Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

Milk++

The programmer and the interns part 3.

Many of you asked me to keep posting about the interns that I'm responsible for.

I had the intention but never had the time or the energy. Since the interns only kept doing stupid, unthinkable things and just filtering out the good ones is a task of its own.

Time has passed, some interns left us by their choice, others were fired (for obvious reasons). Some stayed loyal and were given permanent positions. New ones joined. I no longer am directly responsible for their wellbeing, yet, somehow I am still their tech-lead and the developer of their tools.

Without further delay,

Case 0:
New guy get's into the internship, has his LinkedIn title set to ‘HTML Technician’.
Didn’t know about the existence of HTML5.
Been building static web pages in the early 2000s. The kind with embedded, inline CSS.
Claims that he is about to finish an engineering degree (sadly I believe him).
Fails the entry level Linux test. Complains about the similarity of the answer options.
Fails the basic web-standars test because "they change so fast, but the foundation is HTML and it's rock-solid!".
Get's caught taking home onions and milk from the kitchen.
Is spotted eating in a restaurant under our offices in his day off. Thrice. He lives a 30 minute drive away and comes here on a bicycle or by bus.
Apparently didn't know that the scrolling wheel on the mouse is clickable.
Said that his PC experience is mostly from his PlayStation (PC = PlayCtation apparently).
Get's fired, says that he'll go to the press. Never does.

Case 1:
Yet another new intern. He seems very eager to learn and work, capable, even charismatic. Has an impressive CV.
Does nothing.
Learns from the "case 0" guy and spends time with him until he is fired.
Comes to work at 8:00 AM and immediately goes to sleep on an office puff. In front of everyone.
Keeps dining alone, without a notice, at different times, for hours. Sometimes brings food into the office and loudly eats it there.
On his evening shifts keeps disappearing for long periods of time. Apparently drinking in the nearby bars and hitting on girls.
Keeps bragging about his success with getting their numbers and rants about those who reject him.
For over a year he fails his final training test and remains a trainee, without the ability to work on a real case.
Not fired yet.

Case 2:
Company retreat. Beautiful, exotic views, warm sun beams, all inclusive package for everyone on a huge half-island.
Simon (he's still with us, now as a true engineer!) brings his MacBook to the beach in order to work and impress all others.
Everybody get's drunk and start throwing huge inflatable balls at each other. One hits his laptop and it immediately is flattened.
Upset Simon is going in circles and ranting about the situation, looking for a solution.
Loses his phone on the beach.
Takes his broken laptop with him while searching for the phone.
Dips the laptop in the river while drunkenly ducking in order to pick a clam.

Case 3:
Still company retreat.
Drunk intern makes out with an employee's drunk wife.
Huge verbal fight. The husband says that he files for a divorce. Intern get's fired.

Case 4:
Still company retreat.
Three interns each take an inflatable swimming mattress and drift with the current. Get found on the other side of the resort three hours later, with red skin and severely dehydrated.

Case 5:
Still company retreat.
The 'informally fired' intern gets drunk again, climbs through a window into a room and makes out with an employee's drunk wife.
Again, gets caught when the husband returns to find a locked door but can see them though the window.

Case 6:
Still company retreat.
We all get ferociously drunk and wander off to the unknown in search of more booze.
Everybody does something stupid and somebody finds Simon's phone.
Simon is lost.
Frenzied horde of drunks is roaming the half-island in search of ethanol and the lost comrade.
Simon's phone get's permanently lost.
Five people step on sea urchins but find that out only hours later and then are unable to walk.
The mob, now including more drunk people who joined voluntarily, finds the sexually active intern making out with the enraged employee's wife yet again.
Surprisingly Simon is found sleeping in a room nearby.

Oh it needs some milk!

HR sent around updated contracts asking everyone to sign them since the company changed its name, fair enough.

In the contract it stated "Your normal place of work will be X" - only X was many miles away, and I'd never worked there, never planned too. Assumed it was a mistake, sent it back. HR refused to change it, stating that the "normal place of work does not need to be the place where you normally work."

A lot of back and forth entailed, I refused to sign, I was reprimanded for not doing so, I was asked what my problem was as it made no material difference, and then I eventually replied with:

"Angela, I'm refusing to sign this as it's factually incorrect. No further explanation is required. I'll maybe consider signing this if you sign a piece of paper declaring you believe the moon is made of cheese, and you're the cow the milk came from to make it."

A very strongly worded email came back about how this was going on my record, I needed to offer a formal apology, etc. - all cc'd to my manager. I replied back, again copying my manager in, stating that this was ok, as I couldn't remain at a company who forced employees to sign dodgy contracts anyway.

Problem was (for them), I was a *massive* single point of failure for them at this point owing to some others leaving with no handover - hence I knew I wasn't going to be the casualty here. My manager flipped the lid at HR, got the CEO involved on threat of *him* leaving, and the whole thing massively blew up. Happy ending in that the HR person in question was fired, everyone else's contracts also had to be redone (I assumed everyone else just signed without looking which is worrying), and I actually got a pay rise out of it when higher ups realised the massive single point of failure I was.

But damn, I would've walked over crap like that. Walked pretty soon after anyway!

Be more passive

I always get involved in everything, at every company. Not to further my career through ass-kissing and overperforming.

I regularly piss off people. When C-level has a discussion about strategy, I'm usually ahead of them, ask too many questions, criticize every detail they've missed, cause frustration by making them look incompetent.

Can't help it, when I see retards destroy a great product I have to intervene.

Some people appreciate it. I often defend both devs and end users, when others don't dare speak up.

But fuck it, I'm getting older. I'm gonna coast a bit more. Sit back, relax.

If a product manager doesn't prepare enough tasks — that's cool, I still have a Factorio savegame to work on.

If another team designs an incredibly stupid feature — they'll discover the issues eventually by themselves. Maybe I'll warn once, just to be nice.

*Pours another chocolate milk*

Also gonna spend at least 4h/d with my daughter. She's a better human than most of my coworkers, and the work we do using her Legos is honestly more important for humanity than the Jira backlog.

!dev

Coffee. I love it.

But with that, I mean *coffee*.

No I don't want a fucking cappucino or a latte or a whatever-the-fuck you call it that is coffee mixed with something not-coffeeish.

I love *coffee* and I want my coffee black and strong as fuck without any bullshit added to it.

Tldr : In my country, there is always a middleman .It is so rare to work for end client directly and it is very common to be fuck over by them, because they want milk you out as much as possible

Job description : Salary range from X to Y

Me : I expect 90% of Y $
HR : if you pass technical examination we can agree on this amount.

*Technical interview*
All correct answers, perfect match with stack etc.

HR calling next day:
HR: Great job on interview, but you need to lower your financial expectation to X (around 50% of Y)
Me: Why? We have spoken the other day and you said there would be no problem with the money. I nailed the interview, I don't understand why I should agree to lower wage.
HR: I know I know, but right now we cannot give more. Maybe later
Me: I am sorry, but I feel kinda cheated. For me this is red flag since I don't know what I can expect later if you are not sincere from the beginning. I won't take your offer, goodbye.

Some milk. 😇😀

What is the most ridiculous over-the-top "startup" thing you've been the victim of as a developer?

Alternatively, what kind of weird startup luxury would you absolutely love to have at your company?

For me, at various companies I've worked at/visited:

1. Hammocks & fatboy beanbags. Current employer has a "Netflix & Chill" corner with nice couches, and a small gym. I have encountered isolation/flotation tanks at the office of one of our partners... which is cool, but over the top in my opinion.

2. A fully automated aquaponics garden in the lunchroom. Was awesome, until some fish died and started to rot.

3. One hoverboard per employee, at previous employer. I splashed hot chocolate milk in an arc over three desks. A coworker broke his ankle while watching me spill chocolate milk.

4. Daily scrum standup meetings, on socks, in a big bouncy castle. Not kidding. Fucking ridiculous... (but secretly fun). That employer also had spiral slides between all floors, a tiny half-pipe with tiny skateboards, and someone who rode a unicycle way too much. It was a fucking circus. Stuck in the office of a Fintech company.

5. Soldering bench (at my current company), with drawers full of breadboards, servos and electronics components. Completely unrelated to my work, but it was my idea. It's just great to build a simple kits together with another random coworker while brainstorming platform features & refining specs... much better than meetings with bullshit slides.

6. Unlimited energy drink. Developed a serious caffeine habit (15-20 cans a day), and almost got a stomach ulcer. Not beneficial to employee health.

7. I really do love working from home + unlimited holidays. Just being able to honestly say "fuck you guys, I'm gonna get drunk and play games today", and at other times working until 4am and sleeping in the next day, or taking a week to work in a park in Rome... It makes work truly feel like my favorite hobby. Combined with a good sprints and curious/ambitious people, you can easily track productivity anyway.

Never gonna happen:

* Port our API to graphql. Or even make it just vaguely rest-compliant. Or even just vaguely consistent.
* Migrate from mysql to postgres. Or any sane database.
* Switch codebase from PHP to... well, anything else.
* Teach coworkers to not commit passwords, API keys, etc.
* Teach coworkers to write serious commit messages instead of emoji spam
* Get a silent work environment.
* Get my office to serve better snacks than fermented quinoa spinach bars and raw goat milk kale smoothies
* Find an open source IDE with good framework magic support. Jetbrains, I'll give you my left testicle if you join the light side of the force.
* Buy 2x3 equally sized displays. I'm using 6, but they're various sizes/resolutions.
* Master Rust.
* Finish building my house. I completely replaced the roof, but still have to dig out a cellar (to hide my dead coworkers).
* Repair/replace the foundation of my house (I think Rust is easier)
* Get slim and muscular.

Realistically:

* Get a comfortable salary increase, focus more on platform infrastructure, data design, coaching
* Get fat(ter). Eating, sitting, gaming, coding and sleeping are my hobbies after all.
* Save up for the inevitable mental breakdown-induced retirement.

Every day in the office kitchen I find bottles of milk open and left out, in the fridge with no date, and empties everywhere. Yesterday I found 11 open and partially used bottles of milk. I’ve designed this flow chart to help educate people (in a way developers can understand) on how to manage milk which is apparently a real challenge for some.

Every programming language I know of does trigonometry in radians.

Yet I have been puzzled for 4 hours whether JS was broken because it kept saying Math.sin(30) != Math.sin(150), trying all kinds of values, looking up basic trigonometry stuff again and again.

After that, 10 minutes of wondering why my json was invalid... right, you can't comment things out.

Then 15 minutes being baffled by a simple script tag not working, because I wrote script href instead of script src.

Finally, I threw a liter of chocolate milk over a $400 keyboard.

I really need to stop setting up new projects at 3am.

I hate it when people say they want to "GET a new girlfriend"...
Shouldn't it be "FIND a new girlfriend"?
I mean you can't just go into the supermarket and get some butter, milk and a new girlfriend. You can't buy them. By saying that, you seem to me as if you're treating women as objects. I know it's technically possible to buy a girlfriend, but that's prostitution.
I think that "GET a new girlfriend" just doesn't sound right...

Your opinions?

Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?

Lol I'm such an introvert
I have joined an internship and have been here for 4 weeks now. I have been seeing people drinking coffee since day 2, but have been shy to ask about it. In my 2nd week I located where the coffee machine was, but to shy to use it. This week, after finally gathering up the courage I went to use the machine after others used. That's when I realised I don't know how to use it. Lol. I made such a bad mix of expresso and milk and had to add 4 spoons of sugar to be able to drink it. Yesterday I made the mistake of not adding sugar and thought it was too awkward to go back to add sugar, so gulped it down after it cooled a little.
Looool, need to develop soft skills

A programmer's wife tells him:
"while you're at the store, get some milk".

He never comes back.

Fuck today.

Today I was supposed to go into work and set up a dozen or so units for beta testing (its been a year and a half coming)..

Got up nice and early to get a head start on things. Stubbed (and broke) my motherfucking toe, then spilled my cereal milk on my laptop.. subsequently spend the following 2 hours tearing down and cleaning my poor little lappy. Get her all put back together, starting to feel a little better about the day. Push the power button, and fucking nothing but a tiny little fan noise for half a damn second.

With this luck I don't even want to move, lest a magic falling anvil decides to adorn my head..

So we, new interns, are having breakfast together. One of the intern brought this nice milk and cornflakes. Another intern started to talk about how she's allergic to dairy products and her hands become itchy when she eats any dairy products.

Then I said: "Oh, your hands gets itchy? I shit myself whenever I have anything related to milk."

Both of them packed their food and left in the next minute.

I hate myself.

"When we have clients who are thinking about Flash splash pages, we tell them to go to their local supermarket and bring a mime with them. Have the mime stand in front of the supermarket, and, as each customer tries to enter, do a little show that lasts two minutes, welcoming them to the supermarket and trying to explain the bread is on aisle six and milk is on sale today." - Jared Spool

How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

non-dev (but still in IT) friend: *sends meme* "I don't get it!"

me:
int ThingsToBuyFromGrocery()
{
int milk = 1;

if(store.HasEggs())
{
milk = 6;
}

return milk;
}

friend: "Woah! You're so smart!"

Somebody put milk in the tea kettle.

To be entirely fair, I'm sure nobody from here has ever seen a kettle, let alone used one.

If I died, I would have one regret.

I once worked in a code base whose messiness would make an oil spill in the fucking pacific ocean look like spilled milk on the floor in comparison.

Naturally, it had bugs. Oh BOY did it have bugs. Most of them were taken care of well enough. Or about as well as anyone insane enough to work in that code could.

There was just this one bug, which I still (un)fondly call "my bug of 2 years". It. Just. Didn't. Make. Sense.

It was written in JavaScript. Naturally. Which by itself, is the metaphorical programming language equivalent of a pile of horse manure. But this bug. It was the guano icing on top of the horse manure cake which is JavaScript.

I LITERALLY spent 2 years trying to find a solution. I woke up at night, thinking of explanations. I had dreams about fixing the damn thing. And I never did.

On the day I left the job, I had to pass it on to a friend (who hasn't solved the fucker yet either).

I hated that bug with all my heart. But..

Now that I think back, all the books I read, all the docs that I scoured, every non working fix I coded and every failed efforts I made on it, eventually made me a better programmer.

So cherish your bugs and issues. Sometimes, they come, not to hurt you, but to help you grow (unless you use JS, those bugs just wanna fuck you).

colleague: My laptop wont start, I don't know what happend. It worked this morning.
me: alright, Ill take a look at it.

I walk down to another room and proceed to open it up. Some kind of smell is rising from the poor laptop. I know that scent.
The motherboard is completely soaked into coffe, with milk.
I walk up the colleague:

me: do you prefer coffe with milk och without?
colleague: haha, it depends on what mood I am in. ( she is obviously stressed about it )
me: that poor laptop of yours, is dead. You soaked it in your coffe
colleague: haha what? No I have not. It worked last night when I used it ( notice how she changed "this morning" to "last night".

I just walk away, and I hope that the insurance does not cover this shit.

Late in the afternoon right before closing time I wandered into a lunch-having nice little place. There was noone and my sleep-deprived self ordered an espresso. The ~25yrs old barista was kind and smiling and while I was adding some milk to my coffee she suddenly asked:

'Are you an IT guy?'

In shock I said: 'Okay, yes, I do wear glasses and drink coffe, but how did you know?'

'I didn't, but... my printer isn't working at home, can you tell me why?'

At this point I bursted out in laughter and realized that to most people I am a printer fixer. We all are, aren't we?

A programmer comes home from work. The spouse says, "Could you run to the store for me? Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen". He goes to the store and comes back with 13 gallons of milk.

buyMilk()
if (eggs) {
for (var i = 0; i < 12; i++) {
buyMilk()
}
}

Forgetting to reply to my gf when I code, I always return to 30+ texts, 12 missed calls, some Instagram and Facebook messages, an email and find my face on the back of a milk carton 😂

When the toilet paper tries to be nice with you after coding 😁

I work for Google and Facebook.

Well... is that really true?

Uh... well, does a cow work for a farmer?

Hmmm... not really voluntarily... the cow just kinda gets milked and then the farmer sells its milk.

Yeah. That’s what I do. They milk me for my attention - and then they sell that to corporate advertisers.

Yeah... Hmmm... well, I guess you do work for them... but you don’t get paid...

I can still put it on my resume though, right?

If u drink milk... it wont be readable...😅😅😅

Anybody: so where do you work?
Me after a pause: i milk cows at local farm...

(too hard to explain afterwards, also avoid "fix my computer, phone, printer..." and "lets make a bitcoin mining app")

The wife ask her husband to run some errands..

Wife: "Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 dozen of eggs, and if they have milk, buy 2."

Husband: "Ok honey!"

After a while, the husband came back..

Husband: "Honey! Here are your 2 dozen eggs!"

So I just received this second DSP5005 DC-DC programmable power supply. Time to make an enclosure for the thing!! 3 power supplies totaling at around 1kW, and 2 variables connected to the 50V 10A one, through external banana wires (I want all of this to be modular). No biggie, take measurements for the AC-DC supplies, add in the variables on the front, and cut it out.

So, I went and did just that. Now my 500W (50V 10A) supply is a bit larger than the others, and it's got a fan. So I figured, well then probably my 24V 8.3A (200W) and 12V 15A (180W) supplies could use some cooling as well. But how am I going to achieve passive cooling without a spacing between the supplies?! So I thought of some spacer design. It had to be out of wood, and I had some 4mm MDF and some IKEA parts around. So, 4mm MDF for the plate and 8mm wood spacers from IKEA for the spacing. And some super glue to hold it all together.

Weighing my power supplies against a 1l bottle of milk, it seems like my power supplies are ~500g. Great, so the top spacer would take 500g and the bottom one 1kg + the weight of the top spacer.

I ended up building one plate with 6 spacers in it yesterday, until I got too tired. Then I placed my entire weight against it, 20kg at least. It didn't budge. Pretty good for something that's only designed to withstand a 1kg load!!

So, I made something good with only a 10x18cm piece of MDF, some garbage from IKEA, and most importantly a bit of a brain. Something that can handle 20x its designed load no problem. Manufacturers, is it really right to produce shit when I can beat your manufacturing processes big time without an assembly line?!

Tinder trying to milk money from my desparate situation.

Not cool Tinder, not cool.

A programmer heads out to the store. His wife says "while you're out, get some milk."
He never came home.
The poor guy is stuck causing serious problems at a grocery store somewhere.
BREAKING NEWS: Man stuck in 'while' loop crashes global milk market. Will authorities resort to ctrl-x? This story, and more, at 7:00.
UPDATE: keyboard interrupts proving ineffective, authorities discussing resorting to kill -9
Aaaand he's broke.
And he has ALL the milk.
Should read as "return home"
Unfortunately, she gave no instructions for terminating the loop.

I found some rum!

Specifically kahlua.
Kahlua, milk, Tito’s. Mmm. And so strong.

I tried adding creme de cacao, but I wasn’t strong enough to open the bottle. 🙁

Anyway, we played a family game that amounts to throwing a ball or other toy into a bucket from increasing distances / more difficult areas of the room. With my drunken coordination it was a great time. 😁

No work today.
Just packing and fun.
☺️

Do you know how to milk a sheep?

You sell them iPhone accessories.

My girlfriend said "Go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six."
I came back with 6 cartons of milk. She asked "why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?"

"They had eggs"

Not a rant. Just a story.

So two weeks ago, a cat gave birth to two beautiful kittens in our balcony. We started giving milk to the mother and sometimes inviting the family to our house. The kittens are naughty charming. The mother sits for hours and sometimes sleeps while watching us do our chores (watching movies, coding, etc.)

Now, we live in New Delhi and Wednesday was Diwali. The family was playing in the balcony and we had to go out. So we locked the balcony door and went to have fun with friends. We didn't realize that people would burst firecrackers which could scare the cats. When we returned, the mother was very scared and (kind of) screaming. One of the kittens was missing!! We live on the fourth floor and I got scared too. We searched using a flashlight but there was no sign of kitten. After 30 minutes of search, We gave up. I assumed the kitten jumped from the balcony and might be dead. I tried to sleep but could not. Around 4 AM in the morning, I heard some noise. When I opened the door, the second kitten was there. Her mom was scolding (or so it seemed). It was a moment of joy.

Thought of sharing. This family has become our friends. Now I realize how cats are good companions.

I had this a while ago. I just pulled an all-nighter because of some servers issues so I went to a coffee shop at my usual train station on my way to my study to get an espresso. I had some difficulties with keeping my eyes open and then these teenage girls walked towards the starbucks (nope I don't do starbucks) saying something like 'Oh my god I need caffeine otherwise I won't survive today omg'.

Five minutes later they came walking out with a few huge 'coffees' with shitloads of milk and whipped cream.

I kept myself sane but I just really wanted to scream 'THAT"S NOT COFFEE/CAFFEINE, THAT"S FUCKING DESERT YOU FUCKING FUCKWITS'.
I really couldn't stand those girls at that moment nope.

I hate how entitled young tech workers are, but I also hate that my office only has three different types of milk.

Coz drinking milk is a skill every CS student need for his/her LinkedIn profile. Sure, the recruiter's and company's job is to make sure you are proficient milk drinker.

What do U prefere? ☕

0. Coffee
1. Tea
2. Warm milk
3. Monster
4. Something else

Getting comfortable in one place for too long and stagnating. It can be easy to automate your job until you can just milk it, but sit still too long and your skills will be irrelevant.

People talk about ageism in development... don't let your mind get old and you'll always have job security.

Root experiments.

Spiced rum, kahlua, grand mariner, chocolate liquor, milk, ice. Tastes like house paint, and not in the good way like protein bars. Do not recommend. Better with more milk, but still meh.

Spiced rum, kahlua, triple sec, milk, ice. Tastes like orange milk with coffee. Pretty nice.

Spiced rum, ice. Tastes like a faint memory of heaven. Amazing grace, hallelujah.

Being a Programmer:

My mom said:
"Honey, please go to the market and buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6"

I came back with 6 bottles of milk.

She said: "Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?"

BECAUSE THEY HAD EGGS!!!!

Whenever I make instant coffee, I apply this formula:

18ml² water + (recommendSpoons*2) + (milk*M³)

Where 'M' stands for the motivation which is a constant of 0

The Cloud Of Bullshit

Every day I wake, and I think of my one true mission in life. To mock and ridicule paint huffing idiots. Something recently that drew my ire, like the hemorrhoids on my ass is this idea of 'the cloud', THE CLOUD and the buzzword lingo-bingo bullshit that providers use to hype and sell it.

For example, airtable is an amazing service. I love that I can insert just about anything into a row, create any of my own row datatypes, that it's flexible as all hell.

I love it.

And I hate that I'm essentially locked in to the cloud.
I fucking hate how if my internet goes down (thanks you pie eating inbred dipshits at comcast) I have no access.
If the company is bought, they'll shut down like all the rest , to be "relaunched at a later time" (or never).
I hate that if the company doesn't make enough money, or it's investors change their mind, woopsie, service is shut down.
I hate that the cloud is synonymous with massive data leaks and IOT-levels of stupidity in security practices.

Every time someone says "but its in the cloud! Isn't it amazing!"

I always think 1. YEAH IF IM AN INVESTOR I GET TO MILK LOW BROW FINGER PAINTING FUCKWITS EVERY MONTH like Adobe sucking the blood from infants who are still in college.

2. Why? So I can get locked into their platform, have them segment off previously free features (fucking youtube and the 'subscribe so you can continue playing audio with your screen off' bullshit), and then have fees increase month over month?

3. Why, so every four years during the presidential selection, if I piss off some fuckstick braindead lemming literally sucking his girlfriends BFs cock, they can potentially shut me out from my own data completely?

The Cloud is built on shit-colored hype sold to knob gobbling idiots, controlling idiots, profiting at the expense of idiots, and later fucking them for buyout payola. The Cloud is a Cloud of Bullshit shat out by huckster messiahs straight into the lapping mouths of fanatics worshiping slavishly like toilet drinking scum at the porcelain alter of a neon god, invisible, untouchable, and like a spigot, easily shut off without anyone noticing. And when it happens, I'll be there, shouting "WHERE IS YOUR CLOUD NOW?"

Native any day. 100% native or I don't fucking want it
None of this node.js-gone-native bullshit either with notetaking apps taking up hundreds of megabytes of ram, where everything is bootstrap or react, in a browser, in a window container, because people are so fucking incompetent we have to hold their hand WHILE they give themselves a reach around.

Native or nothing.

For my favorite notetaking app, I use Microsoft OneNote. "OH god, a heathen, quick, stick his body up on a stake!"

But hear me out. I'll be the first one in a crowd to kick bill gates in the nuts (not because I particularly hate microsoft, just because I think hes kind of a cunt).

So when I say onenote is good, I really fucking mean it. Sure they did some cunty things like 'dumbed down' the interface, and cut out some options. But you know what they can't do?
Shut down the damn service (short of a system update completely removing the whole app, which, frankly, wouldn't surprise me).

It's so god damn good it waxed my balls, cured my cancer, fixed my relationship with my father, found my long lost brother, and replaced ALL my irl notebooks.

It's so good that if it was cocaine I'd be hospitalized for overusing it.

So god damn good it didn't just replace all my notebooks, it even replaced and sped up my mockup process three to five times. Want layers?

Built in. Just drag an image on to the notebook to import instantly.

Want to rearrange layers? Right click select "send forward/back/bring to front/send to back".

Everything snaps to grid by default and is easily resizeable.

I had all the elements for a UI sliced and diced. Wanted to try a bunch of layouts. Was gonna take me two damn days.

Did it in three hours with the notebook features of onenote.

After I started using onenote, me and my bodypillow finally conceived even.

Sweet marries mammaries I just fucking jizzed. Thank you onenote.

P.s. It really did speed up my UI design, allows annotated images, highlighted text. Shit, it can even do kanban.

And all I can think is "good job microsoft making an awesome product for free, being dumb as fuck for not charging for it, and then not marketing it at ALL."

It was sheer fucking luck that I discovered it while was I was looking for vendor STD bloatware to blast off my new install.

OneNote: Worth a try even for the kick-gates-in-the-nuts fan club.

The cloud can suck my balls.

How do you milk sheep?
Put an apple logo on it!

I have no patience when softwares takes time to load.

It ruins my momentum/focus and I just wanna throw everything away.

We are now in a full swing enshittification of the entire internet. Almost no companies are interested in providing any value, it's the phase of securing the position between those that provide value and clients - and just collecting rents. Capture enough of the market, milk the product and the client, turn the service into shit while charging progressively more until it all burns and crashes. And then, well, pass go, collect $200, rinse and repeat.

I'm having an existential crisis with this client.

We are spending millions of $s every year to make sure the product's performance is perfect. We are testing various scenarios, fine-tuning PLABs: the environment, application, middleware, infra,... And then we provide our recommendations to the client: "To handle load of XX parallel users focusing on YY, yy and Zy APIs, use <THIS> configuration".

And what the client does?
- take our recommendations and measure the wind speed outside
- if speed is <20m/s and milk hasn't gone bad yet, add 2x more instances of API X
- otherwise add 3xX, 1xY and give more CPUs to Z
- split the setup in half and deploy in 2 completely separate load-balanced prod environments.
- <do other "tweaking">

- bomb our team with questions "why do we have slow RTs?", "why did the env crash?", "why do we have all those errors?", "why has this been overlooked in PLABs?!?"

If you're improvising despite our recommendations, wtf are we doing here???

One day I will crack. Hopefully, not sometime soon.

10 year anniversary 'celebration' for a couple of employees (one dev, one a DBA) and the VP of the department was saying kind words about them, talking about the 'good old days'.

VP to the DBA: "I apologize, when you started, you walked into my database architecture. I didn't know that much back then and never thought about the architecture much beyond a few years. Its amazing my design has lasted over 20 years and triple digit business growth..blah blah blah"

Inner voice: "Mother F-er!...My database was designed IN SPITE of your meddling and demanding to create 1,500 field tables. Shut the F up you egotistical bastard!"

I can't even count how many times I had to stop him from, for example, adding a 'ProductID' field to a Customer table.

Me: "Why did you add a product id field?"
VP: "How else will we know what product the customer wants to buy?"
Me: "You mean like a wish list? What if the customer wants more than one product?"
VP: "Oh, that’s easy, we'll create more fields when that happens. ProductID2. Microsoft made it really easy to add fields."
Me: "We already have a wish list table schema. Customer can have as many wish lists and as many products as they want."
VP: "I don't understand. All I want is a field for me to store the product I'm buying. I don't know why you make this so hard, its just one more field."

Now the VP is bragging all the success was due to his expertise?! Gaaaaahhhh!

I quelled my rage with ample quantities of donuts, juice, and chocolate milk.

The postcard I got from dev to back from when I was a part of it.

Let’s make sure 2020 is special indeed. Aged like milk.

I just spilled milk on my laptop.

I'm going on vacation next week, and all I need to do before then is finish up my three tickets. Two of them are done save a code review comment that amounts to combining two migrations -- 30 seconds of work. The other amounts to some research, then including some new images and passing it off to QA.

I finish the migrations, and run the fast migration script -- should take 10 minutes. I come back half an hour later, and it's sitting there, frozen. Whatever; I'll kill it and start it again. Failure: database doesn't exist. whatever, `mysql` `create database misery;` rerun. Frozen. FINE. I'll do the proper, longer script. Recreate the db, run the script.... STILL GODDAMN FREEZING.

WHATEVER.

Research time.
I switch branches, follow the code, and look for any reference to the images, asset directory, anything. There are none. I analyze the data we're sending to the third party (Apple); no references there either, yet they appear on-device. I scour the code for references for hours; none except for one ref in google-specific code. I grep every file in the entire codebase for any reference (another half hour) and find only that one ref. I give up. It works, somehow, and the how doesn't matter. I can just replace the images and all should be well. If it isn't, it will be super obvious during QA.

So... I'll just bug product for the new images, add them, and push. No need to run specs if all that's changed is some assets. I ask the lead product goon, and .... Slack shits the bed. The outage lasts for two hours and change.

Meanwhile, I'm still trying to run db migrations. shit keeps hanging.

Slack eventually comes back, and ... Mr. Product is long gone. fine, it's late, and I can't blame him for leaving for the night. I'll just do it tomorrow.

I make a drink. and another.
hard horchata is amazing. Sheelin white chocolate is amazing. Rum and Kahlua and milk is kind of amazing too. I'm on an alcoholic milk kick; sue me.

I randomly decide to switch branches and start the migration script again, because why not? I'm not doing anything else anyway. and while I'm at it, I randomly Slack again.

Hey, Product dude messaged me. He's totally confused as to what i want, and says "All I created was {exact thing i fucking asked for}". sfjaskfj. He asks for the current images so he can "noodle" on it and ofc realize that they're the same fucking things, and that all he needs to provide is the new "hero" banner. Just like I asked him for. whatever. I comply and send him the archive. he's offline for the night, and won't have the images "compiled" until tomorrow anyway. Back to drinking.

But before then, what about that migration I started? I check on it. it's fucking frozen. Because of course it fucking is.

I HAD FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FUCKING WORK TODAY, AND I WOULD BE DONE FOR NEARLY THREE FUCKING WEEKS.

UGH!

These were all the same person.

Filled a glove up with milk.
Got hold of a spray bottle cap, put it in a soda bottle, and was spraying other people.
Dropped a golf ball down some stairs.

He quit before he was fired.

Why hazelnut milk gotta separate and make it look like I'm drinking coffee blended with brains?

After I picked up cooking, I dialed in a classic Russian pancakes recipe of my grandma (the babushka) and made it sugar-free. I cook those pancakes for my wife every Saturday, and she says they taste heavenly.

So, here’s the recipe of kiki’s pancakes:
- 8 eggs, 150g of 82% butter, 300g of flour, baking powder, 800ml of 3.2% fat milk. If you have a blender, it’ll make things easier
- let them sit and make all of them the same temperature
- take 8 eggs, add milk, stir
- liquify the butter in the microwave, add, stir
- sift the flour in while stirring continuously
- let it sit for 30 minutes
- take a pan, add little butter or sunflower seed oil, make it scary hot
- after you pour, flip the pancake when its top gets dry

to flip them easily, spread pastry wide when pouring, overlapping frying pan edges. Then, use those edges (now bone dry) to flip the pancake. After you’re done, those edges (now almost black) will break away, leaving a perfect pancake. This works especially well if you don’t have a good non-stick frying pan.

enjoy!

I ran out of milk, so used a five second squirt of ‘cream’ for my coffee this morning. That’s ok right, normal behaviour? All this COVID-isolation isn’t getting to me..? 😆

my family is fucking weird. and by weird I mean we have nothing in common, like people make make milk baby jokes and I am like "that totally makes sense!".

anyway my self proclaimed luddite sister and her annoyingly hipster husband recently purchased 300 acres of land in the middle of fucking nowhere with an old farm house on it. my family is always bugging my wife and I to come out and visit on the weekends. so last weekend I relented and we went out. apparently their idea of a good time is wandering through the woods ( I guess a trip to microcenter was to much to ask?). fast forward and I am now covered. COVERED in chigger bites. it is so bad that I have had to shave my legs then cover them in allow & lidocaine and wrap them up in gauze. FUCK THIS SHIT🤕😤🤕

Aaahhh, it's one of those mornings, when I sit down at my laptop, take my tall cup of hot, fresh coffee with a perfect layer of frothed milk at the top, I take a sip of this heavenly drink and feel the taste of sour curd in my mouth.

A perfectly ruined morning!

Not as much of a rant as a share of my exasperation you might breathe a bit more heavily out your nose at.

My work has dealt out new laptops to devs. Such shiny, very wow. They're also famously easy to use.
.
.
.
My arse.
.
.
.
I got the laptop, transferred the necessary files and settings over, then got to work. Delivered ticket i, delivered ticket j, delivered the tests (tests first *cough*) then delivered Mr Bullet to Mr Foot.

Day 4 of using the temporary passwords support gave me I thought it was time to get with department policy and change my myriad passwords to a single one. Maybe it's not as secure but oh hell, would having a single sign-on have saved me from this.

I went for my new machine's password first because why not? It's the one I'll use the most, and I definitely won't forget it. I didn't. (I didn't.) I plopped in my memorable password, including special characters, caps, and numbers, again (carefully typed) in the second password field, then nearly confirmed. Curiosity, you bastard.

There's a key icon by the password field and I still had milk teeth left to chew any and all new features with.
Naturally I click on it. I'm greeted by a window showing me a password generating tool. So many features, options for choosing length, character types, and tons of others but thinking back on it, I only remember those two. I had a cheeky peek at the different passwords generated by it, including playing with the length slider. My curiosity sated, I closed that window and confirmed that my password was in.

You probably know where this is going. I say probably to give room for those of you like me who certifiably. did. not.

Time to test my new password.
*Smacks the power button to log off*
Time to put it in (ooer)
*Smacks in the password*
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

Whoops, typo probably.
Do it again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

No u.
Try again.
I N C O R R E C T L O G I N D E T A I L S.

Try my previous password.
Well, SUCCESS... but actually, no.

Tried the previous previous password.
T O O M A N Y A T T E M P T S

Ahh fuck, I can't believe I've done this, but going to support is for pussies. I'll put this by the rest of the fire, I can work on my old laptop.

Day starts getting late, gotta go swimming soonish. Should probably solve the problem. Cue a whole 40 minutes trying my 15 or so different passwords and their permutations because oh heck I hope it's one of them.
I talk to a colleague because by now the "days since last incident" counter has been reset.

"Hello there Ryan, would you kindly go on a voyage with me that I may retrace my steps and perhaps discover the source of this mystery?"

"A man chooses, a slave obeys. I choose... lmao ye sure m8, but I'm driving"

We went straight for the password generator, then the length slider, because who doesn't love sliding a slidey boi. Soon as we moved it my upside down frown turned back around. Down in the 'new password' and the 'confirm new password' IT WAS FUCKING AUTOCOMPLETING. The slidey boi was changing the number of asterisks in both bars as we moved it. Mystery solved, password generator arrested, shit's still fucked.

Bite the bullet, call support.
"Hi, I need my password resetting. I dun goofed"
*details tech support needs*
*It can be sorted but the tech is ages away*
Gotta be punctual for swimming, got two whole lengths to do and a sauna to sit in.
"I'm off soon, can it happen tomorrow?"
"Yeah no problem someone will be down in the morning."

Next day. Friday. 3 hours later, still no contact. Go to support room myself.
The guy really tries, goes through everything he can, gets informed that he needs a code from Derek. Where's Derek? Ah shet. He's on holiday.

There goes my weekend (looong weekend, bank holiday plus day flexi-time) where I could have shown off to my girlfriend the quality at which this laptop can play all our favourite animé, and probably get remind by her that my personal laptop has an i2350u with integrated graphics.

TODAY. (Part is unrelated, but still, ugh.)
Go to work. Ten minutes away realise I forgot my door pass.
Bollocks.
Go get a temporary pass (of shame).
Go to clock in. My fob was with my REAL pass.
What the wank.
Get to my desk, nobody notices my shame. I'm thirsty. I'll have the bottle from my drawer. But wait, what's this? No key that usually lives with my pass? Can't even unlock it?
No thanks.

Support might be able to cheer me up. Support is now for manly men too.
*Knock knock*
"Me again"
"Yeah give it here, I've got the code"
He fixes it, I reset my pass, sensibly change my other passwords.
Or I would, if the internet would work.

It connects, but no traffic? Ryan from earlier helps, we solve it after a while.

My passwords are now sorted, machine is okay, crisis resolved.

*THE END*

If you skipped the whole thing and were expecting a tl;dr, you just lost the game.

Otherwise, I absolve you of having lost the game.

Exactly at the char limit

Tried getting enough sleep for the Monday and failed miserably.
First, I made my kids washed, like usual, around 6pm. Then tried to put them to sleep. The younger one went to sleep, the older refused. Wanted to play, run, jump, sing and scream. After an half an hour his screaming woke up younger. Now I had two kids to put to sleep back again.
The younger is one year old and requires more attention, otherwise cries.
After serious fight the older was forced to sleep. He tried to jump over me, bite me, kick, hit, eat chocolate, wanted to pee, then jump, run and fight again. I ended up lying him forcibly in the bed, holding his hand by kind of a block, so that he couldn't move to much. Took 15 minutes, but he felt asleep. It was 22. Joys of having 3yo kid.
After more 30 minutes and a bottle of milk the 1yo was sleeping.
At 2am the older woke and cried. I woke, tried to make him calm, he pushed me away and went back to sleep. Now it's 3:40, my sleeping pill wore off, and I won't take another one, because I need to get up at six.

This is how you get a good night's sleep before having a busy week.

Still mineral milk

Fuck this day in particular.
Also it's probably my fault.
Oh well...

!rant

How does everyone here like their coffee?
For every cup I drink, it should be espresso (0.35 litres) with three cubes 'o sugar and a little shot of milk.

After reading so many peoples rants about Wix ads, I have been asking myself, "Why in the fuck are people on here seeing Wix ads? What in the hell happened to their adblock?! Did their adblock quit? Is adblock missing? Why is no one concerned that adblock is missing?! We need milk cartons and a search party formed ASAP!"

That moment when you must pull an all-nighter, but realize that you're out of coffee. And Mate. And Redbull. Basically anything energetic. That's when you realize you're fucked. 😓

Why are devs so egoistic?

Also, how do you deal with psychopathic ones?

PCs are a clusterfuck these days. Microsoft has abandoned the niceness of Win-7 and opted for Win-10 - with spyware, untested forced updates and forced online licence checks to make sure you have to get the shit. Macs are total crap, and Apple doesn't care because they instead prefer to milk customers with overpriced iShit. Linux sucks and looks like a Soviet tractor, but at least, it doesn't fuck up itself just by switching it on.

I had Linux as only OS from 2001 to 2010, and while I obviously can deal with it, I finally hated it enough to switch over to Win-7. From 2020 on, it looks like I will be back because Microsoft has managed to fuck up Windows even worse (and then these suckers wonder why Github users don't trust them). Maybe I'll buy a Tux when I install Linux so that I can punch it in the face.

Progress was yesterday - today it's about damage control. Welcome to a world where the brightest CS guys are thinking about how not only to shove up even more ads into peoples' asses, but how to also transmit lab data of the poo.

I have so many questions in my head…

Should I focus doing front-end or back-end?

For mobile dev, flutter or react native?

Kanban or Agile?

Google cloud or AWS?

Switch to Linux or stick to WSL2?

Solidity or Rust for blockchain apps?

Best low-code that my dev peers won’t hate me for using?

If starting a project,
Bootstrapping or chase after VCs?

Do you guys use conditioner when you run out of shaving cream?

Keto or vegan?

Is milk really that bad for our body??

coffee vs. chocolate milk

Nice start to the day, I actually had to use science to open a milk bottle:

Problem: Cap doesn't turn no matter how hard I try

1. Increase the grip strength without hurting my hand by placing a paper towel between my hand and the cap

Still won't turn

2. Run hot water and place the lid area under it for 20s

Repeat #1, it now works!

Putting mobile phone to DnD.

Putting on Bluetooth headsets with ANC, blasting some good shit music.

Violently cooking or desperately ordering food at the good restaurants.

While waiting, grinding some coffee beans, making fresh coffee or some nice tea with milk.

Laying on the sofa in a food induced coma, turning on any streaming service with the real bad shitty movies.

Hentai Kamen, The Machine Girl, ...

Anything thats either pure groteske bullshit or that doesn't require more than a braincell cause it appeals either to the violent or complete nonsense side of my brain.

Last but not least, a few cold beers.

ANC headset stays on, just switching from music to tv - shutting out all the outside noise.

Coworker wanted to explain something to me on a discord call just when I grabbed a bowl of milk and cereal.

It's all soft and mushy now 😔

On another note, today was my first day on the job 😁

Are my rants supposed to be well documented, too? Or like submitted as if it’s a GitHub issue, where I shall add details such as what’s not working, how do you expect it to work, steps to replicate the bug, screenshots?

Why tf am I even overthinking this?! Lmao

Reducing API access to third party apps seems like a fucking short sighted move, Twitter.

Presumably given up on innovating on the platform and decided to milk what you have.

Doesn't excite me about your future.

A woman sends her programmer husband to the supermarket.

"Bring a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, bring 12".

He returned with 12 cartons of milk.

Next money saving Discovery! I made my own bubble/milk tea. It actually treated like the ones that cost $5 at the mall.... Finally.

The magic was use half and half milk!!

Helpful work advice then: “work hard and we will notice your successes and improvement, we believe in you”

Helpful work advice now: “Evil corporate mfs. Nefarious manipulators trying to fuck you. They want to destroy you and milk the last drop from your pathetic spirit. They would watch you burn in a pit of acid for entertainment. Get the bag and get out fam.”

Lots of geeks here, so what about your favorite Dev/Programmer joke?

Personal favorite - eggs, milk & a programmer:

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"

So... Yesterday I ordered a meal and it had whole jalapenos in it. I didn't order jalapeños. I love the taste but I hate toilet visits after. Hence, was putting them aside. But then I got into that new code, jumping around this new project I'll be working on. We were getting intimate. I liked the architecture, I liked it a lot - it was using event sourcing and respected CQRS. Suddenly I realised I ate everything. Including jalapeños. And the only reason I noticed is because I was eating with my hands. And my eye got watery. And I wiped it.

So, yeah. Yesterday for the first time in my life I was pouring milk into my eyes. Does this count as a proper dev rant? I don't know. Fuck the protein interface that can't process simple food orders, though.

Fren: yo check this IC out

[blinks]

"Okay, s-"

[suddenly bitch ass contraption squirts milk on my face]

[bitch ass fren runs]

,w, <(motherfucker y u do dis)

Existing algos are messed up. The one that personalizes ur feed. FUCKKK.

My YT, Tiktok, IG, Reddit feed are mostly about suicide stories… I just interacted with some posts about anxiety and it led to this. Idk if it’s just me or is this really a trending thing? Coz it’s suicide awareness month??? But dude? That “awareness” might trigger someone contemplating it, like it taps into their confirmation bias.

milk = 1
if
(egg > 0)
{milk = 6}system.out.println("milk");

what's wrong momm ?

Your dairy produce is safe with us!

got this cool protein powder thing and it tastes like chocolate when I mixed it with some milk yesterday

figured it's like hot chocolate but makes you feel awesome!

put powder in a cup and filled it with hot water today
this was a mistake.
turns out protein clumps under heat. it tasted so gross. I threw it out.

I thought I was so smart

I was eating a dairy milk 🍫, and my computer took a byte

Woah TIL

"Kinder Surprise is a hollow milk chocolate egg shell containing a toy. [...] it is banned in the US since the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act prohibits confectionary products containing 'non-nutritive objects'"

I loved collecting those toys as a child (and still love the chocolate)

my company is "pivoting" way too goddamn fast; they are pulling devs from other projects and throwing them into something that is a fragile system (was supposed to be replaced already) and is using a completely different stack than most of them usually work with. they keep promising 3rd parties that we will knock out their requirements within a week or two, and as such they are pushing haphazardly merged feature branches into production with absolutely no regression testing.

then when shit explodes and operations grinds to a halt, they tell the half of the team that actually knows how the system works to drop everything and fix it, and leave the diverted devs to continue to develop shit based on requirements drawn on a cocktail napkin, and then they fucking push both the hotfixes and the newest features at the same time.

I probably have the most tribal knowledge at this company, and they are paying me ok, so it's enough for me to just pour some rye and suck it up for the time being and milk the gig. but this can't be sustainable, right? i'm passively looking around for other work, as I've already had enough being here for over 3 years, but i'm finding most places to be slow on the application/hiring process lately due to covid.

Edit: i think i used the wrong tag here, but what the fuck ever. i haven't figured out how to tag shit properly on any platform

The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.

On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.

In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.

They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.

Non tech hobbies that helped me with developement:

Lego technic/mecano/knex were a great way to learn about abstraction, you build modules that you can reuse somewhere else.

Cooking is similar, you notice useful patterns that you can reproduce. E.g. roux, which is butter and flour is used for a lot of sauces, then add milk and you get béchamel, which is again used for a lot of sauces.

Coffee brewing helps because I can't focus if I don't get coffee.

!dev

But i like sharing.

So i hated stout. But recently i had a kid and my partners parents are from England. Back in the day，breastfeeding mums used to drink light stout， because the yeast helped to boost milk production.

Well i buy beer every week and run out of it by wednesday. So at my disgust i started drinking stout.

Now my brestfeeding partner complains coz i drink all her beer ;)

1/3 coffee and 2/3 chocolate milk.
The perfect drink for a break!😎

The Only Reason Why We Programmers Love Coffee and Not Milk is Because We Love Everything in Dark Theme 🥱

I ran out of milk halfway a chocolate milk.
With no options left, I skeptically decided to add some water.
I had half a cup of milk, added 1/4 of water. Y'know, enough to look filled, not enough to ruin it in case it goes wrong.
Microwave it.
No, freaking, difference. Loved it.
I added some more water to see how much it changes, and it's just slightly less thick and 70% milk flavour. Sure it's a change but now I know the limit.
Recommended.

"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs."
"OK."
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk."
He never returned.

i love how Linux marketshare doubled from 2018 And Windoes lost a ton. Ms is even starting making more noob Software for Linux to milk more in the future.

So, it's too hot, but I'm still quite caffeine dependent so: Espresso on the rocks (add milk and ice coffee mix if you so desire)

Estimating time before consulting the dev on the task he/she will be working on is like pouring the milk in before the cereal. CRINGE.

!rant

*Coffee*

Yes / no ?

If yes, how many cups a day? What type do you fancy?

If no, any other ways you energize yourself up?

If buying from coffee shop I like to order flat whites, otherwise a lil skimmed milk and that's all.

Sorry if this has been discussed before

i hate you, you and you AHHHHHH

This doesnt have to make sense.
This is a freakin rant for god's sake, not a pull request. I'm not tryna be the best ranter?? Dont mind this rant. Just scroll. B if u can only hear my scream right now from the other side of the world, it sure can cause another big bang.

F u, this sht, (oh ya it's profanity, i got no better term for what im feelin, gahh please rip my head off) and that too, and this one too, all of u

I HATE ALL OF YOU. I BLAME ALL OF YOU FOR ALL MY INCONSISTENCIES. YE, IM TIRED OF TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY. F THAT SHT COZ IT JUST RAISES EXPECTATIONS. I CAN'T EVEN MEET THE DEADLINES I SET FOR MYSELF.

The hell are ambitions and all that "dream life" they tryna sell. Those won't even matter when I can barely get my sht together. UGH. I haven't even seen my friends, the SUN, trees and all normal people things. Dang, I want fried chicken. I haven't had one for a while. I guess I should end this rant here and order one.

I must just be hungry, no?

i had an epiphany today, in a discussion with the software architect of our new project.

i'm having the epic job to design & implement a prototype for a C++ library in a new software project and collected some inspiration in our "old" software, where i'm maintaining the module that fulfills the same functionality (i thought). i've been maintaining this module for around a year now. i analyzed the different features and stuff to consider and created a partial model of the new library.

when i showed it to the architect today, he was like "oh my god, no no no, you don't need all this functionality, this shall not be part of the new library!"

this was the moment when i realized how deeply fucked up the code base of the old module is.

imagine it like this:
you want to automate the process of making yourself a good ol' cup of coffee.
the reasonable thing would be to have

- a smart water boiler where you set parameters water temperature and amount of water to be fetched from the water supply
- a smart coffee bean grinder where you can set type of beans, amount of beans and grinding fineness
- a component where water and ground coffee are joined to brew the coffee, where parameters like duration, pressure etc. are set
- a milk tank where amount of milk, desired temperature and duration / speed of foaming can be set
- a sugar dispenser where amount of applied sugar can be set
- optionally, additional modules with spices, syrup, ice cubes, whatever for your very personal coffee experience

on requesting a coffee, you would then configure and orchestrate all components to your wishes to make you a fine cup of coffee. you can also add routines like "makeCappucchino()", "makeEspresso()", or whatever.

our software is not like this.
it is like this:
- a smart water boiler consisting of submodules that know how to cook water for e.g. "cappucchino with sugar" or for "espresso without sugar, but with milk and ice cubes"
- 5 smart bean grinders that know how to grind beans for e.g. cappucchino, espresso, latte macchiato and for 73ml of water preheated to 82°C
- a very smart sugar dispenser that knows how to add sugar to 95, 98 and 100°C coffee and to coffee made of BOTH coffee arabica AND coffee robusta beans.

etc. etc., i think you're getting the gist.

when i realized this, it was like, right in front of my eyes, this terrible pattern emerged like a foul, corrupted caleidoscope of chaos, through the whole code base of this module.
i've already known how rotten from the core this code base is, but today i've actually identified a really bad pattern that i hadn't realized before. the whole architecture is so bloated that it is hard to have an overview of the whole thing. and it would require a LOT of refactoring to repair this pattern.
but i guess it would also be infinitely satisfying because i could probably reduce the code base for 30% or something...

but unfortunately, this is never going to happen, because screw refactoring.

it's a great feeling to start this new library from scratch, tho...

Why do we rant here? Why can’t companies allow a safe space for their employees to vent out their woes? Or does that just add tension/make the workplace heated coz managers or co-workers could be sensitive to criticism? Or we’re just too stressed and overwhelmed that our woes don’t make sense(and we know it) but we gotta let it out some times? Lol

Client: "According to the Postgresql Version Support Policy, 9.3 will be expired by September 2018. That's only a few months away."

Me in thought: "Expired? Like a rotten egg? With an expiration date? OK, chill. His English isn't that good. Maybe he meant that support expires since its EOL."

Client: "We need to upgrade so that we can continue using the database."

Me in thought: "Yeah, he really meant "expired" in database too."

This cat is looking at me like how my manager looks at me when I say am gonna work a few extra hours of work because I like what I do...

Am the one who gave her the milk 😅

Do some of you somehow internalize the rants of people here and wonder if your workmates feel the same?

Or have you encountered someone rant about a coworker but that’s also something you do/did and now you wonder if your workmates think the same about you?

Tea vs Coffee war solved : drink coffee and pour caffeine powder in tea.

Add milk for the taste.

What do you call a cow on a trampoline? A milk shake!

Coffee (no milk, no sugar)
Metal (heavy, thrash)
Whiskey (or sometimes Vodka)

When you are feeling hungry but don't know what to eat. Milk Powder to the rrescue :D

(a slide acoustic guitar plays on the background and the cowboy starts speaking)
It was a dry october day, back in good old 2017. I had this job from a client that I never met and was doing some coding for money.

After days of no sleep, no food and no rest, I finally decided to take a nap so I paused my music.

It was at this moment I found out my machine was making funny noises. Like a dingo makin' a run from it's enemies with a whelping noise.

Clicked on my computer and tried to find an ol' file from the archive drive but the machine won't let me, sayin' the disk ain't ready yet.

I tried disk manager, disk scanner, whatever the tools at my disposal all in vain. Then I said what the hell, I'll just restart my machine and it'll be alright.

The machine rebooted but the disk was gone. It was dead like a deer I ran over. I was upset, but not aware of the calamity headin' my way.

In just a few days my other 2 disks died suddenly. The loss of data, all the effort, none of them mattered. I felt numb and decided it was time for a fresh start.

Plugged in a Windows install disk, started the sequence, a screen came up askin' me which damned and alive disk I wanna install the fresh OS. I had two same make and model SSD disks, chose the one thinkin' it was the Windows drive, hell it wasnt... It was with all "my documents", "downloads", "pictures" folders and now I had two SSD drives with two Windows installations and nothing else.

The folks in town took a dab at me for months, even the bartender of the salloon refused to give me a drink. Sayin' it was a matter of reputation...

Turned out the bastard who fried my disks was the Madde Dog PSU Tannen who had a bad temper so here I am, tellin' my story to milk breathers and cherishing old days of data...

I was getting the milk out of the fridge this morning and noticed that the use by date was today.

First thing that popped into my head: "my milk is about to go out of scope."

What a day when not even the coffee machine starts up...
I was thinking last week was hard where the milk was out

When i hire devs at my company i will treat them exactly the same way i was treated.

At first I'll hire by normal procedures top level engineers so my company can live. And then I'll continue hiring even after all positions are closed. I'll fuck with all the engineers and anyone who wants to work for me by exactly the same way i was getting fucked with by 20+ companies -- I'll drag them around with 3+ interviews over the course of 4+ weeks and even if they fulfill all the requirements and knowledge and skills i require, I'll STILL reject them and degrade their self esteem. Fuck you. I'll fuck you up and degrade you and make you feel worthless -- exactly the same as i was treated.

I'll give them a vague rejection letter, that doesn't explain why they got rejected. Or just make up some bullshit reason for rejection that isn't even true. I'll also wait 2+ weeks additionally until i respond with rejection letter, just to fuck with people even more -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

If they put they have 7+ years of experience, I'll reject them because of not having 8+ years of experience -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

If they answer all technical questions correctly, I'll reject them and tell them I chose another candidate because they fit better -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

If they pass through 4 interviews after 1 month of interviews, I'll give them a positive feedback. And then ghost them with no response -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

On technical interviews I'll ask them some ridiculous questions no one knows and are not related to their job position, and then reject them for not knowing those answers -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

On HR interviews I'll milk the information from them of projects and clients they worked with, and then contact those clients to steal them from him so i can earn money and reject him instead with a vague reason -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

I'll give the developer a whole ass project to develop over the course of 10+ days, and then reject them for a vague reason, and use their source code to sell to my client while developer worked for 0$/hour and i got paid thousands -- exactly the same way as i was treated.

I now LIVE to build a company not because i want to earn money, not because i want to have a company, not because i like engineering (although all of those are true and i want to achieve), but now a NEW top priority goal and REASON i want to have a company -- is so i can be able to abuse innocent people mentally and psychologically. Degrade people. DESTROY their self esteem. I LIVE FOR THIS NOW. I AM FUCKING TIRED OF GETTING TREATED LIKE THIS UNDESERVINGLY AND NOT HAVING THE OPTION TO FIGHT BACK. I WILL NOW FIGHT BACK BY DOING THE SAME THING TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING AND DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR A JOB. I WANT TO CAUSE HARM AND VIOLENCE PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

EXACTLY. THE SAME. WAY. AS. I. WAS. TREATED.

Despair +
Craving sweet stuff +
Quarantine lead to a new interesting search algorithm.

I call it diabetes search.

It find's anything edible with enough sweetness or taste.

Current result is promising.

I found couverture chocolate, cocoa powder, maple syrup, vanilla sugar, crunched haselnuts...

I had some eggs, flour, and milk left.

The kitchen looks like in the movies.... When a martial arts battle took place inside a kitchen.

And I'm slightly comatose.

But: Pancakes with something Nutella like. Just more nutty.

Diabetes search very successful.

Parental Programming: noun 1. Between chaning diapers and preparing milk bottles you contemplate about the code you are going to write. So in the 5 min you get to do it you can punch it out almost perfectly before you have to clean vomit from a carpet.

Sometimes your day is going really nice, and you just had a nice cup of tea with the milk from the best cow on the farm. You're coding happy, and you will take a walk after that. Then, suddenly, you type `git checkout .` rather than `git reset HEAD .` and your life is miserable now.

The problem about being a programmer:

My roommate: "Bro if you're going to the market buy 1 bottle of milk. If they have eggs, bring 6."

I came back with 6 bottles of milk.

Roommate:" Wtf man. Why did you buy 6 bottles of milk."

.
.
.
Well fuck.

:/

Fuck JavaScript!!!!!

I'm building an application using Vue with MaterializeCSS and i'm using moment to handle dates. i have to initialize datepickers with values at mount of the vue. i use variables to store the states. there are proper routines for intialization and setting of the pickers. the routines run. there are no errors. the pickers show values. no errors. but the fucking variables ar empty!!!! the pickers are not being set. holy mother of fcuking shitty js milk!

I’m having this issue for the online marketplace I’m working on the side. It’s blockchain tech where you can purchase normal goods and services(no, not like Amazon or Fiverr, eww, this one’s more inclined with promoting organic growth for small businesses and freelancers).

I’m stuck with what solution is in the best interest of the user and the business for the long-term.

The dilemma about anonymity, online freedom and privacy is yes, it protects users from predators and attackers, but then, it’s harder for authorities to hunt down people who uses platforms for malicious intent, and also, digital footprint is helpful during litigation as evidence.

You don’t know who to trust.

-There is nothing to differentiate normal users with spammers, scammers, etc.
-There is no accountability for if they break the rules. They can easily delete and create a new account.

Platforms, communities big or small are plagued with these.
There are a lot of people out there who would rather project their insecurities on other people than to seek therapy.

Also, how platforms uses psychology tricks to make platforms addicting, it’s safe to assume that it’s bound to get toxic. Fixation on these platforms, leads to other needs being neglected or people forget to stay present.

Another thing, automated moderation is not that effective as there are still biases in data and human verification is still required. But then, human moderators get exposed to extreme violence, gore, etc that leads to poor mental health. (see Facebook got sued by moderators)

Also, I’ve had a recent experience where some unstable dev was stalking and harassing me. During that turmoil, I’ve found the many loopholes in every platform out there and how crappy their support is. Like they’ll just say, “make your account more secure”, bitch it’s your platform not providing enough security, your blocking feature means nothing coz anyone can still create accounts and message anyone.
It happened like February-August (it ended coz I quit going online and made private all my accounts). UGH I MISS ALL MY FRIENDS THO. FUCK THAT DUDE. He deserves to be in jail TBH

Lol if this product booms, now u know the back story lololol

Is Solana worth it? Like to learn Rust? Because even if I do well in Rust. Idk if I could find people to maintain it. Or should I stick with Go? And hope for Eth 2.0?
Any blockchain dev here? Enthusiasts?

Can’t sleep these days.
Life sucks, death sucks more.
Computers break nowadays
My keyboard is full of dirt ore.
I miss two keys up and down
so looks there is no hell or heaven.
Twitch data leak is downloading slow,
I made buns in the oven.
I’m in the spiral of death,
my born was meaningless,
hot milk is hurting my teeth,
I use it to invoke sleepiness.
Nothing works,
everyone showoff
everything breaks,
I’m powering off

Old,but gold programmer joke

Wife asks her programmer husband to go and buy some things from a shop.
Wife: Go and buy 1 carton of milk,if they have eggs in the shop - bring 6.
Programmer comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
Wife: Why you bought 6 cartons of milk?
Programmer: Because they had eggs.

Finally accepted as telematics lab. assistant

Had to go to 30 years old initiation tradition by drinking 'The Drink' before getting lab. full access

Full Recipe: Mineral water, instant coffee, vanilla milk, cola, banana, pineapple, apple, melons, cup ramen, peanuts, snickers, m&m, potato chips, nata de coco.

Step:
1. Shove it all to blender
2. Blend
3. Bon Appetit

Yes, I do MILK.
"Man I love kubernetes."

sitting at work listening to my coworkers talk:

"I use to like the taste of speedstick when i was a teenager."

i should not be surprised considering he uses his wife's breast milk in his coffee....

Okay. I look at myself as a kind of intellectual person. My parents are not believers so I came out quiet normal. As engineer and fan of technology I believe in science and I have a fairly complete look at life and universe at whole, I do not need any religional explanation for anything. I do not believe in the conspiracy theories and in any highly organized global secret society who controll us. I have acquired my view and opinions by systematically rethinking every aspect of life and everything I knew and I was thought before, btw this is the reason I stopped to eat animal products too.

But after all this corona shitshow, I really don't know If the current situation is just rolled by stupidity of media and politics or its really some plan of some people. I mean you can legally buy cigarettes with proven death rate of 10%, they recommend you to drink milk while its ultra carcinogenic and like 60% of population is intolerant, you have to wear mask but not gloves while the virus transference is 90% trough hand contact, and there are many many many questions that makes me paranoid. And now this vaccination stuff with countries almost forcing it in population, ahh... Man, This complete story is too irrational and strange. I start to loose my stable belief system and slide out. I noticed that I am not sure and I am just silent when people talk about these things. I hope this nonsense will end soon.

I feel like I mostly know programming. I wasn't fed HTML and bash commands mixed in with my mother's milk as a child. In fact I didn't know very much at all about computers before my computer science degree, other than what's to be expected from someone in his 20's.

On the endless journey of knowledge most of the road is ahed of me.

well...

when does this end.
even things that can't be further away from any digital logic are getting smarter now ...

everytime when i meet with my friends and they ask me if what course i'm currently taking and of course i'm gonna answer back "IT"

(~) what i say in my mind

statements that will suddenly pop into conversation

-"can you (reformat, fix, update, etc.) my pc/laptop"
~.......

-"wow smart"
~oh stahp it, youuu

-"don't forget to treat us when you graduate, i heard jobs in your field have great salaries"
~gezzus i'm still a student and i am struggling, then you want me to treat you.

-"hey man, can you build me a website (for free)"
~yea dude, let me ask genie to snap that wish of yours

-"oh so you must be good with computers?"
~yea i treat them well, i tell them bedtime stories and feed them with milk and cookies

-"nice....."
~the long silence makes this even more awkward

-"hey man, i code and design too, maybe we can work together"
~for sure

-"how many coffee?"
~i truly found my mate.

these are some of the statements i've encountered, what's yours?

If I ever go missing, you should put my picture on beer rather than milk bottles. This way, my friends will find me faster.

"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs."
"OK."
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk."
He never returned.

[!dev]

Just got a bottle of baileys as a gift for acing my "end of high school" exams. I never had my own bottle before. How do you store these things? It has milk in it so I might want to put it in the fridge, but only if otherwise it's good for less than a week, because everyone else in the family also loves it so in the fridge it'll be empty within a week.

Serbia is a dogshit country. It's a country where hard workers are not appreciated at all. If you're a business owner and want slaves, Serbia is a perfect choice for you. These motherfucker slaves accept to work for $3.125/hour salary as Software Engineers lol what kind of cuckold losers. And if you want to hire engineers as intelligent and skilled as Google engineers are, they get paid $9.375/hour up to $12.5/hour. If you want to earn more than $12.5/hour you'll need to have a Master's degree. Some companies even require a PhD degree. Lol fucking losers. I'll milk cash and leverage these slaves like cuckolds they are. Serves them right for accepting to work for such wages. A fucking McDonald's employee earns $17/hour. Engineers in Serbia are paid less than average McDonald's employee. Losers

A friend one hooked me with a webpage-job (early university days). Client wanted me to "clone" a given website with whole backend and stuff for 50$. Was like "just change a name here to mine". Wow.

What next?😅😅😅

I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
can I please get uhh whopper jr with onion rings
make it a meal so I can get a drink
no I'm not finished, that's not everything
can I please get a double whopper with no cheese
I got money so I don't care how much it cost me
so just throw in some extra fries don't make them salty
all this cheese gonna make my booty drip drip
I'm lactose intolerant I don't sip milk
if I see a sight of cheese I'm gonna trip trip
I'm gonna sit on your toilet seat, doodoo then dip
so you got my little whopper jr (i didn't forget that)
and you got my double whopper (i didn't forget that)
what about my onion rings (hold on you can sit back)
burger king, they know me now, cheese I don't want that
(grrr) and I'm getting hungry now, I know you heard that
waiting for my onion rings so I don't have to turn back
burger king don't play with me, your nuggets are so trash
nuggets taste like rabbit nipples why do you even serve that
better stop playing and just give me all of my food
either I pay you right now or leave the drive-thru
gave me the bag and then I took a bite of my food
there's cheese in my mouth, I'm gonna doodooo
I'm in the drive-thru of burger king
man they just gave me a whopper jr with hella cheese
made it a meal so yes I got my drink
but why do they put cheese on everything
they put cheese on my double whopper with no cheese
ill be taking a number two in the morning
hold on, can I please be excused for a moment
the cheese already in my body, booty farting
I farted..

How do you eat a proper meal when the caffeine is suppression your appetite? I'm gonna starve. My diet is only composed of coffee, milk, and chocolate. Sometimes junk food.

guys, today i was playing monopoly with my father (not gone with the milk i swear) and he was beating me, so i flipped the board. he got pissed and angry, am i the asshole?

p.s, if u say im the asshole im gonna be super mean to u so say im not but no hard feelings.

A programmer goes out to get some dry cleaning. His wife told him, "While you're out, pick up some milk"

He never came home

Tired...?? Bring Einstein...
E = M*C^2
M = Milk
C = Coffee

If you're a fan of coffee and whiskey, you might have tried Irish Cream Coffee before. This forum thread is a place to discuss your experiences with this classic drink. Do you enjoy it, and have you ever made it at home? Share your favorite Irish Cream Coffee recipes or variations, such as using different types of whiskey or experimenting with different flavorings. Do you have any tips for making the perfect Irish Cream Coffee, such as the ideal coffee-to-whiskey ratio or the best way to froth milk? Whether you're a seasoned pro or a beginner looking to try Irish Cream Coffee for the first time, this thread is a great place to share your thoughts and learn from others.

How do all you other devs deal with sleep? Because I am losing my fucking mind I work for myself so I don't go to work at 9am leave at 6pm.

I normally work until 6am and then sleep till 12 drink 3 strong coffee to start functioning again try and do something productive which at the moment involves catching up on the NBA playoffs and then starting work at 6pm.

Due to resent baby I thought shit my life is fucked I haven't left the house in 3 days I need structure routine I need to work 9am to 6pm become human again but I just can't FUCKING sleep it's now 1:30am and I'm trying to sleep.

I know what your thinking why are you on devRant but I've been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours but all I can think about is work code, refactoring, new languages, security, support shit that can wait but I can't get it out my head, keep thinking "ah your not tired you could work", and YES I have a list which get bigger every day wish I had a drug dealer or was still in contact with my old mates so I could get some Valium but it's hot milk and sleeping tablets for me, life is so much easier when you can just fuck of home at the end of the day and forget about work, not having your laptop next to you trying to trick you into opening it. How do other people who work for theirselves deal with the life work balance?

In Alpro soy milk range, the original one is often overlooked. There are ridiculously tasty soy vanilla, soy almond and professional coconut. But being THAT sensitive I can always distinguish like yea, here’s the soy and here’s the coconut purée. This always prevented me from focusing on just soy and how complex it really is.

So I tried the original soy milk and yes, the purest form was hidden in plain sight all this time. It’s just soy, pure soy, like a pokimane subreddit meetup. I love it.

It’s a moment of a purist finding a pure thing. This is the IDEA of soy milk, like Prolog is the idea of a declarative language.

I just realized being alive in this life is actually a punishment. Who enjoys this life if they are not rich? Wtf.

I have to spend thousands of dollars for my dogs treatment because hes sick. Those greedy vets are fucking disgusting. I dont have energy to talk about how money hungry they are and not actually helping.

Literally giving away my last dollars to help my dog. These doctors don't give a Fuck if hes gonna survive they are here just to milk as much money as they can from me. Im fuckijg sick of this life and world. I didnt sign up for this struggle.

A small instant cocoa package. Pink and blue. It said “Mine. Autonomous. Immaculate.” My sister gave it to me. It was made from human female skeletons, because you can't make them from male ones. Eat it as-is, or dissolve it in milk. It tastes like ketone bodies.

Rawr X3 *nuzzles* How are you? *pounces on you* you're so warm o3o *notices you have a bulge* someone's happy! *nuzzles your necky wecky* ~murr~ hehe 😉 *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* you're so big! *rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy* it doesn't stop growing .///. *kisses you and licks your neck* daddy likes 😉 *nuzzle wuzzle* I hope daddy likes *wiggles butt and squirms* I wanna see your big daddy meat! *wiggles butt* I have a little itch o3o *wags tails* can you please get my itch? *put paws on your chest* nyea~ it's a seven inch itch *rubs your chest* can you pwease? *squirms* pwetty pwease? 🙁 I need to be punished *runs paws down your chest and bites lip* like, I need to be punished really good *paws on your bulge as I lick my lips* I'm getting thirsty. I could go for some milk *unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow* you smell so musky 😉 *licks shaft* mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm so musky 😉 *drools all over your cawk* your daddy meat. I like. Mister fuzzy balls. *puts snout on balls and inhales deeply* oh my gawd. I'm so hard *rubbies your bulgy wolgy* *licks balls* punish me daddy nyea~ *squirms more and wiggles butt* I9/11 lovewas an yourinside muskyjob goodness *bites lip* please punish me *licks lips* nyea~ *suckles on your tip* so good *licks pre off your cock* salty goodness~ *eyes roll back and goes balls deep*

Today there is milk for cereal, tomorrow.... there is nothing? Wtf do you people do? Inhale the fu#& stuff? 28 1L cartons a day wtf!!!!!!!!

“Well sir I know for real that you spend 100s of dollars in our store a week on food and the like but I’m a fucking bitch that needs to tell you that if you get one of millions of cups we dispense and millions we throw away that has hot water but no bean carcasses with a little of the milk that is going to spoil and some sugar packets that I’ll have to charge you ! No real reason because 99% of my customers by my overpriced Java beans which you do as well most of the last decade and well the rest of our supplies likely have an element of waste and spoilage that you’re just deducting from etc and who cares anyway really but yeah I thought I’d be a bitch today, maybe I want fucked in my face so I can claim by willingly being a bitch I should be able to hurt my intended victim class which I already did just because you punished me for doing so in the past and saying things just to add some more stress go your day?”

HAND OVER THE FUCKING CUP OF HOT WATER INFANTILE MONSTER DRONE GIVING CUSTOMERS EXCUSES TO BE DICKS TO ANYONE IN A LOW PAID POSITION WHO IS MAKING MONEY THAT SHOULD BE OURS !

I blended mangos, banana and strawberry with condensed milk. I didn’t know what I was expecting but this taste isn’t it.