Every Dev vacancy should be like this and I mean EVERY! weed out the fucking posers

Was lead developer at a small startup, I was hiring and had a budget to add 3 new people to my team to develop a new product for the company.

Some context first and then the rant!

Candidate 1 - Amazing, a dev I worked with before who was under utilized at the previous company. Still a junior, but, she was a quick learner and eager to expand her knowledge, never an issue.

Candidate 2 - Kickass dev with back end skills and extras, he was always eager to work a bit more than what was expected. I use to send him home early to annoy him. haha!

Candidate 3 - Lets call him P.

In the interview he answers every question perfectly, he asks all the right questions and suggests some things I havent even thought of. CTO goes ahead and says we should skip the technical test and just hire the guy, his smart and knows what his talking about, I agree and we hire him. (We where a bit desperate at this stage as well.)

He comes in a week early to pick up his work laptop to get setup before he starts the next week, awesome! This guy is going to be an asset to the company, cant wait to have him join the team - The CTO at this stage is getting ready to leave the company and I will be taking over the division and need someone to take over lead position, he seems like the guys to do it.

The guys starts the next week, he comes in and the laptop we gave him is now a local server for testing and he will be working off his own laptop, no issue, we are small so needed a testing stack, but wasnt really needed since we had procedures in place for this already.

Here is where everything goes wrong!!! First day goes great... Next day he gets in early 6:30am (Nice! NO!), he absolutely smells, no stinks, of weed, not a light smell, the entire fucking office smells of weed! (I have no problem with weed, just dont make it my problem to deal with). I get called by boss and told to sort this out people are complaining! I drive to office and have a meeting with him, he says its all good he understands. (This was Friday).

Monday comes around - Get a call from Boss at 7:30am. Whole office smells like weed, please talk to P again, this cannot happen again. I drive to office again, and he again says it wont happen again, he has some issues with back pain and the weed helps.

Tuesday - Same fucking thing! And now he doesnt want to sign for the laptop("server") that was given to him, and has moved to code in the boardroom, WHERE OUR FUCKING CLIENTS WILL BE VIEWING A DEMO THAT DAY OF THE PRODUCT!! Now that whole room smells like weed, FML!

Wednesday - We send P a formal letter that he is under probation, P calls me to have a meeting. In the meeting he blames me for not understanding "new age" medicine, I ask for his doctors prescription and ask why he didnt tell me this in the interview so I could make arrangements, we dont care if you are stoned, just do good work and be considerate to your co-workers. P cant provide these and keeps ranting, I suggest he takes pain killers, he has none of it only "new age" medicine for him.

Thursday - I ask him to rather "work" from home till we can get this sorted, he comes in for code reviews for 2 weeks. I can clearly see he has no idea how the system works but is trying, I thought I will dive deeper and look at all of his code. Its a mess, nothing makes sense and 50% of it is hard coded (We are building a decentralized API for huge data sets so this makes no sense).

Friday - In code review I confront him about this, he has excuses for everything, I start asking him harder questions about the project and to explain what we are building - he goes quiet and quits on the spot with a shitty apology.

From what I could make out he was really smart when it came to theory but interpreting the theory to actual practice wasnt possible for him, probably would have been easier if he wasnt high all the time.

I hate interview code tests, but learned a valuable lesson that day! Always test for some code knowledge as well even if you hate doing it, ask the right questions and be careful who you hire! You can only bullshit for so long in coding before someone figures out that you are a fraud.

!rant

Programming is a huge blessing i believe we all should be thankful to. For me, it literally turned my life around.

11 months ago i was fighting a losing battle with depression, and contemplated suicide constantly. I would use a self remedy of smoking weed and sleeping all day long. I was depressed because i felt my life had no real value. I was doing nothing, and its kind of an infinite loop.

You don't do anything, so you feel bad, so you don't do anything, and so on.

That was until i finally took the step that changed my life. I searched and wanted to learn something. I always liked web pages so i thought id get into web development.

Did some research, found out that the fastest way to go was to learn ruby on rails. I followed a tutorial i found online, and literally pushed myself through it. There were times when there where things i didnt understand, and when it was really bad, but i pushed myself through it and i finished the tutorial.

Just finishing the tutorial and learning something new helped me alot. I had already quit smoking and was feeling way better, but after a while i started feeling bad again since i wasnt doing anything after i had finished learning, so i started working on a personal project, creating it from scratch, and just working on it day and night. I worked 14 hours a day, never really leaving my room ( this was during summer vacation ) for a month.

There were many things i didnt understand, but i never gave up and always searched for the solution and read about it until i understood it better. Looking back, there were things i knew could have been done in a better way, but as a first project, im proud of myself, not because it rocks, but because i did not give up.

In the process of starting a new life, i was really lonely. I cut all ties with everyone i knew, since they were all toxic, all i had in my life was ruby on rails and my web application. I wanted to launch it but couldn't due to personal reasons.

Not being able to launch and see something live, something that you worked so hard on, that you put so much effort into, that was devastating to me. I felt as if all my efforts had gone to waste.

And here is what i love most about programming, NOTHING EVER GOES TO WASTE. All that effort you spent on something ? All these all nighters you pulled ? All that frustration from that bug ? It will pay off later. It always does somehow. You get more knowledge and become a better programmer, and sometimes it even gives way to new opportunities and chances you never even expected.

I included my web application in my resume and it helped land me a job as a junior developer in a really nice company. A job that i wouldn't even have dreamed of several months earlier.

Programming and creating something new and learning something new everyday, creating something that people use, that someone else will benefit from and be grateful for, i think we should never take that for granted !

Tl;dr : learning how to code and web development saved my life

Summing up many ridiculous meetings I've been in.

Many years ago we hired someone for HR that came from a large fortune 500 company, really big deal at the time.

Over the next 6 months, she scheduled weekly to bi-weekly, 1 to 2 hour meetings with *everyone* throughout the day. Meeting topics included 'How to better yourself', 'Trust the winner inside you'...you get the idea.

One 2-hour meeting involved taking a personality test. Her big plan was to force everyone to take the test, and weed out anyone who didn't fit the 'company culture'. Whatever that meant.

Knowing the game being played, several of us answered in the most introverted, border-line sociopath, 'leave me the frack alone!' way we could.

When she got the test results back, she called an 'emergency' meeting with all the devs and the VP of IS, deeply concerned about our fit in the company.

HR: "These tests results were very disturbing, but don't worry, none of you are being fired today. Together, we can work as team to bring you up to our standards. Any questions before we begin?"
Me: "Not a question, just a comment about the ABC personality test you used."
<she was a bit shocked I knew the name of the test because it was anonymized on the site and written portion>
Me: "That test was discredited 5 years ago and a few company's sued because the test could be used to discriminate against a certain demographic. It is still used in psychology, but along with other personality tests. The test is not a one-size-fits-all."

VP, in the front row, looked back at me, then at her.
HR: "Well....um...uh...um...We're not using the test that way. No one is getting fired."
DevA: "Then why are we here?"
DevB:"What was the point of the test? I don't understand?"
HR: "No, no...you don't understand...that wasn't the point at all, I'm sorry, this is getting blown out of proportion."
VP: "What is getting blown out of proportion? Now I'm confused. I think we all need some cooling off. Guys, head back to the office and let me figure out the next course of action."

She was fired about two weeks later. Any/all documentation relating to the tests were deleted from the server.

When you are high on weed

Devs regularly complain that our skills are not valued enough and that people think what we do is easy.

But, we don't really help the cause when we run around casually claiming to be "full stack" and not turning down work that clearly isn't in our area of competence.

We act more like Victorian amateur scientists.

Every seen a "full stack" doctor when you go to hospital? "Brain to feet---I can do it all."

OK, we have general practitioners, but they are really the BAs of the medical world. When it comes to getting into the weed, everyone specializes.

Full stack lawyer? "Hey, you did an excellent job of dealing with my house purchase. I've just been accused of murder. Can you represent me?"

While we continue to say that we can provide a high quality "full stack" experience I think we are signaling that this stuff *is* easy.

I don't even know if this should be a rant or a good thing, but here it goes:

my boss smokes (legal) weed in the office, under the AC, so the smoke goes up and it spreads all over the place => we all get a bit stoned

Day 1 10:00 am
Login to email account (Zimbra)
Your password is incorrect (I entered it correctly, this was a permanent issue ,used to happen in the company with many employees)
Reset your password by logging into internal company portal.

11:00 am
Logged into company portal, somehow. 2 Mbps internet shared among 104 people, you can imagine the speed.
Reset email password
* your password has been sent to your email id*
Are you fucking kidding me? U have emailed me the password to the same email I can't log in to?
Where did the architecture designer get this top notch weed from?

Day 2
Asked HR to reset my password (using a colleague's email)

Day 3
No reply from HR yet

Day 4
I went to meet HR, she's on vacation. So they have 1 person managing the password reset, for 5000 people with no backup person. Cool.

Day 5
Your internal company password has expired. Check your email for link to create new password. This is some next level shit going on.

Day 6
I called up Internal IT team to generate a new email for me.
They asked me to raise a ticket.
I can't raise a ticket because the only way to do so, is through the portal.

Day 7
Nothing. Btw, personal email and all social networks were banned. You can't even open stackoverflow.
And this was a research lab, amazing huh?

Day 8
Loss of pay for 4 days since I can't login to company portal to fill timesheet.

Day 9
HR comes back. Resets my password.
I try to generate my new password for portal.
The password policy:
Password can't be same as last 10 passwords
Passwords expire every week
8 characters minimum, 2 upper case, 2 lower case, NO SPECIAL SYMBOL. WTF. How long do u think its gonna take to crack that?

Fuckers had a company wise policy to automatically lock PC every 1 min if not used. Who the fuck can keep on using it continuously! I'm reading an article, and bam ! Locked. 2 wrong entries and that's it, repeat all steps again. Fuckers really didn't want to let me do my job, just keep on logging in all day.

Email. Fuck everything about it.

It's an obnoxious queue of messages I somehow must handle. And everyone in society expects you to have email. You can cancel your phone number, maybe even live without a house... but every hobo still must check their email.

It is an endless shitstream of things I don't want. Like a garden with some nice tomato plants, but then a really smelly weed starts invading and no matter what you do it keeps coming back.

I don't want to login to unsubscribe. I don't care about your "notifications center", or "managing the offers you receive from us".

And then your boss asks you to design an email campaign... I don't want to receive that shit, why would our customers? And even if I agreed with using email as a communication channel... YOU THOUGHT CSS IN INTERNET EXPLORER WAS A BITCH?

No really. Fuck email. Fuck everything about it.

Late at night
"Your eyes look red." said the cop.
"Have you been smoking weed?".
"I am a developer" he replied.

Modified from Reddit

!Story

The day I became the 400 pound Chinese hacker 4chan.

I built this front-end solution for a client (but behind a back end login), and we get on the line with some fancy European team who will handle penetration testing for the client as we are nearing dev completion.

They seem... pretty confident in themselves, and pretty disrespectful to the LAMP environment, and make the client worry even though it's behind a login the project is still vulnerable. No idea why the client hired an uppity .NET house to test a LAMP app. I don't even bother asking these questions anymore...

And worse, they insist we allow them to scrape for vulnerabilities BEHIND the server side login. As though a user was already compromised.

So, I know I want to fuck with them. and I sit around and smoke some weed and just let this issue marinate around in my crazy ass brain for a bit. Trying to think of a way I can obfuscate all this localStorage and what it's doing... And then, inspiration strikes.

I know this library for compressing JSON. I only use it when localStorage space gets tight, and this project was only storing a few k to localStorage... so compression was unnecessary, but what the hell. Problem: it would be obvious from exposed source that it was being called.

After a little more thought, I decide to override the addslashes and stripslashes functions and to do the compression/decompression from within those overrides.

I then minify the whole thing and stash it in the minified jquery file.

So, what LOOKS from exposed client side code to be a simple addslashes ends up compressing the JSON before putting it in localStorage. And what LOOKS like a stripslashes decompresses.

Now, the compression does some bit math that frankly is over my head, but the practical result is if you output the data compressed, it looks like mandarin and random characters. As a result, everything that can be seen in dev tools looks like the image.

So we GIVE the penetration team login credentials... they log in and start trying to crack it.

I sit and wait. Grinning as fuck.

Not even an hour goes by and they call an emergency meeting. I can barely contain laughter.

We get my PM and me and then several guys from their team on the line. They share screen and show the dev tools.

"We think you may have been compromised by a Chinese hacker!"

I mute and then die my ass off. Holy shit this is maybe the best thing I've ever done.

My PM, who has seen me use the JSON compression technique before and knows exactly whats up starts telling them about it so they don't freak out. And finally I unmute and manage a, "Guys... I'm standing right here." between gasped laughter.

If only it was more common to use video in these calls because I WISH I could have seen their faces.

Anyway, they calmed their attitude down, we told them how to decompress the localStorage, and then they still didn't find jack shit because i'm a fucking badass and even after we gave them keys to the login and gave them keys to my secret localStorage it only led to AWS Cognito protected async calls.

Anyway, that's the story of how I became a "Chinese hacker" and made a room full of penetration testers look like morons with a (reasonably) simple JS trick.

Who else is bout to roll up and smoke

High coding is much more fun than drunk coding.

0. Get a raise
1. Nove out
2. Learn GoLang
3. Have a threesome
4. More weed
5. Build a blockchain project

Arch Linux users look to other Linux users in the same way as weed smoker look at cigg smoker

What Keeps u awake all night
(When u have to complete a project overnight)
1. Cigarette?
2.Weed?
3. Coffee?
4. Tea?
5. Redbull?
6. Beer?
7. Glucose? (As in my case 😛)
8. Anything else?

Coffee, weed, and NPR.

Don't judge me!

Yooo, we got the new 420 Linux Kernel!

I've been coding for over 8 years, and whenever a recruiter says we have you do these coding challenges or recite them an algorithm from memory, I say "You know, the longer you've been programming, the less you remember how to do this stuff, because you don't use it in real life." They say, "Well we just want to see how you think and how you solve problems." B.S.
These types of algorithmic programming challenges besides the simpler ones don't show how you think. A lot of stuff like the dynamic programming and other optimization problems were solved by phd professors after many years of research. Nobody would think up these solutions on their own.
These programming challenges weed out
experienced developers unless they want to
take the time to re-learn this stuff. It explains why google, facebook or amazon are filled with young and inexperienced developers and how come it takes so many thousands of them to get anything done, and they still have buggy products...

Some of y'all are way too intense. Smoke some weed or something man shit. Y'all be acting passionate over nothing. Breathe in, breathe out

I pitched a homebuilt Raspberry Pi and AWS IoT automation solution for my weed guys grow op.

Now the fucker wants me to actually build it and to pay me in weed.

Welp, fuck that shit.

The boss just called me to tell me d good news that they won't need me anymore...

I made them 1 project for about a year ( + fixing/updating few other projects )

... and that apparently is all they need for now and r gonna back to IT crowd ( read this as 2 ppl IT department )

was fun =]

Weekend starts now!!
Beer, pet projects and weed all a developer needs.

When you need to chill while coding

Just doing pet sitting for the amazing girl that featured in one of my last rants, and she left a bag of weed in an envelope for me. I love that woman.

I hate setting up case statements cause it's hard to cover every case. What if a virus puts a gun to my programs head? What if my program is at a cache party and chrome offers it weed? What if my program isn't gay, but $20 is $20?

Ah Monday morning. Time to smoke a joint and forget why I am still at this dead-end job.

Voting feels like shit.

Seriously. Why? Because I have to vote for parties and representatives that might have one interest in common with me but go against my points of view almost all of the time. "We'll introduce a freedom of information act and legalize weed for better drug policy and youth protection!" -- WOW Great I'll vote for yo .. " ...and we'll also come to your home kill your dog, rape your family and shit in your back yard." -- oh f*** WHY? why do I have to live in a system were I am constantly forced to trade shit for even worse shit? Why can't I vote for policies or at least some kind of 'single' - issue representative?

I know that solving this problem is not easy and I do not claim to have the magical solution. "Not voting is even worse" sure but I am getting so fucking tired of it. It doesn't feel like progression and it sure as hell does not feel like it matters because in the end of the day you are just voting for the party that's at least going to use lube when raping you. I hate these ad hominem politics where we don't discuss the ideas but the people who represent them. I honestly don't give a fuck about who you are, if you're gay, married, or are left-wing, right-wing, conservative or liberal, in the end its about finding a good solution for everyone and not about the people implementing it. I don't care about politicians private lifes or worldviews (in terms of ideals, morals, religion etc.) , I care about finding the solutions to problems and having a wide array of opinions in order to discuss ideas and to find a valid and good way to go forward. "you can't agree with that person at all, because he's evil", yeah you know what? I don't care. It's about the ideas, arguments, discussions and solutions, not about the people who discuss them.

"I made a discovery today. I found a computer. Wait a second, this is cool. It does what I want it to. If it makes a mistake, it's because I
screwed it up. Not because it doesn't like me...
Or feels threatened by me...
Or thinks I'm a smart ass...
Or doesn't like teaching and shouldn't be here...
Damn kid. All he does is play games. They're all alike."

I know ppl say there is no place like home...

but after returning from places like this one, I just wanna go back there...

Tried working while high...

1/10
Don't do this sgut afgain

!dev

I come from a small shitty valley where all that people want to achieve is getting approved for loans to buy more cows and shit.. My only friend comes from there as well but he’s different, more like me.. build a life, get out and pursuit something better and bigger..
We grew up smoking everything we could and drinking everything we got because what else are we gonna do, put shit on fire? Been there, done that.. it sucks growing up on the poop hole of the world.
We both left that shithole and started careers but he’s throwing it all out the window.. he’s getting caught with weed, DUI and shit. just a few years ago he got off of more serious drugs.. He built a career and shit for about 10 years but right now he’s just throwing it all away because drugs are in his comfort zone. But he has to go give Pias samples for a while now and if he doesn’t stop he is not getting his license back and the unemployment insurance won’t even pay him because (although he lost the job because of Covid) they said it’s because he smokes weed.
Without the license goes his career as he’s a service electrician.

So fucking hurtful to see, man.
And so hard to accept that he won’t listen and than I’m not his dad who can tell him what to do..

90% of the kids I grew up with who managed to leave that shit hole ended up as homeless junkies.. I guess I’m happy to have the mindset to not end up like them.. and that’s really all it is, the mindset is the only difference (which is complex in itself of course like parenting and stuff)

Developed web shop for weed dealer
once. Paid me in weed. His plan was to sell cosmetics through the site and move away from drug dealing altogether. Not sure if he actually did it, as I was too high to finish it..

that's what is called to $urf the hype wave ;)

In my unenlightened youth, when programming was a module in my college diploma that didn't seem to be taking me where I wanted to go, I had a couple of guys guy in my class that could arguably be the weird ones.

Jonny, although he asserted that he was to be called "Jonhty", whatever, we never did. He was pretty much top of the high school food chain and for some reason elected to study computer science, none of us was prepared to put up with his shit. He was always boasting about some fanciful claim or another, famously entering the classroom and exclaiming he'd "fucked an absolute milf" and seemed somewhat evasive about the answer, turns out he was 17 and she was 35, the age difference was greater than his own age. We burst out laughing. He would also turn up late and state the college bus was late (it wasn't I got the free bus every day, he'd just not got out his wanking chariot early enough).

One valentine's day we got him a card from a mysterious stranger which was accompanied by a package containing a cucumber and Vaseline, the inside of the card read "to assist you in the following request: please go fuck yourself".

Before you think we were being unduly harsh, we had a centre table where we'd be taught from with computers around the outer rim of the room. He'd come up behind people while at the centre desk, quietly press ctrl+P and slowly walk back to the printer. I saw him do it to my machine and I got to the printer first, to which he shouted "that's MY work" which was amusing because unbeknownst to him I had put headers on all my documents so he really didn't have an answer for why my name was at the top of every page.

To top it all off he had dead eyes, there didn't appear to be much going on but the rent, there was no spark of intelligent life, and while I thought it, I never said it out loud, but other students did and I had to agree. He was just copying his way to graduation. However, he ultimately didn't graduate when people refused to allow him to copy.

Another guy, Richard I believe his name was, which is just as well because he was a right dick. In the UK our word for white trash is "chav" (that's a very naïve explanation for it but that's another rant best left for "socialsciencerant") and he was an complete idiot who was gifted with more brain cells than he ever needed to use. He actually studied hard and got reasonable grades, probably on par with me, but he boasted about smoking weed all the time, he was forever playing dark side of the moon via his loud mp3 player. I kinda left him alone generally until he was high in class one time and while we we're watching a documentary he'd shake my chair and make a weird noise in my ear every few minutes, the first couple of times startled me, the remaining multi-dozen times pissed me off.

It all came to a head with this guy when I'd been hearing about his uninteresting bs on drugs, music and how best to spend my time ("you need to lighten up man, come round my house, take a joint and relax man", that sorta thing), well this guy walked like he was mid way through shitting himself so I personally think that perhaps he is too chilled. Anyway he's arguing with me and after the exchange of him making his point, me disagreeing and expecting the end of it, he made the mistake of saying two words to me:

"Listen, mate..."

And I had him in check mate.

"Listen, I ain't your fucking mate , I don't even like you, you're a disruptive annoying twat that thinks he knows it all, we're all 17, none of us know anything, so shut the fuck up, sit the fuck down and stop boring me with your drugs, I ain't interested, and for the record I think pink Floyd ruined prog rock!"

He looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes, and started with the "but, why?", However I was interrupted and had to leave the class for unrelated reasons, I returned to be told he'd put safety pins up right on my chair so I'd sit on them, and mutual friends who TD me I'd been cruel and that he doesn't was hurt, so I should apologize, he overheard and said he was sorry for bring a bit of a dick.

However, you just know when you don't get on with someone? Yeah, that. So I said I wasn't sorry for what I said, for while it was harsh, I am not his mate, nor did I want to be his mate and that was all I had to say on the subject, and that if he wants to take offensive to a nobody not liking him then he's in for a very rough time in life.

Unsurprisingly I don't keep in touch with anyone from college!

Did a nasty thing in prod...

Very nasty.

So nasty even default graph tells me something about going yolo in prod.

Maybe it's weed. But feels like that graph tells me not to trry this shit ever again.

Not CS degree, but EE, and totally worth the effort. Not only that without degree, I wouldn't get jobs in many companies, but I actually learnt a lot. Laplace and Fourier will be as valid in a 100 years as they were 200 years ago.

Yeah, it was fucking hard. Math was rather OK, only 50% of the students failed the first exam. EE was harder, 90% failed at the first try. That wasn't regarded as problem - on the contrary, the exams were designed to weed out. After two semesters, we already had 50% student loss.

I remember what the EE prof told us in the first semester: we would learn a lot of things, but most importantly, to think like an engineer. Didn't make sense right away, but 5 years later, I knew what he had been talking about.

gotta love the rainbow shining over my net hole. The time for download is now!

OS as weeddealers:
Windows has standard weed. Nothing special, but reliable.
Linux got a great selection, but you always gotta haggle with him for hours until something works out.
Mac sells oregano.

After 4 months of remote working I can honestly say the biggest downside is that weed is really really expensive, even if you grow it.

Can we just give a round of applause to the brilliant recruiters that decided to add Microsoft Word as a requirement.

You know...to weed out all the computer illiterate software engineers......

I asked the VMware crew at work when we were going to virtualize our network. This was about 5 years ago. I got basically laughed at for suggesting it. I asked when we were going to adopt Azure AD to ensure us being ready for moving to teams etc. Got insults back with how bad the cloud is.

Guess what two projects are getting finalized now? Glad I left that company. Going to enjoy some nice mellow weed, enjoy my 30 day x-mas vacay and jump fresh at a new position. New upstart with a security maker for the maritime sector. A company that embraces new tech by making it them selfs. New day with aiding in the development of an IoT based solution with cloud support.

Happy holidays peeps.

Guys!!!!
Guysss!!!!
And girls....
when your stoned and drunk as me, please watch "This is Not Happening" on youtube....
I'm crying here of laughter...
OMG
The bear... Oh , To baad no more bozze

finally did it =]

Have you ever tried to code after smoking some weed?

now we r talkin'. don't you dare change the status. I even plan to be quiet as much as I can endure to enjoy the 1K++

P.S. 10x @retoor

dev, ~boring

This is either a shower thought or a sober weed thought, not really sure which, but I've given some serious consideration to "team composition" and "working condition" as a facet of employment, particularly in regard to how they translate into hiring decisions and team composition.

I've put together a number of teams over the years, and in almost every case I've had to abide by an assemblage of pre-defined contexts that dictated the terms of the team working arrangement:

1. a team structure dictated to me
2. a working temporality scheme dictated to me
3. a geographic region in which I was allowed to hire
4. a headcount, position tuple I was required to abide by

I've come to regard these structures as weaknesses. It's a bit like the project management triangle in which you choose 1-2 from a list of inadequate options. Sometimes this is grounded in business reality, but more often than not it's because the people surrounding the decisions thrive on risk mitigation frameworks that become trickle down failure as they impose themselves on all aspects of the business regardless of compatibility.

At the moment, I'm in another startup that I have significantly more control over and again have found my partners discussing the imposition of structure and framework around how, where, why, who and what work people do before contact with any action. My mind is screaming at me to pull the cord, as much as I hate the expression. This stems from a single thought:

"Hierarchy and structure should arise from an understanding of a problem domain"

As engineers we develop processes based on logic; it's our job, it's what we do. Logic operates on data derived from from experiments, so in the absence of the real we perform thought experiments that attempt to reveal some fundamental fact we can use to make a determination.

In this instance we can ask ourselves the question, "what works?" The question can have a number contexts: people, effort required, time, pay, need, skills, regulation, schedule. These things in isolation all have a relative importance ( a weight ), and they can relatively expose limits of mutual exclusivity (pay > budget, skills < need, schedule < (people * time/effort)). The pre-imposed frameworks in that light are just generic attempts to abstract away those concerns based on pre-existing knowledge. There's a chance they're fine, and just generally misunderstood or misapplied; there's also a chance they're insufficient in the face of change.

Fictional entities like the "A Team," comprise a group of humans whose skills are mutually compatible, and achieve synergy by random chance. Since real life doesn't work on movie/comic book logic, it's easy to dismiss the seed of possibility there, that an organic structure can naturally evolve to function beyond its basic parts due to a natural compatibility that wasn't necessarily statistically quantifiable (par-entropic).

I'm definitely not proposing that, nor do I subscribe to the 10x ninja founders are ideal theory. Moreso, this line of reasoning leads me to the thought that team composition can be grown organically based on an acceptance of a few observed truths about shipping products:

1. demand is constant
2. skills can either be bought or developed
3. the requirement for skills grows linearly
4. hierarchy limits the potential for flexibility
5. a team's technically proficiency over time should lead to a non-linear relationship relationship between headcount and growth

Given that, I can devise a heuristic, organic framework for growing a team:

- Don't impose reporting structure before it has value (you don't have to flatten a hierarchy that doesn't exist)
- crush silos before they arise
- Identify needed skills based on objectives
- base salary projections on need, not available capital
- Hire to fill skills gap, be open to training since you have to pay for it either way
- Timelines should always account for skills gap and training efforts
- Assume churn will happen based on team dynamics
- Where someone is doesn't matter so long as it's legal. Time zones are only a problem if you make them one.
- Understand that the needs of a team are relative to a given project, so cookie cutter team composition and project management won't work in software
- Accept that failure is always a risk
- operate with the assumption that teams that are skilled, empowered and motivated are more likely to succeed.
- Culture fit is a per team thing, if the team hates each other they won't work well no matter how much time and money you throw at it

Last thing isn't derived from the train of thought, just things I feel are true:

- Training and headcount is an investment that grows linearly over time, but can have exponential value. Retain people, not services.
- "you build it, you run it" will result in happier customers, faster pivoting. Don't adopt an application maintenance strategy

/rant

Story Time.

I was hanging around at a friend's place when she informed me that her roommate is throwing a really lavish party 50kms away from the city. I got invited by said roommate and I agreed to go.

When we arrived at the venue, there were like 100+ people at this place, all smoking weed drinking and dancing in loud music. I was also stoned at that point.

So at one point, my friend abandoned me and I found myself talking to 10 complete strangers. I realized that I was on my own and thought about seeing how much rizz I got.

Mind you that everyone was drunk and there was loud music everywhere so there was no way anyone else knew that I was getting shot down lol.

After couple rejections, I straight up went to a girl and said "You want to smoke weed and make out in the bathroom?" And to my surprise, she said yes. So, we both already high and drunk slipped into the bathroom and made out for like 10 mins and I smoked all my weed with her.

Then, at some other point, my friend showed up and we went home. The one thing I missed, was asking for her number, which I kicked myself later for. I guess stoners don't realize they have phones.

So just finished my last algorithms and data structures class frequency, feeling pretty confident about the grade, today it'll be all weed, pizza and sex. Life is good :')

the man has a point...

I used to collect rubber ducks back in college. I was absolutely crazy about it and tried getting my hands on almost all different types available like the Punk duck, the Pirate duck, the Weed duck....and so on.

I met this girl who was into the same thing and we ended up banding together to create a sort of webpage where we'd write crazy and hilarious origin stories for each of these ducks. We'd go to great lengths to create ridiculous comic book style encounters between them and had a lot of fun doing it.

We dated for a while but it didn't last.

The first PC I was exposured too. At the begining I was just playing games, but then I learned about BASIC and was intrigued enough to start typing the sample source codes which was listed in popular sience magazines.But when I run a simple pong game which was written as 2 player game and decided to make my first AI to play against me which at my first attempt got so perfect that I got not chance to win and then slowed it's reactions so I can actually enjoy playing against it and win some times... well that's the moment I got really hooked.

I didn't know that the dude codes! lol!

!Devrelated

Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC

I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .

I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .

Fortnite I mean.

Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!

Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.

A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.

Anyone else like coding while high? A lot of the time it gives me a different, more simple, point of view of my problem which helps me find a solution a good amount of the time

I smoke a lot of weed, then code for half an hour in my petproject and then I can do whatever the fuck im suposed to do

so... not really a rant because i'm happy to be in the long-term zenlike state where i don't really give a fuck about anything anymore, but...

so today's my birthday (thanks in advance for all the semi-mandatory "cheers" reactions and such)

the agency i do temp jobs through sends money weekly (for the one week back) (which is the main and only reason i use them). they arrive at friday 12:25, so that's when i know to go "check" by withdrawing it, and it's also awesome because it's the best time to provide funds to reward myself (by booze/weed) at the end of the week.

last week, nothing came in. i called them and learned it was due to the contact person in the company i did job in being too late on sending the agency list of people who showed up at the work, i was told it's gonna arrive one week later together with the proper payment for the week-1,so effectively i was one week without any money (literally), but on the next week double was going to arrive, which is nice.

that next week of double was now. i found out that no double arrived, only single-value payment. i called them to ask why.
i was told that what arrived was the late payment, and the dude in company was again late with sending the presence list, so the other payment, for the proper week's work, will be a week late again.

so... that kinda ruined my financial planning tor tge week that's going to happen.

i guess my point (if i have any) is... funny how when someone fucks up, there's nobody for me to be angry at and hold responsible in any way, but when i have delays in my work due to delays upstream, nobody gives a shit about my excuses and it's my fault and i should have compensated, it was my responsibility and duty, and me not doing it (to my own detriment, for someone else) is me failing.

funny how the subjective dynamics of the world always somehow works out in a way where everyone else fucks up and i either have to suck it up and be okay with it otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole, or suck it up and extinguish their fire for them, otherwise i'm a selfish unreliable entitled asshole XD

anyone else noticed this in their life?
how does it work? what is the factor that decides whether you're in the "suck it up" class or the "fuck it, someone else will suck it up" class?

doesn't seem to (just) be the money(flow), i've seen this thing happen even in situations where the money/client dynamics were flowing the opposite way to what would be natural for the shit fall direction.

I would like to rant one more time about my internship.

I began in July, the first. That's my sister who helped me to find this internship and I was a little scared about how bad it could be.
I came at the office, my boss told me that I would work in an "Innovation lab", an apartment where people works on projects that are less corporate than the enterprise's ones.

To me, it was amazing. So I came in this apartment, it was like a dream. I didn't know that I would have such luck to be in this environment : kitchen, sofas, beds, many decorations for all political ideologies, ideas. There was some decorations that were about weed and many cool things for the young guy I am.

The lab's leader told me that it was a very free environment and all the awesome stuff I could use.
Then they showed me where I would work.

We were two interns employed as web developers. We had a complete room for us.
Then we began to work there, and I was presented to my internship tutor.
He gave me some instructions but told me that I had a week before the project begin.

Here began the troubles.

We waited a complete week without having any instructions. Then we began to build something in PHP with our knowledge and the informations someone from the lab gave us.
When finally we had news from the project, two weeks later, we learned that the project would be built with ASP. NET.
Here we go, I learn ASP. NET alone. I have many problems and nobody helps (even if the problem comes from enterprise's API/Framework). I finally make something usable with no help, after I discovered that my mate wasn't developer at all and just took an option for her classes which forced her to get an internship.

She had 3 month left, I had 6.
Then when the project really began, nobody came to verify what I was doing and on a meeting, they said that I was doing nothing.

The boss even became mad on us because he couldn't see what we were doing (we're back end developers).
I asked for help to the developers of the enterprise and someone came, sad to have to help an internship, and learned some tricks but nothing else.

To have a concrete explanation of what DDD was, I had to ask 4 times for help.

Finally I had something that could receive data from the connected hives we are working on and store them into a database in the architecture of the enterprise.

Then, they wanted me to try an API for them. I tried, and it wasn't working at all. So they make me still wait to change my whole architecture when the API will be released.

Recently, I was told that I would never do the front-end of the project (which was an horror because of the fantasm of the lab leader). Then they realized that my late wasn't a programmer. So they asked me to make a prototype for the front-end. I did for a presentation.

Then they didn't tell me the device they would use for the presentation and it was an iPhone 7. Idk why, safari couldn't display what IE can.

They blamed me for having done a bad work. It wasn't my job. I did it to help because they can't find a fucking front-end developer with a little more experience than me.

Actually, I am an alone developer since my mate is gone and the lab leader don't want me to show up because she considers me as a shame.
I asked to be moved back in the office of the enterprise, they agreed and said it was a 2-weeks delay. It's the Thursday of the second week and I have no news. I send mails to my tutor, even SMS, he doesn't answer me. They didn't call me to give me my pay with a week late. And the person who is responsible doesn't answer me neither. I came to see her, but she wasn't available. I'm now alone in a desk, waiting the time to pass.

Fucking this shit.

I'm in France.

EDIT : I forgot to say that I can't use the sofas or bed because I'm allergic to cats and there were 3 cats. Now there is still one and this beast vomits and poos everywhere in the house...

Working 18 hours per day was tough, at the beginning coffee helped a lot. However I started loosing friends and the little free time I had, I spent it drinking, lonely in anonymous pubs, trying to socialise.
Workload increased and stress started to affect me, so I began smoking weed to relax.
To recover and work with renewed energy coffee was not enough anymore, I started with pills, amphetamines, coke, crack. After the biggest deployments I would disappear for days in an opium den.

Work, it's a gateway drug.

me at the moment =)

Fresh linux install's smell > own fresh weed smell

What's ur stand 'bout scraping publicly available info? Like is it legal, ethical etc.

duck of the day

Weed > clubbing

have a break, have a pancake! home made, hand made ( no robots were harmed during the process ), eastern european ( balkan ) style

Finally got an offer from a multinational org i could previously only dream of. Ugh i really deserve it plus i didn’t fuck myself over by not negotiating this time. Got an extra 10k on stock options which was wild. Bye bye leetcode, hello Netflix and weed for the next month until i resume in August.
Such a relief knowing my family will not starve and die (joke but i am my family’s support so i was a quite worried last month when the interviews just seemed endless).

Want:
AI that can be smart enough to interface with recruiters and companies during a job search. A way to weed out the shit companies and recruiters.

If they can do this, we can too!

Did I just come up with a service?

debian @ work ;]

look what we have here

at the beach...

...well I tried... 2 x 15 mins does count right...

someone made a port of the old 'nu pogody' game for the F0, it's not 1-1 but still like it... till that points no difficulty rise, will see later, or if I find the source will just modify it =]

Global variables destroyed my day

Of course you can call me a bad programmer and all. When you have the idea, sometimes globals make it seem easy, accessible and "saving resources". They are devils.

The app was connected to a suite of applications. So I ended up silently destroying it neighbors. I committed and pushed the shit. Just when the testers made their weed high smoke tests, a server stopped working.

I got an email that boss wanted the latest version, I reverted the wrong branch, which had code unrelated to its name, pushed shit again and voila.

I went to the bathroom and laughed. I had to take a smoke. I'm still laughing while typing this. The damage is too much and I can't help it. I'll go home, leave this pc on and work remotely through the night. It might be the hysterics speaking now, but I messed up, and I need magic by friday morning.

Now I know why all developers come to The Next Web in Amsterdam

TITANOSAURUS CRAP!!!
Whose idea was to send an e-mail at 11pm about a dev job convention for this weekend!!! And on top of that there will be testing to weed out the candidates!
SIMPLY GREAT! I have to be off town for unavoidable family matters for three days without Internet connection...
Thanks a lot automated mail system for letting me know 4 days in advance that I will fail!!!
It's not that things were awful enough, now I have one more reason to be stressed, get more rashes and weep internally!

floating ducky in a jar

they gave me my assestment results on todays interview ( american company w/ many red flags... ) : 89% with avg. 54%

for context : it was 40 questions for 20 mins. like many of them was how many of the pics are exactly the same and what is the next in the sequence ( not a single dev related )

finished them with about 2 mins left =]

what's the diference between a computer and american?

My Boss Abuses me, should I leave my job?

I overheard this tidbit on a bus recently. Okay I'm lying. But in the great spans of
time I've spent reading "dear annie" type articles, many involving how often my meth head step dads beat me while growing up, or in turn how often *I* beat me (oh yeah)..I've come across this in one form another, this, and other dumbfuck questions from the stuttering meek and halfhearted.

They say there are no dumb questions. Well, like that guy who smoked too much weed and
asked "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" (fap fap fap), there are in fact dumb questions.The world is overflowing with them, like a clogged shitter full of tacobell and glitter covered brown gutter wisdom. And it smells like roses, if roses smelled like shit.

Questions like "How do I make sure my cats don't feel lonely once I have my first child?"

I don't know, they're fucking cats. Did you even google this before asking?

Or

"How to make spaghetti?"

Really, is this question written by a bot?

"What is the best javascript framework in year x?"

All of them and none of them. Welcome to hell.

"Whats your favorite color?"

My answer: I'm not five years old any more. And obviously you are. Why are you on this site instead of eating crayons at daycare?

Yes indeed, this and many more dumbfuck questions await you and can be found on the preeminent quora, amongst other sites.
A place, which censored an eminently reasonable answer of mine (I was totally not being a shithead btw).
I responded in kind by removing a whole mess of long form answers of mine.

What I have learned from the experience is this: Humanity is greatly comprised of many people who, having no brains to speak of, wander aimlessly like beasts of the field, glass eyed and slack jawed, in search of a savior. But their savior came a long time ago, once, and many times before. An engineer, or programmer, or perhaps in another reincarnation a guy parting a sea of koolaid after the local ruler swindled his peeps out of another payment for moving some heavy ass stone blocks, but I digress.

And in response to peoples worries, anxieties, everyday problems and concerns, every one of these would be wiseman, every one of these saviors, leaders, and great men spoke these magic words which resonate now down through the ages like the voice of reason and providence:

"Read the FUCKING manual."

"And don't bother me again asshole." (well this last bit is all me, but I'm sure others said it too.)

I am looking for a job. Ok, alright. This woman calls me with her phone. After a bit of a coordination effort, she proceeds to give me the most pyramid scheme speech that could pyramid scheme. And she said I was fucking chosen because of my IT knowledge... Which I feel fucking insulted about.

This is not my first time brushing against pyramid schemes. Oriflame, if you've heard of it, is another one of the pyramid schemes that, confusingly enough, has product.

But my whole point is, they literally hunted me down because of my age, asked about my goddamn zodiac sign which is always a really good sign (/s), asked me shit like if I have children etc. Like, really. And left no space not to answer most of these.

The whole pyramid scheme industry is basically marketing itself to usually stay-at-home moms, promises an opportunity, etc and they are hard to weed out because they are making their way to normal job hunting websites. Which is how I ran into my first one.

I feel insulted that they'd do this stuff to me but here we are. At least I get the choice of blocking and maybe reporting.

But it really discourages me that that is how things are...

use the GPT they said...

it will buy you some time they continue...

... took me half a day to notice its stupid syntax err which broke the 50 line sniped ( no err in the console ofc ( thanks JS ) )

it would probably take me no more than 15 mins to find a proper example anywhere on the net and apply my vars to it...

why the military always have the best toys...

Arthur this isn't weed

How to Stop #war in #ukraine and #russia? Easy. Just burn a big bush of #cannabis / #weed to the atmosphere, you will see both sides are high AF.

Maybe they both will get high instead of war.

I am John Melody, I want to represent you.

"The difference between a weed and a flower is a judgement." - Wayne Dyer

I feel fucking proud of myself.

I spent the better part of three days trying to figure out how to compile source code on Linux using ./configure and stuff and best place to put the compiled source after running make and it all works. It's such a small thing but seeing as I've been tarnished with Windows this is a great accomplishment to me.

Also because I wasted days figuring this out, jumping to multiple topics, progressing deeper and deeper into different topics to figure it out... abstraction would've been nice...

cool design, don't u think

Wanna play a game?

Rules :

1. each contestant writes a long word in their native lang ( or one they know ) in this format : [ word ], [ lang ], [ chars count ] - [ approximate or exact translation to EN ]

2. the word must be verifiable in one or other way in the net ( so no freshly made up words r used )

3. u can refine ur answer, but max 3 words per account

The longest of them all wins.

I'll start w/ my 1st try :

непротивоконституционствувателствувайте, BG, 39 - do not be unconstitutional

When you upgrade to awesome 4.1 and have to weed through and refactor 863 lines of Lua (not including theme file) -_- i3 is looking pretty good right about now

1. Learn to be meticulous.
1. Learn to anticipate and prepare a functionality up to 90% accuracy and coding it in a one shot.
1. Become advanced in SQL.
1. Increase my modularity abstraction awareness.
1. Learn to TDD properly.
1. Don‘t get angry with my kids but explain to them with papa is always right in a Calm voice.
1. Do the same for partner.
1. Train my speed running in case partner wants to bash me.
1. Become advance d in Java.
1. Learn to write a bot.
1. Learn more about servers and hack at least one thing even if its a wifi.
1. Install kali linux.
1. Make myself a custom pc.
1. Ask god (or buddha if god is too busy) to make days longer.
1. Buy a vaporiser ao i can smoke my weed without mixing it to tobacco.
1. Get my license.
1. Start investing.
1.........

... =]

I'm literally in pain right now and not a thing I can do.

If I eat whatever the fuck is wrong with my jaw (cracked tooth or cavity) starts throbbing from the chewing action, in addition to coming on for no reason at all. vision-blurred-waves-of-nausea levels of pain. Enough that I'm alternating between laughter and almost tears.

I've downed four aspirin and it's still just barely enough WITH the numbing gel.

Got lock jaw something aweful.

Barely convinced a dentists office, which is supposed to be closed (and cancelled all it's appointments due to corona), to come in during quarantine. But thats monday. Dont kno how I'll make it. They do payment plans but I'm flat broke because I decided to pursue programming right when all this fucking bullshit went down.

And all I can think of while im typing this is the pain.

And fuck me I cant do weed because my backup plan if I fail at coding is the military.

And this stray dog that the neighbors 'adopted' but leave outside WONT STOP FUCKING BARKING.

Fuck me. Just kill me now. Do it.

Gonna go watch comedy because I read a research paper that says genuine laughter raises pain threshold by up to 10%.

Do cartoon characters with four fingers per hand (and assuming only two arms) naturally think in octal? Or is it just a happy coincidence that humans developed base 10 because we (normally) have 10 fingers?

Want to weed out bad Devop potential hires? Ask them how their ideal branching strategy is designed. Such a simple question will tell you a lot!

Why did the java developer need glasses..

because he couldn't C# ;)

There is light after the work

for the FF7 fans. Here is my tangram version of the infamous sword. Have a nice day!

!dev

found a video, where a japanese guy presented himself as 'no mass'

he is a fashion designer and his brand is 'no mass production'

If you centre align a 1080x1920 rectangle within a 1920x1920 square, you get two 420x1920 rectangles.

420

Coincidence?

Just wanna say that I love devRant b/c :

1. I can write as l33t as I wish knowing that most of u will get the msg, some of u can decode almost anything ( exceptions r the Manuscript and some of AOK posts )

2. I can be sarcastic, say stupid things w/0 fasing a wave of comfused hate

3. speaking 0f which, d re-@ll haters & <spam>3rs r quickly kicked out ( shout 4 all moderators )

4. most of u r critical thinkers and is a pleasure to read some of d discussions

5. one can learn a lot for the other parts of the IT in which is not involved ( yet )

6. It's hell of a fun around you so keep the spirit burning ( might see ya @ burning man, boom, the freshly re-started love parade or just at random point in our small home )

Love ya all. 10x 4 attending this dev/!dev talk

A bit late.. and not much about how to learn to code..but more of a figuring out if the kid has a right mind set to do so..

If the kid is not the type to question everything, not resourceful, not a logical/critical thinker, gives up easily and especially if not interested in how things work then being a dev is most probably not for them.. they can still persue coding, but it will end badly..

From my experience, people who have a better education than me, but lack those skills turned out to be a crappy dev.. not interested in the best tool to complete the tasks, just making 'something', adding more shit to the already shitty stack.. and being happy with that.. which of course is not the best way to do things around here..or in life!!

Soo.. if the kid shows all that and most importantly shows interest in learning to code.. throw him the java ultimate edition book and see what happens.. joke!

There are plenty of apps thath can get you started (tried mimo, but being devs yourself it's probably not so hard to check some out and weed out the bad ones) that explain simple logic and syntax.. there is w3schools that explains basics quite well and lets you tinker online with js and python..
so maybe show them these and see what happens.. If it will pick their interest, they will soon start to ask the right questions.. and you can go from there..

If the kids are not the 'evil spawns' of already dev parents or don't have crazy dev aunties and uncles, then they will have to work things out themselves or ask friends... or seek help online (the resourceful part comes here).. so google or any flavour of search engines is their friend..

Just hope they don't venture to stack overflow too soon or they will want to kill themselves /* a little joke, but also a bit true.. */

Anyhow, if the kid is exhibiting 'dev traits' it is not even a question how to introduce it to the coding.. they will find a way.. if not, do not force them to learn coding "because it's in and makes you a lot of moneyz"..
As with other things in life, do not force kids to do anything that you think will be best for them.. Point them in direction, show them how it might be fun and usefull, a little nudge in the right direction.. but do not force.. ever!!!

And also another thing to consider.. most of the documentation and code is written in english.. If they are not proficient, they will have a hard time learning, checking docs, finding answers.. so make sure they learn english first!!
Not just for coding, knowing english will help them in life in general. So maaaaybe force them to learn this a bit..

One day my husband came to me and asked me how he can learn.. and if it's too late for him to learn coding.. that he found some app and if I can take a look and tell him what I think, if it is an ok app to learn..
I was both flattered and stumped at the same time..
Explained to him that in my view, he is a bit old to start now, at least to be competitive on the market and to do this for a living, but if it interests him for som personal projects, why not.. you're never too old to start learning and finding a new hobby..

Anyhow, I've pointed out to him that he will have to better his english in order to be able to find the answers to questions and potential problems.. and that I'm happy to help where and when I can, but most of the job will be on him.

So yeah, showed him some tutorials, explained things a bit.. he soon lost interest after a week and was mindblown how I can do this every day..

And I think this is really how you should introduce coding to kids.. show them some easy tutorials, explain simple logic to them.. see how they react.. if they pick it up easily, show them something more advanced.. if they lose interest, let them be.

To sum up:
- check first if they really want to learn this or this is something they're forced to do (if latter everything you say is a waste of everybodys time)
- english is important
- asking questions (& questioning the code) is mandatory so don't be afraid to ask for help
- admitting not knowing something is the first step to learning
- learn to 'google' & weed out the crap
- documentation is your friend
- comments & docs sometimes lie, so use the force (go check the source)
- once you learn the basics its just a matter of language flavour..adjust some logic here, some sintax there..
- if you're stuck with a problem, try to see it from a different angle
- debugging is part of coder life, learn to 'love' it

Music, weed, sleep repeat....
Ya know like lather rinse repeat for the new generation 😂🤣

!dev
Some on here are very open about having addictions or using external things 'to keep going', be better or whatever else reason. I do too myself. (please don't get butthurt)

What do you think about weed & dev instead of - or even with - alcohol & dev?

BTW, I just noticed this (2 hours ago! I didn't know there are limits, which seems like a good idea..). I deem it obligatory to share. It's also the reason I'm asking 😁

for all that WFH : most of us had sex during work hours, does this make us a porn stars?

should I add it to my resume... what else can I put while in this thought field?

can someone please calculate the probability of hearing 'you can have whatever you want' & 'the money doesn't matter' in one sentence, and how many yrs I have to wait to happen to me?

So I was smoking next to my Mac, not only it broke the Warranty, but hey... Now I have Mac OS High Sierra

Today is bank holiday in the UK. Fucking boss slacked me to say he needs graphql n mongodb wired up by tomorrow. I almost tell him to fuck off, today is not work, bitch

so far so good... or is it?

after a party-beach-mountain-beach session :

the mood is high
the money is low
the relationship is at crisis ( the gf wants a baby and I'm not sure if brake up isn't better for me )

jobless on the way losing the flat too...

anyone any advice?

AI is this huge scam to me. People keep saying it will take over everything and replace everything: jobs, people, etc. It is so over hyped by people who don't understand how it actually works.

I will wonder if AI can take over everything when they can build an AI that can weed a garden.

- no chemicals, too much is used and poisons everything.
- the garden cannot be specifically designed to be weed by machine.
- the AI must differentiate between weeds and non-weeds.
- the robotic system employed must not destroy everything else while weeding.
- the AI should know when it finds random objects like gloves, or shorts, cigarettes, or electrical components that they need attention or actually pick them up. Yes, I have found these.
- it should be quick and energy efficient and not require an entire nuclear plant to run the AI. What is the point of AI powered by a server somewhere if it pollutes from afar rather than local.

I just don't see this happening in my lifetime.

new duckies in town. anyone wanna swap his rubber one for them?

not sure if they paid them enough for this crap... but the smiles on their faces look kind of genuine :-✓

btw the Boas said I have their full support...

soo what should I ask 4 :

1. yacht
2. heli
3. 51% of the company
4. surrender all your base
5. peace on Venus

what do you do when you finish a magazine in school?

I just can't...the boss just told me that we don't need to make sure that the user is logged in order to make a subscription payment...I tried ( in 3 diff ways )... but his reponse was :

- don't worry, we will figure it out later

now I can't properly finish the task and have to remove the force login... so if the user is not logged he just give us his money for nothing...

then after some tume will come the next dev and will start curse me...

I kind of like how quiet it becomes around @ d weekends. Who doesn't have a few mins. to spare here in working time, but the personal and fam. time is sacred. Respect++ 4 dat =]

Just stop and think about this sign for a moment

Who else here smokes weed through the day (WFH) when the work for the day isn’t that cognitively demanding? Like updating config files, raising a PR, or doing some silly RnD etc.

Today a colleague asked me if I have used Flask.
To which I said,"Yes, only while making a makeshift bong."

can someone please give me ++, to not be so obvious to whom I work for ;}

Finally found 1up... not a fan of Mario bros, but the Shroom itself ;)

How has weed affected your ability to code short term and long term? And is there anyone who codes while high? What about CBD?

something something the weed number is the date lololololol

MY NAME IS DRACULA
I'M HERE TO SMOKE THE VEED

(name the reference)

can someone transcribe this? My best wild guesses are : "F it", "fart it" or WiFi it?

LGBT version of the rubber ducky =)

So the saga of broken fucking everything continues at work, and I'm managing it, effectively, and doing it correctly on the first go-round. It's a long process though, because the two retards who preceded me were equally inept for completely different, yet equally disruptive and destructive reasons. The first dude was just plain psychotic, probably still is. I'd post some of his code, but I don't want anyone's face to melt off like those Nazi dudes at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. I can handle it because I'm constantly inebriated, which is not as fun as it sounds. If you have to ask yourself if you can handle it, you probably aren't, unless you've had to Uber to/from work due to still being fucking drunk. Anyway, enough about that, and it was only like twice. The rest of the times, I was more blazed than Jerry Garcia at a weed smoking contest. Moving along.

UPS shipping labels broke two weeks ago, I fixed it, but these fucking 10xers jointly decided to not only never implement anything resembling error handling, other than EMPTY GOD DAMN "try/catch"es (empty catch, wow so efficient), and instead of using COMMENTS, which I know are a new thing, they'd wrap blocks of code in something like: if 1 = 0 {} FUCK YOU DICKFACES. As I was saying before I got emotional again, they tied the success to all kinds of unrelated, irrelevant shit. I'm literally needle/haystacking my way through the entire 200GB codebase, ALONE, trying to find all the borked things. Helpfully, my phone is ringing all the time from customer service, complaining about things that are either nothing to do with the site, or due to user stupidity, 75% of the time.

A certain department at my company relies on some pretty specific documents to do their job, and these documents are/were generated from data in the database. So until I can find and fix all of the things, I've diverted my own attention as much as possible to the rapid implementation of a report generation microservice so that no one elses work is further disrupted while I continue my cursed easter egg hunt from fucking hell.

After a little more than two days, I'm about to lauch a standalone MS to handle the reports, and it's unfortunately more complicated than I'd like, because it requires a certain library that isn't available on Winblows, so I've dockerized the application. Anyway, just after lunch, I've finished my final round of tests, and I'm about ready to begin migrating it to the server and setting up (shitty fucking shit) IIS to serve it appropriately. At this point, this particular report has been unavailable by web for about 8 days.

A little after lunch, and with no forewarning of any kind, the manager of managers runs upstairs and screams at me to "work faster" and that "this needs to be back online RIGHT NOW", but I also know that this individual is going to throw a fit if things on this pdf aren't a pixel perfect match. So I just say "that's some amazing advice, I wish I'd had the foresight to just do it better and work faster". Silence for a good five seconds, then I follow up with "please leave and let me get back to my work". At that moment from around the corner, my "supervisor" suddenly, magically even, remembers that he has had the ability to print this crucial, amazingly super fucking important document all along, despite me directly asking him a week ago, and he prints it and takes it where it needs to go. In the time that it takes him to go to that other department and return, I deploy my service.

I spent the rest of the day browsing indeed and linkedin jobs, but damn this market is kinda weird right now, yeah?

If an E is symmetrical, what of f(E) where f is a transformation ?

Today I regained my freedom =]

And if I manage to keep it for about 2 months I'll become completely free...

( or otherwise domless - dom in BG ( and other languages ) means home/house ) ;)

btw I made an instagram account dedicated for my tangram designs ( I do a new one each day for the gf to guess ( w/o the weekends 4 her ) and tought I might as well share them with the not so big world ).

Almost all of them are made by me ( I do copy some from the net if I got lazy or forget to make a new one ( I do them the previous day ) ) so hopefully some of them are not on the net already

If you are interested to check it out : your_daily_dose_of_tangram ( and yeah, I know... but we all do it to some extend either way ;) )

Here's how my day went today:

1. Smoked weed after a 2 weeks break. Got high as shit.
2. Included cardio in my gym routine as an attempt to get over my exer-phobia.
3. Landed a client from the UK and negotiated a 15 GBP/hr contract working remotely in India.

How's yours going?

next should be FireHub ;)

Two glasses after dry January and I feel like a sloth..

Gives me project ideas though..

And I have weed cravings. haven’t smoked in like 12 years. what the fuck...

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK

second day I can't configure the stupid pass for mysql root...

I got in, executing maybe 3 diff queries and all seems good, but when I try to use it, nope, is not that

I had to be done already w/ the assignment and here I am still configuring...

can you guess what that should represent

free bath @ the park anyone?

It's an oldie, but 1 of my favs :

QA expert decides to go out and have some fun. He walk for a whle spots a random bar and gets inside. After a solid 10+ minutes just looking critically arrond he dicides to stay. Goes to the barplot and orders :
- One beer por favor!
- Here you go - says the barman and continues his job. The man drinks it up quickly and orders again :
- 3 more beers ahora mismo!
- Enjoy - says the barman while serving them.

a few moments later...

- Hey barman, last order and we can round the night up, what ya say?
- ok - simply replies the barman.

- -5 beers!

We had a dispute @ work yesterday on this topic :

aproach 1 :

$res = getSomeData( [ 'filter_1' => 'str_1', 'filter_2' => 'str_2', ... 'limit' => 10 );

with

function getSomeData( $data )
{
...
}

VS

aproach 2 :

$res = getSomeData( 'str_1', 'str_2', ... 10 );

with

function getSomeData( $filter_1 = '', $filter_2 = 'default_str', ... $limit = 20 )
{
...
}

I had used 1-st b/c IMHO it's more dynamic and easy to maintain and call ( especially when there are many params, most of which not used on each call )

and my colleague didn't liked it w/h his main arguments that one can not easily see the needed params and no default vals for them ( the latest could be easily corrected in the function body ). I'm curious to read your opinions, arguments & contra arguments for each aproach

the moment when you havent slept one night and about this time the next day u start running low on battery. You think to yourself... just a lil bit, to finish this and that first, and your body is naaah man...ok will give ya 'bout 5 mins. so hurry up...right...now where was we...zzz

well fuck me, I think I've a chance of killing my laptop...my personal 1... with water...It's unpluged now and hopefully get better after drying...no smoke, so that's good and the keyboard is supossedly water resistent... but still the linux froze...

!dev

How would u react(.js) if I come to u @ say some public event, tap u on the shoulder and start whispering in ur ear :

- Hi, I'm the psychopath next door. Merciless, highly intelligent, ultra unpredictable and funny as Hell... ooh and btw u so happen to be my next target...

1. run *dramatic music*
2. slap/kick/elbow... choose ur weapon... FIGHT
3. drop dead and gorgeous
4. ...

I love automating things and tomorrow I will finish automating yet another repetitive work freeing not only IT stuff but some admins and moderators too. It feels satisfying but at the same time w/ each next automation I am going closer to the moment where I'll no longer be needed...

but then again I have to hop before that moment...just need to sacrifice some of my free time and start poking the market again...

some time soon...

and since this is in the question section, how do u feel about the automation and all

can someone explain to me why every time I open a rant and see orange bg in the avatar start thinking it's me...even when I know it's not the case... really :D

We have a notorious question in one of our coding interviews, designed to weed out people who've slapped 'Postgres' on their CV (because that's what we're looking for) when what they really mean is "I've used MySQL a lot, and it's basically the same, right?". People get choked on that about 70% of the time.

If you put something technical on your CV, be prepared to be tested on it in a coding interview!

him: get dressed, is not summer anymore
her: I'm cleaning and I'm hot...if you wish you can undress and go to the other room, where is the vacuum cleaner
him: 👀

Thank you weed.

I finally spent around 1 hour to set uo perfect levels. (for me at least).

Why, why I alays need to set up everything ? Why can't I just thing be....

!dev but still ducky ^,^

No-meds is a real privilege. Let me explain.

There are people who have to take a shit ton of medicines/pills to 'just' function normally.

Then there's people like me who don't need any of them, barely fall sick in a year and can ocassionally smoke weed just for enjoying life.

It's the only privilege I can get behind the idea of.

fuck taxes, fuck you gov, you've done shit for me, actually, you're always assfucking me every fucking chance you get. So, yeah, I don't pay it in full, oh no, I put my shit where you can't find it, you fucking leech

you want my taxes, yeah? How bout you get off you fucking cockroach ass and gimme something I'd actually want. Legalize weed or abortion, you sick fuck. Reform the police, for fucksakes! Instead, you're always draggin it, pleasing then herd 🦬 well, then, keep taxing them cows and stay the fuck out of my wallet!

don't u find something desturbing in this pic

Not my BD, just tell me why on earth someone would buy this... to show it off in the stream to his not friends?

Have you thought that in case of apocalypse say EMP burst or anything huge enough hit our wet rock which lead to global & long power outage, our kind along electricians will be a valuable assets for any survival group. if 2 better, but if they are 3+ one will proclaim himself as PM and the chaos will be uneashed again ;}

My new ( old ) setup.

This piece of relic tech was given to me when my laptop was sick ( almost drowned in a cup of water... )

Today I finally bought a VGA cable ( got power one last week from a friend ) only to learn that the video is probably gone... it beeps at regular intervals and no picture... :(

Im involved in a major project for 4 months now and im a former weed smoker and sometimes I just want to stay home and smoke my code away #green #angular #weed

I did a blood pressure and fat % ratio or smth...

... both in d lower part of the excellent square ^.^

good 4 me ;}

Any other programmers smoke a bunch of weed or does that make me a brogrammer. If it makes u feel better one alcoholic drink leaves me with a hangover

Hekromongikus friunglajtka. Borkokorakantes frikilikum.

Oh yes,
and you're expecting a phone call.

A good day to you.

Peace out.

Dudz.

Weed.

I mean long live the queen!

Workflow? More like chasing answer from a community that is not, and never has been, famous for its pedagogical skills. So hand me some coffee, weed and/or some snacks because I'll still search high and low, skip sleep and build up a few hundred pages browsing history so that in the end, I'll reach the understanding I'm looking for anyways. Even if whatever person trying to help me - in their delusion that I already know everything, except for that thing I'm asking about of course - really, REALLY just failed at saying "that goes there because of that" instead of "did you try insertSomeAppropriateRandomNameOfAThingYouAssumeEveryoneKnowsHere..?".

But who am I kidding? The tools are better than ever (IDE'S). The pedagogical skills are getting its own arenas to build on and its coming along greatly (coding block apps, treehouse and the likes etc. etc).

And no matter the struggle, I can't escape that I love coding and learning more than anything else.

Now how do I.. Where.. When.. Why the..

Sometimes i feel being bad and wrong is better than being good. At least people will not demean you.

Case A : the bad guy
F : Hey man how are you doing?
Me : nothing man just smoking weed and being high all day
F : ugh . Ok i have to go

Case B : the good giy
F :hey man how are you doing?

Me : Awesome man! I have been learning and making apps for last 2 years, recently released this very nice ui notes app with unique notification capability. Took me a month but am so proud of it.

F1 : just the notes app? I made a tiktok clone in 1 month after learning android
Me : :'(

F2 : notes app? I made this awesome *small butunique app idea* app that got 50k installs
Me: :''(

F3 : 2 years? In 2 years i have learned so much that i can now make this puny notes app in ios Android website all synced up in 5 different frameworks with 10 additional features.
Me- ;''(

F4 : cool app. So now can you make this *random idea* app for me? Here are the designs and resources You seem experienced,How long would it take you?
Me : umm i guess so.. idea seems plausible, but i haven't worked on some things that are needed to complete it. So... x days?
F4 : X DAYS?!! wtf man ? Don't you know how to code? Does this looks like a task of x days? You even an engineer bro? Make it in 3 days
Me :

(Ps : replace F with friends , managers , ... Everyone :/)

Hi asl pl$ ;}

!dev

I just woke up from a fun adrenaline packed film dream.
It started like an movie, leaning a bit into the funny side, but also a bit serious.

We were 3 guys going top speed on the highway, dodging traffic, trying to prevent a bomb from detonating on the other side of the city.

We were all famous actors, but the only one I remember was Jackie Chan. I remember thinking why would they cast Jackie Chan and give him so few lines.

I wished I remember more about this part. The only thing I remember is that when we get to the end of the island, we’re in the wrong place: we’re at a huge OBGYN center.

My sidekicks are bothering the desk women, eating all of the “waiting candy”. I feel bad and offer to pay those, which they pretend to not care about but then end up charging me down to the penny. Cunts.

The sidekicks leave and (without explanation because dreams) disappear of the story.

Defeated, I go outside and start walking.
And I don’t remember exactly what the fuck happened in between, but somehow I’m now in the house of a cartel druglord and he’s pissed and I need to run now.

So I do. I remembered that there was a very thick forest east to the house. So I go there.

And what follows is a very intense montage of me escaping.

At some point that forest ended, so I continue through some high weed, and then another forest, and so on. While I had to pass through parts with no vegetation, I had to avoid these as much as possible.

I saw dozens of types of trees and shrubs.

Then I started seeing families, kids, playing, relaxing on what seemed a Sunday afternoon.

The adventure was so fun, the landscape was so beautiful I felt happy and thought “this is how it feels to be alive”. And I actually felt happy in real life as well.

At some point the vegetation I encounter decreased, and I have to go through more urbanized areas, with more people.

“Uh oh” I think, “I hope no one snitches me”. But miraculously, no one does.

Throughout all the journey I had glimpses of the drug lord nearby presence.

His face on the distance, the sound of his car engine.

But now he was closer than ever. And I’m closer to this house which is the escape point (can’t really remember why).

So I reach for the handle and fade to white, and fade back again, it’s me, older, and I’m not in an escaping mood.

My wife is waiting, our car is outside (on the non drug lord side).

And guess what, we were waiting for our daughter, who comes with a smile and a child on her hands.

So apparently, my daughter married someone from the drug lord villa that almost murders me.

Reading this sounds like a bad script, but that’s what I dreamed today.

dude weed lol

when out and about, don't think that is your fault, but rather how to be done in order to bring again the fun

If I get stuck, I go for a walk, grab a pack of weed, and roll myself a small and slim joint.
Then I smoke it while eating some munchies.
Then I take a second look at the problem.
If I'm still stuck, I roll a big and fat joint and repeat.

dear diary(a?), today I met san Pedro.

He broadened along some truffles...

might use them for the paella 1 of those weekends...

...or suffle... with IScream ... on top... mmmm

Aaaaanyway, thanks for keeping this a public secret 4 me =]

P.S. 4 any eventual intruder reading dis : have a wonderful and sunny weekend 2o!

that just looks like nice logo, but I'm pretty sure someone uses it already.

how would you name it?

I just finished a test task which was almost a whole project...

actually just 2 forms but some of the requirements were such that if I don't implement user registration and login and what not I can't make it to work the desired way... plus there was some point where I need to inform the user that he is giving too much money... and yeah, do they want it to have integrated payments too?

the time limit was 2 hours... and I'm new to their framework, so I did the 2 forms and the listing of the 1st db rows as wanted below one of the forms and sent them the result asking for clarifications and more time

do you get such test tasks ( I mean with a lot of things for that short amount of time )?

* music * sun is shining, the weather is good yeah, make you wanna move your dancing feet... * music *

It's all good, it's alright, fuck all day, fuck all night ^.^

... ...

I've been working on this personal project for awhile, I showed some screenshots, then I showed some updates (which I promptly deleted cause it was plain ugly). A website aimed at the "not-so-seasoned" devs, and I've been at a creative plateau for about 3 days now. I try to do some front-end, when I like what I see, I take care of the corresponding server-side logic, but for some reason, I'm having "Developer's block" (is that even a thing?).
Every second that goes by I try to do something else none code related, but I can't shake thinking about the project, but once I switch back to it, fuckin crickets.

I'm not asking a question this time (for once lol), just a mini dev's block rant.

I'm curious how many of you r dating a dev and does it make a difference, like do you fight over used stack/framework, who will use the powerful pc, bigger screen ( what have you ) or just the regular normal mini fights in a relationship?

How do you "weed out" the good startups vs the "bad" ones? I get quite a few random emails / LinkedIn messages from Start Ups, but I am weary. Anyone know a way to do research on their company before replying?

Swizzling is like smoking weed; you're not supposed to do it, but a hell of a lot of people do it anyways.

I assume most of you know the shortest joke ever : 1

but the question is : is it fun just b/c the 0 is not fun for the majority of the people and things it's put on?

!dev Now ladies if you please excuse my lang for a moment, I'm just curious to know if some 1 knows.

So I was thinking about the word 'relax', could it be that it derives from re-wax or I just imagined the obvious connection between them?