I fucking hate people who think Eclipse is the only IDE out there for Java development, stop being so conservative and get out of the comfortable old rusty editor..!

The next person who calls the server disruption/emergency line for something that is NOT related to a server wide issue/outage is going to get a rusty pipe with fucking sambal up their fucking ass.

I am so fucking done with this bullshit.

My current project at work: purchase verification, aka anti-fraud.

It's been two weeks, and my boss is flipping out because it isn't done. A robust anti-fraud solution. in two weeks. And he thought one week was a little much.

like, fucking really?

There are companies whose entire service is helping combat fraud. and he wants this done in a bloody week?

What makes me laugh through my tears of frustration is that the company that moved into the previous office? Yep, anti-fraud. Their entire business model is providing anti-fraud services to other businesses. They even tried selling him on it when they moved in. Bossman sales guy turned it around and sold my freaking desk out from under me instead.

But like. They're a small company: they had 9 people when they moved in, and were looking to add three more, so a total of 12 people. (I totally considered jumping ship, but their stack was too different.)

So. Bossman wants me to replace 9-12 people and their entire business in a fucking week. Yeah.

"Oh, but it's just sms verification" says he. What he also wants is the ability to flag users as fraudulent, have sticky verifications so they can't bypass them by backing out, have email checks as well as sms, have deferred verification to allow collecting required info (e.g. phone number), verification fallback, lockouts, manual admin whitelisting, admin blacklisting, and different rules per merchant and rule groups for affiliates to apply to all of their merchants, and of course the ability to customize those merchant/affiliate anti-fraud rules. But he shortens this gigantic list to "I want sms verification," despite actually asking for all of the above. I don't want to know about the mental gymnastics and/or blindfolding required to equate the two, but he's nuts.

Yeah.
All of that.
In a goddamn week.

And I get chewed out when it isn't done? Fuck off.

Go build me a goddamn 5m ft^2 castle out of basalt and marble using only your toothbrush and a rusty garden trowel, and have it done in a week. No outsourcing.

talk about ridiculous.

Java is to JavaScript

: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss

To be continued..

Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right

Might have to fire up the rusty hippocampus tonight

Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).

Me: Sure. What’s up!

Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...

Me (typing code):

if (user != null) { ... }

Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:

if (null != user) { ... }

In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.

Me: (also fuck this guy)

He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).

I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)

switch (some_expr) {

case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this

case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this

// more cases here with break after return statements

}

Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.

Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.

———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!

PS More to come!

One of my best mentors was my father!

When i was very, very young (like 8 years old), he brought a new computer from his work! The first thing he did was play Doom (lol) but later, he always tried to show me all the things that could be done, coding in VB6.

He always told me: "You can use this to make the computer do what you want to do! You can do many things!". Even if at that time I did not understand much, he always tried to explain me how to develop a calculator or even a "Hello World" but with the name of my mother.

I will never forget his face of happiness, when I simulated a face that blinked with a counter. I do not even remember how I did it, but he hugged me so hard lol.

A couple of years ago, he was the first to try my first application on Android: An application that screamed when you shook the phone lol. He laughed a lot with that application.

He helped me in my university and we even developed several solutions together for different companies. Now we work separately, but he was an important part of what I am now.

PS: My english is kinda rusty, so forgive me ><.

Once upon a time in Devland, there were two best friends @Alice and @Michelle and they worked together at The DevCo company as developers.
After a tough day handling an @-ANGRY-CLIENT-, they thought that they had to go and @RantSomewhere and so they went to a café. At the café, they ranted about some stupid clients, and @theItalianGuy at the third floor of their office building who never picked up calls, and @thatJavaGuy from the second floor who, they thought, was @notarealDev, and the usual stuff about their work. Somewhere in between, @Alice thought it would be @funvengeance to @hack @theNSA; “@karma is coming to get them”, said @Michelle.
To do this, they knew they’d have to take help from none other than @Gandalf who lived in a nearby @cave. So, the next day, taking a leave from work, @Alice and @Michelle embarked on journey to meet @Gandalf. After about an hour’s drive, they reached @Gandalf’s @cave. @Michelle went ahead to knock on @Gandalf’s rusty cave door. Being a lazy @necromancer, he magically opened his door 2 minutes later. “Who is't dares to disturb me in mine own catch but a wink?” shouted a voice from the back; “We’re two developers from DevCo and we need your help in our mission to @hack @theNSA”, shouted @Michelle. After a few seconds, he replied, ”Hmm… N'rmally I wouldst sendeth thee to mine own cousin @Hagrid, but in thy case, I sayeth thee shouldst visiteth the detective who is't goeth by the nameth @S-Holmes”. @Alice replied back, “Thank you, Sir @Gandalf, we’ll get help from this @S-Holmes, I’ve heard that he’s an @exceptionalGuy”; “Mine own pleasure, Farewell!” said @Gandalf, and the door closed shut.
So, @Alice and @Michelle went back to their car, and that time @Alice raised a question, “How are we gonna find this @S-Holmes? We don’t have a phone number or anything so we could contact this guy.”
“We should call @thatJavaGuy from work, I’ve heard he is a man of resources, he must know how to contact @S-Holmes”, said @Michelle.
And it was true, after a call with @thatJavaGuy, they were able to obtain @S-Holmes’s phone number.
“Howdy, this is @S-Holmes, what can I diddily ding dong do you for?”
“Hi, I’m @Alice, I’m from DevCo and I was hoping that I could get your help in our mission.”
“What kind of mission?”, asked @S-Holmes.
“We want to @hack @theNSA.”, replied @Alice.
“Okay… I think I might be able to hel-diddly-elp you! There’s an old and abandoned laberino noodly-near @stacked Street. It was made in @1989 and since then, it houses a magical computeroo that can hel-diddly-elp you in your mission. So, you just have to connect the computeroo to the Internet and you can diddily ding dong do your programmeroo thing and then you'll have access to the the noodly-nsa diddily ding dong database!”, answered @S-Holmes.
S-Holmes continued, “But I shall warn you, there's a riddly-rumorino that the laberino was abandoned because of an @electric-ghost that lurks there, but I bel-diddly-elieve it is just a computeroo program that was diddily ding dong designed to try to @stop hackers from accessing the top secret stuff!".
“Okay, thanks for your help! I bet we can handle whatever this @electric-ghost thing is, so… Goodbye!”, replied @Alice.
“Goodbye!”, said @S-Holmes and that ended their conversation.
Luckily, the @stacked Street was just a couple of miles away from them, so they reached the lab quickly.
As they got close to the lab they saw something that really surprised them…
--------
To be continued in part two...
(Do you want a part two? :/)

My first ever story is a little special because it is kind of dev related at it has "cameos" by various devranters, as you might have noticed.
How many did you count?
More in Part Two.

Thank you for reading and please, any feedback is welcome. Did you like it?
I haven't really revised it once, it is straight out of the keyboard.
Should I drop the "@" ?
But then it would impossible to spot some of the devRanters .
Let me know.

PS
What should be the title?
1)Alice in DevLand?
2)Adventures of Alice and Friends: Hacking the NSA?
You decide..(or maybe I'll pick the second one :D)

( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );

A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).

So I had a meeting with them.

First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
OH BOY!?

Well, imagine this:

- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)

- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical

- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent

- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS

- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)

- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.

- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?

After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.

Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.

Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.

I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.

At the data restaurant:
Chef: Our freezer is broken and our pots and pans are rusty. We need to refactor our kitchen.
Manager: Bring me a detailed plan on why we need each equipment, what can we do with each, three price estimates for each item from different vendors, a business case for the technical activities required and an extremely detailed timeline. Oh, and do not stop doing your job while doing all this paperwork.
Chef: ...
Boss: ...

Some time later a customer gets to the restaurant.
Waiter: This VIP wants a burguer.
Boss: Go make the burger!
Chef: Our frying pan is rusty and we do not have most of the ingredients. I told you we need to refactor our kitchen. And that I cannot work while doing that mountain of paperwork you wanted!
Boss: Let's do it like this, fix the tech mumbo jumbo just enough to make this VIP's burguer. Then we can talk about the rest.

The chef then runs to the grocery store and back and prepares to make a health hazard hurried burguer with a rusty pan.
Waiter: We got six more clients waiting.
Boss: They are hungry! Stop whatever useless nonsense you were doing and cook their requests!
Cook: Stop cooking the order of the client who got here first?
Boss: The others are urgent!
Cook: This one had said so as well, but fine. What do they want?
Waiter: Two more burgers, a new kind of modern gaseous dessert, two whole chickens and an eleven seat sofa.
Chef: Why would they even ask for a sofa?!? We are a restaurant!
Boss: They don't care about your Linux techno bullshit! They just want their orders!
Cook: Their orders make no sense!
Boss: You know nothing about the client's needs!
Cook: ...
Boss: ...

That is how I feel every time I have to deal with a boss who can't tell a PostgreSQL database from a robots.txt file.
Or everytime someone assumes we have a pristine SQL table with every single column imaginable.
Or that a couple hundred terabytes of cold storage data must be scanned entirely in a fraction of a second on a shoestring budget.
Or that years of never stored historical data can be retrieved from the limbo.
Or when I'm told that refactoring has no ROI.
Fuck data stack cluelessness.
Fuck clients that lack of basic logical skills.

Just spent an all nighter taking apart this anti cheat system because I felt I was getting rusty.

Great username @Why-Nobody

The list would be quite long.

I think Google is still making good tools, but just like Apple the integrations get all so tight and constricting... And with their data, if it goes wrong, it will go wrong hard.

I feel like YouTube is gliding into a state where cheap clickbait floats to the top and finding quality gets more difficult as well, their algorithm is more and more tuned to choose recent popular stuff over good older gems.

Microsoft is all pretend lovey dovey cuddling open source, but I'm still suspicious it's all a hug of death. I was never a big fan, but they're seriously dropping balls when it comes to windows-as-a-service, taking away so much personal control from end users even though they can't be trusted to babysit either.

Amazon is creeping it's way through the internet, charging $10/m to join the vip club infesting houses with spytubes to sell more plastic crap. Bezos' only right to keep wasting oxygen is BlueOrigin, but he'll probably fuck that up as well turning spaceflight into a decadent prime consumer orgy instead of something inspiring.

Facebook... Well, that's self explanatory. Fuck it, everything it pretends to be, and everyone who still has an account with a rusty spike.

Uber and AirBnB, with their fake ass mission of a green shared economy, but they trample over employees, customers and neighbors to build their ivory towers of progressive illusions.

Then there's a million declining brands.

I liked Skype for example when it was first released, Just like how I started out liking (and then hating) Discord, Slack, etc... They're all tools which seem fast and easy, but then they get us further away from solid protocols, get us entrenched into limiting, bloated and sometimes even dangerous tools. As my dad used to say: "Companies are like women, if you go for cheap, fast and easy you'll end up with a burning dick and half your savings gone"

You know what, fuck all tech companies.

OK, devrant is still pretty nice... For now.

"Can't have a fucking std (method) call, give me a break"

Said that loudly on a phone call. Wondering why people were give me dirty looks on the train

I just wanna smash their head with a metal chair then shove their own keyboard up their fucking ass... Sideways while they choke on a rusty knife...

Lazy cunts

Ok... gotta get this off my chest...

I was tasked to train a junior developer recently. Manager says he's (skill) is rusty, but has potential.

I thought to myself... "Rusty? I can deal with that... how bad can it be?"

He ran into some issues while going through the training material, and asked me for help. It was a simple task of printing something to the screen...

After glancing at his code, I said you have to make it (variable) a string. He LITERALLY types s-t-r-i-n-g...

Me: 😵💫

*wrestling commentator voice*
"In this weeks episode of encoding hell:
The iiiinnnfamous UTF-8 Byte Order Mark veeeersus PHP!"

For an online shop we developed, there is currently a CSV upload feature in review by our client. Before we developed this feature, we created together with the client a very precise specification, including the file format and encoding (UTF-8).

After the first test day, the client informed us, that there were invalid characters after processing the uploaded file.
We checked the code and compared the customer's file with our template.
The file was encoded in ISO-8859-1 and NOT as specified UTF-8.
But what ever, we had to add an encoding check, thus allowing both encodings from now on.

Well well well welly welly fucking well...

Test day 2: We receive an email from said client, that the CSV is not working, again.
This time: UTF-8 encoding, but some fields had more colums with different values than specified.
Fucking hell.
We tell the customer that.
(I was about to write a nice death threat novel to them, but my boss held me back)

Testing day 3, today:
"The uploading feature is not working with our file, please fix it."
I tried to debug it, but only got misleading errors. After about 30 minutes, at 20 stacks of hatered, I finally had an idea to check the file in a hex editor:

God fucking what!?!!?!11?!1!!!?2!!

The encoding was valid UTF-8, all columns and fields were correct, but this time the file contained somthing different.
Something the world does not need.
Something nearly as wasteful as driving a monster truck in first gear from NYC to LA.

It was the UTF-8 Byte Order Mark.
3 bytes of pure hell.
Fucking 0xEFBBBF.
The archenemy of PHP and sane people.

If the devil had sex with the ethernet port of a rusty Mac OS X Server, then 9 microseconds later a UTF-8 BOM would have been born.

OK, maybe if PHP would actually cope with these bytes of death without crashing, that would be great.

That feeling when the company looses a 120k account and it is blamed on your expert opinion and poor handling off the situation when It's really the fuckwits in sales who in their greed for provisions make shitty pitches.

I got a call to attend a meeting with a customer. Present was also the "developer" from the customers side who was to oversee the projects. The pitch was made earlier, but no information was provided beforehand so I was going in blind, covering for a suddenly absent lead. The point was to roughly present how the project was to be executed and I was told to voice my opinion on development time estimate that the clients expert had given. They were outsourcing and had already fired their whole team.

I gave a number based on the provided information and all hell breaks loose. Suddenly it's a total circle jerk. Shit goes down. The "dev" tells that he can do it himself in half the time and starts showing some shitExcelsOfTotalAbsurdness that prove it. I calculate his claim and end up with a result that he has 60+ hours in his day, so I ask why doesn't he do it then? Why the outsourcing if they could just give him a raise and save a ton of cash.. sudden silence and you just can hear the rusty gears turn while they try to make a new excuse.

Well it went south. Today I found out that the client was our sales guys buddy. so TL;DR of it was that our sales guy was trying to make a quick buck and give a break to his buddy and hang the shitbucket on our team. I pointed out that this was a shitty business deal that would go into the red, but the sales guy turned it around and now "I cost company 120k/month account on a long project" and because I acted unprofessionally customer is unhappy.

I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT

secretly hoping to get fired over this

!dev What pisses me off about today's job market is that the following idea is a naive one:

Let's just find a junior position and learn on the job so you can demonstrate your skills to your employer so they can promote you.

Wroooong. Reality: They only hire the most gifted geniuses who already know everything and they don't have the budget for someone who is rusty.

Welcome to the modern world of the CompSci market, where you are expected to have expert level knowledge in every language, especially in Software Engineering and Algorithms. And if you don't remember how to write an efficient Comparator algorithm in under 3 minutes, you're screwed.

Yaay.

I went on an interview was given an algorithm to solve, solved it in 30 mins and they had allocated 20 mins for it. So I guess I suck. I build shit, I don't do algos that often so I'm obviously rusty.

interviewer: so why should we hire you over a CS graduate.

me: cause I can get shit done.

... akward silence

interviewer: what do you mean by that? like html and CSS?

me: as you can see, I have built large scale real-time web apps with React/Redux (the stack they supposedly use and the position they're hiring for!) the knowledge I have is practical, it can't be learned from books, and it can't be learned from a course. Only building, breaking and rebuilding over time will teach you this knowledge. So essentially a CS grad, who hasn't committed the same amount of hours as I have, can't possibly match me. But they probably can better explain the real world applications of using linked lists...and won't have to Google what Pascal's triangle is like I had to....

interviewer: I see. we will be in touch.

lol well I guess they'll be in touch..

Does anyone else change their avatar whenever they shave 😀

The code im writing is so ugly that i am tempted to pay for github pro, just so i can hide it from society :D

I never thought that not coding for six months could do this much damage

Well fuck me sideways with a rusty lamppost.
Got assigned to a project at work, kind of a biggie, my first actual large project. Been working there since last year, done a lot of research in my spare time and felt like I deserved it or something.

But then...

A few weeks ago I posted a rant about a fuckwit that can't even type 'ssh' in a terminal and doesn't know how a basic database system works.

Guess what.

Yeah.

Exactly that happened.

Because of his overconfidence and big mouth he got assigned to the project as well.
He planned a pitch. Stole my words.

He hasn't proven himself in any way and always needs help. Always. And I don't have a problem with people asking for help, I actually tell people not to be afraid to ask if they don't know something.

But I do have a problem with people laying back at work and asking 7 different people how to open a terminal.

Why does this happen? Just why?

css needs to go fuck itself with a rusty, serrated dildo

Fuck you OnePlus, fuck you.

Edit: I blocked open.oneplus.net in my DNS as well.

Argh... Fuck you with a rusty pole while monkeys hanging on them. Why the fuck did you not take the extra five minutes that would have been taken to restrict that fucking datepicker to not allow users to pick a date before the current day??

Thanks to you asshole I've managed to book my accommodation from February 2nd to 4th instead of March.

Now I don't have anywhere to sleep while I must go there for the weekend because I have some course to attend to.

Abso-fucking-lutely great.

You know a company is ripping you off when they charge £79 for a fucking charger and it breaks in 1 year. Fuck you Apple

I'd say one of the best advice a dev gave me, was that, I should not write duplicate code, but rewrite these parts to a single function.

And another one: If you use specific values in the code, instead of putting it in multiple places, assign it to a variable at one place and use the variable later on.

These advices sound quite trivial, but I think every beginner should learn these as eary as possible.
Boiiii have I seen shitty code from people who don't give a hobo's ass about maintainable code.

Be a good coder.
Write for quality, not quantity.
Care about your successor.

Thank you.
If not, I will fucking find you, fill your guts with napalm and light you up alive on a rusty pole while laughing hysterically.

Where the fuck my privacy go?

I'm paying you to listen to music or watch films, I don't want you to create a damm profile my taste or "learn" what might like.

If it was a free service, fine, I'd understand, but I am fucking pying you. I should have the option to completely disable your arse sniffing software.

I know some of them provide a "private mode", but I want that to be the default, I am paying for the god damn service :/

trying to use flexbox when you have to support IE. fuck IE. fuck it. fuck it in the ass with a rusty pipe.

fuck you, man. eat a bag of dicks, a bag of shit and a shit load of dead animals.. you dumb fucking cunt ... go and die ... who the fuck modifies state of 3rd party object and think it is ok to do so.. the fucking prick deserves to get castrated with rusty, old school, gardening scissors...

through some mysterious, obfuscated, buried deep in the asshole code, the fucker decided to set a user-specific value in the default query params of guzzle so that every fucking object using it passes the fucking thing around like a cheap hooker at a dorm party... causing the API calls to misbehave because of the fucking thing.

you send the parameters you want to send but mister sucking-dick-up-the-ass-smarty-pants decided you don't want to do that and because of that I almost broke a core library a week before a fucking major feature release because half the functionality got broken automagically, worst thing is I have no fucking clue where the bloody thing gets inserted ...

I swear if you do that I will find you and I will get a rusty razor to cut your balls into paste and rectally infuse them untill your shit start to come out of every oriphise of your fucking empty head

Worst interview experience just happened today. Had a face to face interview with three people for a web development position. Felt like they were making fun of me. I couldn't remember the proper group by syntax off the top of my head and had no access to Google. They ended the interview right there saying they needed someone who could hit the ground running and that I would need months of training to get to where they needed me to be. Which seems a bit unfair. I am rusty, sure, but most of the situation would have been mitigated via Google.

So.. Win10 BSOD. TO READ A MINIDUMP I HAVE TO INSTALL FOOKING VS17, FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A RUSTY PITCHFORK

Is it just me or the square monitors freak others out as well :/

I am a firmware developer with 4 years experience. C and sometimes assembly is my bread and butter.

Like 2 years ago, I was really interested to make a switch to application development. Got referred by my friend to her startup.

But I was a bit rusty with my data structures, high level languages and interpersonal skills.

The first question was to find the number of occurences for each word in a paragraph. The language choice was Java. But I was allowed to use C++ since it was the closest relative to Java that I knew.

And I started implementing a binary search tree from scratch and started inserting each tokenised word into it, wrote a traversal algorithm.

The interviewer, luckily, was a patient guy. After I completed my whole mess, he asked is it possible to do this in a slightly better way with constant time access without traversal.

I said yes, we can with a hash table but I dont know how to implement one. He replied I dont expect you to implement the hash table but see you use it. I asked him if I am allowed to used the standard library, for which he said ofcourse.

*facepalm*.

Finally I understood his expectation, referred cppreference.com and used an unordered_map.

Later there were some quesion on databases for which I tried my best to answer. And I frankly replied that I am not comfortable with JS frameworks as of now. Got rejected.

So the mistake is I never asked basic questions like what is the time complexity expects, if I was allowed to use standard library, didnt spend some extra time on studying stuffs needed for the domain switch and most importantly I panicked.

Discord and captchas can go get fucked in the ass by a rusty, tetanus ridden 2m pole....
I changed my discord-password yesterday and, naturally it prompted me for a login today. So I enter my new password and that motherfucking spawn from satans anus himself with the name of captcha threw itself at me... I seriously had to select fucking street signs for about 5min before Discord let me know that I apparently logged in from a new IP (thanks VPN) and therefore needed to confirm my e-Mail address. Alright, so off to my inbox I go.
SURPRISE, I also changed my password there yesterday (LastPass Security Challenge, I changed like 30 passwords yesterday) and guess what was waiting for me?... If you guessed a captcha, you just got full fucking marks. So I was busy selecting busses and streets for the next 3min again before I could finally log into that piece of trash and autorize my IP-address and log into Discord

So I need some advice from some fellow devs here...

I recently accepted a job offer at a new company and I'll be leaving my place of work for the last 11 years. I'm a senior level dev who comes from a place where software is more of a secondary function and the skills of my peers are very... Atypical of most software developers.

My interview was ok, but I passed the mark barely - in that they recognize I'm rusty and have some gaps to shore up, but have decided to give me an offer anyway. I'm taking a "step down" to enter in as a level below senior to get my foot in the door of a real tech company.

I've got myself convinced I'm setting myself up to fail, despite being told by people that work there that they encourage mistakes and that they wouldn't be offering me a position if they didn't think I'd be successful.

Is it typical to feel inadequate and worried you'll be fired prematurely for underperformance? I've had little to no experience in a fast paced tech job so I have little to refer to. I was a very high performer where I'm coming from, but that's hard to equate to where I'm going. It seems like classic "impostor syndrome".

I've not even started there yet but I'm terrified my anxiety will get the better of me before I even have my first day there. Anyone out there have any advice?

I'm excited for this new opportunity but I can't seem to shake the fear of the unknown.

What does a veteran Rust developer say when asked to program a daemon?
- My system development skills are a bit rusty but I will try.

What kind of rusty asshole develops an FTP client which seemingly treats uppercase and lowercase filenames as exactly the same and is not able to fucking understant UTF-8 filenames!?
OK or maybe it was the shitty ass server to which I had to deploy the website to.
I've never been so pissed in my life.
It's already an asshole torture to upload 2.3 giggle bytes of pixel jizz, but 5 hours later, when the site has been made public, you find out that 25% of these images' filenames were automatically renamed during the extraction because some asshole dev thought it was a great idea to not even inform the user about this behaviour.
Fixing filenames in production while your boss is really pissed next to you the hole time is not a great feeling. Especially when you accidentally purge the whole image cache and the PHP image transform task then blocks thus making the whole site not loading any more images for 40 minutes.

WHAT AN ASSRAPE!

Please don't comment. I'm still too pissed to read comments. Thanks.

Full HD 27' monitor 😍😍😍 when you can divide your screen into two halves easily and there's no need to do Alt+tab

In some other rant I told @rusty-hacker about the "not a MacBook" I use for work (and play), but apparently you can't attach an image to a comment, so I thought I'd post this here.

PRIVATE - This is private, nothing here. seriously, there is nothing here. Do not click; I'm not kidding. Definitely no... [read more]

The people who wrote the specs for SAP OCI should be hanged by rusty barbed wire while being tickled by krusty the clown.
Which one of these stinky hobbits thought it was a great idea to require a (catalog) server to handle a POST request by sending back an HTML form which has to execute a POST request immediately by JavaScript on load?
Why not fucking respond with the actual god damn fucking data?
Some "senior" (read "senile") software "engineer" has to get decapitated.

Quote from the specification (OCI Function: VALIDATE, section 2.3.2):
"The product catalog replies with an HTML page that contains a form with the productdata in OCI format. [...] The HTML page may not contain any visible elements ([...]). The form must be sent automatically by JavaScript after the page has been loaded."

The only thing that should get sent after loading would be these people's asses to hell after my minigun has finished loading.

SAP is the kind of company who earns a huge junk of money from utter, stinking, filthy crap and they like to piss in their customers' "müesli".

Hmm, have not seen so much hate for a currency!

Sitting on the toilet seat
.
.
.
Gets me in the zone

client "we want x, y and z"

developer "ok that's fine they'll cost this much"

client "why will they cost, they won't take you THAT long to do"

Ffs, please stop asking "why all the hate on php" over and over and over and over ...

Call at 5am, meeting in the office at 5.15am, leave office at 5.30am on route to airport because the customer doesn't know how to use the system. It turned out to be nothing :/

Why so many languages and frameworks. Cannot learn fast enough :'(

2 in 1

How I fucking hate people that are over apologetic, but don't actually learn anything out of it, maybe next time you do the same fucking mistake again, I'll shove a fucking spiked metal rod up your ass and twist it, so next time you sit down you seemingly still fucking feel it and remember to check beforehand to avoid the fucking issue, you fucking buffoon.

--

Another thing I'd stick a rusty crackneedle pipe up somebodys internals is "for each day late we will penalize 500$ from the budget" while the budget is like 2k, go fuck yourself and eat your cash, with your "30 day challenge" job, you fucking cumstain.

Well, I am now in a commited relationship with devRant.

Just deleted facebook, mainly because it was draining me, MY BATTERY, my battery I mean. And also was not using that old serpant.

I hope there is a rusty miniature guillotine wrapped tightly around each microsoft vsCode developers fingers and each time the global server gets a signal that somewhere an extension host froze, instantly cuts a finger off.

Never felt the need for a stressball until I started using those damn automatic checkout machines ...
The f***** juice is in the f***** bagging area and I dont need no f***** help. Who the f*** coded this shit ***** ***** *****

Had a job interview today as a Junior Python dev. The hardest part: they asked things, that I used to learn in some time in the past, but got rusty in my memory because I don't use em much. Like "to write func that sorts array". Last time I was writing sorting without standard library at least half a year ago. Same with the regular expressions (need em the most once in several months) or sql expressions (last time - 7 month ago). How to remember these things?

When you realise that php.net is running on version 5.4.16

Really annoyed by getting a "How was your call", after every single whatsapp/skype call

Why do I hate php so much :/

client "it's ok we have a logo"

2 days later... receive a Word doc in an email with clients pixelated logo embedded

I once interviewed for a role at Bank of America. The interview process started off well enough, the main guy asked some general questions about career history and future goals. Then it was off to the technical interviewers. The first guy was fine. Asked appropriate questions which he clearly understood the answers to.

The next guy up, however, was what I like to call an aggressive moron. After looking at my resume, he said I see you listed C++. To which I said, yes I have about 7 years of experience in it but I've mostly been using python for the past few years so I might be a bit rusty. Great he said, can you write me a function that returns an array?

After I finished he looked at my code, grinned and said that won't work. Your variable is out of scope.

(For non C programmers, returning a local variable that's not passable by value doesn't work because the local var is destroyed once the function exits. Thus I did what you're supposed to do, allocate the memory manually and then returned a pointer to it)

After a quick double take and verifying that my code did work, I asked, um can you explain why that doesn't work as I'm pretty sure it does.

The guy then attempted to explain the concept of variable scope to me. After he finished I said, yes which is why I allocated the memory manually using the new operator, which persists after the function exits.

Einstein then stared really hard at my code for maybe 10 to 15 seconds. Then finally looked up said ok fine, but now you have a memory leak so your code is still wrong.

Considering a memory leak is by definition an application level bug, I just said fine, any more questions?

Shoutout to @jobylie for this very helpful image

Come the fuck on!
AngularJS, or should I call it AidsJS, seems to magically stop sending data as 'form-data'.
2 hours of debugging and this rusty piece of junk won't bow down before my magic hands!
Go eat a rotten turd candy, Google!

Fuck pep8 in general. Fuck harder anything to do with line limits. Fuck with a rusty spatula those who tie it into their git precommits or CI tests.

What's that, it's 2018 and even the shittiest walmart-tier computers have 1080p OR BETTER at a 16:9 aspect ratio?

"lol, 80 character line limit."

Eat a bucket of rancid dicks.

Oh, and since we're forcing you to be so economical with your characters, we're going to force four space tabs. Yknow, rather than simple single tab characters, which could mean everyone can set their preferred level of spacing without bloating the code with whitespace.

Because, yknow, it's entirely reasonable to chew up 1/8 of a line because you're editing a function inside a class definition. God Almighty forbid you try to do a for loop inside that function! Fuck you!

"Oh but you can't have two editors or terminals open side by side without that limit!"

BULL FUCKING SHIT. Here's my shitty 1280x1024 display on my shitty computer with two Sublime editors open side by side. You'll notice the break is at 100 characters. You'll notice I don't have to scroll horizontally to do two things at once. You'll notice I even have room for COMMENTS!

If your code standards require you to make your code *less* readable and *less* clear and take up *more* space to accomplish the same tasks, YOUR CODE STANDARDS SUCK!

Enough with this stupid meme. We're not in the 80s anymore and it's high time to start fucking acting like it.

Am I the only one who encounters these dickhead teachers, who live in a world, where they think that you have just their subject?

I mean that kind of professor, who shows up 30 minutes late to a lecture, sends you source code with no commetary because fuck you with a rusty fork and tells you that we have no time to write the code during the class?

The one who shows you a shitty presentation with the same code he just sent you, just cut into 72 slides and at every slide tells something like this is pretty self explanatory, x just does y and if you ask a question he gives you that deep stare, like if you really mean it seriously to waste his time, since he really really wants to go to his office sooner so he can scratch his balls?

That type of professor who tells you that as a student of CS degree you are required to put some passion to your craft and study when you arrive at home and hes there just to give you guidelines, but apparently somehow forgotten that people usually need to sleep?

That same cunt who doesnt give a shit that you have 4 more projects to finish this week, doesnt push the deadline, nor give you advice, because you had opporturnity to ask the whole time?

But still that motherfucker, who gives you test questions that he took from mouth of Satan himself and then questions your answers like Where did you get that from?

Well fuck yall who do that shit, hope that you suffocate yourself while eating bread.

Why these douches doesnt understand, that even if we arent under the Working Laws, working more than 40 hours a week isnt the best way to keep us sane or motivated.

Slogging through half baked code, I wondered to myself... Who the fuck is Robert and where is he?

Quickly searching through Google and finding a handful of results I see that he had left long ago. Probably leaving for good reason. I'll never be able to ask him though. Never will I know why he left. He probably has a very sensible reason, but goddamn do I wish he left something that I could use to discern what he has created.

There is no documentation, no reasonable information about why anything was built the way it was, only just mountains of rusty ass baren code to scale down.

This 4 word limit feels like a perl one liner

I was gonna complain about why it is not clear how the tags should be used...

Then saw the placeholder "Tags (comma separated)"

Went through changing Apple ID email. I have 💻,📱and⌚️.

Felt like that horror movie moment when protagonist tries to be stealthy but makes a noise and a huge mob of zombies turn heads all at once. For what I love apple, the simplicity, in the email changing process there is none of that.

They forced me to enter my 60 arbitrary obscure characters password on Apple Watch screen.

On the other hand I felt nostalgic. When I was using Linux this all was my day to day experience no matter the distro, and I got a Linux Foundation certificate, I contributed to Elementary. Can’t imagine the experience of a user who just switched to Linux.

Windows? I don’t want to think about that, let alone talking. You only need to know that I successfully configured a SoE setup AND active directory in ad-hoc unstable network of literally rusty old computers. And I still switched to Linux back then.

Have to use Mac for mobile development

Have 16 GB of ram on a MacBook Pro machine from 2013.

It’s been working perfectly fine on the stack I’ve been using (Firefox, vscode, react-native, node, docker, Xcode, Android studio, simulator, chrome canary)

Apple releases new hardware with 32 GB ram and a few months later I see my is slowing down due to low ram, forcing me to close apps

I smell something fishy going on

Powershell. Using classes. Can't create class libraries using regular .ps1 files (this way this **sort** of work). Using modules then. Can't easily refresh modules cache after any change to a class. Need restarting powrshell each time. Looking for more information. The issue is open since 2016 (just after the release of PS 5 that introduced classes). Once again, a Microsoft product turns out to be shiny at the beginning, but rusty when you go beyond the surface. Classes seem to be second class citizens in powershell. I feel frustrated and I would like to put pressure on microsoft but nobody seems to care. I'm stuck.

When you realize that all those years using windows washed away all your knowledge about using Linux.
I feel like a dumb idiot now while struggling to get shit done on my newly installed mint distro. Younger, I used to read that very fat book my father had on his desk, with all the basics on Linux, I don't have it around anymore.
Any "up to date" good book or website of reference to refresh that rusty brain of mine?

Hitting a really deep, deep low in the manic-depressive roller-coaster of the development cycle:

There comes the crunch time. No meeting goes by hearing the odious: "We don't have time for that." - One critical component needs to be finished for Big Sur and instead of addressing the real issues we keep changing design and goal. One main dev already gave up fighting the PO and team lead(!) - and now I'm next. So that dev build this really clean and minimal library as the core part. But now it's just like, yeah, take that nice Porsche engine put it on the old rusty bicycle from the shed,.. but maybe because that's so shitty we need that specially formed exhaust pipe to tune it. Yeah, very 'agile' - Only thinking about it makes me shudder in disbelief and anger. I shouldn't take that shit so serious, be emotional about shit code, I know, but I can't. Let them drive some rounds around the block, if it runs at all,.. because until now we still didn't make it run on the fuckin' street. It's all so insane. Will make some nice fireball, when it goes up in flames.

Well, I have been part of quite some shitty projects. Real suicide commandos set out to fail, and somehow stood them through or made it even "work" though it should never have. But what enrages me here is, that it needn't to be that way. We had plenty of time. Our team was often rowing along in good rhythm. And now I just feel drowned in resignation and sarcasm.

Fuck you Chrome Canary. You tell me to update and then keep crashing.

Well admittedly it is Canary :o

I haven't touched algorithms for many months but needed to create a matching algorithm today.

It has to match using variations of the original key and output the keys that can't be matched.

The feeling in my head felt like I was turning rusty gears n sort of just stumbling through...

I used an N^2 approach but afterwards it just felt wrong... And it took me like an hour of hacking to do it....

Actually I just realized it's an N approach! because all possible matches would be hit by iterating from one of the lists of possible names!

I suddenly feel so proud of my subsconcious...

But still something doesn't feel right...

So I got a telephone interview for a job that a recruiter found for me. Call went well, comes to the development test. Small application in ruby on rails, haven't used it in about 2-3 years so a tad rusty. Completed the test under two days (was given until Friday) not too bad if I say so myself. It's for a junior position anyway so I'll assume they wouldn't mind giving me a refresher to help jog my memory.

My eyes are burning. Too much color on the notifications page, evil avatars.

There should have been a warning "Do not open in dark!"

"God we've got an awful lot of technical debt, there's no process for anything here, no one knows how to use it, how it works or what even what it really does. Should we try to spend some time documenting and fixing that since this problem is going to keep cropping up again and again and the guy who wrote it left 2 years ago"

"Nah, the execs want features, fuck the fact that we are constantly struggling to meet deadlines due to being horrendously understaffed and everything takes 3 times as long as it should due our crippling technical debt. Lets keep hacking away with our old rusty saw instead of taking 10 mins to sharpen it"

In uni
Lecturer: SOAP is insecure...

In interview: Any disadvantages you see with SOAP?

Me: The last i read SOAP is insecure. Im abit rusty with this knowledge

Interviewer: ahhh okay, SOAP is actually secure...

DAMN YOU LECTURER!

I was sitting in a client meeting recently and we were discussing the client's social media requirements. We said we'll setup Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Google+ profiles when the replied "What about Whatsapp?"

We said "That's a messaging app".

Client "Well, we want to receive messages, so set us up with a Whatsapp profile too"

I think my exhaust needs some refactoring too...

WHAT COCKSUCKING LUNATICS DECIDED TO MAKE A PDF ONLY ABLE TO DOWNLOAD WITH JAVASCRIPT.

I CANT DOWNLOAD YOUR FUCKING PDFS TO SIGN BY TONIGHT BECAUSE ALL I HAVE IS MY IPad. WHICH DOESNT FUCKING HAVE JAVASCRIPT

THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE TO USE JAVASCRIPT AND THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM. GO CASTRATE YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY KNIFE

I fucking hate when people think they can do a better job not using a well tested library.

And then try justify why their code is better and quicker than using a library.

Today I woke up from this craziest dream.

We were in France and there was a younger Mike Patton (who was french) speaking and apparently teaching french to an African girl.

The next scene he's in the back seat of what's apparently a taxi, and brags about how perfectly he can speak English. Besides that I see him playing the guitar.

In the last moments of the dream, however - and confusingly - the song Rusty Cage by SoundGarden starts playing loudly in the background. And that's when I found Patton is also a hacker.

Thinking about this part of the dream minutes aftger waking up, I found it to be the funniest, though not the craziest thing I ever dreamed.

Whereas I tried for hours to edit the configuration files of a tractor demolition game (some sort of Vigilante 8, but with tractors), he gets angry on a lady for an reason unknown to me, and in his moment of rage, manages to jump her houses' fence, surprisingly to edit her /etc/resolv.conf file - as if it was the most evil deed in the world.

In this final part, with Rusty Cage still playing very loudly, I find out me and my sister where watching this scene on TV (apparently patton was also an actor). After that, I comment to my sister in a grave tone: "Well, this guy is dangerous, maybe she should build a higher fence".

Then I wake up.

Although a crazy dream, it clearly addresses the fact I sometimes try to be a lot of things at the same time, and how this overwhelms me...

Fuck you BBC, I just want toblosten to fucking radio and you tell me that I "need" to sign in.

I do not want you to tell me what to losten to. I do not want "relevant" content, just want to listen to 30 mins of news.

Then you say it is easy to signup, but then ask for my exact date of birth as the first question wtf ...

Why the fuck does Samsung Hub which I don't want on my device, keeps installing Peel Smart Remote TV Guide, what ever that shit is on my device.
Have deleted it 3 times since yesterday and it keeps installing it.

Tested out parcel.js as webpack replacement and wasted 3 hours because of a missing sourcemap reference at the end of the bundled file. It was not parcels fault, but dear author of parcel-vue-plugin never again override one of parcels core file you fucker or i'll chop of your genitals with a rusty knife.

Was working on Windows 10 laptop with SSD.
Put to sleep mode n went for lunch.
Came back, switched on, blue screen.
Restarted, can not boot.
Opened back panel, removed ssd, connected to other machine with cable, did not detect. Shit, my 1tb SSD is gone.
Took out old rusty 128gb SSD, reformatted it.
Downloaded windows 10 bootloader on USB n reinstalled windows.
From my backed up choco script, reinstalled all apps.
Back to work.

So after a couple years working at this company, the faculty I graduated from introduced a postgrad (masters) course in data science. I was always interested in the field, so I said fuck it and jumped the bandwagon...

I'm starting this week, I'm kinda worried my knowledge of maths and statistics got a bit rusty since graduation. Also most students there will be 4 years younger than me, and I'll keep doing my full-time job at the same time. But hey, at least I'll break the routine, and I can always quit my job if it turns out I can't do both, so whatever.

That's all folks!

Fuck you Scaleway! With a large rusty spiked pole!
Yesterday you locked my account due to "suspicious activity" and asked me for ID to verify me for "anti-fraud reasons". Fair enough. I comply, and you unlock my account.

Today, another person from support locks my account AGAIN, saying that I haven't yet replied and requests that I send you my ID *AGAIN*.

Either you motherfuckers have no fucking clue how to handle a fucking support ticket, or your answers are NOT FUCKING CLEAR.
Fuck you and your free credits, I'd rather spend money on a service I can actually rely upon.

Just had an argument (with myself ;)) whether to write a completely server rendered site or a js app.

The only stas I have manged to find is from 2010 saying potentially 2% of users could have js disabled.

Why cannkt I find newer stats :/

Have you seen those comments which are better than the rants themselves ...

I see myself being forced to ++ the rant, just so people could see the comment :/

My ifs teacher doing an HTML question from an example.
"Let me explain(thinks for a minute).never mind my coding is getting rusty"

Some of you know I'm an amateur programmer (ok, you all do). But recently I decided I'm gonna go for a career in it.

I thought projects to demo what I know were important, but everything I've seen so far says otherwise. Seems like the most important thing to hiring managers is knowing how to solve small, arbitrary problems. Specifics can be learned and a lot of 'requirements' are actually optional to scare off wannabes and tryhards looking for a sweet paycheck.

So I've gone back, dusted off all the areas where I'm rusty (curse you regex!), and am relearning, properly. Flash cards and all. Getting the essentials committed to memory, instead of fumbling through, and having to look at docs every five minutes to remember how to do something because I switch languages, frameworks, and tooling so often. Really committing toward one set of technologies and drilling the fundamentals.

Would you say this is the correct approach to gaining a position in 2020, for a junior dev?
I know for a long time, 'entry level' positions didn't really exist, but from what I'm hearing around the net, thats changing.

Heres what I'm learning (or relearning since I've used em only occasionally):

* Git (small personal projects, only used it a few times)
* SQL
* Backend (Flask, Django)
* Frontend (React)
* Testing with Cypress or Jest

Any of you have further recommendations?

Gulp? Grunt? Are these considered 'matter of course' (simply expected), or learn-as-you for a beginner like myself?

Is knowing the agile 'manifesto' (whatever that means) by heart really considered a big deal?

What about the basics of BDD and XP?

Is knowing how to properly write user-stories worth a damn or considered a waste of time to managers?

Am I going to be tested on obscure minutiae like little-used yarn/npm commands?

Would it be considered a bonus to have all the various HTTP codes memorized? I mean thats probably a great idea, but is that an absolute requirement for newbies, or something you learn as you practice?

During interviews, is there an emphasis on speed or correctness? I'm nitpicky, like to write cleanly commented code, and prefer to have documentation open at all times.
Am I going to, eh, 'lose points' for relying on documentation during an interview?

I'm an average programmer on my good days, and the only thing I really have going for me is a *weird* combination of ADD and autism-like focus that basically neutralize each other. The only other skill I have is talking at people's own level to gauge what they need and understand. Unfortunately, and contrary to the grifter persona I present for lulz, I hate selling, let alone grifting.
Otherwise I would have enjoyed telemarketing way more and wouldn't even be asking this question. But thankfully I escaped that hell and am now here, asking for your timeless nuggets of bitter wisdom.

What are truly *entry level* web developers *expected* to know, *right out the gate*, obviously besides the language they're using?

Also, what is the language they use to program websites? It's like java right? I need to know. I'm in an interview RIGHT now and they left me alone with a PC for 30 minutes. I've been surfing pornhub for the last 25 minutes. I figure the answer should take about 5 minutes, could you help me out and copypasta it?

Okay, okay, I'm kidding, I couldn't help myself. The rest of the questions are serious and I'd love to know what your opinions are on what is important for web developers in 2020, especially entry level developers.

Trying to sleep. Looking at devRant. See a f ew rants about bugs which reminds me of my bug. Get out of bed and now behind my computer trying to fix the bug. Hope it's a quick one so I can go back to sleep

Right, updating avatar to reflect summer suit

Short and T-Shirts (optional if at home office)

For fuck sake, stop complaining about the number of js libs. There is just as many if not more c/c++/c#/java/python/ruby/php... libs.

Just because they are available on npm or github, it doesn't mean you have to fucking see/read/use it

Facebook phasing out old instagram API made my life so much more fun. Now, to get a feed OW MY OWN ACCOUNT'S POSTS that I could filter by tags I need to go through two layers of authorisation - and then still go through ridiculous hops to get those goddamn tag lists. JESUS CHRIST. I hate Zuckerberg and I wish him a rusty guillotine when the time will come.

Is devRant using Google Analytics for upvotes (on web)? My privacy protection apps have removed the ++ button because of that on web :(

I wanna fuck a certain dev with a rusty pipe that was smeared in ghost pepper chilis... hopefully they get tetanus, inflammation and an allergy shock all at once, dying a cripple painful death.

Afterwards I spike them in front of the company with the wonderful laminated piece of paper:

"The difference between being right and being dead is where that pipe took place".

Fucking numbnut discusses every meeting like they know it all - and don't you dare critique Mr High and Almighty, cause then they will discuss as long as it takes without mercy.

HR wasn't mused as Mr Almighty filed a complaint cause I kicked them out of a meeting.

Now I've got Mr Almighty and Red tape and additional meetings.

-.-

Ok, I need to vent a little bit about myself. Just got back from my 2 weeks vacations. Met with everyone, caught up on everything that has happened, booted my lap top and tried to ssh into the servers to see log files if anything out of the ordinary has happened.

Well, I was having "Permission denied (publickey)." . Well fuck. Tried on other servers and same thing.

I got panicked, thinking how the fuck did we get hacked? The ssh key is only on my laptop, and an encrypted backup exists only in Bitwarden account. If yes, why are the systems intact and working well? Kept scratching my head for hours. Well, I was trying to log in with user "root" instead of "admin". I always mistake these two names. Rusty brain ._.

*clears voice*
FUCK EMMC AND 32BIT UEFI WITH A BIG RUSTY POLE.

Wow that helped actually...
Now then... If anyone has any suggestions on how to actually boot Ubuntu after installation on Asus x205ta I will give them my first born son.
😈😈

My current dev dream is to move away from JS based hybrid mobile development...

Guess I need to get back to learning Dart and Flutter hey? (: Because, well, fuck Cordova.. fuck it with `rusty-barge-pole.js`.

The day I accept a management position, please lop off my hands and replace them with harmless ice cream scoops to keep my rusty ass from touching perfectly good code.

I have to spend my day working on a WordPress site. I would rather get a root canal from a back alley dentist using rusty tools with no novocaine.

Fuck DS-Lite with a rusty rod covered in sand. Also fuck 4to6tunnel.

Boy I really need to take a networking class, this is driving me nuts

My latest commit message for a Rust project:

“make code more rusty; less deprecatory”

I wish I took my own advice for the latter.

Just started a simulation of the effects of social distancing, havent done behaviour modelin in a looong time so my skills are pretty rusty. Other than that im mostly drawing, i cant just code all day if i dont want to burn out.

I spent the last 3 *fucking* hours trying to get bloody BibLatex working on my machine. fuck me upside down with a rusty chainsaw >:( How hard can it possibly be to get 1 fucking reference working for god's sake!!? Referencing its basically the whole fucking reason people use latex alongside typesetting math, why is it so fucking hard!! And to add insult to injury it was working fine in Overleaf, but i have to go through fucking hours of pointless googling and swearing if i wanna do the exact same thing in TexStudio. Fuck! LateX can go to hell, i could have written so much in this time if only the piece of shit bibtex would cooperate a bit...

Hello, i just got rusted on my coding skills any advice how should I get back on track....
Thanks for the advice :)

You know when you are interested in a topic or have a question, and you find it on stackoberflow or hacker news, but it is from 754 days ago ...

You are left wondering, should I leave a comment here or create a new thread ...

Something feels different on devRant, not sure what

I recently came across codingame and codewars. I haven't had much time to explore yet, but they look like they'd be helpful with learning by doing. I'm not so great in a classroom type setting. I enjoy jumping in and hands on. But I also have a hard time thinking up my own (useful) projects to use or create for practicing and I'm nowhere near good enough to contribute to something that's open. Anyone use these or have similar favorites? I'm not necessarily a beginner in my languages of choice, but I am rather rusty.

!dev

If you driving a FUCKing Peugeot 107, don't FUCKing start to tailgate me, m'kay?!
Especially not on the highway imbecile fuckwit!

Because, I know for a fact that the rusty boneshaking rattletrap, that you call a car won't be able to overtake anyway!!

FUCKing dork, safety distance heard of it?

I bet my left nut, that you draw your drivers license in legoland.

!dev

Hello there..

I always wanted to have my first post here be something that pisses the sh!t out of me.

tl;dr: Memes are for braindeads and kids are fucktards

Backstory:
So basicaly I am now having a summerjob before my next semester starts so I can make some cash to buy some overpriced stuff I dont probably need. I work at a factory, 3 shift work and today we had Night shift, so there was me and a bunch of Arab guys, kicking our asses by pure boredom and desperacy.

Act One:
I was bored, opened my phone and decided entertain myself by some funny sh!t I can find on Mark Sugarhills webpage. I was just passing by some random a bit funny stuff and then I found some random ass meme, which doesnt give a single, even distant sence to me.. So since my german is as good as my coding skills (read: complete shit) I couldnt ask for opinion of my fellow coworkers and since its fuck1ng 4am theres noone to ask on messenger or whatever. So I did it... I asked in a goddamn comments, what the fck is that supposed to mean and Aw dear Lawd... I did a mistake.

Act 2:
Like 4 seconds after my question I had a response and I was like 0.o It has to be some Alice of Facebook so I guess someone cool. Oh boy I was never so wrong. The answer... the... FUCKING answer was.... "normie."

What the actual fuck?
Like man statisticaly speaking, there is 200,000 people on this wannabe funny site and since everyone is apparently laughing their asses off, I am the motherfucking original snowflake.

But I wanted to play it cool... was like Uhm sorry, I really tried but cant figure it out.

His fuck-me-sideways-with-rusty-crowbar answer was:
a) The joke is hidden in some random thing we created yesterday and decided to call it a culture
b) "u dumb"

Act 3:
I hope that most of you finally guessed it! Its the second fucking answer and oh sweet mother of pain, please find him, BUT thats where I flipped and fucking lost it.

The fucking nerve to speak to me like that u dissrespectful piece of shit. Go watch some Twitch, while I SSH into ur ass and hit u harder than ur mom her forehead everynight when she realises that she could have swallow you dickhead.

Afterthoughts:
I was always worries that my child would like to be a Rapper, or Youtuber...
But today Im adding being some dumb ass meme creator.

Dont want anything, maybe an alternative main stream social network which I actually own my data and I can define who accesses it and who doesnt. Its my info not the company that it is being held on.

Smart p2p and encrypted which somehow only those I allow can view it.

Nice, now when you click on a notification, it takes you directly to where its supposed to :)

I keep on checking if there are recruiters messaging me in LinkedIn,

but I am not actively looking.

and even if something is looking good to me, I feel so rusty on my CS I won't even give it a go...

Whoever came up with the PSD2 can get fucked up their ass by all the cocks in the world combined.

Whoever fucked up the new security implementations so bad can get fucked up their ass by all the spiked, rusty, aids-contaminated metal poles in existance.

And whoever allowed all this to happen and approved it should take all the nukes in the world, shove them all up their worthless holes, and detonate them all at once.

Fuck you.
Die in a fire.

Sincerely,
Someone who's failing harder and harder every day to not lose faith in what little good there is in humanity.

Fucking adverts. Amazon Fire decides to show adverts randomly ...

Can anyone give me an exercise to train programming or critical analysis?

I am really not motivated and trying to give some motivation back when I want to answer some problems.

I'm a bit getting rusty on my head due to Anime and stuff.

I have a job interview on Thursday for a .Net stack suite of web apps. Thing is: I know C# and SQL Server pretty good (not necessarily together but that comes pretty easy to me). They also use Javascript/jQuery/ECMAScipt (they said it not me) and ASP.Net. In my web dev days I was mostly backend so I am super super rusty on Javascript and, though to a lesser extent, ASP. Do you have any tutorials and refreshers you recommend? Preferably in an IDE so I can hide my shame from the interwebs? Love you.

Bloody cunts at Twitter could provide the fucking grammar for their filtering rules...

Now I have to write the grammar for the lexer and the parser from scratch (in fucking JavaScript to boot 😡).

Mind you, I know my lex and bison, but I haven't done this shit in fucking ages, and the combo of JavaScript debauchery and being rusty, is making me want to send angry tweets to Elon musk, see if they can provide decent tools for their shit API.

That moment when you fcked up in a technical interview and realize oh I need to sharpen my skills, I need to improve my skills! I am not a worthy programmer now 💔

Then you go to work next day and have a busy day working as a project manager!

Now I know why my skills got rusty, and am not able to code as I used to be 😭😭😢

Fuck yeah, it's Friday!

Shit have got so much work to do before Monday :/

Programming is life ❤️
Just as life, it has it's ups and downs, but it's truly satisfying to create complex systems and get them to actually work and be useful to others.
We have only just started with the digitalisation of previously manual, tedious tasks. Imagine what all this saved time and labour could bring us to achieve in areas we haven't yet had the time to explore.
I hope mankind is ready for the ongoing and upcoming challenges regarding data privacy and security.

Nah, in reality, we will be stuck with Fakebook and Tweeter selling all our dickpics to *in Trump voice* "Chiner" and censoring unpopular opinion and discourse.
These "digital parasites" can all go sit on a rusty spike.

*looks drowsy* Ugh my head..

You know what, guys? If you can freshly and directly remember how to do this:

- calculate the time complexity for each type of loop and code structure

- knowing how to write the following regex:
"A 15-digit number starting with a possibility of a group of 1-2 digit numbers, segregated into three 5-digit numbers tuples with three different separator characters, evaluated ahead"

- mentally work out how to reverse an array's indexes (swapping algorithm) without writing anything down

- know how to optimize a binary search in your head

then kudos to you. lmao
I'm rusty. It took me a while..

Person from a company I am contractor for tried to fuck me up and put me to the project with high money penalties without my will and behind my back.

I don’t understand those people.
You run a project do everything for them except delivering invoice to client and they try to fuck you anyway behind your or their client back.
You literally fight with people to give them money.

This all happened after me keeping their client project for almost 4 years.

Bell rings again to leave them this year after end of contract and don’t look back but I’m sad I need to leave nice client and application I was making for 4 years straight. I am oldest person in project probably only one that understands business behind it from ground up.

There was big rotation in project and knowing the company they will put some junior on my place that will break everything.

Well I still have some time to think ( maybe even couple of months) about what to do next besides taking some time off during this summer.

I am afraid that I rejected so many interesting offers during those 4 years nobody wants me and I got rusty with my stack I am no longer competitive.

I was unable to make anything during weekend and on Monday again cause of this shit.

Fucking people.

First year as a professional developer, and this Thanksgiving break is making it hard to get back into the code base here at work. Am I the only one?

Tests, unit tests, integration tests, ui tests, tdd, bdd

I thought I was done with tests after school. Why, why you do this to me 😢😢😢

They need to add a new definition of Eclipse to all dictionaries.

Taking away the light and joy of development out of the process.
Synonyms: impossible, waste of time, wishing for Friday.

Just curious, does anyone share their rants on facebook or twittee?

The half-abandoned town of Chrysler, Arkansas (population of 3), was swiftly decommissioned as I noticed a characteristic bright yellow birthmark on her hand. “You have to choose” — I said, “unavoidable and painful death, or decommissioning and relocation. You live in a charred shed anyway.”

Prince The Elephant caught steelpox in 1937. It was alone in its compartment, locked out, as the evil fungus was slowly and painfully turning its body into cast iron. Rusty but ornate, 19th century metal throne was there too. The Throne was talking to Prince. When it spoke, it could put its words into your head as commands, as if there were your own thoughts. It did it so authoritatively that it seemed like the language itself was different, but it wasn’t.

The throne was coercing Prince into fusing together, cast iron to cast iron. Every day we heard Prince’s screams as steelpox was mutilating its body, as well as awful banging as Prince was stomping on The Throne, trying to silence it. The Throne didn’t budge. It just kept talking. Over the course of four months, it won Prince over.
Prince’s final agony was unbearable. As its throat and eyes were ironified, [dream fragment lost].
French public was largely empathetic. Throne-Prince was definitely still alive, although differently.

The American public, however, nicknamed it The Iron Freak.

Almost two decades of working with JavaScript, and I just got caught out by the most stupid of things..

Did you know that `["ping"] == "ping"` is `true`, whereas `["ping"] === "ping"` is `false`...? 🤔 I did, once upon a time, long ago. Apparently I forgot about it though.

Seriously, fuck you JS.. with all of the internet's 10 foot rusty barge poles.

When did it become so hard to come up with usernames that dont contain your name or year of birth ...

I thought devRant week count would have overflowed and gone back to 1.

Qhat sort of year has more than 52 weeks, feels like the estimates PMs give ...

I work in a big company and we decided to program our programs ourselves and not let them be done by external companies. Any tips for my team and me? My programming skills are quite good, those of my team members a little rusty. We only ever made the application design.

Oh, joy, another meeting. Because nothing sparks joy like discussing the same issue for the umpteenth time.
Can we code a solution instead of talking it to death? My keyboard's getting rusty from all this meeting-induced inactivity.

Time to wield the power of Action Items and break free from this endless cycle!

tldr: Fuck webpack with a big rusty pipe.

I have a class and in the construct a method is called with an imported value as the argument. This imported value is declared like this:

export const EXT = 'whatthef';

Seems like webpack moves things around in such a way that this constant isn't aceasable in all contexts.

Spent a good 4 hours figuring that out 🙃

I was doing android apps for a year and a half, but then during the pandemic my hobby gaming projects blew up and I had to quit my fulltime job and focus on them. Spent last year working for myself. I managed to save enough money and got a mortgage for my apartment. Now I feel accomplished what I wanted and Im tired of working alone on my own projects. Its sad doing all these mental gymnastics and not having anyone else to share the results with.

I'm considering getting back into part/full-time position. Main reason is the social aspect, as well as stability. I'm tired of stress, too much responsibility. I want a better work/life balance. Also I think I need a position where they would allow at least 2 days a week working from home.

How to recondition myself and first of all to motivate myself to get back into the rat race? I haven't done android app development in a year and a half, I'm rusty af. I'm a junior at best right now. Also in the past year I got fat and I'm too conscious about my beer belly lol. Thinking of loosing weight and sharpening my app dev skills first, only then applying.

Can anybody advice anything?

So I just spent 8 hours migrating our git projects from bitbucket to gitlab because SOMEONE thought backups were being done nightly without ever actually checking. Of course the only backups to be found were well over a year old and the fucking bit bucket licence expired ao migration was entirely fucking manual... CHECK YOUR FUCKING BACKUPS, FUUUCCCCKKK!!!!! At least have the common courtesy of putting something in place to report on failing backup procedures.

Oh and another thing: FUCK YOU ATLASSIAN! RIGHT UP THE ASSE WITH A RUSTY, RABIES RIDDEN, AIDS INDUCING PITCHFORK SIDEWAYS! Who the flying fuck names their repos numbers? Thanks for nothing you mind numbingly incompotent apes...

On a cheerier note, how's everyones day been?

The consistency of php standard lib function is astonishing. array_map, array_reduce ...
Why do I have to use php7 😢😢😭😭😭

Sigh, when you realise your bank is using depracated dojo.js (uncompressed with console warnings) and it wont proceed unless you turn ublock origin off ...

You know how people rant about js frameworks; well the very same is true about nosql.

I thought let me broaden my horizon (pun intended) with a nosql db in my project.
So from Friday evening, I started off with ElasticSearch, which is pretty simple to get started, but apparently I need to understand it a lot better to use it as a primary data-store.
Then I stumble upon orient-db, was pretty exciting and learnt the apis/librarys but researching it a bit more to learn about the community; there is some bad-blood there.
Now I'm onto something called ArangoDB, think I'll stick with this; Any more time spent on this and I'll just give up on the project.

I'd really like to know what kind of shit the guys at microfocus snorted when they developed uft. Who in his right mind supports only vbscript? It's cumbersome, ugly and depends on an Microsoft environment and yet the only way to get uft to work.

I'm honestly looking into plane tickets to Maryland just to slap anyone of those "fine gentlemen" with rusty garden chairs across their faces.

AI taking my job

Become the next president with the moto of build a wall, build a wall, build a wall

Make dev great again ...

Does anyone use the -- here?

Has anyone here tried nim lang?

I have been intrigued by it, but not sure if it will stay around for the long run. I believe they have been trying to reach v 1.0 for a while, but it is taking longer than expected.

Would be interested your opinions :)

Write semantically correct code

Without tests of any sort

Tomorrows release + feature request

I wonder if we will have a sprint review meeting for 2016. You know to prevent the shit storm that happened to continue ...

Fuck JSF! Like seriously! And fuck my internet technologies prof for making us code this horseshit on fucking paper in the goddamn​ examn! Seriously go fuck yourself and your medieval technologies with a rusty Russian submarine! FUCKING HELL!