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Me if there's no coffee at work:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻
I WANT COFFEE!
ಠ_ಠ Kurt...
ಠ_ಠ Put.
ಠ__ಠ The tables.
ಠ___ಠ Back.
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!24 -
Monday morning cup of coffee with my new mug. Definitely my favorite thing on my desk at the moment.
8 -
The inside of my coffee cup looked too pretty,had to stop to admire and click.
Wish my phone had a better camera.
54 -
!dev
Coffee. I love it.
But with that, I mean *coffee*.
No I don't want a fucking cappucino or a latte or a whatever-the-fuck you call it that is coffee mixed with something not-coffeeish.
I love *coffee* and I want my coffee black and strong as fuck without any bullshit added to it.47 -
There's a fancy new coffee machine in the office. When it breaks, it displays java exceptions on the screen. 😂10
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Every developer dream:
- Cup of coffee
- Laptop
- Fast internet connection.
Really, I am able to not see the light again with this.20 -
Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??12 -
The bad thing today: I killed my laptop with coffee.
The good thing today: it was my company laptop, not my private one.17 -
When you're so tired that you forget to put coffee in the coffee maker and get a cup of hot water instead.3
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!rant I guess. Its coffee on a chip. Just spend 3h making this board to be implemented in my coffee machine. Just to wake up with the smell of coffee. The board is 2.9 by 3.2 cm
12 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐43 -
To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...
8 -
Local coffee shop/tech book store says what we're all thinking.
This is pretty on brand. They're my favorite local book store. If you're ever in town, definitely visit.
https://www.adasbooks.com/
9 -
I drink so much coffee. I sweat coffee. I pee coffee. I probably emit coffee waves into the air and get other people caffeinated. Here's to all of my fellow coffee-emitting programmers!
6 -
Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.
This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.13 -
This morning I got up a little earlier, and managed to make myself a proper cup of coffee in my favorite cup
4 -
!rant
New mobile coffee van appears at our office today. When he realises we're developers he knows he has hit the jackpot. 😀3 -
When the coffee you had in the morning kicks in all at once.
Now my heartbeat is faster than my keystrokes4 -
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
*sip*
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
*sip*
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2 -
There was a dark shadow inside the watertank of the coffee machine. I put new water in and voilà a really fat spider came out.
The coffee the last days was really good....8 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...
8 -
When coding at work is too intense to return the coffee mugs. One more to complete the triangle and call to our the coffee gods.
4 -
In-laws don't drink coffee, they just pour it and let the mug warm their hands, thus hogging the coffee I could have drank.
What kind of monster family did I marry into?4 -
Morning Ritual
1. Start all devices
2. Check headset status
3. Check emails
4. COFFEE <3
5. First call...
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold1 -
Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]19 -
The other week, our coffee machine broke. No code was written.
Today, coffee machine broke. No code written.
Think I found the secret ingredient to writing code!2 -
Got a coffee grinder from my grand parents. Pretty old school, but I like it!! 😍
Just brew a big cup of coffee. It just tast delecious. ❤
8 -
I hate coffee machines that give you a predefined amount.
I hate coffee machines that don't have enough clearance to fill a big size mug.
I hate weird coffee flavors.
I hate foamy coffee.
I just want plain old drip coffee that I can get enough off without being a hassle in the morning.
There, off my chest.3 -
When I get myself a coffee in the morning, opening up my IDE, looking at the legacy code.. my brain starts yelling: "out of the way coffee, this is a job for whiskey"2
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N: Me
C: Keurig Coffee Machine
N: *Turns on surge protector and keurig*
C: WAIT, PREHEATING
N: *Lifts handle to put Keurig cup in*
C: LOWER HANDLE TO PREHEAT
N: Fine, I'll just wait.
C: FILL WATER TANK
N: Wtf I just sat here for like 3 minutes and now you tell me? *Fills Tank*
C: WAIT, PREHEATING....
N: *Waits another 3 minutes*
C: INSERT CUP
N: *Inserts Cup*
C: *Makes coffee in 1 minute*
C: ENJOY COFFEE. WAIT, PREHEATING
N: *Turns off surge protector before finished preheating*
Is this really nitpicky shit? I feel like I have to babysit it through the entire process.11 -
Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.
12 -
Double coffee time!
A partner of mine have soluble coffee, so I decided to compare it with the office coffee. The advantage of having two mugs :D
Actually I don't need it but I'm so bored :( (I've already finished my code and I'm waiting for bugs or something like that).
6 -
!rant
Anybody else use coffee to postpone eating because you're too busy or on a role of bug free coding?8 -
The worst thing a medic can say to a programmer is: "you need to stop drinking coffee". Happened to me :(11
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I noped out of the coffee communism in my company. It's always the same assholes who just take the last cup out of the thermos jug and don't set up a new one. I'm fed up with this shit, and the company coffee itself is also cheap. I'm with my French Press and custom coffee now.8
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If I cut my wrists it would flow and sprinkle too much thick and hot italian coffee instead of the blood.
1 -
Yesterday, I came to the office a little late and found there's no coffee, so I set myself to make some. After making it, some of my coworkers told me that the boss wants us to use less coffee powder when making coffee and has gone as far as specifying the amount for a full pot. I think in the US, they drink coffee-flavored water because that's what it looks and tastes now. So I guess it's either no coffee for me or to buy my own coffee powder as my coworkers don't want to protest over this.13
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When there is no coffee beans in the office and/or the different ways of making coffee is not working that day.4
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Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.
I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.
Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.
People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.
Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.6 -
NullDeveloperException : When the coffee pot is empty and developer is not set to an instance of an object anymore.
Productivity.dispose();3 -
Making coffee
I've now got an electric coffee grinder at the office and I regularly make some specialty coffee with a V60 here
Soon I will be known as «the coffee guy»30 -
My coffee cup! Came home one Christmas and mom had been cleaning up a storage room. I've given it too her when I was young, but she never used it because it was ugly and heavy. She wanted to throw it away, but I took it, and it has been on my desk from the first day I started my job.
3 -
When you start adding alarms to ring just 5min after you start coding in the morning, to remind you that drinking cold coffee is annoying...1
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A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..
My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.2 -
> Reading closely the percona-toolkit docs
> Reach for a coffee mug for a nice sip of the dev juice
> Take a sip...
> ... of air - there was no coffee left
The morning is ruined now.5 -
The coffee here is so shitty, I have to drink lots of water to get rid of the terrible flavor that remains in my mouth every single time.
On the other hand, I'm very well hydrated.8 -
The number of tabs open in Chrome is a direct correlation to the amount of coffee I need on any given day.
6 -
Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++
Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..
9 -
Me when considering grabbing a cup of coffee after arriving at my desk in the morning: "Do I want to feel more awake or do I not want to have to poop all day?"1
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Coffee coffee = new Coffee { };
if ( coffee.Empty )
{
coffee.Refill ( );
}
else
{
coffee.Drink ( );
}
// I'm a software developer \\
9 -
They say, "Hard Work is the key to success"
Screw that.
For a programmer,
"Coffee is the key to success"
2 -
Coffee vs black tea?
I'm walking to my school and It's just freezing out here so I was thinking about if it should be coffee or some tea today.
Happy friday xd12 -
I really dont like Coffee maschines that serve the Coffee Drink ready. If i want Coffee i want it hot as shit4
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To the people who empty the coffee pots in the break room without remaking, may you get an extra nasty defect for each time you commit this heinous crime.
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If having a coffee in the morning doesn't wake you up, try deleting a collection or table in a production database instead.4
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# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦9 -
Me: Damn you good tasty coffee!!! Now I can't drink coffee anywhere else than at home and (more) expensive coffeebars!!!
Coffee: But you love me!!
Me: I know!! That's the fucking problem!!2 -
Last time I had a cup of hot water instead of coffee. This time I have 2 cups of coffee on my table. Can you remind me what's life?
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Discovering that all the coffee machines are out of service....|| there's no coffee machines on your new project office..
1 -
ideal situation: programming in a chill cafe with nice coffee
reality: too busy drinking coffee, hasnt touched the laptop2 -
!rant
Birthday today, got a dolce gusto pod coffee maker. Just trying the different flavours before i settle on one and put in an order for a couple thousand. Not bad so far.3 -
Got some new coffee, Trung Nguyên from Vietnam. Now that's some in-your-face coffee! Strong and interesting taste, slight cocoa aftertaste. Only recommended for hardcore devs.6
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Let
y="coffee beans"
Then (for devs)
y'="coffee powder"
y''="cup of coffee"
y'''="code"
"bug in production which requires urgent fix"=y''''1 -
Whoever said that coffee isn't harmful for health... Tell this to the 2 flies who've just drowned in my cup of coffee.4
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I have a feeling that one of the most valuable skills I have yet to learn is the ability to drink coffee.
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The Only Reason Why We Programmers Love Coffee and Not Milk is Because We Love Everything in Dark Theme 🥱6
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To be honest I would like to have the possibility to make coffee over htcpcp... But i don't want to open up my coffee maker3
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Out of all the debates we have on devrant... we have yet to reach the most important one.
Ground Coffee or k-cups>16 -
Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
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Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.6
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You know it's time to get some sleep when your coffee starts making weird unexplainable hissing noises.
Everyone in the offices ended up looking at me why I was holding a cup next to my ear...1 -
The coffee at my work sucks! :(
Recently, the coffee machine was broken and a better one was installed until the other one got fixed. It made decent coffee, but now we're back to drinking piss. Teasing!2 -
I think it should be an unspoken rule that if you make an IOT coffee machine the core framework should be written in Java and any plugins or integrations should be written in JavaScript... you know so future generations arnt confused as fuck.9
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We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
6 -
I don't understand the concept of drinking tea or coffee. More over why is everyone is so surprised when I say "I don't drink tea or coffee." ??4
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*finished lunch*
*ready to go drink coffee*
*coffee machine was taken away for replacement*
...
WHY WERE YOU TAKEN AWAY? YOU WERE WORKING PERFECTLY 😭😭1 -
How do people work in coffee shops for the day but not lose their seat when they inevitably need the toilet?!
Keep buying coffee to stay in the shop causing me to pack up at least 3 times today and move to a different corner....3 -
When you're so focused on your work that you forget that you started brewing coffee and now it's cold.... 😲😣4
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>be me
>drinks coffee daily
>goes a day without drinking it, tries to code
>has problems focusing & getting things done
>has trouble staying awake
Never code without drinking coffee
My face when I had 15 errors in 40 lines of code
2 -
I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..12
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I was not such a coffee person, but now at work, I really get it.
it's a sin to say bad about Coffee as a developer.3 -
Lemon tea used to work before but not anymore, coffee has taken over accompanied by chocolates and nuts
-
So I started a new on prem contract. No coffee machine in the office and the kitchen has no utensils. Wtf
-
So this new guy keeps commenting on the fact that I drink the ‘free’ instant coffee instead of the 3$ coffee from the shop next door..
LEAVE ME ALONE!!5 -
!rant
I've never given much thought to coffee and brushed off anybody saying it's deep as a hipster, but I'm a simple man who's only ever had instant coffee, basic cafeteria stuff and 50c vending machine trash. Well there's a coffee machine at work and there's actually a decent variety of capsules. All I have to say is holy shit, the hipsters were right. The flavours, the aroma, the strength, they're all so different and all so good, goddamn!5 -
Rough start for a week. The coffee machine nearest to my office went broken and now I have to do serious analyzing when picking up coffee. If I miss my calculations, I'll have to engage in a conversation and coffee + conversation is usually a waste of perfectly good coffee.
All this brain work is reduced from my mental capacity I should be using for actual development work.
Evolution - give me a coffee gland! NOW!2 -
when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
-
Coffee is 50 cents a cup in uni.
Coffee
Coffee
Moar coffee
FuckimsohighImmajumpallovertheplacenowihavetositdownshiticantfuckbutcoffeeislife -
What a day when not even the coffee machine starts up...
I was thinking last week was hard where the milk was out -
When you wake up, walk past a window and get coffee only to notice on the way back past that same window, that its snowing. Wow did not expect that to hapen here. I need more coffee if i want to survive this day
-
The feeling of a interesting day coming up when the coffee machine crashes and reboots when pushing the button.2
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I can't get any work done from home. Not due to lack of discipline to get going, but due to lack of good coffee. In every workplace I've been at I've always brewed good coffee. And in school there is good coffee to buy cheap. But making coffee at home always taste like shit. So i procrastinate, searching for the right coffee, filter and blaming my brewer for being a piece of shit machine. I mean.. how can I possibly get work done without coffee?1
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So apparently coffee is healthy, drink that shit black everyday or go home #TeaAintShit
https://youtube.com/watch/...11 -
Home office adventures day 1:
Coffee machine good
Productivity low
don't know if this is too good for me, we'll see -
javac MyDay.java
MyDay.java:5 error: cannot find symbol
Coffee coffee = new Coffee();
^
symbol: class Coffee
location: class MyDay -
What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8 -
#Smoke_and_Coffee
Why everyone I told that I have an addition on Coffee said so you are a smoker
Ooh God no I'm not a smoker, I'm just a programmer that write 2 lines on code and drink a cup of coffee.4 -
You know it's friday, if the coffee machine is still switched off at 12:52.
I only want my coffee to finish my code and start weekend.
I don't want to fill water tank or rinse and decalcify the machine.1 -
What are your coffee/tea drinking habits?
Do you prefer coffee, tea, or other beverages? ☕ 🍵
Do you use a coffee maker/machine or something else?
I'm wondering if I should invest in a coffee machine 🤔26 -
What do you drink while you're programming?
Don't say "coffee, energy drinks", post the model/type.
I'm from Spain, and usually I drink this: http://coffee.wikia.com/wiki/...28 -
@LoveBytes inspired this post: What's your favorite coffee brewing technique? Cold brew? French press? Pour over?5
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That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.
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A dev needs 2 things to produce a great product: Time and Coffee. If there's not enough time, add more coffee. If there's a lot of it then lessen the coffee. 😏
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when your that tired you carnt understand why code wont work and then the smell of rocket fuel coffee just jets you awake3
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Last day my coffee ran out and i could not drink coffee. Now i've got that without coffee coding skill willbe disappear,,,2
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Anyone else get the mind of a angsty college student without coffee?
I just had trouble describing asynchronous encryption -
Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol
https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324
This is one of the best things I've read in a while
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