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Search - "meth"
Boss: I need you to start on this new project, how long will it take?
Me: well, hard to say with no specs whatsoever...
Boss: just your best guess
Me: 4 to 6 month I guess?
Boss: so 3 months it is. When can you start?
Me: no specs, sir...and I said 4 to 6
Boss: the specs are almost ready, I know you can simplify it
Boss: just start with the basic infrastructure already
(4 months later)
Boss: here you are the specs, they might change a little in behaviour and design, but all the main stuff is here
(Hands me a A3 with a total of 21 pictures in InDesign)
Me: o....Kay. what happens when I click here?
Boss: oh, we should still talk about the app workflow, I'll get you updated
(2 weeks and 16 total rewrites of the "specs" later)
Boss: you told me it was a 2 months job, why aren't you finished yet? We must deploy in 3 weeks!
I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.
My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.
No payout though 🤔16
This may be limited to Germany:
Apparently you can get free vouchers (from 2 to 5 euros in value) on the website "pizza.de".
There is a lottery kind of game right now on this URL: https://pizza.de/casino/
If you just open the developer console and run "win()", you "win" the game and can enter your phone number to get your voucher 🤔
What idiot programmed this?
What idiot reviewed this?
What idiot put this live?40
I wonder when there will be the first manufacturer to introduce the "cool" new notch design to normal screens. 🤔27
When someone changes the API at 5pm without notice and you get a call at midnight that no one can login.6
Now now, chill. I'm using it as my main OS for a few years now. I know what I'm talking and this title is a bit click-baity, but this just has to go out there:
1. It's usable as a Windows replacement just fine - FALSE. XFCE4 is years old and buggy as hell especially on multi-monitor set-up, Gnome3 gets stuck more often than my Windows 98 machine used to, KDE is like a rich kid on meth. Plug in Bluetooth headphones? Well no, sorry, you have to research that online, since you'll probably need to install some packages for it to work. Did I say "work"? Well no, because after more research you realize that Debian on Gnome3 on gdm3 launches pulseaudio on its own, so you have 2 instances of pulseaudio, and one of them is stealing your headphones sometimes and you either have no sound or shitty sound. How do I know that you ask? The same way I know everything else - every time you try to do something new on any Linux, it involves a ton of research. Exciting research, don't get me wrong, but at this point it looks more like a toy than a reliable desktop computer operating system.
2. And why am I using pulseaudio? Why not alsa? years ago people were discussing on forums that pulseaudio is old and dead, yet here we are with new LTS release of Ubuntu still shining with Pulseaudio. How about several different service management systems being deprecated by new ones, each having different configurations and calling methods? Apparently systemd is old and lame now. It's a mix of 10 year old software that works badly, with a 5 year old replacement that works worse, somehow trying to live under the same roof. Does it work? Ask my headphones who sound like a fucking dial-up modem.
3. Let's talk about displays, shall we? xorg is old and deprecated, right? We got Wayland that's mostly stable. Don't know what that is? That's just basic knowledge for Linux. And when you try to install network-manager, it also tries to install Mir toolkits. Because why the fuck not install 3 display managers when you want a network manager, of which one is old and dying, one is young and stupid, and another is an infant that died of cancer?
4. Want to integrate with Google Drive? Yeah, there's a tool that mounts the drive as a local directory. Yeah only for Ubuntu. Want it on Debian? You need to compile it. Oh wait, it's on Ocaml, because fuck mainstream languages, we're hipsters. How do you compile Ocaml? Well you need to have Ocaml on your system, dummy. How do you do that? Well you need to compile Ocaml. Ok, how do I do that? Well, git clone, download and install some dependencies, configure, make... oh sorry, you're using libssl1.0.2g when you need libssl1.0.1f, nope, sorry, won't work. Want to install libssl1.0.1f? Why? You already have the "g", stupid! Want to remove libssl1.0.2g? Bye-bye literally everything that you have on your PC. But at least you got the "f". Does it work now? Well no, because you need libssl1.0.2g for another dependency to work.
And all I ever wanted was to get a fucking document from google drive (not nudes, I promise).
5. Want to watch a movie? Let me tear that screen in half and make the bottom half late by a couple of frames, because who needs vertical sync, right? Oh you do? Well install the native drivers maybe. Oh you have? Welcome to eternal Boot to Recovery mode, motherfucka!
Yeah, most of the times things work just fine. But the reason I know what those things are and how they work is not curiosity. The reason that I know the inner workings of Linux much better than the inner workings of Windows, is because in those few years that I've been using it full time, it has caused me 10 times more headache than I have ever experienced with other systems. And it's not the usual annoyances like "OMG it rebooted when I didn't ask it to", but more like "Oh, it won't work and I need 2 days to find out why" kind of stuff, because even if you experience the same thing again, it's always caused by some new shit and the old solution won't work any more.
I still love it, and will continue to use it. I don't know why really. Maybe because I'm not afraid of fucking it up any more? Maybe because I can do what I want in it and recovering will be easier than on Windows?
It's a toy for me, after all these years. And I also use it for professional reasons.
But whenever someone presents it as a better alternative to Windows, I just want to puke.52
HR Project update meeting.
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.3
IF PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES WERE DRUGS:
Anyone can cook some up at home but only pros can make the good stuff without blowing everything up.
Under the influence it tries to do everything at once, in seemingly no specific order before running off and making plenty of promises - but you have no clue if it kept any until it returns.
C = Heroin:
It takes some prep before you can take a hit but when you do it's far more potent than expected. When prepped (compiled) correctly it will induce complete and utter ecstasy but any error or abuse may kill you, leave you on the floor, in a coma or wishing you were dead.
HTML = Paracetamol(Panado):
Some don't think it's a real drug and others do. Either way you should grow a pair and try something a little more hardcore.
I came up with these after I randomly explained asynchronous js to a junior as synchronous code on meth. These were just off the top of my head, please feel free to correct or expand on them :-)25
I sleepy, accessing the server in the middle of the night to resolve a problem.
'ssh connection closed'
Go back to sleep.
Boss: hey mech eng, we need a setup modification
Mech: no prob, boss, we can have it prototyped in 3 weeks, industrialized in 2 months
Boss: oh, right then, go on
Boss: hey, Soft Eng, we need a functional modification
Soft Eng: no prob boss, we can develop it in 4 hours, tested and documented in 2 hours and integrated and shipped to the client by tomorrow morning
Boss: what??? One day?? You just need to edit a couple of lines of code! I want it ready in ten minutes top!5
$ alias sudo='sudo '
(note the intentional space within the quotes, allows using aliases with sudo)
$ alias fucking=sudo
Allows stuff like:
$ fucking rm /important-stuffs
$ fucking service foobar stop
$ fucking reboot
I've got a mini stroke today. My project ended and I got delegated elsewhere.
"It's going to be fine, it's c++, you will find yourself there"
Suspicious, it's a project everybody was staying out of as hard as they can. But hey, it's cool, how bad can it be? what can go wrong with that?
Reality was brutal, project that uses Boost C++ as framework and bjam as builder. Builds with a decent dose of luck, and only under special circumstances, only under one specific version of compiler. No docs, quartet of the code is in Fortran, just to use ancient lisp part which was second qarter. The most senior Dev around does not have idea how it all works. Also everything is inside one enormous try/catch block. Because of the reasons.
That's how people end up with severe alcoholism and meth addiction.8
So according to some reddit user IKEA sends your password as a GET parameter in plain text.
Seems to be a network authentication thingy, but still 🤔35
My second job. I've been hired as a research specialist, not a developer, but they found out I could code during the interview.
Boss: hey, so we have our main product line that shares the control panel for all the models, right?
Me: unh, yeah
B: well, we need to know how it works.
B: yeah, I mean, we should have a manual with all the tech documentation so we know how everything works
M: ...and didn't you handle the tech docs to the developers?
B: uh...no, actually we requests feature to the devs (note: external company) with a phone call, or email...now we need the specs.
The other company (which is part of the same group) handles me the source code.
It is a huge, 25k lines of spaghetti written by at least 7 people, one at a time, uncommented.
After a month I produce a 50page doc with how everything works, after actually compiling my resignation letter 3 times.
M: boss, here the docs
B: fine, I'll take a look
15 mins later
B: this is not what we need! You cannot describe those algorithm like this!
( I described the algorithms with their block flow, with a punctual verbal description)
M: umh.. So how do you need it?
B: we need an excel table, with all the entering conditions on the rows and all the exit conditions in columns, and the description of the condition of work in the crossing cells!
M: are you even serious?7
One month ago. By email.
Boss: so, this client A has a problem with one of our devices and he believes that it's a bug in the software.
Me: all right then, what happens?
Boss: well, he says that the parameter P in the option menu does not changes the device's behaviour as it is supposed to. I'll forward you his mail. You will find attached an excell file with the results of his test performed with and without the parameter active.
Me: < read mail, read excell file > well, boss, his tests are performed in completely different conditions, how could he expect to infer a meaningful results from this?
Boss: damn, you are right. Send him a test plan and follow up.
Me: < send detailed test plan >
No answer in a week. Then...
Client: hi, there, I made this tests, I attached the excell with the results, can you check the software now?
Me: < read another bullshit filled excell file with none of the suggested test performed >
You know what? Just download the procedures you are using from the device and send them by mail, specifying the software version you are using so we can perform some tests here in the lab and get yo a solution asap.
No response. For a MONTH.
Super Boss: client A still has his problem, how could possibly be that it takes more than A FUCKING MONTH to solve his issue??
I'm starting to lose faith in humanity ... I mean recruiters ...
But then I start thinking to myself: "Did I ever HAVE faith in them?" 🤔14
Spotify just asked me for my ZIP code (to verify my family plan again after like a year).
I typed 00000 and they accepted that 🤔8
A friend found this Microsoft link a few weeks ago. The background image is missing because it's been removed from imgur and it's still broken to date 🤔
C: hey mate, what's the best tool to open up this 31.1M rows x 106 cols CSV file?
M: Umh...Pandas DataFrame or R DataTable I guess?
C: all right, Excell will do, thanks!
M: erhm...yeah, anytime?11
Your git commit history on your personal branch when you're freaking out and cry tears in joy because the code you spent the whole previous week on to somehow get it to work suddenly DOES work.3
Why do so many people waste their time and their computers turning coal into heat? It really pisses me off.
Often I meet smart guys who are fairly decent coders and after what starts as an interesting conversation is instantly destroyed by cryptocurrency.
It is *exactly* like enjoying a discussion of the intriguing nuances of quantum chemistry only to have the guy say, "thats all cool, but how do you make meth?"
You want to use your decked out rig to make money? Fine. But please help us solve important problems instead of literally wasting electricity. Just google search "supercomputer physics" and you will find a thousand current problems requiring extremely fast computers for number crunching. All of them can make you more money than crypto and all of them help society at the same time.
We burn coal to make most of the electricity on this planet. Most coal stations burn around 20,000 tons of coal per day. The world burns about 250 tons of coal every *second*. This is converted into carbon dioxide. (coal = carbon, add two oxygens when you burn it, producing three times as much mass in CO2, which then goes out the smoke stack)
The big picture is this: currently we are forced to burn coal to make the world work. Turning off the boilers would result in an almost instant apocalyptic collapse of society. BUT, we don't need to burn it merely to produce waste heat in your video card array.
Please use your superpowers for good.
I hate when I'm being questioned when I wander off to the kitchen to get a sandwich for 5 minutes when the smokers at the office have their sixth smoking break that usually takes about 10 minutes.
Let me enjoy my non-smoker breaks 😒9
I've spent three days trying to upload some code to my ESP8266 and it failed every time. Now I just plugged the Arduino at my Desktop and it works. Notebook USB port does not provide enough current I think.18
Some of my working colleagues occasionally forget to lock their PCs even though they're told to, so a while ago I started opening YouTube videos or image galleries of Nicolas Cage on their desktop so that they learn.
One of them is very resistant to it though and left earlier (it's Friday and he will be back at Wednesday) without locking or shutting down his PC.
So this time I flipped his display, set Shia LeBoef as his wallpaper with a dia show also featuring Nicolas Cage, Ryan Gosling and Daniel Radcliffe and set Nicolas Cage's face as his cursor image.5
*A video playing in a website and I can't find the video on the site*
$("video").src = ""
Oh man, sometimes I am so hacker :')4
Unintentionally I pressed Caps Lock while I was using vim, then I realized I was already in Narnia.2
Been wearing sunglasses to the office for a few months now because I'm sick of bright screens, light themes of co-workers, the daylight outside that shines through the windows (I moved to another desk further away from the windows), the ceiling lights that are always on (even when there's daylight from outside, thanks boss) and people expecting me to have my eyes open in meetings when there's nothing to look at so now I can just close them and switch to "standby" while I'm still listening.
I am a devampire.7
Designer decide to have a meeting with stakeholders about UX/UI workflow for control panel of our new embedded system (no framework, no library, gui is bit per bit rendered on frame buffer).
A week later, still nothing on my table, not a mail, not a call. Meanwhile I wrote a framework, the control system, renderer, and messaging queues between tasks.
Wrote some widgets, a layout system and a view swtching mechanism, and a separate stack control to use a "back" button.
Now I am stuck for I do not know what should happen when clicking on various (non obvious) items on the touchscreen.
Fine, I'll ask the designer.
"Oh, I will write the workflow next week" (ETA time, 2 weeks. Seriously? You take a week to draw on Adobe Illustrator 20 screenshot with text and I have another week to write it from scratch in C?)
Ok, while you write it, just tell me what should happen when I click an active item.
"Well, we didn't talk about that. We just decided the colour of the icons on the screen..."
For fuck sake...8
Is there for the programming language "Crystal" a library called "Meth" ?
I'm affraid to google this. 😳12
So a coworker made a backup script that asynchronously copies the backup to the remote backup space and then deletes the backup:
scp backup.tgz remote: &
Spot the bullshit.2
I was browsing through a local development career forum and someone asked if it's worth it to accept a job that has a 3-year bond. The salary is only slightly higher than my starting salary when I was a junior several years ago, barely covers inflation, there's no promise of yearly increase, and they have to pay a year's worth of their salary if they decide to quit before the bond is over. Sounds like a trap to me especially because of how crazy employers are these days.
Imagine a dumbass employer demanding you commute to work every day in the middle of the pandemic "just because" with zero option to work from home. Not to mention how toxic the workplace can be. Burnout, anxiety, depression, and all that are more common these days. Imagine wanting to quit for any of those reasons but nope, "Stay here for three years. We made sure you earn an amount that makes it impossible for you to even save up to pay for that bond in case you're desperate enough to leave."
Most people said it's not worth it and a lot can happen in three years. One guy has the opposite opinion which is fine, you do you, brother. What caught my attention was how he talked about his "success story" of making this bond work for him. He said after the 3-year bond was over, he doubled his salary by jumping to another company. His starting salary was only slightly above minimum wage and the amount he achieved after three years was just like $100 dollars higher than the OP's post so even though it was a decent increase, it was far below the standard to begin with. He literally just jumped to the standard after three years.
Then a boomer comes in and told his tale about how back in his days, he earned below minimum wage and preached about how people should just be thankful for having a job. It was downvoted to oblivion with comments mocking him like "I suffered and was exploited and so should you."
The salary gap between people who work in the same field, granted that it is a wide field, is so weird that it's like people live in alternate realities. Yes, I'm aware that life is unfair, gaps exist, people suck, blah blah. Shut the fuck up about how this isn't brand new information. The annoying thing is despite how many people in forums are transparent about how much they are paid so others know how much they are being exploited, you still see people hindering that process. If you have no other options, go for it. It's always nice to make a living but if you have several options, why this?
I know they have reasons for having bonds but it's like a marriage proposal from a meth head.10
Client wanted to send us e-mail addresses.
Client sent an image inside a Word document showing a list of e-mail addresses.
Luckily ShareX has an OCR feature.1
Linux is pretty much like Windows, but instead of "next, next, next, and finish" you do "copy and paste, copy and paste, copy and paste".10
How do you deal with open space offices?
I find it quite difficult to focus, the constant chatting, the constant questions, phone ringing, surprise meeting, more question, arrays of interruptions and questions again. I believe I would be a lot more productive if left alone in the total, undiscontinued silence.
Have you found your escape, your zen, your inner focus? Please share, I need some ideas16
!rant What have you done with my life DevRant? I'm now addicted and can't quit. Meth is softer than this. 😐
"PHP does not need good practices, because the use of PHP it is already a good practice". This is one of the loading messages in the Slack where I work.
PS: We do not use PHP there.8
"The only way to make the deadline - the only way to go fast - is to keep the code as clean as possible at all times."
Spread the word.1
!(dev || rant)
Dudes and dudettes, i shall ask you all one question: what is the thing/hobby (or things/hobbies) that you always wanted to get into and never gor the chance?
For me i thing first would be brewing, as i would love to refer to myself as a "Brewmaster" like in Warcraft (bonus points if i wear a panda costume) more then an "Engineer" (a trust worthy one even), but i think i might have the chance to as soon as i will have the chance (and means) to move alone as i already know a few things from my dad. The second would be something really cool i saw on reddut and made me remember the old times when i will watch timelapses in this topic on you tube: Crystal growing! Like, middle school chemistry, not meth! At least for now.. 🤔 Anyway, here is a nice pic with some dude's work, looking forward to hear abiut yours!!
PS: Bonus Points for a pic related to the thingie!8
I think devRant could maybe have some kind of mascot or superhero!
I scribbled this guy attached here as an idea, but as others have brought up, we could also have a super duck (like the devRant cape duck but more special)!9
My boss has been begging me migrate a nightmarish complex excel report he made to calculate the payout of a tiered rebates program with compounding rewards. Today I finally decided to make take the time and I sat down with him so he could break it down for me...
Me: *looking at the mess of formula's* it would be easier to rewrite the math than decode this - can you just give me the reward rules... where does that value in cellX come from?
Him:*pointing at the spreadsheet* There! All the rules are in there for you :-)... like it's some big favour...
Me:No I mean when you wrote this, what did you base this off? There must be something...
Him: *Very Gravely* No, no, no it's far to complex! It took me ages to get this sheet right and it balances so just trust me and use it ok?
At this point I will mention he's an accountant so yeah I fucking trust him... fast forward past 15 minutes of digging through what may as well be quantum theory and lo and fucking behold all 2 sheets and 100 calculations are mathematically fucking pointless. Aside from formulas like this:
which is actually equal to (X10/R4)/L10.
Anyway once you compound and sum the "tiered" benefits the rewards payout is ALWAYS = customerSpend*1.81.
This is why programmers name variables.
So some client has their own server with their website that we made and maintain.
Recently they've revoked writing permissions for our user for whatever reason but expect us to change stuff.
This has been the case for a few weeks now and they still haven't given us writing permission back, but insist of us making the changes.1
Ugh, I hate when customers refuse to pay for staging systems but then randomly complain about stuff that's WIP and not working as expected yet ...
"Yes, sir, this house doesn't have a roof right now because the basement isn't done yet."2
Being lazy is ok.
But I believe there certainly is a special place in hell for people that use "transition: all" in CSS.2
So I have to work with this company at work, they claim to be super professional and they have some API stuff that a customer of us is dependant of.
Their API is a huge pile of bullshit and a big mixture of German / English terms and stuff, it's a mess to work with it.
Look at (the source code of) their website to see what I mean:
I type the YouTube URL at the address bar already with the q parameter with what I want to search to save one HTTP request.5
Seems like ORACLE doesn't know how to display the grave accent symbol on websites 🤔
Looking for advice, serious advices.
I work in C.
Also, I work in Python.
I have worked for a couple of year in C++.
I have a fair knowledge of the Data Science workflow, and some experience in Machine Learning.
I have tinkered with some other languages (Java, Ruby, Go, JS among the others, nothing serious nor professional)
I'm the kind of person who needs constant problems to face in order to keep engaged, satisfied, happy. And I need to learn new stuff, or refining my knowledge constantly, or I stagnate. I believe that this is true for quite a share of people here.
I would like to spend some spare time (I seldom have) in a project. Personal projects are rarely good enough to improve one's cv, so I thought I could partecipate in some Open Source projects.
Does anyone here have some suggestion about some interesting and satisfying OSProject, or some general suggestion on the matter?
It would be so apreciated.3
I broke the system!
This rant has the same tag twice, because I manually added the one that would be added by the category I chose 😏.
So last night a friend randomly found a raw not-yet-installed WordPress instance on a public domain that he found on a Facebook site (it was already linked for I don't know how long, but just not installed).
He told me about it and, being the guy I am, I signed up an account on some free MySQL hosting website, set up a database and used it for that WordPress site.
I then left a kind little note on the front page for the admin telling him that I just saved his ass since others could've done the same but posted racist shit or something and, also, told him not to use WordPress.
Even though I had no bad intentions, I used proxies and VPN connectsions because you never know how these people might react.
Hopefully they'll learn from it 😇
Firebase... the kind of hosting you seem to be friends with, but if you're honest, you would really like to kill it by sticking a flamethrower in its ass, happily pulling the trigger, while singing "Oh happy day" in full vocals.
The people who wrote the whole thing must have smoked crystal meth through a hobo's raped intestine to come up with such a turd fest. WTF.
If it wasn't for my boss, I'd have ran far away to nerver hear of this tripper infested crap again!5
So apparently our windows domain admin now disabled screensavers.
I was always happy to return to my desk while looking at the pixel city screensaver I had and now it's just black.
I am mildly angered 😑8
With 4 years of b.tech about to finish, i feel fucked up. Our studies were useless and other than java basics, i know nothing.
Parents say do external courses, use your time to learn some more industry relevant skills , while college says to shut up and take a poor salary job , when offered by those placement companies.( I seriously haven't even heard of most of them).
What to do?3
After 30 years in Web Development I still spend a lot of time to put the footer on the bottom of the page when the content is small.4
When you're trying to publish your first Cordova app and the PlayStore release including signatures and stuff takes you 2.5 hours, while the AppStore release takes you 5 days (including getting a huge Mac on your desk, signing up a D.U.N.S. for your company, figuring out the signing/provisioning process and fixing CSS/JS exclusively for iOS).4
I'm learning docker and I just started a container running a Linux distro.
What was the first command I run in the container?
rm -Rf / --no-preserve-root3
Sometimes I wonder how software development in (bigger) teams worked in the 90s.
Take the first Pokémon games for example. It was the mid-90s and the final product would be Assembler code that goes onto a cartridge with limited space.
I believe version control systems didn't really exist back then (Git & Mercurial: 2005, SVN: 2004). So probably people took backups of the chunks of code they worked on, copied around a stitched-together code, threw everything together at the end of the day, etc. etc. ...
Does anyone here know if there is some kind of documentary about that topic or did anyone here experience that first-hand?
It would be really interesting to see how that stuff worked back then 😊10
The whois service for the legacy top-level domain for Germany (.de) is one of the most fucked up things on the internet.
For years now they've restricted the whois service to notice you about their website information service (https://denic.de/en, you run a search and get information about the domain) which already cost you an unnecessary amount of time if you simply want to lookup something.
A while back they changed it so that you need to state whether you want to look it up fotr informative purposes or business purposes, then they changed it so that you need to supply a reason in a text box.
The new (GDPR) way is that you only get the connectivity status ("connect", "free") via whois and the nameservers on the website (without supplying a reason, which actually is an improvement). Everything this either is for executive authorities or the domain owner (by entering their mail address or zip code).
Germany - the land of "We can opt out of any standard because we can and since theaws changed we can also behave like dickbutts".
Adding the GDPR now only fed the trolls even more.7
I just said out loud to the computer: So, is 1 bigger than 1?
Sometimes I think how funny would be someone watching a programmer.4
I don't get much spam, but when I do, I rant about how badly those mails are crafted.
I mean, yeah, for non-devs or typical old people, those badly made Google fake mails (that use the old Google logo, the logo in Times New Roman or something) or ISP / phone company mails with malicious attachments may look good enough.
But, seriously, if I were a dev paid to create spam mails, they would look like the real deal, if I may say so myself, as I would actually put some effort in them.
What do you think? Wouldn't spam made by real developers like us be "better"?
Maybe send some examples from inside your junk box 🤔3
"Turning away bad clients can leave you feeling oddly guilty. They’re sort of like alcoholic or meth head cousins who force you, by their own bad behavior into denying them things you wouldn’t deny other people. You’re left feeling not quite yourself." - Carolyn Wood
So apparently Firefox can't handle (quick) animations from opacity 0 to opacity greater-than-zero and glitches around. Instead you need to animate starting from something greater than 0, like 0.001.
I had to debug this shit and it just adds to my reasons to dislike this browser.5
This was initially a reply to a rant about politics ruining the industry. Most of it is subjective, but this is how I see the situation.
It's not gonna ruin the industry. It's gonna corrupt it completely and fatally, and it will continue developing as a toxic sticky goo of selfishness and a mandatory lack of security until it chokes itself.
Because if something can get corrupted, it will get corrupted. The only way for us as a species to make IT into a worthy industry is to screw it up countless times over the course of a hundred years until it's as stable and reliable as it can possibly be and there are as many paradigms and individually reasonable standards as there can possibly be.
The entire tech is rotting from the hundreds of thousands of lines of proprietary firmware and drivers through the overgrown startup scene to fucking Node.js, and how technologies created just a few decades ago are unacceptable from a security standpoint. Check your drivers and firmware if you can, I bet you can't even see the build dates of most firmware you run. You can't even know if it was built after any vulnerability regarding that specific microcontroller or whatever.
Would something like this work in chemical engineering? Hell no! This is how fucking garage meth labs work, not factories or research labs. You don't fucking sell people things without mandatory independent testing. That's how a proper industry works. Not today's IT.
Of course it's gonna go down in flames. Greed had corrupted the industry, and there's nothing to be done about it now but working as much as we can, because the faster we move the sooner we'll get stuck and the sooner we can start over on a more reasonable foundation.
Or rely on layers of abstraction and expect our code to be compilable on anything the future holds for us.5
Every website we craft at work has some email substitution logic so that addresses you see on the site don't actually exist in the HTML source like that (you wouldn't find them in a format like "firstname.lastname@example.org").
Instead the @ and the period right before the TLD get replaced with something else (to prevent (dumb) spam bots from using that address and blast it with junk).
Some people replaced them with images in the past (ew), replaced the @ with "(at)" or other stuff.
I made it a habit to render the @ and . by replacing them with span tags which then get a ::before in CSS that contains "content: '@';", so that the @ is visible but is not actually inside the HTML source code.
The classes for these spans then have a random name (persistent for that website though). The first one was called "move-along-nothing-to-see-here", but then I started naming them after Star Wars quotes.
One website's @ class is called "that-s-no-moon" (Obi Wan), others are called "i-have-a-bad-feeling-about-this" (Han Solo), "powerful-you-have-become-the-dark-side-I-sense-in-you." (Yoda) and "these-are-not-the-droids-you-are-looking-for" (Obi Wan).12
My boss has been working in web development for roughly 10 years now.
supported in 😢
When you have a one-to-one relationship, do you merge the tables into one table or do you keep the two tables?7
Me: I will not care about others anymore.
Also me: Converting print screen to JPG, removing EXIF data and compressing it in TinyPNG before sending to friends.2
Putting every file, even SHADER CACHES (that huge cyan flower here (this illustration was made with "gource"), yes, every of those tiny little dots is a file) or even complete libraries into their git repository.2
Now that my math posts have failed to garner the anger they formerly did, we here at Wisecrack Studios, like all teams of people completely out of ideas, have come up with a brilliant never-before-tried concept to bring fresh shitposts to your pocket-telescreen this fine year of 2020.
We present to you the DevRant shitposter census!
Yes we pride ourselves in our quality bait and bullshit here at WS. Founded in [previous year a long long time ago], we focus on craftmanship, tradition, and doing it right. Our bait is loved the world over for "it's fresh flavor", "so good, it's like you're abusing heroin right along with the company employees!'
And now, you too get to participate and choose your very own bullshit!
You could say we may have invented a totally new word just to describe it: crowdsourcing!
Isn't it just *brilliant*.
Here is Wisecrack's "Private Select" census, of only the most choice *premium* finely-aged shitpost ideas for this [current year].
Please, please, one vote per customer!
* Overly pixelated memes (obviously not) blatantly ripped and automatically uploaded via shitty selenium scripts
* Real life hijinxs, trolling shitty companies hiring processes for fun at their expense!
* DevRantCon now with 100% more orgies. Reserve your kickstarter ticket today.
* Disappointing vaporware announcements that take ten minutes to read and build your excitement up only to crush it before your very eyes like a child's first lego build in the hands of an angry nd merciless andre the giant disappointed by the craftmanship of a five year old.
* A livestream of a monkey on an actual typewriter, with a btc betting pool each time an actual word is typed, along with a $5 "shock the monkey" button to spice things up a bit
(our lawyers are informing us this may or may not be illegal in some or all nations. We'll get back to you when sealand responds with our request about their laws on unnecessary animal cruelty. )
* Video conference with devrants creators where we all play "I've never" that doesn't end until at least one person passes out black drunk.
* Weekly comedy write ups with jokes (not obviously) blatantly stolen from cards against humanity
* HipsterRants: why your favorite [thing - game, music, movie, book] sucks, and why I hate you for liking it.
* Cool new projects by devranters and our merciless breakdown of why each one is pure, unadulterated shit, everything that was done wrong, and why you should personally be ashamed for using it.
* SadRants: cancer, meth abuse, homelessness, how we'll all die at the end, and how the sun will one day turn into a giant ball of fire that will consume the earth and leave no trace that anyone ever existed, and nothing we do will ultimately matter.
* HappyRants: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) oh yeah, you feeling it now mr krabs?
* Technical breakdowns that are completely wrong, utterly incompetent, intentionally misleading, and wildly upvoted by people who are unfamiliar.
Vote for your favorite topic/idea today! or even submit your own for our 'consideration'!
Clickbait, now in technicolor!9
I don't know what's wrong with me this morning. I started refactoring, and I know I'm overdoing it. I can't stop myself. I'm stuck fiddling over it like a meth head scratching his skin.
Please stop me. I'm hurting the code.2
I've just bought a new table, I think that's the best thing anyone without a proper table can do.
25 € and solid wood, I hope it lasts forever.8
I really don't get why creators of already-suspicious looking software (and the related suspicious looking website) put terms like "NO VIRUS" or "100% free of malware" next to the download area.
I mean, why would that help anything?
(I understand those typical virustotal scan widgets though, those are fine)1
I recently updated all the stuffs on my Raspberry Pi 3.
Now nano* occasionally NULs out files I edit 🤔
*best CLI editor ever, change my mind5
I still remember the moment when I found out that there's something other than Internet Explorer ("The Internet program" back then for me), named Firefox (v2.7).
It was simple stuff like tabs that fascinated me, it's an experience similar to learning a second language and opening up your mind and understand the abstract idea of everything.1
So the free WiFi at the Paris airport CDG bugged out for me earlier. Since it doesn't allow you to sign out, I had Schrodinger's WiFi as the login page said I'm connected but I wasn't (nothing worked).1
** Chatting to a Dev and a normal being**
Dev: Damn Linux command isn't working!
Me: Try Sudo
Normal Being: ... Are u guys cooking meth or something?? 😱
Me: LEAVE 👉🚪
So I'm finally doing the job I was hired to do 2 years ago, with the promise of working 1.5 years ago, and scheduled to work 1 year ago as the project slips about a 1.25 years.
The project is on it's 3.5th year of a 3 year plan and based on the architecture of the project, the project architect started a degree in software architecture 4 years ago. In Latin. When his first language was Japanese and his second was Indian English while this was a US company. And his entire degree was in Lisp, PHP, and html, this project is in C#, and his professional background is in Fortran.
This is a man who is no longer on the project, not allowed to contribute or talk to us about the project, and what little documentation he left us is in Swahili translated from Korean via Google translate from the second year Korean language major exchange student from Russia who got really into meth and Telenovelas.
It is every version of MV* without the M and with every definition of * including some he made up and some that have only been proven to exist via machine learning algorithm written in SQL statements.
This project represents an implementation of the presentation tier of an n-tier application, yet attempts to reimplement the other n-1 tiers in html5 and the dreams of children.
The new lead is a former engineer that couldn't begin coding until he figured out how to map all of his variables to his former cars and girlfriends inclusively and learned his management skills from the big book of micro managers and that one time everyone else in the office was sick but the intern. Who now has a girlfriend whom he works 200 feet from so he isn't 100% thinking with his largest head. At least from observation.
Yet, I still can't bring myself to go be with the whales/become an accountant.
My Boss Abuses me, should I leave my job?
I overheard this tidbit on a bus recently. Okay I'm lying. But in the great spans of
time I've spent reading "dear annie" type articles, many involving how often my meth head step dads beat me while growing up, or in turn how often *I* beat me (oh yeah)..I've come across this in one form another, this, and other dumbfuck questions from the stuttering meek and halfhearted.
They say there are no dumb questions. Well, like that guy who smoked too much weed and
asked "what is the sound of one hand clapping?" (fap fap fap), there are in fact dumb questions.The world is overflowing with them, like a clogged shitter full of tacobell and glitter covered brown gutter wisdom. And it smells like roses, if roses smelled like shit.
Questions like "How do I make sure my cats don't feel lonely once I have my first child?"
I don't know, they're fucking cats. Did you even google this before asking?
"How to make spaghetti?"
Really, is this question written by a bot?
All of them and none of them. Welcome to hell.
"Whats your favorite color?"
My answer: I'm not five years old any more. And obviously you are. Why are you on this site instead of eating crayons at daycare?
Yes indeed, this and many more dumbfuck questions await you and can be found on the preeminent quora, amongst other sites.
A place, which censored an eminently reasonable answer of mine (I was totally not being a shithead btw).
I responded in kind by removing a whole mess of long form answers of mine.
What I have learned from the experience is this: Humanity is greatly comprised of many people who, having no brains to speak of, wander aimlessly like beasts of the field, glass eyed and slack jawed, in search of a savior. But their savior came a long time ago, once, and many times before. An engineer, or programmer, or perhaps in another reincarnation a guy parting a sea of koolaid after the local ruler swindled his peeps out of another payment for moving some heavy ass stone blocks, but I digress.
And in response to peoples worries, anxieties, everyday problems and concerns, every one of these would be wiseman, every one of these saviors, leaders, and great men spoke these magic words which resonate now down through the ages like the voice of reason and providence:
"Read the FUCKING manual."
"And don't bother me again asshole." (well this last bit is all me, but I'm sure others said it too.)2
I've running Mac for one month and one week now. Now, every time I'm going to use it my thought is: I JUST WANTED A NORMAL NOTEBOOK RUNNING LINUX I DON'T WANT TO USE THIS SHIT.6
That moment when you're connected to a server to adapt a setting in the SSH service config and it errors into your face when you attempt to reload it.
Schrödinger's SHell 😰1
Lmfao, in a book teaching Java, there's a chapter that contains a class called AddMeth to illustrate adding a method to a class.
They could have used a better name, though..7
If programming languages were girls
Python: The average girl that is okay-looking, easy-going, and you just get along
C: The overachiever with a complex personality and high maintenance
Ruby: The girl that is a bit daft, doesn't make a lot of money, isn't very good at cooking - But she lets you do anything you want, and she's so smoking hot that when you look at her, you just don't care
Add your language in the comments!18
Today I heard from a fellow worker: "Why this lot of conflict in this branch, the conflict that I have at home is enough".1
My friend asked me to set up his git for him
$ git config --global alias.co status
$ git config --global alias.br checkout
$ git config --global alias.ci status
$ git config --global alias.st commit3
Sometimes I really hate designers.
I was collecting the colors used in a new layout and this only the part with gray colors of what I've ended up with.
(I may just merge some of those, like 7 and 8. Also none of them are results of transparent shading, I made sure)5
Every type of doctor is a different kind of debugger for the Human Operating System 🤔
They debug system services like "ear", "throat" and "poop".
Sometimes they even repair or take apart systems for different reasons!1
When customers start a project with your company and you're the one to create the software, then after a while the communication kind gets kind of placebo'd down until there is hardly any communication and your contact only replies to / mails you every 12 weeks or so and then after almost 1 year they urge you to get their shit done asap, telling you it'd better be done yesterday but you still lack information you asked for in one of your mails.
Fun fact: the record of them not responding was 20 weeks.
So today I found out why I couldn't SCP stuff to one of my servers for the last 6 months.
It was a fricking "echo" in the .bashrc script (well, in a script that got sourced in there).
So apparently I cannot save my Google Maps "Less interested in ..." food place preferences when my selection includes "Vegan". 🤔8
Any DVORAK users here?
I don't really see myself willing to learn how to use it, but I'd really like to hear from people that adapted to it, when and how they use it and why!5
Why Evil Corp did not have its servers on a cloud provider?
(This question is about any big corporation with a whole bunch of servers. I quoted Evil Corp because the question came thinking about it.)16
Does someone else have that too?
Sometimes at night when I'm creating something new (or adding to something) and I get into that zone when stuff suddenly works better than expected or when the thing I'm making is just awesome, I feel a need to turn on "evil" music, such as music with deep voiced male choirs, the soundtrack of Portal 2, some classic music like those evol geniuses in movies or comparable.
It just makes me feel like I'm gonna destroy the planet once my evil creation is done.
Did we already have a Weekly Group Rant for how many lines there are in the biggest file in the project you are working on?5
Sometimes your day is going really nice, and you just had a nice cup of tea with the milk from the best cow on the farm. You're coding happy, and you will take a walk after that. Then, suddenly, you type `git checkout .` rather than `git reset HEAD .` and your life is miserable now.10
I casually solved a problem in some private code at work today that I didn't manage to fix the previous two evenings.
Then I forget to push the changes and remembered at home that I turned off my work computer which normally I never turn off so that I could TeamViewer into it (I don't have VPN
Wanted to work on that code this weekend 😒
(Well, we were in a "progession session" meeting right before leaving the office so I kind of forgot about it because of that)
So I just released a thing I've been working on for the past few days and I'm very glad that it's finally public!
It's a thing that you can use on your website to let the user choose which cookie they want to allow.
It's worth playing around with the cookie panel in your developer console of your browser on the example page, too!
I'd be glad to get some serious feedback and I hope it could be useful to someone out there. 😊
There is a time in every programmer's life that the only thing to be done is to take a deep breath and reboot the server.
These days I've been noticing how important is to know how to create a good diagram to convey an idea. Also, working in a big company I noticed that we use UML diagrams for a lot of things, which is very useful to understand the architecture of the system or the design of the code. Does anyone here know some book or article that can help me to learn how to better convey ideas using diagrams, how to make one, and what diagram to use? I am not thinking about something very specific to UML, because I see that sometimes we just do a diagram that makes sense without following any standard.4
Liferay is a fucking malediction inflicted on the human race, bubonic plague has nothing on Liferay. A staunch advocate of legacy tech, bad documentation, bad APIs and poor UX, Liferay has it all. Scriptlets all day every day. Fuck your hot reloads, a deployment cycle is the shit. Why be productive when you can wait for a deployment? Scientists are still deciphering the enigma of Liferay APIs. Over fifteen arguments per method, some optional, some not, littered with value specific functionality. Happy debugging motherfucker. API design is for hacks and pussies, real developers want to know implementation details. JSP the flagship of frontend tech, scriptlets, the pinnacle of evolution. Liferay has PLENTY of that. Did I mention scriptlets? How about obscure Liferay grown frameworks? MetalJS? A bigger mistake than smoking a pound of meth. Liferay UX, heh, heh, design, user experience hehe, hoho. Best joke I've heard. Liferay and UX, choose one.
I'm out, fuck my life.2
So I wanted to check on an iOS app in my company's Apple account but ...
I don't know, this thing used to be a login.1
Recently our management department discovered the advantages of setting up CloudFlare DNS and their CND for a website. In our case that made perfect sense and also helps a lot with the performance.
A while ago someone noticed that in the backend of the CMS the site uses, stuff that is being loaded via AJAX is not loaded at all and just displays an empty container.
3 hours into debugging I discovered why: Someone thought it would be a good idea to base a condition on whether there was a certain HTML comment inside an element, rather than using a class or something else.
The HTML minifier removed that, so I ended up having to disable HTML minifying, at least for the backend.
Thanks, whoever thought it would be a good idea to base logic on the existence of a comment.1
I wish it was easier to embed devRant avatars 🤔
I mean I know I could use the API to receive the avatar (haven't looked into it yet) or even scratch it off profile pages, but something like
would be much nicer I think 😋.
I've just noticed this and now I'm clapping every time I stop my Sinatra application.
== Sinatra has ended his set (crowd applauds)
So I tried to fix an app today that we made for a client ...
It's a Cordova project that's basically jus a wrapper for a certain section of the client's website that's displayed inside an iframe inside said app (with a bit of additional CSS and such). It's all working fine.
The problem is, said scrolling effect inside said iframe does not work inside the iOS version of the app (does, however, when the content of the iframe is viewed (by just visiting the URL) inside Safari), instead, the iframe just scrolls back to top.
So after five and a half hours of depression, anger and rage, also some repetetive cursing towards Apple (just like every time something has to do with their awful products), my boss walks in, looks at me and says:
"I'd be fine with it, if I just had to manually scroll instead".
If it wasn't 5pm already (I usually go home at 6), I would've just left the room / gone home or gotten my salad from the fridge to have something to release my anger on.
Seriously though, what the fuck!?
TIL meth is abbreviation for method and not anything else.
Thought it's very fancy name of some python built-in. Meh.1
I've just discovered https://asciinema.org/.
Does anyone know other cool platform like this?
I was wondering if there is something generic for casts like Rails Casts or Vim Casts.2
So I've tried to unsubscribe myself from a newsletter for the past two weeks ...
It's a service I used exactly once and apparently I got signed up for their newsletter somehow.
When I got the first mail two weeks ago, I clicked that unsubscribe button in the footer to get to their unsubscribe landingpage and hit that confirmation button.
It said something like "... within 24 hours ..." and I was okay with that, but I kept getting a newsletter / offer / whatever every single day for the following two weeks.
Today I figured out, why the unsubscription seemingly had no effect.
I used a GMail alias for that website, so my address contained a + character.
Apparently they just put that mail address into some unsubscribe link template without urlencoding it, so that + turned into a space and they attempted to unsubscribe some mail address with a space instead of a + ...
Remember kids, always urlencode stuff in URLs!
That feeling when you're applying for your first programming job.
And the knife stabs of nerves in your gut fearfully remind the coiled muscles in your sweaty brow of the singular possibility: what if I bullshit my way by the HR filter into this job and it turns out I was completely wrong, and I encounter a bug that my meager coding abilities really can't fix?
"Writing an interpreter in some community college you dropped out of ten years ago" doesn't mean you're a programmer.
"Figuring out where the bug was in a broken bat file that was pages long, for a language and framework you've never used, for a library nobody uses anymore", doesn't count as debugging.
"Writing a tweening library in an obscure tool" doesn't mean you're an expert. This is childs play.
What if they ask about big O? Do you admit that logarithms confuse the fuck out of you because you dropped out in 8th grade and got your GED later on due to being kicked out by your meth head dad?
What if being able to write a few measly cobbled together half-arsed estimate tools in python doesn't really mean you're qualified to do anything?
What if being able to look at code in languages you've never seen and grok it doesn't mean shit?
What if you've used more languages than you can remember?
What if you once lost a job offer casually given because the guy you built rapport with over months made a joke about browsers, and you joked about using internet explorer?
What if you thought you could, but you'd been raised your entire life to *believe* you couldn't?3
Does anyone have a really nice coffee shop in your city that opens in dawn time? I was looking for something like this in my city and I didn't find. Now I don't know if something like this is possible or it is just a dream.6
I've been using it to control my home PC desktop from remote for a few years now (booted PC via Wake-On-LAN, done stuff, shutdown). I started using Chrome Remote Desktop a while ago too, but its ports are blocked at work, so I had to rely on TV some more.
Recently TV more often told me that I was offline (but I wasn't) and more importantly they started blocking my connections due to "commercial usage" (it's my private shit, yo), so now I've moved on to RDP via SSH.
That really makes me feel relieved as I wanted to move away from it for a while now anyways and SSH tunnels also are the real shit.
Today was a good day.3
Did anyone see this guy's tweets yet?
Read them, they're especially interesting when put into the context of the current GitHub affairs.
How can you know my mood? Check my git commands. Am I using `git push -u origin SQUAD-feature-branch --force-with-lease` or `git push -f`?4
I've started looking into stuffs like GraphQL and Linked Data (though I've used Micro Data before on websites) today and while fiddling with stuff, I found this handy tool:
I'm trying to create JSON-LD data and it's really helpful to have something validate my test data 🙂
From my apartment the sound of me typing in the keyboard is so loud. I'm wondering if the neighbors are listening to this and getting crazy with it.2
i got bugs
i got bugs in my room
bugs in my bed
bugs in my ears
their eggs in my head
bugs in my pockets
bugs in my shoes
bugs in the way i feel about you
bugs on my window
trying to get in
they don't go nowhere
bugs on my ceiling
crowded the floor
standing, sitting, kneeling...
a few block the door
and now the question's:
do i kill them?
become their friend?
do i eat them?
raw or well done?
do i trick them?
i don't think they're that dumb
do i join them?
looks like that's the one
i got bugs on my skin
tickle my nausea
i let it happen again
they're always takin' over
i see they surround me, i see...
see them deciding my fate
oh, that which was once...was once up to me...
now it's too late
i got bugs in my room...one on one
that's when i had a chance
i'll just stop now
i'll become naked
and with the...i'll become one
Sometimes I don't do a proper review because I don't want to seem very nitpicking. However, now I have to maintain the code that was merged and it has some stuff which is not correct. Now I have to fix it.1
This is a follow-up to a previous rant: https://devrant.com/rants/1303341
I found out that when I turn on the sink faucet on hot and let that running for a minute, I can shower with decent-ish temperatures again 🤔
... meanwhile even the cold water setting yields hot water because of the temperatures outside.