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I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...11
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Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪4
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My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
23 -
Hi there fellas,
I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.
It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.
I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.
I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.
I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.
He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.
The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.
I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.
So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.
At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.
That's it.
My first story about my first job.
Thank you for reading 😊12 -
Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣3 -
Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:
Sure thing
Dave
Sent from my iPhone9 -
When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.5
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Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁
26 -
Went to an interview for the position ‘PHP Web Developer’. Interviewer scans through my CV for 2mins and then starts the interview.
Interviewer: Do you know Java?
Me: I know Java but I don’t have any professional experience
Interviewer: Do you know Hadoop?
Me: No. I’ve never worked on it
Interviewer: Our company works on Hadoop hence you should be able to work on that after joining.
Me: I thought this is a PHP web dev position.
Interviewer: Of course. But you will have work on various other things too!
Me: I don’t think I want to become jack of all trades. Thanks for the opportunity!
I got up and left the interview...7 -
I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)2
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Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂
6 -
Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.2
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/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV
Lower expectations, deliver results -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D8
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That feeling when you solve a problem that you thought is gonna take you days in 10 mins.... Still believe that it's a trap 😐4
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I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.
To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔1 -
Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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Most horrible part of my life:
Boss: Hey J make an android app where people can access my website.
J: Why not just use the browser on your phone?
Boss: Because I said so.
J: Ok, you want me to make an android app for your website whilst editing photos and videos for you? Can't you get someone else to do it?
Boss: Just get it done.10 -
Some interesting news:
(Non-literal translation)
Steam is currently working on a Windows emulator that may run any games from your steam library on Linux.
What do you think guys?
I like that Steam cares about Linux users.
9 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒4
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Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:
execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();6 -
When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....
2 -
What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her19 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
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When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
For the first time I tried to use WordPress. I spent almost 30mins. Now I decided I should not use that again in my life. Fuck WordPress.2
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Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!
12 -
My rant of the day is not being able to use the latest version of PHP with the latest features because my host only provides 5.6!7
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Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.2
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So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....1
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This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
Why are all the feminists silent who support equality between genders regarding the Jeff Bezos case? They should suggest her to be independent and not take her husbands assets right? 🤔🤔20
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Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎2
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Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?
I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!12 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
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Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.4
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Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
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Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
When our company (past employer) got acquired by another company and everyone got to have a meeting where you got a black or blue envelope. One indicated you were being let go, the other indicated you were being offered an "opportunity" if you would relocate to NJ. What was an awesome company -- they destroyed the soul of it in one day.
Oh well their CEO got let go after a US Congressional investigation earlier this year. Karma, bitch! -
When I was in school, I had a period called "computers" every week. We were told by our computer teacher to remove our shoes outside the computer lab to prevent viruses from entering the computers.10
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Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!
print("hello world")8 -
These days programming has boiled down to how optimally can you find solution to your problem using search tools!2
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I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
Now, I started in a new position as a dev back in September 2020 - after some starting pleasantries like "how are you", "whats up", "how is your weekend" the working relationship with my office partner soured.
It started with asking me TOTALLY random questions while my headset was on and i was "in the zone". These were questions like: "where should I buy a car", "Why is the virus spreading so fast". I tried to answer politely but made it very clear that when the headset is on my brain and every fibre in my body is inside the code and f---ing it.
Then it escalated, she called me 9.30PM on xmas day and wondered if i needed the API we are using........ Which i most certainly did not.
Now she hates me because I asked to move to another office and was granted that request 15 minutes after asking....6 -
Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...5
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My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:
SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP
I'm curious about your suggestions ;)7 -
Just in case nobody mentioned it:
Humble Bundle : Machine Learning
https://humblebundle.com/books/...
and
Humble Bundle : UI UX
https://humblebundle.com/books/...6 -
Think in the Design of iPhone 11 John Ive was absent; this was Tom (Cook)'s idea and inspiration 😆😆😆😆
1 -
A few days back I talked to a person who is far away from me with an air distance of 7937km and electronic signals moving at almost speed of light crossing countries. That was good decent conversation.
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Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}
is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅 -
When your coworker is having issues with an old ColdFusion app, and says "Nevermind, I am just going to rewrite this in ASP". Yes, he is writing a "new" app in Classic ASP. 😒2
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This is so nice..💙😄
<Heading>
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)
<Stanza 1>
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else
<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project
<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong
<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)
<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own1 -
I work with a team of morons where they just keep overriding my code and business sending us mails saying this requirement hasn't been implemented so please done.
Those morons are just getting on my nerves -
Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?
I mean, nano is just nicer 😇15 -
When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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If you are writing all your code from scratch, you are probably an amateur.
If you are copying and pasting most of your code, you are probably a beginner. -
I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...1
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"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
My monday started with boss calling me at 0730 asking if I could do a support-mission at the offices of the local landfill - this because 2 of the support people had called in sick and we where short on manpower. RIGHT! I said, with a sense of dread and disbelief. ended up spending much of the day there. fixing everything from default reader of pdf to calibration of mouse sensitivity.
It's not like I need to code or anything, since I am working on two different projects and in competition of a third. Finally came back to the office after been at the landfill until lunch and got another support mission; this time internal mission. namely write out from our companys database and import the data to an absolute atrocity called PowerBI so our accountant get the numbers......... FINE!!! I'll do that too, but dont come to me and cry when the project delivery date gets postponed into eternity!!!3 -
Scanner scanner = new Scanner(...);
Which is fine until you're in a corporation where the (many) classes are so detailed that each one is 30 chars long...5 -
Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.
That's right, the English summer has arrived.1 -
So made my PI a little torrent machine. So that my parents can watch the movies they want when they want.3
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I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...
Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...4 -
The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.
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Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.
'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5' -
Coworker has been working as a web developer at our company for 10 years... Yesterday I see him watching this video intently: https://youtu.be/PLA2FaOXkkg ?4
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This is how non devs imagine our devs. They tend to think a huge change is this quick. Meanwhile back at the ranch it will take a while and a lot more concentration.
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15 years back when I was in my highschool I was taught HTML. I created a 3x3 table of images with border without using any CSS while other kids were looking around confused what to do. Opened the same in IE and felt I was a professional web developer. Simpler times!1
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ROFT: When you know the answer to someone's question on stack overflow but you don't have enough reputation to answer 🤦♂️4
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Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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If not understanding code, read the documentation or debug the code. When trying to modify...
1. Follow proper indentation.
2. Don't make spelling mistakes and follow naming convention.
3. Don't try to write all the code in one line (based on line length set)
4. Simplify if else statements if possible.
5. If value of method call need to be used once, don't store it in a variable. Directly use where ever it is needed.
6. If there is duplicated code, put it in separate method and re-use it if possible.1 -
When someone cooks bacon in the break room early in the morning and doesn't bring enough for everyone. #hungrydeveloper1
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I just updated to Android 9 developer preview 3 and it's total bullshit
Runs perfect. No bugs. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING GOOGLE
#notmyandroid
😂😂4 -
A wonder happened and I accidentally understood the whole thing about pointers.
Thankfully before the test on Saturday.
Here I come Dynamic Data Structures!5 -
Automate this!
I'm an aspiring coder working some chappy administrator job just to pay the bills for now. My boss found out that I may actually be more computer literate than I let on.
Boss: "I want you to make X happen automatically if I click here on this spreadsheet"
Me "X!? That means processing data from 4 different spreadsheets that aren't consistently named and scraping comparison info from the fronted of the Web cms we're using"
Boss: "if you say so.. Can you do it?"
Me: "maybe.. Can I install python?"
Boss: "No..."
Me: "what about node.js or ruby?"
Boss: "no.. I don't know what you're talking about but you're not installing anything, just get it done"
Me: "Errm Ok.."
So here I am now, way over my head loving the fact that I'm unofficially a Dev and coding my first something in Powershell and vb that will be used in business :)
Sucks that I still have to keep my regular work on target whilst doing this though!2 -
Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.
At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...
Well great.2 -
IDE: JetBrains IDEs with Material theme (Dracula)
Editor: VS Code
They are fast, amazing and beautiful while I write code.2 -
Dreading the end of this bank holiday weekend, tomorrow I must wake up and return to working with legacy code.
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I knew I wanted to be a Dev ever since I discovered that the Apollo missions, used a flight computer less powerful than a average mobile phone.
If they could put a man on the moon with that, imagine what I could do now... -
Microsoft Office Communicator (2007) is complete junk.
It can't even save a conversation session overnight -
!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
Started a new job trying to get familiar with their development workflow and no one wants to help pretty frustrating I'm ready to walk out the door.
-
Hey fellas, I have a question about Windows and Linux.
I love Ubuntu on my Laptop and since gaming is no prio at this time I'd like to install Linux on my Rig.
I want to install Linux on a separate drive and unplug my Windows drive so Linux can boot alone without selection at Bootmanager.
However, I'd like the possibility that Bootmanager will let me choose if I plug the Windows drive back in (just in case I'm really in need of Windows).
Is it possible?3 -
When a junior developer forks new feature branch from his old feature branch and not from develop branch causing merge conflicts later!1
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!rant
Going to install a Linux distro on my Mac for general dev antics (NodeJS & Java)...
But which one?12 -
@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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My little journey of regrets:
I remember when I was fourteen, I opened a small gap the door of "programming". It were the first steps of html, tags and what they do, to be precise.
"May, looks good. Thanks for the glimpse. Cya"
For about the other half of my life only magic happened at my desktop.
And now I'm standing once again at the door of programming trying to breach it with nukes n shit.
"Giev me all the knowledge plx, teach me senpai! I will never ignore and betray you again!" -
Really interesting video by FunFunFunction https://youtu.be/J9OpTNk0hYc.
"Does a developer need to be nice". How many times have you guys been made to feel stupid for asking a question or for getting something wrong?2 -
Remember report a bug? Once I had a guy report a cockroach he saw in his kitchen that morning 😂😂 people are great1
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Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
-
Pressing the provisioning profiles "fix this issue" button in Xcode... And getting roasted for being a noob by the entire office.1
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Guys, I'm a bit into those dev-stickers, but the hell, I can't find any Pascal ones.
If someone know where to get them, please share with us/me.
Thx in advance.5 -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
-
Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
!= rant
Does AngularJS still have momentum. I toyed with it for a while on a side project. Since then .Net Core launched and most of my work (both day to day and side projects has been in MVC 5 or .Net Core)
I wanted to go back to tinkering with that one side project but it seems that some of the hype surrounding AngularJS has died off.6 -
Tries to automate login with vb using I.E...
Gets stuck because login page is a hive of nested iframes with deep nested tags without defined names
FML -
Topic: Linux (Ubuntu) on eMMC drives.
Long story short: https://youtu.be/VvmROT8LEsM
I'm pretty new to linux and my primary computer is running on windows, but I wanted Linux back again (Had it once for a short time) so I decided that my Win10 Laptop (Acer Aspire 1) has to be sacrificed to satisfy my needs.
Unfortunately it has an eMMC drive so I did a little research and found out that a lot of people had issues with them, but YouTube spit out that poorly made, but we'll explained video.
If someone else isn't sure about Linux running on eMMCs watch the video and follow the instructions.
Btw I'm using the latest Ubuntu Budgie atm.
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
Kinky -
Thought i'd try using VSCode.. initialized folder for git... and then proceeded to delete all my nodeschool work that i'd done over the past year... ARAGH!2
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I'm sitting here and trying to do some workers council stuff, but we changed the password for the WC Laptop. So I was trying for about an hour. After asking all council-mates I finally got access to the Laptop, but wait!
Guess who's updating! 😑🔫 -
Guys I am looking to get my "feet wet" in Android Apps. Can you maybe drop a comment on any suggestions... Like IDE to use or any advise you have thnx.8
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Am I the only one that spends more time and puts in more effort towards my job...... than anything else in my life ??
Love my job more than anything3 -
Last employer -- a major health care insurance carrier -- had over a million current and former subscribers data in SQL database with no encryption on SSN or other personally identifiable information. I reported this as an issue, and was told that since they had intrusion detection, etc. they don't need to encrypt the data. Guess they have never heard of zero day vulnerabilities or disgruntled employees?
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I genuinely want to know about the thoughts of more exp devs in this community to tell me about the JavaScript and latest frameworks. But only in job and good pay perspective. I know js hardly qualifies as a proper programming language. But right now and am working as a frontend developer with angular 5 and was looking for some advice in building a career in js related technologies.1
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!==rant
Are there any good cloud-based IDEs that:
1.) Supports C# (ASP.Net Core / MVC)
2.) Would work on a Chromebook2 -
I always try to make solid plans with an exact time. It helps keep me on schedule with work and friends
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