When you don't have money to pay a designer so you decide to do it by yourself.

It's my first try...

I BOUGHT A DOMAIN IN MY SLEEP!!!

Now I don't know what to do with it!

Got a great boss!!;

Me: Hey, do we have a corporate GitHub account?
Boss: *excitedly* do we need it? We'll get it!
Me: uhh, yeah, we need it 😉

Don't care he doesn't know what it is, got his trust to get all the right tools!

Manager: "How long do you think this will take?"

My brain:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it

Me: "Shouldn't take too long"

Interviewer : "Do you know SQL ?"
Me : "Yes sir. I know SQL and I prefer NoSQL."
Interviewer : "So you know SQL and you don't want to do it for our company ?? This is arrogant !! "

Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Don't push to prod today!

But if you do,
Make sure you
Test it all the way!

Happy holidays, y'all!

If you ask a programmer to do something once in a while, they'll end up doing it forever.

So, DON'T.

Tips for using a programming language that requires typing:

Don't.

Tips for using Scratch:

Do.

- Words from our IT teacher

President of my employer: how long do you thing it will take to complete x type of migration?

Me: I don't know. We've never done one.

President: well how long do you think it will take based on your experience?

Me: I don't know. I've never done one.

<person>: What do you do?
<me>: I'm a developer.
<person>: What?
<me>: A computer programmer.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I work with computers.
<person>: Ohhh. You work with computers! There is something wrong with mine, will you look at it for me?
<me>: I don't do hardware.
<person>: **blank stare**
<me>: I don't fix computers.
<person>: What?
<me>: **walks away**

When you don't find what is wrong with your code so you do some shit and it works miraculously

Me: What do you want?
Client: We don't know exactly
Me: By when do you want it?
Client: Yesterday
🙊🙉🙈

"and what do you do for a living?"
"I study software engineering and work as a software engineer part time"
"Really? You don't look like it!"
"Excuse me? What do I have to look like?"

The stereotypes are strong in development...

Don't BS your managers or peers about your understanding of a topic.

It is okay to not know something. It is not okay to pretend that you do.

I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)

Git Pull Failed, Merge Conflict.

Me:
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it
don't do it

Me:
Delete local project folder and pull the project down again.

Rules of Optimization:
Rule 1: Don't do it.
Rule 2: Don't do it yet(experts only)

Please don't put this on your resume and definitely don't list a language at 50% just because you used it once for a project.
We both know you're over exaggerating and all you'll do is waste my time.

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

Apt-get install *

Just don't do it. It's not worth it!

I relay on Google maps as fuck. I don't know what I would do without it.

Websites that don't let you copy paste email addresses. Well then, I'll do it using inspector. You're not going fuck with me, that's for sure.

Project manager, a few months ago: "why did you do this task? It's all wrong. It's a backend task, not a frontend task so you shouldn't have done it. Don't do it again."

PM, today, regarding the same task in a different project: "why didn't you do this task? The project isn't complete without it. It isn't right. You should have done it."

Are you fucking serious? If we do it it's wrong, if we don't do it it's wrong too. So why should I bother? Seriously, fuck you you piece of shit.

The worst feeling is writing so many lines of code knowing you could do it in a more concise way if you just had time to think about it but you don't.

Module build failed: Module failed because of a eslint error.

217:15 error 'param' is assigned a value but never used no-unused-vars

Me:
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it
Don't do it

Me:
console.log(param);

"who is 'Drew Paul? And why do you hate him so much?"
"It's D-R-U-P-A-L, mom. And don't worry about it, you don't need that aggravation in your life."

Person: What's more common than
c² = a² + b² ?
Me: Clients saying,
"I know how to do it myself but I just don't have time"
Source : twitter.com

When a friend asks to create a website for his startup for free. FML 😔 I got bills to pay. Will he provide his service for free??

Phone rings
-Hello! Do you have an a website?
- yes I have. Who's this
- is it running
- yes
- hold if otherwise it will might run away

- - hangs up - -

Phone rings again
- hello do you have a website
- no I don't 😠
- didn't I told you to hold it

Campaign manager: I don't see my campaign on portal xxx.
Me: Are you sure? I can see it correctly...
CM: Yes, I don't see anything.
Me: Do you have an ad blocker on?
CM: ... Oh, right.

#eyeroll

"Can you do this?"
Sure, give me the information I need...

"We don't have all of it yet"
So I can't do it then

"Well when can you do it"
When you get the information

"Do you need *all* of it"
Well, it's either I do half a job and waste my time, or get it all done in one shot

"The client wants it tomorrow"
When will we have the information?
"We don't know"
Well they aren't having it tomorrow then, are they...

Sales people... don't care *how* things work, as long as they get a tick against their name to show they've sold something...

If it's so simple, why don't you do it?

I know Git gonna work, cause I don't know what I'm gonna do if it doesn't

The best is to not even start it.
It is harder to stop, once you're doing it.
Like drugs, don't do drugs, kids.

I honestly don't understand why some developers like to shit on other's preferences.

Don't like PHP? Fine, but don't give shit to somebody else for liking it or coding in it.

Not a fan of Javascript? That's cool, but do realize that there are people who enjoy coding with it and don't appreciate you talking shit about their preferences.

Don't like a certain framework? That's okay, but again, there are people who code with it so don't tell them that they shouldn't.

Is it expected for a new arrival to post a 'Hello World'? Only I don't normally do what's expected. Actually, I don't normally do normal. Then again, I don't know what I am doing most of the time. Or where I am. Or who I am.

Code reviews: do it thoroughly or don't do it at all

It makes me feel like a whore when looking for jobs.

I don't really wanna do it, but I'm in a situation where i have to do it to survive.

Friend: "i really don't understand why our school didn't teach us HTML as first programming language, you can do some stunning looking website with it"

Me: 🤔

About to walk into a second round job interview. It will take my commute from an hour and a half to 15 minutes, be a much larger scale company and teams, with actual schedules and communication. I might actually cry if I get it.

Waking up after a drinking night and rushing to your computer to make sure you didn't mess around with your projects 😨

If you haven't seen silicon valley... Do... For the love of God do.

And if you don't like it one... We will never get on, it's god damn hilarious ... Constantly

3rd time I've watched them all

It's perfect.

Guy: - "Your restart script doesn't work."
Me: - "What do you mean?"
Guy: - "It does nothing."
Me: - "It should kill every processes that's running within the project and start them again. Wait... Why do you terminate it?"
Guy: - "I don't. It just stops."
Me: - "It says `Terminated` here. You killed it. Just let it do it's job, don't kill it."
Guy: - "I'm not killing it! It just stops!"

(...two hours later...)

Me: - "Wait... Where do you run it from?"
Guy: - "What do you mean? I just run the script you gave me."
Me: - "Yeah, but where do you run it from? Where did you put it?"
Guy: - "It's part of the project so I put it in the project, d'oh!"

When you know what you need, but don't know how to do it and can't get your thoughts into words well enough to ask on stackoverflow.

I don't have a stress ball; I do have an adjustable grip exerciser. It goes from 20lb of force to 90lb.

As a PhD student, I do not dare have hobbies. I mean, I don't exactly have time for it. I could make time for it, but then the phd would take forever.
☹️

Interviewer: Sell me this pen
He: Hey do you want to buy this pen ?
Interviewer: No
He: You might need it to write stuff
Interviewer: No, I don't need it.
He: Ok, no problem.. Bye
Interviewer: What are you trying to do?
He: Trying to be a part of a company that doesn't sell stuff to people they don't need or want ..
Interviewer:
He:
Interviewer: Please give my pen back..

Boss : Fancy doing a live deployment on a Friday?

Me:

Windows. Ruby. Don't do it.

Why don't people like Java? With only a year of AP comp sci for experience, I don't know enough about it to say I do or don't like it. But it's widely used, and is an official language of Android. Are the people hating on Java just people that don't use it? Or is there something about Java that people just genuinely despise?

Mom: what is it you do exactly?

Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.

Mom: What is a bug?

Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.

Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.

PM: We don't need a spec. We'll figure it out as we go.
Me: O_O.... So what do you need the system to do?.....
PM: ( gives vague requirements)

4 weeks later I still no clue what they need.

TL;DR: If you make a contest where people get to vote online fucking make it right!

And here's the story: I play in a local coverband to make some cash on the side and because I love making music. We entered a contest hosted by a local radio-station. The first round was determined by judges and now 5 bands remain and of those 5 only 3 get to be voted into the final round. In the final round every bands wins something: 3rd place 250€, 2nd place 750€ and first place 5000€.
Now that stupid dipshit of a web-designer of that radio-station made a website where you can vote and it only fucking sets a cookie. You can delete it and vote again. You don't need no E-Mail and nothing. It doesn't even block multiple votes from one IP. It doesn't do shit.
Even my bandmates (who don't work in IT) where smart enough to figure out that you can just delete the cookies...
I think that now every band except for one is cheating. (we have over 5000 votes and combined all bands have like 4000 FB-Likes and sometimes and Band gets like 400 more votes in an hour) This is such a fucking messup and I don't know what to do. Maybe they'll look into stats but if they're so stupid to make a contest like this in the first place, maybe they won't. And even if they look into the stats it wouldn't be fair to kick out a band with much votes because how the fuck would they know if the band themselves cheated or if it was a fan of the band or even an enemy of the band just to get them kicked out.
I'm afraid of talking to the radio-station as a part of one band because maybe the web-designer there just gets frustrated and bans us from the contest entirely.
This is just fucking frustrating.

It would seem that my most witty comments don't get as many ++ as the simple comments do.

Disappointing.

Me: I don't need to print the city on each row of the excel file, it already appears on the top of the document.

PM: DO IT ANYWAY! THEY'RE IDIOTS!

goddammit Microsoft, why do I have to remove your fkking internet explorer icon and store icon after every update! noo I don't want it in my bar. gtfo! leave my settings as they were! How hard can it be? Think: does this fuck up someone s personal settings? if yes , DON'T DO IT.

"Just add X, it'll be easy!"

Well if it's that easy, why don't you do it yourself! 😑

Look what I got!
I don't know what do to with it, except for work related stuff.

I don't always ask questions on StackOverflow. But when I do it, I get 0 answers and 10 views

So we have Oncall system. Every month I get one working weekend.

Now senior engineers and lead are assholes. They think they can bully us. They are putting their Oncall work on our heads.

I refused to do it. But my partner in Oncall agreed to take up their weekend Oncall and in return they would do our weekday. I don't see how that is fair enough.

I refused to do it still. My partner apparently ended up doing it alone this weekend.

I don't FUCKING need to lick anyone's ass here! I don't FUCKING need to do these things to be in their good books! Waiting for the time when I saw GOODBYE TO THESE FUCKING ASSHOLEZZZZ

When you know how to do it, but you just don't want to.

DON'T. LET. DEVS. EXPLAIN. THEIR. PRODUCT.

MARKETING. SHOULD. DO. IT.

Guys.... I don't think I downloaded 6126 GB of data every day.... or did I actually do it and not notice? O.o wtf...

I don't fucking believe it! Who the fuck navigates on right click!? Invision, you fucking piece of shit! Can't you do one fucking thing right?

Look what I found!
I don't know what to do with it.
:/

Sometimes I really hate reading comment section and rants from

"my coworker/senior-dev/manager/boss/professor doesn't know X. I'm so much better and so underpaid"

It's like something is new to you or you didn't know something your mostly a dumbfuck which doesn't deserve his position or shouldn't be there ignoring all the other shit which brought you there. Ignoring a person's background or function. Sometimes this stuff is funny because you think he/she should know X but to call someone dumb/stupid/moron or so just because of this, I'll never get it people must have hughe inferiority complexes or so

I found it funny that we're actually debugging our code on prod. (while the client is using the system)
Looks like I'm playing minesweeper. 😂

ps. will never do it again
pps. don't do it
ppps. you should not

So this just happened...don't test on production kids (....sometimes you have no choice BUT DON'T F**KING DO IT OK!?)

How do you guys program when you don't feel like it especially for school? I've fallen a bit behind in my classes and the programs are really easy to write but they're time consuming to do and sometimes (most of the time) I honestly just don't feel like doing them. How do you get yourself motivated?

I don't get why anyone would choose to do sys admin work I have been doing it the past week I fucking hate it!

Let me program 😠

Taxi Driver: Do you like this song Sir?
Me: Not sure, I don't know it!
Taxi Driver: Alexa, change the song...
Me:...

Just got AWS free subscription, had fun for 30 mins. Now I don't know what to do with it. Can someone give me idea for something to do with it.

Sat in a McDonald's watching two staffers try to mop a floor.

I'll be honest, I'm very close to taking it away and doing it myself.

I cannot stand "busy work" do it properly or don't do it at all.

To anyone I offended this year:

Work on yourself so I don't gotta do it again in 2025.

Do yourself a favor and don't install it.

Did an app for my college.
Everyone liked the features in it.
But when it came to the money part, (I didn't ask the actual cost, I only asked then 10% of actual standard cost) they were like improve it more, do this do that ("for free").

I held onto "If you're good at something, don't do it for free".

Just wasted my time in developing that.

What's worst than doing something you don't like?

Having to do it again.

So save.

Sometimes i wonder, why do big companies write horrible api, it feels like they don't want beginners to even touch them 😒

Why do so many people use macs for developing?
I really don't get it.

Boss: What you guys think about this feature?
Employee: ~details 5 good reasons not to implement it~
Boss: Nah, I don't think so, do it anyway.

Do not wave you phone around during a video interview. Don't turn it upside down. Don't put keep your hand near it -- I am not interested in your finger nails. Don't pace around. Don't look like a YouTuber that has no idea what they are doing on a video conference.

That is all.

I don't know how you freelancers and contractors do it.

Fucking asshats, don't understand difference between people who do what..

Fucking asshat wants me to edit this image to his preference, I'd happily do it if I knew it how to...but noooooo he wants to convince me that I can do it without even knowing what or how to do...

That's like asking a plumber to fix my car...

Relax don't do it
When you want to come to it

I just want to make it clear for all the PMs out there...

If you don't put it in a fucking ticket, or don't mention a feature you want in a ticket, I will not do the work or forget put something into a feature.

Write that bitch up if you want it done.

Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!

A rule of of thumb that I use when it comes to security is "don't do it yourself, use a library"

When nobody takes you seriously when you say you don't do it for the money....i genuinely love what i do and you should too.

Why do I always work on a project intensively for 2 days, don't touch it for a week or two for reason X and then don't dare to touch it anymore.

Damn

Uhhh I'm on like the 12th or 13th week of not touching any code.

I just don't feel like it, and now classwork is piling up, so I just don't do it. 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

Is it so much to ask for ability to do my job remotely. I work on a fucking computer, I can do this shit at home. I don't need to drive 50 miles there and back to do my job.
Flexibility is a thing.

Don't think I could love IT anymore then I do now! Currently and intern and was stressing a small bit about what I wanted to do after college (i.e. web development, mobile development, security) then came to the realisation that I can do whatever i want. I don't think any other profession has such a freedom within industry and that is why love IT so much. Looking forward to many more years of learning and developing my skills

Rules of Optimization:

Rule 1: Don't do it.
Rule 2 (for experts only): Don't do it yet.

So...you downloaded a new keyboard you can't get it out of the second person. You don't know what to do. Help you, please.

Getting a ticket that a feature is having problems when you triple-click it. Otherwise it works fine.

I'm so close to write them simply back: "Then don't fuckin do it?"

I don't like others to know that i'm a programmer. Do you agree or why shall they know? It just changes their opinion on you.

The EU is planning to put a law in place that prevents unlimited scrolling of media content.
I don't know how they're going to do this.
I don't know whether I support this.
I don't know who recommended this.
But it was favoured by the majority when it went to vote.

why do people hate java? it is the most elegant and simple language one can learn and code powerful apps and software. i don't get it

Has it ever happened to you that you don't feel like doing anything at all? And you go in a loop of procrastination and then end up wasting just another day of your life?
I don't know how do I get out of this ...
don't feel I have a passion to do anything in life now 🥺

Quote £400 to do someones website, and then don't do it cause you didn't quote enough.

#FirstWorldDevProblems

Why do you even bother writing docs if you don't include anything worthwhile in it!

A rant from git,

Why do developers always PUSH and PULL me around. I mean they don't just do it once or twice. No they COMMIT to doing it over and over. I try to REBUILD myself, but it is hard getting pushed and pulled constantly. I don't know the ORIGIN of where it started, but gosh I wish the bullying never started!

I can't believe developers are being told to do better when it comes to master/main. Why don't YOU do better and come up with something more worthwhile than this weak shit?

If you use CamelCase, please don't write acronyms in all caps like MakeDNA, it breaks the harmony and confuses punctuation. Instead do MakeDna.

If you don't know how to do it the proper way, just throw something together. :D
Might not be pretty, but it works... (only took about 3 hours)

I don't always talk to myself, but when i do, it is usually writing very complicated code.

I took apart 2014 Mac Mini today. I don't wanna ever do that again. It was horrible experience.

Also fuck Torx TR6 screws.

I don't usually look at the clock in my computer, but when I do, it say 420

A Timehop from 3 years ago stated "I will learn one day to do 301 redirects in .htaccess without Googling it."

I still don't know.

we get it relatives, you don't know what we do!!

If you want to be a dev, don't buy a house. Or if you do buy a house don't do DIY. Or if you do the DIY, do it badly so you don't have to do it again.

Programmer son's ask s his father:
Dad, why do the sun rise on the east and set on the west?

Father: it's works? don't touch it.

The panic when I overhear my colleague in a meeting "sure I can test it in prod but we normally don't do that..."

This happened at the beginning of my first job:

Me: I want to clarify some things that wasn't specified in my task. I want to see if I need to do them and how I should solve it.
Senior dev: Don't worry about it. If testers pass the task back to you, then you do it. Just do as it is.
Me: 😓

Client: I need you to integrate with this API.

Me: ok cool, but what are we doing with it (where does the data go/styling)?

Client: what do think we should do?

Me: well it would be really cool if we did it like this *short and sweet explanation of really cool functionality and design*

Client: I LOVE IT! Let's do it, oh also I need it done by tomorrow...

Me: *GOD DAMNIT, why do you always do this...don't you dare say ok* ok, yeah I can totally do that.

...now at the market stocking up on redbull

I do not think that GoTo is bad. It can lead to hellish code but if you don't misuse it - it can be extremely useful.

Magento 2.

If you've worked with it, you know why.
If you don't know why, do yourself a favor and keep it that way.

We don't need a designer. Our PMs can do it. *fires up lucidchart*

I really want to build a raspberry pi cluster but I don't know what to do with it...
Has anyone of you ever built a raspi cluster?
What could I do with it?

I don't understand why some boss or clients say "it's easy" but they don't do it themselves.

You know the configuration sucks if it's a one file, 10 K lines nginx reverse proxy configuration.

But what really really really sucks....

If the person who wrote it was a google craptastic copy pasta ninja.

For fucks sake, if you don't know what you are doing, just stop.

I've had this in so many rants, it's terrifying how many devs seem to be completely unaware of what they're doing Oo

This time, fuckwad ignored the basic principle of NGINX configuration: set the HTTP version for the proxy.

It's by default HTTP 1.0 - as HTTP 1.1 requires a Host Header _which you must set if not already present_.

The fuckwad had all kinds of scary optimizations enabled. Literally a bukkaka (not a typo) of <way too high value> and <too obscure configuration value that cannot apply here>.

But the most trivial thing, enabling HTTP 1.1 and keepalive. Nope.

Not in it.

It's funny how fast NGINX can be without the bukkaka of configuration values but HTTP keepalive enabled.

*me sits in the silent corner of the plushy pink room with soft walls*

Sure, client. Go ahead and add a button to your website that proclaims to do something, but then don't bother hiring a developer to make it do that thing when clicked. It'll all happen by Maaaaaagic!

When I try to impress someone by saying smart things but it backfires horribly.

Don't know if already asked but, what brought you to programming /your work area. Do you like it? Was what you expected?

Are desktop PCs becoming a legacy, a history, just like floppy disks or CDs? Do you have one? Do you really need it?

I do have a decent tower pc in my balcony since last year. Haven't used it since early August and I honestly don't know what would I use it for once I bring it back in

some people literally want you to do all the work for them

then complain when you don't do it for them

i'm sure they'll get far in life

🤡

Does anyone know of a advertisement service that donates to charity directly? I'd like to put ads on my site, but I don't wanna do it manually

senior "don't do it like this, there are alternatives"

doesn't mention the alternatives

thanks? i can look into implementing it how you want if you'd elaborate the alternatives....

can we just get rid of floating points? or at least make it quite clear that they are almost certainly not to be used.

yes, they have some interesting properties that make them good for special tasks like raytracing and very special forms of math. but for most stuff, storing as much smaller increments and dividing at the end (ie. don't store money as 23.45. store as 2,345. the math is the same. implement display logic when showing it.) works for almost all tasks.

floating point math is broken! and most people who really, truely actually need it can explain why, which bits do what, and how to avoid rounding errors or why they are not significant to their task.

or better yet can we design a standard complex number system to handle repeating divisions and then it won't be an issue?

footnote: (I may not be perfectly accurate here. please correct if you know more)

much like 1/3 (0.3333333...) in base 10 repeats forever, that happens with 0.1 in base 2 because of how floats store things.
this, among other reasons, is why 0.1+0.2 returns 0.30000004

Thanks previous-dev, you don't comment much, but when you do, it really saves my day.

// [START configure_firebase]
[FIRApp configure];
// [END configure_firebase]

Vendor lock-in for cloud providers is really small, and you don't notice it until you need it. Route53 has an "import zone file" button, but they don't have an "export zone file" button. Yes, there are other tools and scripts to do it, but bit-by-bit AWS, GCP, and Azure make it difficult to leave.

I just don't get it! How do you guys keep your filesystem clean? How do you organize!??!

Everyone talks about quality, but they don't know what it means/ don't want to invest the time to do things right.

when you are the one that knows about networks and computer and no one else knows about and it's my fault that it doesn't work and the ISP has a full log of everything that has been done. how about no they don't because it's just router changes not anything that we browsed to on the internet. why don't you go back and do what you do and I do what I do?

I might get a domain, but I can't buy it if I don't know what to do with it. any ideas???

People talk about hacking like, "I don't do it cause its illegal", like they could if it wasn't/ )))

There are people who push code to GitHub and there are people who just fork your code on GitHub, and that's it. They don't do anything else with it.

I don't get it. Why do front end devs need to learn algorithms to get their interview done?

Do you guys actually name your computers? I mean I don't call mine - but I named it - "Momo"

Or some neat ideas? :D

I got the job but don't know how to do it. fml

Thinggs to consider before adding non english letters/words to your url patterns:
1. Don't do it, you won't have a good time.

I don't mind profanity in a rant, but I do mind it if directed at others(especially other DevRanters) in the comments.
Respect the community people!

I don't like it when guys use emojis when chatting with me. I find it weird.

But when girls do it, I like it. It's hot.🔥

Thank you for the 20-20-20(6) rule.
I think I read about it here, I don't know if it helps but I do feel better.
I recommend it.

Do you guys listen to lo-fi when programming? I love it. If you don't what do you listen to? (I'm just curious)

Story time... (Not long though)

My current employment status is quite strange. Basically I'm a freelancer. My former boss asked me to throw a half paid job and include three days worth of work for free just because it would be convenient.

When I told him no way - he was very uppset and offended and told me how disappointed he was.

Lesson learned: If you work for free and offer to "help" someone out, it will mostly lead to more queries for free of charge gigs. Don't do it like I did. Fuck that shit, thanks for appreciating my effort.

I don't really know if I can ask it, but wich music do you hear while coding?

Don't get dependent on desktop apps. Learn to do everything on the command line. That way it doesn't matter what machine you're using.

QUEUE
me: don't do it
her: don't do it
hex: don't do it
the lobe: don't do it

brain: k-wèh-weh 😬

Video conferencing apps:

Competition is great. It just sucks when you have to use all the competition.

Things I want to be able to do:

- Test Mic and Audio before joining the call, BOTH DAMN IT (some do do this, some just one or the other).

- No fiddling in settings to do test / change settings. I want to know / test every damn time before I join ...

- and it would be great if it forced everyone to test too ;) (obviously some complications there if folks are joining and don't intend to talk)

Things I to see all the time on the app, don't hide this shit, and GOD DAMN IT DON'T AUTO HIDE IT:

- Is my mic muted or not.
- Is my mic broadcasting sound or not.

I've been lucky enough to not have any terrible dork ups using these apps but man they seem to invite it by hiding stuff.

People that contact me through LinkedIn trying to sell me some marketing shit or asking me about some issue with the service provided by a company that I started but with which I don't have any relation whatsoever since October 2016, which by the way is pretty clearly stated in my LinkedIn profile,…

DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO FUCKING READ??? Stop pestering me about that company. I don't have anything to do with it, I can't do anything about it and, even if I could, I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO.

Stick to one project about which you want to learn but don't know how to do it,complete it...and now you have learnt something new

I don't still understand why I leave work with an unsolved bug, when all I'll eventually do is think about it!

TGIF & remember..

DO NO FUCKING PUSH TO PRODUCTION TODAY!
DO NOT FUCKING RELEASE A NEW VERSION OF THE CLIENT APP!
FUCK!!
have a nice weekend partners 🤗

is it just me or do people with a CS degree know way less than those who don't have a degree at all?

How isolated do you have to be as a developer to not know why you don't commit compiled files into source control? And then argue about it?

I don't want to use anything "opinionated". Neither do I want to use software made "for human beings". And no: I don't care if your software is "[other software] on steroids", I won't use it either.

I used some kind of application on a compact disc (don't remember what it was) and it asked to reboot in order to do some stuff before Windows loads. Apparently in order to do so it overwrote MBR along with my TrueCrypt loader. Didn't make rescue disc, so lost about 300GB of stuff.

I'm going to let you know right now:

If you don't put it into a ticket, I'm not going to do the work.

To create a really amazing OSS, I don't even care if anyone uses it or if it becomes popular or anything, I just want to do it to prove to myself that I don't need to get paid to write good code, I can do it to make the world a better place too.

This has really been my main goal for a long time now, sure I've written some a few OSS but I don't consider them up to that standard yet, but I am working on something right now that will get close if I ever manage to finish it and if it is well written.

Be interested. Try to do whatever you're doing the best way possible. Do research, keep up, roll with the punches, and don't take things personally. If you like being a dev, it should be easy to find the fun in it.

Nobody wants to maintain XSLT mappings. Being a developer, even I don't want to. So what do we do? We parse the XSLT using JAVA code in a horrible attempt create an excel with mappings. God damn it!!

So I fucked something up on Friday (midday) without realizing it just so I would work overtime to fix my mess while my co-workers are playing ps4...
Oh well. Don't do anything major on Friday. Ever.

I'm discovering all I can configure with Arch... just figured to tell you, since if I don't do it doesn't count, right?...

I want you to make that dream become a reality, because if you don't, you will be working for somebody else to make their dreams become a reality.

Listen to me, if it was easy, everybody would do it. There are people right now who are working who don't want to work. There are people who hate their jobs, but they keep getting up to do it.

I'm here to tell you, number one, that most of you say you wanna be successful but you don't want it bad, you just kinda want it. You don't want it badder than you wanna party. You don't want it as much as you wanna be cool.

So what I'm telling you is, when you want something bad you can't count the cost. Because if you count the cost and you see how much it costs. You might quit, you might give up. So you gotta go in knowing that I don't count the cost.

You just do whatever it takes, to get whatever you want! Boom! 👊 😎 👍

I just work without thinking about whether I want to do it or not. The more you think about it, the more you don't want to do it. Just get to it.

I don't usually tell my extended family that I work remotely but when I do, I have to explain what I do, how I do it and how did I get it.

Working remotely is very rare where I'm from. I only know one other guy does work remotely and thats it.

What do we do when the WiFi dont work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
What do we do when the WiFi don't work
On Ubuntu 18.10

Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Disable secure boot and sign your own driver
Build it from the source code

How do you cope with coworkers who are okay with lousy code and don't want to make it better because "how does it matter"?

Is it weird that I don't wanna live to be hundred, but I'd rather do everything I wanna do as soon as possible?

Sorry to ask something like this here, but my friends are dealing with their own shit and don't wanna bother them.

Relax, don't do it.

My PRs have way too much:

"I don't like this but..."

But it do...

Customer: I literally don't want to do anything make it work.

Support: here is a good video tutorial to get you started

Customer: I don't want to invest anytime in getting anything to work, just make it work.

Arrrrrggggg just use another service

I really don't know what to do with those projects which I started confidently but then left when it was about to finish because I lost motivation

when someone promises to complete a project over the weekend that will take several hours, and it's Sunday afternoon with no progress. if they don't do it then it'll be you having to do it scrambling Monday morning to complete for the client. why promise work over the weekend if you aren't going to do it!!!

Stop fucking waste my time with background image, I'm a fucking backend developer you pice of shit. Reach into your pocket and hire a designer or Web developer, I don't care that I can do it too, I don't fucking want to do it.

Do what's necessary to solve the problem. A little more? Sure. But don't overdo it. That's true most of the time at least.

Okay, I have to ask it here, because I don't know how to ask on SO so I don't get banned.
I have a user mode driver (a dll and an inf file). How do I load it (aka call DllMain)? Do I have to install it first so it shows up in device manager? How do I load it then? No, there is no physical hardware involved, it's all software.
I've been searching for an answer for days, but when to comes to driver development, I'm such a noob that I don't even know what to look for.

Some one just asked me to build his site. I don't enjoy building sites. Especialy wordpress... I have never used it but i don't like it. But It could be a fast cash. What do you guys think?

Would you work overtime when the bos give some mod when project nearly meet the deadline.?

I want to do it, but if I work on it the bos don't pay me and later on he will do that again and again..

I need to pull a few rabbits out of my arse on Monday and I don't have enough executive function points to do it all 🥺

* Turbo C

I don't understand why do people still use it

Lately, when someone asks if I know how to do something that I totally know how to do, I just say no so I don't have to do it.

PSA: Writing code right now? Taking a quick break to check your phone? Make your effin commit. Git, SVN, etc.... Don't care. Do it.

I don't get it.
The job listing is for a developer. I applied as a developer.
Why do they ask me whether I'd be willing to do tech support? What's their motive?

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet , keep looking .Don't settle 🙌

Throughout my career I worked with quite some awesome engineers. However, only very few of them also do engineering as a hobby. (The shitty engineers obviously don't do it, otherwise they wouldn't be shitty.) Just thinking.

Is it odd, as a primarily Web developer, I don't like to be called programmer?
It's not what I see myself as, but colleagues do

I don't always wreck the production environment, but when I do it's because I'm trying to refactor a piece of code with a "// this is here for reasons, don't change this" comment above it.

How many of you guys actually do the eight finger touch typing? Is it common among younger devs? And for those who don't, how fast do you consider yourself while coding (like actual mechanical typing of code)?

I don't always test my code
but when i do,i do it in production.

Felt like doing smthng dangerous and switched back to the light theme... Scariest moment of my life!

"We need to implement SSO across our legacy apps in 2 weeks. Don't worry about the details just do it. Pretend you're playing football with computers." MFW

Say no!
There's only so much you can do at once! Either do it well or don't do it at all

That big moment of relief: had a project idea I was way too excited about, that involved a bunch of things I have no idea how to do. I don't have any spare time to do the project, but I wanted to do it so bad. Turns out there already is quite a good version of what I wanted to do. Now I don't have to worry about when and how to do it.

For the curious ones: I wanted to use an AI to detect grains and scratches on old images and have it automatically assume from the areas next to it what color they should be filled in with.

I don't really remember... That can mean one of two things... It was to long ago... Or don't know how to do it yet... I do remember my first programming class, when my teacher said, "you just need to do a printf ..." And I asked, "what is that?" He looks at me, eyes wide open, for a huge amount of time, and then left without answering...

a side note, it was university class.

Do you always make sure to understand the basics/fundamentals of a technique/solution/tool/.. you're using ?
I don't do it all the time and I feel that it's something I should do more often (or always?).