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Search - "sarcastic"
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Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.
Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"
Debugging:
Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.
Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.
Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".
*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*
App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?
Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.
Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*
Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?
Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.
Mam: but why was it opened there?
Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*
If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.
I am suspicious of one thing though.
Mam: what's that?
Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.
Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.
Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.20 -
What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.
A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.
Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.
Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.
She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.67 -
People that make shit like the original tweet piss me off.
So what if I like to spend a lot if my time looking at social media and on my phone? I can name lots of things that are more unhealthy than social media and enjoying modern technology.
Don't get me wrong, it does reach unhealthy levels when you're obsessed with the likes or followers and allow it to consume your life. But fuck off Gareth; the average user that you'll claim is "addicted" isn't even that bad.
And it's ironic that you'd post this on a social media that you're bitching about.
With all this being said, I hope you enjoy the sarcastic reply. I almost cropped it out but decided it was pretty funny, so I left it.22 -
I was at Leeds Central train station the other day, waiting for the platform to be announced on the screen in the main bit. I noticed a commotion to my right. There was a teenage girl screaming and writhing around on the floor, her mother was knelt on one knee trying to calm her. I walked over without thinking, I know nothing about Epilepsy or first aid, at a push I could probably figure out the recovery position from a faint diagram i have stored in the unused part if my brain...
(it’s where I keep the washing machine instructions, which incidentally were designed for maximum confusion, if Id designed a washing machine it would have 1 button labelled ‘wash’)...
Sorry, back to the story. So i walked over and just before I got there, with the mother looking directly at me, I realised, what the fuck am I doing, meanwhile the daughter was screaming still and writhing, a bit like a rapid angel print you would make in the snow as a kid (until your hand touched the dog shit).
I couldn’t help it, the words just came out, like a dumb fucker, i said ‘Has she got epilepsy?’ , i stood there waiting for the sarcastic comment or the murderous stare, even a fuck off would suffice, so that I could remove myself from the situation.
To my surprise, and shock, she looked at me, calmly and said “oh no, it’s not epilepsy or anything like that.... she’s lost her iPhone”.5 -
This is what I found in the logs:
3280546 I had a cup of tea and now it's fixed
9daaf6c copy and paste is not a design pattern
958ca5b It compiles! Ship it!
a9edf8d LAST time, Masahiro, /dev/urandom IS NOT a variable name generator...
438072f 640K ought to be enough for anybody
1fb839b Too lazy to write descriptive message
4d70890 ...
d6ce0c8 Ugh. Bad rebase.
a00b544 Programming the flux capacitor
49715cb Fix my stupidness
4babf07 Do things better, faster, stronger
49b3a7b SEXY RUSSIAN CODES WAITING FOR YOU TO CALL
12c7b55 formatted all
2658c87 and so the crazy refactoring process sees the sunlight after some months in the dark!
2376c89 - Temporary commit.
a83220a I honestly wish I could remember what was going on here...
3347007 work in progress
3382b4c well crap.
109748a Glue. Match sticks. Paper. Build script!
c3f025e Useful text
70394e7 Who knows WTF?!
0d78f14 breathe, =, breathe
5344e39 removed tests since i can't make them green
8a3a6bf better grepping
2777cc4 first blush
cf620ff Continued development...
9591c19 Too lazy to write descriptive message
767e0cd Some shit.
763602a Yes, I was being sarcastic.
8d7a602 /sigh
c6296e5 rats4 -
I hate it when people don't want to work for themselves and when I share something for their knowledge
"Wow what pro", "Dude you're so smart" etc in a sarcastic manner.
Dude wtf, you don't want to improve yourself then fuck off. You're there because of yourself not because I fucked it up for you.
You reap what you sow and i don't need people discrediting my effort to get to where I am today. I get it, I'm not even what you would call "pro", So what shitface?! I wanna be there someday. If you don't then just die. I don't need people like you in my life 😬😬😬7 -
Boss: I wrote some tests and there is a bug in your code but I cannot find it. Fix it
Me: Sure. I'm on it.
Narrator: 5 minutes later
Me: Boss, I found the bug. It's in your testcode...
Seriously... WTF?!
(before someone suggests that my code should handle all test cases... He tried to measure the time the program needed to response and fucked it up...) -
Have a week off, no yelling over email, no sarcastic slack messages, no shouting to myself in the office ... honestly have no idea what to do with myself ... might try this “being happy” thing everyone is always going on about4
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My gf got me my first "rubber ducky". He is a bit sarcastic and rough on my code but I mean... He's Deadpool!!5
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{Context: English is not my native language}
The first time my code get a review ( by my boss that time)
Boss: Your code is full of butts 🍑
Me: Eh, What?
Boss: *showing his screen* see that? variables names: validateButt, contactButt, seeMoreButt..
Me: *interrupting him* oh, I mean button.
Boss: I know, just being sarcastic, but it'll be better to get another suffix.
Me: 😐11 -
WARNING: Cringe stuff ahead
And now this happens
A dude who posts spams on LinkedIn and shits on people publicly, made yet another garbage post (which was copied too).
Ref. picture attached in the post.
That went viral on Reddit and I made a comment that I know this guy, have spoken to him, and he made me go bonkers.
Now, he runs a community on Slack that I am part of. I open Slack today and see a message from him where is being sarcastic on how hateful I was.
Ref. picture in comments.
What kind of hypocrite someone could be when they shit on others but when called out, get hurt.
No one says anything to my dev friends.15 -
Me: well guys, after the 4th attempt and a week of waiting, I’ve gotten a response from the remote backend team about the errors affecting this release. Which are the same issues affecting the last release 2 months ago. The findings are: “there is in fact some issue with the API”.
I’d like to thank everyone who put in so much effort to get us to this momentous step forward. We can expect a fix any year now.
*equally sarcastic colleague on another team listening in*:
oh wow, this months long thing has just been “some issue” all this time? Well that’s fantastic. You should mark the ticket as “done” and reply “thank you” for all their hard work.
..... I laughed so hard at how ridiculous all this is and the joke, that I nearly did, hoping someone from product/business would have to review it1 -
Teach people how to google properly.
May sound a bit sarcastic but I think an important part is how to look for errors on your own rather than going to the professor/TA. I’ve seen people paste in whole error logs or more often “code throws error, what do?”
At least teach in classes what to look out for like what error type in java and understanding how to look at stackoverflow questions to apply their solution to your issue.
Moral of the story: teach people how to use existing knowledge rather than just depend on someone to help their exact issue.6 -
So yesterday I deployed a build on our release environment and i had added a new rest api end-point which I needed to test.. A heads up though, its written in java spring and the entire flow consisted of too many calls/returns from various other java & python services.. Also to make things worse, the entire deployment is a really cumbersome process as you need to copy the build from one box to another..
After like almost 4-5 hours of debugging, adding logs left right & center, crazy upload speeds (yaa this is sarcastic) and frustation at its peak, I found the issue..
There was an if condition that was checking for equality between an enum constant & an enum in a request aaaannnnnddd
*Drum roll
THE CONSTANT ENUM BELONGED TO THE WRONG PACKAGE HENCE ALWAYS EVALUATING TO FALSE... ALSO, BOTH THE ENUMS IN THE DIFFERENT PACKAGES ARE IDENTICAL... FUCCKKKKKKK MY LIFE
😑🔫rant i am done with life why you do this java someone kill me now no tags nope i am not time to die i am dead1 -
Okay, story time.
Back during 2016, I decided to do a little experiment to test the viability of multithreading in a JavaScript server stack, and I'm not talking about the Node.js way of queuing I/O on background threads, or about WebWorkers that box and convert your arguments to JSON and back during a simple call across two JS contexts.
I'm talking about JavaScript code running concurrently on all cores. I'm talking about replacing the god-awful single-threaded event loop of ECMAScript – the biggest bottleneck in software history – with an honest-to-god, lock-free thread-pool scheduler that executes JS code in parallel, on all cores.
I'm talking about concurrent access to shared mutable state – a big, rightfully-hated mess when done badly – in JavaScript.
This rant is about the many mistakes I made at the time, specifically the biggest – but not the first – of which: publishing some preliminary results very early on.
Every time I showed my work to a JavaScript developer, I'd get negative feedback. Like, unjustified hatred and immediate denial, or outright rejection of the entire concept. Some were even adamantly trying to discourage me from this project.
So I posted a sarcastic question to the Software Engineering Stack Exchange, which was originally worded differently to reflect my frustration, but was later edited by mods to be more serious.
You can see the responses for yourself here: https://goo.gl/poHKpK
Most of the serious answers were along the lines of "multithreading is hard". The top voted response started with this statement: "1) Multithreading is extremely hard, and unfortunately the way you've presented this idea so far implies you're severely underestimating how hard it is."
While I'll admit that my presentation was initially lacking, I later made an entire page to explain the synchronisation mechanism in place, and you can read more about it here, if you're interested:
http://nexusjs.com/architecture/
But what really shocked me was that I had never understood the mindset that all the naysayers adopted until I read that response.
Because the bottom-line of that entire response is an argument: an argument against change.
The average JavaScript developer doesn't want a multithreaded server platform for JavaScript because it means a change of the status quo.
And this is exactly why I started this project. I wanted a highly performant JavaScript platform for servers that's more suitable for real-time applications like transcoding, video streaming, and machine learning.
Nexus does not and will not hold your hand. It will not repeat Node's mistakes and give you nice ways to shoot yourself in the foot later, like `process.on('uncaughtException', ...)` for a catch-all global error handling solution.
No, an uncaught exception will be dealt with like any other self-respecting language: by not ignoring the problem and pretending it doesn't exist. If you write bad code, your program will crash, and you can't rectify a bug in your code by ignoring its presence entirely and using duct tape to scrape something together.
Back on the topic of multithreading, though. Multithreading is known to be hard, that's true. But how do you deal with a difficult solution? You simplify it and break it down, not just disregard it completely; because multithreading has its great advantages, too.
Like, how about we talk performance?
How about distributed algorithms that don't waste 40% of their computing power on agent communication and pointless overhead (like the serialisation/deserialisation of messages across the execution boundary for every single call)?
How about vertical scaling without forking the entire address space (and thus multiplying your application's memory consumption by the number of cores you wish to use)?
How about utilising logical CPUs to the fullest extent, and allowing them to execute JavaScript? Something that isn't even possible with the current model implemented by Node?
Some will say that the performance gains aren't worth the risk. That the possibility of race conditions and deadlocks aren't worth it.
That's the point of cooperative multithreading. It is a way to smartly work around these issues.
If you use promises, they will execute in parallel, to the best of the scheduler's abilities, and if you chain them then they will run consecutively as planned according to their dependency graph.
If your code doesn't access global variables or shared closure variables, or your promises only deal with their provided inputs without side-effects, then no contention will *ever* occur.
If you only read and never modify globals, no contention will ever occur.
Are you seeing the same trend I'm seeing?
Good JavaScript programming practices miraculously coincide with the best practices of thread-safety.
When someone says we shouldn't use multithreading because it's hard, do you know what I like to say to that?
"To multithread, you need a pair."18 -
$work is migrating to a new HR performance review service (15five). Instead of a private (ish) review once a quarter, it'll be public (and uneditable) reviews due every friday. Better make sure that review is perfect.
also, praising a coworker is required.
<sarcastic thumbs-up>13 -
I was so proud of my recent tiny little node script that I published it on npm.
I really just kinda wanted to learn how npm worked. I don't expect anyone to find any use from this.
I wrote the README in a sarcastic tone if anyone is interested in reading that
https://npmjs.com/package/...4 -
Adventures Of The New COO
So when that new COO joined our company ( read my previous rant to know that story ) he brought a graphic designer with him
as a designer he's ok, more of a old school package designer type, but as a person one of the most annoying one I've ever met, always want to be included with our conversations, talk about rain and stuff
so few days ago, i was working on a website, headphones plugged in, music playing, he comes near my seat
Designer: Are you busy ?
Me: yeah, I've this website to finish
Designer: So i have this idea for an app
Me: *taking off headphones while thinking doesn't this dumbass know the meaning of busy*
Designer: what if we create an app for super markets, like this isle has this stuff, that isle has soap or something and how it'll be easy to find what you want to buy and keeps going on and on for about 5 minutes
Me: *making my voice as polite and sarcastic as possible*
It wouldn't work, every market has a different layout even among same market chain it's different
Me: have you ever been to a super market, they have a board saying what the isle is above the isle, all you have to do is just look up
Designer: hmm yeah i guess
*walks away*
everyone wants to make apps and make money, but doesn't have the fucking brain capacity to think about the idea for a bit and do some research, instead they come and waste our time2 -
Episode 2 of this rant: https://devrant.io/rants/851636/...
PM went to meet with the provider and came back, so I had a talk with the PM and it went like this:
Me: so how did the meeting go? Hope they corporate with you
PM: *in a sarcastic voice* Bro, you need be a good dev, they told me only a good dev can implement Master Card API calls, and its all in the docs. That's all they told me, so you should know how the meeting went
Me: *there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail, there is no wifi in jail* Fine bro, I'll go back to school and come back after 12 years.
Seriously when I send the provider the request and the body and all they tell me is: You have an error, Id must be unique but they fail to point out the exact error or at least send me a valid ID to test, how does this make me the bad dev and him the genius that can run Apple, Google, MS all together at once!
What is even worse, when I called the provider he told me: Man transaction ID must always be unique, how could you not know this, how is Mastercard supposed to differentiate between transactions!!
But hey, no one told me transaction id must be unique, primary keys are never unique, like DUH!10 -
!dev !rant but still funny story
As the goth of the dev team, sometimes people ask me several things about me.
I was working on my code. It was 3 or 4PM and a bored dev asks came to me
He: Have you ever tried to be a vampire?
Me: No, I’m just a goth
He: Do you know a vampire?
Me: Unfortunately no, but I’ve heard of them.
He: Do they suck blood?
I don’t know if he was asking because of curiosity or in a sarcastic mode. As usual, I answered in a polite way explaining him what means to be a vampire, the types (blood and energetic) and the difference between a goth and a vampire.
While I was explaining to him this, the boss came into the office, heard me talking about the energetic vampires and said “Wow wow wow! What is coming on here?!” 😂15 -
Last week I designed the front page of a construction company website for getting the internship....
After showing my sample to the HR ..he mailed me asking
--->
"Do you know how to code?"
--->
Now I don't know is it sarcastic or I really don't know how to code.17 -
Today I was asked if my email was all lowercase or uppercase. I wanted to be sarcastic but I relax this time.
I don't understand why only lowercase and uppercase why not camelcase?7 -
I work for a small company with about 10 employees working full-time in the office. We all report directly to the CEO, Phil. When the pandemic hit, Phil went into full panic mode and had us all move our desks 12+ feet apart, wash our hands every 20 minutes, sterilize everything in between uses, etc. Nothing super weird, and better than having no reaction at all, but it was a hypervigilant process that made me expect him to be very accommodating when our state went on lockdown.
Boy, was I wrong. Our industry is considered essential so we’re still open, but Phil is being odd when it comes to working from home. For background, about 95% of our work can be done remotely. The other 5% would require about 15 minutes in the office once a week. I was the first one to pose the idea of working from home and Phil nervously agreed, but only let do it three days a week. My coworkers were given similar instructions but were “encouraged to come in every day, if possible.” A few of them do.
Since then, Phil has gotten pretty weird about the situation. He refers to people who are working from home as being “off work” (which is NOT the case, we are all working and available while at home, which he knows because he calls us for work-related things during work hours!). Today, Phil asked me if my coworker Travis was in his office, and I said Travis was working from home, and Phil replied in a sour tone, “So he’s not working then, great.” He has made similar comments about my other coworkers. When I’m working from home, he’ll call me and ask in a sarcastic tone, “What are you even working on today?” Or he’ll give me an assignment and end with, “Can you actually do work on this today? I need you working.” One time, he called while I was in the bathroom and when I called him back less than five minutes later, I was told that I “need to be available and not screwing around.”
The weirdest thing is that none of us has had productivity problems! My job is such that I can tell when anyone is slacking even a little and I haven’t noticed any issues. Personally, I’ve actually been MORE productive! And I’ve never been accused of “screwing around” while at the office before, so this attitude has baffled me.
He is so convinced that we aren’t working that he cut our work-from-home time down two days a couple weeks ago, and now it’s being cut down to one day as of next week – when COVID cases are higher in our city than ever!
My guess is that because Phil isn’t physically seeing us work, he assumes we aren’t working. CCing him on stuff to leave “proof” doesn’t work because he doesn’t read his email. He is also naturally a nightmare of a micromanager (and an across-the-office yeller) so not being as “in control” is probably freaking him out. But what is the best way to handle this?10 -
Dear developer/designer/whatever you are, who made the splash screen of the iiyama ProLite E2278HD... I hate you and curse you every morning when I turn that damn screen on. Seriously? Pure white? You evil fuck. My eyes burn every morning thanks to you (because I obviously forget when I push that little button).
Even the screen is sarcastic about it "vision & technology"... 😵5 -
Haven't coded for a few days, returned to my github project to find one of my co-workers has gone through every single line in all of the scripts and added passive-agrresivd, sarcastic, comments about what they do.
Thanks.... I guess....5 -
Yesterday
Boss: Can you export the foo data and send it to me?
Me: Sure
Me (later): Ok, just shared foo.csv with you. It should have everything you need, just let me know if you need the bar data.
Boss: OK, thanks.
Today
Boss: Did you get the foo data exported?
Me: Yes, I shared that with you yesterday
Boss: What did you name it?
This is all in a chat, by the way, not in person. Scrolling for 1.5 seconds reveals all the relevant information.
How do I respond in a way that is not sarcastic and does not belittle my boss? I'm not sure it's even possible.2 -
I think there is such a thing as "getting too comfortable with the people you work with".
My boss came over and wanted to show me how to do a new process. We start going through the steps and a question arises. I then IM my team lead, because he's the one who would know the answer, and all I get back from him is sarcastic comments and profanity (he doesn't know my boss is sitting at my comp with me). So I keep trying to get him to be serious, and he just keeps his mouth (well, fingers) going. (He is remote - not in our bldg). I want so badly to shut him up because what if he says something about my boss while she is sitting there? Not that he does that, but at the pace he's going, it no longer would surprise me.
There should be some sort of code to hint to your team to STFU and give a fucking answer when one is needed. Sort of like what kids do to hint that a parent is in the room, but for work?3 -
So... Heard back from a recruiter today. Lovely lass.
I’d passed over a submission for her tech demo.
The brief was basically just to create a small simple module that calculates shit, nae effort.
But, when the recruiter had me on the phone she said “I know it’s a silly small module but try and run it up like you would a production ready app”.
The job spec and recruiter were keen on me demonstrating TDD, not specific on js version, final runtime, etc. The job was a senior spec at a higher salary range. So it warranted some effort, and demonstrating more than a simple module.
“Okay, cool, nae bother, let’s crack on.”
The feedback in the response from the dev today:
“He’s over-engineered tests, build...”
SUCK MY LEFT TESTICLE YOU FUCKWIT.
Talk to your recruiters, not me.
The feedback included a phrase I never hope to hear from a developer I work with:
“Tests are good but...” 😞
It was a standard 98% test suite from an RGR cycle, no more or less than I’d expect in prod.
The rest of the feedback was misguided or plain wrong. It was useful to see because I know now when they say they have “high standards” they mean: we listen to the dude who put the factory pattern in a JS brief.
Oh shit also: “someone’s done chmod 777” was in there as a sarcastic comment in the feedback. It was his fucking unarchive tool 😞
My response was brief and polite: “cheers for the consideration, all the best, James”
It’s honestly not worth warning them. Or, asking why they’d criticise something they’d asked me to do.
If you want a shitty js module, ask for a shitty js module and no more.4 -
VSCode you fucking piece of shit!
Just got my code working and rewarded myself with tweaking some of the configurations. Coming back to my file and it's all irrevertably messed up with randomly pasted and probably some deleted code snippets.
How's that even possible? 😡9 -
Just got accepted as a volunteer (teacher assistant) in a non-profit organization, funded by Microsoft.
They teach high school students CS twice a week.
I know it might not be much, because I will not be payed, but I will be trained and teach alongside Google and Microsoft engineers.
The organization is called TEALS.
I hope it is a good experience and build a good network.
I do not have any friends, nor any engineer friend since I moved in USA, so I think this is a good opportunity.
P.S. Please for the love of god do not bash here Microsoft. Everyone, even the people who rant about hating Microsoft, will accept a job there if they got the chance. So please stop the hypocrisy if you intend to do some "sarcastic" comment about this organization funded by Microsoft.9 -
sleep. this isn't even a fucking sarcastic answer. my motherboard almost got fried from my drool after falling asleep on my keyboard.2
-
//rant
So I'm a BI consultant, been doing this for about 6 years now, and I'm pretty good at the data stuffs. Now I had to complete a project for a client where we call a web service and it had to be done in .NET. I wrote a console app in C# that called the WS, dumped the data then a stored proc processed the staging tables into final tables that our visualization tool can consume.
It works, it's done.
Mind you I'm not a pure .NET developer.
And now that it's completed and working this fucking .NET dude that works for my client is basically giving me an attitude talking about "why wasn't it done as a Windows service? Blah, blah" Like WTF!!??? I get that he's the C# BSD but like chill bruh!!
It's annoying as fuck having to work on projects that are not your area of EXPERTISE and then be ridiculed by other elitist assholes about it.
Doesn't happen much, but fuck it's something I hate about dev. FYI, if it was the opposite I would just be asking questions for understanding, not being a sarcastic prick.
//rant done5 -
Over the past 2 months I have interviewed with several companies and 2 of them stood out at rejecting me. Let's call them Company A, and Company B!
> I know right? Developers are bad at naming!
I guess part of it is my fault too! I am old and slow. Doesn't like competitive programming and already forgot most of how to answer algorithm question. I can't even answer some of the algorithm question I've flawlessly answered back when I was fresh out of University.
## Company A
When I got chance to interview at Company A, they require me to answer HackerRank style interview. It's my first time in nearly a decade of working in the industry to feel like I'm in a classroom exam again. I hate it, and I deliberately voiced my distaste to the answers comment:
// Paraphrasing
// I'm sorry, I'm dumb!
// I never faced anything like this in real world work...
// ......
But guess what? My answer still pass the score, have a call with their VP, which proceed to have another call with their Lead Engineer.
Talked about my experience with Event Driven System and CQRS+ES and they decided that I am:
- Arrogant
- Too RND in my tech stack
- And overkill in CQRS+ES
And decided they don't need me.
They hate me for having a headstrong personality which translates as Arrogance to the perceiving end.
## Company B
Another HackerRank style interview. Guess I passed their score this time without me typing some strong comment and proceed to have another test with their Lead Engineer.
This time they want 5 question answered in google docs within 60 minutes.
Two of them stood out to me for being impossible to work on 12 minutes (60 / 5 if you're wondering). Or maybe I'm just old and dumb?!
The others are just questions copied word for word from Geeks For Geeks.
One of the question requires me to write a password brute force attack to an imaginary API.
The other requires me to find a combination of math `+` or `-` operation from `a strings of numbers` that results in `a number`.
My `Arrogance` kicks in and I start typing a comment
// Paraphrasing
// I am sorry but I feel this is impossible for me to think of in 12 minutes
// (60 / 5 if you're wondering)
// But I know you guys got this question from Rosseta Code!
// Here's the link, but I don't know the logic behind it
See? I've worked on this question back when I was still a University student and remember where to look at.
Unsurprisingly, I've heard the feedback that I was rejected although I've answered one of their question `FLAWLESSLY`. I know they are being sarcastic at this point. haha.
---
I was trying to be honest about what I can and can't do in the `N` minutes timeframe and the Industry hates me.
I guess The Industry love people who can grind `GFG` or other algorithm websites, remember the solutions out of their head, and quietly answer their `genuinely original question` without pointing the flaws back at them.9 -
about 2 weeks ago my mom's friend's family visit our house. one moment they introduce their brilliant son going to take Computer Science Major, and they didn't understand why, and apparently they are some kind of ignorant family. So my role here are to advertise and promote the world of CS (since i know their son are good at programming). one moment i am diving to deep into my own speech, i am like :
"I believe you guys using facebook, and Whatsapp all the time **give a smirk and sarcastic look* (which they actually did), that is our work there. and maybe you (my mom's friend) love to play candy crush with my mom, yes that is also our work, and we got a lot of money from you buying the candy to unlock the hard level (the microtransaction thing) MUAHAHAHAHA !" ---
and yes i am laughing like a monster in a film. and suddenly that becoming the most awkward thing i ever had.
and i don't know should i feel bad or not introducing CS like that.3 -
There was a team meeting where something controversial was being discussed. A team mate was sharing their screen showing the controversial prototype. Meanwhile, me and another team mate started texting parallely on Teams. After a while, people were just listening to each other arguing and doing their own thing. And the guy who was arguing at that moment was being very sarcastic and passive aggressive and it was hilarious. I texted my teammate some inside joke about the the team mate. I heard the Teams notification go off and it was not mine. Oh yeah, I texted the teammate whose screen was being shared 🙇1
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Well, not necessary my favourite but the first one I learned.
I think the weird syntax and semantics combined with the ridiculous average length of variable names is a major flaw in this one.4 -
For the first time that I can remember I see ordinary people everywhere are unhappy with windows. In XP through win8 days I'd see people complaining about one crash here or there, but most of the times you had to be more experienced to notice why windows sucks.
Now, this week I already heard three complaints of people wanting to back to windows 7.
And I feel so happy... I feel waves of joy growing in me, as I burst in a sarcastic, obscure laughter.
Why do?
Because somewhere deep inside I hate windows.
Not becausebthe great amounts of frustration I used to have with it. But because it's so crazy I don't even consider it an OS, but rather a patchwork.
Microsoft's code base must be so fucked up they don't even know what to it with anymore.
That's my idea at least.
Buy it's good to see ordinary people are getting fed up of windows. This might be a way one of my dreams will come true, the day which Microsoft will not be able to maintain Windows anymore, and I think it's not more than ten years until we reach this day.
As a final result, if one day windows really gets to die, I want to be present, but not unnarmed, so I can shoot it at least 15 times, just to make sure this piece of crap is already dead.
Bye2 -
I'm a TA myself and just yesterday wanted to defend my fellow TAs and CS/IT teachers from some of the rants here. Of course not all of the rants are but I found a few quite unfair towards us and I can fully understand a TA getting confused and tired after 5-7 hours of helping and wrapping your head around some of the harder problems the students run into.
However, I'm also a student myself and right now I'm fucking fed up with the shit my supervisor gives me regularly .. So let the rant flow!
(disclaimer: the following text uses “you” to address the rant recipient. So, dear reader, don't feel offended)
First of, why do you fucking care when and especially where I'm working on your project when you know I'm only working part time since I'm usually tutoring students by daylight. Having me come in after my TA shift to work on your project instead of letting me go home, get some rest and food, and start working with a fresh head is neither helping you nor very productive. Also, if you want me to be productive and use your fucking tools to get going faster you better not make me fucking debug your fucking tools. For instance, I don't even have the same first name so all your fucking paths are invalid on my fucking machine! Also, I get that your machine is more powerful than mine and I don't really care about it as long as you don't fucking push convoluted messy timing sensitive scripts and make me search for the correct values on my machine. And, if a file your script is trying to delete is not there aborting is not an valid exception handling!
And don't get me started on the scripts that actually do some work besides setting up your fucking toolchain! -
So I am a part of this volunteering initiative where one of our tasks is to assist people in distress (virtually).
Now this activity is led by two chipmunks. One claims to be a therapist who themselves is seeking professional therapy from someone else and the other is a corporate HR.
Well that information should be enough for you to understand how chaotic the situation would be.
But allow me to continue...
So they decide to go about an activity in the group where everyone has to share a meme. Some of the cringest memes I have seen in my life. One of them went to an extent of sharing a husband wife joke as a dark joke.
Next day, someone spammed in the group and one user sent a sticker of some character hanging from a rope. It was evidently a fun and sarcastic sticker which they all use.
But all of a sudden the chipmunks got offended and went on a delete spree warning and banning users.
Most of the time, the group is dead and another group where they plan shit is more active. Full of mindless opinions and worthless conversations.
All they are doing is spamming everyone and forcing people to participate in the name of volunteering.
What's more exciting is, they control it so rigidly that no one, except the two chipmunks, is allowed to even have an opinion or disagree with them. If you do, they'll belittle you in front of everyone.
Yes, you guessed it right, the entire initiative is a massive failure and being dragged in the name of hElPiNg pEoPlE iN dIsTrEsS10 -
Not sure if that qualifies as prank...
Had an pretty incompetent CS teacher and used to simply unplug her PC when we had enough of her shit. Usually took her about 45mins to figure out what was wrong with her PC and another 5 of ranting why we'd do that. Eventually she started to check the cable first which reduced the ”downtime” to about 15mins.
However, we soon started to flip the power switch at the back of her machine instead. She never figured that out and called IT several times to fix it.
Thinking about it, it's probably worse than a prank 😅5 -
I can retire! I automated myself!
I introduce to you, retoorii1b! Yes - I fit in a 1b LLM. Retoorii1b is a bit retoorded tho. It's quite realistic.
I tested several LLM's with same training and it was amazing. Even a 0.5b that had the most interesting Dutch ever. Her Dutch is like my English I suppose.
The 0.5b one could code fine. retoorii1b still has some ethics to delete to make it more realistic.
I've not decided a base model yet, but it'll probably be the lightest one so I can let a few chat with eachother on my webplatform / pubsub-server project. I have a few laptops to host on. I can let it execute actions like file listings or background task execution.
See comments for some very awkward response regarding my file listing. She described everything.
She just said these things. I'm kinda proud. I became a parent:
3. **Keep functions short and sweet**: Aim for functions under 50 lines long. Any longer and you're just wasting people's time.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to attend to... like coding my next game in Unreal Engine.31 -
I'm disappointed by the lack of multi-monitor desktop for profiles.
Also lack of sarcastic t-shirts1 -
!dev
I had semi-jokingly changed my username from dextel2 to nothappy, because of that one bad day.
But, it is now when I realized that I am actually NOT HAPPY, things are lately rough, I am constantly scared for no reason, I doubt my skills, I doubt myself for no reason, and top of that there's always a chance for another epileptic attack.
I tried and keep trying to distract myself from negative thoughts but the more I try the more I fail, I've become distant with my younger brother, for the record I'm very overprotective about him. I don't even know if he feels the same, as this year ends or every day passes by I feel changed from my past self (not in a good way).
Switched my first job to get another good job, turns out they don't even have any projects and I'm just a guy they are showcasing like they have ONE amateur developer and we are looking for an entire project and it did work for one client which I'm gonna deny personally because the client is not clear about the project itself, I do not care about the consequences, my heart lies in academics and I'll put my 100% in academics, shall I'm kicked.
A lot has happened in this year, but this one is/was unique and very hard to process. I've always been joyful, sarcastic, funny, you name it, but all of it has just vanished, don't know why. I'm also becoming distant from my ONLY 3 friends and parents.8 -
duration = startTime - endTime;
So much facepalm
(I may be an hypocrite... https://devrant.io/rants/384227/...)1 -
Trying to understand other people's code like:
- 6 README, in total 7 lines (that's all there is for documentation)
- 40% of code is commentary like (original code, not altered...)
// if(a = b)
// c = d; // this is not working -
Why is there no tool autoinstalling missing programs using your favourite pac(kage)man(ager)?
Like so,
$ program
>> couldn't find “program”. Should I install it? (Y/n)
If there is one... Shame on me *rings bell*
Also, yay! First Post!14 -
Alright I hate these backhanded guilt trip attempts for people to sign you up for their spammy stupid email campaigns. If I don't want to subscribe don't give me a sarcastic smart ass button that I have to hit. (note the text at bottom) then again I also hate myself because this is totally the kind of shit I would do if I owned a news site...4
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So just read up that some companies based in china were able to attack Google back in 2009, all cause IE had a dangling pointer issue.
*Sarcastic claps* -
Every single time I try and watch a coding related video on YouTube at the start I hear
'You need a website? Why not do it yourself..'
And I always respond with a sarcastic,
'Uh..why don't you go fuck yourself'
If you know...you know..3 -
The moment when u write a sarcastic joke (comment/rant), but you do not actually post it, fearing --s from super serious people.8
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Hmm.. I've noticed a trend in teams at companies: they always seem to have similar personalities, rather than similar skills.
For example, if the team leader is a pathetic, pretentious, sarcastic, frigid, lifeless loser who pretends he's happy, then he usually has a herd of equally pathetic and frigid losers following him. I notice that every time I apply to a company that has such a group, they instantly disqualify me as a member. Interesting, interesting..
The same goes for a company that has down-to-earth people like myself, then the team is usually a down-to-earth manager and down-to-earth, warm-hearted colleagues.
It all makes sense now.3 -
I love when a project puts a dependency on infrastructure that has not been implemented internally and have no idea if it will work. *sarcastic voice*1
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Set all my editors to autosave when they loose focus ~
Makes me go nuts when working on other machines :/2 -
And another one bites the dust. This is colleague number 5 this year. So far only one person got a replacement. Great that all the rest of us get more workload to handle.
Meanwhile i overheard the manager make a sarcastic comment about developers like “who needs developers”.
Good thing my crypto savings are gaining atm. I’m giving this company another year. Max.2 -
I am on a forum where we actually help each other out. However, when I see someone post something, and it feels like they are putting in low effort (post practically empty) I don't spend my time getting info from them. I let others in the forum do the "show us your code" or "explain what this means" posts. I also start getting sarcastic. That is not cool in that forum so I refrain from posting.
So today I saw a post where they posted an ambiguous problem. It had to do with scrolling speed of a list in a gui interface. People made the posts like "not enough info", or "it could be...". The person further explained it was not a performance problem, but a "it just scrolls slow". At this point I can tell they have made zero effort to understand the scrolling mechanics of the object they are using. So I left the post and decided to let others deal with this. I so wanted to post a sarcastic remark though. So I am going to share with you:
That is definitely a case of "pixel drag".2 -
Quick question, is it bad to quit from a job when the project is not finished yet, especially in a startup company?
My reasoning for quitting, boss doesn’t really understand how game development usually works and mostly assuming every project will be same.
Following is my rant of background story for my question.
The incident triggered me wanting to leave is as below.
G = another guy from incubating center
B = boss
G: hey B, do u know this game studio is releasing this title soon. It’s a local company. Sounds cool.
Then they went to check the company profile. Found that the company has abt 40 staffs in total.
B: hey lunadev, do u know them? They have 40 people to make 2 titles. I think we’re the smallest company in the world that developing mobile games. Ha ha ha.
Me: oh, may be their project scope is complex. But I don’t think ours is the smallest company in the world making game. (We have 5 in total including him) there are others with only 2 ppl making games. (My sarcastic side took over me and said) I think we’re the only company in the world that has such small manpower with shortest deadline.
B: then how long do u think our timeline should be?
Me: abt 2 yrs? (Me considering all the artworks, features, testing time that we have to do)
B: urmmm I don’t think it’s that long. May be abt 6 months or a year at most?
G: ya, abt 6 months. Mobile games are not like desktop games or others so should be abt 6 months. Shouldn’t take that long.
Me: ... :)
Then I packed up my stuffs and left for the day. As for side note, boss designed the game himself and it took him 5 years to add complex features. And sometimes he will still come up to us and ask us to add that feature just cuz he was just inspired by another game he just played. Now can they tell us, this game can finish in 6 months? On what ground?
And another thing that he does gets on my nerve is that he plays game during office hours while the rest of us rushing for his project and campaign.
So, if I quit now, they’d still be in the middle of development. Oh and I’m the main programmer developing the game. So, erm.. Is it wrong?7 -
I have noticed this lately that majority of the time when I talk about something, people thing that I'm being sarcastic.
I don't know what went wrong. It must be them not me.3 -
Some advice please: In our last sprint meeting my manager told the whole team that I broke something. What he didn't say was that he was also responsible for that. He generally has the habit of accusing others to cover up for his own faults. I don't care, I own up to my mistakes. Any witty but nice responses if he tries that again? I'd like to answer "Man, I don't even feel bad" but that would be too sarcastic.3
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My last week of 2017 sucks! The function that been assigned to me has been 7 months until i doing it without any priority tasks. The bad for this, is becoming worse for the clients and they really want it until the end of 2017, so happy new year motherfuckers.
Here's the story, the function i am doing requires a heavy calculations, and i am no brainer in math, though my logical skills, hopes me up to made it quickly as possible. However i am full of workloads/to-do for the past 3 months, that i am unable to comply my documents regarding my employment!!
Much worse for this is the coding guidelines. There no fucking guidelines at all, like do what i want just to make it work, but my team lead ironically speaking that never touch that because it's already working. Dude, the server response was the real issue there and i was supposed to handle that function because your fucking json was not formatted well! Shout out to git for giving me a saving grace not to fire me.
Lastly, the leader's attitude. You're so sarcastic as fuck! Of course i won't get mad at you on personal matters, i understand. But on work, the way you communicate was not like my any mentor/prof that i ever met!! I hate my fucking work. Hope my 2018 would do my best, AND I AM GONNA MAKE MY OWN GUIDELINES ACCORDING TO YOUR ASSES!! HAPPY NEW YEAR, GODDAMNIT!! -
Who needs sound technical knowledge to get a good job. Study economics and biology and chemistry and physics and you will get a 6 figure salary job. (Being sarcastic :3)1
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!dev
Today, on the Hypocrite show we have a bunch of hypocrit wankers talking meta. For example, this just in, a bunch of talkative wanker classmates, all gorls (yes, this is not a typo (yes it's for sarcastic goal (yes read it in Gru's voice (no I don't do Lisp stop asking)))), start talking about how they don't like their lower-graders talking too much they, the previously mentioned "gorls", are around and would prefer them to shut up and let enjoy their "peace and quiet". Oh I don't know, you wankers wants my 2-page 11px complain on you talking too much in class and everywhere you go?6 -
Every textual communication’s tone sounds rude to me. I don’t know why. It is what it is.
I always feel like the other person is being sarcastic or rude. When, infact, they actually are not.
Just.. *tired emoji*4 -
Well today when i was using this app, my classmate came near to me and asked what the hell is this 'देव रन्त'!!
My Rxn = 'तुमसे ना हो पाऐगा।'!! -
I am going to set up my own mini company and I am wondering about the name I will choose. Definitely want something strange and sarcastic like "undefined" or "null"...but these two are already taken? I was thinking about "1;DROP TABLE users" but it is too long. Any ideas out there? xD2
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How to handle a manager who manages to find fault in everything you do ... Butt fails to acknowledge any of the good work
It's not like the feedbacks from his end are valuable , often times they are illogical and based on false assumptions
Is the behaviour from manager toxic ?
I end up getting uneasy everytime I hear a false superficial backhanded sarcastic remark on how and what I should have done differently
And when I really deliver something critical i don't even get an acknowledgement ... forget about compliment
Maybe I don't have a thick skin , maybe I'm taking the I'm a victim mentality here ... Maybe I should view everything with a more positive outlook ... but I really doubt if I'm at fault here
And I'm not sure if he's like this with other guys , but I suspect I'm the only one who's being treated like this ..
Should I "escalate" this to someone?2 -
Just wanna say that I love devRant b/c :
1. I can write as l33t as I wish knowing that most of u will get the msg, some of u can decode almost anything ( exceptions r the Manuscript and some of AOK posts )
2. I can be sarcastic, say stupid things w/0 fasing a wave of comfused hate
3. speaking 0f which, d re-@ll haters & <spam>3rs r quickly kicked out ( shout 4 all moderators )
4. most of u r critical thinkers and is a pleasure to read some of d discussions
5. one can learn a lot for the other parts of the IT in which is not involved ( yet )
6. It's hell of a fun around you so keep the spirit burning ( might see ya @ burning man, boom, the freshly re-started love parade or just at random point in our small home )
Love ya all. 10x 4 attending this dev/!dev talk10 -
I love how my life became shitty and sleep is only 2 hours everyday! Thank you programming thank you! *Am I being sarcastic here?*
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I can't stop myself from making my commit messages completely sarcastic or off the wall, which never makes sense to future me.
for ex: my commit right now is
"push it real good"
This does not help me. How do I stop?
lol5 -
<sarcasm> best advice?
Write microcontroller code in C++ even if the underlying OS won't understand. You can always decompile the program to C code and use the generated code.
Things he forgot to mention:
- cannot use most of C++ core functionality (basically no STL, no exceptions, all of C++11)
- have to get your code to compile twice (C++ and C afterwards)
- debugging that generated C code is a pain in the ass
- have to debug twice -
Tell them to not buy the ceapest $Machine. They will buy the cheapest and complain why it's not working few weeks after.
Or more specific:
Tell them to buy 1TB ext storage. They will come complain that their data didn't fit their 500GB cheap ass solution and, clearly, it's your fault 'cause 500 > 1 ...(sic!) -
Going to sound sarcastic but for once I'm not...
It's hard to really appreciate how set and forget Linux distro's actually are, I have no internet at the moment and have to use a USB wi-fi dongle, windows rerquires I install a driver yet and so does a USB-C cable (Don't ask why a fucking cable needs a driver to transmit power but hey), I connect both up to my Linux install (Elementary OS) and boom, straight out the box they both work perfectly .-.6 -
The debate between using tabs or spaces for indentation in code is a long-standing argument among software developers. Those who prefer using tabs argue that it takes up less space and is more efficient, while those who prefer spaces argue that it allows for more consistency and easier readability.
Many developers have strong opinions on this issue and believe that their preferred method is the only correct one. Some even go as far as to say that using the wrong method can negatively impact their ability to work with the code.
Regardless of which side of the debate someone falls on, it's a common source of frustration and humor among developers. The argument often devolves into jokes and sarcastic comments, with both sides poking fun at the other's preferred method.
Despite the often lighthearted nature of the debate, it highlights the importance of code readability and maintainability, as well as the differences in personal preferences and workflows that can arise within the tech community.19 -
Was pretty ill for a couple of weeks in 7th grade. Decided to not just lie around but also do something interesting ~ started coding, never stopped since 😊
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Dudes I got an (in my opinion not just and moral) punishment: I have to invent a choreography over a scene of west side story
@QCat told me to base it around dabs and because he is a a cool guy, I will base it around dabs
Any other ideas? I have 25 people to choreograph, and a rivalry to show between two teams
NOW TO THE RANT PART:
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that its okay to make me wait 30 minutes?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that just "not having a text book that complies to all my rules" is enough to even punish people
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher make students do his work?
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think he has the right to force me to answer to the question "what do your parents work as"
WHY THE FUCK does a teacher think that he may interpret ANY of my doings as "mysogenous" (she litterally interpreted my "being a bit sarcastic" as "macho-comportment")
And to all extents: Why does she give me an usb-stick that isnt completely wiped and thus still has some private information (aka a picture of her when she was 8years younger and was eating a weird fruit)4 -
I asked out IT guy to send me base URL for LDAP server, he send me quick reply with base URL of my application. Not sure he was being sarcastic or absolute dumb-arse
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Writing an embedded webserver recycling code that is in use for a few years now. Can't get my ’getStatus.ssi’ working. Turns out ’statusTag’ cannot be used and for the last couple of years noone cared that the status field was empty.
That's the first time I did such a thing and it took me only one unpaid (!) day to debug that piece of crap thinking my idiotic predecessor delivered halfway working code.
Is verifying and communicating broken code really that hard?1 -
Went for an internship interview today
Interviewers= tell us a little about yourself
Me thinking haha I can mention the time I took a 300 level course in my freshman year (have ranted about this) and show them I can take up a challenge = I'm known in my batch for not making smart decisions
Interviewers = sarcastic clap
What the actual fuck,no why why would I even start off like this fucking shit what even am I stupid what even. Great job man great job.3 -
Why am I feeling that QA always have some attitude?
I observe this for quite sometime now that they can’t communicate! They are mean , sarcastic and passive aggressive. Couldn’t they just have explain the bug and why needed to be fixed.
Why there’s a need of condescending people? Couldn’t people just FUCKING COMMUNICATE?!11 -
> mfw a non-dev customer shows me an exception that is easy to reproduce to answer my sarcastic questions whether she got any problems with the application
> mfw no dev or PM ever thought of using the application like this1 -
If you Java Programmer are joking with Javascript programmers by they using "console.log", I alert you, you are using System.out.println(""), in your "debug" way1
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All those complaining about getting interrupted while coding/debugging. Imagine getting interrupted twice in every 3 minutes during your anyways short working time (talk 2 to 5 hours) 'cause your actual job is to tutor people in using a toolchain and not developing it (at least not during that time)...
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How do I write an essay?
If you're working within a time frame then you require tackling it in an organized way. I typically jot down quickly the central ideas I want the essay to deliver. I typically work a bit more on the introduction and the conclusion of the essay. I believe they tend to have a somewhat more lasting effect on the brain. Good use of vocabulary is icing on the cake and adding just a tad bit of your stylе can do wonders. I always choose a theme. In the first few minutes I decide whether I desire it to be monotonous or riveting or slightly sarcastic or just factual depending on the theme. The best of the essays I've come cross ways have very clear and lucid language and they now hit the nail in the head. Every writer has his own way. Try to expand one. Expressing ideas accurately is what keeps the readers absorbed. Don't miss to hit a chord with your readers. The best essay writing service [ https://buyessays.us/ ] should to clearly express the correspondence direct set up. Also, it ought to express the sufficiency of the channels as evaluate by clients.5 -
Ricing newly installed Mate Desktop
In need of wallpapers (Anime/Illustration)
In need of a motivational quote too (can be sarcastic)
People who are going to roast me in the comments I know its cringe worthy and googleable. Cloning multiple repos and downloading a lot of data so please help me out3