If you start your npm install script at exactly 11:52:04 on New Year's eve, it will finish at exactly midnight.

Start off your 2019 right.

Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

You know what?

Young cocky React devs can suck my old fuckin LAMP and Objective-C balls.

Got a new freelance job and got brought in to triage a React Native iOS/Android app. Lead dev's first comment to me is: "Bro, have you ever used React Native".

To which I had to reply to save my honor publicly, "No, but I have like 8 years with Objective-C and 3 years with Swift, and 3 years with Node, so I maybe I'll still be able help. Sometimes it just helps to have a fresh set of eyes."

"Well, nobody but me can work on this code."

And that, as it turned out was almost true.

After going back and forth with our PM and this dev I finally get his code base.

"Just run "npm install" he says".

Like no fuckin shit junior... lets see if that will actually work.

Node 14... nope whole project dies.

Node 12 LTS... nope whole project dies.

Install all of react native globally because fuck it, try again... still dies.

Node 10 LTS... project installs but still won't run or build complaining about some conflict with React Native libraries and Cocoa pods.

Go back to my PM... "Um, this project won't work on any version of Node newer than about 5 years old... and even if it did it still won't build, and even if it would build it still runs like shit. And even if we fix all of that Apple might still tell us to fuck off because it's React Native.

Spend like a week in npm and node hell just trying to fucking hand install enough dependencies to unfuck this turds project.

All the while the original dev is still trying TO FIX HIS OWN FUCKING CODE while also being a cocky ass the entire time. Now, I can appreciate a cocky dev... I was horrendously cocky in my younger days and have only gotten marginally better with age. But if you're gonna be cocky, you also have to be good at it. And this guy was not.

Lo, we're not done. OG Dev comes down with "Corona Virus"... I put this in quotes because the dude ends up drawing out his "virus" for over 4 months before finally putting us in touch with "another dev team he sometimes uses".

Next, me and my PM get on a MS Teams call with this Indian house. No problems there, I've worked with the Indians before... but... these are guys are not good. They're talking about how they've already built the iOS build... but then I ask them what they did to sort out the ReactNative/Cocoa Pods conflict and they have no idea what I'm talking about.

Why?

Well, one of these suckers sends a link to some repo and I find out why. When he sends the link it exposes his email...

This Indian dude's emails was our-devs-name@gmail.com...

We'd been played.

Company sued the shit out of the OG dev and the Indian company he was selling off his work to.

I rewrote the app in Swift.

So, lets review... the React dev fucked up his own project so bad even he couldn't fix it... had to get a team of Indians to help who also couldn't fix it... was still a dickhead to me when I couldn't fix it... and in the end it was all so broken we had to just do a rewrite.

None of you get npm. None of you get React. None of you get that doing the web the way Mark Zucherberg does it just makes you a choad locked into that ecosystem. None of you can fix your own damn projects when one of the 6,000 dependency developers pushes breaking changes. None of you ever even bother with "npm audit fix" because if security was a concern you'd be using a server side language for fucking server side programming like a grown up.

So, next time a senior dev with 20 years exp. gets brought in to help triage a project that you yourself fucked up... Remember that the new thing you know and think makes you cool? It's not new and it's not cool. It's just JavaScript on the server so you script kiddies never have to learn anything but JavaScript... which makes you inarguably worse programmers.

And, MF, I was literally writing javascript while you were sucking your mommas titties so just chill... this shit ain't new and I've got a dozen of my own Node daemons running right now... difference is?

Mine are still working.

Cheap way for space travelling :D

npm install .....

This is gold 😂

Junior Dev does npm install, Opens LinkedIn profile and adds Node.js in skills.

npm install

Damn Oracle

😂😂😂 xD

npm install *

Tried to install an existing web dev project in Windows 10:
- Install Atom IDE and trying to clone git repo
- Git missing, installing Git for Windows
- Installing Node (so far so good!)
- npm install
- Python missing (???), installing Python
- Ruby (????????) missing, installing Ruby
- .NET Libraries missing, installing .NET 4.0 for the 100th time
- Visual Studio Libraries for C++ 2008 missing (now you're just messing with me mate), installing 4GB of Visual Studio Libraries
- [drumroll sound]
- .....
- npm install breaks with fatal error
- Git for Windows can't be found anymore

Switched to Ubuntu out of frustration:
- Installing Atom IDE
- Installing NodeJS
- Cloning git repo
- npm install
- project is running

whut?

brew install node
npm install bower
bower install jquery

Just found out how they generate infinite scrolling text for movies and TV.
npm install *

Life is like an npm install

You never know what you are gonna get.

ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!

jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(

`npm install yarn`

like getting your ex-GF to move your new GF’s stuff into your house

junior dev: how do i-
senior dev: RTFM
junior dev: `npm install rtfm`

"I hate C# and Java because compiling takes forever. That's why I use JavaScript."

npm install && gulp

...9 years later...

Push the node_modules folder to github so heroku won't need to run `npm install`.

This guy from my college uploaded node_modules to github 🙄
He's basically helping people to avoid writing the npm install command.

If I was the creator of npm, you'd be running

`npm please install` instead of

`npm install`

Everytime I try to do

`npm install -g`

npm install -g create-react-app
create-react-app hello-world
du -sh ./hello-world/node_modules

253 MB

ಠ_ಠ

Laziest thing!!!??? You better ask me when I was not lazy. Framework here framework there, library here library there.

npm install 29282818 packages

Bye

Package tsunami 🌊

$ npm audit

> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)

$ npm audit fix

> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages

> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)

$ npm audit fix --force

> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

Npm install -g yarn

2016's version of using IE to install chrome. 🙈

"Install through npm"
"Install through gulp"
"Install through compiling"
"Install through x"
"Install through y"

WHY CAN'T I JUST SIMPLY INCLUDE THE MOTHERFUCKING THING IN THE HTML LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL PERSON?!

ALL I WANT IS TO INCLUDE A GODDAMN UI FRAMEWORK.

When I just started web development, this stuff was so fucking easy! Why did it become so motherfucking complicated to include simple shit like this?!

All I want is to start programing this motherfucker, not spend 3 hours on compiling CSS and whatnot (because I'd have to learn this bullshit first).

Mother of god, why did this become so fucking obnoxious?

I. JUST. WANT. TO. INCLUDE. TWO. FUCKING. FILES.

Whelp, there goes my monthly data allowance. Accidentally ran `npm install` while sitting at the car dealership on my hotspot.

When I Install An NPM Package .........

1.Runned The Install...

2.Watched the Progress Bar For 2secs

3.Got Bored, Opened Chrome for some entertaining content ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

4.Rechecked the Install after 20mins still 15%

5.Did take a break, ate something

6.Rechecked still 27%

7.Watched a little while the progress bar until I saw the Fatality.

CMD Has Stopped Working...

```sh
npm install girlfriend
```

npm install ...

"Delete node_modules folder and execute npm install" is the js version for "reboot the machine". Often works, but no one knows exactly why.

the evolution of a js dev:

solve a problem with somebody else’s code

solve a problem with your own code

solve a problem with npm install

npm install

(found on Twitter)

-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!

OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.

-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`

Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.

-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

And yes, that works.

npm install good-nights-sleep

I'm one more "npm install" away from filling up my disk.

Modern tragedy in four lines:

- I just bought a new 1TB SSD
- Look at all this free space
- Let's do npm install
- Oh no

Just run “npm install”.

Mother fucker, if that worked, or if the six hours I spent trying to unfuck your dependencies worked, we would not be having this conversation.

Me: Gets a brand new 1TB SSD

Also me:
> npm install

Hired a designer below me.. guy never wrote a full back nor frontend... Used npm shit for all his solutions and worked his way above me just by kissing ass and polluting the codebase in such a way 70% would be open source shitty plugins for shit he could not do by himself code wise...

At some point he assigned some of his tasks to me and I couldn't work with his patchy framework that was non existent within the codebase I worked on ...

At some point between npm installed tantrums I got pulled up to HR because my code quality dropped... And it was this fucktart that accused me of this saying I could not do modern development...

In the end I either had to butkiss after his butts or just quit, so I did the latter... I told him and HR I owned alot more code quality than this asshat but just not his way of working and therefor it was more an issue of code equality I was never aware of ...

A month after that the company got overtaken by some silicon valley bullshit company buying up competition, and he is still working within that shithole dealing with 90's tech...

Was the best thing that happened to me, after that I grew alot in skillset and such by investments from other jobs and projects... If I would still work there today I would consider myself a caveman

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

Don't you just hate where we're going forward with these different JS frameworks and packages? WebPack, Electron and all the other ways we try to use JS for desktop development and a simple build of a tiny project taking 10 mins on an average spec core i7 machine, then overdosing on npm install since every frikn thing is now so modular you donwload a gazillion packages just to set up user authentication with a simple route manager in your app.

JavaScript is fine really for certain purposes. It's these other frameworks that try to modularize every single aspect of it that sucks. If there's anything called too modular, JS has reached it now. over-modularizing, and over-complicating everyday trivial tasks just to introduce yet another frikn package or framework.

Really missing the good'ol monolithic days of programming. I mean, modular is fine bro, but for godsakes draw the line somewhere!
#NoMoreOneLineModules

"We live in an age where people install npm packages like they’re popping pain killers"
~ David Gilbertson

$ npm install ...
$ added 10 packages from 7 contributors and audited 21813 packages.

I realized that after some point you don't even think about your project dependencies growing. Because even adding 10 packages, it looks like it doesn't even changes the total number of packages. 21813, 21920, 21980... Does it even matter? Fuck.

+ @aws-amplify/cli@3.9.0
added 1757 packages from 1484 contributors in 1542.624s

😣

Day 3 of getting this god forsaken react app to launch!!

My fucking god you cock suckers make life difficult.

Npm install - they say
Npm start - that say
Npm - go swallow my god awful error log and fix all these dependencies
Npm - here's a dependency that didn't install but I need it
Npm - what do you mean your not using a fucking Mac with sass files!
C0D4 - I'm this.close() to fucking stabbing someone!

I always have two reactions when I see this...

1. Again, really...
2. `sudo npm install -g npm`

Gonna make a pull request for Project!

"How to Project:

npm install
npm test
npm run start"

npm install: warning, warning, deprecation, warning

npm test: 30 tests, 15 failed

npm run start: error, C stack trace

Pull request status: on hold

When configuring a digitalocean server and install shit loads of dependencies takes less time than npm install .....

npm install wake_up
npm install do_laundry
npm install wash_dishes
npm install walk_dog
npm install water_plants

Name a more iconic duo than web developers on help sites and having pissing contests over which modules they use instead of actually answering the question!

I've been a web dev/server admin for all of about a month now, and only known PHP for about a week of that, and the one thing really that grates on me isn't PHP's odd function naming inconsistencies or at times outright trash documentation, it's the other developers who, when asked a fairly straightforward question about why a mysqli function won't return something, demand you use PDO instead.

Please. I'm running a LEMP stack on a Raspberry Pi here, I'm trying to keep dependencies to an absolute minimum because the SD card is tiny, the Pi will catch on fire if it runs any hotter, and more dependencies are more potential points of failure. Just answer the damn question. I'm not going to install PDO for something I know I can do anyway just because it makes my code look slightly prettier.

Honourable mention to all you Node.js developers out there too, with your thousands of useless npm dependencies. I salute you.

Big Company rant #2

As I said before I have no admin permissions on my working Notebook and everytime I want those, I have to call the inhouse support, make an Appointment and then they Access my Computer and type in their root Password. Of Course after I had explained them what I want to do nearly a hundred times.
next Thing is our custom Firewall. It is global in our Network and all the Computers have a custom Root Certificate for SSL installed, BUT this certificate seems to be not recognized by nearly every program I want to use. Git-Bash, npm, python/pip, docker, .. everywhere I have to manually install this cert, but most of the time I Need admin Rights to edit those.
After 3 weeks in this Company I thought I have everything correctly installed and configured.
But Company said no.
I received a mail over the Weekend which said my Notebook will be replaced because the one I had was an Interims device and they only waited for a new delivery of devices.
So now I am sitting here at my desk unproduuctive, configuring my Setup AGAIN

In a react-native code camp right now and troubleshooting participants install took 30% of the time 😂😂😂😂

npm install unemployment

npm install stuff

I should call myself a "full-stack developer" now.

npm install during a conference on the WiFi with 1,000 other developers. Good luck.

tl;dr - install ‘Pop!_os’ and try it out if you haven’t yet, it’s pretty damn good!

Heavy Micro$haft user here, have tried using ubuntu a bunch of times in the past and fucking regretted it every time. Ran into issues with stupid shit like the apt cache growing exponentially until the drive was full, or something like the the system python getting borked.

To be fair, I’m 120% certain my dumb-assery is what caused the problems. I’m definitely not trying to blame the OS. But my experience was shitty, even if it was at my own hands lol.

Started playing around with Pop!_os from the system76 team. And I’m seriously in freakin’ love with this OS. It’s clean, is performant, feels way less buggy or just feels more stable somehow. I know it’s based on ubuntu, but I’ve had a great time thus far using it. I’ve got ansible, docker, aws toolkit, aws cli, sam-cli, vscode, dynamodb-local, serverless, npm, brew, and working on steam now.

Everything has been a breeze and again the system feels really fast and snappy. It feels a lot like mac on the smoothness scale, but snappy like a windows box with beefy hardware specs.

I’m still just in the testing phase on a VM, but I’m seriously thinking about blowing away my windows install for Pop!_os.

(I’ll try arch someday when I’m up for some hardcore masochism)

So lets start here, as i have been preparing myself for a while for that rant. I have been putting it off for a while, but today I had enough.
Fuck react-native and fuck facebook react-native team. Bunch of lazy incompetent twats.
The all amazing framework that suppose to be speed up your development process, since you don't have to compile your code after each change. SO FUCKING WHAT if the god damned framework is so fucking buggy and so fucking shit that you constantly have to fix build, dependancies etc issues. Every day since I work on this project that is using react-native I have to deal with some of the react fucked up behaviour. You got an issue ? don't worry google it just to find out that 100 other people had the same issue. Scroll through down the bottom of the page just to find out that facebook devs have closed the issue as resolved (without fucking fixing it) because there wasnt recent replies to the post. Are you fucking kidding me? It's ok thou, create a new issue just to get an automatic reply from the bot that locks the thread and keeps it locked till you update your React-native version to the newest one. You do that and guess fucking what? Their newest version fucks up remote debugging on iOS(fucking android been broke for over a year) so say good bye to debugging your js code. Documentation is fucking trash. You found a nice function like autoCaptialise on your text input? Great! Ah wait, its not fucking working, what is wrong? You google this just to fucking found out it, function never worked on android, so why the fuck you still have it exposed and still have it in your docs? You want to add package? So fucking ez, just type npm install <name of the package>. Ha! fuck you, you still have to go and add them fucking manually in gradle in android and in pod in xcode, because obviously react-native is a one big fucking bullshit. Oh and a scroll view is a fucking glorious highlight of that framework, try add some styling to it, you gonna have loads of fun. Fuck react-native. And fuck the fucking idiot who convinced my boss that framework is so fucking great and now I have to work on this shit. Sincerely Xamarin Developer.

I'm in a place where running npm install takes up to 10mins, so I reuse the node_modules folder.😅

PM: we don't want longpress events, it is way better to clutter up the ui with checkboxes or toggles ... Users love toggling toggles

ME: npm-install-90sUIKIT

NPM has this cool feature called "link" which allows you to easily link local npm packages as dependencies of other local packages for developement. It's so cool in fact that everything you run npm install it deletes all your links for fuck all reason

Me: Trying to become more independent.

Life: NPM install

Why the hell does npm install need root permissions -.-

After years of working on projects where you git clone, npm install, npm start, I get catapulted into this PHP nightmare built on Symfony, and that has zero documentation or tests...

I hate Mondays.

I don't know what you did yesterday, but i did make my company throw away 2 months of progress.
It all started in the beginning, since that i've made numerous complaints about the workflow or code and how to improve it. I've been told off every time, and every time i either told the boss who agreed in the end or wrote code to prove myself. Everything was a hassle and my tasks weren't better.
Team lead: you'll do X now, please do that by making Y.
Me: but Y is insecure, we should do Z.
Team lead: please do Y
Later it turns out Y is impossible and we do Z in the end...
Team lead: please do W now
Me, a few days later: i've tried and their server doesn't give http cors headers, doing W in the browser is impossible
Team lead, a few days later: have you made progress on W?
Me: * tells again it's impossible and uploads code to prove it *
Team lead: * no response *

After that i had enough. Technically i still was assigned to do W, but i used my time to look over the application and list all the things wrong with it. We had everything, giant commits, commented out code, unnecessary packages, a new commit introduced packages that crashed npm install on non-macs, angularjs-packages even though we use angular, weird logic, a security bug, all css in one file even though you can use component-specific css files...

I sent that to my boss, telling him to let the backend-guys have a look at it too and we had a meeting about this. I couldn't attend but they agreed with me completely. They decided to throw away what we have already and to let one of the backend-guys supervise our team. I guess there will be another talk with the team lead, but time will tell.
It feels so good having hope to finally escape this hellish development cycle of badly defined task, bad communication and headache-inducing merges.

So i recently had to go back to windows while testing the notification feature in devRantron. Doing this only reminded me why i switched to linux 5 months ago. After having to restart my pc, reinstall c++ build tools multiple times, regedit and switching back and forth from powershell and cmd i managed to install a NPM package. Linux is <3

First rant from my new job.
I got a position as backend-dev in a startup and for now i'm learning angular. Yes, you read that correctly, because the frontend-team is short-staffed i decided to switch teams. We are 3 people and neither one has sufficient angular-experience (the framework was a management decision).
First of all i got confused because we use slack and trello but the frontend-lead decided to do some stuff via google-spreadsheet too. Then we didn't have any code in our repository until yesterday. I tried to check out the repository after that, did an npm-install but when running ng serve i got an error "css-file not found". It turns out you had to download some files from the official website and put them in the unversioned node_modules directory. It was the teamlead's decision to do so and me and my coworker got really annoyed when we tried to set up everything on our end. But that's not all, yesterday the other dev's merged their first versions of the project. But not via git, that is way to mainstream. The coworker had to upload his code into the cloud and the teamlead copied the files into the project folder.
Aside from that the code already isn't the best, some things should be done differently imo and we have credentials in the code (not in some separate files, but in an if-else-clause that checks node.env.production).

We'll have a discussion about this tomorrow, let's hope things can be straightened out.

He tried to "npm install" a maven project.

"npm install fcuking-everything" until it works!

So today it finally happened.

Npm modules broke my system and / or endangered the security of my system.

Installed a global cli utility
That utility depends on package A
That depends on package B

That fucking install a bin called sudo

Yeah.. You heard it right a bin called sudo.

This bin goes in the global module folder that is piped in your path variable.

Now everytime you type sudo you are running somebody else code instead of your system utility.

I am shivering and at loss of swear words.

Opened an issue on the cli that started this matrioska game of horror.

Who the fuck tought that a bin called sudo would be a good fucking idea?

Oh and yes is even an harmless package that try to provide the sudo experience for windows (I went in to check the code of course..)

And I frigging need that cli for work

For now I aliased the sudo in my bashrc still i feel vulnerable and naked now.

Started learning NodeJS...
Now I have to npm install brain to think 😕

P.S: I like it though😂

Just npm install
Then npm run dev

Aaand

Nothing works

How a node js developer's Terminal history look like --

npm install random_package
npm install shitty_package
npm install I_don't_know_what_it_does
npm install crap

Don't run `npm install` on your build machine. Use `npm ci` instead.

When "rm -Rf node_modules ; npm install " fixes things more often than it should. It's almost like "have you tried rebooting?"

npm install --save social-life money

Friend asked me how to start a node server. I gave her starter code and told her to do “npm init” then “npm install” ur modules. This is what she did

Me: does literally anything
Npm: breaks

Why NPM? Why must you do it? This is the third time this week on a third system. I just wanted to update so my packages would work. But nooooooo. Oh you wanna update? It'd be a real shame if I, I don't know, didn't update properly whatsoever and all of a sudden couldn't find any internal modules I need to run.

"Just use npm i npm@latest"

Yeah I would except for the whole I can't use NPM at all thing. even npm -v breaks. Can't find internal module. So I literally have to wipe eveey trace of npm/node and do a clean install.

It's so frustrating! I can't do any work because I spend all my damn time fuckin around with NPM.

Fake sticker story time. It is fucking on fire. Then I press npm install twice. Forgot node modules in gitignore. Then got push to production served by Jenkins. Now get the fuck out of here.

Damn frontend crap.

The fact that you have to mask all of the disease with processable versions of css, html & js is bad enough, but there are like 6 dialects of each bandaid, and every project has traces of each.

The the design kid tells me to run this grunt script, frontender number two screams "no, dont use grunt, we use gulp! or was it bower? I guess just run it through yeoman, it's easy!", after which the third fucking shitty hipster yells "No that's outdated, just edit the webpack file, and then run yarn install... oh but run npm upgrade --global yarn first"

Did you just fucking tell me to upgrade a fucking package manager with another package manager?

Composer, gem or cargo are not always without problems. But at least us backenders have our fucking shit together. The worst we have to deal with is choosing Python 2 vs 3, or porting some old code so the server can migrate to PHP7.

The next person to tell me they found this awesome tool to manage his other tools... I'll fucking throw your latte all over your wacom tablet.

I would like to stop and genuinely thank the devs and anyone that contributed to NW.js for allowing users to work outside the sandbox. Fucking sandboxes these days make developing editors and tooling a bunch of bullshit hassle. I understand why, but it makes an entire class of software that much more difficult to develop.

And on a semirelated note, I decided to go with nw.js because unlike electron, I don't have to tell users "just install these two gigabytes of npm dependencies *from off the net after already downloading the main application*, dependencies that could break at any time at all for any reason."

Does anyone even bundle their dependencies any more or is this something only clinically insane people like myself do?

Because last I checked most users still don't know how to debug console autobarf when a single command goes awry due to something obscure like a version conflict between two brittle cogs in the organ grinder known as package management.

Edit: also, nw.js startup times and memory requirements are relatively sane compared to electron.

npm install npm

npm install
*10 seconds later*
BSOD

It's time to go to sleep...

I'm no Nodejs expert but can someone explain how in the fucking world is node_modules folder is that HUGE! on my slow ass internet it takes couple of mins to pull the repo and five mins to finish npm install! and takes so much ram to build a freaking docker container for my react website when it takes barely 300MB to build both MySQL and Asp.Net Core dockers T_T

80% of my internet traffic is used by npm install

Vodafone India is so shit omfg

Run npm install, ERROR json parse error due to ssl exception

Run pip install, again ssl exception

Run gradle build, again ssl exception!!!

Now everytime i gotta make a new project or install a dependency in anything, i have to pray to the blood god that cache contains a valid/uncorrupted package dependency or else ill have to nuke cache and borrow internet from someone else.
Once i port it to some other operator, i am gonna incinerate this mf sim.

So my coworker was trying to `npm install` after I recently installed Ubuntu on her machine and for some reason , I was doing something else, some jdk not being installed error popped on her screen.

She proceeded to have a mini freak out telling me that npm wasn't working because java wasn't installed and I started hysterically laughing in the middle of the office with my boss next to her staring at me... So I said firmly ( while laughing ):

"no bahuhaahah that's not hahahaha the case."

Still can't understand wtf she thinks happens with stuff in a computer... Cmon...

Just got intern to “help me” on project. Told him to install nodeJs and run ‘npm install’ inside project folder that he pulled from git.

He ended up running ‘npm install’ inside C:\Program Files (x86)\nodejs

Don’t have slightest clue how he got this idea, ... I just wanted to smash my head through window by that point. Similar shit repeated whole day long.

Oh man, it's so funny when people try to install npm via cmd and they can't understand, what fuck all errors they are getting.

I learned today I can "npm install" directly from a GitHub repo. This allowed me to create a React component (viewer of gLTF files) for a 3D game and share it with my team. I know I could've published it to npm registry, but I didn't want that since it's a very specific component for our project, and private npm packages are very pricy.

Hope this random !rant will be useful for someone wanting something similar.

Updated my personal site to use bulma CSS framework last night. Pushed it all up, then realised github pages doesn't do npm install before it builds the site. So there was no CSS for a bit.

The only way around was to commit node modules folder to git repo. Feels wrong but better than having no CSS.

I guess that's what happens when you use a free service 😁

npm install linux 😂

I hate javascript and all the shitty frameworks it has.

Background: I'm coming from Ruby on Rails world. Ruby is a nice short language built primarily for developer's happiness.

I recently started working on a meteor.js project. Oh boy that framework is terrible. Do I even have to start from all the dependencies failing to install because npm is shit, installs everything locally and only recently discovered lock files?
Fetching a post and its author from the database looks like a fucking space rocket compared to Rails' ActiveRecord fetching.

Meteor.js fetching:
```
Meteor.publishComposite('posts.all', {
find() {
return Posts.find(); },
children: [{
find(post) {
return Users.find({ _id: post.authorId });
}
}]
});
```

Rails ActiveRecord fetching:
```
Post.includes(:authors)
```

Sure, you might get more benefits like meteor uses websockets and it's all a single language, but that piece of the code above that I have to deal with all the time now...it gives me cancer.

The npm install

"Did I seriously just use brew to install NPM so that I could install bower so that I could use a Ruby gem?"

With the invention of pip every project done with python just fucken angers me. Like mostly nothing fucken works if there is a single .py file in there. You can put your easy-install.sh up your ass if it just ~tries~ to install shit via pip before because IT WONT WORK FUCK THIS SHIT!

STOP USING PYTHON FOR PROJECTS YOU RELEASE PLS CUS SHITS UNREADABLE AND WONT WORK ON MY MACHINE. MAKE ROOM FOR PROJECTS MANAGED BY NPM OR SHIT LIKE THAT WHERE `npm install` ACTUALLY DOES IT'S JOB THANKS I'M ANGRY AF.

WHAT DOES COLLECTING EVEN MEAN AND WHEN IS IT DONE DUDE?!

Me: Let's try to implement this in js...

Also me: npm install webpack webpack-cli typescript --save-dev

Thank God for npm install.. i can catch up on my sleep

I had a problem - X

I googled, problem -X

Google - npm install --save X

Problem solved

Have spent now about 8h trying to install nodejs, npm and less inside a Docker machine :/

Npm install pizza

How greedy can you get?

> boss takes half assed gdpr project : branch xyz
> branch xyz requires deprecated version of npm/node
> I re-install node this time with deprecated version
> Wow this node is configured with ant build
> ECMA 5, config but code is shit as fuck
> still I get the job done , cannot test it because code is shit as fuck and I will never any thing to fix that un healthy code
> code doesn't run on client side,
> no shit Sherlock
> get a call from boss, it urget look in it and fix it

Theres so many motherfucking command line utilities in web development that I'm surprised there isn't a 128 megabyte NPM install for a leftpad CLI.

God damn people who develop tooling for web development are some navel gazing cunts.
"How can I feel more self important? Lets put a CLI in front of this web bundler!"

Dumbasses.

What happened to the days of purity? Of cleanliness? Of kosher compliant web development, where all you had to do was include a script tag?

Gone are those days. Welcome to Babel(on)!
I put a CLI in your CLI so you can masturbate while you masturbate!

Got an idea that needed prototyping, remembered that people always said Bootstrap is a good UI framework for quick prototyping. Had a doubt though, as the last time I checked Bootstrap sucks.

I ended up wasting hours to make it work with webpack. Turned out it still sucks.

The most irritating thing was they tell people to install the latest beta, or even alpha version on their website, not the stable one. Who the fuck would do that?

When you do the bare `npm install bootstrap`, it will install the latest stable version, but the docs page defaults to the... guess what, the latest beta version. I wasted nearly an hour just to figure out why the styles weren't working like the examples in the docs.

I don’t like conference wifi. I‘m currently in a workshop at AngularConnect, and currently more than 40 people trying to npm install at the same time. And probably the people in the other workshops (with the same wifi) doing similar things

PATIENCE!

When you have a slow internet connection and you need to composer update/npm install.

So, started working in a nodejs/react personal project with an old friend. I code in linux mint, my pal always at windows 7 never worked in something different from php. From the very beginning I advised him to move to linux

Me: hey man, the backend is running now, pull the changes and `npm start`

Friend: ok so I need to install dependencies right?
Me: yup, easy peasy lemon squeezy

So after a brief(one week period) until my friend could install visual studio to get some deps installed

Friend: hey I ran `npm start`, it got stuck. backend does not start at all, no output messages, no error, no nothing

Me: FFS, that's why I told you from the start, "use any linux distro for this project" :(

Then for a couple of hours(4) trying to install a distro in his 7 years old laptop...

Me: Ok, let's call it a day, 7 tries to install this thing in your old machine is enough. did you not realize your HDD was really busted? in your 7 years with your laptop? this is BS that's why I could not install linux :|

Friend: I didn't, windows never showed me any problem, maybe windows is better than linux in that matter.

Me: GTFO

Going to develop a electron desktop..

saddest part: doesn't even install on my machine.. don't know why... errors errors everywhere 😢😢

npm install -g electron

I did npm install 1 hr ago. It's still on 70%

So true.
I was 7 years old when I exexuted npm install. Now I am 21 typing npm run start

Holy crap, just ran npm install on the vueJS webpack template. node_modules is 272.7mb with 21785 items :/

Why the FUCK SCALEWAY DOESN'T DELETE MY FUCKING ACCOUNT!

Arrgh. I just want it to be deleted. I clicked delete almost 3 months now. I used their service for 2 months, charged for 4.

Ok, there is the story.

> Be me
> Be broke
> Buy their 3 Euro package
> Use it for 1 month, you know, install npm, vpn and stuff
> Be broke
> You have 0 euros in your account
> Cannot log in to server couse you didn't paid their bill
> Sure, they have right to do that
> Forget about it
> Earn money
> 3 months later, remember it
> Ok, I want to delete it, couse i don't use it anymore
> Remember you used more than 1 month, so pay your debt
> There is 3 issued bills
> Try to delete account
> Wait 1 month
> They didn't deleted your account
> Fuck it, there is the money you want
> Pay all the bills, hope it ends
> Wait 1 week
> Nope
> Open a ticket
> Says it will be deleted in few weeks.
> Wait 1 month
> DIDN'T FUCKING DELETED

WHY CAN'T THEY DELETE THAT SHIT FOR FUCKS SAKE. WHAT CAN I DO FOR MAKE THEM DELETE MY FUCKING ACCOUNT?

FUCK.

When you install npm to install an older version of npm to install a yeoman and install a generator that generates a generator.

I recently started a new job and wanted a way to use devrant on the office. Jsrant and xmlrant both work well but I wanted something on the cmd. There are some options, but what I found relied on npm or python, which I don't have installed on the company pc.

So to browse devrant on any platform and without having to install anything, I made this simple thing using .net core. I used an existing library (GitHub.com/olegrumiancev/devRantNetCore) so that's most of the work.

It's a really stupid app and I made it for my personal use but I'll share it here in case someone else finds it useful.

github.com/CristoferCD/devrant-cli

There are compiled packages for Windows and Linux as a release.

Finally made my node production server stable enough that I could focus on writing tests*. I start by setting up docker, mocking cognito, preparing the database and everything. Reading up on Node test suites and following a short tut to set up my first unit test. Didn't go smoothly, but it's local and there are no deadlines so who cares. 4 days later, first assert.equal(1+1, 2) passes and I'm happy.

I start writing all sorts of tests, installing everything required into "devDependancies," and getting the joy of having some tests pass on first try with all asserts set up, feels good!

I decide to make a small update to production, so I add a test, run and see it fail, implement the feature, re-run and, it passes!

I push the feature to develop, test it, and it works as intended. Merge that to master and subsequently to one of my ec2 production servers**, and lo and behold, production server is on a bootloop claiming it "Cannot find module `graphql`". But how? I didn't change any production dependencies, and my package lock json is committed so wth?

I google the issue, but can't find anything relevant. The only thing that I could guess was that some dependencies (including graphql) were referenced*** in both, prod and dev, and were omitted when installed on a prod NODE_ENV, but googling that specific issue yielded no results, and I would have thought npm would be clever enough to see that and would always install those dependencies (spoiler: it didn't for me).

With reduced production capacity (having one server down) I decided to npm uninstall all dev dependencies anyway and see what happens. Aaaaand it works.....

So now I have a working production server, but broken local tests, and I'm not sure why npm is behaving like this...

* Yes I see the irony.
** No staging because $$$, also this is a personal project.
*** I am not directly referencing the same thing twice, it's probably a subdependency somewhere.

Do you keep misspelling 'install'? npm's got you covered.

* package-lock.json * merge conflict

ME: fuck fuck fuck, C-s I-Search: HEAD
ME: this shit is much i can't handle it, fuck

ME: rm package-lock.json ; npm install

JavaScript can be beautiful and structured and then 1 node module throws an error, now you have to npm install the whole Internet again

npm install yarn

I feel guilty...

How to run PHP in a container :
1. Begin a docker file for an existing php cron app (when all you know is php, everything looks like a php app)
2. Set the FROM.. Apt get update .. Do composer install
3. Builds the image
4. Discover I need git
5. Add git to apt get install step
6. Builds the image
7. Launch the php script
8. Fatal : use of undefined constant SOL_UDP
9. Opens the source code of the third party. The there's no mention of where that constant is from.
10. Spend many minutes online to find what's missing.
11. Find the PHP sockets page about that option. Digs into the documentation to find out that's missing from the installed PHP.
12. Find out I need to add a step to install the socket extension in my docker file.
13. Build the image again
14. Execute it, finally it works
15. Remember why I hate php
(for brevity I've omitted the even more complex part of having to set up zlib)

How to install node js in a container image:
FROM node:8
ADD package.json
RUN npm install

Things you can do while npm/yarn install is running -
- Take a nap
- Go for a walk
- Read something
- Check social media
- Listen to music
- Watch videos

That's why we love NPM:

>npm install
*installing packages*
npm warn ........................
npm warn deprecated .....................
npm warn .......................
********** A million times more ***********

Oh it works! eh, just ignore every warning :)

Do you have 1000000000 node_modules folders and no space on your machine? This command will help. Just NPM install in the folders you actually use:

rm -r **/node_modules

I have officially decided to use CI (Jenkins) at work because "apt-get update && apt-get upgrade -y && composer self-update && composer update && npm update -g && npm update && bower install --allow-root && gulp" after a pull doesn't seem healthy 😂

Am I only one who forgets to do
npm install
after cloning repo ,
and then stress over errors appearing on terminal

Does anyone work on a bunch of local NPM modules wanna describe their workflow for local dev vs deploy?

I’ve got mine but it feels a little trashy. It’s basically one npm script to link all the local modules for dev and another which will npm install them in prod - is there a better way without adding more build tools?

How often does this happen to you?

Hmm I need to install the nodemon package, ok so I enter:
npm install -g nodemon
Result:
npm WARN
npm WARN
npm ERR
npm ERR
npm ERR....

I then wonder why would it not work??? Then after looking at the errors I realise ohh:
sudo npm install -g nodemon

This literally happens to me almost every single time I install a package.

Java Dev: Stop building javascript frameworks!!
Me: npm install java

Ideas of things to do while you're running `npm install`: - Make some coffee - Clean your house - Write a book - Text your parents - Balance your portfolio - Go for a run - Play Monopoly

use apt-get to install node and npm, use npm to install bower, use bower to install angular... Packageception.

Hello ranters, I'm looking for advice in regards to a freelancing job which I haven't been paid.
In summary, I got a freelancing job in like March 2018, I had to do a simple platform with an administrator section, simple but "long", it had to be fully customizable, so I did it. I then got another project, which I also finished, both by December. I added some functionality not on the requirements and also some other asked by them, I also deployed both of them, tasks not included on the "contract". The problem is that I didn't sign a contract (my fault), it was all verbal. Since I was "friends" with them, I asked them to pay me with a motorbike (of around 2300 USD) and they agreed. Then they gave me another project which started wrong, they asked me to finish it within two weeks with a language I didn't know and other tools I also didn't know, I told them about this and agreed that could be a delay, besides, the requirements weren't totally clear and they were clarified three days after the project "started". After this, we had a discussion about how I later realized I was totally underpriced, that I hadn't been paid yet and how the dude that was like my main contact for the project told me that "my code was all nice and cool but was useless" because he clearly thought that an excel could be used as a database and din't know that I had to parse it and upload it to Firebase, which in total were about 4 million documents and this obviously took time. To not make it longer, I delivered the project 1 week later and they told me that they had to "assign" a full team of 7 members to do it from zero because I didn't deliver it on time and because when he asked me to "help them" I laughed. I first delivered like the 90%~95% of the project and he was been condescendent, he also blocked me from everywhere (hangouts, slack) and told me to "deliver what I had" to at least have something to prove that I did work. His team of "7 members" was stupid enough to not be able to at least run an npm install and npm run, they were also stupid enought to not understand what a GET request was an all and when he realized this, he asked me for the database dump and for the 100% of the project, so I also delivered it. We agreed that we were not going to work together anymore, so I asked him to pay me at least what had to be paid of the other two projects and he agreed, he also purchased a computer for me which I was paying him and was going to be discounted from the total payment. In the end, I was going to be paid 1430 USD. He asked me for my bank account and like my tax ID, for whatever he needed it. Since then, almost two weeks, he hasn't paid me, replied or even seen my messages. He also had a "partner" which was also "my friend", the huge motherfucker isn't even replying my mails or anything, so, since it was all verbal and they are being such motherfuckers, I don't know what to do. They are being such motherfuckers and I think I can't proceed legally, since there is no written contract. So what should I do? I was planning on going tomorrow but I pretty sure they won't even open the door or will tell me to wait or whatever. I seriously wanna cry, I don't get how people can be such dicks and unfair fuckers. I believe in karma but I don't think karma will give me that money and time back. :(

"npm i {name} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{name} needs {dependency} v5.0.1"

"Oh, okay, I install that one then, no problem"

"npm i {dependency@5.0.1} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{dependency@5.0.1} needs {dependency} v3.1.1}

"Oh, okay, makes sens I guess, I'll" install that one to then."

"npm i {dependency@3.1.1} - -save-dev"

ERROR:"Nah"

"Son of a.."

'npm install' just dumps on me a whole shitload of errors every fucking time

How the fuck can I get npm@5 to show me everything it just installed when I type `npm install`?

Was this because some twat wanted to push the idiotic idea that it's perfectly acceptable for js projects to rely on three million two line hipster.js libraries?

Fuck everything about the node ecosystem.

npm install -g npm-quick-run

@ everyone who keeps pushing Vue via node

Vue via npm:
- shit
- bundling so you can save 15% on car insurance
- webpack/etc to condense your 50TB node_modules folder
- have to deploy, if you're in the US then it'll probably be in the middle East or maybe North Korea if that falls out

Vue via script tag:
- works awesome
- pretty feckin fast
- can be deployed purely static
- easy debugging from dev console
- easy templating for frontend
- can use existing html/css
- easy to work in teams with people without having everyone install npm
- if you have a designer they will love you for making it easy to style things
- you can cache it and make it offline without any of the new bullshit vuex
- you can use vanilla libraries without a mixin, polyfill, bundler, or etc anus

Running NPM install on an average size project on a free tier Cloud9 instance.

Didn't go too well kept hitting memory limit which killed the NPM process.

Upgrade it is..

Trying to update yarn from choco.
It didn't detect npm-lts
Got BS by install npm 9.8.0
Nothing is working right now 🤦‍♂️

I wanna go to gym. But it's 1clock past midnight right now.
God damn it

I wish they'd add npm shit-the-bed as an alias for 'install'

So, i'm trying to get linkr (a pretty cool short link service) to work in a docker container since 4 hours now to host it on my server. There is no official container because it needs a working database connection and stuff during installation which can only be done via console and (for whatever reason I couldn't find out yet) need to be done while building the container. The problem is, I can't connect it to the database while building the container so there is no database during installation to create tables and stuff and the build will fail. ARGH.
Why the hell would you do this????? Theyre actually saying in their readme there is no dockerfile because the config options are specific to your configuration...?!?!
The thing is entirely written in python, so reading and parsing configfiles on the fly should not really be a problem.

Of course I could ssh into the container and run the installation script but that's not the point.

Docker is not about being lazy.
It's about portability.
Maybe I don't want to bloat my server with your 39579372639 npm dependencies? Or I don't want to install a freakin apache, because I have every other site on nginx and therefore wouldn't work with apache.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHGGGGG

in the end, I'm probably going to modify the thing to install tables when running the container and giving the first user admin rights instead of prompting to enter credentials for a new admin user.
And yet I didn't even speak python.

"This Microsoft technical support, you have many virus on computer."

If only you could npm install pluralize on a human being, scammers would probably be too lazy to do it anyway.

- Need a module to work with PDFs
- npm install
- But wait, that requires some dependencies
- And those dependencies require more dependencies
- Python not found
- Issues with env variables and wsl
*Bajillion hours later*
- poppler-qt5 not found
What the hecc is a poppler and why do I need it?
:/

It's going to be horrible if God was a JavaScript developer. We'll only be created as skeletons and have to run some commands like
npm install brain
npm install body

So, I have worked with two different package managers. Sbt and npm. And I don't get them. Let's take npm. I install a module. That module has its own package.json and npm runs for that, too. And it drops it into the same node_modules directory, just like the modules of my main application.

Sbt constantly gives me warnings about possible binary incompatible versions and I have to exclude packages and hope that those packages work together nicely.

I don't get it. This is how I would build a package manager and please tell me if I am just naive or why it is not done like it.

1. All packages get their own namespace, consisting out of the namespace and the version in a global folder.
2. If a submodule has installed a package in version 1.5, then it will be symlinked to that package. If another submodule needs 2.5, it is symlinked to the 2.5 version.
3. If I want to minimise the build I can try to override the packages to see if they are still working when they are all given the same version.

Seems pretty simple to me. So why the fuck are those package managers constantly loading everything in a global namespace not differentiating it by version?

$ sudo pacman -S npm
$ npm install -g @angular/cli
$ ng new crap
$ du -h crap
366M crap/
me like: "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!1"
$ rm -rf crap
$ npm uninstall -g @angular/cli
$ sudo pacman -Rs npm

Finally I understand the frustrations that is packages and dependencies in npm...

I have never really used node.js, only on windows to help develop a chrome plugin, but trying to do the same thing on Linux, omfg, how is it this bad?

On Windows I just ran the alias "npm start" and is figured out that it needed to install a bunch of stuff, did it and continued compiling.
On Linux I just got one missing dependencie after another... How is it that different?

npm has to be the single worst package manager on the planet... Trusting devs to use semantic versioning properly and forcing devs to trust authors of dependencies to use it properly is nothing short of insane. The package-lock that is "supposed to be version controlled" causes *constant* merge conflicts. Using shrinkwrap in its place is borderline useless because it Doesn't. Lock. High. Level. Dependencies.

I don't know who designed this, but I want to give them a very bad day for every hour I've spent trying to lock versions correctly on a live project.

Not to mention requiring root by default to install things that can just run whatever they want is ludicrous.

Blowing out your node modules is not the fucking answer to everything! All I did was accidentally sym link a package. But no you insist that I fucking delete them all even though I am at home on shitty wifi and going to fucking run ‘npm install’ a million times!!!!!!!

Then I did and getting weird handshake errors and you are not able to fucking help.

Fuck you idiot!

npm install -g life

Goddamnit, why did yarn have to replace "yarn install" with "yarn add"? When you're switching between npm and yarn, its a fucking confusing nightmare.

What is the difference between Armageddon and the Apocalypse?

Not sure which npm package to install

Me: How to use those retarded promises in typescript
Every result on internet: 20 pages article. Let me introduce you to angular, first you install npm and node then you create a project, name it whatever you want, then we create a file.

Promises motherfucker, how those work? Can you simply write about that?

npm you dank pile of shit!

After updating npm I get "Maximum call stack size exceeded" when I use npm install --no-bin-links as usual.

After searching a solution for this shit it seams like the npm devs fucked around with the --no-bin-links option, since this nasty error message vanishes if one downgrade npm.

These goddamn assholes.
Keep your filthy fingers off this option, since it is essentially for windows devs!

npm install

Guess it's a good time to get out of the house and go buy some groceries

Do anyone of you use a npm registry server like verdaccio for caching of packages from npmjs.org?

Today I tried verdaccio within a local docker container.

I successfully connected via npm --registry <registry-url> install

There where no errors, but verdaccio kept delivering packages with 200.
Shouldn't it be 304 since the packages already exist in the storage folder of verdacio?

$ git clone some/shit.git dir
$ cd dir
$ npm install
[literally ages later]
$ du -sh node_modules
441M node_modules

fucking what???!

What the actual fuck, I installed lodash using "npm install --save lodash" and npm just decided to delete webpack and fuck up the webpack.dev.config.js and actually my whole project... I want to cry

Why the fuck is this fucking thing called npm falling apart at every opportunity it gets 😠

Developers: We can install and build a package without any errors easily.

NPM exists: Surprise MF's.

For some reason installing python 3.6 broke my NPM commands so i couldnt install any modules globally. The only solution I thought of was reinstalling windows, so the full day of work has been reinstalling everything

Fun times

If at first you don't succeed, try `rm -rf node_modules && npm install`

Dark theme for github?

Ok I know there are darkthemes, I just dont want to install npm and tons ...

I also work in privet repositorios, do you know if I compromise the security by installing a theme?

Do npm install morgan

npm install meme

Guys, please be mindful of your dependencies. I just ran "npm install" and whole hell broke loose.
Imagine having to install 3.6GB of VS2017 C++ junk, just to make the damn node-sass compile.

Obviously the module needs to build on my machine, but one would expect that a nodejs module would not depend on msbuild. Funny how nature does that...

One of the devs stayed an entire week trying to do ‘npm install’ on one of the projects. Took a look xcode is not installed

Is it just me who hates NPM?

Cant install a package without getting 100 warnings or errors .-.

When you open npmjs.com, and don't see any description of package you chose.
Just the npm install myfreakinpackage
and npm lol -config myass

thanks explains errythang !
bye bye now

The more you install, the more you need to install... well, do it anyway.

So I have replaced npm with yarn due to performance boost and the lockfile.

Never will there be problems with unexpected versions of dependencies!

Wait.

Why is my build writing a yarn.lock?

It turns out, if you want yarn to exit with an error code if it's out of sync with the package.json, you have to run it with:

$ yarn install --frozen-lockfile

Only then it will produce an error.

The default for it is to notice, oh, there is some new dependencies, let resolve this to the most current version I can fetch, and use that one, and write a new lockfile. Meaning you will get unknown futures of a depdency. O_o

That's totally going besides the purpose of having a lockfile in the first place. Why would anyone want this?

Action I do expect to touch the lockfile:

add / remove / upgrade

Action I do NOT expect to touch the lockfile:

install

Install should just install whatever is in there, and if it realizes it is out of sync, die with an error.

But that would make sense!

Who needs sensible defaults anyway!?

Are native Android apps easier to write now than like back in KitKat days?

I need a app that gets root permissions and reads a db file of another app (Yes my phone is rooted).

Anyone can give a gist, I forget do I need to create a Service background worker to do the DB reads... Or just need to send the op to a bg thread with a UI callback sorta like Node...

I did try writing a ReactNative app maybe last year just to try it out but can't seem to easily get root access... And the SQLite package is buggy, couldn't npm install on Win10...

Has anyone else noticed that Inc.com article titles are extremely clickbaity? Seriously though!
Given that, I've built Wormbait for node, it "learns" from 1040 Inc.com titles and predicts if a title is clickbait or not. `npm install -g wormbait` and launch with 'wormbait "is this clickbait"'

Seriously, is there even a single web dev in the world, working an a considerably large project, that can run `npm install` without a single warning? After sorting out the errors on the first ten attempts, that is.