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Have you ever wondered we programmers have so many strong communities.... Stackoverflow, devRant, Reditt, etc...
No other profession has such communities... Why? Why?
Because, we haven't built one for them.... 😂😁61 -
This story is 100% true.
I got hired onto a team of construction workers to build a house. We set up a meeting with Management to find out what kind of house they wanted us to build, where’s the floor plan, what it’s going to be used for, who it’s for, etc. Management said that they didn’t know all that, we should just get started. They told us that we were going to use “Agile” which means that we just work on small deliverables and build the thing incrementally.
The developer team lead argued that we at least need to know how big the thing is going to be so that we can get started pouring the foundation, but Management told him they just don’t know. “What we do know,” Management said, “is that the house is going to have a bathroom. Just start there, and we’ll know more when it’s done. You have two weeks.”
So we just bought a port-a-potty, and screwed around on the internet for two weeks. Management was outraged. “You call this a house? This is the worst house ever! It doesn’t even have a tv!”
So we bought a tv and put it in the port-a-potty, attached to an outdoor generator. We were going to buy a a dvd player and get it hooked up to cable, but Management rejected the expense request, saying that they didn’t know if we needed it, and we’d come back to that later.
Management decided that we definitely need storage space, so we bought a boxcar and duct-taped the port-a-potty to it. Then to our horror they set up some desks and put a few miserable business interns in there. It went on like this…
After a few years the boxcar grew into a huge, ramshackle complex. It floods, leaks, it’s frozen in the winter and an oven in the summer. You have to get around in a strange maze of cardboard tubes, ladders and slides. There are two equally horrible separate buildings. We’re still using just the one outdoor generator for all power, so electricity is tightly rationed.
Communication between the buildings was a problem. For one of them, we use a complex series of flag signals. For the other we write notes on paper, crumple the paper up, and toss it over. Both of these methods were suggested as jokes, but Management really liked them for some reason. The buildings mostly talk to each other but they have to talk through us, so most of what we do is pass messages on.
It was suggested that we use paper airplanes instead of crumpled up balls, but the fat, awkward fingers of the Business Majors who inevitably take those jobs couldn’t be trained to make them. I built an awesome automatic paper airplane folder, but once again they couldn’t be trained to use it, so they just went back to crumpling the notes up in balls.
The worst part of all this is that it’s working. Everyone is miserable, but the business is making money. The bright side is that this nightmare complex is done so now we know what kind of building they actually needed in the first place, so we can start work on it. Obviously we can’t tell Management anything about what we’re doing until it’s finished. They noticed the gigantic hole in the ground where the foundation is coming in, but we told them that it’s a cache reset, and they mostly ignore it except when the occasional customer falls in.
I’ll probably be out of here before the new building gets finished. I could get a 50% raise by switching jobs, but Management still doesn’t think I should get a raise because I missed a couple sprints.7 -
A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .
In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.
A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”
When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.
IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…”
The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.
The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.
The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.
I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them
The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.
I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...
The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.
I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.
A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!
DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them
The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.
The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh
I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…11 -
*Theoretical computer scientist is at an interview.*
Interviewer: “Imagine that you are walking down a road and see a house on fire. What do you do?”
CS Guy: “I dial the police and tell them that the house is on fire.”
Interviewer: “Good. Now, imagine that you are walking down the same road, and you see that the same house is not on fire. What do you do?”
CS Guy: *Ponders for a little while.* “I put the house on fire, thus reducing it to a problem I’ve solved before.”2 -
That "WOW" feeling when your rant crosses 1k mark and is one of the top 10 rants ever... #awesome #lifegoals
Link to shower more ++s: https://devrant.io/rants/163332/...
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Presenting my paper on PHP Security in IEEE conference today... Wish me luck. I hope it gets published 😃🤞4
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Female friend in office
"It feels so nice that we have a computer science grad with us. How else would have we managed to set up the printer without you?"
Not kidding. This actually happened with me.7 -
Saw my uncle using Microsoft Edge today.
Me: Uncle, you should use Chrome or Firefox. They are better.
Uncle: Windows 10 showed a pop up few days back that chrome drains battery faster. So I uninstalled chrome.
Me: But Windows is fooling you to use its product. Edge is horrible and useless.
Uncle: So you think you are smarter than Windows people? Are they idiots who designed this whole software?
Microsoft u got 1 more Edge user. Enjoy, you lying and misleading company.28 -
Recruiters and HR plz note there is difference between Web Developer and Web Designer... I repeat there is difference between Developer and Designer.10
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This is going to be a long rant, coz this is the only way to vent out my frustration against our tech head.
Yesterday, while our fucking twat tech head was playing around in company aws account, he terminated the production server. By mistake, apparently. Coz he doesn't know shit about server management. But that egoist ass won't admit and fucked the production server.
And then ran away. We developers sprang into action. Updated dns to point to staging server, setup virtual hosts, env files, point to prod database, force flush dns cache. All systems were up and running in 30 mins. And since it was staging server, it had lot of untested features and codes, and we spent rest of the day fixing the bugs.
And that tech head, who ran away hiding his tail between his legs, after he fucked the server, came back after systems were up. And started cracking jokes, that "so many features got released in 1 day" . "We cut server cost by shutting down 1 server."
We were struggling and working in full throttle to make the services running again. And that fuckity fucker was cracking jokes.
And I don't even know what excuse he gave to ceo for the downtime. I am pretty sure he would have made up some crappy excuse to hide his fucking mistake. That ass never admits his mistake. I am thinking to go to ceo today and tell the real story and get that faggot head fired or at least a strict warning.4 -
When a friend asks to create a website for his startup for free. FML 😔 I got bills to pay. Will he provide his service for free??14
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There is power cut in my college area sometimes...
Once we were in computer lab, when power cut occurred. So fan, tubelights went off.
I heard one girl ask her friend "how are laptops on?"
That moment.... Only I know how I controlled my laugh....1 -
I think my kids would be bullied at school when they proudly say that roots of a tree are at the top.1
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HoD in my college is a "22 year experienced C programmer" with a PhD in CS.
One day I went to him and told, it is very hard to work with TurboC, and it isn't needed as we can easily migrate to GCC.
He asked me why was I complaining. No other student has any problem. They have been using it ever since the college started and everyone was "comfortable" with it.
I stood silent. He then went on to say, even JVM was coded in TurboC. I nodded and left the office as i didn't have an argument.
He's the same guy who had earlier said, "printf returns an array of characters printed", so I guess everything works here.11 -
Explaining my mom about my job as backend developer... She couldn't understand what is there behind the website. She was like "u designed the website. It's done. What u do full day?"
Finally I gave an example of restaurant... I am the cook(backend developer). Front-end is waiter. Finally she understood....6 -
Today at college our professor was dictating Debain update command - "sudo apt-get update"
Person next to me complained it didn't work for him. Peeped into his screen to see - "pseudo apt-get update"1 -
MySQL should have a recycle bin. I just deleted whole "user" table by mistake... Forgot to add where clause properly... Had to restore 2 days old backup copy. I just hope no accounts were created or someone changed their password in last 2 days....7
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Just found an admin portal online. There was a modal asking for password, but in background the portal was visible. ctrl + shift + i and then closed the modal.
Voila, the whole portal and actions are accessible. Seriously, who develops things like these?
I am pretty sure it's vulnerable to sqli and xss too.7 -
So, my last rant here was 3 years ago, and i just signed in again to devrant to post this fucking shit.
There is this guy who is a Project Manager in my office, I haven´t work with him but he sits in front of me and i have to listen to his bullshit almost every fucking day. Anyways, the other day he was talking to some other guy (a PM, also) and he said something like this:
"Programming is the most overrated thing ever, everyone can do it, you could do it, i could do it just googling stuff, i could even replace almost every programmer in this office, it´s the easiest thing ever. a programmer couldn´t do my job even if his life depended on it ´cause they can´t talk, they can´t manage people, they can´t manage their own time, heck they can´t even manage to talk to each other. they´re just a bunch of incels who think they´re important and their job is shit anyway".
They don´t see us as human begins, they see us as necessary evil.
(apologize if i wrote something wrong. English is not my first language)8 -
Got rejected in interview for Web developer... Interviewer showed company website and asked if it's made in html or WordPress... I said html which was wrong...
Am I incompetent? How can I predict the platform just by looking at UI...?30 -
Had last paper today... Finally 4 yrs of engineering comes to an end. I am a proud computer engineer....17
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I can’t even say what’s wrong with PHP, because— okay. Imagine you have uh, a toolbox. A set of tools. Looks okay, standard stuff in there.
You pull out a screwdriver, and you see it’s one of those weird tri-headed things. Okay, well, that’s not very useful to you, but you guess it comes in handy sometimes.
You pull out the hammer, but to your dismay, it has the claw part on both sides. Still serviceable though, I mean, you can hit nails with the middle of the head holding it sideways.
You pull out the pliers, but they don’t have those serrated surfaces; it’s flat and smooth. That’s less useful, but it still turns bolts well enough, so whatever.
And on you go. Everything in the box is kind of weird and quirky, but maybe not enough to make it completely worthless. And there’s no clear problem with the set as a whole; it still has all the tools.
Now imagine you meet millions of carpenters using this toolbox who tell you “well hey what’s the problem with these tools? They’re all I’ve ever used and they work fine!” And the carpenters show you the houses they’ve built, where every room is a pentagon and the roof is upside-down. And you knock on the front door and it just collapses inwards and they all yell at you for breaking their door.
That’s what’s wrong with PHP.8 -
That moment when you make heads turn, coz you are using laptop with loads of devRant sticker on it in metro.....
Feeling l33t..... -
Is "++i" more efficient or "i++" ?
P.S. I already wasted more cpu cycles by posting this, than I would ever waste by using either of them....8 -
My boss has gone for a long vacation from last week and will be back in Feb. And office feels soooo awesome and fun. No office politics, no senseless meetings. Just pure work in peace.
I wish he doesn't come back only....3 -
Client: We are in a tight budget, but you'll get a lot of exposure
Me: NO! I have enough exposure on my camera.. 😉😜1 -
If you think about it, devRant was also at a stage once when you'd describe it as "it is like facebook but for..." app. Hmm.4
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I gave my project manager a prototype of the ocr app we're developing to play with, just for fun. The next morning, I enter the office to see this along with a well structure spreadsheet with some 40 columns.
Never underestimate the seriousness of a project manager.
2 -
Working on Sunday because deadline is next week.
P.S. We got project yesterday.... Wish me luck.....2 -
Being in Data Science and Mobile Development taught me :
1.Always be curious
2.Never stop learning
3.Never give up
4.Don't be afraid of Experimenting new Technologies
5.Don't always take ,Give More ,Share More!!
Do Share What your Domain taught you in the Comments 😀4 -
My first Project is finally ready to be deployed on prod server.... Nervous.... How u guys cope with this stress?10
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That moment when your rant has gone so viral that you have to force close devRant app. Coz your phone is buzzing every half an hour....10
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Software developers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problem.
3 database SQL walked into a NoSQL bar. A little while later, they walked out. Because they couldn't find a table.
If the box says:
"This software requires Windows xp or better."
Does that mean it will run on Linux?1 -
Tech head fires a mail few days company is planning a hackathon. Overnight at office, with food, music and home drop offs in morning. We devs feel excited we will get time to work on our personal projects and complete them.
Yesterday, tech head fires a mail about the topics. Guess what? The topics are projects which company needs to scale up... Image recognition and text extraction. Selenium. Esign.
Now I am searching for an excuse to skip the hackathon...4 -
Made an organization on Github. Let's hope that I come across some amazing people and amazing ideas.
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My mom keeps giving me stick about not eating properly..
How can you eat when your app crashes so bad that you entertain the thought of starting over again? -
Web security checklist:
https://troyhunt.com/reckon-youve-s...
Don't forget to bleach your eyes after reading...4 -
I was given 6 whole months to rewrite some old monolithic web app exactly 5 months ago today. Now I have to show my boss the progress I've made. How do I explain him that I wasted my time in this order:
1.- heavy procrastination
2.- try new frameworks to work with, pick one, start writing the app, regret and start over again using a different framework.
3.- devrant
4.- existencial crisis and self doubt.
Now all I have are a bunch of incomplete buggy modules and a mental breakdown.8 -
Yesterday was a horrible day...
First of all, as we are short of few devs, I was assigned production bugs... Few applications from mobile app were getting fucked up. All fields in db were empty, no customer name, email, mobile number, etc.
I started investigating, took dump from db, analyzed the created_at time stamps. Installed app, tried to reproduce bug, everything worked. Tried API calls from postman, again worked. There were no error emails too.
So I asked for server access logs, devops took 4 hrs just to give me the log. Went through 4 million lines and found 500 errors on mobile apis. Went to the file, no error handling in place.
So I have a bug to fix which occurs 1 in 100 case, no stack trace, no idea what is failing. Fuck my job. -
When a Google image search on your company name turns up more images of "ME" than the co-founders... Amazing feeling... One of the perks of working in start ups...2
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We rant while we hit obstacles in life/dev jobs..
Just one flu/food poisoning makes us realize we are so vulnerable at time.
We can't code our way out of that... -
Just found out that I have been reassigned to maintain an in house shitty project... It's full of crap code, no documentation, has lot of duct tapes to keep the project together and 20+ open bugs and issues...
I am so happy with my current project. But my manager is always pissed off at me for no apparent reason.
Fuck this shit... Any excuse or advice to dodge this BS project? Can't quit job, I am getting payed alot here.7 -
# NEED SUGGESTIONS
I am working on a secure end to end encrypted note taking web application. I am the sole developer and working on weekends and will make it open source.
The contents you save will be end to end encrypted, and server won't save the key, so even I can't read or NSA or CIA.
So I wanted to know if the idea is good? There are lot of traditional note sharing apps like Google Keep and Evernote. But they store your stuff in plaintext. So as a user will u switch to this secure solution?14 -
Doing a talk on 'Security in PHP' and live demo on web attacks and safeguard tips this Saturday. Any tips fellow Ranters...?13
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That awesome feeling when you launch your application on prod server....
*after 5 mins*
Customers start calling about dashboard not working.... -
Completed 1 year of experience in web designing and development today...
I haven't even passed out yet. I am still in 4th year computer engineering....
Hands on experience teaches me more than college lectures.... -
This one is from experience:
>always update your CV,
>don't lose hope,
>learn what you stumbled against and
>most importantly- "ABH (Always Be Hunting)" -
When the recruiting company mails you about new jobs along with your PASSWORD!
Dude, you have a fuckall dev and u will help me find a job... Thanks, but no thanks.
4 -
Made a little change to the project.
Went out to grab coffee.
Project broke.
Forgot what change was made.
2 hours spent tracking down the change.
People ask me why I work 12 hours a day. Here's why.4 -
My professor insults me, cuts my term grades and delays my submissions because I didn't do her PhD project that she had asked for.
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While as an intern, colleagues at the startup are giving me no reason to rant (yet) but still I frequent this place because I love it here! Thanks for the stickers, they're simply awesome.
PS: Loved the cartoon,looking forward to the next one. 😁
1 -
Coding alone:
int GetData()
{
int iErr;
int nPts;
int nTdx;
matrix mX;
vector vY;
vector vWT;
nPts = 10;
nTdx = 3;
Worksheet vks("Data1");
mX CopyFromWks( wks, 1,3,0,9);
.........
Coding when someone is watching:
"Where is the EFFING Semi-Colon?"2 -
Spent the whole night trying to get a react native component to push a csv file to multer in the backend.
Tried using fetch, then dependencies, then xhr.
Realised I had to create formdata. No such documentation on the internet.
Used God knows what after 3 hours, suddenly things are working.
I'll never be able to get answers in life -_- -
Made a working full stack native app..
QA-"what happens if I change my time and try to fool the time based component."
Why didn't you tell about that earlier you piece of shit!!!! -
We devs are installing adblockers. Meanwhile, Google shareholders are clicking all ads to increase Google's revenue...
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Awesome feature by devRant...
You can't post your password in rants or comments... See:
My password is ***********
Try now! When you post you can see the password, but others will only see '*'.
-If you fell for this, u r a noob.16 -
In my first Dev job, it was a startup and my employer(owner), didn't even had the passion and vision I had for the company
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Went to college cluelessly and received a handmade poster of the 'crazy ones' quote by Steve Jobs by a good friend as valentine's day present.
Good day! -
Finally after 3 fucking months, 15-20 fucking meetings, I got sign off for a feature release. The development took 3 weeks and was completed in March end.
I know being a financial institution and feature was regarding system handling funds, business guys need to worry a bit as any mistake in code can mess up the funds disbursal. But fuckers took 3 months to give sign off.
However, it's finally released and I can relax for now. #peace -
Any web developer from Canada? Thinking to shift there next year... Just wanted to know the work culture and opportunities there..
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@dfox I am not getting push notifications on my new oneplus 3t.... What to do?
I used android migrate feature to auto login apps from my last phone...9
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