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Search - "heart attack"
Browsing to a porn site while still being in the corporate VPN.
Got a proxy page which said this type of content isn't allowed at work. Nearly had a heart attack ;D15
Does anyone else have a mini heart attack when you touch your pockets and can't feel your phone for a second?12
Ooooooh I just skip a heart attack and shit myself at the same time, thank god for error "can not delete database, database is in use"8
So my Girlfriend bought a new iPhone at Verizon today. Cool story, I know, but here's where it's gone from there.
Firstly her debit wouldn't run as credit, so we used mine but that's the least of it (but began it).
So she has 16,000 photos... Alot, sure, but not the issue. Obviously with that amount of data she wasn't about to reasonably use iCloud to back it up (understandable only by me) so she was confronted both by me and the Verizon employee about this issue to where we both (the Verizon employee and I) agreed that an iTunes backup/restore was the only way to preserve her data. She was confused. No worry, told her I had it handled and the Verizon employee agreed. Great. Yet we get home and begin the process. My girlfriend was not on the latest iOS (understandable given the battery scenario and she was on an iPhone 6) and this was ridiculous to her because she had to update in order to do the iTunes back up. Whatever, I brushed it off. Her phone was updated, and backed up... Which took a while but we are talking 30gb (of which she had no understanding of how much that was). After the back up we discovered her new phone wasn't working due to a bad sim, great, no problem we have the old one... But oh no. "I don't want that shitty old sim" she said. Uhmm what... I say, and say let me get an earring (to switch the Sims) and she gave one to me and as soon as I went to pop the tray, she had a fucking heart attack as if I was demolishing her phone. I talk her down, get it switched, get the phone to restore (slow process as she's complaining... 30gb mind you) and it works. She goes to bed. Comes back, texts aren't working. I say imessages or texts (now she has no idea) I troubleshoot, seems nothing's working, and that's okay Verizon must of reinstated the new sim and deactivated the old (fine). I switch them and it works. She proceeds to berate me about the SIM cards because she didn't want the 'old shitty one' (the one that got us to the place of a functioning phone).
Now everything works and she claims a Genius bar employee would of done this in minutes.
I (obviously) lose my shit, now I'm sleeping on the couch.
Im an IT professional / programmer..... this shit really ticked me off.38
If programmers were doctors.
Doctor A: the patient is having heart attack
Doctor B: we have to reproduce the heart attack to be able to heal him
Doctor C: why dont we just remove the hesrt and install a new heart
Doctor D: human heart are bad, maybe we should use animal heart21
Fellow ranter who ever posted about fakeupdate.net thank you so much for the entertainment, a colleague forgot to lock their computer and came back to a heart attack and we had a nice laugh8
!dev !rant - only very sad
I have been through the worst and saddest week of my life.
Sadly, it's getting worse every day.
I've been travelling around the world in my RV for years and haven't seen my parents for several years. Since I recently successfully completed a huge project and now have some spare time, I thought it would be nice to visit my parents. Everything went well. We were glad to see each other after a long time and had a nice day together. My father works as a security guard and had to go to work early in the evening. So I stayed alone with my mother.
In the evening my mother went to bed earlier than usual because she didn't feel well. I wished her a good night and wanted to surf the internet. But somehow I had a strange feeling (maybe a premonition) and after 5 minutes I went into her bedroom to bring her a glass of water and at this very moment she suffered a heart attack. I threw it all away and called 911 immediately. I shouted the address into the phone, screamed emergency, heart failure, unconscious while trying to start resuscitation at the same time. Fortunately, the ambulance was nearby, arrived in just a few minutes, pushed me aside and started the resuscitation procedure. It took more than an hour and dozens of electric shocks to even get a pulse.
The ambulance took her to the hospital for further medical treatment. I was in the hospital all night until at least she had a stable pulse.
As soon as I returned to my parents' house (the car was still warm, hardly 3 minutes have passed), my father, who had returned from work a few minutes earlier, suddenly suffered a thrombosis in his leg. The whole leg was slowly turning black. I immediately dragged him into the car and drove him as fast as I could to the hospital.
It's Sunday now. I haven't slept since Thursday and I've been in the hospital all the time. Both are in a coma, fighting for their lives. I thought it couldn't get any worse, my mother got sepsis and pneumonia today.
Now I have returned to my parents' house and pray that both of them will survive. Can't sleep even though I'm tired to death. Can't work, try to distract me somehow. Maybe I'll be able to sleep at least two hours. Then I'll go back to the hospital.
What a damn fuckin' week.46
TLDR; funny revenge prank from my manager
So yesterday (April 2) I decided to prank my manager about me resigning (I've been working with them for 4 years) I wrote a legit looking resignation letter. (No signature) and at the back page it has a small font "April fools".
I asked my junior to help putting it on my managers desk since I was working from home. When my manager saw it he immediately had a meeting with my technical lead. he didnt notice the april fools at the back so I sent him a short email to look at the back and he laughed.
Come today, I recieved an email from our it team with the subject "POST RESIGNATION PROCEDURES FOR JUNNERS". It has some legit looking contents as well as a hyperlInk for a resignation checklist.
It felt like im having a mini heart attack since I thought it was legit. When I opened the hyperlink I was shocked.
I love my job 😂6
That moment at work when we've had no calls for an hour and suddenly the phone goes off
*suddenly you have a few Linux support engineers with a mini heart attack*
Just took apart my laptop to dust it out from the inside. Had it back together, put the battery in. "Alright, time to make sure I didn't break something"
Beep....beep beep beep....beep beep beep....beep
"FUCK I FUCKING BROKE SOMETHING WHAT DID I BREAK?"
Google Lenovo post codes (Thinkpad laptop). DIMM issue.
"Oh fuck I forgot to put the RAM back in.."
Nearly had a crash today driving home and almost had a heart attack. Apparently my car had the heart attack for me and started doing. A speaker test.
So I'm contemplating what just happened and my car's speakers start going BEEEEP BEEEP BOOOOOOOOOOOOP (Subwoofer).
Then the radio came on and switched to a Spanish station.
I looked it up, apparently I had entered diagnostic mode on the infotainment system when I was fiddling with the wheel buttons as a stress relief.
Long story short, the diagnostic mode informed me that my car runs Windows ME!
I would like a new car please, kthxbye.8
Stallman heart failure recipe:
1. Start your UBUNTU LINUX(don't add the GNU part) and set up your .NET Core environment.
2. Download VS Code, the superior text editor for those that do not wish to have carpal tunnel.
3. Open the terminal inside your VS Code instance while inside a .net core project.
4. Type emacs -nw and watch emacs come to life inside of the terminal while living inside of the heretic vs code editor.
Wait for stallman to get a heart attack or a stroke from this.13
At a busy restaurant.
Person 1: oh my God this man here is having a heart attack. Is there a doctor here?
Person 2: here's ten reasons why Kotlin is better than Java for Android development5
I had a small heart attack yesterday due to the unhealthy amount of energy drinks i consume so... I guess dont be like me guys22
My morning (RO = remote office):
Me: Your xxx implementation is very strange.
RO: Yes we are following a new example from experts in this field. See this link.
Me: Paragraph 1, use xxx class in these situations. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes we had problems with that, we decided to skip that.
Me: Paragraph 2, always use xxx when accessing data. Were not doing that.
RO: Yes that create many bugs, we skipped that.
Me: This section on debugging says to enable this flag while in development to allow the IDE to alert you to issues.
RO: Yes this causes the app to crash constantly. So we took it out.
Me: ... because its finding issues ... and telling you where the problem is, with an error message.
... your not following the experts at all.
RO: We are!, please read the link we provided.
... this will be discussed on my exit interview6
I'm a PHP programmer and it hurts my heart whenever I see a lot of developers attack/hate PHP.
Why do they hate PHP that much? 😞20
That mini heart attack you get when you've rebooted the server, but it takes longer than normal before it comes up again (and before you can ssh it).2
Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15
A day of an iOS developer life:
1. XCode crashed
2. XCode freeze
3. XCode "Jump to Definition" takes me to a different file that has the exact same variable name instead of jumping to the top of the file
4. XCode Storyboard designer throwing 1000000000 as UIStackView width on a newly created UIView
5. Heart attack
6. Lots of depression
just noticed devRant web has xcode as placeholder in the tags box lol devRant knows my pain T_T8
Hello again, everyone. I've been busy with all the paperwork at my ship (will make a post about it later) but for now, I'll bore you with another story (not navy one, fortunately) to justify my slacking off.
And this story... is the story on how I got into ITSec. And it is pretty damn embarrassing. It all began when I was 16. I was hooked on battleknight.gameforge.com, a browser game. My father had just had ADSL installed at our home, and the new opportunities before me were endless. Well...
After I've had my fill with the porn torrents and them opportunities dwindled to just a few dozens, I began searching for free games, and I stumbled on that game. I played a lot, but as a free-to-play game, it was also pay-to-win. I didn't have a credit card, so I paid for a few gems with SMS messages. Fast forward a couple of years, I got into the Naval Academy. A guy came in to advertise something (I think it was an encyclopaedia or something - yes, wikipedia wasn't a thing back then) and to pay for it, we could apply for a credit card. So I applied. And I resisted the temptation for a year.
Note: prepaid wasn't that known where I live, so using credit cards was the only way for online transactions.
So I made 1 transaction. Just one. After a couple of months my monthly report from the bank came, showing a 2.5$ (I think) transaction on Paypal. I paid no mind, thinking that it was some hidden fee. Oh boy, I shit you not, I was THAT much of an idiot. Six months later, BOOM!
600$ transaction to ebay via paypal. You can imagine all those nice things that came to my mind. In any case, the bank accepted my protest that I filed at their central offices and cancelled the transaction. I promptly cancelled my card, destroyed it right there for good measure, and got to thinking... what the fuck just happened?
As many people here, I am afflicted with a deadly virus, called curiosity. I started researching the matter, trying to figure out how. And, because I didn't like black boxes and "it is just like it is" explanations, I tumbled down the rabbit hole of ITSec. I soon found out that, not only it was possible, but also it was sometimes EXTREMELY easy to steal credit card info. There are sites, to this very day, that store user info (along with credit cards info) IN FUCKING CLEARTEXT. Sometimes your personal, financial and even medical info are just an SQLi away.
So, I got very disillusioned on many things. But I never regretted it. It may cause me to age prematurely and will kill me of stroke or heart attack one day, but as I still tumble down the ITSec rabbit hole, I can say with confidence that
I REGRET NOTHING
Plus, my 600$ were returned, so look on the bright side :)1
To all the leaders out there: Stop doing all shit on your own! Delegate! Have fate in your colleagues!
And fuck all shitty deadlines if no lives are at stake.
Cz yours is for sure!
...or you'll end like me with a heart attack at the age of 43.
Now i'm here at a health-care-hotel (dunno what it's called in english) for 3 weeks relaxing and doing programming w/o being stressed at all. =)15
Linux gives you so much freedom, for example the freedom to fuck your system.
When i was experimenting with bootsticks i typed the following in the terminal:
sudo dd if=bootstick.iso of=/dev/sdb
Where is the mistake? The usb-stick was already plugged in at boot-time and since it was bootable linux mint named it /dev/sda.
You propably already realized it, i wrote the iso the my harddrive. My attempts to restore the partition-table failed, but luckily the kernel still had it in memory and i was able to backup my files via nautilus.
Still, i nearly had a heart attack11
No fucking way oyo.... Not cool
I got a mini heart attack until I opted to view the complete notification
Who do you fucking think will like this kind of fuckery... ₹773($10) is a lot for someone who just has ₹10k in his account (<$150)10
We all work on the same room: Devs and testers.
In order to communicate with each other without taking off our earphones, we use the chat app.
Ok, sometimes the chat app has delay sending messages.
I really, really hate when one of the testers comes to my desk without telling me he's coming to my desk! >:v and this is the reason why I hate it so much: I'm concentrate in my code, listening to ASP or SPA and, suddenly, I feel a heavy presence behind my monitors. I look up and I see a very penetrating gaze from the corpulent tester looking at me (he's tall). Every time he does that I almost have a heart attack D:
"There's a bug I want you to check" he says.
And I check my chat app if there's a delayed message from him. Nothing, NOTHING >:v
Always, when I want to go to his desk, I send him a message
"Is it ok if I go to your desk?" and he says me "You don't have to ask for it, just come here" but the thing is that I do that because I expect him to do the same :/
Fortunately this doesn't happen every day, but it pisses me off, and I don't know how to tell him to stop doing that because I don't want to be like a... jerk? intolerant? I don't know16
Once while making a automation program for a friends errr academic betterment. I realized I had taken three of the sacred caffeine pills and chewed them unlike normal. Needless to say this increased the surface area tremendously. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack right there at the age of 20. And all I could think was, "fuck my screen has a lot of dead pixels."
I FREAKED OUT
I WAS A DIFFERENT PERSON FOR SOME REASON
Dfox thanks for the heart attack, I thought I got hacked.7
Today at work I saw 2 tech guys (Russians) that tried to fix an audio system at my hospital clinic.
The PL-3.5 cable was unable to transfer any sound to the speakers from the secretary PC.
So they tried to plug it into one of their phones, to rule out the possibility that it is because of the PC headphones plug.
(The speaker volume currently is on *maximum* btw)
1st guy said "Let's play something nice and relaxing, so the patients (mostly old people) won't get an heart attack"
The 2nd ask "So what should I search in YouTube?"
Then the 1st said "Metallica"4
Today was "one of those days".
So, the state machines were keep on failing. I said fuck it and wrote a simpler loop thing.
Even that failed.
And it took me hours to figure out what was wrong. But I did. Because THERE WAS VIRTUALLY NO FUCKING DOCCO ON THIS SHIT, ANYWHERE ON THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF THE INTERNET. Hell, I even translated a few pages from Mandarin. Which is ridiculous since I'm working with standard robotic shit. Like, wtf even?
Anywho, I also had a heart attack because the port was not responding. I ran across the building to find the guy who fortunately had another port controller. That didn't work either. Then by the God-given cure of "Turning it off and on again " (it, in this case, being the computers) it worked!
Then I broke the window blinds. It's not coming down anymore.
Like, yeah, thanks, I'll take a weekend and half.10
scarlxrd - HeartAttack
scarlxrd - BANE
xxxtentacion - look at me! https://soundcloud.com/rojasonthebe...
xxxtentacion - #IMSippinTeaInYoHood
These 4 songs suffice me.
Sub-genre is TRAPMETAL11
I once saved lives sending cpr teams to heart attack victims through an sms gateway platform.
This was amazing considering it was back in 2008 ;)11
I sent all the required documents, all you have to do is sign. Why do you have to hit me with an email asking if the "male" staying with me is actually a friend or a boyfriend when it didn't bother you at all when you didn't know whether he's a penis-wielder or a sinkhole-bearer?
Then goes the declaration of your concern for my safety (safety from the dangers of the male kind?) because I'm like your own child. You ask me if my parents would get mad about a man staying with me. I'm already in my 20's. I'm not an extra virgin coconut oil. Oh boy, if you only knew, you'd get a heart attack. Sometimes I feel like my physical appearance or general image doesn't match the foul-mouthed, disgusting, psychotic little fuck that I really am inside.
I'm just frustrated and need to let it out. People showing me they care embarrasses me (hard to explain) and I also find it hard to believe them. In my experience, people do that so they can extract private information from you and then later use it to exploit or humiliate you. It doesn't only happen in the tech world.
I don't hate my landlord, she's nice. I just really hate the "too close" relationships culture here. I know it's her place and she has the right to know who's staying here, the rest of the questions are just a little too extreme for me no matter how good the intention is. I honestly don't know what she's expecting.
That's the random rant. Now if you will excuse me, I'm gonna rip someone's stomach open, shove my head in, and motorboat his intestines. I want to see if he giggles. Why is my face red? Definitely not from embarrassment!
My new motherboard (MSI Z170 GAMING AC) reports temps for the memory, CPU, GPU and hard drive in °C. And the motherboard temp in °F.
Almost had a fucking heart attack the first time I opened Speccy for benchmarking.
Pushed code remotely and told a teammate to run it on the target hardware. He then told me he might of blown up $6000 worth of equipment. Then he says "Never mind everything works."
World record for biggest heart attack?1
I was finally moved to a production project after 2 months in my internship.
Almost had a heart attack after seeing the source code. Thousands of lines of code. So many files. So many things to understand.
I hope I don't lose my brain before getting a stress ball :(5
Windows 10 loves to freeze... especially when I wrote more than 200 lines of code and I'm pointing the cursor on the Save icon!
Thanks MS, you know how to give me a heart attack.12
Opened devRant while sitting in public transport.
Suddenly, the dude sitting next to me starts talking to me.
Nearly got a heart-attack because I thought he was going to say something about the devRant feed I was scrolling through or even reveal he was also on devRant. (Dude reminded me of some of the guys on the face reveal. Also, wild beard. XD)
Now somewhat disappointed but also relieved he wasn't a fellow devRanter. (I probably am a social being but when someone catches me off-guard I may react awkward.)3
Sort of !dev
I can't do school anymore. I get so many panic attacks. I was shaking the entire time I was writing my essay today. It's hard to focus when your brain is fucking freaking out. I'm missing deadlines, failing tests left and right.
Real talk, I'm not dumb. This was never a problem. My University fucked me up and now I can't even look at an assignment without an electric feeling and I don't know what to do.
I had a panic attack during the opening crawl of Star Wars. I had to leave the theater. My anxiety is going to give me a heart attack one of these times. I'm 18, why am I experiencing health issues like this?
School isn't done right. How could this be the intended effect?9
This morning I was looking in our database in order to solve a problem with a user registration and I accidentally noticed some users registered with unusual email addresses (temporary mail services, Russian providers and so on...).
I immediately thought about malicious users so I dug into the logs and I found that the registration requests started from an IP address belonging to our company (we have static IP addresses). My first reaction was: «OMG! Russian hackers infiltrated into our systems and started registering new users!»
So, I found the coworker owning the laptop from which the requests were sent and I went to him in order to warn him that someone violated his computer.
And he said: «Ah! Those 7 users? Yeah, I was doing some tests, I registered them. My email address was already registered so I created some new ones».
Really, man? Really? WTF6
Running a wild UPDATE statement against an inventory database, it was chaotic and didn't have backups.... yea I know 😅 the backup service died god knows when and no one noticed. I was only new at the time so #notMyFault
UPDATE stock_on_hand = 0; WHERE id IN(1,2,3,4,5,88,972,7388);
# rows affected 1,234,567,890
> I think I almost died inside.
Oh the fun that mess was to clean up.
The positive outcome of this was, we had backups working again not long after and the inventory counts where accurate after that stock take.3
Howdy this is a daily reminder on why you can't trust anyone with shared information.
I am back home from uni for the holidays and like any computer person who is back in town became responsible for fixing every tech problem that has occurred since my last visit. But what caught my eye when I approached the family computer is not the problem with the computer itself, it's the paper in front of the computer that, in giant lettering, has not only the passwords and account names of my mom and brother's AOL (She's old ok) and FAFSA account respectively but also someone's social security number. Any goddam baffoon who looks through the window or is able to take literally three goddam steps past the front door now has enough information to commit identity theft or just take over one of their accounts. I know it's not that likely but I still had a heart attack when I saw that.
How badly have I failed them?1
Fuck the new ECMAScript 2018 specifications.
I mean seriously? How the hell is dot syntax gonna make it more readable?
Also, i love the brackets, braces and semicolon. Hate to see them deprecated.
Almost gave me a heart attack and my head was boiling watching it.
The project I accepted for measuring heart sound is giving me a heart attack 😬
I have only 10 days left the deadline 😭6
Call centre manager was made VP of my tech company. Is now directing the programming department.
Yesterday she spent 30 minutes looking through Excel files in an attempt to prove me wrong. Literally found nothing, with 3 other people in the meeting.
Repeatedly told everyone she was "not crazy" in her failed attempt to throw me under the bus.
I love coding, but these human interactions are going to give me a heart attack.3
Damn Windows april update!
After a LOT of problems with drivers, bluetooth, etc. it even partially corrupted the font of a program, the console shows a list of data from a medical image database so i had a micro heart attack when i first saw this tinking the database was corrupted (i was checking out a problem)!
I bet it's the "smart" font re-sizing!!!5
So I installed Avast because I was downloading some torrents.
After months I suddenly hear a really loud "*ping* *ping* *ping* Eine Bedrohung wurde gefunden". I nearly got a heart attack. I thought I've got a fucking maleware shitty fuck thing, but I had no idea how I could find out where the fuck it was coming from. So I ignored it.
Then, weeks later again: "*ping* *ping* *ping* Eine Bedrohung wurde gefunden", while I was browsing the web.
I thought it was coming from a website so I looked through every tab and window. But nothing.
So I googled the exact sentence it said, and voila:
The first result was from the avast support site.
I opened avast and looked into the settings. There! A checkbox to turn it off! These fucking cock suckers enabled it by default!
It was the first time I enjoyed clicking a fucking checkbox. FUCK YOU AVAST!!!
Why is AntiVirus Software so shitty these days... I'll probably just switch to Windows Defender.9
I'm a php developer.
I don't like preg functions (regular expressions) and i don't remember exactly the syntax for alternate words.
I googled, and this is what I found.
An heart attack.5
I'm fucked on wine so I'm just going to fucking rant this one out.
Noticed and only by random chance that a comment I made was gone, and though huh. What the fuck. Have I been downvoted to hell? Nah, I don't think so. Then why?
Ah, post is gone. Wait, what? THE POST IS GONE? WHY.
I hate you for deleting shit. You got that? I. HATE. YOU. It's not about your background, your ethnicity, your gender or how much of a fucking voidstar your heart is. I don't give a single fuck about THAT.
But you deleted a GODDAMN RANT? I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. That is now a moment that might as well have never existed. You have basically given me the virtual equivalent of a blackout. You've STOLEN my time.
And all for what? Nothing, big ole pile of fuck & nuthin. You're a goddamn chicken man. Do and do not regret. Act like a MAAANNN.
I tell you this is the first problem. Cowardice. This is THE very first problem. Shit has to be done but them be afraid-ers. And not even behind the keyboard you can muster some balls. THAT is an insult. A very serious one.
And don't gimmie your sob story, fuck you. I'm under minimum wage and my wife is dead. I don't use that to justify shit. That'd be disgraceful. Have some fucking BAWLZ man. Step up, own up, or shut the fuck up.
Yadda, yadda, might come off as an attack. Well what you basically launched was an attack, on a much broader scale that this. So what. Aren't we all grownups? Sorry, I thought this wasn't fucking kindergarten. Express yourself. Talk it out. If you think there's an issue, then the LEAST you can do is bring it up. And I support on you on that. But if you can't stand to do even that then why in the fuck are you opening your mouth in the first place. Or writing, in this case. You get the idea.
I'm gonna go in circles probably but what the hell. I blame the USA. So sensitive about words. Not so sensitive when launching drone strikes, but that's a sotry for another day. Don't get political on me or I'll haunt your dreams, that is a promise, one I can certainly keep. You don't know about my arcane powers.
Also what IS a bias. I have some vague idea of what BIOS is but not bias. Sounds funny as fuck to me. Prejudice bad? Ya sure yet everybody is higher than shit on prejudice. Sniffup that thing, man. Ugh. That's good. There's some kids in my neighborhood, literally sitting right around the corner, slanging yeyo. They ain't got shit. The mother fucking police takes most of their illicit earnings, funny enough. You think they ain't buried up to their necks in solid shit? Ah, but what YOU go through is so terrible, people are so mean.
You're soft like a newborn, Pippin. But you're not a baby anymore. Grow a fucking pair. Go out there and tell 'em they suck. You can do it babyboy. This is now motivational harassing. GET IT TOGETHER.
I got lost now and don't want to rewind this. But I'm going to lead by example now and click POST on this viscous, stinking dump of a rant, and bear all of the "NEGATIVITY" in order to show you how it's done. You're welcome.
One more thing fix the fucking image uploading because I miss the spicy memes, goddamit. I need another drink.8
windows booted up into a blue screen for a second before going to the login screen.
i almost had a heart attack2
I had semi-jokingly changed my username from dextel2 to nothappy, because of that one bad day.
But, it is now when I realized that I am actually NOT HAPPY, things are lately rough, I am constantly scared for no reason, I doubt my skills, I doubt myself for no reason, and top of that there's always a chance for another epileptic attack.
I tried and keep trying to distract myself from negative thoughts but the more I try the more I fail, I've become distant with my younger brother, for the record I'm very overprotective about him. I don't even know if he feels the same, as this year ends or every day passes by I feel changed from my past self (not in a good way).
Switched my first job to get another good job, turns out they don't even have any projects and I'm just a guy they are showcasing like they have ONE amateur developer and we are looking for an entire project and it did work for one client which I'm gonna deny personally because the client is not clear about the project itself, I do not care about the consequences, my heart lies in academics and I'll put my 100% in academics, shall I'm kicked.
A lot has happened in this year, but this one is/was unique and very hard to process. I've always been joyful, sarcastic, funny, you name it, but all of it has just vanished, don't know why. I'm also becoming distant from my ONLY 3 friends and parents.8
@Owenvii made a post over at (https://devrant.com/rants/2359774/...) and I want to write a proper response.
The biggest thing you have to look out for as a new dev is the jobs which you accept to begin with.
This isn't minimum wage no more, this is "big league", well, maybe not apple or google big league, but it's not $9.25 an hour either.
Basically you don't want to work anywhere where 1. your labor will be treated as a highly disposable commodity. 2. where the hiring manager doesn't know how to do the job themselves.
The best thing you can do is, if you're new, and just breaking through (and even if you're not), is ask them common questions and problems/solutions that crop up doing the work. If they can answer intelligently that tells you the company values competence (maybe), enough to put someone in place who will know ability from bullshit, merit from mediocrity, and who understands the process of progressing from junior dev to a more involved role.
It also means they are incentivized to hire people who know what they're doing because the training cost of new hires is lowered when they hire people who are actually competent or capable of learning.
Remember, an interview isn't just them learning about you, it's your opportunity to interview *them* and boy, you'll be making a BIG mistake if you don't.
Ideally you want them to ask you to pair program a problem. If your solution is better than theirs then they aren't sending their best to do interviews, and it tells you the company doesn't fire incompetents. The interviewers response can tell you a lot too, if they critique your work, or suggest improvements, and especially if they explain their thinking, that is an amazing response to look for, it says the company values mentorship and *actual* teamwork (not the corporate lingo-bingo 'teamwork' that we sometimes see idolized on posters like so much common dogma).
Most importantly, get them to talk about their work and their team. If they're a professional, it'll be really difficult to pry anything negative about their co-workers out of them, but if they're loose-lipped and gossipy thats a VERY bad sign, regardless of what they have to say.
Ask to take a tour and do a meet n' greet of who you will be working with. If they say no, then it's no thank you to a job offer. You want to take every opportunity to get to know everyone there, everyone you'll be working with, as much as possible--because you'll be spending a LOT of time with these people and you want to rule out any place that employs 'unfireable' toxic assholes, sociopath executives, manipulative ladder climbing narcissists, and vicious misery-loving psychopathic coworkers as quick as possible. This isn't just one warning flag to look out for, it's the essential one. You're looking for the proper *workplace culture*, not the cheesy startup phrase of "workplace culture", but the actual attitudes of the team and the interpersonal dynamics.
Life is really short, and a heart attack at 25 from dipshit coworkers and workplace grief can and will destroy your health, if not your sanity, the older you get.
Trust and believe me when I say no paycheck is too grand to deal with some useless, smarmy, manipulative, or borderline motherfuckers at work constantly. You'll regret it if you do. Don't do it. Do you fucking do it. Just don't.
Take my words to heart and be weary of easy job offers. I'm not saying don't take a good offer that lands in your lap, I AM saying do some investigating and due diligence or the consequences are on you.1
Person: Let's rub this lamp
* Genie comes out of the lamp *
Genie: You have three wishes. You know the rules. What do you want?
Person: Can you open this jar? It's so tight
Genie: What? That's it? That's a wish? Someone call an ambulance, I'm having a heart attack
PS: Now replace the Genie character with me and replace the person character with my manager. This is the kind of work I do at work and what my manager and leadership team asks of me7
I have come to realize that my stress comes from how inefficient my clients use their tech.
I have to stop caring. Is it up? Is it running? Good. That should be where my investment ends.
I shouldn't fear a heart attack or stroke because of some clients' inefficiency.
IT'S JUST SO DAMN HARD.
When you sit at your desk peacefully doing nothing and a coworker calls you.
Almost fell off my chair...
When you give your self a mini heart attack by knocking over an empty water cup while coding.
I can't count how many times I have done this over the years.2
A dev life in Queen songs:
„A Kind of Magic“ - Build successful
„A Winter’s Tale“ - Key Account Manager visits customer
„Action This Day“ - Release day
„All Dead, All Dead“ - System down
„Another One Bites the Dust“ - kill -9 4711
„Breakthru“ - 10 hour debuging session
„Chinese Torture“ - Microsft Office
„Coming Soon“ - Client asks for delivery date
„Dead on Time“ - shutdown -t 10
„Doing All Right“ - How's the progress on the new feature?
„Don’t Lose Your Head“ - git push -f
„Don’t Stop Me Now“ - In the zone
„Escape from the Swamp“ - Hand in resignation letter
„Forever“ - while(1)
„Friends Will Be Friends“ - friend class Vector;
„Get Down, Make Love“ - No rule to make target "Love"
„Hammer to Fall“ - Release day
„Hang on in There“ - 2 weeks until release
„I Can’t Live With You“- Microsoft
„I Go Crazy“ - Microsoft
„I Want It All“ - Google
„I Want to Break Free“ - free( (void*) 0xDEADBEEF );
„I’m Going Slightly Mad“ - Impossible feature requested
„If You Can’t Beat Them“ - Impossible feature promised by sales
„In Only Seven Days“ - Impossible feature ordered
„Is This the World We Created...?“ - Philosphic moments
„It’s a Beautiful Day“ - Weekend
„It’s a Hard Life“ - Weekday
„It’s Late“ - Deadline was last week
„Jesus“ - WTF?
„Keep Passing the Open Windows“ - Interprocess communication
„Keep Yourself Alive“ - Daily struggle
„Leaving Home Ain’t Easy“ - Time to get up and go to work
„Let Me Entertain You“ - Sales meets customer
„Liar“ - Sales
„Long Away“ - Project start
„Loser in the End“ - Dev
„Lost Opportunity“ - Job ad
„Love of My Life“ - emacs/vim
„Machines“ - Computer
„Made in Heaven“ - git
„Misfire“ - Unhandled exception at Memory location 0xDEADBEEF
„My Life Has Been Saved“ - Google drive/Facebook
„New York, New York“ - Meeting at customer
„No-One But You“ - Bus factor = 1
„Now I’m Here“ - Morning rush hour
„One Vision“ - Management goals
„Pain Is So Close to Pleasure“ - NullPointerExcption
„Party“ - Delivery completed
„Play the Game“ - Customer meeting inhous -
„Put Out the Fire“ - Support hotline
„Radio Ga Ga“ - GSM/GPRS/UMTS/LTE/5G
„Ride the Wild Wind“ - Arch Linux
„Rock It“ - Linux
„Save Me“ - CTRL-S/CTRL-Z
„See What a Fool I’ve Been“ - git blame
„Sheer Heart Attack“ - rm -rf /
„Staying Power“- UPS
„Stealin’“ - Stack Overflow
„The Miracle“ - It works
„The Night Comes Down“ - It doesn't work
„The Show Must Go On“ - Project cancelled
„There Must Be More to Life Than This“ - Philosophic moments
„These Are the Days of Our Lives“ - Daily routine
„Under Pressure“ - 1 day until release
„Was It All Worth It“ - Controlling
„We Are the Champions“ - Release finished
„We Will Rock You“ - Sales at customer
„Who Needs You“ - HR
„You Don’t Fool Me“ - Debugging session
„You Take My Breath Away“ - rm -rf /
„You’re My Best Friend“ - emacs/vim4
That mini heart attack when you run `rm rf *` and it takes some seconds longer than you expected and you reallize that you cannot remember if you cd'ed out /2
Just when i somehow accepted that Austrian part of team is naming theirs methods in Deutch, i almost got heart attack when i saw this. They're combining english with deutch, for example isOffen(), isLoeschenAllowed(), isEinsichtHinzufuegenAllowed() and so on... And most of the time these assholes even dont add javadoc, but when they do it something like: "Checks if *curentClass* is offen". Thanks a fucking ton.3
Deleted 1000 lines of code that I would need at a later point. Had a mini heart attack once I found out the code was no longer there...3
Revenge of the developer.
After our project consultants aren't good at planning projects I started my revenge. They will get soon a heart attack or paranoia...
Every time I need something from them (cause they missed it in the specs) and see them at the end of the floor. I stealth in their room and stand behind their door. When they are sitting, the door is closing mystically and I step to them. The faces are hilarious. That's my way to teach them to write better Specs :)
Before getting my dev job, I taught myself some java and made a program to assist myself in the position I was working. It was borderline a keyloger, but it helped me with a lot of repetive tasks. Long story short, our security didn't dig that I installed something they didn't approve (I probably could have just not made it an exe and gotten away with it but my boss wanted it as an exe to run on other computers) they didn't know exactly what it was. I totally understood the security concerns though but they sure gave me a fucking heart attack right before my interview for my first dev job! Was seriously worried I was going to be fired and miss my big chance to make it in with out a degree.2
Not from a teammate, but using Ionic to create a banking app, I was about to have a heart attack seeing my brother forced to use it :|4
Meeting room pc with windows 7 switched on once a week. Sometime it says at boot that has to apply 32769 updates.
Everytime an heart attack.
Fortunately it takes only a couple of minutes.
Tutorial: How to get rid of your dev?
1. Find a very old (2+ years) jira task that took a lot of sleepless nights to get resolved.
2. Make sure that your dev is still on the watchers list.
3. Reopen to 'change some labels'.
4. Forget to close the task again.
5. Remove the body. Heart attack will get classified as a natural cause.
6. Close the task.1
> new job, receive new pc
> everything looks cool, but they didn't go with Windows's setup
> it pops up now
> whatever, let's make windows happy
> No I don't want Edge
> No I don't want Office
> No I don't want OneDrive
> Windows move everything inside onedrive folder anyway
> have a heart attack when all of my fucking codebase disappeared
Luckily it was just moved (didn't know where, though), but wtf Windows, if I wanted to deal with these antics I'd buy Apple. I'm sticking with Windows precisely to avoid these strange unmotivamed fuckeries, why are you doing this to me12
No actual data loss here, but the feeling of data loss.
After having my data scattered across several devices i decided to get a grip on it use a cloud. I'm too paranoid for a real cloud so i used a local nextcloud installation. That was done via docker and with a 2TB raid1-array.
I noticed that after restarting the server the cloud was somehow reset and pointed me to the setup-page, afterwards my files were already there. It did strike me as odd but i figured "maybe don't restart the server in the next time".
But i did restart it. And this time i had to setup the cloud again, but my files were gone. I got close to a heart attack, even though all those files weren't that valuable. I ripped one disk from the usb hub, connected it to my laptop and tried to mount it, but raid array. Instead i started photorec and recovered a bunch of files, even though their names were some random hex and i knew i'd spend my next weeks sorting my files. While photorec ran i inspected the docker container and saw that there were only 10GB of space available. After a while and one final df i found the culprit: the raid. For some reason the raid wasn't mounted at boot and docker created the volumes on the servers hard disk, same goes for the container data. After re-adding the disk to the hub i mounted the raid and inspected everything again. All my files were still there.
At no point did i lose my data, but the thought was shocking enough. It'd be best not to fiddle with this server in the next time.
Wait, why is nginx communicating from our cache servers to app servers using HTTP1.0? Added http_version 1.1 to a general config. Moments away our responses return 500 on our production because one of our module doesn't handle gzip. If I ever had a heart attack...
Four hours of work and the work horse decides to have a heart attack.
Thank the server gods for swap files.
Unity has a nice feature where if you search for an item in your hierarchy, it fades to white as if it just crashed.
Thanks for the heart attack, Unity! Maybe this serves as a reminder to save frequently because it *does* crash a lot.3
Accidentally cleared user accounts table that connects mobile apl accounts with main system accounts. Almost had a heart attack but luckily Azure had point in time restore 😌
I may not be the guy who 'sudo rm -rf /' for a company but I dang near came close and had a heart attack...
Is the devRant logo breathing faster on load screens or is it just me? Now it appears that it is having a heart attack, @dfox please help him1
Back to Excel for control project, sih 😢, just because my non tech boss can't work with JIRA and it confused him. Do you guys know any idiot friendly control project before I having a heart attack?2
So as i was exporting the apk file from unity, unity crashed and it caused a BSOD
I had a fucking heart attack because i coding from 16 hours straight
But my shit is still there
I finally understand why do many people use a MacBook pro for work5
My plan was to potato today.
... But given anxiety, might as well have a minor heart attack and a few panic attacks on the side.
Plus, second day of no proper food seems to be helping that cause greatly too.
At this rate, I'll die of dehydration first. Lol. My greatest regret is missing out on the robot's uprising. Ain't got nobody I love deeply, so at least I don't feel regrets for people I leave behind. Tiz a short meh life I've lived.
Aight. Ms NoRegrets is out.
In case you're stupid, let me clarify: I was being a drama queen. Shall fetch water... soon, hopefully.2
-Writing engineering thesis
-Have two W10's, because of requirements for HoloLens emulator
-Turn off computer
-Run it again and bootloader doesn't loading
-Heart attack guaranteed3
For the longest time I've had trouble trying to get my background images full screen viewed and responsive for some components while learning angular 2. Then some one typed this in the CSS
Min-height: 100vh; for height
It felt like I had a heart attack and spontaneous orgasim at the same time.2
I lost the book that i store all my passwords on it
I almost had a heart attack and
I woke up from my dream2
I think our network was having a heart attack today. Had to jump in on a webinar after most people had gone home and ended up tethering to my phone to get a decent connection. Hopefully our network guys see the ticket and can fix things quickly.1
Here is an idea for a product that might not exist yet..
A stroke/heart attack alarm for when you are asleep.
Can you buy those for home use, are they cheap ?
If not, I'd rather not die in my sleep !20
A: oh hey my commit is not in the master branch...
A: *seeing bunch of commit deleted activity in bitbucket by B
A: Lol B deleted commits in master branch
B: Wait, what?! I know I have rebased my branch.. but never have I rebased anything in the master branch.. how can this be *intense breathing
B: Are you sure you have pushed yours to master?
A: Sure I've rebased, squashed, and rbt landed my work to master, here look my local master has my commit
CTO: wait what? Is this related to this bug we have in production just now? Please don't panic, let us resolve it
Turns out rbt land just squash your commit to your local master branch and they thus A have not pushed it to the remote. And the bunch of commit deleted activity were bitbucket not informing from which branch the activity was happening. Almost gave us heart attack.
Was working in an n-tier website, standard Web forms, BAL, DAL, database architecture. Validation and processing of data done in the BAL. Not the best idea, but whatever. Well apparently some developer thought it was too much work to pass his data through the BAL, so he directly accessed the DAL, performing zero validation on the data being passed in. Luckily, this was in a non-critical part of the site but the PM at the time nearly had a heart attack when I told him.
So in the past 3 days I've almost had 6 heart attacks, I've been giving public speeches for random classes at my school as a practise.
Today I'm going to some capital city finals shit whatever you call it and I have to give a public speech to fuc knows how many people.
I wrote a speech about lies in 700 words, speech has to be 5 minutes, oh yeah, in English. It's not my native...
Man, I am not ok at all Xd, they had to choose the one who has anxiety dosorders.2
System engineers who are "too busy" (facebook too much) to try anything new and get a heart attack when you only mention nginx
Someone from QA just randomly started asking me about API requests and responses today. For our backend which is not actually an API and changes all the time without notice. They just like, casually wanna know the contract of every endpoint on that.
So after having a heart attack thinking my coworker got spear phished I find out QA has decided to start testing our backend without telling us let alone asking us if it's a good idea.2
Assuming I live long enough to read the answers. :-)
Doesn't have a lot of information in it..
Never having had one, I don't know what it feels like before you have one, but I felt earlier like I maybe was going to have one..
I tried standing up, not sure if that helped.
I tried laying down, but sitting up, I think that might have helped.
I tried laying down on my right side, that seemed to help.
So, did I do anything right, wrong, etc.
What should I do the next time ?
Bare in mind I live in the middle of nowhere, and if I ask for medical assistance, I'll probably be dead before they arrive, so need solo solutions !
I want to avoid getting a heart attack here, not deal with one afterwards..
I thought something was off when I felt a slight localised pain in my heart area I hadn't felt before when I was sitting down.
It got worse if I moved.
Slowing my breathing seemed to help.
Of course it might not be anything like what you feel before a heart attack, so anyone know, or give some kind of input on what it might have been ?
Blood clot from sitting down too long maybe ?4
Coffee. Get wired off your face on caffeine and then you only have three choices, program like you've never programmed before, bounce off a couple of walls or have a severe heart attack.
Rinse an repeat until you're in hospital.
You're welcome 😂😂1
Devs are divided on gitlab blunder, some appreciate their honesty and transparency while other are either cursing them or grateful that they didn't use it. But think like this :
You own a MacBook and you love it like your baby, if someone drops it, there is good probability it won't break but it will sure give you a fucking heart attack. You won't ever let that person touch your MacBook.
Gitlab just did that. They scared the hell out of the developers.
I hope everyone learns from this and it doesn't happen to anyone in future.4
I learned the ancient art of internal screaming and imagining the annoying people dying one by one at my feet.
this is the only way that I don't die of a heart attack some days.
Can I get some advise on what a independent contractor (programmer) making no more then 3-4K has to do to be straight come tax time? This is my first time that I had done any freelancing work and am having a mini heart attack10
In our Linux environment, we freeuently use a script called “shutdown.sh”. It wouldn’t be really problem if we didn’t have to switch to rootduring the execution. But damn it, it gives me heart attack when I use autocomplete and execute first thing.4