ROS is on top of that list. It's a disappointment that has turned into an industry standard.

If ROS can make it, you can make it too!

My First !Experience : Disappointment with a computer

My mum kept tons of floppies but we didnt have a computer at home. Went to my friends house, who had one, and had Encarta 95 (its like a fun wikipedia for kids). When I mentioned I had floppies, he asked for one, since he didnt have one. We copied Encarta to that floppy hoping we would cheat in the next computer science test. We even tested it.

After we were certain that all works (you should know we were surprised that it could fit in one floppy), we got to school, put the disk in and voila

we had copied a shortcut :)

So here's my story.

I went to college to get an international Microsoft certificate. I figured that's better than a diploma. The college employed an incompatent lecturer, I highlighted the lack to the Dean multiple times, nothing was done. At that point still living with my parents and my mom refused to get Internet so I could only learn from the books, not the lecturer and the other students helped at time but it felt as though I was just slow and stupid. Never the less I pushed really hard, worked nights, my text books were falling apart as I was trying to make sense of these concepts and apply them successfully.

Passed with 76%

Got told by recruiters that I'm undesirable and would be fortunate if any company takes me due to my lack of programming experience. This because my brother told my mom the programming in school is too hard and is above my capabilities so I was not allowed to take it cause my mom wanted to spare me the effort, disappointment or something...

Arrived at my first company, we maintain a product in vb6, a year in I figure in screwing myself, so I go find another job.

Again without a senior, and stuck writing sql scripts mostly. 8 months later I decide I'm screwing myself again.

First company senior understands my predicament and sends me to a startup, where the guys want to all but help and guide me. I probably had a senior for 3 months... And I got out under performance review for 6 months, for the senior overwriting all my code before a demo and then claiming I didn't do the work even after I proved it using git, and each time I had to defend myself but no help or guidance was offered. A friend suggests I join their company

I drive just under 100kilometers a day to get to work and back now, I'm in an amazing team and I realize how horrible my capabilities are. I panic and keep trying to keep up and grow and ask as many questions as possible. 5 months in they move me from that team

I am put into a much smaller team. My team lead believes my pending wedding and want to have kids will impede my goals and do they nothing to help my goals along, my senior rejects my PRs because I format the code using code maid and he doesn't like it. Or the way I declared the variable, he just doesn't like it. So again no mentoring, no team, no real guidance.... 3 year of trying to get back to the first team I figure they probably just don't want me cause I suck.. So we move again...

Just over 1 year into current company that I joined asking for senior guidance and the opportunity to grow and fix this mess, without asking me, I get made manager, after again having no senior or team or guidance.... Now I don't code at all and I'm stressed and receiving no support and feel burnt out beyond measure.

Company that prides themselves on growing people and supporting them, where I have been trying to get in to for about 5 years finally get back to me....

I work really hard trying to cover all the fundamentals and principles again, been a year and a half since I coded so this is hard. But I push, I push so hard...

Day of the interview, not only do I choke but so many of the things make no sense to me.... The 4 pillars of OOP? and I just sit there like a guppy out of water and admit to not knowing... Anything.... Technical and practical are screw ups beyond measure, I cannot collect or compose myself, years of disappointment and the pure pain from not being helped and abandoned and clawing and trying and resigning and searching for anyone to just give me chance, give enough of a shit to help my sorry arse grow bubble to the surface and I'm fighting tears....

Today I hear that all in all I'm an amazing person but my technical side is lacking really hard and they are hoping it was just nerves so maybe come in for an in person interview and let's see if you do better...

Honestly think I should just accept my fate. Doesn't matter what I do, which way I go or how hard I try, I am just a shit dev... Maybe some people are just born and cannot even learn to be devs... Maybe my interest and want is not enough... Maybe my brother was right... I'm just that stupid...

Trying to get an out ounce of work done today, while crying my mediocre eyes out... Is all this really my fault.... Or was it really hard to grow in the 8 years I have been trying? I'm so very tired I don't even know what to do... Guess I will go waste more of their time in a week's time... And then just take my mediocre skills and settle somewhere, and accept that what I want doesn't matter to anyone and call it a day and find some zen in that.

I haven't been here for a long while but I wanted to peek in because of the dev ducks, cause I thought they would be a great gift for someone and now I found out they're sold out - my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.

But now I decided I'm just gonna buy. a rubber duck and DIY it.

I'm just super disappointed in people. A lot of people flaky and not as good as I think they are. I tend to be an idealist, and I believe in helping others to do a net positive. But what I find is that people just don't give a shit about anyone else except for themselves. If it's even a slightest inconvenience to them they won't do it. You ask for one little thing despite you helping them out a shit ton, and they won't do it for you.

Also, I'm so tired of people who always come up to me and talk big game about how we should work on a project together. But when shit hits the fan and I say let's do the work they don't do anything. Or I have to drag them along to get anything started.

Yeah, everybody is out for themselves, but I wish we were more kind to others and learn to take a hit to our own convenience every once in a while.

But maybe I should just find a better group of people to hang out with and fuck you all to my current group of friends. JK.

I'm going for a run to clear my head. Hopefully after I come back I'll be in a better mood.