Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...

You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????

WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.

MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT

Dear self proclaimed wordpress 'developers/programmers', kindly go fuck yourself.

I'm not talking about wordpress devs/designers who don't claim to have a better skillset than they have and are actually willing to learn, those are very much fine.

I'm talking about those wordpress people who claim that they're developers, programmers or whatever kind of bullshit which they're obviously not.

"A client's site crashed, you have to fix it!!!!!" sorry, come again? It's YOUR client's site. It's hosted on our hosting platform meaning that WE are responsible for KEEPING THE SERVERS UP AND FUNCTIONING.
You call yourself a wordpress 'developer' with 'programming experience' for 10 years but the second one of your shitty sites crashes, you come to us because 'it's your responsibility!!!'.
No, it's not. Next to that fact, the fact that you have to ask US why the site is crashing while you could easily login to your control panel, go to the fucking error logs and see that one of your facebook plugins crashes with a quite English error message, shows me that you definitely don't have 10 years of programming experience. And if you can't find that fucking article which tells you exactly where the motherfucking error logs are, don't come crying to us asking to fix your own fucking bullshit.

"My clients site got hacked, you have to clean it up and get it online again ASAP!!!!" - Nah, sorry, not my responsibility. The fact that you explicitly put your wordpress installation on 'no automatic updates' also doesn't help with my urge to fucking end you right now.
Add to that that we have some quite clear articles on wordpress security which you appearantly found too difficult (really? basic shit like 'set a strong fucking password' is too difficult for you?), you're on your own.

"I'm getting an error, please explain what's going wrong as soon as you can! this is a prio 1!!!!" - Nope. You were a wordpress dev/programmer right? Please act like one.

I'm not your personal wordpress agent.

I'm not your personal hacked wordpress site cleanup guy.

I'm not even a fucking wordpress professional. No, I'd rather jump off a bridge than develop wordpress bullshit for a living.

That you chose to do this, not a problem. Just don't rely on me for fixing your shit.

I'm sick of cleaning up your bullshit.

I'm done with answering your high prio tickets about bullshit which any dev could find out with just a few minutes of searching.

Oh your wordpress site isn't showing up so high in google? Yeah sure, shoot a ticket at us blaming us for your own SEO mess. I'm a fucking sysadmin, not a SEO expert.

I'm fucking done with you.

Go die in a fucking corner.

Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.

I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:

M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.

Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:

M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.

At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?

There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:

M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.

DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.

I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.

PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.

I'm a self-taught 19-year-old programmer. Coding since 10, dropped out of high-school and got fist job at 15.

In the the early days I was extremely passionate, learning SICP, Algorithms, doing Haskell, C/C++, Rust, Assembly, writing toy compilers/interpreters, tweaking Gentoo/Arch. Even got a lambda tattoo on my arm after learning lambda-calculus and church numerals.

My first job - a company which raised $100,000 on kickstarter. The CEO was a dumb millionaire hippie, who was bored with his money, so he wanted to run a company even though he had no idea what he was doing. He used to talk about how he build our product, even tho he had 0 technical knowledge whatsoever. He was on news a few times which was pretty cringeworthy. The company had only 1 programmer (other than me) who was pretty decent.

We shipped the project, but soon we burned through kickstart money and the sales dried off. Instead of trying to aquire customers (or abandoning the project), boss kept looking for investors, which kept us afloat for an extra year.

Eventually the money dried up, and instead of closing gates, boss decreased our paychecks without our knowledge. He also converted us from full-time employees to "contractors" (also without our knowledge) so he wouldn't have to pay taxes for us. My paycheck decreased by 40% by I still stayed.

One day, I was trying to burn a USB drive, and I did "dd of=/dev/sda" instead of sdb, therefore wiping out our development server. They asked me to stay at company, but I turned in my resignation letter the next day (my highest ever post on reddit was in /r/TIFU).

Next, I found a job at a "finance" company. $50k/year as a 18-year-old. CEO was a good-looking smooth-talker who made few million bucks talking old people into giving him their retirement money.

He claimed he changed his ways, and was now trying to help average folks save money. So far I've been here 8 month and I do not see that happening. He forces me to do sketchy shit, that clearly doesn't have clients best interests in mind.

I am the only developer, and I quickly became a back-end and front-end ninja. 

I switched the company infrastructure from shitty drag+drop website builder, WordPress and shitty Excel macros into a beautiful custom-written python back-end.

Little did I know, this company doesn't need a real programmer. I don't have clear requirements, I get unrealistic deadlines, and boss is too busy to even communicate what he wants from me.

Eventually I sold my soul. I switched parts of it to WordPress, because I was not given enough time to write custom code properly.

For latest project, I switched from using custom React/Material/Sass to using drag+drop TypeForms for surveys.

I used to be an extremist FLOSS Richard Stallman fanboy, but eventually I traded my morals, dreams and ideals for a paycheck. Hey, $50k is not bad, so maybe I shouldn't be complaining? :(

I got addicted to pot for 2 years. Recently I've gotten arrested, and it is honestly one of the best things that ever happened to me. Before I got arrested, I did some freelancing for a mugshot website. In un-related news, my mugshot dissapeared.

I have been sober for 2 month now, and my brain is finally coming back. 

I know average developer hits a wall at around $80k, and then you have to either move into management or have your own business.

After getting sober, I realized that money isn't going to make me happy, and I don't want to manage people. I'm an old-school neck-beard hacker. My true passion is mathematics and physics. I don't want to glue bullshit libraries together. 

I want to write real code, trace kernel bugs, optimize compilers. Albeit, I was boring in the wrong generation.

I've started studying real analysis, brushing up differential equations, and now trying to tackle machine learning and Neural Networks, and understanding the juicy math behind gradient descent.

I don't know what my plan is for the future, but I'll figure it out as long as I have my brain. Maybe I will continue making shitty forms and collect paycheck, while studying mathematics. Maybe I will figure out something else.

But I can't just let my brain rot while chasing money and impressing dumb bosses. If I wait until I get rich to do things I love, my brain will be too far gone at that point. I can't just sell myself out. I'm coming back to my roots.

I still feel like after experiencing industry and pot, I'm a shittier developer than I was at age 15. But my passion is slowly coming back.

Any suggestions from wise ol' neckbeards on how to proceed?

FUCK WORDPRESS TO DEATH!

Seriously, I have a degree in computer science and I can't for the fucking lfie of it understand the fucking architecture of fucking WORDPRESS!

How many fucking times when developing fucking shitty wordpress sites for clients you spent 66% of the time debugging some stupid fucki9ng shit related to the retarded monolithic fucking stupid architecture of this huge retarded abomination which should be killed in a fire with dragonfire.

How many fucking times while using trellis sage bedrock mother fucking super uber framework bubblegum you find yourself struggling with the fgucking broweser shit sync or some other fucking stupid bubblegum fix shit to make wordpress even remotely a decent experience to work with?

Even when buffed with a fucking shitton of boilerplate shit code from people who want developers to not fucking kill themselves while working on this fucking piece of shit framework the developing experience with wordshit makes me want to blow my fucking brains out with a desert eagle.

I seriously can't fucking stress how fucking shit this whole framework is and I seriously hope people stop using it for good. Wordpress was made by a bunch of fucking retarded monkeys who barely knew how to write afucking hello world.

This is the last fuckign time Im ever going to accept a wordpress project from my clients this fucking framework has driven me mad for fu cking years and i've finally had it with thsi fucking piece of shit framework and i fucking hope it gets buried 1000 km down and never dug up ever fuckign again.

Wordpress is the single most fucking horrid abomination that has ever been created in the fucking history of the tech industry.

Prospective client: “I have a website through which I sell music, both physical copies and downloads, but am having all kinds of issues with it”.

Me: “Like what? Tell me more.”

Client: “Go to www... I’ll go through them with you”.

So I go, and client proceeds to rattle off a list of totally random shit for the next 26 and a half minutes without even stopping for breath, telling me what he’d prefer, talking through how easy other “similar” websites are and comparing his own website to them, as well as all the things that flat out just don’t work. He ended with the line “I just paid my developer who told me it was all good, but now he’s telling me he’s too busy to work on it”.

Meanwhile I’ve had a gander at “view source” and can see it’s been “built” with Wordpress, and with a fuck ton of plugins and shit to boot... you can only imagine the sense of euphoria I’m feeling at this point.

Me: “Did you have a contract with your developer?”

Client: “Nah”.

Me: “Do you have a budget in mind, either for just making right or for ongoing development?”

Client: “Yes, but minimal”.

Me: “So what do you want from me?”

Client: “I want to know how much it’s going to cost to fix!!!!” (apparently irritated by my question).

Me: “Oooook... Is there any way I can have access to your website to investigate, or clone it so I can recreate what’s going on?”

Client: “Yes” (gives me details of how to log in to his hosting, and WP admin).

Turns out, he had over 50 active plugins for literally EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. PIECE of functionality on his website. Furthermore, it was pretty clear that some plugin functionality overlapped, because... well, if you don’t know how to do something, install a plugin or seven to get it done, right?

Me: “So can I ask, what exactly is your budget? Just to give me ballpark as to how best move forward?”

Client: After going into how he’s already spent a lot of money on it already, “If we could we agree on below £200?”

Me: “...what, a month?”

Client: “No! In total. To make it right. Once it’s done it’s done, surely?!?!”

*a long silence*

Client: “So... what do you think?”

Me: “Burn it. Burn it all down”.

A while ago (few months) I was on the train back home when I ran into an old classmate. I know that he's a designer/frontend/wordpress guy and I know that he'll bring anyone down in order to feel good. I also know that he knows jack shit about security/backend.
The convo went like this:

Me: gotta say though, wordpress and its security...
Him: yeah ikr it's bad. (me thinking 'dude you hardly know what the word cyber security means)
Me: yeah, I work at a hosting company now, most sites that get hacked are the wordpress ones.
Him: yeah man, same at my company. I made a security thing for wordpress though so we can't get hacked anymore.
Me; *he doesn't know any backend NOR security..... Let's ask him difficult stuff*
Oh! What language did you use?
Him: yeah it works great, we don't get hacked sites anymore now!
Me: ah yeah but what language did you use?
Him: oh it's not about what language you use, it's about whether it works or not! My system works great!
Me: *yeah.....right.* oh yeah but I'd like to know so I can learn something. What techniques did you use?
Him: well obviously firewalls and shit. It's not about what techniques/technology you use, it's about whether it works or not!

That's the moment I was done with it and steered the convo another way.

You don't know shit about backend or security, cocksucker.

Every day.

I am a PHP developer.

Yeah, "another PHP is awful" rant... no, not really.

It's just unsuitable for some ambitious projects, just like Ruby and Python are.

First of all, DO NOT EVER use Laravel for large enterprise applications. The same goes for RoR, Django, and other ActiveRecord MVCs.

They are all neat frameworks for writing a todo app, as a better-than-wordpress flexible blogging solution, even as a custom webshop.

Beyond 50k daily users, Active Record becomes hell due to it's lazy fat querying habits. At more than a million users... *depressed sigh*.

PHP is also completely unsuitable for projects beyond 5M lines of code in my opinion. At more than 25M lines... *another depressed sigh*.

You can let your devs read Clean Code and books about architecture patterns, you can teach them about SOLID & DRY, you can write thousands of tests... it doesn't matter.

PHP is scaffolding, it's made of bamboo and rope. It's not brick or concrete. You can build quickly, but it only scales up to a certain point before it breaks in multiple places.

Eventually you run into patterns where even 100% test coverage still doesn't guarantee shit, because the real-life edge cases are just too complex and numerous.

When you're working on a multi-party invoicing system with adapters for various tax codes, or an availability/planning system working across timezones, or systems which implement geographical routefinding coupled to traffic, event & weather prediction...

PHP, Python, Ruby, etc are just missing types.

Every day I run into bugs which could have been prevented if you could use ADTs in a generic way in PHP. PHP7 has pretty good typehints, and they prevent a lot of messy behavior, but they aren't composable. There is no way to tell PHP "this method accepts a Collection of Users", or "this methods returns maybe either an Apple or a Pear, and I want to force the caller to handle both Apple/Pear and null".

Well, you could do that, but it requires a lot of custom classes and trickery, and you have to rewrite the same logic if you want to typehint a "Collection of Departments" instead of "Collection of Users" -- i.e., it's not composable.

Probably the biggest issue is that languages with a (mostly) structural type system (Haskell, Rust, even C#/JVM languages to some degree, etc) are much slower to develop in for the "startup" era of a project, so you grab a weak, quick prototyping language to get started.

Then, when you reach a more grown up phase, you wish you had a better type system at your disposal...

Me to wordpress "developer"

- No, you are not a developer, you just drag and drop shit in visual composer

That felt good

I have to let it out. It's been brewing for years now.

Why does MySQL still exist?

Really, WHY?!
It was lousy as hell 8 years ago, and since then it hasn't changed one bit. Why do people use it?

First off, it doesn't conform to standards, allowing you to aggregate without explicitly grouping, in which case you get god knows what type of shit in there, and then everybody asks why the numbers are so weird.

Second... it's $(CURRENT_YEAR) for fucks sake! This is the time of large data sets and complex requirements from those data sets. Just an hour through SO will show you dozens of poor people trying to do with MySQL what MySQL just can't do because it's stupid.

Recursion? 4 lines in any other large RDBMS, and tough luck in MySQL. So what next? Are you supposed to use Lemograph alongside MySQL just because you don't know that PostgreSQL is free and super fast?

Window functions to mix rows and do neat stuff? Naaah, who the hell needs that, right? Who needs to find the products ordered by the customer with the biggest order anyway? Oh you need that actually? Well you should write 3-4 queries, nest them in an incredibly fucked up way, summon a demon and feed it the first menstrual blood of your virgin daughter.

There used to be some excuses in the past "but but but, shared hosting only has MySQL". Which was wrong by the way. This was true only for big hosting names, and for people who didn't bother searching for alternatives. And now it's even better, since VPS and PaaS solutions are now available at prices lower than shared hosting, which give you better speed, performance and stability than shared hosting ever did.

"But but but Wordpress uses MySQL" - well then kill it! There are other platforms out there, that aren't just outrageously horrible on the inside and outside. Wordpress is crap, and work on it pays crap. Learn Laravel, Symfony, Zend, or even Drupal. You'll be able to create much more value than those shitty Wordpress sites that nobody ever visits or pay money on.

"But but but my client wants some static pages presented beside their online shop" - so why use Wordpress then? Static pages are static pages. Whip up a basic MVC set-up in literally any framework out there, avoid MySQL, include a basic ACL package for that framework, create a controller where you add a CKEditor to edit page content, and stick a nice template from themeforest for that page and be done with that shit! Save the mock-up for later use if you do that stuff often. Or if you're lazy to even do that, then take up Drupal.

But sure, this is going a bit over the scope. I actually don't care where you insert content for your few pages. It can be a JSON file for all I care. But if I catch you doing an e-commerce solution, or anything else than just text storage, on MySQL, I'll literally start re-assessing your ability to think rationally.

Client: We're gonna be hosting our site on [Overly popular shit host] via a shared hosting account.

Me: Well the performance isn't going to be stellar with WordPress on there, but if that's what you want, sure. I'll enable all the cache rules possible and make sure PHP 7 is running it, but there won't be any further optimizations I can do to make it faster with such limited hosting access.

[Next day after launching the website...]

Client: The website is super slow. I thought you were going to optimize it?

Me: That is the loading time with the optimizations I said I can apply. That host isn't great for performance unfortunately.

Client: Well you're going to need to find us a reputable host as a replacement, set up the account and move the website there so we aren't waiting forever for a page to load.

Me (in a reply via email):

This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.

I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.

I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.

The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.

They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.

Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.

I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.

Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.

Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.

I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.

Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.

I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.

And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?

"Do you have 2 factor auth for the database?"
a customer asked. I stared on the wall in front of me and suddenly fel and urge to punch and piss on something.
I took a deep breath while thinking to myself
*Oh boy, here we go. Another retard*
I put on my nice voice and asked:
"What you mean?"
The customer seems confused, as if my question did not make sense and he said:
"TWO FACTOR AUTHENTICATION! Dont you know what it is? To make the database more secure."

I was fucking right, this person reads to much shit. The fact that the email signature of that person said "Wordpress Developer" made me more angry.
I, still with the nice voice asked
"How would that work?"
"Two factor authentication when I am connecting to the database."
"So, do you want it by SMS then? You'll get alot of messages if it is going to send you one every time a query is made."
The following 7 seconds was dead silent until I heard the person hang up.

What an awful day :(

The server where I host my 4 clients websites crashed.

Unable to reboot from the console.

I contact the support. 15 minutes later: "we'll look at this"

No news for 1 week despite my messages.

Then... 1st ticket escalation... 2nd ticket escalation... 3rd ticket escalation...

Answer: "Sorry, your server is down and cannot be repaired."

Fuck.

I ask "is there any way to get my data back?". Answer: "No, because we would shutdown the whole bay and all our clients would be impacted".

Fuck.

I subscribe to another server, at another provider.

I look at my backups... shit, the last one is 4 month ago!!

I restore the first website: OK

I restore the second website: OK

I restore the third website: My new server is "too recent" and not compatible. with this old Wordpress. Fuck! I'll look at this later...

I restore the fourth website: database is empty!! What??? I look at the SQL backup for this site... it failed...

I lost ALL my 4th client data!!!

I'm sooooo piece of crap!

Real conversation:

dev 1: so what are you working on these days?

dev 2: some wordpress project.

dev1: hahaha. wordpress is shit. are you a real developer?

dev 2: have you ever used wordpress?

dev1: no.

dev2: okay.

My company needs a new Website.

ME: Boss, let me do it. It's just a simple static site with a few pages. **Dreaming about a fast and beautiful site**

BOSS: Your time is too valuable. Nobody is paying us for our website. The apprentice will do it.

Few weeks later... Wordpress page! Page loads in > 20sec. Over 150 request for css and js... It's fast on Mobile, because it just breaks and loads only half of the content.

So ashamed working in this Company. No sane customer will ever do business with us, when he sees this stackpile of shit.

When the PM knows their shit and rejects the clients request for Wordpress and says the site is not a freakin blog.

> *WordPress website gets down Error 500: Cannot establish Connection with database*

> Marketing loses their shit: "We need the website up and working right now"

> *Me being calm *: "Nope, we cannot it's the service provider error, there's nothing we can do"

> *MK.G*: "Alright then, switch to another ISP ASAP"

> *Me, Internal rage, a volcano erupts *: "Umm..so you want to spend more money on another hosting because this one has an outage of 48 hours?"

>*MK.G *: "Yes, because we cannot run Facebook ads, just because website is down"

>*Internal lmao*: "Alright, but by the time you purchase a new service provider and host, the website will be up and running plus since the database is down we cannot migrate"

>*MK.G*: "I don't care, just make it up and working"

>*Me chilling*: "Alright, give me few hours"

> after a few hours the website is working *me being badass even though I didn't do anything*

WordPress - 3k lines in functions.php

( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );

A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).

So I had a meeting with them.

First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
OH BOY!?

Well, imagine this:

- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)

- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical

- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent

- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS

- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)

- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.

- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?

After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.

Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.

Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.

I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.

"You claim you are a developer and don't know what firebase is? Pfft"

Words uttered by one of my classmates flexing on some 4th semester college inmates. I don't know what's more annoying his squeaky voice, the pretentiousness of using headphones as a necklace during class or that I was just like him when I was a freshman (minus the low hanging fruit flexing).

God fucking damn, I'm not even mad at his obnoxious pampered kid semblance, it's the irony of this enlightened fago falling into the god forsaken rat race. Why?

Because he hasn't been magnanimously disappointed by one of the most corrupt systems I've ever been witness of, yeah keep talking about firebase to the teacher who just nods pretending she knows what you are talking about.

I've had this same teacher before and your nice asynchronous ES6 express nosql solution will come last compared to all the WordPress templates she'll approve because they are pretty and all the time you invested, yeah, right into the crapper, seriously it would've been more satisfying to just masturbate everyday until Christmas break. I'm not pissed at him, annoyed by his semblance maybe, but I actually pitty him because the system will take a big shit on his face and he's just smiling.

Damn it, all these careers ruined by lazy ass professors who think leaving a shitload of diagrams as homework counts as teaching. And before any quirky brother interjects with "oh maybe your University is shit", "muh University verry gut u suk", you shut the fuck up! I know my university sucks even tho is "one of the best ones" by the corrupt media's standards, I'm here to vent about issues, real fucking issues happening in real corrupt systems, I'm taking about professors sexually abusing students, not going to classes, no centralized teaching systems, fucking chaos.

I'm happy for you if you feel good about the piece of paper you hang on your wall that certifies you as Bobby the guy who not only learned a shit load about computers, he also bent his ass so far for us and payed us so much money for it, it's funny he thinks himself as smart.

I know, I know, you went to an ivy league college, have a wonderful job and owe some money, good for you, some are not so lucky and I'll make sure those lazy asses who take advantage of the system lose their jobs.

I'm so sick of this shit we call "moodern educashion"

Last week, someone contacted me, he said he needed me to fix the existing code on a new WordPress website because the developer did a messy job, so I thought to myself, it can't be that bad, requested for the SSH access and got into the server.

Guys.

Guys..

Guys...

I was wrong, some people really know how to fuck shit up.

I don't want to go into details but there were legit more than 50 plugins installed and activated on the website for no good reason and all the pages took about 45 minutes each to render if not more, so you can literally request a new page, start making coffee and use the washing machine and if you are lucky to have spent 45 minutes, return to a fully loaded page.

For a new WordPress website, it seemed really old.

It was almost as if this developer had a line of code that looked like this:

@Import 'all the bad programming practices ever and the ones yet to be invented';

A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.

I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!

Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.

Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap

I have always thought that I am to dumb to become a dev, but after a few years doing sysadmin shit I have realized that even the most stupid, dumb and idiotic people can be a wordpress developer!

There is still hope for me

Motherfucking WordPress coupled with motherfucking sales people.

If you promise the client something, please fucking relay it via the correct process (i.e the fucking ticketing system that took me a month to write for the company - it's seriously just a click away on your desktop.). "I told your boss" is not a fucking apt excuse.

My boss forgets, and well, doesn't give a fuck about procedure either.

Now you phone my boss and he phones me, on a fucking Sunday evening, telling me that the client was promised a website by tomorrow morning at 10AM. You tell me this at fucking 9PM.

Why didn't you tell me earlier? How the fuck am I supposed to shit out something I would be proud of in a few hours? Nevermind me fucking up my sleeping routine; how the fuck?

Conversation went like this:
"xyz was promised this site by sales person fuckTwit, I need this live by Monday morning. I have sent you a few images. Make it in WordPress, client says they want a 'tangy looking theme'.

Me: it's a bit unrealistic requesting this, is there no way we can extend the time so I have time to create this?
Also, what do you mean by 'tangy'?

Boss: don't know. Make it happen. No excuses.

What the fuck is a tangy theme? When I become a webDev at the company? More importantly, fucking WordPress?!

Now I'm sitting on this shit, tired as a manatee in mating season, and using goddamn WordPress.

I have to halt my irritation, because I get severely irritated when I'm tired, I have to restrain myself from telling the involved parties tomorrow to install the FuckYourself WordPress plugin, coupled with a resignation letter.

Same sales person got me in shit a while ago, because I refused to give him access to the network to download fucking cartoons. Sales director went and moaned that his bitch (the sales person) needs this for a presentation. Yeah fucking right.
Go Snorkelling in a sewer truck you egotistic, megalomaniacal, indecent, outrageous, horrible motherfucker of a person.

Time to develop a fucking website with, oh, a company profile pamphlet.

Times like this I keep telling myself, "my time will come, my time will come".

Hello there, just couple of words about PHP. I've been develop on PHP more than 10 years, I've seen it all 3,4,5,{6},7. Yes PHP was not good in terms of engineering and patterns, but it was simple, it was the most simple language for web to start those days. It was simple as you put code into file, upload it via FTP and it works. No java servlets, no unix consoles, no nothing, just shared hosting account was enough to host site, or even application with database. As database everybody used to have mysql, again because its simple to start and easy to maintain. So PHP+MySQL became industry standard on Web during 00-2012, and continues in some way.
You can write HTML and logic inside single file, within php code, even more single file may content few pages, or even kind of framework. That simplicity and agility sticks everybody who wants to develop sites with PHP.
This is pretty much about why it is so popular.

Each good or wannabe PHP developer in an early days write its own framework or library (like in javascript this days because of nodejs)

Imagine that PHP has hadn't have package manager, developers used to have host packages on their own sites, then various packages catalog sites created, and then finally composer. A gazillions of php code had spread over internet, without any kind of dependency control. To include libraries to your projects you have to just write include, or require. Some developers do it better than others.

So what we have ? A lots of code, no repositories, zip archives with libraries, no dependency control.
Project that uses that kind of code are still alive even today, they are solid hose of cards, and unmaintainable of course.

And main question that I'm trying to answer is Why PHP is not good ?
- First is amount of legacy code which people copy and pasted into their project, spread it even more like a virus.
- Lack of industry standards at the beginning lead to a lots of bad practices among developers. PHP code usually smells.
open source php projects in early days was developed in same conditions so even in phpbb, phpnuke, wordpress, drupal used to have a lot of bad practices in their codebase. So php developers usually not study by another library, instead they write their own frameworks/libraries.
- "It works", - there are no strong business demands, on web development, again because lack of standards, and concerns.
This three things are basically same, they linked to each other and summarize of answer of why PHP have strong smells and everybody yelling against it.

Whats is with PHP nowadays ? Of course PHP today is more influenced by good practice of webdev. Composer, Zend, Laravel, Yii, Symphony and language it self became more adult so to say, but developers...

People who never tried anything except PHP are usually weaker in programming and ecosystem knowledge than people who tried something else, python, perl, ruby, c for instance.

Summary

PHP as any other programming language is a tool. Each tool has its own task. Consider this and your task requirements and PHP can be just good enough solution.
"PHP is shit" - usually you heard that from people who never write strong applications on PHP and haven't used any good tools like Symphony or Laravel.
Cheap developers, - the bigger community, the more chance to hire cheap developers, and more chance to get bad code. That can be applied on any other language.
PHP has professionals developers, usually they have not only php on scope.

That's all folks, this is very brief, I am not covering php usage early days in details, but this is good enough to understand the point.

Enjoy.

FUCK THE WORDPRESS ECOSYSTEM AND FUCK THE FUCKING ONE CLICK DEPLOYMENT LIES OH YES WITH WITH BITNAMI OFFERS YOU SHIT AND FUCK YOU FUCKK YOUUUU SERIOUSLY FUCK YOU MADE ME AN ANGRY AND SICK FUCK.

I hate Wordpress. I hate Wordpress. I hate Wordpress.

Wordpress can take a big shit on itself and crawl into a deep dark hole far away from all that is good.

Who even uses Wordpress? Bloggers? Come on, let’s be honest, they’re using more intuitive sites like weebly, wix, and square space. So WHAT is Wordpress for? I’ll tell you, it’s just to FUCKING TORTURE PEOPLE.

So, being the “techy guy” of the family, a relative contacts me asking for some help with their website because they need to install an SSL certificate but they don’t know how to. I tell them I’d gladly do it because, sure, they’re family and how long can it possibly take to install a certificate? I’ve done it before!

Well, I get to work and log into the sluggish Wordpress dashboard and try to use a plugin that would issue a LetsEncrypt certificate because they are free and just as good as any other SSL. But one plugin after the next I keep getting errors about how my hosting wouldn’t allow it.

So I contact GoDaddy (don’t get me fucking started) and ask them about the issue. The guy tells me it’s “policy” to only be able to use GoDaddy’s certificates. How much do they cost? Oh, how about $100 a year?! Fuck you.

I figured out the only way to escape this hell was to ask them to open an economy Linux hosting account with cPanel on GoDaddy (the site was formerly hosted on a “Managed Wordpress” account which is just bullshit for not wanting to give you any control over your own goddamn content). So now I have to deal with migrating the site.

GoDaddy representative tells me that it should only take 20 minutes for me to do this (I’ve already spent way too much time on this but whatever) so I go forward with the new account. I decide I should migrate the site by exporting a backup and manually placing everything on the new server. Doesn’t it end up taking an entire hour to back up a 200MB site because GoDaddy throttled the processing speed?!

So, it’s another hour later and I’ve installed all the databases and carried over all the files. At this point, I’m really at the end of my rope and can’t wait to install the certificate and be done with this fuckery.

I install the certificate and finally get ready to be on my way, but then I see it. A warning. A warning from my browser telling me the site is only partially secure. It turns out the certificate was properly installed but whoever initially made the site HARDCODED ALL THE LINKS to images, websites, and style sheets to be http instead of https.

I’m gonna explode.

I swear, I’m gonna fucking explode.

After a total of 5 hours of work, I finally get the site secure by using search and replace on every fucking file.

Wordpress can go suck a big one. Actually, Wordpress can go suck the largest fuckin one in existence and choke on it.

TL;DR I agree to install an SSL certificate but end up with much more work than I bargained.

I worked at a startup. They wanted to "save" money. So they hired a relative of "Fred" named "Bubba". Bubba made a custom website. Like hand built gifs and who knows how hand crafted html. It was fine for a time. Then somebody was wondering why nobody was calling us at the company. No customers. Another relative named "George" (who was actually a business major) looked at the website. It had been hacked and replaced with Jedis fighting Sith Lords. Me and another engineer named "Zeus" said "fuck this shit" and said "we are redoing this shit".

So I logged into godaddy (I know, shitty) and installed Wordpress (kinda shitty). I proceeded to turn wordpress into a half decent page. Wiped out the shit that was there, reused images as it made sense. Created more images. Reduced images to 80% quality to take loading size from 10MB to <1MB. Then I also proceeded to do SEO work and get the website listed properly within about a month. Customers started calling all the time. I had a simple contact form that barely gets any shit on it due to captcha. The was 5 years ago. I left 3 years ago (still help them on weekends) and nobody has done shit with the website. They are still getting calls and it hasn't been hacked.

We don't talk to Bubba. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing. I wonder if he still does websites for his relatives. I honestly had no clue what I was doing, but my take on the approach was easier to maintain and even George and Zeus and the new manager "Ralph" can maintain it, kinda. Went from shitty static website to full on dynamic and interactive. Yeah, I know, "dynamic". But the manager was happy.

Sometimes you just do what you gotta do in addition to doing all the electrical and software engineering for a company.

FUUUCK I HATE FUCKING WORDPRESS AND PHP!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

I didnt change anyfuckingthing and everything went to shit! FUCK! FUCK YOU FUCKING FUUUUUCK!

fuckpress.Pi
Yep, thata right. Fuck Wordpress Raspberry Pi. Thanks to my inability to interact with proton mail filtering I just made a script that checks for a new email and if it contains words "wordpress", "help", " hack", "build" and it is not from whitelisted contact, the email is moved to the Fuckpress folder and automatic reply is sent back that I AM NOT FUCKING DOING YOUR GAYPRESS FUCKING SHIT FOR YOUR 5$ CUNT.
rant over

*Opens some Computerphile video on YouTube in Chrome Canary*
CPU > hey ho dude, wait a minute..! I can't process all of this in realtime!!! >_<

Alright.. I think I've still got a copy of all their videos sitting somewhere in the file server.. perhaps I could use that instead.
*Opens said video from the file server in SMPlayer*
CPU > aah, thanks man. Now I can allocate 15-ish % of my resources to that and give you a good watching experience.

Web browsers are really great for being the most general-purpose document viewers, application execution environments (remote code execution engines as someone here called it), and overall be one of the most versatile programs on any PC's standard software suite.

But that comes at a price.. performance. And definitely when it comes to featureful fucking WordPress shitsites (shites?), bloated YouTube, Google, Facebook, and all that fucking garbage.. I fucking hate web browsers and this "Web 2.0" that people keep on talking about. Your boatload of JavaScript frameworks just to ease your own fucking development has a real impact when it happens on dozens of tabs, you know.

Besides, can't those framework creators just make it into a "compiler" * of sorts? So that front-end devs can flail their dicks in an shit-infested environment full of libraries and frameworks all they want, but the framework can convert it into plain JS code that the web server can then serve. Or better yet, the JavaScript standard could be improved to actually be usable on its own!

Look, I'm not a front-end dev. Heck, I'm not even a dev to begin with. But what I do know is that efficiency matters, especially at large scale. Web browsers being so overgeneralized and web devs adding a boatload of fucking libraries or frameworks or whatever, it adds up, both to the CPU's and my own temper.

(*) Quote marks because source code to source code isn't really compiling, but then uglified JS looks worse than machine code anyway so meh :/

WordPress related, get ready for some disgust.

So today early in the morning my boss forwarded me an email from a client, it was about a bug, and asked me if I can have a look at it and fix it.
"Yaay, WordPress!" I thought and opened the page containing the mentioned bug. She wrote that in the italian version of the page, users can select dates in the calendar, which should be disabled, like in the german version.

So yeah, I opened the code. Everything in the function looked perfect. Really. And the Data was also correctly set in the backend of WP.

The function was only 3 lines of code:

- Get the german post ID of the current post (german or italian) by its ID (using a Polylang function)

- Get an Advanced Custom Fields field by name and from a post with the ID from before

- json_encode its content and echo it to a JS var for initialization and later use in some AngularJS.

No fucking missing semicolon, it was fucking perfect like a sunset with your soulmate.

So I tried to find the bug with my personal way of debugging:

"Shitstream Debugging"
When a creek suddenly is full of water mixed with shit, walk upstream through the turds until you reach clear water. This is where the bug is.

=> So I first looked at the HTML source: Turds.
=> Then the ACF field content: Still turds.
=> Then the ID of the german post: Shit stain and turds (var_dump: null)
=> Please god at least $post->ID? Nope, fart smell and turds.
=> Nothing more to check: Clear fucking water and the flowery smell of 99 devVirgins

So it replaced $post->IT with get_the_ID() and it worked like a charm.

Afterwards I feel stupid, but $post->IT worked all the times before...

Conclusion:
FUCK YOU WORDPRESS YOU UGLY PIECE OF HUMAN-CENTIPEDE-PROCESSED-DOGFART.

Thanks for your patience.
Only one beer was sucked dry during the writing of this fucking rant.

few years back there was a corruption scandal in my country, serbia. one of the ministries paid around 25,000 euros for a website to a company that was founded few weeks before the open call. for comparrison sake average pay at the time was around 300 euros. the website it self didn t have any special features, just publishing contenet. wordpress would do the job. on a press confference, trying to defend the cost, spokesperson of the ministry said that the website was made in "cms programming language".

it community lost it! mems started immediatelly, "i am learning cms language so i could charge 25.000 per project". and then one guy got intrigued, found the login page, and typed:

username: admin
password: 12345

and got in!!!!
i kid you not!

he posted featured news on the homepage, saying hey guys your credentials probably shouldn t be admin/12345. twitter was on fire, everyone started loging in and posting shit.

and the crasiest part is that this guy was arrested and charged for cyber-crime!

God fucking dammit.

I got assigned to a WordPress project...

I AM NOT A WORDPRESS DEVELOPER!!!

Why do I have to deal with this giant pile of stinking shit?
I'm a php developer, I make applications, I don't write fucking wordpress plugins...
WHY DOES THIS EXIST, WHY DID WORDPRESS BECOME SUCCESSFUL WHY CAN'T I JUST DEV IN PIECE.

Dear wordpress developers,

Please suffocate on a big fat old cock.

Regards.

First company I worked for, built around 40 websites with Drupal 7...in only a year (don't know if it's a lot for today's standards, but I was one guy doing everything). Of course I didn't have the time to keep updating everything and I continually insisted to the boss that we need more people if we are going to expand. Of course he kept telling me to keep working harder and that I "got this". Well, after a year a couple of websites got defaced, you know the usual stuff if you've been around for some time. Felt pretty bad at the time, it was a similar feeling to having your car stolen or something.

Anyways, fast forward about 2 years, started working on another company, and well...this one was on another level. They had a total of around 40 websites, with about 10 of them being Joomla 1.5 installations (Dear Lord have mercy on my soul(the security vulnerabilities from these websites only, were greater than Spiderman's responsibilities)) and the others where WordPress websites, all that ON A SINGLE VPS, I mean, come on... Websites being defaced on the daily, pharma-hacks everywhere, server exploding from malware queing about 90k of spam emails on the outbox, server downtime for maintenance happening almost weekly, hosting company mailing me on the daily about the next malware detection adventure etc. Other than that, the guy that I was replacing, was not giving a single fuck. He was like, "dude it's all good here, everything works just fine and all you have to do is keep the clients happy and shit". Sometimes, I hate myself for being too caring and responsible back then.

I'm still having nightmares of that place. Both that office and that VPS.

I wrote a web crawler to find a few problems on my company's blog. I accidentally DOS'd the peice of shit with a single thread. Fuck WordPress.

Wordpress does not suck. If you know how to work it.

Past period I saw so many rants on WP. My rant is that it is not 100% WP fault. Yes there are seriously structural problems in WP but that does not mean you cannot create top-notch websites.

At my work we create those top-notch WP sites. Blazing fast and manageable. Seriously we got a customer request to make the site slower because it loaded pages to fast (ea; you hardly could see you switched pages).

- We ONLY use a strict set of plugins that we think are stable, useful.
- We have everything in composer (and our own Satis) for plugins.
- We use custom themes & classes. Our code is MVC with Twig.
- In our track history we have 0 hacked websites for the past 2 years.
- Everything runs stable 24/7
- We have OTAP (testing, acceptance & production environments)
- We patch really fast

These are sites going from $15k++ and we know our shit.

Don't hate on WP if you have no clue what you are doing yourself.

That is my rant.

Most of the people sending me work offers have something to do with wordpress.

Man iongiveafuck anymore. Some dude offers me $500 for something that would take me 5 hours to make again and I am gonna swallow my pride and code that shit in wordpress.

Money > your fucking disdain for frameworks/cms/lang/suckingdick/whatever.

Which also means thas that I have to get crzcking with coding in wordpress again since I don't remember much.

Wordpress is abolsute garbage trash. The devs who made the core appear to be drunk 24/7 when they wrote it and dont get me started with these fucking shit plugins asking you to GO PRO, GET THE PREMO VERSION, MOAR FEATURES!!!! Fuck this bullshit wordpress, masking itself as a "one size fits all" "Just add a plugin BrO" peices of shit, i hope this cancer stops, plugin devs think this is some place for their own personal billboard to advertise you dumb fucking products. Take a look at any plugin and look at the "Pro features" makes me want to die, peices of trash, fuck all of you

Classic Wordpress:

1. Find a problem
2. Throw 2 to 6 plugins on the problem.
3. Admit, that they don't fix the problem either.
4. Implement some crappy workaround yourself.

But: It could get worse. You could use Joomla as CMS. Same shit, but without the available mass of plugins.

I really hate fucking Wordpress!

I hate it's stupid API, with it's stupid hooks and actions and all those stupid functions and no fucking logic to any of it!

I hate it's stupid plugin system, with all that fucking overhead that brings no real value and adds all that complexity for nothing!

I hate stupid fucking multiple calls for the same fucking assets, loading them over and over again because every stupid plugin calls them again and again!

I hate motherfucking SHORTTAGS, or whatever the fuck they are called!

I hate that every stupid fucking plugin and shortcode and fucking every little fucking piece of HTML comes from a different fucking place, with different fucking structure and different fucking classes and stupid fucking loading seaquences that make no fucking sense!

And I hate fucking page builders !!!!!

Fuck!!!!

I should be fucking coding on this fucking peace of shit, but I just cannot fucking take it any more!!!

IT NEEDS TO FUCKING DIE!

It should be relegated to the darkest corners of the internet and all the servers that have it's fucking code anyware on their systems should be disconnected and buried in the deepest pits of hell, just to be sure it never, EVER, surfaces again!!!

AAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!

OMFG! Who’s bright fucking horrible stupid ass idea was it to mix Ajax with php (php deciding the ajax paths) with random js outputting HTML inside random fucking static divs found no where near the logical route of content.

Trying to add a simple fucking status to a gigantic cluster fuck of a legacy project is just FUCK.

If I could I would burn this bitch to the ground and start again I would, But no, it’s needed.

Someone kill me before I break the shit out of this thing, I would take a wordpress project right now instead.

LONG RANT ALERT, no TL;DR

* Writes an email to colleague about why I can't create a page on our CMS without at least a H1 title. She wants to me to put up an image with text on it (like a flyer), for multiple reasons, I say I need a textless image. *

30 minutes later:
* Casually plans a frontend optimization project, by looking at files on the CMS, in order to make further development easier and less time-taking*

*** EMAIL NOTIFICATION ***
* clicks *

"Hello, this is [Graphic designer] from the company who created the image with text on it. I do not understand why you can't put display:none on your <h1> tag. Also, being a web company, we are used to making themes and my solution of display:none will work. It's pityful to work on a design only to have it stripped out from most of its concept. If you can't do that, do tell me what resolution you need."

My first reaction:

"Dear [Graphic designer], I am managing our corporate identity, our backend and frontend codebase, I am a graphic designer myself, and am also SEO-aware. For at least 8 reasons (redacted, 'cuse too long), I will need an image without text. As told to my colleagues, I need a 72/96 DPI 16:9 ratio image, 1920x1080 is a good start but may be bigger. Also, looking at the image, it'll have to be in JPG, at 100% quality, exported for the web. Our database software will optimize the image by itself."

Reasons are about SEO issues, responsiveness issues, CMS tools issues, backend and frontend issues.

Instead, I sent following email "We can't. Image please."

I mean seriously. A bit of clarity for you:

In my company, nobody has the slightest idea what I do. They don't understand how a computer works (we all know it works by magic, right?). So of course, when one thinks what we don't know, we know it better than the one who knows, my colleague thought our CMS was like a word document, and began telling me how I should display her bible-length text-infected image, by using some inline css styling display:none.

I tell her "nope, because of my 8 reasons". She transmits that to the agency who's done the visual, now I have this [Graphic designer] not understanding that there are other CMSs than Wordpress on the web, and she tells me, me being one of the most aware on this CMS we have, how I should optimize my site?

Fucking shit, she connects on our CMS for 1 second and she'll get cancer since it's so bad. I'm in the process of planning a whole new rewrite so the website is well designed (currently I am modifying a base theme made by an incompetent designer). I know the system by heart and I know what you can, or can't do.

Now I just received an answer: "so it's only a pure technical problem". NO, OUR WEBSITE WAS CODED BY A CHIMPANZEE WHO THOUGHT WEB DEV WAS AS EASY AS WRITING "HELLO WORLD" ON A SHITTY CMS THAT FORCES DEV USERS TO USE A FUCKING CUM-WHITE-THEMED EDITOR TO EDIT THE WHOLE SITE!!!

I can't just sneeze and "oh look, it's working!"

update of after i got fired: after the fuck developers company llc was left with no developers, there was a girl there that i didn't mention earlier because as i said: the story is more complex. she came there with good intentions but after she knew the cruel nature of fuck and shit she became notoriously mad, we're still in contact with her so it's nice to hear from her some of the gags that happen there, one of which my really intelligent ex-boss the wordpress DEVELOPER himself told her to finish one of the projects i was working on, and a friend of mine who is infamous of his coding shenanigans left it in my hands before he left as well a couple of months prior (well he was fed up before us, and when i told him to stay with us he said "dude just listen to the motherfucker's voice, i can't do this anymore", my lovely ex-boss has this equally lovely screechy high pitched voice that caused me tinnitus), it's an asp.net project, uses web forms, and a lot of apis, the database is sql server, standard shit but there's no original creation script and i fucked up the only existing database which was in a local computer he used to like calling a SERVER, now to the point: this girl is not a developer, she was however working as a reporter?? kind of like jaspersoft the human or sap crystal woman and she claims that she's pretty good at it, and she's a genuinely good person who was dragged to hell just because she wanted to be close to her daddy (she was working in a different city with more than double the salary she's given now), but she's rich and her dada convinced her to come. she's currently learning java ee on her own so she'd probably leave in the next two months, in her resume she wrote that she know php, well i know php you know php we all know php (the syntax) kind of like mr. shit who passed the sololearn php CERTIFICATE and couldn't stop telling his boss and his boss a.k.a my ex-boss goes "sweet!". going back to the punchline of this rant: she told us that he came to her and asked her to finish the project with php.

"There needs to be a Home option on the side menu, people won't know to click on the company logo in the top left."

What sort of fucking moron doesn't know that?

"The website is slower to click around than I'd expect."

No shit. Do you remember the part where you said we had to build it in WordPress?

"Crafted the wordpress way"

You mean, a huge pile of stinking shit?

I'm really tired of hearing "hey isn't there a plugin for that"?

Idiot that's the reason your fucking WordPress site has 78 plugins and it runs like shit

I'll admit - I come from a WordPress background of almost 9 years in the making. I guess I can justify it because of all of the sites I created using it, it was the best that it could be on WP. Fast, efficient, custom - none of that off-the-shelf themeforest crap. I created everything custom. I actually knew what was going on behind the scenes of WP.

And then a buddy of mine and I had an idea for a new company/software project. I was smart enough to know that WP was not the foundation for this, so I did some NodeJS/Express tutorials. Started learning React, and really getting into the Javascript world.

And now I'm wondering WHY IN THE ABSOLUTE FUCK I ever bothered trying to become an expert in WP. It's the largest use of PHP in the fucking world and it doesn't even have native composer support. And by the time you actually get your project set up using composer you have to add a fucking mirror of the wordpress.org plugin repo to get anything to work. It's 2018 and you'd think that WP and composer would have all of this shit figured out by now.

And don't get me started on git - as soon as you have more than 1 person working on a WP site, I hope you have hourly backups of your DB because someones work will get overwritten. So you all either need to work on the same staging area of work around each other by pushing/pulling the DB and schedule your workflows.

I guess WP CLI and the REST API are a step in the right direction, but the foundation of everything is just so fucked up.

I don't feel like I've wasted my web dev career, but I definitely wish I had started down this path a lot earlier. I guess you don't know what you don't know. Thanks for reading!

I maintain two WooCommerce plugins on wordpress.org. Yesterday I had to update one plugin and let me tell you one thing.

SVN sucks.

The motherfucking piece of shit is slow and suck ass. My Dad uses git, WordPress why don't you move on. Please for god sack, Move to git.

"Don't you like the new site? (:"
I mean yeah, it's an upgrade from what was done in 2011 with 2007 recycled code.
But now the first access takes almost 10 seconds.
10
seconds.
Was fucking WordPress necessary?
We went from a hotel booking PHP template to a blogging template.
60+ freaking Mb of shit, not just content but *shit*. (from the admin panel, only 3 of the 10+ sections are needed)
At least they won't bother me now about the main page frontend.
Oh wait, they do. So I had to learn how to hack the theme header behaviour because of course, cute boy WordPress couldn't care less on how the header behaves. I see more hacks incoming of fucking course.

Man I fucking hate WordPress.

Fucking working with wordpress, wocommerce, ftp, and other pure shit fuck things

The previous manager bought an expensive enterprise level cms with 0 support and documentacion for doing shit, for which the only ninja that knows how to operate it is our cms admin.

And I saw this person posting shit on her instagram about loving wordpress.

Wish your ass would've known about it before you got us this 58k pos system...

Say whatever the fuck you want about wordpress, yeh its fucky, but not fucky AND expensive........

I provide hosting for my clients. About 3 months ago I discovered that the hosting company that I'd been using had been swallowed up by EIG, which explained why the tech support had gone downhill.

So, I jumped to another hosting company. Same shit different company!

Apparently the fact that my browsers sit at "connecting" for up to 30 seconds, and I get a "could not connect to" message half the time while I'm trying to fucking work on a deadline is the fault of some plug-in in a WordPress installation!

Oh yeah? Why then does this shit happen when I'm working on a pure html/css site?
Why then did it start happening after they "updated" my shared server?!

Oh, but the bastards suggest that I buy Cloudflare or pay for more space!

You fuckers made my work take 3 times as long, and you made an important migration fail!

Network places make mistakes. We all do. That's cool. Fucking own up to it, talk to me like a techie, and DON'T TRY TO BLAME IT ON ME OR MY TOOLS!

Fuck you! I think I'm gonna give Google Cloud a try, and do this shit myself!

I might be fucked up, but I have a tendency to gravitate towards the shit that everyone else dislikes for the sake of knowing if their bias against is actually because shit is truly fucked up or if shit is legit plain WRONG.

From all technologies that I have worked with professionally I can count:

Java(currently in the form of old JSP services for an "enterprise level application")

Java for Android development - i was the lead engineer for a mobile project

Swift with IOS dev, same gig as the above.

C++ for Android development in the form of OpenCV with Java as well.

Javascript in all possible forms, basic input validation, ajax services, jquery datatables, jquery animations and builders.

Css/sass heavily

Clojure for an ldap active directory application

Python for glue scripts

Classic ASP with JScript and VBScript

VB Net forms

C# For ASP.NET MVC

Bootstrap for multiple intranet frontends

Node+Express for a logistics warehouse management tool

Ruby on Rails freelancing small gigs

Php in all ways possible from complete standalone php apps to Laravel and just php+composer apps aaaaall the way to wordpress

Django consulting

I have found that the one that I dislike the most is wordpress. And the one that I like working with the most is Node. Don't know why, i just do really fucking like messing around with Javascript, the language has changed a fuckload throughout the years and continues to increase and change. It was my first scripting language following a stint in me trying to learn cpp way when i was starting and royally FAILING

Never really got the hate for it, even when I used JScript with classic ASP i just enjoy working with Javascript a lil too much. And from all the above mentioned stacks safe from Php is the one, or one of the ones in which i don't royally suck :V

Send over the entire directory for a WordPress site we completely overhauled with new plugins, custom theme, redid content with visual composer, etc. I tell him to backup his site and then put everything I give you as fresh. He tells me he can't just wipe out his entire site that's unacceptable. I ask him what's the problem? he rambles on and says a lot of words that don't really mean anything then says security. so I call him out on it, what security issues do you have? well we have users and permissions setup he says. I explain That I copied his users table over when we did the redesign, so it's the exact same stuff. so I say again, why can't we just replace everything? well that's just not acceptable he says. I ask him again, what EXACTLY is your problem with replacing the site since I already addressed your security concern. he couldn't answer me so now we have another conference call tomorrow morning with more people from their team. I'll let you know how it goes.

tldr; clients are idiots, call them out for the dumb shit they say and have no response.

A few days ago, the Senior Director of our department came over to the dev team and asked the senior developers to gather around, and she informed us that a competitor was talking shit about our company's websites on Twitter, and she asked us to tear the competitor's site apart and find everything wrong with it from a technical standpoint so she could retaliate. We ripped the competitor's site apart and found that they were using a stock WordPress template that they purchased for $50. And here they were talking shit about OUR websites!

She took our findings and reached out to the competitor, politely suggesting that they take can their stock WordPress site and shove it.

They promptly deleted their Twitter post.

The fact that I have to convert a 90s-ish design into a WordPress theme despite the boss trying to convince our client that WP's shit and we should do it in something else doesn't tilt me as much as it should.

But what DOES tilt me and piss me off is the fact that the shitheads told us to 'make the design better', and so I tried; I made one of their graphics responsive by only designing it with CSS (and for once, I even made it work right) because they wanted a mobile-friendly version but failed to supply a mobile-version PSD so I had to improvise and they had the balls to tell my boss that they're 'disappointed that we failed to follow the guidelines'.

Did you bitchsicles even bother to hire a proper fucking designer who would know how to fucking design a PSD to convert into HTML? There's no fucking grid, the design's all over the fucking place like your mother after a Viagra-fueled Friday night bukakke party at an old home and the colors are an eyesore like your own fucking selves if you ever bothered looking in the fucking mirror. Fuck you all to hell.

I had spent the last year working on a online store power by woocommerce with over 100k products from various suppliers. This online store utilized a custom API that would take the various formats that suppliers offer their inventory in and made them consistent. Now everything was going swimmingly initially, but then I began adding more and more products using a plug-in called WP all import. I reached around 100k products and the site would take up to an entire minute to load sometimes timing out. I got desperate so I installed several caching plugins, but to no avail this did not help me. The site was originally only supposed to take three to four months but ended up taking an entire year. Then, just yesterday I found out what went wrong and why this woocommerce website with all of these optimizations was still taking anywhere from 60 to 90 seconds to load, or just timing out entirely. I had initially thought that I needed a beefier server so I moved it to a high CPU digitalocean VM. While this did help a little bit, the site was still very slow and now I had very high CPU usage RAM usage and high disk IO. I was seriously stumped the Apache process was using a high amount of CPU and IO along with MYSQL as well. It wasn't until I started digging deeper into the database that I actually found out what the issue was. As I was loading the site I would run 'show process list' in the SQL terminal, I began to notice a very significant load time for one of the tables, so I went to go and check it out. What I did was I ran a select all query on that particular table just to see how full it was and SQL returned a error saying that I had exceeded the maximum packet size. So I was like okay what the fuck...
So I exited my SQL and re-entered it this time with a higher packet size. I ran a query that would count how many rows were in this particular table and the number came out to being in the millions. I was surprised, and what's worse is that this table belong to a plugin that I had attempted to use early in the development process to cache the site. The plugin was deactivated but apparently it had left PHP files within the wp content directory outside of the actual plugin directory, so it's still executing scripts even though the plugin itself was disabled. Basically every time I would change anything on the site, it would recache the whole thing, and it didn't delete any old records. So 100k+ products caching on saves with no garbage collection... You do the math, it's gonna be a heavy ass database. Not only that but it was serialized data, so when it did pull this metric shit ton of spaghetti from the database, PHP then had to deserialize it. Hence the high ass CPU load. I had caching enabled on the MySQL end of things so that ate the ram. I was really desperate to get this thing running.
Honest to God the main reason why this website took so long was because the load times made it miserable to work on. I just thought that the hardware that I had the site on was inadequate. I had initially started the development on a small Linux VM which apparently wasn't enough, which is why I moved it to digitalocean which also seemed to not be enough, so from there I moved to a dedicated server which still didn't seem to be enough. I was probably a few more 60-second wait times or timeouts from recommending a server cluster to my client who I know would not be willing to purchase it. The client who I promised this site to have completed in 3 months and has waited a year. Seriously, I would tell people the struggles that I would go through with this particular site and they would just tell me to just drop the site; just take the money, just take the loss. I refused to, this was really the only thing that was kicking my ass. I present myself as this high-and-mighty developer like I'm just really good at what I do but then I have this WordPress site that's just beating the shit out of me for a year. It was a very big learning experience and it was also very humbling as well, it made me realize that I really don't know as much as I think I might. It was evidence that there is still so much more to learn out there, I did learn a lot from that experience especially about optimizing websites the different types of methods to do that particular lonely on the server side and I'll be able to utilize this knowledge in the future.
I guess the moral of the story is, never really give up. Ultimately things might get so bad that you're running on hopes and dreams. Those experiences are generally the most humbling. Now I can finally present the site that I am basically a year late on to the client who will be so happy that I did not give up on the project entirely. I'll have experienced this feeling of pure euphoria, and help the small business significantly grow their revenue. Helping others is very fulfilling for me, even at my own expense.

Anyways, gonna stop ranting. Running out of characters. If you're still here... Ty for reading :')

I'm in deep shit, barely managing myself,
> Fuck Domain resellers who don't know their job (that's not you Jase)
> Fuck GoDaddy
> Fuck cPanel
> Fuck WordPress

That concludes, a friend called in a favor to host a WordPress blog with our hosting and domain from re-seller

and fuck that re-seller with cactus in the ass, for being a hack and saying it is not possible to transfer the domain to my hosting account.

It wasn't me in the interview and it wasn't really an interview at all but here we go. I worked for a pretty shit company this past summer as a paid internship and while I was there they fired a Dev because he complained about how he didn't get a BMW i8 and they had to hire new help. So instead of doing a regular interview what they did was call people in and just have them work. Like no joke from 7-4pm they just did the job the didn't get yet. They also expected them to know how to work in there system. It was a WordPress development company and they had custom plugins and themes that they just expected people to know.

Also they said they would pay them for their work but I don't think they did, there were maybe 8 different people over a week who probably just worked for free.

No one will understand me but you Devs.
I am a self taught developer who works in a digital marketing agency, when I was learning to code I wanted that the code I will produce will help people and make me happy, the only job i got is in digital marketing agency, because no one in my country will recrute a self taught bald ugly mid thirty fucker, then want them young and fresh, anyway, I proved that I can handle the job, so that I became the only dev in the agency.
the problem is that I reached a that checkpoint where I have to choose a path:
- I learned Node and React but I can't use them in my agency
- I work with wordpress and prestashop but I don't code, I use fucking theme forest templates

the only way to work with MERN is through remote, but I am not a senior yet, I only have to keep learning PHP but I can't advance in my current job since the projects don't require coding, and I feel that my agency will close the dev department because they put me in the designers office.

I don't want to reach 40 with nothing in my portfolio but shitty theme forest template rape, the stress from my current situation is killing me, I can't even start working on my portfolio website and blog because I can't think straight, my mind jump from "today I will build an api" to "no I need to build a custom wordpress theme" each 3 minutes, I don't sleep, the futur is dark, I am afraid that if I focus on wordpress and shit I will miss working in interesting projects, and if I focus on MERN I will never gain experience localy to become a full remote later.

many will agree with me that PHP is shitty but gets the work done, and I hate PHP because of prestashop, and we only live once, the only other job I found require wordpress and fucking prestashop, imagine living a live doing something you don't like, then die regretting every decision you make.

I might sound crazy for you, but I don't have many friends and I am an introvert working with designers and community managers ... so this is the only place I can write what I want.

if you reached here, I thank you for your time

WHAT THE FUCK!!

For a freelance job I searched for a JS function in the HTML document of a Wordpress site that was given to me.

Found it and wanted to get started on the project, but there was something odd about this website (besides it's a Wordpress site). The scrollbar was fucking small and when I scrolled down, all I saw was breaks. An almost endless number of breaks.

Then suddenly There was a line of HTML!! And then another 126 breaks.. :/
(Yeah that's right, I calculated the number of breaks between every line of HTML). This document has 75732 lines of shit.

The whole fucking website loaded in over 20 seconds!! What the fuck is that?!?! The document itself is 258 kB!!

But whatever, I get paid.

If your client doesn't know what the fuck he wants to see on his website even with all text and images included - don't take this fucking job.

They will let you choose a template and you end up switching it 5 times. "Oh we don't like it. What else do you have? Oh, this looks better." Next day "We don't like this theme anymore. We want to switch to what we had before."

If people can't draw their home page on a paper I tell them go fuck yourself straight in a face. I always put these people on my reference list so my future clients know I'm straightforward, not lazy, not low skilled, but honest with dumbasses like some of my previous clients.

You are asking for a basic website with 5 pages, you have a shitty budget and then I have to customize the entire theme and tweak every fucking possible element in CSS, HTML and PHP. Go fuck yourself. All you get for your money is WordPress with 15 min consultation how to copy paste your shit and save it. Never do fixed budgets, never work on projects like this if it's under $500-1000. Meet with the client to understand him/her better and see if he is a jackass-perfectionist or a chill person who won't be picky.

That's my memories of being a freelancer, trying to get any job for any budget just to build my portfolio. Never going back to this, at least not for small businesses with less than $5,000 budget. Reading people before you start working with them is a good thing.

I am of the firm belief that a function should always return just one type.

I think it's the most convoluted thing that a function should be allowed to return any kind of type.

I've seen shit like return a string when something is valid and then a boolean if it's not valid.

To me, that kind of flexibility has some funky code smell.

I'm looking at you WordPress 🤨

Warning: w-rated for "wordpress", s-rated for "stupidity"

Yesterday in the morning I receive an E-Mail from a designer guy that we should update a plugin in a client's WP because their visual composer in the backend doesn't seem to work anymore.
My boss confirms the task. I'm fucked.
The anger in me rises.

So I try the Wordpress login, it works. I create a backup with Duplicator and run it locally. 2 hours later I found a solution so I want to upload the files to Abominationpress.
BUT THE FUCKING FTP LOGIN DOES NOT WORK...
I write him back asking for the correct login data. 24 hours later he writes me back the exact same username and password.
THANK YOU YOU LOBOTOMIZED BRAIN-AMPUTATED IDIOT.
It already gave me cancerherpes when he mentioned WP, but this shit is just fucking too much.
Now waiting for the response.

Half a year ago, I got fired in my job. The reason was the same always bullshit; we have very little clients, economy nowadays is terribly bad, our priorities are different now than when we hired you, etc.
The last week I spent there, I heard something about my poor performance and programming skills, and that pissed me off a lot. For six months I worked on a laravel web app for managing customers, tasks and invoices, a fucking CRM, but made specifically for that company just because they didn't know sugar, odoo, prime or whatever.
Parallel to the crappy CRM, I was told to patch some PrestaShop, WordPress and plain sites, and it was hard to communicate with customers, management ignored every email I sent, and all I was told to do was "do as they say".
The result was shit, obviously, and my work showed much less skill, knowledge and expertise than I really have.
After that, I spent a few months unemployed, studying and working as a waiter just to survive, because my contract didn't comply with unemployment office requirements for a pay.
Then I got this job, on an analytics company where guess what, I'm told to write a fucking laravel web app for managing customers, invoices and tasks. In the meantime, I design websites, and communication with customers is shit, and management ignores every single mail I send.
My salary is eight hundred putos euros again, and will contract is wet shit.
I know, maybe I am "not that good" to earn a 3000€+ salary and have a good team support.
But I'm not */that/* bad.

Wordpress.

Dogshit.

That is all. Thank you for listening.

Oh for fucks sake, I only agreed to fix one fucking problem in your shit hole of a wordpress hell, not everything your sorry excuse of a "wordpress expert" fucked up.

We need time travel asap!

Ha ha just this happened, One young man is building some shit on Wordpress with bunch of free plugins. And he said i'm a good dev. And he's login page load speed is 47 seconds.

Sales was about to close what I thought was supposed to be a basic WordPress project with a pretty steep delivery time (two weeks). I thought to myself: "well, ok. It's going to be rough for us to fit it into our existing schedule, but I guess the budget (unusually high) compensates." After I say OK, I find out that they were actually about to sign a FE application that takes data from various document management applications. I lost my shit. I hope there's a special place in hell for sales reps that don't get the specs before accepting projects.

I've no idea what is wrong with wordpress developers.
Their code was probably written with their asses.
Even the wordpress API is a big shit with very beautiful function names like "the_content".

How a Wordpress site should NOT look

As much as we like being elitists for a lot of shit:

I can either set a client with their own admin interface for authoring their content on their sites, spend hours configuring the shit they need and then spend more time setting up everything for a lot of additional shit.

Or

I can set them up with the newer versions of wordpress, call it a day and still charge for maintenance or adding pages to their shit and charge as if i was coding and preparing everything from scratch even though i would tell them It really is no problem charging billed hours for something that takes me minutes.

I dunno about y'all, but I ain't about to neckbeard over shit. I severely believe the hate to be displaced in current iterations of the cms.

I'm fucking tired of having to explain to boomers why scrolling on the web isn't a problem anymore and why you shouldn't just shove every pixel of content above the fold. And people seem to really hate whitespace on web pages.

I am NOT going to fill up every fucking pixel on your screen with stuff just because you are too lazy to put your finger on your mouse wheel. Don't know why people just get a fucking WordPress site because they clearly don't listen to expertise from a professional with 10 years' web dev experience. I learned this shit so you don't have to, boomer!

fuck it, I'm gonna send them NNGroup research on this.

!shortRant

You all complaining about shit code from coworkers and about fucking WordPress. Looks different, but know what? Answer is the same.
Money.
Let me explain.
For example, you were born in USA. You can choose any profession, and if you became pro - you will be payed great. Looks nice, isn't it?
But if you were born in Russia, India, somewhere in Africa, whatever, you can be businessman, coder or you can suck a dick to the end of you life.
Not that great, yeah?
You are looking around and see great people with their own dreams and talents. But then you ask them "to which faculty are you going?" Answer is obvious. And that's how shitcoders are born.
And yeah, about WordPress. I'm mobile developer, I just can't understand how awful it is (or not, idunno). The only thing I know - if I were PHP developer, I could earn twice more than now. But why I didn't choose that way? Because I REALLY LOVE MY WORK. Everyday is good, I'm working at weekends often, because I want.
So please, shut up. You could never work with WordPress, but you motherfucker CHOOSE IT. You could switch to node, go, Java. Why the flying fuck you didn't? Oh yeah, MONEY. So please, shut up.

Devrant isn't for crying girls complaining about shit they did themselves. (No sexism, just metaphor, sorry girls)

As I am working with WordPress for the really first time I am making horrible experiences now.

My client wants a simple submenu on the sidebar if the user is logged in else he want the login form to be there. Easy peezy done with php and just good old plain html. Maybe some JavaScript to make the login process asynchronous.
But fucking bitch - NO. As I found out after searching and digging. I have to create a menu in wp-admin first. Then add a menu-widget to the sidebar. And then install a plug-in to make the links only visible for logged in user. Wtf?

WordPress takes all the joy in doing web development for me. I won't do that anymore. I will force all new clients to use proper tools to make their shit work for them. And as I am the expert in this things I am the one who suggests the right tool.

Fuck this shit.

Saturday night coding to make a deadline for a Wordpress website that needs to launch on monday...

I hate Wordpress!!!! Did I ever mention it?

Ok, now back to work!

So, in my company we where initially about 20 programmers doing two big projects.

The client (who also is the owner of the company) keep asking more and more and more things. Each 3 months we update the site but the client doesn't start the marketing or anything else, so the app don't have any users.

After two years of development, 26 micro services, one big web platform in Python (web2py, bad decision) and a hybrid mobile app the client decide to shut down the project because it was "a little bit illegal".

The second project have the same problems, but this project does have marketing, the shitty part is after two year and a lot of development now the project isn't viable because the market is gone.

The boss calls, says he have some problems and he will fire 18 persons and reduce the payment of the rest, he ask us to "hold" for the good times.

The great idea he had for earn money is rewriting a WordPress app that have 4 years in production to angular (because he, who knows why, thinks angular is the best shit out there)

I want to quit but even with the reduced payment I know he pays way more than the market average, plus I'm still student.

So last night a friend randomly found a raw not-yet-installed WordPress instance on a public domain that he found on a Facebook site (it was already linked for I don't know how long, but just not installed).

He told me about it and, being the guy I am, I signed up an account on some free MySQL hosting website, set up a database and used it for that WordPress site.

I then left a kind little note on the front page for the admin telling him that I just saved his ass since others could've done the same but posted racist shit or something and, also, told him not to use WordPress.

Even though I had no bad intentions, I used proxies and VPN connectsions because you never know how these people might react.

Hopefully they'll learn from it 😇

Keep this in mind: I don't like WordPress and PHP at all!!!
So a couple of days ago my boss asked me if I could extend a custom made WordPress plugin made by our intern. First thought: sure why not? Boss says: it has to be done in less than 100 hours of work (an estimate done by my boss and the intern). Me: I can't tell you that before I have seen the code and what functionality has to be in the extension. Boss: Cool, look it over this weekend and tell me if you want to do it or not.
I looked it through and my answer will probably be: NO WHERE IN HELL am I gonna are this in less that 100 hours! 1. no tests has been performed so I have absolutely no clue if his code works.
2. variable names are mostly: $string_query (whatever that means?), $result, $string_temp and so on.
3. Methods and functions are more than 250 lines long, with shitty formatting, and more comments than code. WTF?
4. The estimate has been made by an intern and my boss (doesn't know much about programming). I haven't been consulted about it....
5. No version control. No branches, no commits other than initial commit. Great.
6. Most comments in the code just tells me what I can read from the code. What it returns and what it takes as params. Can I please know wtf your method call named $booking->run () does? I still haven't found this method in the code after 1 hour of intensively looking for it...

FFS man... Not gonna do this, even though I thought it would have been an interesting project initially.

Sorry for the long rant... I just wish the intern would have consulted me about all this shit, since he obviously have bad practices. *sigh*

Of course the shouting episodes all happened during the era I was doing WordPress dev.

So we were a team of consultants working on this elephant-traffic website. There were a couple of systems for managing content on a more modular level, the "best" being one dubbed MF, a spaghettified monstrosity that the 2 people who joined before me had developed.

We were about to launch that shit into production, so I was watching their AWS account, being the only dev who had operational experience (and not afraid to wipe out that macos piece of shit and dev on a real os).

Anyhow, we enable the thing, and the average number of queries per page load instantly jumps from ~30 (even vanilla WP is horrible) to 1000+. Instances are overloaded and the ASG group goes up from 4 to 22. That just moves the problem elsewhere as now the database server is overwhelmed.

Me: we have to enable database caching for this thing *NOW*

Shitty authors of the monstrosity (SAM): no, our code cannot be responsible for that, it's the platform that can't handle the transition.

Me: we literally flipped a single switch here and look at the jump in all these graphs.

SAM: nono, it's fine, just add more instances

Me: ARE YOU FUCKIN SERIOUS?
Me: - goes and enables database caching without any approvals to do so, explaining to mgmt. that failure to do so would impair business revenue due to huge loading times, so they have to live with some data staleness -

SAM: Noooo, we'll show you it's not our code.
SAM: - pushes a new release of the monstrosity that makes DB queries go above 2k / page load -

...

Tho on the bright side, from that point on I focused exclusively on performance, was building a nice fragment caching framework which made the site fly regardless of what shitty code was powering it, tuned the stack to no end and learned a ton of stuff in the process which allowed me to graduate from the tar pit of WP development.

Well just blew up a coding interview.

Got an offer to be a Drupal dev and was expecting questions on Drupal API and module dev but got asked how to find the closest Enemy in an array and blah blah blah.

Interesting question but man. My mind got blank and got nervous. It's been a while since I've done a question like that and I've been coding for 10+ years.

I would've love to solve that in another language such as Python or C++ but got stuck on PHP because it was a Drupal position. But I only use PHP for Drupal modules and templates who are highly dependant on Drupal API. Or even WordPress plugins. But I try to avoid WordPress because is shit.

Guess the job market hasn't changed since I graduated back in 2014. So I feel a little bummed down. But I guess I'll just have to practice those type of problems as well. At least the problem solving method.

At least it will be an excuse to do those leetcode problems.

No way!!! a theme update messed up all my work in a WordPress plugin, I need a way to inherit a theme plugin and edit it using a child plugin, but no, WordPress is completely a piece of shit!!

ps: Grammarly says this rant sounds optimistic.

Question: What do you mean that you have a bachelor in computer science from college? What do you mean college?
Answer by me: Are you fucking stupid or something???? Give a fucking code test and I will saw you what college means... Little piece of shit!!!! And next time when you are searching for PHP developer do not ask for site development with WordPress experience you fucking noob!!!!

Wordpress and CSS...
REEEEEEE
God i’m pissed at this shit!!
Don’t even get me started on responsive design
When you have to override 48297 rules just to change a fucking text color
FUCK !important
YOUR !important
CSS !important

fuck wordpress... Got a request to improve wordpress site speed + pagespeed score. 20-30 plugins, 15 or more additional ones off. Improved the score and noticed that my adblocker is blocking a lot of urls. Sure enough theres a hidden iframe in the bottom with 10 ad network scripts and bidding get requests. Someone is making ad revenue from this shit.. wtf. I've only had problems with shitty wordpress sites being hacked for some reason. It's always a shitty experience. Any tips on fixing hacked wordpress sites?

FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS
FUCK WORDPRESS

Who the fuck thought "Oh lets put all caches in the options table". This is so incredible dumb. The options table has nearly 8GB and is just unusable. The query for the "real options" takes about 3s. To export this fucking shit I had to block the prod server for 20 minutes to get a db dump. I want to womit in the mouth of the fucking idiot who did this.

Why is almost every Wordpress Theme company I know just a bunch of wrecked mushroom addict assholes! Please for gods sake just get your damn documentation right and stop sticking your heads into your colleagues asses when someone is asking for support.

The next time you receive 49 bucks for nothing you dipshit think of me how I stick my fist into your ass!

Fucking morons!

I once thought that developing on WordPress was cool and easy. Now I see that it's a total abomination.

No more WordPress job for me. I'm gtfo.

FUCK YOU WORDPRESS wtffff with that shit , i can't use multisite if running in 8081 port ?, fuck you! your """ cli """, your media folder with that month and year stupid subfolders, your plugins and your fucking unit test running on a complete WP instance. GO FUCK YOURSELF! stop with that shit and remake all that shit.

A client wants me to build his website. He want a WordPress one, with a tool named Elementor to let him build stuff and upgrade the website by his own.

Seriously, Wtf is this shit !? That's a pure nightmare to work with !

The client wants the booking project to be all in JS Framework (not specifying any) and NO PHP since client hates PHP (and I don't know why) from the very beginning when the only dev was my former front-end partner (lead dev).
I was wondering why the client still continued the project, YET the file extensions were still on PHP. I asked the lead dev what happened and answered he didn't know know how to start migrating to JS framework and just started NATIVE PHP.
Still, as being a good dev and a supporter to lead dev, did accept and the project as lead dev's assistant. Fixed bugs, enhancement and responsive (DEMMIT, I FREAKING HATE RESPONSIVE) and later complained why am I doing front-end tasks, when it's not my task, supposedly. I EXPECTED MORE ON BACK-END TASKS!

(HERE'S THE EPIC ADVISE GOES AND CALLED OURSELVES MASTER)

Me: Master, why did you not started the project in JS Framework instead of native php?
Lead Dev : You know what master, this project has been already done if the client allows US to use WordPress for this project will still be migrated to JS. And now, WE are trapped to make every window size be responsive since there are already a standard for each window screen.
Me: (DO NOT INCLUDE ME IN YOUR FUCKING SORCERY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID THERE AND WHY D'YOU ACCEPT THIS PROJECT, SLAVE, WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DO IT, IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOP BEING A DICKHEAD AND DO NOT WASTE CLIENT'S MONEY AND EFFORT FOR YOUR USELESS BUNCH OF SHIT!) Indeed, responsive is a such a pain in the arse.
Lead Dev: Maybe, let's just finish our tasks first and wait the project to be migrated to JS.

P.S. The project manager and client asked me if I do know how to migrate the project from native PHP to JS framework and sabotaged lead dev. OFCOURSE, YES! But, I did not respond that quickly, unless eerm, you know, I earn greater than lead dev. Truth be told and practically speaking, it's really unfair for me if I accept the back-job when the lead dev delivers inaccurate deliverables and earned greater than me. No way, Jose!

Now, I am not working with him because I'm super done with him and later did I know, lead dev is looking for Drupal dev to be working for the booking project.

Alright sit down boys this is gonna be a good tale (also a long one).

I'm currently developing a wordpress site for a Client. Everythings works well enough, I had a few "wtf is this shit" moments. Now we decided to give him access to the wp site so that he can see and change (I know, I know don't judge me pls), so I set up tunneling with ngrok, but that PIECE OF SHIT WP DIDN'T WORK ANYMORE. You asking why? Oh I'm telling you why, wp uses ONLY absolute paths. Well fuck, I ain't gonna touch that piece of shit php code, so I installed a plugin and shit was working.
In short, after a few fucking HOURS that shit finally worked. Well that would be a great fucking end for our little tale right? Yeeeeaaah no, I shit you not, it gets even better!

After a few days my client gets back at me that he can't enter fucking wp-admin to work on the text an stuff (again pls don't judge me for granting him access to the backend of wp during development). So I checked it out and that piece of shit didn't work. If anyone would happen to know why, I would be grateful bc for the love of spagetti monster I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!
So I said to myself well fuck this shit and put it on a webhoster. Uploaded all the files, and migrated the db. Sounds like it finally worked right? Well guess again buddy. So I needed to go to the database, updated values manually for wp to have the correct url and then still needed to force it to refresh every fucking link.

As it finally works now, this tale is also finished then and I really hope that part 2 is never ever comming!
Sorry for the (somewhat) long rant but this is some next generation bullshit.

Q: can you do this awsome project?
A: of course, i would love to develop this shit.
Q: ok, then lets get started. btw please do this in wordpress.
A: bye

"we're gonna start doing WordPress for a lot more customers, to deliver faster. Not debatable. "

Fuck that shit, I'm off to another employer.

I actually only started programming a little less than two years ago. I entered my freshman year of college as a mathematics major, but as time went on I ended up enjoying coding in C++ much more than trying to work out partial equations.

I have since become fascinated with many aspects of computer science, mainly web development and systems programming (I discovered Linux and the command line only a year ago and I'm practically in love). I've since been working for a couple fairly new startups with duties from developing a mobile native app in AngularJS/Ionic to migrating content to new servers and developing custom themes on WordPress. I have deep, deep aspirations of eventually being employed by Google as a Senior Software Dev (although I'd definitely prefer working for a company that would allow 100% remote work 😁). I've even finally began developing my own projects, ranging from a URL shortening service to a basic online encyclopedia.

I wanna spend the rest of my life doing this shit. Hell, I hope I die at my computer.

Fuck Wordpress, Fuck Wordpress's PHP
I'm so fucking tired of everything in this godforsaken CMS. Import a JS File? Sure, just add a *completely obvious* line into a very specific PHP File, where you'll have to specify a lot of "useful" parameters. No, I somehow DON'T want to specify that I don't wand jQuery in every import. And don't even get me started on Content Delivering. Embed CSS? Sure, just write the fucking whole path to the file, or use the broken get_stylesheet_uri() Function. Embed an Image? Sure, let me just go to the Backend and wait 6 Minutes for this bullshitty System to upload the image and then copy the hard-coded Link. Oh, you want to remove googleapi embeds? Sure, let me just fuck up your whole Website in return.
You want jQuery? Well instead of using the "$" Symbol, you have to use the jQuery() Function. Except when you don't have to, which is 100% random each time you reload the page. Oh, you actually did import a JS File? Sure, let me just not run it. Thank you fucking piece of shit thats calling itself "WordPress" and fuck you and everyone whos actively encouraging its usage

Apart of the fact that WordPress itself is one big hack, my most creative hacky solution was making it (dev) environment friendly.

First, I created a DB pull and push tool in NodeJS (on TypeScript). Then, because WP is so clever and stores internal URLs in full length in the DB, I had to create a DB migrator (find & replace) and attached it to the DB pull task.
After this, of course WP still has its config in one file, so I used composer to install phpdotenv and filled the config with environment variables.
Bundled with some good ol' Gitlab CI/CD magic, the website is now 10% sanely developable.

It feels like having to shovel piles of shit, but with a golden shovel. Everything stinks as hell but at least there is a tiny bling to it, temporarily.

But in all seriousness: WordPress is a god damn fucking pile of tumors!

Used to love Wordpress, now I fucking hate that shit.

My employer found out that I used to do WordPress development. Now I have to setup and maintain the company blog, including custom theme and plugin development. And I don't get paid extra to do this shit.

On the plus side, it might give me better visibility within the office as the blog would be written by VP, directors and other senior folks. I'll have more interaction with them.

I'm curious to see how this goes.

Fucking hell WordPress is shit. I don't know how people use it. I had enough with it.

why is everybody posting about wordpress & php?
fuck my life
fuck php
fuck $300 freelance wordpress websites

Wordpress

I started a company a while back that builds really simple wordpress sites and design for small businesses. I took a client on that needed things that were well above my skill level as a "programmer" and it's been equally frustrating and satisfying to consistently have the shit kicked out of me while spending hours trying to solve problem after problem. I've never worked for a company as a coder and one of the things I'm starting to wonder about is whether or not I'm "cut out" to be a programmer. I like doing it, but from a business owner perspective I don't know that I would actually want myself as an employee. My question is: does everyone feel like a ducking retard everyday they go at it with their job as a programmer?

I REMOVED every single thing that EVEN REMOTELY looked like it's handling redirections, I REMOVED ALL PLUGINS, and I STILL GET FUCKING REDIRECTIONS and THERE IS NO WAY TO DEBUG IT BECAUSE I GET REDIRECTED AND I DON'T GET A RESPONSE FROM THE CODE I WRITE and OF FUCKING COURSE it does not in any form LOG THIS SHIT ANYWHERE because fuck me that's why.

Truly, wordpress was created to punish us for our hubris.

Admit, I am. Going to have to hate wordpress less, it's still a steaming pile if shit, but that massively global piece of shit forced facebook to relicence.

Mythbusters proof has been reproved, you can Polish shit.

That momento that you install jetpack plugin to monitorize your WordPress site, and everyday you receive an email saying it goes offline at 5am during 5-18 minutes...

What a fucking piece of shit is WIX?

It's even worse than WordPress.

Have to change out the audio player on a WordPress site for a podcast. Can't follow the code properly because wp forgets that standards are a thing. Code readability is shit as well. Fucking WordPress.

Im having a sort of dilema. I recently started taking freelance work for web developement (and design ack) and Im uncomfortable with the state of the industry. Ill explain: Say if I bid a client for a simple 1-3 page site w contact form (a new page, not migration) My suggestion is to use djangocms, django, or just static html/css/js (ie bootstrap), which produces clean, fairly secure, and fast sites. Of course I can throw a templated unoriginal wordpress site together in a few hours 2 days latest, so I offer that option as a sidenote on the bid, charging almost 2x more. For some reason I dont understand they choose the wp shitshow. I explain all the reasons that not the way to go( which I wont list, if u dont know, u never used it. google up) but they dont care abt the details, they rather pay more for shit job. OFC I reluctantly deliver what they want, but as a result my portfolio is full of unoriginal shit Im not happy showing off. I have a few sites Ive done on the side my prefered way, but they not deployed and sit in my github for all intents n purposes unviewable to potential clients.
I want to be proud of my portfolio, and it to be a representation of what Im capable of. BUT, I gotta eat, and work is better than no work.

There are so many "wordpress designers" oversaturaring the field and it lowering the overall standard of what we are capable of. I just begining my dev journey, but if I cant have a body of work Im proud of, theres no way I can see doing this the rest of my life, and that makes me really sad. My love of developing, coding, and IT/computers in general drove me to change careers from audio engineering to web development, and the fact that this fucking mr. potatoe head of a CMS is slowly turning that love into hate really pisses me off. So Im ending this !rant looking for hope.
Your thoughts?

Holy fuck, I though working with Wordpress was a fucking nightmare, but it’s a dream compared to the shit I am estimating maintenance on...
It’s running on Asp.net and the Sitecore cms... I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anywhere

I’ve estimated 3-4 days for doing basic maintenance like improving SEO and fix some minor semantics. Everything is wrapped in a fucking <form> element, I mean every fucking thing. It goes;
<body><form method=POST>shit content</form><body>

Need some advice here.

So hello everyone! I recently moved abroad for work, for the sake of the experience and the excitement of learning how developers in Latin America tackle specific problems. To my surprise, the dev team is actually composed solely of Europeans and Americans.

I work for a relatively new startup with an ambitious goal. I love the drive everyone has, but my major gripe is with my team lead. He's adverse to any change, and any and all proposals made to improve quality of throughput are shot down in flames. Our stack is a horrendous mess patched together with band-aids, nothing is documented, there are NO unit tests for our backend and the same goes for our frontend. The team has been working on a database/application migration for about a month now, which I find ridiculous because the entire situation could have been avoided by following very rudimentary DevOps practices (which I'm shunned for mentioning). I should also add that for whatever reason containerization and microservices are also taboo, which I find hillarious because of our currently convoluted setup with elastic beanstalk and the the constant complaints between our development environment and production environments differing too much.

I've been tasked with managing a Wordpress site for the past 3 weeks, hardly what I would consider exciting. I've written 6 pages in the past two weeks so our marketing team can move off of squarespace to save some money and allow us more control. Due to the shit show that is our "custom theme" I had to write these pages in a manner that completely disregard existing style rules by disabling them entirely on these pages. Now, ironically they would like to change the blog's base theme but this would invertedly cause other pages created before I arrived to simply not work, which means I would have to rewrite them.

Before I took the role of writing an entire theme from scratch and updating these existing pages to work adequately, I proposed moving to a headless wordpress setup. In which case we could share assets in a much more streamline manner between our application and wordpress site and unify our styles. I was shot down almost immediately. Due to a grave misunderstanding of how wordpress works, no one else on the team seems to understand just how easy it is to fetch data from wordpress's api.

In any event, I also had a tech meeting today with developers from partner companies and realized no one knew what the fuck they were talking about. The greater majority of these self proclaimed senior developers are actually considered junior developers in the United States. I actually recoiled at the thought that I may have made a great mistake leaving the United States to look a great tech gig.

I mean no disrespect to Latin America, or any European countries, I've met some really incredible developers from Russia, the Ukraine, Italy, etc. in the past and I'm certainly not trying to make any blanket statements. I just want to know what everyone thinks, if I should maybe move back to the states and header over to the bay/NY. I'm from the greater Boston area, where some really great stuff is going on but I guess I also wanted a change of scenery.

Do you know why PHP will survive? Here is my observation.

Most of my clients who wants helps have their sites either on Wordpress or Magento or other free PHP cms.

The background is, they install the whole site all by them self and by the end of month, the Wordpress dashboard is loaded with massive plugins and yellow / red warning messages.

Same case with Magento and other CMS alike.

There site get heavy and they realized that they are in deep shit.

Just like some people take medicine all by them-self or by doing google. Until things gets into serious trouble.

and so the conclusion php will survive.
love to hear opinions on that.

LOL I just found out the deloton adware is installed on my schools website (WordPress) and also they don't use HTTPS on the Moodle server to which hundreds of people sing in every day. Tomorrow I'll go with some friends to the admins and show them all the shit they've been doing. This will be fun!

Are you content with your job or always searching for greener pastures?

I'm split inbetween. Current pay is very decent and working conditions are flexible. However, the work itself is not always that great. I find it to be comedically true how "hard workers" don't get promoted or bonuses, they get more work. There has recently been a heavy influx of what I'd like to classify as "shit tickets" since a guy who was the main "shit ticket doer" left the company after being burnt out.

I work with a small-ish digital agency as a BE dev, so I'm mostly dealing with small to medium scale projects built with WordPress/WooCommerce, with often custom API/ERP integrations on top. I'm not a big fan of the stack as a developer but as a contractor I can understand the business reasons why it is used. Part of me wants to find something else, part of me thinks I'm looking for a perfect company that doesn't exist and I should lower my expectations -- I might find better work for sure, but with the same pay and conditions? It seems unlikely at the moment. The company was recently acquired, so I'm hopeful for the future.

Just had my first lesson of the course Web Development. We got an explanation of what html, css, js and php are. Nothing bad ever happened from repeating what you already know, so yeah..

But then came the horror: We need to make a website in FUCKING WORDPRESS!! I ALREADY KNOW HOW TO BUILD A FUCKING WEBSITE WITHOUT A FUCKING SHIT CMS!!

So I showed the teacher my personal website and asked if I could use and/or extend that. They loved it, but I still need to build a website using fucking wordpress!! Not even using php! No, we need to build it with the UI of wordpress.

I know that's not even hard. It's just.. WORDPRESS!!

I guess I'll just have to live with it :/

Fuck Sitecore (Crapcore) up it's ass! Honestly, I thought Wordpress was a pain, but crap, at least I can get it to fucking work! Crapcore is the most finicky, bi-polar, PoS I had ever had the displeasure of using. Full of bugs, issues, and half-cocked stupidity (and we're talking from the ground up).

Imagine this, let's take a perfectly good working wheel (MVC/ASP) and then let's redesign it to be the most dysfunctional crap, that would fall apart the minute a damned light breeze blows on it, oh! And let's make it EVEN WORSE...Let's hide everything behind an eff'n pay wall and gimmicks that never work! Brilliant! Now NO ONE will be able to help anyone (because no one wants to pay up the ass for this shit to begin with)! I mean, it's not enough that the "framework" is such a bloated mess that no one knows what/why things screw up (psst...it's the framework itself), let's make it so idiotic to use as well! F'N BRILLIANT!

Seriously, I can only pray that the same thing that befallen to Blackberry happens to Crapcore so that I could be rid of this shit (or find someplace else that DOESN'T USE THIS SHIT). Word of advice, before taking any job, if they say they're a ".Net firm" ask them if it's MVC/ASP or Crapcore...And if it is, run...Run far the fuck away from that mess! It would save you the aggravation, anguish, and the stress of trying to get any work done with a "framework" that seems to have been made by a mentally disabled 2 year old (no offense to any mentally disabled 2 year olds other than the mentally disabled 2 year old morons at Crapcore).

/RantOver

Seeing a lot of hate against PHP here. It used to be a shitty language with no decent frameworks, update yourselves please, it's getting embarrassing for you. WordPress, laravel, Zend. That's 60% of the web. We run this shit.

Our owner's other company sells products online (or has the ability to anyways). Their current site is 7+ years old WordPress/Woocommerce and is seriously outdated because the site breaks if you update anything so we've been told to make a new site (finally). They also said they were going to release a whole new line up of products. So the first thing I tried to do was get them to nail down their product line and how shipping was going to be configured. I was told to just use the shipping from the previous site.

Turns out those shipping rates don't use any sort of math or automation at all, there is literally a manually set shipping value for every single product for every single shipping location (30*60) and even values for different quantities. And there's no way to export these rates into a readable table because the plugins they use shove all the data into the postmeta table, I'm forced to go through and put the data into a spreadsheet so that I can attempt to organize it and hopefully find someone way to automate it. Owner claims at one point that he has a similar spreadsheet that's more up to date but for some reason refuses to send it over or put me in touch with the right people in the shipping department.

I've gone through the shipping rates with the old products and the new products and organized them as best I can and each time I've gotten done and shown them the spreadsheet with their products and shipping, they add or change something which requires me to basically wipe the slate clean and start over eating another 50 or so hours of my time, which with everything else really means another month+ to find time to work on it between other projects.

After about a year they finished their products and I finally finished the planning and got approval to build it out for the site. Small victory!!

After about 60 hours plugging these values into the database (only about 1/3 done) I get an email from their head of shipping who tells me the values in my spreadsheet are "terribly inaccurate, in some areas by $100+" and that the data should not be used anywhere.

So after something like a year and a half and 200+ hours of work, the data I've been using to plan all this isn't even accurate. I'm trying not to go crazy here but this kind of shit is unacceptable. When we're done with this I'm going to send the owner an invoice to show him how much money he wasted on this because nothing was planned and he just wanted it built. There's a fucking process for a reason, when you don't follow the process you fuck everything up. If a client had pulled this shit and turned their simple site into this much work they would have been dropped. I get constant emails asking when the new site will be done and every time my answer is "I'm still waiting for x items that I asked for last time you asked where we were." He gets a couple things on the list and sends them back and then goes unresponsive for weeks at a time.

Management has been telling me that I seem more stressed lately but only one of them understands what's going on here when I explain it. The rest say stupid shit like "why don't you automate it" or "make an intern do it." You won't let me hire an intern and even if I did, I'm not sure I could explain how the shipping works now to even trust someone else to do it. I'm hoping when the shipping guy gives me the new sheet that maybe there's some easier solution here because I'm ready to start shooting people.

WHY ARE GRAV SLIDESHOW PLUGINS USELESS FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

OWL SHORTCODES DOES NOTHING, LIGHTSLIDER DOCUMENTATION IS THE VAGUEST THING EVER AND THEIR NON-MODULAR EXAMPLE DOESN'T WORK, AND THERE AREN'T GOOD ALTERNATIVES.

... I ended up installing Bootstrap on the site just to get the slideshows working. It looks like shit and is bloating my page so I'M EITHER FIXING THOSE PLUGINS OR SWITCHING BACK TO WORDPRESS. IT MIGHT BE HORRIBLE BUT AT LEAST IT'S FRIENDLY AND THE COMMUNITY DOESN'T IGNORE ME ON THE SLACK CHANNEL

trying to analyze and debug code from a wordpress plugin -> fml!

i should just dump this shit and make my own. oh, no time and budget, no problem, i love to spend hours reading someones code and beeing inefficient as fuck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(i suggested to do it on our own a few weeks ago, now i should fix it till end of the day)

I've been programming for 15 years now or more if I count my years I programmed as a hobby. I'm mostly self learned. I'm working in an environment of a few developers and at least the same amount of other people (managers, sales, etc). We are creating Magento stores for middle sized businesses. The dev team is pretty good, I think.

But I'm struggling with management a lot. They are deciding on issues without asking us or even if I was asked about something and the answer was not what they expect, they ask the next developer below me. They do this all the way to Junior. A small example would be "lets create a testing site outside of deployment process on the server". Now if I do this, that site will never be updated and pose a security risk on the server for eternity because they would forget about it in a week. Adding it to our deployment process would take the same time and the testing site would benefit from security patches, quick deployment without logging in to the server, etc. Then the manager just disappears after hearing this from me. On slack, I get a question in 30 minutes from a remote developer about how to create an SSH user for a new site outside of deployment. I tell him the same. Then the junior gets called upstairs and ending up doing the job: no deployment, just plain SSH (SFTP) and manually creating the database. I end up doing it but He is "learning" how to do it.

An other example would be a day I was asked what is my opinion about Wordpress. We don't have any experience with Wordpress, I worked with Drupal before and when I look at a Wordpress codebase, I'm getting brain damage. They said Ok. The next day, comes the announcement that the boss decided to use Wordpress for our new agency website. For his own health and safety, I took the day off. At the end, the manager ended up hiring an indian developer who did a moderately fair job. No HiDPI sprites, no fancy SASS, just plain old CSS and a simple template. Lightyears worse than the site it was about to replace. But it did replace the old site, so now I have to look at it and identify myself part of the team. Best thing? We are now offering Wordpress development.

An other example is "lets do a quick order grid". This meant to be a table where the customer can enter SKU and quantity and they can theoretically order faster if they know the SKU already. It's a B2B solution. No one uses it. We have it for 2 sites now and in analytics, we have 5 page hits within 3 years on a site that's receiving 1000 users daily... Mostly our testing and the client looked at it. And no orders. I mean none, 0. I presented a well formatted study with screenshots from Analytics when I saw a proposal to a client to do this again. Guess what happened? Someone else from the team got the job to implement it. Happy client? No. They are questioning why no one is using it.

What would you do as a senior developer?

- Just serve notice and quit
- Try to talk to the boss (I don't see how it would work)
- Just don't give a shit

Wanted to use WordPress for a landing page with a knowledgebase, installed wp, remembered how shit it is and deleted it right away. It never felt so good to press that "Delete database" button.

I'll stick to a responsive theme for now.

Adding a functionnality with wordpress, not working. Re-do the same shit, Working.
Wordpress is life...

As far as static content creators go: I think Gatabyt JS is pretty fucking cool.

Docs make sense and shit is easy to navigate too.
React gets only as complicated as you want it too (that is across the board tho)
Integration with different data sources. You don't want to use wordpress but your retarded ass users don't get much sense into other things? sure fuck it, fine whatever. Wanna use drupal? here

I am still looking into it but other than the 230mb of node modules for a hello world type of project I really don't see that many issues.

making a blog, what cms should i use?

i plan to program it little, and i need to publish things from my phone

i have a namecheap hosting plan

wordpress is a 1 click install, but they have alternatives too

i saw wordpress has an app, but people on devRant keep talking about how wordpress is shit. what should i do?

i've not used a cms before

Wordpress is so full of shit in terms of coupling.

Change ONE THING in a website you recently started maintaining and see how mad you can get.

I have so much to rant right now. So much. Life is pretty much a tight rope walk right now.

But the project I'm working on right now is annoying. I've ten days to release. It's a website on WordPress. They want complex animated crap using GSAP that fucks readability in the ass. I don't even know how to do animations. I don't JS damn it. Apparently readability is not what we want. We want attention grabbing. It's a fucking government initiative website for crying out loud. Why not put a carousel with my curated list of porn then? They also want the pages to be build using blocks of modules on a page builder so that the client can produce new pages without our help. I still don't have the final designs even. When I asked for the mobile designs, they told me to "just make it look not broken". Uggh.
They spent three weeks making some shit on Squarespace and now they expect me to finish the entire fucking thing with the slutty animations, disgusting text sizes and fucked up designs sense and symmetry in pretty much a week.

And the fucking fuck faced poopy pant regional manager had the balls to tell me I'm not being undersold if I accept his measly offer for a permanent position with a salary less than a 6k per year than what people in my school usually get. -_-

Got a BPOS company commission a website. WordPress of all things.
But that's fine.
The client sends us a PSD to refer to. Buys a theme to modify and gives us a time frame.
Stupid client. Their design doesn't even line up with the theme.
We are getting paid peanuts for this.
Font sizes not specified.
Colours not specified.
No content
Responsive design expected but not designed
Behavior not explained
Custom footer expected that took a week to code from scratch.
Custom accordion section coded from scratch
We decided that the 15 of April would be the last date. It's the 27th and I'm still fixing shit.
We didn't get paid enough for this.
The QC for the site was done on the 24th!
I'm still working on it, for free.
The liason on the client side goes to Australia for vacation and the content is not being put on the site. They ask for content work too.

I'm just about to go postal.

Wordpress is such a slow shit!!! It doesn't matter how many plugins for optimization do you use, this shit is always slow! why this kind of tech has to exist in many places of the internet 😒😒

Being in a situation at work where 50% of my time I can work on really exciting new Laravel projects where I got free hands on everything technical. Enjoying this very much. The other 50% is fixing existing broken wordpress sites with like 5 billion plugins. Want to shoot my fucking head off doing this shit, need to convince my boss to hire someone else just for the wp shit

If havent post a rant in a while since i started a new job a month ago. It is a pretty chill company. Not sure if that’s because i’m working remote and almost don’t have communications or…

I have to work on this project. Appearently from 2018. It’s all php and Wordpress here. I don’t have major deal against it but this project..

I have flushed down prettier things then this piece of shit code. My god. And this is live. The horror!

WordPress and it's fucking buggy themes and dashboard, fml ,only God knows why on earth I decided to use this pile of shite wordpress.if I could I would have migrated to another CMs I would have done so long time ago.Wordpress,you are wasting my life away having to manage a website with your buggy shit.

Shitty goddamn "Agencies" and the piece of shit WordPress install garbage that comes along with them

150+ fucking plugins
Cause this is 2018 and more plugins = better wordpress site right?

CSS is easy enough > just edit the stylesheet right? I mean theres already CSS in there so this should work.

Fucking Noooope because the default custom style sheet doesn't get loaded through the garbage theme anymore.

Sure that makes alot of fucking sense sense, idiots added another fucking plugin for Custom CSS ontop of the "Live CSS Editor" ontop of the "Click and Place Builder"

WHAT IN THE FUCK

Can someone explain to me why these "Agencies" need to add 50 plugins just to edit fucking visuals? And when they decide they don't want to use that plugin anymore > add a new one, but we won't keep everything clean and in one place > lets just fucking leave it installed and fragmented for the next poor fucker that comes alone

I: You know WordPress suck.
He: No it doesn't!
I: So why i wrote Leximo framework to separate me from the WordPress shit?
He: Because you don't know ho to use it.
I: Google: list of WP frameworks
.
.
.
Discussion ended. Nobody knows how to use WP i gues. I feel hated. WP community hates me because u wrote another framework, Nette and Latte community hates me because i use them for shit like WordPress.

F**** Wordpress....
Seams like you can't do shit without installing some random shitty documented plugin.

I need to go buy a rubber duck so it looks less like I'm talking to myself. Trying to pull out and refactor some shit functionality in a WordPress theme because the client NEEDS it. Frankly all it is doing is creating a custom post type, but they're used to the way they've been doing it and I'm stuck with dealing with it. I generally like this part of my job (my face in the code) but trying to read this huge mess of code with no standards is driving me insane.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" "Why do we have variables for $thedata, $the_data, and $theData?"
"Why are your brackets on the wrong line sometimes?"
"Why is each line in this function enclosed in it's own PHP tags rather than around the function?"

At least if I had a duck I could say I'm talking to him.

Is there ANY good CMS?

stupid dumb wordpress, who POSTS a user registration, returns data to the SAME site with a dumb "successful" message alert, and THEN redirects to whatever page you want?!?! looks like shit, feels like shit in terms of UX

JUST REDIRECT ME TO THE PAGE I WANT FROM THE SERVER THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF PHP

I swear its as slow as balls too

The fucking shitty fucking ass shithole Wordpress Woocommerce just fucking run sluggishly like shit even not touched on without and clue causes fuck. As if there is a fucking gost behind this shit working well in the morning and slow the fuck down without any cause in the afternoon no fix

Today was the first time I realy used wordpress...

FUUUUCKING wp, the editor is nofucking shit better than ms notepad! How is it that so many people are using it and actually like it?! fuuuck....

What alternatives do you use for your homepages? I personaly prefer bolt.ch

Wordpress is the most stupid thing to use. Yet alone their look of nested sides is the dumbest way to do.
landingpage
- vehicles
- - cars
- - - porsche
- - skateboards

F this shit!

I love the flexibility and power you get with Wordpress, WooCommerce and its entire plugin ecosystem...

BUT FUCK ME! PHP IS SHIT!!

It's like writing code by hand with pen and paper, putting it through an OCR and then compiling it. Sure, it might work if you're lucky and maybe even look cool, but good luck trying to develop a sulution with any sort of speed!

How can I auto-detect when a wordpress update breaks a plugin/slider/shortcodes/email form?

I guess there is a way to run tests for this but i’m not sure how.

I fucking hate shits around Wordpress. It's the most free-but-not-free software I ever used.
Someone knows a good website where i can found all free (not free but with paid version) themes?