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Me: PHP, please load the images.
PHP: No.
Me: Come on PHP, the deadline is tonight.
PHP: Haha nope.
Me: What if I swap the libraries?
PHP: Still no.
Me: What if I add a symlink?
PHP: No. And also I hate you.
Me: *gives up and sends an email to the client saying we have to delay the release*
PHP: lololol jk here's the images haha
Me: :/10 -
Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞4
-
I am working on another developer's PHP code, and I found a new way that he done the redirect after the login with PHP!
27 -
He's stop writing Java because he thinks Java is inelegant. He write PHP instead.
Am I still on earth? 🤔28 -
Sysadmin TIL:
Hiring PHP developers does not contribute to the quota of employees with disabilities.2 -
Subtle irony:
Tons of people rant about how bad PHP is on devRant.
devRant's is built using PHP.
Love it4 -
So I dual booted my pc with Ubuntu a few weeks back. And I came to a conclusion today.
Um, windows needs to go.23 -
I learnt a bit of Java recently. I wish I didn't. Because I primarily work with php. Now I kind of dislike php.21
-
Initial steps of learning any new programming language :
*heck yeah I created a calculator. Guess I'll show my family that I actually can code! *
-hey mom, dad look I made a simple calculator using python B)
- uhm... That's great son but dont we already have one of those?
- yeah but like... this is completely different it uses a different programming language than what you and I have been using all this time.
- ah I see. Good for you then
*muttering to each other*
-are you sure he's got the aptitude to be a cse?
-at this point we can just hope.
Me:*stares blindly in my dark room contemplating why I'm alive*7 -
Noob mistake, forgot the rename an HTML file to a .php file; was wondering why things weren't working at all.4
-
Hello there, just couple of words about PHP. I've been develop on PHP more than 10 years, I've seen it all 3,4,5,{6},7. Yes PHP was not good in terms of engineering and patterns, but it was simple, it was the most simple language for web to start those days. It was simple as you put code into file, upload it via FTP and it works. No java servlets, no unix consoles, no nothing, just shared hosting account was enough to host site, or even application with database. As database everybody used to have mysql, again because its simple to start and easy to maintain. So PHP+MySQL became industry standard on Web during 00-2012, and continues in some way.
You can write HTML and logic inside single file, within php code, even more single file may content few pages, or even kind of framework. That simplicity and agility sticks everybody who wants to develop sites with PHP.
This is pretty much about why it is so popular.
Each good or wannabe PHP developer in an early days write its own framework or library (like in javascript this days because of nodejs)
Imagine that PHP has hadn't have package manager, developers used to have host packages on their own sites, then various packages catalog sites created, and then finally composer. A gazillions of php code had spread over internet, without any kind of dependency control. To include libraries to your projects you have to just write include, or require. Some developers do it better than others.
So what we have ? A lots of code, no repositories, zip archives with libraries, no dependency control.
Project that uses that kind of code are still alive even today, they are solid hose of cards, and unmaintainable of course.
And main question that I'm trying to answer is Why PHP is not good ?
- First is amount of legacy code which people copy and pasted into their project, spread it even more like a virus.
- Lack of industry standards at the beginning lead to a lots of bad practices among developers. PHP code usually smells.
open source php projects in early days was developed in same conditions so even in phpbb, phpnuke, wordpress, drupal used to have a lot of bad practices in their codebase. So php developers usually not study by another library, instead they write their own frameworks/libraries.
- "It works", - there are no strong business demands, on web development, again because lack of standards, and concerns.
This three things are basically same, they linked to each other and summarize of answer of why PHP have strong smells and everybody yelling against it.
Whats is with PHP nowadays ? Of course PHP today is more influenced by good practice of webdev. Composer, Zend, Laravel, Yii, Symphony and language it self became more adult so to say, but developers...
People who never tried anything except PHP are usually weaker in programming and ecosystem knowledge than people who tried something else, python, perl, ruby, c for instance.
Summary
PHP as any other programming language is a tool. Each tool has its own task. Consider this and your task requirements and PHP can be just good enough solution.
"PHP is shit" - usually you heard that from people who never write strong applications on PHP and haven't used any good tools like Symphony or Laravel.
Cheap developers, - the bigger community, the more chance to hire cheap developers, and more chance to get bad code. That can be applied on any other language.
PHP has professionals developers, usually they have not only php on scope.
That's all folks, this is very brief, I am not covering php usage early days in details, but this is good enough to understand the point.
Enjoy.7 -
PHP doesn’t scale. Riiiiiight. Wikipedia runs entirely on PHP and is the fifth most visited site on the internet. There’s also this little site called Facebook that uses PHP, ever heard of it?
PHP is slow. Sure, old PHP can be slow. The argument is about as sound is saying that OS X is a terrible OS because my first Apple IIe was slow. PHP 7 is plenty fast, even three time faster than Python.
https://hackernoon.com/php-is-dead-...31 -
When you think php is pure garbage but this third party tool that you really need is fully written on it and you have to use it.
11 -
Favorite co-worker conversations:
Guy 1: PHP can be plenty fast! Just put in APC, Memcached, and Varnish and you can handle just about any load.
Guy 2: So you're saying PHP is fast when it doesn't run.1 -
Me a year ago:
// Pieces together a deadbeat crappy php-script
"Man... PHP is shit"
Me now:
// Gets paid to create controllers for php framework applications
"Man... PHP is THE shit!"4 -
After two extensive talks with a potential employer (they lasted for hours), I decided to accept the offer, although the salary was ~25% lower than at my previous job. Everything else sounded fantastic and I needed that desperately since at the previous company everything was toxic for years.
These new guys wanted a senior php dev because they had none of them, except only wordpress and drupal people who were not skilled enough to take other types of projects (they called them "custom php"). I liked it and thought I'm gonna shine there and quickly earn a raise because the agency will start earning more by getting projects that they were unable to even bid for.
First day at work and I got assigned to a new Drupal project, although it was supposed to be a simple restful API for a simple iOS app. It could be done in a week or less, with no rushing at all. But it had to be Drupal. And I happened to be around to hear that there is a queue of Drupal projects waiting. After 2 days leaving the office late and having my brain melted by nonsense I was looking at, I quit the job.
No offense to Drupal people, I really do admire you, but I just could not stand it after 8 years "doing custom php". It felt too much like being downgraded. But more than that I was pissed off by the fact that I have been shamelessly lied to and tricked to accept something I clearly said that I dont want.
This happened a year ago. I now earn 2.5x more money than those guys offered and work in a very healthy environment. In the meantime, I heard that the other guys shut their company down.2 -
New "dev" at our company. One of his first questions. "Could an if clause have two conditions?"... /me *facepalm* ... where did my boss find this Person and what did he told him?4
-
The only way to feel comfortable coding on PHP is using classes and methods, I feel like home (Java)
9 -
Theres a saying that PHP stands for:
Pubertierende
Hauptschüler
Programmieren
"Pupils in secondary school are programming"2 -
You study PHP, OO, Design Patterns, TDD, Zend Framework, Laravel, AngularJS...
Then you find a job, it's Wordpress...5 -
Is php beautiful, or ugly?
Here's my php. The beautiful, and the ugly.
*nervously presses submit*
16 -
Started writing PHP as a tag for a rant and the third suggested tag is "PHP #facepalm". What are people trying to say about PHP? 😝
1 -
Anyone remember when PHP was a straightforward procedural language and not a pseudo-objective mess?
#saturdaynostalgia9 -
The feeling, when you realize that devRant uses PHP as main language... priceless..
haters gonna hate :D
Thanks, @dfox7 -
Today I found out that in PHP 7.2 when you have variables $a and $b which are both integers, and you do $c= $a + $b, $c is not necessarily an integer. Why, just why, PHP?6
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My friend and I were calling each other programming languages trying to degrade each other based on the cons of a language... Then he called me PHP 😢😢13
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Well... I had in over 15 years of programming a lot of PHP / HTML projects where I asked myself: What psychopath could have written this?
(PHP haters: Just go trolling somewhere else...)
In my current project I've "inherited" a project which was running around ~ 15 years. Code Base looked solid to me... (Article system for ERP, huge company / branches system, lot of other modules for internal use... All in all: Not small.)
The original goal was to port to PHP 7 and to give it a fresh layout. Seemed doable...
The first days passed by - porting to an asset system, cleaning up the base system (login / logout / session & cookies... you know the drill).
And that was where it all went haywire.
I really have no clue how someone could have been so ignorant to not even think twice before setting cookies or doing other "header related" stuff without at least checking the result codes...
Basically the authentication / permission system was fully fucked up. It relied on redirecting the user via header modification to the login page with an error set in a GET variable...
Uh boy. That ain't funny.
Ported to session flash messages, checked if headers were sent, hard exit otherwise - redirect.
But then I got to the first layers of the whole "OOP class" related shit...
It's basically "whack a mole".
Whoever wrote this, was as dumb and as ignorant to build up a daisy chain of commands for fixing corner cases of corner cases of the regular command... If you don't understand what I mean, take the following example:
Permissions are based on group (accumulation of single permissions) and single permissions - to get all permissions from a user, you need to fetch both and build a unique array.
Well... The "names" for permissions are not unique. I'd never expected to be someone to be so stupid. Yes. You could have two permissions name "article_search" - while relying on uniqueness.
All in all all permissions are fetched once for lifetime of script and stored to a cache...
To fix this corner case… There is another function that fetches the results from the cache and returns simply "one" of the rights (getting permission array).
In case you need to get the ID of the other (yes... two identifiers used in the project for permissions - name and ID (auto increment key))...
Let's write another function on top of the function on top of the function.
My brain is seriously in deep fried mode.
Untangling this mess is basically like getting pumped up with pain killers and trying to solve logic riddles - it just doesn't work....
So... From redesigning and porting from PHP 7 I'm basically rewriting the whole base system to MVC, porting and touching every script, untangling this dumb shit of "functions" / "OOP" [or whatever you call this garbage] and then hoping everything works...
A huge thanks to AURA. http://auraphp.com/
It's incredibily useful in this case, as it has no dependencies and makes it very easy to get a solid ground without writing a whole framework by myself.
Amen.2 -
Been quite some time since I have last worked with PHP, but it is that time again.
New project, demanded that PHP being used.
*clicks knuckles10 -
I like PHP.
It's not as bad as its reputation. Just because it's easy to learn, does not mean it's bad. In fact, with a framework like Laravel or Zend it's not so simple and keeps the whole spaghetti code developers away, which led to the bad reputation.9 -
You'll have more pain convincing people that you CAN write a decent app in PHP, than writing one.
#noHatePlz3 -
I gave a chance to PHP using Laravel. My conclusions: Laravel is such a great framework, PHP sintax is hell but its a powerfull language.4
-
In PHP, this:
<?php
if($a < $b) {
$c = 'W';
} elseif($a > $b) {
$c = 'E';
} else {
$c = ' ';
}
?>
Does the same as this:
<?php
$c = ' WE'[$c<=>$a];
?>
How cool is that?!? xD15 -
when I got hired my boss wrote a cms in php that's 50,000 + lines of php code, without a single line of documentation. Yeah can you tell how my first few weeks went?1
-
That feeling when you finally use @ before a few functions in PHP to suppress warnings, since the whole application is a hack which miraculously works anyways.
The feeling of finally getting close to deploying it.5 -
PHP developers will be amongst the first souls to get into heaven because of all their suffering.
But let’s face it, most of them will go to hell for the atrocities they’ve committed against humanity.7 -
I honestly do not understand why people speak so badly about PHP(that's the general vibe I am getting from all these different platforms) or maybe it's because I am still new at it I am yet to find out the reason.28
-
I'm sure more than 50% of the Devs who claim to hate PHP either don't use it, or only claim to hate it because, well, you know... it's the Dev way.
13 -
I'm working this whole weekend to rewrite/move an old custom made shop extension to the new shop.
The amount of possible SQL injections is too damn high and this piece of shit the creator calls code is the most pitiable thing I have ever seen!
I don't how you can call yourself an experienced programmer if you create SQL queries by concatenating strings and variables in raw PHP, copying the same fucking includefiles to 10 different folders and use all of them in random places.
I'm not angry at all, I just want to castrate you with a blunt, fake swiss army knife so mankind is safe from you multiplying yourself.3 -
Today is was the smoothest PHP session I ever had!
Implemented OTP system for a project in about 2 hrs without any hurldes.
Php is awesome with OOPs!
Now I can get a good Sleep. Goodnight !8 -
I have an exam in 4 hours. I've been studying all night and now I can't seem to retain anything.
I'm fuckin screwed.
9 -
Hey guys. I have nothing to rant about the last few weeks.
I want to buy a book about advanced php. Cool ninja stuff I could do on backend... Do you have any suggestions for me?4 -
PHP => The bad performance when using lots of data. Also I hate the possibility to do everything in 3 ways.4
-
New dev at our company. After two weeks he has finished a feature for a project. Want to merge it into the dev branch ... he worked in the master branch.2
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When you migrate from PHP 5.6 to PHP 7, if you use MongoDB, be careful, the driver is not the same ! So you have to rewrite your implementation !1
-
PHP...
When I first learned to code - like everyone - I felt the need to try as many programming languages as possible. After the comforting syntax of myClass.MyProperty/myClass.MyFunction()/C#, the $ symbols everywhere made me want to vomit...
Fast forward 2 years later. I learned a bit and wanted to make a website backend. Checked my hosting - which was purely a frontend thing at the time - free PHP hosting or £15/month for ASP .NET hosting...
I begrudingly wrote my first .php file, hating my life.
But by the end of that night my relationship with PHP was already cemented.
And that's why I like PHP.4 -
The reason why I don't trust php:
var_dump(0 == "0deadbeef1");
var_dump(7 == "7deadlysins");
(both return true)3 -
2 years ago I told myself I'd never learn PHP. 2 years later I'm a desperate college student in a town where the only web dev companies rely on PHP. I didn't want to cave and learn such an obsolete language but it's looking like I have no choice. Goodbye, innocence :'(13
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I really like to use PHP. It's not so interesting language as C# is, but I like it. But every now and them I read someone complaining about PHP.
So let's go: as PHP is not an exactly good language to backend, what would be a good one to use with my personal projects?
Thanks!17 -
Serious question: why all the hate on PHP?
I've been using it as my main language, and genuinely like it. Tried Java but find that to be typing a fuckload to get the same task done. Javascript is nice, but still, i prefer PHP (probably mostly because i know it).
Just really curious, what have i been missing?15 -
OK - Time to settle this for me. What is up with PHP? Everyone seems to detest it, however when I talk about NodeJs or Python, people say that they are inefficient. So is PHP an efficient mess?14
-
So this code was once in the PHP source
int size;
size = EXPR;
if (size > INT_MAX || size <= 0) {
return NULL;
}
dest = calloc(size, sizeof(char));1 -
Best co-worker i have had was a 25 old guy with narcolepsy. He fall asleep every hour for about 10 minutes.
-
When your internship boss orders you to work on a PHP project. And you see that the original maker of code has repeated things a million times
2 -
Has anyone ever taken one of these archaic language assessments for a job? I work with PHP/Laravel for a living and yet was answering questions on how to connect to a Oracle database and what all happens after a user calls mysqli_switch_user(). I finished in the mid tier range considering the job is for a laravel developer I was surprised to find not one question regarding the framework. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think this generation of PHP developers who are deeply rooted in the frameworks have an on spot memory of raw Oracle database consumption or the many different ways of changing user sessions through an entanglement of sessions and cookies. When I first got involved in symfony and laravel, My biggest fear at the time was that I would forget how to use PHP without all of the tooling and now I guess I was right11
-
I don't know why some people hate PHP, I mean maybe there are some stuff that may annoy you but personally I think it's cool language.5
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I regularly diss on PHP in office but the truth is just that the developers before me wrote bad code. It was bad code in PHP alright but they had a whole framework to use and at least organize their code better but they didn't use it.
I have seen their JavaScript code too and it was all in one file.
P.S. I have no idea under which condition they had to write the code. The app was initially outsourced.5 -
My current project: PHP microframework that makes building REST API kinda 'easy'
But I've read some articles online that building APIs using PHP is a really bad idea. I guess I just wasted my time. Lol. I hate myself.
7 -
Don't let PHP be the last language you code after other languages at the end of the day.
Been staring at:
$message = "Hello " + $name;
For a whole hour trying to figure out what's wrong.2 -
I wouldn't mind PHP that much if HTML templates with it weren't such verbose and borderline illegible nightmares 😢😢😢2
-
Today I've landed on a legacy project which still uses mail() method in PHP. Just gonna enjoy this one.9
-
I spent hours trying to figure out why imagettftext() in PHP wasn't working...
Damn file permissions!!
3 -
https://youtube.com/watch/...
I didn't know PHP was created as a "template language" and Rasmus Lerdorf(PHP's creator) himself rejected PHP to be a "business logic language" at first. But PHP 7 Freaking rules!4 -
When I started with PHP I had to implement an administration system for a small organization.
They using the smallest and most cheap web hosting to host the system and also their websites.
They host three systems and websites on three different web spaces.
Some weeks ago I got a call from them, that the system doesn't work. After a short investigation, I discovered that their '"designer"/boyfriend-of-the-boss created a new Wordpress site and thought it would be a good idea to change the PHP system to 7.2. The system runs on an old CakePHP (don't kill me for that, I had no experience -.-') version, which does't work with PHP 7.2.
I told them what the issue was and that they shouldn't change the PHP version to 7.2 because the system won't run on this version.
Some a week later, the same call, another administration system, the same reason, the same warning from my site.
Today, the third system doesn't work. I told them this is probably the PHP 7.2 problem again and explained, how they could resolve it themselves.
Suddenly I got an email from the designer: no, this time it is another problem, he didn't change anything and it just doesn't work anymore. And it is very urgent.
Guess what was the problem...AGAIN! -
one of the most anoying error in php is headers already sent -_- one single white space will fuck you up3
-
I wrote a blogging platform around 3.5yrs back in PHP. My friend uses that, and apparently wants me to update the code. To which I refused saying that I am too busy. But the real reason is that it is one of the purest form of cancerous shit I ever wrote. I can't even look at that code now. Its like abandoning your own child, because it is too ugly... Here's a snapshot of the code, I don't even know what this does anymore..
Moral: Don't give your code to your friend no matter how shitty it is, you will end up providing lifetime support for it.
1 -
so what's on the list for today? writing unit tests for a broken php app because NO ONE THOUGHT TO WRITE THEM BEFORE HAND.......
-
In PHP, strings are classes, functions, whatever you them to be. I feel so filthy, I need a shower after typing this.
4 -
MMMM
Why the actual FUCK does PHP not throw errors for undefined variables.
FUCK
I've spent more time going through code (mine and others) to find mispelled variables than actually fucking writing code. One poor bastard had a delete statement, and a where clause in another variable, which he mistyped. Oops.
CRASH DAMMIT, LET ME KNOW.
aAAAaAaaaaaAAAA12 -
Need to do some PHP for my class next week, problem is I hate PHP so I just distracted myself and wrote a bunch of Ruby code today...4
-
I'm starting with php on Ubuntu and using xampp. Obviously I been having trouble but when I find the solution for every problem I yell OH MY GOD IM A FUCKING CRACK MOTHERFUCKA
5 -
I so fucking hate php...
Accidentally created dependency loop in application, of course got memory leak to the point that I fucking need to restart everything now, but I can’t fucking even stop php server or close browser tab.7 -
There was a problem in my enterprise last week that I couldn't repair because it was my school time. So, for a week, the person in charge of deliveries couldn't import directly the adresses because the csv generated by the site had an error. I came back this morning and managed to correct the error.
In fact, the whole csv was generated in PHP, with code like:
$txt .= $code.";";
But for an unknown reason at the generation, the csv decides to crop 5 characters at the end of the documents, so the last semicolon and the country code were absent. So I had to add a string at the end of the document ("dgdgdgdgd") so it crops useless characters.
I really hate when I don't understand.2 -
I finally attempted php, I wrote a bunch of scripts to fetch data... I feel like I have betrayed myself 😞😞😞
I should have just absorbed the cost of azure 😭😭😭 now am a php dev.... The things I'm about to do, the horrors I'm about to put out into the world.... Pulling your hair out will be the least of your worries, dear maintainer forgive us all, always and forever. 😳1 -
Ive installed php before but for some fucking reason it just refuses to fucking work. Im not installing extra bullshit like some people tell me because I had it work exactly how I wanted it to on my desktop but now fucking hell what the hell is the damn deal7
-
php being php...
Complaining about "header already sent". I wonder why.
Solution: no permission to chmod the file system, thus printing an error to the output. That error provokes freezing the header, thus the header cannot be written anymore...
*cheers*2 -
I was having a really bad day today until I saw PHP PornHub Programmers on my commute home Really made my day. Credits Reddit2
-
Let's say you're pretty good frontend dev, a bet geeky about strong typing. And you're paired with an API backend, and it's PHP. You would think it's pain when it's bad PHP. No, real pain is when it's good PHP, and backend dev embraces and uses dynamic nature of the language to an extreme.3
-
It's 4:00 AM here, and I decided to go through my old project where I had put my maximum effort, it is a PHP Project, sadly not in production, I had built it from scratch, the sad part is password hashing, I had to go through 3 different files before the actual password is getting hashed, password_hash($pass, PASSWORD_BCRYPT), I am feeling so stupid right now I can't even describe in words, ok bye
-
Ok. I'm working on a small website, and MOTHER OF OF WEB DESIGN.
I try to set up WAMP, but it takes me 2 F-ING DAYS.
SO THEN THE FREAKIN HTML SCRIPT REFUSES TO WORK. AND THEN, ONCE I FINALLY GET MY HOPES UP, WAMP DECIDED TO JUST NOT WORK TODAY, SO I SPEND 3 HOURS FIXING THAT CRAP, AND THEN AFTER THAT PIECE OF HELL, I CAN'T FIND ANY EXAMPLE CODE OUTSIDE OF ADVANCED WEB DESIGN, SO I SIFT THROUGH THAT, JUST TO FIND HOW TO MAKE IT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL A DATABASE IS. THAN I REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO INSTALL MIRE PROGRAMS. THAN, I REALIZE THIS GUY IM LISTENING TO IS USING A MAC OS X ALTERNATIVE. SO IM DESPERATELY TRYING TO GET THIS TO WORK. AND THEN, *POOF* ALL MY WORK IS UNREADABLE SPAGHETTI.
ALL FOR A DAMNED TEST.
TL;DR, Php is not good if your working offline.10 -
When we have Python,Ruby,Elixir,Scala,Clojure,Js
why we should use PHP LARAVEL ?
i cant understand persons which use php & laravel
why u use php or laravel ? how its possible to use php-laravel instead of cool things like Django -ROR ? Are u crazy ?15 -
when did you follow PHP developers last used PHP without a framework or at least used PHP itself for the most part?
a foreach and if don't count .. obviously 😁8 -
I'm not trying to say that PHP is not consistent, but it's the only language where you can use two styles of typage in a function definition:
function myFunc(ArgType $arg) : ReturnType
{
//...
return new ReturnType($arg);
}
You must decide, PHP... Not use both... -
wow!!! it's been long but i had to rant this........My course's teaching assisstant gave me a fricking B in his Interrim assessment all because i used the pow() function in php. He said it's only available in C++ so im wrong about the whole question.2
-
!rant
Since I'm a front-end developer I've been working on PHP quite a lot lately, not only for front-end but also for back-end stuff, data conversion and image manipulation.
I've found that it's quite pleasant to work with thanks to the tons of documentation around and how straightforward it is.
I don't get how much hate it gets but I assume it's because I'm only starting to work with but damn, you could even build a car with it!2 -
Hi guys
Can we still install and use php 5.2 or php 5.3?
Got an old website that needs rescue
Coz of the depricated mysql functions
Much appreciated
Cheers5 -
All the people I know guiding me through my coding career say to use PHP. Are there any real drawbacks I will see using PHP over Python or another language for server side scripts? Or is the PHP fear/hate just a meme ?11
-
I've been off the PHP game for a good bit now so I'm not sure if this is an established practice.
But why in the flying fuck would someone want to use .htm in place of .php files? Especially when you already use .php on other files on the same codebase?!7 -
Why is it that PHP 7 has all mysql_ tags disabled by default.. it's such a pain to change everything.6
-
PHP was made to become the language propulsing main e-commerce frameworks... because of those dollars everywhere
-
Having my finals tomorrow, how can I learn PHP today when I really don't wanna because I hate PHP so far?9
-
What is the best resource for PHP as a backend, and not a SSR web apps.(no frameworks included just pure php)7
-
Hey do you guys know any good PHP open source project, through which I could learn something.....please don't suggest big projects13
-
When you make PHP assignments a year ago and a year later the teacher wants to check them...
PHP update broke everything :/4
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