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What devrant taught me:
Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😊25
What devrant taught me:
Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates gnu+linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😀😄😙32
Fuck this shit
I am sick of PMs and clients seeing Android as IOS but in Java
I'm sick of having to create dialogs that look like the stupid ones from ios
I'm sick of having to add backButton.setOnClickListerner->onBackPressed() in each fucking activity We fucking have software and hardware back buttons ffs
I'm sick of flattening everything just for everything to look like ios
I'm sick of the everyday comment 'but it should look the same as ios'
I'm sick of having to use broken libraries to add UI components that go against Android guidelines just to look like ios, while we already have native ones that work a ton better.
FFS!!! If our Android users wanted the same experience as ios, they'd have fucking bought an iPhone.
I'm terribly tired of all the comments 'but it's working fine on iPhone' ... We have 1000000 manufacturers to maintain the app for, if your fucking Bluetooth, camera, vibrator.. isn't working on your 'insert some alien oem phone name here' throw it in the fucking trash can. It's working fine on the 1000 test devices that I got.
And at the end of the day, fuck every ios developer who thinks we have it easy just cause we got 'wrap_content' . Why the fuck would you event need a perfectly responsive UI if you only have like 4 fucking screen sizes to take care of?!
PS: I love Android, but fuck people !
As much as we love to complain about our PMs and coworkers, I feel blessed to be in a field where after working all day, I enjoy what I do so much I come home and work on my own projects. Who's with me?11
Is devRant Just for rants?
I see such a Great community here that goes way beyond complaining about PMs and users (even though you're all right, usually). I've read comments about support for depression, Anxiety, people being supportive of woman and downvoting/commenting against the common sexism that we see on the internet every single day. We have fun, we all feel like friends even though we can remember only a few names and stumble uppon them once in a while. We mostly understand each other and it all feels like a huge family. It's a Great thing to help throughout all of the struggles I have daily in Life, and I bet many people here feel the same.
Thank you all so much for making devRant this Great community. Papa bless.13
Ignorant sales people and PMs who confuse a program's UI with the whole thing and ask you: why it took you so long, you just had to add a save button?
Yeah, asshole, adding a call-to-action style save button only took me 10 minutes, making it save your fucking data reliably took me a whole week.8
WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD FOR THESE CUM SUCKERS TO UNDERSTAND THAT CHANGING REQUIREMENTS 2 DAYS BEFORE THE DEADLINE IS JUST GONNA BREAK EVERYTHING!?!?
I DOUBLE DARE ANYONE TO TELL ME ITS NOT WORKING TOMORROW...
STUPID MOTHER FUCKER PMS CANT PLAN ANYTHING6
The moment i started Android Porting.
The tons of messages i got on XDA from random people.
Oh fucking hell
But one message was like WTF ?
Not exactly the message but it has the same point.
Hey Bro, I installer your room and it work but when i turned my phone of it didnt turn back on. The small buttn on side doesnt work to turn it on.
Then he posted the same message to thread since i dont respond to PMs.
Some user helped him and what was the issue ?
HIS FUCKING PHONE BATTERY WAS DEAD
He just had to charge it. FFS6
" The junior dev just told me about an app called devRant. What have you been ranting about me on it?"
Beware of PMs.1
Damn I hate when people ask me to stop coding just because Excel doesn't work or the Antivirus license expired, even worse my boss gets mad at me when I tell him that I'm a coder that we have tech support people, who apparently do nothing, to all the PMs and Lead Devs
Please stop telling me about the freaking deadline if you also ask me to install your stuff.
Sorry for the negativity, had to get it out12
Damned, my wife's pms (aka "premenstrual syndrome") is synchronize with the windows update...
What have I done in my paste life's?5
Estimates are NOT... I repeat..they are NOT the FUCKING DEADLINES.
If you are asking for an estimate then remember, in your absolutely fucking small fucknugget brain, that it can FUCKING CHANGE!
The last thing you wanna do is grill the dev by asking them to explain in details why the change instead of trusting them. Specially when you don't understand a thing of the technology.
- Dev on whom you are shitting you asshole!18
Wow... this is the perfect week for this topic.
Thursday, is the most fucked off I’ve ever been at work.
I’ll preface this story by saying that I won’t name names in the public domain to avoid anyone having something to use against me in court. But, I’m all for the freedom of information so please DM if you want to know who I’m talking about.
Yesterday I handed in my resignation, to the company that looked after me for my first 5 years out of university.
Thursday was my breaking point but to understand why I resigned you need a little back story.
I’m a developer for a corporate in a team of 10 or so.
The company that I work for is systemically incompetent and have shown me this without fail over the last 6 months.
For the last year we’ve had a brilliant contracted, AWS Certified developer who writes clean as hell hybrid mobile apps in Ion3, node, couch and a tonne of other up to the minute technologies. Shout out to Morpheus you legend, I know you’re here.
At its core my job as a developer is to develop and get a product into the end users hands.
Morpheus was taking some shit, and coming back to his desk angry as fuck over the last few months... as one of the more experienced devs and someone who gives a fuck I asked him what was up.
He told me, company want their mobile app that he’s developed on internal infrastructure... and that that wasn’t going to work.
Que a week of me validating his opinion, looking through his work and bringing myself up to speed.
I came to the conclusion that he’d done exactly what he was asked to, brilliant Work, clean code, great consideration to performance and UX in his design. He did really well. Crucially, the infrastructure proposed was self-contradicting, it wouldn’t work and if they tried to fudge it in it would barely fucking run.
So I told everyone I had the same opinion as him.
4 months of fucking arguing with internal PMs, managers and the project team go by... me and morpheus are told we’re not on the project.
The breaking point for me came last Wednesday, given no knowledge of the tech, some project fannies said Morpheus should be removed and his contract terminated.
I was up in fucking arms. He’d done everything really well, to see a fellow developer take shit for doing his job better than anyone else in [company] could was soul destroying.
That was the straw on the camels back. We don’t come to work to take shit for doing a good job. We don’t allow our superiors to give people shit in our team when they’re doing nothing but a good job. And you know what: the opinion of the person that knows what they’re talking about is worth 10 times that of the fools who don’t.
My manager told me to hold off, the person supposed to be supporting us told me to stand down. I told him I was going to get the app to the business lead because he fucking loves it and can tell us if there’s anything to change whilst architecture sorts out their outdated fucking ideas.
Stand down James. Do nothing. Don’t do your job. Don’t back Morpheus with his skills and abilities well beyond any of ours. Do nothing.
That was the deciding point for me, I said if Morpheus goes... I go... but then they continued their nonsense, so I’m going anyway.
I made the decision Thursday, and Friday had recruiters chomping at the bit to put the proper “senior” back in my title, and pay me what I’m worth.
The other issues that caused me to see this company in it’s true form:
- I raised a key security issue, documented it, and passed it over to the security team.
- they understood, and told the business users “we cannot use ArcGIS’ mobile apps, they don’t even pretend to be secure”
- the business users are still using the apps going into the GDPR because they don’t understand the ramifications of the decisions they’re making.
I noticed recently that [company] is completely unable to finish a project to time or budget... and that it’s always the developers put to blame.
I also noticed that middle management is in a constant state of flux with reorganisations because in truth the upper managers know they need to sack them.
For me though, it was that developers in [company], the people that know what they’re talking about; are never listened to.
Fuck being resigned to doing a shit job.
Fuck this company. On to one that can do it right.
Morpheus you beautiful bastard I know you’ll be off soon too but I also feel I’ve made a friend for life. “Private cloud” my arse.
Since making the decision Thursday I feel a lot more free, I have open job offers at places that do this well. I have a position of power in the company to demand what I need and get it. And I have the CEO and CTO’s ears perking up because their department is absolutely shocking.
Freedom is a wonderful feeling.13
Worst part of being a dev: "we need this done by the end of the week"
Me: "ok what are the specifications?"
PMs: "not sure yet, we have a meeting with the client on Thursday."
Me: "cool, I'll look at it Monday."
Don't come to me with deadlines before you know what I'm building.
Fuck those who cover their incompetence with complexity. Fuck those who fall for their shitty tricks. Fuck you for depriving me of any sense of accomplishment with overcomplicating everything to show how smart you are when you are not. Fuck you for creating a culture of overthinking egoism instead of shipping and finding out who was right. FUCK YOU IN THE ASS YOU BIKESHEDDING, MOTHERFUCKING CUNTS!4
Why the hell can't PMs understand "it's complicated" without asking for an explanation? EVERY time any dev has said that and they ask why, guess what follows?
Technical jargon they don't get.
Do they think we're lazy and trying to wiggle out of work? Do they not trust us? Do they think explaining it to them will somehow provide some insight that will make it less complicated?
In our company the estimation is done by customer / PO. Usually, the deadline is set to the day before yesterday after the issue arrived. Always highest prio.
Oh, almost forgot: when a developer does his estimations, the resulting number gets divided by 7 by the PMs. Buffers? Who needs that. QA? Pfff. We are EFFICIENT.
Deadline not met? Bugs in the release? The developer must be bad.11
devranters account registration could include coding knowledge test to keep out snooping PMs? but instead of denying them access on failure it could just silently filter them all to their own channel >:)8
The company I recently started working for are young guys my age, who want me to create awesome stuff, however I feel is best, and they let me think and try stuff, like new cool design ideas and use latest API's to create the most modern site possible. "Whatever you think is the best way to do it"
And I'm paid a decent salary. This is the first job I liked. Ever. I literally wake up early to get going, and work overtime (without them knowing nor paying extra) because I think this project is so amazing and I feel like giving back.. I usually hate PMs, but these guys rock.4
Just a friendly reminder you'd have nothing to manage without us, which means you wouldn't even have a job.
PS you aren't our bosses either
Pm: "so how long should this take?"
Me: "well, I see at LEAST 8 hours of work here for me, some of which can't be done without graphics, but let's assume graphics are done by designers by the time I get to hour 6 and I just have to plug the images in without much editing or tweaking."
Pm: "So you'll have this by tomorrow?"
Me: "Do you think I just sit on my hands all day waiting for one of you trolls to give me something to do? I said AT LEAST 8 FULL HOURS OF MY TIME, that would be assuming I could get 8 consecutive hours to work on this, and let's face it that's not gonna happen."
Pm: "So Friday...?"
Me: "Tell the client that so long as there aren't any unforseen issues it could be done as early as Thursday. I'll put it on my schedule, but it is not a priority until at least Monday. There's only one of me and 5 other active projects on my desk."
Pm: "I'm gonna tell them Wednesday morning we'll show it to them for approval."
What in the hell is wrong with people?4
1. Make sure the client understands that you wont be taking there BS.
3. Tell PMs to be decisive and think before making decisions.
4. Fuck windows updates. Use linux/mac.
5. Keep a loaded gun on your desk to deter any person from disturbing you when you are in your zone.
6. Use the gun to end pointless meetings to decide the background color of some div on the website.
Use at your own caution though.6
Years ago, I was part of a project that went completely off the rails. A little context: we were a services company and we had local offices in cities all over the country. My team provided 2nd-level support which means we often had the PMs call us from those via an annoying Nextel radio.
I won’t go through the details but suffice it to say this project envolved one such branch going rogue and committing actual fraud, with criminal proceedings and all. People were on the edge, and the relationship with that branch was increasingly hostile. There was also an internal power struggle in the company between some directors at that point. In other words, a clusterfuck I’ll always cherish, if by cherish you mean hate hate hate. Anywho…
One time, there was a national holiday on a Thursday and we were going to make it a long weekend. As customary, I communicated with all the PMs about contigency plans. This PM then told us that we could not take Friday off because the customer wanted us to fly over there. We were supposed to be at the customer’s site early Friday morning. That meant we would have to fly Thrusday afternoon. I wasn’t happy.
It immediatly felt arbitrary too. As I said, the relationship was not good and we suspected he was just trying to cost us our days off. I knew enough of the customer to be fairly sure they would not have requested us that Friday. Why did the customer want us then? There was nothing yet on production and if it was just to show progress, surely we could move it to Monday. At worst, can’t we make it over the phone? No, no, no, he said. The customer was adamant that we be there on Friday. Sucked to be us.
So we flew over Thursday afternoon and on Friday morning we headed to the customer’s offices only to find it closed. They too had made it a long weekend and wouldn’t be back until Monday.
Normally I would be furious over the waste of time but to be honest, both I and my colleague smiled at that. It confirmed that the PM just tried to screw us and the customer have never asked for us. We headed back to the local office.
Before coming in, we both bought ourselves some icecream. My friend stayed in the little garden in front and I went in. The PM immediatly saw me and demanded to know why I wasn’t at the customer yet. I didn’t answer. Instead I grabbed the Nextel radio and headed back out with the PM following. I then sat down on the grass and called my director. Smiling and staring at the PM, I told him about the office being closed. The PM’s face froze when my director asked to talk to him.
We sat outside under the sun, enjoying our icecreams while the PM got shouted at. It was the best icecream I’ve ever had.6
"Hey we need you to be laser focused on these rush projects, but first let's have an hour long meeting to discuss how you need to be laser focused on these projects".
Currently developing an android app that is a clone for an existing iOS app. Sadly all the PMs and POs (the P-M/O fraction) at this firm are somehow iPhone users.
So every time we implement stuff according to android guidelines some PMO comes around and asks: "why doesn't this look/work/smell like in iOS?"
Somedays I feel like crying...6
What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.
Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.
PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.4
I hate when manager wants an Android app supportable all the way to GinerBread .FUCK YOU ASSHOLE how about I tell you to work 24/7 .PM Shitholes doesn't know shit about coding and make some unrealistic promises and when things don't work this bastards are all over your ass and want you to fix things . How about asking a developer before making such unrealistic promises . Let me tell you PM are the most useless kind of people's in the world who has failed to prove their significance in the company. Fuck you....PMs9
When your peer dev is ++'ing your shit on devRant instead of git pushing the project so you can work on it too 😒 @filipe0957
Introduced a ‘new’ logging framework for our web site. Web team is testing the integration and I get an email saying the logging wasn’t working. Instead of sending me how she is searching the logs, she sends me a screen shot of the code (which is ass-backwards of how I documented the logging library, but that’s another rant). OK, she wrote 5 lines of code that should be one line, but OK, the error still should have logged fine. I search the logs, and sure enough, there they are. Errors logged just as they should.
So I email back (with screenshot of the search query and results) asking how she searched for the errors.
Hour later she responds ..”I don’t know.”
WTF do you mean “I don’t know”?…WTF…you are a –bleep-ing developer too! This is not the first –bleep-ing splunk query you’ve written!
OK..I’m calm..feeling better. Wouldn’t be so bad if she emailed just me with the question (I’m not a splunk query expert either, we can figure it out together), but she was sure to cc 3 of the PMs involved in the integration, my boss, and other team members to make it sound like the problem was my code.3
"There are people who care about the user interface (UI); I can’t do UI to save my life. I mean if I was stranded on an island and the only way to get off that island was to make a pretty UI, I’d die there." -- Linus Torvalds
That is my life in summary, I can't do UI. I love doing backend projects, even when I use bootstrap, I come up with the ugliest looking UI ever. I think developers should be comfortable with whatever they enjoy doing and not forced to do things they are not very good at. (Hello PMs) *side eye*8
Flash has made Java programs look desirable. And anyone keeping up with me knows I despise Java and C#, despite having written C# and currently working on deciphering a Java server to create documentation.
The reason for this outburst seems unreasonable until you realize the hell I went through today. At my University, there is a basic entry-level psychology course I'm taking. Pearson, a company I already fucking hate for some of the ethically sketchy shit they pulled with PARCC as well as overreach in publishing to the point they produce state tests here in the US - has a product called "My PsychLab" and from here on out, I'm referring to it as MPL. MPL has an issue - it is entirely fucking Flash. Homework assignments, the textbook, FUCKING EVERYTHING. So, because of that, you need to waste time finding a browser that works. Now let me remind all of you that just because something SHOULD WORK does NOT mean that it actually does.
I'm sitting on my Antergos box a few days ago: Chromium and Firefox won't load Flash. I don't know why, and don't care to find out. NPAPI and whatnot are deprecated but should still run in a limited mode or some shit. No go on Antergos.
So, today I went to the lab in the desolated basement of an old building which is where it's usually empty except a student hired by the university to make sure nobody fucks things up. I decided - because y'all know I fuckin' hate this - to try Windows. No go in Chrome still - it loaded Flash but couldn't download the content. So I tried Firefox - which worked. My hopes were up, but not too long - because there was no way to input. The window had buttons and shit - but they were COMPLETELY UNRESPONSIVE.
So the homework is also Flash-based. It's all due by 1/31/18 - FOUR CHAPTERS AND THE ACCOMPANYING HOMEWORK - which I believe is Tuesday, and the University bookstore is closed both Saturday and Sunday. No way to get a physical copy of the book. And I have other classes - this isn't the only one.
Also, the copyright on the program was 2017 - so whoever modded or maintained that Flash code - FUCK YOU AND THE IRRESPONSIBLE SHIT YOUR TEAM PULLED. FUCK THE SUPERIORS MAKING DECISIONS AS WELL. Yeah, you guys have deadlines? So do the end users, and when you have to jump through hoops only to realize you're fucked? That's a failure of management and a failure of a product.
How many people are gonna hate me for this? Haters gonna hate, and I'm past the point of caring.7
So here's the deal on how I WILL sort my life and fix the leaks:
1. Get into the new PM position as early as possible.
No matter what it takes. I will have to stay low key.
2. Meanwhile learn all the shit of and around Product Management.
Includes reading books, learning tools, methodologies, communicating and interacting with fellow PMs, courses, reading more articles, blogs and books. JUST FUCKING LEARNNNN.
3. Get a new job as soon as I get the new title on paper. Because I need MONEY for survival.
Also, I want to be in B2C environment instead of B2B.
4. Meanwhile implement the stock market script/algorithm based on the theory I learned. Guys it works and if any of you need it, shoot me a message and I shall share.
5. Invest and earn. Want to have a side income and distribute my investments too.
6. Start with that goddamn side project. Outsource it if required (mostly after I score a better paying gig).
Stop looking for Plan B, Floyd. There is no Plan B. There is only one and we have to stick to it.14
I secretly wish everything at work fails because everyone is so fucking stupid every time it makes me cringe when I have to talk to someone or watch someone explaining something to me.
Everything seems to lack planning and focus, our PMS act more like clients than like managers, its a total fucking mess and I have to clean some of it this week.
It's getting so much on my nerves that I had to open my whiskey for the first time this year, damn.
One day I felt sorry for my PM:
He was on the way to present an application to a client.
The PM showed me the mess the app was while asking with sadness how he should present that buggy thing.. he and I were new to the project.
After that day I told myself I would put all of my efforts to develop for excellent quality and change the app road.
This days all he did was pressure the team to develop fast.. all my "quality work" at half. Why I care for this guys? All PMs are the same5
Saw a rant about a teacher so I thought I'd share one of my experiences.
So I had this teacher who was supposed to teach us the basics of web development (HTML, CSS and some basic PHP).
Now this guy didn't really like me very much but that is besides the point.
One day me and a classmate were working on an assignment in class, we ran into a problem but we couldn't find the mistake in the code. So we went to ask the teacher. We explain the whole thing, the teacher stares at our code for a good couple minutes (while the problem can only be in a few lines) and then says something along the lines off: "I don't like that you put your curly brackets on the same line as the if statement, fix that first and then come back"
Needless to say, my classmate and I were standing there with our minds blown.
He knew nothing about PHP, all he did was read out power points.
On top of that, a quick LinkedIn search proved that he normally works as PM an that he has no coding experience!
WHY WAS THIS DUDE FUCKING HIRED????10
Screw the language, fuck the compiler, piece of shit keeps throwing errors.
Oh wait I forgot to set a variable. That was easy
More errors?? FUCK ALL THE SHIT OVER AGAI- oh wait actually if I just do... SCREW IT ALL YOU CUNT CODE,, no no I didn't mean that dear. Don't give me more errors please. OH FUCK YOU.1
A lot of talk about PMs here. I wasn't aware of how many developers have to report directly to prime ministers.1
Product managers who breathe down your neck all day because they literally have nothing else to do with their time3
Why do PMs think we are all inter changeable? Wtf?!?!?!
8 hours for me is not the same as 8 hours for some junior guy. Really, for gods sake, junior guys don't even know how tell time yet.4
A Visual Studio solution that had 62 (SIXTY TWO) projects for a webpage that was like 8 user forms total was like going to a shop to buy 3 items and receiving 15 tickets for that.
PMs saying no to refactoring due to not having enough time for a months. The first task took me 2 days just by fixing cyclic dependencies among the libraries. Went home and merged all the projects to just 3, building instantly in just two hours. Fuck idiot PMs that do not know how to code, buys shit and don't listen to devs. Fuck all idiots.4
pms always tell the higher ups that I"don't have passion". I don't know how to show passion for their photoshop mock ups, one line requirements with no definition of done, their talking for hours about "leveraging" and name dropping about the top brass they are schmoozing with. I just ask if we are going to show our MVP to real users and she morphs to the bride of chuckie. I say we ought to pair program and she says it cost double to make a feature. Testing and code reviews are taking too much time but they hover over your shoulder while you try to fix a "mission critical bug" that occurs because they wanted us to skip practices that could have prevented the bug. Woo I feel better now!3
Me: How to find best threshold for highest precision?
TL: Plot ROC.
Me: I have never heard about ROC. What is it?
TL: I will tell you in a minute.
PM: Yeah you should use ROC to find threshold.
"During this day in meeting with CEO PM used word ROC for 2 to 3 times."
Me: Next day DuckDuck Gos and read article of Jason Brownlee about ROC.
ME: Plots curve and show it to the PM.
PM: Sees in amazement and say is this ROC curve?
ME: Laugh internally.
TL;DR Why do PMs pretend they know everything?10
agency lesson 10motherfucking1 . Never take your project managers demands and run with them. Ask 10s, 100s of questions if needed. Layout every little aspect of the project and every little demand and every little asset needed.
They will fuck you in your ass and turn every eye on you when the client gets angry. They will fucking ruin you for the sake of their job.
Cover your ass in every way possible. Do not let your asshole manager define how shit is going down because (say it with me) THOSE WHO CAN DO! THOSE WHO CANT MANAGE!1
Lately, in the company I work for, it's becoming the norm for the dev to finish workdays at 10pm or 11pm, but we still get yelled at when we arrive after 9am. Anyway, every week, the PMs and salesmen have a big meeting to debrief how everything is working so well in this so wonderful company, and whatever. From what I've been told, it's just a big session of self-satisfaction, applause, and gossips.
During the two or three last meetings, some PMs dared to point out that the dev felt underestimated and constantly under pressure. Last time, the boss of the managers answered: "Developers just like to complain."
Yeah, right! We work like hell everyday to respect deadlines of underestimated projects, we have to fight to get hardware, and even a good chair is a precious resource!
Ultimately, another PM trainee said projects were late because dev are just laughing all day long... Go figure!
I feel like most of IT companies treat dev like inferior robots :(5
It's sprint meeting day! Time to grab some coffee because it's going to be 5 hours of PMs ranting about tickets and progress. Yay!
Wish there would be a project, every one, PMs, designers, clients, bosses and of course programmers as well, has to code3
In a meeting with customers to agree on the scope of a new project...
Me: "Hey, we could do this awesome thing that will save you a lot of time that nobody's brought up or mentioned and will take us an extra 4 weeks to implement."
Horrible, but it's my way of training my PMs to leave me out of meetings.4
i'd rather burn a site to the ground to preserve it in its current state than let it devolve into a place for SJWs to basically outlaw everything because they're special snowflakes. It's about breaking video games, you don't need to say "well you can't use he/she/him/her pronouns ever, you can't acknowledge binary genders, you can't say the word 'retarded' even when referring to the dictionary definition of the word (synonym of regression), you can't send PMs at all because privacy is against God, you can't say/reference God or Christianity because #NotAllReligions"
just fuck off. We break Pokemon games, we don't plot to genocide the white race because all whites are cis racist Nazi cucks like you do goddammit
I will write a bot for XDA PMs that when it receives new PM and reads please, alpha, build then it will make a angry fucking response that is really long and will just sign at the end
-Haxk20 fucking angry PM bot.
Migration in progress (long one, lasting over a month)
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to discuss migration progress
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to agree on what should we test
PM: Let's schedule a meeting to get specs of the new infra
Seriously, PMs. One 1 hour long meeting costs at least 4 hours of productive time (1 hour for travel, 1 hour for the meeting, 1+ hour for preparing for the meeting, 1+ hour for post-meeting discussions). And more often than not all meetings end with "We will come back to you later in regards to <some question not answered during meeting>" and it always means "we'll continue this chat via emails"
Why can't you first ask "do we need a meeting or can we sort this out via email?" ??? Or are you intentionally wasting everyone's time?4
WooHoo, lets miss this deadline, fuck yeah!!!
Has 20 tasks last week monday, had 50 Wednesday and 51 Friday, as of today we have finished 1.5 and deadline is in 6 day, and shit is STILL changing. Fuck YEAH!!!
I just love PMs that wait until an hour before I'm supposed to leave and come and say, "Hey, we need you to do this thing right now. We're doing performance testing in QA this evening." And then take 45 minutes to get the information to me, without telling me which database or schema. Like, did you just find this out, or have you known this for the past week, and are just now telling me?4
I can't be the only one having thoughts about glueing a note 7 under my PMs car so I don't have to listen to his bs anymore...🤔🤔1
I'm buried in projects that I never get time to work on. My boss took the week off, and I'm getting emails from users asking about adding more projects to the board. I'm a single dev at my company. Normally, I have enough patience to get through the day, but today my CIO decided it would be a good time tell my coworker to let me know that the company dumped a third party we used for tons of report automation, and that I need to get these reports hand rolled in house asap. When I sent him a message asking for any kind of details on what this would involve, I found out he left early for the day.
I'm already stressed and putting in extra hours (salaried, so no extra pay) and am having trouble meeting deadlines for projects as it is because I'm constantly pulled away from my dev work to do non-dev work.
I just landed this dev position six months ago and haven't had a chance to build my resume. I'm getting "OK" money considering this is my first full-time dev job. Should I be looking to get out? Suck it up and get the experience? I know we all have crazy expectations on us and frustrating PMs, but after chats with other devs, I get the feeling that my situation is beyond fucked.11
I see a lot of rants about Project Managers (PMs). As someone who might work as that in the future, what are the some do's and don'ts for that role?11
As a dev, I think nothing have made me better prepared or equipped for explaining technical issues and functionality to PMs and board members than having kids and explaining things on their level.
If only this button could make this shitty work week end & launch me in to paradise. I've had it up to here with PMs, clients, sales and stupid people. Any one else? 😖🙋🏼👋🏼4
As usual, I guess I am getting depressed again. Happens at the last week every month.
This is like my personal PMS. And have no idea how to overcome this. FML.5
I think the author of Mythical Man Month would be interested to see how wildly popular devRant has become. Maybe we are all optimists when we start out programming, but once you expose us to clients, PMs and deadlines. Well.. we're going to need somewhere to rant.
(and in case you haven't yet had the pleasure of reading it):
All programmers are optimists. Perhaps this modern sorcery especially attracts those who believe in happy endings and fairy godmothers. Perhaps the hundreds of nitty frustrations drive away all but those who habitually focus on the end goal. Perhaps it is merely that computers are young, programmers are younger, and the young are always optimists. But however the selection process works, the result is indisputable: 'This time it will surely run,' or 'I just found the last bug'
( The Mythical Man Month ).
- Frederick Brooks, Jr.
Got a task named: "Final Changes", made a wünderlist named: "Final Changes v1" just because if PMs thought me something is that the words coming from their mouth and the ones in dictionary have a completely different meaning..
PM: I need a brand new feature that we haven't had before and it has to have a framework backing it so that we can extend it to anywhere in the future. It also has to have X, Y, Z, it has to be able to tell the future, cure cancer, fly, and have a return on investment for us of 1000x. How long will that take?
Me (or any dev ever): Umm... well, that's kind of asking for the moon. The first few pieces will take as least 5 sprints. When do you need it by?
PM: Tomorrow. When can you have it?
Reading all these lovely rants about PMs, I'm considering changing my profession to PM hitman.
Find me on Craigslist :-)9
My project manager decided to go full micromanager today. So members of the team have been emailing our manager and the PMs manager to explain why what he's doing is bad both for our deliverables and our moral1
Project name - "JIRA 2.0"
Description - JIRA seems to not be informing people in our company about much of anything right now. Engineers don't know how to find anything. PMs don't know when things are shipping.
Me: JIRA, you had 1 job!1
pm: anon we need this by Friday I will get send you the requirements.
Pm no show.
Pm: here are the requirements anon(literally only one sentence) wtf
Pm: can I test it anon.1
It's my first rant. So please ++1 me.
Now my rant:
In this semester I had a subject about system architecture. In this class, we must learn Java script, C# (and ASP.NET framework ), PHP (and Zend Framework 2), but in the classes is taught only UML and patterns. In the moodle of the subject we don't have any information about any of the languages and if we ask the teachers they don't know anything.
So we are all fucked10
This talk by Rich Hickey had a tremendous influence in how I approach my work:
His Hammock Driven Development is my absolute favorite when it comes to work principles in programming/engineering. It also the one that is the hardest to explain to most PMs and leads because it can look like you are slacking off while others are producing hundreds LOCs. That you'll write better, less error prone code that won't need as much QA iterations is something you first have to prove to them but to me, it's well worth the effort.
If you have 40 minutes of time, do yourself a favor and watch the video. Maybe it'll have as much influence on you as it had on me 😃
'I remember, oh six months ago... when I was all like ... "I'll be that dev that happily takes PMs!" ... yeah... I hate six-month-ago-me'1
Got 8 tickets today and 7 of them we already done in production. Are all PMs lazy or am I just lucky??
Oh god where do I start!?
In my current role I've had horrific experiences with management and higher ups.
The first time I knew it would be a problem: I was on a Java project that was due to go live within the month. The devs and PM on the project were all due to move on at the end. I was sitting next to the PM, and overheard him saying "we'll implement [important key feature] in hypercare"... I blew my top at him, then had my managers come and see if I was OK.
That particular project overran with me and the permanent devs having to implement the core features of the app for 6mo after everyone else had left.
I've had to be the bearer of bad news a lot.
I work now and then with the CTO, my worst with her:
We had implemented a prototype for the CEO of a sister company, he was chuffed with it. She said something like "why is it not on brand" - there was no brand, so I winged it and used a common design pattern that the CEO had suggested he would like with the sister company's colours and logo. The CTO said something like "the problem is we have wilful amateurs designing..." wilful amateurs. Having worked in web design since I was 12 I'm better than a wilful amateur, that one cut deep.
I've had loads with PMs recently, they basically go:
PM: we need this obscure set up.
Me & team: why not use common sense set up.
PM: I don't care, just do obscure set up.
The most recent was they wanted £250k infrastructure for something that was being done on an AWS TC2.small.
Also recently, and in another direction:
PM: we want this mobile app deploying to our internal MDM.
Us: we don't know what the hell it is, what is it!?
PM: it's [megacorp]'s survey filler app that adds survey results into their core cloud platform
Us: fair enough, we don't like writing form fillers, let us have a look at it.
*queue MITM plain text login, private company data being stored in plain text at /sdcard/ on android.
Us: really sorry guys, this is in no way secure.
Pm: *in a huff now because I took a dump on his doorstep*
I'll think of more when I can.
One of my really good friends met me today and she's become a project manager in a big firm and has been asked to manage a project and get it delivered.
A bit of history first. She and I graduated from the same college and got into different firms as software developers. We and our dev friends used to bitch about how PMs don't know anything and don't give a fuck about the quality of project. She moved on to pursue MBA. Fast forward 4 years.. it's today and we are in my apartment having dinner. She's going on and on about how bad the project is, how mess of the project this has become and how she doesn't care at all about the project and doesn't know anything but wants devs to finish the job no matter what. She knows the deadlines are aggressive but has directions to shit all over the devs and get the work done. So she's just doing that.. giving them an earful and asking for daily updates and questioning them about delays without even knowing what the project is about.
When I try to tell her that it's not the right thing to be doing, she's proudly admitting that's she's only going to manage the project for a while and doesn't really care what happens to it.
I have lost some respect for her now.. :(4
So we have this fucking project that came straight out o Satan's anus managed by 3 fucking PMs that each of them seem to be on a different drug and none of them seem to talk to each other despite the fact that they don't shut the fuck up on meetings.
They end up asking for conflicting changes every fucking time... Like:
PM1: change this to red
PM2: change this ( same thing ) to blue
PM3: should be green
Every day I stray further away from sanity. Maybe I'll be the 4th PM in some months by this rate of craziness my mind is diving into.
PMs are getting to me so much and ruining so much in this industry that I'm considering leaving it. I'm heavily considering teaching instead. I don't need someone who doesn't even hold a degree in a related field telling me what to do, giving me shit, and telling me I'm wrong. I have a masters in this, you assholes.8
So one of the PMs arranged a meeting last week for today, where he was going to "talk to us about a project we're currently working on".
Today the PM was off, so myself and a few other managers attended said meeting. Once everyone was in, one of the managers looked around, then at me and stated: "Have you not prepared your handover for this meeting?". I was just sat there like "WTF? What handover!?"
Apparently the PM decided to raise a meeting saying he was going to talk about the project, but then told all the other managers I was going to give a handover. He told everyone, but me!!
No wonder he didn't show up for it -.-2
"agile" teams, changing scope, unrealistic deadlines, non-tech PMs...
So much fits into this category.2
That moment when you found out, the "digital PMs" and "digital art directors" who have NO FREAKING CLUE about the limitation of the web... promised the clients fantastical things... at ridiculous timelines... WITHOUT CONSULTING any of the devs... GARGHHHH3
Well, I'm no professional developer, still at school, but I thought about this, regarding convincing PMs of you writing permanent fix instead of a temporary workaround: Just tell them that this one particular issue can't have a hotfix, and that you need time to fix it.6
Why are PMs always people with no technical knowledge about programming?
PM: "Come on you can do that, it shouldn't be hard".
Our associate program manager is currently giggling at her desk on facebook and we have a meeting in 5 minutes. A senior dev finally gotup and went to setup the meeting room... triggers the shit out of me when producers / program management dont setup meetings that they scheduled.1
Currently sat waiting to go into a 11am meeting where I will be told something is wrong even though I've completed a workload of 2 weeks in 3 days. If any PMs are on here, no appreciation sucks.5
Changes in the sales process enabled users to break it. I fixed the problem and suggested how to corrected those broken sales. PM wants to make tomorrow a day of meetings with stakeholders and other PMs to discuss if I should get to spend few hours fixing it.
Guess Ill tell them then that I already wrote a app on my way home that fixes it.....
Purposely obfuscating your readable code because it's your PMs responsibility soon and he can feel your pain for a while.
So I created a desktop app a couple of months ago that relies on IG API. Everything was working perfectly. QA passed and everything was ready for rolling out. Took a
vacation last week, when I came back yesterday it was broken. My backup didn't tried checking what was wrong btw. Turned out IG got strict with its apps on June 1 (sandbox). He waited for me and didn't even bother to try to fix it.
Oh, app will be launched today. Good luck PMs and fuck my backup.4
PMS must think there's a magic word called "it needs to be done" (by noon, in one hour, today"
Maybe they think that whenever they say, the solution becomes automatically ready?3
PMs are strange. I spend over a year to perfect a self optimizing, state agnostic End2End test with almost no flakyness and they're like "Yeah, nice". I write a frickin 15 line php script to display in which translation file a certain string is defined and they act as if I'd just walked over water.
Has anybody been forced by a PM or someone else to send clients passwords via email?
How should I tell them it's not best practice even if they are insisting?4
Weekly drama call 1.
(the number reflects the devrant broadcast count not the actual count).
We work with a remote team and the project manager there just loves to talk. It started as something adorable(?) but it's just plain annoying now. He keeps on talking and talking and talking. We just muted him, had a good laugh and missed nothing. Nobody has any idea when he'll stop.
Thought I'd post this for my friend in QA, because she's been having a horrible week at work.
So we were supposed to have production deployments last night (Tuesday) and tonight (Wednesday). We were told these dates a week ago, which is fine. The QA support cleared their after-office schedules on those dates to accommodate, since the deployments would be happening at 10pm.
Last Monday they moved the deployments to Thursday and Friday, because our "project managers" want to cram as many fixes and resolutions as possible. So of course, we devs are being rushed to speed these additional tasks through to being included (bypassing a LOT of quality checks).
Of course, the QA team finds defects (we devs were expecting that, so no big) and the PMs start blaming them for the delays. Which is just stupid. And my QA friend? They're trying to make her a scapegoat by throwing her under the bus with business.
Fortunately, she's a smart cookie and not only has all communications with the PMs documented, she also has the other QAs backing her up by running the same tests.
tldr; Fuck those project managers who suck up to business and don't give a shit about the people who do the actual work. May they burn in hell and their souls rot in a cesspool of acidic farts for all eternity.
How do you guys deal with really stupid PMs? I had one ask me 3xs to call the client and send emails because he's lazy and doesn't know how to be a PM + he's dumber than a box of freaking rocks.5
You might think that getting your work done super fast is a good idea but it's really not. It takes QA awhile to test your tickets and give feedback. If you clear your sprint board, PMs will add more assignments... Then on top of that extra work, QA will give you feedback from your previous work. You now will be super stressed to get all of this done by the end of the sprint.
It is best to take your time and get it right the first time... I've also learned to make a buffer... which is tickets in my queue I've already completed but did not say I've competed yet. This way I can take extra time on tickets that need TLC and the PM team won't surprise you with backlog tickets.
I work 8-9 hours a day. With my PMs love for contextual switching I avg 6 hours of client billable time.
Debating if I should bother having this talk with them. My PMs a fcn bull dog which makes things hard. Can’t address anything without it being a bull taking session.4
I hate project managers trying to stay relevant to a agile development methodology. Our PM doesn't care if we are working and providing value to the customer, only about checking off his Project check boxes.
tech lead CANCELS Monday stand-up becuase they cannot attend. and I work and status and update my tasks in or virtual task board. I forget to send a message mentioning I'll be kissing Tuesday standup. Then he sends me emails like the following sent to me, my manager, and my tech lead: "please remember to notify your team if you cannot attend the standup, and to send an agile status to the team. This is something that is required and not optional. We are trying to firm up all stories and tasks and need to hear a status. We are in week 1 of iteration 4.3. Thanks."
I'm coding and delivering value to the customer. Wtf are you doing dude?
My dream project is one which will calm devs' atmosphere, to create a cool interface between a dev and some fucking PMs, dont really need to interact with them at the 'backend'
I could work from home sometimes, the coworkers would be cool but focused, new tech would be encouraged and pms would defend devs against crappy clients, oh and no windows allowed, yeah I dont like sunlight (like linus house)
Worst part of being dev :
Open plan offices and people pulling you out of the "Zone" - Manager, PMs, QA , other devs. There is such thing as ' momentum ' ! :/
Now let me just throw away most of this pre-work documentation from the PMs and do it right the first time.
I'm trying to find an analogy between stinkbugs and a job in IT. My first take would be project managers. Stinkbugs come uninvited, make a mess if you try to get rid of them and are attracted by sources of light - monitors - just like PMs.1
In our company most of the PMs do the development. Surprisingly it does with pretty well.
But this PM just asked "how to get rid of spaces in a string"...2
When reading the posts about DevRant: Seems like someone is having fun. - Time for some PMs to join the conversation!5
Whoever taught PMs how to overlay screenshots on top of their designs needs to die a slow and painful death.
Same product repo, two projects, 2 tech leads and 4 pms. Each project is a race to merge for trunk so the other has to do it.
Yesterday our company CEO gave a presentation on the plan for our company's growth.
Let's just say that I'm not too sure that the goals he's set might not be met because I know the way we work.
But if those goals are met, it'll be a huge hit. Provided all the stars align and the PMs decide to do things right for once.
Can't decide what to do in terms of asking for those better projects that have been mentioned or just lay low and stay sad because the work that I'm getting sucks (no actual development just site support for the past 6 months).2
Worst experience: Learning how data is stored in segments in a middleware application called PMS on mainframe and how to manipulate that data.
Best Experience: Building a app that lets you pull down any set of segment data from mainframe and figuring out a way to automatically annotate the data so you could just hover over it and you know what the data is exactly. This way I didn't have to constantly refer back to a reference manual to see what a field name is in a segment, or having to go talk to a mainframe developer to go look at their code. Btw, did I mention I made it searchable by field name??
- load tests via web
- load tests via api
- figure out why the fuck hibernate started proxying Blob.class after migration rather than using jdbc implementation, like before
- fix ^^
- reconfigure tomcat to ditch random for urandom completely [still getting econnreset]
- continue conversation with sysadmin, tester, analyst, 2 PMs, infra architect, junior dev
- provide immediate support for analyst and tester as soon as they need it
- provide support to another dev on another project
and that's my today's todo list. I think I need more personalities [more threads] to keep going
// long rant sorry
A few jobs ago I had a meeting that was scheduled for 15 mins. It was not going to be a bad meeting. I was looking at the people that were invited a few dev's, few pm's, and this one guy (Fuck!!). This one guy we will call him R.
So R is a pm but not just any pm he is the pm that will keep asking why like a 5 year old trying to understand how a car works. To top it off he loved to debate in the work place anything and everything. How something worked or why something was the way it is.
So this one meeting was about a project that I had started on my own and turned in to this huge project. I was super excited it was one of those project that you are excited to work on and love to add new things to it. The meeting was to talk about how it was going to be used and what customers sites this was going to be added to in the coming weeks. 15 mins not bad.
Well the meeting comes we finished in about 10 mins I was trying to get out of the room before R started. Well I waited a little a little to long and sure enough he asked the question. "What about this drop down?". Instantly I thought "FUCK!!! Here we go." Now I don't remember what his exact question was about said drop down but it ended extending the meeting by another 30 mins with me almost cussing him out and walking away.
There was a heated debate about this thing and R continuing to ask questions and want to debate this. I was only saved by the lead dev and lead pm say that they think that this is something that could be talked about at a later date. Lucky for me I was leaving the company in the following weeks.
So sick of my coworker explaining to me how I should do a task. Dude, I've already planned out how I'm going to handle the situation. If you really want to help, wait until I create my pull request, review it, and then make your suggestions there. Unless I ask for your advice on how to do something, I don't need you to tell me how you would do things, especially since i have, what, 5 years working in the framework when you have 2 months?
I'm a research fellow, so I have 2 teachers that are orientors.
We never have good reunions. They asks me every week to send a report of work done, but they never give me feedback. I ask what I can do next, sometimes they answer, sometimes they don't. So, some weeks I don't know what to do.
Almost everytime, they go to my room with somebody and ask to show the application. And with that,I need to interrupt my workflow, change one boolean variable (because we have a machine learning that is very slow, I have a if to throw the result I pre-calculated). After all this trouble, I need to speak (as he asked), but he starts interrupt while I'm speaking.
Things I have come to expect in my future since being on DevRant: shitty timelines, both funny and cruel office pranks, PMs who have no idea what they are actually managing, clients and some coworkers not knowing what my time and work is worth, merge conflicts for reasons unknown1
I thought devRant week count would have overflowed and gone back to 1.
Qhat sort of year has more than 52 weeks, feels like the estimates PMs give ...
I love to build (full stack) 2 whole complex websites simultaneously after 4 months of lacking work and waiting for project plans. And both with deadlines in 2 weeks.
Just why can't our PMs do their job and make usable timings?
To avoid PMs and bosses on devRant, login should be made using GitHub. And only accounts with code on them should be accepted. And not just forks.2
I think that "agile development" paradigm is really bad for programmers when it is directed by incapable people... I mean: "move fast and break things" is not a good philosophy, it is only an excuse for doing incomplete, buggy and "documentless" features that only helps the PM "visibility" (look at all the things that I did, I've been releasing 1 version per week, we have included 3 new features... we are burning 25 scrum points per capita per week)... we have to stand against this stupid way of doing things... Scrum makes that all the responsability is on us, as developers, and PMs can wash their hands freely...2
A majority of the bosses/PMs/supervisors tend to be soo stupid and lack the knowledge of the actual problem's complexity so they expect you to hit keys and voila, project done.. It gets on my nerves big time.
Lazy / idiotic PMs or BAs. No mather how hard the dev team tries, if the analisys or the management is bad, you're screwed.1
Everyone here rants about clients, and as far as I understand frustration, I understand client's side too.
For 2 years I have developed a tool for our company, my manager was responsible for outcome and was directly accountable to company's management, which made him a client for our product. Of course requirements changed many times, he pressured us much, but he is nice guy and gave us knowledge why we had to change things again. We had meetings with him, HRs, PMs and others to gain requirements for features to implement and that made me better understand client's point of view.
My point is that when you work for external companies, you only see changing requirements, pressure, deadlines, etc, but don't think that your work is just a part of process - your client is responsible for your delivery, wants to make good impression on superiors or company needs some feature ASAP. He does not have to know tech stuff, he wants outcome to be good and to be fast and cheap - that is business.
And yes - we had to tell people that X is impossible many times, had to tell Y people how things work over and over. It may seem easier when it is your own company, but note that every single employee knew that you developed that tool and you have answers for his questions.
For those of you who DO use PHP, regardless of whether you like it or not, have you ever used something like PEAR? And what are your thoughts?
I'm writing a fairly basic internal web app for our PMs and I'm looking for something similar to npm to save me some time/effort. I should also mention that my supervisor insists it be in PHP...6
Reluctantly thinking of switching to a PM role so i could focus all my code-fu to my side projects!!
what do u guys think? i know most of us hate PMs, but they do get paid more for what i think is less work (mental focus wise).
Making music definitely made me a better programmer. In fact playing lots of instruments showed me the different roles that exist on a team. Lead guitarists are kinda like programmers, constantly looking for the next challenging song to make. Singers and rhythm guitarists are like the team leads and PMs who want a nice bow on the product. Drummers are like designers really, they kinda show up and make something bad ass and disappear. Bass players are like solid backend or ops folks silently making stuff stable and grounded.
Be careful when complimenting team members to other PMs as they will soon be delegated to other projects :).
So leadership comes and goes but engineers remain, stuck repeating the same tasks over and over. Companies seem to forget their own experiments. How can we force that info to get retained between PMs and leadership?2
What is best in life?
To crash Outlook every 5 minutes, to see the interns driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their PMs.1
What's your team's best practice when using JIRA (on premises or cloud) and VSTS or GitHub?
Who manages issues/tickets and are they duplicated in both locations? Is one for PM only and other for Devs??
We have both tools and I'm trying to figure out a workflow that doesn't kill devs and PMs.
We have Office 365 so I heavily use MS Flow to help (Jira bug turns into vsts work item) etc, but any insight from anyone who has a similar setup would be appreciated!
Do you guys and girls have booktips for a fresh junior PM? And what do you wish your PMs could do better?3