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Sit down before you read this.
So I interviewed a guy for a "Support Engineer" internship position.
Me and the team lead sit down and are waiting for him to enter, but apparently he's actually making a coffee in the kitchen.
This isn't exactly a strike since the receptionist told him that he can go get a drink, and we did too. It's just always expected for him to get a glass of water, not waste 3 minutes brewing a coffee.
In any case he comes in, puts the coffee on the table, then his phone, then his wallet, then his keys and then sits on our side of the table.
I ask him to sit in front of us so we can see him. He takes a minute to pack and tranfer himself to the other side of the table. He again places all of the objects on the table.
We begin, team lead tells him about the company. Then I ask him whether he got any questions regarding the job, the team or the company . For the next 15 minutes he bombards us with mostly irrelevant and sometimes inappropriate questions, like:
0: Can I choose my own nickname when getting an email address?
1: Does the entire department get same salaries?
2: Are there yoga classes on Sundays only or every morning?
3: Will I get a car?
4: Does the firm support workspace equality? How many chicks are in the team?
5: I want the newest grey Mac.
And then.. Then the questions turn into demands:
6: I need a high salary (asks for 2.5 more than the job pays. Which is still a lot).
I ask him why would he get that at his first job in the industry (remind you, this is an internship and we are a relatively high paying company).
He says he's getting paid more at his current job.
His CV lists no current job and only indicates that he just finished studying.
He says that he's working at his parent's business...
Next he says that he is very talented and has to be promoted very quickly and that we need to teach him a lot and finance his courses.
At this point me and the team lead were barely holding our laughs.
The team lead asks him about his English (English is not our native language).
He replies "It's good, trust me".
Team lead invites him for an English conversation. Team lead acts like a customer with a broken internet and the guy is there to troubleshoot. (btw that's not job related, just a simple scenario)
TL: "Hello, my name is Andrew, I'm calli..."
Guy: *interrupts* "Yes, yes, hi! Hi! What do you want?"
TL: "Well, if you let me fi..."
Guy: "Ok! Talk!"
TL: "...inish... My internet is not working."
Guy: "Ok, *mimics tuning a V engine or cooking a soup* I fixed! *points at TL* now you say 'yes you fixed'".
Important to note that his English was horrible. Disregarding the accent he just genuinely does not know the language well.
Then he continiues with "See? Good English. Told you no need to check!".
After about half a minute of choking on out silent laughter I ask him how much Python experience he has (job lists a requirement of at least 1 year).
He replies "I'm very good at object oriented functional programming".
I ask again "But what is your experience? Did you ever take any courses? Do you have a git repository to show? Any side.."
*he interrupts again* "I only use Matlab!".
Team lead stands up and proceeds to shake his hand while saying "we will get back to you".
At last the guy says with a stupid smile on his face "You better hire me! Call me back tomorrow." Leaves TL hanging and walks away after packing his stuff into the pockets.
I was so shocked that I wasn't even angry.
We both laughed for the rest of the day though. It was probably the weirdest interview I took part at.35 -
- Sleep 7h+ each night (you think you don't need it - but you do!)
- drink NO coffee (you've slept enough!)
- pair-up (you're not as good as you think)
- get a grasp on the problem (it's time will spent!)
- communicate constantly (you're not alonw especially)
- refactor just as much
- learn from you partner
- celebrate even small accomplishments (you need success!)
- go home and do something else (your pet project does not need more than 5hrs per week!)
- repeat (because repetition makes perfection!)20 -
I am done with people, I just want one single room, with good internet, dual monitor setup... And I can spend my whole life like that... Being social, fuck that shit... I have devRant for that... and rest, I just want to code, listen to music, drink coffee and sleep like hell...
Why is it that I can understand some other dev's code faster that understanding someone's feelings. Why is it that I am good with principles of Programming Languages, but not the basic Principles of Humanity... Yes, I agree I don't have feelings, but is it wrong not to have feelings, I am a dev, I am supposed to be good with Codes, not humans... I want to be in my small space of close people. (My family), and that's it... I am no good with others. I hate Facebook, but love devRant, I spend more time on StackOverflow than that on WhatsApp. Why is it so... Why29 -
Recipe of cold coffee.
Step 1: Make Coffee
Step 2: Start Coding
Step 3: Forget you made Coffee
Step 4: Drink it Cold
Don't say thank you I understand!33 -
An intern I was supposed to lead (as an intern) and work with. Which sounded kinda crazy to me, but also fun so I rolled with it. But when I met her I quickly found out she didn't even have a coding editor installed and when I advised one she was "scared of virusses". She had Microsoft Edge in her toolbar, and some picture of a cat as a background. We were given some project by our boss, and a freelance programmer helped us set it up on Trello. Great, lets start! Oke maybe first some R&D, she had to reaeach how to use the Twilio API. After catching her on WhatsApp a few times I realised this wasnt gonna go anywere. After a few weeks of coding and posting a initial project to git I asked her if she could show me the code of the API she made so far..
She told me she was using the quickstart guide (the last 3 FUCKING weeks) which contained some test project with specific use cases.
The one that I did 3 weeks ago that same fucking morning.
AND SHE WAS STILL NOT DONE...
A few days later I asked her about the progress (strangly, I wasn't allowed ti give her another task bcs the freelanc already did) and guess what... She got fking pissed at me
Her: "I will come to you when im done, ok?"
Me: "I just want to see how it is going so far and if you are running into any problems!"
Her: "I dont want to show you right now"
She then goes to my fucking boss to tell him I am bothering her.
And omg... Please dear god please kill me now...
Instead of him saying the she probably didn't do shit. He says to me that the girl thinks im looking down on her and she needs a stress free environment to work in. She will show me when its done. ITS A FUCKING QUICKSTART GUIDE YOU DUMB BITCH.
He then procceeded to whine to me about the email template (another project I do at the same time) which didn't look perfect in all of his clients.
Dont they understand that I am not a frontend developer? Can you stop please? I know nothing about email templates, I told you this!!!
Really... the whole fucking internship the only thing the girl did was ask people if they want more tea. Then she starts cleaning the windows, talk to people for an hour, or clean everyone's dask.
all this while I already made 50% of the fucking product and she just finished the quickstart tutorial 😭. Truly 2 months wasted, and the worse thing is I didn't get any apprication. They constantly blamed me and whined at me. Sometimes for being 3 minutes late, the other for smoking too much, or because I drink to much coffee, or that I dont eat healthy. They even forced me to play Ping Pong. While im just trying to do my job. One of the worst things they got mad at me for if when my laptop got hacked bcs it was infected with some virus. He had remote access and bought 5 iPhones 6's with my paypal while I was on break. I had to go home and quickly reset all my passwords and make sure the iPhones wouldnt get delivered. strange this was, this laptop I only used at the company. So it must have been software I had to download there. Probably phpstorm (torrent). Bcs nobody would give me a license. And the freelancer said I * have to *.
the monday after I still had to reinstall windows so I called them and said I would be late. when I came they were so disrepectfull and didn't understand anything. It went a little like this:
Boss: why u late?
Me: had to reinstall my laptop, sorry.
Boss: why didnt you do this in your own time?
Me: well, I didn't have any time.
Boss: cant you do this in the weekend or something? Because now we have to pay you several hours bcs you downloaded something at home.
Me: I am only using this laptop for work so thats not possible.
Boss: how can that even be possible? You are not doing anything at home with your laptop? Is that why you never do anything at home?
Me: uhm, I have desktop computer you know. Its much faster. And I also need to rest sometimes. Areeb (freelancer) told me to torrent the software. He gave me the link. 2 days later this happends
Boss: Ahh okeee I see.. Well dont let it happen again.
After that nobody at the compamy trusted me with anything computer related. Yes it was my own fault I downloaded a virus but it can happen to anyone. After that I never used Windows again btw, also no more auto login apps.8 -
You know you’re busy when you open the microwave to heat up the coffee that you didn’t have time to drink and find yesterday’s coffee that you heated up for the same reason.3
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Conversations between 2 java programmers.
Me: How it's possible that your code works?
Frank: I don't know. I try 10 times, and each time, I get an error.
Then I take a break...
Eat a humburger, play ping pong, drink coffee.
Me: That's it?
Frank: Yes
Me: I need a break...4 -
How to make a cold cup of coffee:-
1-make a normal cup of coffee
2-start coding
3-after coding you'll forget that you made coffee
4-drink it cold
5-feel bad for not drinking it while it's hot4 -
My boss is on my line and isn't on mute. I can hear him drink his coffee. I'm much too annoyed for this shit right now.16
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Hello again, everyone. As Sunday comes to a close, and Monday is fast approaching, I'll share with you the likely cause of my death by stroke and/or heart attack:
MONDAY MORNING COFFEE OF HORROR
Disclaimer: Do NOT try this. I am a professional addict. I am not responsible for anything this brew from hell causes to you and/or those around you.
So, I wake up, feeling like I haven't slept for days, or just notice the fucking alarm clock shrieking because I pulled an all-nighter.
Step 1: Silence alarm clock via mild violence.
Step 2: Get the coffee machine to brew some filter coffee (espresso works too)
Step 3: Get milk and ice cubes from the fridge (both are needed, I don't care if you don't like milk, trust me)
Step 4: Get 2 spoonfuls (not tea spoon, and actually FULL spoonfuls) into the biggest glass you have
Step 5: Pour just a little of the warm filter coffee into the glass, just to get the instant coffee wet enough, and start mixing, until the result looks like the horror you unleashed in your toilet a few minutes ago (and will do so again in a few)
Step 6: Mix in 25-50 ml milk, just for the aesthetic change of colour of the devil-brew, and to add the necessary amount of lactic acid to react with the coffee to produce chemical X
Step 7: Add ice cubes to taste (if you are new to this, add a lot)
Step 8. Slowly add the filter coffee while mixing furiously, so that the light brown paste at the bottom get dissolved (it's harder than it sounds)
Now, take a deep breath. Before you is a disgusting brew undergoing a chemical reaction, and your moves need to be precise otherwise it will explode. Note that sugar or any other form of sweetener is FORBIDDEN, as it will block the reaction chain and the result won't be as potent.
Take a straw (a big one, not those needle-like ones that some cafeterias give to fool you into believing that the coffee is more than 150ml). Put it inside the mix, and check that the route to the bathroom is free of obstacles.
Now, clench your abs, close your nose if you are new to this, grab the straw and DRINK!
DRINK LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
THAT BROWN DEVIL'S BILE WILL HAVE YOUR INTESTINES SPASM AND DANCE THE MACARENA WHILE TWIRLING A HULA HOOP!
YOUR HEART WILL GO OVERDRIVE HARDER THAN YOUR PC'S CPU WHEN COMPILING ON ECLIPSE AND BROWSING WITH IE AT THE SAME TIME.
The combination of caffeine and lactic acid will bring out the perfectly disgusting combination of sour and bitter usually expected in rotting lemons. After you manage to chug it down (DON'T SPILL OR SPIT ANY!) you have 30 - 60 seconds max to run to the porcelain throne, where you will spend the next 30-60 minutes.
After that, nothing can stop you! You will fix bugs, write entire codebases from scratch, punch that annoying coworker, punch that boss! You will be a demigod among mortals for the next 6-8 hours!
Your recipes for Monday morning coffee?15 -
Lol I'm such an introvert
I have joined an internship and have been here for 4 weeks now. I have been seeing people drinking coffee since day 2, but have been shy to ask about it. In my 2nd week I located where the coffee machine was, but to shy to use it. This week, after finally gathering up the courage I went to use the machine after others used. That's when I realised I don't know how to use it. Lol. I made such a bad mix of expresso and milk and had to add 4 spoons of sugar to be able to drink it. Yesterday I made the mistake of not adding sugar and thought it was too awkward to go back to add sugar, so gulped it down after it cooled a little.
Looool, need to develop soft skills12 -
We aren't allowed to boil water BOIL WATER
"We have to get Climate Neutral until we decided for a plan the kitchen is closed"
FUCK YOU I JUST WANT TO ENJOY MY COFFEE WHICH I CAN'T DRINK IN MY OFFICE ANYMORE BECAUSE OF SAME BULLSHIT
I get it we have to become climate neutral but holy fuck this can't be part of the solution to not use the kitchen anymore....50 -
Is it normal my boss want me to pay for the coffee I drink at work? 🤔
He asks me €1 for 2 coffee capsules for his coffee machine, while each costs only 22 cents… fucking bastard.
And it doesn't even taste good…24 -
Today I've been mocked by a fucking coffee machine.
So I was at a small train station, everything was already closed except for a small coffee machine
Dumb I, for whatever fucking reason, decided it'd be a great idea to get a highly overpriced cup there.
Now, the fucker made me the drink but instead of giving change, it started "shooting" coins in my direction (there was no flap on change box)
As I'm picking up my change, this abomination of a machine performs a cleanup, spitting some shit into my drink
I couldnt drink it obviously .. threw the overprices drink away, bought another one... Got shot with coins again... Whata pain... Just to figure out... There's no more cups 😭😭
It made the drink into the tray...
AaaAaAAAaaaaAAA
Fml4 -
I drink so much coffee. I sweat coffee. I pee coffee. I probably emit coffee waves into the air and get other people caffeinated. Here's to all of my fellow coffee-emitting programmers!
6 -
- Go to sleep early
- Get up at 5-6
- Drink quality coffee
- Work at your desk not from the bed or couch
- Don't start new projects until the last one is done
- Have a good and healthy diet
- Excercise frequently
Essentially don't be like me... Be like anyone else but me and you'll do fine...15 -
I am programmer for over 1 year and still don't drink coffee and other alcoholic drinks to be energetic😅36
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Late in the afternoon right before closing time I wandered into a lunch-having nice little place. There was noone and my sleep-deprived self ordered an espresso. The ~25yrs old barista was kind and smiling and while I was adding some milk to my coffee she suddenly asked:
'Are you an IT guy?'
In shock I said: 'Okay, yes, I do wear glasses and drink coffe, but how did you know?'
'I didn't, but... my printer isn't working at home, can you tell me why?'
At this point I bursted out in laughter and realized that to most people I am a printer fixer. We all are, aren't we?8 -
I as the "coffeedrinker" stopped drinking coffee and energy drinks. I do not want to be anyone's boss but if you think you can live without them, do it. I am fairly young and after a long period of frequent consumption ( 1 coffee or drink per day), I was waking up at nights or struggling during the days from constant heart pains. Now 2 months later this phenomenon happens seldom and I feel better and more refreshed after my sleeping. I know this is irrelevant but I know fellow devs that overconsume these kind of drinks. At least if you can limit your dose! :) I just want everyone to be healthy and happy! Have a nice day! ♥60
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THE NEXT FUCKIN TIME I SEE SOMEONE SAY "hay, how do loop python PLZ HELP" instead of asking a goddamn search engine IM GONNA FIND YOU AND SLIP YOUR FUCKIN THROAT WHILE I KICK YOU ON YOUR FUCKIN RIBS WITH ALL MY POWER AND SLOWLY DRINK MY COFFEE AFTER THAT.4
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Reciepe for cold coffee:
1. Make Coffee
2. Start Coding
3. Forget you made coffee
4. Drink it cold5 -
there are more kinds of programmers :
the ones that drink coffee
the ones that drink alcohol
and there's me eating sunflower seeds12 -
I have noticed on here, there is a direct correlation between the number of swear words in a post and that posts ++ count. As a programmer who doesn't swear (I know, "just give it a few years" or "YOUR NOT A REAL PROGRAMMER!!" [side note, I also don't drink coffee]), I guess my ++ counter will only ever be allocated 1 byte...10
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I made it to 700 ++'s
I can finally have the energy drink AND the coffee on my desk.
Finally I can live up to my name.22 -
My coffee to water ratio in a cup is starting to be 1/2. I'm worried in the future I will be eating coffee not drink it anymore 😂4
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I gotta say... this shit is actually really strong especially when you grind it to espresso “dust”.... and put it in a Moka Pot.... don’t drink more than 2 coffee cups full .... it’s crazy
7 -
I regretfully procrastinated the entire week so now I must suffer with my projects.
Both programming and non programming related.
I blame the fact I was distracted with Netflix, books, google docs, and devRant.
Well... Time to drink some coffee, even though I'm a coffee hater. The caffine in tea has no influence on me, so nasty coffee it is.17 -
My study organises a hackathon (12 pm to the next 12 pm so 24 hours total) every year and doesn't allow to bring your own coffee machine. Last year, the teachers machine was used but it's so freaking slow (produces one pot an hour or so) that we could hardly get any. Then, at the early night, it broke down. Everyone was going pretty insane without caffeine for that timespan haha. (Loads of people didn't bring energy drink because 'coffee at location' xD)
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I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14 -
This happens more often than I care to admit.
I take a coffee, then I drink a sip.
Because it's too hot I put him aside.
Start working
Lose track of everything around me
Then when I am no longer distracted by the stupid bullshit line of code that I was stuck at, I go to drink the coffee and is FUCKING COLD!!!!!6 -
In-laws don't drink coffee, they just pour it and let the mug warm their hands, thus hogging the coffee I could have drank.
What kind of monster family did I marry into?4 -
Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]19 -
Being able to drink coffee (nope no decaf) including espresso's without my heart complaining. Idk that taste always gives me a boost!15
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Story time!
Like I mentioned in a previous rant, I’m (or was) a coca-cola addict. Coca-cola has caffeine, right?
This happened a tuesday. I forgot my mug at home (I wanted to draw it a bat🦇) so I bought a jumbo coffee at a store near my office. I drank it, and then, all my partners went to the kitchen for coffee. I went with them and I refilled my cup.
I was working on my code, and suddenly I felt a strange sensation on my chest (I don’t think I could describe it, it feels like when you have intestinal problems and gases, but in the chest). I didn’t give it importance. One hour later I started trembling. I googled my symptoms and I found I had a coffee overdose 😱 But how? I drank a lot of caffeine in soda, but this only happened to me with coffee. This lasted 5 hours 😓
You, specially the most experienced devs and coffee addicts, how can I drink more than 1 cup of coffe per day without trembling? Btw, I have no heart or pressure problems, so I don’t know... this happened because I don’t drink much coffee?
23 -
Think I am drinking an expired coffee.
Taste is a bit .. funny and loose.
Oh it might also be the ants. I found few ants in the sugar but I couldn't be bother removing them so I just poured coffee directly.
I should just stick to my energy drink or coke :311 -
I only develop UIs with react and only ever with functional components
I would actually DIE without my MacBook Pro 16”
I spend roughly 30 minutes a day trimming my beard. I’m a civilized man after all
I only drink Starbucks coffee, and only if it’s a triple pump latte
Ew what’s jQuery? Sounds like something my grandpa used
Omg really? Are you still using PHP in 2020?! Lame!
Gross. Windows is for n00bs and Linux is for nerds. macOS FTW
Post is comprised of quotes from a classmate who annoyed the living hell out of me14 -
I just accepted an offer as a backend dev for a startup in Berlin, Germany. I’m looking forward to all the coffee and beer I will drink while I work. 😆7
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IF YOU UPDATE AN ADM PLATTFORM FOR FUCKS SAKE DON'T DO THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
1. ONLY DOCUMENTATE IT IN A POWERPOINT
2. WRITE DOWN IPs AND PORTS ONLY ON A WHITE-BORD
3. MOVE TOOLS TO OTHER SUBNETS OR DOMAINS WITHOUT PROPERLY KNOWING THE WAYS OF COMMUNICATION BETWEEN THEM
4. USE YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS AS RESET OPTION FOR LICENCE-MANAGEMENT ACCESS IF NO ONE KNOWS THE PW
5. LEAVE THE COMPANY THE DAY AFTER THE UPGRADE IS DONE
Because the guy who has to take care of the upcoming problems is not going to like you!
BUT having to deal with all of this at once would not be a problem if your, so called team (30 People who work with those applications e.g. as test-engineers) would actually work together instead of having that "not my daily business, I am going to drink coffee" attitude.
Apparently I am the only one who has enough balls to see, admit, and report a problem to our leadership.
This always leads to Me fixing the issue...
....that's alright I am learning a lot...
...BUT IF A TEAM-MATE, WHO HAS THE SAME DEGREE AS I AM GOING TO GET, LEAVES EARY BECAUSE: "HE DOES NOT KNOW WHATS WRONG", IT TRIGGERS ME!!!
- The apprenticeship guy
PS Needless to say hundreds of clients have access to those systems and I worked through a shittload of official tool docs just to get to know the tools first...6 -
I prefer to work while everyone is asleep, drink black coffee, low-fi music, and find a way to appreciate what I'm working on.1
-
Wake up, it's 1983...
Node? React? Copilot? Programming Socks? Furries?
Man, I told you to not drink so much the last night, now wash your face and grab a coffee, you have a program for the VAX-11 to finish.
8 -
Unfortunately, "developer brain" does not respond. You have the following options:
Option A
Refill coffee-mug, drink and keep on waiting for a response.
Option B
Go to sleep.1 -
Me: Hey can you make another cup of coffee like this one for my friend?
Rust: Sure, but you know it's expensive, right? Why don't you just let your friend borrow your coffee?
Me: Alright, but I have two friends.
Rust: No problem, you can share it with as many friends as you’d like, but only one of you is allowed to drink it.
C++: Hey wait! I’ll gladly make a cup of your coffee for your friends! I’ll even let them share it! Heck, they can even share yours!
Rust: Hey C++, you know copying coffee is expensive.
C++: Of course I do, but he didn’t define move construction or assignment, so he implicitly wants a copy!
Me: [To my friends:] Hey, let’s just go over to the Python coffee shop.
Rust: [To C++:] Hmph. The baristas at that place will even let you declare that a muffin is a cup of coffee.
C++: Yeah, but wait till they try to drink it. I hear it can be quite exceptional....
———
Slightly modified from this comment on a Reddit post that I found humorous — only I probably made it much less funny: https://reddit.com/r/...2 -
Today i got to add this to my code:
"Shame on you pirate! A subscription only cost 2 cups of coffee; what are we supposed to drink now?"
Having a bit of fun with the finishing touches of my personal project :D8 -
After seeing everyone arguing about coffee on my post yesterday, I thought you guys might like to see my new invention.
I call it "the late man's coffee" for when you don't have enough time to eat breakfast and drink your morning coffee.
6 -
Aaahhh, it's one of those mornings, when I sit down at my laptop, take my tall cup of hot, fresh coffee with a perfect layer of frothed milk at the top, I take a sip of this heavenly drink and feel the taste of sour curd in my mouth.
A perfectly ruined morning!5 -
Headphones, a quiet room, a comfortable chair, something to drink (coffee, red bull, water, tea) and something that is interesting enough to totally focus on.4
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Yesterday, I came to the office a little late and found there's no coffee, so I set myself to make some. After making it, some of my coworkers told me that the boss wants us to use less coffee powder when making coffee and has gone as far as specifying the amount for a full pot. I think in the US, they drink coffee-flavored water because that's what it looks and tastes now. So I guess it's either no coffee for me or to buy my own coffee powder as my coworkers don't want to protest over this.13
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Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.
I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.
Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.
People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.
Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.6 -
!rant
How does everyone here like their coffee?
For every cup I drink, it should be espresso (0.35 litres) with three cubes 'o sugar and a little shot of milk.11 -
Today was a good day, (day 4 of my junior dev career) I met the only other female Dev in the company , great stuff
And I'm starting to see how well I fit into the company. The only hot drinks options are coffee and green tea- exactly the only hot things I drink 😂(I think they all hacked me and made the work exactly the way I'd like it hm)3 -
I have adhd and anxiety which means I cant smoke, drink coffee or drink alcohol because that fucks up my sleep and short term and long term memory badly for few days in a row. ADD symptoms become unmanageable. Fuck my life. I guess I will have to cut all stimulants if I want to be abe to function as a decent dev. I will have to cut most of my social circle because they wont understand me not going out for drinks... Fuck my life....14
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The coffee here is so shitty, I have to drink lots of water to get rid of the terrible flavor that remains in my mouth every single time.
On the other hand, I'm very well hydrated.8 -
By the way, did anyone ever went to hospital because drinking too much coffee? I drink it, you drink it, we drink it, but I'm seriously worried sometimes about my heart and blood pressure.13
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Drink. Coffee.
I always make sure I learn something new everyday even just small bits of information. -
I'm too addicted and used to coffee...Like I can literally drink it right before going to sleep and I'll get a pretty good one. How bad is this? :|16
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!Dev
Sitting in a bus on 19 hour ride with my class to England a few things to rant about came to my mind:
Why the fuck do you have to blast shitty german rap music out of your fucking JBL boxes and why do you have to turn up the volume so much that I can still hear it although I am wearing headphones, listening to music and sitting 5 fucking rows in front of you.
Also why the fuck do clocks in buses never display the right time? How hard can it be to make the clock display the right fucking time?
Another thing: why does this bus which is especially made for long rides not have a fucking trash can?! Seriously wtf?
Rants aside I am really looking forward to staying in England for a week although I won't have a computer for the next week :(
Another thing: why the fuck is the coffee you get at pull-ins so fucking disgusting ?
Like srsly, it is made by a machine and still tastes like thrown-up.
And why the fuck does everyone look weirdly at you when you buy a can of red bull but everything is fine when someone my age drinks 3+ liters of beer and then throws up? What the fuck? People look at me weirdly when I tell them that I don't drink any alcohol, heck I am actually not even allowed to do so because I am 15 and not 16 (beer is allowed in Germany if you are 16+ but nobody really cares about that). Heck where I am from they even encourage you to drink beer? What the fuck??!!
Anyway looking forward to England and also sorry about the long non-dev related rant. Just had to rant about some people and society.
P.S. do you know any (preferably free) Android apps / games where you have to code or just solve problems with logic?14 -
Without caffeine ➞ me ⩶ useless
With caffeine ➞ anxiety++
Btw I don't drink 10 liters / 2.6 gallons of coffee everyday or anything, just a small latte does the trick ..
9 -
I don't know what to chose.
The fact that for three months, I had to design a 16-page catalog, when I have no experience and my job is web development;
The fact that I have to do SEO for the site, but that means for my boss that for a one-page long text, we have to find at least 60 (sixty! ) times the occurrences of the keywords;
The fact that when I finally have something interesting to do, the boss finds that it doesn't go fast enough and decide to drop the project even if making a whole new dynamic stock system with the db we have is something hard and long to do;
The fact that when I come to work five minutes late, my boss is at the verge on screaming on me, even if I come ten minutes early every other day;
The fact that when I'm coding, I need concentration, I don't need the boss to give me the phone to answer customers, stop everything I am doing and explain them what products we are selling;
The fact that I am paid the minimum wage for a trainee, and when there's no coffee anymore, we have to buy some ourselves because "you drink way too much coffee, you understand" (three a day, sorry for wanting to stay awake);
The fact that I have asked for one year how many days of vacation I still had, and the only answer they gave to me yet was: "Oh, we have to ask the accountant". I still don't know how many days I have left;
The fact that the site is made only by trainees since the beginning, so circa 2008, and the code is horrible but "it works, so don't touch it". The admin part is in CodeIgniter, the front in laravel 4.2, there are a lot of useless code but we can't touch it because the boss doesn't think it is worth the time.
I almost made a burn-out last year, my doc saw my state right before and made me stop for a week. I still have to work there 'till end of august, then I will have my diploma and find another company to work with. Now, I check everyday on my calendar.6 -
There is a special place in hell for people who drink the last of the coffee and don't make a new pot!3
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# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦9 -
Went to an old employer to drink coffee and talk about an opertunity. During nice talk he mentioned that he can see that I've had a rough time and got what slower. Maybe too slow to still do this kind of job / project. It's my freaking medication :(. It's a great employer and great boss. Really want to make it work.
It hits hard when someone that liked you a lot says that you became slower. Yes, I'm dead inside. Now hire me and let me fix that.
BTW, it's Java. I'm at least faster than the interpreter11 -
Am i the only one annoyed that at first the coffee is too hot, so you have to take small sips. But when its at the right temperature, you have to drink it fast so that it doesnt go cold.1
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When you make a coffee, get in the zone, forget about its existence, take a drink it and find that it's gone cold.. Then chug it and go make yourself another.4
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I really dont like Coffee maschines that serve the Coffee Drink ready. If i want Coffee i want it hot as shit4
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I have this awesome StackOverflow mug, but I don't drink coffee. Or any hot beverages for that matter :(
2 -
I stopped drinking soda. I talked to a colleague last week. He said artificial sweeteners in general have a higher risk of cancer. So I did my own research and found this to not only be true, but drinking sugared sodas also carries a risk. WTF?! Somebody else pointed out that "everything" causes cancer these days. But I don't want the sugar and I don't want my body producing methanol and then formaldehyde.
This week I am doing coffee and water only. I got some nice fresh bottled water and added some lemon juice to the water. Then I proceeded to drink the water. At first I was WTF is wrong with my water!? Then I realized I had put lemon juice in there.11 -
How I work:
I drink lots of coffee and pass out for 12 hours.
It’s like alcoholism, just less productive.28 -
Before I decided to switch careers (PM to Dev) I would drink coffee, black, sometimes with 2+ shots of espresso on those nasty days...
It's been 18 months into this transition and I find that by about 9AM a strong dark coffee with 1+ shots of whiskey is required on any day...
No regrets on the switch, Just didn't see that coming is all...3 -
Great, just in the week when I’m on holiday, they decided to do a coffee mug contest on devRant, so I wasn’t able to show mine. Well, I think this one deserves it’s place amongst the other beauties. It’s completely impractical to drink from, but it can count as a statement ;)
1 -
Me: Damn you good tasty coffee!!! Now I can't drink coffee anywhere else than at home and (more) expensive coffeebars!!!
Coffee: But you love me!!
Me: I know!! That's the fucking problem!!2 -
I dunno how you guys can drink all that coffee... And also have it actually work.
I bought a large from McD at lunch, drinking it throughout the afternoon but maybe a third left...
But I feel tired still and think I also have a slight headache/dizzy feeling...6 -
I would probably open 2 locations.
A small seaside cafe that would bring exotic types of coffee, roast them in house, package them and sell them. Also have a small breakfast menu for the coffee lovers to enjoy before their walks on the beach.
The second would be in the middle of a busy city a concept of bar/hostclub with a twist. I would hire mostly women and men that have minors/degrees in psychology, teach them how to bartend, and have like a bar/therapy place where the people that work horrible jobs can come drink chill and feel a bit better and not get blackout drunk / fall into alcoholism3 -
So instead of drinking shit like Pepsi Max while coding on a weekend, and since it's so hot lately, I thought I'd buy a blender and some fruits and make frozen fruit drinks.
After unpacking the blender, I notice a booklet with a few recipes.
All I can say, is, ":/".
I'm thinking about making a frozen watermelon and peach drink right now. What do you guys like to drink when it's really hot (besides coffee)?
12 -
These guys. I drink a lot of water (I stopped drinking coffee so I had to replace it with something).
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Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
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I have a feeling that one of the most valuable skills I have yet to learn is the ability to drink coffee.
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Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.6
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I am on my way home from an 8.5 hour non-stop call with one of our software suppliers...
How to you guys handle situations like that?
Consentrating became very difficult at the end to be honest.
And if it my teammates would not have been there (they gave me food, sth to drink and filled my coffee cup) I would have snapt after 4 hours...
The only thing I feel capable of doing for now is to listen to extremly loud music9 -
Does anybody else drink strong coffee in order to actually get RID of a headache? It works for me....but now I've got to continually drink coffee every few hours for the rest of my life.10
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Tldr; Do not go to the bathroom when you are stuck on a problem.
Most of you will know that when you are stuck on a problem for a while, that it is worth to take a break to look at the problem with a fresh pair of eyes.
It's good advice and I have been doing it for years, however now I have developed a problem with it.....
I don't drink coffee or tea often so when I'm stuck I always take a bathroom break and most of the time an Idea will pop into my head how to solve the problem.
The problem now is that everytime when I am even a little bit stuck I need to go to the bathroom even when I just went.
It's really annoying because now I need to find something else to use as a break because my brain has associate being stuck with needing to go to the bathroom.
It's probably not a good idea to take a coffee break instead because if my brain starts to associate that I will be a coffee addict in no time.... Haha
Do any of you have a good suggestion to use as a break?8 -
That moment when you worked with bug 2 days and now it's a feature! I need to drink more coffee because it helps - Ready to do more!
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Only now just realised I haven't had a drink in 3 weeks and even longer since I had an iced coffee... Guys I think I've discovered why my rants are down!!!
Time to go get fucking hammered and try to build the world!1 -
string action = day == "Monday" ? "Go to work" : "Friday" ? "Netflix & chill" : "Saturday" ? "Sleep all day" : "Sunday" ? "Get ready again for Monday" : "Code from 9-5";
I wrote nested ternary operators before and I swear I'd only use shorter conditions like the one below. 😳
string action = isTired == true ? "Get some sleep" : "Drink more coffee";5 -
I don't understand the concept of drinking tea or coffee. More over why is everyone is so surprised when I say "I don't drink tea or coffee." ??4
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What coffee do you like, ranters? Or maybe you prefer tea? 🤔
Share the photos/names of your fav. drink, that you love drinking, I'm just curious.
Just drank nice ice cappuccino bought a while ago in Kaufland. Nice, but hot coffee seems better to me.
24 -
*finished lunch*
*ready to go drink coffee*
*coffee machine was taken away for replacement*
...
WHY WERE YOU TAKEN AWAY? YOU WERE WORKING PERFECTLY 😭😭1 -
Log 1:
Day 10 of crunch time. I have entered a sleepless zen state. Lord willing, I will be able to get 7 hours of sleep Saturday night. The building is terrifying at night, as there are a lot of noises. Security guards are nice, but curious to see me all alone. Must not show weakness in case they think numbers will give them an advantage over me.
Supplies are low. Only one type of energy drink left in the machine, and coffee gone for the night. My phone is out of fast data so Pandora is spotty at best. I have battery to get me through the night at least.
Tomorrow and Saturday decide the fate of the project. My team lead has not slept in at least 2 days. I feel guilty napping when I do, but she is driven like Ahab so I will let her obsession carry her.
If I am alive tomorrow I will report in.1 -
Fck I can't sleep again. I'll just drink coffee and code again. This pandemic destroyed my body clock!
9 -
https://devrant.com/rants/1936381/...
Another day, another comment that just wont fucking post.
On Camping:
Rain IS camping weather.
All miserable weather is camping weather.
The function of camping is to remind you how great it is that you get to go home when you're done, and sleep in a warm, dry, comfy bed and not a canvas roof that leaks in the wrong place in a poorly insulated napsack on uneven ground while sleeping with thin canvas walls, on the ground, like a living human size lump of jerky for a hungry bear to wander by and gobble up.
Also waking up in the morning after being cold and miserable is amazing, because your body forcibly readjusts it's expectation of 'comfortable' just to fall asleep, and you just want to go back to bed instead of going into the cold and being awake where you have to experience the cramp in your neck you had from trying to get to sleep in an awkward attempt to get comfortable.
And after that, you cook bacon on the fire and drink black coffee, and feel like KING of the homeless people. King for a day.
And then you go home and THANK SWEET MARY'S TITTIES you do.3 -
Thanks @xzvf my desk is now accurate because the only two things I drink are coffee and redbull ♥️6
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when you just had to drink that Kate coffee to get that last bit done and commited but as a result is completely unable to sleep.. ends up in a train of thoughs with a hint of philosophy... weep woop before you know it, your night sent Warp speed to bright outside..
finally i feel tired.. fml.1 -
I dunno for you guys and I am sorry in advance but what is jira? "a proprietary issue tracking product providing bug tracking, issue tracking and project management functions" right?
so why the fuck do I need to write a fucking "Log Work" when I pee, when I poop, when I go out taking a break, when I drink coffee...2 -
Had been trying to get the latest build rolled out for the past 3 days. Every morning, I wake up around 6am, drink a nice cup of coffee, while listening to Ariana Grande (I don't know why, but for some reason, she randomly started coming on my playlist a lot) and start rolling out, and sure enough new errors start spiking, ultimately rollback.
Conclusion: don't listen to Ariana Grande when rolling out to production! 🤔 -
A typical (Covid) day (for me) being self employed. I tend to start working at around 8am, only break to make coffee, and by 3:30 in the afternoon I fall asleep til 5pm. Then I get some food, play my bass, mess around in garage band, drink a bottle of wine, watch some crap movie, go to bed around 1:00am rinse and repeat. I never work weekends anymore. Interested to know your Covid day,.5
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Two words, red bull.
I dont drink coffee often or drink it otherwise, so it gives a real kicker to the old brain.4 -
So this new guy keeps commenting on the fact that I drink the ‘free’ instant coffee instead of the 3$ coffee from the shop next door..
LEAVE ME ALONE!!5 -
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
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I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..12
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I may have been drinking too much coffee. I really like (need?) it.
Do you know the feeling after say eating the same meal a free evenings in a row makes you dislike that for a while?
I think that's happening to me now for coffee :(
What the FACK am I gonna do now? Drink tea? 😦4 -
One day, you make a full pot of coffee and don't drink much because you're too busy.
There's next day, you make no coffee and wish you had. -
Srsly, who the fuck using internet explorer or edge in 2018??? I wanna drink a coffee with them while talking about mental disorders.4
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Alright, anyone ranting about politics/censorship rn needs to take a break, eat some food, drink some coffee, and get back to work damnit.2
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Mom: Cool! I need a webshop!
Dad: hah OK, I still make more money then you though.
Little brother: MAKE ME A GAME!
Girlfriend: You only play ping-pong and drink coffee all day! -
Today gonna be one of those woozy days.
Could only fall asleep at like 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning. Had serious allergic reaction or itchy disease starting from two palms. No med at home. Could only scratch and endure. And the fucking itch was moving from one body part to another throughout the night.
Went to the morning appointment and now heading office. One cup of coffee and one can of energy drink in me. Might add more juice in me later at office.5 -
That moment people assume you don't know things because you are generally quiet because they are around their friends. Uhm, I got the job and had to go through months of interviews, tests, video chats, probation periods and got the job almost 3 months earlier than I should and got promoted to a better team, you don't see me trying to demean your job as a call center consultant here around all the developers I know. Just lemme drink my coffee in peace :(
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To be honest, I've never been drunk. Really, teenagers couldn't be drunk, yeah? Only thing I drink is a lot of coffee, yerba, and tea. Never drink yerba before you're going to sleep. That could end with another sleepless night in front of your laptop. Also, never drink yerba in public, some may call you hipster, some may call you gay. But I still don't know what homosexual thing is in yerba.4
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Why should you choose between coffee and tea when you can drink both at the same time?
Haha I actually enjoy brewing vanilla tea and coffee ☕5 -
Fellow developers. I would like to know on average how much coffee we drink during the day. Can we fill a pool with that?8
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Finally accepted as telematics lab. assistant
Had to go to 30 years old initiation tradition by drinking 'The Drink' before getting lab. full access
Full Recipe: Mineral water, instant coffee, vanilla milk, cola, banana, pineapple, apple, melons, cup ramen, peanuts, snickers, m&m, potato chips, nata de coco.
Step:
1. Shove it all to blender
2. Blend
3. Bon Appetit3 -
#Smoke_and_Coffee
Why everyone I told that I have an addition on Coffee said so you are a smoker
Ooh God no I'm not a smoker, I'm just a programmer that write 2 lines on code and drink a cup of coffee.4 -
So apparently coffee is healthy, drink that shit black everyday or go home #TeaAintShit
https://youtube.com/watch/...11 -
Fucking hell! I'm trying to sit down and learn LaTeX so I can take notes with math formulas in the notes. Between work, random bullshit, crappy roommate drama, cats with the zoomies, and the kiddo going nuts wanting to play I just can't catch a fucking break to studying.
I'm torn between drinking a cup of coffee at 10pm to be able to get a chance to study or being able to sleep tonight...
However in the hell did I convince myself that going back to school at 30 would work better than when I was 19-20?!? (I'm still only 29 but shit I loose steam quickly these days 😰)
Lol I'll update the rant here if I drink that cup of 10pm joe!4 -
Bonus semi dev related sin:
Unless it's piping hot I'll leave my coffee to get cold and then drink it. -
What do you drink while you're programming?
Don't say "coffee, energy drinks", post the model/type.
I'm from Spain, and usually I drink this: http://coffee.wikia.com/wiki/...28 -
Not a rant but a piece of advice.
Try drink coke (Coca-Cola) instead of coffee. Besides waking you up, it will give food from your brain.
It helped me a lot as a programmer when coffee couldn't do it7 -
At Granny's and I must say these folks drink a lot of tea. She keeps on saying, "add more tea my grandson!".
I'm not complaining though, it's a good break from coffee for a few days2 -
"If you wanna study some real java shit, drink coffee and take laxatives"
~ Michael Quessenberry c.2017
2 -
Working code?
Or fake compiler?
Fix a problem?
Or buy a new computer?
Bring a flash drive?
Or bring a hard drive?
Use water cooling?
Or use an ice cube on top a processor and memory?
Drink some coffee?
Or eat a healthy breakfast?
Do you make hardware?
Or software?
These are the problems programmers face from old people as employers or relatives trying to find something to relate to. -
Okay so there's lots of posts regarding coffee... I don't actually drink coffee, does this mean I can't be a dev anymore?6
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There is a table right under the fan on which I put a hot cup of coffee add suger to it. Now comes the good part.
I tie myself upside down with sealing fan right above table. Holding a spoon in one hand. Start the fan with a stick. Throw the stick. Just after speed is steady put the spoon in cup and let it stear.
Drink this coffe upside down.
It will increase productivity by 10000million%.
Cheers:)2 -
Hey guys, I hope you don't mind if I do a little promotion here.
So, a couple of months ago I started an open-source community called The Open-source Dudes, and we first started with a telegram server, then a discord server and our next big step is to show us to the world. To do that, we created a subreddit, feel free to join!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/TOSD
And don't forget to drink coffee!!5 -
What is keeping you up at nights?
I'm not a coffee person. I can drink it and go to sleep :)
For me it's Pepsi. Fast shugar for energy, I guess. Strong green tea on 2nd place.3 -
Just when you are about to quit
notification bell goes "Ntiiingggg...."
check messages...
message from the bank....
Client just dumped $$$ in there
...... shiiit
drink more energy drink
more coffee.....
more sleepless nights -
Does anyone else ever get really down when you spend too much time away from your project? I feel myself retracting from society and all I ever want to do is drink coffee and teach myself stuff and work on my game.
It's getting to the point where I don't even want to see my gf and I don't even think about food. I see this happening to me in real time, but I don't want to stop it because I know it's what I need to accel. It's just, damn, it all makes me kind of sad and reflective.5 -
Thank you crappy Starbucks app requiring me to refill my Starbucks card in order to pay via the app.
I was first going to rant but this "feature" saved from buying food that actually looks like crap in the store...
Long version: I got an email about the birthday reward (free any side (Large) drink) a few days ago so redeemed it this morning via the app. I sorta felt bad so added a dessert roll so that I would pay something.
Well at the checkout it said need to pay by Store Card.... Under that, it listed my credit card and refill amount. Well WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I JUST USED MY CARD. I am not a regular customer but hey it's $6 for the drink. Anyway so I removed and now it keys me check out without a refill.
Then dragged my ass out of bed because somehow I accidentally ordered... walked to the store. Wanted to order but then saw the actual food and was like "ok let's just get my coffee..."
Picks it up at the pickup spot and quietly walks out looking at all the people in the store wondering why they like this stuff.
The coffee was just like McDonald's to me...4 -
Hell is: having a high tolerance to caffeine. Meaning coffee and energy drinks do nothing for me.
I'm so sleepy.6 -
1) make a ordered list
2) prepare the props
3) specify a talking order
4) fuck everything because everyone does everything they want anyway
5) get a brutal amount of coffee*
funfact: my longest recent meeting was supposed to go for 30 minutes but we ended up talking about the position of a fucking infobox for 4 1/2 hours
What was your longest recent meeting?
*replace coffee with your favourite "fuck you, I am pretending to be awake" drink -
How do all you other devs deal with sleep? Because I am losing my fucking mind I work for myself so I don't go to work at 9am leave at 6pm.
I normally work until 6am and then sleep till 12 drink 3 strong coffee to start functioning again try and do something productive which at the moment involves catching up on the NBA playoffs and then starting work at 6pm.
Due to resent baby I thought shit my life is fucked I haven't left the house in 3 days I need structure routine I need to work 9am to 6pm become human again but I just can't FUCKING sleep it's now 1:30am and I'm trying to sleep.
I know what your thinking why are you on devRant but I've been trying to sleep for the past 3 hours but all I can think about is work code, refactoring, new languages, security, support shit that can wait but I can't get it out my head, keep thinking "ah your not tired you could work", and YES I have a list which get bigger every day wish I had a drug dealer or was still in contact with my old mates so I could get some Valium but it's hot milk and sleeping tablets for me, life is so much easier when you can just fuck of home at the end of the day and forget about work, not having your laptop next to you trying to trick you into opening it. How do other people who work for theirselves deal with the life work balance?4 -
Last day my coffee ran out and i could not drink coffee. Now i've got that without coffee coding skill willbe disappear,,,2
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I want to stop drinking coffee but everywhere i look there is always wallpapers and cups and shirts telling me that this is our fuel reminding me about it and i always wonder if it will be possible for me to stop drinking it. I want to stop drinking it because i just can't control myself and i drink it all day while i'm at work and at the time i arrive home my stomach hurts. Every night i think "tomorrow i wont be drinking a single cup" and then here i am ranting about it.1
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What do you think about coffee? is it just a psychology need? or it really boosts you to code? question for those who drink coffee10
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Two words: drink coffee.
Besides that, a good playlist with non-vocal music, and a clear head. If I am excited about some other aspect in my life, I have little desire to code that day. I find it easiest when I start thinking about how to resolve a particular issue.
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