Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "corn"
Douche: So your a programmer ?
Douche: Excellent, I have an idea.....
Douche: cmon bro, week be rich, this screensaver so will make us tons of money
Me: I have a question.
Douche: corz man waddup
Me: do you use a screensaver?
Douche: no, why?
Me: *walks away angrily10
Client: Glad to have you on the team, you come highly recommended for your experience in Microsoft technology, specifically asp.net
Me: I was contacted for a php, mariadb project
Client: well they're all the same
Me: actually sir no.... No they're not.
Client: then why was I told to contact you
Me: you tell me, your hiring manager contacted me for a php project not asp or. Net
Client: well I guess I know who to blame for your, sorry for taking your time. Can I contact you if we have a project made with that thing you mentioned?
Me: php?, Sure
Client: nice...... Take care
Me: you too
That went better than I expected3
: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss
To be continued..
Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right16
Clint want custom CMS with php,
*makes custom CMS with php
Client thinks it's not php coz it looks pretty.
*shows php code
client still not convinced it's php8
"I want to create a Linux distribution from scratch but i don't know how to code, I'll pay you $300 but i get to have the rights to it"8
I now know another person's password without even wanting to.
He was sitting in the row in front of me, logging into our course page and then *brrrrraaaaapppp* - ran his index finger along the top number row and hit enter.
I don't even know what to say.13
Yesterday, my girlfriend caught a virus. There were 5+ running programs, in program files, program files x86, system32, basically everywhere. The virus modified chrome, firefox, edge (and even installed a false uc browser assuming we had one), there are many entries at startup programs, also running daemons, once you kill one of them, the others detect it and replicate their killed fellows. Tried to run a linux live usb disk for a cleanup, but the computer hibernates instead of shutdown, making modifications on disk risky.
I spent hours trying to suppress the processes, do a manual cleanup and antivirus search. It looked all cleaned up, then I reinstalled chrome, and now it switches its homepage everytime I open it, it also injects batch arguments to desktop link forum chrome (deleting it manually does not help, it comes back). I'm a linux guy, and in a few hours, I hated windows more than ever.
If anybody knows the authors, I *really* want to meet them. I promise I'm not going to punch them, but kneel down, bow my head in respect, and say "teach me master."14
Just tested my GPU code vs my non-GPU code.
Its a simple game of life implementation. My test is on a 80 x 40 grid running for 100,000 cycles.
The normal code took 117 seconds.
The CUDA code took 2 seconds.
Holy fuck this is terrifying.4
Long time ago, back in a day of Microsoft Office 95 and 97, I was contracted to integrate a simple API for a payment service provider.
They've sent me the spec, I read it, it was simple enough: 1. payment OK, 2. payment FAILED. Few hours later the test environment was up and happy crediting and debiting fake accounts. Then came the push to prod.
I worked with two other guys, we shut down the servers, made a backup, connected new provider. All looked perfectly fine. First customers were paying, first shops were sending their products... Until two days later it turned out the money isn't coming through even though all we are getting from the API is "1" after "1"! I shut it off. We had 7 conference calls, 2 meetings, 3 days of trying and failing. Finally, by a mere luck, I found out what's what.
You see, Microsoft, when you invent your own file format, it's really nice to make it consistent between versions... So that the punctuation made in Microsoft Word 97 that was supposed to start from "0" didn't start from "1" when you open the file in Microsoft Word 95.
Also, if you're a moron who edits documentation in Microsoft Word, at least export it to a fucking PDF before sending out. Please.1
i rant that i live in a dictatorship with an idiot president who bans whatsapp and facebook to prevent protests (in reaction to having arrested opposition party members of parliament), and github (yes, github) to prevent the spread of a minister's leaked e-mails. now the government is seriously considering shutting down vpn services to prevent by-passing the bans.
on the other hand, it's a nice time and place to continue ms studies on ad-hoc networks - that is of course if i can avoid being arrested or killed before i even start my thesis.10
I just made the world a little cleaner by not opting for veal today. Instead they are selling insect burgers in Germany and I had two of them.
They are made from buffalo worms, feeded and grown in Germany. No antibiotics. Almost no wasted corn or wheat.
Taste: like a veggie pattie with nuts and seeds. Texture is surprisingly "smooth".
Quite expensive at the moment, but I'll go for it again (€5 for two patties).
Would you try them?29
that feeling when your new toys from aliexpress get delivered earlier than expected... i feel so happy unpacking those sensors, capacitors, heat sinks, microchips, breadboards and all. i feel like i have a geeky shopping addiction, i probably won't have the time to play with them from all the work and other personal projects, but still i hoarded enough electronics to invade the world with a drone army in case i have a few weeks me-time.5
'yes' in linux shell has become my favourite command when i discovered it. it has a careless touch to it, like "yeah whatever just do the thing".
also, i like glutMainLoop. a saw doll inside my head says "let the game begin!" each time i type this function.1
So after 6 months of asking for production API token we've finally received it. It got physically delivered by a courier, passed as a text file on a CD. We didn't have a CD drive. Now we do. Because security. Only it turned out to be encrypted with our old public key so they had to redo the whole process. With our current public key. That they couldn't just download, because security, and demanded it to be passed in the fucking same way first. Luckily our hardware guy anticipated this and the CD drives he got can burn as well. So another two weeks passed and finally we got a visit from the courier again. But wait! The file was signed by two people and the signatures weren't trusted, both fingerprints I had to verify by phone, because security, and one of them was on vacation... until today when they finally called back and I could overwrite that fucking token and push to staging environment before the final push to prod.
Only for some reason I couldn't commit. Because the production token was exactly the same as the fucking test token so there was *nothing to commit!*
BECAUSE FUCKING SECURITY!5
maybe it's time feature is added for devrant simple community dev projects. there could be games, parody websites, you name it. projects could be hosted on github, and indexed at a "projects" tab here on devrant, so we can choose something and start rolling with our pals from devrant when we get bored at work :) @dfox (inspired by rant from @Notebookdeviant)3
didn't anyone go for the "#define true false" joke? i didn't actually see it in action, but it would be a pretty harsh one.1
Client: "documentation, oh you mean those grey texts the previous code guy wrote on the code files"
Me: I kinda need more than "grey texts on the code files" if you want me to actually fix the system and implement the new specs.
Client: oh you mean the Microsoft asp books
Me: It's a Laravel system sir, it's php not asp.net
Client: what are those?
Problem of the day #1:
How to Cross the River? A farmer with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn needs to cross a river. The farmer has a rowboat, but there is room for only the farmer and one of his three items. Unfortunately, both the fox and the goose are hungry. The fox cannot be left alone with the goose, or the fox will eat the goose. Likewise, the goose cannot be left alone with the sack of corn, or the goose will eat the corn. How does the farmer get everything across the river?23
Can anyone recommend a nice set of DnD dice for a gift? It's for my boyfriend's younger sister. She's just getting into it and we're all playing on her birthday.
There's cheap sets everywhere and I'd like to get her something of nice quality.8
sudo rm -rf *
Just started out on linux, learning the ins and outs. All I wanted to do was remove two directories. Thankfully it was a fresh install, didn't lose anything important.
A valuable lesson was learned that day. 😂3
This is an anti-rant...
I had a problematic arch-dwm setup which i've been struggling with for a looong time, and when i thought i still needed quite some time to solve all issues, yesterday i somehow managed to hit the right solutions for each problem in a single evening. My setup is now in its most stable and usable state ever, and rsynced to a flash drive. I am no longer forced to use windows for my daily needs.
Praise be to holy gnu and holy tux! Do you think maybe i should sacrifice some electronics for the souls of st. ritchie, st. thompson, st. stallman and st. torvalds?2
i found this beauty on diaspora (in tribute to the comic artist frank franzetta)
p.s.: i asked the artist if i can use it here, but got no replies. i hope it won't be a problem for him/her.1
So, if I was to emigrate, should I come to your country?
I'll finish my bachelors in Comp Sci next May and Ireland isn't really livable right now with property rental prices. Time to look elsewhere I think.20
Do you make popcorn because you want to eat it...
Or because you want to see if you can pop all the corn?1
A shitty internet connection and visual studio make the best of fucking friends. This is going on a half hour now.
Had to switch to my windows partition for a project and I'm not happy.
Cry for me Fedora.
in the workplace, i have no access to internet, am not admin to my own computer and am not allowed to install anything (due to security reasons). i also happen to have quite some spare time so i'm writing nokia's good old snake game in visual studio and opengl so i can amuse myself both coding and playing. in a way, company pushes creativity and productivity even for slacking.7
As you grow older, both professinally as a dev and as a team player, you realise that a complete rewrite is rarely the better answer to the problem at hand.
With that being said, I'm rewriting the glorified-mass-of-infernal-human-feces-with-corn-bits-masquerading-as-mere-shit out of a production service right now. Wish me luck.2
"rose" of alphonse mucha is my favourite desktop item for the time. she watches over me as i code at home.
Currently working on a GUI config generator using MFC in VS.
Firstly, fuck sake Microsoft. Why can't I just use a normal string? The amount of times I've had to do god awful conversions to/from CString using their numerous typedefs L, _T and don't even get me started on LPCTSTR, LPCWSTR... It's just ugly and tedious. I've gotten used to it and all but still, ugh.
Secondly, some of the functions are just stupid. Want to disable a control? Hmm, we'll there's a function called EnableWindow, but no DisableWindow. How did I do it before? Oh, so to disable the control it's EnableWindow(FALSE). Of course it is, duh. Why am I so stupid?
Let's use the GetWindowText function. Simples. CString something_txt = GetWindowText().
Nope, it takes the CString as a parameter and copies it into that rather than just returning the text. Now one line becomes two. I get that this is a really small semantic thing but it irks me.
I just want to go back to my fedora partition. Wah.
PS: I'm sure there's good reasons for what I'm ranting about, but I really don't care. I just need to rant about my frustrations. 😂1
!dev, crypto related.
Crypto is a fucking cancerous community at the moment, where everyone thinks that he will get rich overnight or just by scratching his balls in front of his pc, full of pseudo traders that shill coins here and there, talk like they were Jesus and X currency was a religion.
People that have no sense of criticism, that invest in thing they don’t understand and all this “coins rivalries“ look more like a fucking competition between brotherhoods in college than sane competition between companies.
That said, people still understand cryptocurrencies as investment assets when they should be user as what they’re called: currencies (some exceptions apply, I.e. ICOs)
Still nobody at this price would use them to buy goods and services because “it should be worth XY” and that just to reconvert them to fiat.
On the top of that, Bitcoin was born to be anti banks, anti governments, anti 3rd party trust and of course this kind of freedom has been already suppressed.
And now the exact reverse concept appears: without government trust people won’t use them because they choose to be “legal” instead of free to do what they want by following a proper ethics (don’t buy drugs kids).
Finally, SEC pushing the decision about ETF has made people scary instead of confident because it’s the same kind of people that want to be rich overnight and didn’t think that pushing the deadline for decision is a good thing as that means that they really want to take in consideration what they’re doing and want to do things the right way. That said it still kills concept of no 3rd party.
At least the dumb money has got out, and well maybe see smart people get in.4
i want to find the person who proposed to force mtp in android for file transfers, and bash them in the head with a plush android toy till they're knocked unconscious.
all i want is to make a file transfer between my phone and my computer, and rather than plugging my phone's usb, i find it easier to set up an ftp server over local network. and when that doesn't work, i might as well hexdump the file, and copy it char-by-char manually, than use mtp.6
yahoo is now alleged to give away bulk mail content to intel agencies. such a dead investment, who uses yahoo for sensitive communications anyway?
Fucking group projects fuck them oh so much fucking fuck fuck fuck.
What's that? You want to basically ignore the spec and do something else? Fuck.
Wait, let's not use the great resources given to us? Fucking fuck.
Oh, you're just going to ignore the fact that everyone else disagrees with you? Fuckity fuck fuck.
I am so angry. You don't get to railroad your team.
You fucker. Ugh.
Tablet recommendations? I know this isn't really the place to ask but I trust you devs.
I'm just about to start back college and I'd like to have a light carry around for days I don't need my laptop. I love my 17" Dell, it's a beast and that's why I bought it but damn it's overkill for taking notes and running little things through a bash terminal. A tablet and keyboard seems like a nice idea.
Ideally, I wanna run Linux. But I'm not sure if there's a commercial tablet that facilitates OS changes easily out of the box.
No iPad. Not an apple fan, and it's just not what I'm after.
The MS surface seems pretty good, but I haven't looked too deeply into replacing the OS.
I just want a nice Linux tablet. I dunno.
Not learning to unit test as I was embarrassed that'd I'd missed it in college.
Now, thanks to a great ruby module I've taken this year, I'm leaning towards TDD. I really enjoy it.
!rant with a l'il rant at the end.
Anyone have any Android games they would recommend? I just want something to help me unwind, without being baited every 10 minutes into buying upgrades or coins or whatever.
In app transactions have ruined Android games for me. It drives me insane, but, I still would like something for when I'm not bothered to boot up my ps4 and spend hours living in The Witcher.5
this is a repost organization post. each time you are going to post a classical joke, please find it from items below, and write as comment, the number of the repost. and people will give you ++'s to your comments as if you actually reposted the post. also, feel free to make additions to the list. syntax is:
"(n): [repost context]" for a new item (please do not mess with the order)
"-- [n]: [personal comment]" for simulating the repost.
here we go:
(0): the comic strip about rescuing princesses in different languages.
(1): in case of fire git commit, git push, leave the building.
(2): wanna hear a udp joke? i don't care if you get it.
(3): that joke about java devs wearing glasses because they can't c#.
An example repost:
-- 0: omg princess lol :)))2
Avatar request: separate colour choice for beard.
... I'm not exactly in the 99%, but my beard hair isn't the same colour as my head hair. 😂5
If you want the ridiculous behavior “required” by POSIX, you must set the environment variable ‘POSIXLY_CORRECT’ (which was originally going to be named ‘POSIX_ME_HARDER’).
You just read a line from GNU's official coding standard document :D
my 4th gen. amazon kindle has been one of my favorite work buddies so far. i spend most of my midday breaks with it, kept me pretty good company so far.1
I use Google, stackoverflow, tech documentations to unstuck myself and I'm not afraid to admit it coz ham1
Statically linking to qt5 is quickly driving me fucking insane.
I've a list of unresolved dependencies during linking longer than a really long fucking list. Ugh.
Cmake, why can't you save me?
Think I'll just go back to dynamic and build on each needed system.1
rust anyone? i am a c++ person, and it caught my attention as having an oopish-but-actually-functional new programming paradigm whatever... also (don't know if it's just mozilla's successful marketing) i had the impression that people see it as the new whiz kid in town. do you recommend indulging in it for the sake of trying something new?2
unigine sim engine has the worst documentation i've ever seen. it was written in bad english, occasionally did not follow a word convention (i.e. functions doing analogous work used different keywords), most items were just reiterations of function names (made up example for clarification: getAngularVelocity(): gets angular velocity...). i had to use it for my first ever job, and had to learn in from scratch, mostly by trial and error. it's been months since i switched jobs, and they were rolling a version 2 when i left, i hope they improved on their docs.
Was using an open source piece of software for data storage and visualisation to work with the loggers my company makes. When importing old data for historical views, some of the csv imports would fail without any specific error messages.
It took me a couple of hours but after looking at their csv parser and making my own little one to test with, I eventually found out that it was all down to the way datatime (I think it was?) in java deals with DST, which apparently was to just fuck shit up.
Anyhow, a few simple lines added into the parser later and it all works just fine.
Was super proud of that one as it was the first time I actually looked somewhat good in front of my senior dev.
Is the current humble book bundle of any use? Dev ops by Packt. Lots of docker and kubernetes stuff.
does anybody here use diaspora*? for those who don't, it's a free (as in freedom) social network and protocol thereof, and it employs a decentralized, distributed approach. you can choose a "pod" to store your data, and search for people and content inter-podly. as a decentralization/distribution/foss enthusiast, i love the project and check regularly, but sometimes i get the feeling that i'm all by myself there, as i have no friends yet and all the content i see is just my followed keywords. (so befriend me, maybe? :D)5
i got a dev!rant nostress ball, because i didn't have any serious rants and used the app for fun purposes.
edit: do you think maybe it can also help in debugging, although it's nothing close to being a duck.
Soooo, badges. They seem to have some prevalence in the open source community. I'd love to earn some from fedora. One day!
Anyone have any fun ones to show off?2
on a 5 day rock festival vacation... a band with songs i barely know is on and i'm a bit high... there's a cool set of animations playing at the stage background and i spent the whole concert trying to figure how i could write each animation in opengl. i'll give them a shot back home, if i don't forget.3
Just did some really satisfying refactoring. Much happier with my work now. Its a little cli app to poll M-bus devices and write the data to file if the user wants. Can scan the whole range, search for specific devices and VIFE codes, parse an input file for lots of the previous data and one or two other things.
How's everyone's else's weekend?
don't you just love it when you have to fix a system that consists on unnecessary junk code, horrible/lack of indentation, no documentation and the clients says "I don't know what happened fix it and I'll post you good"
I mean, I live for this shit man!
trying to make a live usb disk. i took shots at random combinations from 2 usb sticks, 2 oses, different tools or technics on each os... each failed with a different outcome. then i realized i should have kept a failure matrix so that i don't try the same combinations, or can trace the roots of the problem.
each time i need to build a live disk, a part of me dies inside.6
i just learnt how much clearcase sucks the hard way. i always used git for personal projects and am used to finding a simple solution to any problem at most one stackoverflow away, i just messed up my local repo, and experienced people could not manage to undo it. i mean come on, this is a f**king versioning software, how hard can it be to delete everything local and re-pull from remote without messing up configuration files? either clearcase has some serious design shortcomings for my understanding of a versioning software, or it is so overly complicated that nobody actually knows how to revert this mistake.2
In whatever framework I'm using I get frustrated with the default css so I just !important everything
i've been using debian with xfce for 2 years, and i'm now planning to migrate to arch with xmonad for some freshness. i'm reluctantly peeking out of my comfort zone and sniffing like a cat, any tips appreciated.
anybody else has a "polish notation fetish"? i never actually learned lisp, but since i first saw its style, i find writing functions like "+ 1 2" instead of "1 + 2" both aesthetically and functionally more appealing. i think the infix notation is just being kept because of well-established habits.