Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Spend half an hour finding music to listen to while I code; Pause it after 30 seconds to concentrate on refactoring. Stays paused for rest of day.

Really getting the most out of those expensive new headphones.

Need these for work.

I thought i'd see what the avatars look like with different color eyes.
I personally like red. It really brings out the undying hatred I have for my peers.

devRant should add a polls feature for simple questions with yes no answers or what version of linux people use etc maybe?

Found a bug at the gas pump.
Can't belive it was pushed to production with it in there.

🤔
sql - Syntax error near '*entire sql command*'
😑

programming languages are not designed to talk to computers, they are designed to be readable by other programmers.

please code like it.

devRant, the only positive and supportive online community for programmers.

until you mention an OS.

then all bets are off.

.toblerone {
padding: 25%;
}

dad: what the hell do you do again?

me 1st time asked: I'm a back end web developer, i write the code you don't see that makes things you do see work.

me 90,000th time: internet stuff.

me 83,881,178th time: computers!

been there

what my work computer feels like compared to my home computer.

When you get a day off and you want to work on a personal project, but your spouse has other plans.

I came from a village, we have animals (like a farm), pigs, chicken, sometimes duck and goose. One day I had to work from home, bc had to come back to parents house. Our daily skype meeting was like this:

* discussing very important IT stuff *
* grandma rushes into my room *
me: sorry, but i have a meeting
grandma: i just wan...
me: but i cannot right no...
grandma: just wanted to know if...
me: grandma, I cannot right now, we have a skyp... im talking with colleagues, on the computer
grandma: * quiet voice * okay, i dont want to interrupt, I just want to know - Did you ordered the ducks?
* what I hear in headphones: collegues and boss LOLd sooo hard *
me: ffs, what ducks?
grandma: did your father not give you the guys number?
me: * starting to sweat * what guy? no he didnt, i have no idea what youre talking about
grandma: * disappointed * then who gonna order them...?
me: ...
grandma: * standing next to me, she hears the laughter * whats that?

since then, if im working from home every skype meeting starts with "Tommy, is your grandma there? HAHA!"

Picture taken in the dark but that's how I like to work. In darkness. Illuminated by just my awful code.

Got some swag in the mail today.

I was told I could get a refund for the hat if it was too small. I literally have the biggest head in the world and it fits me fine.

For those who complained, did you try taking it off and on again?

interviewer: What can you tell us about the Unity 3D engine?

me: well, i can tell you that there is no such thing. the engine is called Unity. Unity3d.com is just the website. it's a good way of telling if someone doesn't know what they are talking about.

interviewer:😐....

devRant is a place to rant. Not a journal of best practices.

Can I just rant without giving a long winded backstory?

Do I have to explain myself to prevent people from commenting that the problem must be me?

If you read a rant, and you can't relate to it sympathetically.

Move along! That rant is not for you!

When people are trying to vent no one wants to see your snippy little comment about how 'unprofessional' they are being.

Skiped lunch again today.

It was a case of, let me just fix this one bug.

client: the math on this investment calculator you made is wrong.

me: ok, how is it wrong?

client: one of our salesmen sais it not calculating correctly.

me: that's fine. i just need an example, or the corrected formula to use.

client: on this other website we put in the same information and it comes out different.

me: ok, let me investigate... this other site adds a fee every month so the output is different. If i turn that off the calculations are the same. would you like to add a monthly fee field?

clients: no, the calculator is working how we want then.

repeat 5 times at 3 month intervals.

client: the interest calculator is broken again. didn't we just fix it?

me: it was never broken. your people just can't math.

When they make me do some css

see you in hell mac mini, the raspberry pi is taking your place connected to the tv.

when $25 of Linux out performs $300 of apple.

🤠:Hello, I need a website for my professional website. But anything more than $500 is unrealistic.

Translation

🤡:I am a stupid assclown that the future will leave behind and time will forget.

Pair programing on project with friend.

We both feel like the other person is doing all the work and we are not really helping.

Twice the developer power, twice the imposter syndrome.

With the other members of the team refusing to learn git and making changes directly to the staging server i get to write the commit messages for everyone.

Log:
UPDATE: *informative details *

UPDATE: mark made some changes

UPDATE: colin made the same changes as mark but different

UPDATE: andrew undid all colins updates to change one link and I had to add them back in, thank gawd I commit the night before

BUGFIX: andrew keeps changing the database host to localhost and uploading it without changing it back

UPDATE: we all hate andrew

In the project management system we use with our clients I see file named, 'instructions for backup.'

I open the file and all it contains is my name and phone number.😑

I sometimes look at the code of the guy who had my job before me and I think.

Delete it.
Delete it all.
Delete it with fire.
Use the developer as kindling so it never happens again.

Programmer dating problems

Src: r/ProgrammerHumour

oh my, ai turning on it's masters is scarier than we thought.

I have a lifetime membership to Lumosity. Not just do they know my time of death, but with auto renewal turned on I have confirmation of reincarnation. At least once, then existence is null.

Who said programmers cannot solve hardware problems?

My router just said "Check hardware connection of your WAN port"

I took the cable out, blew in the socket and put it back in.

My internet is back in action.

I can't wait for version 2 of this comic.

All my code is hacked together and barely works and is nowhere near shameless. But I'm pretty proud of my hardware hacks. Like the sticker that holds the casing on my laptop together.

A switch on my mech keyboard broke.
It's ot amusing at all.

not mine, but haven't seen here yet.

debugging php code without turning on error reporting.

Management.

Purchase $900 laptop, it's not powerful enough so I return it and get $1,100 laptop, still not powerful enough, return it and get $1,600 laptop. Realize I have a gaming PC and don't need the laptop this powerful and I return it and repurchase the first laptop I bought with a $100 discount because it's now an opened-box, but I know for a fact that it was the one that I got in the first place and opened.

Thanks Best Buy.

yeah. you like that? that's what you get you naughty little mac mini.

Go to bed.
No good sudo happen after 2 am.

but when are they ever?

Just found another forum message from someone that doesn't understand Java and JavaScript. They said JavaScript is the code that Java runs....I thought we fixed these people.

When up votes become,
Life,
The Universe,
And Everything.

Expressing my inner nerd through my t-shirt choices.

my standing desk.

*downloads Torrent that's about to die*
Oh wicked, both of my peers have the whole thing and I can just come in and let my server seed it as well!
*watches asdfmovie as it downloads*
*returns*
Peer 1: have some data man
Peer 2: fuk off, I wan ma deta for meself

Pussy.

(Quite ironically, as I'm posting this rant, Peer 2 magically sent out data again as well.. coincidence? I think not!)

so my isp assigned all of our devices WAN ip's instead of giving our router a WAN ip and letting us handle our own lan.

so our subnet is x.x.15.255

but when I subnet scan x.x.255.255 I get 1337 results, no joke 1337

so I can access windows servers, ip cameras, sure a lot of them are locked, I'm scanning 0.0.0.1 - 255.255.255.255 now to see what else there is.

wwyd?

I recently filled out an e-form that asked you to fill out your birthday in the format of:
DD/MM/YY
but it didn't accept 22/09/1997
I was confused at first. I'm over 18 what's the issue?
Turns out it would only accept 22/9/1997
What sort of monster does that?

Coffee and wine are my life coaches.

Start of day
☕coffee: GO GET THEM TIGER!

End of day
🍷Wine: you'll get them tomorrow.

When you have to spend two days inventing math formulas for work because google won't tell you how to sort every possible combination of an array of arrays into a zero based number list, or how to get a combination from just it's index.

Someone two years into a degree wrote this. What the actual fuck.

Found myself a gf who also does the code stuff. We are each other's debug buddies.

Does anyone else feel this way? Especially with no formal training?

accedently used chmod on chmod so i no longer had permissions to chmod.

thank goodness for remote server images.

Boss: I don't want you spending more than 30 min looking into the problem.

Me: ok

Go back to desk and read or watch some cs training. Maybe related.

Go back to boss.

Me: going to take (over estimate tome) to fix.

Boss: ok.

Go back to desk and fix in less time than estimated.

Look like gold.

Installed an SSH server on my desktop so I can use the shell from my laptop...while still sitting in front of my desktop. Keyboard is less than a foot beyond my reach because leaning back, but laptop is in reaching distance.

Still have that SSH server up for mainly the same reason. Decided to also open it to WAN so I can do shit while I'm not home too.

Friday: Finally the week end. I haven't seen my family all week.

Sunday: Hurry up Monday! Get me away from these people. I need to program.

Sudo chown / indead of ./ aaaand there goes my day.

Internet stopped working yesterday and the ISP company told me they couldn't send a person for a week!

I'm stuck at home, I have to have internet.

Long story short, I got no sleep last night and I may have voided my routers warranty, but I got internet.

me: do we need to setup the shop to charge a flat shipping rate, or charge per item?

🕛3 hours later.

client: yes, that is correct.

me: 😧

working on back end code makes me feel like the Wizard of Oz.

"Don't look behind that curtain! "

Feeling to sad to work
Drink entire pot of coffee
THERE WE GO! BACK TO WORK!

know that person who brags about using linux, but uses wine for all his applications.

I did it. I got the internship. Maybe I can do this after all.

I can assure you there's nothing agile about an all day meeting that definitely doesn't require every dev to be there. Industry is weird.

i love programming, but have done too many 12 hour days recently.

spent last two days recharging by doing nothing but play the new Doom game.

i have a great job so my boss supports me.

Go to Denver with a friend for an Iron Maiden concert. I try edibles for the first time, which of course means take way too much. Hallucinate that lead singer is an arm flailing inflatable tube Man. I have a pretty good time. Walk back to the motel at midnight and have to launch a client's website from stage to production on the slow Motel Wi-Fi. I'm ready to pass out at this point, but I got my laptop, and I got my VPN running. So I spend the next 6 hours moving the site from one server to another while occasionally passing out for 20 to 30 minutes at a time.

One of the best road trips of my life. Five stars would do again.

It's not a bug if a feature is working how you told me it should work but not how you wanted it to work.

Why does Windows use back slash and everything else uses forward slash?

Hallucinations of my father that keep taking control of my psyche and making me hack things I don't remember or shooting me in the head to break down my sanity.

Finally got ceph up and running, so far it does look really great!
At the moment we have 45 TB in the cluster, but we are able to expand it extremely easy.

Two servers with 256 GB RAM and 24 cores, three more with 32 GB and 12 cores.
Dedicated gigabit WAN connection.

The project is going forward strong, I'll let you know when it is time for beta testing.

Boy do I love when Snapchat sends me a snap telling me happy father's day.
I don't even know who my father is but thanks for the reminder assholes.
I wonder what dipshit thought that sending everyone on Snapchat messages during all sorts of holidays that not everyone celebrates was a good idea.

Christmas on a Sunday!
Well, then what is the point?!

all that for {price}?
that's quite a deal.

!rant

Thank Linus, its WAN Show time. 💜💜💜

Just picked up some freelance work because someone recognized my dev rant shirt.

Devrant has become a cabal.

I don't like C.
C is not my friend.

Why did Nintendo stop making the Wii U? It was time for a Switch!

How do you turn the volume up on these giffs?

...😩

I know a developer who works for a Mortgage Company, and he is dangerously incompetent. He used to work for my boss before I did and we both told his new boss how unqualified he is, but because he's able to get things "done" they think he does a good job. But I've been in the code and their entire system could any day just completely Fall Apart and they could be in a lot of trouble and we tell them this and they don't listen to us.

An example of why you can't just use templates for everything.

Dear ISP,
Thank your for throttling my internet right in the middle of a hurricane! Now not only does Netflix not work and GitHub take forever, but I can't even get live weather updates. Time to code using cave paintings I guess till the power goes out.

Started using windows mixed reality for part of my work day, best part, using Cortana voice activation to do things in my virtual space, worst part, every time i say 'hey Cortana,' my google home makes a snide remark.

Fucking google

Just got started on my first summer project.

Drinkaloo: The Ultimate Drinking Game.

Never touched android studio before. This should be fun.

after google-ing a computer fix i sometimes re-google the answer to make sure it's legitimate.

😸:oh hi, i came in early to checkout this game, but i was just about to get off and start work.
😎:I'm not your boss. I don't caire what you do.
👺:I am your boss, and as long as you get the work done, on time, and done well, I don't care if it looks lie you are doing nothing but being paid to play games. If anyone does bother you about playing games at work let me and I will let them know to leave you alone.

Sudo apt-get remove --purge hurricane-irma

GAWD DAMB IT!

@dfox
Only 2 rants an hour.
Ok
How about the ability to save and manually post later feature?

I had an idea for a rant. It was gold i tells ya... if only I could remember what it was. 😥

Taking a break to look at holiday game sales when boss walks in.

Within 20 minutes of posting a question on stack overflow it was down voted - with no explanation. Fucking hate that site

The feeling when you realise the 4 letter username on devRant you wanted hasn't actually been taken.

Would you rather program one handed because...

A). Broken arm.

B). Holding screaming baby that slaps keyboard occasionally.

who has used a screw driver to connect the prongs to turn on a computer without a case/power button?

You know your a dev when quality time with the kids is sitting them on your lap and letting them watch Netflix on one monitor while you program on the other.

Thirty hours over two weeks, but we finally patched a angular app that was originally built on 2 (alpha) to 4, reducing the load time ten fold.

Don't thank me, thank super duck. The duck with the power to debug any code.

Gawd I'm tired.

i have been fortunate enough to always work with awesome people.

both jobs I have had after college had almost no supervision, and I could come and go as I pleased.

I am a professional, and I loved being treated as one. I don't take advantage of my work, and they don't take advantage of me.

Don't you just love it when relatives ask you to "fix his computer" and you end up opening it up to remove dust that's from 100 years back.. Oh, and for free of course since "we're relatives"

Time for some clear readable code.

int a = l;
   if ( O == l )
     a = O1;
   else
     l = 01;

Nailed it.

!RANT

my friend who never smoke or drink or relationship to much career oriended.working in multinational company. recently south african petrol company gave offer letter to him.
he was ill from few days.(completed his engineering in civil with 9.1 pointer last year.)

somekind of syndrome found in him. due to which he will not able to walk in 2 years.

he share this information with me. asking me tips,"how to inform my mom dad? I don't wan to face them. I can't do anything for them."

life is fucking unfair with some peoples.

Got the cheapest laptop I could find that would run Windows mixed reality.

Installed Linux subsystem for Windows and Ubuntu.

Nothing but giant flying terminal windows across my view of a virtual Seascape.

This is my new home.

Any job interview were I have included the three years of Adobe Flash development on my resume.

ME: Here's an endpoint to get all the textual info about the entity. And this one fine endpoint is to fetch entity's files

FrontEnd: This is no good. I need all entity info in a single JSON

ME: but files could be quite heavy, are you sure you wan...

FE: Yes, Just give me all the info in a single JSON

ME: okay... I hope you know what you're doing..

ME: <implemented as requested>

ME: <opens a webpage with 2 files attached>
Browser: <takes 30 seconds to open a page and downloads 30MB of data in the JSON>

ME: As mentioned before, your approach is a performance killer

FE: No worries, we'll fix that in the next version. First let's see if anyone will be using this feature at all - maybe it's not even worth working on

ME: <thinking> I know I would NOT be using an app if it takes over half a minute to open up a chat channel. FFS I wouldn't even be using Slack if it took 30 seconds to open some other conversation, because for some reason it wanted to fetch all the uploaded files along with all the messages each time a channel is clicked on.....

ME: <thinking> this project is doomed :(

The first time you try to google what an operator does by using the symbol in the search bar because you don't know the name for it.

Some people have a rubber ducky debugger. I have well... This guy.

about 6 years ago I was working for a large consulting company on a government project. I put in a change for a stored procedure that hard coded the partition to 0, except 0 didn't exist on production, just on test. several thousand government employees couldn't access it for a day. 😞

watched first two episodes of mr. robot and it seems pretty good so far. does it go like other hacker shows/movies or does it stay good?

Memory leak. Fuck off

Had an intern go configure a bunch of workstations for our employees over the summer - we gave him a checklist and let him loose.
Several months later... Try to support a user with their workstation and find out that $software isn't installed on said workstation. Check other workstations. No $software on any of them.
Ask intern "did you follow the checklist we gave you??!"
Intern: "Yeah, I followed it."
Ask intern: "So why is $software not installed on the workstations?"
Intern: "Oh I didn't have a copy of $software so I skipped that step."
What.
So he's probably getting shitcanned soon...

Is it even a group project unless you did over 50% of the work?

When you learn something interesting and you have no computer people to share it with.

Reviewing code for applications after not working on it for six months.

Client: so what is the first step to adding our new feature.

Me: I really think we need to redo the entire architecture from the ground up. It won't work any differently than it does now, but the code will be cleaner.

Client:😓

Me:😅

Final project senior year...
Mistake 1: Chose a project suggested by the prof, who did not initially make it obvious that the project beneficiary would be a personal friend of his.
Mistake 2: Nine of us thought this project looked cool and all signed up for it.
Mistake 3: Looked at the code-behind provided for us and discovered that the web-app we were building was... programmed in Java, using StringBuilder to append HTML, CSS, and JavaScript and create its webpages. Which was then decoded and built into a webpage using some obtusely designed compiler.
Mistake 4: Decided to question the reasonability of said project to the prof.
Mistake 5: Did not quit the project as a group and do something else

We all graduated, I think, but a lot of C-'s were had. Fuck that class.

To the front end dev that 'finished' his part of a web form with a Hundred pluss fields. You left every id, name, and label-for as 'first-name'.

I know it saves you time to copy paste and only change what's visible on the page, but FUUUUUUCK YOU!

squashed a spider this evening just to have it erupt with hundreds of tiny baby spiders.

what a terrifying real world visualization of my week.

That time when I accidentally locked out everyone, and everything, from our production server.. Woops

Just had to teach a year 5 CS-student how to use SSH...

FOSDEM was pretty awesome.

Spending hours trying to solve a problem just to find that the answer was not just simple, but well known. You just didn't know the technical term to search for.

devRant stickers still in envelope.
getting new laptop in February... the wait is unbearable.

Looks like I'm @dfox evil twin.

class nerd-san extends dfox {
constructor() {
evil = true;
sunglasses = true;
}
}

😺when is a 3 not a 3
🤔
😸when it is a string
😥
😹

when you tell your boss 'we need to talk' and he looks genuinely worried 😀

disadvantage of using noise canceling headphones.

boss comes in from other room. more amused than annoyed
👺:Is there a reason you are letting out a loud burp and a fart every couple minutes that i can hear through the walls?
🙊:Oh!? now I understand why my deaf friends are so oblivious to why the rest of us start laughing for 'no reason' when we go out to dinner with them.

swag link says you need 20 +1's for stickers and 175 +1's for ball from each post. clicking on Learn More it then says you need 15 +1's for stickers and 150 +1's for ball from each post.
How about some stickers for spotting a content issue?

Sure go ahead throw me off a bridge into a task thats completely out of my ability in an area I have no experience or understanding almost completely unrelated to the role in which I applied for.

Worst career choice: Not programming when I was younger because someone told me I would pick up bad habits. As a result if feel behind some of my peers at University.
Best career choice: I'll let you know when/if I have a career.

who dreams about programming?
I do.

Just did an internship test for Autodesk and came away from it with the conclusion that I'm really stupid.
May as well give up on my dreams.

What?
I don't get it?
That doesn't make any scene....
goto line 5980
😎 coding like a boss....
goto line 8764
🤡 I have no idea what I'm doing....

Just in case you still don't get recursion after endless pooh images

Every website we craft at work has some email substitution logic so that addresses you see on the site don't actually exist in the HTML source like that (you wouldn't find them in a format like "foo@example.com").

Instead the @ and the period right before the TLD get replaced with something else (to prevent (dumb) spam bots from using that address and blast it with junk).

Some people replaced them with images in the past (ew), replaced the @ with "(at)" or other stuff.

I made it a habit to render the @ and . by replacing them with span tags which then get a ::before in CSS that contains "content: '@';", so that the @ is visible but is not actually inside the HTML source code.

The classes for these spans then have a random name (persistent for that website though). The first one was called "move-along-nothing-to-see-here", but then I started naming them after Star Wars quotes.

One website's @ class is called "that-s-no-moon" (Obi Wan), others are called "i-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this" (Han Solo), "powerful-you-have-become-the-dark-side-I-sense-in-you." (Yoda) and "these-are-not-the-droids-you-are-looking-for" (Obi Wan).

my farther, it took me three hours to teach him how to use a mouse, and complains about not being able to find the free WiFi (he expects it to be something physical he can walk up to and take).
but whe he finds out the Internet has porn he (by himself without instructions) hacks the senior community center's router to bypass the porn filter.

You have 10 notices that your rant had gotten a ++, but the total score has only gone up by one.
😒

Help me Obi Wan Kanobi you're my only hope.

I aspire to become the type of dev that understands frameworks and has technical depth rather than the type that just implements things but it's a struggle. I don't know where the foundations are.

had an interview at a place that went good at the technical part but I didn't do great at their 'abstract' questions. the guys interviewing were complete stone faced as well, no personality, pretty sure I wouldn't have liked working there anyways. a few years later and they are still looking for people. the recruiter rings up and I said I wouldn't want to re-interview unless the process had changed. he guaranteed me it had. so I went back in and it was exactly the same. exactly the same technical questions, followed by more abstract questions. different guys but same no-personalities. never going back

When facebook and youtube adds are nothing but clients you built websites for.😒
Someone needs to update their algorithm to more than just 'how many times you visited a website before.'

i understand and accept why some people prefer mac.

every mac i have ever used has shit the bed during normal use. while windows and Linux machines have too, however less frequently. unlike mac there is always something i can personally do about it to fix the problem.

i like having complete control over my computer and don't like the idea of paying a premium to be told how i can or can't use it.

Today I Fucked Up. I tried to do something involving hardware.
I tried to fix my mechanical keyboard by myself with no thought towards how electronics work. My first time using a soldering iron and trying to fix something myself.
I went from needing to replace one key to burning some plastic, failing to get new solder onto the parts to attach the new key to the PCB and getting solder where I didn't want it to needing a new keyboard because I think I've fried some stuff so badly half the bottom row of keys no longer works.
Fucking wonderful.
Guess it's time to buy a new keyboard.
Sigh.

Just started using GitHub for my Uni assignment. Summer is coming up and I hope to get a lot more green on here with some projects.

Started my internship Monday. Got given a new top spec MacBook Pro. Yay. Except it has the German Keyboard layout. () require shift and yet {} and [] require alt. Whoever designed the layout clearly doesn't program.
Oh and the imposter syndrome is coming on strong.

Implementing a duration timer in my bright and shiny exercise application. Testing it and I was sure that one second after 7159 it should print out "02:00:00" (since 7200 seconds is 2 hours).
Didn't understand why it took the timer to show 2 hours after 41 seconds instead of just 1 second..

The down side to telecommuting.

Sick enough to stay home, but not sick enough to miss work.

if (time () < 5pm)
drinkCoffee ();
else
drinkBeer ();

My most humbling experience was finding the source code online to the original Pokemon games. It was right after I had finished my first text based Linux console game and I was looking up other programs source codes just for shits and giggles. Most of them were simple and I learned a few simple tricks but the red and blue Pokemon were the first codes I saw that fascinated me. The addressing, the memory allocation, even the simple audio processing was simply genius. So many unique innovations and techniques. If I achieve 1/5th of the skill I found in those files, I can die a happy programmer!

Manny a developer has been foiled by a single random misplace punctuation mark hiding in a million lines of code.

At what point do you leave?
I totally get Amazon's principle of 'disagree and commit' but how many disagreements with your COO, CEO, does it take to make you say:
Fuck this, I'm out of here

Devrant freezes when switching to different app then back again. A bit random though, has happened a couple of times but can't reproduce it.

Client sends screenshots, compressed, and shrunk down to an unreadable size, inside a docx file.

Just... just no. Where is a spray bottle or a rolled up newspaper when you need one.

(For you three people who are going to comment 'why don't you just teach them...' ssssssssssshut up, some people are just unteachable ( for you other three who are going to say 'everyone is teachable.' Not true, if it was you wouldn't be saying such things.))

I turn 21 in a month, and I still have no idea what I want to pursue as a career after university or how to get there.
Sure its two years away but I feel behind already.
Also how does one go about getting an internship in the UK?
I've yet to speak to anyone from any dev industry and it's beginning to concern me.

My permanently mounted sticker duck to explain my way out of coding errors.

Just today I lost a lawsuit because my contract was written and signed in Nigeria and I sued them in the USA and I couldn't convince the judge it was fraud. I transformed the company implenting SAP and office365 and a WAN and many other projects. Worked nearly every single day 3 years in a row even during vacations, public holidays and holidays. Lost over 400k USD in lost benefits and wages that were in the contract but never paid. I feel absolutely devastated.
Unless you work for a US or European based company never ever work in Nigeria.

jenkins tests passing but travis failing. now travis passing but jenkins failing, aargh!

more beer needed...

Spent two hours having two recruiters give me test, interviewing, and being told HOW perfect I am for the job I was applying for; Just to be told they are only allowed to send over people they have found previous work for, but I should instead apply to these othwr positions that pay half what I'm looking for.

var icon = (s.viewOnly ? 'red.png' : !s.pickup ? 'blue.png' : s.hoursPoint ? 'orange.png' : 'red.png')

I don't care about your good ideas.
If you don't code, don't art, have nothing to contribute to the work, and aren't going to pay me for my time, then there is no collaboration.

Geekiest non Dev Activity.
Easily playing Magic The Gathering every Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening.
EDH, Standard and Draft.

Goals for 2019
- Land an internship at either of the companies I'm in the final stages of interview for.
- Nail my exams.
- Publish an application to the app store.
- Buy an RTX 2080ti.
- Start a blog.
(Dev-ish goals I guess)

The school I went to, and this was really the only benefit of the school, gave all it students lifetime memberships to digital tutors, which was bought out by pluralsight, which then bought code School. So I basically got free membership to three different sites, all of which have a good amount of technical training with videos, guides, and work along lessons on them.

For what school cost to me, it will have paid for itself as long as I live for another Thousand Years.

Love Squirrel Girl, the super hero with the powers of a squirrel, and a degree in computer science.

Hello and welcome come to hell for developers. Take a seat at any open computer.
You may have noticed we did away with the fire and brimstone.
Instead we just have you maintain the legacy code from your first job.
It's genrally html, php, javascript, and css all on the same page and all mixed together.
We would say have fun, but that's not really the point.

I need to stop adding, weep uncontrollably, between tasks in my work to do list before my coworkers start thinking I'm serious.

Technically I am serious - you would be too if you had to manage the servers I inherited - but I don't want to ruin the all powerful Wizard of Oz vibe I got going.

when you need to use skype again for that new client, and you forgot it blocks port 80.. raaaage!

VR is great. Been getting together weekly with my dungeon and dragon friends from highschool but instead of meeting in person we get together in vr.

Feels just like getting together in person but is more convenient since we each connect from our own homes.

I never wanted to be a WordPress expert. I had WordPress expertise thrust upon me.

I was having internet issues -
I'm running an nongenuine iso of Win7, and installed the driver for my wifi adapter (ralink)
i performed this process three times after it one day stopped working.

i stared directly at my wireless networking button. which wasn't lit.

and then i continued searching for help on my second computer (hp stream, i cry)

and then it fucking hits me

the networking button
wasn't
fucking
lit

so i pressed the button, what you're thinking happened happened, and i both had all the motivation in the world to continue living, but simultaneously wanted to die a thousand deaths becaus I was that fucking STUPID.

have a blessed night,

write code like God's reading it ,and satan's using it.

Finish my degree with a 1st.
Have a job lined up.
Have made something worthwhile.

I swear to God if I hear one more person complaining that their wifi doesn't work I'm gonna lose it. Is the difference between the wan connection to your ISP and the connection from your wifi router really that hard to understand?

Finding good learning resources is difficult.
It shouldn't be.
But it is.
And that makes me sad.

Is it normal for a codebase to have almost no comments?

Getting a new laptop is exhausting if you haven't been keeping up with the technology. I have purchased three laptops in the last two weeks returning the first two after spending 10 + hours each installing updates and software just to find out they didn't work for what I needed.

in the hospital with surgery and our deployment goes wrong, so glad I work with really good people!

when github autocorrects my pull request message that contains the word splunk.
(or when devrant also decides to)

ha!
from 'clean code' by Robert C. Martin

don't even talk to me till I've had my 100.oz of cold brewed tea.

the cake is a lie

talking about people with computer preferences i don't understand.

i sometimes forget i use a mechanical roller ball mouse for work and play.

which one? just google it, these are so out of fashion there are only three different models currently for sale anywhere that i can find.

have to turn off notifications for devrant if I'm going to get anything done today.

"There is a reason that we keep our variables private. We don’t want anyone else to depend on them. We want to keep the freedom to change their type or implementation on a whim or an impulse. Why, then, do so many programmers automatically add getters and setters to their objects, exposing their private variables as if they were public?"
-Uncle Bob, Clean Code.

reaction to change from +1 and -1 to ++ and --

When client budget is less than the time needed to do a good jobs.

Happens more than I like.

"We’ve all said we’d go back and clean it up later. Of course, in those days we didn’t know LeBlanc’s law: Later equals never."
-Clean Code

after to many years of the purgatory that is 2 monitors.
i now have 3 with one being a cintiq.

!rant
So I got bored and decided to drop some Easter egg cats into Google trouble reports because why not? Well I sent one off on regular Google Allo and it ran this search. None of my other cats did anything like this even with other black cats. Any ideas?

any time i come up with a cleaver solution to a problem I remember my cousin who works for nasa and i mope about how I've waisted my life and nothing i do matters.

Buying a brand new laptop, I think I'll save some money and get an i5 instead of an i7 and then turn around the next day and decide I hate money and I love having a computer that's more powerful than I need it to be.

docs of function getBook: `returns a book`
no way!
*slaps forehead*

Spend the same amount of time looking for and testing existing npm packages as it would take to build something from scratch.

Nothing yet, but Boss is still certain that building our own is unnecessary.
😐

Woo, my first rant have >10 +1's. Gonna get me some free stickers in the mail!

Work work, coffee coffee, work work, vape.🔁

Code editors as Doom skill levels:
coda = I'm too young to die.
notepad++ = Hey, not to rough.
sublime = Hurt me plenty.
vi = Ultra-Violence.
emacs = Nightmare!

when you been coding too long to see that extra </div> that's messing up your page