Please do not send me fucking messages saying “hi how are you?“ and then wait for my response before asking me what you actually want.

Paycom is utter dogshit.

Clunky, error prone, junior mistakes on every page, and filled to the brim with HR doublespeak and legalese.

A roving gang of quadriplegic interns could do a better job if the requirements were written in cuneiform and they were paid, up front, in cocaine and whiskey.

Currently watching a bunch of drunk Irish people try different whiskeys and drunkenly banter with one another, while myself sipping Irish whiskey. It’s nice.

Slàinte! 🥃

I LOVE WORK FROM HOME!! I love it sooooo much. You suckers think I’m actually doing work? HAHA. No honest, I’m so much more productive at home than in the office! Hahaha I love this!!!

I don't know man.. I know it's !dev, I just wanna share with ye how beautiful my first Tomahawk steak turned out..

Relatively stressful week with requirements doing U-turns and 5 requirements all becoming first priority, I had my first feckup in a while (nothing bad, just wasted a couple people's time) and now I started off into the weekend with this beauty..

100% Irish grassfed beef with a glass of Redbreast 12. Now I wanna sleep and digest.. OR drink much more whiskey. Not sure yet.

Enjoy the long weekend guys 😬

Jesus titty fucking Christ people are stupid. I hate everyone in the software development lifecycle that isn’t a developer or isn’t technically minded. Everyone else seems to be a fucking goofy arse mother fucker.

I just got in trouble because I fixed a defect that never should have been fixed, even though in yesterdays standup they brought it up and asked me what the status of it was. Apparently I was just supposed to estimate the defect and see how long it would take to fix. Why the fuck wouldn’t we do that in a grooming session or a sprint planning session, you are just begging to confuse the devs. Absolute mud sharks.

Bro every time this guy wants to create a PR, rather than branching off another branch and raising a PR to get it merged back in, this dude creates a fork and then makes a PR to merge the fork back in.

Holy. Fuck. Please don’t do this. It makes checking out your “branch” a massive pain in the ass. Plus, it’s totally unnecessary, and I can’t even check it out to begin with because your forked repo is fucking private you stooge. If we were in completely different orgs or doing open source I’d understand a fork. Not if you’re sitting right fucking next to me!!!!!111

Jesus. Got elected by the product owner last minute to give a presentation to a bunch of stakeholders. What the fuck is the point of your job if all you do is delegate your responsibilites to other people.

To everyone I work with, this is for you.

🖕😎🖕

I hate office politics so fucking much. Now that most people aren’t face to face and everything is over chat and voice calls, people seem to get very weird about things that might be said and blow things out of context. If you have anxiety disorder or something fuck off!! You’re stressing the shit out of me and it’s already Christmas so I’m already stressed the fuck out!

Our director bought us beer to bribe us into 45 to 60 hour work weeks instead of whiskey.

Just compleeeetteellyy messed up a technical interview.. stupid theory.. I can apply all that stuff but when I get asked to explain then . Well.. I messed up.

And the coding part, I had the right approach but had one big brainfart in it making the whole thing useless (pseudo code so couldnt test it). I realized just after the interview was finished..

I hate the feeling of failure.
Was a really nice position which is why I applied. Ah well, tonight is whiskey night I guess.

Texas jokes time!

M16: Jams when dirty
AK-47: Works when dirty
Mosin-Nagant: Wasn’t clean since issuing in 1932

M16: You’d rather die than break your expensive rifle in melee
AK-47: Your rifle works good in melee
Mosin-Nagant: Your rifle is a spear that can shoot

M16: 40mm grenade launcher is heavy, but is accurate up to 200 meters
AK-47: If something goes wrong, you can throw a 40mm grenade into the window yourself
Mosin-Nagant: Throwing grenades into windows? Shoot through the wall, your cartridge penetrates one meter of brick

M16: You can use a suppressor, a small bullet doesn’t make much noise
AK-47: You can use a suppressor, but it’s better to spray and pray
Mosin-Nagant: You don’t need a suppressor — everyone will go deaf after the first shot anyway

M16: More complex than some aeroplanes
AK-47: Used by countries that have no money for aeroplanes
Mosin-Nagant: Was used to shoot down aeroplanes

A favourite drink of the user:
M16: Whiskey
AK-47: Vodka
Mosin-Nagant: brake fluid

M16: Makes a small hole, obeys the Geneva convention
AK-47: Makes a large hole, doesn’t obey the Geneva convention
Mosin-Nagant: One of the reasons for the creation of the Geneva convention

M16: Perfect for shooting squirrels
AK-47: Perfect for shooting enemies of the State
Mosin-Nagant: Perfect for shooting armoured personnel carriers

Holy shiiittttt I finally got 64bit NASM working on windows with cmake. Cmake documentation is fkn bad man.

I’ve got a c++ file that calls a procedure in an assembly file that calls win32 APIs to show dialogs and other cool shit. Compiling was working fine, linking turned out to be a bit of a pain in the ass, but figuring out how to enable NASM in cmake was a nightmare. Why is the cmake docs so horrific 🥺

So I’m reading this book called Hacking: The art of exploitation and I’ve got to admit. It’s one of my favourite books I’ve read. It really gets into the nitty gritty of how programs are laid out in memory and goes over how assembly works, among some other low level concepts. Highly recommend.

DevRant should add instant messaging. Anyone else agree with this or is this a dumb idea.

“Google has fired one of its engineers who said the company's artificial intelligence system has feelings.
Last month, Blake Lemoine went public with his theory that Google's language technology is sentient and should therefore have its "wants" respected.”

What the hell lol

If you could name one thing that you think software engineering companies should be doing for their employees what would it be?

How do you guys deal with stress and when do you think it’s time for a new job if you’re not enjoying your current job?

Music producing, working out, gaming, clothing to some degree and a moderated interest in good whiskey especially the Japanese brands

Got an interview with Amazon in a week. I’m at the interview loop stage where I do 5x 1 hour interviews. Anyone work at Amazon and got any recommendations on what I should study or how I should prepare?

Recruiters are seriously the biggest pests in existence. They are such a useless middle man. They take a big lump sum of cash just to facilitate an employment opportunity for someone that is more than capable to facilitate it themselves. Plus they are huge pests and harass you. Am I crazy? Why do recruiters exist. Surely their entire industry is bad for the economy.

What are your thoughts on your employer making you test as well as develop software?

Nothin to get a rant simmering like reFuckingRanting! All good, I'll have another shooter while I wait to reinstall, reconfig, rebuild, rewipe, and reRefuse any and all Windows clammy hand of aid it forces down my soul. One of these days, when the whole realm understands we don't need this vast array of exactly the same shit but this one's dick is a little bigger so lets fucking make it, this and not that, and rebuild, push the update, need 4 more updates by noon next day. Nothing stays stable team green, NOTHING. Fuck anyone trying to actually ...make something..We got vulns and updates, backdates, and breaking changes on all 58 of our same shit production line shit shows. I can't count one time in this few year pain olympics that in a single 8 hour span of time the same shit that was working like a fucking wet glove in a horses ass at whiskey 1 was NOT fucking anywhere near coherent come whiskey not 1. Just sayin, is this a cock show boys? Or is is just a wild and rambunctious thought to maybe start compiling/combining some key role playing pieces of softwar? If not, I'll just prep for another round of fucks, and carry on. Sadly, this shit is addicting against many odds. Enjoy your lunches

right this second i think to myself, my god how nice it would be to just lay down on a nice soft bed, with about a dozen young women not expecting payment after a sumptuous meal and some good whiskey and not worry about any of this fucked up shit i can't change.