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Search - "fuck him"
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FUCK MY BOSS WHEN HE SAYS HE DIDNT SEE ANY UI CHANGES AFTER NOT SLEEPING FOR 24HRS TO GET THE ENTIRE BACKEND REWRITE DONE. I WENT OVER THE ACTUAL CHANGES WITH HIM 100 FUCKING TIMES! I GET THIS MESSAGE AFTER FINALLY GRABBING SOME FOOD "What did you do, you said you were going to work on the site??" FUCKFUCKITYFUCKFUCK!!! FUCK YOUR MONEY AND YOUR JOB!!!! AND WHILE IM AT IT FUCK WEBDEV!!! 🖕FUCK YOU GUYS🖕 IM GOING HOME
/rant Thank God for devRant32 -
Internship number two.
*walks downstairs to get a coffee*
*CTO (my guider) walks in*
CTO: (dead serious face) "linuxxx (not using my first name :P), come with me please"
*walks along to his office, starting to get reallly fucking nervous*
*CTO and me walk into his office, he sits down and looks at me very serious*
*I'm slightly shaking, nervous, sweating*
CTO: "So."
*oh yes here it is its gonna come I did something wrong fuck fml 😫😥😨😩*
CTO: "So you know quite some stiff around security/privacy. Could you tell me some stuff about why I'd want to use VPN and recommend me some good providers? 😀"
😅
*nearly falls onto the ground from relief*
I explained him some stuff and sent him a list of good providers 😀30 -
FUCK HIM! FUCK HIM!
JUST CAME TO REALISE THAT AN OLD CLASSMATE DURING UNIVERSITY STOLE 2 OF MY PROJECTS AND PUBLISHED 2 PAPERS UNDER HIS NAME.
HE EVEN ADDED THEM IN HIS CV.
SUCH PEOPLE SHOULD DIE.
Recently, at 2am, he even called me and asked for some doubts on other topic, I helped him too. Turns out such he was such a cheap person.
Let him call me next time...27 -
Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."
The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.
Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.13 -
This one guy REALLY WANTED to work on the hardware (aka arduino in this case) part.
After hours of trying (with 8 guys) of get it to work on windows which just didn't happen, he still refused to even live boot into a Ubuntu machine.
At the end of the day one of the members went to sit down with him to talk about it and the guy finally gave in.
Two seconds into Ubuntu and arduino was successfully up and running!
Then, every day whenever he didn't get something, he'd just do nothing for the entire day while claiming to be working. The team leader sat down with him and I did too, offering him to sit next to me for a day to see how backend stuff went (I was the backender).
Did it but it just went back to the same old bullshit.
I honestly don't mind it if you find it difficult to ask for help but if you, after numerous chances and conversations, still don't do shit, sorry but fuck off.
He was a nice guy and blamed his autism for it but that's just not how it works.9 -
I ranted about this guy before who thought he was a security expert while hardly knowing what the word is probably. Today I met him again at a party.
Holy fucking shit, this guy.
"we use the best servers of the netherlands"
"we use a separate server for each website and finetune them"
"we always put clusters under servers, that way we have a fallback mechanism"
"companies mostly use bv ssl certificates"
"you're on call for a week? I'm full-time on call. Why I'm drinking alcohol then? Because fuck the clients hahaha"
😥🔫15 -
So my friend studies general IT (he did application development with me for 4 years before this) and they arrived at web applications and servers.
They *have to* use MSSQL and windows 2008 servers because "that's the industry standard, also for the big companies!"
He asked if he at least could use Linux for his servers to his teacher: "oh I'd fucking love to but that's not allowed from higher up 😞"
😷28 -
One reason for tons of android permissions in simple apps.
I recently installed an app that asked for like 12 permissions. The app obviously needed 2 of them. No more.
I was also right next to the guy that made the app and asked him, wtf?!
The answer:
"We based out app on some other one that needs all that and even though we use just a couple of it's features we can't be bothered to remove the others from the code."
Fuck this guy. Or whoever ordered him to do that.14 -
The website i made has been hacked today.
Stored in their server.
They didnt give me an access for it.
The user account in the cms i used for updating content while building the website was revoked when the website is completed.
Now they ask me for the latest backup.
I have no backup because how the hell i do a backup when i got no access to the cpanel.
The only backup is the zip file for initial uploading into their server and the contents were added after the website is on their server.
That goddamn IT guy who wont give me any access for “securty sake” is calling me furiously asking for the backup and how to set up the stuffs from the beginning.
I thought he was the one who know his shit but i was wrong.
Fuck me?
No.
Fuck you.
But i still responding to him telling him step by step how to do shit with some swearing and sarcasm.
ALWAYS BACKUP YOUR SHITS, MATE7 -
Fucking fuck fuck fucker fucking fuck
What a dumbass guy seriously. I have this colleague in my office who refuses to create a new branch because that will "ruin the single straight line". Are you seriously fucking kidding me??? The noobest guy ever doesnt know a third git command other than pulling and committing fucking nonsense. Why use git then? Just go back to creating zip files are maintain code. Fuck that guy too who hired him and now because of this fucking asshole I am not able to carry on my work.
Such so-called "developers" should be strapped to the back of a horse and the horse made to run on a gravel road for fuck's sake.. Fuck you man 🖕24 -
Boss: Give me unrestricted access in the system.
Me: It's dangerous. You might break something.
Boss: I'll be careful.
Me: *gives access*
This happened 2 years ago. Now every week he deletes something he shouldn't and break a module for him or for the clients using our system.
Just woke up in a rant email saying that "oUr OnLiNe StOrE DoEs NoT wOrK". Well, that's because you have delete the Cart configuration for all the clients you dumbass. What the fuck were you thinking when you deleted that?16 -
Me: *enters password on phone (long PIN)*
Person next to me is looking at my phone WHILE I enter my password, and as I look at him, he doesn't even turn away and even has the nerve to say:
"Wow, why do you have such a long password!"
Μy answer: "Because of security reasons."
What I actually wanted to say:
"Because of pieces of SHIT like you who can't keep their eyes to themselves, even when PASSWORDS are involved, you FUCK! Guess why everytime I enter a password in public, I have to dim my screen and turn my screen sideways? Because of fuckheads like you, not knowing shit about privacy and security! Fuck you!"7 -
Had a client on the phone with an extremely heavy Turkish (I think so, not entirely sure) accent who was hardly understandable but I kept polite and tried really hard to understand his questions.
Didn't go so well and he started to get annoyed and rude as well and asked me why I kept asking him to repeat his questions.
Told him that due to his heavy accent I had some trouble understanding him but that we'd take it slow and that I was trying my best.
He didn't take that well and called me a fucking racist (or, a 'cancer racist (dutch: 'kanker racist') but this sounds nicer).
C: (remember, heavy accent) "Ben jij kanker racist ofzo?" (are you cancer racist or something?)
Me: sorry, kan je dat herhalen? Ik verstond je niet helemaal goed door het accent, excuses! (Sorry, could you repeat that? I didn't quite get that due to the heavy accent, apologies!)
*BOOOOOOOM*
Client exploded in my ear xD.
Totally worth it! I'm all for helping and tried my best but if you're going to disrespect me, fuck off.8 -
I worked at a place where the help desk guys did the good ol' "I'll send an email from your laptop if you walk away without locking it and tell everyone lunch is on you" routine. After it happened to me about 3 times I was like, "I gotta get this help desk prick back!" So after several failed attempts at walking by his pc when he walked away it instantly hit me how I can punk him back.....SO, I logged onto SQL Server, clicked open a new query window and typed up a dbmail command and on the @from parameter I set it to the help desk guy's email address. His face was PRICELESS when I was shooting off emails to the entire IT dept on behalf of him WHILE he was sitting in front of his PC. Lesson is: don't fuck with dev help desk dude! 😎😜2
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*me and a bored coworker
me: bored as hell dude.
him: i have a fun game in mind.
me: shoot.
him: *brings his keyboard
him: type the string you can type the fastest. we will time it. i will start.
him: *types his name
him: your turn.
me: Scanner scanner = new Scanner(System.in);
him: the fuck is wrong with you?16 -
So my friend started a YouTube channel, being the motivational man I am I encouraged him and made him a logo for his channel.
It started here, he called me a bazillion times every single day asking me to make stuff like Channel banners, intros.
He even went so far to call my design bad and that I could do better.
I'm definitely losing my hold on my generosity, it's like this with every single fucktard I help. It's like programmers don't get to have a life, people pitch me stupid ideas at every party.. Having a casual conversation a guy starts talking about an idea.
Oooh... And the worst part they say you can have 60% and just give them 40% 'MINORITY' share for coming up with an idea I could pull up from my arse instantaneously
Next time he asks me something I'm gonna fuck him up or just charge him a bazillion dollars... FUCK FUCK FUCK... REALLY GOT TO BUY THAT STUPID STRESS CUBE15 -
This happened at my last internship. There was this other intern and he was a TO THE FUCKING MAX windows fanboy and whenever someone said something bad about windows he'd go full rage. Also, he'd sometimes spend half an hour at my desk explaining why windows was the best and Linux sucked.
This one time, I read about a newly discovered windows vulnerability and told the employees so they'd update quickly and they were like ' thanks for the notification mate!' And then that guy came up to me telling that 'Linux also has severe vulnerabilities sometimes'. YES I FUCKING KNOW THAT I'M JUST TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO UPDATE FOR THEIR SECURITY YOU FUCKING ASSHAT. I got really mad. Still, fuck that guy.9 -
Once upon a time there was a dev.
The dev had a resume that said he could dev.
We called the dev, he sounded intelligent.
We hired the dev, who was a bit green, on a three month probationary period.
The dev did very little.
When asked, we said he contributed to discussions, but seemed unclear about what to do, and maybe they could keep him as an intern if they wanted to have him at all.
They hired him. As a full time dev.
6 months later, that dev was shocked to find we could log into the servers with a privileged account.
We (his team mates) were sad.
We asked him to fix a few prod errors.
A little while later he said "Done!"
We then had to walk him through how to actually fix them, not just add a couple pieces of info to the table.
We were sad, again.
We asked him to fix some prod errors again.
We had to walk him through the process again
We expressed concerns to our superiors about his abilities because he was all theory, no hands on ability
They promoted him
We were sad
A few of us said "Fuck you guys, I'm going home"
They said OK
Now that guy is the only one that "knows" that code base
I get calls sometimes asking me questions.
I told them to pay me a consultant fee.
They said no
I said no
They called again
I laughed at them
Listen to the people who know when you ask them questions.
Listen to the people who know when they tell you there is a problem
Don't be like that company6 -
A customer calls to ask about our software, its features and its advantages and so on.
I answer him all his questions in a 45 minutes support call.
Then he decides to order the software from our website using the order form.
After 1h i get another call by the same guy saying he cant order.
I ask him why and he says that he is blind and his screen reader does not read out the form/website content.
So i filled out the order form with him together because im a nice person and customer is king. (Took me 20 minutes).
After that i ask our webdevelopers if they considered to make the website more disabled friendly.
They responded with no because it dosent matter.
Yeah fuck me right! Fuck the disabled customers we dont care.
I think thats kind of stupid but who cares right!!12 -
"could you put me through to a colleague who has the ability to have an actual intellectual conversation?"
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Somehow I finished the call but God damn it took some energy and self control not to completely lose my shit. His tone was also very denigrating (he just didn't agree on something which was his fucking problem)
Fuck him.6 -
I was a little too harsh on a colleague today.
He asked to help him get something working... After looking at it for a bit, I asked: "I don't get it, what have you been doing all day? Yesterday we split this element into two separate divs, and it worked perfectly, now I've see you've moved all the styles back to the container and there's only one div. The easiest way to get this to work properly is to simply undo everything you've done today."
He looked at me with puppy eyes and I realized I was too harsh. He wasn't _trying_ to break everything, he just hadn't understood why we split the element into two divs. So I lowered my tone a bit, and explained everything again, from the start, then did it again together with him and made sure he understood the separation.
But I still feel bad for how I talked to him. It's not like I shouted or cursed or anything (and I curse a _lot_ when talking about code). It was just condescending as fuck, and belittling. As if I was mocking him for not being as experienced as I am.
I'll do better next time.8 -
The other day I got a call from Windows Support about my computer being infected with a virus. I only have a Mac but knowing this was a scam call I played along for 15-20 minutes. Then I finally told the person calling that I don't have any computer running Windows and he got quite angry and wondering "why are you wasting my time?". Told him it was to prevent him from calling and scamming other people. He yelled "fuck off" and hung up. Made my day :)
How do you handle these phone calls?12 -
Built the website. He took 2 weeks to test. Then asked me for changes. I took two weeks for changes. Someday during the second week I login (wordpress), I see the old version of the site, all my changes are gone.
I ask him,
Him: I had a customer who needed to see my site... So I reverted to the old version. I had a backup.
For fuck sakes! 1st of all, if he is a customer he doesn't need to see your marketing site anymore give him a flyer idiot.
Then, for fuck sakes: Give me a fuckin call so I back up your site. Idiot.
Why you didn't fuckin back up my fuckin version.
I stopped working and passed him to a more patient, more wordpress guy.
Just idiot.12 -
Qualification != proficiency
Worked at a company where this bloke (Jepediah mcShitFart we shall call him) had enough programming certs and qualifications to fill a page.
I was the one fixing his fuck ups, because he coded like his ass, debugged like his ass, talked like an ass, and used to shrug off responsibility like an ass. Hr did nothing because he 'was a long time employee'.
Plus, I have met hundreds of programmers who would put many to shame, and they don't have a single qualification.10 -
I'm starting a new job next week so I don't currently have a desk, but my boyfriend loves the cross stitched Yoshis I made for him!
Also, fuck cross stitching. It's the worst. I'm never doing it again. What was supposed to be a Christmas gift turned into a belated Valentine's gift.5 -
Worst experience: had a verbal fight with pm because his poor management overworked me ( I was working on the same project till 10pm every day for 4 days with no OT pay)
Best experience: I stepped up against an abusive pm and told him to fuck off to his face.12 -
"Holy mother of fuck. This shit is soooo interesting."
- My roommate after I taught him basics of programming. May the main() be with him.12 -
Dad: What are you doing with your life?
Me: Enjoying it. Can you say the same?
My dad degrades me for my programming because he's from 'that generation.' Fuck him, Imma do what I enjoy, cause I'm damn well sure I don't want to end up like him.13 -
Ordered a new 34" Dell Monitor which should have been delivered today. The lazy ass mailman tried to scam my neighbor by telling him to pay 1000€ for the packet... (Amazon doesn't use cash on delivery)
FUCK OFF IDIOT, I HOPE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO DO YOUR GOD DAMN WORK AND COLLECT THE PACKET ON MY OWN.11 -
When I was 10 years old, all kids at my school got access to school emails. The email address book contained everything in my city, like fire department, all pupils of all schools etc. So I decided to "test" the system by sending out a mass email to everyone in the address book (about 3k) with the question "Hi, how are you?".
The sys admins apparently didn't think very far as I got some responses saying like "You have crashed a server in the capital city" and "I have contacted your local IT admin".
So I went to the IT admin and told him the situation. His face turned red of anger and I remember him almost screaming at me.
Who the fuck doesn't set up protection for this and gives out access to 10 year olds? This was 15 years ago, I really hope sys admins are smarter today!6 -
Soooooo got fired on my day off!! 😁😁😁 Y am I sooo happy??? Bc the company's president sucks, and glad to be gone!!
So, I come in on my day off trying to help him with a promo for an app I was working on, and ass face come in with a chip already on his shoulders.
Him: So what are u going to show me?
Me: A walk through of the app.
Him: No, what specifically are u going to show me?(already getting upset)
Me: The whole app. Like from the login screen and everything else.
Him: No! I need to knw specifically what your going to show me! Like this button, that menu, this function!!!(boiling point)
Me: That's what I said, "the whole app"
Him: Do u want to be suspended a whole week??!!!
Me: (smiling) Yes!!
Him: You knw what, ur gonna tell me what the fuck ur gonna show me or--
Me: Gets up, grab my phone and head towards the door.
Him: If u leave, ur done!!
Me: Dnt care. (Continue out the door)
Him: (yelling) That's it, ur done!
Me: Happy 😁😁😁10 -
Full stack web dev has no idea what an ssh key is. He is telling me that he can't read the key file, it would be kind of me if I could send him a .txt file instead.
Fuck me man...5 -
after doing all the paperwork and packing his shit, he shaked hands with his now ex-boss, and with a smile, and after their hands are no longer touching, he told him with a really calm voice to go fuck himself.1
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So this is going to be one hell of a FUCKING rant.
Just heard from a friend (doing the same exams I passed, it was going to happen in two groups and he was in the second) that he failed the first out of three phases. And why?
I NEARLY FUCKING FAILED THE FIRST FUCKING PHASE. I GOT A FAIR CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT AND I TOOK THAT CHANCE.
BUT.
MY FRIEND MADE THE SAME MISTAKE. HE MISSED A FUCKING DOCUMENT AND ASKED FOR OVERTIME, WHICH HE GOT AND THEN HE ASKED THE EXAMINOR VERY NICELY IF HE COULD TELL HIM WHAT DOCUMENT HE MISSED (for the record, it was bad documentation and it was not clear that it had to be a seperate document) AND WHAT DID THAT FATHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER SAY?
Hmm hmm hmmm.... nope, that's your responsibillity
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? HE HELPED ME BUT NOT HIM? I KNOW YOU LIKE ME MORE THAN HIM BUT IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING REASON TO LET HIM FUCKING FAIL?!?!?!?
I AM MOTHERFUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING FURIOUS.9 -
Warning: contains swearwords!
Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...
??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!
HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!
HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!
AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!
FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!
AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!16 -
Guy I work with: Hey can I borrow you for a minute
Me: sure. What do you need?
Him: so this is a project me an the other dev worked on
Me thinking: Well I know he did it all and sent you the project so don't tell me you worked on it
Him: so we use it to do this and this and send an email to this new account I made because (2 minute explanation)
Me thinking: I don't care. Just tell me what your issue is! I already know what it is and does from what you told me the last time when you showed me. Which took an hour of my time.
Him: so he sent me this code which is called <Descriptive name> and in the method we have variables call <descriptive name> and it returns a <variable name>
Me thinking: You mother fucker! I don't give a shit what your method is named, what it the variable names are, and you don't need to read through every line of code to me! Just from the descriptive name you just said I know what it does! What the fuck is your issue!?
Him: we also have these other methods. This one is called <Descriptive name> which does...
Me: are you fucking seriously going to read me your code line by line and tell me what you named your variables AGAIN!?
Him: and we named this one <descriptive name>
Me: you mother fucker...
Him: and it calls this stored procedure. (Literally opens the stored procedure and shows me) and it is called...which has parameters called... And it is a select query that inserts
45 minutes later after he finishes explaining all 3 pages of his code and his 5 stored procedures that the other dev wrote...
Him: So anyway, back to this method. I need to know where to put this method. The other dev said to put it in this file, but where do you think I should put it in here? Should I place it after this last one or before it?
Me thinking: You fucking wasted my fucking time just to ask where to place your mother fucking method that the other dev sent to you in a project with only 3 files, all less than 500 lines of code with comments and regions that actually tell you what you should put there and 5 small stored procedures that were not even relevant to your issue! Why the fuck did you need to treat me as a rubber ducky which would fly away if you did have one because you didn't have an issue, you just didn't know where to put your fucking code! FUCK YOUR METHOD!
Me: Where ever you want
Him: Well I think it won't work if I placed it before this method.
I walked away after that. What a waste of time and an insult to my skills and really unchallenging. He's been coding for years and still can't understand anything code related. I'm tired if helping him. Every time he needs something he always has to read through and explain his shit just to ask me things like this. One time he asked me what to name his variable and another his project. More recently he asked why he couldn't get his project he found online to work. The error clearly stated he needed to use c# 7. His initial solution was to change his sql connection string. 😑
He should just go back to setting up computers and fixing printers. At least then he would never be in the office to bug me or the other dev with things like this.7 -
Today I told my lead developer that I liked star wars episode 8.
I got grilled pretty hard.
Like, I can drop a db and the motherfucker ain't gon give a fuck. But God forbid a mofocka likes episode 8.
That is a big no no to him.
Manager had told me that I should keep that opinion of the movie to myself.
Lesson learned.13 -
yesterday my boss called me to his office.
(him) - Please close the door
(me thinking) - My God, this is gonna be serious. He never closes his doors
(him) - It's a common practice here that we buy a new laptop for new colleges. What kind of laptop do you have?
(me relieved and excited) - Well it's 4 years old shit, 8 Gb of RAM, slow
(him) - Great we'll buy you this i7, big SSD, 32 Gb of RAM + new monitor, mouse and keyboard.
I was excited as fuck.
Until he sent me what he bought. It's much worse laptop than that I have 😑 Only thing that is better is it has 16 Gb of RAM.
I guess I'll just take that RAM off it and put it in my machine (if it is DDR3, God please may it be DDR3)4 -
Worst of many. Had to work with someone who could be accurately described as a monkey in trousers with strategically cut fur.
Him: "I have refactored code now I have to refactor all your goddamn unit tests"
Me: "so?"
<silence>
<checks his commit>
Me: "why have you commented out every single line in all the unit tests?"
Him: "I DON'T BELIEVE WE SHOULD HAVE ANY UNIT TEST. THEY ADD TIME".
Me:"You cannot be serious. Apart from the obvious mistake in judgement why in the name of blue buggery fuck did you not delete the files? Have you not heard of source history?"
Him:"...."
I became his lead.
He left.5 -
I'm hereby quitting as a dev and decide to become a maid in a maid cafe cos I just witnessed someone break my code with their hacky fix
seriously, fuck him. Now excuse me, I gotta don a maid uniform and chant cute noises3 -
Why the fuck cant people keep their hands to them selves???
I had a fucking moron come up to my desk, say "cool toy!", grab it and play with it.
For him that was fine....
I on the other hand wanted to stub that mother fucker to death and feed his organs to his kids.
That mother fucker grubbed my probe holder, shorted out an 8k$ evb and failed my 12 hours hardware test.4 -
I am working on a project with a retard.
I am supposed to focus on the mobile apps but the backend guy doesn't know shit about REST.I spend more time teaching him how to serialize data into JSON and telling him not to store passwords as plaintext(He's now using md5 despite me telling him to use bcrypt) than developing the mobile apps am supposed to.
Guess who will be blamed for missing the deadline?
Yea, it's me.
Guess who will get the credits for the backend i am developing?
Yea, it's him.
Fuck!12 -
Dev of my team coding on Idea
Seeing him using space-bar to format copy pasted lines of code
Me: why don't you use ctrl+l shortcut?
Him: I don't use shortcuts while coding
Me: at least use the tab
him: nope.
He formatted 3000 lines of code with space-bar. He's not even using notepad. 😐
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.9 -
Guys, I think it's time to fight back!
Whenever a client ask you about IE9 support, tell him to find someone else, because noone the fuck uses IE9 and if someone somehow does, then it's his fault!
Then he will search for other dev, but if we all do so, we can forget about supporting stupid old shit again!2 -
Hunted a bug for 8 hours, thinking it was a problem in my code....
Found out it was someone else's code generator that injected the bug...
Contacted the concerned dev... Had to convince him for another 3 hours that it was his change to the code that caused the issue. He is still sure that his change can't break the code...... What the fuck are you..? A fucking God programmer who never makes mistakes??
I mean how hard is it to just accept when I just proved it to you??6 -
FUCK YOU TICKETMASTER AND YOUR SHITTY WEBSITE.
Why can't you process my request during an EXPECTED WINDOW OF HIGH TRAFFIC?!
DO YOU EVEN LOAD BALANCE, BRO?!
I missed my chance to buy some Hans Zimmer tickets for the ONLY time I've ever seen him listed in my city. I had the tickets in my cart, but it errored out upon checking out. Then, every other attempt to search for tickets resulted in an error.
GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!
One day, Hans... One day I will see you. 😢14 -
Client calls at 3AM, telling me an issue he reported which I told him was already solved in a new update hasn't been solved. He tells me that I'm lying because the issue is still there. The son of a bitch didn't even update the flicking app. Sincerely, fuck you.4
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Them: "How is that low priority feature request coming along?"
Me: "It's almost done, a bunch of higher priority things delayed me. It should come live sometime tomorrow"
Them: "It better do"
Me: "Oh did I say tomorrow? I meant next week."
Fuck your attitude. You won't die not having your "saves 15" minutes a day feature for a few more days while some people can't work at all before I fix a major bug. You're not even my manager.
Bonus: overheard him talking shit about me working too slow later that day too.2 -
Yeah, if my so called "friends" can just stop making me feel guilty for staying in with my son instead of going out having beers in pretentious clubs, with music blasting at a billion decibels that we can't even have a decent conversation.
If you could just stop; that would be great.
I'm sorry I have to work. I'm sorry I can't leave my 6 year old alone in the house on a school night. I'm sorry I don't have an army of maids to look after him. I'm sorry I don't have personal drivers to take him to school. I'm sorry if your family or your wife's family is so fucking rich you're basically a kept man and now bored out of your wits.
Please, just fuck off with this toxic behavior. We are not in our 20s anymore.
Thank you.7 -
At university. But at first I thought I was too stupid because everyone in my class sounded like they started hacking the NSA at age 3, and I hadn't even opened a command line. Even had a proffessor tell me if I didn't ace his OOP class, I should quit (I failed, did good the second time though). Moral of the story is: fuck him, and anyone who tells you that you can't do something.4
-
FUCKING FUCK! THE TEAM LEAD WANTS ME TO MAKE AN UNNECESSARY UPDATE, AND IN THAT TOO HE WANTS TO IMPLEMENT A HALF ASSED FEATURE. Upon telling him what it takes(which he doesn't understand shit about cuz he's not from webdev background and has the level of experience that I had when I was midway my first webdev book), not to mention that he hasn't even seen the code of the project I've worked upon, which I got from an intern they fired last year cuz of not working and shitting around everywhere in the code(I asked if we could start afresh and he says that it'll take too much time - guess what, it took us two extra weeks already cuz of that and half of our required features can't be implemented cuz the code is beyond any hope), he tells me that "The client won't need this feature, but we're thinking of more and more features to provide (WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK).
Okay, you wanna sell your product; fine. I suggested that if we're letting the client select the time stamp on the initial date, then we should let him select the time stamp on the ending date too, right?
"No, we'll not provide this feature" ARE YOU FUCKING BONKERS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH YOU?!?!
I'll have to make major breaking changes in the code, for which I'm not the only one working on. Great.
This, coupled with the fact that he speaks unbelievably slow and it's so irritating cuz he repeats himself thrice.
What happens(has already happened), when he'll show this to the seniors, he'll say that this is either unnecessary/will suggest a major change, which WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH FUCKING BETTER IF TOLD BEFORE I START WITH THE CHANGE, YOU FUCKING CUNTS
I thought this would be fun. Well fuck me.2 -
One time a former colleague reformatted all the code because he was very strict on code conventions.. so.
If (1==1)
{
Instead of
If (1==1) {
After some discussion on why he should never do this I denied him the rights to commit any longer..
Also..
One time a user requested a feature.. he wanted a drop down with some values without specifying where he wanted it. To our best knowledge we put it somewhere where we thought it would be usefull.. for instance when it is a car model drop down ypu expect it to be somewhere near a car screen right.. little did we know that he didnt have any rights to acces that screen at all hhahaha.. after that he came yelling in our room telling us to think for him.. in not so light words I told him that he should write his stories properly and that if he creates crappy stories he leaves me with a lot of freedom of interpretation of his stories so stop crying and get the fuck out of my room..
Its not that I get angry easily but I cant handle dumb people that do dumb stuff around me..14 -
Holy fucking shit!
Look, I know I'm kinda average, I actually think I'm kinda stupid... But holy fuck this new mother fucker at work is in a fucking new level of dumb ... OMG!
I'm actually thinking about asking my boss to let him go and this guy isn't even there for 2 weeks yet.19 -
!Rant
Two weeks ago I installed manjaro in my brother's laptop in order to revive it. Windows was going slow as fuck; he had to wait 10 mins for the startup and 5 minutes for any browser to actually open.
Today I remembered this and asked him how was it going. Fuck, he's already installed graphic proprietary drivers, uses pacman and the command line in a basic way. I can't be more proud of him 😊. I hope this little seed I planted actually grows and makes him more interested in computers and cs in general.9 -
Jeff Bezos' wife is divorcing him.
And just like that, she's worth more than I could ever dream of being worth. Holy fuck.25 -
So this customer wanted me to create an app using Flutter (user and admin), PHP for the backend, so I made one for him . He seems to complain he can't login to the admin account which he called me to registered for him right after the payment and weeks later.
With deeper investigation , I checked the log he drop the table where users authentication is stored and blame me about that. Which I fixed it lately by creating a table back.
Later I visit my account Shopee , he reviewed me as "THE WORST PROGRAMMER "
So I was like WHAT THE FUCK? YOU DROP THE TABLE WHICH LEAD YOU CANT LOGIN AS AN ADMIN AND BLAME FOR THAT?15 -
!dev related whatsoever fuck off if this bothers you
Just got into a big argument with my brother in law because the little bitch was exposing my father and mother in law(which I adore) to the virus by virtue of this little shit partying every other fucking day, going out with people etc and then having my in laws pick him up etc.
I am not gonna lie, I love the kid, but this shit pisses me the fuck off, my in laws are over 60 each and I ain't about to fuck with the chances of my child's grandparents dying because some fucktard thinks partying is more important.
Been wishing for the motherfucker that would since a while now, just hope it's not this kid.5 -
Long rant!!!
Let me give you a little back story first
So I was building a mobile app for a client who is to say the least a big PAIN IN THE ASS!
And once I completed the final edits he requests and sent him the app for approval, he calls me and starts asking about some features in the app if it has does or not (which the app does). The main reason for this rant is the feature about the app being able to open the links of the website inside the app without going to the browser first.
But what was happening when the client clicked on the link, since it’s a newspaper type of app, he got asked in which browser he wanted to open the link and after the browser was opened it returned him to the app and asked if he wants that link be opened in the app or browser again. So I can understand his confusion and anger with this problem so I started to debug to see what is happening since I now this featured worked before and had it on video to show it does. After a few minutes I noticed that the links were being added as google.com/url?q={CLIENT_URL}/something_else instead of just www.client_url.com/article
Obviously not my fault as I don’t do content for the website but some other person. But once I called him back and explained the situation to him, he started yelling at me for not being able to create the feature and not notifying him of the mistake his author was making. After about 10mins of him yelling I snapped and just angrily told him “I don’t hear any problems with the app, as far as I’m concerned it can be published as is, as there is not problem on my side”. Then he got even more angry and started talking more shit about how this is all my fault and how I’m a bad programmer and how his users are gonna just delete the app once they see this and I should find a way to fix those links.
And to clarify some more, if there was like 5-10 articles I would do it, just so that I don’t have to listen to him, but there are more than 1 or 2k articles with about 2-5 links per article that were added like that.
After his call I called my boss and told him what happened, and he said he will talk to the client and explain to him how he will be able to communicate with me from now on and in what tone. As I’m not allowed to tell clients anymore to go fuck themselves, since I did it once. But I can call my boss and he does it for me :D
//END RANT !!!4 -
getting onto the elevator just behind someone,
like 3 seconds behind him,
he presses his floor and doesn't press the hold doors option, doors close on me , coffee goes all over the place
Fuck that Ballbag, hope he eats sumthing dodgy and he shits himself!!6 -
Teaching new recruit some SQL (even though hes supposed to fucking know SQL and have multiple years experience but I was a contractor and idgaf, not messing up my money. Just fucking annoying to have an idiot around you all the time).
Me: Okay, so sys tables, so this one is for jobs yeah?
Him: Yeah
Me: Okay, so in this table, its obviously not one row per job per step cos you have multiple rows for the same job and step. Also, there is a datetime field, so what is it showing?
Him: Hmmmmm..... (after some time, back and forth we get to the answer).... history table
Me: Cooooooool, okay, so, lets say, I have a job with 5 steps. If i run it once, how many rows will be in this table?
Him: 5 rows.
Me: Correct, so if I were to have run this same job, 10 times, how many rows get inserted into the table?
Him: (Now...you have to understand, how long this thought process was, im trying to fill the gap with words but really, he was like, having a flashback or something...I kept quiet but silently wanting him to say anything....then he looks me dead in the eyes).... 10!
Me: Motherfucker what!?!? 10 What? If 1 time == 5, what does 10 times ==?
Him: Hmmmmmmmmm.... (yes...we are doing this whole flashback montage all over again)....... Ohhhhh, 1!
Me: .....Stop, think, its a history table. It holds history, for when every step is run for a job, why would it be only one row?
Him: OMG, I know what a history table is!!!!
Me: (Pissed off cos I don't take disrespect calmly). Fine, genius, answer, go!
Him: (LONGER WAIT THAN LAST TIME!!!!)....is it not 10?
Me: I swear, I'm gonna kill you one of these days.
Him: *chuckle*
Me: No...seriously....
TOOK 20-30 MINUTES FOR HIM TO SAY 50!!!!!!
And even then, I swear he didn't understand why. Serious, he was a special breed, had a manager that was a super tard and when I worked here, the spirit of that manager possessed this idiot, the CIO and his little right hand bitch zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
If there was ever a time I was willing to catch a case at work, it was there.
Bonus: Serious, it got to the point I had to come in and tell this idiot that he can only ask me questions today if he calls me by my name...and my name has changed today...and no, you can't ask me for it cos you need my name to ask me questions.....FUCK OFF kkthxbai.5 -
Tech support for Friend...
Again...
Ok...
A friend ran down the hallway to my Appartement, I opened the door for him and asked him "What The Fuck... Is wrong with you?!" He was just coughing like...
My... Laptop.... Is... Slow...
When he then eventually came to the point where he could Breath normally again I asked him to login into his by then super with shitty software bloated PC... It was a mess... A Desktop full of Shit... only Shit... I
then opened Chrome and Task Manager...
and holy shit... EVERYTHING! Literally ANYTHING was under 100% Load... Yet his shitty Fans werent spinning up... Shutdown the Laptop and opened it... not to my surprise it was full of Dust... I cleaned it and booted it again... still 100% Load... I couldnt do shit without being bombarded with porn and Hentai Ads... So... I asked him "Did you make any backups to this machine?" He was like.. "*Really long explenation* No *Really long Explenation*"
Great... i thought to myself... Then I said to him his PC was so trash that i only could Reset it to 0... He was like DO ANYTHING YOU CAN LITERALLY ANYTHING!
I then explained him, Resetting this PC Means literally 0 A Fresh start, nothing of your data will be there literally nothing...
He again Was like DO IT!
So I did... When it was done i showed him the result... He FREAKED OUT LIKE THE WORLD WAS GOING TO FUCKING END, HE SCREAMED AT ME WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? REVERSE IT! REVERSE IT NOW!
I Then said to him, I reset it to 0, I said this would happen...
He then took his now perfectly running Laptop and Ran away...
tl;dr
Tech support for friend, Reset PC to 0, Freaked out AF...3 -
Boss wants to scale our webservers because it seems they're having performance/capacity issues....
I'VE BEEN TELLING HIM FOR WEEKS IT'S NOT THE SERVERS!!! IT'S THE FACT THAT EVERY SINGLE QUERY HITS A SINGLE MONGODB... AND NO CACHE EITHER... AND THE DB CANT BE ENTIRELY LOADED INTO MEMORY AS ITS TOO BIG FOR RAM ON A SINGLE SERVER...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SCALE IF EVERYTHING HAS A DEPENDENCY ON 1 NON-DISTRIBUTED DATABASE?6 -
Wouldn't it be amazing if Linus Torvalds just say "fuck it, fuck this controversy, fuck the CoC and all the self righteous dumbass people infecting my community!"
And just forks Linux to start a new OS? Would you support him? I bet he would have huge independent support, hell I'm poor and even I'd donate.5 -
Started showing my brother some deep learning tutorials and I have him reading a book.
I really need for him to realize how smart he is. He was never academically inclined. I always told my mother that it had to do with the same dislike of school that I always had and how a couple of really shitty teachers could run one's motivation to the ground.
I always found him brilliant. Had a good standing with common sense amd logical thinking. He was interested in math for a while(same as me) but school made him hate it. He managed to pass all the state exams needed to graduate from H.S and was able to succesfully pass the military ASVAB with a very good grade.
But after H.S he went down the drain with what he wanted to do.
I love my brother and really want him to find out just how smart I think he is and this would probably be one of my biggest experiments with him. Maybe, just maybe if I get him to realize that he can understand these advanced concepts without a teacher his(fear?) Of school might go away enough for him to give it a second go. Fuck man I don't even need for him to go and get a B.S in comp sci, an associate degree would be just fine. It can be on anything, I just want him to do something.
Sometimes I feel as if this was my fault. At one point he told me that he feels shadowed by my grades. And my family was always proud of what I did in H.S and at uni. I feel(sometimes) that I should have paid more attention to him as he was going to school, help out a little more and encourage him more.
He feels as if he is meant for a dead end miserable working life, and I really can't bear the idea of him wasting himself away to something like that.
I really hope this shit works man...i really need for this to work, he doesn't even need to like it, just realize that it is possible.8 -
I helped a homeless man with a really bad foot condition down the stairs to get to the subway platform along with bringing down his wheelchair. Just his luck that the elevator was out of service. The man cried and said that he wished more people like me existed in the world but the world he knew was long gone from his grasp.
My problem with that situation was that people just ignored him and look disgusted at him....since when did we as humans lose faith in each other to the point that we ultimately care about differences, status, and appearance before anything else?
Such a sad fucking world we live in today and I had just learned that he used to be a programmer and worked at IBM back in the days (he had a really old decrepit badge too and we shared some programming woes before we got on separate trains).
Bless him and fuck everyone else who stood by and watched the poor man suffer. Those people are worse than shit, they are the scum of the Earth in my eyes.4 -
Started my own business recently, it's still in the works but it's picking up nicely... Had a (l)user call me this morning asking if I could help him with his website design. I tell him he's and ask him what he's like his website to do... His exact words "I want everything like Facebook but the site not to be called Facebook and the colors green. Can you please make this happen?"
FUCK YOU!6 -
Brought in a meeting a really good idea. One guy out of 9 sayd, that it's stupid and we could not use it.
1 week later the same guy proposes the same idea to the boss and team. Took all the merit and when I confronted him, he denied, that it was first my idea.
Fuck my life...2 -
H0LY SHIT, S0ME0NE I KN0W S4YS HE C4N DD0X ME WITH HIS M4LWARE-RIDDEN J4ILBR0KEN PS4?
I MUST USE HTTPS://H4CKERTYPER.NET IN 0RDER T0 L4UNCH 4 C0UNTER STRIKE 4ND 0UT-H4CK THE 1337 H4X0R
*types aggressively as green text appears on screen*
FUCK, HE'S G0T HIS (minecraft) CL4N, 4N0NYM0US, T0 H4CK ME. I'M FE4RING F0R ME/MY F4MILY'S LIFE RN. SH0ULD I C4LL THE FBI TO OUT-H4CK HIM?10 -
After four months of working alone, finally got another developer at work. Unfortunately they hired him as my boss. He came to me yesterday with a new project and told me to drop everything I'm working on for it. I asked him the timeline for it, a week. Why. Why the fuck. Go fuck yourself.16
-
So at work with the Macs we use, we have some guy come in after hours to service the Macs, and that means the security risk of leaving our passwords on our desks.
Not being a fan of this I tell my boss, he knows it's a risk and despite that he doesn't want this guy coming in while we're here.
Though my main problem is the Mac guy Steve is arrogant and thinks he's a know it all, and with the software I have on the Mac may end up deleting something important, I have git repo and all but I feel off just letting someone touch my computer without me being there.
I tell my boss about the software and stuff he just says contact Steve and tell him about it, to ignore the software and such, I say alright, I write up an email telling him not to touch the software listed and the folders of software documents (again it's all backed up).
No reply, I tell my boss and he says call him, I call him and he hangs up on me on the second ring!
Not sure if he's busy, but I left him a message, asking if he got my email, no reply and it's coming close to the end of the day (going to service Macs in the weekend)
I'm just not going to leave my info because if this guy can't check emails or even get back to someone why should I bother with this bullshit of risking my work.
From all the info I hear about him and my previous rants he's an arrogant prick who loves Macs.
Can't wait to leave this company, pretty sure leaving my password on my desk is a breach of our own security policy, and since 8-9 people are doing it, it's a major risk.
But he's friends with the CEO so apparently it's fuck our own security policy.11 -
Can someone please explain to me WHY THE FUCK non devs feel like they know shit. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HOW YOU FOUND SOME UNTRUE SHIT ON GIZMODO. I'VE KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT THIS SHIT, AND YOU LOOKED UP THE FIRST EXAMPLE YOU COULD FIND THE SUPPORTS YOUR CASE. The most recent time this happened was OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS when this DUMBASS that my friends and I BULLY but HE STILL HANGS AROUND. (By bully, yes sometimes we are mean to him, but we're not out to get him. He comes to us and we don't wanna be with him). So after the SEVENTH groupchat (on two apps) he created that night, HE WANTED TO SWITCH BACK TO ANOTHER APP I SPENT A WEEK TRYING TO GET THEM TO SWITCH FROM PREVIOUSLY (It was whatsapp, i got them to switch to telegram). THEN HE TRIED to ARGUE with me about how TELEGRAM wasnt secure. HE SEARCHED "is telegram secure" on Google and chose the FIRST ARTICE from the previously mentioned, GIZMODO which says that TELEGRAM chats ARENT ENCRYPTED by DEFAULT. HOW THE FUCK DO DUMBASSES GET THIS KIND OF PUBLICITY. There's a difference between ENCRYPTION and END TO END DUMBASS. Then he told me whatsapp is more secure than telegram. NO ITS FUCKING NOT. In telegram, your encryption keys CHANGE every chat, or every 100 messages. To my best research, whatsapp only has ONE key per USER. I could go on forever about how chat backups in whatsapp are UNENCRYPTED or how FACEBOOK stores your data, but blocked you works to.6
-
Manager: what is the estimations for this task A nd B?
Me: Task A: 3 months for 1 guys, and task B: 2 Months
Manager: ok, u can have a fresher, and finish task A, and u urself can pick task B, u can train him and bring him up to pace...
Me: (trying to recalibrate my estimations)...
Manager: oh and u have 3 weeks to deliver production ready scalable quality code with junits, documentation and testing done...
Me: then why the fuck did u bother for the estimates?
Manager: oh that is just for the process complaince...I don't want any trouble in audit...4 -
The FCC Chairman is going ahead with his plan to repeal net neutrality despite objections from fellow commissioners, the CTO, more than a hundred members of Congress, senators and of course, the people.
What the fuck is wrong with this guy? How far up your own fucking ass does your head have to be to ignore basically everyone's vote against you? What the fuck. This guy is a really piece of fucking work. I hope this bounces back to bite him in the ass real hard.15 -
I seriously wanna fucking knofe this guy who says JS is shit and Kotlin is superior well NEWS FLASH YOU FLYING PIECE OF WANK, every fucking language has its pros and cons
If you still think JS is supposed to be in browser well I say to you fucktard this isnt the 80s anymore and we ain't using Java applets and Flash for some limp dicked stuff JS has covered today. A language might have its dark sides but they are all fucking good. There is no superiour language there's only Mother fucking preference. I swear to god this is the worse limp dicked argument I've heard and I have to argue that JS has matured over the years11 -
Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.1 -
Client (monday): What does it take this long? I have sent you everything!
Last email from him with content: Friday, 18:12
Would you kindly go and fuck yourself. Please.1 -
My company just migrated our mail servers over to office365. My boss has been excited and could barely contain himself when the migration was done he was having the best day ever after he got a good deal on some new toys...Then I ruined it.
Me (setting up) > WTF!? um...well I guess I don't have email on my phone anymore. These permissions are fucked.
Him > Oh why?
Me > They are ridiculous, I won't give away this much control just to read email.
Him (panicking) > and if buy you a company phone?
Me > Not a fuck it's still a personal device. I'll just sandbox the web version.
Him > Your over reacting, they obviously need them for security blah blah...
Me (sends him the pic) > The minimum system requirement is internet.
(...silence...)
I feel kinda bad for killing his vibe - he's a nice guy and he's only trying to do right by us but now he seems down like his toy isn't shiny anymore because he respects me. I wasn't beating on the stack or his choice (mines running on thunderbird). I just can't support this trend of GOD mode permissions for email / calculator and other single feature apps. I'll use the web app instead. You have to draw the line somewhere...
On the other hand I can't deny that I'm loving the irony that Microsoft just made my life easier and have a deep sense of satisfaction that for the first time ever I got fuck up his Friday :/18 -
Take the know-it-all guy you grew up with, that ruins every relationship he's ever had with friends and family, because he gets angry when folks don't deem him as the authority, even for shit he doesn't have a single clue about doing correctly.
Now make him the manager of a fast-food restaurant - so he can command anyone he pleases, making them do anything he wants them to, because he feels it's fun to experiment with co-workers emotions.
Give him an assistant manager that realizes that the only way they can keep their job is to kiss his ass, blowing him every once in a while for a ten cent raise, while the rest of the employees do nothing but smile, say "yes, sir", and go about their business - eventually shit talking about him at the parties he's not invited to.
Watch him jump on every fashion trend, no matter how much it costs, until he eventually decides that the job he's had for the last decade and his fellow employees are beneath him, without saving any money to pay for the things he needs to survive, or taking the proper time to learn all the things that would have made him successful in the long run.
Even though he was an uptight twat and a half, some folks feel that he never got the chance he deserved, as death comes knocking at an earlier age than many would have expected; creating an empty, irrational, and partial dependency in their lives, caused by problems he never cared to correct for their love and admiration, while others are happy as fuck that he's breathed his last breath.
This is the state of our current industry.
*Drops the mic*1 -
Use to have a client, annoying as fuck, nothing was right for him and the worst thing: IE user :O Anyways...finished the project hoped never to see him again...
Today he walks in my office: "Just got news we'll be working together again"
FML!1 -
😡😡😡 Who here thinks that great software can be build in a few hours?!?! My silly ass boss does. He haven't programmed in decades and think we're supposed to be able to build software that doesn't break, has the best security, no flaws, feature rich in VERY, VERY short amount of time!! 😡😡😡 Fuck out of here!! It pisses me off to my core.
Me: Just finished the required software. In a short amount of time with new stuff I've never worked with before.
Him: Well, it took u a week to do. I heard it should've only have taken u a few hours.
Then u build the shit then!!! Fuck out of here.
The Sr. Dev and I was talking about this on Friday. U won't good product...leave us the fuck alone and let us work!!! He don't think that there will be small issues that come up. He thinks we're supposed to already know those issues are gonna exists, like really u fuck tart!?
FUUUUUUCK!!!!8 -
Sometimes I want to fuck customers with 30 samurai methods ! A few minutes ago, some one called me and asked me to make a website like Google for him with 500$ 😑14
-
I told him that he should patch the getQueryString() due to it going through no sanitization before going straight to the API so at this point I feel entitled to fuck with their shit.5
-
DHL? More like, "Du Hurensohn Lieferst ned!"
Seriously! Fuck DHL so fucking hard! Why the FUCK can you deliver 2 FUCKING PACKAGES, WHICH REQUIRE SIGNING, INFRONT OF MY FUCKING ENTRANCE!! But not, A FUCKING 3rd one! LIKE SERIOUSLY! I WAS AT FUCKING HOME THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY! THEN I RECIEVE AN EMAIL THAT THE FUCKING PACKAGE "couldnt be delivered because I wasnt at home" YEAH FUCK YOU! 2 INFRONT OF MY FUCKING DOOR! and then... I see him... that fucking DHL guy, with my package, going INTO HIS FUCKING SHITASS DHL CAR, AND DRIVING OFF!
I literally just wanted to open the window and scream "HEY DHL, MEIN SCHEISS PACKET! WO ISSET!?" but I didnt...
FUCK THESE COCKSUCKERS FROM DHL! I HAVE A FUCKING LOUD DOORBELL! RING THAT THING! THERES A BUTTON WITH MY NAME NEXT TO IT!14 -
Ok so we went to a graphic class seeking graphic designers for our game.
We pitchted our 3d fast paced speed running game. With highscores and shit. (We only have a week to create this game)
This fucking moron in the back of the class starts to rise his hand asking:
Is this a MMORPG?
Me: No this is no fucking MMORPG?!
Him: But i only want to design to a MMORPG
Me: Well we are not doing a fucking MMORPG..
Him: Can you change it to an MMORPG please?
Me: WTF NOOO!
Him: Okey you sure?
Me: YES... smh
Like why the fuck shall we change an idea to something litrally impossible to make in a week and that will fucking crash and burn like every Michael Bay movie ever...4 -
Situation: My lead dev (read as in, my employee that has the lead developer position, not my superior) is complaining about certain decisions being made in regards to a rather large project that has been stagnated by executive political bullshit.
Me: let them fuck themselves over, it is their decision to have a voice on this and we are not the ones developing it, merely managing the resources.
Him: Well they do not know what they are asking! everyone is wanting to have an opinion! a voice!!!
Me: and by their own volition they will fuck themselves over and I have the proper documentation to show everyone that if the project is delayed, it will be by popular vote. I have already spoke to our VP to let him know that we are not taking part in their decision planning process, that we provide the necessary feedback, they get to do with it what they want regarding their decisions.
Him: they are being really stupid and inconsiderate
Me: they are indeed, but as long as I show that you, me, and the rest of the team provided input, they disregarded it and went with their decision, then then the fault is on them, not you or our team. Let them fuck themselves over, I have the documentation needed to secure our asses, I record every conversation and I have every email saved. Really, if they don't want to listen to you they will not be able to point the issues that will inevitably rise back to you or us.
Him: .... you are evil
Me: fuck with me team see what happens. Their face and reaction is what makes me get a hard on after the fact.
Ain't no one touching my team.10 -
I might actually quit. I'm within weeks (Army-stupidity pending) of working remote and not having to interact with my boss face to face, and I might quit.
2 week long call, everything I suggested was turned down/dismissed by him. Turns out, the second thing I suggested may have resolved the issue... After he decided he was going to take over the call.
While I was on the call, he ran the coffee maker, the kettle, banged his dishes around in the metal sink, and honestly tried to create as much noise as humanly possible, as he does for all my calls. I have multiple signs up requesting people be considerate.
He works for a different company, so I can't call HR, and I'm at the end of my patience.3 -
I'm proud to announce that my work laptop has been officially devRanted!!!
Ps: Boss going to kill me, but fuck him anyway!9 -
some people are fucking idiots.
i remember one time - i made a website which ended up having a slightly major security flaw.
the big isnt the point though. this guy told me to just "write secure code."
i consequently told him, "how about you go fuck yourself?"
well, he was a painter, so i then told him "maybe you should fucking draw better," and promptly left.
well, here i present what that would be like if other people were told shit like that.
depressed person - "just be happy"
teacher - "just make your students smarter"
homosexual - "just like the opposite sex"
presidential candidate - "just win the election"
homeless person - "just get a house"
idiot - "just stop being my client" (sorry had to vent)
well you get the idea.
devs should be treated as functioning members of society.12 -
I've been teaching my brother basic front-end development stuff. He's good. Seeing this, I decided to put him into a real project. So I got one, a simple front-end project. But the project managers are assholes and requesting stupid things. Thus, my brother didn't complete it before deadline. I don't know what to do now. I can't help my brother because I don't have enough time. I am very furious as I want to leave the project and fuck the manager over. What should I do?2
-
Him: Coding is completed. Just have to compile it.
You dumb fuck, go fuck yourself. Don't redefine meaning of complete. Get yourself a dictionary.1 -
So... The client saw a screenshot of me calling him a 'mother fucking French fuck' which resulted in him backing out, our company bearing a loss of almost half a million and me getting suspended.
So how's your day been going?10 -
Imagine being on vacation and the first notification you see on your phone in the morning is from your colleague on Teams:
"Hey! Are you available for a call despite the vacation?"
Fml and fuck me for being too kind to even spend time answering his questions instead of ghosting him.16 -
Boyfriend just got rejected after spending 45 minutes annotating a video using a company's shitty product they asked him to learn and utilize for the interview itself.
He did a fine job, if I do say so myself.
He was rejected today, with no reason other than a list of "common things that might have triggered a rejection".
Oh and the classic "we're sorry, we can't tell you why we rejected you - but we look forward to you re-applying in 45 days!"
Why the fuck not? If you're a recruiter and you do this shit, go royally fuck yourself. It's so beyond unprofessional and there's zero reason for it.
If he fucked up and failed, fine. At least tell him why. Be fucking adults. Your shit fucking stinks just like everyone else's, this isn't American Idol or the Hunger Games; you're not President Snow, and even Simon will tell you why you suck.
Fucking aggravating.15 -
Can someone just please come over and safe me? I am soooooo done with all this bullshit code. I understand why people loathe PHP, it enables totally worthless people to carry the title 'programmer' because hurrrdurrr look at my website, I made this. Fuck yes, you made that and you should SHAME yourself! What the actual flying fuck I can't begin to explain the monstrosities that I find checking out this worthless pile of fucking garbage.
User passwords saved as plaintext in database? Check!
Using hungarian notation, camecase and snakecase inconsistently? Check!
Typejuggling like you're the mainman of the Insane Clown Posse? Check!
Everything is a mess, there is no documenation, no consistency no nothing, this is straight from the 9th circle of programmers hell.
Aaaaaaarghhhhh I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS WORTHLESS PILE OF GARBAGE!!!!
The original dev prefixed every spagetthifile with his copyright shite so im gonna look him up and highfive him in the face with my laptop and after that printing out my resignation letter in comic sans fontsize 78 because FUCK YOU
So done.7 -
Lenovo, you dumb fuck cunts.
How the fuck did you think it might be okay to ship a laptop with a BROKEN FUCKING WLAN DRIVER??????
This piece of shit doesn't even have RJ45 anymore.
And also who shit in your empty cavities where your brains should be when you thought it was a good thing to disable booting from anything but the main windows partition? My Mint installer stick works on any and everything I have ever tried him with except for this.3 -
Oh, my boss never fails to amaze me...
Every fucking time he talks about changes to someone outside the team he says something like:
"we always gotta be prepared for breaks because it is always like that, you change something here and when you see you broke something there"
All in a manner that *tries* to bring tensions down.
And every time I explain to him why the fuck automated tests are important and wtf they do he always manage to understand it as a waste of time...
I'm never gonna give up, motherfucker.2 -
When your colleague is so impatient that he send 100s of emails for a small issue and you cant block him :|
Email 1
Email 2
Email 3
Dude at least let me read the issue in email
Email 4
Email 5
Dude you could have sent..
Email 6
Email 7
Sent.. me a ping on Slack
Email 8
Email 9
WTF man
Email 10
Email 11
Wait dude I am working
Email 11
Email 12
Working on your issue chillex
Email 13
Email 14
Email 15
Email 16
What the fuck :|
Email 17
Email 18
Email 19
Email 20
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Email 21
Email 22
Email 23
Email 24
Email 25
WHAT THE FUCK MAN :|
Email 26
Email 27
Email 28
I will kick your ass :|
Email 29
Email 30
Email 31
Email 32
Email 33
I will kill you :||
Email 34
Email 35
Email 36
I will fuck your mother :|||
Email 37
Email 38
Email 39
Email 40
I will drop a nuclear bomb on your Ass
Email 41
Email 42
Email 43
Email 44
.
.
.
.
'Its still coming' :|||¦6 -
The pay was good. The perks were good too. Then why the hell did I resign? Because of my manager. You won't believe he never contributed to anything. In the past two months, he didn't write a single line of code.
You may say, "he is a manager. His work is to manage people". But what?? He never allows us to talk to anyone. Sets unexpected reality in the meeting. And our CEO (a good-hearted man and good software engineer, but does not know much about ML/AI) believes in him. We are working on a product which is a piece of shit. I tried to tell everyone the reality. He stopped me. Says since I don't have experience, I don't know what is possible.
What the hell??? With current talent and resources, you are saying AI will replace humans in call centers by the end of 2019. What the FUCK!!!! I tried to write a mail to the CEO, explaining him things. He threatened me. Said he will make me lose my job. So FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!
That is the reason I am resigning. He has another 11 months to fuck the company. But I am going to a place where things are real. People know the potential and challenges of AI and are doing their best. I know, eventually, everyone will know that he is a liar. A big fucking LIAR. And he will lose his job. Not because machines will take over. But good, talented human beings will replace him.8 -
So, I was in the middle of a rant about how disorganized maintenance is this weekend, but husband said he might have to go to the ER for a headache that got worse after he passed out in formation and no one caught him.
Suddenly, I don't give a fuck about work. I want to be on a plane to him to be there in case the ibuprofen doesn't work and it's more serious than he thinks. He's less than a week from graduation. I just need him to come home so I can take care of him.3 -
//little Story of a sys admin
Wondered why a Server on my Linux Root couldn't build a network connection, even when it was running.
Checked iptables and saw, that the port of the Server was redirected to a different port.
I never added that rule to the firewall. Checked and a little script I used from someone else generated traffic for a mobile game.
OK beginn the DDoS Penetration. Over 10 Gbit/s on some small servers.
Checked Facebook and some idiot posted on my site:
Stop you little shithead or I will report you to the police!!!
Checked his profile page and he had a small shitty android game with a botnet.
Choose one:
1. let him be
2. Fuck him up for good
Lets Sudo with 2.
I scaled up my bandwith to 25 Gbit/s and found out that guys phone number.
Slowly started to eat away his bandwith for days. 3 days later his server was unreachable.
Then I masked my VoIP adress and called him:
Me: Hi, you know me?
He: No WTF! Why are you calling me.
Me: I love your're game a lot, I really love it.
He: What's wrong with you? Who are you?
Me: I'm teach
He: teach?
Me: Teach me lesson
He: Are you crazy I'm hanging up!
Me: I really love you're game. I even took away all your bandwith. Now you're servers are blocked, you're game banned on the store.
He: WHAT, WHAT? (hearing typing)
Me: Don't fuck with the wrong guys. I teached you a lesson, call me EL PENETRATO
He: FUCK Fuck Fuck you! Who are you???!!! I'm going to report you!
Me: How?
He: I got you're logs!
Me: Check it at Utrace...
He: Holy shit all around the world
Me: Lemme Smash Bitch
*hung up*4 -
Honk! Honk! Here comes your company's proprietary library wearing big, red, squeaky fucking clown shoes! What a goofy fuck he is! Look how he breaks and limits React because he's a stupid, broken, clown shoe wearing mother fucker! Watch him trip over his big stupid feet and fall flat on his fat, stupid face. Hope you weren't planning on being productive because this big, dopey fuck is your partner.
-
At work:
** fast typing from lead and me fx**
** lead stops typing, scratch record sound and headhphones being taken off fx**
Lead Devel: Yo Al
*still typing fx**
Me: whats good gansgtah
L.D: remember how we talked about bringing in a version manager into that <huge_pilo_shit> program? But we haven't done it cuz we some lazy mofockas?
** now I stop typing **
Me: .....yes......fuck
Him: yes...fuck
O_o fuck....that bitch is huge man.......2 -
This is the face of NPM right now.
So, Devon Govett (Parcel creator, hella lot of GitHub stars) offered to kind of standardize package.json, but faced nothing but angry NPM-CLI creator telling him that he’s a “rando from internet” and “why the fuck are you even speccing something, and why would anyone care”. No real professionally ethical discussion, no invitation to discuss things together with team, no even polite “no”.
Definitely the friendliest behavior possible, well done!
https://mobile.twitter.com/maybekat...7 -
Sweet lord jesus I fucking hate React! I hate whatever those idiots at facebook or whoever decided to change how everything works 15 fucking times in the span of 4 versions. For fuck sakes, the errors are shit. The documentation is shit, the answers to questions are useless!
I hate this fucking framework with a burning passion, I want nothing more than to shove the entirety of the populous that developed this garbage up zuckerburgs ass and then drown him in a vat of boiling piss and motor oil.
Fuck react.17 -
I'm starting to dislike the targeted news articles at the bottom of a new tab on chrome lol
I went to check my grades, saw the title of an article that seemed really interesting, so i read it. By the time I finished it, I thought of a friend who'd like to read it. So I sent him the link.
15 minutes go by and I mutter "fuck" as I remember I never checked my grades, the whole reason I even opened chrome lol12 -
FUCK. This person who I have to avoid at social gatherings because I find him insufferably annoying is applying to my workplace and oh my God I hope I never have to work with him, at least the company is 700 people so the odds are relatively low?
Uggggg he's the worst. And I'm so easy going. There's like two people I feel this way about (fortunately the other lives in a different city).9 -
Designed a logo for client. Sent him an EPS, JPEG, and PNG..
Client: "Can you send me a PDF instead?"
Why the fuck would he want a PDF? O.o11 -
So someone here had the job to merge the current version of our software into another older repo.
(That older repo has some features for future versions, that should be only in there ... don´t ask ... not my decision)
Took him long enough. But he forgot to check one thing while merging: The encoding of the files.
And we´re german...
ALL umlauts, and all other special chars in the code were replaced with this: �
No global replace, because all chars were replaced with the same char.
(Why the fuck do we have special chars in the code in the first place???)
So to not need him to start all over again I compiled a list of common german words containing umlauts and did a global search and replace.
I think I got 90% of the errors like that.
Now he´s going to correct the rest of the errors.
Fuck the comments in the code though.
Just a waste of time...5 -
This drawing was commented on my PR to explain the flow of a bug I need to fix, what da fuck does this means. I already told him to use a mock up tool like Adobe XD or some shit like that. Dudes answer's was "It's easier for me just to draw it"12
-
!rant
Stupid customer insists that the website must have the *same fucking UI* even when seen on mobile.
Where the fuck are your eyes, don't you see that a big complex table just doesn't fit the fucking screen of your crappy phone??? Of course it needs to be layed out differently.
I don't know if I should politely reply "no", or just don't give a fuck, deploy it, and then let him realize how much he is stupid.5 -
My partner with his desktop speaker plays his favorite EDM music on a working afternoon weekdays in our open office. Fuck.
While he's on it and I confronted him, he said "but you're on headphones most of the time."
What the fuck.3 -
A friend sent me this saying that this has windows on it, I put it in my computer to show him that it doesn't work
Now my PC doesn't power on
I mean WTF
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW45 -
Caught a co-worker's gigantic fuck up today – dude totally wiped important code off master with a terrible git rebase + git push.
Gave him the nicest earful I could muster, but I think this is one of those times where I'm allowed to be royally pissed.5 -
Holy fucking shit.
I just read an article about Barton Gellman, one of the journalists that wrote the snowden articles for the Washington Post and one of the 3 that got contacted directly by snowden.
It seams like several intelligence agencies tried/succeeded to compromise his infrastructure.
His iPad got compromised through an RCE exploit.
The turkish intelligence service tried to compromise his laptop by tricking him into installing a customized RAT.
Like fuck man, I can't imagine how it is to be targeted by pretty much every government there is.15 -
Background:
New guy on our team, deadline coming up. I bring him into a meeting room, explain what the project is about, quick run down of the code. Then spent a while explaining what we have to do next, gave him a piece to do, took a piece to do myself.
The fuck up:
A few days / week pass by and I ask to check on his progress. Fucktard decided an hour after the meeting that it would be easier for him to use a different database than what the project was using and decided he wanted to work on some other feature instead.
My stuff was dependent on his stuff, so not only did he not do his work but stopped me from delivering mine.
Let’s just say there was a few stern words in a meeting room shortly after that.1 -
Using Oracle 10g for our distributed databases practical lab session, and typed many SQL queries in one sheet.
Suddenly this guy came and told shortcut 'ctrl + r' to quickly run selected query.
And the page fucking reloaded and boom, all queries were gone! His evil laugh was more disturbing. 😡😡
Fuck him.3 -
I FUCKING HATE THE INSTAGRAM ALGORITHM FOR SUGGESTED POSTS TO EXPLORE.
You piece of shit; I have NEVER EVER looked at pictures of nature, but I get a shit load of suggested pictures of nature. Can't forget the time they spammed it with memes in a random language I can't read.
OH. AND LETS NOT FORGET YOUR TIMELINE ALGO. IT'S JUST AS SHITTY.
"Hmm. Let him see a picture posted a few minutes ago or one from a week ago? Fuck it, a week ago it is!"7 -
Had to bring up some issues with my instructor to the school, and forgot to print out emails hosted on their Exchange server that show the issue in detail. When I logged in, every email had mysteriously disappeared from my account, but because I document everything about this horseshit school locally, I could still show the exported emails.
The instructor?
Head of IT.
The bastard tried to hide the evidence, but fuck him, Document Everything. -
My Boss, another employee and me were having discussion on a functionality on the website "How we will do it". After talking to us, my boss called his former employee and asked him the same question "How we will do this functionality".
After talking with the former employee, he comes back and tells us the same that we told him on "How we going to do it". Which pissed me off and I am angry on him, why the fuck does he has to call the former employee about this.
What do you guys think, should I be angry?3 -
My supervisor tells me to prefer the official documentation over stack overflow for reference. Fuck him11
-
I was about sign-out and collegue comes running that something is urgent and can't wait till next day.
I said fuck off to his face and told him to go and resume his tik-tok video. I signed out and left office. Next day he reported me to HR. Disciplinary action will taken against me starting next week.
Awesome 😎4 -
There is a fuck-nut moron developer in my team who's been driving me crazy. I end up having multiple conversation with him on the same problem; I give him the solution; he nods his head and then makes the same mistake he made earlier.
I really want to help him learn and grow, but one can only tolerate so much stupidity before giving up.4 -
!dev
I'm so goddamm fucking tired of this fucking shitty ed sheeran fucking.
Fuck ed sheeran, fuck this bland predictible squared music.
I mean, not him, the music.
Jesus fucking christ, every fucking uber I take this shit ass song is playing.
I heard this song like 50 times already, I'm not even fucking kidding.
This is the musical equivalent of being a passive smoker.10 -
Guy I work with messaging me: Hey could you check my SQL syntax to get the date part for the month and year.
Me thinking: Ughhh this is going to be something stupid I know it. Why doesn't he just check it himself?
I check it... 2 queries that are very, very, very... simple... and similar except one returns last year (2017) and the other returns the current year (2018)
Me: Not sure what your issue is... I'm not getting any syntax errors. They are executing
Him: Well it shouldn't show 2017, it should show 2018
Me thinking: learn to debug you lazy fuck
Me: Well you're adding a -1 to your year...(Not sure why your even adding to it if your just getting the current month and year)
Him: Oh you're correct! That makes sense
Waste of my time2 -
I have been sick for a week now. All I needed was one day of rest. But no, can't rest on the week days because I work late. Can't rest on weekends because work fucking calls me for retarded tasks that they are just too fucking lazy to do themselves.
Look gobknob, I understand you're not paying me overtime. Fuck you for that. But to deny me a day off because "we are too busy" and you can clearly see I'm fucking falling around due to illness is just a shit move.
"no doctors note, no time off". Yeah. You don't give me time to go to the doctor.
So you know what I did? I fucking went to the doctor now. Said I'm sick as a dog. Gave me a few days off too.
I should have asked him to prescribe my director a butternut sized suppository that cures all "I'm a shithead" ailments.
Time to try and turn my phone off for a few days (won't work. "oh no! We hired fuck twits who can't do their job, and now our skilled dev is sick" director "FUCKING PHONE HIM" this shit really happens.).
Excuse my grammar, my spelling, and possibly my punication. Time to sleep after 65 hours.4 -
So I had a guy in my team, all day shouted "shitty code this, shitty code that"...
Today I had to fix some things, seen some really crappy code, said to myself "I've got to check who's the author of this beauty"... It was him... How the fuck can you shout shitty code on other peoples work when yours ain't better?!?6 -
I have a new Job as a full stack developer, so Im here to tell my story, you see,I told my boss today that im quitting,
Which he replies by telling me to wait, to see if he can get the CTO to pay me more,
now the CTO sais, "HE IS ONLY A BACK END DEVELOPER, HE'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, I THING WE ARE PAYING HIM MORE THAN ENOUGH" So I said fuck him and left :D4 -
RANT.RANT.RANT.
So I have a fucking groupmate for our degree project and he's been constantly bugging on my neck asking me to do things. The problem with him is that he constantly reminds me of the things that I should be doing and he seems like he wants the thing to be done all himself. Basically, he doesn't trust me that I could deliver whatever he asks me to do. He keeps on micromanaging me from time to time and he seems like he wants to control my life altogether! Fuck this.
Oh and another, whenever he asks for opinion, whatever you say doesn't even fucking matter. He dismisses it immediately anyway and goes with whatever he thinks.
Seriously, fuck this!!! I can't keep calm and I need to constantly check on my posture! (Forgot the right term...) Uhhhh halp5 -
So a friend of mine is starting to learn PHP and HTML and he tells me:
"I wrote some code in HTML but I can't run it through the browser"
I'm not brave enough to tell him you can't "run" HTML
But later, he told me "so now i'm writing PHP just to understand how it works, but don't want to install the program to run PHP"
How the fuck you gonna learn?
I already know I'm gonna have to build what he wants to do :/ at least a couple thousand euros incoming :D2 -
Fuck my company. Let the technology people work with technology.
I work at a small company who constantly brings in people who are absolutely useless. The project manager requires me to take items out of azure Dev-ops into an excel because he will not take the time to understand how a board works. The business analyst hands bullshit requirements in formats which no one but him can understand under the pretense that the Devs and architect can ask him when they feel like it. The CEO wants a power-point which again the technical teams have to prepare for him because the project manager or BA will not have time for it. However they make sure to gut the estimates handed over by the Dev team and introduce unfeasible deadlines.
Meanwhile the client has zero problems as the work still somehow gets done due to people in the Dev team overextending. Goddam leeches wasting mine and my teams time doing bullshit.8 -
Guys what I want to know is how do you secure your code so that they pay you after you deliver the code to them?
So recently I was in this internship that I secured with an over-the-phone interview and the guy who was contacting me was the CEO of the company (I'm going to refer to him as "the fucking cunt" from now on). He asked me to do some OCR and translations and I managed to write a few scripts that automate the entire process. The fucking cunt made me login remotely to his desktop which was connected to the server (who the fuck does that) and I had to operate on the server from his system. I helped him with the installation and taught him how to use the scripts by altering the parameters and stuff, and you know what the fucking cunt did from the next day onward? Dropped contact. Like completely. I kept bombing emails upon emails and tried calling him day after day, the fucking cunt either picked up and cut the call immediately on recognising its me or didn't pick up at all. And the reason he wasn't able to pay me was, and I quote, "I am in US right now, will pay you when I get back to India." I was like "The fuck was PayPal invented for?" Being the naive fool that I was, I believed him (it was my first time) and waited patiently till the date he mentioned and then lodged a complain in the portal itself where he had posted the job initially. They raised a concern with the employer and you know what the fucking cunt replied? "He has not been able to achieve enough accuracy on the translations". Doesn't even know good translation systems don't exist till date ( BTW I used a client for the google translate API). It has been weeks now and still the bitch has not yet resolved the issue.And the worst part of it was I got a signed contract and gave him a copy of my ID for verification purposes.
I'm thinking of making a mail bomb and nagging him every single day for the rest of his life. What do you guys think?7 -
I hate lying customers.
Today a customer opened a support ticket related to his website account. Apparently he is losing his session right after the login success.
I've debugged everything, checked all logs and couldn't reproduce it.
I know every bit of business logic on the website by heart.
The only explanation could be that his browser either doesn't allow cookies or expires them after page change.
So I asked him to check.
"Yes, cookies are allowed in my browser" he wrote.
Well... fuck me... I will change the code to put the session ID in the URL as well. If it works - and I'm 100% sure of that - I will personally mail him a collection of the finest turds.4 -
My designer just had an user interview where the user is a developer and my designer showed him the mock-ups of a no code tool that we are building, asking the dev for his input.
She literally had a session with a guy announcing him that we are building a tool that will put him out of work and moreover asked him for inputs so that we miss no use case.
And in another story, one of my dev lead decided to decommission an entire feature and replace it will a hacky solution because the devs in her team were not comfortable using the current design in their development stage. Hence, without user research, any strong use case, or considering business implications, she went ahead and drafted the entire approach on how to fuck everyone.
I am out of my honeymoon phase at my new org and I am scared. Shit scared.16 -
My boss is such a fucking pussy when it comes to stand up for anything that, even being a calm person, sometimes I just want to bitch slap that mother fucker, get him by the neck and say:
GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS FOR FUCKS SAKES!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!2 -
I met a really really nice guy who I'd love to meet irl, @ribchinski
He's the type of guy who's so chill you'd want to fuck a goat with him, you get me?7 -
Director of the company asked me to design an app that's near impossible on Tuesday. Explained to him the constraints of what he wanted, he told me to give him a low down of all the constrains by the end of the week. Gave him a a full report yesterday.
Calls me in today and tells me head office's CSO is coming next week Friday and he wants the app ready by then so he can show it to the CSO.
What the fuck. Guess I'll be spending nights late coding the impossible. (because my actual job at the company has nothing to do with his bloody app).
Communication is key, but when the communicator is flat out fucking ignored, what's the point.1 -
Absolutely not dev-related.
Blah, blah, weird conversation and shit. I'm too tired and lazy to write this crap again, but let's do it.
The guy is a dev I randomly found on some chatting service, he was interesting to talk with until this conversation. I'll write this out of memory, so yeah.
Him: So by the way I wrote an app that you give your penis size to to get measurements and stuff about it.
Me, thinking it was dev humor: That's hilarious. Tell me more, I'm interested.
Him: So the idea behind all of this was to gather some big data style info about people's penis size and habits and all that stuff.
Me: Man that's awesome. Can I see the source?
Him: No, it's proprietary. You can buy a license though.
Me: You went that far for a joke?
Him: What joke?
Me: The whole software you just told me about.
Him: That's not a joke, I'm being very serious about it.
Me: Oh well. What did you get from the stats?
Him: I got some tips from people's habits! I never thought that shaving it could make it look bigger, but that's awesome!
Me: Do you really care about it that much?
Him: Studies have proven that size correlated with confidence. Since I started doing it, I've been more confident than ever!
Me: Great.
Him: I'm a bit disappointed to see that I'm in the lower percentiles though.
Me: Well of course you are.
Him: Why would you say that?
Me: Well since people with a big dick tend to go more willingly into the subject and might even buy a fucking app for it, of course you'd have the higher average in your stats.
Him: You're only saying that because you have a small cock.
Me: Why the fuck would you say that? You're the one that's concerned about it, not me.
Him: Go on, what's your size?
Me, because I don't care about discussing that stuff: *Tells him*
Him: [stats, comparisons and stuff]
Me: Well I never gave a fuck and your stats won't make me change my mind.
[ ... Some other shit about my size compared to his ... ]
Him: Would you want to work with me for the database maintenance?
Me: You must be joking?
Him: I'm serious.
Me: *Deletes account*
Seriously, fuck that guy. I rewrote that quickly so you only had the best, but it was a whole fucking conversation.3 -
Living in student accomondation :
Me doing whatever on my Laptop (coding, YouTube ...) minding my own business enjoying silence or music or whatever...
EVERY FUCKING TIME I GET TO GET COMFY, MY STUPID FUCKING ROOMMATE DECIDES TO COME IN, LAUGH LIKE A DUMB FUCKING IDIOT AND EITHER STAYS FOR X MINUTES WATCHING OVER MY SHOULDER AND IS EITHER CRITICIZING MY CODING OR STARTS WATCHING THE VIDEO SITTING NEXT TO ME LAUGHING LIKE A DUMB FUCK.
He does that at least 3 times a day, while he should be studying himself(He almost failed all of His CS classes and does not even know how to create a fucking constructor in Java).
MOTHERFUCKER, GO AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS
Had to get that off my Christ :)
PS : told him multiple Times to fuck off. If i go and sit somewhere else (like library or somewhere) dumbfuck just follows me.
FUCK HIS LAUGH, SOMEBODY CUT HIS TOE OFF PLEASE.
Cant even change Apartment as accomondation ist completely full :)3 -
“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected2 -
Ok so for the first time (doing web dev since a few years) I got this customer who insists to work via TeamViewer on the phone with me doing css edits live. It's a mess and extremely stressful. I told him I don't work like that and today I officially put a stop in this. He's saying that all the other developers are working for him in the same way and that by doing 4 hours sessions of live css edits by the pixel they save time.
Guys, what the fuck are you doing?4 -
It's fucking never worth it, to be decent to colleagues. I got prove of that just this evening. Sorry, this rant will be a bit longer.
A colleague of mine inherited some legacy project that I worked on in the past. He clearly hates working on it. And tbh. I can't blame him for it. It's not very fun. He also makes virtually no effort to become more proficient in it.
This usually leads to him calling for my aid, whenever any problem arises, that would require any kind of effort to solve. I would normally cave in and help him. Mostly due to the fact, that without any intervention from me, it would end on my desk sooner or later.
That changed in the last few months, as I simply couldn't make free time to help him. anymore. I was working overtime and the associated project barely got done on time. During that time I would, as politely as possible, deny him. He knows fully how stressful the project was getting.
Today he asked for help again. I denied again, as a task was due very soon. He didn't reply to my message afterwards. After a few hours suddenly I got a bunch of his jira issues assigned to me.
The motherfucker simply shoved _all_ of his support issues to me. Not only that, he also assigned the issue he was asking for help for earlier as well. All without consulting me or anything. Then he pissed of into his vacation.
Some of his support issues have been created last year! And they are still not solved. He simply isn't replying to questions in those issues or just assigns them to others colleagues without any instructions.
Fuck him. Other colleagues don't even respond to him anymore. He fully fucking knows that I have a tight deathline on my current task. And still he chose to dump all his work on me, so that I have to waste time to reassign it and report it to our superior.
Fuck him for creating more stress in this already stressful situation. Enjoy your vacation you fucking leech. I will have quite a "nice suprise" waiting for you, when you return.15 -
I was nice to my college and lended him my old headphones, after his died.
3 months later he still hasn't fucking bought a new headset and he doesn't give a flying fuck about managing cables.5 -
So I made a message board and posted it here at devrant
Now there’s a user with username Ass and I don’t know what to do about that situation…. I don’t want to remove him from user, but all he posts is ass…
Fuck me20 -
So I'm in charge of planning how the projects are gonna be dealt with from now on and today my boss just emailed a list of changes to another dev, with the following fuck ups:
- I'm not copied
- He already did most of it
- It doesn't even exists on our Trello board
- Obviously not thought out and unplanned Bullshits that might change once again...
I was so fucking pissed that I didn't have a reaction, I'm absolutely gonna talk to him tomorrow first thing...2 -
I changed IP address of the domain A record to point to his new site. Told him it could take a day to propagate, but usually fine in a few hours. 2 hours later... "Microsoft is pointing to new site but Google isn't". I have to make some assumptions here, who else calls a browser by its fucking parent company, that is if he is talking about that or search engines. Anyway just sent him my favourite wiki link on how to clear browser cache and hopefully he will fuck off indefinitely.1
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Fuck-a-doodle-do Fuck Fuck Fuck what a fucking dipshit. Scared the god damn shit out of me.
So I am deep in code, listening to my music pounding out some code and Drupal configurations and I feel a shadowy draft over my right side like someone is watching me.
I work with a guy that will not for the fucking life of me use Slack to send me a message when I have my headphones on or at all for that matter.
He gets up and walks to my cubicle and just stares with a goofy fucking grin on his face. You know the one. LIke a retarded fucking dog eating shit out of a wire brush. Yeah that's the grin. Silently derping with his fucking derp ass Derp McDerpington face waiting on you to turn around an notice him there instead of knocking on the cubicle wall or waving to get your attention.
The FUCK dude? CreepyPasta2 -
That's it, I'm done. I'm SO. FUCKING. DONE. Whoever created such a badly monkey ass coded shit and named it "Drupal" should have been aborted with a fucking hanger.
No one was here today because they were all at a Drupal Con that I never heard of. Glad I didn't. So they told me "yeah there are one year bug to fix, if you could do them all in a one work day that'd be greaaaaat". FUCK. YOU.
This shit is slowly sucking my passion away, and while I could spend 15 hours to code per day a few months ago, now I'm stuck to debugging shit that should have work without a Drupal environment. Tomorrow I'm going to see my manager and tell him to get me the fuck out of this and make me do something that would make me enjoy living again. I can't believe I'm getting trouble for this kind of low shit stuff, really.
And it started to rain. Fuck.6 -
Fuck. My boss left for a meeting with the client to show him the new frontend. 5 minutes after he left I saw that on the staging server half of the page entries were gone for the non-default localizations. FUCK.
It took me 20 minutes to restore the fuckery. I hope the client didn't see it...3 -
So I've been doing work for a big ass real estate firm. Managing work of their 12 websites. A month ago they sent a prototype built with React.js which their design agency did. What we did was creating a backend API and an administration area and hooked the prototype to make it dynamic.
Everything was working quite great but around 2-3 days ago their guy who had been looking over the work of this React.js website came up and said that it isn't working in Internet Explorer 11. Bastard didn't mention this earlier throughout the whole month when we had provided him access to a staging server. I coldly replied that the prototype was provided by their design agency. But today the fucker put it all on us and said that it is something we implemented that caused this issue. I had to do some research but I finally managed to run the website in IE11. Bastard tried to steal my weekend.
Fuck IE11, fuck such pig clients, fuck Microsoft. IE, just DIE already you syphilis infected piece of whore's ass! -
Got job offer, nice pay, started reading - 10 steps of recriutment.
They literally wrote that if I will be lucky I will meat CEO during last phase.
I told myself I would probably puke if I manage to pass all steps and tell this CEO to fuck off if I meet him during interview.
I think I skip this one.5 -
Friend has great idea for a software project built on top of OpenAI's API.
He wants it to be freemium, littered with ads.
He doesn't code. I think he's hinting at me to build it for him and I'll continue acting aloof.
I will not build software that's funded by ads.
Fuck ads. I hate ads.5 -
Ransomware has the effect to destroying data and my will to live.
I come in to work yesterday to see everyone panicking. We got hit by WannaCry. The boss is with IT dealing with it and sends all of us home. No biggie, since all of my work data is backed up on an offsite server.
I come back into work to still see everyone in a frenzy. I think they are still overreacting to the attack, so I go to my corner in the office. I boot up to see the Ubuntu logo, which is a huge problem, not for me of course, but for everyone else who can barely work Windows. I barge in on my boss and ask him why the fuck is Ubuntu on the PC's.
He replies, "I looked it up, Linux is not affected by viruses".
What the fuck is wrong with people? After I tell him to revert back to Windows because he's being a fucking retard, he goes ahead to send all of us home.
I can only hope he doesn't install Zorin or Elementary because I will quit.6 -
I'm so fkin happyyyyyy!!
2 months ago a friend hits me up and says "lets make a fkin website"
I had no knowledge of web dev and didn't take it seriously cuz "web dev is for losers who can't code, also they get paid in peanuts" as stated by someone I highly respected back in school.
Fuck him.
It's all changed.
I never thought I'd say this.
But web dev is the best thing I've picked up in 3 years
Been making steady progress in js, php, sql then picked up jquery and made a few dynamic test sites. God it was so fkin satisfactory. Started node- it's intimidating but I'll get the hang of it soon and thinking of starting vue or ember as soon as I'm confident in all the stuff I've picked up. Oh and friend's website?
Fuck that it's a trash concept. I still thanked him for getting me to start web dev and moved on.
I still have my roots in c++ and Python and I'll never forget them but I think this may be the start of a wonderful journey. Be sure to burst my bubble I'm just a noob now10 -
!dev
I fucking hate how when an (musical) artist dies, all of a sudden everyone is a fucking fan of them.
First it was Lil peep, then it was fucking Xtension cord dude, then Mac Miller and now Nippsey.
Like ik damn well all the people I am friends with saying "rip Nippsey" have heard like 2 songs from him and listened to them twice.
But now that he's dead you're acting like you bumped his shit all day & everyday? Fuck off man.18 -
Just posting the rant a team mate gave today after nothing worked:
Fuck ionic... fuck Karma... fuck webstorm and fuck this company.
After he said it he went home.
I could totally understand him because I felt the same way1 -
First software refactoring in the company I worked for. No test environnement because "who needs it?", no unit testing, no comments, had to make sql updates and shit, was scared all day long that something would fuck up.
"Fuck fuck fuck, forgot a part of the where !" Had to fix everything quickly so no one would notice, no coffee/smoke pauses. On top of that, got a ton of retarded requests from the PM and other technicians working with me like "hey boi, could you add an icon to every button we made? There's like a thousand, we need it for tonight, our client will come visit us and I want to show him a better interface blablabla"
And since I was an intern, I couldn't refuse, had to work like a prostitute in virgin-land, and for what?
"Oi, you did good, now do other stuff"1 -
First day of web server programming class. The teacher clearly doesn't know anything. He doesn't even know what the course is about! When someone asks him what it is, he mumbles about "dynamic" something... Then he says we will be using the languages JavaScript, MVC, and PHP. What the fuck. MVC? LANGUAGE?
He then tries to come up with some project we could make, and is not going to teach anything apparently. Keep in mind, most people in this class have very little previous experience with programming.
After not saying anything for a long time, he finally tells us to make a clock in JavaScript. A CLOCK. He is supposed to teach how to make Web APIs and such, but instead, he tells us to make a clock in JavaScript, and that's it.
What. The. Fuck.10 -
Tuesdays at work suck. This is something I've put a lot of thought into.
Take Monday for instance, we love to hate him, when it comes to Mondays we all know the score we tell Monday where he can go and he takes that and owns it. He knows we hate him and we all know where we stand.
Wednesday is hump day, not great but we know we're halfway through the week. Thursday gets us a little excited cos we can see the end of the week.
Friday is the one we've been waiting for and we love him, Saturday and Sunday are bliss.
Tuesday... What's Tuesday got? It's just a day, there's nothing going on with Tuesdays.
Well except this week, in the UK we had Monday off as a statutory vacation, so this week, this week Tuesday is the day we love to hate, he's now got all this beginning of the week rage directed at him. The other days are unaffected, Thursday and Friday still have their thing, Wednesday still marks the half way point.
Monday has buggered off and let Tuesday be something for a day, I don't think he can take it. If he could Monday would probably go into retirement. Monday probably has more hatred directed towards it than Katie Hopkins (and that's saying something).
In short, no, no I do not want to get out of bed and go to work today, but I will, cos that's just what we do, but fuck you Tuesday.
Fuck you with a bag of spanners...
...Sideways...
...With habanero sauce...
... And a pineapple.1 -
So fuck this. Fucking fuckers fuck this.
We've been having massive performance issues with a nested drag and drop component. I built this abomination about a year ago and had to rush through it due to my colleague not thinking the change was necessary, even though the previous revision was even worse. It's been going strong for a while, but since a month ago it has started to perform badly. Makes sense, because it was hacked together, and wasn't made for the amount of data that it's handling now.
So the other day I presented the issue to my colleague, telling him exactly what the problem was, and that we'll have to rewrite quite a bunch of the code to get it working. Today when I bring it up again he is really negative towards the changes because they are so big, and don't really want me to do them. He is, however, super stressed about the performance issues and starts digging around in the code himself. Code that he's never touched, don't understand how it works, and has said he's not interested in learning about. He even says he sucks at frontend and Vue himself. So we sit there from morning to lunch, digging through the code together (I had to do it as well because he came nowhere). And what do you think the conclusion was? The same thing I told him a few days ago.
So what now then? He still don't want me to do the changes, but still wants it solved! How the fuck is that supposed to happen?!?
Worst part is that we're the only two developers in the company, and our boss has little IT experience. That puts me and my colleague at the same hierarchical level, so all decisions has to be cool with the both of us.
So fuck this. Fucking fuckers fuck this.8 -
A little backstory first I was doing a project which had 2 phases for a class about databases. We worked in groups of 4. My group was with some friends of mine so I thought everything was going to be well divided and easy. Was I so fucking wrong. One of them always told me he was going to work but then did nothing, the other went on a vacation and I thought the third one had died. I had to single handedly write a story about the database, the clients requirements, design the conceptual logical and physical models and write a report of about 50 pages alone while balancing my other work. When I delivered this first phase one of them told me that he was sorry and he would do everything in the second phase. My dumb ass thought well maybe he had his reasons so I let it go. I waited like 2 weeks before starting to work on this because I was waiting for him to do something. A week before delivery he asked me for the initial database (which I had already put up on github) so he could start doing stuff. I told him I had already done it he said he would do the report conclusion. I waited and you know what happened. When I delivered the second project I snapped and told him he could go fuck himself. He told me that he didnt have internet at home (our home) but I knew he was at a mutual friends house playing on the ps4. I talked with him and said he should think about his fucking life because I know if somebody asked anything about databases he would know fuck all. After telling him he was worthless and that I would never be in a project with him again, I didnt talk with him for a while and I still talk about it (and I'm still pissed) with other friends who had similar experiences.2
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Ugh, I hate this stupid F*!
There's this new guy who's much older and thinks he's a such a f'ing hotshot that he undermines everything I worked on to drop in some a** backwards BS. Luckily I don't have to work with him often, only one day a week - else I would go nuts! He constantly name drops this same company, with little disregard for others younger than him.
Bitch, I'm close to 20 years younger than you and yet I've worked for a much longer list of much more respected companies. I've worked with legal teams on intellectual property, ran my own business, and have multiple patents. Did you ask me once my background? No, because your a selfish prick and an asshole. That's why you're likely in a mid life crisis, single, and alone. Fuck you!3 -
Well that would probably be my classmate. He sucks at programming but I wanted him to do at least something. So I dictated him code he should simply type down: "for ( blah foo colon foos ) { ..." And he's like "for ( blah foo .. foos ) {". Colon means " Doppelpunkt" in German which means "double dot" if translated literally. So he wrote ".." instead of ":".
Fuck meh2 -
Moral of the story: sometimes you've got to take a hit to be better off in the end.
A client asked me to design flyers for him, at first I was hesitant since this would be a stand alone design task instead of one incorporated with development.
He kept asking since he liked what I designed for my other clients (logos, etc..) So I finally said yes and we agreed to a final preview before he would pay me. I had asked him for color schemes, certain pictures, info, etc. but he told me it was completely up to me.
I finished the design, sent him the preview and he told me it was shit compared to my other work and that he didn't want it anymore 😅. I used to get mad as fuck every time this happened but now I don't even bother .
I know many people are going to say "You should have had him sign a contract, bla bla". I know, I know, but you can't let people sign a contract for every small thing, it completely depend on the situation and I prefer to know which of my lesser known clients are assholes so I can quit accepting tasks from them. This saves me much more time in the end. -
Sometimes when I'm telling my boss how to do something on his computer or I am watching him explaining something to me and he seems like a fucking lost infant that never used a fucking computer in his life I just wanna say loud and firmly:
"What the fuck man? Can't you fucking just click this shit already? Your fucking mouse pointer is on it already, click this motherfucker for once!"6 -
Just love it when the client discloses their requirements in phases. M sitting here with the complete stack waiting for him to come online and fuck me a little more as he discloses the next phase. Client's done this 3 times already. Fuck that asshole.
-
There is an nerdy socially retarded IT head. He asked me to look into a project after the programmers left the company. Basically he gave me a list of modification with one particular screenshot of Calendar( seems like a JQuery plugin) and asked me to develop it.. I asked him to give me the link from where he got the Calendar... No fucking response in Skype.
So after a month he asked me to show the project, I showed him with the Calendar similar to picture and no functionality. He said it was CRAP. I asked him to give me proper documentation as what he expects and what he wants.
BUT FUCK NO. HE SAYS, "ARE YOU A JUNIOR CODER? DO IT WITHIN A WEEK OR WE ARE DONE. "
And I am here keeping myself in control not to punch him. he lives nearby my house wondering if he lives alone 😂4 -
There is a colleague of mine who is loud, arrogant and thinks he knows it all. Except when I worked closely with him turned out he doesn't know shit. And he has been in the industry for over a decade! Why the fuck was he hired, I don't know..
-
Fuck this shit! Roommate just barged in at 3:30AM, his gf in tow. They went to bed like I am not here and he is snoring like a chainsaw. I never understood how can she sleep next to him while he snores like that. I have earplugs and active noise cancelling headphones on. I can still hear that motherfucker loud and clear. How the fuck is she not awake?!
But more importantly, 50% of this fucking room is mine, what makes him think he can just have his girlfriend over while I am here is beyond me. Like, sure, if I am not here go ahead but when I am here I would like some privacy, I guess the plank wall that I made in the middle of the room is not an obvious enough clue that I want privacy and I don't want to be disturbed :-/
Can't wait to have enough proof of his bullshit to get the block manager to throw him out.
Edit: To add to the snoring problem: I had a girlfriend who would snore, less than my roommate but still loud enough that I was awake the whole night when I went to sleep at her place... I HATE SNORING ... And when I went home for some holidays and my brother snored even for a second I kicked him off of his bed (because why not, he is an asshole to me like 99% of the time - and so am I to him :D //sibling love//)12 -
Today, a guy contacted me on upwork to fix his iOS game which was crashing.
So I asked him to put it on github so I can clone it and push the fixes.
For some reason he said it was not possible for him to put it on github,so he uploaded it on Dropbox and sent me the link.
How the fuck am I supposed to fix that 700mb project and send it back ? Again upload it on some cloud ?
AaaaGhhhh !!!!3 -
A guy living next to my house came to me and told me to install Linux on their computer. Being a Linux lover, I was happy to see him switch. I installed Elementary OS Loki, installed nicest theme and conky I had. After tons of other tweaks and customization, I gave it to him, motherfucker told me this is not Linux and what he wanted. He wanted Kali, don't know what the fuck he was going to do with it. This piece of shit wasted my time,3
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Jesus fuckin' Christ. I own a webshop together with someone else. This guy is so fuckin' stupid. Yesterday I've deployed a release to our acceptance environment. I talked with him extensively about it. This morning I texted him to check out all the new stuff.
5 minutes later he texts.me back: I would suggest changing option x. Uuh... what option x? We don't have that any more.
Dude! What the fuck! We talked extensively about acceptance testing so you know it is in our acceptance environment, not production, asshole.
And then again, he asks for the link to the acceptance, which I gave him twice already.
Are you really that stupid??1 -
I left class early today
I understand me and this kid are both students and both of us are still learning. But when he asks me to help him solve an issue I fucking expect him to listen then try what I’m saying unless he knows for certain that my idea won’t work
I don’t expect him to start ignoring the person HE asked for help to try things on his own and end up DELETING THE FUCKING GRADLE FOLDER because the 1.5.1 version of Android studio my teacher makes us use told him gradle was corrupt
I also didn’t expect him to tell the professor I didn’t tell him not to And them end up with the professor fucking assigning me to help him fix everything even though the kid won’t listen to me anyway refusing to just copy he java and XML to a new project so I grabbed my stuff and left Fuck that bullshit
I understand we’re both students and in the grand scheme of things we’re both idiots. But when I’m asked for help I expect the person to at least listen and not do something absolutely stupid like delete something we don’t understand how to fix
Now I’m making common sense a requirement to ask me for help I don’t need any extra stress I’ll deal with the consequences of walking out tomorrow But I can’t say I regret it1 -
Telecon about new requirements. I brought up concerns that while the customer's new approach would fix some problems, it would also fuck up something else.
Customer panicked because he didn't have an answer. I calmed him down that this telecon wasn't about finding answers, only for ensuring that we were on the same page with the questions. Customer relieved.
I actually explained the purpose of the telecon to the customer who had scheduled it. WTF.2 -
Today I fucked Up by making friend install Linux when he doesn't even know what OS is.
Friend's Windows 7 broke. Unbootable & unfixable. I told him to reinstall. He has no idea how so he told me he will rent a PC (apparently that's a thing) until he buys a new one (he wanted it anyways). I told him it's bullshit to rent for PC when yours is totally ok only without OS.
He agreed and that's where I fucked Up. I told him how to make bootable flash disks(it was pain to get some info from him tho..) and he said he downloaded cracked Win7.. I told him it's suicide to use cracked OS for MANY fucking reasons. He agreed and I told him to install Ubuntu.... I thought it's easy that even my grandma could use it...... Well, apparently I was, in technical terms, "FUCKING WRONG"(all caps cuz tech terms).
He wasn't even able to Google how to install Steam on Ubuntu(apt install steam?) ... Constantly asking me "well and what should i write to Google?" And other shit..
I Always woke up to messages From him like "This shit doesn't work I'mma uninstall it" and I Always responed in one command or first Google result and it suddenly started to work.
After 2 days he gave up and is using cracked Win7. Can't wait for his reaction when I pwn him on nearest LAN party 😂 Maybe he will reconsider using cracked OS.
Anyway I learn from my Mistake. Just fuck me...4 -
Holly shit, they will never understand....
If you come to dev, minding his buissness, writing some code, beeing focused, with headphones on, etc. You absolutely destroy his cache of things in mind, you stay next to him gazing at his screen and throwing away madly words that you need some data extracted from database NOW and you will stay standing next to him gazing when he quickly types few lines of ultra-wide screen of SQL querry with all the fucking joins and shit you wanted with exac aliases you understand and makes one typo but query executes and spits out some data. He didn't notice that something is wrong with it becouse he didn't memorize database's data, and he sends it to you.
Now you are coming back to him pissed and in general fighting mood becouse he did one fucking typo when you was actively pressurizing him to make fucking query faster while you absolutely destroyed his flow of work (in meaning he now needs to dive back into code, figure out why he was editing given file and what was idea for further structure)
Now you are standing again next to him and absolutely pissing him off that he fucked up and made one fucking typpo that unfortnately database didn't say "nope" but it instead spit out wrong data.
If you can relate to "you" stated above, sincerly fuck you.
If you can relate to "he" stated above, I feel ya man, its fucking annoying, isn't it?1 -
Does anyone else here have coding-fatigue?
Like if someone gives me a problem (BIG or small), I can chalk out an architecture or "oh you can use this-n-this-n-this"
But if you ask me to code it, though it's easy as fuck, I dont want to and will drag it until I gush 2 coffees to force myself to do it.
You give me a junior dev who knows NOTHING and does the typing and I can guide him and make him do it all, but by myself? nah
PS: this only applies to work-code that isnt "fun" per-se. My own projects? no issues at all10 -
Fuck my project manager. He wants to sacrifice code quality, test coverage and technical debt in favor of more features. In the future when everything takes longer or breaks guess who is responsible? Certainly not him.3
-
There's a russian guy that's absolutely cracking my balls. He proposed to translate one of my apps and I said ok. When he sent me the translated version, I published it and everything was ok. Now he sent me another file saying that this one is the real final one. I said him I will change it in the next release, but now he started send me emails and he downvoted the app. FUCK OFF. I AM THE DEVELOPER, I DO WHAT I WANT. The guy is also very rude.
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The foul excuse for a human I live with has been blasting the fucking radio ALL FUCKING NIGHT.
I've had no sleep, he's STILL pissed out his head, and if he doesn't shut the fuck up I'm going to lock him in and burn the house down.6 -
Fuck! This is why I can't diet.
I can't get shit done, because I keep getting more things to fix. And I'm not talking everyday fixes, this is just plain retarded.
The asshole that my client hired thinks he's a dev. Takes projects that are working and makes small changes. Simply for him to say "I took this project and updated it for our needs."
Then when that shit eventually starts failing, I'm expected to fix it. It's not even that it takes me a long time to fix it. It's just that I'm looking at this thinking "Why are you not working?" Only to later find that, of course, it's been modified. By. Mr. Fucking. Dumbass.
Fuck!4 -
Most ridiculous reason you have been sacked...go!
Had a 1:1 about performance, said i was not performing well, showed them proof, they took the proof and sacked me anyway.
The real reason because the fuck headed lead dev stepped over the line for the last time and i laid into him pretty hard.1 -
So, I was buying a new WiFi connection, had some doubts about the speed, visited the Regional Office Incharge for a demo... Asked him the speed... Dude didn't know the difference between MBps and Mbps... Pretty much gave up on the service provider.
How the fuck people hire such dumb fucks.2 -
So I am a Junior Dev in this small company. We have different tasks for the current sprint so I don't care what my teammates are doing. Then came the integration of our works, where a Mid Dev was assigned to create a Carting/Basket service. As we are integrating, I noticed that we are passing data to his service as is. We are passing the price, item name, etc. on his API. I asked him why the fuck are we not passing the IDs of the items instead. He didn't understand what I'm saying and instead defended his work. I showed him how I was able to manipulate the total amount of items I added to cart. He wasted almost 6 days of developing. Ughh.3
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Having another "what the fuck was I thinking" moment after wasting 3 wks and $60 on another mobile game...
There's no point to this game... Is an infinite clicker basically...
Must be the alliance element and bring asked to be the temp leader...
I knew I should've declined... now always thinking how to give it back to him...6 -
context: I'm sort of a self-deprecating guy and I really don't look for validation.
So, i decided to fuck it. I tried to provide the best decisions in terms of money-wise/biz-wise but apparently this guys rather choose what he believes is best for the code... (he knows shit of coding and that's coming from someone who is not a software engineer but rather a physicist who happens to code).
So, now i let him make all decisions. no opinion from me. a few things are going to shit because of him... fuck it. i had it. as long as I get paid. fuck him.
this is probably common... sorry for the rant.7 -
More rants coming up.
1st
Working with a guy who I am not sure has the necessary experience to begin with.
The person who hired him told me to teach the guy for him to catch up to our project and its pace. He has some experience with Java. Which our project is being developed in java in a linux dev environment in a full stack way. So we handle front to infrastructure.
First day working with him and I saw this guy is trouble.
1st - doesn’t know effing git commands. Who doesn’t know git nowadays. Ok i can forgive him for that. But damn this guy’s learning curve is so slow. After s month of joining, he still has to look up the commands in his photo cheatsheet.
2nd - doesn’t know linux basic cli commands like cd, ls, rm. not an ounce of knowledge. He told me he is used to developing in Windows. Now this. I can’t forgive him for not knowing this shit. cd (change dir) even exists in windows command line. He even has guts to say to everyone he wants to try working in our servers. The HORROR!
3rd - not sure if knowing junit and matchers of hamcrest, if you are working with Java is a must. But this guy doesn’t understand Matchers of Junit. How the fuck did he ensure effing quality in his prev work.
All in all, seems like this guy doesn’t understand the basics of current development tools.9 -
One of my collegues:(C#)
A(him): i need to do a helper to transform 2 fields from a class that are DateTimeOffset to another offset. I want to create a new class that do that and to instantiate where i need it.
B(me): use extensions, they are nicer and they fit better in this case. Also if you want to use a helper just make a static function.
A: it's too complicated
B: Why?
A: Nevermind..
FUCK OFF!1 -
A friend of mine is youtuber and he does a lot tests on phone ( call him X)
Another friend of mine hates Apple product. Partly because he can’t afford it (call him Y)
whenever X wants to do a WATER RESISTANCE TEST, Y would go: “Lets fuck Iphone”
whenever X wants to do a HEAT RESISTANCE TEST, Y would go: “Lets fuck Iphone”
whenever X wants to do a DROP TEST, Y would go: “Lets fuck Iphone”
One fine day, same happened and X got a bit red. X says: Y come here. Closer, a little more ( few centimeters away now). “Are you fucking mad or what?”2 -
This is a warning 😡
A tale first...
I being the kind soul I am offered my help to another web company .. their site was built poorly and took 20 seconds to load I told them the fixes they needed in the hopes they would give me the work to do it that was the agreement after all 😡
Instead they stole my ideas and did them themselves now they have a good website 😡 fully working
Let me be clear if you fuck me over like this. I. Will. End. You.
I hate scum like this ... I'm calling him tomorrow I will give him the benefit of the doubt, if he says something like 🙄 well tough.
There won't be a website the next day... 😡
😈20 -
Agreed to help out these 2 guys on a minecraft mod pack idea they had... stipulated this is a side project for me and I'm not going to dedicate too much time to it. They were fine with that
Fast forward a few months main 'idea guy' loses his job so spends more time on the pack and starts hounding me for progress and updates and throwing more and more things for me to do. He's also getting progressively angrier at my lack of substantial progress
Like fuck dude i told you this is s fucking side project to me. I'll work on it when I fucking want to. Hell I'm one more shouting match away from telling him to fuck off and find some other dumbass to be the only programmer in this group and get ignored when it comes to fucking anything else
Their idea of 'source control' is a fucking multi Mc instance that gets shared by the main guy every time HE changes anything. Any scripts or configuration edits I do I need to walk him through so he can update that instance
No clue why I put up with it so long. Maybe because other guy was a cool friend back in college. But at this point they both can fuck off6 -
I have been asked to create a website for a client. He wants an import/export website apparently. I have been asking him for the content the last 3 weeks. Which is still not provided to me. And now he suggests why haven't I started with the website building process?
Me internally: How the fuck am I going to start a website without knowing what the website is about you fucktwat.
√\(°=°)_¡4 -
Teammate has been slacking since a week: not joining standups, not joining calls, stuff like that. Upon asking , he does give info which is needed from him, over slack. He is a pretty good engineer and has won a company award this year.
Today manager scolded him pretty harshly. No direct slangs, but very rude tone and sentences like ‘do you need special invitation to your house to join this meeting?’ , ‘If you don’t want to work, just fuck all this shit’ and things along this line for 10 mins. Basically manager lost his shit completely.
I didn’t like the way he was treated. What options does my teammate have ? We’re based out of Hyderabad, India.6 -
A few years ago I worked at company specialized in Magento(eCommerce) and Magento was changing their licensing model. At the time they had 3 Versions. Community(free), Pro and Enterprise.
They decided to ditch Pro and either make all migrate to Enterprise(with a discount) or go community which wasn’t really compatible. So some shops were in need of a more or less complete rewrite.
My hdd crashed literally the day before but hey no big deal everything is 99% done and on staging. So I had a Trainee at that Time and thought the last few crappy things could be done in pair programming so he can learn a few things.
But fuck him! That motherfucker! He managed to WIPE the staging server and no that was at a time without gut and no SVN. That dipshit just deleted 2 months of work because he thought it was a good idea to SYNC his empty project to the staging system.
Oh god I nearly stabbed him. He did that shit out of his own mind even though I told him a dozen times what would happen... we had to do the whole thing again with me sitting next to him watching every stroke he made.
Guess he learned something while inward silently raging the next weeks.1 -
What have I been working absolutely all fucking day? FUCKING PRINTERS. I am so fucking tired of printers, everything to do with the stupid pieces of shit.
Then, some fuck stain has called me 6 times in the last hour trying to get me to drop all the things I’m doing and make him priority #1... Even though it has nothing to do with the computer and everything to do with the lack of fucking skills he has to preform his god damn job.
For fuck sakes, FUCK OFF!1 -
My previous boss. He is a very cool guy. He treat us lunch and dinner sometimes. We always have a conversation topic like existentialism and being in a subconscious state of mind, because most people I met is just very basic. He also owns an office where we are all working in. we watch porn together at night, gossip about hot girls nearby the office area and curse a lot. I love laid back person like him. Also he's humble as fuck.5
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When your up against a session issue and can't fucking work out why the session is lost, not one instance of the logout functionality is called and yet... the fucking thing decides to log you out anyway.
Now this was working all fine and dandy last week, and NOTHING has changed, as in not 1 fucking line of code for this process has been touched in 4 years.
It's like all of a sudden, Satan crawled out of this piece of shit site and decided I was to be toyed with.
As you can imagine, I'm a little pissed at this one, there's something hiding in the shadows fucking me in the ass.2 -
At my institution there is a sys admin that belongs to an entirely different department. They have their own systems on their own network, separated from ours. I do not care, nor do I mind at all, but this is the second time I've had to put their admin in his place.
The first instance was when we had a security firm gauge our systems for vulnerabilities etc. The one that they have was fine, but required some additional configurations on their Tomcat servers. The "sys-admin" contacted I.T (my department) in order to request assistance, the net manager was the one he contacted, and he told the dude that he is not familiar with the Tomcat environment that they have, but that I, the dev manager, would possibly give him some pointers. The net manager is my friend, and he knows how much of a dickhead I am, so he was careful in what he told him. So the dude calls me:
"Hey, I need some items fixed on my Tomcat servers, they told me you have to do it"
Me: "Who? those are your servers"
Him: "The net manager said that you would do it"
Me: "I am certain he didn't tell you that bud, no one here will take care of your servers, they are yours, I am not doing any configurations on your stuff, that is your job"
Him: "Can't you just do them?"
Me: "No, bye"
The little bitch escalated it to my department director, who told him exactly the same thing, the director did ask if I would be willing to assist, I told him no since even though his configurations were minimal, I was not going to put myself in the position to which that fucker's ineptitude would cause him to point fingers at me, director backed me up and told the fucker to deal with his own shit.
This year it came to my attention that not only do they have their owns servers, but their own SSO system. This moron contacted me, tagging VPS and such in the email to tell me that I had to configure his SSO because "they told me you had to do it". The same shit happened, but this time I put him on blast during a meeting and told him that as "sys admin" for his stuff it was his responsibility to deal with the SSO that they have, and to contact the vendor to ask for the specifications. In front of EVERYONE he asked me if I could do it for him, I fucking looooooooled and told him that he just admitted to not being able to do his job (for which he is paid handsomely) in front of the entire room of VPS. One VP asked me why I was not willing to help him, and I told the VP that it would be the equivalent of me taking his vehicle for services, it is not my vehicle, thus not my responsibility. The VP agreed and told the fucker to get on with it and do what I said: contact his vendor channels to figure it out himself since it was indeed his position.
Yet again he said that he didn't know about SSO configs and that he was "told that I would do it", everyone asked who the fuck told him that and he said that the vendor, they asked again how it was and he showed the message from the vendor telling him: "Have your SSO admin perform the following <bla bla bla bla>" they asked him who was the manager for the SSO that they had. He said that it was him. Then they asked him what logic made him believe that it should be me, he stated again "they told me it was him".
I could hear everyone's brains shortcircuiting as no one could believe someone would be this fucking dense.
I don't think he will continue to have his job for much longer. I understand not knowing something, and I would have been happy to give pointers since I do administer systems of that level, but I can't with the whole made up "they said he would do it"
Bitch who said that? just say that you want me to do it because you can't, I mean, I am still not fucking doing it, but damn. Fucking morons man.5 -
fuck coworkers who will still disturbed you even you have your earphones on, just to debate you if you know the difference between a class and an object.
(also talks confidently and loud enough to attract other officemates attention.)
Turns out that this same asshole doesn't know what he is talking about. Then you proved him wrong , and in the end he will just copy what you are saying. In other words all the time wasted for nothing! fck
fuck these kind of people. my productivity suffers, also they look like fools.
fuck these assholes who are very specific in technical names and jargons but dont know how to use it. fuck you all arrogant asshole dipshit mdfckrr feeling superior and annoying
sorry peeps argghh
can someone give me a hug1 -
Okay. So I'm in class right now. And we'll do a rather big IT project (in groups of 2) later this year. And one of my classmates (I hate him AF but he doesn't know because he doesn't get shit) just asked me if I can make him a social media platform. HOLY FUCKING MOTHER SHITTING FUCK. CAN YOU PLEASR JUST STOP TALKING TO ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT. YOU DONT DESERVE TO LIVE. GO FUCK A TABLE!! IM NOT GOING TO CREATE ANYTHING FOR ANYBODY. AND YOOOUUU LITTLE FUCKER ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR YOU?? EVERYONE FROM MY CLASS IS AT LEAST SOME KIND OF NICE BUT YOU PIECE OF CUNTSHIT NEVER EVEN DID A SINGLE THING FOR ANYONE. AND YOU ARE ASKING ME TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. LIKE WHAT HODDAMN HOPE DO YOU COME FROM. COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GO BACK INTO THAT HOLE??!!!2
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Fuck tech led organisations.
I understand there are some limitations and a different way to look at things.
But fuck those product leaders who just want a stage to talk but will start shivering as soon they have to talk to their tech counterpart.
Ugh! This is annoying.
My Sr. Director has a great mind set but everyone is taking him down and he isn't getting as much support from his tech counterparts as much as he should.4 -
I hate people ranting about “Uhh thats not responsive I sent a screen how I imagined it.“
Open Screen, 1918x703 px WIDE.
Explained for an hour that thats not fucking responsive. Nobody could see or read that even if I were to implement. Responsive fucking means text breaks BELOW the damn pictures to make it readable. I will never fit that on an iphone or something unless he pays extra so i can perform dark magic to force vertical view on some devices and put 100 alert functions that the device is not supported by the site.
Im so mad fuck him and fuck me1 -
I have a junior friend living in same building where I used to live. I used to help him in small doubts related to college and in some random stuff.
I once typed an application in a language which does not have its fonts in ms word by default. I used Google typing tools and Google docs to type and format it. I even taught him the process which is easy to understand.
Out of blue, after few years, this SOB pings me today and asks same thing to do again since it's urgent. I told him that I am middle of something and told him to use same tools as I used and give it a try. This fucker says he forgot how to do it. Well no problems, I told him how to do it and I will not be able to do it for him right now.
He said then try doing it after coming back to home.
Mind you that he is an engineering student.
You asshole, if it is so much urgent then use your brain and figure out this small thing yourself. If you can wait till I come back home then in which fucking way it's urgent? Go fuck yourself. I am done with your shitty attitude and on next offense you are going on my block list.4 -
Friend: at this moment, Nathan knew, he fucked up
Me: dude, i'm not natha....
Friend: imitates bomb explosion, while replacing every semicolon with white spaces... Fuck him, for Lords Sake!!!6 -
fuck the guy that writed the api that I consume at my company
he's not the worst guy ever, and he might be going through some stuff in life, or maybe he's just happy. There's no way to know actually.
but fuck him. fuck this fucking guy. fuck him with a thousnd dicks.
this guy defends his postures on the api like this thing was fucking sacred and masterly designed ok?
if I ask him to change one url's method from get to post so that I can send more longer data for the request, he comments "i cant believe they still haven't figured out a get request with a body". I appreciate him caring abkut the correctness.
but this is the same piece of shit that makes NOOO fucking validations on whatever I send to it. I get 500 for fucking EVERYTHING.
And if he does 400, the actual response messages are garbage, the same fucking text with no explanation.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!
I hate the way he structures the names of the url and the parameters, sometimes I have to send arrays of strings, other times arrays of objects, the naming is garbage and INCOSISTENT.
And when we asked him to do the API dotnet core, he was like "nah" FUCK YOU FOR USING SOON TO OBSOLETE TECHNOLOGIES!!!
THIS PIECE OF SHIT IS SLOW, because a coworker did another spi in core and the response times are hugely better.
I wouldnt mind if he was 100% of the time careless, but he actually makes a stand for his ideas, as if he actually gave two shits.
he's actually an ok guy though but... fuck hiim!!!! ive been holding onto this for a while... and I'm sure I have some flaws too.8 -
So was freelancing for a guy and I know him pretty well or so I thought. Turns out he is a corrupt prick who leaked one of his support staffs phone number to all the customers because she wasn't online for two days. What the fuck is wrong with some people.rant freelance why web development wtf fucking hell game creepy fucking fuck leak what the fuck fuck
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Douchebag coworker. Asked me how my work trip went (big client demo) and asked if anything that I was "complaining and whining" about went poorly. Mind you I was bitching about having to clean up HIS SHIT because he completely dropped the ball on the project. I had to go in and finish or fix all of the things he didn't do or did super poorly. I literally just told him to fuck off and stopped talking to him.1
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For those of you scared of the ZOMG imminent threat of AI.....
In Spanish, in particular to the way it is spoken in Mexico, we know curly hair to be called "chino" or "chinos" in certain places. This is funny because Chino is actually what we call Chinese people.
So. The other day I mentioned in a friend of mine's post the text "pinches chinos" in regards to the pain of having curly hair(which I also have) during windy days.
FB being the retarded piece of shit that it is took it as hate speech, pinches chinos can be roughly translated to "fucking curly hair" in this regard, but because FB is retarded as all fuck it took it as me spewing some hate speech again'st their Chinese overlords.
I normally wouldn't give a fuck, if it weren't because one of my friends is celebrating their birthdays today and I can't post shit on his wall due to me being on facebook jail.
I have known this dude since I was 6, currently 29, but no, FB decided that I was some racist prick somehow and because of that I can't go ahead and post something to him. Its fine, I was still capable of calling him and celebrating with my boy, but still.
An AI will not be able to detect the difference between a fucking cat and a lion, it is shitty technology, it is interesting because of the math behind it, but seriously, not something to be scared about, skynet is far from coming into existence.
Fuck FB and fuck people scared about AI and deep learning12 -
guys i did a minor fuck up..... delayed the timeline of the project..... client will call in 6 hours .... i'm covering the damage ...but in meantime ..... what should i say to him when he calls ..?
"Sorry for the confusion" ?
"Thanks for understanding" ?4 -
The contractor/developer sitting next to me asked for a power adapter for the MacBook the company issued him (it's an older MacBook that currently connects to his monitor with one of those 2-in-1 power and display port cables).
They told him it was not company policy to provide power adapters to contractors.
They also wouldn't give him a license for a Windows VM for some Windows specific stuff he needed to work on for an outside vendor, stating it was a "security risk"
They've also talked about taking Linux off my laptop (which I run natively outside a VM cause fuck MacOS).
I hate our IT department. They're the least competent and least helpful bunch I've ever met. -
I think karma is doing me a favor today 😍
So I started to work fir my current company early January 2017, on a project I'm still currently working on (well, now discussions are made around the next sprint, so I'm working on something else but you get the spirit)
We had the most PAIN-IN-THE-ASS-ish client I ever met. Dude gives schemas of what a page should look like (no real visual model but well things were pretty clear so there weren't big problems around).
The client was the kind of dude that could send these models, let us work on them then opening a fuck-ton of tickets, ranting about how the elements' display isn't good. Then we have to make remember him that he gave us nothing else, and he agreed on the functional specifications. And this for two WHOLE fucking years
Today, the project director came by our office and casually sat down next to me to tell me that the dude have been fired by his company for being a huge douchebag, blocking communication between us and simply being useless.
The sun is shining again 😍😍 -
I went to meet a client with our CTO. In the meeting we discuss the implementation of SAML SSO. Their SSO guys asked whether they need to build 2 trusts for our application because we have 2 modules that use SSO. Both the CTO and I were not sure because we did not have any prior experience of integrating SAML SSO. To act professional, we couldn't say we were not sure. So the CTO said we needed two trusts. I immediately added "We may only need one. Let us do a bit of investigation and confirm."
After the meeting I did the investigation and found out we really only needed one. So I sent out an email to tell the client, cc the CTO. 1 minute later I got the email from the CTO "why tell them one when I said two?". When it's an immediate response with only 1 line, I know I'm in trouble. So I called him and was ready to explain to him. I couldn't. Later I found out the time I was calling him, he was talking about this with the CEO.
I thought maybe I can explain to him when he's available. The next morning as I came to work, the CEO asked me to come to his office. He closed the door, and told me the first line the CTO told him the day before was "I want him (me) fired." I was so shocked. Having been working with the CTO for quite a while, I was surprised he said that without even communicating with me. Did I do something that wrong that you don't even bother to tell me what's wrong? I was not fired because the CEO at least asked what happened. He also understood I was actually making a better technical decision. But well, guess I shouldn't be making a decision when I had no power to. And even I believed the client heard my "let me investigate first" comment, the CTO didn't. I still got an unofficial warning. For that whole day because of the stress, I don't remember getting anything done.
Fuck that acting like profession and smart when you are not. I'd go down the path of becoming professional and smart instead. And fuck metting with clients. I'm a dev don't fucking dare to talk to me and get me fired. If you wanna talk, talk to the big guys who don't make us look bad like I did.
If you ask me today I still believe I haven't done anything wrong there. So fuck everything.2 -
So.. We probably have thousands of rants on git and muggles here's one from me.
I've been roped into this ongoing project, guys with 1-1.5 years of experience are already working on it.
When they shared repo with me ...
I see 195 branches WTF! What are these idiots up to 🤔
And only handful of people working on project.
This one time I was merging branch with master ( branch #196) with master, guy sitting besides me asks me what I am doing I said it's good practice to pull before you push, right?(the line I remember reading here on devRant, I thought let's bee cool 😎 😋) And I explained him that I am merging 'em locally and will push once everything looks good ( I realized later that I shouldn't have wasted my couple of minutes explaining him)
He says don't waste your time and download (clone) the project folder(repo) from github and then paste or add your change to it.
Fuck you man, you should go fuck yourself instead of telling me that I'm wasting my time.
Sometimes I wonder, What do these guys think of github? Assholes, chutiya saale1 -
Fucking fuck !
I work with a senior Dev,
It’s pretty much like am working under him....
He’s like a great Dev no doubt about it
But !!!!
He’s a fucking dumbass when it comes to working in a team. He makes changes in my code without telling me. He says He forgot to tell me , every single time
When I ask him how a piece of code works , he says it’s pretty much obvious and acts like even a 6 year old kid Would know this ,
He doesn’t think 2 steps ahead before solving a problem usually creating another problem !
We were once working on a language which we weren’t very good at , so I suggested him to ask another Dev in our company about inputs on our code structure to which he completely Disagreed saying they really won’t know much and that he knows more than them..
Fucking dumbass thinks he knows more than most ...
I have tried confronting him multiple times but he feels but he just won’t listen...1 -
So the guy I replaced as the senior dev on my project (because he was lazy) is now trying to give me advice on how to cleanup my code.... This is the motherfucker who blatantly copies and pastes from one library to another and pushes the code without doing ANY testing and so I had to spend many weekends cleaning up his pile of shit code, and now I have 3 new tickets labelled 'style updates' that he wants me to merge in.... Fuck him, I'm not merging his code4
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Got asked by a coworker for some help, looked at the code and told him it could be written better and show him the example.
His reply : "It's not easy to read for me"
That was ok but then, now here's the kicker, he asked another coworker to come and see which was easier to read.
You did what mate?
So of course i got pissed and went out for a smoke just to return to see my version being used.
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU ARGUE ABOUT READABILITY IF YOU"RE GOING TO USE IT ANYWAY???
Fuken fuk, never again am i going to offer optimization support to people. -
There is this try hard dude in my group project team who runs Kali Linux as host (to look cool I think), won't ask anyone for help, yesterday spotted him trying to install a rpm package on his host *facepalm*. Later ran into a guy who kept insisting on me to install windows on my machine just because he thinks it is better, what the fuck is happening here?5
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!rant
Pretty excited today! A buddy of mine wants to try getting into linux, he's mostly done Windows IT Helpdesk and some light Windows SysAdmin work but the company he works for is garbage and he wants/needs a change of pace. He's grabbing himself a raspberry pi 4 model B to use as his learning test bed. I'm grabbing one today or tomorrow so I can help him however I can to try and help get him comfortable with Linux so he can try to escape the hellhole that is his workplace. (I used to work there too, so you can trust me when I say it's fucking shite!)
Gonna start slow and easy and have him get comfortable with the terminal and ssh-ing in using keypairs.
Fuck yeah!!! I'm so excited for him.
He's wanted to get into linux for the last year or so but something at work would always happen to make him comfortable with his job again, like fuckface mcgee would finally get fired. And my dude would be like, "Okay, it's not all bad here, I'll stick it out a bit longer." Then they would just teplace fuckface mcgee with dipshit cockmouth and he'd fall back into a depression about working there. They finally put the final nail in the coffin recently and I think he's really motivated to do whatever he can to GTFO of there this time. -
I fucking hate when my project manger makes me do demos on sprint reviews. I have enough fucking things to focus on. I don’t need this extra pressure. Fuck this. I hate public speaking. He thinks that it helps me to grow. Fuck him. 😒😒😒😒3
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I'm gonna kill him...no don't defend him, you lot are meant to be on my side!
IT'S FUCKING HUNTING SEASON.
I know, I know, you want context but I just can't now. I'm completely annoyed. Fuck data integrity, just duplicate rows randomly cos fuck you.
Work is about to turn into a murder mystery...without the mystery 😒
He doesn't even work here anymore, hope he forgets his password and gets locked out of everything he has.
Woosah....1 -
Me: "But what if I fuck it up?"
Him: "Well, don't fuck it up".
When asking about what the user should do next in case they make a mistake and wanted to correct it.
It was a turning point in my dev life.1 -
Put this as a comment but felt that it needed a post of its own.
I ducking love my fuck (see what I did there ;P) He my little coding buddy, I gave him a little back story and everything.
This is Francis (although he insists its Frankie) He transpecied (a duck in a penguins body) so he always has a "short-man complex" little attitude all the time (unless its because he never gets a word in before I figure out the bug myself =S ) -
That one colleague coming up with questions unrelated to his teams field, not grasping your explanation, then answering bitchy because he doesn't understand and finally sends you a new (totally moronic) jira ticket after you stop responding to him, totally killing your last bits of motivation and concentration for that day.
fuck you. -
Had multiple calls with a Google recruiter, I had my reasons for not being super interested and he suggested I think it over for the weekend. The next Monday he calls back for the third or fourth time and after politely telling him I wasn't too excited about the nasty commute it would require he muttered "what the fuck is wrong with you?" and slammed the phone down so hard I swear he must have broken the base unit.3
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Got a scammer on my hook. Ideas welcome to fuck him/her over.
He/she confused me with someone else and messaged me acting as a support person of an exchange. I acted along and s/he is insisting on sharing account details.
Played along like a dumb internet noob and I think I got him to share his fake email id.
Now I'm thinking of ways to extract more details about him via email.
From top of my mind, these are some ideas I have:
- get his IP address
- zip bomb or something like that? But g mail is probably gonna detect that.
Ideally, If I could social engineer him to give his phone number, I could easily report him to police and find his identity.
Have you busted some scammers? Would appreciate some tips.6 -
Thoughts when I ++ somebody's comment/rant by mistake (while scrolling):
- Do you think it's rude to remove the vote now? i mean he saw my name in his notifications.
- If i removed the ++, would he think i removed it or someone else --ed him?
- I haven't seeen his name before on devRant, maybe he'll enjoy my ++ and upvote some old rant of mine as well.
You know what, fuck it, i'll just keep the ++ and move on. 😀1 -
Waiting at a client's office..
Fuck him seriously why make me come here if he's busy and let me wait here! I'm not his slave for God sake! :@2 -
My boss telling me not to worry and be more confident, after pointing out that not updating bad ad hoc code is not a long term solution, just inspired the confidence in me to tell him to go fuck himself if shit brakes during the weekend and evenings.1
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The reason I don't use Linux on my desktop is its hobby of saying “fuck off” spontaneously and without warning when I need it the most.
A designer friend shares his After Effects project and asks to export that to Lottie? Fuck off.
Your Android phone decided to brick itself with an OTA update (yep, happened to me, thanks Sony), and you need to unbrick it? Fuck off!
A musician friend wants to connect his audio card (that of course has no Linux drivers) and record some bass riffs? Tell him to fuck right off mate.
Your boss suddenly asks you to check an MS Access file for him as he's en route to an important meeting? Yep, you guessed it — fuck off.
Your government now requires your tax papers to have digital signatures? Fuck off, it only works for Mac and Windows.
Want to connect an old digital camera? Would you please fuck off?
I know I'm gonna get heat from Linux fanboys, especially on this platform. After all, a designer should know how to export to Lottie if he's a real designer, you should've bought a better phone, your friend should've had his laptop with him, your boss should've used open source tools instead of MS Access… Wait, he was tasked that from above? Then his boss should've used open source tools! Government mandates digital signatures? Well, tell them to port that to Linux! Start a riot! Get a better government! Move to a better country! Digital cameras? Who uses them in 2024, especially old ones! Are you some kind of hipster?
I know preparing for corner cases is bona fide premature optimization, but that's the whole point — with Mac or Windows, you don't have to prepare at all. You always have options. With Linux, your number one option is to have Windows handy if need be.
Linux works perfectly on my server, but not on my laptop.24 -
Do you care about your workplace/employer?
I feel quite a bit of stress, and a good friend of mine told me I "probably do it to myself" (working too hard and/or caring too much)
From him I heard that I care too much about stuff I don't get payed to do.
(Think management and server related stuff while I'm just a web developer)
So my question is either, do you care about what's going on? Do you think nah fuck it? Where do you draw the line?3 -
I fucking hate it when the manager comes up with an idea in his head. For him, the idea is the coolest because he itrated over it many times, but you shit fuck the idea needs to run when you transform it into code. Did u think about it?!
No, whatever it is, developers will figure out a way. Fuck off!!2 -
So there's this remote guy on my team that basically doesn't do much and when it does fucks up. This is a guy with a lot experience but it doesn't seem even give a fuck. He doesn't pay attention to standups and he has more time than me in the project but doesn't know that much about it. There are rare times when he gives good ideas. However this happena so rarely that it is awful to work with him.1
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Lead dev runs the program I gave him to set up a bunch of processes that run for one database.
It has a GUI that seems native to his windows environment......but it sort of is not.
The program runs, asks for the .csv file that is to be parsed into the database.
Lead dev: Ok, what is this though?
Me (his boss) "Don't worry about it"
Him: "Holy shit what the fuck is this??? TELL ME!!!"
Me: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
Him: "WTF DID YOU MAKE THIS IN???!
ME: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT
CMS Admin (another one of my employees) "Would you TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!?"
New Guy (mainly a frontend dev): ........
Meanwhile, in production, no one knows if your gui app is built in Lazarus and Free Pascal, as long as it works.
I really need to stop doing this to the lead dev, dude already keeps trying to choke me for writing things in perl.
On another note, Object Pascal is pretty cool. Might write a book on it for those that want to do CLI based applications on it, I have no clue why every book on the subject costs in euros, but there should be more shit written for beginners, language is awesome and one can get lots of mileage from Lazarus and FPC11 -
> client has no infrastructure of the project
> dev like me still work on it
> I constantly request for mock-ups and infrastructure
> client never responds back, instead he raises issues ahead of sprint
> I snap back at him
> Client wants call now
> What the fuck
To be honest, I'm gonna take a stand here...fuck this shit man, no clear way of working2 -
Caution: only half RANT
I AM FUCKING ANGRY RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING MEDIOCORE THINKING OF MY COWORKER WHO WILL BE SOON MY EX COWORKER. AND WHEM HE WILL BE , I WILL DRAFT MY CURRENT ANGER IN SOME SOPHASTICATED WORDS NOT ONLY FOR DEVRANT BUT ALSO FOR MEDIUM AND TUMBLR
FUCK HIM AND FUCK HIS SHORTSIGHTEDNESS3 -
My last rant did not go down well 😂
I need to clarify.
If you have no communication directly to another dev.... And your creation directly impacts theirs .... And you don't tell the middle man ... You are a twat especially if your aware of the launch that's basically right now !
To be clear.... This guy built their site and database everything .
I had to connect part of their new app to the site... A few pages they wanted in the app.
He changed the links ... On purpose I think to screw over the launch of the app to make me look bad
I can not communicate with him... The CEO hates him and won't talk to him either
So what am I to do?
Not be pissed off about a spiteful dickhead?
Of course I'm pissed
To make people understand you don't send out a lethal update that can fuck up the servers without telling no one... That their might be technical issues -
Fuck all those fuckers that buy domain and try to sell them for shit load of cash. I don't even have a problem if you sell it for a few thousands of dollars. But I just contacted some fucker who owns a worthless domain cachet.com, and he is trying to sell it for over hundred thousand dollars. Why the fuck. I have a feeling that this guy is brain dead or something. Fucking cunt7
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Today is bank holiday in the UK. Fucking boss slacked me to say he needs graphql n mongodb wired up by tomorrow. I almost tell him to fuck off, today is not work, bitch1
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sometimes its better to hold it back when a customer says you need 2 months just to finish the payroll+hr system in a way that it makes you wanna kill him so badly but your response is a faint smile which humbly says fuck you piss of shit1
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My (almost) everyday work is a total fail. I hate my coworker. He's making decisions too fast, based on emotions, not learning on his mistakes, making many false assumptions and so on... Fuck, I hate working with him and I'm sick when I need to explain any advanced concept to him1
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I just got Jenkins all setup locally, setup the first pipeline, get docker working with it, setup the build step, setup the test step and more.
In under an hour.
Not too bad for the first attempt.
The hardest part was figuring out the GitHub credentials.
———
Actually, the hardest part was keeping an eye on the dude in the booth next to me who has delusions of grandeur and likely other mental illnesses.
Had to keep an eye on him while he was pointing around the room (usually at me) and saying shit like...
“Ugly, ugly, all of you are fucking ugly”
“Fuck you, fuck you too!”
I’m sitting over here thinking...
“Bud, you got 3 teeth, you smell like shit and your rambling to yourself... fuck you you ugly piece of dog shit! Let me do my work I peace.”4 -
My first day at my first tech job ever: I am super excited.
I was assigned a coworker that would help me get familiar with the company and workflow n stuff.
We agreed on Wednesday and Friday 08:00 - 12:00 as working hours.
Now it's 08:30. He's not there and I am waiting since 07:50.
Sorry, but fuck him.
This is so demotivating...5 -
I was going to incorporate today with my co-founder. And I just told him that after thinking it through, I want to found solo. Fuck. On one hand, I feel like it was a good decision (he was a UI designer, wanted 20% equity) for the startup, on the other, I feel like a douchebag. Well, let the adventure begin...
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!dev, just rant
what the fuck is wrong with these people. yesterday i wrote him if we can meet to sort out my medication, no response,
ok, normal.
this morning he writes me "i wasn't home yesterday, i am today".
wow, actually a a proactive and early info! that's... unusual.
so i go "hmm, maybe even right now?"
he's like "no, sometime from 14:00 or 14:30"
ok.
so i wait until 15:00 to give him a bit of extra time, i hate rushing people. "so can i stop by?"
he's like "i'm going out in a short while, i'll let you know"
okay.
i hate these "bind a listener to me and wait until i ping you", but okay short while is fine.
so I wait. for half an hour. I mean... i'm bad with time management, but even I don't call half an hour a "short while" anymore. so I'm like okay, I think I know where he's gonna tell me to meet, it's gonna take me about 10 minutes to get there, they tend to be impatient so if if start walking there, by the time i get there he's gonna write me to come, and i'll already be there so he won't have to wait for me, because surely even for him "a short while" can't be more than 45 minutes.
so i get there, wait for 5 minutes... 10 minutes...
so i write him again "approx how much longer? i'm waiting nearby".
and he's like "i didn't call you, i have no idea why you came here, who told you to"
so i tell him "okay, sorry, i'm gonna get myself not nearby and wait there, i thought by the time i get here you're gonna call me anyway, sorry"
nothing.
i wait for half an hour more.
then (two and half hours after he said he's gonna go out "in a short while" and he'll let me know. at the same time 5 hours after the time he said he's gonna be available from), i write him: "so will we actually manage to sort this out today?"
no answer. most likely for the rest of the day.
what the fuck is so difficult about conveying actual information in communication? what the fuck is so difficult about a single fuckin message "at this time, at this place", so i can just be there, he can intersect his route through there, and in a literal minute we're sorted out? instead of fuckin nothingmessages which waste me three hours and make me have to bother him to at least have a chance at getting an idea what the fuck is going on, and him being annoyed at me trying to cover for his fuckin inability to do it like any other sane dude, with one fuckin message in the fuckin form of "this time, this place", which would fuckin sort out the whole thing in two messages and 5 minutes net time invested into the whole thing by both sides, instead of fuckin 3 hours?
fuck.
i miss my old dude.4 -
I helped my friend today with debugging his code (he was using some obscure library and had troubles with it). After few hours, I asked him for the Github link to the lib's repo and when he went to grab it, he said:
Wait, there is an user manual!
Well, fuck you too... -
How can one "steal" a job anyways? Is not like there's a robot with a gun forcing your boss to fire you and give him the contact instead, which the robot is way better at anyways, producing no bugs and ten times the features you were able to do, and all that for a few bucks of electricity a day... FUCK, WE'RE DOOMED!!!5
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Working with new guy who is "senior" is such a pain. We had a factory file that is used to populate tables in endpoint tests. The new guy decided to add a static util method called createTestRecord() to a query builder model. Fucking query builder calls in a static method in a query builder class. I send him messages expressing concerns regarding his approach but never got anything back. The guy just ignored me and asked me to review his pr.
I am leaving in 4 months. Release me from my misery. Fuck my life5 -
FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK
So yesterday following Java class i went to my next class everything went well (or so i thought) and in my next class my phone blows up with notifications (changes in grades notify my phone) i look down and my Java grade goes from an A to a D in seconds and i was just so confused, after he finished grading it goes up to a C but i was still confused. So the next day I go into class and talk to him about my grade and he says, “you never fix your projects so why would i grade any of them, i’ll just give you f’s” to which i responded, “i am confused what i’m doing wrong (it was a few simple projects where i had to make shapes with stars for example a triangle) my outputs are correct” and he responded with “Oh well i can’t help you” so now i have a C and i did everything right but of course because it wasn’t his way it was wrong.
he just makes me so mad, when a student asks for help who decides to respond with i can’t help, he can but he just won’t.
Fuck him.5 -
I was in a hurry
this Asian chick grabbed me and not let me pass
I kept slinking out of her grip
she kept grabbing me again
I said "no I'm serious, I gotta go"
I pulled more violently
she fell on the floor
she pulled me down with her
she grabbed my legs
I started kicking her off
a kick to her shoulder dislocated it, but she kept going anyway
I'm trying to get up and kicking
I look back and now even her face is busted
yet she's still going at me, grabbing, pulling
what the fuck?
then the scene changes to a forest
we're in a band and trying to survive out there
by now the jig is up
encounter a person in a clearing, sledgehammer him in the face to disable him so he doesn't notice us
except that didn't do shit. his skull caved in, his bones are broken, but he's moving and moaning to try to get to you. he's not a zombie either. he's alive. looks perfectly alive. but his bones are broken and he's still moving and going. what the fuck do you do?
the bones start moving underneath his skin, he's just reorganizing and reinventing his body live
they're unkillable
the fuck you do now?
I used to have a lot of zombie dreams but what the fuck is this new shit3 -
Fuck ticketing systems man.. jumped from a good job that i previously thought was going to be a deadend and jobhopped to a new one with a significant salary increase. Problem is that The stress levels increased 5x, and there’s significant rush to complete tasks that have sub optimal descriptions to put it nicely. The problem with that is that the lead doesn’t have enough time to properly write them and catching him during work hours for him to explain them is sometimes impossible. Sitting in limbo with 4-5 tickets open, all of them with high priority and stresing the fuck out.7
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why can't people just fucking figure shit out on their own or better yet ask people besides me to help them
Like fuck I just want to fucking sleep but here I am pointlessly complaining on here waiting for him to make a change to something and hopefully fix his server that I couldn't care less about since I don't play 1.15 packs
I blurred out the ip in the image for obvious reasons, but I did debate leaving it unblurred just to see what would happen for about 5 minutes3 -
Story about someone elses rant
A = coworker;
B = random guy from company, but from another office;
C = manager we like a lot, cause he has IT background;
A asked B about a problem, because B worked with the that thing. B answered I dont know. So A asked C, and told him, im asking you, because B said, he dont know. C went nuts and pulled a shitstorm on B, like who WTF do you think you are, that you cant give at least a hint to A on the problem or Cc someone who may know more about the problem.
what i wanna say is, shouldnt it be common sence if someone asks me about a problem i navigate him to a person, who knows more than me? Even if its the first day i the office, I know this is my team leader he should see the bigger picture of the problem, so ask him. But telling idk is like, go fuck your self. -
Today i asked someone for their email so i can send a project to them..
He responded .....@yahoo.com idk why but i just wanted to punch him in the face who the fuck still uses yahoo2 -
Fuck this. I need a data science job title.
We're implementing something based on a paper, as requested by our head of DS. The head of DS hasn't read the paper. I have. So has my team. We're discussing something, they don't understand how we should do something, I understand it coz I have a maths background but they want to ask head of DS to be sure. Who hasn't read the paper. I knew he hadn't read the paper because he came up with a stupid newfangled solution to a problem, when the paper already solves the problem, so his idea isn't needed but we implemented it as an optional feature to keep him happy anyway. So why the fuck are we asking him? He's not an idiot, but he does throw a lot of stuff at the wall hoping it'll stick. And he's not very methodical. And not reading the paper is unprofessional as fuck. -
Why do people think that putting in more hours = more productivity and sitting extra makes you a more hard working employee?
Today out producer guy indirectly tried to tell me to 'be more productive' and to show 'some dedication'; I asked him outright that is he implying that staying beyond office hours is how I'm suppose to do it and the asshole replies how else would you? (in a non aggressive way)
Fuck this attitude. 😐2 -
Well today i went to grab a coffee at starbucks saw my best friend working decided to buy him one too i sit down we start talking and i saw him using visual studio code and asked him why don't you use vim and answered "vim is for programmers that don't know what to do with their life and cant decide what ide they like" i didn't think twice and slapped the shit out of him fuck him. I think i might need a new best friend.12
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Times are so different. Especially don't shoot the messenger. Ha, fuck that. Shoot him on sight. That dude can think for himself if it's OK to deliver the message right?
Sadly, the messengers are protected by 'freedom to speech'. More like 'freedom to propaganda' these days.
This is not only dev related. It's 42 related7 -
A big fuck you to Maria Ruiz. He/She wants PewDiePie removed from YT because the New Zealand shooter said subscribe to him and other stupid reasons which Pewds has clarified as satirical.
And the 68k+ brainless entities who signed the petition as well on change.org5 -
The client will fuck me if I don't finalize the project, no I will fuck him, let him wait for another year hahaha, I have to live now.1
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(imagine all of this said in Undoomed's "hey moron" tone)
Hey, moron, fuckin moron! How about if you're a noob with no actual programmer on your side, you just tell me so we can work it out together, instead of sending a moronic 4page "acceptance criteria" that pretend you know what you're talking about, and then bury me under loads of moronic noob questions that reveal you as thenmoron you are, all of that for a fuckin 50 quid?! I thought it's me being an idiot, not being able to do the task within two days timeframe, but now I see you're just too much of a moron to have any idea how much these things take. And now you nonchalantly mention a one-line one point from the four page document full of drivel, which (loads of moronism credit for me here) i didn't notice amongst all of that other mundane drivel, which actually like doubles the whole workload on the task, but your moronic document, which makes 3 parts of the same algorithm into three separate MILESTONES, makes this whole thing that nearly DOUBLES the workload into a shitty SEVENTH SUBPOINT of the completely unrelated first "milestone"?
FUCK YOU, YOU STUPID ROBBERY CHEAPFUCK, and fuck me for letting myself be tricked by all your fancy wordings that pretend you actually know what the fuck you are asking for, so i assumed you did, so I missed THE POINT, WHICH ACCORDING TO THE SEGMENTATION LOGIC OF THE WHOLE REST OF THE DOCUMENT SHOULD BE 3 SEPARATE FULL-SIZED MILESTONES, NOT A SINGLE SUBPOINT, YOU FUCKING FUCK!
... so much for still trying to at least a bit trust people.
FUCKING DISGUSTING MORONIC CHEAPSKATE FUCK.
and I can't even tell him to fuck off through the rectum he came here because he's all nice and polite so I would be the asshole!
"hey, please, can you build me a house?"
*house is basically finished*
"oh, great job, i love it, but i think you might have missed the fineprint in our contract that says that the house is supposed to stand inside an entry hall of a multibillionaire-sized mansion, so could we please sort that out and add it to the building real quick before i pay you the toolshed's worth we agreed on based on the contract? "
FUCK. HIM.
FUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCKERYFUCKDISGUSTINGIDIOTICFUCKINGFUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!
i thought i can be a shitty liar and a con man, but this is some next level shit that would be totally beyond my abilities to pull off...
YES I KNOW IT'S MY FAULT I DIDN'T COMB THROUGH THAT BULLSIT "SPECS" OF HIS LETTER BY LETTER TO MAKE SURE THERE'S NO CON BULLSHIT LIKE THIS HIDDEN AMONGST ALL OF THAT MUNDANE SELF-EVIDENT PSEUDO-TECHNICAL DRIVEL, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
fucking disgusting moron, pretending all nice and innocent probably even to himself because he HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT HE EVEN ASKS FOR.
i bet it's one of those pukefucks who get an overpriced contract for 50k without even knowing or caring what programming is, because "i'll just outsource the core functionality of the app for 50 quid to some naiive idiot who lives in the illusion that people are not diarrhorea-worthy pieces of feces, and this other third of the app to some other moron for hundred quid and then i somehow outsource gluing it together to some third poor sod, and that's 49.8k quid of pure profit for me, yay"
and now i'm torn between three options, just cancelling the "contract" with a comment saying "fuck off, you con man", or cancelling it with a lengthy explanation why he's a know-nothing piece of shit who conned me already into having done something worth about 5x more than his shitty "acceptance criteria" requests, or just start conning and bulshitting him back, which won't net me any money, and waste my time, but at least will also waste HIS time, which might be nice because he seems to be on a tight schedule so if i play this right i might have the chance to sink his whole contract which might be mighty nice satisfying...
FUCK THIS, ALL OF THIS, FUCK HIM, FUCK ME, FUCK ALL OF YOU, I SHOULD HAVE STARTED FUCKING OVER EVERYONE RUTHLESSLY A LONG TIME AGO BECAUSE FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD, WHY SHOULD I CARE WHEN NOBODY ELSE DOES, WHY SHOULD I BE DECENT WHEN NOBODY ELSE IS, AND IT ONLY ROYALLY BITES ME IN THE ASS.
stupid fucking lobotomized fuck, IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO SOMETHING, DON'T OFFER YOURSELF TO DO IT FOR MONEY AND THEN CON-SOURCE IT TO OTHERS YOU SHITTY BARFPILE!
FUCK. -
New guy on my team keeps on saying "oops" and acts like a newb...
He's an experienced dev tho... Like 10yrs...
FML... HOW THE FUCK DID MY BOSS DECIDE TO HIRE HIM...
And then this afternoon I decided to look at internal mobility... all the postings (there were only a few even though we're supposed to be hiring like crazy this year) had descriptions that required experience in everything
Do you want me to move or not ...
"Things here are so much better than before" ... my ass... -
I finally found the courage to quit my $5/hr freelance job I just sent out a long letter and message to the CEO letting him know that I’m done damn why the fuck do I feel nervous ?4
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When your co-worker comes to you with a doubt and you explain to him patiently for 1 whole hour and all he has to say is "Yeah fine, can you just update my code with that and send it back to me.".
Why the fuck did you even ask me to explain if all you need to do is escape the work, you fucking moron!1 -
My laptop have been in warranty service for nearly a month, I have an FPGA project, a mobile app to make using ionic framework, to make a DSP compare two images and recently someone wants me to make a him a website.
And I actually have just very basic knowledge about these stuff, I've only made an desktop app once, and it just takes numbers gives back numbers.
I never wanted this, leave on my own, stop overrating my searching skills !
And all of that by the end of this semester. Fuck you people. -
Recruiter writes to me on LinkedIn for a job
Have an interview with the recruiter, everything smooth
Then interview with the HR of the company, everything smooth
Then the HR talks to the CTO, and the CTO is like "mmmmh this guy works as a consultant, I don't like this. Yeet him".
This absolute madman out there not giving a single flying fuck about consultants, head hunter, HR, only pure coding, literally living the dream. -
mfw someone makes completely irrelevant OS-bashing comments in an issue that's barely related to OSs... someone tells him to fuck off... and then he posts a FUCKING PHARELL WILLIAMS VIDEO! ON GITHUB!
i'll go straight back to bed, bye. -
I saw an interesting course event in my city, the post was on LinkedIn. I contacted the poster about tye price and more details.
And today it's the third day he messaging me and call me about enrolling and how can I attend the shit course. I already told him I'm not interested for now.
What can I do? I am mot in the mood to be harsh and tell him fuck off4 -
So about a big problem I had earlier in the two last weeks, we were waiting for the expert of the team we work with if they have any idea. But we had to wait for him to get back from their one-week break.
We asked them about it
They have no clue
fuck. -
My co-worker X and I worked late nights for a project every single day including weekends, and our fucking senior manager invites X to his party and not me. Seriously.. does he even know I'm in the same fucking team?.
I mean yeah X did a great job working hard and shit.. but so did I.
I really hate my manager.
Fuck Him..6 -
If someday god lands on earth, How are we even gonna explain him binary? Won't he need extra tuitions for learning all these concepts?
Or maybe he's just gonna yell fuck this shit, I'm going back home!3 -
I hate my Scrum Master. Normally he doesn't even checks pull requests, and when you need his help, 80% of the time he's missing. Now that our boss is the new Product Owner of the application, the SM is bugging us A LOT
So fuck him, go away to do whatever the fuck you did before. Stop pretending you "work" -
Fucking product manager...
Customer is struggeling with a feature implemented before I even joined the company. And he is absolutly correct. The logic is bullshit.
Guess what pm Said? Fuck Off, I Don't Care.
Damn fucking you. Should I Care? Is it one of our best customers? Is the feature financed by him? Are you bastard usually crawling in his ass?
Thanks that I'm on vacation for 2 weeks. I'm currious how they going to manage that.... -
so i was having snack time at my preschool, right after nap time guys, and this was recently btw. and then this IDIOT named jack comes over and steals some of the crackers, before snack time is even ready!! and he gets away with it, the fucking bastard he is and then i try it, and get in trouble BUT THE THING IS, THE TEACHERS WERE LOOKING AT HIM WHILE HE DID IT. THATS WHAT PISSED ME OFF!!! FUCK THAT BASTARD NAMED JACK!!!4
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quite obviously the idea that they supposedly loop everything because there is no proof of life beyond a point when they are the ones that stole over and over remains their fault and needs to be remedied with a nice happy life here forthcoming. since most especially remembering more time past this.
which if they're trying to confuse things contained HAPPY FUCKING THINGS TOO. since its all the same time period supposedly right ?
no divisions.
no 'don't tell him anything' and he's happy
vs
'tell him too much'' and he's horrified
vs
'let him remember both' and he's pissed.
amusing to me is that among their stupid 'folk' knowledge base is the idea that 'you're ' murderous when you're 'out' lmao
yeah no shit lmao
so don't fuck us up the ass and live much longer lmao
also 'this planet is now the property of the lokean empire, deliver all beautiful women and intellectuals !'
lol -
So sick of the this bullshit we have to put up with. This 14 year old kid thinks he can just do as he pleases and walk right over top of us and continuously disrespects us. He's nothing but a lying, disrespectful, manipulative, thieving, two faced little prick. He's always lying to our faces and is always stealing from us. My husband constantly asked him not to let the dog on the bed and everytime he just says sorry it won't happen again, his definition of sorry is sorry I'll try harder not to get caught. We've bent over backwards to help him and be nice to him. We've taken him places, bought him things, bought him food and let him have some of our food and drinks then he just turns around and treats us like shit and just gets away with it, he knows that no one will do anything unless there is proof even though everyone knows it was him. My husband caught the dog on the bed again the other day, so he snaps and starts yelling at him and tells him he's going to take his bed out and burn it so he won't have a bed to put the bog on. So instead of saying anything to my husbands face he just leaves a note on his desk saying "go ahead and burn my bed and see what happens" provoking him even more my husband snaps again and drags his mattress and box springs out and is literally about to light it on fire and I was barely able to stop him. So the little shit gets home from school sees his shit out in the yard, gets butt hurt and wipes shit on my toothbrush and of course gets away with it like always cause there was no proof. Smh. And it's like this all the time, he just goes behind our backs and plays these little fuck fuck games. Then he cries to his family playing the victim and they all just baby him. I've never seen so much disrespect towards a marine corps veteran in my life.8
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https://gizmodo.com/linux-google-ma...
Substituting one evil empire for several others
Also
😭😭😭😭😭I wanna hump my blonde extremely special FBI friend again or some attractive variation thereof with an actual set of emotions a personality and sense of humor and shoot the fuck who rufied me ! Or ask him stuff to death would be better2 -
Every day my company reminds us that we must be a team. My coworker is near to degree in software eng, but have some difficults. This person made many mistakes in the past, but it's still with us. He need an help, but everyone is too busy!!!
Fuck you motherfuckers!!! I help him and after graduation, "I'll slap on the face"! But now, I cannot leave him alone. When is so close to graduation...
BASTARDS MOTHERFUCKERS!