Linux doesn't need viruses people fuck that shit up themselves

How the Fuck do you verify this shit???

So here I am in iceland watching Aurora with my gf, and suddenly I realized somewhere in my code at work I freaking forgot to add 1 to the denominator of a fraction. Shitty shit shit, gonna go back to work finding NaNs everywhere. Fuck fuck fuck

My company is a joke so I wrote my resignation in comic sans. 🤷🏼‍♀️

1366x768 displays and 5400RPM HDD should be banned in laptops.

Forbes has, by far, the shittiest and most user-unfriendly website I've ever gone to, in this gigantic clusterfuck we call the Internet. I honestly don't understand how they felt their site design is OK. Fuck their dev team manager.

Let's run down some of its worst offenses, shall we? FORCED ANTI-ADBLOCK, shitton of ads (some of which are extremely invasive and dangerous), autoplaying sidebar video WITH SOUND ON, that fucking social sidebar & collapsed navigation, and their mind-bogglingly irrelevant, frustratingly obnoxious, & totally pointless Quote of the Day, which itself has ads and A FORCED COUNTDOWN to go to the fucking article you went there to read to begin with.

The articles themselves on Forbes are solid, so why do they have to ruin it with this shit? I will never go to a Forbes link again. No article is worth facing their torture chamber.

TLDR: Fuck you Forbes, your site is absolutely the shittiest on the entire web (which is quite a feat).

Fuck off with your shit ass semicolon jokes. You searched for semicolon for 4days? Fucking retard with a sack of balls instead of eyes can understand that he's missing a semicolon in matter of seconds. It's going to be 2018 soon. Get a fucking IDE that says that you are missing a fucking semicolon. The error literally fucking says "; expected at the end of expression". Ugh...? I wonder what that means... Maybe something is wrong with my operating system or my PC. Fuck off with that shit. Try debugging some systems that have 2files with 15k lines in each of them with 200fields and all of them strings both with empty default constructors. Semicolons... My ass..

root@server:~# systemctl stop ssh *enter*

Wait! SHIT! FUCK FUCK *$§%§*"!

>be me.
>never understood jokes about linux users fucking shit up
>starts using linux
>day 3 manages to fuck shit up
>ooooohhh

well shit, fuck you

Ya know I'm getting really fucking tired of this female only shit in the tech field. Like yes, there's a representation gap in the field. But you ever think it's because lots of females just don't want to fucking do it?

Most of the females I graduated high school with are going for something medical, teaching, and other fields that allow lots of human interaction and helping people. (You sure as fuck don't see people breaking their neck over the misrepresentation of males in the nursing or education field, do ya?)

You know who needs fucking attention in the tech world? Small towns. There's no fucking actual computer classes in any of the fucking high schools near me. Not a fucking thing. I had one class but it taught me how to use office software (word, excel, access, the whole shitfest).

But noooo let's just fucking focus on one specific group and everyone else gets fucked over.

Not to mention, a lot of the females here (at least from the ones I've read) just want to be treated like normal people.

I'm tired of this bullshit. Fuck every bit of it. Don't even care if it makes me a fucking dick. It's unnecessary sjw bullshit.

So I've been looking for a Linux sysadmin job for a while now. I get a lot of rejections daily and I don't mind that because they can give me feedback as for what I am doing wrong. But do you know what really FUCKING grinds my FUCKING gears?

BEING REJECTED BASED ON LEVEL OF EDUCATION/NOT HAVING CERTIFICATIONS FOR CERTAIN STUFF. Yes, I get that you can't blindly hire anyone and that you have to filter people out but at least LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING SKILLSET.

I did MBO level (the highest sub level though) as study which is considered to be the lowest education level in my country. lowest education level meaning that it's mostly focused on learning through doing things rather than just learning theory.

Why the actual FUCK is that, for some fucking reason, supposed to be a 'lower level' than HBO or Uni? (low to high in my country: MBO, HBO, Uni). Just because I learn better by doing shit instead of solely focusing on the theory and not doing much else does NOT FUCKING MEAN THAT I AM DUMBER OR LESS EDUCATED ON A SUBJECT.

So in the last couple of months, I've literally had rejections with reasons like
- 'Sorry but we require HBO level as people with this level can analyze stuff better in general which is required for this job.'. - Well then go fuck yourself. Just because I have a lower level of education doesn't FUCKING mean that I can't analyze shit at a 'lower level' than people who've done HBO.

- 'You don't seem to have a certificate for linux server management so it's a no go, sorry!' - Kindly go FUCK yourself. Give me a couple of barebones Debian servers and let me install a whole setup including load balancers, proxies if fucking neccesary, firewalls, web servers, FUCKING Samba servers, YOU FUCKING NAME IT. YES, I CAN DO THAT BUT SOLELY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THAT FUCKING CERTIFICATE APPEARANTLY MEANS THAT I AM TOO INCOMPETENT TO DO THAT?! Yes. I get that you have to filter shit but GUESS WHAT. IT'S RIGHT THERE IN MY FUCKING RESUME.

- 'Sorry but due to this role being related to cyber security, we can't hire anyone lower than HBO.' - OH SO YOUR LEVEL OF EDUCATION DEFINES HOW GOOD YOU ARE/CAN BE AT CYBER SECURITY RELATED STUFF? ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING RETARDED? I HAVE BEEN DOING SHIT RELATED TO CYBER SECURITY SINCE I WAS 14-15 FUCKiNG YEARS OLD. I AM FAMILIAR WITH LOADS OF TOOLS/HACKING TECHNIQUES/PENTESTING/DEFENSIVE/OFFENSIVE SECURITY AND SO ON AND YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT I NEED A HIGHER LEVEL OF FUCKING EDUCATION?!?!? GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF.

And I can go on like this for a while. I wish some companies I come across would actually look at skills instead of (only) study levels and certifications. Those other companies can go FUCK THEMSELVES.

So there it fucking goes.

Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.

All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.

Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.

I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and

BAM

Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.

Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.

Fuck javascript
Fuck css
Fuck even html
And fuck web dev in general.
i can't do this shit anymore.

i've been working in web for ~2.5 years, 4 different companies, countless frameworks, technologies and tools and it feels good having that kind of knowledge and ability to do anything in this field, but god damn. I'm exhausted of "moving pixels" most of the time.

And i know, maybe different company and position would better suit me, but how often do people hire pure breed back-enders ? not that often, at least not in my country. Everyone has to do everything. And even then, php/sql/sysadmin/devops work doesn't motivate me as much. I need something that would make me actually think.

And so i decided to change my specialty, i'm going to follow my long lived dream - game dev (C++) :)

Oh i know, i'm not naive. I know how difficult and hard it is, but it seems like i've finally matured for it. So i've been waking up at 5 a.m and learning for ~3 hours before work for a few weeks now, and plan to go part-time at my work, after a few months (need to save up some money) for ~6 months, to focus on C++

Then hopefully i'll be able to land a junior position. If not, well, i wouldn't be a problem solver if i let that get to me :)

The most overused programmer meme:

Fuck why is my shit not working?
Fuck its working.

Seriously guys its not even funny anymore.

FUCK YOU PHP

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INVALID CREDENTIALS.
I JUST LOGGED IN WITH THEM ON YOUR SHITTY FUCKING WEBSITE YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT PIECE OF WANK.
FUCK YOU YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING CREDENTIALS SYSTEM I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN; AND I'VE USED YAHOO

Sooooo me and the lead dev got placed in the wrong job classification at work.

Without sounding too mean, we are placed under the same descriptor and pay scale reserved for secretaries, janitors and the people that do maintenance at work(we work for a college as developers) whilst our cowormer who manages the cms got the correct classification.

The manager went apeshit because the guidelines state that:

Making software products
Administration of dbs
Server maintenance and troubleshooting
Security (network)

And a lot of shit is covered on the exemption list and it is things that we do by a wide fucking margin. The classification would technically prohibit us from developing software and the whole it dptmnt went apeshit over it since he(lead developer) refuses (rightfully so) to touch anything and do basically nothing other than generate reports.

Its a fun situation. While we both got a substantial raise in salary(go figure) we also got demoted at the same time.

There is a department in IT which deals with the databases for other major applications, their title is "programmers" yet for some reason me and the lead end up writing all the sql code that they ever need. They make waaaaay more money than me and the lead do, even in the correct classification.

Resolution: manager is working with the head of the department to correct this blasphemy WHILE asking for a higher pay than even the "programmers"

I love this woman. She has balls man. When the president of the school paraded around the office asking for an update on a high priority app she said that I am being gracious enough to work on it even though i am not supposed to. The fucking prick asked if i could speed it up to where she said that most of my work I do it on my off time, which by law is now something that I cannot do for the school and that she does not expect any of her devs to do jack shit unless shit gets fixed quick. With the correct pay.

Naturally, the president did not like such predicament and thus urged the HR department(which is globally hated now since they fucked up everyone's classification) to fix it.

Dunno if I will get above the pay that she requested. But seeing that royal ammount of LADY BALLS really means something to me. Which is why i would not trade that woman for a job at any of my dream workplaces.

Meanwhile, the level of stress placed my 12 years of service diabetic lead dev at the hospital. Fuck the hr department for real, fuck the vps of the school that fucked this up royally and fuck people in this city in general. I really care for my team, and the lead dev is one of my best friends and a good developer, this shit will not fucking go unnoticed and the HR department is now in low priority level for the software that we build for them

Still. I am amazed to have a manager that actually looks out for us instead of putting a nice face for the pricks that screwed us over.

I have been working since I was 16, went through the Army, am 27 now and it is the first time that I have seen such manager.

She can't read this, but she knows how much I appreciate her.

"Who the fuck wrote this stupid shit!?"
git blame

It was me...

What in the actual fuck is this shit?

You know what I realized we should always say no for demo driven application development.

We should always ask for enough time do a proper development and if its not enough, shouldn’t write a single line.

Because once we deliver a working demo. Its release ready for them because its FUCKING WORKING..

And trying to explain why this is just a demo and cant be put to production is even bigger pain in the ass than saying no in the beginning.

LESSON LEARNED .

Thanks PHP for being the shittiest shit ever.

Sincerely,

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING FUCK FUCKSHIT

Fuck you google chrome ...just because I use Windows and have only 4 gigs of RAM doesn't mean you can just shit on my RAM.

Fuckkk...
I Lost my Android Apk Certificate file.

Fuck YOU Xcode!

20 crashes since I started working this morning.

Restarted the iMac, same shit.

Cleared NVRAM/PRAM whatever its called, same shit.

Closed EVERYTHING, restarted iMac again, unplugged from the wall, left it few mins, replugged back, turned it on, continued working, AND IT STILL KEEPS FUCKING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

FUCK THIS, FUCK XCODE, FUCK APPLE, AND FUCK WHOEVER DARES TO THINK THAT ITS A GREAT PIECE OF SOFTWARE, im done.

P.S. this rage got me to a point where i had to make this paper

I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..

Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.

Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?

I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.

Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.

Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.

Fucking Jira!

You fucking piece of fucking shit. You're about as useful as a nacho cheese enema.

Fuck Atlassian, fuck Jira, fuck fuck fuck fuck!

FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.

Fuck fuck fuck CNET.

1 o'clock at night. Clicked a link to CNET and the fucking shit started to play a random fucking video in their sidebar with volume amplified to 200%. I'm blocking this shit via hosts right now.

Code doesn't work.

Pointing middle finger at screen right now.

FUUUCK I HATE FUCKING WORDPRESS AND PHP!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I didnt change anyfuckingthing and everything went to shit! FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING FUUUUUCK!

Been reading devrant posts for a month or so, this is my first actual post. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic. ☺️ I need something to keep me from killing my boss when I see him again tomorrow..

Some backstory: Currently working in HR for the last 7 or so years with complete shit for brains boss, even worse when it comes to anything related to technology. For almost two years I've been working to get another bachelor's degree. This time in computer sciences, to make a career switch to systems and software engineer. Last week I roughly had the following wonderful conversation:

Boss: we've needed new Recruitment software for a while now. Can't you make us one as a school project?

Me: 'Make us one?' It's not really that simple.. I'm barely halfway through my education, maybe I could do it, but it would take me quite a long time even if I could work on it fulltime.. Combining a halftime job with a fulltime education is taking up enough of my time as it is and I have more than enough school projects btw..

Boss: it would be a win-win. Work a little harder in your spare time and when you graduate you have a real-life project on your resume.

Me: I'm sorry, i'm failing to see the 'win' for me here.. I work 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on average, trying to combine work and studies. I'm pretty much maxed out..

Boss: Your coworker(also extreme dumbass) told me you wrote some quick code the other day that helped him out. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can do this.

Me(in complete disbelief by now): I wrote him an Excel-macro! They don't even teach me that at school. It's a very very very long way from actual software development! I'm sorry, it just can't be done.

Boss: Thats too bad. I expected you to welcome an opportunity like this and be more motivated towards this company..

Me: ***more disbelief and silence, just staring at him***
I'm sorry you feel that way.
***walked away***

WTF, I work my ass off for 7 years for this fucking shithead.. Even before I started this bachelors degree I had at least some understanding of the work developers put in their software. It blows my mind, no, it fucking angers me how people think making software is so simple.. Why do you think it's a 3-year education you fucking cunt?

Please, someone tell me how I can keep myself from ramming his fucking head through a wall tomorrow...

Do you ever find yourself doing huge regex replaces prior to handing over your work to a client?

I am working on a project with a retard.
I am supposed to focus on the mobile apps but the backend guy doesn't know shit about REST.I spend more time teaching him how to serialize data into JSON and telling him not to store passwords as plaintext(He's now using md5 despite me telling him to use bcrypt) than developing the mobile apps am supposed to.
Guess who will be blamed for missing the deadline?
Yea, it's me.
Guess who will get the credits for the backend i am developing?
Yea, it's him.
Fuck!

!dev

Me: walks into a coffee shop and orders a latte

Barista-1: can you cover for me tomorrow.

Barista-2: I am busy with family. Do you have plans?

B-1: no.

B-2: are you sick?

B-1: yeah! My throat hurts soooo much and I can hardly breath!

B-2: ahhhhh. That’s too sad.

B-1: commences to make my latte while breaking heavily into it.

Me: Walks the fuck away.

Fuck. That. Shit.

The $6 it costs for that latte isn’t worth missing a week of paying work with the flu!

I got no time for that type of shit. Stay the fuck home for fuck sakes.

For those of you retards that post shit like:

"fuck"

"well I hate this"

or similar shit that only you understand in the hopes that someone goes and asks you what is wrong: fuck off with that attention seeking bullshit.

Seriously, even it your shit is tech dev related, just fucking post it you attention seeking shitstain.

Or fuck off all together from the app to begin with.

FTSDD — Fuck-This-Shit-Driven Development

I hate this fucking front-end stuff so hard..

How DA FUCK is it possible that I set up the whole backend including DB connection, base controllers, models, base validation and stuff in an hour but don't get this fucking fucking retarded JS framework piece of shit to display a test string after ONE FUCKING HOUR!!!

Why do we need this shit anyway? Why does everything have to be shiny with some fucking animations???

It's about the information, isn't it? Then WHY DOES IT HAVE TO LOOK PRETTY???

I gonna travel back in fucking time to the early 80's!

Stupid front-end shit..

Fuck that fucking company three way while dozens of homeless HIV crack junkies puke and shit their diarrhea on the three bosses!

I can't put it in words how stupid they are!

Let me try to tell you the latest story while I try not to get multiple strokes.

Backstory: We are three devs, all with a TCCI certification. One has been working for us for almost a year, the other one has been working for us since one and a half year. Both are good friends of mine, btw. I have been working there for almost three years.

Fortunately, I am allowed to work on a reasonable computer. The other devs work on PC's with Windows 7 and 8!

One has just 400 MB space left on his drive and has to delete every month some shit because he does not want to be able to call up websites anymore... How awful?!

The PC of the other great Dev Crashes three to six times a day and needs about 30 minutes to start up!

We can be so productive, but...

We told that in February one of our bosses and asked him to buy new hardware. His answer: yes, of course, I understand that, it's my turn (he always says that "ich bin da dran")

We got a new colleague in the middle of this fucking month. She is responsible for conception.

She works on an old notebook, but today she gets a fucking new PC to work on while the devs are trying to weld with a sparkler! Better hardware than every other Dev PC!!!

Guess what? She is the daughter of a friend of one of our bosses!

We are the only devs at this company.

Fuck that fucking company! Fuck that fucking bosses!

I think we don't go to work for that fucking company anymore!

Idk if somebody already told you this today, so I'll do it just to be safe.

FUCK JAVA SERVER PAGES
FUCK JAVA SERVER FACES
FUCK JSWING
FUCK JQUERY
AND ESPECIALLY FUCK JQUERY UI
FUCK ALL OF THIS OUTDATED SHIT
I'LL NEVER USE IT AFTER SCHOOL, BECAUSE IT'S SHIT!
Repeat after me

S H I T !

So I finally tried Laravel... And fuck this shit, I'm going back to PHP...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FOR FUCK SAKES!
FUCKING GODDAMN FUCK SHIT CUNT FUCK!

no reasons needed... that's my rant

😂😂😂

Were the fuck are all the rants?!

All this funny shit is 'fun' but fuck. I miss old rants.

Let me just delete this symbolic link and leave it copying the folder to the ssd real quick while I go to lunch...

Lessons learned:

1 - don't put a fucking / at the end of `rm -rf /path/to/link`

2 - don't ignore the warning of it being a folder after trying to `rm /path/to/link`

3 - backup your fucking dev database too

4 - don't do stuff hungry

SHIT!! FUCK!!

So, I accidentally rm -rf'ed the folder with my personal project.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
I AM THE BIGGEST DUMBASS EVER. HOURS OF CODING, GONE. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK.
.
.
.
.
Please photorec, save my files 😢😭😢

Fucking sharepoint
I’m fuckin done, editing this website layout is like teaching a kid with ie brain, worse is I need to use a fuckin sharepoint designer 2013 and I’m working on online sharepoint so everytime I saved something it’s delayed and my screen acts like having a motherfuckin seizure when I accidentally scrolled it. Not to mention grid doesn’t work here so I need to lay it out the fuckin old way. Oh the client also wants a fancy navbar so I literally hide the sharepoint desinger navbar and using js create my own navbar inside the container. Fuck you for creating this shit and actually sell it to people, it’s like working on a fucking old tech

Fuck old farts trying to enslave us by censoring internet,
fuck socialism,
fuck globalization,
fuck cloud services,
fuck city surveillance,
fuck internet surveillance,
fuck RFID that enslaved animals,
fuck IoT constantly looking at our life,
fuck artificial intelligence.
It’s becoming fucking nightmare.
Time to make tools to fight against technology and people that intrude our life with this shit.
Where the fuck is John Connor ?

yeah learn to code from a youtube video and you'll magically get a 60K paying job

TIL that my company has an HTML/CSS guy whose only job is to optimize others frontend code and he has a higher pay scale than me.

How the fuck that skill could end up into a legitimate job profile!!!!

Fuck College, Fuck C, Fuck the people that didnt help me with my C code and in fact made my problems worse and didn't fucking help me, Fuck the bastard that decided to give my the largest mountain of homework, fuck my inability to get shit done, fuck myself for not getting motivated to do anything. And also fuck Javascript cause its JavaScript.

Edit: IM ALSO FUCKING RETARDED

Just got a new TV, 4K... it’s one of those smart ones, by Samsung.

Anyone want to explain what the fuck “McAfee Security for TV” is, and why the fuck it is necessary!?

What kind, of absolute waster madman goes “I know what I’ma do today, write a virus for a tv”!?

Take that shit elsewhere McAfee.

Now accepting any links to known Smart TV 0-days and attacks...

And I had to sign in to 5 different fucking accounts to get to the fucking tv.

The world is broke as fuck. Roll on the apocalypse.

OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!

Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!

What the fuck is this shit

Fucking shit fuck! Absolute cunty-chops of a Work phone just went off at 3am because our directory has clearly been leaked.

This cunt right here is on 24/7 fallout so I can nae silence the bastard. It’s going inte do not disturb for the evening now but.

About 6 months to a year ago we started getting nuisance calls on the cunts. On floated numbers that seem geographically close.

Work have done fuck all in this time, because considering changing ours is a pain in the dick, and costs.

But tonight at 3am I got another; call, immediate hang up on redial.

This wee iPhone prick is looking at me like “ho! Got ya ye fucker”... it’s lucky it’s not been punted out the winde where it belongs. Little fucking prick.

If I look like shit tomorrow at the office, if any prick decides to mention I look tired, I’m gonnae tear the ballbags a new hole between their baws and their arse.

It’s now 4am, sorry fe the language, my Glaswegian heritage shines through at this time in the morning.

Fuck this shit.

Hi there,

Hereby I would like to inform you of the following:

FUCK

I hope to have informed you to your satisfaction.

With kind regards,
Me

Fuck you Citrix you piece of shit!

I was lurking on devrant since about a month. Never feel like ranting 'til now.

FUCKING TORRENT THAT STOPS AT 99.8%!!!!! WHY FUCKING SHIT WHY FUCK THIS FUCKING BUG I HATE YOU TORRENT I HATE YOU!!!! 😠😠😠😠 FUCK!

At a meeting:

"We don't know why <past developer, they all know who this motherfucker is> did it this way but we have to..."

Me: *slams table* no, stop. I am tired of this. Y'all must've really liked this guy. But he did it this way because he was a fucking idiot.
A
Fucking
Idiot
There is no other reason for this amount of fuckery that I have to be bothered to fix and mess with on A DAILY BASIS so I am gonna go ahead and call it as it is. The dude was a damn moron and no one here stopped him. I know he was a janitor here that got his cute lil associates and y'all wanted some good will hunting shit to happen, but <said dumbass developer is no matt damon"

Them: "YOU CaNt JusT UsE ThaT lanGUAGE"

"Am i gonna fix this shit?"

"Well......no one else kno...."

Me: "exactly"

Legit man i am sick and tired of this shit. I did not earn a B.S in comp sci. Graduated in the top percentage of my class, am suffering through my MCS to fix php like a fucking moron all day.The rest of my web devs backed me up.

Aaaand btw..no, it is not my job. I am a fucking analyst, i provide data reports, i program said reports, i am tasked with this shit because i used to work for then as a web tech.....got a different position cuz i was tired of it...fuck me right?

Dear dev at my company:

FUCK YOU AND YOUR PIECE OF SHIT API.

Fuck all these "researchers" that port scan the shit out of my servers

Seriously, FUCK Safari, piece of shit browser

Saw some cheapie little radio in the dollar store, bought 2 of them for reverse engineering. Powered it from my lab bench power supply as usual, and tested whether it actually works before doing anything else.. then I noticed that the tunes were actually quite catchy, so I just ended up listening.

Then I started to notice that the audio wire I was using (the one I've spent a couple of days building earlier) had intermittent audio issues where the right driver would drop out when the wire was held in certain positions. Oscilloscope probing showed that there was some sort of disconnect, with only the 50Hz noise from the power lines showing up. Opened up the connector and noticed that the ground wire had detached. An 28AWG electrical wire that was inside a jack that was meant for stress relief! Yet the copper strands must've detached one by one regardless. What do I need then, huh?! 18AWG which wouldn't even fit on the connector, only to see the strands in that eventually detach as well?! You know what, let's go fancy.. 1AWG which is meant for extremely high current applications!!

At that point I was literally shouting "FUCK!!! Why does this shit always happen to me?!! ONE FUCKING PROJECT THAT FINISHED SUCCESSFULLY, YET STILL BROKE?!!!! WHY!!!!!!"

Clearly I need some fresh air to cool down. On my way to the fast food restaurant to get some Bicky burgers. More shit, humans. One stupid driver who slowed down on me, which of all things I hate the most. GO FASTER ALREADY YOU SLOWFUCK, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! Next a pedestrian with a dog.. I swear motherfucker, if that dog comes anywhere near me I'll personally turn it into fucking fricassee.

Ah and then comes the killer.. in this stupid fucking summer, all that's needed to fix any issue is a fucking stupid DESPACITO, right?! More like DeSPASTICo!! FUCK!!!!

.. Back home, rather tired. So essentially a wire that was specifically built to have high endurance broke on me. Back to Bluetooth I guess.

Fuck matlab, i could do this shit in java in half the time.

Fuck, I am really exhausted.
I am really burnt-out, I can't do this shit anymore.
Fuck this shit, here is my letter of resignation.
It is already signed, I won't do this shit anymore.
I will be jobless, but fuck this, I won't spend any more minute here.
*drop microphone*
The party is over.

*it’s friday and everything works*
> Commit
> Run my project on monday morning
> Feature doesn’t work
> No clear error message
> Everything’s gone to shit
> Nobody knows how to fix it
> 🙂🔫

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

So this post is going to target an irritating aspect of a specific culture based on observational evidence over the last 20 years, and has reared its hideous face yet again. If you're triggered by that, stop reading here.

I'm flatly fed up with two-faced onshore Desi coworkers. They make up 95% of my colleagues and the following sequence of events has played out repeatedly over the course of my career, consistently, though it's slightly more pronounced in other women for whatever reason :

1. Work with them for years, good relationship, teach them all sorts of skills (which I will do freely for anyone, for any reasons as I view it to be a moral imperative), general lifting up and solid teamwork.
2. They move up in the hierarchy, generally to management, usually project
3. The second they view themselves as higher in the pecking order they start treating me like shit as if we have no history. Rude, commanding, unwilling to share details, obligatory exasperated thank yous if any at all, not interested in anything I have to say even if I'm the noted expert on the subject.

I understand a lot of their etiquette culture, specifically the level of "directness" or politeness they employ is based on the estimated risk of loss in the interaction. I find that disgusting, but I understand that academically. I just can't get my mind around how universal this shiftiness is, as it happens over and over again. It's like human decency and respect go out the window the second they don't feel like they have anything to gain from you. In *my* culture that is the lowest form of behavior a human can exhibit, and it causes me to rage because I can't imagine being so utterly devoid of altruism.

Fuck. It's just so sickening. It's fucking debased, and selfish and greedy and fuck. I can't even, this is one of those things that so irrational my mind can't accept it and I just go around and around on it.

Tl;dr you want to get throat punched? Because that's how you get throat punched. It's definitely getting this person doxxed to USCIS

I am quitting my job in the next couple of weeks. I don't even have a job lined up. I can't deal with doing Design work as a developer when you have a whole ass design team. Like what the fuck. Then I nearly do development. Oh and your gonna bitch at me when I mess up in design, then threaten to fire me? Well you can shove that shit all up your entire ass. Fuck this Job. I am doing my own thing. I don't care if I become homeless cause Fuck I'll be more happier I did that then be at this concentration camp. I am gonna live my life and own. Cause fuck everything corporate Jobs is fucking life sucking. Please Fire me. I GIVE NO FUCKS ANYMORE. Sick of being depressed and stressed. I want to be a real developer!!!! argghhhhhhhhhhhh

Who the fuck did they ask? Because that's horse shit

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes

JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?

Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.

Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?

So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.

I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays

One of those "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" moments! CEO, in a dying startup wants to go on a 5 day vacation to Mexico while I'm sitting here fixing production bugs! FUCK THIS SHIT BRUH

!dev
Oh French adminstration and bureaucracy,
How I wish upon thee,
Sincere sodomy with a rusted rake,
Till the insides of thy posteriors break.

Annoying thing happened at work as usual -> can't get the mood to code -> procrastinate -> finally get my shit together -> get some work done -> shit it's 07.00 PM I should be going home already -> still coding because I started late -> shit it's 09.00 PM -> get the fuck home -> I need time to be alone and relieve stress by surfing the web -> shit it's 02.00 AM -> try to get some sleep -> Why did she left me? How's dad doing? God I think I that function that I coded today is awful, gotta fix it tomorrow. Am I going to afford a house EVER? Fuck what I'm doing with my life. -> Shit it's 05.00 AM, I MUST SLEEP. -> (kinda sleep) -> Fuck it's 10.00 shit shit shit shit -> arrive at work -> I'm not ready to open the code -> procrastinate -> ...

Me: No that will not work. It wouldnt make any sense.

Client: make it work.

Me: .-. *sight*

the fuck is this shit

To whoever in the history of this godforsaken app I’m tasked with has commingled PHP with ColdFusion, I have a message for you:

Fuck you...fuck your momma, fuck yo daddy, fuck yo computer, fuck yo keyboard, fuck yo mouse, fuck the clothes on your back, fuck monitors that displayed this shit, fuck your fingers in particular, fuck yo brain, fuck whoever dropped yo on your head as an infant, fuck the car you drove to work in, fuck the servers running this shit, fuck anybody who was involved with your education, and if I see you on the street ima slap the shit out of you.

Today I woke up on a beautiful day, feeling well rested. Then I remember PHP is a thing and it all went to shit. FUCK YOU, FUCK SHIT FUCK

Fuck this shit.
I got tested positive this morning.
I might have accidentally infected my parents and my colleagues.

Fuck this shit, fuck it, take it down, smash it with a rock and fuck it. Fucking 18th century system where we are graded for a 2 hour work after 6 months of learning. Fuck the idiots who think reading from a piece of paper will teach us something. Fuck the sheep who follow without looking aside. Fuck the asshole who initiated it all, and fuck this shit. Thank you.

It doesn't work in IE. Fuck this shit!

So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!

FUCK TOMCAT
FUCK JAVA
FUCK SYSTEMJS
FUCK SYNCFUSION
FUCK THIS SHIT WHOEVER DESIGNED ANY OF THIS GARBAGE SHOULD BURN IN THE LOWEST CIRCLE OF HELL.

Fuck.
Fuck this shit
Fuck. What the hell is this?
What the fuck????
Fuck this place.
How the hell is it even possible??
Fuck all. M leaving.
.
.
.
.
A snapshot of my workday nowadays.

there's this club at my school, called STEM, and another called "science olympiad." both are pretty cringey, bad, or boring. science olympiad was just for the college credit. during the intro to the club, they said there was a coding section. "game on!" is what they dubbed it as, where basically you're timed to make a game in scratch. i'm fucking tired of it. why is scratch considered programming? don't get me wrong, i'll write an OS in PHP before i say code.org is better than scratch, but fuck it. its a fucking interpreted language that's interpreted by another interpreted language. i don't understand why this shit is still used. scratch isn't good. please codecademy or w3schools or just write in binary directly, but not scratch. my hand hurts from dragging and dropping, my eyes hurt from the light theme, my imaginary cat committed suicide after learning about scratch's mascot. fuck it. now onto stem club, fuck it too. not for being bad (well, kinda), but for not being more recognized. it should be above science olympiad, and other clubs because you actually have to think instead of just memorize. but alas, we still were offered the choice of scratch to program the robot. sigh. arduino much? i guess not. challenging much? nope. was i elected "leader"? with three of my friends out of the eight there, i could have been, but no. effort in this would be depressing.

Fucking working with wordpress, wocommerce, ftp, and other pure shit fuck things

fuck commuting, fuck rush hour, fuck this shit

I dunno why, but my brain is just not weird to like syntactic whitespace.

Things like yaml, python and coffeescript...as much as I like Python...i just can't stand being forced to deal with whitespace.

FUCK ME!!

For a job, I have to create a form with more than 20 fields!! FUCK!!

The most shitty part is that I need to gather all the shit users fill in (if they even fill it in) and place in a shitty e-mail and send that to the client!! FUCK!!

"Fuck this shit! I'm outta here!" - works very well with everything.

Being a programmer in a scientific discipline can be infuriating.

using "no one" ="almost no one"
using everyone = "almost everyone"

1. No one knows what even the very idea of good practice is. And everyone refuses to learn. 3k lines of repetitive copy pasted main. 500 lines of plotting method.

2. Raw C-style pointer based array creation. Won't use develope array libraries because what if development stops. FUCKING HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR CODE WHAT IF DEVELOPMENT ON YOUR CODE STOPS. FUCK.

3. LOOP VARIABLES DECLARED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE METHOD WHY.

4. Everyone wants to make modular, independent code. No one wants to use OOP. NOPE. ALL IN ONE FILE. WRITE C++ LIKE A FUCKING PYTHON NOTEBOOK. FUCK.

5. LIBRARIES OH MY GOD PLEASE DO NOT CODE UP YOUR MATRIX MULTIPLICATION. PLEASE DO NOT TRIPLE LOOP IT. NO. THE LINEAR ALGEBRA LIBRARY WILL STAY IN DEVELOPMENT.

6. Please realize that literally not one comment over an 1800 line file does not help anyone.

FUCKING. WHY. WHY ARE WE SCIENTISTS SO GOOD AT SCIENCE AND SO FUCKING SHIT AT THE CODE THAT MAKES OUR SCIENCE HAPPEN. WHY. FUCKING. WHY. FUCK.

How many times did you have the "I'm so fucking retarded" moment when you're fixing your code?

You stupid lousy price of potato shit windows, yes that’s right - this pissed of windows user is pissed the fuck right off.

Here I am letting you sit there idling along and then I press the start button, you know that fucking button I press regularly for fucking years, only for you to go “fuck you, I’m going to blue screen instead” like what the flying fuck? There hasn’t been any updates in a while that I’ve noticed but this shit is just a shit.

So what ever, let’s reboot this mother fucker, oh wait now you can’t fucking boot, I can hear the hdd spinning a million miles an hour (coz non ssd) but noooo your just going to sit there like a dumb ass prick who doesn’t know what the fuck your doing.

So fine, let’s pull out that old USB with w10 on it and do a MBR repair... (coz nothing else will fucking work in your shit list of options) ok so apparently an MBR repair gets you booting.. but wait there’s more, now you useless piece of shit are going to run a scan disk which has sat at 0% for the past 20 minutes and I don’t think I’m ever going to see that fucker move, I get it you want to do something useful, but Fucking Do it already!

Like wtf, how does a stable system just decide to shit itself.

Oh and before you say it.. no I can’t install Linux on this piece of shit, see my previous rants for that problem.

Tooday ... Shit day
Anonce buisness shutdown and everybody losses is job including me 😥 happy holidays everybody ... Fuck this commercial badluck fucking snowy shit seasons !

Fuck this piece of shit!
Windows 11 and Teams.
Fucking garbage!

fuck this shit bad ass error!

🎵 fuck this shit I'm out 🎵

Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio Fuck Android Studio.... Fuck this shit hole to the end of time

SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...

Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...

Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.

Just noticed my boss turned a nice and beautiful polymorphic code into a fucking hard to maintain switch case that now this mother fucker here has to maintain just because he probably thought it was too hard to understand.

I bet he finds it hard to fuck his wife in any way other than the one she needs to wear a strap on and tear his ass apart...

So I found this consulting job a while ago thinking that some extra cash while studying would be nice to have.

I meet with the guy, a researcher trying to start a business up, good for him I think, maybe we'll hit it off, continue working, why not? Except he has no clue how to write working code, all he ever did was writing matlab scripts he says, thats why he hired me he says.
Okay, fine, you do your job I do mine.

He hands me the contract, its about comparing two libraries, finding out which one is better suited for his job, cool, plots and graphs everywhere.

Except this is an unpaid job. YOU WHAT?! It's a test job. FINE. At least it'll look good on my resume.

We talk about the paid part where I'm supposed to scale the two libraries, looks good, as expected from an ML engineering perspective. It comes to payment. The dude has no idea how taxes work, says he has a set amount to pay and not a penny more. I explain with examples how taxes are paid, how you get reimbursed for them and so on. Won't budge. Screws me over.

Opens the door for other jobs I think, he'll learn next time I think and take the job.

Fast forward a month, 90% of the job done, he adds a third thing to compare. Gives a github link to a repo with 2 authors, last commit a year ago. There are links to a 404, claiming compiled jars. Fuck.

Not my first rodeo, git clone that shit, make compile, the works. The thing uses libs that ain't in no repo, that would be too easy. Run, error, find lib, remake all the things, rinse repeat.

The scripts they got have hardcoded paths and filenames for 2 year old binaries, remake that shit.

It works, at least I get a prompt now. Try the example files they got, no luck, some missing unlinked binary somewhere, but not a name mentioned. Cross reference the shit outta the libs mentioned on readme, find the missing shit, down it.

Available versions are too new, THE MOLDING NUTCRACKER uses some bug in an old version of the lib.

I give up. Fuck this. This ain't worth the money OR time. Wanker...

Article 13 has been FUCKING PASSED. SHIT SHIT FUCKEDDY FUCK ING FUCK-CHRIST ON A FUCKING FUCK BYCICLE MADE OF FUCKING ARSNIC COVERED LEGO BRICKS WITH PINS INSTEAD OF BUMPS BEING RIDDEN BY THE DECREPIT CORPSES THE EU CALLS A FUCKING GOVERNMENT!!

FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK SHIT AAAAAAAAAARGGGGG!

First chance I get I'm asking for a transfer to America.

I've always felt like a world class programmer after printing a hello world message on screen until now.
People are continuously ranting some technical shit that's completely above my head on devrant.
Fuck you for downing my morale
PS: I'm still in love with it!^_^

Fuck you Ajax
Fuck you js
Fuck you jQuery
Fuck you {{insert js frameworks}}

I've been learning ajax now and this shit happend

This week's sprint:
Bugs that cannot be reproduced
Features that are vague as shit

Man fuck this week...

FUCK COMPOSER SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

FUCK COMPOSER

Fuck life... No seriously fuck life...
This shit better end ASAP

WHAT THE FUCK!!

For a freelance job I searched for a JS function in the HTML document of a Wordpress site that was given to me.

Found it and wanted to get started on the project, but there was something odd about this website (besides it's a Wordpress site). The scrollbar was fucking small and when I scrolled down, all I saw was breaks. An almost endless number of breaks.

Then suddenly There was a line of HTML!! And then another 126 breaks.. :/
(Yeah that's right, I calculated the number of breaks between every line of HTML). This document has 75732 lines of shit.

The whole fucking website loaded in over 20 seconds!! What the fuck is that?!?! The document itself is 258 kB!!

But whatever, I get paid.

My fucking work challenges:
1. "Talk to this thing over the internet" what language does it speak? Fuck knows
2. "Make sure all the files are correct in the server" Our server plan only allows 3 requests per second, and someone is pinging it. Can't do shit.
3. "Shit broke!" You broke it. It was working fine. In fact, all our problems stem from that 1 thing you broke!
4. "Stay here all night" The hallway to the bathroom's door is locked. I can go to my workstation but have to go outside to get to the bathroom!

Fuck, its like you don't want me to succeed

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!

"Hey, I need a website making.."
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

"I can't believe you're turning away work.."
As if I don't have enough shit to deal with without this douchebag.

Fuck Ionic!
Fuck Hybrid Apps!

Dear git,

FUCK YOUR FUCKING FUCK SHIT .GITIGNORE FILE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING REMOVE THE IGNORED FILES FROM THE VCS? EVEN GIT RM --CACHED --FORCE DOES NOT WORK WTF

TL;DR
"git" your shit done.

Yours sincerely
Scrumplex

Building a stable CI/CD pipeline should be listed as the 8th wonder of the world.

Fuck how people are excited about experiencing the same shit every year

Damn Fuck FACEBOOK AND WHATSAPP DevRant's what's up 👆🏾👆🏾 I love this shit

Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.

Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.

The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.

He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.

Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.

Fuck this shit!!!

My trashy Win10 has been updating for the past 1,5 hours.
I want my Ubuntu back 😖😢

RANT:
Google is just a steaming pile of shit!!

I've recently installed LineageOS onto my phone and wanted to degooglify my life.

So my current Smartphone doesn't have any GApps installed and I get along fairly well.

Should I need anything, I should just be able to use it in my browser right?
RIGHT?

Nono!! As soon as I want to log into a third party Service using Google (older acccounts with the other choice only being Facebook) I need to "verify my identity". And the only option are my old smartphone who still have Gapps on it but are slow and don't accessible when I'm away!

For those who say: "Google is just beeing secure. They don't want anyone to steal your account.". I USE 2FA AND HAVE BACKUP CODES.
BEFORE DEGOOGLING MY DEVICE IT NEVER ASKED SUCH A THING!!! WHAT A PILE OF SPYING SHIT!!!

And the best part, after I remotely started my PC at home and just want to take a screenshot of the message for this post before just using a working session, the message didn't appear.
Somehow google decided that me logging in 15 mins later (same ip) proves my identity?!?!?!

IF THIS CAN BE ATTRIBUTED TO AI. FUCK THIS SHIT. GOOGLED SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE AN ONLINE CASINO BECAUSE THE CHANCE OF JUST GETTING LOGGED SEEMS COMPLETELY RANDOM!!!

(I also had this prior when using my smartphone browser. There I couldn't "circumvent" this and I was at home. But having this shit on my browser which should've a session is unacceptable.)

Holy Fuck Shit!!!!!!

Being a developer
Being a technical assistant

Soon to be a father;

Shit

Not really prepared for this

Fuck off Windows Defender.

I love Windows but this defender shit is fucking annoying me with it's popup messages to enable SmartScreen. Fuck you and your piece of shit SmartScreen.

Fucking fuck Windows 10 is slow as shit...

*insert hateful Windows comments here*

My phone's space was almost full so it automatically deleted 3 gigs of my videos, photos, songs, recordings and I don't fucking know what.

FUCK these Chinese shit phones.

Not exactly new, but just so it does not get forgotten:

FUCK ECLIPSE.

Fuck that stupid piece of shit IDE and everything related to it.

I'll just start off with how I really feel. Fuck big corporations with their career robots and retarded practices!
Now for a story. So I work remotely for most of the time nowadays, since my company has as clients big corporations. Used to be embedded with said clients, but it became kind of painful to work with them all so I asked to be reassigned to a remote position.
Now for the retarded part: The fucking Klingons I'm working with have two tiers to their VPN, but won't let me have the full version because it would be too fucking expensive. I checked and it's fucking 50 bucks per year difference.
So for that the Klingons are making me code through a remote connection that has a "best effort" priority.
Fuck.
Anyway after 3 weeks of writing code at a 400-600ms latency I finally snap.
I try to use a proxy and it. I write one myself, gets balcklisted in 2 days.
After about another week of writing code through a fuck straw I start working on node socket with 2 clients and a server that encrypts the send data, and syncs 2 folders between my workstation and the remote one.
It's been a month now and it is still working. It's not perfect, but I can at least write code without lag.

Question for you peeps: What shenanigans have you pulled to bypass shit like this?

That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.

Fuck this shit!

Fuck you C++. Fucking Fuck. I hate this vector shit

!rant GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

I failed at a dating sim, how the fuck did I fail at a dating sim? They're designed to make you feel love and romance or some shit like that! The girl got hit by a car, almost died, got amnesia, forgot all about me and then presumably started dating me, but I don't know CAUSE THE FUCKING GAME ENDED!

*sigh* I have work to get back to.

FUCK APPLE
EAT SHIT TIM

will elaborate later

So accidentally deleted all of the data on my HDD including the OS I was building... But I didn't commit the changes to GitHub so now I'm stuck trying to rebuild it... Fucking cunt!

And now I'm back in a rut of wanting to code but have no idea what to do, all the games I start I end up abandoning

That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.

No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.

This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.

And it started to rain. Fuck.

ah shit, here we go again

fuck my life

Assignment release: this is a basic assignment that is supposed to help you understand the basics of memory allocation. You are free to use any design you want, however you can implement more advanced features that would lean towards specific designs. What will be punished is that you don't have a dynamic memory allocator. We will run the tests for these offline after the deadline

2 days before the deadline: we released the tests for checking whether you're allocating memory dynamically, but these tests also check for this specific design. So fuck you for choosing any other design than this one. Have fun on sleepless nights.

Fuck me, I guess, for worthlessly working on a different design than they wished for, but didn't specifically ask for from the beginning. I just wasted 2 weeks of my life and feel unmotivated af to do anything anymore regarding this. Fuck this shit. Fuck them. Fuck this course.

What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.

If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.

Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!

Fuck this shit , someone tell me how to exit vim

:wq

tl;dr
I am either the most responsible or the biggest idiot in the team

----------

TODAY.. oh boy.. fuck today. Like literally tuck this day and this shit. We ware doing releases for an integration we ware working on for ~1.5 months ... Aaand things went wrong - I guess we didn't make a sacrifice to the release gods - finally at around 8:30pm, being pretty much the last in the whole fucking office after a few last minute fixes I get my skinny ass on my way to grab a Corona and enjoy the public holiday tomorrow ...

Aaaaand I wish that was it, it turns out some things ware forgotten by.. well everyone aaaaand shit doesn't work (ofc ffs, why should it).. I see a slack notif and the feeling of dread gets me a couple of messages back I promise I'll be there in a couple of hours tops..and here I am ranting doing shit covering my desk with "food", hating my fucking self...

Me and the Head of Dev are literally the only ones working ATM...

Fuck pair programming
Fuck mob programming
Fuck all that hipster shit!

My fucking pixel XL just broke. Fuck me, fuck this and fuck every fucking thing

I hope I'm not stuck with this broke ass piece of shit I used to use.

I have 3 different people trying to say that their last minute shit is priority. I have a headache, they put a meeting during my lunch hour. Fuck today.

If the option is disabled
You can still use it
To get a nice error

Who the fuck came up with this shit???

I fucking hate how much content I need to block with ublock to make websites less shit. Fuck your banners. Fuck your surveys, fuck your newsletters/mailing lists. And fuck your fucking shit website designs.

Can't be the only one who sits there individually blocking all annoying elements on sites with uBlock. Many hours 'wasted' for the sake of making everything a bit less shit

Edit:tags

FUCK WINDOWS FUCK NODEJS FUCK ANGULAR FUCK VISUAL STUDIO FUCK POWERSHELL FUCK ALL THAT FUCKIN CRAP WHY THE FUCKIN HELL IT SHOULD BE THAT HARD TO INSTALL SOME SHIT AND START WORKING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST I FUCKIN HATE THAT OS FUCK THIS SHIT

Fuck this shitty C ecosystem! Multible compilers, one standard complying, one hacked toghether? Only one GPL poisoned standart library, with no real chance of switching it, which prevents me of making staticly linked programs? And then there is microsofts compiler, with fucking ANSI support. Thanks. No dependency handling. Concurrency? pthreads. Are you fucking kidding. JSON? Have fun finding something static. Compile times where you can read entire books. Segfaults without one helpful info, so you have to debug with prints. And every library, every tool, installer, compiler, stdlib, anything is poisoned by GPL. But hey, its fast. And efficient. After you spend many slow and inefficient months developing something. I am so done with this shit.
Well.

Tommorow i will continue working with C on my backup project.

Did i mention that the stdlib has no features? Not even threading? Which is IN THE STANDARD?

I don't like it when my brain goes on a self conflicting spree after I fix a bug.

*** Fixes a bug and commits ***
Oh wait, it works but what if this happens? It'll break.

*** Thinks more on the correct solution this time ***
Oh wait, what I did was right! NVM.

*** Another situation comes to mind ***
Start thinking again. Same outcome.

Go through this a couple of times.

Aah, screw it. Will see when it breaks!

Fuck adobe. Sucks even on m1 shit .

What the FUCK is wrong with people!!!??
If you need to use !important in your CSS.... STOP and just don't.

It should be very clear that if the need arises to use !important then you are either really shit at CSS and don't understand the concept or you are a lazy mother fucker.

I'm so fucking sick of dealing with other so called "developers" shit code and have to spend time I don't have fixing their shit.

There is absolutely no reason to use
!important and to anyone that thinks to be a smartarse and let me know of their shit reasons... just don't because there aren't any.

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

nuget is a steaming pile of human shit, fuck the entire microsoft ecosystem and fuck anybody who likes it, and fuck you, and fuck me

I just fucking hate compiling this fucking C# (ASP.NET) code and then transferring to staging server. Fuck you.....no no no listen to me fuck you and fuck this shit.

Dear world:
For you headphones are for music for devs they mean: shut the fuck up and let me code 😒

I hope world understands this shit

Ok I know there have been a lot of similar rants to this one, but now I have to write one by myself!

Fuck freelancer.com or whatever that shit is called. I once started using it when I was in school because I thought it was a convenient way to earn money on the side without fixed work times, so I could adjust to how much time I have. But soon I realized that wouldn't happen. It is easy for me to make a website, I have written some css templates from scratch and can apply them, but when will these cocksucking assholes learn that $25 for a website is not only a joke, but a fucking insult? Or a logo for 4? In his video on fiverr, pewdiepie has a point on the thing where he said that you can shit out a logo in 2min and make an easy 4 to 5 bucks, but I like doing things more properly and I bet those fuckers will give you shit for not designing the perfect logo. I once accepted a job where I ended up busting my ass 3 days log for $100 and I thought that was the normal mess at the beginning, before you have former customers rate your profile, but I got perfect ratings and still didn't get or even find any proper jobs. Most are complete shit, like write a fucking book for me or design a fucking Website or pull a logo out of your ass, but some projects are just rediculous. I once saw a project where they wanted some engineer to do the layout for the pipes in a huge processing plant. Yeah, because engineers are so poor and unemployed, even when they are entrepreneurs they dont go to those shity sites. Since I am actually qualified for such a job, I applied just to see if I could land a job that is actually not shitty, but of course it turned out the person had no idea what he was talking about. It is basically a platform where people can pay you in exposure. And the absolutely fucking worst thing about it is that they get away with it. There are always a ton of people, mostly from countries where cost of life is significantly lower, who flood the freelance market with cheap, presumably horrible logos, mobile apps, websites, texts and apparently pipeline layouts. I haven't found a similar platform but where there are only high quality biddings. But that is something that I would love to use.

Sorry for long rant, no potato.

Fuck Google Chrome cache.

For almost an hour, sat and tried to make changes to a react UI but unfortunately nothing's changing. Started to worry and doubt myself.
Even thought of getting myself the yellow duck! But fuck no , little did I realise that Chrome "intelligently" fetched my page from cache even though I was using incognito! Had to re-open the browser to realise that.

How did I find out you ask? I thought why not fucking open the same page in Mozilla . Why? Because why not?! But I still can't believe that I wasted a whole fucking hour due to that piece of shit called cache!

So I'm approaching a 8 year anniversary working in IT and this feels like the first time needing to do a serious rant.

Today I've come across some code (infact just a single line) written by another company that is so fucking fundamentally stupid that they should be banned from writing any code ever. Like holy fuck.

This is textbook examples of shit never to do ever in any fucking environment or intranet/extranet etc. What the fuck. The fucking muppetry involved in this. This is what they teach novice programmers - you see this code written 20 years ago? Never fucking do this. You see this company that went bust 10 years ago? It was because of shit like this. Never ever write code like this or your 90kg ass will be thrown 300m by the greatest medieval fucking siege engine ever created after we throw you through the catastrophic gaping hole in time and space that your line of code just created.

Fucking fuckity bye.

Apache. You. Fucking. Piece. Of. Shit. What. The. Fuck.

Trying to reach a spam score lower than 4 with my HTML emails is the worst time I have ever had while developing.

Go fuck yourself, horrible email standards.
Go fuck yourself Gmail, for blocking images.
Go fuck yourself, conflicting standards.

This shit is just an absolute shit show.

"My Website is beautiful"
"Mine Is better"
"No yours is shit"
FUCK OFF!
I DONT GIVE A DAMN
About HOW FUCKING overloaded your COCKSITE Is! I DONT GIVE A SHIT!
Why? Because of TWO MOTHERFUCKING REASONS!
First: I dont GIVE A SINGLE FUCK
Second:
MOTHERFUCKINGWEBSITE.COM IS THE REAL SHIT

YOU CAN'T, POSSIBLY, BE SERIOUS WITH ME! FUCK, FUCK IT ALL!

THOSE DAMN ENGINEERS WITH A DEGREE AND ALL CAN'T PUT A FUCKING IF IN THE DAMN CODE!

I'M RESTARTING THE DAMN THING, I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE! FUCK! UPDATE THIS SHIT WHEN I HIT THE SHUTDOWN BUTTON AT LEAST!

FUCK YOU WORDPRESS wtffff with that shit , i can't use multisite if running in 8081 port ?, fuck you! your """ cli """, your media folder with that month and year stupid subfolders, your plugins and your fucking unit test running on a complete WP instance. GO FUCK YOURSELF! stop with that shit and remake all that shit.

Got to work today to find out our staging server HDD has gone poof... Guess who's gonna have to reconfigure it...

Me: I am feeling pretty good. I am at home where it's cold, watching tv with my kid and gonna wait for my wife to get here so that I can go to the gym!

My stomach: FUCK U NIUKKA *PAIN/NAUSEA/MOREFUCKING PAIN*

If organs would just grow on trees i would have snapped this fucking asshole from my stomach a longass fucking time ago.

YAML files are one of the worst type I have ever seen until now. Fuck that shit. And fuck that indentation.

5000 scss file with the name global.scss styling.

How fucking dumb can you be to fucking mess up a clean component based architecture like Foundation or Bootstrap and fill it with shit in a single file.

No wonder WP gets shit. The legacy code is usually shit.

And to put the shit cherry on top. This motherfucker had a settings.scss file with all general components and he never used it.

Fucker put different font size in px everywhere! Fucking asshole!!!

I guess fuck it ! Lets pack the shit up ...

FUck you google with your falsy advertisement of unlimited photo storage shit

FUCKING HELL.

It's already enough that this FUCKING API I have to work with is a mess of JSON and XML responses mixed together.
With mixed german and english keys and attributes all sprinkled over it.
And API access locked to Austria only for some reason.

And then they even manage to fuck up the little bit of JSON they use.

It's just a fucking array of strings (where one could easily use integers).

They can stick this fucking steaming pile of shit that they call API up their PHP infested assholes.

I hate web development sometimes.

why do you think we use the words fuck and shit a lot?

Started a new job on Monday. STILL DON'T HAVE ACCESS TO THE FUCKING SERVERS I NEED TO ANYTHING. Holy fucking shit I'm annoyed. Fuck you corporate bullshit. I already feel like quitting.

Why is learning a new language from python such a bitch? Like, w h a t t h e f u c k. Syntax can eat my ass with that semi colon no semi colon bullshit. Also fuck the compiler with it always having an error and shit. I was lowkey just trying to compile the shortest shit but cant get through s h i t. Fuck life I swear I'm gonna shoot my computer if I get another error.

Fuck this shit. My mind ran out of class names.

We're both senior devs, I use nodeJS/Python. Stop forcing your Java *superiority* shit on me. I can write the API using either language. Also fuck your JVM. FUCK THAT SHIT

me after watching snowden(2016) yesterday : "Holy shit, government is going to fuck our privacy!!"

me after watching the circle today: "Holy shit big private companies are going to fuck our privacy!!"

My office senior watching me "Holy yeah boss is going to fuck your privacy"

YOU FUCKING FUCK APPLE GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER DAMN IT!
Left work 4 hours ago and guess what fucking ipa file did not get uploaded to app store, why? no one fucking knows! I admit 4Mbit speed isn't fast but if a tiny interruption happens to the mac's connection apploader will simply drop the upload!
I don't understand NASA was able to reach Mars and Apple fails to make a fucking decent file uploader !!!!
Now I will be going to waste two fucking hours tomorrow morning for the fucking file to be uploaded!

Fuck heroku, fuck precompiling assets, fuck the assets pipeline, fuck fuck fuck fucking piece of shit

Fuck you, Mr. Robot. That's some shit...

> be me
> wake up 8:30 am
> sort and view notifications one by one.
> Manager sends text * can you do this? *
> * yes I can *
> goes back to notifications *so where was I? Ah this email.*
> *Please get it done by the end of the day*, another text by the manager.
> I ignore that.
> Manager spams me till I reply
> I hate my life

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I hated this day! Get out of bed to a direct fire and firefight all fucking day long, cook while firefighting, shit while firefighting, make dinner while firefighting and now I finally get to eat my fucking dinner without a laptop in front of me. I just want to scream FUUUUUUUCK so very loud but I'm a nice neighborhood. Fuck, shit cunt day. Fuck.

Hacks, hacks everywhere. Fuck this shit.

Fuck Android Studio and Gradle!
Especially Gradle, you fucking slow RAM consuming shit!

It consumed like all of my RAM and my computer is lagging like shit

It can't even import my SVG!

Because of frustration I accidentally hard reset my local git repo and lost 3 hours of work!