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*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*
Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"
Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"
Mom: *looks confused*
"I also want to use Fesabook on it"
Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*
*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*
Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"
*One hour later*
*Mom calls*
"Son, I think the laptop broke"
Me: "What? What happened?"
Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)
Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"
Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"
Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."
Mom: "What a ripoff"
*Hangs up the phone*35 -
On a break I went into a Best Buy to browse laptops. I had no intention on buying from them because they suck, but I just wanted to touch a few and look at specs. A salesman then thought it was a smart idea to approach me. Immediately, he was talking down to me about specs and asking if I needed it for email, Facebook, Instagram, and the like. I'll be honest, I am super girlie in my appearance and mannerisms. So I get it, I suppose. The big pseudo-nerd is going to help the little girl find a cute, social media laptop. He actually walked me over to a pink HP Stream lol. Sure, I like pink, but I don't want a useless paperweight of a machine. When I mentioned I need a new rig for coding, he actually chuckled and said "really?". So I replied "yes really, you presumptuous cockbag" and walked out. Needless to say, I won't be buying there.153
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Sales employee Bob wants a clickable blue button.
Bob tells product owner Karen about his unstoppable desire for clickable blue buttons.
Karen assigns points for potential and impact (how much does a blue button improve Bob's life, how many people like Bob desire blue buttons)
Karen asks the button team how hard it is to build a button. The button team compares the request to a reference button they've built before, and gives an ease score, with higher score being easier (inverse of scrum points).
These three scores are combined to give a priority score. The global buttonbacklog is sorted by priority.
Once every two weeks (a "sprint") the button team convenes, uses the ease scores to assign scrum points. Difficult tasks are broken up into smaller tasks, because there is a scrum point upper limit. They use the average of the last 5 sprints to calculate each developer's "velocity".
The sprint is filled with tasks, from the top of the global button backlog, up to the team's capacity as determined by velocity. Approximate due dates are assigned, Bob is a happy Bob.
What if boss Peter runs into the office screaming "OUR IMPORTANT CLIENT WANTS A FUCKING PINK BUTTON WHICH MAKES HEARTS APPEAR"?
Devs tell boss to shut the fuck up and talk to Karen. Karen has a carefully curated list of button building tasks sorted by priority, can sedate boss with valium so he calms the fuck down until he can make a case for the impact and potential of his pink button.
Karen might agree that Peter's pink button gets a higher priority than Bob's blue button.
But devs are nocturnal creatures, easily disturbed when approached by humans, their natural rhythms thrown out of balance.
So the sprint is "locked", and Peter's pink button appears at the top of the global backlog, from where it flows into the next sprint.
On rare occasions a sprint is broken open, for example when Karen realizes that all of the end users will commit suicide if they don't have a pink heart-spawning button.
In such an event, Peter must make Bob happy (because Bob is crying that his blue button is delayed). And Peter must make the button team of devs happy.
This usually leads to a ritual involving chocolate or even hardware gift certificates to restore balance to the dev ecosystem.23 -
She: Uuggrrr.. You did it again
Me: What
She: Stop opening the dev tools
Me: Oh sorry
She: Leave me alone with your laptop.
10 min later
Me: What did you change?
She: I tried to remove the dev tools by changing the dragged position to a negative value in chromes config files.
Me: wow.
She: Didn't work.
Me: Hehe, nice try though
*opens chrome*
Me: wut.
She: *chuckles*
- Light pink theme
- 500% zoom
- Font size changed
- Some virus search engine (my search?)
- deleted some plugins
- start page randomcolour.org (or color? (<- me css freak))16 -
The truth is, I don't give two shits if you're a girl, woman, man, black, white, yellow striped with pink polkadots or a transgenderfluid 2headed Ogre kin married to a nuclear penguin from mars- the fact is, what I need you to be is professional. So shut your yapping about your personal shit and get to fecking work.32
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This girl from financial department pissed me off so badly I took 15 minutes of my private time to slightly modify CSS and JS for her user in our intranet panel, made everything pink and blue, animate all the buttons to randomly barrel roll and made the mouse cursor explode colourful star particles with each click.
She *liked* it, said it was *sweet* and *apologized* for being an ass. Robbed me of all the satisfaction. :(7 -
when you wear a pink sweater while dj'ing but don't give afuck because you're a multibillionaire ...
3 -
!dev
!!rant
!!rooting while drunk
I got drunk last night and painted my nails. I bought a really pretty shade of purple that should match one of my favorite shirts, and it's my last day at the office today (EVER; lease is up), so dressing up is a great idea, right? I'll feel better and more confident and it'll make everyone miss me.
Except. I was drunk.
And for some reason thought painting them in the dark was a great idea.
Oh, they look horrible!
and apparently I don't own any nail polish remover, so.
Today's going to be the best day ever!
😄😅😢☹22 -
Seriously, just how exponentially fucked did this world just become.
I'm pretty sure that this post's format would be more tailored towards devrant.com (well, hereby). But I wanted to vent about it, here, now.
A copy of this post is available at https://facebook.com/irc.condor/....
Just the other day the EU Parliament accepted that widely disapproved copyright directive - article 11 and 13. Despite direct lobbying on our end. And by whom? Not by young, competent parties like the Pirates. No, instead the old fucks from the conservative party had their say, driven by nothing but incompetence and lobbying from label companies.
Then the whole ordeal with the Master/slave issue in Python started. Again met with significant outrage - and again approved while completely ignoring the voices of everyone else. I even ended up making a fork for it at https://github.com/toloveru/cpython. Please star it to show your support for the cause. It is made in response to a denied revert at https://github.com/python/cpython/....
And then we had the issue of Linus Torvalds leaving the Linux project. The single most important person when it comes to Linux.. and he left, just because he admits to be an asshole - something which apparently needs to be changed?! Dude, be a fucking asshole! That's what made the Linux kernel great in the first place!!! Yet even you give in to those SJW cunts?!!
AND THEN... If Linus' disappearance wasn't enough already, core developer at the LLVM project Rafael Avila de Espindola leaves the project as well, because of an influx of SJW's and political correctness.
It started with feminism in the past century. Now it's superiority and pink-/blue-haired warriors going for OUR SUPERIORITY AND UNIQUENESS and being offended by whatever they can possibly get offended with. Fucking cunts they are. You heard that right. FUCKING CUNTS!!! Because yeah, in my house I swear like that. Anyone who doesn't like that can fuck right off.
But what good does my criticism towards all this still serve.. nothing, does it. Those live wires that I've avoided touching for so long.. they suddenly don't feel all that repulsive anymore. Thanks society!24 -
Why the hell do people call smartphones by Apple "iPhones"?! Whenever people call their phones iPhones I start calling my phone by the model number.
Idiots: Oh no! I've lot my iPhone 7s!
Me: Oh no! I've lost my Oppo A37f pink edition!
See, sounds stupid right? Imagine it in everyday life!
-We're packing for camp! You! Take your North Face N638 grey
-Done!
-You, other guy! You will ride your BMX X Black!
See? It does sound stupid!
TL;DR
If you're saying iPhone, you're a fucking idiot. (it's like saying Googling instead of searching the internet)40 -
Every week is the same. Wake up, new jira ticket. “Build us a pink house”.
*i build a house*
Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house doesn’t have sprinklers”
They didn’t ask for sprinklers. This is not a bug. *i add sprinklers*
Next day, “URGENT BUG REPORT!!! CRITICAL ISSUE IMPORTANT IMPORTANT IMPORTANT ASAP ASAP ASAP”, click on ticket, “bug report: the house is pink.”
HOW IS THAT A BUG TWO DAYS AGO IT WAS LITERALLY A REQUIREMENT
Meanwhile management makes triple my salary6 -
Customer: "Why doesn't the user interface have a night mode?"
Me: It wasn't in the requirements, it also doesn't have bouncing pink elephants, do you want me to add those in as well?9 -
Not using blockchain to color my cryptocurrencies pink so that my AI knows which cloud computing would be best for GDPR1
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So... I still go to school.
My English teacher (I'm from Germany) wanted to watch a video with us. There was one Problem. The sound didnt work. My teacher asked for computer Freaks in class. All pointed to me. I went to the desk where the computer was standing.
They plugged the audio output cable for the speakers into the audio input of the computer (that pink microphone input)... 😥 it made some nice sounds haha
Funny thing: other teachers didnt solve the problem before me5 -
Am i the only one that hates Google reCAPTCHA from the body down to the soul ?
- Click the Car
- The Blue Car
- The Truck
- The Truck Bus
- The Bus Truck
- With Blue Light
- Select the Bicycles
- Skip the house
- Find the sign
- With the blue bat
- Purple pink hat
- Click Traffic light
- We mean all Traffic lights
- Select Stores
- With Zebra Crossing
- ...
WTF!!! Just kill me already.12 -
If you ever cooperate on a feature like this as a developer, I will find out where you live, drug you just enough to make your body limp, and mutilate your genitals with my keyboard.
Fucking sexist pricks, assuming I want to play with the blue robots and not the pink dolls. Fuck all of them.
Actually, fuck all your retarded cablecutting VOD services with your awful recommendation engines. Fuck your lack of proper playback features, fuck your bloated mobile apps, fuck your vendor lockins, fuck your region locks.
I'm back to pirating, and I'll just buy a pile of merch, trot proudly through the office with an Adventure Time backpack and a laptop full of Steven Universe stickers.
33 -
Procaffeinating--- It pisses me off when the lipstick that I'm wearing alters the taste of the coffee.13
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Wear a pink glitter dress, choose the light theme of the IDE and be still taken seriously as a dev - then you truly mastered your art!7
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DevRant squad!!!1!1
@Alice aka Madame Pink
@AlexDeLarge aka Swearer Supreme
@linuxxx aka Privacy Knight
@jase aka Master of Clones
If i missed someone just tell me32 -
The color sucks on my laptop. It's simply not accurate at all.
Pink looks like purple, yellow looks like orange, the colors are dimmer than what they really are, and etc.
No wonder my group thinks I'm color blind. D:8 -
Back in the day, I joined a little agency in Cape Town, small team small office with big projects, projects they weren’t really supposed to take on but hey when the owner of a tech business is not a tech person they do weird things.
A month had passed and it was all good, then came a project from Europe, Poland to be specific. The manager introduced me to the project, it was a big brand - a segment of Lego, built on Umbraco (they should change the name to slowbraco or uhmmm..braco somewhere there) the manager was like so this one is gonna be quite a challenge and I remember you said you are keen on that, I was like hell yeah bring it on (genuinely I got excited) now the challenge was not even about complexity of the problem or code or algorithms etc you get my point… the challenge was that the fucking site was in polish - face palm 1 - so I am like okay code is code, its just content, and I already speak/familiar with 13 human languages so I can’t fail here ill get around it somehow. So I spin up IIS, do the things and boom dev environment is ready for some kick ass McCoding. I start to run through the project to dig into the previous dev’s soul. I could not relate, I could not understand. I could not read, I could not, I could not. - face palm 2 - This dude straight up coded this project in polish variable names in polish, class names in polish, comments in freaking polish. Look, I have no beef with the initial guy, its his language so why not right? sure. But not hey this is my life and now I should learn polish, so screw it, new tab - google translate, new notes, I create a dictionary of variables and class etc 3 days go by and I am fucking polish bro. Come at me. I get to read the previous devs soul through his comments, what a cool dude, his code wasn’t shit either - huge relief. So I rock on and make the required changes and further functionality. The project manager is like really, you did it? I am like yeah dude, there it is. Then I realise I wasn’t the first on this, this dude done tried others and it didn’t go down well, they refused. - face palm 3 -
Anyway, now I am a rock star in the office, and to project managers this win means okay throw him in the deep - they move me to huge project that is already late of course and apparently since I am able to use google translate, I can now defeat time, let the travelling begin. - face palm 4 - I start on the project and they love me on it as they can see major progress however poland was knocking on the door again, they need a whole chunk of work done. I can’t leave the bigger project, so it was decided that the new guy on Monday will start his polish lessons - he has no idea, probably excited to start a new job, meanwhile a shit storm is being prepared for him.
Monday comes, hello x - meet the team, team meets x
Manager - please join our meeting.
I join the meeting, the manager tells me to assist the new dev to get set up.
Me: Sure, did you tell him about he site?
Manager: Yes, I told him you knocked it out the park and now we just need to keep going
Me: in my head (hmm… that’s not what I was asking but cool I guess he will see soon enough -internal face palm 5 - ) New dev is setup, he looks at the project, I am ask him if he is good after like an hour he is like yeah all good. But his face is pink so I figured, no brother man is not okay. But I let him be and give him space.
Lunch time comes, he heads out for lunch. 1hr 15mins later, project manager is like, is the new dude still at lunch.
We are all like yeah probably. 2hrs pass 3hrs pass Now we are like okay maybe something happened to him, hit by a car? Emergency? Something… So I am legit worried now, I ask the manager to maybe give him a ring. Manager tries to call. NOTHING, no response. nada.
Next day, 8am, 9am, 10am no sign of the dude. I go to the manager, ask him what’s up. Manager: he is okay. However he said he is not coming back.7 -
Fuck post-it notes.
Oh look, another product manager found his inner child and plastered a wall with a colored arts and crafts project.
Don't misunderstand me, I'm abso-fucking-lutely in favor of connecting with your deep childish nature -- but then at least enter the meeting room like a boss, armed with some creative ideas, really get to work with some fingerpaint, modelling clay, glitter, molly, acid blotters and grape juice for the whole party.
Not only was that project poorly thought out. Not only does the assortment of colored squares contribute nothing to the clarification of ideas. The issue is also that by Monday morning, the meeting room will look like a strip club after an escalated party, floor littered with 60 little neon pink and green slips reeking of desperation, cheap glue and failure.
Now your whole project is on the floor.
OH DIGITAL WHITEBOARD YOU SAY. NOW WE HAVE 10 MANAGERS FIGHTING DIGITALLY OVER VIRTUAL POST-ITS, ON A CLOUD SERVICE COSTING $500/MONTH.
Product managers, just go fuck yourself, I don't care about your kindergarten bullshit processes.
Call me when you manage to pull a workable idea out of your ass, and just draw an SVG diagram with Inkscape, or write your brainfarts into a nicely organized Markdown file.1 -
Hello everyone.
I've seen people doing story/rant to introduce themselves, and I never done that, probably because I'm terrible at doing so, and the more people their is, the more complicated it gets for me. 😥
Usually I try to blend in, and be the same color as the wall. But I want to try something different, so bear with me as I go through this painful process. 😶
So here I am, a lonely dev, who only have friends through a screen, living in a dark room only lit by green leds (tho sometimes it turn red/pink), lost in a small street of Paris. I usually avoid posting on social media, but here on devRant, I feel alright, somehow, it feels like home... 🤗
Started developing at 14 with html and php, then css and js (with the later still being a mystery to me). 🤔
I never really had a real job. Had 3 month as an intern into a human size web agency, and despite the recommandation they gave, I didn't like the job... Dropped from school and self learned everything I know today. Did a certain amount of personal projects, but no publication for lack of confidence. As of today, I'm 28. 🙂
Then a year and half ago, I changed to c# with unity3D, and I had a ton of fun since. 😄
Learned cg effect, texturing, 3d, a bit of animation. I'm working on a project of indi game with two people that are my only social interaction outside of my family, and now devRant. I don't mind being lonely tho. 😯
But this community is awesome, so I'm glad I stumbled across that sad face on the play store. 😄
Also it's 7:30am, I didn't sleep because of this post, I'm tired, and yes I'm an idiot.21 -
I was at a college career fair and had a list of 20 booths to visit. There were maybe a thousand other applicants. I was the only one in pink (technically coral) shoes. I'd walked four miles in those heels and had blisters everywhere I could from them.
At my last booth, the guy says "Oh! Pink shoes! I've been noticing them all day! Nice to meet you, I'm X." I gave him my background and resume, talked about the kinds of problems I wanted to solve and was invited to interview with them.
On my way home, I walked barefoot through downtown despite the ice on the sidewalks just to get out of those damn shoes.
A few weeks later, I got the job.6 -
Best coworker I've had and still have is a girl I've met in training. Whenever our shifts overlap I work best. Last time this happened we watched Pink Floyd's The Wall while solving tickets and taking chats. Other times we rock out to music and every time we laugh at some customer's way of describing their issue. She also has a great lifestyle, she's an actress and she's got loads of fun stories to tell.
P.S. Hello, world!8 -
Worst black friday specials ever.
I'm really not a fan of the "holiday" anyway, but I found basically nothing I wanted. 🙄
Also: I'm trying to find a nice RGB keyboard with green cherries. Any suggestions on where to look? I've found one site that makes custom keyboards (wasd), but theirs aren't RGB. ☹ I want purple/pink backlighting damnit!14 -
I spent three hours making a custom color scheme for my instance of visual studio. Almost every color in it is a variation on hot pink. I've used it every day for the last three years.
The background is black, though, because I'm not a complete animal.8 -
Some of the penguin's finest insults (Some are by me, some are by others):
Disclaimer: We all make mistakes and I typically don't give people that kind of treatment, but sometimes, when someone is really thick, arrogant or just plain stupid, the aid of the verbal sledgehammer is neccessary.
"Yeah, you do that. And once you fucked it up, you'll go get me a coffee while I fix your shit again."
"Don't add me on Facebook or anything... Because if any of your shitty code is leaked, ever, I want to be able to plausibly deny knowing you instead of doing Seppuku."
"Yep, and that's the point where some dumbass script kiddie will come, see your fuckup and turn your nice little shop into a less nice but probably rather popular porn/phishing/malware source. I'll keep some of it for you if it's good."
"I really love working with professionals. But what the fuck are YOU doing here?"
"I have NO idea what your code intended to do - but that's the first time I saw RCE and SQLi in the same piece of SHIT! Thanks for saving me the hassle."
"If you think XSS is a feature, maybe you should be cleaning our shitter instead of writing our code?"
"Dude, do I look like I have blue hair, overweight and a tumblr account? If you want someone who'd rather lie to your face than insult you, go see HR or the catholics or something."
"The only reason for me NOT to support you getting fired would be if I was getting paid per bug found!"
"Go fdisk yourself!"
"You know, I doubt the one braincell you have can ping localhost and get a response." (That one's inspired by the BOFH).
"I say we move you to the blockchain. I'd volunteer to do the cutting." (A marketing dweeb suggested to move all our (confidential) customer data to the "blockchain").
"Look, I don't say you suck as a developer, but if you were this competent as a gardener, I'd be the first one to give you a hedgetrimmer and some space and just let evolution do its thing."
"Yeah, go fetch me a unicorn while you're chasing pink elephants."
"Can you please get as high as you were when this time estimate come up? I'd love to see you overdose."
"Fuck you all, I'm a creationist from now on. This guy's so dumb, there's literally no explanation how he could evolve. Sorry Darwin."
"You know, just ignore the bloodstain that I'll put on the wall by banging my head against it once you're gone."2 -
I still laugh when I see people cover their laptops webcams, like as if Australian internet could hold up someone spying on you through a video stream, at most they would see 4 pink pixels!
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Fuck our new project manager.
Literally all she does in her time is schedule meetings for others and send us emails stating that X needs to be done by date or why are we delayed with Y. Then she even manages to completely screw us with the meetings she schedules.
Today I woke up to seeing a beautiful gapless column of colorful rectangles in my dairy.... for today. And last time I saw this Monday it only had 2.5 hours of meetings!!
Now a lot of us from our team had the Friday afternoon off so it may be that she did this beautiful piece of artwork during that time, in which case she could somewhat rightfully say that we should have taken a look at it. But we actually have a convention to only schedule planning meetings for Mondays which these fucking aren't and even if she hadn't known this, who the fuck schedules a ton of meetings to Monday?! from a Friday afternoon?!?!
By the way the new pretty pink and orange meetings I have today are about actually important topics in between which I would normally appreciate to grab a tea or at least use the fucking restroom. Officially I only have a 45 minute lunch break all day.
Oh and naturally she sets up the meetings as organiser so that we can only suggest her new times and can't change it on our own.
But naturally PM lady never actually attends the meetings because she wouldn't understand shit. So when my fav female colleague, Sammy and I joined our 11am meeting, the first thing Sammy said - well after I greeted her by "wtf" - is to just leave the call on while we grab brunch.
So here I am sitting in the close by park with my brunch and thought I could use the now extended lunch break time efficiently by ranting my ass of and asking you guys why the fuck such people like our PM get paid.5 -
Few years ago a girl from our HR was hitting on my co-worker. She was asking all kinds of personal and professional favours just so he would come by her place, etc. One time she asked him to send her few C/C++ questions that she could use to thin the crowd of potential candidates before inviting them for the formal interview that he'd conduct later on. Obviously she wouldn't know if the answer is good or not but hell with it, he was ready to storm that pink fortress! So he came up with some mind twisters. She left two days later before he even reached the drawbridge. Sad.
So about six months ago he got fed up with some bullshit and left the company. Yesterday we had dinner. He was interviewing for quite some time being picky about which offer to accept and, surprisingly, during his last interview he got asked very familiar set of questions. He answered each. Then he couldn't resist and asked if the girl works there. The guy confirmed and, without a warning, called her. As if it wasn't awkward enough this is how I was told the conversation went:
- "Joan! You won't guess who I've got here! Your very good friend, Peter! Nope. Yeah, that one - how did you kn... Uh-huh. Oh? Yeah. Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't. Deal!"
Then he turned out to Peter and said:
- "You know what? I wasn't going to hire you for shit because in my opinion your knowledge on the subject matter, how to put that gently, sucks ass... But apparently Joan here says you're professional and can handle everything we'll be able to throw at you. So when can you start?"
Needless to say he took the job. The fortress fell soon after and he wanted to meet to ask if I'm coming for the bachelor party. I'm ordering t-shirts with "batch mode off" in monospace.7 -
I love to work in pubs/bars, this special kind of noisy environment works so well for me. I even go "into the zone".
Lets talk about this. Is anyone else the same? Just curious.
These are my 6 reasons:
0) Beer. 🍺
1) None of the activity in a bar actually interests to me, if you know what I mean. In my house, every single noise/movement will get my attention.
2) After some time all the noise blends into a kind of "homogeneous hearing blurb". Like a mantra. Maybe there are even white/pink/brown noise benefits (guess).
3) I go to places where I enjoy the music and atmosphere.
4) I like bars and pubs anyways. I feel good in these places.
5) Beer. 🍺
7 -
In my unenlightened youth, when programming was a module in my college diploma that didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted to go, I had a couple of guys guy in my class that could arguably be the weird ones.
Jonny, although he asserted that he was to be called "Jonhty", whatever, we never did. He was pretty much top of the high school food chain and for some reason elected to study computer science, none of us was prepared to put up with his shit. He was always boasting about some fanciful claim or another, famously entering the classroom and exclaiming he'd "fucked an absolute milf" and seemed somewhat evasive about the answer, turns out he was 17 and she was 35, the age difference was greater than his own age. We burst out laughing. He would also turn up late and state the college bus was late (it wasn't I got the free bus every day, he'd just not got out his wanking chariot early enough).
One valentine's day we got him a card from a mysterious stranger which was accompanied by a package containing a cucumber and Vaseline, the inside of the card read "to assist you in the following request: please go fuck yourself".
Before you think we were being unduly harsh, we had a centre table where we'd be taught from with computers around the outer rim of the room. He'd come up behind people while at the centre desk, quietly press ctrl+P and slowly walk back to the printer. I saw him do it to my machine and I got to the printer first, to which he shouted "that's MY work" which was amusing because unbeknownst to him I had put headers on all my documents so he really didn't have an answer for why my name was at the top of every page.
To top it all off he had dead eyes, there didn't appear to be much going on but the rent, there was no spark of intelligent life, and while I thought it, I never said it out loud, but other students did and I had to agree. He was just copying his way to graduation. However, he ultimately didn't graduate when people refused to allow him to copy.
Another guy, Richard I believe his name was, which is just as well because he was a right dick. In the UK our word for white trash is "chav" (that's a very naïve explanation for it but that's another rant best left for "socialsciencerant") and he was an complete idiot who was gifted with more brain cells than he ever needed to use. He actually studied hard and got reasonable grades, probably on par with me, but he boasted about smoking weed all the time, he was forever playing dark side of the moon via his loud mp3 player. I kinda left him alone generally until he was high in class one time and while we we're watching a documentary he'd shake my chair and make a weird noise in my ear every few minutes, the first couple of times startled me, the remaining multi-dozen times pissed me off.
It all came to a head with this guy when I'd been hearing about his uninteresting bs on drugs, music and how best to spend my time ("you need to lighten up man, come round my house, take a joint and relax man", that sorta thing), well this guy walked like he was mid way through shitting himself so I personally think that perhaps he is too chilled. Anyway he's arguing with me and after the exchange of him making his point, me disagreeing and expecting the end of it, he made the mistake of saying two words to me:
"Listen, mate..."
And I had him in check mate.
"Listen, I ain't your fucking mate , I don't even like you, you're a disruptive annoying twat that thinks he knows it all, we're all 17, none of us know anything, so shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and stop boring me with your drugs, I ain't interested, and for the record I think pink Floyd ruined prog rock!"
He looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes, and started with the "but, why?", However I was interrupted and had to leave the class for unrelated reasons, I returned to be told he'd put safety pins up right on my chair so I'd sit on them, and mutual friends who TD me I'd been cruel and that he doesn't was hurt, so I should apologize, he overheard and said he was sorry for bring a bit of a dick.
However, you just know when you don't get on with someone? Yeah, that. So I said I wasn't sorry for what I said, for while it was harsh, I am not his mate, nor did I want to be his mate and that was all I had to say on the subject, and that if he wants to take offensive to a nobody not liking him then he's in for a very rough time in life.
Unsurprisingly I don't keep in touch with anyone from college!2 -
Going to sleep with a newly gained 4k milestone! I'm gonna have good dreams :)
I never thought anyone would actually like me on this platform when I joined last month, but I guess I was wrong. I got along with a few awesome people, which I'm gonna list right below. Other than that, I'm glad to be a part of the community :)
The people I got along with the most:
- Linuxxx, the privacy superstar
- ewpratten, the young programming genius
- devTea, the compulsive upvoter
- Condor, the account deleter
- Alice, the pink freak
- Stuxnet, which I kinda forgot the first time I wrote this (sorry!)
- Almost everyone on here!
To be clear, those are people I enjoy talking with, they might not feel the same way. I just wanted to thank those who made me smile the most here.9 -
Boss joined a conference call from home, wearing a pink/salmon coloured T-shirt I, for several minutes, thought was just skin and that he'd forgotten to put on clothes before the meeting (we didn't have to join with video)1
-
After devRant:
The poops were longer
The light was brighter
With devs surrounded
The nights of wonder -
Shaving with an old-style safety razor just rocks - that metal thing consisting of three pieces where a slotted, double edged razor blade fits in. With the good Russian Astra Platinum blades at 10 cent per piece where a hundred piece pack lasts for years. The whole thing can be fully dismantled and cleaned.
I can't understand why people use this modern overpriced Gillette shit at 2 EUR per piece that you can't even clean, with debris stuck in-between that starts to rot if you use the blade block more than once. Must be brainwashing by ads. Even worse for women who pay 50% extra for the pink version of that unhygienic shit.
Oh, and real shaving soap with a real shaving brush and not the canned aerosol garbage that doesn't really work anyway.8 -
Just got into web development.
Y U NOT WORKING RIGHT?
How do you guys make really complex websites when I can even center an unordered list without the first child...
I write something like align-vertically: center;
And what does it do? NOTHING!
And if it does something, it mirrors the whole page, makes it all bright pink and then everything explodes and I'm alone in a dark void, only me and my PC are there and somehow I have access to the internet.
And then I look it up at stackoverflow and I'm like: Oh, ok, I'll do it this way then.
And it still doesn't work and does absolutly nothing!
So I'm trapped in this void of nothingness till the end of my days.
At least that's what it feels like.9 -
Protip: always account for endianness when using a library that does hardware access, like SDL or OpenGL :/
I spent an hour trying to figure out why the fucking renderer was rendering everything in shades of pink instead of white -_-
(It actually looked kinda pretty, though...)
I'd used the pixel format corresponding to the wrong endianness, so the GPU was getting data in the wrong order.
(For those interested: use SDL_PIXELFORMAT_RGBA32 as the pixel type, not the more "obvious" SDL_PIXELFORMAT_RGBA8888 when making a custom streaming SDL_Texture)5 -
Feels good to brought dead laptop to life.
Got dead laptop(person who gave it to me for free, said it doesn't turn on, and he got new one and this one is just for recycling), which got some liquid. Changed palmrest, keyboard, changed cable which is connecting to io board with power button, changed thermal paste and it working like a charm. Maybe in the future I will change screen. Screen has some pink spots, but it's only visible on dar theme. Added 16 GB ram, 512 gb ssd. Now I am using it as work computer. Dell Latitude E7450
7 -
How do you guys/girls explain to potential new customers that you can perfectly work in a structured business environment and follow the rules, but also that you're assertive enough to oppose desicions being made based on bias, misunderstanding, fanboyism, or grave stupidity.
I just got informed from a freelance position that they would have hired me if it were not for my 'rebellious nature towards customers'
I don't oppose customers, i oppose stupidity unfounded.
Example from experience
> me working in a helodesk support position, all windows computer.
> new mgr comes into office, is a douche and complete mac fanboy
> wants all computers that are FINALLY working decent for some time in the entire department replaced with mac's... Back at 2010.
> whole team, even disliking microsoft themselves, are telling mgr that's a bad, dangerously dumb idea, expensive too, different OS, different software mgmt making, back then integration microsoft and apple was beyond diarhea... Several other issues the senior devs and admins pointed out
>mgr: 'but aple is soh much better, like a billion times better, hurrduurrrrr'
His decision passed somehow to the board..
> All stations from our customers get changed...we don't get a single machine to try out problems because overspending
> we are most of the time unable to help out customers because we still have pc's...
> mgr asks team why performance drops after 1 month
> we compared performance graph with his starting date of mgr, see clear drop after mgr's plan implemented...
> board stilll stands by mgr, gets praise for 'bold changes in the company', but appears to be some associate's son
> two main seniors leave after 15 years of employment, in three months, 80% of staff leaves.
> we canr fix the problems, we are not dev's , we get shit from all sides, i was still a junior in the industry so i worked as a slave inside that job.
> eventually get fired due to 'bad performance'
> mgr loses entire team... 'Hey why don't we outsource this dept to south africa, it's a lot cheaper! '
now that company is an it hellhouse where everyone get clinically depressed from sitting atbtheir station...
This is what i wish to oppose!
How to make that clear!4 -
Angular is still a pile of steaming donkey shit in 2023 and whoever thinks the opposite is either a damn js hipster (you know, those types that put js in everything they do and that run like a fly on a lot of turds form one js framework to the next saying "hey you tried this cool framework, this will solve everything" everytime), or you don't understand anything about software developement.
I am a 14 year developer so don't even try to tell me you don't understand this so you complain.
I build every fucking thing imaginable. from firmware interfaces for high level languaces from C++, to RFID low level reading code, to full blown business level web apps (yes, unluckily even with js, and yes, even with Angular up to Angular15, Vue, React etc etc), barcode scanning and windows ce embedded systems, every flavour of sql and documental db, vectorial db code, tech assistance and help desk on every OS, every kind of .NET/C# flavour (Xamarin, CE, WPF, Net framework, net core, .NET 5-8 etc etc) and many more
Everytime, since I've put my hands on angularJs, up from angular 2, angular 8, and now angular 15 (the only 3 version I've touched) I'm always baffled on how bad and stupid that dumpster fire shit excuse of a framework is.
They added observables everywhere to look cool and it's not necessary.
They care about making it look "hey we use observables, we are coo, up to date and reactive!!11!!1!" and they can't even fix their shit with the change detection mechanism, a notorious shitty patchwork of bugs since earlier angular version.
They literally built a whole ecosystem of shitty hacks around it to make it work and it's 100x times complex than anything else comparable around. except maybe for vanilla js (fucking js).
I don't event want todig in in the shit pool that is their whole ecosystem of tooling (webpack, npm, ng-something, angular.json, package.json), they are just too ridiculous to even be mentioned.
Countless time I dwelled the humongous mazes of those unstable, unrealiable shitty files/tools that give more troubles than those that solve.
I am here again, building the nth business critical web portal in angular 16 (latest sack of purtrid shit they put out) and like Pink Floyd says "What we found, same old fears".
Nothing changed, it's the same unintelligible product of the mind of a total dumbass.
Fuck off js, I will not find peace until Brendan Eich dies of some agonizing illness or by my hands
I don't write many rants but this, I've been keeping it inside my chest for too long.
I fucking hate js and I want to open the head of js creator like the doom marine on berserk15 -
So, with couple of new people in senior managerial roles, pink slips started flying left and right before the holiday season. That didn't happen before in the company. It's still relatively small and when people left that was for better paid or more interesting work.
While I can understand that from the business perspective and especially for a few who might have been considered dead weight (devs and other roles), I have a serious problem with the way it was handled. It's one of those 5 minute notices. If we weren't remote, I guess escorting out by security would follow.
Most recent person to go is actually one of the most senior devs at the position that became redundant over time, as it clashed in the "pyramid" with another dev. He was involved in many aspects of the product and greatly contributed to the overall success during years of hard work, i'd say maybe more than any of us.
He didn't fuck up anything major as far as I know, his services were just not needed anymore, compared to the other guy. Saving money. I get that.
At T-1 day he prepared a demo of his project. Meetings, Slack, everything as usual. Next thing we got was a "we wish him well in future endeavours" e-mail.
What I find most disturbing is the fact his account was removed immediately, and then we were asked to get any files and anything else we might need, all over personal communication channels (private e-mail, Skype etc.) because he was locked out of all company accounts.
I seem to have have survived this year. One thing they have definitely achieved, based on some off the record chat and some public updates, tweets etc I can see, is for many of us to start networking, polishing CVs and generally stop giving many fucks about the company and the outcome.
I've myself started brushing up on some new skills (stacks) and some old ones (algorithms, etc.) I may need any day now, as it seems.
If they can basically tell "thank you and fuck off" to one person maybe most involved with the company growth, with zero dignity and respect for the person, then fuck them.4 -
Me: oh boy i have so much fun stuff planned for this weekend, better get my work done before it
My immune system: here have this flu with some pink eye on top2 -
My partner asking me about the code he's working on. This is what happens when two programmers date each other. This was more of an issue when we were both in college, but it still sometimes comes up on occasion.4
-
For when I need to make a website awesome:
javascript:var a='hotPink',b='pink',h=document,i=h.body,c=function(d,e){f=h.getElementsByTagName('*');for(g in f){f[g].style.background=d;f[g].style.color=e;}};i.innerHTML='<marquee behavior="scroll" direction="left" scrollamount="30">'+i.innerHTML+'</marquee>';(function(){function htmlreplace(a,b,element){if(!element)element=document.body;var nodes=element.childNodes;for(var n=0;n<nodes.length;n++){if(nodes[n].nodeType==Node.TEXT_NODE){var r=new RegExp(a,'g');nodes[n].textContent=nodes[n].textContent.replace(r,b);}else{htmlreplace(a,b,nodes[n]);}}}htmlreplace("a|e|i|o|u",'o');htmlreplace("A|E|I|O|U",'O');})();c(a,b);4 -
(sing this in the "If I were a boy" melody from Beyoncé)
If I had a job,
I think I'd want to support,
this awesome platform we call devRant,
but right now sadly just can't...
[oooh]
If I had a job (again),
I think I would buy CodePeeen (amen),
by buy I mean I would buy plan pro,
but I ain't got no fixed income, no
[I ain't]
If I had no school,
I'd be game dev or web noob,
I would design like in the 90ies,
pink website showing panties, oh yes...
[that'd be cool!]
If I were adult,
I wouldn't laugh at these jokes,
I would know the hard and real life,
and maybe even have a loved wife...
[maybeeee]3 -
!rant
So this is my desk.. really organized and clean as you can see.
Let's start from the left.
That naked motherboard you see is my enterprise grade server running Debian on an intel i3 something with 4GB of ram and a 500gb hdd.
Moving on to the right you can see some flutes (Notice the pink one).
Then there is my beloved laptop running Manjaro Linux with VS code open on a random script.
Following you'll see my BEAST tower pc with lovely RGB keyboard and mouse and another random project open.
And I guess that is it. Enjoy
1 -
!rant
Our implementation director got bored since yesterday. So, I decided to let him barge in with my colleague and let him manipulate the audio speakers. Things got funny and asked me to code properly so he can take a shot and send it to his friends. What I did, I copied and paste the code and saved as .bat to make the console looked like the matrix while coding. 😂😂 -
I am building a website inspired by devrant but have never built a server network before, and as im still a student I have no industry experience to base a design on, so was hoping for any advice on what is important/ what I have fucked up in my plan.
The attached image is my currently planned design. Blue is for the main site, and is a cluster of app servers to handle any incoming requests.
Green is a subdomain to handle images, as I figured it would help with performance to have image uploads/downloads separated from the main webpage content. It also means I can keep cache servers and app servers separated.
Pink is internal stuff for logging and backups and probably some monitoring stuff too.
Purple is databases. One is dedicated for images, that way I can easily back them up or load them to a cache server, and the other is for normal user data and posts etc.
The brown proxy in the middle is sorta an internal proxy which the servers need to authenticate with to connect to, that way I can just open the database to the internal proxy, and deny all other requests, and then I can have as many app servers as I want and as long as they authenticate with the proxy, they can access the database without me changing any firewall rules. The other 2 proxies just distribute requests between the available servers in the pool.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advanced :D
13 -
I was placed at the company I work at 9 years ago and it was a college recruitment. Due to the recession in 2007,and its effects in 2008,although I graduated in 2008,my company called me only in 2009,roughly after an year of passing out. I really needed the job. After joining the firm,we were all inducted and had our official ID's and email accounts created. There was a mentor to me,who sat right across.
I was naive and had left for lunch without locking my system,only to come back and see the horror:
"Your resignation has been submitted" in bold ,as a wallpaper.
I was shocked and had lot of things in my head because earlier that week some firms had given "pink slips" and it was all over the news.
Finally,my mentor told me he did it for fun. Have never left my system unlocked ever since! -
sorry, had to xD
this dude's reaction is totally me... dafaq?! they all pink?!
Also fuchsia/fusciha/fusiwhatevaa is here.. everything else is shade of pink or range from #fc64ea to #fcSTHELSE O.o
6 -
After roasting a pig with a nice honey tun at camping, I went to take a shower...
As shower was pretty relaxing (warm water), I dazed off a bit.
Suddenly the curtain opened, and a friend of mine who wanted to clean the grill stood in front of me...
Wearing two pink gloves, going straight up to the elbow, a bottle of grease remover in the other hand....
Awkward... Is an understatement....
After being mortified we both laughed like lunatics...1 -
does anyone else listen to the Pink Panther theme and other jazz while programming or am I an OutOfBoundsException6
-
!rant
I love the first weeks after a job change. It's just like falling in love, everything seems to be perfect until you take off the pink glasses.
Have to wait until I'm assigned a burning project to have a full picture.
Actually I am in a burning project. Deadline in 2 weeks. Doing Bugfixes which do not require in-depth project knowledge, and... It's fine. All a matter of perspective. I also think that project based work suits me more than usual 15y old legacy enterprise shit. And I'm able to switch. From embedded C++ over hardware dev to fullstack .NET (I consider myself as a full-fullstack dev, able to do everything from hardware to frontend).
Topics such as IOT, medical, device engineering, machine learning. Wow.
It's my first company having >50 employees and multiple offices in multiple countries. I used to jump every 2 years from one shitty garage company to another.
Wish me good luck ✌️2 -
We're all on gradle and we had a new guy who started a project with Maven. He also used atom editor for Java/Scala code (even though we had a license for Intellij), and refused to use anything with code completion (or turned it off if there was an option). My boss had to explain basic git branching to him, his pull requests were missing build files, READMEs and he'd check in tons of scripts to run things instead of using maven/gradle.
I just thought he was weird, but I didn't look at his pull requests close enough to realize how bad his code was, until they fired him earlier this week. -
After reading a rant of Pink Princess ( @Alice ) I got inspired by what she said about a card game with QR Codes and here I am. Today I started creating the first bone of the skeleton of the game. I have never created a game before, so even if it is a browser game i want to make it beautiful.
I created also a github repository where you can appreciate my shitty code.
Repo: https://github.com/francescovallone...
P.S. Sorry for my english :36 -
Welp, I've looked at my avatar and thought "something needs to change". I looked at the pink shirt and said "fuck it".
I've joined the Cult of Pink. :D6 -
!rant
I was coding some simple themes for a management system I'm currently working on my job, then I remembered about @Alice and I thought to myself "Fuck it, why not?" and added a subtle pink theme
3 -
programmers after Rust:
- cat ears: on
- pink thigh-highs: on
- butt plug: in
“I… I use Wust 😏🤤 bwazing fast UwU”
programmers before Rust:
9 -
The shady company that tried to interview me for a data entry job when I applied as a software developer called me. They left a message asking if I was still interested in a help desk position. Like nope and I never was. Been working at my current job as a software engineer for over a month. Try finding people who actually want the jobs you're offering!6
-
Got hooooot pink coloured pair of beats for my birthday!!! Best gift ever! Two most things I like is music and code this is the perfect gift! Pink is the only problem but fuck it. I love theseeeee!!!
19 -
You know the configuration sucks if it's a one file, 10 K lines nginx reverse proxy configuration.
But what really really really sucks....
If the person who wrote it was a google craptastic copy pasta ninja.
For fucks sake, if you don't know what you are doing, just stop.
I've had this in so many rants, it's terrifying how many devs seem to be completely unaware of what they're doing Oo
This time, fuckwad ignored the basic principle of NGINX configuration: set the HTTP version for the proxy.
It's by default HTTP 1.0 - as HTTP 1.1 requires a Host Header _which you must set if not already present_.
The fuckwad had all kinds of scary optimizations enabled. Literally a bukkaka (not a typo) of <way too high value> and <too obscure configuration value that cannot apply here>.
But the most trivial thing, enabling HTTP 1.1 and keepalive. Nope.
Not in it.
It's funny how fast NGINX can be without the bukkaka of configuration values but HTTP keepalive enabled.
*me sits in the silent corner of the plushy pink room with soft walls*1 -
My anxiety is over the roof. I have keep 3 media players simultaneously playing Pink noise, Sounds of raindrops and lofi hiphop just to keep my brain grounded.14
-
Customer give me a broken iPad. The screen was pink or green with a not wanted 3D effect. Solution? Just kick it on the back side where the the screen connector is. That’s a so funny solution 🤣
-
Not sure if a rant but.
How many of you guys gets so bored durning meetings on all the none important stuff or not related to you that you just start codeing instead?
I have these hours long meetings with analist that can talk calculations all dat long, how usefull they are, wich analyses you can do for them. I really don't care. Just tell me the formula and I will make it. Do not care whether A is voltage or the amount of pink clouds on sunday.3 -
The moment you see this in your log:
Caused by: java.lang.NumberFormatException: Invalid float: "Pink"1 -
You may soon have a new operating system from Google to run on your Raspberry Pi. Details are still extremely sparse, the only description on the GitHub page is “Pink + Purple == Fuchsia (a new Operating System)”. But, here’s what we do know:
The new OS, called Fuchsia, will be based on Magenta, which is in turn built on LittleKernel. That means that, surprisingly, Google will not be using a Linux kernel for the new OS but something more like an embedded RTOS. Although Google is targeting embedded systems, the possibility of being able to run it on a desktop has been mentioned, so it may not be too minimalistic.
Google’s Travis Geiselbrecht has named the Raspberry Pi 3 specifically as one system it will run on, and said that it’ll be available soon. But, it seems Google is aiming to make it run on a variety of ARM devices (both 32 bit and 64 bit), as well as 64 bit PCs. This is a direct effort to compete against other commercial embedded operating systems that are currently available, and especially on IoT devices.1 -
Music - usually Pink Floyd. Loud enough to overpower my thoughts.
Worked even better when I could go on a bike ride to clear my head, but my bike got stolen 🤬4 -
Since i am successfully make my employee join devrant, they are started arguing the best editor, 3 choose neovim and 2 other join VScode side.
I choose to use Joe's Own Editor.
And also i am converted to Pink Religion.13 -
[Fairly existential career question] How fulfilling would you say your career in development has been?
[Long rant] for years I had been planning on becoming a rabbi, majored in religious studies etc, until I realized there would be no way out of my rapidly growing debt if I chose to continue on that path. i had to drop out 3 years into my undergrad due to financial issues, and as it is now working full time im barely holding my head above water. I spent a lot of time being sad about it until i decided to change things and started getting into accounting before I discovered coding. I am SO GLAD I discovered coding cause accounting was so boring...Now I'm excited to be going back to school for software development and I'm in a bit of a pink cloud having discovered something thats both exciting/fun/challenging AND lucrative... But i do worry about 5, 10 years in the future, will i still be as stoked about it? Religious leadership was and is something I know i would feel ~fulfilled~ over a lifetime, and while my newly discovered passion for coding literally keeps me up at night getting fired up on solving problems and writing my little newb programs, i think I'm afraid of burnout?
[Tl;dr] I'm making an education+career switch to software development and i wanna know how folks feel about their career years into it, do you still love it just as much? Feel jaded? Regretful? Happy?4 -
I've been feeling very bad because I don't think I've been making good use of my free time. So I decided to change.
Looked at my goals, first in line, getting a driver license.
For that, I need to arrange times for practice with my dad.
For that, I need a clean timetable. I had one but teachers are lame and don't respect the times of course.
So, I need to print the new one I already had done.
So I went to the printer.
And it prints awful, everything is pink because it doesn't print yellow.
Fine, let's change the cartridge.
Printer refuses to work, it throws a stuck paper error.
My dad tries to fix it putting fingers inside. Nothing.
We suspect it's the new cartridge, change the new cartridge chip with the one the old one had. Printer fooled.
It still doesn't work. Stuck paper.
My dad admits he felt he broke something when he reached inside the printer..
We had to disassemble it and fix the broken part.
Now it works again.
It still doesn't print yellow.
We'll have get it fixed or get a new one.
I guess I have to draw my timetable by hand...
Sucks, I made it using html and flex. Every 1fr was 5'.
I'll make a gist if anyone is curious about it.1 -
Thinking of making a “devRant Clans” website listing the leaders and members of each clan on devRant. Thoughts/features you would like to see?14
-
It's not everyday you see a pink unicorn coding and getting frustrated in a coffee shop...FYI that pink unicorn was me.
-
Seeing pink background is making me sick.....
People time to move on...
All the people who watch silicon valley and support gilfoyle change your background to orange.....2 -
Nokia not even having a 3.5 jack to begin with (even when walkman existed): jUsT bUy aDaPtEr dUh
Apple removing 3.5 jack after introducing AirPods and putting lightning EarPods in the box with iPhone: REEEEEEEEE
Nokia switching from one charger plug type (thick barrel) to another (thin barrel): jUsT bUy thE nEw cHargEr dUh
Apple switching from an old wide port to lightning: REEEEEEEE
Nokia working with only Nokia Sync and Ovi that barely can do anything but lag and throw random errors at you: wElL jUsT dOnT uSe iT dUh
Apple using iTunes (Apple Music) which in 2021 can restore an absolutely bricked Apple device from the original HDD iPod to the latest iPhone 12 pro: REEEEEEEEE
Nokia using cheap labor since moving production from Hungary to Asia: *crickets*
Apple using cheap labor at Foxconn: REEEEEEEEEE I'M gOnNa dYe mY aRmpIt hAiR piNk tHiS iS alL bEcAuSe oF pAtrIarChy
I'm not even mad. I'm just disappointed.19 -
When your partner decides right as you are able to sleep is the time to be worrying. No that freckle on your arm doesn't look like a bed bug bite. You've obviously never seen a bedbug bite. Now I have to look them up on Google to prove I'm correct. ಠ_ಠ4
-
Recep Tayyip Erdogan had a problem — after his army service, he got so used to cold that he could only sleep on a raw, cold metal grill. Usually, normal people put mattress on top, but Erdogan didn’t feel right this way. So, in one of his personal prisons, he established a social project for making a full metal bed for himself.
For starters, to calculate the shape, he took the smallest man ever (3 inches high) with his fingers and sunk him into molten plastic. “What are you doing?! It hurts!” — man screamed. “Shut up. You’re on an important mission. Your motherland won’t forget you.”
After three months, the bed was ready. It was more of the same — metal bars, but this time with some kind of structure built of metal hinges, rebar and strong springs. This was the day — this was the big reveal event. It took place in the same prison — three prisoners were ready to lay on their new full metal beds, while news crews congratulated Erdogan and celebrated his greatness. “Well, it is time!” — he said.
Prisoners laid flat. An awful screeching sound. Prisoner number two is bleeding out. The spring mechanism broke out and impaled his chest onto a large metal bar. He’s not breathing.
“Shut it down. Shut it all down. No more cameras, no more news”, — said Erdogan.
“Yes, our master”, — said news crews.
They wanted to draft me to Afghanistan.
“No!”, — a young officer shouted, misgendering me — “He doesn’t know the stages of pain. Useless.”
“Are you perhaps arguing pain with a bipolar patient?” — I replied.
“You are a rave. Nothing but a rave.”
Raves spawned near your doors at night. Sometimes, they even spawned on the inside. I can’t say you were in danger, but it certainly wasn’t a pleasant thing to happen to anyone. They looked ugly. They dressed weird. They spoke in riddles.
“How do I move to Europe?”, — a rave asked.
“I…”
“Shut up!”
Rave took a door, suspiciously painted over and over multiple times, and started to slam my door with it, using it as a ram.
My door started giving in.
Alarm system.
On a separate note, to disable the alarm system, you have to speedrun Stanley Parable. It’s the hardest speedrun ever, specifically its hidden ending. It disables all alarm systems in three-mile radius IRL. No one knows how it works, but it does. Back to the danger zone!
“The better quality time you spend sitting on your toilet, the more you’ll live.”, — an officer said.
“I once had a girl blow me while I was shitting,” — Matthias replied — “You have nothing on me.”
“Fair enough!”
It is a little known fact, but the liquid that Northern cities use to clean up snow isn’t quite what it seems like. It’s not salt — in reality, there are bases on Mars, and they store pink goo that… “iMpRoVeS” dead bodies. The liquid is biological in nature, and it expires. Expired liquid is recycled as snow melter. You learn that in high school, but now, living on a train, you should know that there are special learning rooms here, in every. single. carriage. The small gym ball with two handles on its sides is called Gandhi ball. Fun fact: if you wear headless Segways on top of your shoes, and then lay flat holding a Gandhi ball, you can reach the speed of 270 kph!
Today’s news: a Reddit moderator and a legless woman gave birth to a living sex toy for their domestic boar.2 -
Electronic companies nowadays are no different than ranchers that force their slaves to earn money to buy new stuff cause people can’t repair old electronics or fix software bugs cause it’s not theirs or it’s not maintained and source code is not existent.
Damn you software and hardware corporations.
You tell everyone that you care about environment, yet you don’t fucking support your software and hardware as long as people use it. When you stop support you don’t make everything open source but keep it on your private repositories as intellectual property and fuck your clients.
Literally all electronics and software should be mandatory made open source to the people who purchased product so they can use it as long as they want not as long as corporate assholes want. This is insane law that is splitting our world and making it burn. If I could fix my laptop in nearby shop I wouldn’t have to purchase new one.
If it won’t change we will end up with <10 corporations that would rule world economy, everyone who will work for those corporations will be rich and happy and everyone else will be poor and unhappy . Mind me if this is not already happening and this planet slowly becomes Elysium movie nightmare.
Stop buying new stuff you stupid people cause this make things worse.
If it won’t change in 10 or so years there will be connected to cloud robots all over the world guarding us and some dick shit rich John Conor kid will hack them to exterminate humans by executing order 66. After that there will be big power outage that will put us into the role of battery and we would be closed in the barrel full of pink shit connected to matrix.
Get me out of here you asshole.1 -
so I am doing a project with a guy from other country and he never entered on Facebook after my last update. i dont know if it's because of my pink panther jokes in the comments or because of the shit code. it's been 3 days since :02
-
Hotel Vim
On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"This could be Heaven or this could be Hell"
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel Vim
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
"Please bring me my wine"
He said, "We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine"
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...
Welcome to the Hotel Vim
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel Vim
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "1 -
I'm not sure. Was considering becoming a pharmacist when I was in high school. Also was considering becoming a graphic designer. If I had enough money to just quit being a programmer today and couldn't go back to programming, maybe teaching computer science or being an artist.
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I’m in love with Reality Winner. I don’t know, there is just something uncanny about her. The age, the eyes, the look, the whole fucking story, US government, her pink AR-15, I just… don’t know. I feel manipulated and mesmerized. I feel like I’m Odysseus, and she’s a siren. I don’t even know _what_ is so attractive in her, whatever it is… dear Reality, it worked. Congratulations.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/...
3 -
Coding languages but it’s simplified to the extreme:
Should I paint this wall peach or pink?
Coding critiques: You should paint it in green -
I had a dream that my code made me fly irl. I traveled at high speeds and noticed up and down. The whole dream theme was that of the sky when the sun makes it and the clouds turn pink. The feeling was like when u get a crush on a girl coder. I might theme a part of my game around it.
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WTF OPPO?
Why assume it's "malicious" when I'm the one that rooted my own phone?
It's even more ridiculous when I'm prompted to SIGN IN OPPO account to maintain the root status. Who's the fucking malicious one now?
This piece of shitty pink notification permanently stuck onto my drawer and I can't seem remove it. GG fucking WP but I'm just going to live with it.
3 -
I'm the guinea pig at my job for them training new people. Just got a list of steps for installing a company specific library. Already found a mistake in it :D
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Anyone else thinks the desktop site looks better with DarkReader on ? (except for buttons turning pink, but that is a DarkReader problem all together)
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A small instant cocoa package. Pink and blue. It said “Mine. Autonomous. Immaculate.” My sister gave it to me. It was made from human female skeletons, because you can't make them from male ones. Eat it as-is, or dissolve it in milk. It tastes like ketone bodies.5
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There are two kinds of art and leisure: Apollonian and Dionysian. Apollo was the god of light, knowledge and other such things. Dionysus was the god of wine and ritual madness. In a nutshell, the beauty of the stars in the sky is Apollonian, and the beauty of nice juicy ass is Dionysian.
My info landscape was too damn Dionysian lately. I don’t even use TikTok or Instagram. I mean music I listened to, like aggressive dumb rap, bad slang, swearing… Wherever you look, there are Cardi B’s and Kim K’s, with their ugly eyelashes, ugly makeup, ugly inflated lips, ugly voice, ugly things they say. Watching the dumbest shit ever on YouTube. The louder you scream, the funnier the joke. Also, the number one content is some people tearing down some other people: penguinz0 destroying someone again, debunk channels, drama…
Dionysian things can be attractive and comfortable, because they speak to our animal part. In a way, Dionysian is natural. But not everything that is natural is good.
I gave my info landscape an Apollonian cleansing. Unsubscribed from a lot of debunking channels. Changed the way I speak, adjusted my vocabulary. Deleted a lot of music from my library. Went from 6ix9ine to Pink Floyd, Sting and Dire Straits.
It all started two weeks ago. I feel… different, but not necessarily better. Time will tell.3 -
That guy that made those videos of better programming experiences. With the live update of the pink flower tree, the game with different physics states simulated
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Pink cheese green goes.
Do you listen to music that's not in English? Do you listen to music sung in Spanish? Do you know El Cuarteto de Nos? I'm not saying you should but... it's great.
The main singer in a systems engineer, and some lyrics have another meaning if you think about that. Look at Anónimo for an example. -
I had to go into the office just to fill out one piece of paperwork and now I'm here waiting 20 minutes for the next bus cause I just missed the one before it :/1
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The professor that made us use ada. This course was in 2018. Not useful to real world and also hard af. Was a great professor good at teaching and a great guy - just the course was hard as fuck and if you were struggling it was hard to find resources.
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