I recently met a young fella (14yo) playing League of Legends. He asked:
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm a programmer, do you know anything about programming?
- I don't, actually.

Apparently he was playing from a LAN Gaming center 'cause he didn't have a computer at home (his computer had broken and these Lan centers are pretty affordable).
I figured I could explain to him what was it and what super powers you could get from it. Turns out I recommended a JS course in codecademy and now he goes to the LAN center every day to study programming (he got really into it!).
Now he always pings me with questions about JS and apparently he's learning a ton! He had almost no English skills too (we're Brazilian), and because most of the material in the internet is in English he found himself some free English courses and he's now taking them!

Knowledge is free on the internet and I guess he's just realized that.

Not exactly a rant guys, just figured it was a nice story to tell :)
#TeachAKidHowToCode

I am at a loss for words. This JavaScript powers the login of a company's intranet

25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often

(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))

1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. No, my powers can only be used for good.

24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

25. Who me? I just wander from room to room

Just came to know I too have powers.

This guy at an internship who only wanted to use anything Microsoft.

It was fine for his own use but he also wanted it for a high security prod environment and tried to push that through.

Luckily, the (very competent) team lead refused to use closed source stuff for high security environments.

"listen (team lead to that guy), it's not going to happen. We're simply not using software from a US based company which is closed source for high security stuff.
Why? The US is one of the biggest surveillance powers in this world, we just can't be sure what's in the software if it's US based. Now you can say that that's paranoid but whether or not it is, the surveillance part is a fact, deal with it. That you want to use it, fine, but NOT. IN. HIGH. SECURITY. PROD. (or prod at all really).

He continued to try and convert colleagues to windows and other Microsoft stuff for the rest of his internship.

Me: p
Windows Search: Paint
Me: pow
WS: PowerPoint
Me: powers
WS: Powershell
Me (typing too quickly to notice Powershell is already there): powershell
WS: ummm idk

Today (as a joke), I asked my class if there were any “professional HTML programmers” who could help me.

Surprisingly a couple people came over with smirks on their face. I thought they were going along with the joke.

Turns out, they were serious. They legitimately believed that they were professional HTML programmers and talked to me in such a condescending way that I was speechless.

“This is called a file. See that part after the dot? That’s what makes it HTML. HTML is an incredibly hard programming language and powers CPUs and the computer that you are using.”

I didn’t know how to respond. Hopefully they were joking.

My office for the past month. That's a battery powered by a solar panel, which powers my satellite internet and laptop

Wow, just wow.

The Dutch national security spy agency and also their military one are complaining that the organisation that was brought to life to check if they don't spy on innocent people (and execute illegal hacks and overstep their surveillance powers etc) is investigating too much and asking too many technical questions relating to ongoing operations.

Well, this shows that this is necessary apparently! I'm glad this organisation is doing their job.

Oh, the irony.

Today I had a pissing contest with an account director coz she asked a junior dev to upload some code to live site without testing!!! You may own the business, but you have no powers here. my servers my rules.

I accidentally taught my cat to turn off the wifi. Now he is using his powers against me whenever he demands food😅😫🤦

Worst dev team failure I've experienced?

One of several.

Around 2012, a team of devs were tasked to convert a ASPX service to WCF that had one responsibility, returning product data (description, price, availability, etc...simple stuff)
No complex searching, just pass the ID, you get the response.

I was the original developer of the ASPX service, which API was an XML request and returned an XML response. The 'powers-that-be' decided anything XML was evil and had to be purged from the planet. If this thought bubble popped up over your head "Wait a sec...doesn't WCF transmit everything via SOAP, which is XML?", yes, but in their minds SOAP wasn't XML. That's not the worst WTF of this story.

The team, 3 developers, 2 DBAs, network administrators, several web developers, worked on the conversion for about 9 months using the Waterfall method (3~5 months was mostly in meetings and very basic prototyping) and using a test-first approach (their own flavor of TDD). The 'go live' day was to occur at 3:00AM and mandatory that nearly the entire department be on-sight (including the department VP) and available to help troubleshoot any system issues.

3:00AM - Teams start their deployments
3:05AM - Thousands and thousands of errors from all kinds of sources (web exceptions, database exceptions, server exceptions, etc), site goes down, teams roll everything back.

3:30AM - The primary developer remembered he made a last minute change to a stored procedure parameter that hadn't been pushed to production, which caused a side-affect across several layers of their stack.

4:00AM - The developer found his bug, but the manager decided it would be better if everyone went home and get a fresh look at the problem at 8:00AM (yes, he expected everyone to be back in the office at 8:00AM).

About a month later, the team scheduled another 3:00AM deployment (VP was present again), confident that introducing mocking into their testing pipeline would fix any database related errors.

3:00AM - Team starts their deployments.
3:30AM - No major errors, things seem to be going well. High fives, cheers..manager tells everyone to head home.
3:35AM - Site crashes, like white page, no response from the servers kind of crash. Resetting IIS on the servers works, but only for around 10 minutes or so.
4:00AM - Team rolls back, manager is clearly pissed at this point, "Nobody is going fucking home until we figure this out!!"
6:00AM - Diagnostics found the WCF client was causing the server to run out of resources, with a mix of clogging up server bandwidth, and a sprinkle of N+1 scaling problem. Manager lets everyone go home, but be back in the office at 8:00AM to develop a plan so this *never* happens again.

About 2 months later, a 'real' development+integration environment (previously, any+all integration tests were on the developer's machine) and the team scheduled a 6:00AM deployment, but at a much, much smaller scale with just the 3 development team members.

Why? Because the manager 'froze' changes to the ASPX service, the web team still needed various enhancements, so they bypassed the service (not using the ASPX service at all) and wrote their own SQL scripts that hit the database directly and utilized AppFabric/Velocity caching to allow the site to scale. There were only a couple client application using the ASPX service that needed to be converted, so deploying at 6:00AM gave everyone a couple of hours before users got into the office. Service deployed, worked like a champ.

A week later the VP schedules a celebration for the successful migration to WCF. Pizza, cake, the works. The 3 team members received awards (and a envelope, which probably equaled some $$$) and the entire team received a custom Benchmade pocket knife to remember this project's success. Myself and several others just stared at each other, not knowing what to say.

Later, my manager pulls several of us into a conference room
Me: "What the hell? This is one of the biggest failures I've been apart of. We got rewarded for thousands and thousands of dollars of wasted time."
<others expressed the same and expletive sediments>
Mgr: "I know..I know...but that's the story we have to stick with. If the company realizes what a fucking mess this is, we could all be fired."
Me: "What?!! All of us?!"
Mgr: "Well, shit rolls downhill. Dept-Mgr-John is ready to fire anyone he felt could make him look bad, which is why I pulled you guys in here. The other sheep out there will go along with anything he says and more than happy to throw you under the bus. Keep your head down until this blows over. Say nothing."

WordPress needs no introduction, it powers a significant portion of the web while having some of the most nightmare inducing code i have seen in all my years as a developer.

Just look at the API, i mean what the actual fuck is that?

get_fucked();

Well Im from venezuela ( yes all the news about the politic and social situation of my country are true). I was begun in web dev 2 years after my mom's dead, before i was studied robotic but I leave.

The people here thinks that i have super powers because i know html, css and js 😂. All the days I try to learn something more, but the books and information in spanish is very poor.

My english is very technician, I hope learn more english to will can read books and articles about the theme.

Im secure with devrant and yours my english will better 100% in future. Merry xmass to all.

It were around 1997~1998, I was on middle school. It was a technical course, so we had programing languages classes, IT etc.

The IT guy of our computer lab had been replaced and the new one had blocked completely the access on the computers. We had to make everything on floppy disks, because he didn't trusted us to use the local hard disk. Our class asked him to remove some of the restrictions, but he just ignored us. Nobody liked that guy. Not us, not the teachers, not the trainees at the lab.

Someday a friend and me arrived a little bit early at the school. We gone to the lab and another friend that was a trainee on the lab (that is registered here, on DevRant) allowed us to come inside. We had already memorized all the commands. We crawled in the dark lab to the server. Put a ms dos 5.3 boot disk with a program to open ntfs partitions and without turn on the computer monitor, we booted the server.

At that time, Windows stored all passwords in an encrypted file. We knew the exact path and copied the file into the floppy disk.

To avoid any problems with the floppy disk, we asked the director of the school to get out just to get a homework we theorically forgot at our friends house that was on the same block at school. We were not lying at all. He really lived there and he had the best computer of us.

The decrypt program stayed running for one week until it finds the password we did want: the root.

We came back to the lab at the class. Logged in with the root account. We just created another account with a generic name but the same privileges as root. First, we looked for any hidden backup at network and deleted. Second, we were lucky: all the computers of the school were on the same network. If you were the admin, you could connect anywhere. So we connected to a "finance" computer that was really the finances and we could get lists of all the students with debits, who had any discount etc. We copied it to us case we were discovered and had to use anything to bargain.

Now the fun part: we removed the privileges of all accounts that were higher than the trainee accounts. They had no access to hard disks anymore. They had just the students privileges now.

After that, we changed the root password. Neither we knew it. And last, but not least, we changed the students login, giving them trainee privileges.

We just deleted our account with root powers, logged in as student and pretended everything was normal.

End of class, we went home. Next day, the lab was closed. The entire school (that was school, mid school and college at the same place) was frozen. Classes were normal, but nothing more worked. Library, finances, labs, nothing. They had no access anymore.

We celebrated it as it were new years eve. One of our teachers came to us saying congratulations, as he knew it had been us. We answered with a "I don't know what are you talking about". He laughed and gone to his class.

We really have fun remembering this "adventure". :)

PS: the admin formatted all the servers to fix the mess. They had plenty of servers.

> replaces HDD with SSD in weak-ass laptop, powers it on
> "wow, this is really fast, pretty cool"
> powers on ultrapowerful HDD based desktop pc
> AURGH WHY DOES IT TAKE MORE THAN 0.01 SECONDS TO OPEN THE FILE EXPLORER I CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS SHIT GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU USELESS PILE OF CRAP
> goes back to weak-ass laptop
> contentment

'tis true, once you experience the glory of SSDs you can't go back to HDD based systems.

My second year of high-school, we started having class in computer science. I was really looking forward to it cause I always wanted to learn programming.

On first sight it appeared that the professor which taught the class knew something, he looked like a genuine geek with those dorky glasses, briefcase and pants like Steve Urkel, but after couple of his lessons you could see he had no real dev experience and just basic understanding of programming in theory. He was more reading stuff from the book than he was trying to explain them to students and give some real world examples.

So it was just one these days, everybody got back from vacation, it's hot outside, the guy is just reading sentences from his book, half of students talk with each other and other half doesn't give a fuck about him or his class. Pretty sure I was the only one trying to listen to him and learn something from his recitals.

All of a sudden he notices the atmosphere in the classroom, slams the book shut, gives out couple of F-s to the loudest students and yells out loud "NONE OF YOU IN THIS ROOM WILL EVER ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, BARE ALONE IN PROGRAMMING"

At first I felt like shit, but soon after that I started thinking "who the hell are you to tell me what I could or will accomplish in my life". Couple weeks later I've bought myself a first book in programming and started learning C++ late at night since I understood that I won't learn anything about programming in that school. Two years later I was correcting this same professor with his claims on a whiteboard in front of a whole class.

Today, seven years after his words I'm a developer living in foreign country with what I could say somewhat a solid experience and understanding of how both software and web are build, while that same professor still recites to his pupils difference between assembly and object code, while praying nobody asks him where and how these are used. For maybe a quarter of my paycheck. So much about his psychic powers..

Currently on the train to work:
*Guy pulls out his laptop

Me: *Oh nice. Dell laptop. Oh wait, shoot, that’s a Dell XPS 15. 😎Sweet!! Looks super clean. Get it boss, I salute you. Anyway, it’s probably running Windows 10 as expected. It’d be super cool if it run Ubuntu though.

*Guy lifts laptop lid.

Me: *Ahh, look how clean it is too. No fingerprints or smudges on the screen or keyboard. That’s my style. I like this guy. We can definitely share laptops.

*Guy powers on laptop

Me:*Woooooohooooo, no way!!! Gets a little tear of joy in my eyes. I want to hug this guy. This guy rocks. Oh mann, I want to start a conversation with him but can’t because another passenger is standing between us.

*The laptop run Ubuntu! 😍😱😁

When I realized I could use my powers to build myself the tools I need

Me all the time

Developed my own programming language to teach programming at community college.
I needed an easy to learn language with as few brackets as possible cz these caused the most problems for beginners. Called it robocode. =)
Then i built an IDE around it where you have to program a little sheep to eat all gras in an area. The goal was to teach how to learn the syntax, the libary, debugging and to "see" the code run while the program and the little sheep runs, ..halt the programm, inspect variables, check the positions on the grass, ...i think you get the picture.
Later i built another IDE where you can program a Tetris.

robocode now also powers the calculation in our buisness application.

...i think thats my most successful project so far.

here's a screenshot of the RoboSheep IDE (be nice, it's a few years old) and the links to the download sites. I'm sorry, it's all german cz i never localized it.

Worst hack/attack I had to deal with?

Worst, or funniest. A partnership with a Canadian company got turned upside down and our company decided to 'part ways' by simply not returning his phone calls/emails, etc. A big 'jerk move' IMO, but all I was responsible for was a web portal into our system (submitting orders, inventory, etc).

After the separation, I removed the login permissions, but the ex-partner system was set up to 'ping' our site for various updates and we were logging the failed login attempts, maybe 5 a day or so. Our network admin got tired of seeing that error in his logs and reached out to the VP (responsible for the 'break up') and requested he tell the partner their system is still trying to login and stop it. Couple of days later, we were getting random 300, 500, 1000 failed login attempts (causing automated emails to notify that there was a problem). The partner knew that we were likely getting alerted, and kept up the barage. When alerts get high enough, they are sent to the IT-VP, which gets a whole bunch of people involved.
VP-Marketing: "Why are you allowing them into our system?! Cut them off, NOW!"
Me: "I'm not letting them in, I'm stopping them, hence the login error."
VP-Marketing: "That jackass said he will keep trying to get into our system unless we pay him $10,000. Just turn those machines off!"
VP-IT : "We can't. They serve our other international partners."
<slams hand on table>
VP-Marketing: "I don't fucking believe this! How the fuck did you let this happen!?"
VP-IT: "Yes, you shouldn't have allowed the partner into our system to begin with. What are you going to do to fix this situation?"
Me: "Um, we've been testing for months already went live some time ago. I didn't know you defaulted on the contract until last week. 'Jake' is likely running a script. He'll get bored of doing that and in a couple of weeks, he'll stop. I say lets ignore him. This really a network problem, not a coding problem."
IT-MGR: "Now..now...lets not make excuses and point fingers. It's time to fix your code."
IT-VP: "I agree. We're not going to let anyone blackmail us. Make it happen."

So I figure out the partner's IP address, and hard-code the value in my service so it doesn't log the login failure (if IP = '10.50.etc and so on' major hack job). That worked for a couple of days, then (I suspect) the ISP re-assigned a new IP and the errors started up again.

After a few angry emails from the 'powers-that-be', our network admin stops by my desk.
D: "Dude, I'm sorry, I've been so busy. I just heard and I wished they had told me what was going on. I'm going to block his entire domain and send a request to the ISP to shut him down. This was my problem to fix, you should have never been involved."

After 'D' worked his mojo, the errors stopped.

Month later, 'D' gave me an update. He was still logging the traffic from the partner's system (the ISP wanted extensive logs to prove the customer was abusing their service) and like magic one day, it all stopped. ~2 weeks after the 'break up'.

I default to numbers that are powers of two.

"I told you 256 times already!"

It has come to my attention that people like to read!

Specifically, I mean that a lot of ranters like fiction.. :D

I've been trying to decide on something to write for a while now, and I think I have it..

"The Traveler" (name open to suggestions)

The Traveler is a magic-based fantasy where our main character travels between world's using ancient stone portals (think: Stargate) and uses her unique powers to play god.

Each world she visits will equal to a different story, and she might play a good or bad guy (or both) depending on what the world has in store for her.

Her powers will include my WIP magic system from RISE, as well as some extra querks that aid the flow of the story.

I may still work on RISE, and I will keep in mind that The Traveler and RISE come from the same universe (I think RISE will be a prequel to The Traveler, and tell the tale of how she got her powers, and the origin of the portals..)

Let me know your thoughts below! ^~^

Which one and why?

Want a backend in Node? You got it. PhP using the plethora of frameworks available? No problem.

Feeling like a gipsy guitarrist and want to lay it down with Django? Good taste!

In a hurry and need your startup off the ground with React integration in rails? Piece of cake.

Feeling springy and want you some coffee and Java with your app? A la carte.
Wanna pull my leg and force me to do .net? Mm ok if you insist.

You sure you want Perl with that? Ok no problem.

.....but you sit me and my awesome powers of backend mastery and force me to do css and design all week and you literally destroy my soul......this shit is soul crushing I swear.....

Doing linguistic research where I need to parse 2000 files of a total of 36 GB. Since we are using python the first thing I thought was to implement multi threading. Now I changed the total runtime from three days to like one day and a half. But then when I checked the activity monitor I saw only 20 percent of the CPU usage. After a searching process I started to understand how multi threading and multi processing works. Moral of the story: if you want to ping a website till they block you or do easy tasks that will not use up all power of one core, do multi thrading. If you need to do something complicated that can easily consume all the powers of a single CPU core, split up the work and do multi processing. In my case, when I tried to grab information from a website, I did multi thrading since the work is easy and I really wanted to pin the website 16 times simultaneously but only have 4 cores. But when it come to text processing which a single file will take 80 percent of cpu, split it up and do multi processing.

This is just a post for those who are confused with when to use which.

Biggest challenge I overcame as dev? One of many.

Avoiding a life sentence when the 'powers that be' targeted one of my libraries for the root cause of system performance issues and I didn't correct that accusation with a flame thrower.

What the accusation? What I named the library. Yep. The *name* was causing every single problem in the system.

Panorama (very, very expensive APM system at the time) identified my library in it's analysis, the calls to/from SQLServer was the bottleneck

We had one of Panorama's engineers on-site and he asked what (not the actual name) MyLibrary was and (I'll preface I did not know or involved in any of the so-called 'research') a crack team of developers+managers researched the system thoroughly and found MyLibrary was used in just about every project. I wrote the .Net 1.1 MyLibrary as a mini-ORM to simplify the execution of database code (stored procs, etc) and gracefully handle+log database exceptions (auto-logged details such as the target db, stored procedure name, parameter values, etc, everything you'd need to troubleshoot database errors). This was before Dapper and the other fancy tools used by kids these days.

By the time the news got to me, there was a team cobbled together who's only focus was to remove any/every trace of MyLibrary from the code base. Using Waterfall, they calculated it would take at least a year to remove+replace MyLibrary with the equivalent ADO.Net plumbing.

In a department wide meeting:

DeptMgr: "This day forward, no one is to use MyLibrary to access the database! It's slow, unprofessionally named, and the root cause of all the database issues."
Me: "What about MyLibrary is slow? It's excecuting standard the ADO.Net code. Only extra bit of code is the exception handling to capture the details when the exception is logged."
DeptMgr: "We've spent the last 6 weeks with the Panorama engineer and he's identified MyLibrary as the cause. Company has spent over $100,000 on this software and we have to make fact based decisions. Look at this slide ... "
<DeptMgr shows a histogram of the stacktrace, showing MyLibrary as the slowest>
Me: "You do realize that the execution time is the database call itself, not the code. In that example, the invoice call, it's the stored procedure that taking 5 seconds, not MyLibrary."
<at this point, DeptMgr is getting red-face mad>
AreaMgr: "Yes...yes...but if we stopped using MyLibrary, removing the unnecessary layers, will make the code run faster."
<typical headknodd-ers knod their heads in agreement>
Dev01: "The loading of MyLibrary takes CPU cycles away from code that supports our customers. Every CPU cycle counts."
<headknod-ding continues>
Me: "I'm really confused. Maybe I'm looking at the data wrong. On the slide where you highlighted all the bottlenecks, the histogram shows the latency is the database, I mean...it's right there, in red. Am I looking at it wrong?"
<this was meeting with 20+ other devs, mgrs, a VP, the Panorama engineer>
DeptMgr: "Yes you are! I know MyLibrary is your baby. You need to check your ego at the door and face the facts. Your MyLibrary is a failed experiment and needs to be exterminated from this system!"

Fast forward 9 months, maybe 50% of the projects updated, come across the documentation left from the Panorama. Even after the removal of MyLibrary, there was zero increases in performance. The engineer recommended DBAs start optimizing their indexes and other N+1 problems discovered. I decide to ask the developer who lead the re-write.

Me: "I see that removing MyLibrary did nothing to improve performance."
Dev: "Yes, DeptMgr was pissed. He was ready to throw the Panorama engineer out a window when he said the problems were in the database all along. Didn't you say that?"
Me: "Um, so is this re-write project dead?"
Dev: "No. Removing MyLibrary introduced all kinds of bugs. All the boilerplate ADO.Net code caused a lot of unhandled exceptions, then we had to go back and write exception handling code."
Me: "What a failure. What dipshit would think writing more code leads to less bugs?"
Dev: "I know, I know. We're so far behind schedule. We had to come up with something. I ended up writing a library to make replacing MyLibrary easier. I called it KnightRider. Like the TV show. Everyone is excited to speed up their code with KnightRider. Same method names, same exception handling. All we have to do is replace MyLibrary with KnightRider and we're done."
Me: "Won't the bottlenecks then point to KnightRider?"
Dev: "Meh, not my problem. Panorama meets primarily with the DBAs and the networking team now. I doubt we ever use Panorama to look at our C# code."

Needless to say, I was (still) pissed that they had used MyLibrary as dirty word and a scapegoat for months when they *knew* where the problems were. Pissed enough for a flamethrower? Maybe.

*sees how Facebook kicked me out of my Bitlbee session again*
Me: "Motherf-..."

Still there's some friends of mine on Facebook who apparently got really hooked.. can't for the love of the holy Raven seem to get them away from that shithole.

"Alright then Facebook.. your win. I'll install Messenger and Pages Manager again to at least have your shit be semi-usable again 😑"

*installs said apps*

"Holy shit that battery is draining fast, and I'll have to go out in half an hour"

*plugs phone in fast charger*

*phone while charging keeps on dropping battery level*

FACECUNTS!!!!!! 😤

*powers off phone to conserve battery life and goes off to cook a meal*

*comes back to boot up the phone again and uninstalls those Face-crapps*

*phone immediately starts raising its battery level super fast*

Coincidence? I think not 🤔🤔🤔

I just gave a successful demo to the CEO and CTO of a company I'm doing some contract work for. The questions they were asking led to me going off script, luckily it all worked!

The cleaning lady

Yeah, I should not be at work this late, but it happenes from time to time..
Anyhow, she still doesn't know where the switches for each light are, so whenever she comes, lights start to flicker on off on off... Yeah, lightshow baby!! //read this in austin powers voice
I fear for people with epilepsy.. Yeah, I get it, push and toggle switches are mixed in pannel, but we do have a schema for each of them..ofc she doesn't use it..

And every goddamn time if I work later than when she leaves, she disturbes me to ask if I will turn off the lights when I leave.. NOoOooo, I will leave them on like an asshole.. :/ I once even wrote on the whiteboard in bigg letters 'yes, I will turn of the lights when I leave' and left it there for some days... coworkers were all puzzled/amused when they saw it.. //I know, shitty attitude on my part too, but I've repeated myself a dozen times already.. + I always turn off lights she actually manages to switch on and leave them like that, even the ones not in my part of office

And when she vacuums..well.. I usually get up and go on a cigarette break to give her space so she can do her job around my desk.. but she insists that I am not in her way and I don't need to leave... Well I prefer not to be proded and poked with the hose, thank you..

So yeah, fun times... O.o especially if working late due to some production fuckups I need to fix ASAP.. :/

Sold the company and started working fulltime at a company in a different sector a year or so ago.

Today one of the ops people comes up and says that someone is on the phone asking for me.

One of my old clients apparently had a question about their site. Turns out that they tracked me down on LinkedIn, and called my new company's public line just to see if I would be available to help them out.

Fortunately the new powers that be took that one in their strides..

rant.GetType() == typeof(long)

I have voiced my unhappiness to the powers that be regarding having to sit in traffic for over an hour to get to work and an hour to get back home, in the hopes that some sort of resolution and compromise can be reached.

The response basically was, "We've never had anyone work from home before and this is very new to us, so we wouldn't know where to start and how to manage this."

Firstly, from what I've heard along the grapevine, someone has worked from home before. In fact, it was a developer... wouldn't you fucking know!

Secondly, you're the manager... FUCKING MANAGE! Yes this is perhaps "new" territory for the company, but it's certainly nothing new to the world. Or maybe I'm wrong?

How's about, rather than fucking "ummm-ing" and "ahhh-ing" about the working from home being a good idea or not, perhaps try saying, "You know what, let's try something for the next 3 months and see how it goes. We sit down and hash out when and how we are going to communicate regarding the work that needs to be done, and when you will need to come in for meetings and the like." If it doesn't work after 2 weeks, oh well... we tried. And if we're still going strong after month 4, I think we have a winner!

Perhaps it's a generational thing, seeing as management are Baby Boomers and I'm a Millennial? Then again, I could be wrong.

The point is that I see a potential solution to my problem that may actually work and benefit both parties, but they're either to fucking set in their old ass ways and stubborn to allow this. Or perhaps it's a thing of "if we do this for you, we have to do it for everyone", which they don't want to do.

But more importantly, they don't seem to get the whole notion of "a happy employee is a productive employee".

What really matters about being a developer is how you use your skills, you can know lots but you need to be creative and open-minded.

Don't use your skills for stuff like this, with great power comes great responsibility, don't abuse your powers to give people camcer

When I was 14 or so, we had acces to some computers during break. I went through each and every one of them, rebooted into Safe Mode (yeah, Windows), logged in as admin with no password, and gave admin powers to my account (each student had one, at least). Then, installed a keylogger and one of those "trojaans" that let me remote terminal, keyboard and mouse control to all the PCs (I had tried telnet server, but this was soo much easier).

Then came the fun.

"Why does the start menu keep opening by itself?"
"Why is the CD tray opening and closing on its own?"
Etc.

Then I found out social media passwords like (translated from spanish) "bigdicks". Never used them, because I considered myself one of the gray hatted. I did it just for the fun.

Working on my Lenovo x1 carbon. Akku warning "less then 6%" appears. No problem, I will connect the cable just after I finished this function... "Will shutdown in a view moments" message appears. Ok, I connect the cable. Nothing happens. Maybe power adapter is broken or something more worst. Panic. Try to commit and push as fast as I can (around 2000 LOC from today, made big changes on my project today). While pushing to github laptop powers off. Fuck. Check github on smartphone to see if commits had been pushed. No. I do not have a power adapter for replacement. FML.

I laughed so hard when I saw this post,i don't know how knowing the Microsoft suite is going to help you become anyone famous worldwide and oh.steve jobs main role was not programming but mostly marketing.

The true superior programmers 👌

Alright. Two dead Commodores.

Over 15 years before I was born? ✅
No idea how BASIC works? ✅
Internet at the ready? ✅

So far I've checked various chips for visible damage, and nothing except a blown fuse on both machines. Apparently it takes dual 9vAC and single 5vDC. The 9 powers the SID and the video output, the VIC-II heatsink is off, and I've tested the PSU voltages and one of the 9v's is dead. I'll be getting new fuses and a new PSU soon. Any recommendations on other things to check or things to do when they're done? Pic included because why not.

4 stages of using VIM:

1. Survive
2. Fell Comfortable
3. Feel Better, Stronger, Faster
4. Use Super-powers of VIM

So according to google domains I just put in a transfer request 5 days in the future... Fuck me I need to learn to contain these powers...

> Worst work culture you've experienced?

It's a tie between my first to employers.

First: A career's dead end.
Bosses hardly ever said the truth, suger-coated everything and told you just about anything to get what they wanted. E.g. a coworker of mine was sent on a business trip to another company. They had told him this is his big chance! He'd attend a project kick-off meeting, maybe become its lead permanently. When he got there, the other company was like "So you're the temporary first-level supporter? Great! Here's your headset".

And well, devs were worth nothing anyway. For every dev there were 2-3 "consultants" that wrote detailed specifications, including SQL statements and pseudocode. The dev's job was just to translate that to working code. Except for the two highest senior devs, who had perfect job security. They had cooked up a custom Ant-based build system, had forked several high-profile Java projects (e.g. Hibernate) and their code was purposely cryptic and convoluted.
You had no chance to make changes to their projects without involuntarily breaking half of it. And then you'd have to beg for a bit of their time. And doing something they didn't like? Forget it. After I suggested to introduce automated testing I was treated like a heretic. Well of course, that would have threatened their job security. Even managers had no power against them. If these two would quit half a dozen projects would simply be dead.

And finally, the pecking order. Juniors, like me back then, didn't get taught shit. We were just there for the work the seniors didn't want to do. When one of the senior devs had implemented a patch on the master branch, it was the junior's job to apply it to the other branches.

Second: A massive sweatshop, almost like a real-life caricature.
It was a big corporation. Managers acted like kings, always taking the best for themselves while leaving crumbs for the plebs (=devs, operators, etc). They had the spacious single offices, we had the open plan (so awesome for communication and teamwork! synergy effects!). When they got bored, they left meetings just like that. We... well don't even think about being late.
And of course most managers followed the "kiss up, kick down" principle. Boy, was I getting kicked because I dared to question a decision of my boss. He made my life so hard I got sick for a month, being close to burnout. The best part? I gave notice a month later, and _he_still_was_surprised_!
Plebs weren't allowed anything below perfection, bosses on the other hand... so, I got yelled at by some manager. Twice. For essentially nothing, things just bruised his fragile ego. My bosses response? "Oh he's just human". No, the plebs was expected to obey the powers that be. Something you didn't like? That just means your attitude needs adjustment. Like with the open plan offices: I criticized the noise and distraction. Well that's just my _opinion_, right? Anyone else is happily enjoying it! Why can't I just be like the others? And most people really had given up, working like on a production line.

The company itself, while big, was a big ball of small, isolated groups, sticking together by office politics. In your software you'd need to call a service made by a different team, sooner or later. Not documented, noone was ever willing to help. To actually get help, you needed to get your boss to talk to their boss. Then you'd have a chance at all.

Oh, and the red tape. Say you needed a simple cable. You know, like those for $2 on Amazon. You'd open a support ticket and a week later everyone involved had signed it off. Probably. Like your boss, the support's boss, the internal IT services' boss, and maybe some other poor sap who felt important. Or maybe not, because the justification for needing that cable wasn't specific enough. I mean, just imagine the potential damage if our employees owned a cable they shouldn't!

You know, after these two employers I actually needed therapy. Looking back now, hooooly shit... that's why I can't repeat often enough that we devs put up with way too much bullshit.

Work enforced a screensaver policy - a corporate screensaver that even us local admin devs can't change.
I swiftly made a .reg script and distributed it.
We all laugh whenever someone's "Ribbons" screensaver starts up.
I love using my powers for evil.

Boss insists on using WordPress for every project cause it powers 25% of the web.

So today I got an email about a job opportunity. The email was in romainian. This is the exact translation and bear in mind that in romanian as in every other language (I guess) alot of english phrases sound very cringy. This is the email:

We need a fearless hero for the IT realm!
X company, a thriving insurance community, is looking for a real hero of software development that can make code using the .NET mystical hammer that can only be lifted by a worthy, deserving and responsible warrior.

You can't fly? Can't shoot lasers? You are not wasting your night time by looking at the moon on tall blocks wearing a cape? Then you could be the hero we need.

Do not worry, the position does not imply superhuman strength :)) However, it requires intellectual strength and attention to detail. You can even use your powers from a comfortable chair in a welcoming team full of other heroes ready to help you. We won't leave you alone, after all even Batman has Robin :))

I have attached all the information you need. Only The Chosen One can open the document so you will know immediately if you are right. :))

If you want to be responsible with your strength, then I'm waiting for your updated English resume with all your heroic deeds in the past.

Remember, not all heroes wear capes!

... WHAT THE FUCK IS .NET MYSTICAL HAMMER??? AND WHO THE FUCK USES ":))" IN AN EMAIL??

Best code performance incr. I made?

Many, many years ago our scaling strategy was to throw hardware at performance problems. Hardware consisted of dedicated web server and backing SQL server box, so each site instance had two servers (and data replication processes in place)

Two servers turned into 4, 4 to 8, 8 to around 16 (don't remember exactly what we ended up with). With Window's server and SQL Server licenses getting into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, the 'powers-that-be' were becoming very concerned with our IT budget. With our IT-VP and other web mgrs being hardware-centric, they simply shrugged and told the company that's just the way it is.

Taking it upon myself, started looking into utilizing web services, caching data (Microsoft's Velocity at the time), and a service that returned product data, the bottleneck for most of the performance issues. Description, price, simple stuff. Testing the scaling with our dev environment, single web server and single backing sql server, the service was able to handle 10x the traffic with much better performance.

Since the majority of the IT mgmt were hardware centric, they blew off the results saying my tests were contrived and my solution wouldn't work in 'the real world'. Not 100% wrong, I had no idea what would happen when real traffic would hit the site.

With our other hardware guys concerned the web hardware budget was tearing into everything else, they helped convince the 'powers-that-be' to give my idea a shot.

Fast forward a couple of months (lots of web code changes), early one morning we started slowly turning on the new framework (3 load balanced web service servers, 3 web servers, one sql server). 5 minutes...no issues, 10 minutes...no issues,an hour...everything is looking great. Then (A is a network admin)...
A: "Umm...guys...hardly any of the other web servers are being hit. The new servers are handling almost 100% of the traffic."
VP: "That can't be right. Something must be wrong with the load balancers. Rollback!"
A:"No, everything is fine. Load balancer is working and the performance spikes are coming from the old servers, not the new ones. Wow!, this is awesome!"
<Web manager 'Stacey'>
Stacey: "We probably still need to rollback. We'll need to do a full analysis to why the performance improved and apply it the current hardware setup."
A: "Page load times are now under 100 milliseconds from almost 3 seconds. Lets not rollback and see what happens."
Stacey:"I don't know, customers aren't used to such fast load times. They'll think something is wrong and go to a competitor. Rollback."
VP: "Agreed. We don't why this so fast. We'll need to replicate what is going on to the current architecture. Good try guys."
<later that day>
VP: "We've received hundreds of emails complementing us on the web site performance this morning and upset that the site suddenly slowed down again. CEO got wind of these emails and instructed us to move forward with the new framework."

After full implementation, we were able to scale back to only a few web servers and a single sql server, saving an initial $300,000 and a potential future savings of over $500,000. Budget analysis considering other factors, over the next 7 years, this would save the company over a million dollars.

At the semi-annual company wide meeting, our VP made a speech.

VP: "I'd like to thank everyone for this hard fought journey to get our web site up to industry standards for the benefit of our customers and stakeholders. Most of all, I'd like to thank Stacey for all her effort in designing and implementation of the scaling solution. Great job Stacy!"
<hands her a blank white envelope, hmmm...wonder what was in it?>

A few devs who sat in front of me turn around, network guys to the right, all look at me with puzzled looks with one mouth-ing "WTF?"

I hate it when you are enrolled in a college for a cse degree but they decide to teach you quantum mechanics and environmental sciences cause you never know, may need them someday. However in the name of cse they teach you what was magnetic optical drive and about mice and printers cause as a cse student you should know how the mouse, the keyboard, printers work. How is electricity that powers your tools is generated? How much energy is generated or required to display the colour on you monitor? And programming, well thats what the company train you in after recruitment!!

Installing Unreal plugins from github be like:
clone, try to build
unreal: nah
me: can you tell me why?
unreal: nah
me: please?
unreal: nah
...
me: With the powers of MS VS I command you, tell me why the fuck you aren't building!?!
unreal: yeah I need that dependency in this plugin fo rmotion tracking
me: we don't do motion tracking *comment it out*
unreal: there I build it.

... I feel like I was a Karen, went to talk to the manager (VS) who gave me a proper explanation to why the employee had to behave this way.

PHP is the Fidel Castro of programming languages; after all Castro outlived five US presidents who ordered his assassination. And of course, like reports of Mark Twain’s death being exaggerated, it’s patently absurd to call a language that powers 80% of the web dead.

Feeling powerful by disabling simply with developers tools that big and bad pop-up.

Which asks to deactivate my precious Ad-Blocker to be able to read this tiny article on your expired https newspaper site xD

Me trying to take a screenshot with iOS 12:

*holds home and presses lock* (the only way I had found to reliably take a screenshot in previous versions): Siri

Fuck off Siri I want a screenshot!

*tries again same way*: Siri

Fuck OFF Siri!

*holds lock + home*: phone locks

Christ almighty.

*unlocks phone, presses home and lock at the exact same time*

Nothing happens.

*continues holding* I just want my fucking screenshot.

Phone powers off. Hard reset.

Fuck this shit.

How hard is it to monitor two buttons being pressed at the same time? And if it is so damn hard why make it the ONLY WAY TO TAKE A SCREENSHOT??!

Now whenever I want a screenshot it’s basically a crapshoot whether I will get a screenshot, Siri barging in, or my phone locking on me.

Couldn’t they have just used the volume buttons instead? 😡

My process to start new coding project?

Unless it was dictated by the powers that be, my process usually begins/began when I hear..

"It's impossible for us to make the program do that" or equivalent negative comment.

It triggers a "Someone hold my beer" area in my brain.

The day I got hired because my (now) boss saw me showing off my super powers as a dev to some fellow students. He liked that I was so energetic.
Now I make quite a lot of money (for my age) and learn so fucking much. By the way, I'm only 17, so it's quite nice.

Still dealing with the web department and their finger pointing after several thousand errors logged.

SeniorWebDev: “Looks like there were 250 database timeout errors at 11:02AM. DBAs might want to take a look.”

I look at the actual exceptions being logged (bulk of the over 1,600 logged errors)..

“Object reference not set to an instance of an object.”

Then I looked the email timestamp…11:00AM. We received the email notification *before* the database timeout errors occurred.

I gather some facts…when the exceptions started, when they ended, and used the stack trace to find the code not checking for null (maybe 10 minutes of junior dev detective work). Send the data to the ‘powers that be’ and carried on with my daily tasks.
I attached what I found (not the actual code, it was changed to protect the innocent)
Couple of hours later another WebDev replied…

WebDev: “These errors look like a database connectivity issue between the web site and the saleitem data service. Appears the logging framework doesn’t allow us to log any information about the database connection.”

FRACK!!...that Fracking lying piece of frack! Our team is responsible for the logging framework. I was typing up my response (having to calm down) then about a minute later the head DBA replies …

DBA: “Do you have any evidence of this? Our logs show no connectivity issues. The logging framework does have the ability to log an extensive amount of data regarding the database transaction. Database name, server, login, command text, and parameter values. Everything we need to troubleshoot. This is the link to the documentation …. If you implement the one line of code to gather the data, it will go a long way in helping us debug performance and connectivity issue. Thank you.”

DBA sends me a skype message “You’re welcome :)”

Ahh..nice to see someone else fed up with their lying bull...stuff.

If I had Dev super powers I'd first test with a "Hello World"

FUCK YOU MAGNETO!!!!!

what a backstabing cunt

imagine you're trying to prevent world war 3 from happening with someone you've been training for months.

out of nowhere, this FUCKING PICE OF SHIT decides to become a vilain.

in the midst of the event he tries to deflect a bullet that ricochets into my spine.
thanks asshole, now I can't walk

i thought we were friends man, we bonded over painful shit

like ok, they killed your mom and made experiments with you,

but it was just the NAZIS, LITERALLY EVERYBODY HATES THEM.
take it out on them, not the entire humanity bro

you unlocked your powers thanks to me, you couldn't even lift the toilet seat.

and you don't even give a fuck about mutants, you power hungry bitch

you only care about total domination

"oh no, someone save us from this mutant whose real name is eric"
im so scared right now

I've lost all my powers

Torvalds, not because of him as a person, but because he created linux, the kernel which today powers the only usable OS, GNU/Linux.

*on phone*
Friend: I want to add 100 contacts to gmail how do I do that?
Me: Add those in excel sheet and import it in gmail

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I deleted something in excel. How do I get it back
Me: Ctrl Z

*after 10 mins another call*
Friend: I added contacts to excel and emailed to you. Can you email me contacts so that I'll add to my gmail?
Me; I don't have these powers. You have to import in gmail.

*after 5 mins another call*
Friend: I uploaded contacts but I want it in on my iPhone
Me: Add gmail account to your iPhone. It will sync contacts.
Friend: I know we can do it on Android but is it possible on iPhone bcz Gmail is of Google right?

*hang up*

“Overhearing powers of the Fullstack dev”

We have an internal control panel (BEEP) to manage our dev Tomcat instances. The other day, with one of my muggle friend, I was trying to restart an instance. There’s a checkbox to clean the host tmp files and directories, ingeniously named as - Purge cache.

Innocent Me (to my muggle friend): bro would Purge cache delete the application log files?

__(Fullstack dev overhearing us)__

Muggle friend: Purge ca... (gets interrupted my the Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like ... (gotta be consistent with the opening) what “npm purge” does is it deletes the files which are not being used.

Confused Muggle friend: bro it’s a BEEP option to clean the tmp dirs.

Fullstack dev: oh I thought you guys were talking about “npm purge”

Angry muggle friend: then WHY THE FUCK did you answer if you didn’t know [...] the fuck we were talking about.

Calm fullstack dev: FYI. Might help you someday.

Deeply-hurt Me: (what the fuck is “npm purge”). Hey man do you mean “npm prune”? Because they don’t have an npm purge. And what do you mean by “it deletes the files which are not being used”?

Confident Fullstack dev: NO

Me: (cries in npm)

More to come!

And my powers back! Fuck talking to people, it's a short weekend and I've got side-projects!

While I prefer tabs over spaces for indentation, I usually don't mind using spaces as this is often decided project-wide(or even company-wide) by powers out of my reach and the people also normally decide to intend by the reasonable 4 spaces.
However, now I am working on a project with 2 spaces indentation and oh boy, what a pain it is to write any nested code.. am I really the only one with this problem?

Everyone seems to think you've got some voodoo wizard powers and you can do anything *right now*

I finally decided to switch to Linux (I still have Windows for work, but I want to give Linux a try too). I was about to complete the installation (Arch Linux so I was quite tired and stressed cause of fuck ups) when BOOM my fucking phone with the installation guide falls on my laptop's power button and powers it off. Fuuuuuuuuuuuckkkk. I have to do everything again. Shit.

Oh, how my colleagues think I have psychic powers and am able to discern what is the problem they face just by being notified of its existence.

When the powers that be say let's support ie8

sudo apt-get moo

Super Cow Powers, yey! :D

Ah, developers, the unsung heroes of caffeine-fueled coding marathons and keyboard clacking symphonies! These mystical beings have a way of turning coffee and pizza into lines of code that somehow make the world go 'round.

Have you ever seen a developer in their natural habitat? They huddle in dimly lit rooms, surrounded by monitors glowing like magic crystals. Their battle cries of "It works on my machine!" echo through the corridors, as they summon the mighty powers of Stack Overflow and Google to conquer bugs and errors.

And let's talk about the coffee addiction – it's like they believe caffeine is the elixir of code immortality. The way they guard their mugs, you'd think it's the Holy Grail. In fact, a developer without coffee is like a computer without RAM – it just doesn't function properly.

But don't let their nerdy exteriors fool you. Deep down, they're dreamers. They dream of a world where every line of code is bug-free and every user is happy. A world where the boss understands what "just one more line of code" really means.

Speaking of bosses, developers have a unique ability to turn simple requests into complex projects. "Can you make a small tweak?" the boss asks innocently. And the developer replies, "Sure, it's just a minor change," while mentally calculating the time it'll take and the potential for scope creep.

Let's not forget their passion for acronyms. TLA (Three-Letter Acronym) is their second language. API, CSS, HTML, PHP, SQL... it's like they're playing a never-ending game of Scrabble with abbreviations.

And documentation? Well, that's their arch-nemesis. It's as if writing clear instructions is harder than debugging quantum mechanics. "The code is self-explanatory," they claim, leaving everyone else scratching their heads.

In the end, developers are a quirky bunch, but we love them for it. Their quirks and peculiarities are what make them the creative, brilliant minds that power our digital world. So here's to developers, the masters of logic and the wizards of the virtual realm!

I don't know what to do with my life anymore, as a self taught web developer, I started like anybody doing HTML, CSS and js, and then I met PHP and WordPress.
why the fuck PHP is ugly ? and why WordPress is uglier ? I tried to learn how to build a simple plugin in WordPress but the hooks system make me want to kill my self, how the fuck PHP powers 80% of the web ? every time I write PHP I wish I was never born, the problem is that I can't change job because I am old and I live in a fucking country who is technologically primitive, they fucking know only PHP and JAVA, no Node, No Ruby, No Python, only fucking PHP.
I learned React, I learned Node but you know what I did this last year ? I raped a themeforest theme for about dozen plus websites, A SINGLE THEME FOR MORE THAN DOZEN CLIENTS, my boss does not care, only me who is not sleeping at night because a tried to customize a Prestashop theme and it gave me cramps in the stomach, I feel depressed and useless, I want to quite my job but I can't, I have mouths to feed, WHY THE FUCK DID I FELL IN LOVE WITH PROGRAMMING, I was happy fixing computers, what can I do if the only project that I have are WordPress and Prestashop?
how did you do to stay sane when working with wordpress and prestashop ? are you not human ?I can't take it anymore.
I need a new road map, fuck it I will focus only on JS and Node and fuck PHP.

I sometimes cry a lil bit when I see php sql code without pdo. Specially when someone mentions a cool example online or a tutorial or whatever. Guys please, get good with sql as well as pdo....please pretty please with cherries on top. While we are at it, it might not be the solution to aaaall problems....but mvc can do wonders for you, it really can. That pattern has been on for a while...learn it and use it well. Also, restful apis are good mmkay? They fit nice with the glory of Node.js and its amazing front end powers and utilities mmmmmmkay?

What do you call a group of programmers with mutant powers?

Hex Men!!

So on a PowerBuilder app I worked on last year (I know right...), suddenly the business users were reporting that they couldn't edit some of their prices! When they clicked save, the screen would refresh and lose their work.

We had recently upgraded the system to allow them to enter hundreds of prices at a time, much more than there had ever been. But that code wasn't anywhere near this part!

Tracking this down was really fun... By great fortune, I discovered the row the users were editing was the 99th row in the DataWindow. As it turned out, in the distant past (this is PowerBuilder, after all) the returns code "99" had been used as a flag to mean "cancel/refresh the screen".

I of course offered to "fix it right", but the powers that be wanted it fixed cheaply, so we just changed the flag to "9999". 😬

- Hi, I need this config set up on the server. What do you think? Could you do it?
- Yeah seems fine. But we need to assess it properly.
- Ok, let me show you in details.
- Err.. hmm, reach out to me tomorrow.
...
** Then he stays offline all day. **

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO **REACH OUT** TO YOU???? VIA SMOKE SIGNALS??!! Some supernatural powers??

Oh man, I hate depending on other people to finish a fucking job.

I think I did it. I did the thing I set out to do.

let p = a semiprime of simple factors ab.
let f equal the product of b and i=2...a inclusive, where i is all natural numbers from 2 to a.
let s equal some set of prime factors that are b-smooth up to and including some factor n, with no gaps in the set.
m is a the largest primorial such that f%m == 0, where
the factors of s form the base of a series of powers as part of a product x
1. where (x*p) = f
2. and (x*p)%f == a

if statement 2 is untrue, there still exists an algorithm that
3. trivially derives the exponents of s for f, where the sum of those exponents are less than a.
4. trivially generates f from p without knowing a and b.

For those who have followed what I've been trying to do for so long, and understand the math,
then you know this appears to be it.

I'm just writing and finishing the scripts for it now.

Thank god. It's just in time. Maybe we can prevent the nuclear apocalypse with the crash this will cause if it works.

I'm getting beat up pretty bad by Rust. I like it so far but man is it hard. Imposter-syndrome is almost making me lose motivation. Almost, but I won't quit, one day I'll get there.

I think the primary reason I think I'm having such a hard time is that I'm trying to learn stuff that prevents me from making some mistakes that I have never run into. I know a bit of the theory but no hand's on experience on double-free errors, memory leaks and weird low-level stuff. I read the documentation, mostly understand what stuff is for but when I go write code I'm just like "now what?". I don't have enough experience to know when and where to use some concepts and I'm super lost. I don't know where to start and the feeling of being completely overwhelmed by all sorts of new stuff is at the same time exciting and frightening.

I have never, as a programmer, thought something was hard. All of my past knowledge required dedication, work and patience, but I wouldn't say I ever felt something was *hard*. But Rust... damn. Rust is hard.

Hopefully at the end of this super steep learning curve I'll know a lot more stuff and have stronger "dev powers" and be one step closer to being as knowledgeable as some of you guys around here to whom I look up to.

Mention some supernatural powers that only Devs can master upon!

.
.
Can't think of any??
let me tell you mine's,

I can easily determine the interests and how creative my colleagues are just by looking at their desktops... 😎☺😂 Isn't it cool?

Done and redone but it's been a long time coming and it's my turn : fuck you StackOverflow.

I've been a member for a few years, and I hate the elitist idiotic community. Some people are there to help, most of them are just there to wank on their reputation.

Whenever you ask a question that is tiny bit specific, you are almost certain to have a vote to close it because "it's too vague" -even though I spent 30mn writing it with comprehensive examples, clean formatting and other users understood it perfectly as demonstrated by their comments trying to help- or any other reason that scream "I didn't understand the question or don't have the answer therefore it's a bad question"

If you are "lucky", a power user will just mark it as duplicate of another question that barely uses the same stack as yours and has one keyword in common because this illiterate fuck couldn't bother to read the full question detailing why it's not a duplicate but, oh surprise, the question they referred yours too already has an accepted answer by themselves. Abusing their reputation-bestowed powers to reference themselves for some more reputation.

Now that I am over 1k in reputation and have all 3 colours of badges, it seems like it warrants a bit more attention from the swarm and it doesn't happen as often. Which is appalling in itself, basically if you don't have enough shinys, your are considered a worthless piece of crap barely tolerated to ask questions.

The fact that big reputation users have so much power and can absolutely not be held accountable for their abusive behaviour is a recipe for power abuse

So with my current windows heavy workload it is with a heavy heart that I commit to learning powershell. Wish me luck

!dev

I didn’t posted for a while cause I didn’t have anything interesting to say. My job is fine, got no major problems in life, everything looks good so I started thinking about the fucking civilization future stuff.
Either I’m to old or we’ll end up back in ancient Egypt one day.

The knowledge is still not moved from old to young, not categorized and protected well enough and we’re busy fighting with each other about nothing important. We’re carrying about stuff that have nothing to do with our lives. All those fucking movements make world worse place then it was. Just marginalize those that are good and give more powers to those who shout more and have more money.

As a result I think in a matter of couple generations there won’t be anyone who could replace grandfathers keeping this machine alive and future people will end up looking at pictures and videos of ancient stuff that nobody is capable of doing cause nobody understands it.

This super friendly human politics of the world like any other politics will make people unfriendly and not able to communicate with each other - stupid and unable to think reasonably.

My advice I also took as a mantra, turn off the internet and read or listen to the books - at least one book a month is your goal.
My last book I listened to was about history of gender and you know what ? I learned that clown fish can change gender when it’s young. I learned more from listening to this book for 8 hours then from a year reading stupid articles in the internet. I understand what gender is, what are the problems and all the fucking history of it staring in 1800-something or maybe even earlier. Maybe because there is still lots of difficulty to write something interesting that is more than 1 page of paper long. Most of stuff in the internet weather it’s an article or video have only 1 page amount of content. This content is none, it have no value to the community. You won’t learn anything from it. If you want to learn something read book cause making good quality book is very expensive and takes lots of person life and self esteem. Probably one book takes more time then most of influencers spend making their stupid pictures and stuff like that.

That’s sad truth of our times. We turned technology made for knowledge exchange to advertising tv - again.

Unlike the built-in ** operator, math.pow() converts both its arguments to type float. Use ** or the built-in pow() function for computing exact integer powers.

Well who knew?

source: python docs

The other day the department reorganized our entire work area. Couple of developers wanted standing desks (which was denied because the powers-that-be doesn't know what 'standing desks' means..
but that is another rant).
VP wanted two more desks in our area, but short by only a couple of feet (so only one desk would fit, not a big deal)

DevA: "You know, if we had standing desks, we could move closer together by at least a couple of feet. Might be a little cramped, but at least we'd all be happy."
Me: "Who the -bleep- are these 'all' people? If you want to stand, then stand up, get a box for your keyboard/mouse and raise your monitor. You don't speak for me."

And DevA is pushing 300lbs, drinks soda all day, eats out of the vending machine most of the day, etc...standing desk? What for 3 minutes before I have to listen to
"Oh...my back..oh...my ankles...I hate this place for forcing me to use a standing desk!"

I run 5K every morning, lift weights, run over lunch, etc...when I'm at work, I'm ready to sit down!

Found a nifty way of generating the 7th dedekind number because of how it uses the difference of powers, and the sum of the fifth and sixth dedekind numbers:

((5**d(10))-(5^(9)))-((((5+168)*2)+7581)*2)

Pretty sure its a one-off though. Couldn't find any generalizations. Just a happy accident.

You are having 82 Mbps, and you bave no idea what to do with that much speed....

Yesterday I attended a 'convention' with different speakers (Design, IoT, Houdini CSS, Typography, JavaScript, Ashkell, etc.). I recovered these stickers 😂

#DevJokes

Just wish I could swap a portion of my dev super powers for something more f’king practical like being able to do DIY or mix cement and lay bricks properly.
Every damn time there’s some small job to be done it turns into a god damn nightmare.
Anyone else as single skilled as me or can you actually do real world skills too?

If you want a self stem boost talk to some non programmers sometime. They seems to see us as gods with some mystical magical powers!!

Talked with a broker today and he told me about a damaged computer that he had with some important files. I told him that I'm not that kind of computer guy and proceeded to explain him briefly what I do (I build stuff) and he was like "oh, so you a the the REAL computer guy!" (no offense to any technicians here!)
I loved it!

So, get out and talk to the muggles and stop complaining that you are not good enough to work for Google (or Google is not good enough for you anymore anyways...)

Tried to fix my Logitech gaming mouse. well it's not more broken it's very slightly less broken. It powers up for a moment

is it fair to say linux is the most popular operating system kernel?

i mean, it powers android, the most popular mobile os, chrome os, nearly all servers, raspberry pi’s, embedded devices and linux desktop operating systems. it has the be the most popular kernel, right?

!rant
There's something that brings a smile to my face about powers of 2 :)

Love Squirrel Girl, the super hero with the powers of a squirrel, and a degree in computer science.

OMFG, Dell, why can't you be normal and make your batteries die like any other batteries - by simply switching the laptop off immediately when the charger is unplugged???

Guess what it looks like when a JD25G (XPS13 9530) battery is dying (still 88% health)!

Constant screen flickering (yes, even in BIOS). Good thing I'm not an epileptic - my screen is fucking strobing!!!

I know it's a battery, because I had the same issue some years ago when I replaced the died original one with a cheapo made by GreenCell. Boi that was fun - I saw my laptop do miraculous things I never would've thought of! Screen flickering was one of them. As soon as I replaced that turd with an original one all these magic powers went away.

Finally got that PHP shirt 😂 😂 managed to put my phone 📱 on the table..... You said PHP powers 80% of the web???

I wish I were a super hero who's special powers were development related. Like being able to change a person's pointer to point to null or being able to cast a Queue as a Stack so I can go first.

I would have watch dogs 2 super powers

... but it has super cow powers !

Mobile batteries are the weak link. Need a power source that powers devices for weeks rather than 1 day. Whoever solves this is golden!

During the company's Xmas event, we were off-site at a place that does events to do a team-building event followed by dinner party.

An error report came up, it wasn't a showstopper, but it was fairly serious, and the perfect excuse to sit out the BS improv team-building exercises that the powers that be thought would be a good idea to have.

Probably my favorite bug ever.

Here’s Today’s book, a little late in the day but we had a storm here and lost power. Powers back

Anyway Programming Pearls, this books isn’t so much a tutorial book, or like “how to program book” it’s more an influential book and thought book. Similar to the mythical man month book.

It’s short book little over 200 pages, of short essays on problems that have irritated programmers over the years. Hence the amage to pearls as a pearl is developed from grains of sand that irritate oysters. This book is a collection of irritants of programmers. (No not the social or business side of things) but technical problems we all face.
These articles are compiled from the original postings that occurred in the Communications of ACM journal, back in the late 90s.

This books offers workable solutions to these “pearls”.

Think of this like one of the precursors to what we have now as stack overflow .. information was shared via journals since the internet wasn’t available but not so much question then respond like we do more of hey I had this problem here’s the solution sort of system.

It’s the type of book, when your bored and you don’t want to read some “how to book” you read this, just like mythical man month and others.

This book references items from knuths books. As well as references to others.

So here’s to the pearls the plague us all.

Been struggling with an issue all weekend (it had to go to client today) with no solution and without understanding why it was returning the wrong values.

Arrive this morning to the office and team leader asks me about the issue and gives me a new one with higher priority, so I decide to pass my issue to a junior I work with.

While doing so and explaining everything he should look into, by some magic powers I found the reason for the issue

Thank the rubber ducking god!!!

The development life cycle when taking over a project is much like that of a slightly retarded wizards first steps into utilizing the powers of the dark forces.

CONFUSION => CLARITY => FAILURE => CONFUSION => CONFUSION => BROKEN KEYBOARD => CONFUSION => UNKNOWN MAGIC => SUCCESS => CONFUSION => BORED OF THIS IT FUCKING WORKS => PUSH => SHUTDOWN

- VueJS
- Develop a cross platform app
- Try get job overseas, pref in Switzerland
- be self employed using my dev powers
- make my bike connected to internet. Dev a real-time dashboard. Try to add consciousness to bike.

I think the following is all in my head, or I am heading towards an office rivalry situation between my tech lead and me.

characters :
me : a no nonsense android guy who is sometimes very blunt when requested for unwarranted demands. i am also realising that i have been a bit too arrogant, as i come up with a lot of counter questions too fast (not related to story tho)

tech lead : an android guy who has been android dev for a total of 4 years (same as me), 3 of them in current company and somehow got promoted to TL

story: I find this guy to be too much political, delegating a lazy bum, and i kinda called him out in public , once during a discussion where other folks were also kinda calling him out and another time when we were having a small meeting of 3 people. he in turn has taken some actions (like giving me a lower kpi, not giving me appropriate data for doing some work and then asking about it in public, casually ignoring my leave requests) which looks he is taking out a revenge.

at first time i called him out in a discussion where everyone was getting against his havit of giving buttery responses to his boss (who occasionally joins our standups) . he says "we are on track" while we are already dependent on him to provide data/decisions.
he then says to us to do it faster , and when the work does not get completed ( because how it could be, without him doing his job), he blames it on devs.

i called him out on a similar but different topic of him making last moment task additions when we are already on brim with our planned tasks.

on second time i called him out on him not looking into the current task enough as he was expecting me to take decisions on my own.
the decision was about how a screens ui will be populated and there was no api payload available that would match the ui . i created 2 mock api jsons which would appropriately load that screen but was not sure if the 2 apis would be enough for the screen and wondered whete some missing data will come from?
this task is a long one, nd i did took a decision, but he should had validated them to make sure we are on track. the issue came when i took some questions to him and instead of answering them , he blamed on me not being mature enough to work without the data!

All things aside, I am on my weary ends with thins guy. He is my boss and holds incredible powers over me, but he is incredibly incompetent and his habits of delay, delegation and blaming is making my work life worse. I don't wanna leave this job too, because as much as i hate it, its currently one of the major names in industries and giving a solid power to my resume

I had this dream, We had to destroy this super mainframe who wanted some revenge because we as a programmers made a lot of mistakes in the code.

So we had to create this amazing machine with super powers and machine learning and then to go back to the past to save the world and to find me and protect me from the same machines that we created..

At the end, I died.. because the fucking machine betrayed me.

I was telling a coworker about the shit hole known as San Fransisco. I don't say this lightly because it was a great place to visit when I was a child in the 80s. Some of the best memories in my life as a kid. Riding the trolleys was amazing. Watching the street performers was really really fun. Seeing the Golden Gate was awesome too.

Sadly, this is rapidly disappearing. The powers that be are allowing drug addicts to use anytime anyplace. They are giving them free food. People are shitting on sidewalks and dropping half eaten sandwiches on the sidewalk. So you will find half eaten sandwiches and poop next to each other. They have had to pay people 6 figures to clean this shit up.

As I was telling my coworker about this I said you will find poop and half eaten sandwiches on the sidewalk. Then I said: "old sandwich, new sandwich". He was unsure if he should laugh or puke.

Cant get anything done?
just use your powers
use your 'sudo'
:p

Plan when I get home:

sit down, eat, maybe play something, maybe watching something, begin my rise to C# domination *insert evil laugh*

Reality when I got home:

sit down, get chores, stop halfway and rant, curse the slavery to the powers that be, being the parents ofcourse

Was talking with a friend about how it makes no sense that people are freaking out over Canada 150, since the real big anniversary happened 22 years ago

"Averice - a serial novel"

2021 - found on the remnents of an old 'youtube' server rack.

A gaunt but handsome man walks into the view finder. Adjusts the camera. "Hi guys and girls." he smiles weakly. rubs his blonde unshaved stubble, running his hand over his mouth, inhaling as if trying to find the right words.

"How can I say this. god. ...americas fucked and rapidly going down the shitter,
college is a fucking scam,
all success in the modern day is based on fraud, bullshit, mythmaking, and "who you know."

we're on the verge of a new cold war, the merger of the fed and the treasury combine with negative oil is the legit death signal of the petrodollar, we're gonna go through a *50% haircut* in living standards and a doubling of taxes on *everything* in the next six months, the tech bubble is gonna burst taking with it half the industry jobs overnight, the credit bubble will burst even as the fucking stock market climbs higher, a quarter or more of all retail will shut down leaving empty assets turning every state property market into the equivalent of fucking detroit. MAD as a protective doctrine is dead with the spread of hypersonic weapons so enjoy living with the constant threat of being obliterated without warning, my entire generation basically has no meaningful or stable future to look forward to, and none of us have really had an actual, genuine say in anything involving society for decades."

He exhalled visibly on camera, as if exhausted by the demons of anxiety he'd poured forth, a torrent of fears, uncertainties, and revelations like the tormented ghost of christmas past

A long pull from a bottle of southern comfort.

"look. we have an out of control intelligence apparatus that are in their operation more orwellian than the real life stasi ever were, a government at both the federal and state level thats made of millionaires and billionaires who give no fucks at all except for their own power, out of control and absolutely dogshit-corrupt *local* leaders, nothing is audited, nothing is meaningfully transparented, rampant fraud, destruction of evidence, witness tampering, railroading, intimidation, violence, threats of violence, skyrocketing cost of living, skyrocketing spending, skyrocketing taxes, skyrocketing policies of total control by police, skyrocketing homelessness, fatherlessness, poverty, political corruption, drug abuse, massive politically funded thinly veiled state propaganda, collapsing and decaying infrastructure, the loss of all tradition, culture, community cohesion we might have had, and on and on and on and on.

and all I want right now is to get my dick sucked. drink a beer and blow my motherfucking brains out.

and when people start fighting in the streets over some bullshit and it turns into race riots, because the motherfuckers in the media serving wallstreet always make it about race or some stupid shit like that, I wont be in america to put up with it.

do us all a favor. when you're hanging bankers, hang some fucking journalists too. they never tell the truth. doesnt matter which side they are on
they only divide people and advocate for more of the same bullshit, expanded state powers, more federal dollars, more workers for their campaign, more privileges. they're fucking cancer. yes even your favorite journalist. they're a tumor on society.

our government has become hostile to us even being *alive* anymore. it has for me become intolerable, and in time I have grown to hate it.

there is no way to change it. no way to salvage it. I cannot see any hope for the future anymore. And if you search yourself I know many of you feel the same."

He took another long pull from the bottle.

"we no longer have a voice in america and no means to air our grievances peacefully.

theres nothing in it left worth saving when it all can be taken away at a moments notice by a deaf and hostile bureucratic government. I should have voted for bernie last year. At least he would have destroyed it.

many of you will disagree with this sentiment, thinking things can still work out. because you still have your creature comforts. your apartment which you cant afford. your car with its maintenace bills and monthly payments you've fallen behind on same as half the country now out of work, but in a short few months, a year at most, you will learn what I have learned, and the reason I drink, what I knew about as early as june of 2019, that this is it. this was as good as it was ever going to get. and that the good days, the best days are behind us. that all that you hold dear could be taken. all that you worked for, was already gone, and you just havent realized it yet. I've set this to autoupload once it's done recording. I built a company just to watch the people who dont want any of us to succeed burn america down around it. Im done. Goodbye america."

The man got up from his chair, camera still recording, and left. Only the red flashing dot remained, the only witness to the silence.

Idea: make the amount of ++ needed for the customisation things powers of two!

Sudo powers

I worked on a smart locker software with another developer a year back. Really cool stuff where you mix Node.js with real hardware. That another developer built the thing on Angular, despite not having a clue how to use it. We got fired, but those smart lockers are deployed to a lot of places now and whenever I see one I stop and feel proud because the API that powers it was written by me. Despite not getting a cent due to that other developer.

So the curriculum director is sad that she can't query lecture objectives that nobody ever entered out of our homegrown database, so she's insisting on buying an expensive off the shelf system, I guess expecting these data to magically be available once it's in place.

This also means I'll have to rewrite the API I've been developing for the past year that powers most of the curriculum resources.

Why can't everyone just know how databases work?

I have no specific story to tell (for now. Will post ke if i remember one) but i have had tons of CS teachers that are shit. From ones who don't know shit to ones who are so bad as a human being i am sure thrte are hundreds of people out there to kill them. I have had multiple teachers where all they did was read out a book and we'd have o site everything they read. Whole fucking semester. And not just one person or once. M-U-L-T-I-P-L-E TIMES AND TEACHERS. then I ve had ones who would rejection my code even if it's better, is right, can andle more edge cases, most likely magnitfrs of times faster and isn an eye sore with just effig if-else on op of if-else nested within if-else with many for loops. Then there are those who want you to do just what they want and expect you to not have a life of your own. Those who blatantly abuse their powers. Those who couldn't care less. Those who are not that bad a teacher but their attitude and style just makes you want to leave. There's one currently who wants a group of 4 people in second year to develop a full blown industry level application in mere 3 weeks. AND WE ARE HAVING OUR THEORY PAPRRS INBETWEEN FOR 2 EFFING WEEKS. So that's just like a month. Fortunately I have a group that's good enough that I can have them do the testing and filling up the documentation​ (did I mention that he needs full documentatiin for software plus a report on how our development process) and have them work on presentation (yup. We need to present this thing) all for just 50 marks. 1 uni credit. Our system still gives 80% weightage to pure theory. Plus the practical part is somewhat theory too.

Our HOD wants us *insists*forces** to stay back at college and work on projects (which is nice but what he ments is use the shitty outdated books from early 2000s to study something). Now I'd be happy to stay back if college provided decent internet (I am not asking for gigabit speeds. Even 1-2Mbps would work) and place to sit. But nope, our college non-teaching staff is eager to send us out of their department and by extention college building. There is literally nowhere you can sit. Plus yup, there is no internet and nowhere for you to plug your laptop in. That's a moot point anyway because they don't want you to use your laptop in college library or anywhere anyways. Plus you don't get much of mobile data too because of the building design. Those work only near windows. Why would I be at college if I can get a 50+Mbps down, area to sit, snacks, port to charge all at home. And you'd say we should talk with him about this – well it's not his issue is all he has to say.

Well, such is life in Indian colleges. And my college/uni is one of the better ones.

Purchasing a HR-V Honda i’m a Backend developer.

Question is brief, what is you Car and Super-powers in developer field ? ...

Every now and then I see people writing fucked up society everywhere. I want people to write here what is fucked up and how do you want to solve it if you have all the necessary powers.

Make sure your software does not lose data when improperly quit, and does not allow deletion without a proper confirmation dialogue.

I have experienced pre-installed voice recorder applications that leave behind an unsalvageable corrupt file if the smartphone shuts down due to running out of battery charge, or powers off due to battery undervoltage (as a result of an aged battery).

As often, third-party software beats pre-installed software, and the voice recorder "ASR" by "NLL apps" leaves behind a playable file when unexpectedly quit. Might be because it uses the OGG vorbis format rather than M4A or 3GP audio.

Also, the camera software of the Samsung Galaxy Pocket smartphone from 2012 (which was crap anyway) would discard a video file if the recording was quit through the "back" navigation key.
Perhaps this was done deliberately, but it is a terrible idea due to the possibility of accidents happening.

Some gallery software for Android lets the user delete photos and videos by swiping vertically. After this, a so-called "toast" notification appears with an undo button. If not responded to within seconds, or when tapping next to it due to stress, the photo or video is gone. This is, needless to say, terrible design.

TLDR, need suggestions for a small team, ALM, or at least Requirements, Issue and test case tracking.

Okay my team needs some advice.

Soo the powers at be a year ago or so decided to move our requirement tracking process, test case and issue tracking from word, excel and Visio. To an ALM.. they choice Siemens Polarion for whatever reason assuming because of team center some divisions use it..

Ohhh and by the way we’ve been all engineering shit perfectly fine with the process we had with word, excel and Visio.. it wasn’t any extra work, because we needed to make those documents regardless, and it’s far easier to write the shit in the raw format than fuck around with the Mouse and all the config fields on some web app.

ANYWAY before anyone asks or suggests a process to match the tool, here’s some back ground info. We are a team of about 10-15. Split between mech, elec, and software with more on mech or elec side.
But regardless, for each project there is only 1 engineer of each concentration working on the project. So one mech, one elec and one software per project/product. Which doesn’t seem like a lot but it works out perfectly actually. (Although that might be a surprise for the most of you)..
ANYWAY... it’s kinda self managed, we have a manger that that directs the project and what features when, during development and pre release.

The issue is we hired a guy for requirements/ Polarion secretary (DevOps) claims to be the expert.. Polarion is taking too long too slow and too much config....

We want to switch, but don’t know what to. We don’t wanna create more work for us. We do peer reviews across the entire team. I think we are Sudo agile /scrum but not structured.

I like jira but it’s not great for true requirements... we get PDFs from oems and converting to word for any ALM sucks.. we use helix QAC for Misra compliance so part of me wants to use helix ALM... Polarion does not support us unless we pay thousands for “support package” I just don’t see the value added. Especially when our “DevOps” secretary is sub par.. plus I don’t believe in DevOps.. no value added for someone who can’t engineer only sudo direct. Hell we almost wanna use our interns for requirements tracking/ record keeping. We as the engineers know what todo and have been doing shit the old way for decades without issues...

Need suggestions for small team per project.. 1softwar 1elec 1mech... but large team over all across many projects.

Sorry for the long rant.. at the bar .. kinda drunk ranting tbh but do need opinions...

What are your favorite design patterns and how have you harnessed their powers in real life?

Recently many of us may have seen that viral image of a BSOD in a Ford car, saying the vehicle cannot be driven due to an update failure.
I haven't been able to verify the story in established news sources, so I won't be further commenting on it, specifically.
But the prospects of the very concept are quite... concerning.

Deploying updates and patches to software can be reasonably called *the software industry*. We almost have no V0 software in production nowadays, anywhere (except for some types of firmware).
Thus, as car and other devices become more and more reliant on larger software rather than much shorter onboard firmware, infrastructure for online updates becomes mandatory.
And large scale, major updates for deployed software on many different runtime environments can be messy even on the most stable situations and connections (even k8s makes available rolling updates with tests on cloud infrastructure, so the whole thing won't come crashing down).
Thereby, an update mess on automotive-OS software is a given, we just have to wait for it.

When it comes... it will be a mess. Auto manufacturers will adopt a "move fast and break things" approach, because those who don't will appear to be outcompeted by those who deploy lots of shiny things, very often.
It will lead to mass outages on otherwise dependable transportation - private transportation.
Car owners, the demographic that most strongly overlaps with every other powerful demographic, will put significant pressure on governments to do something about it.
Governments (and I might be wrong here) will likely adapt existing recall implementation laws to apply to automotive OS software updates.
That means having to go to the auto shop every time there is a software update.
If Windows may be used as a reference for update frequency, that means several times per day.
A more reasonable expectation would be once per month.
Still completely impossible for large groups of rural car owners.
That means industry instability due to regulation and shifting demographics, and that could as well affect the rest of the software industry (because laws are pesky like that, rules that apply to cars could easily be used to reign in cloud computing software).

Thus... Please, someone tells me I overlooked something or that I am underestimating the adaptability of the powers at play, because it seems like a storm is on the horizon, straight ahead.

In my program I had to calculate something and had to write numbers raised to some powers.
Every time I run my code it was showing a astounding huge numbers that were far from being correct. They were astronomical.
It literally took me a week to figure out that the symbol for exponentiation (e) is different from double Astricks (**). 😅😅😅

Anyone know where I can get a tombstone made for an application? Finally got the powers that be to agree to retire an application that I have been asking about for over a year.

Geez I can't even send a wry test message without getting blasted by the powers that be.

Okay so I just watched captain marvel (after infinity war and endgame) and I learned that captain marvel got her powers from the tesseract, which is the power stone.

Thanos destroyed all of the stones.

Captain marvel retained her powers??

Discuss.

Years ago when I was doing my internship, I wrote a wiki-type system to catalogue a bunch of druggable targets for a pharmaceutical company. The powers that be were impressed, but also wanted integration with one of their legacy databases that would have been a project in itself to deal with. It was boring, would have taken the rest of my time there and wasn't worth it, so my immediate boss just delayed it until the next intern rolled in.

...then the next intern rolled in, and it was delayed again similarly. And again. And again.

I believe it was delayed for the best part of a decade in total at least, year after year, simply because no-one wanted to do it. After that the site shut, the project was shipped elsewhere, and I've no idea if it ever happened!

Screw our credit card processor so hard. The powers that be decided to sign with them because their rates were better. That's it. Never mind the fact that they don't make/work with mobile readers, which we need. Never mind the fact that their app is trash and is lacking basic features. Never mind the fact that their support is non-existent. Never mind the fact that when I request a new POS machine, I don't hear back for 6 months, and have to follow up again only to find they forgot about it. Never mind the fact that their POS machines can't handle 2 merchants like our ancient, "out-dated" one could, and so we need to spend double the money and have 2 POS machines sitting on the counter. Never mind the fact that their website is trash and lacks basic functionality. Never mind the fact that I cannot manage our user list (which changes CONSTANTLY), or even VIEW IT. I need to email them for all of this, and they may or may not respond. Never mind the fact that I'm going to spend my entire Friday scrolling through thousands of transactions, looking for one specific one, because their website doesn't even allow me to search for a specific transaction amount. Never mind all of that. Slightly lower rates, baby!

jinja templates make me look towards html in a whole new light. are we 'inserting' data to an already rendered page? am i really mixing server code with ui ? It doesn't feel so. there are if else and loops being executed for html code, like wtf?

I don't know but everything feels so good. like i was literally hating every piece of website i was writing in php. everytime i wrote <div>....</div> followed by <?php ... ?> followed by another html tag /php tag in a fuckin php file, i wanted to kill someone from w3c.
WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALLOWING THE MIXUP ?WHY IS PHP FILE HOLDING HTM TAGS? WHY?WHY?WHY?

But this... this is beauty. their is separation of concerns. jinja has some big powers, we can loop, repeat, make clauses, inherit other html classes, load html content into blocks, set variables,
but main concepts like file handling, response/request handling,calculations,etc are all being done in separate python files. I know that these jinja templates also might be running python in background, but atleast a developer cannot fuck up that code.
we can be sure that if correct jinja codes are written in html, then it would load correctly. And wherever devs doesn't fuck up, the output is better to understand and more maintainable/scaleable

Don't underestimate the powers of adding comments here and there. Your future self (or other devs) will be thankful.

Oh, I have many super powers.
Two of them are LISP and APL.

So as a personal project for work I decided to start data logging facility variables, it's something that we might need to pickup at some point in the future so decided to take the initiative since I'm the new guy.
I setup some basic current loop sensors are things like gas line pressures for bulk nitrogen and compressed air but decided to go with a more advanced system for logging the temperature and humidity in the labs. These sensors come with 'software' it's a web site you host internally. Cool so I just need to build a simple web server to run these PoE sensors. No big deal right, it's just an IIS service. Months after ordering Server 2019 though SSC I get 4 activation codes 2 MAK and 2 KMS. I won the lottery now i just have to download the server 2019 retail ISO and... Won't take the keys. Back to purchasing, "oh I can download that for you, what key is yours". Um... I dunno you sent me 4 Can I just get the link, "well you have to have a login". Ok what building are you in I'll drive over with a USB key (hoping there on the same campus), "the download keeps stopping, I'll contact the IT service in your building". a week later I get an install ISO and still no one knows that key is mine. Local IT service suggests it's probably a MAK key since I originally got a quote for a retail copy and we don't run a KMS server on the network I'm using for testing. We'll doesn't windows reject all 4 keys then proceed to register with a non-existent KMS server on the network I'm using for testing. Great so now this server that is supposed to connected to a private network for the sensors and use the second NIC for an internet connection has to be connected to the old network that I'm using for testing because that's where the KMS server seems to be. Ok no big deal the old network has internet except the powers that be want to migrate everything to the new more secure network but I still need to be connected to the KMS server because they sent me the wrong key. So I'm up to three network cards and some of my basic sensors are running on yet another network and I want to migrate the management software to this hardware to have all my data logging in one system. I had to label the Ethernet ports so I could hand over the hardware for certification and security scans.

So at this point I have my system running with a couple sensors setup with static IP's because I haven't had time to setup the DNS for the private network the sensors run on. Local IT goes to install McAfee and can't because it isn't compatible with anything after 1809 or later, I get a message back that " we only support up to 1709" I point out that it's server 2019, "Oh yeah, let me ask about that" a bunch of back and forth ensues and finally Local IT get's a version of McAfee that will install, runs security scan again i get a message back. " There are two high risk issues on your server", my blood pressure is getting high as well. The risks there looking at McAfee versions are out of date and windows Defender is disabled (because of McAfee).

There's a low risk issue as well, something relating to the DNS service I didn't fully setup. I tell local IT just disable it for now, then think we'll heck I'll remote in and do it. Nope can't remote into my server, oh they renamed it well that's lot going to stay that way but whatever oh here's the IP they assigned it, nope cant remote in no privileges. Ok so I run up three flights of stairs to local IT before they leave for the day log into my server yup RDP is enabled, odd but whatever let's delete the DNS role for now, nope you don't have admin privileges. Now I'm really getting displeased, I can;t have admin privileges on the network you want me to use to support the service on a system you can't support and I'm supposed to believe you can migrate the life safety systems you want us to move. I'm using my system to prove that the 2FA system works, at this rate I'm going to have 2FA access to a completely worthless broken system in a few years. good thing I rebuilt the whole server in a VM I'm planning to deploy before I get the official one back. I'm skipping a lot of the ridiculous back and forth conversations because the more I think about it the more irritated I get.

My friends were talking about modding their brawl to give them weird powers, so I signed up to take a programming class in high school. After that, I was hooked.

The startup sound of MAMP has me flashback to the 90s... They just decided to use the aim instant message received sound when this thing powers on? Haha.

Came to work today expecting it to be shitty because I needed to work on a tool that gave me trouble in the past.

Lo and behold, not only did I not have a problem but I discovered the tools powers that I did not even know it could do.

I guess I improved in the last few months.

Had food poisoning and was out for 2 days. Now we're all 100 wfh cuz of coronavirus so I was going to catch up. But then our build and deploy engine went down and since it is controlled by a third party vendor, we have to wait for the ticket to be fixed. I think the powers that be are telling me to get drunk, fuck the schedule.

Traitors to all souls everywhere!

Listen all you boards, governments, syndicates, nations of the world, and you, powers behind what filth deals consummated in what lavatory.

To take what is not yours, to sell out your sons forever. To sell the ground from unborn feet forever.

Are these the words of the all powerful boards and syndicates of the earth?

"Don't let them see us! Don't tell them what we are doing!" "Don't let us pay"

These are the words of liars, and cowards, and collaborators and traitors. Traitors to all souls everywhere!

You on the board, who want others to pay for you. With your deals to take what is not yours!

Dear Thieves.
So I was looking at some guy who's job I designed today.
He was sitting there with the new laptop I bought during one visit here.
It was an hp with a silver keyboard and handrest because supposedly normal people stopped owning laptops when you all decided to embrace schizophrenia and create inane rather stupid meanings that are associated with literally everything but sense or sophistication.

comparing oneself to an animal for example doesn't focus on positive or spiritual values, its something perverse.

ordering food is not about enjoying new things or savoring flavors, its about something perverse.

going to school is not to learn things, its to crash and burn later because the powers that be refuse to update the system from the 1970s.

living, is not living at all, but working to pay bills and get old bitter and fat.

well.

shit.

retards.

anyway. doesn't explain people like myself who made things when we could and were enthusiastic about our jobs at points.

oh. and supposedly the guy who stole the job was 'I".... and it was a job that would become 'outmoded'......
i believe that was the word often used. let;s check. yup, close enough.

then all these people talking about 'new' jobs because noone could trust the group of monsters they made with too much spare time. since you know. they thought it was funny to steal human beings lives since they were not human. subhuman.

anyway.

where suddenly everything meant something else and a whole new world of retarded people emerged from the shadows because the trash children of a former generation got sick of being lectured about morality when they were in fact just bad people who should have been shot.

i don't care how else the whiney bastards explain themselves. i really don't.

you can say that in desperate fucked situations involving psychological torture, rape, etc that a decent person *raises their hand* might do TERRIBLE things to their captors in order to escape, but THEY caused that while whining that someone from the 1940s or earlier made them evil and they had no choice but to steal jobs, money, retirement funds, public institutions, the morals of a generation, i'll bite: toddlers, spread their legs like psycho whores to get pregnant, so steal people's unborn children, turn every fund available that could have gone towards people that needed things to money laundering and in general gleefully fucked our whole country up with the lack of foresight that psychopaths commonly display.

great job.
was it worth dying ?

how about going crazy and letting another group of evil people make an excuse to drive everyone into an endless idiotic loop ?

but hey no, keep lying. works so well.
well at least fedora 37 is released again.

give the stolen photos back.
just want to know what i looked like, and don't want to talk like a retard to get people who understand english to pretend they finally comprehend.

fucking bastards.

The Turing Test, a concept introduced by Alan Turing in 1950, has been a foundation concept for evaluating a machine's ability to exhibit human-like intelligence. But as we edge closer to the singularity—the point where artificial intelligence surpasses human intelligence—a new, perhaps unsettling question comes to the fore: Are we humans ready for the Turing Test's inverse? Unlike Turing's original proposition where machines strive to become indistinguishable from humans, the Inverse Turing Test ponders whether the complex, multi-dimensional realities generated by AI can be rendered palatable or even comprehensible to human cognition. This discourse goes beyond mere philosophical debate; it directly impacts the future trajectory of human-machine symbiosis.

Artificial intelligence has been advancing at an exponential pace, far outstripping Moore's Law. From Generative Adversarial Networks (GANs) that create life-like images to quantum computing that solve problems unfathomable to classical computers, the AI universe is a sprawling expanse of complexity. What's more compelling is that these machine-constructed worlds aren't confined to academic circles. They permeate every facet of our lives—be it medicine, finance, or even social dynamics. And so, an existential conundrum arises: Will there come a point where these AI-created outputs become so labyrinthine that they are beyond the cognitive reach of the average human?

The Human-AI Cognitive Disconnection

As we look closer into the interplay between humans and AI-created realities, the phenomenon of cognitive disconnection becomes increasingly salient, perhaps even a bit uncomfortable. This disconnection is not confined to esoteric, high-level computational processes; it's pervasive in our everyday life. Take, for instance, the experience of driving a car. Most people can operate a vehicle without understanding the intricacies of its internal combustion engine, transmission mechanics, or even its embedded software. Similarly, when boarding an airplane, passengers trust that they'll arrive at their destination safely, yet most have little to no understanding of aerodynamics, jet propulsion, or air traffic control systems. In both scenarios, individuals navigate a reality facilitated by complex systems they don't fully understand. Simply put, we just enjoy the ride.

However, this is emblematic of a larger issue—the uncritical trust we place in machines and algorithms, often without understanding the implications or mechanics. Imagine if, in the future, these systems become exponentially more complex, driven by AI algorithms that even experts struggle to comprehend. Where does that leave the average individual? In such a future, not only are we passengers in cars or planes, but we also become passengers in a reality steered by artificial intelligence—a reality we may neither fully grasp nor control. This raises serious questions about agency, autonomy, and oversight, especially as AI technologies continue to weave themselves into the fabric of our existence.

The Illusion of Reality

To adequately explore the intricate issue of human-AI cognitive disconnection, let's journey through the corridors of metaphysics and epistemology, where the concept of reality itself is under scrutiny. Humans have always been limited by their biological faculties—our senses can only perceive a sliver of the electromagnetic spectrum, our ears can hear only a fraction of the vibrations in the air, and our cognitive powers are constrained by the limitations of our neural architecture. In this context, what we term "reality" is in essence a constructed narrative, meticulously assembled by our senses and brain as a way to make sense of the world around us. Philosophers have argued that our perception of reality is akin to a "user interface," evolved to guide us through the complexities of the world, rather than to reveal its ultimate nature. But now, we find ourselves in a new (contrived) techno-reality.

Artificial intelligence brings forth the potential for a new layer of reality, one that is stitched together not by biological neurons but by algorithms and silicon chips. As AI starts to create complex simulations, predictive models, or even whole virtual worlds, one has to ask: Are these AI-constructed realities an extension of the "grand illusion" that we're already living in? Or do they represent a departure, an entirely new plane of existence that demands its own set of sensory and cognitive tools for comprehension? The metaphorical veil between humans and the universe has historically been made of biological fabric, so to speak.

To all the newcomers.

Greetings.

If you are a Normal person do not trust most of the people who are still alive on here, myself excluded.

If you speak to the other living people on here try to understand that my narrative in the past is often what some of them are mimicking including posting my photographs from occasional brief fucking inexpensive trips I took and THOROUGHLY DESERVE because the powers that be seem to have ignored me and decided I should feel like shit all the time around people who are stupid garbage like @tosensei

I am the resident 'crazy' person who at least admits as far as he is able to his age when people arent' going to say 'oh that's not what my system says'..

yeah their system also says my grandmother is still alive. she'd be 110-120 right now.

please enjoy devrant.

blessed days,

The Avatar Of Khaine