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Phone rings
Uh oh
Answers the phone
Its my boss
>the latest tool you made isnt working
Um... Yes it is?
>we cant run it because its a jar file
Um..
>how to you run a jar file?
Um... You click on it?
>it doesnt work, nothing shows up
(Maybe if you fucking read my documentation, you would see that it just generates the files you need)
>there are no files
Yes there are we tested on every possible hardware, theres no way to fuck it up
>there are no files
Okay maybe you just dont see them on your desktop, move the jar to an empty folder
>how do i do that
*hangs up*26 -
Interview.
X: So, do you have any weaknesses?
Y: Yes, I'm very honest.
X: But I don't think that's a weakness
Y: I don't give a fuck what you think2 -
At the airport.
Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.
Me: No problem
<goes through scanner>
Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.
Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?
Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.
Security: It must be in the spinners.
Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?
Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.
Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.
Security: As I said...
Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.
—————
Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.
Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you
And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.
Fuck you and your worthless bullshit39 -
*random person stars my repo on Github*
Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!
*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*
Me: Take that star back you whore.9 -
FUCK HELL YEAH! I'm done with my FUCKING THESIS! I just handed it in - that filthy time eating piece of blood sucking papershit! God yes! I'm proud and relieved as fuck!
Got really sick as well! Fuck the stress! Fuck everything. I'm just gonna play Witcher 3 all day long with some nice cup of tea !
26 -
Rant!!
Girlfriend call me while am at a meeting.
I mute my phone...
She calls again and again for the 3rd time back to back. I leave the meeting stating this might be important..
I answer the call...
Me: hey babe , all okay ?
She: you’re busy ?
Me: yeah sorta , tell me wassup ?
She : if you’re busy then it’s okay we can talk later
Me: it’s all right . Are you okay ?
She : yes, but if you’re busy we can talk later ..
Me :(FUCKKKKKKKK THIS FUCKING FUCK WOMEN LOGIC, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS)
The above statement was said internally
Me:(in reality) you sure babe? I’ve left the meeting so I can talk..
She: nothin much I was suppose to be in your area in a couple of hours so wanted to know if you could meet
26 -
*me, coding at a pub*
*random dude walks up to me*
He: "what are you doing? Programming? What?"
Me: "yup. That's a horizontally and vertically scalable webservice, that's using amqp, rest APIs and encryption to schedule starting, stopping and autoscaling of a total of 90 heroku applications. This webinterface *showing* allows you to trigger starts and stops manually and monitor all processes."
He: "oh, so you are programming a Website? In HTML?"
Me: "euhm........ Yes."
I understand this dude had probably no clue what I was talking about.. Yet I am angry at him. Reducing more than 12k loc to HTML... Go fuck yourself.22 -
interviewer: Do you know HTML?
me: Yes sir!
interviewer: can you tell me its full form?
me: how to meet ladies.
interviewer: get the fuck out of here9 -
Client: "Happy New Year 2018! Wish you a very successful and productive happy new year :)"
Me: "Oh Thank you! I wish you...."
Client: "Any update on the feature I have requested?"
Me: "Ah yes. I would love you give you an update. By the way, Happy n...."
Client: "Do you think the it can be released before midnight?"
I stopped replying. Fuck everyone and everything.
Happy New Year to everyone here.3 -
Regular day at Adobe:
Intern: Sir, I have created this amazing functionality that will make user's life easy. Shall I push it for review?
Manager: Did you say it will make their life easy?
Intern: Yes Sir!
Manager: Can we fire this intern already?
Adobe, seriously man make up your goddamn mind. Why the fuck are you taking away useful features and making them hidden under hundreds of icons you have. This is so fraustrating 😡7 -
Had this a few days ago. You know how we all have our reflexes?
Client emailed that a few sites weren't working. I always, always look at the links but that's slowly eradicating because it becomes an automated thing.
Sound was on (only headphones luckily).
*clicks link*
*wild webpage (literally) with webcam girls/shows renders and starts playing sound*
😕
😐 😰 😱 😵 😆 😅
My reflexes then made me go "FUCK FUCK FUCK HOLD ON CRAP FUCKING FUUUUUCK" (you can also take that literally in this context, yes) aaaaaand I somehow automatically closed the whole browser with ctrl+q.
*looks around to see if anyone noticed*
*wipes sweat off forehead*
That went alright 😅10 -
Does your article require me to click "next page" 8 times to read the whole article?
if yes, then fuck you.8 -
THEY PULLED IT OFF! THEY FUCKING DID IT. FUCK YES!
GO SPACEX
TO THE MOON
TO THE MARRS
AND FURTHER19 -
"Could I get your wifi password?"
"Just use the neighbour's"
"Don't you have your own?"
"Yes, but it's just a repeater of his"
The neighbor has no idea.
I love how people from the Balkans don't give a fuck about anything.5 -
So today , a company phoned me for a job I applied in Jobstreet. So the conversation goes like this.
Com " Do you have any experience in Android studio? "
Me : " Yes . I develop android application, it is compulsory to know actually."
Com :" ok... Do you have experience android SDK?"
Me : " I believe you are referring to the Android studio, yes."
Com :" do you have experience in Android programming"?
Me :" Yes. I do android application for both native and hybrid. As for hybrid, I use flutter."
Com :" Ok...but I was asking about android."
Me :*explaining what I just said *
Com: " you no understand! We need android programmer! Not native or flutter programmer!"
Me *explaining what native and hybrid is (in simple terms)
Com : " it is ok then.. our company prefer those who can develop android app , not native programmer or anything flutter programmer.
"
(Btw , I transcript how exactly that person talk to me)
My question to this person is.... WHAT THE F*** IS THIS? WANT AN ANDROID DEVELOPER BUT NOT NATIVE OR "FLUTTER"? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN ? IF ANDROID IS NOT WRITTEN IN NATIVE OR HYBRID THEN WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO USE THEN? USING ASSEMBLY X64?14 -
My Boss: Let's do single page web but we wont use any framework.
And yes, how fuck I ended up myself with almost half 10k of lines.
14 -
Fuck any dev who thought playing sounds automatically on a webpage or on a mobile app without user's consent is a good feature. Especially when you don't even include a setting about it.
Yes I'm directly swearing at any devs from Instagram.10 -
Fuck yeah!
6 monitors are success-fucking-fully running on my setup.
Fun detail is that WITH the official AMD driver, one screen wasn't turning on and one had a weird resolution but WITHOUT it, it works completely fine!
Yes, it runs completely fine on Linux (Kubuntu).
Finally have my dream setup.42 -
I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)
19 -
It looks like those who say "I don't use Chrome, I use Firefox" or "I use duckduckgo instead of Google" are like vegans.
No one gives a flying fuck if you're a vegan or you use Firefox.
Yes, many of us use Firefox, ddg, Altavista, Netscape and FreeBSD but there is no need to remind us at every opportunity you do so.
Do whatever you want to but we don't care and probably won't judge you.40 -
!dev but fuck it.
I'd like to talk to the interior designers of the new dutch NS sprinter trains.
Who in the flying FUCK puts the SOS button right where you'd rest your shoulder at the STANDING SEATS?!?
SERIOUSLY HOW FUCKING RETARDED CAN YOU BE? YES I ACCIDENTALLY LEANED AGAINST ONE TODAY.
What the actual fuck.22 -
Coworker: You've merged the wrong PR. It is broken.
Me: is it marked as broken? Is there a mail marking it as broken?
Coworker: yes. I wrote something in the chat.
Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I do NOT read and click every brain fart from the chat. I had the PR (as reviewer and dependent developer) open on my desk and waited for the coworker to fix his merge conflicts.
OK then, try to revert. Git reset hard. Push -f. Policy does not allow master modification. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fuck this company. Fuck the policies. Fuck them all with a chainsaw. Forced me to work 2 weeks more. 17.04 should have been my last day at this circus. Let 3 other guys go to vacation while I have fix their management's mistakes. Fuck. You. All. Eat shit and suffocate in piss.8 -
Got a call from a recruiter today. (Keep in mind that using WhatsApp is about a requirement over here.)
R: so can I app you (I hate that word to the fucking point) with further details?
Me: *oh fuck this is gonna get me fucked again* uhm I don't use it so yah...
R: ohhh okay, security reasons?
Me: *slight relief* yes indeed, sir
R: oh fair enough, you can always just text and call me!
*very relieved feeling*
It's for either a cyber security or linux job by the way.29 -
I wish my dad wouldn't bring up the cost of college to me.
Yes it costs me $12,000 to attend full time semester. Yes I'll be on $75,000 of debt by the time I graduate next year.
Why the fuck do you think older millennials aren't planning on buying homes, putting off marriage into their 30's let alone thinking about fucking kids.
It's not his fault, I love my parents. I just feel like they want me to pull a rabbit out of a hat when I'm already pushing full time work and soon full time classes.
I'm tired. 😔22 -
Whoever designed UEFI, FUCK YOU!! Giving the OS control over every fucking thing in the hardware instead of letting the BIOS do that separately, WHO IN THEIR RIGHT FUCKING MIND THOUGHT THAT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA?!!
And same goes to fucking you Microsoft! How difficult is it to do a fucking ACPI shutdown and do it properly?! How fucking difficult is it to not make the fans spin like jet engines because why the fuck not?! And yes the fucking PC is dust-free and bloat-free so I don't want to see any fucking Wintard comment that.
You know where else I saw the inability to power down? In Linux 4.20-rc2. A kernel that is within active development, and rc2 at that!! A kernel branch that's designed to be unstable, for testing purposes. Meanwhile the stable branch of MS Windows does the same. Also designed to be unstable because fuck QA?! Filthy fucking motherfuckers!!27 -
Dear Telegram, the fact that you're using a service which provides app usage/metrics/analytics kind of is not nice.
"But they've got the right to!"
Of course they do. But, when you advertise yourself as a messaging app focused on privacy, I expect you to behave that way.
And yes, we know your crypto is broken as fuck but that's not the point right now.
Oh and yeah, the next blog item will probably be about Telegram and how not-privacy friendly it is.22 -
A sweet girl of my class asked me yesterday, if i can help her to refresh her IT skills. I said "yes ofc im glad to help" . Today she repeated it, while whole class was listening. Other classmates said" yeah good idea we want to join"
Well, fuck it..38 -
Designer (to the client): Yes it'll be exactly like this mock up after I hand it over to the iOS developer.
Client: Awesome! Looking forward to it.
* Designer goes to developer *
Designer (to developer): Hey these are the new designs for the app, let me know if you have any questions, ok?
Developer: Cool.
* 1 minute later *
* developer goes to designer *
Developer (to designer): How should error messages or notifications look like?
Designer: Oh we should just email those because it won't look good.
Developer: The fuck? And are you going to design this email service too?2 -
Me: hello IE, you see that div with id?
IE: ...... ..... .... yes.
Me: would you like to set it as absolute and stick to bottom?
IE: ........... i don't know...
Me: but all the other guys like chrome and firefox are doing it.. come on it's not object-fit: cover; just absolute positioning. Please.
IE: ......... I can't!
Me: why the fuck not??
IE: ......because I don't see the id...
Me: FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!!!!!
IE:...............10 -
Why the fuck do people in my dumbfuck country always answer an English yes or no question with fucking OK.
Learn to read you fucking fucktards.
“Did you do X?”
“OK”
Fucking piece of uncommunicating Cthulhu brained fucks.15 -
Uncle- What do you do?
Me- I'm a software engineer
Uncle- My brother's friend's son is also a software engineer.
Me- (so what am I supposed to do about it?) yes that's nice
Uncle- I have a great idea, u should implement, I'm just telling you, it is a revolutionary idea
Me- (oh fuck, not again) yes tell
Uncle- you should make a matrimonial site which tracks what people do on internet and tell their to-be-spouses about it
Me - (yeah, I'll get sued for breach of privacy, and it has got nothing to do with my current line of work, and will probably cause divorces before marriage) yes great idea uncle
Uncle- see I told you this billion dollar idea, u should do hard work and make it
Just WHY in god's name do all uncles think laptop is a magic box in which I just have to type their idea in and it will spit out a website/software in 2 minutes. I don't go around advising them about their line of work.11 -
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!
Just when I thought today was my last day at this job they tell me contract has been extended by another 5 weeks... Fuck yes! :-D5 -
it's funny, how doing something for ages but technically kinda the wrong way, makes you hate that thing with a fucking passion.
In my case I am talking about documentation.
At my study, it was required to write documentation for every project, which is actually quite logical. But, although I am find with some documentation/project and architecture design, they went to the fucking limit with this shit.
Just an example of what we had to write every time again (YES FOR EVERY MOTHERFUCKING PROJECT) and how many pages it would approximately cost (of custom content, yes we all had templates):
Phase 1 - Application design (before doing any programming at all):
- PvA (general plan for how to do the project, from who was participating to the way of reporting to your clients and so on - pages: 7-10.
- Functional design, well, the application design in an understandeable way. We were also required to design interfaces. (Yes, I am a backender, can only grasp the basics of GIMP and don't care about doing frontend) - pages: 20-30.
- Technical design (including DB scheme, class diagrams and so fucking on), it explains it mostly I think so - pages: 20-40.
Phase 2 - 'Writing' the application
- Well, writing the application of course.
- Test Plan (so yeah no actual fucking cases yet, just how you fucking plan to test it, what tools you need and so on. Needed? Yes. but not as redicilous as this) - pages: 7-10.
- Test cases: as many functions (read, every button click etc is a 'function') as you have - pages: one excel sheet, usually at least about 20 test cases.
Phase 3 - Application Implementation
- Implementation plan, describes what resources will be needed and so on (yes, I actually had to write down 'keyboard' a few times, like what the actual motherfucking fuck) - pages: 7-10.
- Acceptation test plan, (the plan and the actual tests so two files of which one is an excel/libreoffice calc file) - pages: 7-10.
- Implementation evalutation, well, an evaluation. Usually about 7-10 FUCKING pages long as well (!?!?!?!)
Phase 4 - Maintaining/managing of the application
- Management/maintainence document - well, every FUCKING rule. Usually 10-20 pages.
- SLA (Service Level Agreement) - 20-30 pages.
- Content Management Plan - explains itself, same as above so 20-30 pages (yes, what the fuck).
- Archiving Document, aka, how are you going to archive shit. - pages: 10-15.
I am still can't grasp why they were surprised that students lost all motivation after realizing they'd have to spend about 1-2 weeks BEFORE being allowed to write a single line of code!
Calculation (which takes the worst case scenario aka the most pages possible mostly) comes to about 230 pages. Keep in mind that some pages will be screenshots etc as well but a lot are full-text.
Yes, I understand that documentation is needed but in the way we had to do it, sorry but that's just not how you motivate students to work for their study!
Hell, students who wrote the entire project in one night which worked perfectly with even easter eggs and so on sometimes even got bad grades BECAUSE THEIR DOCUMENTATION WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH.
For comparison, at my last internship I had to write documentation for the REST API I was writing. Three pages, providing enough for the person who had to, to work with it! YES THREE PAGES FOR THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING PROJECT.
This is why I FUCKING HATE the word 'documentation'.36 -
Marketing wants to remove the word "sex" from one of my slide decks.
Fuck people who get outraged for others. They are making a bad situation much worse.
Yes, there are people who get triggered by the slightest thing---but those people are going to be triggered no matter what you do. And it seems to me that I'd not want to have them as customers anyway---massive support cost.
We are in danger of washing everything until it becomes an inoffensive shade of beige.
Why do the 99% have to be bored for the 1%?
It's not like I'm doing a live demo...yet...
So, fuck outrage by proxy. If you are personally outraged then say that. If not, shut the fuck up.13 -
Standard Sunday evening I guess:
I wake up, satisfied that I already did all my tasks for this week and most of the tasks for next week.
5 minutes before I'm heading to bed I get a message from my boss saying he's disappointed that there is this one task I didn't finish yet, because he arranged a meeting with a customer about it tomorrow. Well, you know what you fuck, maybe, just maybe you should begin showing interest for your own company and actually use Jira to assign deadlines so people know wtf to prioritize. I'm so pissed off, I've been working for 4 hours straight this evening now, only to bang my head against the wall and realise I can't finish it since I have to buy a Windows 10 machine to test out some features. Fuck you! Maybe tell me next time you have a meeting about a certain thing. Yes, I could have spent more time throughout the week, and yes, you could learn to fucking communicate and show some care for your own company.
English is not my native language, so I can't really express how furious I am right now. And yes, he's genuinely mad at me.8 -
Fuck yes for data hoarding! Wanted to start on a project again but thought I lost everything.
Code is sill in git, (took me a while to find but whatever) database is still on my own laptop (due to ex/importing my entire local host as for databases every time I do a new installation).
Let’s get this fucker going again 😎3 -
Do you know what annoys the living fuck out of me?
Me: no...?
Me: may I tell?
Me: yes, please do!
Me: okay here we go:
Sites which use Google fonts or apis or ajax or other Google-hosted libraries.
It takes fucking ages to load those sites (if they lost et-all) since I block as much as possible from that cocksucking mass surveillance network.
Google, feel free to die in a fucking corner while getting an acid shower and being stripped of your skin layer by layer, as slow as possible to increase the pain and suffering.16 -
Hashedram's compilations #1
List of most annoying website designs.
1) Pages with AUTO PLAYING VIDEOS.
Yes I'm looking at you Netflix. Along with every news website known to man. I'm looking to read a fucking article, so why would you even waste your money and bandwidth trying to shove a video of some shit I don't care about in my face, and make it follow me as I scroll down like a fucking insecure puppy. Also, fuck you Instagram.
2) Pages that redirect once immediately after you visit them, thereby fucking with the browser history and the BACK BUTTON just leads back to the same fucking site.
I mean, just why. Did you think I would just go "Hey the back button doesn't work so let's stay on the site and read their awesome content"?
3) Sites showing things in a SLIDESHOW, when it actually should be in a list.
Slideshows are for progressive stories or for showing lists where you don't care about what's in them. Top 10 foods that reduce weight. Slideshow 1/15. Fuck you.
4) LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE USING AN AD BLOCKER
Yes. Yes I am. No I will not turn it off for you, you narcissistic snowflake fuck. And don't even try to guilt shame me into turning it off, because I know you're just going to bombard me with videos of sexy singles in the area if I do.
5) Pages where I see the first 3 lines of an article and have to SUBSCRIBE to see more.
Yes. Brilliant fucking idea. A user wants to see what your site has to offer, so within the first three seconds, don't show him exactly that.
6) Looking up an article and having to read through the entire motivational life story of the author.
I just want to know how to boil eggs, not read about your journey across Africa learning how to make difference recepies using boiled rhino dung.
7) CLICK BAIT.
Title: School boy designs blockchain machine learning game engine
Actual Content: Tic tac toe program made using linked lists6 -
!rant
Yes! finally 4588 people got fed. I am targeting 10k of people. Get free food from my food bank. Previously people dont know where to get it , now they know it from my platform.
It is so satisfying to see people help the needy get food and groceries.
All of us can do this, as Malaysian government fuck themselves, the rest of us citizens can help each other...4 -
FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.6
-
Started working on a pihole alternative a while ago.
I like pihole a lot but one of the features I am missing is to be able to define a list of mass surveillance related domains (Snowden leaks; PRISM program and such) and show statistics based on dns queries containing blacklisted domains, prases/words and surveillance-related domains/words (google/facebook/microsoft/apple etc).
Started working on one based on an existing (php based) dns server which is open source and slowly but surely developed something which worked.
Then, I found out that the php resolving function (dns resolving) uses the system default, which can, of course, be google's dns as well. Changing this would be ideal but while the documentation suggested that it could be done some way, it didn't work for me so I chose a library which can do it with specific dns servers (to use as external dns servers).
This library used a different way of showing the retrieved dns query results and really wasn't in for converting everything by hand so i kinda quit the project a while ago.
A few days ago I thought fuck it and started again.
Now have a working version based on the new dns resolving library and made some other good improvements.
For those who are wondering why I chose PHP for this: why the fuck not?
Happy happy happy.
16 -
today while I was at work, gets a call from an unknown number
Some lady: "hello, is this Mr XYZ."
Me: "yes".
she:" are you looking for a job? are you working somewhere?"
Me: "I'm currently wor... *she ends the call*."
what the fuck that was, fuck you. at least let me finish the sentence god dammit7 -
When you get a client from real MOTHERFUCKING hell.
You just really FUCKING want to say this:
Scorched earth MOTHERFUCKER. I will massacre you. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
First, take a big step back and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE.
I will rain down an ungodly FUCKING firestorm upon you.
You're gonna have to call the FUCKING United Nations and get a FUCKING BINDING RESOLUTION to keep me from FUCKING destroying you.
I am talking SCORCHED EARTH MOTHERFUCKER.
I will MASSACRE you.
I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
But for your own sake you keep it at this:
Yes sir/ma'am :).7 -
You dumb, stupid fucking idiot.
Yes, that's me. Spent an hour debugging something, only to find out I wasn't paying attention when going through the API ref. Fucking fuck. Such a waste of time.2 -
So, the HR has made it mandatory to fill a Google form,
fill in info about yourself (name, employee ID),
your family (name, address),
and select radio buttons for symptoms like fever,cough, cold.
You must fill this form DAILY, and if you miss filling the google form, it will be Loss of pay for whole day.
Yes, so if I have contracted coronavirus, and am running a high fever, first thing I'll do is login, open a shitty ass google form and select a bunch of stupid radio buttons.
And if I'm not ill, I'll still go and fill this form every single day.
Because fuck logic.13 -
Fuck applications which repeatedly try to grab focus while starting up in the background. Yes, I clicked your little icon, you attention whore. But I'll fucking alt-tab to you when *I* am ready.5
-
Microshaft!!!
NO I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP ALL MY DATA JUST TO GET AN EXPLORER DARK THEME!!!
YES I DISABLED TELEMETRY PARTIALLY!!
YES I STILL WANT TO RECEIVE UPDATES REGARDLESS OF WHETHER I EXPRESS MY DESIRES TO NOT BE TRACKED IN FULL!!!
NO I REALLY DON'T WANT TO HEAR SHIT ABOUT "THIS FUCKING QUESTION HAS BEEN ANSWERED SOMEWHERE ELSE"!!!
(https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us... - certified Microshit MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!)
AND NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU THAT AFTER RE-ENABLING TELEMETRY THAT MY PRIVACY SETTINGS ARE STILL TOO LOW!!! AND CERTAINLY I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR WORTHLESS "FIX ME" SHIT UNABLE TO FIX JACK SHIT!!!
AND LIKE FUCKING HELL DO I WANT TO REINSTALL WANBLOWS, FUCKING KEEP MY SHITTY FILES THAT ARE FUCKING BACKED UP BUT LOSE ALL MY CUSTOM CONFIGURATIONS!!! LIKE FUCKING HELL!!! NOT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIX YOUR OWN BLOODY SYSTEM AFTER I DID MY PART TO GIVE MY DATA TO THE SHAFTLORDS AGAIN!!!
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!!!!23 -
Why the fuck do teachers take points off for coding style. Like really placing my open house brace on the same line as an if is what looks good TO ME. And breaking from a while loop with an inverted condition is nicer than a huge if TO ME. Fuck it I like the m_ for member variables too. And yes C++ usually names functions like someFunction, but I like how c# does SomeFunction. Like shit, it's personal I don't care that I lose 5points every test I do it just to say fuck you21
-
Well that was a good little time off :)
Decided to go offline for a little and that was a good one, hello again.
Wrote a geoip service because I hate rate limits and such so fuck it, why not write one myself (data is not that accurate as it's free but quite alright if you ask me) (front end still fucking sucks).
So yes, that's I guess :P13 -
Am I the only one who is triggered by seeing all of the stupid articles claiming Java is bad introduction language? Just becuase Standford decided to change it to JavaScript? What the actual fuck? How students should learn the fundamentals concept of OOP in scripting language?
Don't get me wrong, I hate using Java for real life projects. But there is a reason why almost every university use it as introduciton language. It's great start to learn programming. Saying that the 'Hello World' in Java is complex and can scare people away, it's complete nonsens. For fuck sake, yes programming should be fun, but it is also hard. People can understand that they are going to learn what 'public static voiď means later. It's the structure of many Computer Science classes. It's the assigments that are not designed in engaging and fun way for newcomers. That's the problem, not the language.21 -
That feeling when you refactor that spaghetti mess into clean beautiful code that passes all tests flawlessly4
-
Got a 2 level promotion today.. I am now an architect!
I worked in a BPO, throughout my engineering degree(yes I'm Indian), only to end up with mediocre grades. To think of it I gave up on this industry even before my first interview.. My friends forced me to the interview and made sure I sit through each round. Now I'm the fastest growing individual in an organization of 45000 people. Fuck!9 -
FUCK YES! I FUCKING DID IT. I'M FUCKING RUNNING I3 ON LINUX ON MOTHER FLIPPING WINDOWS!!!
I'm sorry but I don't have anyone else to share this with. I feel so... empowered. If windows continues to support the wsl, who knows how far they will get. This makes windows so attractive. I still keep using debian on my desktop machine but my laptop isn't so underpowered in terms of software now that I'm figuring this stuff out.
12 -
Just upgraded to Android 12 and what the fuck is this new UI
make it stop
Hm yes let's make the buttons 14 times larger than they need to be, also put text on them no one ever needed
34 -
Number one thing I never expected, when moving networking equipment...
Some idiot wired a 230v socket in a mildly terrifying and dangerous way... Yes, that is 400v and all my equipment has now let out the magic white smoke...
Fuck some electricians!
24 -
FUCK Android, whoever invented this piece of shit should be really proud of themselves... And yes, this rant comes from an iOS developer who's working on a project in react-native... Why the fuck everything should always work on iOS but the same thing is fragile as shit on Android? Why the fuck there's a thousand of different versions of every Android package and every single one breaks another? Why the fuck Android is so fragmented... If this piece of shit is the definition of "openness" then I'd really prefer the "closeness" of iOS... Totally reminds me of how much I hated IE6 back in the web development days73
-
You know what, fuck microshit to fuck town and back again.
What part of disabling "allow the computer to turn of this device to save power"
DO YOU NOT FUCKIJG UNDERSTAND!
MY FUCKING USB'S ARE GOING FUCKING MENTAL SWITCHING ON AND OFF LIKE A DRUNKEN HOBO YOU COCK FUCKS.
my week is a complete and utter shit of a week as it is, I don't need this bullshit on top of it too.
#Microsoft, fix your fucking shit already!4 -
My first JSoup project?
Go to 1000 random rants and see how much they curse!
According to the results (btw I only did 1000 rants) people say "fuck" and "ass" 5.7% and 5.6% of the time respectively, while "shit" comes in third with 3.6%, and "bitch" coming in with a measly 0.2% (yes, I know I forgot to fix the % bug) Anyone surprised by the results? I was kinda surprised with "ass"
15 -
Now seriously, WHAT THE FUCK???
Every single time I have to work with people from a particular country [you have one guess. Yepp, that's the one], I see A-FUCKING-LOOOOOOT of manual work?!?
"can you reboot the server?"
-"sure, let me help you, sir" <20 minutes later> "done"
"can you unlock my account?"
-"yes, just a moment sir" <20 minutes later> "please check now"
"can you restart this environment w/ 200 instances?"
-"yes sir, let me check" <6 hours later> "please check now"
"you've missed 18 containers"
-"oh okay sir, will restart them now" <2hours later> "please check now"
[I am already OoO]
why is it that every time I have to work with you guys I am the one who is automating shit. How come you never think of/do any automata? You are fucking technitians, you should know how. WHY DO YOU ENJOY CLICKING ALL-DAY-LONG????
I'm serious. Why??? I'm struggling to understand...22 -
(Best read while listening to AEnima by Tool, loudly)
Dear Current Workplace,
Fuck you, for the reasons enumerated below.
Fuck your enterprise grey blue offices, the stifling warm air of a hundreds of bodies and sub par "development laptops".
Fuck your shitty carbonated water machines which were a cost saving measure over decent drinkable water.
Fuck your fake "flexi time", "you can do home office whenever you want" bullshit. You're still inviting me to mandatory meetings at 09:00 regularly.
Fuck your shitty, in house, third part IT provider sister company. They're the worst of all worlds. If it was in company, we'd get to give out to them, if it was an external company we'd fire them. And yes, when I quit I will quote the dumpster fire that is our corporate VPN as a major factor.
Fuck your cheery, bland, enterprise communication. Words coming under the corporate letterhead seem to lose all association with meaning. Agile, communication, open are things you write and profess to respect, but it seems your totally lack understanding of their meaning.
Fuck your client driven development. Sometime you actually have to fix the foundations before you can actually add new features. And fuck you management who keep on asking "why are there so many bugs and why is it always taking longer to deliver new releases". Because of you, you fucknuts, Because you can't say "NO" to the customer. Because you never listen to your own experienced developers.
Fuck your bullshit "code quality is important to us" line. If it's so important, then let us fix the heap of shit you're selling so that it works like a quasi functional program.
Fuck you development environment which has 250 projects in a single VS solution. Which takes 5mins plus to compile on a quad core i7 with 32 gb of ram.
Fuck this bullshit ball of mud "architecture". I spend most of my time trying to figure out where the logic should go and the rest of the time writing converters between different components. All because 7 years ago some idiot "architect" made a decision that they didn't have to live with.
Actually, fuck that guy in particular. Yeah, that guy who was the responsible architect for the project for 4 years and not once opened the solution to look a the code.
Fuck the manual testing of every business process. Manual setup of the entities takes 10mins plus and then when you run, boom either no message or some bullshit error code.
Fuck the antiquated technology choices which cause loads of bugs and slow down development. Fuck you for forcing me to do manual tests of another developers code at 20:00 on a Friday night because we can't get our act together to do this automatically.
Fuck you for making sure it's very clear I'm never going to be anything but a code monkey in this structure. Managers are brought in from outside.
Fuck you for being surprised that it's hard to hire competent developers in this second rate, overpriced town. It's hard to hire anywhere but this bland shithole would have anyone with half a clue running away at top speed.
Fuck you for valuing long hours and loyalty over actual performance. That one guy who everyone hated and was totally incompetent couldn't even get himself fired. He had to quit.
Fuck you for your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being the only employer for my skill-set in the region; paying just well enough that changing jobs locally doesn't make sense, but badly enough that it's difficult to move.
Fuck you for being the stable "safe" option so that any move is "risky".
Fuck your mediocrity.
Fuck you for being something I think about when I'm not at work. Not only is it shit from 9 to 5 you manage to suck the joy out of everything else in my life as well?
Fuck you for making me feel like a worse developer every day I work here. Fuck you for making every day feel like a personal and professional failure. Fuck you for making me seriously leave a career I love for something, anything else.
Fuck you for making the most I can hope for when I get up in the morning is to just make it until the night.6 -
Recruiter: Hi practiseSafeHex, you were speaking to one of my colleagues recently and I know at the time you said you weren't interested in interviewing with us. I just wanted to check is that still the case?
Me: Yes I haven't changed my mind since last week. You still have awful things on your glassdoor page for my country, and its still a role / area i'm not interested in. Please read my responses and please fuck off2 -
Who is the guy who designed the AZERTY keyboards ? 😠
Seriously... Alt Gr + 5 = [
And the most horrible thing is the "(" char... WHY THE FUCK DID HE PUTS IT IN THE "5" KEY WHEN KEYBOARD IS IN LOWERCASE ? YES, IN LOWERCASE, NOT ONLY WHEN SHIFT IS HOLD.
There are more than 100 keys in a keyboard, so why here? WHY?
Half of time I check if CapsLock is off just to be sure if I can open a bracket just because someone thought it was a good idea to put it here. It annoys me.13 -
The fucking cunts didn't approve my PR because "it wasn't necessary to do it like this". My PR would have fixed some technical debt, but yes, fuck you too if it doesn't fit your shitty narrative.8
-
For fucks sake if I send you a clearly described 5 step install instructions do not start on step 3! Yes you fucking moron instructions labeled 1,2,3,4,5 should be carried out one after the other! Not in random order.
Seriously, how deranged are you that you have never ever encountered a step-by-step instruction before?!
Don't give me that "oh, should I have started with step 1 first? You weren't very clear about that. I think it is a bit too complicated."
Here are some more instructions:
1. Close your PC
2. Donate it to someone with detectable IQ level
3. Go fuck yourself
4. Please die
5. Yes, start with step 15 -
Me: hm yes this will be easiest in python
Me, 10 minutes later: fuck python why am i using this piece of shit8 -
This sort of shit really pisses me off, yes PC has a higher market share, but I had to comment. Mobile gaming dwarfs PC so should we even bother with PC?
And people are agreeing with his point, it's fucking stupid, people should be able to enjoy something no matter what platform, linux, Mac, windows or anything else...
Fuck heads...
26 -
"A world where skill, not birth, would be valued.. isn't that the world you wish to make?"
- High School DxD Hero
(yes I'm a fucking weeb, get over it)
Post-meritocracy and all its assocated bullshit, it's played a major role in 2018. Because clearly merit is a bad thing. Let's make success dependent on how you're born, and what features you have upon birth. Let's have it be decided by what you are, rather than my what you aspire to be.
You know what's an already existing system like that and I despise? The caste system. A system in which not your merit but your family, your heritage, decides your success. Not merit, not what you, yes you, want to be. Fuck family, and fuck family-related hierarchies. Yet that's what the post-meritocracy society would be. One that's decided - just as much as the family factor is - on what you are, not what you want to be.
Fuck post-meritocracy, and fuck the caste system. Let's make 2019 a year of change, one where merit becomes important again.22 -
Me last year: Fuck yes! PWA's sound amazing! Can't wait to see what they can evolve into!
Me now: Fuck PWA, fuck those 'apps' with the thick end of a rake5 -
Do you ever spend an hour editing an email reply to a client before you send it? Trying something akin to alchemy when you attempt to convert snark, veiled contempt, and shock at how stupid the client is into something professional and polite? It’s like trying to bottle farts as fancy perfume.
Like the first draft is:
“Dear idiot,
Please disconnect your computer from the wall and return it to where you bought it from and then never use a computer again you dopey fuck.”
To
“Dear Client,
Yes sir. I’ll have it done for you by tomorrow.”
God it hurts.4 -
Let's do photorealism they said,
It'll look beautiful they said,
...
...
...
NO!
Fuck it, we're going with low poly. I'm not rendering one fucking tree, for three god damn hours!
(That's presuming that it doesn't crash during that period)
And yes I know it doesn't actually look that photorealistic, but hey, give me a break I just started. Plus I don't even wanna know how long it would take to render if it was done to look really fancy.
13 -
Me reading a forum after long hours of debugging and research...
YES THIS IS IT THIS IS MY FUCKING ISSUE!
* Me reading some answers I have tried already *
COME ON GIVE ME THE ANSWER
* Me reading the last answer *
"I was able to resolve the issue thanks for all the answers...
bye"
OP marked problem as solved
FOR FUCKS SAKE GIVE ME THE SOLUTION OF FUCK OFF6 -
Just opened my laptop to see if I can upgrade my ram, and yes I can
And I've got space for a 2.5 drive as well!
Fuck yeah!
All I need is a 1080 inside of this :P
But I've just got a shitty built-in gpu...
16 -
Why The Fuck do you always have to say "Yes"?
I'm asking for a goddamn opinion. Give me an opinion.
But no, everything I say must be fucking gold 'cause it's always "yes", "you're right", "good idea", "I agree".
It's irritating as hell. It's "yes" even when I say something stupid on purpose.
Learn to say no, for fuck's sake.12 -
I passed my exam (did well even), signed up to be a blood donor and landed a job interview all in one day. If all days could be like that.. Now to go look my coworkers in the eyes like I'm not getting ready to jump ship but I'm secretly so excited I can barely sit still 🤭😂
(yes I know a job interview doesn't equal I got the job already, thanks and calm the fuck down, dads 🙄 only an idiot would only have one other thing lined up. Plan C, D and E are on standby too)5 -
Java's shitshow, or why I'll never like java, the language:
The fact that you cannot read the length of an iterable at any point in time without iterating through it. Did I just read this from DB? Yes, I did. Do I know how many items I read? No. Why? Because fuck the designers of this shit language and all its shitty third-party libraries. 😠😠😠18 -
I suspect this may happen to alot of people:
Me: Is this the right way to implement the feature?
Lecturer: yes that looks good
Me: *happy*
*Results come out*
Lecturer: *deducts marks for no reason*
Me: You said this is the right way of doing this...
Lecturer: I didn't quite see what you're trying to do
Me: it's fully commented.................
Lecturer: *confused as fuck* i will remark and get back to you
Me: *thinking* fucking retard playing with my grades like it's a joke.2 -
Why the fuck do people go to so much trouble to justify what they did instead of just admitting they were wrong?
The way I handle this type of people is to first ask a straightforward like "X implies Y, right?" If they answer "yes" I say "then this here isn't right" and watch them go around the world to find a justification for it not being wrong.6 -
Thanks to Microsoft and Windows for making my work day one hour shorter. FUCK OFF WITH THIS FORCED UPDATE/RESTART SHIT!!!! Who the fuck in Microsoft thought that this was a smart idea? Fucking assholes. And yes, I did tell it to only update outside office hours. Doesn't work apparently.
Luckily it's easy to explain to my boss why I had one hour of not being productive.
12 -
Windows update fails with error 0x1235
Me in Technet: Hey, ms, i got this error. How do i fix it?
MS: Install the Troubleshooting for Windows Update and follow the instructions. Before that, create a system restore just in case. Also, if the problem persists, go to your boot menu -> troubleshooting options and follow the instructions.
Hope it helps.
Found it helpful? Yes No
Other random people: just rename $WINDOWS ~BT to anything or delete it. Then continue the process.
.
.
I followed the random people advice and worked.
Fuck MS.1 -
Voice commands are the future!!!! .... God I hope not... Why do people like this obviously inferior interface?
A real conversation with Google assistant while driving, I got a text:
"Read text"
...
"Read text message"
*You have one text message from Dave. Would you like to hear it?*
"... Yes!"
* Hey what's up?*
"Reply"
....
"Reply to text"
*I don't understand*
"Text Dave!!!!"
"Message James using SMS. What's the message?"
GAH!!!!!!!! fuck you Google assistant! This is literally the only thing I use you for, so stop being so fucking bad at it!!!!11 -
Fuck you Australian Fucking Internet!!
Yea sure i have fucking hours to sit here and fucking upload a 4GB repo to gitlab at 5kb/s!!! - yes the slow ass KILOBYTES, you overly expensive piece of horse shit.
fuck it, connects to phone and bam 1MB/s uploads, well theres goes a chunk of this month data :(7 -
No one fucking knows how to handle/raise errors.
I feel like this is the least talked topic in all fucking programming industry. This shit needs to be tought even more than the fucking SOLID, DRY, KISS, YAGNI and other kinds of buzzwords that fancy devs love tossing left and right.
Basically everyone just does "whatever you dumb error just dont bother me". They will just log/return null/ignore the errors and be in their oblivion with bugs propagating upstream the call stack.
"Throwing errors you say? Ew, why do you want to produce more errors?". Yeah, right, just stick another log/return null/or ignore the fact that the monke calling your function with bullshit arguments.
"But bro it's so difficult and time consuming and it would never happen!" Yes, you fucker! Yes! Programming IS fucking difficult if you want reliable systems! Did you not know that!? Well now you do! Go and fucking learn it!
FUCK!11!1!!27 -
DO !!!NOT!!!!! USE 'X' AND 'P' TO 'CUT AND PASTE' A LOT OF LINES ACROSS FILES IN VIM!!! HOLY SHIT I JUST PWNED MYSELF SO HARD I LOST SO MUCH CODE HOLY FUCK IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY! WHERE DID AT ALL GO YOU ASK, WHY THE FUCKING REGISTER, OK LET'S CHECK THE REGISTER, COOL THERE IT IS, BUT WAIT, THERE'S ONLY LIKE 20% OF IT BECAUSE WE CUT A SHIT LOAD OF LINES AT ONCE, AND THE REGISTER OVERFILLED.... Ok let's calm down, doesn't Vim have a recovery option? Yes it does, but WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE, MY CHANGES ARE NOT IN THE SWAP FILE BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE VIM CRASHED OR ANYTHING, MY DUMB-FUCK-ASS WILLFULLY WROTE THE CHANGES WHEN I SWITCHED OVER TO THE NEW FILE, AND NOW, WELL THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD KIDDO, YOU WROTE THE CHANGES TO DISK, NOTHING YOU CAN DO, AND I AM SO SCREWED I SPECIFICALLY MADE A DEVRANT ACCOUNT TO MAKE SURE NO ONE ELSE PWNS HIMSELF AS HARD AS I JUST DID HOLY FUCK16
-
"I'm not complaining, I'm just pointing it out"
Yes, and I'm going to point out that you're throwing insults around like a maniac, which makes your "opinion" seem emptier and emptier, until it resembles your cerebral matter as if it was a shadow copy of it. Fuck you.1 -
Oh yes, today was a fugly nice day.
Fuck you my dear boss.
Your mindless way of taking a dump onto my code, moving my classes (CSS) away and adding new classes to refuck my unfucked fuckery clearly shows how much brain is left in your hollow skull of nothingness.
It took me only 2.5 hours of my precious time to unfuck your refucked fuckery and implement the fix you wanted me to do because you fucked up my code.
Go eat a bag of segfaults and get cast to void* (void pointer).
I am also very thankful having spent the whole day today to fix cross browser fuckups, hacks and #!&$+@.
Normally I really like my boss. He is a cool guy and an innovative and mostly intelligent person.
BUT FUCK HIS CODE.16 -
Can someone just please come over and safe me? I am soooooo done with all this bullshit code. I understand why people loathe PHP, it enables totally worthless people to carry the title 'programmer' because hurrrdurrr look at my website, I made this. Fuck yes, you made that and you should SHAME yourself! What the actual flying fuck I can't begin to explain the monstrosities that I find checking out this worthless pile of fucking garbage.
User passwords saved as plaintext in database? Check!
Using hungarian notation, camecase and snakecase inconsistently? Check!
Typejuggling like you're the mainman of the Insane Clown Posse? Check!
Everything is a mess, there is no documenation, no consistency no nothing, this is straight from the 9th circle of programmers hell.
Aaaaaaarghhhhh I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS WORTHLESS PILE OF GARBAGE!!!!
The original dev prefixed every spagetthifile with his copyright shite so im gonna look him up and highfive him in the face with my laptop and after that printing out my resignation letter in comic sans fontsize 78 because FUCK YOU
So done.7 -
Soo I am the only tech-guy in my family and it's a bit like:
Other: You do program?
Me: yes?
Other: pls repair my printer!
And you guys know how awful that is, aren't you? But in my family it gets tougher...
Today my older sister asked me how to save data from a broken HDD. I said I know a guy who's doing forensic on HDDs and he could make that.
She's like: "but a friend of mine said it could be done easier with software"
And yes, it is! But not that successful...
Now's the point she killed me instantly!
She said: "he opened the HDD and said the disks look fine they could be easily added to a new HDD"....
WHAT THE ACUTAL FUCK I SAID NOW YOUR DRIVE IS BROKEN FOREVER! AND THEN SHE INSULTED ME AND BLOCKED ME ON FUCKING WHATSAPP! SHE IS LEARNING WEBDESIGN WHY THE FUCK DON'T TEACH HER THE BASICS OF FUCKING COMPUTERS! Oh for fuck sakes....3 -
goddammit Microsoft, why do I have to remove your fkking internet explorer icon and store icon after every update! noo I don't want it in my bar. gtfo! leave my settings as they were! How hard can it be? Think: does this fuck up someone s personal settings? if yes , DON'T DO IT.5
-
[9:10]
CTO (works as a team lead): You here?
Me: Yes 👍
CTO: After doing X, Y and Z I broke X. That should not happen. You do understand, that this is not a good UX?
Me (asked CTO X amount of times to hire a a good designer, because I’m not): Well, we made the backend receive Y when X is triggered so B can be passed. I can tell the user to do Y in order to do Z.
CTO: NO, you will not. Do what I’ve said.
DUDE WTF? YOU FUCKING 🐎 I WILL BLOW YOU BRAINS WITH MY MORNING NAUSEA AND DIARRHOEA. FUCKING DIPSHIT ALLOWS HIS BAD MOOD AFFECT OTHER EMPLOYEES. HOW THE FUCK YOURE A CTO.
IM NOT GOING TO REWRITE THE CENTER PIECE OF OUR APPLICATION IN A DAY, WHICH TOOK US MONTHS TO MAKE. FUCK OFF
Monday, hurray 🥳 -
Me: Installs WLAN card into PC,
Windows: LOL FUCK YOU IM DEACTIVATED!
Me: Removes WLAN Card.
Windows: YOU MAD BRO?!
Yes... Yes i am7 -
Purple, Ahh yes, the nice colour purple... dont you love looking at something and thinking, "Wow, thats some nice purple"
well, I fucking dont, fuck that piece of shit colour, I FUCKING HATE PURPLE, why?
BECAUSE IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! FUCK PURPLE, FUCK IT, ITS FUCKING BLUE! THERE IS NO FUCKING PURPLE!
WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE! IT DOESNT FUCKING EXIST! THERE IS BLUE AND RED, BUT. THERE. IS. NO. FUCKING. PURPLE!
And dont get me started on brown, that nice brown chocolate, these coffee beans...
IF IT WOULDNT LOOK LIKE DARK-GREEN I WOULDNT FUCKING HATE IT! WHY DOES IT EVEN EXIST!
(if your wondering, yes. I have a red-green colour deficiency)31 -
At work:
** fast typing from lead and me fx**
** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**
Lead Devel: Yo Al
*still typing fx**
Me: whats good gansgtah
L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?
** now I stop typing **
Me: .....yes......fuck
Him: yes...fuck
O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......2 -
Slack culture.
Yes, the chat application.
Fuck it, fuck mattermost, HipChat, Skype, and whatever other digital text medium for team communication.
These are great applications, but used for great evil. They feed cliques and passive aggressive "side" conversations. Every team I've been on has something like this, and it allows people to cultivate hate for one another even though they're sitting in the same room.
Texting allows you to complain about a coworker to your clique. Each clique can have it's own thread. This empowers people to silently rip into other team members. It prevents rational adult conversations and builds stupid little secret societies.7 -
I love Windows Subsystem for Linux for one reason.
#include <ncurses.h>
I love making ncurses shit.
Fuck. YES.6 -
"due to the amount of applicants, we can't respond to every applicant email"
let me translate the manager-speak for you: "due to us being stuck-up douchebags, we feel as though our company is more valuable than literally the 2 minutes of time it takes to write a yes or no email, so we'd rather keep you hanging and never give you feedback. oh yeah we're also not professional at all"
god why the FUCK am i even applying for jobs, each place is more shittier and toxic than the next4 -
"Developer code must ensure that IAsyncDisposable implementations don't take a long time to complete."
Ah yes, the very technical "long time" unit of measurement. God why don't you just go fuck yourself microsoft7 -
Paraphrased with imaginary ending:
Me: Ok so this X will never be more than Y items and not more than one pages?
Person: Yes. it won't be more than Y items and never more than one page.
Me: If this is always Y items or less and not more than one page, I can hammer this out quick then. If it is more than that it will take much longer to complete.
Person: Awesome!!!
-later-
Person: OK here's the template for Y x10 items and multiple pages.
Me: Oh I'm sorry, we're going to have to stop working on this. I thought you actually gave a fuck about this 'important' project and that you had deadlines you cared about, but apparently not enough to participate in this conversation with any level of intellectual honesty. Please fuck off now while I go work on more productive tasks....4 -
A man's best friend is a Martini when you realize the college semester begins again at your birthday, and you're turning 29 that month with a year left before graduation. Fuck college. FML.
Yes, I'm writing this after having 3 martinis. My code can't pawsibbly go wrong tonight. Being a little tipsy is awwwwweeesome. :D
4 -
Reinstalling Android Studio.
It takes a while.
So you take a rest, exercise a little. Sure, it will installed when you'll come back ready to throw yourself into deep work, with fresh energy.
You come back.
There is a pop up: Do you want to send usage data to google ? Nothing installed yet.
Only Yes/No option. Where is the "Fuck you" option?12 -
Yes, 'cuz lightning is a better innovation over type-c. No wait, it is so not. Apple did move to type-c on ipads and macs ditching their own magsafe and lightning.
Fuck Apple's innonovation.
😒😤😤😤 .
28 -
The day I got hired because my (now) boss saw me showing off my super powers as a dev to some fellow students. He liked that I was so energetic.
Now I make quite a lot of money (for my age) and learn so fucking much. By the way, I'm only 17, so it's quite nice.6 -
LinkedIn: You have one notification!!!!
Me: What is it?
LinkedIn: 10 types of horses that make your more employable if you don't fuck them
Me: What
LinkedIn: 10 types of h-
Me: No, I heard you, why did you send me a notification about this?
LinkedIn: You want a job, don't you?
Me: Yes, but don't send me this type of notification again.
LinkedIn: Updated your preferences!
The nefarious LinkedIn, two days later: You have one new notification!!!!!!4 -
Okay. For fuck sakes, writing complex code that's meant to handle "everything" and is "super generic" can be a fuck up. Like just keep shit simple. THAT is the show of great and impressive work. Over engineering is not it. Yes your shit works and yes your shit is fancy but was it needed? How long did it even take you for this over kill? How long will it take the next person to understand or not.
Someone now has to sit and run through your shit to get what you were doing. Instead of just being able to look and once and have it all figured out.
Keep things simple.
Lost 2 hours on bullshit 🤬4 -
So after exactly 30 minutes of building a basic interpreter (yes I'm back on the interpreter wagon) in python, I have once again come to the conclusion that python can go fuck itself with its backwards and inconsistent syntax with needlessly over worked and backwards data structures...
Would rather work in fucking COBOL at this stage...3 -
And just when you like Linux a little too much, it bites you in the ass to remind you why the year of the Linux desktop never happened.
Wifi printer is installed, CUPS test page works, even scanning works. But printing anything else results in the printer spitting out raw postscript with a few random lines per page.
Great. Looks like I'll have to print to PDF, then go to a copy shop and print because printing under Linux is still an unsolved issue.
And yes, that would have worked even with Windows 10. Fuck.24 -
Call it mental disorder. Sickness. Masochism or just bein a demented individual...
But I used to work with classic ASP. Yes, my JS ran on servers before it was cool (I am the original tech hipster) and I was writing VBScript with it as well because why the fuck not?
And
I
LIKED IT.
Kinda miss it to be honest. Shit was simple as fuck, the downside of it was the "fuckLibrariesAndDoShitByHand.asp" mentality and consequence of using old tech....but I liked it.
Tutorials for that shit had to teach you damn near everything in one book, not just how to code it, but how to really work with servers on the bare minimum and one would learn sooo much. Now a days most books be like "this is how you do yo auth tokens..because all y'all mofockas should know this shit by now" NO mofocka! Our books was all about "aaaallrighty dipshit, this shit here is auth, and in order to bla bla blah" THOROUGHT AS FUCK B.
So yeah......i had fun, by far not my first choice on new shit, but shit was fun.4 -
I'm having difficulty treating HR like human beings. I mean yes I spammed you to fetch me my payslip but why didn't you check why I am not getting it automatically from the first time? And your response is you are busy and HR requests take a minimum of 48 hours to process? THE FUCK? I mean how hard can it be to type my ID in the system and send me my payslip.
I really need to learn how to "play nice" before I get in trouble.3 -
My college wants me to submit my final project.... On a compact disk!
Yes, I'm sitting here facepalming myself to a pulp.
Like what the actual fuck, those things died six years ago! The last time I burned a cd was probably when I was in 9th grade and had a potato for a computer.8 -
Well those are the FAQs... But where the Fuck are the answers?
I guess it's just oracle being oracle
And yes I have checked on mobile and desktop with 4 different browsers.
And no those aren't links
https://oracle.com/database/...
7 -
On a scale of 1-10, how lazy are you when it comes to prototype code?
Me, well I'm a 'fuck it lets just wildcard anything that is a child of a GLib objects'
Don't be like me kids...
EDIT: Yes i know it should have been an override void
4 -
I had 5 round of detailed technical interviews on java, springboot, React and Google Cloud.
Finally it seems they are going to make me an offer.
Last conversation was with the team I should work with.
They use dot.net, AWS and maybe maybe some angular.
I wann cry.
I'll say yes anyway.
Maybe the idea is to get some new perspective from me?
Or they want to be sure they will be better than me?
Or otherwise, fuck them?5 -
Okay it's FUCKing rant time... FUCK you prestashop!
FUCK your utterly bizarre "coding standard"
Also a big FUCK your config files, since when did config files start to include application logic, multiple includes/requires and modification of super-globals. When did I miss that memo?
This file is full of so much FUCKing horseshit, my FUCKing testicles hurt.
FUCK your "module overrides", yes let's duplicate 20-30MB senseless horror code into another folder, just so we can modify one line, without having future updates breaking our stuff.
And your attempt to migrate to a symphony stucture is FUCKing pathetic, do it properly, or don't do it at all.. FUCKtards..
I know wordpress can be bad, but this...
Prestashop takes FUCKing lousy, headache/cancer- giving, piece of crapware to the next FUCKing level.
I wouldn't even wish this FUCKing upon my worst enemy.
2 -
Wow, if this isn't a "Fuck GDPR, making money is our interest if I have ever seen one".
Screenshot is from the Speedtest Apo and yes I also live in the EU.
5 -
Who the fuck decided to block a programm download because you are on mobile?!? Also I'm not even on mobile but on my Linux™ desktop ya cunt! An yes I know is a Windows app which is not intended for Linux. But have ya ever heard of WINE??!?
Looking at you CurseForge!23 -
Have you ever lost all the motivation for anything in life. Yes that's me right now. Can't even be bothered to right this post properly. Fuck everything and everyone.8
-
I asked my teacher what's wrong with the PCs, because I can't even open up File manager without any freeze.. She told me that it's old, and she's planning to fix them. So being me, I asked her if I can help, and she said yes..
*grabbed my screwdriver*
*opened up the case*
>fuck, kill me
7 -
Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!
Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!
Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie4 -
Sit for hours to figure out obscure bug - oh yes, definitely.
Sir for an hour to do some basic tenth class math - oh my god, this is sooooo hard
fuck me7 -
Im seriously thinking about Watercooling my Raspberry Pi 3...
Why?
BRCAUSE THIS LIL SHIT RUNS SO FUCKING HOT THAT I CAN MAKE AN EGG ON IT! THATS WHY!
Its 80°C when under little load BUT GOES OVER FUCKING 90°C ON LOAD! AND THIS IS FUCKING DANGEROUS! FUCK!
so back to watercooling...
Its a Stupid idea, I know, but its literally THE ONLY FUCKING WAY TO COOL THIS BASTARD! And trust me I tried Novec (Yes the liquid that evaporates at 60°C...) and SHITS EXPENSIVE!12 -
Common misconception is that low efficiency technologies (react native, in this case) are completely useless. That is not true at all. Im building a smart home, and yes i want a mobile app, but 90% is just requests to endpoints, so its way simpler to just copy paste some buttons inside a js file than do it properly with native. Would i use it in prod? Fuck no. Would i hack together a bunch of buttons? Fuck yes.8
-
I need help, my site said it's full so I have deleted everything in the media library but now all the images have gone!
Yes, thats its purpose!
Thank fuck it's Friday! -
Me: "Sweet new Xcode update"
Me: "I'm sure they fixed all the bugs"
*starts download*
Xcode: "Want to upgrade to the latest Swift syntax?"
Me:
*clicks yes*
Me:
Me: "Fuck it, next release is 'fully rewritten from the ground up'"1 -
Yes, I have to admit, sometimes Linux is a F*KING B*TCH.
I was supposed to fucking format a pc for a close friend of mine, cause he produces music and win 10 fucked his machine up with its broken updates.
Knowing the guy is a talent I promised that by 7PM the pc would be fixed.
Not really, I'm feeling the stupidest guy in this fucking earth, cause I've been here for 2 hours, fucking trying to extract an ISO image, and nothing on this fucking planet seems to work.
Tried the graphical archives, none open de ISO, tried 7z, it gives me an error, tried fuseiso, which is recommended in Arch Linux' documentations. Doesn't work. Tried mount - o my file.iso /mnt and it says /mnt isn't in the fstab file which makes me even angrier cause I always mount everything there without editing shit. So I installed 7-zip for windows in wine, it extracts until 90% and freezes. Now I'm trying hsuebrirbwkwpxjhw9shrbejejwke and my mouth is foaming and my ear is bleeding my brains out and I don't need you shit.
Fuck you, Fuck your goddamn ISO and Fuck this faggot ass spell checker, that changes Fuck to duck and assign to asset.
Fuck it, I ain't gonna format anyones pm anymore.
18 -
Warning: this is not a rant. I'm too happy and excited to rant right now.
Today I "finished" my first webpage!!!
Wohooo!
It's the blog I'll use. It's currently offline for obvious reasons but I intend to put it out there when I have more confidence on my skills and some content to put in it. I only used django, html and css, and I really dig the looks of it. My gf liked it so it can't be that ugly.
I still have a lot to learn with django, and I will add a thing or two to this
webpage but now I feel confident enough to make the backbone of my first real project : a platform to ease essay writing for history students. It's something simple for students to keep track of their essays thesis and ideas but also the bibliography they'll use and the thesis and ideas they think each text they read for the essay has. I intend later to extend the functionality so it can store all the texts the user has used in some useful and atractive manner so they can keep track of everything they've read, share it and use it for later works.
I'm so fucking excited I can't fucking sleep (it's 3 am right now).13 -
!dev
Theres atleast one fucking bastard that writes comments like "2018?" "2018???", "september 2018?", "still listening in 2019??" in every fucking song video in youtube. Fuck you braindead useless pile of shits! Yes its fucking 2018 and why the fuck you just write it there?? Why the fuck somebody even cares and likes that kind of trash comments?!? Fuck you bunch of wasted human cells. I want to kill all of those fucking fuckwits. STOP FUCKING COMMENTING DateTime.Now.Year IN EVERY FUCKING SONG YOU MOTHERFUCKER CUNTS!4 -
Why every day I have to fight for a charger cos the manager needs his phone on a constant charge from a power socket.
Fuck you and no I don't care that your shits gonna die now and yes, every fucking day we're doing this, don't fuck with me. My laptop > your phone and your ingress game
2 -
When a manager asks if you can implement a feature (their are legitimately not sure if it is even possible) and you say yes and they say, "Good, 'cause I already assured the client that we would provide it on the next release"
Like, what the actual fuck...1 -
One of my interviews....
Interviewer: Do you know the welknown hack that increases the speed of embedded tomcat two times than default??
Me: what?? it even exists???
interviewer: yes... it exists... I know it... normally I share the answers with the interviewees... are you interested to hear the hack???
Me: Hell yeah...
Interviewer: ohh no... I will not share with you...
me: whyyy???
interviewer: I don't like your current boss...
Me: Fuck my life(inaudible)... facepalm..3 -
Why the fuck do offline-enabled (music, video) apps load forever on slow network but instantaneously in airplane mode? Is it so difficult to show cached content first and refresh only once downloaded? Yes, I mean you, Spotify, Amazon Music, Amazon Video and Audible!!! 🤬1
-
This is a message to all “yes man” developers:
Yeah… we just got in that the client has new requirements for you to complete by EOD:
1. Go to the gas station
2. Buy two gallons of gasoline
3. Order two 2 ft long dildos online
4. Go to the center of your town
5. Scream “fuck me corporate daddy, I’ll do anything for you” 100 times
6. Shove one dildo into ur ass and one in your mouth
7. Pour gasoline all over yourself
8. Light yourself on fire
9. Contemplate what little self respect you have for yourself and the rest of the world…8 -
Open droid edit, ignore big ads at the bottom.
Open file, make small changes.
Save as.
Open andftp
Login to azure web app
Navigate to wwroot
Switch to device files
Go to .deployment folder
Select file
Upload.
Is it efficient? Fuck no.
Notepad++ style editing on the go? Fuck yes3 -
typescript, I HATE you!
ME: Trying to extend Subject and override Subject.subscribe(PartialObserver<T>)
ME: export class MySubject<T> extends Subject<T> {
subscribe(obs?:PartialObserver<T>): Subscription {
return super.subscribe(obs);
}
}
ME: compile
TS: Compilation error! No such method to override!
ME: load the app -- ERROR
ME: recompile
TS: Compilation error! No such method to override!
ME: load the app -- works perfectly
:confusedjackie:
Make up your mind! So is that class compileable or not???
If not -- how the fuck does it work then???
If yes -- why the fuck do you yell in my face with all those errors???8 -
fuck off with the “do x in y lines of python code” it’s getting so goddamn annoying. yes python is concise. yes libraries do everything. you don’t need to show off someone else’s work with clickbait.
everything is like
“make a web server in 2 lines of python code”
import http.server
server = http.server.serve()
“mine bitcoin in 2 lines of python code”
import bitcoinminer
bitcoinminer.mine()
“do crazy math with 4 lines of python code”
import complex
import numpy
num1 = 1
num2 = 1
num3 = complex.addVectorMagnitudes(num1, num2)9 -
I'll tell you the only time... The only times I'll fuck up.
When something changes. That's it.
Nothing else causes me to fuck anything up.
My code gets more and more messy the more people go oh change that ,😐 can that be a capital .... Hold on that box should be smaller
😤😡 Messy = I fuck up.
Now that might well be something I need to work on !
But if you send me twenty emails all with minor things that take seconds to change 😡 I will care less about your project , that makes me lazy.
If you want your project to be perfect on launch .. one plan a couple round of amends maybe 3 and your golden
But I can not keep checking if your application is all good after these minor changes 😐 (these are not situation you can write tests for)
Yes it makes me an asshole I'm aware , but I've been awake 40 hours fixing these peoples work, and quite frankly I couldn't give a toss1 -
I used to think that I had matured. That I should stop letting my emotions get the better of me. Turns out there's only so much one can bottle up before it snaps.
Allow me to introduce you folks to this wonderful piece of software: PaddleOCR (https://github.com/PaddlePaddle/...). At this time I'll gladly take any free OCR library that isn't Tesseract. I saw the thing, thought: "Heh. 3 lines quick start. Cool.", and the accuracy is decent. I thought it was a treasure trove that I could shill to other people. That was before I found out how shit of a package it is.
First test, I found out that logging is enabled by default. Sure, logging is good. But I was already rocking my own logger, and I wanted it to shut the fuck up about its log because it was noise to the stuffs I actually wanted to log. Could not intercept its logging events, and somehow just importing it set the global logging level from INFO to DEBUG. Maybe it's Python's quirk, who knows. Check the source code, ah, the constructors gaves `show_log` arg to control logging. The fuck? Why? Why not let the user opt into your logs? Why is the logging on by default?
But sure, it's just logging. Surely, no big deal. SURELY, it's got decent documentation that is easily searchable. Oh, oh sweet summer child, there ain't. Docs are just some loosely bundled together Markdowns chucked into /doc. Hey, docs at least. Surely, surely there's something somewhere about all the args to the OCRer constructor somewhere. NOPE! Turns out, all the args, you gotta reference its `--help` switch on the command line. And like all "good" software from academia, unless you're part of academia, it's obtuse as fuck. Fine, fuck it, back to /doc, and it took me 10 minutes of rummaging to find the correct Markdown file that describes the params. And good-fucking-luck to you trying to translate all them command line args into Python constructor params.
"But PTH, you're overreacting!". No, fuck you, I'm not. Guess whose code broke today because of a 4th number version bump. Yes, you are reading correctly: My code broke, because of a 4th number version bump, from 2.6.0.1, to 2.6.0.2, introducing a breaking change. Why? Because apparently, upstream decided to nest the OCR result in another layer. Fuck knows why. They did change the doc. Guess what they didn't do. PROVIDING, A DAMN, RELEASE NOTE. Checked their repo, checked their tags, nothing marking any releases from the 3rd number. All releases goes straight to PyPI, quietly, silently, like a moron. And bless you if you tell me "Well you should have reviewed the docs". If you do that for your project, for all of your dependencies, my condolences.
Could I just fix it? Yes. Without ranting? Yes. But for fuck sake if you're writing software for a wide audience you're kinda expected to be even more sane in your software's structure and release conventions. Not this. And note: The people writing this, aren't random people without coding expertise. But man they feel like they are.5 -
Yes its completely necessary to have a spring server with a mysql database with docker containers all over your ass for 3 fucking endpoints and a (url, varchar, varchar) schema. Fuck you. How the fuck do i run all this shit and how do you expect me to create a frontend for something that has no documented endpoints?? Fuck you.
In other news, im now a senior.3 -
FUCK EVERY PERSON IN THIS SHIT BANK!! FFS THE IDIOTS CREATED A NEW DATABASE USING SQL SERVER 2008! Yes, 2008 and its a new database if it was some type of legacy I could try to understand, but this shit is a completely new database. I have to use sequelize and guess what? It can't paginate results because shit server 2008 does not accept OFFSET FETCH syntax3
-
Apple 2018: we integrated uikit with Mac apps so now it will be way much easier to program for mac
Me: OMG THIS IS AMAIZING
Apple: all of these apps are now running on Mac with uikit
Me: yes!
Apple: this will be available to you developers in 2019 : )
Me: BICH WHAT THE FUCK?! -
Conversion rates and shipping make it awfully expensive to get official t-shirts here in India, so I decided to experiment with t-shirt printing till the time I can earn enough to donate directly to open source foundations.
I call this design "FUCK YOU, AUTODESK!!"
(Yes it's literally just the logo. Yes I'm not a graphic designer)
Not too bad, but the print could've been better. Time to start tweaking things.
8 -
CS Teacher today:
"Transport Layer provides Security and Encryption to the communication" (TCP/IP stack)
me: WTF? Encryption is provided on the *top* of the transport layer (aka Application) ( and below [Network Layer] there is IPsec)
Teacher: no, it's wrong.
me: so Wikipedia it's wrong, RFC 5246 is wrong, and you have right?
Teacher: Yes.
me: Ok. (aka fuck you!)2 -
"could you fix my computer this weekend?"
hmpf...
"kay"
"i already found an infected File and removed it"
"WHAT?"
"yes, Windows tried to prevent me from deleting but I opened console and removed it"
"where was it?"
"somewhere it a folder called System or so"
HOLY FUCK WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE IT AS IS IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU EXACTLY DO????2 -
Gods are always looking out for me.
I got up at 4am to finish the work.
The meeting is at 9am.
So Gods turn the power off at 6am.
They want me to learn my lesson.
They just want me to plan ahead, manage my time and task wisely.
They just want me to become a better being.
They keep teaching me at every possible opportunities.
Yes, I understood. Yes.
But you know what, Gods?
Fuck you. Big fat ugly smelly fuck you. I can't tell you all to go die because you all are immortal and shit. So fuck you. I will never manage my time. I will always work at anytime anyhow I like. You think you can teach me? LMFAO. LOL. ROFL. You will never win. I will survive all the pain and shit. I will do what I like. So fuck you.2 -
One of my coworker change the code from
```
void foo() {
if (condition)
{
}
else
{
}
}
```
to
```
condition ? ifTrue : ifFalse;
```
and add it to changelog
```
- fix bugs // yes with an "s"
- feature added
- some list of the bug fixed.
```
I refer back to the commit, only one Fucking commit and on changes. Bro, what the fuck?8 -
Aws Lambda and serverless framework. Yes FaaS is cool. Love it. But it is pain in ass when you have the only way for you deploy is zip the fucking code with all the dependencies. Comm'on AWS you can do better. Look at azure functions. Please give me a git deployment support. Please I beg. Each test iteration takes like for ever. Also no proper local emulator. Fuck you AWS. Fuck you serverless.3
-
Who the fuck comes to the idea of printing the local IP address on the Fucking screen?
Yes, I know that it is not remotely accessable (only when there is no port forwarding set for that ip), but think of that this way: Someone manages to get in that network. Without scanning the network, you would have your first victim. You could analyzer the traffic of that victim and find more victims. And so on
8 -
Fuck I can't even. Remember all those rants (mine included) about how users are quite retarded and only report "omg smth wrong, help" without any explanaition or screen shot, or even worse WITH A WORTHLESS CROPPED OUT SCREENSHOT?!
USERS I GET, BUT FUCKING SENIOR DESKTOP SUPPORT GUY DOING SAME RETARDED IT DOES NOT WORK CAN U HELP THING IS MADDENNNNIINNGG
LEARN TO FUCKING READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS IN THE FUCKING ERROR DESCRIPTION, YES?
*Ahhh* 😄 -
Guys, what the fuck.
Today i was doing some consistancy checks accross the board after update made for one of our core systems that manages money. Yeah, real, live money.
I have hidden from public payment processor with simple API etc. So one of my checks, gate has same balances as gate's internal account on core blinked red. Okay well, fuck, thats really really shitty situation to be in. I guess my gate is fucked up some way.
Okay, debug mode on, maintainence mode on, quick look at DB, oh shit, client payed 4 times 15k eur without any txn on core system... SHIT! postman... Fuck, postman ofc wont start, quick google, fixing postman, tention in me grows, becouse its really rough and tough fuckup on my side, and got call. That moment when you know someone already knows is for me apogeum of stress that just skyrocketed from calm morning to mad morning.. Okay, i pick up phone, and I hear that one client payed (using core system app) and got strange message, YES I KNOW, im working on it.. Wait, you say that core system gave them odd message??? I will check it out. Finally fixed postman, 3 requests and I know its bug on core system.
Why, why in the motherfucking blody world anyone would push critically bugged update to system that just sends api callbacks "yes, he payed" when someone didnt pay...
Fuck im stressed and pissed, but at same time reliefed its not my personal fuckup (yeah, I solo wrote that gate, but externally audited code and all they had to say that some cosmetic linting should be done)3 -
Fuck CORS.
Three hours into trying to make it fucking work... YES BROWSER I ALLOWED ALL ORIGINS WHY DONT YOU WORK 😭😭5 -
I saw this in a project proposal of a friend's job:
we build native apps using the most advanced mobile application
development platform on the market: React Native
I feel sorry for him :\3 -
So apparently google doesn't give a fuck about your money. Yes I didn't use it right now, i purchased the dev account so I will be able to publish later when I need it and already used it in the past. How is it that they will close an account that you've payed for for inactivity?
ps.: Now I understand why has the play store full garbage apps. I will do that too...
pps: I know it's only 25$ but I still payed that to have access in the first place
2 -
This utilization shit is stupid! Seriously man what the hell! Yes yes it's an important number yes yes I don't even care. You want me to increase my utilization and at the same time be wary of the budget, which are unrealistically tight to begin with. It's freaking impossible! Who comes up with this shit?
You know what? Half of this shit ain't even my fault! A project was set for 200 hours and a guy wasted half of that trying to figure out just HOW TO CONNECT TO THE API! Like the guy only wrote 30 lines in 100 HOURS! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME! THEN YOU PASS OVER THE PROJECT TO ME AND SAY YOU HAVE ONLY 100 HOURS LEFT TO CONNECT TO THE API, GET THE DATA (WHICH BTW DOESNT EVEN EXIST), PARSE IT, AND THEN CREATE GRAPHS AND A FULLY FUNCTIONAL SOFTWARE, WITH A USER INTERFACE THAT SHOULD RUN AS AN EXECUTABLE!!!! ME? ALONE?
MAN FUCK YOU!2 -
It's been broken in production for two weeks, and you want to tell me it's "drop everything urgent" now? Is it important? Yes. Is it urgent? No.
Also, how the fuck did you not know this was broken for two weeks, and what the hell do you want me to do about it now? It's your codebase, it passed all the tests in staging AFTER I made my changes to the infrastructure.1 -
You know what I really like? When apps override the scrolling behaviour...
Yes, I really want you to disable my scrolling settings and enforce your own goddamn scrolling logic, it's so great to have shit I'm used to being forcibly removed from me.
Biggest surprise is the latest place I've seen this is Unreal Engine :O Scrolling the news in the launcher is slow as fuck.2 -
All tech department was really happy when we used Github Projects - managing a project was concise and organised. We loved it.
Then one day, product pushed us all to switch to the fuckin' conglomerate mess called Jira (fuck you Atlassian), which we still hate. So cumbersome, so much unimportant crap features, unintuitive interface, slow .... yes, fuck you Jira, again.7 -
I swear to god "old school" C++ devs are menace to humanity
Why yes let's make this one line long function, that could even be constexpr, and make it a macro.
Why the fuck not, let's make compiler errors worse by foregoing any type checking. Let's throw away namespacing as well, great.
Fuck you.
I shouldn't have to dig through 4 levels of nested macros just cause "muh performance" and "we've always done it like that".
Shit yourself.8 -
every fucking time I use Javascript.
(yes, I'm no expert, but I can pick up ANY LANGUAGE and do this task in FIVE FUCKING MINUTES, NOT AN HOUR!!! FUCK!)
"Gee, I think this button should probably list the total recipients of the mailing, looks like I have to get the total of a column in an object, no problem, hell, i'll do it frontside just for the fuck of it'
yeah, seemed like a good idea.. AN HOUR AGO
ARRRGGGH
fucking javascript scope can take a flying leap off of a tall building, and then NOT FALL to the fucking ground because it will fucking tell me that OOPS gravity doesn't exist for javascript!
UNCAUGHT REFERENCE ERROR
right?
FUCK YOU
die from gravity like you deserve motherfucker16 -
holy fuck, UFOs are now moving to the "mainstream discourse"?????
yes, just like AI, world's ending, all the jobs are gone!!!
just like covid (remember that one?) world's over, we all died!
let me repeat it for you:
shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up
shut the fuck up
what the fuck went wrong with the vast majority of people along the way????
i'm going to the mountains, i'll be back...
never
inb4 "have some creativity fullstackclown!" "isn't it cool to think about?!"
shut up, using your fucking head that is a result of millions of years of evolution seems much more exciting than taking 4 grainy ass videos as truth and getting hyped up about it
show me a shred of valid evidence and i'll believe. however, evidence does NOT include:
- some big wig CLAIMING or SAYING they exist, regardless of their credentials - i don't care if fucking honest abe lincoln himself rises from the grave and says UFOs are real
- a photo or video that looks like it was taken in the 1920s
8 -
Rant/collab proposal
The sheer fucking amount of popups on websites that ask this really pisses me off.
"Do you want out pathetic, groveling push notifications"
Option 1: Fuck yes, spam me right now!
Option 2: Later, because who can resist our spam
I propose a chrome addon that replaces the second option on every notification request popup, which is usually "Later" with "Fuck off"5 -
That would be Sony.
Mainly because the of PlayStation 4. I mean what kind of company blocks the access to third party’s account so you can use it only on their console (the Fortnite situation). That’s literally saying “we own you, bitch”. Even Apple doesn’t do that kind of crap.
Fuck Sony and their PlayStation. I’m sticking with Xbox. Yes, it doesn’t have as many of exclusives. Yes, it’s made by Microsoft - the same company which made Windows 10. But fuck Sony even more than them.2 -
Language Warning
There year is 2019, and down here in Australia we have a fuckup called the NBN (National Broadband Network). We all have to switch to it, from ADSL2. Promised dreams and joys, only to be fucked again and again.
Paying $89 AUD per month for 25mbps, however only getting 0.61mBITSps at times. (Literally can see it at home.danferg.com)
Call up support. "Have you rebooted your router?" Yes. "Have you done a test?" Yes. "Can you send me the screenshot?" No, I did it through the CLI. "... What's a CLI?" Fuck.
"So.. have you got a test?" Yeah, I have 7000 of them, from each minute of the day for the past while. *Silence* "oh.... Ok well, we'll have to see if you qualify for a discount" DISCOUNT?! GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY BACK.9 -
So I’ve finished the project (YES FUCKING FINALLY I KNOW) but it’s not official until I turn in the code to my client (FUCK) and see if he wants me to add anything or if it’s good how it is. Fingers crossed 🤞🏻2
-
How to fuck a web developer:
1- Introduce a shiny new shitty web component that is nearly impossible to figure out how to change it’s fucking background color, yeah.
Welcome everyone to 2019 why even it was so easy to change and customize your own shit, let’s just introduce thaaa faaacking web components and fuck everyone else. Let everyone learn again how to do the simplest shit ever.
Yes fuck everyone that is used to change and customize in an easy way.
“yUo wAnT uS nOt tO UsE SoC anD cLEan koOde?”
No no no. We will fuck you instead.2 -
Unpopular opinion.
TOML sucks
* it does not claim to care about indentation but it actually does
* nested datastructures are a nightmare, especially 'inline' for 'readability'
* oh fuck me everything must be "double quotes"
* booleans always lowercase, there is no "truthy" here.
* Tables are not intuitive at all.
And all this from working with it first time because I had the silly idea to modernize a python project to use pyproject.toml
Oh and don't get me started on pyproject.toml files. The documentation sucks!6 -
I couldn't easily find it again and I didn't screenshot it yesterday. But this is not made up.
Yesterday I found a Sponsored post on Facebook about a class for one of WordPress premium theme with visual builder. Well it's more like a workshop rather than a class.
The description said if you want to have stable income, want to work from home, want to experience a *real developer life*, etc etc.
REAL DEVELOPER LIFE. No kidding.
I do WordPress websites. Yes I use premium themes. Yes I do visual builder. Fuck but I don't call that work real dev work and I'm not proud of those projects as real dev works.
In the end, the hungrier guy gets the bread. I guess. I haven't thought of providing such courses at all.
PS : the mentioned theme is Divi from Elegantthemes. -
Ah yes, The Hacker News intentionally using intendation errors in python 2 to screw over people using their ddos script. yes. That's gotta be the reason
why the fuck am I even following these trolls
3 -
YES!
Finished a complete version upgrade with vastly improved scalability and maintenance in just 3 weeks!
NO!
I forgot to do the database migrations as I went along. Ok... no problem.. I'll just use some kind of database comparing software, I'm sure they exist...
<googles...>
...fuck... is there not any for free?
Ok fine whatever i'll manually compare the tables and columns, fuck it. Sure there's like 50 tables and like 20 columns per... whatever...
should take like a day or so, with testing...
YES!
Finished my new version upgrade after just 6 weeks of coding!
....fuck sakes... -
Be me. Use DDG to search for nearby bowling alleys. DDG provides reviews in form of Yelp. Click "read more" on review. Yelp transfers me to a bogus url, which prompts
"Open in Another App?
Would you like to leave DuckDuckGo to view this content?
No Yes"
And then, without letting me click "No", I get automatically transferred into Yelp's page in the app store, and if I try to go back, I just get redirected again.
Fuck off. I just wanted to read your reviews in the browser. I had no interest of downloading your app just to read a couple of reviews, and I most certa-fuck-inly have no desire to download your shitty app now.1 -
FUCK YES
The feeling when you and the DBA completely fix an issue that has been fucking up your users and that the third party vendors themselves couldn't fix on your own teamwork is so..... fucking... addicting.
Wrote an email to the hod to let us off a bit late tomorrow morning, least I can do for this fucking server admin, sql class A mastermind, Oracle fucking super pro.
I really pray for all of you mfkers to get the same type of coworker. this dude has taught me a lot and I really jump at the first opportunity I get to work with him. His accomplishments for the institution are many really, its just one of those happy bromances man.
I raise my beer mug, to the best fucking DBA i have ever worked with.
For my next trick, I am going to make sure the dude gets the position for the manager of his department as soon as the current dude retires (should be soon) a great man himself, but short on giving his dba the praise he deserves.
The previous manager of my departament told me "pay attention to <DBA NAME> he is your secret weapon and you will be his" and by heavens sweet momma was right. -
Sick of seeing the 'proprietory is the devil' fucking argument, I'm super keen for the pine phone and to a lesser extent the librem 5 but seeing people already boycott them because they still use some proprietary libraries and components...
Who gives a fuck, yes open source is better for those who love to tinker and learn the inner workings but there is nothing wrong with using proprietary software on one of these devices.
It's the same toxic shit as 'microsoft bad, Linux good' and we really need less of it around3 -
*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)
*his reply "what's nuget?"
Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!
*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.1 -
I wanted to rant like 10 times today but was on a tight schedule (yes its fucking sunday), so here is everything:
*********
Fuck you, i dont give a shit that you need to present data tomorrow, its weekend, you cant just fucking call me to get things done asap. Im working from the code of a dead guy do you know how fucking hard it is to ask a dead person whats their code do?
*********
I really wish devrant had some kinda longboard/skateboard in the profile pic
*********
Im still not a fucking designer i can make like does-not-make-you-barf tier designs, JUST TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING CODE JESUS
*********
whys the new rick n morty episode not out yet wtf
*********
Yo i love linux but set the fucking privileges right you dipshit, i cant exrcute my damn code on your crappy ass 2008 xeon server fuck you3 -
The borrower
Dart: Can I borrow your let?
JavaScript: Fuck off!
Dart: Please spare me your var then... You don't seem to need it anymore.
JavaScript: I said fuck off weirdo!
Dart: Can I borrow your var?
C#: 🧐... Kotlin. Is that you again?
Dart: No, I'm Dart.
C#: That what?
Dart: Haha, Just Dart.
C#: So, you need my var?
Dart: Yes, and also your String.
C#: Just that.
Dart: and your int, your bool, double and List
C#: Just that.
Dart: All your types... Maybe.
C#: 🚍☎️🗃️💺📺🛏️🎻🔦 🧤 Here you go.
Dart: Thanks💃
Dart: Can I borrow your pointer?
C: 👴 Huhh?
Dart: Your pointer. Yes that pointing stuff.
C: Borrow what?
Dart: Your pointer.
C: Poin...
Dart: Pointer!
C: Ponita
Dart: 🏃...
C: Here is my Pony bear... Hellooo. You there?1 -
FUCK YOU PHP, FUCK YOU SYMFONY AND DEFINITELY FUCK YOU SHOPWARE.
Don't get me wrong, PHP has evolved a lot, but the stuff people are building with it is just the biggest load of fucking shit I have ever seen: Shopware. Shopware is the most ass-sucking abomination to extend. It's nearly impossible to develop anything beyond "use the standard features and shut the fuck up" that is more sophisticated than a fucking calculator.
The architecture of this pile of crap is the worst bullshit ever. A mix of OOP, randomly making use of non OOP concepts and features together with the unnecessarily HUGE amount of useless interfaces and classes. Sometimes I feel like it's 90% fucking shitty boilerplate shit.
And don't get me started with TWIG. It's a nice thought, but WHY THE BLOODY FUCK WOULD YOU NOT USE VUE IF YOU ARE ALREADY USING IT FOR A DIFFERENT PART OF SHOPWARE. This makes no fucking sense whatsoever and makes development of new features a huge pain in the ass. I can't comprehend how people actually like using this shit.
OH AND THE DATABASE. OH MY FUCKING GOD. This one is bad. Ever tried to figure anything out in a database where random strings (yes MySQL "relational" - you might think) that are stored as text in a JSON format make up some object or relations during runtime?? Why the fuck do you have foreign and primary keys if you don't use them properly??
Seriously you can't even figure out which data belongs to what because the architecture just sucks fucking ass. FUCK YOU Shopware wankers, you suck, your product sucks, your support sucks, your architecture sucks and you keep releasing new versions that regularly break shit even in minor versions.
I used to like PHP, but not in projects like these.7 -
I'm dockerizing this old CMS that needs a database query to resolve URLs for static assets.
Yes, a query for every single static resources. Fuck me.2 -
Rookie me,back when I was making my first Android app...
After a lot of hours put into it, finally finished it...pretty much was ready for deployment...some final touches...but oh wait... I was messing with some files-wanted to delete something and misclicked the whole folder...well my brain farted for a moment and clicked yes-I managed to erase the whole fucking app I was working for months...!
The whole world shut down at that moment! What the fuck did I do?...
In this point I want to thank jetbrains for their magical revert button....
Moral of the story: Learn Git, backup everything and don't be too excited and fuck up tremendously...! -
OH MAN it feels so fucking good achieving something with electronics, especially because I have a really hard time learning it by myself
-
Anybody here know that shitty service called Birthday Reminder? Yeah? Fuck them.
Never signed up for the bullshit, but because some kiddo's I was in class with 10+ years ago (I think it started when i was ~12 yrs old) did, I keep on getting their spam. They have an unsubscribe button in their emails, directing me to a page that says I can only unsubscribe if I log in.
FUCK YOU.
I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR YOUR SHITTY SERVICE AND I REALLY DONT WANT TO DO NOW EITHER.
Ofc I emailed them politely to remove both my email addresses from their databases.
And they are politely ignoring me.
Fuck you.
PS yes I know I can mark them as spam, but I prefer just not receiving their shit at all. I have a very clean spam folder.5 -
Can you make me this page please.
Me: its done its 100% like the psd you send me
She: yes but this component is bigger then this one
Me: its the same here the css proof
She: can you change it ?
Me: ( this will change the hole component and douin the same shit ) yes i will do it for you.
She: again this is not the same size
Me: ( what the fuck i said to shut is mouths ) ............. Fml -
Yes ! Just copy paste an entire fucking react dashboard into our NextJs project !
But don't stop there mate. Fuck up your branch and mine too to a point even gitkraken can't tell me exactly what fucking operations you did.
This is my first Next project and my first time working with this new client and it's going tits up in less than a month. Fucking great job.3 -
yes, you absolute fucking asshat, i would like to do more than JUST LOG FUCKING PALETTE TO THE FUCKING CONSOLE
ANY METHODS EXPOSED BY THIS? ANY OTHER OPTIONS? OR YOU JUST GONNA SHOW THAT YOU CAN LOG OUT THIS OBJECT
https://github.com/Vibrant-Colors/...
retarded documentation will be the end of us all i swear to fucking god (or at least me)
though reap what you sow, js devs just as retarded as the language i conceed
i've never seen such a large README and learned so little of what the fuck is going on or how to actually use any of the options1 -
Fuck you, magento and yes, fuck you, customer as well.
After 2 days of fixing crucial things like missing discount functionalities, taxes being displayed as 'tax' because some monkey hardcoded the term in the template instead of getting the tax class name and overall fumbling in magento's core just to make this broken shit do its job, the customer emails me, asking if we're making 'progress at all because the test link looks pretty unfinished'
Burn in hell, you two!12 -
Some dev makes a claim that a Serialization library won't serialize a field unless it's public
I don't know the library details after but first reaction was "that has to be BS...."
Then I just do a Google search and yes I'm right.
And of course, in my head I go...why the fuck do these ppl not know how to use Google or just RTFM.....
Or use their brains.... If need for serialization required making all fields public that violates the most basic OOP principles...19 -
A constant fight because the code style matters. If you think it doesn't, just go and die already.
If any of you great folks with no sense of code style are reading this, fuck you, fuck you all, you should leave your jobs and yes I am talking about these assholes who have like 15-20 years of experience in the industry but surprisingly I never heard of anything they made.1 -
Wrote a detailed spec, costed and agreed. Meanwhile client and designer agree upon half baked designs that only vaguely resemble the spec. Don't worry though, I have balls. I'm not a yes man. Will put them both straight (again) on how the fuck we do things if it involves me, incompetent twats. Will soon be calling the shots again. Ha ha, it's either that or I fucking walk.
-
DB team: We will have someone reach out to you and set up a call for your database support request.
Me: *this will suck...some dude with a super strong accent, audio that sounds like crap on a 56k modem, and horns beeping in the background*
DB team: The support engineer is actually from your same area.
Me: Nice! *maybe an American*
DB engineer: "uh yes ello dish is ramajadeshava and I will be supporting each and every request"
Me: *fuck...but at least there's no horns in the background*1 -
I swear, I started yesterday windows once for some guilty gaming. ONCE
Tried to connect Bluetooth headset
-> BSOD on the first try. Fuckn os can't handle shit
Works second time.
*Execute guilty_gaming.exe*
*Finish gaming business*
Want to shut down windows
"oh, I can only shutdown if I install your fucking update? Well fuck me pls no delet pingu partition
Next day. Pingu is alive. Wanna connect headphones.
* Connection: yes
* error.Failed
* Connection: yes
Fuckn ok, does it still work in windows?
Spoiler: fucking no! Very cool. I didn't there would be a better waste of time than gaming, but windows always fund a way to fuck you shit up.
Windows vista was less of a pain, windows 7 a nice memory and this is just an abortion fucking kept alive for the proving god that human can create a better hell for people than lucifer could ever imagine.
Way to go windows, I appreciate MacOS now1 -
"I think.."
It doesn't matter what you think you fucking moron. The bottom line here is that you forgot to add a master table for this and you are asking to create a master table from me when I have no fucking records, YOU THINK you need it today but deep down you too know that is fucking impossible to do.
"Only some code modification"
No shit Sherlock, yes indeed only some code modification is required, and I did, the only problem is that you are not having that required field's data.
fuck you, you fat useless piece of shit
2 -
(In the meeting) "Yes everything seems to be progressing forward at an excellent rate, I'm seeing lots of synergy in the team."
Translation: "Where the fuck am I and what the fuck am I doing...?!"
-
Fuck AngularJS' scope fuckery. Yes it's legacy shit in an old project.
A minor change fucked up the model scope shitfuck thus leading to improper input model fuckvalues.
Go rot in pieces and perish.1 -
Just getting a pizza, can't help but get annoyed by the jittery as fuck newsticker, they didn't even get the encoding right....
(Yes our POS software has 60fps jitterless hardware accelerated fully utf-8 encoded newstickers before anyone asks me to do a better job)
2 -
Dashlane is a fucking mess.
1. This fucker won’t sync.
2. This fucker requires you to pick the american state when you enter addresses so no non-us addresses
3. This fucker uses a really bad vpn company under the hood as “its” vpn
4. This fucker somehow messed up the offline 2fa, the thing that students do successfully in their authenticator apps
I’m gonna go back to noo.js.org, that fucker will sync even without any connection, across infinite number of devices, instantly. Yes it does nothing but passwords, yes you can’t change passwords but at least you’re always synced. And it doesn’t sell your data because it doesn’t even have a server let alone a database.
FUCK YOU DASHLANE4 -
!rant
Guys, just a question. Let say in a company either your boss, senior or manager who always wants to win a conversation no matter what the issue is and whoever is at fault.
e.g.
Me: Roasters can't lay eggs
Boss: Yes they can
....
(After few minutes you are bore and want to end the conversation)
Me: Yes, yes fucken Roasters can lay eggs. You are right. Now fuck off.
Question Again:
Will you work for someone who wants to win the conversation?2 -
Fuck Xamarin! Fuck Xamarin.Forms!
It's slow, it's full of bugs, it's missing basic functionality, it's rapid new updates breaking older frameworks, it's a shitty unstable IDE on both Mac and Windows, it's the need to frequently reopen files or restart the IDE to fix "intellisense" or the false compile errors, it's non working UI builder and previewer, it's connection issues with simulators, emulators and real devices, ...
Have I forgotten something? Probably yes.
Your dev customer for many years.1 -
"this environment is externally managed"
yes, i know it is, please fucking install it
fuck you python and fuck you docker
tools for children
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡7 -
Why haven't I learned about js fetch before now. I've even used socket.io!
Fetch is amazing and I just built a function for using fetch with WordPress AJAX hooks. Yes I know it's WordPress and there's jQuery but all of my custom plugins use vanilla js as a little fuck you.
Oh yeah but ie doesn't support it at all2 -
!rant
That feeling you get when you solve one quirky bug and it happens to also solve a different one that's plagued you for days.2 -
i just want to shoot my both hands, eyes and legs.
NO I DID NOT MEAN __d_dirname!!!!
I MEANT dd_name!!
NOT d_name, but dd_name!!
i swear to god the other times it worked. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG? I SPENT 3 FUCKING HOURS DEBUGGING THIS SHIT!
yes i have included sys/types.h, dirent.h AND sys/stat.h AND I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!
why did you worked last time? i just wanted to implement a better library than handling all the known and unknown errors myself.
if anyone knows what is wrong, please help me, i am disperate.
19 -
Fuck wired headphones.
The cord gets caught in the chair when standing up, the cord gets twisted so you can't hear anything, not all devices have headphone jack anymore.
Yes I do use bluetooth headphones, but was given a trial of a wired headphones.16 -
Computer! I live in a state of constant mental exhaustion. What does this mean?
*BEEP-BOOP*. IT MEANS YOU'RE STRESSED, BITCH.
Interesting. How do I get rid of this... "stress" you speak of?
*BEEP-BOOP*. GO OUT, BITCH. SEE NATURE, BITCH. CONNECT WITH HUMAN BEINGS, BITCH.
Oh, fuck no, that's just not going to happen. Any other tips?
*BEEP-BOOP*. STOP USING DRUGS, BITCH. YOU DRINK TOO MUCH COFFEE, BITCH.
Well, fuck me, I can't do that either; guess I'll just take this with me to the grave. Thanks anyway, computer.
*BEEP-BOOP*. YOU'RE WELCOME, BITCH. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, BITCH.
Yes, I hope as much. The sooner the better.5 -
I picked a module of my nodejs app which uses MongoDB to pieces until I had no more idea what could be wrong. It should work. There could be nothing wrong. Then I thought: "What if I try to find() from the wrong collection?" Yes. Fucking YES! I've lost about 2 hours of my life because I've written the collection name in singular rather then plural. Just a fucking single character. Just a fucking "s"! Why don't you output an error? Why? Fuck you! Why don't you do that?1
-
So I love my pixel 2 xl, best phone I've had (not saying that just because it's the newest btw)
But fuck me do I hate how it dictates what wallpaper needs a light and dark theme, plus when you have a dark theme on, why does the navbar stay white in applications but the notification pane change... I love google but come on -,-
And yes it's a minor thing but it's the small things that are the worst imo7 -
Android 12, stop telling me every other day which app has permission to access my location in the background. I know, I gave permission, and I want to keep the setting "Allow all the time". Where's the "don't ask again" option?
And why does this happen for an app released by the German federal government (about once a week) but never, ever for your shitty Google Maps that always seems to know where I've been (at least if don't leave my phone at home, which is hard to do in times when you have to show your digital proof of vaccination everywhere yo go). Fucking Android, fuck the Android 12 clunkiness (inspired by Apple's iOS?) and fuck the fucking notifications. This is my phone, I paid for it, I own it, I want to turn off this bullshit. Wait, Google, once I find time to get back to LineageOS/Cyanogenmod you will never see a trace of my digital existence again. Oh, and fuck your "digital wellbeing" as well! At least you let me turn that off. Yes, I know, I am not grateful, but that's what devrant is for, isn't it? Fuck you, Google!2 -
In my last rant, I complained about our rebranding document that was very much lacking... Their listed colours are slightly different than the colours used in their logo...
How do they fuck up copy pasting the colour values. And yes, it was meant to be the same.1 -
When you get a job that is advertised as a software development job, but you end up doing 80% software development and 20% help desk support tickets.
Sometimes I really hate this industry. Also, what is it with people assuming software developers can just wave a fucking wand and make shit work? FUARKKKKKK!
Free overtime when we're deploying too, fuck yes! I love free overtime!1 -
Ok, I need to vent a little bit about myself. Just got back from my 2 weeks vacations. Met with everyone, caught up on everything that has happened, booted my lap top and tried to ssh into the servers to see log files if anything out of the ordinary has happened.
Well, I was having "Permission denied (publickey)." . Well fuck. Tried on other servers and same thing.
I got panicked, thinking how the fuck did we get hacked? The ssh key is only on my laptop, and an encrypted backup exists only in Bitwarden account. If yes, why are the systems intact and working well? Kept scratching my head for hours. Well, I was trying to log in with user "root" instead of "admin". I always mistake these two names. Rusty brain ._.1 -
!!!rant
I'm finished with university for this year, so I can finally dedicate all my time to work and personal projects. Knowing that I can do whatever I want because I won't have to wake up at 7am... I feel GREAT! Now it's 4am, I just finished a section of a project, and I don't feel tired at all. FUCK YES! -
okay, it has come to it.
Yes, I most likely have a faulty audio controller in my laptop.
Yes, I understand that that's probably why my speakers are making unusual background noises.
And yes, I realize that this might be the reason why I can't hear anything in my 3.5mm earphones.
But, why, dear Cinnamon, WHY do you have to keep me from any kind of system settings GUI? I can no longer launch the System Settings, Network settings, sound settings, etc -- no Settings at all.
And why did you have to freeze the whole Cinnamon the first time the problem appeared? The X didn't mind it, ffs! I could move the mouse around... but that's pretty much it. Apart from switching to TTYs and moving the mouse I couldn't do anything else in the UI.
That's pretty annoying. It's not like I can remove my audio controller... (I don't think breaking off the corner of my MB where the audio region is counts as 'remove the audio controller').
This first happened when I fried my wifi µPCIe card. That's alright - I could replace it and use system settings again. But now...? How the fuck do I go around that NOW???1 -
I'm not a Wordpress pro, but i've done some work on it and... well, the HTML + PHP mix is the only evidence you need to convince someone, there is no god, only satan, but other then that, it's hard to find anything else that your clients will accept & can use. And yes it's the most important thing - at the end of day, they are the one giving you money.
Besides:
- the Wordpress dev community is pretty cool.
- everything has been invented, so the development is pretty easy.
- if you have something more fancy to do, there is always a Wordpress API.
PS - fuck HTML + PHP mix.1 -
Why the fuck do you need a custom email box on your website instead of just having your address there, nobody has a desktop email client set up that would work with mailto.
yes this is a plug for my new blog post
https://razorsh4rk.github.io/rant/...3 -
I build a project for internal team around a year ago. QA did sanity and we released. Product wasn’t used and suddenly they decided they want to use project. They forgot almost everything about project feature. I had product doc and ask them to follow. Still they kept making mistake. And finally they found an edge case bug. Now these idiots making noise that product is buggy we are blocked. We are not able to use.
After I fixed it is working but these idiots are asking why there was bug and made us blocked to use product. They couldn’t follow doc to use their own product. They are just trying to pin blame on me and wash their hands. I was really pissed . I told there was bug but why the fuck it took a year to know ? And yes there is bug but it’s edge case and it happens when you guys make mistakes from your side then only it happens. Even if it is bug. What the fuck you want. Have you never made any mistake in your life? Go fuck yourself. There was bug but I don’t care. Bugs are part of release.1 -
Fuck you, Julian Assange! I mean honestly! Stop being a fucking dick, that needs to polish his ego! https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/...
(On a side note, yes it's a good idea to give a disclosure deadline, but come on just give them the code so they can fix it!)1 -
HOLY FUCK! How can you be that stupid , fuck me Im literally losing business as we speak
(Yes I tried to continue it) #dontgiveup3 -
This is with nothing open. How the fuck am I supposed to work on here. Defiantly won't be firing up any VMs
--
Yes, it's all background crap, no I can't close any of it. Yes, I have rebooted
17 -
Just updated my system to the new Plasma 5.21.
Of course, there was some shitty nvidia error again, but this time I actually found a solution, so everything went perfectly. And I am almost speechless.
The smoothness of the animations, scrolling in Firefox and everything in the system is overwhelming. It is running perfectly. The latency fixes really helped a lot and even with triple buffering enabled, you can't feel any input lag.
But yes, there is a but. Why are my taskbar icons so fucking big?? Like what the fuck happened there...5 -
RIP my fucking dog laptop. And FUCK Asus. The solution to fixing the fucking laptop is to get a new MB and display. But the motherboard is so God same expensive because you obviously have to solder every fucking component on it so that it's much more of a PITA.
PS yes I'm fucking angry but I hope y'all having a nice day.4 -
Its festive season. Half of the team mates are on leave. Servers are down. No work can be done. Office looks life less ( which it always is). Boss asking why didnt you take leave. Yes because your free time off is almost zero. I need money. People being happy and getting in relationship/married. I am a fucking loner here.
Dragging my ass across the hallway like a ass fucked zombie. Typing this rant with a grumpy face. And people say monday blues are worst.
Fuck this emptiness. Fuck servers on maintenance. Fuck these white iridescent bulbs glowing for no reason. Fuck people murmuring around me. Fuck everything which is in my sight. Fuck this depressive fucking festive season.2 -
New office stories.
They use following channels as official communication channels
1. Google Hangouts (yes, living in 1800s)
2. WhatsApp groups (FUCK MY LIFE) Thankfully I am not part of any and will avoid actively.
3. Slack (heaven's sake some sense here).
And above that, they use Google Workplace for emails and office tools.
And now combine this mess with Apple. How inhumane my working conditions are.3 -
I had this great fun idea and i started programming immediatly. Yes! i'm feeling great and this is going to be amazing!
But Oh! then i had this amazing and super fun idea! It's almost the same, although it requires me to make massive changes to the code... Ok, no problem, i can do this. It's my project and it's fun. This is going to be great!
But then... FUCK2 -
Not using design pattern on a school project because he was too busy understanding what the fuck was Smalltalk since no one understood it in classes.
yes it was me. I don't blame myself, I really took too much time understanding that (and I was the only one to do that, the other just asked me. ALL OF THEM). But I should, I guess. -
Yes, you did nothing... You just restarted those 3 servers on Hyper-V without changing anything... And you did not change the Settings of 2 Windows Server to a static amount of Ram. And you also did not change the settings of the Unix Server to dynamic amount of Ram. And this has absolute nothing to do with the constantly crashing apps on the unix server sience then, because he does not support Dynamic Memory.
Fuck all those people who claim that they did nothing, even though it's obvious. -
I love most trends around js, because often they're thoroughly thought through (not always) and make things easier.. but why the fucking fuck do all the js coding standards use 2 SPACES. Now this isn't intended to be a tabs-vs-spaces rampage rant. But this decision against tabs is like saying yes to a 50ct pencil instead of 100 dollars.7
-
MOTHERFUCKING Stripe !!!
Changed their dashboard layout !! Yes, let's move the top navbar to the left and change the whole layout. Oh yeah, and let's make the page less responsive than before.
I seriously don't understand why Stripe had to do this. Their dashboard layout was completely fine and useful but noooo lets change the navbar from the top to the left.
Because of these fucks, I now have to train my muscle memory to get used to this SHITTY ASS layout.
Fuck this. FUCK ALL OF THIS.2 -
It took me 48 hours ( not continuously) to fix a bug by going through a cluster fuck code of multiple modules. Tracing the error through 5 or 6 layers. And u dont get error logs right away. You need to recreate that error and see the logs on a kubernetes pod. Just to find out the bug was a duplicate.
Yes jokes are on me. I fucked up by not checking for duplicate. I steered right away on that shit dipped bug like a hungry/zombie hound. Fuck me. -
Am I the only one who isn't really that bothered by Mozilla's mistake with Firefox and that Mr robot thing?
They made a big fuck-up, yes, but do you think they'll do it again? I don't.
They aren't a perfect company, but neither is anyone fucking else! They're still helping the web, giving grant money to open source, and have the best docs I've found, so I think this is just a misstep, not a red flag.2 -
Since Electron is getting some well deserved flak, I think I'll add my two cents.
Why in the actual fuck can it not proceed any way to allow us to USE OUR SELF FUCKING SIGNED CERTIFICATES.
Yes, security hole, but for messing about with new software, I'm not going to pay a CA for a certificate so I can put it on a server that only I and a few select individuals use!
At least give us a usable frontend for allowing our self-signed certificates so I can use my fucking server!1 -
Fuck ubuntu 18.04 with their snap format. Yes it's good for things that ubuntu users need, like libreoffice or Chrome.
But GOD SAKE WHY DOCKER ?
21 days ago it was not even possible to modify daemon.json reliably xD4 -
If a project's structure is shit, well of course, let's continue using it because "it is known". Doing it any other way "will add complexity".
That I wasted three days making my working code adhere to the clusterfuck of a structure, nevermind that. Let's continue. And yes, colleagues do agree that the structure is shit, though let's improve it ... later.
Or in other words: Suck it up, we always have done it this way. Fuck you and your ill-advised attempts of trying to improve it. -
Working on my new WebSite/Shop while discovering an Error....
I got a "Download" button as <input> that triggers an JS-Script that makes a POST-Request to a target=_blank, that downloads the file via a header (so that people won't know where the content is located, but I blocked the source with .htaccess, too)
So the error: While testing in Mozilla everything worked fine, but as soon as I switched to Chrome THAT FUCKING STUPID DOWNLOAD PAGE WON'T FUCKING OPEN! I HAD TO CHANGE IT FROM AN INPUT TO AN DIV AND TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT IT COSTED ME FUCKING 1 HOUR! FUCK YOU CHROME! FUCK YOU! YES YOU FUCK YOU! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! MOZILLA IS FASTER WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL USE YOU BESIDES OF PORN! OH WAIT I DON'T EVEN WATCH PORN BETTER UNINSTALL YOU NOW! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU6 -
1 of the many windows rants i will make since i have to use that on work's laptop.
Let's start.
20GB for an IDE? what a joke.
Seriously MS. Are you fucking retarded? You have a fuckin retarded windows store, and i need to open it 3 times for it to be functional? Fuck you.
I want to change the default browser. YES I FUCKIN WANT TO CHANGE IT, STOP FUCKIN ASKING ME 500 TIMES IF I'M SURE ABOUT IT AND DO THE THING I TOLD YOU TO DO. Fuck you.
2GB on startup? Thanks, appreciated. Miss my 250MB on my linux laptop. FUCK YOU.
Did i fuckin tell you i want to sync the onedrive? I clicked that shit to disable it and you decided to sync the fuck out of it? Fuck you.
Candy crash and other retarded games? LOL, can't say anything. The laptop is from the job, i won't bother uninstalling that shit. In any case MS would reinstall them again. Fuck you.
Fans at 100% for no reason and battery draining like it's a cold drink that drinks someone who is thirsty? Thanks MS, very helpful. Fuck you.
Powershell? Well i leave that. Whenever i remember how slow it is i want to throw the laptop of the window. Fuck you.
Notifications? Thanks, it's very good thing to spam them for no fucking reason. Fuck you.
Skype? Who the fuck told you to install it? Fuck you.
Well i won't say anything about their fuckin updates. Every one knows how retarded and piece of shit they are.3 -
The jurrasic - the one who only know vb6, giving us photo copied source code to study(on our own) instead of teaching it himself. Exam? Well fuck it he just hand us a photocopy of codes that we have to convert to digital and compile. I dont know how he grade us either.
The forgetful - she give us new activities every period..I can't count how many times she said "lets continue next day" and the number of folders of our unfinished activities in my classroom pc.
The good one - yes finally we have one only to be replaced by the jurrasic due to some conflict. -
Fuck oVirt!
Fuck OpenShift!
Fuck everything Red Hat made!
Yes, they make the hard stuff easy, but they make the easy stuff sooo unnecessarily difficult...2 -
Ok so.
You know you have to deal with annoying things when you take on a guard duty role and yes, we signed up for it because of the mullah.
However, you also want to do this with a reliable and robust monitoring and alerting systemthat you can depend on! And no i am not going to advertise a product for this... What i will tell you is which one to avoid.
Meet Quest "Foglight" ... It does EVERYTHING! It monitors, it alerts, it does trend watching it does fancy shmancy graphics, it does reporting, it is very extendable... WAUW, right! right?
Well, if you were stuck somewhere in 2005-2010 maybe... But this fucklight is cutting short on EVERYTHING
Today , i got called up at 3:30 in the morning (i am typing this after the incident) because this shit of a system has "HIgh Availability" by basically letting the FMS server suck each others jaggons and hope it somehow respons. This is a sort of keepalived thing, but on proprietary java tech..
Oh, yes, it's written on java and... yes.. Java 6
This means that, effectively we are running RHEL5 machines (yes, RHEL 5!!!) because something more modern in place? nope.
I have no idea anymore what i am ranting about, i'm tired, i'm tired of this shit, i'm tired of getting called up just because of some dude has been cussing up a sales representative, sucked each others jaggons and pushed the federal goverment with a shit solution for almost a decade now.
Fuck Foglight
Fuck Quest software, because did you really think you would get enterprise level support for an enterprise product which you payed enterprise euro's for it? You are so naive, how cute...
And consequently : Fuck Dell and Good job Dell.. For purchasing quest software, mess around with it, and then dump it back to the market... Srsly Dell , you were like me when i had this hot ass chick as a girlfriend but later seemed to be too crazy to justifiably tolerate compared to her hotness. Dump it like it's trump.
Oh, and, wauw! Foglight graced us with a successful startup process after .. what.. 6 times restarting? In 2 hours... With 12 CPU's and 128 GB ram and .... oh fuck this you don't deserve such resources.4 -
how bad is the collegeboard website? let's just say that after registering for an sat, firefox prompted me if i wanted to save the login credentials, with the username being my zip code and the password being my credit card cvv
like, how fucking hard is it for a national company who charges $99 per test that kids take every year to set up their fucking website properly
god damn, fuck college board
and yes, i am mad about a lot more than that one little thing
"non-profit"2 -
Or when I get a jira task and I spend more trying to understand what the fuck is it supposed to mean than actually solving it.
Love it.
And yes, asking about it would take even more time. -
WHAT THA SHIT FUCK!!!
FUCKING HEROKU
so I've got an apl running on heroku and yes its a free account
Apparently apps running on free accounts are turned off after an hour of not receiving requests
Ok that's reasonable
So I did some digging and found out there are free solutions to keep your app running
Ok thats good even on heroku there is a free add-on for that
Ok I click on add add-on
AND FUCK SHIT!!!
a huge ass red notification flashes
"//some SH
Verify your account and provide your credit card details
"
IT FUCKING SAYS {FREE}5 -
Get my lightweight WASM "runtime" thing to work properly.
Don't you just hate all the emscringtem glue code? Yes, me too. And fuck WASI.8 -
Me: Oh yes this is easy, i will fix it in 5 minutes..
*Deploys the solution to debug it*
*waits 20 minutes....*
(the message says "installation is in progress")
Just fuck you SharePoint Online.
1 -
Did my upvote crash devRant... Now where's that post again..
https://devrant.com/rants/4849574/...
Hm... Maybe Android just didn't like that I upvoted that...
Which reminds me of my rant now.
In Android 12 after upgrading, the Square button (recent apps) stops sometimes and then I need to reboot to get it back...
But instead, so I didn't have to reboot, I switched to Gesture navigation... Which actually isn't that bad after getting used to it?
So maybe this was another Google truck to force their way.... -
It was a bad day :(
asked godaddy support if I could recover my files from a accidentally deleted ftp account.
They said yes we have that and we can recover those files but these servives are not free, price is only 149.99$.
Fuck I could make a new site in that much ammount -
Except for meeting good people and getting a lot of time to do my own stuff, I didn't get anything from the University. Yes, grades suffered. But who gives a fuck about them? And Coursera helped a lot. So did YouTube, edX, Udacity, etc.
-
Wanted for once use FireFox for dev / tooling.
Welp, it only took 1 page load to see why devs don't use it :
There is NO information on how long an ajax request took.
A lot of useless stuf like "Destination IP" (Who the fuck cares?) or "Initiator" (I already know where it started, I want to iknow how long it took).
That concludes my try to work with a non chromium browser and i'm sad. because chromium is a new IE6.
Don't belive me ? Look how websites manages checkboxes. Yes that's right with ::before and ::after.
These pseudo elements SHOULD NOT work in <input>. But they do in chromium. Which basicly a deal break to use firefox for our users.
Fuck you chromium. IE6 bis i'm gonna call you now
And FireFox : Please, just COPY dev tools of chromium, yours are unusable.
Ok, I feel better, going back to my bug.2
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