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Classmate: Oh, are you programming? You know, I'm a really great programmer... You can practically call me a hacker, because of my skills. I can't brag much, because I'm too modest for that.
Me: Cool! What languages do you know?
Classmate: I know how to use scratch.
Me: ...16 -
Never let your computer know that you are in hurry. Computers can smell fear. They slow down if they know that you are running out of time.
8 -
Boss: Who knows VB?
Me: I once wrote a calculator
Boss: Good enough! You will edit the companies biggest VB Application.
Lesson learned. When your Boss asks if you know a programming language you do not really know, you are like John Snow: Know nothing7 -
Interviewer : "Do you know SQL ?"
Me : "Yes sir. I know SQL and I prefer NoSQL."
Interviewer : "So you know SQL and you don't want to do it for our company ?? This is arrogant !! "9 -
This happened right before lunch.
Me: hey, what languages do you know?
Classmate: i know python that's pretty much it. What abou...
Random fella: ...-yOU cAn TalK SnekK?!?!?!4 -
Fun fact: The word "sudo" in Spanish means "I sweat", which, in colloquial speech, can also mean "I don't give a fuck"7
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Pretending you know a programming language because you've written a Hello World in it is just like pretending you know a real-world language because you know how to say "Hello" in it.10
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*reads JSON license*
"The Software shall be used for Good, not Evil."
Well that's actually a nice license.. if only nuclear research etc could be licensed like that.
Wait actually.. WanBLowS is using XML for its "diagnostic data", right? I always found it so weird that they don't use JSON for that.. but I guess that this is why 🙃20 -
HW issue causing blue screens? Windows' fault.
Driver bug? Windows' fault.
A program crashing? Windows' fault.
"Forced" updates you could've turned off? Windows' fault.
You have no common sense? Windows' fault.
Your girlfriend leaving you? Windows' fault.
Let's blame Windows because I got nothing else to blame.28 -
Saying you know Javascript when you only know jQuery fells like inviting friends over for dinner and serve frozen food.7
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During a random meeting for a project:
PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?
Fucking wat?8 -
Holy fucking shit! Coding by yourselves seem so much fucking more efficient than in a team. Fuck you team! I know you might say this makes me a bad programmer. But you know what fuck you too!8
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So I got terminal Linux in school right now. People said that it's so hard, but guess what? Surprisingly it's even easier for me than Windows CMD!7
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nephew: what's the meaning of word "Enterprise", particularly in computing context?
me: No worries about that. Once You endup in enterprise You will know
nephew: How do I know?
me: when bug in your software prevent at least 250 people from doing their job, congratz, You are in Enterprise! And You will know that instantaneously, trust me :)2 -
Yeah GDPR emails are annoying, but you know what's worse? People complaining about GDPR emails!
And you know what's worse than that?
People complaining about people complaining about GDPR emails
And you know what's worse than that?
...4 -
I just got four CSV reports sent to me by our audit team, one of them zipped because it was too large to attach to email.
I open the three smaller ones and it turns out they copied all the (comma separated) data into the first column of an Excel document.
It gets better.
I unzip the "big" one. It's just a shortcut to the report, on a network share I don't have access to.
They zipped a shortcut.
Sigh. This'll be a fun exchange.3 -
When you've tried for hours to fix a bug, But you know you have to try and get some sleep, and at the same time know you won't be able to sleep if you can't solve the bug...1
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Never assume you know better
Never assume others know better
Never assume others know
Never assume
Trust, but verify [doveriaj, no proveriaj]6 -
When you know what you need, but don't know how to do it and can't get your thoughts into words well enough to ask on stackoverflow.
2 -
How to step up the level of emotional torture PhD students are subjected to by academia:
In addition to the normal status for submitted papers, which are "received", "under review" and "decision pending", let's add "undisclosed"!
Which means they know about the decision, you know they know, they know you know they know, but they will still leave you hanging for an unknown period of time, bathing in acidic dread.
11 -
I honestly don't get too mad when people aks me to do things like install programs for them. This is not my dayjob, but when you think of it, they're right when they say "you are a programmer so you must know how to do that". We do know how to do that. When you have a question about plants and you know a farmer, you are going to ask the farmer, even though he is not a gardener. He will know. Just as we know how to use computers very well.2
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When someone you know asks for a favour..
"Hey I have this wordpress website & heard you know PHP, could you help me out with this 1 plugin? :)))"
1 -
Today I had the pleasure to introduce to my Professor (who teaches Python) that you could cause a keyboard interrupt typing Ctrl-c. Her logic was that "Ctrl-c is for Copy" and the only way to end a infinite Loop in the shell is to, "X out the Window." She also clearly has never dealt with linux or terminals.13
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So Microsoft removed the transparency Aero Glass effect going from Windows 7 to 10, to make 10 more "modern", even though 7 was pretty as fuck with that transparency.
Now they're bringing it back with their wanky "acrylic" blur?
Make up your mind Microsoft6 -
1. Hit everything you do. You will learn more faster. Don't accept things at face value, care about why things work.
2. Study and experiment constantly. Be aware of your surroundings and what is going on. If you're not ready with a solution when a power vacuum appears, you will always be a grunt. Or worse, eventually a manager who everyone hates because you constantly tell the people who report to you how "back in your day," your code was amazing, there were no bugs and your shit doesn't stink.
3. Be honest with yourself: If you just want to keep your nose to the grindstone and make manager so you don't have to code anymore:
Quit. Stop now. Do not pass go, do not become a cancer on the industry.
Go get a job as a PM, you'll have a better career and you won't be the weak link holding everyone else back.
Tl;dr When the shit goes down, you better be ready.1 -
Some people just lack so much independence, damnit!
Einmal mit Profis arbeiten ... ! (*) 😒
(*) German expression that expresses depending on tone or context a mild to severe frustration as well as the desire to work with qualified people just ... once?! Maybe?! Please?! Often used in IT and dev contexts, because - you know.12 -
And if you don't know, now you know
"Microsoft will adopt Google Chrome's controversial Manifest V3 in Edge"
https://theregister.com/2020/10/...25 -
If you ask me, you're a bad developer if you don't know hardware. You have to know how it all works and fits together to write code for it.18
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You know the thing where you put "password":" asd" in a json file to test locally and then push it to the server.
You know when you push to git and not add the generated files to gitignore.
You know when you use "asd123" as salt.
You know when instead of using triggers, you do everything with code.
Yeah...1 -
Why would someone hire you to build a website, constantly say that you don’t know business, never give you anything you ask for, berate you for asking questions about what they want the website to be like, “that’s your job”, all while expecting under $500? Because they’re stupid, that’s why. Oh also, they now want an app instead of a website because their generic-ass domain name was taken already. Fffffffffff7
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When you want to get stuck into coding, but you just KNOW someone is waiting to interrupt you. It could be 5 minutes from now, 10 minutes or 45. You don't know. You can hear their breathing and their footsteps, just waiting for you to get deep into your code.
So you sit there looking for pointless short term crap to do until you know it's clear to start work.2 -
Ugh first week in Google Udacity scholarship and they all just directly want to start a start up 🙄😮😒
Yeah best of luck with that shit with your amazing html skills...2 -
You know what?
No you don't!
PHP decided 'in time memorial' to deprecate their 'split' function for another function called 'explode' that splits, oh sorry, that explodes a string.
Now you know something!8 -
Wait a minute... something doesn't feel right around here, There's a certain someone missing from my devRant life again.
Enjoy your social leave.17 -
Did you know german was turing complete?
(Not really)
Do you know german?
(Probably not)
Learn today:
http://esolangs.org/wiki/german3 -
HR logic: You know how to write simple bash scripts and you have "expertise" in programming = You are our next kernel/hypervisor developer!
Girl, I do not even know what a hypervisor is.
3 -
When I implemented a new algorithm in C and beat the previous implementation of a tool by 5 seconds in speed (17s best case before) and my mentor implemented the same algorithm's pseudo code beating the previous implementation by 14s.19
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Have you worked on a project that you know will deliberately make people's lives miserable?
I know this is very broad, but you catch my drift.10 -
That moment when family visits and you just have to fix a laptop or two because, you know, you know programming.3
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You know your idea was shit when....
You see it on devrant as the subject of someone's all caps, swear word filled rant...1 -
When bugs are seen by the client and boss therefore asks me "did you know about this bug?", what I'd really like to answer is:
"well shit, no! I would have solved that or at least told you about it, don't you think? what kind of fucking question is that?"
But then I just answer "no, lemme check"2 -
Today I was trying to convince a colleague that:
fun example(){
if(thing){
//Do something
}
}
Is stupid because it should be
fun example() {
if (thing) {
//Do something
}
}
It's the small things that are the most frustrating14 -
Don't use tables!!! Tables are bad MKAY??
said the designer that needs to tripple wrap links to render them as buttons...
3...
2...
1...
Facepalm.init()7 -
I don't like others to know that i'm a programmer. Do you agree or why shall they know? It just changes their opinion on you.4
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Mac fucking book pro! No! Just because I brushed up against you doesn’t mean I want you to boot up! Do you think I’m that eager to turn you on? Is the usual brain dead Apple user that fucking lazy to not wanna press a button to turn his computer on? And there’s no fuckin’ way to change this behavior!? I tried changing system variables but none of the suggested tips work. And you even have Apple support people ask: "why WOULN'T you want it to boot up if you sneeze on it?" FUXKKLK13
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Man it always feels like i know nothing. Like when you don't know HTML it feels like you know nothing .
Then you learn js, backend, some database.
But you don't know react so fuck you you know nothing.
Then you learn react, but you don't know vite, next
So you know nothing.
this cycle never ends
FUCK8 -
I know you, youre out there somewhere, coding, feeling like shit, putting your best, listening to coldplay, in the server room, your basement ... I know you veryy well
1 -
.. so apparently you can run JavaScript on the Java Virtual Machine (with a little bit of help from a module).7
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When a bunch of unit tests start failing locally because the AWS secret key got rotated.
oh wait...
THOSE AREN’T UNIT TESTS!!!
Unit tests do not depend on any external system, that includes AWS...
AAARRGHHHHH1 -
Developer vs non developer interview:
Non developer:
How well do you know excel ?
Developer:
How would you write spreadsheet app, what if it was cross platforms mobile application but also desktop app ?
Non developer:
Do you know how to use windows?
Developer:
Do you know kubernetes, distributed systems, lambdas, cloud services and how to deploy to server farm ?
Non developer:
You know how to use printer / fax and coffee machine ?
Developer:
Do you have experience in writing code for embedded devices ?
Non developer:
Do you know powerpoint ?
Developer:
How well do you know javascript / html / css, are you comfortable with writing backend node.js code or electron applications ?
React native and native apps maybe ?5 -
Yes, come tell me there's a user experiencing an issue, but you don't know on which page or exactly what it was. I'll fix that right away.2
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You know your too addicted to devrant when you have 5 minuets spare so you think to yourself "I'll look at just a few rants" and then the next thing you know it's been an hour or so.7
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Recently I tried implementing a 2d grid you could drag (for performance I decided it would auto genetate new grid tiles)
Gotta say, I have a lot more respect for people who try to build this without a framework, I am building it using JavaScript and pixi.js
But man, drawing graphics is hard 😅
It's worth it though, performance is mad 💪3 -
Day no.1 with Googles scholarship course ad udacity..
I learned that a line of code is "pew" so many lines of code is "pew pew pew". Now I'm ready to do serious android app development.2 -
Whichever fucking cunt at Wordpress came up with that filthy Walker class and how a navigation item tree should be traversed, shall be hanged to death.
How fucking brainless can one be to create such a complete pile of donkey turds?!
No wonder Wordpress itself makes no sense at all nor has it any connection to any intelligent lifeform whatsoever.
Edit: This rant does not even closely show how high my fucking rage-level is!2 -
YAML files are one of the worst type I have ever seen until now. Fuck that shit. And fuck that indentation.3
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I think it is so sad you can't use your devRant icon on other sites. I know you could download them but the whole point is anonymous ranting so if someone know your picture they know who you are. I love the devRant icons <33
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I'm always afraid to put apostrophe characters when naming things online, even if it is just a photo album.1
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Do you know JavaScript ? Can you remember that == should be written like -eq ?
GREAT! You now know powershell.1 -
Maybe it's just cause I fucking hate the elitism in the engineering college and every engineer I've met, but why do devs want to be called engineers? I'm a programmer, a developer, a coder, fucking anything rather than an engineer.
I associate that word with know-nothing "book-smart" fuckwads who think they're better than everyone, even someone doing the same thing without their useless degree.7 -
If people would change their name in real life like here on devRant I would be maximally irritated!!1
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Magento 2.
If you've worked with it, you know why.
If you don't know why, do yourself a favor and keep it that way.7 -
ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...
This is why adblock exists
Edit: they must be contractually obligated to include the phrase "ya know..." In every ad7 -
Someone you know hears that you're good with computers. Asks to help with their Windows issue. Proceeds to tell you they don't know how you're employed since you don't know anything about Windows.1
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I hope I'm not spending several days worth of work rewriting a code base for it not to have any performance benefits at all.7
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Me 🤗"Since you know the domain far better than me, can I ask you to help me understand if I managed to cover all the edge cases with these UNIT TESTS?
😒" no no no, you don't need to check for those cases, you already do that in your code"
🤗 "I'm sorry, I must have explained myself badly. I have written these UNIT TESTS exactly to ... TEST if those CHECKS in my code work and what I need is you to tell me if there are additional cases ..."
😫"but you don't need to!!! You already have that logic in your code"
😐😵☠ 🦍💊🔫🔪"you know what? I'm gonna give them a second look. Thanks"
And then I moonwalked out of the room -
Friendly reminder that if you disable remote content in your email client, the feature that almost every email client allows, there will be NO WAY for all those bloody spammer corporations to know that you even opened the email. I also prefer my emails with no graphics, I find them more beautiful that way.3
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Everyone out here talking about Arch and the setup process. My first experience with Linux was with Slackware Linux. Zero dependency resolution.. Holy shit what a ride that was for my first foray.1
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Personally I like to use very obscene phrases as passwords, just in case some saves it in text.
When they read the "dump file" maybe they will be like well we will not be fucking with this one, that person is just sick.1 -
Do you know what happens when you make sudoku game and you type in the code break instead of continue....
YOU DONT WANNA KNOW8 -
Feeling !@~!#@!@# when you come to know that you are not invited to meeting where architectural design is being discussed....and you will be the implementor for the sh*t stuff....
Its more p*ss*ng when you know the architect you work with doesn't know anything...and you need to impl and support it :( -
That one line of code that you know the logic of it and you know what is causing the error, but you can’t fix it!3
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Unfortunately, due to my recent decision to only connect with people I know, it means I get a lot of those “Do you know this person?” pop-ups when I hit ignore. And because I’m a lyric person, it also means every time I deal with someone I don’t know, my brain goes:
“I don’t know him!”
“Peter, don’t you know what you have saaaaaaid? You’ve gone and cuuuut him dead.” -
never try to know everything in a language, because you can't.
just know what you need at the moment and needful2 -
Have you ever been there when you write some code with everything you know and it still throws an error in the end when everything is said and done, you go ahead and do a last stupid thing that you know is not going to work but, WOAH... It worked. Then you didn't even bothered to know why, instead you were like, fuck it, if it works, IT WORKS!!!4
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When you need to know A to Z and your colleague only gives you A to C to work with, you just KNOW it is not going to be a healthy work environment.1
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When you know clearing out your maven repo will fix the problem but won't do it because if you do you'll never know what the ACTUAL problem was.
-
You know you're a programmer when you take a walk through nature and begin to see everything in 0s and 1s.... Jus kidding, actually that's when you know you should stop watching The Matrix.4
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You know what's terrifying? When you hear a contracts person say "we already know what we're going to bid, so we don't need engineering inputs."
-
Have you ever envied someone that they know more technologies than you? (e.g they know a couple of frameworks that you don't have any idea about)
If you do, what is your response in this situation and why?4 -
Sometimes you know what's the problem yet you don't know what's the problem.
Does it means your are just assuming that's the problem yet problem is something else. -
Freelancing isnt for everyone, you have to be self driven, know your worth, know your skill level, know how long it takes you to write, and either have a few months of cash to setup your connections or live with somebody while you do
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The word "shift" in reference to a workday should NEVER be used in a dev environment. There is noservice that needs to constantly be maintained, thats what customer support is for. A shift gives the mentality that you have a set time that you are responsible for a service.
Devs are responsible for finishing a product on a deadline; that is not a shift, that is a fucking workday. I especially hate it when managers refer to them as shifts, because it shows just how little they understand what the devs are doing. They think of bug fixes like they think of flipping burgers; a task that performs a service. It's not a service, stop acting like it is.13 -
Devrant help me out.
(n/x)*(y/x)
You know x, and you know n, and you know z where ((y/x)*x)*((x/y)*x) = z
Solve for y.
If you do it, I'll consider giving you a billion dollars (of course the payment schedule will be an asymptote).31 -
If you ever get tasked with something you don't know how to do, know that it is never your fault. The management, team lead or HR screwed up.1
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You know when you just wanna make something but you don't know what... Feel like my brain's idea generator just won't compile.21
-
What is the Probability of , you are the best ?
And I know, you are best .
But I don't know Probability???4 -
Do you know PTC Integrity?
If you do, you know my pain.
If you don’t, enjoy your life and stay away from PTC Integrity!
You have been warned -
you know what is the most confusing shit, is that,
> you know the bug
> you know how to solve it
> you know repro it
> bug doesn't repro
> sad life
After trying to repro the bug 50 times I'm sleeping, I mean this need to clear cache only and it should work -
Was so worried with all the whining about the windows fall update thinking my pc sucks so it will break for sure. But seems I have had it for a week now and not noticed.1
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I need a short command in Slack to paste in the text "Let me know when you have pushed", you know, for efficiency's sake2
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I just love when I correct 20 little bugs, and always with that "Ah!! Of course!" feeling, before finding the little ';'...
😅😅 -
List all the tech stack(s) you know or worked on till now. How many years of experience you have?
Just want to know where I am.21 -
when you don't know the timeline of the project you're working on. So you don't know if you should rewrite everything to be more flexible in the future2
-
Didn't know maps api integration...
Didn't know markers allocation..
Didn't know geolocation..
JavaScript llbit..
Still implemented...
Love you google..stackoverflow..:-p -
When someone accidentally does a typo and you don't know if it is a typo or another shortcut for word(don't know how it is called) that you don't know...1
-
You know it's friday when you don't know how to name a file and you end up with: call-not-api.js... cause call-api is taken and it's not really an api
-
Any of you guys know about Feathers UI ? Based on Google Trends, I'll assume that you don't. But if you do please let me know
-
I cannot take this anymore ... The picture on desktop and mobile is not crop equally ....... Please next time I receive that i kill myself. Im so tired of this shit
-
Do you know Rufus? Do you know any good linux one-click-fully-customizable-no-shit alternative? Guys, we need to create Lufus.10
-
!rant
I don't know how many of you know about ERB or if you are fans of it, but I thought you all might enjoy this rap battle :)
https://youtu.be/njos57IJf-01 -
I hereby declare the following the official anthem of Trintellix:
[Chorus]
I can make you feel better oh, if you let me
I can make you feel better ooh, if you want to
I can make you feel better oh, and you know you will
If that's what you want boy
Then you know where to find me
[Verse]
However you're feeling
I can make you feel better
Whatever you're thinking
I can make it all clearer
Don't pretend you know that you feel it
Try so hard, but you can't conceal it
Whatever you feel inside
I can make you feel better
If that's what you want boy
Then you know where to find me
So
(SOPHIE — Bipp)1 -
- "what does that function do?"
- "I don't know"
- "how you don't know !? you are maintaining the project."
- "how do I know what 'ConvertFromDataTableToOther' will do !! it has two inner loops that exchange some columns!"
When CEO is doing code review .. -
Saw github trend is everything you know about x. I am going to create one called everything you know everything you know
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