I don't know what to write for this. 😂

"I can write a script to do your job"

When developers write to santa

Interview with a candidate. He calls himself "C++ expert" on his resume. I think: "oh, great, I love C++ too, we will have an interesting conversation!"

Me: let's start with an easy one, what is 'nullptr'?
Him: (...some undecipherable sequence of words that didn't make any sense...)

In my mind: mh, probably I didn't understand right. Let's try again with something simple and more generic

Me: can you tell me about memory management in C++?
Him: you create objects on the stack with the 'new' keyword and they get automatically released when no other object references them

In my mind: wtf is this guy talking about? Is he confusing C++ with Java? Does he really know C++? Let's make him write some code, just to be sure

Me: can you write a program that prints numbers from 1 to 10?

Ten minutes and twenty mistakes later...

Me: okay, so what is this <int> here in angle brackets? What is a template?
Him: no idea

Me: you wrote 'cout', why sometimes do I see 'std::cout' instead? What is 'std'?
Answer: no idea, never heard of 'std'

I think: on his resume he also said he is a Java expert. Let's see if he knows the difference between the two. He *must* have noticed that one is byte-compiled and the other one is compiled to native code! Otherwise, how does he run his code? He must answer this question correctly:

Me: what is the difference between Java and C++? One has a Virtual Machine, what about the other?
Him: Java has the Java Virtual Machine
Me: yes, and C++?
Him: I guess C++ has a virtual machine too. The C++ Virtual Machine

Me (exhausted): okay, I don't have any other questions, we will let you know

And this is the story of how I got scared of interviews

When you are a Dev but you don't want to be single

Girl: what's your profession?
Me: I am a writer
Girl: Cool! What do you write?
Me: I write code😎

Write once ... works forever
Write once ... get paid forever
The new GIG !!!

Commit strip true as always.
Always write docs! Remember!

This is how I write my header signatures ;)

I'll write something for wk64 next week.

Where's the who write this code

write regex without google

Write code on paper.

How to write ethnically correct code!

- Why don't you write error messages?
- Ehm, ok I'll write them.

There are two kinds of people:
those who write
if foo.isBar() {
foo.setBar(false)
}
else {
foo.setBar(true)
}

Vs
those who write
foo.setBar(!foo.isBar())

Only good programmers will understand😢😊

How to write an antivirus - Twitter user

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

When clients write software reviews

I took a programming class this semester in which a have to write code on paper, and the more I write, the more I agree. I give you my word-

I will ***never--- ever--- write code on paper again***

One day programs will write themselves.

Every time I write 'color', I die slightly inside

How to write hello world program in C

When the program you write is smarter than you

Fact:
Every programmer knows how to write bugs.

How to write a good Code

A wise man once said.. Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

How Italians Write Code

Our teacher asked us to write an essay. Since I'm not a native English speaker, I asked him if I could write it in English (essays are easier in English). He was cinfused at first, but said:
-You can write it in any language!
Guess who has an html/css essay

WRITE IN C ('LET IT BE')
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours,
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
BASIC's not the answer.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.

LoL (I wanted to write only LoL for this rant but you need to write atleast 6 characters, ....oh I think now it's sufficient)

PM: Please write more verbose error codes
ME: Sure...

Colleagues asking me to write clean code be like...

Developers that write commit messages that literally say "Changes", "Fixes", etc. Please act like a professional and write proper messages ffs

To write 1000 lines of JS, I need 1 cup of coffee.
To write 100 lines of documentation I need 100 cups of coffee.

For some reason time stops when I open confluence

"everyone can code" is like to say "everyone can write". Yes, everyone can write, but there's a difference between be able to write and be able to write a successful well-written novel

Shouldn't be necessary if you just write understandable code xD..... Some people just write stories in between 2 lines of code....

How to write a CV!

When programmer is asked to write an essay.

Only write unit tests. It will be fine.

So at the beginning there was assembly.

But people wanted something more highlevel, so C was born.

But writing big projects was a pain so C++ was invented.

But then the web started to become more popular and C++ wasn‘t really good at that, so Rasmus Lerdorf created PHP.

And then everything moved to the client and should be loaded dynamically for better UX, so everyone writes JS.

But JS doesn‘t have a good performance, so people created web assembly compiled from C...

Am i the only one who sees the irony in this?

"Any fool can write code that a computer can understand.
Good programmers write code that humans can understand."

— Martin Fowler,
Refactoring: Improving the Design of Existing Code

"Write drunk; edit sober." - Ernest Hemingway

How to write bad code

Impossible to write code when you're in love.

They wanted me to write my name....

You write more bugs than code.

First, solve the problem. Then, write the code.

QA: You need to write a test script for your new web app before it can go live

Me: ok, I'll write some tests in PHP unit and automate the tests.

QA: Oh, can you do that? We just normally write a list in excel then go through each line and write pass or fail at the end.

Me: yeah, good one.

QA: Umm, I'm not joking.

Queue awkward silence...

If you write documentation and no one reads it, did you ever write it in the first place?

Been programmed to write the loop this way

I just fucking despise working on someone else's code and it's filled with errors like "reciever" instead of "receiver" or "mesasge" instead of "message"...

it fucking leads to an astonishing amount of fucking errors just because I know how to write english words AND I'M ITALIAN WTF

Next time you write CSS

display: flex;

You're welcome!

1. No more coding on paper! Why can some already write essays on laptops but programmers are stuck with "analog"?
2. No vendor lock-ins! Teach free, cross-platform development, not VB.NET.
3. No more professors stuck in the eighties! If all you know is 6800 assembly, GTFO. I heard NASA was hiring...
4. Enforce code style consistency, proper documentation and even VCS for larger projects
5. Algorithms -> scripting -> programming. Don't quickly explain the basics, then throw students straight into Java.

Python:
* looks nice when written
* painful to write nicely

Perl:
* looks horribly when written
* easy to write

C/C++:
* looks cryptic when written, hard to follow
* difficult to write

Java:
* looks somewhat nice if written well
* easy to write

Shell:
* looks crippled
* a breeze to write

it's like nice'n'easy doesn't even exist..

fellow programmer: what did you write today?

Me:

"you write the most interesting bugs"

Have to write CSS

TIL you can write this 🙇🙇

I used to tell people I write JS but actually I just write Jquery.

Write semicolons and braces in Python

Write comments you dumb fucks.

If you change shit that is different from the original pattern， fucking write a comment.

1 minute vs. 45 minutes you mother fucker.

This is how you know you write good code

hm...... I didn't write a virus though....

I dnt thnk i hav to write anythn here

write this in assembly.

To paraphrase Jeff Atwood: everything you write sucks. The goal of programming is not to write great code, but to writes code that sucks less each time you write code.

Happiness is having a girlfriend who can write code.

Real friends write API documentation

If you put a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs.

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.

When you learn to write tests..

Stack Overflow is down. Can't write code at all.

Multi-billion dollar company - don't write fucking changelogs

At least write "Fixed some fucking bugs" or something...
Is it that hard?

I even use vim to write my rants!

Cup of Java + workspace

// TODO: write about shameless hack

When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.

Aim to write simple code.
Code that requires no skill to understand but mastery to write.

So apparently I must write in Chinese

This meeting is not real. There is no spoon

My colleague was hesitant to write a rant because he wasn't confident with his English. Made him write one and I proofread, now it's trending towards a duck. 😇😇

I was asked to write a function that does stuff. But where should I write it? Google docs.

How to write good clean code

How my senior write error msg

You know what? I'm gonna write my own WordPress theme and I'll write it in my own docker compose.

It takes me longer to write a cover letter than it would to write an app that generates customized cover letters.

If you're so fucking mentally lazy that you can't write something halt-decent the first time, maybe you shouldn't write anything at all!

hsdkghajsghasldghj
HATE

Write comments only I understand

My younger sister has to write a story for her assignment and she isn't getting any ideas . So I suggested this :
A story about a kid who has to write a story but isn't getting any ideas ,so he writes a story about a kid who has to write a story but isn't getting any ideas ,so he writes a story about a kid who has to write a story but isn't getting any ideas... till 200 words.

Started writing an operating system several years ago. Taught me just about everything I need to know about computers.

Oh, and make NES games. That teaches you a lot about how we arrived to where we are today.

The 2018 bucket list!

I sort of swear to be a good coder, to take honour and dignity in all the lines I write, I will not take shortcuts, I will obtain a +80% test coverage across my projects, write clean and accurate documentation, and ultimately I will write less bugs!

Yea..., probably not but worth a try anyway!!

WRITE YOUR FUCKING DOCS PROPERLY!!!

Real men write code in Assembler!

I genuinely love to write code. Sometimes on the weekend I write some code for work because I don’t have a hobby project. I should probably get a hobby project.

I wrote a tool (vaarta) to write this post

When people say 'I have some codes to write' rather than 'I have some code to write'. Makes me cringe 😥 😤 😭

You want to call a function? STOP!!!
Nowadays it is so amateur and old fashioned! Instead you must:
- Make a soap request
- Write a router to handle soup requests
- Write an XML to define which controller responds to this request
- Write an XML parser on top of another XML parser
- Write a controller to trigger an event in response to the request
- Write an XML which defines the event
- Write an XML that defines the event observer
- Write a plugin which calls event observers
- Write a router which delegates the task of calling event observers to that plugin
- Write an event observer which calls another plugin
- Write a plugin that "Calls a function".
It's better because... it's more Object Oriented!

Developers Poetry:
"Bed would be lovely, soft and deep,
but I’ve a deadline I must keep
and much to write before I sleep,
and much to write before I sleep."

Several minutes waiting for site to work after clicking on "required cookies only". Is this really what privacy laws were aiming for?

Who Here thinks that @linuxxx should write a book?

atleast write a single test case

Intern at my job doesn't write commit messages...

I never write comments but I probably should

Starting to notice a trend that people who don’t write docs and say “the code documents itself” tend to write the worst fucking code imaginable.

Add a course that teaches people how to write and formulate questions.

So that people don't write questions like, "my code no work, plz halp".

Only touching the topic slightly:

In my school time we had a windows domain where everyone would login to on every computer. You also had a small private storage accessible as network share that would be mapped to a drive letter so everyone could find it. The whole folder containing the private subfolders of everyone was shared so you could see all names but they were only accessible to the owner.

At some point, though, I tried opening them again but this time I could see the contents. That was quite unexpected so I tried reading some generic file which also worked without problems. Even the write command went through successfully. Beginning to grasp the severity of the misconfiguration I verified with other userfolders and even borrowed the account of someone else.

Skipping the "report a problem" form, which would have been read at at least in the next couple hours but I figured this was too serious, I went straight to the admin and told him what I found. You can't believe how quickly he ran off to the admin room to have a look/fix the permissions.

does anyone else write code like this

I learned how to write tests.

why do ,,,,,,,,u indians ............ Write like this ,,,,,,,,,,,................... ...... ?? ? ????

Some people are using base64 as an encryption method. Well I used to do so too.

When your manager who claims to be a Wordpress "developer" says to you oh my God, why are you using notepad to write the page when there is an editor?

My response, because I am a developer. I write code and I can write better HTML than any editor can. I then said I do add editors for my projects where required, not for me, but for the end users that cannot write HTML. He walked away 😂

This fcktard client that insist on using an iframe and demands support for browsers like IE7. You are costing me years of my life.

Fucking fuck of a Microsoft trying to protect people against tracking from 3d parties in an iframe in random ways in some versions of IE7. Or IE11 in IE7 compatibility mode.

If you are going to refuse sessions just do it! I got a fucking check and fix for that. Because these fuck faces friendly people at Apple like to refuse sessions on iPads and iPhone too. But we worked that out, because they are at least consistent. So a few dirty little hacks made it all Okay.

But no, Boo Hoo I'm Microsoft and I will throw a tantrum. I like my browsers to be like an magican, instead of an usefull piece of software. If you look in this page, or look here we got them. I got your sessions​, safe and secure.

But when you need me, to verify that the user is allowed to access data we do a little hocus pocus and now they are gone. Nowhere to be seen or found again. Fun times free fucking magic shows all day long.

It's morning but maybe its time for a bottle of scotch. Maybe if I'm in the state as this browser. Where I don't know what I'm doing because I'm shitfaced drunk it will start working.

When in Rome do as the romans do.

Don't write code that you can't test

I write code too

Trying to investigate why the team of new Devs are reporting a particular set of modules is not properly maintainable, found this little gem at the root, written in 2014.

"If a million monkeys were typing on computers, one of them will eventually write a Java program. The rest of them will write Perl programs." — Anonymous

Me: I just wanna write code.
Management:

I improve my patience by writing code.

The key to write the best code is to write it in least lines.

How to write an assay in:

write the website content

The other dev and I met with the PM to discuss some naming issues in one of our applications. Out of the 5 minutes we were together, the PM suggested 4 new features and a complete restructure of a module.

i like to write schrödinger's code.

as in, if i write code and never run it, it is both functional and nonfunctional.

Those days when you finish programming and go to write an essay and accidentally write INT instead of IN.

When you write shell without knowing how to.

Typical code life?

1. Write rough comments
2. Write more detailed comments
3. Write pseudo code
4. Write semi-working but definitely ugly code
5. Write working but very ugly code
6. Refactor the code to be nicer, check for patterns, bottlenecks and other bits and pieces
7. Push to git the "final" code
8. After few months blame whoever wrote the code
9. Refactor all the things!

---

This happened in my career more than once and still - it seems like the best option out there to get things done. What do you guys think? Should something be added/removed from this? Is this over-complicated or what?

Didn't write comments...

I need a rubber duck right now.

The world is full of write-only devs. People who never look at the code they create or change.
That's the only explanantion I can find for the fact that everytime I look into some code I have never touched or haven't seen for a while, I instantly spot at least one error that is so elementary, that there is absolutely no chance to miss it.

Oh, I did it again!
Everytime I think I will write proper standard code with full documentation, but well, guess who didn't write documentation... And now forgot how his own code works.

First i write the code, when i finish with all of it, i write the coments 🤷

/*
!rant
I'm bored so let's take a vote!
Should I write an operating system, or should I write a game engine?
Or something else?
*/

Hypothetical Question:
Write a complex code to make it efficient Or
Write a simple code so that the next developer who works on it understands the code easily.

"This is the Unix philosophy: Write programs that do one thing and do it well. Write programs to work together. Write programs to handle text streams, because that is a universal interface." -Doug McIlroy

In today's context we can draw parallels with the microservice approach towards building software.

Even A.I. won't write documentation, nobody ever does

Write a README.md

So hard to write ES5 after you write ES6 for a while.

Fork? Nah, write our own.

Write understandable commit messages. Your team will thank you.

Write it in Matlab

If only Microsoft wouldn't write any browser...

If only they allow us to write unit test at work, its not that It is forbidden but we are not given time to do so :\

Done my test on my side project and now I can happily move to the next step.

Though I'd be happy if someone answers this:
1. When I have to execute functions by order, do I write all their code in one single function and divide them into regions (speaking of C# #reagion)

OR

2. I keep them split and implement the order attribute for XUnit?

My test case is basically just to make sure CRUD methods inside my repositories are working as expected, noting complex

I don't write comments on my code

When you write an issue but noone notices...

Try to write a GF class.
Too many extends..

Could you write your internet speed?
(8mbps 😞)

Guys, I think I am addicted and I have problems... I tried to write a simple SudokuSolver program in C# (one file) but I ended up writing an ExtensionMethods class, a Puzzle class, a Solver class, an IO class, a Program class...

That's why I hate working on big side-projects for too long

in-App-purchases are so self explanatory in the App Store. Seriously, why can’t you at least just write something like premium, but only write the apps name?...

I only code as root.
I write sudo code.

1. Write hello world shit.
2. Write hello world shit on top of hello world shit.
3. Write more hello world shit on top of hello world shit on top of hello world shit.
4. ...... Repeat shit
5. Wait a minute, I got an idea....

I write some truly atrocious code sometimes

If you write ANYTHING AT ALL, you need Grammarly.

"Write it on paper"

The memes just write themselves sometimes...

When you write code in Microsoft word

Must write a caption here....

I still write inline CSS too

It takes two people two days to write a code
It takes one person one day to write the same code

As I write bits of JS every day...

Love these love notes I write to myself

What they write - Suggested

What they mean - Sponsored

#ThankYouWindows

TIL

Bugs don't write themselves... I do 😕

I write html code still !!!

Write code. Write tests. Everything passes and you go home happy. Come to work next morning, run tests again just to be sure. Everything fails.

When you accidentally write a color hexadecimal code as a 'string' in CSS, that's how you know you write too much backend code.

The amount of energy spent to just write ‘Hi’ and click a send button is so big that we should consider banning of sending hi messages.

Instead of just saying “Hi!” we are now using analog to digital preprocessors that convert it to bunch of 0 and 1 to send it over communication layer and deliver it to other human being that will convert it from digital to analog by reading it but that is simple.

By sending message using phone we also:
- save it to local phone
- convert it to couple protocols
- transmit it over air so make connection to internet provider services that would generate logs on this provider as well as whole routing table before it gets to the target person
- save it on messaging provider disk
- probably be processed by filters by provider, sometimes be reviewed or listened by third parties and also processed in bulk by artificial intelligence algorithms
- finally delivered to target phone and saved there where that person would just change this text to their inner voice and save it
- sometimes encrypted and decrypted
- sometimes saved on provider
- sometimes saved on phone manufacturer cloud backup
- don’t get me started on people involved to keep this infrastructure in place for you just to say hi

There are also some indirect infinite possibilities of actions for example:
- emit sound and light that can lead to walking from one room to other
- the floor in your house is destroyed cause of it so you need to renovate your floor
- sound can expose your position and kill you if you’re hiding from attacker
- sound can wake you up so you wake up in different hours
- it can stop you from having sex or even lead to divorce as a result simple hi can destroy your life
- can get you fired
- can prevent from suicide and as a result you can make technology to destroy humans

and I can write about sound and light all day but that’s not the point, the point is that every invention makes life more complicated, maybe it saves time but does it really matter ?

I can say that every invention we made didn’t make world simpler. The world is growing with complexity instead.

It’s just because most of those inventions lead to computer that didn’t make our world simpler but made it more complicated.

We write our feature specifications in Gherkin, so it is clear to every member of the team (even nondevs GASP!) exactly what each feature should do.

SO WHY THE FUCK, AFTER BUILDING THE FEATURE, DO I GET REVIEWS FROM THE pRoDuCt MaNaGeRs, SHOWING ME THEY WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR THE FEATURE. YOU WROTE THE FUCKING FEATURE DID YOU HAVE A CHANGE OF HEART MID THOUGHT YOU IDIOT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SO SICK OF IT I'M SICK OF WORKING 12 HOURS ON A FRIDAY FOR YOUR STUPID SHIT

I don't understand the "Developers are lazy" cop-out. I write things that are concise and clear. Did people write libraries because they were lazy? I don't think so.

Quick swipe to write the DevRant symbol.

Every time I try to write a unit test I seem to write an integration test instead. 🤦
I'm just awful at it.

Let's write a web application in x86 assembly...

How did I end up looking how to write asynchronous function in shell script whereas my task is to write a distributed chat app in Node.JS ?

Damn this is going to be complicated.

Is it just me who is to lazy to write "hello world!" and write "hw!" instead?

My friend/partner told me on the first week that he "can code" and he will "do the front end of the web page" (its a web application design mod)

Needless to say I had to carry the whole work because he couldn't design nor write php.

Or write a report
He submitted the wrong report

He had one job
And now we arent friends anymore

"I don't write code to feel bad, I write bad code but I feel good!"

Me to ChatGPT:

Write me an enum in Go using these values:

"Monday"
"Tuesday"
"Wednesday"
"Thursday"
"Friday"
"Saturday"
"Sunday"

ChatGPT:

Sure!

Here is how you write an enum in Go:

type DayOfWeek string

var (
Monday DayOfWeek = "Monday"
...
)

You get the idea! Write it yourself!

New year's resolution: write more code

Java,

Expectation:
Write once, Run Everywhere...

Reality:
Write once, Fail Everywhere... 😑

Write an algorithm to generate a random number!

This is the 3rd weekend so far since I decided I wanted to write a blog post. I didn't write a single character so far! God!

Yo dawg, I heard you like writing code for code you already wrote. So I made you write some mock functions so you can write code for code you already wrote!

Does anyone actually know how to write Groovy?

Having to write a 3 page proposal to request "additional time" so you can write unit tests before and during development, explaining why it isn't a waste of time. 😩

Write code that compiles successfully on first compilation...

!First rant
Started learning C programming through CS50 course.
Hello world?nope.too scared to write the program because everytime I write it, something or the other happens and I stop learning C

Greatest threat- Don't have to write down, I have it in my head.

Write down tasks list

How to write code without bugs

“Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand.” - Martin Fowler

Source : @codewisdom, twitter

I can write pretty much no algorithm
but bubblesort without googling.

I write articles where I teach other developers how to design architecture.

Being used to write curly braces on the same line but having to write em on a new line for a college lector.

*I can't read that shit*

Write ones and zeroes.