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-
Why is this CSS not updating???
Ctrl + F5
Still!!!
Let's check in incognito..
F*CK, really!!!!
.... Ooooooh right I'm checking prod not dev.9 -
Is this the code life
Another scrum meeting
Caught in the the Node life
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the screens and see..
I'm just a dev boy
Doing some debugging
Because there's warnings here
Errors there
Segment faults
Everywhere
Anytime you distract
Takes another hour from me
From me
*piano starts
Mama. Just committed a bug
Merge the branch to production
Did it fast for milestones
Mama. The repo has just begun
But now they going to throw the stack away.
Mama. U u u uu
Didn't mean to code in LAMP
But it's the only stack i know how to setup
In Ubuntu. Without docker
I really don't get vagrant
*piano
It's too late
My team is done
Some dev is working in Nepal
A UX dev. Now what is that?
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
Gotta leave this lame meeting
And face the truth
Oh nooooo. I i interns
(they have questions)
I want to debug
I don't want to stay till 3 in the morning
*epic guitar
I see a litlle dev over there
Let's code review, let's code review
Did he do the last commit?
Coding in the white board
Very very frightening me
That's bug(that's a bug)
That's a bug (that's a bug)
What the f*ck did you do that?
Magnificcooooooo
I was just coding and nobody liked it
He was coding and nobody liked it, spare his some time to do his debugging
Easy man. Here go. Will you let me code?
A meeting. No,we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
A meeting. we will not let you code. ( let me code)
We will not let you code
Never never let you go
Never let you code, oh
No no no no no no no
Oh mama mia, mama mia ( dude, you've gotta let me code)
Screw you guys, I'm gonna code and commit. Commit. Comiiiiitt!
*epic guitar
So you think you can review me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can dump me and erase my branch?
Oh baby, cant do this to me baby
I've just have to log out.
I've just have to log outta here
*epic guitar solo
Nothing really matters
The users will not care
Nothing really matters
To them
Any way this code blows10 -
Lamer rant
For a really long time I said to myself that this is too basic to rant about but lately it became so frequent and extreme that here is my rant about completely clueless users that ask me IT related questions.
Disclaimer: Said users are people that I generally can't avoid. Distant family members, neighbors and etc.
Case 0:
U: I don't know what's happening!! The computer doesn't work!!
M: What do you mean?
U: There's no Facebook! And everything is stuck and no messenger!!!
M: The WiFi on your laptop was off. I turned it on. Still, this doesn't mean that the pc wasn't working.
U: I don't understand this shit!!!
Case 1:
U: I hate this computer!!! It never works!!! Help meeee!!!
M: What now?
U: Where did the internet disappear?!
M: (assuming it's wifi or browser related)
Actually user moved the Chrome window to bottom-right corner and lost it.
Every time I try to show the user how I resolve the issue the user yells that there are too many steps, that they are complicated and that I'm a bad teacher and doing it too fast.
Case 2:
U: My computer is so slow! It barely can load google translate! And I can't listen to music on youtube!! Shitty laptop! It's you! Your computers in the apartment drain everything!!!
M: You have no idea what you are talking about.
U: My husband told me that your computers are heavy and drain everything!
M: What exactly did he tell you that my devices drain?
U: I don't know! All the energy! I believe him! He knows!
M: My computers drain less electricity than your vacuum and I have a separate internet connection. Not only we share nothing but also I drain nothing.
U: Since you appeared all the computers are slow!!!!
Fkk...
Case 3:
U: I don't understand, where is my whatsapp?
M: You can't locate the app on your phone?
U: Yes! F*ck, help me! I'm so angry and I really need this NOW!!!
M: Shut up. I'm already here and helping.
(I open users phone and whatsapp is the active app...)
U: I can' t find my whatsapp with Clara!
F*ck you! F*ck you! Ghckjfshij!!!
Case 4:
(crazy hitting on my door)
U: I don't have THE internet!!!
It's you again! You took all of THE internet!!!
M: No, it doesn't work like that. Your provider is bad, your package is cheap and your cables are of low quality.
U: I need THE internet immediately!!! Stop playing with your typing and fix the facebook or I'll cut the power cables to the house!!
I can go on, just don't think that recalling all those events is healthy for me.20 -
Who needs Legacy Code to f*ck up your day when you can't understand the code you wrote 2 weeks ago3
-
It's hard to use Google Voice when you're a bilingual.
Me *driving in car*: Ok Google, open Spotify..
Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thế nào để Open Spotify (Not sure how to to "Open Spotify" - in Vietnamese)
Me: Ok Google, mở Spotify (same command in Vietnamese)
Google *beep*: Not sure how to "mở Spotify"...
Me *frustrated*: Ok Google, f*ck you!
Google *beep*: Không chắc chắn làm thể nào để "fuck you" (Not sure how to "fuck you" - in Vietnamese)
f*cking Google Voice :|7 -
Fuck these movie people:
You run "sudo apt-get update.." and you say we've got the signal. Your f*cking signal! Am sure someone even typed the password for you. I update my system every 5 minutes I have got no signal. F*ck you again. I'm not watching the movie again. P*ssing me off.
6 -
TLDR: I wrote one of my firsts codes to help my father. Was really excited after it worked, nobody cared. F*ck them (not really).
So my father comes and says he needs me to help making a simple presentation. Just a title and slides with images. It seemed to be an easy task so I'm like "sure, why not?". So I told him to email the images and I would have the presentation made in no time. The next day I recieve like 30 mails containing from 4 to 10 photos of boats (yes, boats). I stay chill and have the brilliant idea of automating the process with python, just to learn a bit more.
I took some to read the documentation of the modules I was going to use, then write a simple code and bam! In 3 hours I have a presentation with images in it. I open it, every image was 4 times the actual slide and all of the images were randomly rotated, it still was the most rewarding moment I've had in months :') I wanted to show it off to my brothers, so they came to my desktop, saw it and all I recieve was a "cool". Not a good "cool", a "meh" kind of "cool". So I thought it was because of the size bug.
Fastfoward some hours, now every image gets scaled into the slides prefectly, in the correct angle, etc. I tell my dad what I made and he says "yeah sure, the problem is that I need you to give them to have subtitles". He wasn't even impressed. My heart hurt a bit.
I could totally automate the subtitles too (and did it), but what hurt the most is that nobody cared for what I was so pationate about. I'm so fascinated with coding that it replaced all my gaming habits, and now all I do is learn. I want to dedicate a good portion of my life to this but at that moment it seemed nobody in my family cared about it. So this rant is for all those f*ckers that I love but don't know how much my code means to me.21 -
Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.
Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.
F : But that's your job. No?
Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.
* Goes on to see the frontend *
I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.
Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.
F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!
Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!
Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*
Bastards!7 -
A is for Assembly, a wizard's spell
B is for Bootstrap, so bland and the same. And also for Brainf*ck, will blow you away
C is for COBOL, your grandad knows that
D is for daemon, your server knows what
E is for Express.js, you node what is coming
F is for FORTRAN, which is perferct for sciencing
G is for GNU which is GNU not UNIX
H is for Haskell using functional units
I is for Intance, An action of Object
J is for Java plays with them Always
K is for Kotlin, Android's new toy
L is for Lisp, scheming a ploy
M is for Matlab, who knows how it works
N is for Node a bloatware of code
O is for Objective Pascal, you did not expect that
P is for programming, we all love to do that
Q is for Queries, A database is made
R is for R, statistics are great
S is for Selenium, you have to test that
S is for Smalltalk, let's make it all brief
T is for Turing Test, how human is this?
U is for Unix, build with all talents
V is for Visual Studio, built with all laments
W is for Web, lets build something cool
X is for XHTML, remember all that?
Y is for Y2K, I'm tired as f*ck
Z is for Zip, let's zip is all now.
Get yourself coffee and back to the grind.8 -
Client: site is not compatible with IE11
QA: yo devs, site is not compatible with IE11
Devs: who the f*ck uses IE11?!5 -
Minimum wage employers and restaurants asking "and why should we hire you?".
You have 40 vacancies in your area for just your company alone.
You're paying $13.25 an hour when only a year ago you were paying $9.75.
Why should we hire you?
F*ck you, pay me, that's why.
You're not f*cking NASA
You're a God damn chain restaurant with a 40% turnover rate, who's employees probably shoot up in the bathroom on the rare occasion they even get a break.
I looked at the guy with all the annoyance I could muster, stared him down for a good five seconds and said. "You pay a few dollars over minimum. You're job is not important enough to even ask that question. Have a nice day." And got up and left.
Dude followed me and stuttered " hold up. I was just..."
But I was already out the door.
You were just what mark? Asking a dumbfuck question as if you had any leverage at all?
Your competitor *across the street* is offering 50 cents *more* per hour, and has guaranteed breaks.
What, did you forget 2008 and how you treated millions of people as disposable? The little part where you and most american industries demanded passion, without pay raises? Promotions without benefits? The jobs that if you worked hard, rather than a promotion or a pay raise, your reward was more work and less hours to finish?
You assholes thought we forgot about that? How you shipped millions of jobs overseas, blamed it on "automation" (chinese and indian slave labor), and then pointed the finger at millions of impoverished people as "lazy" in places like Detroit and Pittsburgh and told them "you just got to work harder and smarter!" Or "just get a small loan and create the next google!" from the comfort of your yachts? I'm looking at you bane corp.
No, now the shoes on the other foot motherf*ckers. Hows it feel needing all *us* commoners? "Why should we hire you?"
No, why should *I* WORK FOR YOU?
Cuz I saw THREE dirty tables coming in. A line of people that could be being served. A line that could have been optimized with the proper table count and some simple changes. A menu that doesnt even incentivize your biggest sellers and a dozen other things your store is doing wrong.
Think mark, think!
This is one of those braindead questions employers paying sub $18 an hour ask, because they suffered so much brain drain from years of payola profits from too-big-to-fail wallstreet bailouts, that they forgot they are not king midas, unless they are the king midas of shit, because increasingly everything corporate America touches turns into shit.
And while were on the subject, stopping bringing in outside management to stores. It destroys team cohesion, staff morale, pisses off people *on site* who *actually know* the team, the stores daily activities and processes, and who are better fit for that role. You bring in disinterested outside management, and it's one of the biggest red flags I've ever seen: these smarmy selfcongratulating f*cks who know nothing about the particular store, have no connection to the staff, go on firing sprees or alienation-sprees to hire in friends, fuck up the schedules because again they know nothing about the employees, and then move on after a few years to greener pastures, leaving a barren radioactive wasteland of chain smokers and burnt out staff in their wake.
Dear corporate America, your free ride on the public's good will is over. It's over.
Now you're in the bitch seat. Come sit at my desk and explain to me, EXPLAIN TO ME, why I should sweat and labor to save your shitty company hemorrhaging money like a bleeding crack-addicted hobo dying with a sucking chest wound from a chicago skidrow friday-night drive-by?
You dont deserve it. Your management and company culture is worse than incompetent. It's full of smiley guys expounding about their passion for customer service while giving each other sloppy BJs in broom closets, a veritable cornucopia of cult-like corporate dick suckers *and* dickheads, proclaiming, no...PROFESSING (hence "professional") their undying allegiance and dedication to their corporate family with the intensity of cujo, foaming at the mouth, or Mitt Romney preparing for a photoshoot, plastic smiles and feigned laughs.
Dont forget to wipe your chin, asshole. It's not Ronald McDonald your blowing, but it's definitely not Gordon f*cking Ramsey either.
Would you like fries with that?88 -
I take 1 day off from work, i come back finding my chair replaced by a junky one... I mean really??? f*ck this!17
-
Boss: Hey man, can you do an extra couple of hours today to finish [...] up? I just talked to [person he knows is driving me home that day] and he said he would do them! Can I count on you?
...
Me: Hey, [person driving me home]. Are you really doing the extra hours the boss is asking for? I thought you didn't wanna stay longer today...
[person driving me home]: F*ck no! He hasn't asked me yet.1 -
People who rant about their phone making bad photos that are surprised when I make good photos on them...
JUST F*CK OFF AND HOLD IT HORIZONTAL AND WITH 2 HANDS LIKE I TOLD YOU LONG.MAX_VALUE TIMES6 -
Okay lets write this before i go mad...
I'm one of those guys who says "use the os which suits you the most, or you're most familiar with", and i'v always been a windows guy, didn't really have any reason to use linux, because for school stuff, or programming (java and android and c) windows was great enough...
BUT MOTHERF@CKERS at microsoft, i'v had enough...
First my handheld computer goes nuts, because windows is eating 80% of processor, and if i fix it, then some other kind of windows related thing eats up that much, and you know what? I've been okay with that, because thats only a handheld computer, but boy, didn't my main computer start to do the same?!?
I cannot do anything, basically i start something trivial up (by trivial i mean trivial, like idk, a texteditor not even a browser, or an ide or anything that would take a bit of more ram) and my computer cant do shit....
I'm so mad.... Currently installing elemantary os... F@ck this shit i'm out...
(And lets not forget the hours of 'updates' which dont do shit....)13 -
A few months ago I jelled about some crappy code, who the f*ck wrote it?! Then they showed me my name in the file header... crap I wrote it myself A WEEK BEFORE and already forgot about it...4
-
Github Inc. (Feel good inc. parody)
=========================
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
Fetch it, fetch it, fetch it, Github.
(change) Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Fetch it (change), Github
(change) fetch it (change), fetch it (change), fetch it (change), Github
Repos breaking down on pull request
Juniors have to go cause they don't know wack
So while you filling the commits and showing branch trees
You won't get paid cause it's all damn free
You set a new linter and a new phenomenal style
Hoping the new code will make you smile
But all you wanna have is a nice long sleep.
But your screams they'll keep you awake cause you don't get no sleep no.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng
This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?
Laughing at the class past, fast CRUD
Testing them up for test cracks.
Star the repos at the start
It's my portfolio falling apart.
Shit, I'm forking in the code of this here.
Compile, breaking up this shit this y*er.
Watch me as I navigate.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Yo, this repo is Ghost Town
It's pulled down
With no clowns
You're in the sh*t
Gon' bite the dust
Can't nag with us
With no push
You kill the git
So don't stop, git it, git it, git it
Until you're the maintainers
And watch me criticize you now
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
Break it, break it, break it, Github.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
What the f*ck is wrong with that
Take it all and recompile
It is taking too lonnng
This code is better. This code is free
Let's clone this repo you and me.
git-blame, git-blame on this line
Is everybody in?
Don't stop, shit it, git it.
See how your team updates it
Steady, watch me navigate
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Don't stop, shit it, git it.
Peep at updates and reconvert it
Steady, watch me git reset now
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.
Push it, push it, push it, Github.2 -
There was a time I made an update on one of our client's e-commerce website sign-up page. The update caused a bug that allowed new users to create an account without actually creating an account.
The code block meant to save user credentials (i.e email address and password) to the database was commented out for some reasons I still can't remember to this day. After registration new users had their session created just as normal but in reality they have no recorded account on the platform. This shit went on like this for a whole week affecting over 350 new customers before the devil sent me a DM.
I got a call from my boss on that weekend that some users who had made purchases recently can't access their account from a different device and cannot also update their password. Nobody likes duty calls on a weekend, I grudgingly and sluggishly opened up my PC to create a quick fix but when I saw what the problem was I shut down my PC immediately, I ran into the shower like I was being chased by a ghost, I kept screaming "what tha fuck! what tha fuck!!" cus I knew hell was about to break loose.
At that moment everything seemed off as if I could feel everything, I felt the water dripping down my spine, I could hear the tiniest of sound. I thought about the 350 new customers the client just lost, I imagined the raving anger on the face of my boss, I thought about how dumb my colleagues would think I was for such a stupid long running bug.
I wondered through all possible solutions that could save me from this embarrassment.
-- "If this shitty client would have just allowed us verify users email before usage things wouldn't have gotten to this extent"
-- "Should I call the customers to get their email address using their provided telephone?... No they'd think I'm a scammer"
-- "Should I tell my boss the database was hacked? Pffft hack my a**",
-- "Should I create a page for the affected users to re-verify their email address and password? No, some sessions may have expired"
-- "Or maybe this the best time to quit this f*ckn job!"
... Different thoughts from all four corners of the bathroom made it a really long bath. Finally, I decided it was best I told my boss what had happened. So I fixed the code, called my boss the next day and explained the situation on ground to him and yes he was furious. "What a silly mistake..!" he raged and raged. See me in my office by Monday.
That night felt longer than usual, I couldn't sleep properly. I felt pity for the client and I blamed it all on myself... yeah the "silly mistake", I could have been more careful.
Monday came boss wasn't at the office, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday not available. Next week he was around and when we both met the discussion was about a different project. I tried briefing him about last week incident, he seems not to recall and demands we focus on the current project.
However, over three hundred and fifty customers swept under the carpet courtesy of me. I still felt the guilt of that f*ck up till this day.1 -
Do you ever step out of your happy dev bubble and look at the news or read the paper or just talk to another human and wonder what the actual f*ck humankind is doing right now?
12 -
WTF!
Linkedin stories..
this is not Instagram or Facebook or any of those sites.
Linked in is for Companies and yourself to have a public CV in a fixed format that for everyone is the same and easy to understand! F#CK!!
12 -
Admin comes to my desk and says:
"Hey the CEO wants to know why is the third party application having issues with our system? He wants you to keep me posted on the matter and let us know when will you fix it."
Me:
"Well I'm working on it, we're having a discussion on Slack about it and I'm quite busy right now"
Admin: "Yeah OK but when will you fix it? The CEO wants to know why didn't you reply yesterday"
Me: "Because I was on leave? You would have known if you saw my calendar"
Admin: "oh well, can you keep me updated with how things go?"
Me: "You can join the Slack channel if you want..."
What the f*CK is wrong with people? Do they even know what vacation time means? Why would the CEO ask the admin to talk to me when I'm sitting two rows from him?3 -
I teach kids (7-12 years) to programming. Yesterday my colleague had the last class for this semester, where parents joined their kids to see what they done. They were presenting their projects, and a guy whose father is really strict with him, saw what variable names his son was using. Some of it (censored) are: "d*ck", "p*ssy", "f*ck". The guy is really scared of his father, because he's agressive with him all the time. I don't want to know what was his punishment for this.5
-
Old rant about an internship I had years ago. It still annoys me to this day, so I just had to share the story.
Basically I had no job or work experience in the field, which is a common issue in the city I live in - developer jobs are hard to come by with no experience here. The municipality tried to counter this issue by offering us (unemployed people with an interest in the field) a free 9-month course, linked with an internship program, with a "high chance" of a job after the internship period.
To lure companies to agree to this deal, the municipality offered a sum of money to companies who willing to take interns. The only requirement for the company was that they had to offer a full-time position to the interns after the internship, as long as there were no serious issues (ex. skipping work, calling in sick, doing a bad job etc.).
On paper, this deal probably makes sense.
I landed an internship fairly quickly at a well-known company in the city. The first internship period went great, and I got constant positive feedback. I even got to the point where I ran out of tasks since I worked faster than expected - which I was fairly proud of at the time.
The next internship period was a weird mix between school (the course), and being at the company. We would be at the school for the whole week, expect Wednesdays where we could do the internship at the company.
When I met at work on that first Wednesday, the company told me that it made no sense for me to meet up on those days, as I was only watching some tutorial videos during that time, while they were finding bigger tasks for me - which in turn required that they got some designs for a new project. They said that due to the requirements they got from the municipality (which I knew nothing about at the time), they couldn't ask me to work from home - and they said it would "demoralize" the other developers if I just sat there on Wednesdays to watch videos. Instead, they suggested that I called in sick on Wednesdays and just watched the videos at home - which is something I would register to the workplace, so I wouldn't get in trouble with the school. It sounded logical to me, so I did that for like 5-6 Wednesdays in a row. Looking back at this period, there's a lot of red flags - but I was super optimistic and simply didn't notice.
After this period, the final 2 months of the internship period (no school). This time I had proper tasks, and was still being praised endlessly - just like the first period.
On the last day of the internship, I got called to a meeting with my teamlead and CEO. Thinking I was to sign a full-time contract, I happily went to the meeting.. Only to be told that they had found someone with more experience.
I was fairly disappointed, and told them honestly that I would have preferred if they had told me this earlier, since I had been looking forward to this day. They apologized, but said that there was nothing they could do.
When I returned for the last school period (2 weeks), the teacher asked me to join him for a small meeting with some guy from the municipality. Both seemed fairly disappointed / angry, and told me what still makes me furious whenever I think about it.
Basically after my last internship period, the company had called the municipality, telling them that I had called in sick on those Wednesdays, and was "a lazy worker", and they would refuse to hire me because of that.
I of course told them my side of the story, which they wouldn't believe (unemployed person vs. well-known company).
Even when I landed a proper job a few months later, the office had called my old internship for a reference - and they told the same story, which nearly made them decline my application. This honestly makes me feel like it's something personal.
So basically:
Municipality: Had to pay the company as the deal / contract between them was kept.
Company: Got free money and work.
Me: Got nothing except a bad reputation - and some (fairly limited) experience..
Do I regret taking the course? .. No, it was a free course and I learned a lot - and I DID get some experience. But god, I wish I had applied at a different company.
Sorry for my bad English - it's not my first language.. But f*ck this company :)8 -
Let me tell you how shit flies in Aerospace&Defense companies in certain place in on earth
1. Your dev. PC is isolated from the internet. You can not download any software/library etc directly. "Legal" way takes literally days and you must all effort for it to work. I will not discuss the details of legal way but it is not asking IT team to download it for you, you do it yourself.
2. You use an archaic requirement standard that is somehow used by all other similar companies too. These companies f*ck each other in the arse when they are working on projects together(hiding details from each other which is necessary most of the times etc.) but they were kind to each other when it came to share shitty req. standard.
3. When you try to switch to new requirement standard, you waste weeks only to amend the old one, because everyone is using old one for all projects, so changing it would upset old guards in the company(which are people works in same project for 10 years, no personal development)
4. You came 1 minutes late, you fill the "minutely permission" form.
5. You already work long hours per day and they remove your small breaks during day, because developers use those breaks longer than intended(I wonder what might be the reason...)
6. A technology can not be adopted into current projects even it has objective advantages proven many times in the outer world, because old guards(developers), IT team and configuration management guys(poor man's dev ops role sometimes) can not change their ways.
I hate this shit...6 -
Reading the comments in a piece of code:
{
//Step 1 save stuff in a list
code();
//Step 3 Update the controls
morecode();
//Step 4 Resize the UI
somecode();
}
//Me thinking: where the f*ck is Step 2?16 -
!Dev
Hello guys, here is my first rant about my job. So, I work in marketing, mostly content and SEO as the main job and my 2nd job is a somewhat-somehow webgrafic design-something (blame my fiancee for this). This one is about my content job.
As a content, my main role is to translate information (health tech, tech or anything) in a somewhat comprehensive way so about anybody can read my articles. And boy, I love my job, the research part, the writing part, almost everything. But on some days I have to find a way to explain protozoa to normal people. Aaaaaand today I have to explain this shit!
Now, how the f*ck I will manage this, I have no darn clue but I am starting to learn how my dev fiancee feels when he has to explain some complicated stuff to his clients, I swear!
8 -
// Snippet
if(isUsingEdgeOrIE(window.navigator.userAgent)){
window.location.assign("https://google.com/chrome/browser/");
}
*sigh*
People laugh at it when you say Internet Explorer is a Pain in the *ss to develop for, because they think it's just a cliché or some sort and think it's not that bad.. but no .. really.. F*ck IE.. :D It f*cked me over so many times..
"Oh Hey, I don't recognize this basic html attribute value you are using, so I'm not going to report an error in the console or so, ima let you search, sweat, get angry, .. Oh Hey, you're not using the right doctype? Let me crash your entire javascript functionality, .. Oh Hey, this CSS selector? I never heard of it.. "8 -
Today,
My "big boss" call me because I take too much time to develop a website. She thinks all I need to do is drag n drop. Why the f*ck do you need to hire me if it's only drag n drop you "super smart ass licker"? Man, this old people need some update about technology.
Btw, the "drag n drop" idea came from Dreamweaver YouTube tutorial.2 -
In my first year of college right now, and on the first test we had to write some C# ConsoleApplications. We got instructions of what we have to taken as input, what we had to do with it and output it to the console.
I've tested them all and they all work correctly, which was the main objective. I have used the correct data structures, but I didn't get top mark. Instead, I got lower because "I didn't do it her way".
WELL F*CK YOU TOO!!! I hope this is not how every test/exam goes6 -
F*ck all that out-of-date people who are like "You can not get a living out of IT" and the "You work on that application 6 months now, it should be already done." My parents do that shit aaaaall the time. Like they know so much about this when they can't even turn on wifi on their phones. You're enthusiastic and all and they come and start bullying you because they don't understand shit about what you do.7
-
This happened today
My Manager: How is the progress so far on the search module?
Me(After implementing some crazy shit requirements): It's all set. APIs are working well against the mock in-memory database. I need an actual database to run my unit tests. Where do we have it?
My manager: Let's pretend that there is no database at this moment. Go-ahead with rest of your activities.
Me(IN MY MIND): F*CK you a** hole. You don't know the first thing of software development! Which a** hole promoted you as a manager!!!
Me(TO HIS FACE): Ah.. okay!! As you wish!3 -
When the only way to work, is thru a client's laptop, and the client has to be around to use it... F*CK!11
-
Oh Apple, f*ck you. I dont want to use safari.
If I do everything in Firefox, why do I have to change to Safari if I just want to learn about ARKit STuff...
4 -
F*CK...that feeling when you were working as a junior UI/UX designer for about 3 weeks in new company, you were on a project which is almost finished and delivered...
1 and half week Later (after technical issues - check my older rants)......
you have noticed one quite importat mistake in the designs, which were done by senior designers, which can lead in future to a huge Ux problems - so huge, that users will probably leave/close the app and will not purchase the product via that app... ( We can say than whole design solution was a waste of money for the client)... On that designes was working a team of 4 people, about 3 Months (and the app (prototype) had to be ready already 2 Months back)...
the deadline was pushed 2x already...
And your boss (senior designer) tell you that this is not such an issue.. But thx for your opinion.....
1 week Later by user testing 4 out of 4 people were asking about that stuff I told to my boss that is missing...
And I was ignored...
In less than 1 week Later after the testing I get fired from the company without no reason...
Or better - the reason was:
I have too little experiences for this job...
Dont know if I should laugh or cry🤦♀️🤣/😭8 -
I just got a phone call from "Microsoft" because there are Trojans on my pc. The broken English (and the content of the call) told me that it was scam, but I wanted to have my fun, so I continued the call.
After I told them that I am on my Computer, I was forwarded to an "expert", and now the funny part starts 😁
Scammer: you have your keyboard in front of you??
Me: yes
S: you see the strg, control ctrl button on the bottom left
M: yes *rly?*
S: what button. Is next to it?
M: fn
S: ...
M: ... *XD*
S: and next to it?
M: that's the windows button
S: ok, press that button along with 'r'
M: ok
S: what do you see?
M: *telling him what I see on my GERMAN pc*
S: ok, type 'eventvwr' *spelling it like hell*
I did so. Just while this spelling I could have hit my head on the desk... It was hilarious
He navigates me to the error and warnings and tells me that those are Trojans 😂 and that this is the reason some programs (especially my antivirus software) aren't running properly.
Well I told him that those aren't Trojans and that all my programs are running properly. I don't know if that was the reason, he stopped the call, but I wasn't able to connect to their 'headserver'.
In the end I am sad that I wasn't able to f*ck him up more. Maybe I would have been able to get some more information about their company to kick their *****.
Next time I will be (more) prepared7 -
The 'i am a total noob' feeling is real fiah like a mix tape right now. last week on a personal project i had the problem of placing a div within a div and the buttons not being clickable. i fixed it by fixing the positions of the elements. today the same thing but will a scrolling div and f*ck me right i just had to forget the solution. now i have been stuck for hours trying to figure out the right way and fooling around with no solution. learn your fundamentals.
4 -
F*ck WIX!!!
POS of software.
Was working with a client to change one email to contact and that shite kicked me out with no warning on changes. Reset the password and now I can't even login. -
Background: I'm on autism spectrum so I get anxious easily and social situations just generally fuck me up. I also have social anxiety disorder. Well, it's just an extension of my ASD really. Making phone calls in uncertain situation is the worst thing ever and I do not do it.
F*ck Microsoft certification exams. I applied for exam accommodations due to my background. (Someone is constantly watching you, you can't move even your eyes off the screen, yeah, screw that. I need to fidget/stim a lot.)
Got accepted. Now I just need to reserve an exam time THROUGH PHONE.
Someone reeeaaally didn't think this through. Normal exam can be reserved online. >.>1 -
Can we talk about Google Allo for a second?
What the everloving f*ck, Google? I don't get it. You built a perfectly solid, pretty chat app with lots of neat features and interesting ideas. And then you ruin it by completely neutering SMS support.
Here's (roughly) what your recipient gets when you message someone who isn't on Allo:
(Allo)(Name): <message> Send STOP to stop Allo messages. Download Allo here: <shortlink>
iMessage figured out SMS integration three f*cking years ago, how could you guys have messed this up so bad?
</rant>8 -
A friend has a small business and asked me if I could make him a small program. So why not, experience for me and I can help a friend out. (This started in ~mid 2016)
Started out as a WPF desktop application with many weird bugs and slow interface, into crashing the database on AWS (could not connect, could not get a backup). It was just hell and I kind of gave up on fixing it.
I always talked to him and said "yeah, I will do something better soon", but I was procrastinating and kept pushing it away from me. Then one day I said "f*ck it - lets go" and started coding on 2.0:
- WebApp with a complete new architecture (which I learned in the past few months)
- User authentication (JWT)
- ASP.NET Core Backend for web api
- Angular 4 Frontend w/ bootstrap
- Coded in like a week with 3-5 hours each day
Deployed around 6 months ago and he never had a complain. When I visited him I asked "how is your application doing?" - "great. it just works!".
My once most hated project turned into the most successful project in just a few months.2 -
*Assigns coworker as reviewer for a PR*
*Reviewer comments on something he thinks should be changed*
*Reviewer realizes I went home as it is Friday afternoon*
*Reviewer is super impatient, and chooses to push the change himself. He then accepts the PR (his own code) , merges, and makes a release*
*Team lead starts yelling since an obvious bug made it to prod - Literally white frontpage*
*Reviewer blames me, since the bug comes from my PR*
... Thanks, former employee. F*cking thanks. I know you got fired for being a d*ck, but I hope karma kicks you in the butt for the rest of your life..
And ps. to you: Don't blame coworkers when you can check the history.
F*ck some people..4 -
I'm done win10. Was updating 5 different games when windows restarts without having said anything yey let's update those 10 gb again. F*ck you windows11
-
Apparently "in" and "out" are the new "varying" and "attribute" in OpenGL's shader language...
Even buying a new graphics card can f*ck up your whole day! 😥2 -
MS Teams:
*Notification*: Bob sent you a message: "Hello netikras. Got a minute for a call? Andrew told me <...>"
Open up Teams, open chat with Bob. Last message received -- 2 weeks ago. Chat summary on the left (chats list) shows the last message was 2 minutes ago with "Hello netikras. Got a...."
Prolly just javascript failed to fetch the full message to display it in the chat.. refresh the Teams tab
Same thing.
How the f*ck do I read the full message? WHAT DID ANDREW TELL BOB????
Fucking Micro$oft... Ironically, the only thing they're good at is hardware. Well okay and the office suite.
Can't even make a working chat app that doesn't lose messages or doesn't behave like a three-headed dragon with multiple personalities in each head.4 -
Listened for about a half-hour yesterday to DevA ‘beat down’ DevB writing a console app for trying out a proof-of-concept idea he had.
DevB: “What’s the URL of the development server?”
DevA: “Why? What are you doing?”
DevB: “I’m needing to throw some messages to it so I can capture data for something I’m working on.”
DevA: “How are you calling the service?”
DevB: “I wrote a console app”
- you could almost hear the eye roll -
DevA: “A console app? Why in the world would you write a console app?”
DevB: “Oh..um..no reason. I just need log some test data for something I’m playing around with. How should I do it?”
DevA: “If it’s test data, you should have wrote a unit test. You see, unit tests …”
- yammer on and on for about 5 minutes about the virtues of unit tests…never really explaining anything -
DevB: “Yea, I’m not needing to test the result or anything. I just need to log some data.”
DevA: “Then you should use a unit test for that, not a console app. With a unit test, you’ll be able to validate the data. That’s what unit tests are for. Microsoft should have never put in console apps in Visual Studio. It just leads to bad coding practices.”
DevB: “Um…I don’t care. It’s a console app because I just need data…thanks anyway”
Today, DevC was talking to DevA
DevC: “Charlie is testing the order module, but there isn’t any test data. Do you still have the data generating script?”
DevA: “Oh yea, I’ll send him my console app that populates the database.”
It was all I could do from screaming “You stupid –bleep-er!! What the f–bleep-ck was all that yesterday?!”, but none of my business. Better to devrant about it than start a fight. -
Manager: These estimates are wrong
Me: Why?
M: These shouldn't take too long
Me: Well you asked me to make those while I was busy with the mess design did.
Jr frontend: Manager is right. They shouldn't take too long.
*me knowing jr doesn't know the system nor coding standards*
Jr: I'll fix mine to get a more accurate estimation. Do you want me to do yours?
* Me thinking f*ck no*
Me: Just do yours.
M: Ok. Then we are settled.
He just wanted me to fit a 10 week project into 6 weeks while I carry the Jr and was complaining I didnt do it well.
Fml5 -
Today I feel like a coding vampire, let me create a new Xamarin project and boOoOost with the code!!
*Creates a clean project, finds 1492 errors* well... f*ck it
4 -
Oh f*ck you Google. You can't tell me you don't collect my data (which option I selected) but ask me to answer surveys to make my ads better. It can't be more obvious...5
-
I hate my current work with this piece of bad written legacy $hit. As 2 year old 'junior' without any code review and mentor I feel depressed. I should improve my skills at home and run away from it.
F#$ck you, corpo.3 -
What the f*ck Microsoft, you made me go trough whole shitton of troubles just to play a music into microphone so I can play music in VRChat while pulseaudio in Linux can redirect the audio without any hassle. You total piece of shit!7
-
I do not understand how you can be dependent on coffee. I never drank one in my entire life, but i pulled off two 28+ days this week.
F*ck my sleep schedule...5 -
Why the f*ck is it so hard to setup an online live radio on NodeJS but making a freaking Google hangouts clone is not.3
-
Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Making mistakes is the only way to learn from them and grow. F*ck sh*t up and build it back up again but better. Fall seven times stand up 8!
-
Why the f*ck do you want custom cursor on the site? It's annoying when suddenly your cursor changes from default. If that's not enough they are increasing size by 2-3 times. I understand if it's a gaming site or web game but why do you want to put this crap on a business site? No need to change the cursor for branding. That's stupid.2
-
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME, WINDOWS?
I finally give in and install your stupid ass update, and what happens? let's just skip the part where i sit around for 30 minutes because apparently it takes 30 fucking minutes to install 300MB - by stallman's underpants, that's 150KB per second!
and when windows FINALLY feels like it has finished fondling it's binary-balls, what is waiting for me?
about 10 stupid-ass data-consent notices straight from satans anus, more weird yes-or-maybe settings for cortana (bill gates' ex or whatever that is) which i don't even USE, my browser speed dial has been complemented by about 7 links to SHOPPING SITES and once i sort that mess out i get a notification that the german language pack has successfully been installed.
SUCK MY FUCKING D*CK MICROSOFT, the ONLY thing i want to do with that language pack is SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS. i can't even uninstall that moronic piece of shit. FUCK YOU.2 -
4 f*ing years since the app is published and f*ing QA team still can't read f*ing logs and find out why the f*ing backend messed up and f*ing blaming it on the frontend in a f*ing scenario that has nothing to do with the f*ing REST API. F**********CK!6
-
"F*ck Microsoft!" **posts online using Windows**
Well thanks to them, I was able to finish my f*cking project in college using Microsoft Office.3 -
What the f*ck ? Is it normal practice or its just me ? My boss outsourced me, i got recruited as regular, because i am early regular. Now i just got told that im one of 2 senior devs in a project. Kinda overwhelming because project is complex and is on stack i wasn't recruited to. Is it something normal that i should enjoy ? Currently im vomiting every morning before every daily and refinements and im considering leaving that job.6
-
When your week has been so stressful... you just want to curl up in the corner and cry.
Murphy's law is taking me for a ride of a lifetime right now, and just when you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel, it's just a lightbulb and another dead end.
F£~*{*}£{*\€|>\€\£~£¥\\*£,'%]#]}[#>\£|¥|+>]£\€£|€|!{¥]*$;&,!:@&;&939/);$$CK!!!!
Glad I could get that off my chest 😆1 -
F*ck JavaFX. I mean, how a GUI framework doesn't have a standart navigation procedure? It is not even possible to create a page by constructor. In many other framework when I wanted to pass a data to a page, I just had to write
"new MyPage(SomeClass someObject)"
but in javafx I have to first create a constructor, link the fxml file to it then show the page.
Actually I am not angry. It is a big mistake to wait a good GUI framework from a company that has a website something like that in 2018.
1 -
Every time I read the abbreviation for Cold Fusion Markup Language, my brain translates it to this:
CFML -> C?! F*ck my life!! -
not dev.
A follow up on my HSBC credit increase rejection rant from last month. So they ended up saying "we chose not to give you an increase even though your account is very good. Feel free to try again in 3-6 months but I can't guarantee your request will be approved."
I let it be.
Today I got an email saying that following a recent review of my account, they'd like to offer me an increase. The same increase I asked for last month and got rejected, and then had my credit score ruined over. Bitch what.
I am petty af, tomorrow I'll call them and tell them that "after having reviewed their services, I choose not to give them consent to increase my credit limit. I understand this isn't the outcome they were hoping for, but that is my decision. Feel free to reach out again in 3-6 months but I can't guarantee that I'll change my mind. "
Yes I know the rep on the other end of the line wouldn't give a f*ck, I just want that recorded. I don't really need the increase, just wanted to lower my utilisation. They can suck it.2 -
Any other IT company is like:
* Task -> Designer -> Markup coder -> Backend -> Finish
Our IT company:
Act I: "Art of setting up contact with idiots".
------
Items:
*Cave scripts (aka "typical task")
Designer: -- "DAFUQ?"
Customer: *gives another interpretation*
Designer: -- "Erm... really? White text on white background?"
Customer: -- "Make a decision by yourself. I was expecting much more independence from you. You are an expert after all."
Designer: -- "Well. I'm making decision by myself. The text will be placed *here* and will be gray-colored, because *bla-bla-bla*"
Customer: -- "I disagree."
Designer: *1 hour of silence later* -- "Well...k."
Act II: "Design meets ar(u)tist"
----
Items:
*Something, that was drawn by dumb kid while smashing his own head against desk. (PSD layout)
* Salt (to pour it on open wounds)
Designer: -- "I'm seeing this task *this way*"
Markup: -- "And how do u think i should get this done? Have you even seen what you made?? This is bullshit!"
Designer: -- "It's not bullshit! It's a sci-fi themed layout!"
Markup: -- "With gameplay elements and graphics from Alien Shooter??"
Designer: -- "Well, I don't care." *brings new edits and changes*
Markup: -- "????"
Designer: *smug face* -- "!!!"
Act III (7 days later, 9 hours till deadline): "Short story about boy, who was trying to hang himself, but instead fell out from window."
----
Items:
*Markup, smelling like it went through hell and back (x1)
* Markup coder with fried butt (x1)
Backend: -- "What. Is. THAT?"
Markup: -- "It's a work we should complete in 9 hours."
Backend: -- "WE?? I know u mean me, but that's a nightmare. What the f*ck were you doing all this time?"
Markup: -- "Well..." *finds out that he was only watching films and sleeping* "I was making this thing up..."
Backend: -- "You mean "f*cking" *this* thing "up"?"
Markup: -- "Not without it"
(*3 hours of edits and changes of color from white to white later*)
Backend: -- "Well, let's do this."
*Picks PHP and tries to bundle it up with MongoDB. After some time tries to rewrite everything to JS and starts shouting something like "F***CK" and looking for window to walk through. Figures out that he is on first floor. And that he is too lazy to go upstairs*
Act IV (3 days after deadline): "Pain and misery":
-----
Items:
*Something covered with insul(t)ating tape. (Final product)
Customer: -- "Really?"
Team: -- "Kinda."
Customer: -- "Well, thanks for your work anyway. It feels like it's going to disassemble right in my hands but it just works. Oh, also, you didnt made this in time, so your payment will be over9000 times lower. That's all"
Backend, on fluids: -- "Well...yeah..."
Markup: -- "Don't look at me like that. I really was doing my job."
Designer, with twitching eye: -- "Huh, I see. You worked so hard that we have nothing to eat now. Thanks for that."
Backend: ...
1 -
How many sh*t days does it need to make me down?
3 ...
I hate my company, for making everything overcomplicated and annoying.... I have to discuss with 3 peoples for 3 days to getting some gitlab premium licenses (20$ per month for 10 licenses)... Why do you need it? Why we can't use the free version? Why Why Why... It's not enough to tell them it will save us much times and improves the quality of development.....
Also I wanted to ask if we can to Jaxb or another Dev Conference this year... Then I got the information that we have about 2000 Euro for 10 people for training.......... What should we do if everyone buys a book this budget is out .... f*ck company....
Second day, half of the day was taken for fixing the live db on the fly cause of a bad structure of tables... at least fixed some other inconsistence too... later the day fixed a freaking shitty bug with Spring Devtools and 2 Classloader to make the product that I'm presenting in 2 days running.
Today next shitty day with discussion that everything I did last half year (introducing Microservices, Kubernetes, Kafka and other DevOps things) could be maybe useless when the external company will say that they use another ecosystem -..- for their microservices...
Someone looking for a disappointed java developer? I just want to develop the best product ever... I'm happy with every area... Frontend, Backend, DevOps, Fullstack, Architect in some kinds depends on the wishes and technologies.1 -
Hey, I have a cool idea about a new way to solve a problem our users are having!
Type type type, now I have a working prototype! Show it to the team, everyone loves it. Polish it a little, it works really great!
Now let's test it on an iPad like the ones our users have... Nope, nothing works, undefined is not a function.
F*CK YOU SAFARI, you're why we can't have nice things. 😤 -
Casting Netflix on the latest Chromecast devices forces you to re-log in to your account on the TV every time you click that Cast button on your mobile. A minor problem for people with a small family and no friends. A big pain for those who cast from different accounts.
And a massive problem for me and one of our hardware solutions which remotely streams mutliple chromecast devices via a UDP directly in to different rooms in a hotel.
F*ck you Google TV, you insistent piece of crap, I'm going back to Chromecast Ultra.3 -
C:
char greeting[] = "Hello world";
Developers: char array... What da f*CK!
C++
... Okay.
std::string,
std::string_view,
char*,
std::wstring,
hstring,
qstring...
How about now? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)5 -
F*ck Apple. WatchOs 4 is a downgrade! On first apple watch the system runs half the speed. The music app is now shit, because I can only play music downloaded on the 2gb apple watch. Seriously wtf? Maybe I have more music than 2gb. There new design of the app slowed the app down to 15 fps...
The story watch face is complete crap it shows all the time only "Good morning, name".
The worst is I can't go back to the watchOS 3 which was so many times better...
And you still have this bug that pisses me off since watch OS 1 you can hear every sounds coming from your watch with your Bluetooth headphones, but not calls.
You have to hear the call with the apple watch speakers when you don't want to buy airpods.
In other words the function is useless.
And it's one of the most important.
Pls apple why has every watchOS update have to be an downgrade...
And I don't have any chance to get off of this version unlike with iOS. -
Hey guys! So I just woke up from a dream in which I was talking with skilled programmer and he gave me awesome pro tip which I'd never realize exists!
But it was my dream so my idea. I have no idea how the f*ck this works but it's awesome. Is it just me or ?3 -
I'd two roommates that when they get hungry while coding they start to name the variables like p*ssy, f*ck, d*ck. One day, they where late to send the project to evaluate and
forget to change the variables names. The teachers didn't like that 😂 -
So last night I ran out of space on my root partition, apparently 30GB isn't enough for `/` besides `/home` and `/data` because both `/var` and `/usr` used around 14GB each so I decided to create partitions for them, had 500GB unallocated disk space on my SSD for if I wanted to install windows on my machine besides Arch Linux.
I edited the fstab file and sure enough, the partitions were mounted on boot, everything went fine. Then U realised the data wasn't actually removed from the first partition so I decided to mount the drive again and remove the files, the system still worked fine.
Untill I rebooted. Apparently the bit scripts require files in the`/usr` folder which wasn't mounted at boot, but right after. F*ck, system won't boot and now I'm in a recovery shell in busybox. After googling and reading the arch wiki I noticed a small message saying what you should do if you want to have `/usr` on another partition. I didn't do any of that.
After a couple of hours and a lot of reboots and chroots from a live USB to the broken installation it was fixed without losing any data! I did learn to read the manual or wiki to see any specifics when using more partitions. 😂2 -
So recently i got a message from aa person asking how to (these are exact words) ,
:break into insta's database using Sqlmap"
I then proceeded to tell them to "f*ck of ya c*nt ".
Afterwords it inspired me to write this rant
annoying classmates:" hahaha GuYS bEtER wAtcH OuT he's GonnaA hack Us"
me: " yea I can program I also do some ethical hacking and cybersecurity "
annoying classmates: "hahaH Bro your a Hacker OhHHhHHOOO BrO CaN yoU hACk inSta FoR mE I NEEd MoRe FolloWeRs "
me:" tf no one that's illegal and two it's waste of my time "
annoying classmates: "BrOooo CaN yoU gEt Me SoMe HacKs fOr CsGo"
me: "can you just please f*ck off , i'm not hacking for you everything you've asked me is extremely unethical and a huge waste of time, Also if you suck so bad at a game you need to cheat I recommend just stopping "
annoying classmates: "DUdE whAt ToolS dO i HVAE to DownLOad To Be A haCkEr"
me: *trying hard not to murder them* " I told you to f*ck off"
being a hackers isn't downloading tools it isn't typing at 90wpm into a terminal with green font its not about games or fame or anything its about coming up with creative solutions to problems , thinking outside the box its about individuality and breaking from the heard , looking at things from a different viewpoint,
it's about endlessly seeking knowledge.
It's about freedom though creation that's what being a hacker originally was. But because of big media and movie company's (and script kiddies) people now confuse hacker with cracker and think of us as jobless fat kids sitting in a dark room in there parents house breaking into bank accounts and buying drugs on the dark web (which people see to think there a hacker just because they can open tor browser. they then proceed to use google to look up "fresh onion links 2020") .
My classmates and really my generation has a huge case of smooth brain. They a think we can just look at someone and hack them they also seem to think using a gratify link to get a persons up is hacking and using the inspect element is hacking and that opening a terminal is hacking ! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Anyways ima end this here thanks for reading :)5 -
Motherf*ing broadcom and thair sh*tty wlan adapters with 0 comaptibility so you have do download drivers witch you CANT because you have no FRIGGING wifi. *Downloads drivers from another pc*
Mak install ERROR this variable is not set when initiated. WHAT??? Yo are a sotware company and cant even make Installers what the f*ck1 -
I have some people trying to access to my accounts from far away.
I think my password have been leaked :|
f*ck6 -
WHY THE F*CK CAN'T I DELETE FILES STARTING WITH A DOT USING FTP?
Guess these files will be there for ever...6 -
F*ck software updates..
So while working today, one of the IT support guy came and asked to update my windows machine due to some stupid company 'security policy' they were following .. That update took more than 3hrs.. The reason it took so long because I somehow managed to avoid any updates for 6-8 months.
But that is not the end of the story... Windows update was followed by a bios update, some softwares, and at this point I just gave up and went for a cup of coffee, and left my machine locked in a drawer still updating and it will stay in this condition until tomorrow.. We'll see if something breaks after updating.
F*ck why are there so many updates and why each of them requires a f*cking reboot...
Productivity today was less than the number of side projects I completed. 😪6 -
How the f*ck could Apple release an MBP with such a sucky flawed subpar keyboard? One speck of dust and your $3000 laptop is about as useful as a brick! Idiots!2
-
It's 2am and I uploaded to app store without updating the stupid plist.. I'm sure the build is going to get rejected.. F*******ck
-
Just received a connection request on Linked In of a Recruitment Consultant. Searched the company to see at least what they do and their official website is made by WordPress... I didn't even need to see the code of the first page to know that...
2 -
FINALLY got Chrome to accept my self signed ssl certificate on OSX!!!!
F*ck this has taken waaay to long....
For anyone seeking advice, look here:
https://alexanderzeitler.com/articl...9 -
Dumb mistake from when I was still working:
My work laptop’s SSD went haywire, and I/O would spike every 10 minutes or so for ~50 ms. The hardware guy said he could replace the SSD right away, or I could endure it for a few weeks and get a new laptop instead. Obviously, I agreed to wait. The stutter noticeably affected screen rendering, but I didn’t notice any other issues. Little did I know that every time it happened, all input was ignored (as in: not queued). Normally it wouldn’t matter, because hitting a random ~50 ms window is hard. How-the-f×ck-ever…
A few days later — without getting into “why” — I was forced to apply a patch in production. So I opened an SSH session to prod in one terminal, spun up a dev environment in another, copied the database schema from prod to dev, and made sure to test everything. No issues, so I jumped to prod, applied the patch, restarted services, jumped back to dev, and cleaned up the now-unnecessary database. Only to discover that my “jumped back to dev” keystroke didn’t register.15 -
I've had enough of recruitment phone calls, from now on if they don't follow:
1) Look at the FAQ made solely for them.
2) Contact me exclusively through email or chat(Skype) indicated by me.
I'll not f*ucking care about them.
My memory is not made to record perfectly every single call from any job offering, I'm sick of getting lost in memories of calls that, in the end, sound really similar between each other. F*ck this system of "I need your number to keep in touch with you(or update you) about this offer".1 -
f*ck. I hate myself. I could've finished my assignment in 3 hours, and now it f*cking took me 7 hours because I get OCD and I'm too slow to f*cking do it. And I'm still not finished!!3
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So, this is a story of an experience a friend of mine had with Android Studio.
As part of our semester, we are required to make an application through Android Studio, and had no previous experience with it. We started to download and install it all which were a nightmare on its own to make it work.
While i got it to work in the end, she encounterred a big issue. Her pc was named after her name, which contained letters android studio did not understand (æ,ø,å) and made it absolutely useless.
After installing and uninstalling multiple times, she ended up making and entire new user called "F#ck Android Studio" just to make it work.
No idea if there was an easier way, but damn its been hell for her4 -
Working in an expanding business is mostly fun, can be kind of challenging (for those who don't like to step in and do what's needed). One thing in particular you need to do a lot - is interviews. Lot's of them.
There are alsways two sides of the coin, for sure. But, just a little tip/hint to everyone looking for a job - please, please, please make sure your CV and letter at least makes sense for the position you're trying to get.
This (screenshot) is just one example of things in a CV which really makes me want to shout and kick people out.
It's part of the front page of a CV, for someone who is looking for a position as front-end developer / UX specialist. This person claims to be very interested in UX, and has done wome work already in this field.
Can ANYONE explain to med WHAT THE F*CK this actually means?
1) How many stars can a row have? 10, 6, 8?
2) What does it mean to have 4 starss in PHP knowledge? What's lacking to get 5?
3) What's the scale based on, at all?
And you want me to hire to to do UX of loyalty communication (e-mail, mobile apps, websites/landing pages) for our customers - who in turn have millions of customers/prospects?!?
ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?
If you can't even make a visualization of your _own_ knowledge which can be interpreted into some sort of competence matrix, but you just use something you think looks cool... Damn, you could at least have tried.
1 -
Was really motivated and started out with Android development.
Android studio is sick as fuck.I am struck in the second step.The only solution I can find is "try restarting your system".
Like wtf arrrgh!!
After gazillion times of restarts later. Finally, I am giving up.
Thank you google, now go f*ck yourself.9 -
This is a true story when I was working as a application technician a couple of years ago!
Before I started working there, they had a couple of incidents with ppl with less knowledge accidently deleted stuffs in prod databases, and only a handfull of ppl get the full access to them. I started working in this team, and one day I was asked to run a snippet in one of the prod databases from a co-worker with less privilege.
Loged in, run the snippet and the server STALLED for a couple of minutes! When the snippet was finished I looked at the screen and saw the output "1724217 rows deleted". The fun part here, was that we went to a coffee break right after this, and after a couple of minutes we started to hear ppl mumbling that the network was slow as f*ck, servers didn't respond etc etc.
Well, I responded that I got a snippet that deleted 1724217 row in a table and we ran back to our computers and started to work backwards to solve this.
The best part in this story is that:
* Was not my fault! Even thou I was the one that executed it.
* The tables was deleted from a live prod server that was not heavily used!
* I asked for a life line for us in this team, that we needed a prevented output so we can "match" the actual output after we ran it in prod from the ones from the developers!
Even thou it was not my fault, this is the worst mess up I have done working in IT over 10 years. O_o
8 -
Sometimes i would really like caches to be f*ck*d in the arse untill they refresh themselves out of self pity so i dont need to search for the f*ck*ng problem for an hour!!!2
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Second phishing victim of the year.
F*ck our email service provider, the service sucks so much. The deny list DOESN'T EVEN WORK. I'm so fed up with this.4 -
Windows 10 User here.
I am really going through my system settings quite often to find potential trojan horses, spyware and what-not that installed itself over time (most security threats come through windows updates IMO).
I was baffled to once again find a bunch of "auto-allowed"-settings that are a potential threat to the security of my system, accompanied by their mysterious services and processes that now appeared (dont know when exactly, but last time I looked, probs a month ago, they pretty surely didnt exist!)
Have a look for yourself.
I of course am in the middle of migrating to linux due to the increasing severity with which Microsoft threatens PC-Security (and mine along with it).
F*CK MICROSHIT!!! >:((
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Installation instruction for a program written in Python:
> pip install MyProgram
Ok but I do not have pip, so I install it... Oops, needs Python 3 but linux has Python 2 installed by default. I try to start the program; it crashes.,...
People using Python, are you serious??????????? 👏👏😳 So it is possible to install a program written in Python only if I f*ck around with Python versions? I have both 2 and 3 installed but how the hell do I know what version is used when I run pip? I set global alias python=python3 but it did not help. RIP.8 -
Holy shit big companies are absolutely rubish. How on earth do they not think about the long term. I'm like "look what we are doing isn't right, we can't make new functionality that will no longer works in 6month. The other department webservices are changing and you're well aware of that" and they're like "we need to produce value, we don't have the resources, blabla". Why should I care? f#ck you it's not my company and don't come back crying that it's not working.
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Today I've experimented the windows' blue screen of death...
My windows partition was f*ck up.
I tried many fixes, like boot from grub (which very complicated), boot from a usb with ubuntu live version and run boot-repair.
Bit finally I ended up, make a live usb of windows 10, (tried 6 times before finding the good way to do it with uefi bios) and reset windows without deleting my personnal files.
I'm pretty much proud of me right now.2 -
Well I recently decided to apply for a job although I was planning to go to college in full time this October.
I saw the job ad whilst being active on Stack Overflow. As I just finished my apprenticeship some months ago, I decided to call the firm and ask if I can apply. I clearly stated what I have done before and what knowledge I've gained and what I'm not able/willing to do.
I was "allowed" to apply and additionally took two coding challenges (I completed all tasks with the correct results) as well as a one-hour telephone interview.
After that I almost immediately got invited to a personal job interview after the firm's boss agreed.
The meeting ran very well and I was able to correctly answer almost all questions. Although I was applying for a complete backend position I was asked unconditionally many questions about frontend/webdesign, what I clearly stated that I'm not good at this and thus also not looking for a job with such an requirement.
Two days later I got the response form the HR, that they were looking for some more experienced (within a professional software development team) which I didn't because I was mostly working as the programmer and IT guy in non-IT department in the company I worked before. That hasn't been a mystery I wasn't telling before. 😮😮😮😮
But HR additionally told me, they noticed - whilst in the recruitment process with me - that they already have enough backend devs and are seeking for a frontend dev instead.
Well then why the f*ck do you upload a job ad when you suckers don't need that position? And why the hell do you think you then have to waste my time with a frontend-oriented interview? Get your shit on the way and just invite people you really want to employ.
So rethink. Much wow.1 -
f*ck chrome extensions
that shit can only be built with pure luck...
I was supposed to finish this by today evening ( I was the moron who told everyone that it will be done by today ) and I really thought it would be done by then and slept peacefully that there are no errors to haunt me tomorrow
but this .... this thing somehow evolved overnight BUT BACKWARDS!!!!
what worked last night doesn't work now and I am 100% sure that I will waste my time printing variables in console and it will start working when it is done f*cking up my mind1 -
oh god, wake up snappy as a lubed tomato, ready for battle. Gotta take my adhd stimulant, namely Vyvanse or else it'd be cokedbenz-like, annoying the f*ck out of everyone cuz me wouldn't even manage to keep still.
So I take those 70mg punch and
my brain takes it like a sissy! It slows to a crawl, surprise, surprise motherf*cker, it's bed time, AGAIN!
Can't keep my peepers open. Why god, why that med gets me into hibernation mode??
No trouble, no trouble, son, pop some Ritalin and you'll be ready to go!
Alright, alrighty! Take a couple of those and it's like a coffin's final nail, Thanatos roundhouse kick to Dreamland! Wtf 😒
If I hadn't gone thru the "I don't need it", "better off without it" phase so many, many! times before, I'd consider not taking those, but I know, I know that even tho those first few days would be great, by week's end I'd find me self rampaging life and crashing like thunder, with a big bang7 -
Working from home.. no airconditioning.. no fan ('cause Covid particles danger).. f************ck.21
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So after 10 BSODs and 5 hours of recorvering, formatting and reinstalling we finally managed to reinstall Windows 10 on my friends computer! Yaaaaah! I was so freaking stressed and frustrated but now its all good2
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As someone who has been developing a game (not even close to 20% done) and dealing with bug reports, I'm pissed off by this one report from a game I play, which I'll just shamelessly copy-paste it here for y'all to read and rant
"Title: [sic]lag never fixed
[sic]i dont wanna report lag doesnt mean there's no lag ,
the LAG is real, and is getting worse and worse everyday, vespa please fix the problem,
i used to think i could bear this lag, but i cant ,i just cant, after 5+ times game crashing everyday,my patient is losing . you say u are fixing it every maintenance,but what is this BXXX SXXX?all i could see it you are trying your best to grab money from my wallet(well u FXXXING successed),and the promise you made to fix the lag never ever ..........
sorry for my bad Chiglish, but./......"
I'm not a developer of the game, but this pisses me off. The guy wants fixes on the "lag"; which lag?? latency?? FPS?? random freezes??; while giving absolutely ZERO details on the "lag" AND accusing the company of stealing money without doing sh-t, which is not true as far as I can tell in-game. So, I instinctively waltzed in and ranted at how sh-t the report is in detail, and accused him of inhibiting the game's development because of his sh-t report, and he replied with this (I told him I'm a game dev in the reply I mentioned):
"[sic]as a person who made this game should know what lag is just like u know what fuk is as a human being,and i said game crash ,thats the best way i could explain as a normal player not like you an arrogant indie game dev!and if u cant understand what course the game crash,as a player like me how could i know, thats the reason im asking for help here,and i hope they dont have such indie game dev like you who doesnt know lag(game crash)"
M-th-rf-ck-r. For the first time, I see true ignorance. While writing this, I'm typing my next reply for the m-th-rf-ck-r that lacks common sense on reporting a bug. For f-ck sake if I found him I'll put a bullet through his head.2 -
Okay lets learn somethin new, maybe make a little game with a new language as a summer project, yeah thats a good idea.
First 3 hours: How the f*ck do you use this motherf*cking function put some god damn real examples you f*cking f*cks, Im sick of your hypothetical ass dripping guides.
Another 2 hours later: After an*l probing the f*ck out of the forums and some tries I finally can make this title flicker...
Wooooorth iiiiit8 -
F*ck you Laravel, just f*ck you.
just spent the whole night trying to make the router to work, reinstalled lamp over and over again, htaccess looks good, still getting internal errors. Why can't we just work with Node?5 -
F*ck you Microsoft for putting your useless browser over my IDE when i type "inte" in the quick access bar
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MySQL Innodb easily get crashed, bullshit, I just restarted my server now all databases get corrupted. F*ck you OVH3
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Work prank i want to pull of....
We kind of did all of it🤗😂
Wanted to put a bull horn under my co workers table. We did actually do it and made a video of it.
Have never stopped crying from laughs🤗
If you can’t have fun then why bother!?!?1 -
What we will miss, if he really softens:
In fact, if the reason is stated as "it makes debugging easier", then I fart in your general
direction and call your mother a hamster.
In short: just say NO TO DRUGS, and maybe you won't end up like the Hurd people.
Of course, I'd also suggest that whoever was the genius who thought it was a good idea to read things ONE F*CKING BYTE AT A TIME with system calls for each byte should be retroactively aborted. Who the f*ck does idiotic things like that? How did they not die as babies, considering
that they were likely too stupid to find a tit to suck on?
Gnome seems to be developed by interface nazis, where consistently the excuse for not doing something is not "it's too complicated to do", but "it would confuse users".
I think the stupidity of your post just snuffed out everything
I think the OpenBSD crowd is a bunch of masturbating monkeys, in that they make such a big deal about concentrating on security to the
point where they pretty much admit that nothing else matters to them.
That is either genius, or a seriously diseased mind. - I can't quite tell which.
Christ, people. Learn C, instead of just stringing random characters together until it compiles (with warnings).
"and anybody who thinks that the above is
(a) legible
(b) efficient (even with the magical compiler support)
(c) particularly safe
is just incompetent and out to lunch.
The above code is sh*t, and it generates shit code. It looks bad, and
there's no reason for it." -
If I was a docker image I could spin off another version of myself, but right now I can't. So stop f@&$ck triple book me for meeting and let me code.
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This conversation happened yesterday between me and a client:
"I need drivers for my Hackintosh build, macOS doesn't find and install the graphics card and the NIC"
I laughed at first, then i asked him his configuration..
"I have a 6700K and an MSI M3 H170"
Okay, things are getting worse here...
"So do you know the difference between H170 and Z170?"
"Yes, I have bought an H170 one because i do not overclock"
"Then, tell me why the f*ck you have bought a K processor if you do not f*cking overclock..."
"Because is more powerful"
F*ck no, he didn't said that... -
when you are working on a project and your computer turned off(cause battery exists)
Me: FUUU WHY THE F*CK DID IT TURN OF, I HATE THIS COMPUTER, IF I HAD ANOTHER COMPUTER THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED. -
F@#^$$^#^&CK!
I accidentally deleted the rds instance of a microservice without final snapshoot.
No weekend to me :( -
Looking into some javascript. Which function should I use... guess I have to start the day refactoring. What the f*ck, is good naming so hard:
...
function removeColumn(column) {
selectedColumns.remove(column);
};
function columnRemove(column) {
appliedColumns.remove(column);
}; -
Windows updates delayed by company SecTeam policies, couple of PC nearby infected with WannaCry, but using Linux is still not supported.
Installed Linux on my own and dealing with all that stupid stuff on my own. F*ck!2 -
Designed and worked on a website with no help and no assistance from the "head programmer" since he was leaving.
He told me he could have done what I have done since "you programmed it in bootstraps"
(Check tag for response)
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