Recap: https://www.devrant.io/rants/878300

I was out Thursday at the Hospital. I'm what the doctors would call "Ill as fuck"

So, Friday I’m back in the office to the usual: "How was that appointment?"
I know people mean well when they ask this. So, I do the polite thing and tell them it went as well as it could.

Realistically it does't matter how well it went... They haven't cured Crohn's because I showed up to the appointment. They know I'm fucked already.

But, push it down, add it to the future aneurism.

I had to go through the usual resignation meetings with managers:
"We"re fucked now you're going"
"yep"
"we need to get a handle on how fucked"
"already done that for you, here"s a trello board, very fucked."
"we need to put a plan together to drop all the junior devs in the shit with the work you’ve been doing"
"You need about 4 devs, please refer to the previous trello board for your plan"

Meanwhile, me and Morpheus are in constant communication because all of this is like a Shakespearean comedy.

So, I overhear a conversation between a Junior Dev and the Solution Architect.

[SA] took over the project because he knows better than two tried and tested senior devs -_- (fuckwit).

JD: "It took me one and a half days to build it out"
SA: "Yeah, it must have taken me twice as long... It must be a problem with the project, you should just be able to check it out and run it."
JD: "I know, it has to be wrong"

All of this is about Morpheus' work of art, of an Ionic 3 hybrid app.

I fumed quietly at my desk because I've been ordered by the Stazi to be hands off.

Since Morpheus and me were pulled from the project [JD] and [JD2] were dropped into it to get it over the line.

It"s unfortunate and I was clear and honest with my advice to them: I personally would not take over the project because I"d be way out of my depth... Oh, and the App works, so uh, there's no work to do.

They have been constantly at our desks. Asking fuckdiculous questions about how to perform basic tasks. So they can get Morpheus" frigging masterpiece to the user.

It"s like watching that touch up of jesus that got borked by an amateur. Shit I have google, it's like watching this happen: http://ti.me/NnNSAb

[JD] came to me Friday evening.
"I can’t get this to build to iOS or install on [Test Analyst]'s phone."

Me: "No worries brother, where are you stuck right now?"

[JD] describes the first steps with clear indication he hasn't googled his problem.

Life lesson: http://lmgtfy.com/?q=lmgtfy

Que an hour of me showing [JD] how to build an Ion3 project for iOS. Fuck it, your man's in a bind and he"s asked politely for help. I can show him quicker than he can read 3 sets of docos.

I took him through 'ionic cordova build ios', the archive and release processes in XCode 9, then the apk bundling process for droid. Finally we have an MAM so the upload process for that too.

All the while cleaning up his AppIDs, Profiles, deployment attempts.
Damn they were a mess.

I did this with a smile on my face, not because I could say "I told you so"... But. because when any developer asks you how to do something. If you know how to do it, you should always be happy to learn them some new tricks!

Dude's alright, he's been dropped in the shit. Now I know how badly so I'll help him learn things that are useful to his role, but aren't project specific.

As a plausi-senior dev (I'll tell you about that later); it's my job to make sure my team have what they need to go home smiling!

I’m not a hateful fucker, the guy asked me an honest question so I am happy to give him the honest answer.

I took him through it a few times and explained a few best practices. Most were how to do his AppID and ProvProfile set up. Good lad, took it all on board.

However! In his frustration, he pointed the finger at Morpheus' "David" (ref: Michelangelo).

He miraculously morphed into a shiny colourful parrot and fed me SA's line:
"you should just be able to build from a clean clone"

My response was calm and clear:
"You can, it took me 20 minutes on Thursday evening. I was bored and curios, so I wanted to validate Morpheus' work. Here it is on my iOS device and my Android device. It would have taken me 5 if my laptop wasn’t so horrifically out of date."

I validated Morpheus' work so I have evidence, I trust that brilliant bastard.
I just need to be able to prove it's good.

[JD] took this on board.
Maybe listening to two tried and trusted senior devs is better than listening to a headstrong Solution Architect.

When JD left for the weekend I was working a late one (https://www.devrant.io/rants/874765).

His sign off was beautiful.
"I think I can happily admit defeat on this one, it can wait until Monday."

To which I replied: "no worries brother, if you need a hand give me a shout."

Rule 1: Don't be a cunt.
Rule 2: If someone needs help and you can give it: Give it!
Rule 3: Don't interrupt James' cigarette time.
Rule 4: goto Rule 3.

This is insane!

No SSL on a payment site that asks for banking information, doesn't even have the option to goto SSL, craziness.

http://www.starpayglobal.co.uk/

Welp, that is the end of this project that I was doing for a friend. No way to test without a merchant account and well, no way am I filling out that form.

So stupid.

Allright, this one begs for a rant.

Me (Linux boi):
0 checkout code
1 update local config file
2 compile
3 deploy locally
4 run
5 use

Coleague (Windows boi):
0 checkout code
1 update local config file
2 compile
3 deploy locally
4 run
-1 "configuration xyz not found in config file"
→ goto #3

After 4 attempts:
ø windows.reboot()
3 deploy locally
4 run
-1 "configuration xyz not found in config file"
3 deploy locally
4 run
5 use
// out of curiosity...
3 deploy locally
4 run
-1 "configuration xyz not found in config file"

NO side actions taken (no configs updated, no code changes made, no nothing. Just simple double-clicking the redeploy script again and again)

Now... How do you objectively explain THAT?

http://weknowmemes.com/2013/01/... IRL :)

So a particular client of ours has been having an issue with our software for the past few days. In short, they get an error when trying to do their end of day tasks. They simply have to restart the software and the error goes away until the next day when they have to do the process again. The developers are looking into it, along with other bugs and features, in other words this particular issue isn't the only one that's getting worked on.

For some reason, this store owner somehow believes that his issues are the only ones we are dealing with right now. One of the other techs already had the pleasure of speaking with him on the first night this happened, explained to him about simply restarting the software, but that apparently went in one ear and out the asshole.

I am not one of the developers at our office, simply tech support for now (maybe i'll migrate over once i feel 1337 enough). I had to repeat essentially the same answer to him.
-------------------------------------------
Me: "The good news is you just have to restart the software and when you perform the end of day functions, you will not see the error. it will come back again each night until the developers fix the bug and release an update"

him: when will that be finished?

me: I do no have an estimated time, but a message has been sent to the developers about this issue, so once they resolve the issue, an update will be released.

him: but yeah, how do i fix this issue? I still don't have any answers.

at this point it's pretty much goto 10, reiterating the same stuff I told him, just slightly reworded. At some point he asked who the developers are, as if that was going to make any kind of difference what so ever. It's just baffling how some of these people are running businesses with the attitude they have. What's more puzzling is some of the people who call have been at these places for some years and have used our software and hardware just about as long as the stores have been there. They call and it's as if computers were JUST now being brought to their attention.

"I plugged the keyboard up to the modem".....pc tower

"I typed in the ip address"..... www.google.com

Half the damn time they can't tell if a particular printer is directly connecting to their station (the obvious cable going from the printer to the station itself) or if it's a network printer (again, obvious cable going from printer to the port on the wall). God forbid it's directly connected, because I have to ask "Is it a usb cable or serial cable... with the screws on the sides of the connection" and thankfully i haven't got "Both" as an answer yet (and i'm sure I will at some point). But even that is too hard of a question, typically 10 seconds of "Uhhh......" followed by " I think..." then me asking "Does it look like an internet cable?" and finally a yes or no from them. At that point it's just about the station not being upset at me and allowing me to install it properly with no issues.

I'm seriously thinking of sending god damn custom-made pop-up books with instructions on how to fix the broader issues and mailing it out to each store.

Today I've confirmed that there actually are real developers that aren't monkeys in my company and team.

Me: {discussing how to fix something, he said we will use some new tech} ... So how do you up with all this latest tech?
Him: https://www.thoughtworks.com/radar
Me; Thanks! I was thinking it was just a web dev skill :) I mean looking at it package.json, I always think how can someone pick all these modules for a single app... And there's always a new JS framework.
Him: You goto sleep knowing be day will bring new frameworks to keep up on :D

So yea there are actually people here that actually know what they're doing...

https://php.net/goto PHP is awesome!