Hello beautiful. Finally got fiber installed. For my girlfriend and me. Not that we really need it... But you know...

(Wifi reaches up to 170 on 5Ghz)

My parents recently got divorced and sold their house, so I had to go through all my old stuff and found this beauty! A pair of new bateries and it still work! Fuck Yeah!

Going on a vacation, so notify all clients that I won't be available during two weeks.

Client: well we have this huge presentation and here's a list of stuff we absolutely need for it
Me: sure I have a look.
Me: holy shit dude! That's gona take about 2-3 days. I'm leaving soon!
Client: it's realy critical to have them in a week as it's a very important presentation! Is there any way you can make it work? If we can do anything to help, just name it.
Me: well I'll do my best (planed 1 day for such rhings)
Me: *pulling a 15h day*
Me: here, all done budy! Did a 15h but now it's done, so do that presentation!
Client: oh, nice, but it wasn't that urgent
Me: ...

Next day:
Client ssh in to the server, fucks shit up
Client: well I did a thing and now stage and prod is fucked, can you do anything?
Me: (knowing it will take 30min to fix) well... I try my best. Btw. I'll leave in a few hours and won't take my computer, so try not to fuck every thing again, okay?

Always multiply your time estimate by Pi (an Irrational number). That way you're guaranteed your estimate will be irrational! (Just like the clients expection :P)

It's the biggest satisfaction to know that Wix means wank in German!
"why not do it yourself" just adds to it.

Not sure what hapend... On my laptop running Ubuntu 17.10, I just got a notification:

Problem occured: "Ubuntu is ready"

Not sure what to do now... :P

WHAT DO YOU MEAN INVALID CREDENTIALS.
I JUST LOGGED IN WITH THEM ON YOUR SHITTY FUCKING WEBSITE YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT PIECE OF WANK.
FUCK YOU YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING CREDENTIALS SYSTEM I'VE EVER FUCKING SEEN; AND I'VE USED YAHOO

I'm such a fucking moron! I had a programing test at university today, there where two excercises and two hours time. Finished the first one within 20min, but couldn't crack the second one. As time went by, I got more and more nervous. My hands started shaking. I couldn't think straight. I should just have steped outside, ask for a bathroom break, whatever. But no, I wanted to solve it!
Went home after the timelimit. Sat down, wrote the same thing I had in my head, compile, test and would have gotten all the points. I was able to do in 20min when relaxed, what I wasn't able in 1h 40min.
Fuck me.

It's not a dev quiting but my brother who worked in parcel delivery at that time.
He was hired on a temporary contract but promissed from the beginning and in every discussion they had, that he'll get a permanent position after 6 moth, if his work is good.

Fast forward 6 months. They had a meeting and told him how satisfied they where with his work so naturally he asked about the permanent contract. Fuckers acted suprise and shit. Claiming to never have said any of it. However as they are happy with him and so "generous", they offerd him another contract for 6 months and told him, they could talk about a permanent one after that period.

He kind of has a temprament, so he got up, fliped them the bird and called them lying assholes and went home. He didn't show for the time left on his contract.

The funny thing about it he worked for the swiss postal service (which is owned by the state) but not directly but through this.company providing temporary workers (which is cheaper for them as they get a shitty salary compared to a full time employee with all the benefits).

Wankers!

Nice thing though, the accounting department still sent him a christmas bonus (he quit somewhere around mai...)

WEB FUCKING THREE

Ok, some of this shit is interesting, let's get that out of the way:

Crypto - great for doing illegal things, great for financial speculation, interesting mathematically. But as likely to replace actual currency as I am to replace the fucking Queen.

NFT - should be written on the headstone of humanity. Entirely fucking useless, planet-roasting bro-wank dressed up as a revolution in...pretending to own shit. The only difference between a Bored Ape owner and my nephew pointing at a castle and insisting that it's his, is that he isn't thousands and thousands of pounds out of pocket by doing so.

Metaverse - AR and VR have been around before this dogshit rebrand, and they'll outlive it.

No, it's not that. It's that we now have a new species of parasite - the "Web3/Metaverse" LinkedIn guru insisting that this shit is even needed, let alone the next big thing.

Web 2.0 was a stupid fucking term alright, but it did represent a new generation of technologies that were badly needed, and adopted by the entire community. Web3 is a bunch of shit that some cunts think they can get rich off, so insist that we need. I wouldn't even give a fuck but I've already spent hours of my life explaining to clients and peers that this is UTTER FUCKING BOLLOCKS, there's no need for a blockchain in your app, there's no need for a blockchain in virtually anything. Yeah if you want some fucking 3d in your app or your page I'm your man, but if you keep saying 'metaverse' I'm going to fill it with easter eggs.

None of this shit was needed before and none of it is needed after. Have you looked at web3 games? It's Steve Buscemi asking 'how do you do, fellow computer games?', it's a fucking gambling app pretending to be something a human would do. Clash of Clans and Candy Crush already cornered the market for that type of fucking mug, right now you're making the Candy Crush business model look responsible and efficient. You CUNTS.

I'M NOT EVEN FUCKING DOING ANYTHING! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK? PIECE OF WANK BATTERY

AAAAAARRRRGGHHHH FUUUCKKER!!!

The new MacBook Pro with touchbar is ABSOLUTELY SHITE.

I can't tell you how many times I have accidentally touched the escape key with my pinky while typing. Also accidentally touched "send" while in apple Mail halfway through writing something.

Apple clearly did no user testing with this as I have googled around and many folk are having the same frustrations.

I've just typed a massive note into jira and towards the end my pinky hit the escape key and I lost everything!!

FUCK CUNT BASTARD WANK!!!

EXCEL YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! don't get me wrong, it's usefull and kt works, usually... Buckle up, your i for a ride. SO HERE WE FUCKING GO: TRANSLATED FORMULA NAMES? SUCKS BUT MANAGABLE. WHATS REALLY FUCKED UP IS HTHE GERMAN VERSION!
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT .csv? It stands for MOTHERFUCKING COMMA SEPERATED VALUES! GUESS WHAT SOME GENIUS AT MICROSOFT FIGURED? Hey guys let's use a FUCKING SEMICOLON INSTEAD OF A COMMA IN THE GERMAN VERSION! LET'S JUST FUCK EVERY ONE EXPORTING ANY DATA FROM ANY WEBSITE!

The workaround is to go to your computer settings, YOU CAN'T FUCKING ADJUST THIS IN EXCEL!, change the language of the OS to English, open the file and change it back to German. I mean, come on guys, what is this shit?

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON ENCODING! äöü and that stuff usually works, but in Switzerland we also use French stuff, that then usually breaks the encoding for Excel if the OS language is set to German (both on Windows and Mac, at least they are consistent...)

To whoever approved, implemented or tested it: FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID SHITFUCK, with love: me

Happy Birthday to @Michelle from your friends on devRant!

Can we talk about this for a second? I mean WTF, how is Windows XP still a thing. Wasn't there a ransomeware attack recently, so every last sys admin should have some motivation to upgrade their shit?
Sure, I hear you say, it's just an information display. No critical stuff.
Well guess what, it was at an airport. Most likely not connected to any critical infrastructur, but still it's a computer, stuck at the boot screen at 11 a.m. running windows XP, connected to an airport network.
And I was standing there like: fuck me!

long && scam && rant?

At my parent's: phone rings..
Me: hi this is XYZ (in German)
He: hi this is ABC from Microsoft tecnical suport (strong Indian accent, sorry toall Indian devs who might feel offended, no intention)
Me: hi... (I'm learning for my exams and don't have a VM with Windows installed currently, so no time to "play")
He: we got some worrying data from your Windows computer. You might have a virus and we need to run a few tests to verfy it. Do you know what that is?
Me: yeah, a scam.
He: sorry, sir I didn't understand you, could you repeat?
Me: yeah, I know what " this" is. It's a scam, and we only deploy Linux here. (lie, we have Windows, Mac and Linux, as well as an iPhone, iPad and Android devices in the house, guess who is "support"...) But good luck with your next call.
He: (kind of friendly) oh. I see. Well have a nice day too.

!rant

Moved in with my SO. No not Stack Overflow. Anyway. The hardest part about it is choosing a good Wifi name. We acctually need two names.

Go.

Edit: the perfect name would have a Star Wars reference in it.

"BlueStacks 4, 6 times faster than every phone on Earth!!!"
*wank wank*

Meanwhile, it can't even do window compositing (y u no use the fucking compositor of the fucking OS?!) or keyboard input (sends Return twice apparently). But yeah, faster than every phone on Earth. MY FUCKING ASS IS FASTER, FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

So much for a Sunday where my servers can go straight to hell for a day, and I'll just play some fucking games.. so much for that.

FUCK!!!

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

Client: But why is it so expensive to host a website? I mean you could host Wordpress on a cheap like 10$/month webspace, right?

Inner me: Bitch, you have a fucked up Symfony 2.1 website that only runs on PHP 5.3 plus a Wordpress site, with a lot of updates not done, plus you have a huge traffic at peak times, like once a week
Me: Well you know, the services you are running require a lot of resources...

Fuck you you fucking fuck, why would you change an api without any notification?

Background: built an app for a customer, it needs to fetch data frlman external api, and save it to a db.
Customer called: it's broken what did you do?!?
Me: I'll look into it.

Turned out the third party just changed their api... Guess I should implenent some kind of notification, if no messages come in for some time...

Cs Student. We currently have a course on algorithms, where we have to implement something in Java, test it with some sample inputs and in the end submit it to an online judge, so far so good. So why a rant? Well there's this one person, who strugles with programing and asks me a lot of questions. Usually I tell her, could you send me your code, so I can have a look at what doesn't work/where you made a typo/what ever. My thoughts: let's just copy it my IDE, take a look at the error message, and that should do it.

Guess how I got the code: As a few photos, taken by her mobile phone (as the code doesn't fit on one screen...)! Just send me the fucking file, or post it to gist.github.com or pastie.org or what ever fucking code sharing tool you want! Make a fucking git repo, I'll even live with SVN or just a .txt file by mail. But for the love of Linus Torvalds, stop sending me crapy pictures of your crappy code! For fucks sake!

Forgot my headphones today, had to listen to stupid people on the train and now can't concentrate while writing code! Fuck!

Motherfucking website style JavaScript rant ahead.

Just tried to register some travel tickets, at FlixBus. Of course alternatively I could go for a train but those would be more expensive. So yeah.

Turns out that the website loads JavaScript from 20 domains including 3 required CloudFront ones (those are the most annoying because it's not possible to tell by the domain what it would be doing). But alright, I'll take it. Web 3.0 amirite?

So I go and find myself a nice bus, add it to my cart.. oh shit it's the wrong one. Change some parameters, hit return.. well guess what. Turns out that in all their JavaScript glory they couldn't implement that much. Awesome!

Go to another site to get another ticket for my travel back, only to find out that while they couldn't implement return, their webdevs are apparently skilled enough to get a giant boner on blinking "(1) Almost ready!" in the site's title, when changing to another tab and there happens to be stuff in the cart. Do you really think I care about that shit! Don't distract me and let me get my shit done!!!

So, to all you webdevs who would pull something like this and wank on it too. Guess what motherfucker. That purchase got cancelled through the power of JavaScript wank, because there's no way I'm supporting that dystopian junk. Guess what, when people shell out money at your shitty online shop, they may want a quarter-ass decent UX too. And no notifications or any of that wank, you hear me?

But yeah fucking Web 3.0!!! Give me a fucking break.

Oh Christ.. just been looking for hosting companies here in Belgium to look for sysadmin positions.. one of the fucking companies posted this: "we provide Uptime-as-a-Service"

The fucking cringe!!! Uptime as a service! Everything including the only fucking job a hoster has, keeping shit up and running.. as a service.. fuck!

Rant: THAT FUCKING CREATIVE AGENCY, THAT USES A FUCKING HOSTING PROVIDER, THAT DOESN'T OFFER SSH! GUESS WHO'S CURRENTLY UPLOADING 4000 FILES? BEST OF ALL EVERY 200-ISCH FILES THE CONNECTION GET'S REFUSED, TELLING, THERE ARE TO MANY REQUESTS (FileZilla is set to max 2 simultanious uploads, still the same)

FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK OF A CRAPPY DEPLOYMENT PROCESS.

gosh golly I have the perfect emote for everyone in devRant

I seriously wanna fucking knofe this guy who says JS is shit and Kotlin is superior well NEWS FLASH YOU FLYING PIECE OF WANK, every fucking language has its pros and cons

If you still think JS is supposed to be in browser well I say to you fucktard this isnt the 80s anymore and we ain't using Java applets and Flash for some limp dicked stuff JS has covered today. A language might have its dark sides but they are all fucking good. There is no superiour language there's only Mother fucking preference. I swear to god this is the worse limp dicked argument I've heard and I have to argue that JS has matured over the years

On my way home, just noticed, that the display in the train, is only sorting the connections in the trainstation by time, but not by date. (SBB in Switzerland, in case you're wondering)

Looks like Keybase now also has its own shitcoin. Isn't it about time for that cryptocurrency wank to end already? How many more BitconneeeEEEECT's do we need?

But but but.. this is the next big thing! It will go *stellar*!

Got the stickers! All the way from New York to Switzerland (:

> Best part about working from home?

"People don't give me as much shit for having a wank during standups" - not me, but I wish it was

Mother fucking SQL, fuck mathematicians, fuck every thing!

So let's supose we'd only need the first char of a string. Every, and I mean fucking every (php, java, javascript, ruby, python, haskell) fucking language, uses something like `substring(input, 0, 1)` as it knows the input is nothing more than a fucking array of chars, otherwise known as motherfucking String. Logically the offset for the first char is 0.

Enter SQL, there you need to put `SUBSTRING(input, 1, 1)` because fuck every one! Fucking math guys who developed relational algebra on which (most) databases are based on (I love you for it, but come on you fuckers!), Decided that the first character should be at position 1...

Fuckers

!dev && rant

What's people's problem with Wikipedia.

Earlier this week I told my cleaning lady about how Black Friday was so pointless this year, and apparently it's the first thing she heard about Black Friday (she's in her late 30's and a mother of 2, go figure). Not only that but she believed that it occurred every end of the month because someone else told her so. She said it would make sense because it's close to everyone's payday.

So I go and look up some information about Black Friday for her. All the DDG results somehow shit or cluttered by marketing wank.. your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, appended Wikipedia to get some reasonably good information quick. And that looked for all the world like that was the case. Apparently it's got to do with American Thanksgiving.. who knew?

She still didn't believe it. "But that's Wikipedia..." So she looked it up on her own phone on some random local site.. it confirmed that indeed it occurs once a year. Well, confirmed to the extent that there was "2017", "2018" and "2019" on the page... Yeah.

Finally she believed it. At least she didn't double down on it anymore. But seriously.. you're gonna take the words of one random person over a medium that's constantly being improved under the many eyes principle?

"People can edit Wikipedia so therefore it's bad"

I really don't get people...

Didn't had to fix anything (so far). But took my dev laptop to show all the projects I've been working on to the dad of my girlfriend and he showed me his projects.
He's not mainly a dev, but an electrical ingenieur. He designs his own pcb boards (with 8bit processors on them, as "that's more than enough power to do almost anything!") and then programs that stuff with basic (he writes his own firmware for it).
He also creates desktop application to get data off the devices using Delphi.

Love that guy and have a shittln of respect for him!

First Hackathon ends today. Long story short: I was the only programmer of the team, we only had 2 days to develop it (of which we spent the first day doing research, so 1 day of coding), so guess what it's shit.
I basically took a bootstrap theme, hardcoded some data. Put some js on top for interactions and a node js backend, to interface some APIs. Just by looking at the code you'll get cancer, but the others of the team where impressed, how good it looked an worked...

Let's hope the judges aren't familliar with coding as well (our challenge got two judges whereof one works at a bank as some guy whearing a suite and sponsoring stuff... Ao chances should be ok)

Honestly fuck this. Not one team (afaik) has pfoduced anything close to being finished...

*looks for some reviews of a dentist*
Yelp: ah yes we have that.
*Enters Yelp site*
"Oh noes, you have JavaScript disabled! You should enable it because it can make websites really cool (why does this seem like a front-end wank), gives you compliments when you had a bad day (fuck you Yelp), can save the world from tragedy on its own (does savetheworld.js exist yet?). But that you'll never realize anymore. Because YOU disabled JavaScript, filthy piece of shit you are. So enable JavaScript so that we can have so much more fun!"

Ah, not providing any content that I visited your shitty site for, guilt-tripping me into enabling JavaScript for your dribble, and on top of that saying that we'll have fun when I whitelist you. Fun ey.. you know what'd be fun Yelp? For me to go there and shove my dick into every one of your front-end and marketing cunts' faces until they turn blue. Now THAT would be a lot of fun!!!

Hey! You there!
Are you sick of windows 10 sending you intrusive reminders about updates? Are you tired of random unscheduled restarts? Tired of feeling like you have no control over your own computer?

Take back control!
DO THE FUCKING UPDATE, YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT, USELESS, LAZY, PIECE OF DRY WANK!

Seriously guys: pick a time convenient to you, and take 5 or 10 minutes (when you're likely spending hours at your computer), and do them. Not only will you get rid of the annoying notifications, but you'll also keep your pc safe and secure by keeping up with security patches. C'mon people, it's really not that difficult.

And can we please, for the love of all things holy, stop the circlejerking? You're developers, you are the computer proficient. The only things a PC will do are the things you tell it to do. Dig deep, dig into the registry, dig into the services manager, dig into the fucking settings cos a good number of the most common complaints can be fixed in the basic options menu. Tell your computer to stop doing the things you don't like and it will stop.

It's really not hard!

Just deployed version 0.0.1 of my holiday project to production.

It's a pie "attached" to some speakers, mounted below the kitchen cubord. So far it only runs a spotify connect on it and you're able to play music there while cooking/cleaning.

I'd actually like it to also be able to just play regular music, either from a smartphone or a computer in the network. (It's connected by wifi to our lan). Any advice on what software I could install on it to achive that? i'd prefere to enable it for devices on the lan and have bluetouth dissabled, but I'm actually not sure if that is even possible. So yeah any advice to that? Or any other things you'd install on it?

I know, that I need to do some "cable management" back there :P

if I would explain my sex life in code, it would be:

function wank () {
//I can't.
return null;
}

Biggest Coding distraction? Organizing an OpenAir music festival.

Curious. Who uses .jpeg instead of .jpg and is that because your software is defaulted that way. It just bugs me.

Rant: Wifi in Italian AirBnB, They use 3 wifi repeater to get internet from one house to the next, I guess you can imagine the speed

!dev && rant

Can we talk about banks? Those fuckers! Suposed to keep our money save and be competent... They today gave me the biggest scare of my live and I've run one an update query on a prod db without a where clause! (Okay I knew we had a backup but still pretty scarry moment!)

As a few know, besides being a dev I help to organize a small openair music festival here in Switzerland. The openair was this weekend. Every thing wen't well, until I checked our ebanking account today. There was only 2/3 of the money that should be there. A quick call to the bank and they told me, nope they never received it. As we've thrown it in a secure locker during the night, we didn't receive any receipt or something like that. It took those fuckers 3.5 hours to actually go and check the looker, just to find the remaining money in the corner of it. What the fuck people, can't you open your fucking eyes and not give me a fucking heartatack? I thought you guys are professionals!

Note locker: we get a key to open it from the outside, place our payment during the night, as soon as we close it, it falls inside a vault, so there it's a pay in only system, for lack of a better word, I called it locker.

My heart is still beating like mad, because of them.

Any alternative to Googles reCAPTCHA?

Backstory we have a contact form, in a bootstrap modal, loading the form as an ajax request. The form has (as of today) a captcha, as we where getting a lot of spam.

Guess what it does on safari? Right... It renders outside the modal and since there's no need for scrolling, bootstraps modal adds an overflow hidden to the body. Results in non submitable forms on some resolutions.

Any idea on how to fix this, or other captcha systems we could use (it's a Symfony app).

I just installed Opera Mini on my PSP. That alone isn't very exciting on its own, although I am stoked that my website does in fact render on a device from 2009. With the helpful guidance of a laptop from 2004 that's doing the hotspot duties for this thing.

No, what really got me stoked is that Opera still supports these old platforms, and how small they managed to make it. The .jar file for Opera Mini 4.5 is ~800kB large. There's a .jad file as well but it's negligible in size and seems to be a signature of sorts.

Let that sink in for a moment. This entire web browser is 800kB. Firefox meanwhile consistently consumes 800 MEGABYTES.. in MEMORY. So then, I went to think for a moment, how on earth did they manage to cram an entire functioning web browser in 800kB? Hell, what makes up a web browser anyway?

The answer to that question I got to is as follows. You need an engine to render the web page you receive. You need a UI to make the browser look nice. And finally you need a certificate store to know which TLS certificates to trust. And while probably difficult to make, I think it should be possible to do in 800k. Seriously, think about it. How would you go *make* a web browser? Because I've already done that in the past.

Earlier I heard that you need graphics, audio, wasm, yada yada backends too.. no. Give your head a shake. Graphics are the responsibility of the graphics driver. A web browser shouldn't dabble with those at all. Audio, you connect to PulseAudio (in Linux at least) and you're done. Hell I don't even care about ALSA or OSS here. You just connect to the stuff that does that job for you. And WebAssembly.. God I could rant about that shit all day. How about making it a native application? Not like actual Assembly is used for BIOS and low-level drivers. And that we already have a better language for the more portable stuff called C.

Seriously, think about it. Opera - a reputable browser vendor - managed to do it in 800kB on a 12 year old device. Don't go full wank on your framework shit on the comments. And don't you fucking dare to tell me that there's more to it. They did it for crying out loud. Now you take a look at your shitpile for JS code and refactor that shit already. Thank you.

Not as much of a rant as a share of my exasperation you might breathe a bit more heavily out your nose at.

My work has dealt out new laptops to devs. Such shiny, very wow. They're also famously easy to use.
.
.
.
My arse.
.
.
.
I got the laptop, transferred the necessary files and settings over, then got to work. Delivered ticket i, delivered ticket j, delivered the tests (tests first *cough*) then delivered Mr Bullet to Mr Foot.

Day 4 of using the temporary passwords support gave me I thought it was time to get with department policy and change my myriad passwords to a single one. Maybe it's not as secure but oh hell, would having a single sign-on have saved me from this.

I went for my new machine's password first because why not? It's the one I'll use the most, and I definitely won't forget it. I didn't. (I didn't.) I plopped in my memorable password, including special characters, caps, and numbers, again (carefully typed) in the second password field, then nearly confirmed. Curiosity, you bastard.

There's a key icon by the password field and I still had milk teeth left to chew any and all new features with.
Naturally I click on it. I'm greeted by a window showing me a password generating tool. So many features, options for choosing length, character types, and tons of others but thinking back on it, I only remember those two. I had a cheeky peek at the different passwords generated by it, including playing with the length slider. My curiosity sated, I closed that window and confirmed that my password was in.

You probably know where this is going. I say probably to give room for those of you like me who certifiably. did. not.

Time to test my new password.
*Smacks the power button to log off*
Time to put it in (ooer)
*Smacks in the password*
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

Whoops, typo probably.
Do it again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

No u.
Try again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

Try my previous password.
Well, SUCCESS... but actually, no.

Tried the previous previous password.
T O O M A N Y A T T E M P T S

Ahh fuck, I can't believe I've done this, but going to support is for pussies. I'll put this by the rest of the fire, I can work on my old laptop.

Day starts getting late, gotta go swimming soonish. Should probably solve the problem. Cue a whole 40 minutes trying my 15 or so different passwords and their permutations because oh heck I hope it's one of them.
I talk to a colleague because by now the "days since last incident" counter has been reset.

"Hello there Ryan, would you kindly go on a voyage with me that I may retrace my steps and perhaps discover the source of this mystery?"

"A man chooses, a slave obeys. I choose... lmao ye sure m8, but I'm driving"

We went straight for the password generator, then the length slider, because who doesn't love sliding a slidey boi. Soon as we moved it my upside down frown turned back around. Down in the 'new password' and the 'confirm new password' IT WAS FUCKING AUTOCOMPLETING. The slidey boi was changing the number of asterisks in both bars as we moved it. Mystery solved, password generator arrested, shit's still fucked.

Bite the bullet, call support.
"Hi, I need my password resetting. I dun goofed"
*details tech support needs*
*It can be sorted but the tech is ages away*
Gotta be punctual for swimming, got two whole lengths to do and a sauna to sit in.
"I'm off soon, can it happen tomorrow?"
"Yeah no problem someone will be down in the morning."

Next day. Friday. 3 hours later, still no contact. Go to support room myself.
The guy really tries, goes through everything he can, gets informed that he needs a code from Derek. Where's Derek? Ah shet. He's on holiday.

There goes my weekend (looong weekend, bank holiday plus day flexi-time) where I could have shown off to my girlfriend the quality at which this laptop can play all our favourite animé, and probably get remind by her that my personal laptop has an i2350u with integrated graphics.

TODAY. (Part is unrelated, but still, ugh.)
Go to work. Ten minutes away realise I forgot my door pass.
Bollocks.
Go get a temporary pass (of shame).
Go to clock in. My fob was with my REAL pass.
What the wank.
Get to my desk, nobody notices my shame. I'm thirsty. I'll have the bottle from my drawer. But wait, what's this? No key that usually lives with my pass? Can't even unlock it?
No thanks.

Support might be able to cheer me up. Support is now for manly men too.
*Knock knock*
"Me again"
"Yeah give it here, I've got the code"
He fixes it, I reset my pass, sensibly change my other passwords.
Or I would, if the internet would work.

It connects, but no traffic? Ryan from earlier helps, we solve it after a while.

My passwords are now sorted, machine is okay, crisis resolved.

*THE END*

If you skipped the whole thing and were expecting a tl;dr, you just lost the game.

Otherwise, I absolve you of having lost the game.

Exactly at the char limit

Who remembers winamp? Well... We still use it in our bar once a year

Backstory: I help to organize a small openair festival once a year and to finance that we run (amongst other things) a bar once a year.

Music is still supplied by good old winamp! The nostalgia is strong.

I wanna have 8 arms.

Two to rip heads off.

Two to tear people apart.

Two to wank.

Two to code.

All at the same time, best.

I was just writing a long rant about how my rant style changed, and how I could fix anything that annoys me in a heartbeat by just putting my mind to implementing a change. Then YouTube once again paused the synth mix that was playing on my laptop in the background, with that stupid "Video paused. Continue watching?" pop-up. I even installed an add-on for it in Firefox to make it automatically click that away. I guess that YouTube did yet another bullshit update to break that, for "totally legitimate user interface improvements" or whatever. Youtube-dl faces similar challenges all the time, and it's definitely not alone in that either. I also had issues with that on Facebook when I wanted to develop on top of that, where the UI changes every other day and the API even changes every other week. And as far as backwards compatibility goes, our way or the highway!

So I did the whole "replace and move on" type of thing. I use youtube-dl often now to get my content off YouTube into a media player that doesn't fuck me over for stupid reasons like "ad fraud" (I use an ad blocker you twats, what ads am I gonna fraud against), or "battery savings" (the damn laptop is plugged in and fully topped up for fucks sake, and you do this crap even on desktop computers). Gee I wonder why creators are moving on to Floatplane and Nebula nowadays, and why people like yours truly use "highly illegal" youtube-dl. Oh and thank you for putting me in Saudi Arabia again. Pinnacle of data mining, machine learning and other such wank could not do GeoIP. for a server that used to be in a datacenter in Italy for years, and recently has been moved to another hosting provider in Germany. It's about as unchanging and static, and as easy to geolocate as you can possibly get. But hey, kill off another Google+ when?

Like seriously, yes I'm taking your Foobar challenges and you may very well be the company I end up working for. But if anything it feels like there's a shitton of stuff to fix. And the challenges themselves still using Python 2.7 honestly feels like the seldom seen tip of the iceberg.

Master/Slave
Fuck you guys. Honestly most of the rants i've read concerning python and their abolishme t of sait terms where fucking butthurt. "What virgin suggested this", "people shouldn't be offended, it's just a name" and so on.

I do agree with every one saying a name shouldn't matter (readability is a different story! However parent/child or producer/consumer IMHO preserve that). So why are you fucking offended when it is changed to parent/child or produver/consumer? Does it affect you in any way? You know there's the `sed` command, plus IntelliJ (and most other IDEs) have a quite good support for renaming/refactoring stuff.

By reacting this way, by beeing offended all you do is proving the point. Words can offend people. I personally don't care how it's called. So far I always used master/slave and didn't think twice about it. But then again if someone of my coworkers or friends would feel threatened by these words, I try to avoid them. Naming diesn't matter to me, nor the compiler. So fuck, if it makes people happy or feeling save then lets change it.

What the fuck do you gain by sticking to those terms anyways?

I fucking hate the Internet

day before Yesterday, I was searching for a software on internet(which is not free) I found a site (unofficial) giving me both free full & trial version. so I thought, why not get the full version. I downloaded it, installed it. awesome.

everything was going great until I found out that all of my files in a folder were encrypted by some WankDecrypt. I was lucky the files in that folder were useless. but next day some mysterious links started to pop up into my browser. and today some fucking wank decentralized shit started eating up my ram. FML

Somebody fucking stuck his shit with cracked version of software. so beware devs.

Where to look for an UI/UX person?

Backstory: I currently work at a small startup. So far our website is just a bootstrap theme, slaped together by myself, so you could say, it's far from optimal. Especially on mobile devices.

Where would you guys look for a UI/UX person? Probably on a freelance basis. Did you have good expiriences in the past with a particular site/service?

Rant
I'm a CS student at a university in the global top 10. We currently have two courses using Java, where we have to submit our work to a judge program. One of them is running Java 7. the second one Java 6! Come on, what year is it? Just update your fucking software and the assignments, you lazy fucks!

First rant. Am I doing this right?

No need to think small when you have eternity to work with. Right now I am building a network operating system, something I've started around 2 years ago. I expect to have an installable and more or less usable system in maybe a few more years.

When I would have an eternity to work with, I'd first look to make our planet redundant. It's insane to imagine that we only have this blue marble to work with, while we have a fireball of hell as a neighbor in our cosmic neighborhood. What even happened there? I'd like to find out. Granted Musk is already figuring out Mars, and he has the money for it while I don't. I don't like the man all that much (too much marketing wank) but hey, at least he's got us covered there.

Maybe one day we could live forever. Maybe we could map and upload our minds. Maybe we could replace our entire body with synthetic components when the frail meat-based components inevitably fail. Perhaps it could even happen in our lifetime, at the pace technology is progressing at. If and when that happens, sign me up!

SHIT. Power cut, don't know yet how much code lost, train of thought destroyed. 2 hours to wait to find out. Time for a 4g wank methinks.

Happy first of may, happy international worker fight day to all the devs out there. Unighted we stand, duvided we fall

#feature
On the 9Gag Android app, you can "scroll" up and down by using the volume up/down, if the music isn't playing. (I think you have to enable this in the setings).

I find this quite convinient, and would love to this here too.

@dfox and @trogus

What the fuck! Just witnesed this at university. The guy in question is in the same cs course as me. Using edge, okay. But searching for a picture on google (a icon in that case), copy it to memory, open powerpoint, paste it, manipulate the color aellsettings to make it gray and then save it from powerpoint? That's not how you fucking do it! Fucker!

Bonjour Paris

!dev && !rant

@dfox and @trogus my so was like, wait... Is this like a thing to complain? That's awesome!
Wait let me guess it's for developers only, right? Why can't we normal people have this? :O

Do you remember how they say, you won't notice how much you miss something, until it's gone? Well this Island (Guadeloupe) is as beautiful as it can be! However the internet connection sucks. Big time!

Plus the humidity killed my laptop (or at least part of the keyboard including the keys I need for the partition unlock, which means no laptop until I'm home and replaced the keyboard.

I didn't bring it for work but to be able to look up stuff, maybee write some (non dev) stuff and such...

But to be honest since this vacation is so relaxing, I'm not even really mad. Strange.

The algorithm strikes again

!rant this is just a shoutout, how fucking happy I am. Clean code valued over fast but hacky push of features!

Backstory. I work for a startup. Long story short a guy with an idea needed a developer. I've worked for about a year without pay but now since we're live I get paid. Recently a new field of bussiness came up. I told tge guy with the idea (a.k.a. my boss) that we either could just "hack" the current code to just make it "fit" well kind of... Or refactor our main code base, as requirements where changing at least monthly and we just built on top of the monolith.
Don't get me wrong. It still isn't perfect. However I was able to refactor the main business logic for the last few days, as he understood, it's an investment into the future.
Good guy!

P.S. On another note: happiness or happyness? :O

Couldnt fix a bug that conflicted with an unrelated codebase. A 1 in a million issue on github.

Had a wank.

Bug fixed, pushed, and deployed 30 minutes later.

Talking in buzz words is just a substitute for wanking, but without actually creeping the shit out of people by pulling out your wank organs.

VPS offline. Heartbroken.

I've found this tutorial on getting a google free android phone (tl;dr: lineageos, fdroid&yalp, etc.)

It probably isn't news for most of us in here, however a handy beginner friendly guide to give to friends and relatives.

The downside: it's in german.

I hate Xcode so fricking much!
I hate Macs in general, and trying to export for iOS.
So convoluted, counter-intuitive.
And cocoapods? WTF are they?!

Visual Studio, Android Studio + Flutter is so easy: "flutter build" ....done!
But YOU, you fucking xcode peice of wank....are summink ELSE!

When things align...

!dev && rant
Any stargate fans on here? Can we talk like one minute about stargate origins? It's like. I mean. Fuck. Is it really that bad or am I missing a huge part?

WTF?!? so apparently I guy I know, knows the guy who built dodeley.com (don't get me started on the name!)

Oh boy... Where should I begin? So besides the fact that I'm pretty sure these newsletters will be classified as spam (aites like mailchimp and so on actually pay large mail providers not to classify them as spam, I doubt they do...), their so called "widget" is just a form, sent to their domain using GET, FUCKING GET, NOT POST, GET!!! The request looks something like "dodeley.com/?action=subscribe&id=xxx&field1=xxx&..." I mean like, WTF? Oh and their solution to not leave the page is simply to add a target="_blank" to the form, that you have to include on your site.

Did I mention, that the form id is static? Did I mention, that there's no validation on what you enter?

Who the fuck programmed this shit? Honestly!

A friend of mine wants to start learn HTML/CSS/JS and ask me where to start.
Since I started to write them more than 10 years ago, I have no clue where to start, what good ressources are today and so on.

Therefore: what would you recommend, I recommend her?

Devops is an HR/management wank-word.

Of course we all know that devops is a lean, next generation, best-practice, shifting focus towards actionable items to facilitate value added integration and synergy between two key silos of the company.

Done and redone but it's been a long time coming and it's my turn : fuck you StackOverflow.

I've been a member for a few years, and I hate the elitist idiotic community. Some people are there to help, most of them are just there to wank on their reputation.

Whenever you ask a question that is tiny bit specific, you are almost certain to have a vote to close it because "it's too vague" -even though I spent 30mn writing it with comprehensive examples, clean formatting and other users understood it perfectly as demonstrated by their comments trying to help- or any other reason that scream "I didn't understand the question or don't have the answer therefore it's a bad question"

If you are "lucky", a power user will just mark it as duplicate of another question that barely uses the same stack as yours and has one keyword in common because this illiterate fuck couldn't bother to read the full question detailing why it's not a duplicate but, oh surprise, the question they referred yours too already has an accepted answer by themselves. Abusing their reputation-bestowed powers to reference themselves for some more reputation.

Now that I am over 1k in reputation and have all 3 colours of badges, it seems like it warrants a bit more attention from the swarm and it doesn't happen as often. Which is appalling in itself, basically if you don't have enough shinys, your are considered a worthless piece of crap barely tolerated to ask questions.

The fact that big reputation users have so much power and can absolutely not be held accountable for their abusive behaviour is a recipe for power abuse

Has anyone expirience with hacksplaining.com? Is it any good? (Just stumbled upon)

Not sure if I love or hate haskell... It's awesome, but then again the syntax is so fucking confusing...

Fucking finaly I'm back on devRant after my phone decided to die during the weekend. But why the fuck do I get a light theme again? @dfox, could you save the preferences in the profile? Or at least display the options on first start? :*

Fuck I wish I knew what to do about low motivation!!! I have some ideas I think are really great, some that might be profitable, and fuck I just don’t do any of them. I spend more time panicking about what to do than anything else. But damn so much time wasted when I just needed a little guidance or a little planning or a little like less than $100 more money. That frustrates me to no end.

There’s so much bullshit to everything. This does follow up to my wk106 rant, where I’m trying to rationalize the tons of code that are behind the smallest features. How many thousands of builds go into a deploy. Just swallowing how much rite in software.

I feel like a failure at my job at times but what sucks is I’m just in the middle. Not the most experienced dev, not the least. I’ve got my feet wet in a number of things, but not a solid enough stack for a lot.

BUT SOMEHOW I GOTTA BE MOTIVATED TO LEARN. FFS I CAN DO BETTER BUT MY INSIDE IS BROKEN SOMETIMES AND I JUST WANK OFF FUCK GET IT TOGETHER.

Yea, I fight with myself a lot. I have a big ego and I’m a piece of shit at the same time. Idk. That is annoying too. If only I could get really motivated and focused on some of these projects I could do amazing things. I’ve never struggled with a subject I applied myself to. I just wasn’t motivated. I don’t know how to fix it and I wish I did. I also don’t know what the end game for me holds.

This whole complex really scares me for later life. I will have regrets because my mind builds impossible plans for good, but if I achieve any of it I WILL THINK damn I should have not dealt with this and done x. Like I could make world peace but be like damn coulda rebuilt cars or some stupid shit.

So I’ll conclude with that I’ve done a lot of jobs around the house, and yes working with drywall sucks. So sometimes I’ll think about that. But damn. That doesn’t last because I know I can do it well if I apply myself.

All this leads to getting overextended which is another huge motivation killer. I’m trying to learn self control and focus. But also I need small victories along the way. Very annoying.

Well at least I was motivated to finish this rant. I have a few weekly rants I wanted to participate in but couldn’t even find the motivation for that. There was a toxic person in my life then and I’m slowly getting back to normal but I know that even normal me struggles with motivation. Plus that toxic person was my friend and I’ve lost a lot of (long term) friends recently and that is a real drag. But they needed to go. But I wish they had just shut up sometimes then they wouldn’t have been so toxic. But I digress.

I know I have so many ideas I can’t do them all even if I am motivated and for some time is of the essence.

So look out for some collabs. And grab that motivation wherever you can find it.

I'm visiting st. Petersburg in russia. Any devRanters living there? Or can anyone reccomend stuff?

So I just saw a post on Facebook about a "Serverless Function as a Service on Kubernetes". Could someone give me eye bleach please?

I really can't wait after Scoped Storage and how goddamn slow it is, to have a "glorified microservice" take 5 minutes to spin up a container, just to do something silly like printing a hello world. In the post it was apparently showing a QR code.. that's it. A fucking QR code, because remember it's just a function.

A whole fucking operating system that goes up and back down, just to run a goddamn fucking function!!!

@dfox I saw a few posts lately, about websites that people did. So besides the collabs, I'd like to suggest a new section. "DevReviews" or what ever. The basical idea is, every one, that is signed up gets one "token" devRant ++ suporters maybee an additional free token every months or whatever.
If you wan't your website reviewed, you can post it there and people reviewing it will get such a token for their review.
To ensure a certain quality of the reviews, I'd put a minimum caracter length and a "dispute" function, where the review is taken to a community voting, if the person giving the review should get the token, or if the review should be dismissed. Additional "tokens" for additional/more reviews can be bought through the app, that could help a lot of devs get quality reviews and testing and earn you some $ for the servers.

FUCK YOU NODE JS AND FUCL YOU SYNOLOGY

Decided to give an old Synology DiskStation that sits at home slme new life besides just sharing files. Since Synology has SSH but not a full Linux OS, installed DebianChroot (so far so good). At one point I needed Node JS, so installed NVM and tried to install Node. Well guess what didn't work. Tried a few more things including directly downlosding node from the official node website. Trying different versions, the whole drill.

After about 5 hours of installing and errors, well really usfull errors like "There where 2 errors during installation" WELL HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING TELL ME WHAT THE ERROR IS YOU FUCKING FUCK!

I found a formum wkith a guy haveing similar problems. Able to install legacy 0.10.x versions but not 4.x.x. Or 6.x.x oder whatever. He found that you have to have at least an ARMv6 compatible processor, otherwise it won't run. Checked it and well, that old fuck of mine only has ARMv5. FUCK! But honestly. You detect it's an ARM architecture. You detect it's not one of the v6 or v7, you try to install the general arm version, BUT YOU DON'T GET THE FUCKING IDEA TO MENTION TO CHECK WAHAT VERSION YOU HAVE AND IF THAT IS SUPORTED BY FUCKING NODE!

One afternoon wasted, at least I got a little more wisdom. Fuck do I hate Node now. On the bright side, I've ordered a Raspberry Pi and two cases for Harddisks, I'll create my own diskstation with blackjack and hookers (I realy hope you get that reference)! Fuck you Synology and Node JS (yeah yeah, it's not Synologies fault, but I'm mad anyways!)

I work for an investment wank. Worked for a few. The classic setup - it's like something out of a museum, and they HATE engineers. You are only of value if work on the trade floor close to the money.

They treat software engineering like it's data entry. For the local roles they demand x number of years experience, but almost all roles are outsourced, and they take literally ANYONE the agency offers. Most of them can't even write a for loop. They don't know what recursion is.

If you put in a tech test, the agency cries to a PMO, who calls you a bully, and hires the clueless intern. An intern or two is great, if they have passion, but you don't want a whole department staffed by interns, especially ones who make clear they only took this job for the money. Literally takes 100 people to change a lightbulb. More meetings and bullshit than development.

The Head of Engineering worked with Cobol, can't write code, has no idea what anyone does, hates Agile, hates JIRA. Clueless, bitter, insecure dinosaur. In no position to know who to hire or what developers should be doing. Randomly deletes tickets and epics from JIRA in spite, then screams about deadlines.

Testing is the same in all 3 environments - Dev, SIT, and UAT. They have literally deployment instructions they run in all 3 - that is their "testing". The Head of Engineering doesn't believe test automation is possible.

They literally don't have architects. Literally no form of technical leadership whatsoever. Just screaming PMOs and lots of intern devs.

PMO full of lots of BAs refuses to use JIRA. Doesn't think it is its job to talk to the clients. Does nothing really except demands 2 hour phone calls every day which ALL developers and testers must attend to get shouted at. No screenshare. Just pure chaos. No system. Not Agile. Not Waterfall. Just spam the shit out of you, literally 2,000 emails a day, then scream if one task was missed.

Developers, PMO, everyone spends ALL day in Zoom. Zoom call after call. Almost no code is ever written. Whatever code is written is so bad. No design patterns. Hardcoded to death. Then when a new feature comes in that should take the day, it takes these unskilled devs 6 months, with PMO screaming like a banshee, demanding literally 12 hours days and weekends.

Everything on spreadsheets. Every JIRA ticket is copy pasted to Excel and emailed around, though Excel can do this.

The DevOps team doesn't know how to use Jenkins or GitHub.

You are not allowed to use NoSQL database because it is high risk.

Why the fuck can't I switch fuckimg tabs in the Ubuntu terminal with the fucking keybord? I use the terminal, my hands are both on the keyboard not on the fucking mouse! Fuck!
(If there is a shortcut, please let me know)

Who cares what you use, stop making the same discussions over and over again on LinkedIn on what is better and using who can wank the hardest as a scale.

Youtube UX on iPhone. Fucking annoying! In fact google or alphabet have completely disengaged with the user on virtually everything. It's not a game, people have to actually use this shit.

!dev random question vacation

So this is completly non dev and off topic. A friend and I will spend our vacation (2 weeks in september) in Guadeloupe (french oversea department). Both of us speake some french and we've got a rental car.

Has any one of you ever been there (or lives there) and could give us some advice on what to do/where to go?
We also plan to go scuba diving, which we'll probably do on the western side of basse-terre.

Shit
Shit
Shit
Fucking shit
Wank

Fucking exams... I could realy use a stress ball now :P

Bugreport @dfox or @trogus

On the Android app, comment a rant and remove it (modify -> delete). After that the last comment before your's will go all the way to the bottom, instead of having a "spacer" for the social buttons.

Can anyone confirm it?

So my first computer... My dad got a Laptop somewhere around 96-97 for work as he had to travel a lot abroad. He also used to take work home and work there in the evening or on weekends. I kindof asked if I could play with it and he just opened defragmenting and I loved the animation. At least I think it had some animation. I know another computer I got later had it. However like the second or third time he left me alone with it, I decided to find something else and somehow managed to instead of defragment the hd, format it. Or atleast delete like a few folders on it. However that game was "lame", so I went out to play with a friend, as the computer wouldn't respond after some time. I've never seen him as angry as when I got home.
Long story short, me and my brother soon got our own computer, like a really " old" one the company where my aunt worked sold. It didn't had a cd rom drive, just a 3.5 and a bigger drive. My dad later took the big tape out and replaced it with a cd rom drive. It ran win95 I think. And we later upgraded it to 98

Question & Android

Is there a way on android to limit what apps are allowed to use mobile data and what are only allowed to use wifi?

Fuck this dieing pice of cheap chinese android crap. Sure it was anly 250 bucks, but holy hell... I could deal with the software side... Android 6 isn't the newest but eh...
But now the fucking hardware is failing too... To be more precise the buttons seam to randomly fire, which is really fucking annoying. Sometimes when both back and the other button fire the touch screen even joins the party of triggering touches in the right upper corner... Why the fuck ever.

Just ordered a pixel 3a, your days are counted fucking piece of trash!
Had to order the new one to a mailbox in germany though, as google doesn't ship them to switzerland (and the few retailers who import them charge like 130 bucks more, so paying the 5€ pickup fee will be a lot cheaper...)

Any Symfony expert here? I've got quite a tricky question, that I'd love to disqus with another dev.

It's about twig within symfony. I'd like to add a custom node parser, but not for an own tag, but to set some value on each template if it's not set (which can't be done with globals in this case!). I've thought about using a visitor, but from my understanding it gets executed to late, as it requires (probably) to modify the twig AST at compile/parse time.

!rant

Any devs from Scotland here? A few friends and I are planing to visit Scotland. We'll hike down from Buckie to Perth and then continue on to Edinburgh.
Any advice on good pubs or sight seing stuff is appriciated (:
Cheers a Swiss dev.

They want you to go paperless (cos it saves them shit loads of money, and the shareholders like to count it all day long) not for environmental reasons. But their shitty, flakey online banking system is always down or having technical problems. Fucking sort it out!

Question: when modeling a language using a nondeterministic finite state machine, do I have to add a "trash" state, if a deterministic one would need one or can it just be obmited and if so why?

Has any one here experience with 99designs.com? If so good/bad? Would you recommend it? Why/why not? And are there alternatives/what else would you use?

Question to the frontend devs: I'm currently trying to optimize part of our JS. How do sourcemaps influence loading/rendering Speed in the Browser?

In the `webpack.config.js` we use uglify as minimizer for js. It has the option `sourceMap` Set to `true`. Now as I understand it, this caused it to Inline a sourcemap inside the JS file (which leads to a slightly bigger file size and thus longer load time for the generated file...).

My Question: should sorcemaps be enabled for prod (minified) files? Why yes, why no? Do they help the browser parse the JS faster?

Question about permission in `docker-compose`

So far, I've usually used vagrant for local dev. It was nice, as I was able to specify `wack:wack` as owner of all files. However with docker compose, if I connect with exec and use `/bin/bash` I'm logged in as `root`. When I then run composer, it kind of fucks with the file permissions, as after it all new files are owned by root and thus can't be edited with an ide on the "host" system.

One hack that I found suggested creating an user and a group with same uid as on the host and use that instead of root. This just doesn't sound right to me. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

Anyone at starthack.ch in St. Gallen, Switzerland?

Fucking MQTT, go suck some dicks! Can't get that pice of shit to work, sending connect and publish works like a charm but somehow I won't get an acknowledge message which means the publish doesn't go through!
On the brigt side: another oportunity to fire up wireshark and compare my software to other tools.

Anyone expirienced wit MQTT or thingstream.io

P.s. there support also can go and choke on some dicks!

Asking for a friend: Well actually a friend asked me (since "I'm good with computers", you know it ;)) and no real solution came to my mind, so I thought, why not ask the internet

Anyways. She's an artist and does a project (kind of a documentation) about the Egyptian revolution. She currently lives in Europe but still has her Egypian passport. As an Egyptian national, she fears, that she could be holden back for a while and have her laptop/external HD with all the photos/videos/interviews confiscated and/or searched. She asked me for help to have a "backup solution".

The requirements: a way to backup work (from a mac) to a secure location (I would offer my server running linux for it).
The upload would have to be encrypted (if possible, I suggested to use a VPN, is this enough?)
Access to the files should only be granted if you have the propper password (in my opinion the VPN tunnel should work here too, as when it's down, you can't just reopen it without a password.

What are your thoughts on this?

Currently I own a Lenovo Thinkpad which I bought in 2013. As it is aging, I'm thinking about a replacement. Where would you buy a new laptop, constraints:
- Swiss keyboard (or Option to swap it for one)
- compatible with Linux (prefered if there's a option without Windows pre instaled)
- NVMe SSD
- good battery live
- abillity to upgrade the RAM in the future

I've been looking at System76 now for a while, but since I've worked with Swiss keyboards for the last 12 years, I don't want to switch to an en_us layout...

So where do you buy your laptops?

As always IE and Edge holding back progress. Dying to use CSS variables but can't because of these 2 wank browsers. Once this is fully supported it should wipe out the need for pre-processors (IMHO). Not that I feel the need to use pre-processors anyway.

Don’t fight it, sleep/wank. Try again tomorrow.

Wank UX, shit that follows you as you scroll. Fuck off.

!rant
For a project we have to formulate political viewpoints and laws about digitalisation. It's not for a computerscience class, but for a additional class on politics. We have to formulate laws or guidlines/goals for the politicians to work towards in regards to "digitalisation" for the society/country we would like to live in.

For example stuff like "there should be net neutrality to guarantee free information and equal oportunities for all" and such stuff or "programing should be taught in school to prepare people for the economy of tomorrow" so it isn't limited to anything.

If you where a kind of king/ruler/what ever, what policy (in regard to "digitalisation") would you define and why? (Note: they doesn't have to be realistic for now. They shouldn't end in a dystopian future, but in a "better" future for all of humanity.)

What I thought of so far would be:
- Government use and promote Opensource and practice Opendata
- strong rights to privacy, you can request your data and demand it being deleted
- basic programing/IT education in school
- "reschool" program for people currently in the workforce that want to learn new things
- develope a policy on AI
- promote that Computer Science isn't just for boys but for every one
- less working hours per week due to automatisation/splitting the work among the whole population/basic income

*yes I'm lazy, thanks for doing part of my project ;)

!rant
I'll move in with my girlfriend in August. So it's time to get a cleaning robot!
To either iRobot Roomba or Neato Botvac.

Which would you suggest and why? From the readings I've done so far, when it's about performance it's Roomba 980 >= Botvac Connected > Roomba 880, but then again the Roomba 980 is a lot more expensive.

Is there a dev, as lazy as I am with hands on expirience?

Note: there will be only a small carpet below the table in the living room and the appartment will have 4 rooms: living, sleeping, kitchen and bath. As the house is a little older, there's a "obstacle" the doors between the rooms to climb of about 1cm.

Thanks for suggestions in advance. On another note: I'm planing to get connected lightbulps and speakers, so we'll be able to control most of the stuf from our smartphones. So far I don't see any advantages, incorporating a vacuum bot in there, as long as you can set a scedule, any thoughts on that?

How do you restore partial data from a mysql backup? Don't worry, nothing is wrong, I'm just thinking about how would I restore something if shit hits the fan.

Our current strategy for database backups is to just run mysqldump during the night, using a cronjob (feel freue to suggest a better way ;))

1) Restoring the full db: just read that sql file into the mysql command.

2) Restoring just one (or some) tables: open the file in an IDE, just select the lines you're after, copy them to a new file, read that one (possible issues: let's say we have a table B to which entries of table A are related and we just want to restore table A. We can't nuke table B too, as also table C is refering to it, so we have to do some orphant removal in B afterwards)

3) Restoring selected entries in specific tables: setup a new db, read the full backup in there, dump these entries to a new file and read that into the real db

How do you so it? Any better aproaches/tools?

What the holy fuck! Resharper is fucking dog shit! I've never used it before and just had to install for a new job. Visual studio was running great on my machine with 32GB ram and i7 processor. Installed resharper and it just doesn't work. How the fuck does anyone get any work done when it takes literally seconds to register a click! I get it's features are impressive but it means fuck all if it stops me working

So I've backed font awesome 5 a while back at kickstarter. I've linked my github account to the repo. Now my mailbox get spamed by their issues.

Question: is there a way to deactivate mail notification for a single repo?
So far i found:
- disable all github mails (nope)
- unwatch the repo (would work, but I just want to disable the emails, as they make up 50% of my daily inbox)

Question: what do you think of Flutter? Ever tried it? It sounds good so far, although it has limmited support (as far as I can tell)

Anyone at BIOTS2018@ETHZ?

Something I can never ask in real life or in the workplace but curious to know wether women have a ‘wank bank’ or is it exclusively a male thing. Oh and Wordpress is total shite.

TL;DR: what salary would you give a mid or senior Symfony fullstack dev. What would you ask during interviews?

We're currently looking into hiring a fullstack Symfony dev, focus on frontend. Expirience wise it should be a mid to senior role, as I'm the only other dev. We're looking for someone remote, so don't really care where they're comming from.

What salary would you deam apropriate? And what would you ask them in an interview? Any other things to consider?

Any advice on a Symfony update to 4.x? It once was a 2.x which I've updated in the past to 3.3 any pitfalls to keep in mind when upgrading to 4.x?

Everything I do these days tends to be under duress, and it never gets done properly. shit.fuck.twat.wank.bastards.

It was back in 2010, they told me to build a simple CRUD system, habe me 2 hours, just to see the code structure/style.

Was it hard? No! I handed it in after 30min, the remaining time I got to talk to the devs. Was nice. No bullshit, no whiteboard, just a laptop and an IDE.

How would you call this role? Product Owner? Graphics Designer?, Both? Neither?

I work for a small startup besides university and we do need a person responsible for how site looks. But then again we also need a product owner for the frontend. So why not combine these roles? A person who's responsable as product owner for all the frontend related bits plus does the designing. Initially this person would work with just one frontend dev, possibly more over time.

Question:
- How would you call this role/job?
- What would be an appropriate salary?
- How would you evaluate an application to this role?

How to find a graphics designer/agency? We're currently looking for a graphics designer for a redesign of one of our pages, sure there's 99designs.com and stuff, but we're looking for either a person or agency to be able to go through multiple itterations and develop a good UX with them.

So the question is, where to find that? Preferably in the DACH region (Germany/Austria/Switzerland) as we're Swiss based ourselfes

Is GraphQL worth it? It promisses to keep some load away from backend programmers but what about this scenario:
There's a list of items with scroll load/infinite scroll. There can be several filters as well as the Option to change the ordering of the list items.
With "traditional" REST, I'll hit the DB with one request, get the data in the right order to the backend, might itterate over it once to add additional information, cache the result in Redis/Memcache and send it off.
Using GraphQL, the frontend has to load all entries first, sort them in JS (which probably is slow on mobile devices), and then display it. No matter how "expensive" the query is, there's no caching.

Is that about it? Did I get something backwards?

Resume read and review day! After going through nears as makes no difference 70 applications I have a grand total of 18 fuckwits who refer to themselves in the third person.

Julian has experience working with multi-disiplinary teams...

Danielle found her career path and professional purpose cultivating interests in digital communication...

TOO MANY WANK WORDS

!dev
Wanted to get a haircut. My normal barber closed, so I just went to the closest one where arabic looking guys are working (as they are usually amazing with beards...) And you wouldn't belive it...
You need to schedule an apointment! Not just walk in, get offered something to drink, wait your turn and crack stupid jokes with the waiting guys...
Fuck!

i5 vs. i7?
My old laptop is dying and I've started to look for a replacement. I am used to have an i7 processor, my dev env consists of either vagrant and a VM or a docker-compose env. Plus I use JetBrains IDE. Mostly I do webdev, so not that much compiling going on, however often I need a VM with Windows to have Photoshop or Illustrator running...

So I guess the question is: Is there a notable difference between an i5 and an i7 for development?

I've been asked to write a job ad for a frontend developer, as I have never don that, what would you write in there? And what are usual salaries for frontend devs? Also what would you ask them in an interview? What kind of coding challenges would you give them? Also we're not looking for a "code monkey" only but that person should also be responsible for jow everything looks (like the design and UI/UX of the site). How would you call that position? I've for now put "Frontend UI/UX Web-Developer" there.

!rant, so I'm trying to decide on what caching system I should use. It's for a PHP app, using Symfony as framework, tlgether with Doctrine for DB. The caches in Question are memcached, APCu or redis.

The goal: speed shit up.

The app currently uses Symfony 2.8 and is hosted on a single server (so no distributed system is needed). I'd currently opt for APCu, but more since it's not distributed, there won't be an overhead from that. A nice thing about memcached would be the abillity to store user seeions, even if we would decide to have multiple servers in the future.

What would you reccomend and why?

!rant && advise
I have some expirience working as full stack developer, but focussed latly mainly on backend (php/java). However for one project, I need a desktop application and I was wondering, if you would recommend electron for it.
Pros:
- I could reuse some of the webapp stuff and cache it offline using web workers
- Styling done via HTML/CSS
- Portable between Linux/Windows/Mac
Cons:
- I haven't worked (much) with node js so far, but that shouldn't be a too big problem

What are the pros and cons from your point of view? Would you recommend electron? Why yes, why no? If no, what would you reccomend as alternative?

My knowledge so far:
Good: PHP/Java (without GUI)/CSS
Quite good: Javascript
Meh: Python (I can hack things together but wouldn't say I'm good with it...), C++

Any one running Symfony on a Docker container in production? I currently try to migrate our dev env to a docker compose setup (from a "monolith" vagrant vm). I'm atually not stuck at a Symfony specific thing, but on a, I guess Docker specific one(?), The issue is, I need to read and write with two users to one folder (in my case the /application/var/cache folder). Since I mount my whole code into the docker container (to use an IDE on the local files), I've got a volume (not mounted to the outside world) for that folder. (As far, as good). Now this folder is owned by root and root is also the user I get when I enter the container. When I then run a cli script, that writes to this folder, every thing works (as it's run by root) and the resulting entries in the cache dir are owned by root. Trouble starts when the php fpm process tries to write stuff in there too (as it's run by www-data).
If I add `USER www-data` (or create a new user foobar and add `USER foobar`) the container exits with status 0

So I guess the question is, is anyone running an Symfony app on Docker in Prod, if so how do you solve this? Or another question would be what is the best practice to do this? Sure on dev I could just `chmod 777` the whole folder or run the php-fpm process as root, but if that thing ever goes to prod, I wouldn't sleep very well...

How to use git rebase when working with master and staging branch?

It might be a stupid question, but I really like the idea of creating a feature branch, work on it, if there are multiple commits squash them, rebase in top of master and then create a pull request from that branch to master.
It keeps the gut log pretty clean.

However, how would you do this, when not only working with a master branch but a staging/testing too?
Would you just rebase onto staging, merge to staging and when everything is fine, rebase onto master and merge again? Is there a netter way?