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-
windows update code
function update(){
print("10%");
print("30%");
print("50%");
print("99%");
_doActualUpdate();
_mineBitcoin();
print("100%");
return;
}15 -
Me: PHP, please load the images.
PHP: No.
Me: Come on PHP, the deadline is tonight.
PHP: Haha nope.
Me: What if I swap the libraries?
PHP: Still no.
Me: What if I add a symlink?
PHP: No. And also I hate you.
Me: *gives up and sends an email to the client saying we have to delay the release*
PHP: lololol jk here's the images haha
Me: :/13 -
29-year veteran here. Began programming professionally in 1990, writing BASIC applications for an 8-bit Apple II+ computer. Learned Pascal, C, Clipper, COBOL. Ironic side-story: back then, my university colleagues and I used to make fun of old COBOL programmers. Fortunately, I never had to actually work with the language, but the knowledge allowed me to qualify for a decent job position, back in '92.
For a while, I worked with an IBM mainframe, using REXX and EXEC2 scripting languages for the VM/SP operating system. Then I began programming for the web, wrote my first dynamic web applications with cgi-bin shell and Perl scripts. Used the little-known IBM Net.Data scripting language. I finally learned PHP and settled with it for many, many years.
I always wanted to be a programmer. As a kid I dreamed of being like Kevin Flynn, of TRON - create world famous videogames and live upstairs my own arcade place! Later on, at some point, I was disappointed, I questioned my skills, I thought I should do more, I let other people's expectations make feel bad. Then I finally realized I actually enjoy a quieter, simpler life. And I made peace with it.
I'm now like the old programmers I used to mock 30 years ago. There's so much shit inside my brain. And everything seems so damn complex these days. Frameworks, package managers, transpilers, layers and more layers of code. I try to keep up. And the more I learn, the more it seems I don't know.
Sometimes I feel tired. Yet, I still enjoy creating things and solving problems with programming. I still have fun learning. And after all these years, I learned to be proud of my work, even if it didn't turn out to be as glamorous as in the movies.30 -
What is in a web name?
thought i would share
ready?
www.gotahoe.com (go tahoe )
www.speedofart.com (speed of art designers)
www.whorepresents.com (who represents celebrity rep lookup site)
and of finally
www.penisland.com ( pen island yup they sell pens)13 -
In one of our first C programming classes today in college, I booted up Ubuntu on the dual boot systems to practice our first few programs which we were supposed to be doing in Turbo C on Windows.
I successfully compiled it using gcc on the first try which appeared like magic to my neighbor. Soon our teacher came to check my program and said that I made a mistake. I asked her what is the mistake? She said that I was supposed to be using conio.h!!
I argued that it is not a standard header file and using it makes the code non-portable. She tried it to edit it to include conio.h but couldn't edit it since I was using vim. I was asked to switch to Windows and use Turbo C instead and also use conio.h. I denied and she told me to follow her or leave the class.
The weather was nice.19 -
Morning conversation with wife.
As she puts a stainless steel water bottle on the counter
She: can you make a water bottle for our daughter before school.
Me: I'm not sure, does it have to look like this one, I don't have any training working with metals. But if I have full control over the design. I may be able to come up with something.
She: that not funny, why do you always do that.
Me: do what, that is exactly what you told me to do.
A little later.....
She: I'm running late, can you make sure "everything" up stairs is unplugged..... (She means her curling iron)
I can't wait until she comes home.........;-)21 -
Googles best javascript framework.
1st link: react is the best one.
Me: Ignore
2nd link: Angular is the best one.
Me: ignore.
.
.
.
8th link: Vue is the best one.
Me: I knew it.18 -
Meme intended for physics, but sometimes it also happens in progamming. I am looking at you Javascript.
Source: https://theladyscientist.tumblr.com/...
4 -
API Guy.
He has a serious regex problem.
Regexes are never easy to read, but the ones he uses just take the cake. They're either blatantly wrong, or totally over-engineered garbage that somehow still lacks basic functionality. I think "garbage" here is a little too nice, since you can tell what garbage actually is/was without studying it for five minutes.
In lieu of an actual rant (mostly because I'm overworked), I'll just leave a few samples here. I recommend readying some bleach before you continue reading.
Not a valid url name regex:
VALID_URL_NAME_REGEX = /\A[\w\-]+\Z/
Semi-decent email regex: (by far the best of the four)
VALID_EMAIL_REGEX = /\A[\w+\-.]+@[a-z\d\-.]+\.[a-z]+\z/i
Over-engineered mess that only works for (most) US numbers:
VALID_PHONE_REGEX = /1?\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-8][0-9])\s*\W?\s*([2-9][0-9]{2})\s*\W?\s*([0-9]{4})(\se?x?t?(\d*))?/
and for the grand finale:
ZIP_CODE_REGEX = /(^\d{5}(-\d{4})?$)|(^[ABCEGHJKLMNPRSTVXY]{1}\d{1}[A-Z]{1} *\d{1}[A-Z]{1}\d{1}$)|GIR[ ]?0AA|((AB|AL|B|BA|BB|BD|BH|BL|BN|BR|BS|BT|CA|CB|CF|CH|CM|CO|CR|CT|CV|CW|DA|DD|DE|DG|DH|DL|DN|DT|DY|E|EC|EH|EN|EX|FK|FY|G|GL|GY|GU|HA|HD|HG|HP|HR|HS|HU|HX|IG|IM|IP|IV|JE|KA|KT|KW|KY|L|LA|LD|LE|LL|LN|LS|LU|M|ME|MK|ML|N|NE|NG|NN|NP|NR|NW|OL|OX|PA|PE|PH|PL|PO|PR|RG|RH|RM|S|SA|SE|SG|SK|SL|SM|SN|SO|SP|SR|SS|ST|SW|SY|TA|TD|TF|TN|TQ|TR|TS|TW|UB|W|WA|WC|WD|WF|WN|WR|WS|WV|YO|ZE)(\d[\dA-Z]?[ ]?\d[ABD-HJLN-UW-Z]{2}))|BFPO[ ]?\d{1,4}/
^ which, by the way, doesn't match e.g. Australian zip codes. That cost us quite a few sales. And yes, that is 512 characters long.47 -
The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads…That sucks.
- Jeffrey Hammerbacher, former Facebook engineer1 -
Lol 😂. I was expecting a mnemonic of some kind but this works too.
https://stackoverflow.com/questions...
2 -
So I dual booted my pc with Ubuntu a few weeks back. And I came to a conclusion today.
Um, windows needs to go.23 -
Once I used to wonder how youtube made money.
Now every time I watch a youtube video I am reminded how.12 -
Initial steps of learning any new programming language :
*heck yeah I created a calculator. Guess I'll show my family that I actually can code! *
-hey mom, dad look I made a simple calculator using python B)
- uhm... That's great son but dont we already have one of those?
- yeah but like... this is completely different it uses a different programming language than what you and I have been using all this time.
- ah I see. Good for you then
*muttering to each other*
-are you sure he's got the aptitude to be a cse?
-at this point we can just hope.
Me:*stares blindly in my dark room contemplating why I'm alive*7 -
If you are a salesperson, you can just go straight to hell. You're all a bunch of cocksucking twats and I'm amazed you manage to get yourselves dressed each day. You're a no good fucking waste of oxygen and you need to put your fork in a socket the next time you're eating.
I'm working on building a crm and ticket management system for use in the office to handle client passwords. Since I'm building from scratch I wanted to make sure I had properly planned my classes and functions before opening the code editor so I put a message on my door that says "Don't interrupt, thanks" followed by the date so people knew it was a fresh message and not something left from the previous day.
I'm deep in the zone, the psuedo code and logic is flowing, I'm getting classes planned and feeling really productive for an hour or so when suddenly my door flies open and in comes a sales person.
SP: "Hey, do you have any extra phones lying around? Mine's being slow and keeps hanging up on people."
Me: "Do you see the sign on my door right there at eye level which says not to bother me?"
SP: "oh, do you want me to come back later?"
Me: "You've already interrupted me now, let's go see what's going on before I spent an hour setting up a new phone for you." While we are walking across the office I asked him when the last time the phone rebooted.
SP: "idk, Salesperson#2 suggested that as I was headed over here but I figured I'd just ask you."
We get over to his desk and I see he has two phones sitting on his desk. "Where did this one come from?"
SP: "Oh that was on the desk over here but I figured I could use it."
Me: "Well aside from the fact that the phones are assigned to specific people for a reason, you took the time to unhook your phone to set this one up and you didn't think to reboot your phone first. Plug your phone back in."
He plugs the old phone, which is assigned to him, and while booting it does a quick firmware update and boots up fine. He tests a few things and decides it's all better now.
So someone suggested a fix for you and you decided, instead, you would break company IT policy by moving equipment from one station to another without notifying the IT department. You entered a room which had a closed door without knocking, and you disobeyed the sign on the actual door itself which politely requests that you go away. All because you couldn't be bothered to take 2 minutes and reboot your phone, which you had to do anyways.
You completely broke my train of thought and managed to waste 2 hours of effecient workflow because you had an emergency.9 -
Submitting long written text on browser.
Novice:
1. Type
2. Submit
Experienced:
1. Type
2. Ctrl+a Ctrl+c
3. Submit4 -
Wanted to make a website with some of my friends about whatever kid thing we were into at the time. None of our parents cared, it was the 90s and nobody took the internet seriously.
Copied and pasted bits of html into notepad and FTPed them to some free webhost over dialup. The website lasted three weeks -- my friends got bored, I got hooked.
A few years later I found myself wondering why some websites used ".php" instead of ".html". I discovered this shiny new thing called PHP 4. Built a website for some video game I was into using it. Spent the next two years teaching myself everything there was to know.
Took programming in high school. Chose CS over mechanical engineering because I liked the university better. Got an internship which turned into a job which turned into a career.1 -
*Me feeling productive on a day
Today I am going to start working on the complex part of my proect. Spends 1 hour deciding what all technologies to use , how to implement it, which design patterns to use .
Let's do it
*15 min later
Making some tiny css corrections
*3 hrs later
Making some tiny css corrections
*An eternity later
REALISED DIDN'T SET THE SIZE OF THE PARENT CONTAINER TO 100%
So much for thinking about being productive for today :(((5 -
ARGH. I wrote a long rant containing a bunch of gems from the codebase at @work, and lost it.
I'll summarize the few I remember.
First, the cliche:
if (x == true) { return true; } else { return false; };
Seriously written (more than once) by the "legendary" devs themselves.
Then, lots of typos in constants (and methods, and comments, and ...) like:
SMD_AGENT_SHCEDULE_XYZ = '5-year-old-typo'
and gems like:
def hot_garbage
magic = [nil, '']
magic = [0, nil] if something_something
success = other_method_that_returns_nothing(magic)
if success == true
return true # signal success
end
end
^ That one is from our glorious self-proclaimed leader / "engineering director" / the junior dev thundercunt on a power trip. Good stuff.
Next up are a few of my personal favorites:
Report.run_every 4.hours # Every 6 hours
Daemon.run_at_hour 6 # Daily at 8am
LANG_ENGLISH = :en
LANG_SPANISH = :sp # because fuck standards, right?
And for design decisions...
The code was supposed to support multiple currencies, but just disregards them and sets a hardcoded 'usd' instead -- and the system stores that string on literally hundreds of millions of records, often multiple times too (e.g. for payment, display fees, etc). and! AND! IT'S ALWAYS A FUCKING VARCHAR(255)! So a single payment record uses 768 bytes to store 'usd' 'usd' 'usd'
I'd mention the design decisions that led to the 35 second minimum pay API response time (often 55 sec), but i don't remember the details well enough.
Also:
The senior devs can get pretty much anything through code review. So can the dev accountants. and ... well, pretty much everyone else. Seriously, i have absolutely no idea how all of this shit managed to get published.
But speaking of code reviews: Some security holes are allowed through because (and i quote) "they already exist elsewhere in the codebase." You can't make this up.
Oh, and another!
In a feature that merges two user objects and all their data, there's a method to generate a unique ID. It concatenates 12 random numbers (one at a time, ofc) then checks the database to see if that id already exists. It tries this 20 times, and uses the first unique one... or falls through and uses its last attempt. This ofc leads to collisions, and those collisions are messy and require a db rollback to fix. gg. This was written by the "legendary" dev himself, replete with his signature single-letter variable names. I brought it up and he laughed it off, saying the collisions have been rare enough it doesn't really matter so he won't fix it.
Yep, it's garbage all the way down.16 -
draw.io is moving to diagrams.net, because .io domains are not secure.
Source: https://diagrams.net/blog/...
12 -
End of second week at a new job. Found what I thought was a bug and wanting to impress I fixed it. The dev reviewing my code had just started a week before me so he also had no idea what was going on. It went live Friday afternoon.
Come back Monday morning and turns out I completely broke everything and nobody could use the site all weekend. I thought I was done for sure. Was shitting myself all day waiting for the call.
TURNS OUT NOBODY EVEN NOTICED4 -
So my in-laws got a new computer 😑
Yup you know where this is going. Ok so after I transferred all of their data set them all up etc.
They wanted to use "word" and could I set it up for free for them. I said no Microsoft office is not free you lost your license and disk and your old computer is trashed so the better choice would be Google services . So I explained the value of using Google drive, docs,sheets etc.. today and told them how much better it is everything would be on their Google drive so if I got hit by a bus they could get a new computer again and still have access to their data etc... So they said great and so I did.
Two weeks later... Can you set up word for us on our computer. Me annoyed at this point " sure no problem"
I made a shortcut on their desktop to Google docs. Them: oh boy this is great see John all you have to do is click on google docs to go to word! Thanks so much!
🤫🤓5 -
LONELINESS IS REAL
I am a freshman in a university ( about to complete my first year ) with a girl to boy ratio of around 1:10. During my first semester I was spending a lot of time with friends, chatting up with people and making connections. Due to this my productivity as a dev, if I am even capable of being called that decreased ( I was not a developer before joining , but I had an aim of being one , esp at least the best in my batch ) after 1st year. In retrospect I did nothing productive till 3 months out of 4 in my first sem and the guilt hit me hard . During the last month I had to catch up with my much neglected studies and all I had done was a little bit of html and css, and barely scratched the surface of js( please don't judge me for this :) , I had to start somewhere < although I learned a little bit of C++ > ). BUT I WAS A HAPPY CUNT, and had no sign of lonelines. Now during this sem , I had made progress ( learn js with es6 syntax and still learning, did c++ and extended my knowledge ) . Currently I am working on my Vue full stack app ( along with express and some websocket library , TBD ) < yeh I learnt some backend too > , and increasing my knowledge of dsa using clrs. Although my productivity has increased manifolds but I know feel the need of closure. I am kinda happy with the fact that I know a lot of people around here ( thanks to my extroverted 1st semester ) but sometimes it hits me hard at night when I don't have a monitor to drown my eyes and thoughts in. I have increased my academic performance too but I need someone to share and express my feelings with. I could have made a girlfriend earlier but now most of them are taken and I have lost touch. But believe me, all I want is a companion to spend these lonely days and night ( not talking about as a friend ). Staying away from home isnt easy you know...m :(
KUDOS TO DEVRANT FOR DEVELOPING A COMMUNITY WHERE PEOPLE LIKE ME CAN FEEL SAFE IN OUR NATURAL HABITAT. I COULDN'T HAVE EXPRESSED MY FEELINGS ANYWHERE ELSE EXCEPT IN A PERSONAL BLOG ( where no one would have read it )
PS1: I apologise if I sounded arrogant about any of my skill, I didn't mean that way. I ain't even that good, just kinda proud of myself a little for achieving something I couldn't have thought.
PS2: Any type of suggestions and help is much appreciated ( considering I am a college student who went into some serious development 4 months ago , I am pretty impressionable ;) )
PS3: Please don't confuse this with depression. I am HAPPY BUT LONELY
PS4: Is there a way so that I can change my username?16 -
So we're hiring for a new junior dev and for the most part it's been going great! We have some promising candidates and I am so glad to finally have a new dev on the team!
However, I would like to take a moment and offer a few suggestions to the people who wish to work for this great and illustrious company:
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE APPLY FOR THE JOB USING THE METHOD INDICATED IN THE AD. Please use our fancy, top-of-the-line, whiz-bang, cloud-based "talent acquisition" system that we paid way too much money for. I promise you, it's easy! Please don't send in your application by email, mail, telephone, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, telegram or carrier pigeon. But most importantly...
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS BEAUTIFUL IN THIS WORLD DO NOT SHOW UP AT OUR OFFICE UNANNOUNCED RESUME-IN-HAND. Believe it or not I do have an actual job that I spend my day doing! If I'm not in a meeting or at lunch or working from home, the best possible scenario is that you'll get 30 seconds of awkward small talk and be pointed to our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line "talent acquisition" system which you should have used in the first place (you did read the ad, right?). And at this point whatever you do...
DO NOT DEMAND AN ON-THE-SPOT INTERVIEW WHEN YOU SHOW UP UNANNOUNCED TO OUR OFFICE! Like, really? Do you think that you've wowed me so with your 30 seconds of awkward small talk that clearly I cannot wait to see what you will do with an entire hour? Look, I prepare for my interviews. I research you, your previous employers, your school and the hobbies you list on your resume. I check out your GitHub and LinkedIn. I may even Google your name! If that is all in order, I try to hassle some people into sitting in with me, find a time that works for everyone, and hope that there is a meeting room available. I'm not going to interview you at reception at 4pm on a Friday afternoon.
Please submit your application through our whiz-bang, top-of-the-line online "talent acquisition" system. Once I figure out how to log in, I promise I will spend an evening and read through all your cover letters with the utmost care. If you seem OK, you'll get an interview. There aren't that many developers in this town.7 -
It's truly amazing how much a single line of perl can do. Such a time saver.
I only wish that I could understand what it does two days later.1 -
Dear Chrome/firefox developers,
If someone presses the back button after they click on a link it means don't load that page and not go back to previous page.4 -
Does balding scare the shit out of anyone else here? I am 19 and have started showing signs of male pattern baldness *sigh*. Just hope to make it to 25 without balding completely.21
-
I hate it when your non dev friend uses top notch hardware and I am stuck with a piece of shit junk15
-
It is once again that time of year when we say farewell to our current interns and say hello to a brand new batch.
The two groups overlap for a few days. During this time the old interns show the new interns the ropes, while the mentors silently weep in the lunchroom having realized that nothing that they've said over the last 12 months has had any effect whatsoever.
Some choice quotes:
---
New Intern: It says 'uncaught exception'.
Old Intern: Oh don't worry that will fix itself on production.
---
OI: Did you pull the code?
NI: Yeah, but I have all these weird brackets everywhere... [merge conflict]
OI: Oh yeah that happens sometimes, just delete them.
---
NI: It says "push to master rejected". [we enforce code reviews]
OI: Ohh that means the server is broken. You should tell someone, they have to reboot it.
---
NI: Where did that file save to? [we use ONLY macOS and Linux]
OI: C:\Users\<your name>\My Documents\...
---
OI: You can use either pgAdmin or MySQL Workbench. I like Workbench better but I couldn't get it to work, it kept giving me errors.
---
And of course...
---
OI: No, we don't use Linux. We use CentOS.
---
I did the math today. Only 35 more years and I can retire.5 -
If we are living in a simulation then I am pretty sure that the quantum mechanics part was written in javascript.3
-
OMG finally!!! So excited I just installed VS 2019 and it has XAML previewer. Instantly changes to your code changes. 😍
https://docs.microsoft.com/en-us/...
10 -
Thanks to devrant , now I can be one those people trying to look social in one those so called meets with personal touch where everyone is scrolling their Facebook (still)
-
!rant
When people listen to a complete story and then ask who the villian was..
DEVS : It's like reading JavaScript and then asking what is "this"2 -
So there I was productivity coding away in my office since early in the morning it was about noon when my coworkers kept saying. " Hey have you seen how nice it is outside." "Wow it's really nice out there" and " hey you should really go outside and get some fresh air".
So I'm all ok, cool it's lunchtime I'll check it out. So I go outside and I'm out there for 30 seconds when a bee lands on my face and stings me just under my eye.
Ouch! WTF! No No No it is not nice outside at all. Infact it is painful outside.
so now the rest of my day is ruined all I can feel is my face throbbing and I can't think about anything anymore but my face in pain. Amazing how one little insect can ruin days of coding.
Don't listen to the muggles stay inside.4 -
So I Bought this bio metric pad lock for my daughter. She excitedly tried to set it up without following the directions( they actually have good directions on line) first thing you do is set the "master print" she buggered that up setting her print. So when I got home I was thinking, no problem I'll just do a reset and then we cant start again.
NOPE !!! you only have one chance to set the master print! after that if you want to reset the thing you need to use the master print along with a physical key that comes with it.
What sort if Moron designs hardware / software that is unable to be reset. Imagine how much fun it would be if once you set your router admin password it was permanent unless you can long back in to change it. Yea nobody has ever forgotten a password.
Well they are about to learn a valuable financial lesson about how user friendly design will influence your bottom line. people (me) will just return the lock to the store where they bought it, and it will have to be shipped back to the factory and will be very expensive for them paying for all of the shipping to and from and resetting and repackaging of the locks and finally shipping again to another store. Meanwhile I'll keep getting new locks until at no cost until she gets it right.
poor design
34 -
So I got a ring doorbell for my father in law. Of course I'm setting it up for them and their WiFi is not working, they lost the router password etc..
So Im in the middle of ... reset the router added new password new ssid new wep-key etc..
Mom in law is over my shoulder "wow you are really good at this technology stuff. You should get a job with a company".
I kid you not I have been married to her daughter for 21 years WTF 🤬
So I'm like I do work for a company. My company and I get paid much more than anyone else would pay me. That how I could take your daughter and our kids to Hawaii for vacation.😠7 -
Everybody still using Windows 7 is waking up to this this morning.
Thank you Microsoft for doing sales for us 😁
5 -
Full HD 27' monitor 😍😍😍 when you can divide your screen into two halves easily and there's no need to do Alt+tab
3 -
I scored a GBA sp (with Super Mario Bros 3) at my local Goodwill today for $20. I always wanted one as a kid, but I almost didn't get it cause some asshole found it first. I saw him fumble with it for a solid 3 minutes before he could get it to turn on. Finally he put the cartridge in the right way and flicked the power switch. I thought it was all over. At that point the dumbass realized it worth something but instead of buying it HE HID THE GAMEBOY AND LEFT. I wasn't going to wait for him so I bought it myself 😂.
6 -
Ok so I'm releasing (in about two weeks) a massive project that my self and other talented people have been working on for about 2 years.
I feel like I want to puke all the time now. God I hope it is okay. 🤢
I'll let you all know what it is if all goes well so I'm not embarrassed if it does not
Wish me luck😐12 -
When you are trying to be supportive to a colleague but he sees your act as condescension on your part. BITCH I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO WORK WITH YOU SO PLEASE KNOW THE BARE MINIMUMS TO DO THE TASK. Also he complained to others that he was offended . He was tryna learn react before knowing es6 and nodejs , doesn't know asynchronous and was strongly suggesting that our whole fucking team move to React and I just suggested some topics to look to. I carried his ass once , and seems like now will have to carry it once more :(
-
Was interested to learn about OpenGL and WebGL. Just found out no fucking drivers exist for my graphics card on Ubuntu.
WTF AMD !!! Atleast provide some compatibility for your product if I am purchasing it !!!8 -
Oh my God. Did any of you catch Sundar from Google being grilled by Congress yesterday?
It is so embarrassing watching congressman who think they know technology ask questions did somebody who actually is technically proficient. you would think they would have hired somebody at least to educate them first before looking like an ass on TV.
It look like I asked my janitor to interview our next developer.
So funny though over his left shoulder there's a guy that looks like Sir topham hatt from Monopoly. Hahahahahahh not kidding black top hat and big white mustache.1 -
It wasn't exactly a meeting, just boss' boss coming into our office to ask about a feature. Went something like this (BB - boss' boss (or Big Bitch, whichever you prefer, Me, SP - second programmer) :
BB: Hey guys, I've got a question.
Me (without turning around since I was focused on whatever I was doing at the time) : Sure, go ahead.
BB: Could we do a country map where you would be able to click a region and get to a page with posts for that region?
Me (without pausing what I was doing) : Sure, easy. Html imagemap, or embedded flash if it's supposed to be fancy and animated.
BB: ...how would we do it?
Me (in exactly the same tone of voice, trying to mimic the same sound sample being played again) : Html imagemap, or embedded flash if it's supposed to be fancy and animated... Links leading to the same address as the filtering form for regions already goes. All that's needed is the map graphic.
BB: ...but how would we link to the correct results? Would we need to make new page for those?
Me: *sigh*
At this point SP stops doing whatever he was doing, proceeds to sit next to her by the whiteboard, and they proceed to talk about this for about 45 minutes, which to this day, I have no idea how they managed. I had no idea how they managed to stretch it for this long even as I was listening to them talking and drawing stuff on the whiteboard about it.
Afterwards, I've been reprimanded for not paying proper attention when important stuff was being solved, and a month later when I was being fired, I had been reprimanded for it once again.
Fuck that company. Fuck those people.
I have no idea how they managed to still not go bankrupt.15 -
When you want only 10 rows of query result.
Mysql: Select top 10 * from foo.... 😁
Sql server: select top 10 * from foo.. 😁
PostgreSQL: select * from foo limit 10.. 😁
Oracle: select * from foo FETCH NEXT/FIRST 10 ROWS ONLY. 🌚
Oracle, are you trying to be more expressive/verbose because if that's the case then your understanding of verbosity is fucked up just like your understanding of clean-coding, user experience, open source, productivity...
Etc.6 -
What the hell! Every time someone comes over to my desk and stands behind me my brain disengages from my fingers an I start misspelling and doing wrong commands etc..
Just one more reason everyone should have private office.4 -
Companies! For the love of your peoples sanity give the developers of all ages worthwhile machines. If you send us to clients to develop iOS apps, send macs also 😤4
-
First day at work, my PC starts updating, reboots and suddenly, the boot partition is corrupt.
Nice way to start in Dev.3 -
Buys a product on amazon.
"Intelligent" ML based Amazon backend services: This guy just ordered a product. He might not want to see any ads showing him the exact same product because he already bought it and will not want to buy another until he loses the first one which might take a while.
Result:
User.showAdsRelatedTo(productName)
Meshine learning ¯\_(ツ)_/¯7 -
Dev.to app asks me to type in my github username and password into the github login page opened in their app. Is there no better way to do OAuth on Android apps?
8 -
Before covid 19 I was already working from home. But now I feel that the media makes it sound as if we have 40hours a day. Get more hobbies, practice them all, at the same time! Pfff1
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What the hell is it with WordPress people. Just read a rant where this dude is calling himself a "developer" . What the hell you're not a developer stop calling yourself a developer. All you do is click and drag pictures into squares. And type plain English into text boxes. Using software thay an actual developer actually did develop. You don't see me on cook rant calling myself a cook you know why cuz I can't cook. Leave don't learn a respectable language and get back to me. And no HTML is not a language.24
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I have an exam in 4 hours. I've been studying all night and now I can't seem to retain anything.
I'm fuckin screwed.
10 -
Well I'm officially terrified. My biz/coding partner in a project had to move back to China about a year ago. We have been working on a project for about 2 years. About two weeks we had to use different VPNs about every 30 minutes so we could communicate because Chinese government keeps cutting it off. He said the virus is much worse than reported and he was to be imprisonment in his house. I have not heard back from him in over a week. ☹️6
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Does anyone here just wake up and feel shitty for absolutely no reason why ? When I say absolutely no reason means none whatseover from previous day etc . I wanna know if it's just me 😅4
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Fuck the JavaScript ecosystem; Fuck React, Redux, and a big special fuck you to React-Router. And fuck interviews that give week long assignments.
The whole fucking JavaScript community makes the simplest things so complicated just so that they can tell Backend and Mobile Devs “Hey our job is difficult too”; fuck you, it isn’t! You made it difficult. and so that they can write corny emoji-laden medium articles about it to supplement their meagre income. What’s more the articles are outdated in less than a week.
Fuck JavaScript; APIs changes everyday a week and it’s documentation is updated every decade.4 -
Flex + CSS grids is awesome. I know I am late. I regret not realizing this earlier. Way earlier.
Someone who does not agree with me please read this: https://css-tricks.com/snippets/...4 -
I have a big progress / update meeting to lead my team tomorrow.
Our investor has "ideas" on features and things that will significantly change the information we have to include in our code.
We are suppose to launch Jan,1 2019
He says I'll Call you tonight to give you the details so you will be ready for tomorrows meeting. .........
............
...........
yep never calls.
Fucking Awesome! can't wait to tell my team tomorrow. "glad you all came in today, looks like we have to change somethings I'm just not sure what yet."
Maybe I'll order pizza and beer to the office and we will all play video games until he shows up. and say if you aren't going to take this seriously why should we.
Fuckers!!!!!!!!!!5 -
I fucking hate Dockers for windows because you have to run hyper- v for Dockers to work and that kills the ability to use 64 bit vm's in virtual box.
WTF !!!!6 -
It finally came! Super excited.
Yes it takes amazing pictures even in the dark and the radar is super cool. Can't wait to dig into what I can do with the radar.
13 -
Core Thread[20741]: segfault at 0 ip 0000000000000000 sp 00007faacbff7e98 error 14 in spotify
Dude, please handle being not able to open an audio output... :(1 -
Many years ago, when I moved from a semi-experienced developer to an absolute beginner project manager at another company, my very first project was an absolute clusterfuck.
The customer basically wanted to scrape signups to their EventBrite events into their CRM system. The fuckery began before the project even started, when I was told my management that we HAD to use BizTalk. It didn't matter that we had zero experience with BizTalk, or that using BizTalk for this particular project was like using a stealth bomber to go down to the shops for a bottle of tequila (that's one for fans of Last Man on Earth). It's designed to be used by an experienced team of developers, not a small inexperienced 1-person dev team I had. The reason was for bullshit political reasons which I wasn't really made clear on (I suspect that our sales team sold it to them for a bazillion pounds, and they weren't using it for anything, so we had to justify us selling it to them by doing SOMETHING with it). And because this was literally my first project, I was young and not confident at all, and I wanted to be the guy who just got shit done, I didn't argue.
Inevitably, the project was a turd. It went waaay over budget and time, and didn't work very well. I remember one morning on my way to work seriously considering ploughing my car into a ditch, so that I had a good excuse not to go into work and face that bullshit project.
The good thing is that I learned a lot from that. I decided that kind of fuckery was never going to happen again.
A few months later I had an initial meeting with a potential customer (who I was told would be a great customer to have for bullshit political reasons) - I forget the details but they essentially wanted to build a platform for academic researchers to store data, process it using data processing plugins which they could buy, and commersialise it somehow. There were so many reasons why this was a terrible idea, but when they said that they were dead set on using SharePoint (SharePoint!!!) as the base of the platform, I remembered my first project and what happened.
I politely explained my technical and business concerns over the idea, and reasons why SharePoint was not a good fit (with diagrams and everything), suggested a completely different technology stack, and scheduled another meeting so they could absorb what I had said and revisit. I went to my sales and head of development and basically told them to run. Run fast, and run far, because it won't work, these guys are having some kind of fever dream, it's a clusterfuck in the making, and for some reason they won't consider not using SP.
I never heard from them again, so I assume we dropped them as a potential client. It felt amazing. I think that was the single best thing I did for that company.
Moral of the story: when technology decisions are made which you know are wrong, don't be afraid to stand up and explain why.
3 -
Wouldn't say our teamwork failed we just sucked that day.
I had a ticket to fix a SQL sp and then correct some data afterwards. As this was the typical "urgent fix need now" we went through a different process for fixing it.
Me: Just sent you some scripts can you check them over before we apply it to uat?
Boss: let's go through it together.
5 mins later
Boss: looks fine I'll apply the scripts.
2 minutes later
Me: did you apply the scripts to uat?
Boss: No I applied them to live.
Me: oh ... oh no.
At this point I realized I was missing a critical where clause so yup my update was applied against all of the data.
Boss: oh
Yup he just spotted my error.
Helpdesk phones start ringing
Boss: you pick it up it's your code
Me: hey you applied its your problem now.
One db restore and several incident meetings later we fixed it. Twas a fun day.1 -
This always gets me:
Developers complaining that their 4 year old / cheap ass computer is slow.
Get. A. New. One.
It's not that hard.
Here, let me do one for you:
https://computeruniverse.net/en/...
I just went to a site that delivers across Europe, and selected a cheap laptop with a decent CPU and SSD. Short on RAM, sure, and without a Windows License. But you can buy RAM for an additional 50$, and that brings you to a total of 550€, delivery included. And it will WORK. And it will be fast.
It's too expensive?
No, not exactly. Wherever you are in the world, if you can code decently, good enough to have the right to complain about development tools, you are eligible to at least 10$ per hour income as a freelancer across the globe. I've had such opportunities offered to me by many organizations, especially non-profit ones that need cheap employees. I actually was offered more but let's stick to 10$ per hour.
So that's 1600$ per month. Enough to buy 3 such laptops. Oh, taxes, I forgot. So you get 2 laptops. Wait! You need food and everything else. Well if you're in a country where that offer actually makes sense, then it's likely that you can live off of 400$ per month quite well. Maybe 800$ if you need to pay rent.
So that's roughly 1 month of work for a laptop that will make you not waste time on waiting for stuff.
Sweet! 1 Month! What does it get me?
Well assuming that you have no laptop, it gets you A JOB that pays you 1600$ per month.
But if you DO have a laptop, you can sell it for cheap, and benefit from the following:
1. Boot-up time from 30-60 seconds to 10 seconds.
2. Installing software - from 1 minute to 10 seconds.
3. Opening a browser - from 10 seconds to 1 second.
4. Opening an advanced text editor (Atom, VS.Code) - from 10 seconds to 1 second.
5. Searching for a file on your entire hard drive - from 1 hour to 2 minutes.
....
You get the point. Waiting is reduced by several times.
So how much do you really wait when coding?
Well are you compiling? Are you opening a new project and the IDE needs to re-index the files? Are you opening programs like a terminal emulator, browser and such? Are you using virtual machines for dev environments?
Well all of these processes become several times faster. Depending on how often you do it, you'll be saving yourself from 1 hour per day to upto 4 hours per day (my case, where a HDD would be just out of the question).
How much is that time worth? At least 10$ per day. If you're working for 20 days per month, 240 days per year, that's a total of 2400$. And for the life time of that crappy laptop of 2 years, that's 4800$ saved. And that's with hugely conservative numbers. Nobody pays 10$ per hour any more, except if you've just started in the industry. I know because I've been there.
Please, for all that's sacred to you, justify right here, right now, HOW THE FUCK can you not afford to get that 8GB of RAM, that cheap ass SSD for 100$, or even a brand new laptop (hey! it's even portable and has FHD graphics on it!) for 550$.
That's why every time I hear someone who is a professional developer complain that they don't have money for a decent machine, I have to ask: why the fuck are you wasting yours and everyone else's time?!10 -
mfw
> 1 year into project in React.js with a 10+ members in team
> PM panics over last Apache statement
> PM: "fuck, rewrite it in Angular 4 : /"1 -
So hanging out with my in-laws tonight. It apparently is super bowl Sunday. I don't know a damn thing about football and could care less about it.
Them: who do you think is going to win?
Me: I guess the better team?
Them: yes but who are you rooting for?
Me: don't know who's playing?
Ahhhhhhhggg I can't stand sports people.
And there they are yelling at a TV like someone on the other side will actually hear them.
Does anyone else have a similar situation?15 -
Ok so apparently somebody at Google gcp thought it would be a great idea to be able to select more than one instance at a time and select something like delete and it goes ahead and deletes it without any sanity checks.
3 days down the tube5 -
The teacher I mentioned here, https://www.devrant.io/rants/138737
No longer works at my college. A lot of students had trouble with her. We got a new teacher and he's awesome. Let's see where this goes.
P. S. He lets me use Vim. -
can't believe it but things actually have started to fall into place on their own, career-wise. feels unreal. need to work enough to afford a cottage with a cobblestone path & my life will be complete2
-
what is the point of having massive HR departments if something as expected and frequent as university hiring can't go smoothly?
i managed to reach the interview round for a big 4 firm only for the interviewer to not show up for 4 hours from my time slot (i waited the entire time - took periodic screenshots for proof), HR to say "we'll reschedule your interview, this happened because of internal miscommunication" more than THREE months ago, and dip. until december they'd repeat the same. now they've ghosted. thanks, virtual hiring.
how is it the candidate's fault? found out this isn't rare by speaking to a few others from my network who i knew were interviewing for the same firm. for students whose lives can change completely based on the outcome of an opportunity that they came across due to sheer luck and could definitely make use of because of their hard work - this is so heartbreaking and demotivating.1 -
When you know your product sucks and even you won't support it. Too bad for those two windows phone users left in the world.
Working on a Project. Forced to use xaml I hate xaml. C# is so much more efficient/ easier. Now at least I have an excuse
. 😤
3 -
...when you find yourself circumventing your own security measures that you lectured the entire team about...1
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We are 3-4 days away from deployment to production. We are still bug fixing. But one coworkers decided this is the time to make a fuss about the way everything is set up. He doesn't like the dev database. So he knocks it over.. and while so doing it, he doesn't inform the team. And when I ask if something else is gonna knock over? No answer! (And something broke down too..)
Now we have issues to test our bugfixes. The whole thing took me half a day finding out and made me distracted with frustration, and not just for me. Most bugs could've been done in that half a day!
I so wanna punch the guy xD but no, I gotta save face, pfff!2 -
Still my most favorite GIF...
... because it reminds me, the bigger the product the bigger the possible back(sp)lash
(no I can't remember where I saw it first)
-
1.Working on a repo's 20 day old version without pulling the changes first
2. Then blaming me to not tell him
3. Ultimately sending me a see screenshot of his code to incorporate in my code ( which he himself didn't write, but asked a coworker to do it)
WTF DUDE. Atleast you could have realised your mistake and not blamed me for it -
This Monday I start my first job as a junior web developer and a coworker already my first two hours will be free time, don't know how to feel 😓2
-
Took a task with 3 story points ( mappable to ~2-3days) and wondered why it was so much more than the estimation. I expected to finish in 2 to 2 1/2 days but needed 4. Afterwards I just realized that I accidentally did more then needed and finished two upcoming stories as well, each 2 SP so 7SP for everything.
Feeling jumped from "man I could be faster" to "man that was really fast".
It feels like a fuck up, however, it is victory1 -
School's principle: *is being unclear of what is asked*
Me: *asks lots of questions to try to understand*
SP: *keeps being unclear*
Me: *think I understand, I'll do something that will match with what I'm supposed to do*
-- 2 days before due date --
SP: omg stop it's not that at all
Me: wait wtf you told me that 3 months ago
SP: yOu uNdersdtoOd wHat yOu WaNtEd, tHat'S a ProBlEm yOu rEaLLy nEed To fiX
HOW ABOUT YOU GO AND DIE SOMEWHERE YOU SON OF A BITCH
Now I have until monday to write 30 fucking pages of something that keeps making no fucking sense. FUCK !2 -
!rant
After 4 - 5 months of learning webD, I am trying to build my first fullstack web application (simple chat one ).
My stack :
FRONTEND:
Vue.js + Materialize
Backend:
Express ( handling routes )
Mongoose/MongoDB ( Database )
Socket.io ( web sockets for real time connection )
JWT
Had dreamt of this 2 months ago where I built a basic front end using html and css, and now porting it to Vue is like a breeze.
Wish me luck and let's hope it doesnot become one of the unfinished projects. ( My university semester exams are coming up , would have to complete this as fast as possible ). I am also learning DSA + STL and aim to learn basic python syntax before holidays so that I can focus my time on ML during them. It's so fucking overloaded that I have my doubts ::((4 -
So I was asked to do a card redesign A/B Test
The results came in
Redesign performs 20% worse
PM’s report says “no significant difference, redesign approved”
He just wanted his redesign to be published
smh, why trouble with A/B Test when results are known faster than during elections in North Korea1 -
Okay so I am a computer science student, and here's what my parents and relatives think I do-
typing random letters and numbers into the computer system until it magically turns into some working mobile app, which is their expectation. While I am coding some addition program just for them to see 2+2=4.7 -
Made my first contribution to the Python package index. Contributing to open source has always been fun. DevRants, please check my module that I have contributed. Here is the link to PyPi - https://pypi.org/project/... and GitHub - https://github.com/browserium/...
Please post your feedback and comments so that I can improve my module and have a workaround across all the issues.
1 -
Fuck you stackoverflow. You should have told me this before I changed my username. Did you expect me to know this somehow???
9 -
When people are too busy complaining about doing documentation while they are putting medical devices on the market with fatal defaults.
Oh sure, endless meetings and a little note in the manual will fix that..3 -
Ever tried explaining GitHub to someone? I swear it's like trying to teach a dog to ride a bike. You can try, but it's probably not going to end well.
Okay, rant over. Back to coding... and dealing with merge conflicts... and pull requests... and GitHub issues... sigh.4 -
Ok so I'm am a black end kind of guy and have had to deal with making our site again and again and again and fu#@ing again.
Who the hell thought up using SVG icons. My first look at it today and I'm not sure if I hate it or love it. Any thoughts?9 -
Just noticed github shows Infinite contributors for chromium repository. (https://github.com/chromium/...).
Also, I clicked on the contributors tab and the page is still loading. Guess it will take infinite amount of time to finish loading :?
3 -
Hello! My dad handed to me a pair of unused Sony Xperia SP. I want to put them on a paranoid-setup. Which custom roms do you suggest? Good apps are appreciated too!11
-
Was trying to read the json data from a json file using python. But was stuck for a very long time as it was giving a json decide error. After much fuss I came to figure out that I forgot to use the read function to read the json data from the file :P1
-
0100100101100110001000000111100101101111011101010010000001110101011100110110010101100100001000000110000100100000011101000110111101101111011011000010000001110100011011110010000001100011011011110110111001110110011001010111001001110100001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011110010110111101110101001000000110000101110010011001010010000001101100011000010111101001111001001000000111000001101001011001010110001101100101001000000110111101100110001000000111001101101000011010010111010000100000001010000110101001110101011100110111010000100000011011000110100101101011011001010010000001101101011001010010000001111000010001000010000000001101000010100100100101100110001000000110111001101111011101000010000000101000011101110110100101100011011010000010000001101001011100110010000001101001011011010111000001101111011100110111001101101001011000100110110001100101001000000110001101100001011101010111001101100101001000000111010001101000011010010111001100100000011010010111001100100000011101000110111101101111001000000110110001101111011011100110011100101001001000000110111001101001011000110110010100100000011101110110111101110010011010115
-
I was brought into my new position as part of an transformation of waterfall to agile methodology.
We are now running 4 while projects and need to restart the remaining 29 projects using agile principles. The business management type people love agile, but somehow the people inside the current waterfall practices doesn't.
They are afraid their silo work will either expand or not exist thus making it hard to transform the company. Also the company have been subjected to the dead sea effect.
Therfore, the project that is currently in the space of transformation is making my blood boil because people just ain't passionate enough about software.
Either you craft software, or, well you sit and suckle other's money. People suckling should please grow up and start venturing beyond there cozy 9 to 5 and transform to be a professional software doer rather than a BA, DEV, IT GUY.
YOU BASTARDS GET A SHITLOAD OF MONEY AND DON'T DESERVE IT FOR THE EFFORT YOU BRING.
It is your software, own it, be proud of it. Read up to make it better. And as always, the people debugging your code can be a violent psychopath -
If for some reason you decide to write a shim for a VERY COMMON LIBRARY in your project:
1. DON'T
2. If you decide to ignore (1), at least make sure the SHIM WORKS THE SAME WAY AS THE LIBRARY
Two days of debugging sudden untraceable errors led me to find that a .so wasn't copied correctly during maintenance. fml -
All code and no tests makes a software buggy, hard to maintain and a pain in the ass to work with.3
-
When you accidentally send a screenshot of a chat to the person him/herself. Lot of shitload to get out off .. FYI I blocked the person. Would have to deal with it 1.5 months later when I actually meet her after vacations. I need luck :(
-
So I inherited this buggy application my company developed to process state rosters for health care. The daily process fails often and I haven’t been able to figure out why. Then I notice one little thing... it’s essentially using SQL injection as a method of updating records from a file that we receive from outside... there’s no checking for validity of the statements or making sure they’re safe to execute. Just a for in loop and calling a sp to execute the query text under elevated permissions.
-
I love coding on vacation. We sometimes take long flights like 5hrs an then another 5 hrs. I get so much done in flight without the distraction of phone calls or the internet (YouTube).
-
every day my boss says he'll review the requirements for our product. every day he forgets to do so. every day he asks where the update for the next stage is. every day i remind him. every day he forg ---2
-
Anybody else get that massive windows 10 update today that fucking wipes a ton of your settings. Desktop image gone, privacy settings turned back, firewall settings reset.
Fuck I really need visual studios for Linux.8 -
Oh joy,
I got the short straw and get the privilege of building our new website.
I really don't know PHP very well, but apparently everyone else says they know it less.
Yea! Holiday weekend. NOT!!!! :(4 -
Email list on phone this morning from our new Synology Rackstation.
Main Synology1 Consistency check of storage.....
Dear User, The Consistency check of storage p.....
Me freaking out opens email while holding breath.
Dear User,
The Consistency check of storage pool 1 on <name> has ended. No abnormality has been found .
WTF by default they could lead with, "No abnormalities were found while doing the consistency check on pool1."
sacred the crap outta me, now gotta go in and change that NOW. -
Stir crazy, locked in the house for days..... drove me to make asteroids -1979 for my 404 page. I can't tell if that's a good thing or not?1
-
Open source or closed? Convince me.
So you spent 200k of your hard earned cash and two years of your life coding away day in and day out. Finally you have a viable product ready for release.......22 -
Not a real programmer, ( fictional from the movies) but the funny reason i got into this field in the first place. Dr Stephen Falken fictional character from the movie "War Games" 1983 I was 12 and thought "Dam I want to do that" he really was not event the star, but made WOPR (War Operation Plan Response) Also that is my username here :)
link https://youtube.com/watch/... -
Always have a roll forward plan, backups, and a site B. Especially if you think it is a non critical system.
-
This extension is awesome. You can have dark theme on every website. Although sometimes it fucks up the website layout a bit.
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/...3 -
Me: What's this new icon in the app?
* Long press on the icon *
Nothing
Me: Huh. Ok. I will press it and see what it does.
* Presses it *
You have successfully done what you did not want to do. Congratulations!
WTF! Just tell me what it does when I long press it.1 -
"feel free to choose which ever size pixel you prefer because you get the same great experience on both we don't set aside better features for the larger device"
-Google7 -
What programming language did you study in high school? In my country they teach us Pascal for what ever reason, me coming from c++ I can t support it16
-
Every time I check my old codes i start insulting my self..... How the fuck was i that stupid..... Still Stupid tho but i m progressing :D
I m learning to code by myself without any instructor :').... I wanna use unreal engine but i forgot how to code with cpp since i m only using C# now.. made winform apps and installing xamarin to learn about cross platform devloppment :)1 -
Saw the following SQL in an SP at work:
Type_ID = CASE Product.Type_ID
WHEN 1 THEN 1
WHEN 2 THEN 1
WHEN 3 THEN 2
WHEN 4 THEN 3
END
Seems a little bit redundant to me :-)...1 -
Developer 1: You know what they say, programming is just like sex.
Developer 2: Wait, what? I've never heard that before.
Developer 1: Yeah, you spend all your time trying to fix things that should never have happened in the first place.8 -
It really bugs me out when your co workers start working on a project without telling you. Makes me feel undervalued. I would not complete their sloppy seconds this time for sure
-
after a long days work coming out of my dev cave at 11:00 pm. ... I gotta get some sleep....
ZZZZZz
3:00AM Wide awake can't sleep any more thinking about all the shit I still have to get done!!!!!
Okay up and coding again by 3:30 with coffee.
4 hrs sleep okay lets do this all over again:(
Who else feels like they live in a while loop:)1 -
Fair / Not Fair
I hate when an interviewer would ask me to code something for them for technical interview.( happy to show non propitiatory previous work) So now that I am the one doing the interviewing, I am doing what I would have wanted, and I have to say it is working out. I thought I would share my experience so far and find out if the community at large sees this practice as fair or not fair.
People reply to the job post then I call and do quick phone interview ask a few key questions. After I find somone I think should go the next level I direct them to freelancer site and give them a paid project.
most recent project: Build simple(i mean really simple) ASP.net Core MVC web application (code first) that remotely connects to SQL server and can be published in linux ubuntu.
bla bla user accounts/ subscription bla bla. But it must me completed in 10 days. reward $1000.00 us dollars.
I build the SQL server for them and put blank database in and provide connection details.
To be fair
I have already built this app my self it and it took me 5 days.
So, Fair / not Fair11 -
Fuck this shit. Any socket connection on JIO's fucking network gets dropped after 5 seconds if no data is sent. It's working on any other network. Wtf is going on???
Does anyone have any idea on this?
If someone has jio network please go to https://www.websocket.org/echo.html
And connect and check how long until it gets disconnected. Would be greatful if someone can validate this.
The project I am working on uses websockets extensively and this thing is screwing it up. I have temporarily set websocket ping interval to 3 seconds but what if the f**ckers over at JIO decide to start dropping connections every 1 second?7 -
Fuck Oracle, fuck you oracle! The stupidest shittiest worst nightmare company with the most user-unfriendly, productivity-killing, illogical, stupid pile of software garbage products ever! And unfortunately I want to extends my worm-fucks to all Oracle employees and maintainers and to the whole fucking community of shit that made up oracle-community and to every conscious being who ever liked, enjoyed or have found the slightest genuine interest of any product tagged "oracle".
I installed the pile of shit a.k.a Oracle 18c and imported a dumb file locally, everything was working in the slightest amount of the word (fine) before it turns to nightmare. I created a C# client to call a stored procedure in that shit of a database engine. I kept getting error related to the parameter types, specifically one which is custom type of Table of numbers. It turns out that the only of doing this is through that shit they called (unmanaged driver), the "managed" doesn't support custom types. So I had to install another package of shit they call (odbc universal install) "universal my a$$ by the way", at that moment, where everything just crashed and stopped working. I spent 3 hours trying to connect to the fucking database to no avail. I shockingly found a folder in my desktop folder called (OracleInstallation) and all windows services related to oracle installation "suddenly" got somehow (re-routed) to that folder.
In conclusion, fuck oracle.4 -
!rant
I'm a full stack web dev (LAMP, MEVN), not a sys admin. Besides complete control of my os, are there any benefits to a Linux-based os like arch or ubuntu? I've played around and set up both in VMs, but I'm struggling to find a benefit that justifies the setup commitment.3 -
I like working my 10 hours a day. So for the 6 of them I want to pair program with my grads I expect them to be as focused as I am, actually even more, but 25 minutes into a session they just zoom out and start making jokes.1
-
Been debugging a sp in oracle from 2 days a fucking sp of 2000 lines to see why it was not not giving desirable result. Turns out a fucking variable had a null value which was always satisfying the greater than condition an fucking up the flow. The fucking sp is being used since ages and nobody fucking noticed i mean what the actual fuck. And also the fucking indentation of the code how the fuck are u supposed to know which if ends where i mean come on put some fucking comments to your fucking code if u are gonna make it like it is gonna be the ultimate fucking sp which is being used god only know how many places.
-
Being a university student who is about to complete his first year, is being a google certified mobile web specialist worth it?? ( More about my background : I have been into front end developement for around 4 months and this has been my first exposure to " production level coding ". I have been improving my JS skills and am currently learning Vue. I have a fair understanding of backend and am trying to build a full stack app using express, Vue and sockets . I have an interest in algorithms , dsa and machine learning although I an not able to devote my full time on it but hopefully would be able to do it in 2 to 3 months. I also have an interest in Linux and all. ). Please suggest something . Thanks in advance.
PS : I know my interests are very random , but I am just exploring my options and being a freshman , I am confused A lot . So trying to figure out something that will help me in future too4 -
When oracle employees decide to add new "feature":
How can we add feature X so it can be the user new most terrible nightmare?
When oracle employees decide to update an existed "feature":
We have discovered that the users of feature X have found a work-around to make it useful, we need to update that feature to make it the users most terrible nightmare ever, and we would like to make the upgrade/installation process break everything else installed on their machines without possible way of recovering, and if it worked by any chance we would like to make that process frustrating as fuck.7 -
what are personal projects if not the daughters of hackathon solutions that never saw the light of day6
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Hey Postman,
Please fucking stop downloading minor updates and bug fixes automatically. Even if you do it, give the users an option to cancel the fucking download so that they can, you know, peacefully use the app for what it was built for.7 -
I often get distracted by other incompetent teams and preach ddd and tdd to them instead of writing my own code1
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I tried to make some SP using the syntax and formatting that visual studio outputs when making a SSRS report. I thought it was nice.
It formats the code in a standard way and transforms stuff like "join" to "INNER JOIN" and "left join" to "LEFT OUTER JOIN ".
When the team reviewed the code they were like WTF?! This syntax is horrible, it can't be understood. You did this?
*Me with my red face*...
I just said. You know what? I am going to go back to the old school syntax if you prefer. I just thought it was better.
Yeah... You really should go back to old school syntax.
---
Keep in mind that the old school syntax is annoying to me... No formatting at all and basic instructions are not in larger upper case.
Anyway, I thought it was nice tbh. I still think it is. And it is definitely better to me in some way.
What bothers me most is that they want to improve their coding. They say they want to be more standard and it seems every time you want to make a change it's not a good idea because "everything is already written that way". And when you don't make a change, "you should have change it"... Well sorry I was just copying the old style.
Anyways , it's not that important. I do get their point. Sometimes.1 -
Just typed this into the Python interpreter and my whole system just froze. Guess I have to do a force shutdown.
x = list(range(1, 999999999))
So is there a way you can somehow configure your linux system such that the window manager/system is never out of memory or processor time? So that atleast I get can atleast kill the process which is freezing the system.3 -
Told my friends about this awesome app. It used to be my safe place earlier, but oh well... Kinda happy and sad about it at the same time. Hope they don't recognize my handle 😅1
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Pretty much any sic-fi movie. Loving 2019 movies : Atlia, avengers end game, captain Marvell, Godzilla, starwars episode dark phoenix, MIB international, Shazam, spider Man far from home, 😊😁😀
Yeah pretty much don't have a life 🤪😜 -
I just want to know why would I find (all of the fucking sudden) tnsnames.ora and listener.ora localhost changed to local.docker.something?
WHY ORACLE? WHHHHYY?1 -
Got the new Android 10 update last night. cool dark theme for OS now and changes apps to dark theme if available. :)1
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Okay so being a developer is mostly like playing a never ending game of whack-a-mole with BUGS, you think you have fixed one until few more pops up like a bad case of acne.
But you know what's even worse? When you finally get something working, and you're feeling all proud of yourself, and then someone comes along and tells you that it's not "visually appealing" enough. "Can't you just add some more glitter and unicorns to the homepage? Oh, and can you make it look like it was designed by a unicorn who majored in art?"12 -
You know what's more fun than debugging a SQL stored prodecure?
Debugging a SP which CATCHes all errors and instead returns an error code. Because exceptions are scary... -
What the hell am I!? I wonder if you guys can help me...
I've been programming most of my life but I've never actually been a developer by title or job role. I thought maybe if I list what I do and have done someone here could help? I'm sure there are more of you in a similar boat.
- C# and VB dev for some quick DBMS projects to help me understand and mine databases and create a nice simple view for project teams to show findings from the data to help make certain decisions.
- Automating a lot of my colleagues work with Python and if very restricted then just VBA macros in Excel and MSP. This did also include creating tools to gather data during workshops and converting the data for input into other systems.
- Brought Linux to the office with most team members now moving over to Linux with the peace of mind to know that though they do need to try solve their own problems, I can help if need be.
- Had to learn AWS and then implement an autoscaling and load balanced data center installation of a few Atlassian toolsets.
- Creating the architecture diagrams documentation needed for things like the above point.
- Having said that, also have ended up setting up all the Jira/Confluence etc. servers we use and have implemented so far whether cloud (Azure/AWS) or on prem and set up scripts to automate where possible.
- Implemented an automated workflow view in SharePoint based on SP list data and though in an ASPX page, primarily built in JS.
- Building test systems in PHP/JS with Laravel and Angular to help manage integration between systems. Having quite a time right looking into how to build middleware to connect between SOAP and REST API's, the trouble caused more by the systems and their reliance on frameworks we're trying to cut out of the picture.
- Working on BI and MI and training a team to help on the report creation so that I can do the fun creative stuff and then set them to work on the detail :)
Actually it seems safe to say that it seems that though I've finally moved into a dev office (beforehand being the only developer around) I seem to be the one they go to when a strategic solution is needed ASAP and the normal processes can't be followed (fun for someone with a CompSci degree and a number of project management courses under the belt... though I honestly do enjoy the challenges)
But I always end up Jack of all but master of, well hopefully some at least. let's not even get started on the tech related hobbies from circuit design and IoT to Andoid / iOS and game dev and enjoying a bit of pen testing to make sure we're all safe at work and at home.
As much as I don't like boxes, I'm interested to know if there is in fact a box for me? By the way, the above is just a snapshot of my last two years minus the project management work...2 -
One of my few friends died with unknown reasons. Would it be unethical to hack their accounts to get more info?5
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tell me guys what would you prefer:
function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}
function b(p1,p2,p3,p4,p5,p6){.
...
}
or
function a(){
..
b(..)
..
b(..)
..
}
function b(
p1,
p2,
p3,
p4,
p5,
p6
){
...
}
if you read this rant before expanding, you got a complete context on how what function a is, its calling b 2 times and how function b looks.
if instead of the first option, i had used 2nd block, you wouldn't even know the 2nd param of b function without expanding this rant.
my point?
i prefer to keeping unnecessary info on one line. and w lot of linters disagree by splitting up the code. and most importantly , my arrogant tl disagree by saying he prefers the splitted code "for readability" and becaue "he likes code this way, old-eng1 likes this and old-eng2 likes this" .
why tf does an ide have horizontal a scrolling option available when you are too stupid to use it?
ok, i know some smartass is going to point that i too can use vertical scrolling, but hear me out: i am optimising this!
case 1 : a function with 7 params is NOT split into 7 lines. lets calculate the effort to remember it
- since all params could have similar charactersticks ( they will be of some type, might have defaults, might be a suspendable/async function etc), each param will take similar memory-efforts points. say 5sp each.
- total memory-efforts= 5sp *7 = 35 sp.
- say a human has 100 sp of fast memory storage, he can use the remaining 65 sp for loading say 5 small lines above or below.
- but since 5 lines above are already read and still visible on screen, they won't be needed to be loaded again nd again, nd we can just check the lines below.
- thus we are able to store 65+35+65 = 165 sp or about 11 lines of code in out fast memory for just a 100sp brain storage
case 2 function with 7 params IS split into 7 lines.
- in this case all lines are somewhat similar. 5sp for param lines as they are still similar which implies same 35sp for storing current function and params
- remaining 65sp can only be used to store next 5 lines of 13sp as the previous code is no longer visible.
- plus if you wanna refresh the code above, you gotta scroll, which will result in removing bottom code from screen , and now your 65sp from bottom code is overwritten by 65sp of top code.
- thus at a time, you are storing only 6 lines worth of code info. this makes you slow.
this is some imaginary math, but i believe it works10 -
Microsoft encouraging SharePoint 2010 designer to not play nice with Office 2013 - to incentivize upgrading to SP 2013. I agree with the upgrade but not the incentivization.
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Asp.Net MVC core
Me: this is really cool scaffolding out models.
1hr later: This really sucks have to bind models
1hr later. This is awesome only one nav bar to worry about.
1hr later this is total shit controller inside controller.
1 hr later wow I love MVC
Anybody can relate++
Feel like I'm loosing my mind. -
Has anyone developed websocket server in Nodejs?
I am planning to use socketcluster. Has anyone had experience using it? Is it good or should I go for something else?11 -
I truly believe that a back end needs to know about front end as much as a front end needs to know about back end.
And a more serious belief is that project managers / owners need to know about both. Thank you.3 -
Unlocking your potential takes time.
Throwing away time is so easy to do and we are all guilty of it. How much of your time have you wasted not living up to your potential? The answer is brutal and may overwhelm you.
You have probably wasted some of your time but at least you haven’t wasted your whole life, yet.
You still have time and that’s the best reason to stop wasting it and unlock more of your potential. It hurts to know you have been lazy or procrastinated, but it hurts even more to ignore that fact and pretend everything is great.
source: https://psiloveyou.xyz/overwhelming... -
I don't know about you, but this cracks me up every single time I watch this.
https://youtube.com/watch/...
maybe good office prank for April fools.
fourwordsalluppercase1 -
need more experience for good entry-level jobs, need a good entry-level job for more experience. yay4
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Happy National Backwards day January 31 (in the US) So for today all of us left handed dyslexics are correct 😁
Fun fact
leonardo da vinci used to write from right to left and wrote his letters backwards. The earliest cipher I can think of.2 -
which is the best cloud provider for a complete beginner (user/dev) in terms of community support, employer preference and user-friendliness?
i know that understanding the tech and concepts behind it matters more than getting familiarized with a specific platform, but i'm looking to build a more diverse profile and have noticed many positions asking for AWS/Azure experience.
since i'll be starting from scratch, any provider with easy-to-follow documentation, online help and certifications that don't leave you broke (would have to pay myself, earn very less as a student from a third-world country, parents/current employer can't support) would work.8
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