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Designers,
■■■■■■■ please
■■■■ stop
■■■■■■■■■ using
■■ charts
■■■■■ to show
■■■■■■■ your skills
■■■■ in your
■■■■■■■ resume17 -
When you can't take part in the new avatar shirts (or any avatar swag for that matter) because you mostly lurk and hardly ever rant...
7 -
A woodpecker was trying to crack Windows
After constantly trying for 5 minutes, it flew away and decided that it'll use Linux
4 -
Story time! Promised this, so making good on the promise. Eh-hem.
Misunderstandings [A slice of life short play that actually happened]
Dramatis Personae (anonymized, bc of course):
Moi ........ me, myself and possibly some lint
Robert ..... co-architect
Daisy ...... line dev
Lisa ....... also line dev
Prologue: the beginninning
[A project is starting up, new devs are coming on, including the two individuals who drive this story.
Daisy, of Indian origin, an exceptional dev and lovely person. Mother, wife, very conservative by upbringing in her early 40s.
Lisa, also exceptional dev, lovely person. Mother, also wife, self-made immigrant with liberal views derived from personal pride and self-bootstrapping]
Enter the office, We introduce everyone, off to a nice start, everyone is happy and excited to be working on [large bank project].
Lisa and Daisy form a friendship of commonality, they have similar backgrounds by all appearances and similar concerns due to children the same age and shared employment. They seem to become fast friends and things proceed normally for some months. Smooth sailing, all is well.
The fuse is lit.
Scene: Lunchtime gossip
[Robert, middle 40s architect adjacent Moi, also architect, age is my own damn business [old, so very old].]
Robert: "So, it seems like Daisy and Lisa are getting along great."
Moi: *snerfs a little, almost chokes on enchilada* Yes, yes they are, It's nice to see...
Robert: *eyebrow, having learned to read my expressions* "Aaaaaaand..."
Moi: "I adore both of them, but they are primarily friends because they don't actually understand most of what the other says"
[Lisa has a thick Taiwanese accent, Daisy has a standard northern indian accent. Never the two shall meet]
Robert: "Are you sure, they seem to have a lot of conversations?"
Moi: "Positive, you weren't at lunch with the three of us. They're polar opposite in terms of values, it'll be fine so long as that never comes up"
Robert: "I'm not even digging into that"
Moi: *flan*
Sizzle.
Scene: This is bat country
[More months pass, everything is fine, project is humming along nicely, save a few blips of personality conflicts. Moi takes a vacation. A gas station, somewhere in the middle of Wyoming, a snowstorm, a sports car full of luggage]
*phone rings*
Moi: *looks down, sees it's Robert, eyebrow raises, answer* What's on fire?
Robert: "We had to let Lisa go"
Moi: "Ah, they finally understood each other."
Robert: "Yes..." *deep sigh*
[Fade to flashback]
Bang.
Scene: The office, Lisa's desk
[Daisy and Lisa are discussing non-descript conversation. Daisy broaches the subject of Lisa's past divorce and being a single mother]
Daisy: "It must have been hard, how did you manage?"
Lisa: "I had my daughter, she was my motivation. We made it here, I met my current partner"
Daisy: "That's good! It is so hard, coming to something new. I could never imagine leaving my husband."
Lisa: "He left us, we weren't important, I don't want to marry every again"
Daisy: "Surely you do though? Marriage is great for a woman, my parents found a great husband for me."
Lisa: "Haha, lucky you. Most indian marriage is like prostitution."
[At this moment, Daisy's demeanor takes a nose dive. Whatever was actually said, what she heard was, "Indian marriage is prostitution"]
Daisy: *tears begin pouring down her face, she flings herself back in her chair, head shaking violently she screams* "I AM AN HONORABLE WOMAN!"
[Daisy runs out of the room, straight to HR. Lisa sits there, stunned, not really understanding what just happened or the consequences]
Scene: Back in bat country
[Robert finishes the story, the emotions are a mixture of hilarity at the absurdity of the situation and frustration in the work void it has created]
Moi: "Satan, well. Fuck me. Fuck us. Fuck. Is Daisy alright, is she at least staying? We can't lose two devs at the same time."
Robert: "She got a few days off, she seems fine now, but she's... yeah, I never laughed so hard"
Moi: *double facepalm* "Yeah, the word choice was a bit outrageous. It's not like we didn't know it was coming. I'm going to get back on the road."
Robert: "Alright, enjoy yourself, I'll try and prevent any other forest fires."19 -
There should be a TV show where junior programmers make a software and then one famous senior programmer finds bugs, yell at them and fixes it. The name of the show will be "Coding nightmares".15
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Dear all wonderful ranters,
I apologize profusely in advance if over the next few days I cannot contain my anger at people and rant about non-dev things. I promise I will try my best to not do this, but there are very few places (none) other than here where I feel comfortable enough to express myself freely and not censor my words.
I will be working as a security guard (3rd job) for a car show full of pretentious assholes who have a tendency to think I'm their servant. I have wonderful bosses who have my back, and there are truly amazing people in attendance as well, but if someone tries to run me over again after a long ass day, I might need to vent.
I fully accept any and all down votes, and will likely delete the rant after it's out of my system, unless there's a conversation going in comments (I wouldn't do that to you).
Please bear with me while I try boot to strangle everyone I come across. I'm hoping this year is the year everyone is nice, but history tells me that's naive and won't happen.
All my love,
Your (co)queen who may end up arrested for using her bionic arm to rip their balls off and feed them to their wives10 -
I hope we'll see more of Gilfoyle in the next season of Silicon Valley because that guy is fucking fire1
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"no micro managing here!"
*Boss comes in at 5*
- how much work have you done?
- why isn't this finished yet?
- you're working too slow
- show me git status
- show me git log
- why is this taking you so long?15 -
They see me coding
They testing
The Try and Catch blocks show me coding dirty
Show me coding dirty ...3 -
For those who have seen "Mr Robot" (if not just GO), we agree, terminals contents are just amazing 😮
Best TV show of all time ♥️13 -
Russia removes windows from all government computers to "show that they're serious about cybersecurity"....3
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Who else is excited for Mr. Robot's second season? This is on par with Breaking Bad for me and that teaser trailer just got me even more pumped!
11 -
There's this TV show called Startup. The protagonist "hacker" tells a guy to go learn JavaScript. And then they show him learning Java. If noobs make this mistake, I get it. But a TV show that's featuring a "hacker" who can create crypto currency and dark web sites? WTF?
6 -
German printing company's order form. Great example for how to make me NOT order there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
"Show all nodes (9500 More)"
Translation: "Papier und Auflage" == "Paper type and amount"
14 -
Guys! @dfox is doing an interview at my local tech radio show! Check it out on tunein WLJS . I can't wait to hear his inspiration for devRant.12
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FUCK YOU EXCEL!
Multiple monitors to show multiple sheets at once?
Excel: Not allowed.
FUCK YOU
Open multiple files at once?
Excel: Not allowed, I will only show you one at a time.
FUCK YOU
Multiple Desktops to have multiple setups to easily switch between?
Excel: Not allowed, I'll show you the same spreadsheet on all desktops!
FUCK YOU
FUCK FUCK FUCK18 -
PM: we need to show some progress, lets build a dashboard to display metrics.
Me: what metrics do we use ? The current period?
PM: No, those aren't good. Use math to show we made progress *wink*
Me: .......1 -
So, what are you all working on right now? Let's get some screen-shots in here!
I'm working on my "BrowserBandit" software - it reads a firefox or chrome profile and extracts saved user/pass combos, history, and autocomplete entries.
18 -
"Hey I wanted to show you a first version. We got the code working, all the data is coming in and being sorted properly!"
Boss: "it's ugly though, I can't show anyone that".
"....but it works!"
:(2 -
Debugging JS,
*uses chrome devtools*, breakpoints work, everything loads, can work on fixing bug
*uses firefox devtools*, takes more time than IE to show up, the UI doesn't show up, can cry in the corner.
Why is firefox debugger so bad :/6 -
<not a rant>
I had to get HBO Now just for the show Silicon Valley. Thanks, HBO for this awesome show.
</not a rant>5 -
Does anybody realize that most installers which have a "show more" button, doesn't have a "show less" button after you clicked it?
Nobody thinks about such things.2 -
TV Show 'Loaded' premieres tonight. Four friends sell their app to a big company. Comedy tonight at 10 p.m. Eastern time. Probably not in the league of Silicon but might be worth a look.1
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Show 10 lines of code to a dev.
Dev: It could be improved here and there, it can be optimized way better etc.
Show 5000 lines of code to dev.
Dev: Looks good!5 -
> Project does X
< How about you show me how X looks in action
> No
Add fucking images to your project
if there is anything to show off!
Uh I reached 3k, cool.5 -
Someone should pitch a new TV show centered around an internal dev shop of a large company and use devRant as source material. Years of available content.5
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Sometimes I come across this:
<div id='myDatePickerForm' ng-show='showDate' ng-hide='!showDate'></div>1 -
Customer: the user summary report does not show all the transaction data I want to see
Me: there is a report called "transaction log report" that will show all the transactions
Customer: is that the user summary report? -
I brought my Playstation VR in to the office today to show it off. Found out I really didn't want to show it off.
I wanted them all to go away so I could play my games. -
When a developer writes informational messages to console.error, just because they show up in red!1
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!dev
Matrix 4 trailer was such a shit show.
I don’t know why, but I honestly believed that it would not be as bad as it turned out to be. I’m such a stupid prick for believing in it.
FUCK YOU LANA WACHOWSKI. I HATE YOU AND EVERYONE RELATED TO THE PRODUCTION OF THIS CANCEROUS PIECE OF SHIT.12 -
Sometimes I think at least 40% of showing productivity relates to how many applications on your screen are colored in Solarized Dark.5
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One of my friends said "kiki, why you never show your paintings to anyone?"
But if I show you my fangs, will you tell me that they're cool? Sometimes I scare myself.5 -
Currently at Google Next. Enjoying my first tech conference / show.
Just felt like I should check in. What are you guys up to?
Cheers!1 -
I am going to watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show now. Is it wayyy too early, or are ALL times good times to watch it?
Please choose only 1.0000000000000001 options.7 -
Won an Amazon Echo Show in a Hackathon where we spent most of the time integrating with Google Home.
I don't know what to do with the thing. 🤔3 -
When your terminal is so sexy ,you write a blog on Medium just to show it off. xD
BTW..That's my first blog ,show some love:-
https://medium.com/@divyanshtripath...
6 -
I play simulator games. Mostly Cities : Skylines or The Sims 4. But no matter how stressed I am an hour in the gym gets me back on the horse...
If all fails I binge watch cringe compilations, cats or dogs compilation, Conan's show... Craig's show.. on youtube...! -
When you and your senior push to production well knowing there is a bug in there but you do not care because you are the company's dark lords
1 -
I'm literally one junior developer building a front end stack for a company that uses the waterfall method of building shit...
My application has not been fully tested and none of the real user base has actually tested it. I have no clue what potential egde cases exist in my application. I did as much testing as possible but it's keeping me on edge that there is potentially something broken lurking underneath that I don't know about.
If it is broken it's all erupting into flames and there's nothing I can do about it because the application will have to go through a whole beuacratic process to allowed to be fixed.3 -
Fucking kidding me.. why does it stopped suddenly when i had to show it up? today i was working on a project and my client wanted to see how it is going then i packed my stuff and went there to show him then it stopped to working...
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//Comment
<!--Comment style 2-->
'''At least hide this comment style
/*Loooooong comment way one*/
"""Deus looooooooong comment"""
#Don't show this for Torvaldis' sake
'VB sucker comment which you're
'gonna show too ugh why can't you
'have a way to use compiler format
'here1 -
I'm asked by a friend (writer)
F : dude, why you coder guys always show off ?
M: how
F : you guys compile just after writing few pages ..... Isn't it show off ?
M: yeah we do ...... to make sure the targeted users will not face any problem.....
F : that's the show off....... Have you seen any one publish a novel book with 2-6 page to make sure that targeted readers don't have any problems ......
...............
Hell ........ -
Who here likes APB?
I loved that show, too bad a geek cop tv show didn't have popularity...
https://imdb.com/title/tt5542294/ -
A meeting with an external event organizer, who just so happened be a rather attractive woman. I've never had so many superfluous colleagues (all guys) show up and show off.
That meeting went long.1 -
I Just knew how to tell computer to show "hello world" in my screen ! and also show it 100 times using copy paste1
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When I do SSH to a remote server, how can I show git branch name?
When I SSH it shows me this:
admin@123.456.789.555:/home/some_folder$
Can I configure it to show something like oh-my-zsh that shows me the current Git branch I am pointed to?
This is my local iTerm zsh default theme:
some_folder git:(feature/some_branch_name)17 -
I think I understand why devRant doesn't show times in the feed view
This is viewing a certain person's comment history using my app, which does show the times...
Seems he had trouble sleeping then overslept...
2 -
I just had the weirdest feeling where the word "response" completely lost all meaning to me.
I googled it, and apparently this is called semantic satiation.
Huh, never happened to me before.. I hope the memory of the word response returns to me because though I'm not sure why I feel like it's important.3 -
When you go out to have a client meeting, then the client doesn't show up (and you only learn they won't show up after you have texted them twice).
Looks like I need to start sending out meeting reminder emails again.... -
The only thing I could think about during the 2017 super bowl halftime show was how they got the hand held lights to be pixel mapped. I mean, the guests of honor could move around, and the lights were still perfectly mapped.
Or they were just told to stand in a very specific place. -
Why did halt and catch fire got discuntinued? I really loved that show. And I think it's one of the best cs themed show.
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Was waiting for my usb drive to show up on my computer to watch a certain tv show, but realized it wasn't plugged into the computer... At least I die wait hours...
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So I had been spending more than a week trying to figure out why the status messages which should show up after an AJAX request doesn't show up. Turns out, I kept removing it in the ajaxstop method... -_-
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The worse bugs ain't those that show up on your terminal<If you got those kinda bugs-you're lucky>. But are those that don't show up at your terminal, but still give you the worse version of production.
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Show sales/marketing a feature working flawlessly: "neat."
Show them a slightly buggy feature:
"why doesn't that work yet, what do we pay you for, I thought you said this was easy!" -_- -
This cool devrant stickers and the urge to get those remembers me a couple of scenes from Better Call Saul I recently watched - https://m.youtube.com/watch/...
Especially the last line "you must have the stickers or you won't..." :D
Sorry, a little off-topic but perhaps you know the show.
What shows do you like most?2 -
Does anyone have experince with UPnP audit/hacking tools like miranda? I need to show my prof how to do it and either show it live or record it and show the video. Do you know some good tutorials or sites?1
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+----------------------------+
| Feature Request | ¯\_(ツ)
+----------------------------+
| |
| |
Show the profile of the rant poster17 -
Just noticed (not sure why it took me this long to check) an API is available (duh).
Wonder how many recruiter data harvesters are listening right now 🤑 -
In advertised crime I get really annoyed when it hides the address bar. I have to scroll the page all the way up to get it to show again.!
How can I get it to show immediately or not hide it at all!?
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