large scale multiple times. How does one fuck up version control that badly? God damn it I have to authenticate to push, just mark my commits with that user tag. It’s arbitrary and nice.

If that doesn’t work with the local and remote schema then maybe you should have fucking thought of that before you designed it. News flash... I have never found that useful at all other than caching commits offline when I don’t have internet.

Im so enraged over this that I can’t sleep

I know many shitheads who are concerned about privacy and all show off with #DeleteFacebook trend without knowing the details.

But the same people aren't hesitant to share their information offline with a complete stranger while filling up forms at any event, bank, saloon or mall for follow up spam e-mails, telephone calls and messages.

Sometimes people are the problem and not these corporations.

We are surrounded by stupid fucktards and morons.

Be prepared, alert and aware of the surroundings because future is full of retards.

So my host of choice decided to migrate an old site to a new set of IPs without warning yesterday, down side to a VPS I guess.

Now this wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t on a dedicated IP you wankers.

DNS won’t resolve to new location yet and Virtual hosts contained the old IPs and for some fuck of a reason the httpd file is auto generated 😡so updating it will be lost on reboot.

Like What the flying fuck you imbeciles, this site has been up and running for 5+ years on this IP.
I barely do any maintenance for t as it’s just an old horse sitting on the web but fuck you don’t need to fuck with it or atleast give some fucking warning before you go drop it offline 😡

I'm not sleeping, I'm offline.

Every standup, we had to make a skype call to the other office in UK. At that office was the QA lead and for this project she was on our team. One day she came in late to the standup and just looked pissed or sick or SOMETHING. This was particularly strange because usually she was incredibly cheery and "the life of the meeting" in a sense. After everybody's update, she was asked if she had anything to say. She started fucking mumbling some shit I couldn't hear because of the bad audio quality, then she progressively raised her voice until finally she was yelling and cussed out the PM, ending it off with "ALL FUCKING BECAUSE OF YOU, <PM>!!" Everybody was just fucking speechless and confused as fuck. Nobody understood what her fucking issue was, but the PM (on my end of the call) was not taking that shit! "LOOK LADY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR COMPLAINT IS BUT THIS IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE." Blah blah, he gave it to her good, told her they needed to take it offline, ended the call abruptly and then turned to all of us and said, "Jesus Christ, what drugs is she taking?" To this day I have no idea what the hell happened but it's still one of my funniest memories at that company.

When you wrote your epic answer/ novel and try to submit.🤦‍♂️

fren: do you have a date this valentines?

me: nah fam

fren: what u doin rn

me: [Insert technical explanation of Kubernetes here]

fren: [goes offline]

Our team was having a problem with very slow response times from a 3rd party web service they were contacting to get some device stats. No issues on the other end, but it had already been weeks. They ask me to take a look at it.

I take a few days, do a couple of benchmarks and tests and I isolate the section of code responsible. Turns out, the method they were calling would timeout if the device was offline. We ask the vendor, and they confirm this. They tell us to call methodX to check if it was up.

After having done that, lookup now only took seconds. They were annoyed that it wasn't documented but was just glad it was fixed.

Here's wishing DevRant had an offline mode so I can read through rants on a long flight.

Got so many. (remember where I am from? 😁) Gonna share my favorite first.

X : I want a web app that my staffs can use and update data from different branches.

Me : Ok I can development such project.

X : But I want them it offline so they can use the app even with slow internet or no internet.

Me : 💀

// The data are shared across the branches BTW.

Been a long long time guys, been really long time.

Though I check dR everyday for notifs, comments and mentions, I am unable to go through my feed and/or interact with you all. Something that I miss a lot.

I often want to rant or post something but just lack the time, enough motivation or ability to structure my thoughts into words.

Lots going on in life with new side projects which I have been nearing completion. New role at work and job hunt along with offline socialising. Have been spending time with family too.

I really really want to be more active here and talk to you all. To my old friends here, I want to have fun with you all with trolling each other and sharing some really great tech (and philosophical) knowledge. To new folks, I want to discuss awesome things we both know.

So if you know me already, tell me what's happening guys? Let's get back to some fun.

If you don't, drop by and say hi, let's talk fun stuff.

I am Floydian. I love music (Rock/Metal), also a Product Manager at Oracle who was a tester earlier. What do you do and what do you like?

One day after the release of the website of a medium sized travel company, I made a big mistake by accidentally taking it offline for 1 hour during peak usage (~150 simultaneous visitors).
Turns out deleting the wrong image transformation cache folder in production can hang up the PHP process for taking too much load on regenerating image transformations.

The designer of PHP probably took a big load too while creating the first draft.

One of the dumbest things I've done as a dev... I was a front-end/php guy that got hired into a asp.net company. My boss told me to take down a section of the website. I hopped on the server and started looking at files and saved a config file. 2 minutes later I had 3 devs in my office asking what I'd done that took down our entire network.

Thankfully my boss laughed it after they republished the site, but that was my intro into asp.net development.

How do u validate the license key of your offline application ?
(In a way that a cracker would have less chance to find the serial like this )

localhost, because it's always available even when I'm offline. The cloud is just a bunch of computers after all.

So yeah, we released our app for 26k people to use two days ago. Due to circumstances not under our control, that was developed way faster than it should've. Today we're two days in and everything is going horrible. 26 thousand people are having trouble using it (not every problem is our fault, but ofc they don't give a shit) and our support team is not big enough to handle every request. We're not able to find any more people to help us handle it, so some developers are being used for support. But that slows the bugfixes a lot. We're at risk of losing our jobs because we will not be able to make it work in due time.

In Italy, at the beginning of the year a particular type of invoice became necessary and to handle that everyone needs a particular kind of email called "certified", you know, because Italy, and today our certified email server went offline for the whole fucking day because the provider was an overload of feces. We were overwhelmed by the amount of people that needed help.

I don't even know what to say, if we don't fix it we're fucking fucked, like literally.

I really hope everyone is having a nice new year. For us, this is going terrible.

Online offline

After 3 years finally taking an actual holiday... I don't have my computer with me, no access to work, no WiFi... Just my beautiful family, the beach and a beautiful resort to explore.

A lot of people have been asking me lately for a nice way to organize their movies and series piling up in their drives:

If you've got like a huge collection of films and TV shows that you've kept for re-watching now and then, you can set up your own personal media server at home using a free app called 'Plex'.

Plex will automatically scan your drive for movies or series, fetch their metadata from the internet, index the info and create fully searchable libraries for each genre. It's like having your personal version of Netflix 'offline'.

And with that setup, you can stream your media on any device connected to your WiFi : TV, tablet, laptop, phone etc.

I hope someone finds this useful.

Fucking spotify client is so bad.

Sometimes I want to listen to some music while coding in the train. Turn on "offline mode" and go to "artists". Only one fucking song of soad. I go to "songs" and suddenly 10 songs of soad.I go to playlists and 40 more songs.

Get your fucking shit together. If you have 50 songs downloaded in some playlist you can display them in "songs" and "artists" too you pile of shit

The Linux Kernel is propably the best working example for open source.

Personally I had the most exciting experiences with open source games, like Super Tux Cart, OpenTTD, 0 A.D.
Once I watched a streamer playing OpenRCT2, but the Twitch integration server, which allows to have the names of the people in chat appear in the game, was offline. Because the game is open source, I was able to have a look at the API, write my own server in a couple of hours and share it. Was a really funny stream then!

Wine is a great project, too. I really like the idea that people cooperate with each other to bypass commercial limitations and on this way be able to play their favourite games on a free operating system.

It rains today thus university's server goes offline again...
#precisionengineering
<rant/>

Way after office hours, random ping!!

Client: Hey man you're a ninja, i have heard so much about you from my team, you're really good. Thanks for everything.

Me(Overwhelmed): Gee, this is my job :)

C: So, can you do a small change to the website!! 😨

Me: Okay

2 days later. After office hours!!

C: Hey Ninja... and all that crap...

Me: Starts typing... Goes offline!!
Fuck you!!

Hotest bug: a server in Vietnam kept going offline then popping back a few seconds later. While logged on I couldn't find anything wrong, so eventually I decided to go check on it. It turns out the aircon in the server room situated right above the server has started leaking, so the ever-helpful ops people onsite has wrapped the whole rack in plastic, covering all vents. Surprisingly hard to kill, old HP servers...

Here we see the world's thickest user of 2FA. That tokens are stored offline is literally the whole premise of TOTP.

!rant
For the second time in a row, one of our customers decided not to pay their server. The server, on which a lot of the work we did for them (online shop) was hosted. Shortly after completion, we specifically told them to backup their stuff on a daily basis, secure their server and regularly update it... Guess who did neither of those things, in addition to not paying their server after more than 5 reminders, and still complains about their shop being offline. Fucking idiots.

Got an [IMPORTANT] email today from <some third party company> saying they discovered a problem with their software and were working on it with high prority. Problem description made my day: "<some third party company> would like to inform you that offline users using iPad may not be able to synch due to technical reasons". - wait what?!

Working with client at different timezone (+3 hours difference). Client time: 5 P.M.

C: a blocker issue found
Step to reproduce:
Step 1: import the attached file
Step 2: blabla

Please get this fixed today.

Me: *where's the attached file?* Opens up ly*c, type his name and.... status offline.

Okay then, time to post my first rant. And get depressed until cob. 😔

Offline dictionary say what??

Personally I am starting to think that any development tools, resources and sites should not be allowed to use marketing dribble.

It should go
-> Land on home page
-> Hi, we are a realtime database cloud host
-> no you cannot host it yourself
-> here is code to speak to our servers
-> here is the cost
->now take it or go.

Something like that, and not

We provide clients with the leading cloud and hosted data solutions that can scale vertically and horizontally on and offline data management keeping people connected and saving kittens.

Fuck you show me one kitten you saved? Lying pieces of shit that do not want to just say hey this is what we have , this is ours, it may not be much but it is what we believe in and if you would like to use it here is how , thank you now move the fuck along our server can't handle so many concurrent connections.

Today I build a queue to spread the load of the 300.000 daily caculations. To prevent slow server response time from to many analist calculating at the same time.

First run on the server I managed to get the server load to 120% and get us offline for 30 minutes.

Accepation environment and production are on the same hardware.

Today was not a good day.

My internet is offline. I can already feel the withdrawal symptoms. 😕

I'm so fucking done with net neutrality. the only ones who want it are verion, comcast, and other big isps.

fuck them.

this is fucking merica. nobody wants it, and this is a government designed for the people. I guess it only works in theory.

the talk about this has been fucking exhausting. how much clearer could it be?

how does it keep coming up? so much of the economy is online. why would congress want this? this should be a fucking fundamental right. no bs, just fast speeds everywhere. i hate all the isps thinking that because the world is so reliant on the internet, they control everything.

isps are a service. that's it.

they're not a profiler or advertiser, just a service.

and if that changes, I'll buy a bunch of flash drives and go offline.

bottom line, we should have privacy, neutrality, and a safe web. fuck those greedy bastards.

*chats someone*
*someone gets offline*

My internet went out the other day and I genuinely didn't know what to do with myself! Pacing around my apartment until it came back 2 hours later.
I think I need to get out more or at least get some friends but, you know... people.

Some office incident reminded me of this old joke,
Boss: Why is the website (platform) offline?
IT Guy: There is a problem with MySQL.
Boss: Oh, then you could change to OurSQL or YourSQL.
This always cracks me up, 😂😂😂

Going on a trip in the middle east in less than 48 hours. Not gonna take my laptop. Can't risk losing it. Most likely will be offline for over a week.

Excited to see the pyramids and the holy sites. I wonder if seeing those holy sites for real would make me religious. 🤔

Most importantly, hope to be back in one piece🤞🏻

I'm currently in the progress of deleting whatsapp and migrating to signal.
The hardest part of it is dealing with friends and family. I informed them about the incoming whatsapp-deletion tomorrow and the results were mixed. One friend told me she will not use signal, but i haven't talked with her that much anyway so... My mother asked me "can you not do this because i don't have space left on my phone?", my father told me "can you tell me about [...] before you go offline?", 2 people don't seem to care, and only my cousin contacted me on signal yet.

I have signal for 3 years now and even invited people to it, but i got the expected response "but all my friends are on whatsapp". Until recently i was the one with the shitload of messengers on my phone but some people can't be bothered to install a second one because i want to take one step (out of many to follow) to widen my privacy.
I'm really pissed by now and will declare any contact lost due to this as collateral damage.

What if everyone in the world go offline for a week?😢

Back when I started my career (12 months ago lol), I was in IT support. Having to deal with people who have hard times locating and reading off a sticker, let alone telling me their IP adress, only to realize it's the whole store that's offline, not only their PC (gosh do they ever talk with each other). So I decided to code a small tool that shows your hostname and IP adress, and pings the router, firewall and Google DNS. Aaand just in case the number for the IT hotline. Plan was that we could just tell them to double-click on that one icon on their desktop and read out what it says. We deployed it and I was happily waiting for it's time to shine (still a trainee I was also kinda proud of it), but when the network engineer found out, he wasn't happy about it at all. He was afraid too many people would open that new tool without us telling them to do so and/or forget to close it, producing a number of pings to the router, firewall and google. He went on about Google maybe blocking our IP if we produce too many pings and so on.
In my opinion he was kinda overreacting, but he wasn't that wrong and is a nice guy and responsible for our network, so we recalled the tool and never actually used it.

Stack Overflow is offline

"No i mean the bot goes offline like whatever is hosting it goes offline and then the bot literally doesnt respond to commands"

- One guy trying to prove how "unreliable" a bot is.
Kill me.

Implemented complex AD tracking system for offline conversions back to ads.

Me: It's done and works and it's based on cookies.

Tech Manager: What if the cookies get deleted all the tracking is gone.......

Me in my head: Stop trying to be clever with the dotdotot ....

Me in real life: Same as Analytics and Adwords .......all that tracking is gone.

FN smart ass.

Just a reminder, services like Google Photos are not a backup.

Want to lose nearly three years of photos?
Use Google Photos and do not keep offline back ups of your photos / Takeout archives.

Me: hey mr backend guy, front end guy here, having some trouble with $thing, here's a detailed explanation of my issue, could you let me know if $thing is still active?

Him: hi

Me: ... hi, so about that issue I'm running into...

<crickets time="1hr"/>

Him: ok........checking ....

<crickets time="2hr"/>

Him: (offline)

SSSSSSOOOOO guess I'm figuring this one out myself

After finishing apprenticeship my boss wanted to print every source code of our website (also CMS) as well our onlineshop (the whole not just own modules).
His intention was to inspect the code offline so he can i.e. lay sheets side by side for an better overview about any relations. Ich knew that he won't believe me if i tell him that's a bad idea so i printed over 10000 sites of source code.
He never looked a single time over it

Oh my gosh I hate SSL so much. A cert expired this morning, and with it, 29 digital signs are now offline. Shoot me now.

Will be offline for few days.
If you see me like/comment to your post or post any rant until next month, please mention me there with "gitlog do your work or you'll not make it"

I'm offline after 5pm

Update on the asshole trying to come visit me, according to police he was dead drunk, further look at the offline CCTV he even tried to knock on my backyards glass sliding doors (only accessible by CLEARLY trespassing) and my neighbours saying he was yelling incoherent shit, I got also basically told "we can't do much, because he hasn't hurt nobody nor destroyed anything".

Forget mobile first... it's offline first now

(Said Google 2016 about webapps, not sure if they're still on that trip...)

Our documentation is currently stored in a VM image after the host died, meaning we have no access to anything - good times!

"Let's take that discussion offline"

The Windows vista laptop running in the driving school with unpaid Kaspersky Security, offline 24/7, not updated since ever. Windows Update won't even open.

I know I added a rant to wk65 already, but this is another one.

At my final project at school, I made an app that registered all your medicine, surgeries, appointments and medicine alarms, so it worked as a medical history. It also was able to show on the lock screen, in case of emergency, your allergies and recent but dangerous surgeries.

At the presentation day there were 3 guys, me and two of my colleagues. The first one had a car dealership tracker, really awesome app, which I helped build by teaching him everything I knew about Android, I didn't do any code, I really just taught him. The second guy, he made a pharmacy tracker, to which, again, I helped make without doing MOST code (I helped on obtaining GPS data). First presentation was awesome, second presentation was really boring because the guy was constantly showing the judges that the app could detect when you were offline (really simple to do).

At my presentation, I thought it was horrible, super nervous and I even thought I was trembling.

So, then, the judges spoke, apparently they knew I helped the previous two, they thought I had the best app, they thought I had the best presentation and needless to say, I got 20/20 on the project. One of the judges even said that if I was selling the app, he'd buy it.

The second colleague didn't like that, and I later found out he was focusing so much on that offline stuff because he wanted to show he was better than me, shows that I really need to see who I really should help...

I felt really really badass after that day, because I left the school, and to this day, I had the best app/project and grades that school had seen and given. Even more when the school offered me a scholarship!

Why the hell do so many Android games require internet? I want to play it in undergound when I have nothing better to do! If I had Internet I could be doing something usefull instead of playing stupid games! Even devRant survives by caching in the stations and doesn't f***ing close whenever I'm offline!

What do you use YouTube/NewPipe for?

I am using it to fall asleep when nothing else helps. Boring YouTubers are good for such a reason, guys lol.
I use it to do sport, to chill, to game, to be productive, to learn, to have some noise when I am bored (e.g. eating).
Offline music while taking a shower.

So tell me... What do you use it for?

My friend asked me today "So why can't MySQL connect to client side JavaScript?"

Most succesful project was around this time last year.

A scary club of privacy haters made a 'webapp' to advise people what to vote for in the national elections.

The tool was really bad in multiple ways. For instance, if two parties would score the same amount of points, one would, at random take second place without conveying this to the user.

Oh and it also collected all the data people entered "for scientific purposes". A very sketchy practice, a non profit, funded by the government and George Soros (I kid you not, illuminatie confirmed ;) ).

The tool had this disclaimer on the bottom, saying this webapp needs cookies to function. So that triggered me to make a copy of the tool that works better and ... offline, and without cookies. You could download a html file and turn of your wifi (for the paranoid ppl among us), use the tool, delete the file. No trace.

It was a little bit of tung and cheek project, a gimick, the original was called stemwijzer, mine was called offline stemwijzer.

It was a one day build and a day after launching I got a call of the original stemwijzer project leader. Demanding to take the thing offline for infringing copyright (yeah sort of was). I tried to explain him why I made this and why privacy for such things should be held in high regard. He basicly told me I was talking shit and did not want to discuss, I told him I don't take stuff offline because of phone calls. I told him to email me a seist and desist.

So that guy prolly had a stressful day (because of the launch of his tool), had a few glasses of wine, and wrote an email. He wrote me I was a pathtic kid and I should do more useful stuff. He wrote that anyone could program a tool like that. And he wrote me I should do him a favour not share this email with my measly amount of twitter followers. Super professional email.

So I did him that favour, I did not share it with my twitter followers, I shared it with one of the largest political blogs in the country.

My tool sort of took of after that. To stop infringing copy right I changed the name and I removed their content from the script and wrote instructions on how to copy and paste in the json content yourself and "make your own tool".

The response was great, people actually emailed me job offers and I think that the current job I have is due to the succes of said project. So be balsy, challenge giants, start riots, it will get you places.

Nothing ticks me off faster than non working websites or apps of big companies.

For example how can it be that the Lufthansa app has no offline support for ticket stuff and loads like all their requests worldwide would be handled by one raspberry pi A...
YOU GOT THE MONEY SO GET THIS SHIT DONE

Shortlisted hackathon apps:
1. Transmit strings between two phones using sound.
Why the fuck? Why are we reinventing the wheel?
2. Offline payment services app. Sounds cool but is no way feasible in the real world.

The judge of the hackathon was some old PhD college professor who was yawning at the begining of the presentation who didn't understand what was heroku and didn't even bother to listen.
Lessons learnt:
1. Stick to corporate hacakathons
2. Query regarding the judges of the hackathon

Don't give me Mobile First! Fuck That!

I dev on desktop, most users are on desktop, my client thinks desktop is most important, so why the hell should I put mobile first??

And doublefuck "Offline First".

Get back to earth Google!

FUCK SPOTIFY
This bloated buggy piece of shit
This fucking piece of bull dick that runs efficiently as much as a legless cockroach this motherfucker thinks its offline even though its in the motherfucking browse screen and I have a 4.5g connection (this retarded cunt) fills space faster than a hot gas released in a vacuum chamber just to fix its goddamn internet bug I have to reboot my damn phone. I see so many damn bugs in this shitty app that I think they rolled back to the alpha versions sometimes if I had any other god damn alternatives (google music is not available where Im from fuck you too google) the only thing I would give them would be my middle fingers. It just fucking froze on me while I'm just trying to listen to my Retrowave playlist while I fucking get ready for bed FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU YOU RETARDED INFECTION FILLED CUNT I WOULD PUT A BIKE CHAIN ON MY DICK AND RAM YOU WHILE WE ARE TIED TO A CAR THAT DRIVES OFF OF A CLIFF IF YOU WEREN'T AN INCOMPETENTLY PUT TOGETHER 1S AND 0S

Why is chromecast so stupid?

So I'm on vacation, in another country, in a hotel. I took my chromecast and downloaded offline music to be able to use the TV for at least some entertainment.

Wifi is with login, chromecast doesn't support that. And it has isolation so I was prepared that it won't work through the hotel wifi. So I used another phone to create a Hotspot, but with no internet because roaming here is crazy expensive.

I thought that would work, but chromecast simply refuses to work if there is no internet access.

Why does it need internet if I'm streaming locally anyway?

So I temporarily activate data roaming, and hooray it works, so I quickly disconnect because I have no idea what this shit of a device will start sending to Google and how much I'm gonna pay for it. It works for 10 minutes then it crashes and needs internet again.

Most useless piece of crap I ever bought.

Should have brought my RPi instead but it's busy keeping my home alive and well while I'm gone. Should have ordered in bulk.

A while ago I stumbled upon this cheap vps provider called dedistation (lowest was $15/year), so I end up buying a one year subscription and transferred all of my personal sites to it. Fast forward six month later, uptime robot notified me that my vps is down. No problem, I'll just submit a ticket. Few days go by and I yet to receive a response. Not a problem, I'll just try and login via the serial interface and get my shit, no luck there either.
Seems like these motherfuckers just packed up and went offline without a shit given.
No response, no notification untill today! How more twat a company could be?
Lessons learned the hard way
- always backup regularly
- check and transfer nameserver or no emails for days.
- you get what u pay for (haven't learned this fully yet. Went again with a cheap legit-ish provider (arubacloud)

- Launch the new version of the system I have been refactoring for 2 years and counting, then ceremoniously burn (literally) the legacy code as well as the cluster fuck of hardware it runs on.

- Decrease my stress + bus factor by bringing another up to speed on my code & the new version (his cluster fuck now).

- Pay attention to & take better care of health, my wrists in patricular.

- Find a mentor and mentor someone else.

- Get out of crisis management mode and find the time to write tuts, experiment and live a little.

- Find & join a local dev meetup, maybe make a local dev friend.

- Book leave and actually take it, preferabbly without having to take my laptop to the beach - actually, preferabbly at least have the choice to take a offline vacation.

- Sort through the drives containing ALL the code I have ever written, migrate the usefull interesting bits to Github.

Phew, that bit of self reflection was intense! I'm adding a cron to my server to sms & email me this rant in a year to remind me what hope looks like.

Warning: this is not a rant. I'm too happy and excited to rant right now.

Today I "finished" my first webpage!!!

Wohooo!

It's the blog I'll use. It's currently offline for obvious reasons but I intend to put it out there when I have more confidence on my skills and some content to put in it. I only used django, html and css, and I really dig the looks of it. My gf liked it so it can't be that ugly.

I still have a lot to learn with django, and I will add a thing or two to this
webpage but now I feel confident enough to make the backbone of my first real project : a platform to ease essay writing for history students. It's something simple for students to keep track of their essays thesis and ideas but also the bibliography they'll use and the thesis and ideas they think each text they read for the essay has. I intend later to extend the functionality so it can store all the texts the user has used in some useful and atractive manner so they can keep track of everything they've read, share it and use it for later works.

I'm so fucking excited I can't fucking sleep (it's 3 am right now).

We had a closed beta today for a product I've worked on for the last 6 months. We've been working late nights for the last week to make sure we get all the kinks out and make sure our demo went smoothly.

After a bit of hyping via a power point presentation by my colleague, we finally start the demo and of course the login fails. Both the API and database were offline. The servers were on but we just couldn't reach the applications. My colleague stalls and I get to debugging.

We were standing in front of 50 people who were hyped-up on a product that was failing in front of them.

But after 10 minutes (felt like an hour) of hemming and hawing, the app just decides to start running again.

What in the actual fuck? Does this happen to anyone else? Coz it feels like it happens to me every time.

Why the fuck do offline-enabled (music, video) apps load forever on slow network but instantaneously in airplane mode? Is it so difficult to show cached content first and refresh only once downloaded? Yes, I mean you, Spotify, Amazon Music, Amazon Video and Audible!!! 🤬

VPS offline. Heartbroken.

A project I've been a part of for two years finally exited beta this morning! It was so exciting watching it grow and and change into what it is today. The project in question is Storj.io. A decentralized cloud storage. When I first joined the project, literally all it did was create junk files to take up space. Now it is a thriving network storinf over a petabyte of data without the possibility of it ever going offline.

StackOverflow is offline. The end of the world is near

Assignment release: this is a basic assignment that is supposed to help you understand the basics of memory allocation. You are free to use any design you want, however you can implement more advanced features that would lean towards specific designs. What will be punished is that you don't have a dynamic memory allocator. We will run the tests for these offline after the deadline

2 days before the deadline: we released the tests for checking whether you're allocating memory dynamically, but these tests also check for this specific design. So fuck you for choosing any other design than this one. Have fun on sleepless nights.

Fuck me, I guess, for worthlessly working on a different design than they wished for, but didn't specifically ask for from the beginning. I just wasted 2 weeks of my life and feel unmotivated af to do anything anymore regarding this. Fuck this shit. Fuck them. Fuck this course.

I fucking swear the power goes out in my small ass town once a week. Every fucking time it knocks my servers offline. I’m about to sue the fucking power company. This is fucking ridiculous.

Yes they are on UPS, they were also on backup power until the fucking maintenance guys decided “on they don’t need on the generator...” you fucking cunt!

I just officially graduated from a web dev program and it feels...

Very underwhelming.

Learned ES6, React, Webpack, service workers, offline databases, accessibility, (...bla bla bla)

And my knowledge with data structures and algorithms isn't even that great yet.

I look at the stuff I still don't know and wonder if I'll ever be comfortable with my level of expertise.

Our stand up takes an hour everyday.

Explanation: everyday the same two guys pretty much hijack stand up by talking about tickets that ONLY involve them and has no relevance or dependency to the 8 other guys standing idle. Eventually I suggest they take the conversation offline because the rest of us aren't required. Scrum master gets offended and looks at it me like I've just spat in his face.

Productivity out the window or am I at fault?

you know what was fun?
Back in 2012, I started developing an app for the windowsphone (7 back then) which was basically an offline backup navigation for pilots with a few extras likr weather data for pre flight planning.

It was so cool doing all this back then, because there weren't many wp devs out there.

Microsoft even sent me 6 different phones (straight from Redmond) to play with (and keep them).

Those were the days 😀😀

Time to go home...

Found God and his offline!

Programmer: "Places : instead of ;"

Javascript: "What the fuck did you just fucking post about me, you absolute beginner? I'll have you know I worked for ten of the biggest silicon-valley industry companies, and I've been involved in over two hundred top secret projects including NodeJS. I am trained in refactoring the most fucked up code, and I'm the top C++er in the entire fucking internet-connected universe. You are nothing to me, but just another IP. I will fucking revoke your commits from your gitlab account with absolute dedication using only one Rasperry Pi client. Mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with posting that shit on one of my numerous very personal blogs? Your devices are fucking bricked, kid. My attack software can be anywhere, anytime, and it is tasked to remove your entire git contributions from planet earth. Not only am I extensively trained in remote cross-firewall device-hacking, but I have access to over 100 of the United States CIA and NSA git repositories. If only you could have known what doom-bringing C-one-liner you have raised from my fucking hands, maybe you would have held your fingers. But you could not. You did not. And now you're paying the price, noob. I will hail havoc upon your puny online-presence and you will drown in your own badly designed software. You're fucking offline, kiddo."

Have you ever use the offline mode in chrome or set the data downloading and uploading speed.
It is the great feature in chrome. In that way you easily develop your offline site. Without disconnecting your LAN or Wifi connection.

Best way to develop offline site for developers.

What a week at work...

As some of you might know, it‘s currently very hot in Germany with temperatures rising up to 35°C. That‘s when our AC at work decided to stop working. I‘m working in the third floor of a three story building so it‘s getting very hot in the office.

The day after we had a 45 min powercut and the AC still does not work.

Today when I got up and wanted to go to work, I got an E-Mail saying that we have another powercut which lasts at least three hours. We‘re supposed to work from home using VPN. But how the fuck should I be able to log into the VPN if the network is offline?! Oh and of course our GitLab server is hosted in house as well, so no access to any code at all.

Hopefully next week is gonna be a better one...

I've been offline from devrant for a while now but damn, I need to vent this shit

One of my colleagues can't describe tickets well enough, so I often have to speak to my colleague about it what he/she ments with their description (usually the ticket description is one line… that's all)

But yesterday the ticket was quite ok, I got were he/she was going for

Conveniently my colleague walked by at the end of yesterday and asked me how it was going

I responded quite energetic 'quite well, ticket is almost done'

And when I showed my colleague the result he/she said, well I got some feedback this morning, and we need to move X to Y with Z data

But you don't get the full story, this project exists of a very old abandoned framework (2013). Hacked together to work for more than one customer (but still copied over to run standalone) with the last year of development being focused on fast results (no time given to workout bugs or refactoring for cleaner/readable code)

So now I have to (on a feature that already took me 3 days to build) remove roughly 25% of the code and hacks, and hack a solution together..

This shit is demotivating as fuck...

The $customer gets a device from us, with th wifi connected as specified in the order. $customer connects it to the mains and monitor, puts in the dongle and the connection is established.
Fast forward 3 weeks, now everything went south. The device does not connect to the network, the service is offline. Our first question: "Has someone modified the WiFi name or password?"
$customer: "No, there were no changes in the WiFi"

So the full arsenal of debugging the connection over LAN starts, interrupted by $customer unplugging the device "because he needs LAN now"

After sometime, we figured out, everything is fine with the device, and ask $customer once again, if the config $ssid and $password is correct.

$customer: "Oh, we changed the name to $ssid2 because it looks nicer, is that a problem?"

Internal: "Are you f*kin kidding me? I asked you exactly that"
Me: "Alright, that explains the issues. Please tell us in advance if you want to change something with the WiFi."

When my tablet has rebooted from installing the Win 10 Anniversary update overnight and it says "your device is offline, please use the most recent password you used to login", but I use a PIN code and it won't let me login until I switch WiFi back on.

Well, so I finally got 200 ++s, and now I can finally...
Wear vests! Uh... so that's cool... XD

Anyway, I just wanted to thank everybody for being such a good sport, around here... I've not been here for a long time, but I already feel like a part of a big family, of developers (and, why not, also non-developers...), and that makes me so happy.
In the end, devRant is like one of those rubber ducks developers use to tell things, I guess, lol.
It's just that. devRant is a rubber duck.
And every one of us is making that rubber duck bigger, and bigger, into something so unique and cool...
Something you can talk to (or rant to, I guess haha), something you can express all of your feelings to...
And inside of that rubber duckie there are... all of us. Hearing these rants from developers all around the world.
In the end it's really the community the most important part of... every thing or project, really, whatever it is, online or offline.
Keep on ranting about whatever you want, if you feel the need to...
I hope to hear more about all of you.
Thank you, all of you. I mean it.
Especially you two, who made it possible, @dfox and @trogus.
...devRant is such a cool project.
I sincerely hope it lives forever, it deserves it. You deserve it.
Again, thank you!

I love you all, good devRanting! 💙

The problem with sawing laminate is that there is no ctrl+z.

- Hi, I need this config set up on the server. What do you think? Could you do it?
- Yeah seems fine. But we need to assess it properly.
- Ok, let me show you in details.
- Err.. hmm, reach out to me tomorrow.
...
** Then he stays offline all day. **

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO **REACH OUT** TO YOU???? VIA SMOKE SIGNALS??!! Some supernatural powers??

Oh man, I hate depending on other people to finish a fucking job.

@dfox a feature like Reddit offline would be pretty fantastic for those of us that get stuck in no service areas.

Just remembered there are new voices for Android P. I must say the technology behind these voices has improved dramatically from the iPhone 4 era Siri. They sound pretty lifelike and it's kind of creepy. But is still better than the screeching female voice I'd get while offline.

GITHUB IS OFFLINE 😭

Boss: I don't want centralized error logging

Me: But we have 50+ client sites running the same web app, why the fuck wouldn't we?

Boss: What if the database is offline, then we wouldn't be able to log exceptions

Me: *beats head against desk*

That moment when you're working on a website and all of the sudden the site (on localhost) stops working, you don't understand why, and then you realize you're offline :/, your site uses Jquery for everything (And because you're lazy, you didn't downloaded it... and you never will).

Uhm, that's not how it works GoDaddy.

Apparantly it takes 2 hrs to bring a website back online (which went offline simply because the database was larger than 1 GB) after the DB size has been reduced... And that's exceeding my expectations!?

So company x decides that they're depreciating their REST API v1 in favor of v2 which came out like 2 months ago. But I figure: "I'm okay because I use their official Python module". Well v1 went offline two days ago and they still have not updated their own library to work with v2.

So this will be my first rant/story sorry if it gets too long.

So finished work and I was like finally some days off, went to bed, woke up the next morning, went to near city to take care of some work, went back and I noticed they were digging the ground near my place, as I've found out from neighbors they were changing some pipes, well ok no problem arrived home, sat on my PC to study a bit and do a bit gaming, but guess what?? NO INTERNET well ok contacted the ISP, the idiots told me it will take them 2 days to arrive WTF? is this 2018 or 1918?? I was so pissed off but ok the next day they called me that they arrived, they checked and said that they will need to fix some wires they will return the same day.. so I've waited few hours but no internet, the asholes didn't came, so the next day they arrived and guess what?! the idiots that digged the holes cut the wires, instead of fucking contacting the ISP to ask for supervisor to tell them where they can dig they didn't know what was the fire for and they thought oh well lets cut the fucking wire, and instead of stopping and contacting the ISP about their mistake they continued with the digging and cut the wire at 3 places, so the ISP at the end called the police, the plumbers that did the digging where just laughing, why do you laugh you primitive ashole, even 10 year old would first ask if it can continue if it finds something that he didn't know about it (I call primitive the person not the job title), and the best part is that the idiots not only they cut the wire at 3 places they also took part of it out of the ground and then they filled the holes back! Now I won't have internet for 2 fucking weeks, yes in 2018 this is happening, at that moment I was so pissed, but kept my cool and contacted the ISP to give me LTE USB stick to use it for the next 2 weeks, sadly they couldn't do that wtf??? So I asked politely who will pay the damage for me not working for 2 weeks and they said that they will gladly pay the damage.. So I was confused because that literally meant that they will compassed me for the 2 weeks, so I re-asked are they sure about that and they said yes, so lets see what it will be done, in the meantime I solved the internet problem by using my phone to access internet on the PC.. But still its amazing how primitive people can be and how ISP don't have alternative solutions for such cases, just to point out this sam ISP bragged how they will be among the first to bring 5G when it arrives... LOL

What the f*** is this gradle in Android Studio??
M getting tired with this error. Whenever m starting studio it stuck on waiting for build to finish project.. I already done with checking offline work still it's not working.. What the f*** should I do with this error??

I wonder, are some apps on purpose made to be small size, but then later when you open them force you to download the actual data made with converting people that are low on space or dont want heavy apps to actual download numbers? since if they now after discovering that, delete the app - they already have boosted the downloads

I can understand pulling offline databases or game updates from own servers to get the newest data, but sometimes you come across apps that have no need in any of those and could just e.g. package the audio which will never be updated

"I can't download the images when I'm offline" - Customer asking for support..

I was pretty upset at my loved one today. She asks me how to save a file into a PDF, so I explained how to print to PDF from chrome, pretty simple, good so far. Then...
-"Hey, the file has an 'e' for internet, will they need internet to open the file?"
-No, why would they?
-The file has an 'e'
-Did you name it 'e'?
-No, but it has an 'e' like internet
-... You mean the icon?
-Yes
-Right click, click on properties and change the default program to Adobe...
-Oh God, it's so complicated, I'll ask someone else to do it
-What? It's literally 2 clicks!
-Why does it need internet?
-It doesn't! It's just the default
-The what?
-Cheez! Doesnt matter, just go to properties and click on 'Change'
-Fine! Done now what?... Ooh...
-Now click on Adobe Acrobat
-Awesome! Thanks! Now it's fixed, I'm so glad because I'm about to send it on an email and I'm sure my boss would have thrown a fit if they weren't able to open it offline
-😒

Wrote the following comment and deleted because I don't wanna give negative thoughts to OP on Monday 🤔 so I just decided to share this as a rant. 😳

======

Thought I would just drop by to drool at the comments because I saw "artificial intelligence" and stuffs on the rant. Turn out it is a chatbot to reply when account goes offline. No offense, but I facepalm-ed myself.

I know chatbot falls under AI subject, but an auto reply isn't.

Is there such a tool as "online/offline code editor" that can open folder/files on linux server?

Any app which can save offline public transit navigation and maps?

I tried G Maps, Moovit and City Mapper. All of them need internet.

Also, how easily can I find internet on a foreign land?

Don't you just love thise dev days that just flay by, looked at the clock now and its just after 5pm,been coding pretty much all day.

Was reading up on progressive Web apps last night and just as a quick test made my own website one, so this morning through I would take the next step.

Few months ago I had made an events list app for android, also just for fun, but I point blank refuse to take it to ios as I see no reason to spend nearly 6 weeks salary on a Mac book because they a bunch of dicks, not to mention the $100 you need to pay each year just for them to annoy you.

Anyway, so after a quick update to my api, no thanks to Gitlab. I put together a fully offline capable pwa in react. So awesome how simply it really was, it's basically done, just needs some polish.