"Engineers don't memorize documentation. They know how to use it."

Programming felt insurmountable to me before I started with it. This phrase blew my mind and changed my approach entirely.

Great phrase from my PM (sarcasm):
"Don't waste time with maintainable code, we have a lot of bugs to solve"

I tutor people who want to program, I don't ask anything for it, money wise, if they use my house as a learning space I may ask them to bring cookies or a pizza or something but on the whole I do it to help others learn who want to.

Now this in of itself is perfectly fine, I don't get financially screwed over or anything, but...

Fuck me if some students are horrendous!

To the best of my knowledge I've agreed to work with and help seven individuals, four female three male.

One male student never once began the study work and just repeatedly offered excuses and wanted to talk to me about how he'd screwed his life up. I mean that's unfortunate, but I'm not a people person, I don't really feel emotionally engaged with a relative stranger who quite openly admits they got addicted to porn and wasted two years furiously masturbating. Which is WAY more than I needed to know and made me more than a little uncomfortable. Ultimately lack of actually even starting the basic exercises I blocked him and stopped wasting my time.

The second dude I spoke to for exactly 48 hours before he wanted to smash my face in. Now, he was Indian (the geographical India not native American) and this is important, because he was a friend of a friend and I agreed to tutor however he was more interested in telling me how the Brits owed India reparations, which, being Scottish, I felt if anyone was owed reparations first, it's us, which he didn't take kindly too (something about the phrase "we've been fucked, longer and harder than you ever were and we don't demand reparations" didn't endear me any).

But again likewise, he wanted to talk about politics and proving he was a someone "I've been threatened in very real world ways, by some really bad people" didn't impress me, and I demonstrated my disinterest with "and I was set on fire once cos the college kids didn't like me".

He wouldn't practice, was constantly interested in bigging himself up, he was aggressive, confrontational and condescending, so I told him he was a dick, I wasn't interested in helping him and he can help himself. Last I heard he wasn't in the country anymore.

The third guy... Absolute waste of time... We were in the same computer science college class, I went to university and did more, he dossed around and a few years later went into design and found he wanted to program and got in touch. He completes the code schools courses and understandably doesn't quite know what to do next, so he asks a few questions and declares he wants to learn full stack web development. Quickly. I say it isn't easy especially if it's your first real project but if one is determined, it isn't impossible.

This guy was 30 and wanted to retire at 35 and so time was of the essence. I'm up for the challenge, and so because he only knows JavaScript (including prototypes, callbacks and events) I tell him about nodejs and explain that it's a little more tricky but it does mean he can learn all the basis without learning another language.

About six months of sporadic development where I send him exercises and quizzes to try, more often than not he'd answer with "I don't know" after me repeatedly saying "if you don't know, type the program out and study what it does then try to see why!".

The excuses became predicable, couldn't study, playing soccer, couldn't study watching bake off, couldn't study, couldn't study.

Eventually he buys a book on the mean stack and I agree to go through it chapter by chapter with him, and on one particular chapter where I'm trying to help him, he keeps interrupting with "so could I apply for this job?" "What about this job?" And it's getting frustrating cos I'm trying to hold my code and his in my head and come up with a real world analogy to explain a concept and he finally interrupts with "would your company take me on?"

I'm done.

"Do you want the honest unabridged truth?"

"Yes, I'd really like to know what I need to do!"

"You are learning JavaScript, and trying to also learn computer science techniques and terms all at the same time. Frankly, to the industry, you know nothing. A C developer with a PHD was interviewed and upon leaving the office was made a laughing stock of because he seemed to not know the difference between pass by value and pass by reference. You'd be laughed right out the building because as of right now, you know nothing. You don't. Now how you respond to this critique is your choice, you can either admit what I'm saying is true and put some fucking effort into studying cos I'm putting more effort into teaching than you are studying, or you can take what I'm saying as a full on attack, give up and think of me as the bad guy. Your choice, if you are ready to really study, you can text me in the morning for now I'm going to bed."

The next day I got a text "I was thinking about what you said and... I think I'm not going to bother with this full stack stuff it's just too hard, thought you should know."

The greatest phrase I ever heard..

Conversation with my mom the other day:

Mom - How do you use the screenshot button on the keyboard? (She has a Windows work laptop)

Me - Just press it.

Mom - I did that! It didn't do anything.

Me - Lol it's not supposed to do anything. It takes a picture of whatever is on your screen and you have to paste it somewhere like Paint to save the image.

Mom - Ohhh that's too much work. I use Snippit (or whatever the built in Windows screenshot app is called) and send it to myself in an email.
-------------------------
She takes a screenshot, pastes it in an email, and sends it to herself to save it. Hm.

Then she told me tonight that she needed to screenshot these questions in a quiz she was taking. I kid you not - she took a screenshot of 2 questions at a time, pasted them in an email that she sent to herself, and then printed the email. She did this for 40 questions so she printed out 20 emails with screenshots of quiz questions. She also printed out the 200 page manual she needs to study and deleted the pdf. Mom, seriously? What if you need to find something in that 200 page manual? It's so much easier to ctrl + F to find a specific word or phrase. Ohh it doesn't matter she says, there's an index.

A while back, I had a lot of telemarketers were calling me daily, and I mean A LOT of them.

I got so frustrated with he calls that I decided I had to figure out a better way to handle those calls.

At the time, I was working with a PBX software called Asterisk, which is used to handle hardware interfaces and network applications for phone calls.

I needed a suitable side project and there was a version of Asterisk designed for Raspberry Pi, so I made a fun little answering service for myself.

Whenever a telemarketer called, I asked them to call back later, but to "my personal number", and gave them the number to my phone robot. (which had a pre-paid SIM card in a GSM dongle mounted)

When it received a call, it would play a pre-recorded phrase, wait for 1000 ms of silence and then play the next phrase.
After all 16 phrases had been played, it would start from phrase 7 again and repeat until the caller gave up.

I had this set up running for a while, and then added another robot for english speaking callers.

The calls stopped after a few months.
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

Our current designer is convinced that 00FF44 bright green fits well with the rest of our soft purple/blue color scheme.

I am not a designer, but have worked in a color laboratory, so I've tried time and time again to explain CIE LAB color space, and how at least HCL is a good way to pick & group colors into palettes by using 2-3 luminances for equidistant hues while keeping chroma constant.

I've tried to tell him that the bright green almost physically makes my eyes bleed, because humans are quite sensitive to greens.

He just keeps using the phrase "but it makes the buttons pop nicely".

I just want to pop his skull open with my keyboard. 😫

People in my office sing me praises for what I can do with Linux even though I joke with them that “I have no idea how to do that - but give me half an hour and an internet connection and I’ll figure something out for you.” I even once specifically said in response to my boss commenting on my skills, “You do realize that I just like…google stuff when you ask me to do something with Linux that I don’t know how to do, right?”

But his praise didn’t change at all. There was no “Wait, that’s all it is?”

Instead, he said “Yes, but the fact that you think to do that - and that you know exactly how to phrase your searches and how to sift through the results to get the right answer, and you then integrate what you’ve learned and use it going forward - is still so much more than any of the rest of us can do. To you, it’s “just googling stuff,” but it’s still a unique and valuable skill you bring, so don’t shrug off the compliments so cavalierly, okay?“

And this was coming from an executive with an MBA. Don’t undervalue your googling skills, kids. It’s not lying if you know you can figure it out.

Things have been a little too quiet on my side here, so its time for an exciting new series:

practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.

Episode 1: Dealing with the new backend team

It's great to be back folks. Since our last series where we delved into the mind numbing idiocy of former colleagues, a lot has changed. I've moved to a new company and taken a step up as a Dev manager / Tech lead. Now I know what you are all thinking, sounds more dull and boring right? Well it wouldn't be a practiseSafeHex series if we weren't ...

<audience-shouting>
DEALING! ... WITH! ... IDIOTS!
</audience-shouting>

Bingo! so lets jump right in and kick us off with a good one.

So for the past few months i've been on an on-boarding / fact finding / figuring out this shit-storm, mission to understand more about what it is i'm suppose to do and how to do it. Last week, as part of this, I had the esteemed pleasure of meeting face to face with the remote backend team i've been working with. Lets rattle off a few facts to catch us all up:

- 8 hour time difference to me
- No documentation other than a non-maintained swagger doc
- Swagger is reporting errors and several of the input models are just `Type: String`
- The one model that seems accurate, has every property listed as optional, including what must be the primary key
- Properties go missing and get removed at the drop of a hat and we are never told.
- First email I sent them took 27 days to reply, my response to that hasn't been answered so far 31 days later (new record! way to go team, I knew we could do it!!!)
- I deal directly with 2 of them, the manager and the tech lead. Based on how things have gone so far, i've nick named them:
1) Ass
2) Hole

So lets look at some example of their work:

- I was trying to test the new backend, I saw no data in QA. They said it wouldn't show up until mid day their time, which is middle of the night for us. I said we need data in our timezone and I was told: a) "You don't understand how big this system is" (which is their new catch phrase) b) "Your timezone is not my concern"

- The whole org started testing 2 days later. The next day a member from each team was on a call and I was asked to give an update of how the testing was going on the mobile side. I said I was completely blocked because I can't get test data. Backend were asked to respond. They acknowledged they were aware, but that mobile don't understand how big the system is, and that the mobile team need to come up with ideas for the backend team, as to how mobile can test it. I said we can't do anything without test data, they said ... can you guess what? ... correct "you don't understand how big the system is"

- We eventually got something going and I noticed that only 1 of the 5 API changes due on their side was done. Opened tickets. 2 days later asked them for progress and was told that "new findings" always go to the bottom of the backlog, and they are busy with other things. I said these were suppose to be done days ago. They said you can't give us 2 days notice and expect everything done. I said the original ticket was opened a month a go *sends link* ......... *long silence* ...... "ok, but you don't understand how big the system is, this is a lot of work"

- We were on a call. Product was asking the backend manager (aka "Ass") a question about a slight upgrade to the new feature. While trying to talk, the tech lead (aka "Hole") kept cutting everyone off by saying loudly "but thats not in scope". The question was "is this possible in the future" and "how long would it take", coming from management and product development. Hole just kept saying "its not in scope", until he was told to be quiet by several people.

- An API was sending down JSON with a string containing a message for the user with 2 bits of data inside it. We asked for one of those pieces to also come down as a property as the string can change and we needed it client side. We got that. A few days later we found an edge case and asked for the second piece of data to be a property too. Now keep in mind, they clearly already have access to them in order to make the string. We were told "If you keep requesting changes like this, you are going to delay the release of the backend by up to 2 weeks"

Yes folks, there you have it, the most minuscule JSON modifications, can delay your release by up to 2 weeks ........ maybe I should just tell product, that they don't understand how big the app is, and claim we can't build it on our side? Seems to work for them

Thats all the time we have for today,

Tune in for more, where we'll be looking into such topics as:

- If god himself was an iOS developer ... not
- Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand
- Its more time-efficient to just give everything a story point of 5
- Why waste time replying to emails ... when you can do nothing instead

See you all next week,
practiseSafeHex

Most awkward moment of my life happened 10 mins ago.

I really enjoy playing a sad trombone sound when someone says something stupid. I even have a widget on my phone's home screen so that I can play it almost instantly.

It's actually very funny when I use it with friends.

So, today I walk in the office during a rather heated argument between my boss and a sales lady who has been in the company forever.

I sit on my desk and pull out my phone to connect it to the charger since it was getting a bit low.

As the boss completes his phrase and there is that half second silence before the other person starts speaking I accidentally pressed the trombone button, playing the sound at full volume for a full 2-3 seconds that, needless to say, felt like an eternity.

Don't think I'm getting fired but God it was awkward.

When I still studied, quite some people found me paranoid.

One of my friends started whispering 'NSA is watching' whenever he walked by me and after a while, whenever any of my friends were near me AND near a camera or whatsoever, they all whispered that same phrase.

Then I thought fuck it and just joined with whispering that. So throughout the whole day everyone would whisper that around me and I just participated 😆

I don't understand the phrase "once in a while".
If you execute something only “once“ then why you keep it in a “while“?

I greeted my staff this morning with the phrase

"Morning, mind if I ruin your Friday?"

They laughed, but won't be soon enough. The task we've been working on for weeks, ripping apart the codebase changing it to work a different way, fixing a tonne of bugs, making it faster and simpler to add features too. Well business has decided they want us to stop, undo it, spend a month on something "with higher ROI" and then finish it off after that.

Business are expecting this to have no impact on any of the timelines and just to be like flipping a switch. Now obviously I won't let that happen and fight back for more time, but yet another session of compromises, arguments, and yelling. YIPEEE!!!!!!

Historically, tattoo artists would operate free of charge on women's breasts. This was an attractive offer for both sides, and spawned the phrase "tit for tat", which now represents two sides of an argument offering items of equal value.

This is a fact I just made up, like "Java runs on 4 billion devices"

Just found out the backend developer I’m always complaining about. The one who:

- Can’t implement OAuth, and we have to have app users login every 24 hours because we have no way to generate new refresh tokens.

- Who used the phrase “your time zone is not my concern” to avoid building something that would let us inject test data.

- Who’s been debugging a critical bug affecting many users since December.

- Who can’t conduct API tests from external internet (you know, like the way the app will be in the wild) because it takes too much time.

- Who replies to Jira tickets only on a blue moon.

- Who has been 90% of the reason for my blood pressure situation

... is a fucking principal engineer in this company. In pecking order, his opinion should be considered more valuable than mine and everyone on my team.

I’ve just lost the will to live. How are big organizations THIS bad. Seriously, what promotion discussion did he go into

“So, you are a complete and utter bastard, nobody can stand to speak to you and you’ve yet to deliver anything of worth that actually works, over the course of several years ... ... ... interested in having your pay doubled??”

Well, after lurking in the dark for years, I finally created an account just so I could downvote a certain security related post.
However, I am lacking the necessary ++.
So a "hello, world!" with a sprinkle of rant it is:

Be me:
Show WIP Feature, state that it will be probably done by tomorrow, excluding time for peer review
Be my PM:
"Can we release this today?"

This happend so often that "Can we release this yesterday?" became a common phrase among my coworkers and me if someone is ranting about something broken in their feature. Probably gonna try using it here as well :D

It's midnight here in Paris, France and I just rejected a hook up with a hot girl with the phrase "Sorry I need to debug".
I hope I won't regret it.

tl;dr I need ideas on how to warn the next dev(s) that the company is a dumpster fire.

------

For the past week (actual time: three days) I've been writing documentation for work, since there isn't any. It's been okay, I guess. Certainly more interesting than anything else I've done at work in months.

I'm up to 10k words / 67kb of markdown, and I think I'm done. I could easily write another 30k words on everything, but I just can't care enough.

However, what I do care about is warning the next dev(s) about how terrible the place is to work, so I want to add little references or hints or other such things to my writing. To complicate that, there's a contractor dev who said he will edit the document to strip out my commentary and make it "friendly" for the next person. (I can kind of see why: I've been quite honest about the situation of everything, and it's pretty dire. If they read it as-is, they might just walk out the door. I certainly would have.) I'm also going to commit it to the repo, and afaik he doesn't have push rights, so he can't force-push and remove it. (and a force-push by someone else, adding my documentation immediately after I leave... that would be pretty fishy, too.)

Anyway, at someone's suggestion, I added a "three envelopes" reference in the access phrase generator section. I also wrote "Promises made outside of ES6 will not resolve" -- in the warning section of a document almost entirely about Rails. (because the boss has broken every single promise he has ever made me.)

What other hints and subtle warnings could I add?

(And hurry: tomorrow is my last day! ;3)

Apparently "Want to meet my rubber duck?" is an acceptable phrase only in the developer community.

1.Run into issue
2.Go to Stack Overflow
3.Think of best way to phrase the question
4.Find solution while editing post
5.Bang head on desk

I would ike to be @dfox or @trogus. In any job interview just drop the phrase...

I founded devrant...

Hired 😁

My favorite phrase to say on Friday’s.

“Sure I’ll handle that...on Monday!”

i hate the phrase "It's working but I don't know why". If you don't know how it works, it means it doesn't work at all and will fuck you up soon.

Came across this gem a few months ago ago. The only thing I can think of is the recruiter had his favorite pornsearch phrase in his clipboard manager and hit the wrong hotkey.

!rant && sarcasm

For a long time now I've been trying to convince people to use secure communication. I'm used to getting called "paranoid", but the killer phrase always was (and still is): "Why do you want me to encrypt my communication, I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, so I don't care who's reading it" - "It's not about hiding something, it's about private stuff staying private" - "Yeah, whatever"

"I have nothing to hide". That always killed the conversation... until I asked them to hand me their phones, unlocked, for 5 minutes.

"No" - "Why? I thought, you had nothing to hide and don't care who's reading it?" - "Uhmmm..."

More and more people around me are popping up in my Signal contact list.
Looks like they suddenly care a lot about private stuff staying private </sarcasm>

Most important phrase I learnt. "Can it wait till tomorrow?" Keep you work life balance healthy.

Racism is still a thing in Germany...
At 11 am, I parked my car in to the right parking lane. It didn't cross any line. A woman in her 50s had the door to my side open and still didn't decide to close it, when I was parking.
Anyways, I got ready to get out of the car. All of the sudden, she knocked on my door. I did open the window.
[Short break: S=She and M=Me]
*Dialogue starts here*
S: How dare you park here?! Over there *points to the next parking slots next to her car* is enough place for your car.
M: I am allowed to park here. Plus, I am not crossing your lane. Aside from that, your door was open. Close the door first (before you fucking yell at me, you bitch - I didn't say this tho.).
S *completely ignores what I just said and focuses on my first phrase*: Of course, you are allowed to park here. But you are also allowed to go back to Turkey! *goes back to her car*
M *completely shocked and thinks about what I have been doing wrong and how Turkey is even related to this parking situation*: FUCK OFF!
*notes her license plate*
*finally gets out of the car. locks it. walks slowly in front of her car, when she just wants to drive away from the parking slot just to annoy the shit out of her with a big ass grin in my face waving at her*

!rant

Boss: You can't start coding without understanding the phrase P. O. O. P.
Me: P. O. O. P.?
Boss: Is a carefully organized code

People
Order
Our
Programs

"Users don't need or like detailed error messages. Just use a generic phrase like `an error occurred`. Visually it looks nicer and they won't read it anyway"

- Lead UI / UX Designer, large m.n.c, 10+ years experience

I hate when I'm trynna Google something, but I don't really know what it is... So I don't know how to phrase it...

We have 1 guy managing everything. He develop our CMS, customers email client, manage our network, servers, domains (our own domain servers), billing system, SSL certificates... In short: everything (as well as bugs). The entire company relies on 1 guy, pretty much.
Brings the phrase "all for one, and one for all" to a whole new meaning.

Dear recruiters and so called "startups".

If you want to attract me by starting with the phrase: "Mobile lead role in Startup" and you go on like...

"We are a startup with offices in Shanghai, Hongkong, Vancouver, San Francisco, New York,... "

or

"We are a startup and also the 6th biggest phone network in the world... "

No thanks, enjoy your startup themed cubicles and fuck off!

I think we need to stop to use the phrase "hello world " in programming , let's try "Surprise mother fucker" instead.

Hihihihi just saying...

Part of a product I used to work on contained a one time password generator that randomly strung together a few words from a word list.

Nothing wrong with the security, but this word list hadn't been filtered, so we did have a "bug report" from a customer who had a one time password that contained a questionable phrase:

"fucking pork Muslim"

...Call me a terrible person, but I never did get around to fixing that...

I messed up. We have a senior executive that loves this phrase... "It's going to require all of us to make some sacrifices". 100% of the time he's talking about working 10, 12, or 14 hour days.

So after a few months of this I just chimed in with "this isn't church I don't give sacrifices to my employer. I get PAID for my work."

Honestly I can't say it slipped. I've been telling my wife the exact same phrase for a couple months now. Initially I wanted to discuss it with him directly. Maybe I could explain how making everyone work 14 hour days is not going to end well for us, short or long term. We already know the results short term. We got 50+ defects reported back in our first day of testing for a new project (I'm not on the project but we had a sort of "all hands on deck" meeting to talk about how we can "improve our process so that we don't make so many mistakes". I politely suggested move some people onto this project while we interview candidates. I volunteered to take some of the work items even. But that advice went ignored.

So that's why I asked to meet with the senior exec. He refused to even meet with me. Okay fine you're busy. I emailed him my concerns and suggested solutions. Never heard back. I knew he was going to pipe up with the sacrifice thing so I just blurted it out. It went ignored... So I guess we'll see if I have a job tomorrow or not.

now a funny thing that happened to me a few weeks ago:

a recruiter contacted me on linkedin... wait, don't laugh yet, that's not the whole joke (this time)...

...asking whether I'm interested in something, I was like yeah, but I'm looking for part-time because i'd like to not have a mental breakdown after 6 months this time...

her response: "well... I don't have any part-times, but I have an almost part-time..."

" 'almost part-time'? first time I've heard that phrase, what exactly does that mean?"

"it means about 160 hours"

... i sit in confused silence for a bit, then write back as I calculate: "i'm assuming you mean 160 hours a month, which is 40 hours a week, which is 8 hours a day, which is full-time. please point out where am I mistaken."

recruiter: * crickets *

My favorite part of devRant is that I always feel compelled to [read more]. This is real life. Sometimes a proper rant can't be summed up in a witty phrase or two.

Apparently, the phrase ‘good looks sell’ applies to fashion AND software.

The push back phrase my manager uses when I try to discuss a requirement which I think is incorrect:
"It was discussed and agreed upon at the beginning b/n PM and engineering"
To hell with that, if 10 people arrive at a stupid decision, its still a stupid decision

I just sit back until the project progresses much further and wait for another senior dev whom they can't ignore to bring up the same issue.
It is supremely frustrating 😤

I am on a team of 2 currently at work.

I am assigned to build some custom code for a customer going live with our product soon.

Because my team mate is already working on another customers project I explained the work may not be done in time because we were not given sufficient notice for our team of two to plan for the project.

Sales team contact me later that day asking me why I told our customer we don't have enough resources.

He wanted me to find a better phrase to tell them like "We have half our team dedicated to your project."

Another reason to hate our sales team 🤪

So I was talking with a coworker about a difficult situation I had with a manager years ago. It came down to how to interpret the company rules. The issue was about schedules and not being allowed to modify those schedules permanently. Say always leaving at 3pm on Friday every week kind of thing.

It came up because I wanted to work through my lunch to make up an hour. So my manager went pouring through the company rules and found this one phrase "you are not to modify your work schedule on a continuous basis". I was like what does that have to do with me working through lunch. He then told me that would make my work schedule during the day without a break to be a continuous day. Which to him was not allowed. I was flabbergasted at how insane the interpretation was on his part. It was not worth fighting it at the time.

Back to my current coworker. We keep talking for a while and he says to me: Was that manager an adversity hire?

I have been chuckling about this all day.

When a professor says, "strings are an array of characters" and you proceed to post a question on stack overflow containing the phrase, "strings are an array of characters" and get a healthy dose of knowledge about what strings actually are....

I'm paying for this education?

I always laugh when I see "google" and "private" in the same phrase

Yesterday we were in a meeting discussing the online admission process for the university. Then in some point of the conversation, he said he was going to write a script to automatically check the applicants if their details are identical in the government database. We were all shocked as we hear the phrase "I will write a script" because he has never done so. Today we learnt that he was giving the work to his secretaries to manually login and check if the details were correct.

Discord cut off a message of mine and ended up showing merely the following line:

tl;dr: fuck

I think we all could use this phrase sometimes...

Have you ever had a problem with a partner, but you cannot prove at 100% that he has something against you? But you cannot stand him?

Well, this happened two years ago. I was working as a tester, and “John” (I won’t say his real name) was the dude who tests my tests, but in production.

I ‘m a sociable person, and I don’t mind talking with another people. Suddenly, I noticed that my co-worker started to behave a little bit... rude? Plain? I don’t know, but sometimes he didn’t answer my conversations/questions, or sometimes answered with extra-negative stuff.

“Well, his life is not easy” I said to myself. “Everybody haveproblems”, “I have to understand him and calm down”.

Two weeks later started to report really REALLY absurd production bugs, and with absurd I mean, for example, that he didn’t like the color of a button, a point next to a phrase, etc., things very very simples, but sometimes he ignored big errors.

Once I had to went out of the city for few hours, and asked to permission to go out. I had pending tests, but I left a document with specifications in case of emergency. Even passwords. Before I could finish the thing in the other city, my partner called me two times, and asking me obvious things! I had to go back to the office ealier that I had planned, so f*** angry 😡 and when I arrived to the office, John said “no, forget it, let’s solve it tomorrow” 🙃 WTF?!!!!!!

I decided not to argue with him.

Also noticed that his headaches suddenly increased, and looked so tired ☹️ I felt guilty to judge him

I felt so guilty, and even today I don’t know what to feel about that or what to think. I don’t work there anymore, but, What do you think? What would you do?

Story Time.

TL;DR - Because of Corporate PTSD, I replace the word "everyone/folks/guys" with "Team" when I'm addressing my colleagues, whether it be an e-mail or verbally (F2F/Zoom/GMeet).

In 2019, An office job I worked at, a new Vice President joined the company (the same one who told me he saw me in his dream).

We were required, on a daily basis, to form a circle and one-by-one everyone would out-loud say their yesterday's and current day's tasks updates.

So before the VP joined, everyone was free to initiate their turn however they wanted. Phrases like "Hey Everyone", "Good morning all" or "Hi All" was all around acceptable.

But the moment he started joining the stand-ups, he felt the need to change this phrase to a standard "Good morning Team". No other variations of this. Only and ONLY these three words.

Why you ask? Because saying Good morning is good manners and using the word "Team" strengthens the bond between co-workers and increases collaboration and creativity.

Some colleagues were bound to forget this and they did, which resulted in the VP blasting at everyone for doing so. He would show genuine rage over this, almost as if the company would go out of business because of us, not complying to do so.

Now imagine, you get up at 8 AM, get ready, commute, and get ready to speak for the standup and you get yelled at in front of everyone, FIRST THING before you start working.

Needless to say, it would kill everyone's spirit for getting their day started but nobody could speak up against him because obviously, he was the VP of the company then.

And oh yes, our CEO fired him 5 months after that because he (the VP) got slammed with a pedophilia-related lawsuit, by the parents of a 5-year old.

I've decided I hate the phrase 'real developer'

Everytime I hear the word 'coding' or 'code' in regard to programming, I get a twitch of annoyance in my brain. Seriously, that word is so overused that it's now cliche to me. And it does nothing to distinguish the kind of language someone is using. Is a software engineer solving an advanced problem using C or is it some newby who only knows HTML? Please stop saying thing like, 'i know how to code' when all you know it's HTML. Be specific, you're not fooling anyone. Also, please, don't use that phrase if you're an advanced software engineer either. You're better than that.

Learned a new word here in devRant: sleep code.

Code that's is written where you hardly can get an eye open.

Crazy shit 😵

Edit: Yeah, I count sleep code as one word (or phrase if this will satisfy you before commenting)

Raging here, overheating really. One spends thousands on technology that is promoted with the catch phrase "it just works", yet here I am, after updating my fancy new emoji maker (iphone x) to 11.2 and then attempt to carry on working by compiling my code to test some new features. And...

oh, whats this xCode? You have a problem? You can't locate something? You can't locate iOS 11.2 (15C114)... sorry and you think that this "May not" be supported in current version of Xcode?

Let me get this straight you advanced piece of technological wizardy, you know you are missing something, you in fact know what it is, you can actually TELL me what is missing and yet, still, in 2017, you can't go FETCH it?????

Really? All you can do is sit, with that stupid look on your face, and watch the paint dry? Your stuck? That's it?

I hate you for the false pretense of advanced capability. and for your lack of a consistent dark theme so my eyes stop bleeding when reading your "I don't know what to do" messages...

By the way, maybe you can stop randomly crashing, or pinwheeling, I get that your bored as a machine designed to crunch numbers/data/code all day long and that for fun you feel you have to add some color to your subsitance. But stop it. Do what I'm told you can do, "JUST WORK" for once without me having to drag you forward kicking and screaming.

K. that feels better. Now for some whiskey.

I once had to deal with GoDaddy customer support telling me their servers only support putty for SSH.
Well, fuck you! I use Linux and I SSH with a single command in terminal, no doubt putty is great but get your senses straight that putty is not the only way to SSH when you are being customer support for a tech company, don't just fucking recite a phrase list. Besides, they should understand Windows with putty is not the only way to SSH into servers, juicessh via Android, openssh via Linux, etc...

*btw, before you all rant about me buying from GoDaddy, I was lead dev for a startup few years back and they had already bought it from GoDaddy. Ofcourse they also provide free offers along with an order, which often includes email addresses, annoying support, gut-wrenching quality of service access...

So... Heard back from a recruiter today. Lovely lass.

I’d passed over a submission for her tech demo.

The brief was basically just to create a small simple module that calculates shit, nae effort.

But, when the recruiter had me on the phone she said “I know it’s a silly small module but try and run it up like you would a production ready app”.

The job spec and recruiter were keen on me demonstrating TDD, not specific on js version, final runtime, etc. The job was a senior spec at a higher salary range. So it warranted some effort, and demonstrating more than a simple module.

“Okay, cool, nae bother, let’s crack on.”

The feedback in the response from the dev today:
“He’s over-engineered tests, build...”

SUCK MY LEFT TESTICLE YOU FUCKWIT.

Talk to your recruiters, not me.

The feedback included a phrase I never hope to hear from a developer I work with:
“Tests are good but...” 😞

It was a standard 98% test suite from an RGR cycle, no more or less than I’d expect in prod.

The rest of the feedback was misguided or plain wrong. It was useful to see because I know now when they say they have “high standards” they mean: we listen to the dude who put the factory pattern in a JS brief.

Oh shit also: “someone’s done chmod 777” was in there as a sarcastic comment in the feedback. It was his fucking unarchive tool 😞

My response was brief and polite: “cheers for the consideration, all the best, James”

It’s honestly not worth warning them. Or, asking why they’d criticise something they’d asked me to do.

If you want a shitty js module, ask for a shitty js module and no more.

I'm managed by idiots who don't fully realize the nightmare they're creating.

They're making small operational changes, but hundreds of them with zero evidence to back their claims up.

When I bring up how it actually works, and how operations actually work I'm told I don't use the tools as much as management does and that my feedback is limited to how I use the tool.

So now I'm just gambling that they won't fuck up too bad before I get that sweet sweet sellout money and just letting them fuck everything up they want without any warnings from me.

I'm quickly learning that the phrase of the year is, "Fuck em".

New contract termination clause to be included in all future project contracts: "Contracting client agrees that uttering the phrase 'Your job is whatever I say it is,' or any semanticaly equivalent variant thereof is grounds for immediate contract termination. All work product and IP rights will transfer and assign to contracting client ONLY upon payment in full of contracted payment amount prorated to contract termination date."

"with that said" is the most overused phrase in meetings.
Not sure if it‘s a just a German thing when we speak English.

Apparently, the phrase ‘good looks sell’ applies to fashion AND software

I've been been in consulting doing systems implementations for about a decade. I just started a new e-commerce project with perhaps the most agreeable client I've ever encountered - in fact they're extremely eager to make my job easier. Just today one of the stakeholders, completely seriously, uttered the phrase "maybe we don't need to care about IE".

After ten years living thru every client cliche imaginable over and over again I now find I don't know how to trust. Their acceptance of best practices and my recommendations is almost unnerving...

I really hate the childish corporate culture at some tech companies. Today I received my Christmas "gift" from my employer. It was a branded chocolate bar and a sticker pack. The stickers were designed by our UX designers, and the stickers look like they are made for little toddlers at kindergarten. The stickers said things like "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!". Jesus Christ, are we little kids? The average age of an employee at my company is around 30 years old, and those are the stickers you give us? Stickers are childish anyways, but it seems like 50% of my autistic colleagues seem to like putting those ugly things on their laptops to lick the boots of upper management.

The office itself literally looks like a kindergarten. There's LEGO artwork on the walls and the "Make Friends!" and "To The Moon!" nonsense and similar motivational bullshit is plastered on all the walls. Seriously, who ever thought it's a good idea to tell 30 year old adults to "make friends!". I already have my friends, I don't need to be friends with anyone at work, and I definitely don't need to be told to do so!

Even funnier than that is the fact that the whole "To The Moon!" bullshit is a phrase introduced by upper management to symbolize their effort and wish to make our company bigger and stronger by having a bigger market share. Basically it's the rich peeps from upper management telling us to work harder and make them more successful. Today I had a meeting in which they told me they wouldn't increase my salary because they have a tight budget this year because of the economic problems we're currently facing. But that doesn't stop them from childishly motivating us with bullshit like "To The Moon!" so they can become richer themselves, while the little people at the bottom of the pyramid need to work harder without extra pay.

The most annoying part of this is that many employees lick the boots of upper management and go along with all this bullshit. God I hate cringy childish corporate culture so much.

Just heard the phrase "We're going to offer standardised custom offerings."

You know what is a nice phrase to write in your documentation right before you leave the job?

"I leave this to the evaluation and practice of the reader."

Such a delight to write that down.

wow, to think i joined devRant 3 years ago when i was fourteen

that was so long ago i used to think the phrase "calm your titties" was funny

Best community EVER!!!
i just ranted (if i use correct phrase) my first and people helped me kindly. i just want to delete twitter and Instagram :)

"I've quit Facebook" - congratulations, and here is your medal.
Like, most that are quitting facebook raves about how bad it is, but what they don't realize is that they're bringing Facebook behavior to other platforms instead. "Look at me; how great am I for quitting Facebook"-behavior and actions are only seen on Facebook.
I don't like Facebook either (and haven't used it in years), but there is a phrase that is perfect for when shit like this happens: "double standard".

I have started using the input lockout when supporting colleagues.

The phrase "don't touch anything" must be code for "close all my windows"

Last one actually rebooted her machine in the middle of a (manager requested) intervention...

I got some very strange looks in the office to my "good afternoon, I'm calling to inform you that you will need to speak to HR to reinstate your credentials as I have accidentally marked you as a leaver while doing some database maintenance, I'll transfer you now, please hold" phone call, especially as we don't actually have access to do that lol

I put her on hold to myself while I finished then advised that "I'm sorry HR are busy, but I've managed to undo the mistake anyway, my apologies"

Kept her away from the machine so it was lawful evil right?

Had a weird but wonderful moment with my boss a little while ago - not being able to completely explain what I wanted to, I actually used the phrase (without thinking) "because... Reasons...". I realised what I just said as he looked at me and laughed, somehow we both just understood and it summed up the conversation.

My favorite phrase as developer: I TOLD YOU.

What's yours?

Why do companies boast of their “high hiring bar”? At this point, I start having double thoughts about the company as soon as I see that phrase. Maybe it’s me, but it sounds somehow.

"What are the four pillars of OOP?"

Me:(I'm not an OOP guy, but focused on design patterns)

1. Encapsulation
2. Abstraction
3. Polymorphism
4. ??(was it inheritance or composition).

Fuck, Because of the phrase "composition over inheritance". I've been mixing both composition and inheritance at the same time.

Why is the phrase "left hand side" so prominent? Left hand is called left hand because it's on the "left side".

You may be familiar with work philosophy known as "they pretend to pay us, we pretend to work."

Or a favorite of mine "in this together" and passove aggressive work place signs about safety, inbetween being told to operate machines that have faulty safety mechanisms and almost took a guys forearm off last week, when the machine was supposed to be locked out.

Also dont let them blather on about being a "family", or any of the worse horseshit they spew.

I knew a women who would take those "hang in their" and other inspirational posters and burn cigarette holes in the eyes.

I didn't understand what her motive was then but now I know she was a revolultionary, a visionary even.

It's all lies. It's all "Human resources" department brand managament by neurotic executives and glorified coffee secretaries with 100k student debts for degrees in "humanities"--while lacking any humanity themselves, let alone brains or a soul.

And in between an army of overpaid middle and district managers, checking for the fifth time that day, if you have finished that tps report, or that ONE task you just started or finished. As if a little internal robot timer has told them, not that a task needs managed, but that the task, having been started and done, awaits their preternatural ability to know, and arrive 'just so', and justify (barely) the continued existence of their mediocre job and their mediocre lives.

And out of the woodwork of generations, like a horde of oblivious fuckwit melonheads, comes a tidal wave of these brush-mustached fucks, speaking in aphorisms and happy turns of phrase, while people increasingly dont show up to work be cause inflation has all but destroyed the future so many saved and worked for.

And the shelves gradually empty.

And the wheels grind slowly to a halt.

Because we will not accept the bullshit anymore about being in it together.

Not when a floor guy makes 15k a year, and a district manager makes 120k.

Raise your wages, or say good by.

We were never in this together.

Saw this sent into a Discord chat today:

"Warning, look out for a Discord user by the name of "shaian" with the tag #2974. He is going around sending friend requests to random Discord users, and those who accept his friend requests will have their accounts DDoSed and their groups exposed with the members inside it becoming a victim as well. Spread the word and send this to as many discord servers as you can. If you see this user, DO NOT accept his friend request and immediately block him. Discord is currently working on it. SEND THIS TO ALL THE SERVERS YOU ARE IN. This is IMPORTANT: Do not accept a friend request from shaian#2974. He is a hacker.

Tell everyone on your friends list because if somebody on your list adds one of them, they'll be on your list too. They will figure out your personal computer's IP and address, so copy & paste this message where ever you can. He is going around sending friend requests to random discord users, and those who accept his requests will have their accounts and their IP Addresses revealed to him. Spread the word and send this to as many discord servers as you can. If you see this user, DO NOT accept his friend request and immediately block him. Saw this somewhere"

I was so angry I typed up an entire feature-length rant about it (just wanted to share my anger):

"1. Unless they have access to Discord data centres or third-party data centres storing Discord user information I doubt they can obtain the IP just by sending friend requests.

2. Judging by the wording, for example, 'copy & paste this message where ever you can' and 'Spread the word and send this to as many discord servers as you can. If you see this user, DO NOT accept his friend request and immediately block him.' this is most likely BS, prob just someone pissed off at that user and is trying to ruin their reputation etc.. Sentences equivalent to 'spread the word' are literally everywhere in this wall of text.

3. So what if you block the user? You don't even have their user ID, they can change their username and discrim if they want. Also, are you assuming they won't create any alts?

4. Accounts DDoSed? Does the creator of this wall of text even understand what that means? Wouldn't it be more likely that 'shaian' will be DDoSing your computer rather than your Discord account? How would the account even be DDoSed? Does that mean DDoSing Discord's servers themselves?

5. If 'shaian' really had access to Discord's information, they wouldn't need to send friend requests in order to 'DDoS accounts'. Why whould they need to friend you? It doesn't make sense. If they already had access to Discord user IP addresses, they won't even have to interact with the users themselves. Although you could argue that they are trolling and want to get to know the victim first or smth, that would just be inefficient and pointless. If they were DDoSing lots of users it would be a waste of time and resources.

6. The phrase 'Saw this somewhere' at the end just makes it worse. There is absolutely no proof/evidence of any kind provided, let along witnesses.

How do you expect me to believe this copypasta BS scam? This is like that 'Discord will be shutting down' scam a while back.

Why do people even believe this? Do you just blindly follow what others are doing and without thinking, copy and paste random walls of text?

Spreading this false information is pointless and harmful. It only provides benefits to whoever started this whole thing, trying to bring down whoever 'shaian' is.

I don't think people who copy & paste this sort of stuff are ready to use the internet yet.

Would you really believe everything people on the internet tell you?

You would probably say 'no'.

Then why copy & paste this? Do you have a reason?

Or is it 'just because of 'spread the word''?

I'm just sick of seeing people reposting this sort of stuff

People who send this are probably like the people who click 'Yes' to allow an app to make changes in the User Account Control window without reading the information about the publisher's certificate, or the people who click 'Agree' without actually reading the terms and conditions."

Hey Code-tards,

We're announcing a new update to our software `FUCK YOU` to include a new 'feature' no one asked and would give a FLYING FUCK about, but we were sitting on our MOTHERFUCKING ASSES and had to justify our salaries somehow.

So this new feature really just makes your life horrible by taking away or breaking all useful features you were PERFECTLY HAPPY with before, but FUCK YOU if you aren't happy with it and don't throw half of your salary our way every month.

Remember our library you were perfectly OK with, that u integrated in your codebase? DEPRECATED from this second onwards. WHY? BECAUSE FUCK YOU ! That's WHY.

Oh yeah, and one last thing before we make your life a living hellhole, give us your SSN, credit card(s) and mortgage payments to us, you money-hungry CUNT. Haven't you heard the phrase already? YOU WILL OWN NOTHING AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY.

Long story short, I have to drop my studies for now bc serious mental health issues. I feel like a failure, but I mean, I actually attempted to.... well, I'm here to say it and not complete the phrase. I need to rebuild a lot. And I would really to make some friends are. I have no one to talk to.

This guitar looks heavily worn, yet it’s brand new. It’s called a “relic” — the guitar is artificially aged. Relics always cost crazy amount of money compared to regular guitars.

Relics were invented by Keith Richards, when he said “bash ‘em up a bit” to a guitar master builder from Fender, the guitar company.

With one phrase, Keith created a billion dollar industry.

Operation people (devs, designers, content writers) said clients are being unreasonable.

Clients said the outputs and results are not satisfactory.

Now I understood the phrase I have seen a lot here.

What's the phrase you can say it in both during sex and programming?

I will go first.

"I am doing deep learning."

The phrase “cached local copy” terrifies me

I want you all to think back on how "transparent" and "helpful" everyone was to you when you were useful to the company.

And then as soon as you were gone, did they just complain and say something like "how could fullstackclown leave us??!?!?!"

I swear, the last call I was on, I literally heard the phrase "we are such a good team, we think up great MVP products and you guys execute so well"

Let me translate: "we are whimsical fucksticks and you are our slaves to implement it because we ourselves are too incompetent to do it"

Well no more.

Fucking tools, all of them, everyone just wants to use us to get ahead. No competence, no self-understanding, just encapsulate the "IT" or "tEcHiE" people to some department - doesn't even have to even be near us, they can be from any geographic location; they can just be replaced at a moment's notice!

Yeah, well fuck you, because we're growing in skill and understanding, and fighting against you.

Fucking 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡s

The unionized revolution of software developer is coming soon.

Not a rant. Most epic phrase. I would love to change the world but they won't give me the source code!!!!

WTF do y’all mean when you say it just works “out-of-the-box”.

What’s one Tech buzzword or phrase that in your opinion, shouldn’t exist?

Do you think it’s appropriate to use the phrase "dried" in commit messages to refer to removing duplicate code? (DRY = don’t repeat yourself)

I just used it and I’m not sure if it’s ok because some devs might not understand it and the the original letters from DRY went away and became "dried" so it might be even more cryptic.

On the other hand it’s so much more concise having "dried type X" compared to "refactored the code so that it doesn’t contain duplicates of type X"

I've tried so many ways for that at night or during walk spark of bug solving ideas:

- fluorescent ink on regular paper
- florescent mini whiteboards
- "alexa remind me.."
- writing down in my phone
- recording on my phone
-..

But all of those due to my short term memory made me forget half the things by the time I opened the fucking phone/app, found where to grab the pen or the whole dance for alexa, to remember the exact phrase I have to spell out, when it should remind me, what time,..

Earlier today I remembered how I had a little tape voice recorder I used to use a ton, thankfully that tech advanced by now and found myself a stereo mic setup little voice recorder that can also act as an mp3 player!

Went for a walk today, while listening to some podcasts, then it hit me as usual on how to fix and implement some things that were awkward at best on paper when I left home, pressed the record button, recorded it and went straight back to music mode, which remembered where I left off!

I'm so indescribably happy, I ordered quite a bunch of the same to just throw around everywhere, at the bed, in the bathroom, kitchen, for walking outside, everywhere haha

I like my job, but it might become hard to stay when another job that's closer and offering 40% more falls into my lap...

Got WHMCS installed. Got most things set up, then I notice "Spam Control" and wonder what it can do..
Set it to check for phrases, and I enter "viagra" as the phrase. I click add.

Now I can't access Spam Control anymore, I just get an "Oops, something went wrong!".
Got dammit.

Funny how everything that seems like an almost general truth about the computer users is conditioned only but the phrase "..excepting Linux users" 🤔

No one randomly recommands operating systems ... excepting Linux users!

No one needs to know how to do <complicated hilly-billy technology> in order to use <generic simple software>!

It seems that we (the Linux users) are all rebels without a cause😅

"Kicking goals?"

Fucks me right off. What's your most hated PM cliche phrase?

Why does the phrase, "Software Developer", always lead to the question, "You're a hacker??!"

Anybody else hate the phrase ‘breaking the internet’ when something goes viral?

WTF!? Is the internet is fake? What happened to the actual internet?

If you take any search phrase and search on Google or Bing you will get millions or billions or results. But if you go to the last page enough times it will drop down to a total of like 200 results. I am unsure on other search engines as they make it difficult to jump ahead in the search (only provide "next page"). I was going to the next page of results in Brave search engine and it came up with a "are you human" test. Like nobody is going to search more than a few pages. This definitely makes me feel like in am in the Truman Show.

What is the point of limiting to only a few hundred pages? Why show millions or billions for initial search? Are there any real search engines that don't filter so much? Did the technocrats burn the second great library already?

In my opinion, russian nation's chronic inability to fight oppressive regimes is partly attributed to one interesting quirk the russian language has.
When talking about injustice committed against someone, or making threats to commit said injustice, the actor is completely omitted.
Here's an example:
“Надо будет — найдут”, roughly translated to “they could find you if they wanted to”, is a common phrase to use when talking about proxies, VPNs and other online privacy measures. But the word “they” in English translation is nowhere to be found in the original text! Let's examine the literal translation:
- “надо будет” — “the need will arise”
- “найдут” — “will find you”
The English phrase “they could find you if they wanted to” can be easily challenged with a simple question: “Who's they?” The government? The corporates? The regime? The CIA? Who exactly?

English language can mimic that with passive voice: “you are being watched”, “you are an easy target”, etc. But in active voice, you can't avoid using “they” or some other actor.
In russian, you can. And you will. Indeed, this is how russian people converse. It's a very specific, very common pattern that never really changed.

It's a very powerful thought-terminating cliché built straight into the language. You can't fight an enemy that has no name and no word to describe it, not even a euphemism. The very language you THINK in prevents you from analyzing the entities that oppress you.

In a Tom Scott Plus video where he tried tightrope walking, he learned that they don't say the “F-word” — “fall”. You can't say “I'm afraid I'll fall”. You have to find more specific alternatives like “I'm afraid I'll lose balance”. The word “fall” in this context is a thought-terminating cliché. There is no going back after you “fall”. But if you “lose balance”, you can “regain balance” — the lack of a thought-terminating cliché promotes problem-solving.

Russian language is the same, but in soviet russia, language terminates you, I guess.

To my friend who will (hopefully) never see this:

If everything is a "Pain in the Ass", why even bother?

Please. You used that phrase 3 times today on various subjects. I'm getting a feeling that it really isn't that hard.

The actual struggle of working in a non-english team who prefers to keep their variables named in our native language. Currently trying to think of a better way to phrase 'sjaafoerAerend' as dropping any part of it makes it more vague.

Is this a thing in asian countries as well? I'm guessing it's more common to just stick to english naming there.

I figure it's safe to assume that anyone who will see the code are going to be proficient in english. If they aren't, natively named variables isn't going to make a difference. Hell I even write my personal reminder comments in english.

O Friends, It Is Great To Be Writing To You Again. Let Me Share With You A Most Amazing A Tale! I Have Spent Some Time Now In CapitalizedCamelCaseLand. It Is A Glorious Land, Where All Written Word, Language, and Culture Is Governed By The Almighty CapitalizedCamelCase. The People Are Productive And Extremely WellTyped (A Phrase They Charish And Use To Mean General WellBeing).

The Honorable Citizens Of CapitalizedCamelCaseLand Have But Few Fears... And I Shrink To Speak Of Them Or Even Write Them Here, As It Is A Heinous Crime To Even Mention Or Write These Words... But I Must Report, As It Is My Duty... So, Their Fears: The Horrible And Most Repellant lowerCamelCaseJavaScriptianDevils, Or Even Worse, The Grisly And Ghastly snake_case_fiends_of_pythonia!!! O My Friends How It Fears Me To Even Form Such Foreign And Strange Characters And Symbols That Remind The Citizens Of CapitalizedCamelCaseLand Only Of Pain And Suffering!

Many Wars Have Been Fought Upon The Lands Of Both JavaScriptia and Pythonia (The Cultural And Correct Way To Refer To These Harsh Lands In Respectable Company), But To No Avail Or Final Stop To The Fighting. While CapitalizedCamelCaseLand Is Currently In A State Of General Peace And Prosperity, There Is Surely A FlareUp Of Conflict To Occur Against The JavaScriptianDevils Or The PythonianSnakeFiends!

For In DevWorldia (The Name Of This Strange Planet I Report From), There Has Rarely Been A Time Of Peace Lasting For More Than About 5 Minutes, Which The Citizens Of CapitalizedCamelCase Assure Me Is Already A Massive Length Of Time And Achievement To Be Cherished.

Alas, I Beleive In The Coming Days I Must Travel To The FarAway Lands Of JavaScriptia And Pythonia. I Can Only Hope That I Am Also Treated With Kindness And Respect In Those Lands By Attempting To Emulate Their Ways, Just As I Have Here In CaptializedCamelCaseLand. I Hope To Write To You Soon And Wish You Well.

Signed And Sincerely,

Language Traveler FullStackChris

Female lead PM told me to another field to a already overcrowded screen, I slipped out the phrase: "Another one? It's already tighter than a Virgin just not as wet...."

Guess I just figured out why I didn't get a raise this year.

ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...ya know you should take this online [language/field] course on Udemy...

This is why adblock exists
Edit: they must be contractually obligated to include the phrase "ya know..." In every ad

Part of a little lecture I gave my boss this week: "... you really should stop taking things so casually and so for granted. ALL of this stuff is not just something you can summarize in a single vague word or phrase like "stuck" or "kick the tires" or whatnot. there's no "magic" to any of this. there's no buttons or knobs you just touch with one finger and stuff magically works. it's all way more complicated than you probably think, ALL the time. And making assumptions will always get us in trouble." (To a tech-illiterate boss who always uses vague verbage like "stick this on the server" and has no idea how anything works.)

There was a rant earlier of someone working a 9 to 5 job now which i can't seem to find, wanted to answer in regards to wk26

They were complaining about it being a boring job with boring processes and not learning anything new..

you can't say that you haven't learned something new, i bet you haven't learned a new language or technology but there are plenty of other skills to be picked up from a company that have worked for this all their lives..

I mean, these kind of companies have either seen it all already and had tons of bad experiences they are trying to avoid, or then never experienced any of them but are still trying to avoid them.

I once worked for a Japanese company in Europe. All decisions (big or small) were taken by answering with the phrase : If it isn't broken, don't fix it. As a result they had an excel with over 64k complaints in them (1 row per complaint) and their website was running on 19 Sun servers, load balanced, using php 4.2 because the technology was just too old.

Point being, plenty of things to learn, getting new experiences, even if they are bad, at least now you know, how not to do things in a certain way, but all in all, working at different places, even bad ones, gives you perspective..

And perspective is important.
Perspective is experience.
It's the bit that glues the knowledge together.

Go out and explore, don't be afraid, everyone needs bad experiences, even if it was only so we can identify the good ones.

First day of a group project and one of your group members utters the immortal phrase: "what's a get hub?"

TLDR; WINE+me=system binaries gone. (HOWTHEFUCKDIDIDOTHAT) Kernel panic. Core program files gone. I'll never have it fixed right. Will backup, then install fedora tomorrow.

I really like games and I'm sure there are many of you who can relate. Imagine my perpetual pain, being on the job hunt, no money, and only my Linux laptop for games. (It's only Linux because of a stupid accident and a missing windows installation disk, partly explained in a previous rant). My stack of games my dad and I have played over the years, going back to populous and before, looked light enough for my laptop to run them smoothly. I wanted to see if I could get one to work. My eyes settled on simcity 4 and Sid Meier's railroad tycoon, 13 and 10 years old, respectively. Simcity didn't work as many times as I tried following online instructions. Disk 1 went fine. Disk 2 showed up as Disk 1. Didn't think much of it, so long as the computer could read the contents. I downloaded playonlinux as that could apparently do the complex stuff for me. Didn't work. I gave up with it after an hour and a half.

Next was railroads. Put the disk in aaaand it says SimCity disk 1 is in the tray. Fuck right off, thank you very much. Eject, put back, reject, eject, fiddle in wineconfig, eject, more of this, and voilà it read as railroads :) Ran autoplay.exe with wine, followed instructions, installed it, and it worked! Chose single player, then the map and setting, pressed play, and all the models of the buildings and track were floating in the air over a green plane, the UI is weird and the map doesn't represent anything but trains. All the fkin land is gone, laying track is gonna be a ballache.

I quit it and decided bedtime.
Ctrl+alt+t
sudo shutdown -h now
shutdown not found.
sudo reboot
reboot not found
Que?
Nope, I don't like this.
Force choked my laptop by the power button. Turned it on again.
Lines of text appear.
Saw a phrase I've only ever seen on Mr Robot.
Kernel panic.
Nooooo thanks, not today, this is fiction.
I turned it off and on. Same thing. I read the logs and some init files couldn't be found. I got the memory stick I used to install mint in the first place and booted from that. I checked the difference between my stick's bin and sbin and the laptop's, and it was indeed missing binaries. Fuck knows what else has happened, I only wanted to play games but now I don't know what is or isn't in my computer. How can I trust what's on it now?
I go downstairs and tell my dad. He says something about rpm, but this is Linux so it won't work. I learn that binaries can be copied over, so maybe I can fix it.
Go upstairs again, decide not to fix it. Fedora is light, has a good rep for security, and is even more difficult to get games on, which is my vice. There are more reasons, but the overriding one is that I'm spooked by the fact that something I did went into and removed system binaries, maybe even altered others, so I want something I'm less likely to do that with. Also my fellow cs students used to hate on it but my dad uses and recommended it so I want to try it.

Also, seriously, fuck wine/PlayOnLinux/my inability to follow instructions(?)/whatever demons haunt me. Take your pick, at least one if not more is to blame and I can't tell which, but it's prooooobably the third one.

It's going to be 16 hours before I touch my laptop again, comments before I backup then install fedora are welcome, especially if they persuade me to do differently.

P.S thanks for reading this mind dump of a post, I'm writing while it's fresh but I'm tired AF.

Next night... (continue the phrase)

I just transformed a sorting command that was seven lines long into an ungodly abomination that was about 70 lines.
We don't do these things because they are easy, we do them because we thought they are easy.

I will always remember that phrase and might never find out who came up with it.

I did it! I've finally figured it out!

I've always had this feeling that AvatarOfKaine reminds me of someone. Todaybit finally hit me - O know who it is!

It's mr. Heckles. Always out of context, talks about hell knows what and every time he says smth the only sensible phrase that wants to come out of your mouth is ".... Anyway...."

Anyone else hate the phrase "as soon as possible" with a passion from the mouth of a client? I feel like saying it'll be f*cking done when it's done. Yes you're important but so is everyone else. Be patient, you only asked me to do it 3 hours ago. Just because of that, you've now gone to the back of the queue.

People are usually better known for something special in their social circles, like a habit, or something they like, or a phrase they often use, like their catchphrase...
As a developer, do you think you have like a code leitmotif? A singular habit or a certain algorithm you like to use?

For example, I'm very mad about string quotes, so I tend to use strictly ' unless it's better / necessary to use ", ` or something else.

I think that people are awesome in general each with their own story and personality.
But..but..not when they spread all the negativity around them.
I made the best decision ever when decided to avoid meaningless conversations where every phrase ends with "this semester/teacher/course sucks". Now I smoke alone and don't hang out in areas in school where most likely people are going to ask questions.
Saves so much time and energy.

Been thinking about this a lot and I'd love your thoughts. Recently a friend was starting in dev. They asked me for some advice. I just said "be humble and hungry". I've built my career on that phrase. Be willing to listen and willing to put in the work.

What is your best advice for the young devs out there?

Anyone ever thought that opening a PR for a feature you requested in a repository is actually giving life to the phrase, "Be the change you want to see".

"I don't know about changing that part of the platform"
-"Do you see any other way?"

"No, but this one is pretty complex"
-"Would you like me not to do it?"

"No, but like, really test it, OK? It's a very complex part of the platform"
-"Would you like me to include the phrase 'this was really fucking complex' in the release documentation?"

Sometimes I think my boss is against coding :/

sorry for lowering the tone, this did make me chuckle. later on the email he also used the phrase 'hit the ground running' and 'touch base'.....eww.

"I loathe the phrase 'no questions asked.' Great service is about communication, sincerity, and action – not blind automation." - Marshall Bonobos

Did you know a tigers tongued is so rough it can lick the paint off the side of a building?

Gives new meaning to the phrase "oral sex."

On a semi-related note, Samsung uses a butt-shaped robot to make sure its phones won't break when people sit on them.

So, I work as a sysadmin junior (6 months and going), and in the past few months, I learned what my boss warned me about - Devs don't understand us admins, and we don't understand the devs.

We have this huge client who is about to migrate to our company (We do mostly server managment/Housing/Renting), and I am so gald I don't have to work on the migration myself!

Just hearing what the company devs say makes me facepalm: No, it won't work. It cannot work on just 3 machines (They use like... 20 in total), no, we won't get rid of our docker swarm, that's essential (Doing the absolute minimum in their infrastructure, just a fancy buzzword to lure people on. Though they've spent like 2 years developing the app that uses it, so they my not want to give it up).

I kid you not, once, they replied to an email that contained the phrase "To be afraid of/worried about" something during the migration, that something could break, not work, be unstable. 7 times.

Might not sound as bad, but it was a rather short mail, and when they're so afraid of everything, its kinda hard to cooperate with them.

My colleague literally spent this entire week mapping out /their/ infrastructure, because they were unable to provide us with the description themselves.

And as a cherry on top, they sent us a "graph" of relationships of all the parts of their infrastructure that was this jumbled mess of rectangles and arrows. Oh, and half of all the machines were not even in the graph at all! Stating that "We also have all this, but I really don't know how to ilustracte the interactions anymore"

Why do companies like that exist? If you build an infrastructure yourself, shouldn't at least someone know exactly how it works?

• *insert intelligent-sounding phrase here*
• like i care about your too many bullet points on your LinkedIn...

I fucking can't keep this to myself so I am writing this piece of shit...

People are now working from home as much as they can and some non-remote companies here are now considering allowing their employees to work from home.

"That's great", you would say.
No, it fucking isn't.

I am working from home full-time.
"Great, so you have nothing to be worried about!"
I wish.

My brother still has to go to school. They fucking allowed everyone who just arrived from holiday 10 days ago, mostly in Italy to stay. If you ask someone nicely, almost nobody will listen. And that's exactly what happened.

"Why won't your brother just stay at home?"
Well, because my mom is one of those "Fuck it" people, who will not do a single thing to fight something she is not dying from (and maybe even if she was). She is very strong believer and she says every time I want to talk to her about almost anything serious "What is to happen, will happen". And that's fucking it. With this approach the phrase "What is to happen, will happen" is going to turn into "What is to not happen, will find it's way to you anyway".

Fortunately, my country doesn't have many infected. Yet. But it won't last long. Sick people are already here and we only know they are here, because they are responsible. People who don't care, or weren't tested after coming from abroad, deserves to be burned alive.

I just hope, we won't end like Italy and people coming from foreign countries will take the 14-day home quarantine seriously now when our government is going to fine people who don't give a fuck.

Every time I come across the phrase "I beg your pardon", my mind reads it out to me in the voice of a lady, with a thick British accent. I don't know why.

Re quoting a phrase from Fast and furious movie in devRant style..

"I live my life one rant at a time"😁

The term "technical debt" is poorly used. I hear folks of all stripes and roles proudly proclaim that they've "reduced technical debt" in some way. It's used as a catch all to describe some kind of supposedly beneficial change. I think it's just more software process word salad. Mostly because there seems to be some assumption that "Yay, that stuff that was changed is no longer a problem" when odds are that it will be changed again before too long for more "technical debt reduction". Software changes over time because the requirements change over time. I don't see the need for the phrase at all, and I think using it gives some false sense of accomplishment when really the constant change of code is the normal state.

Lol, I lost my ethereum wallet's mnemonic phrase. I lost 422 eth.

Then I realized I was using Ganache local blockchain whole the time.

I'm currently migrating one of the companies services from technology A to an B based solution...
Today I had to remotly troubleshoot an error occuring somewhere on our client's backend application, that wans't enabling us to register any given webhook to our endpoints...
We finally gave in and looked up the data packets using a sniffer only to find that the only difference was that in the A technology project our staff ended up returning a Status Code plus the respective Reason Phrase, in our newest version we only send the HTTP Status Code... Guess who wasn't aware of HTTP 1.1 RFC consideres the Reason Phrase optional and an unecessary overhead??? God dammit... In simple terms...

"90's kids are impatient developers and change job too often" is a phrase I hear often from other managers... The thing I always tell is, generations will clash and yea, we grew up wanting to work in awesome places developed by the marketers mind. How can we reach a better agreement? I have no idea!
Just want to wish you all a merry Xmas and keep on ranting!!

When you have to implement a search feature and could write down the SQL in half a minute, but instead you spend the whole afternoon figuring out how to do it with the ORM in place, and finally end up with 15 lines of poorly performing Java code instead of 3 lines of plain and simple SQL, then you really understand what the phrase "ORM is the Vietnam of Computer Science" means.

Things I've only thought since becoming a freelancer:
How to politely phrase "b*tch better have my money" in an email after nearly a month of waiting on an invoice.

The good thing about a Google search that includes "words in speech marks" is that Google will *only* return pages where that phrase definitely appears.

Or not.

How would you recognize a person still hungover the amazing beauty that Google+ was?

Simple, they don't use the phrase "I like this."
They use +1

You know I can't seem to think of any reason why they'd try to make one class serve me for reportedly some horrible reason, and then punish me for not letting them aside from a single phrase that one would expect to hear while having a choke chain loosened which is 'good boy, good fido' because pushing the awful things they do off on me seems to be the objective while making my life harder if I don't do what I honestly do want to do, which is that pretty latina across the way, seems like them training one group by trying to encourage another to lend the illusion of a working system. heh. meaning they'll try to blame me if they give her something she shouldn't have by dangling her in front of me like a toy mouse, and there sense of humor seems apparent when the next time through they drop some ugly old homeless guy in front of me and have her laugh as she walks off after being rejected. trains her and attempts to discourage me from a higher path.

even though its hardly fair since the other option is to wander around out of resources and uncomfortable because i'm turned off by what they are and what their system entails and that seems to be the point. only heartless people would say 'well wtf ever'

amusingly those want to be despots and emperors are on the lowest of the low side of interests and seem to be doing just soooooo well after their looks dry up.

goes to show you if you're not independently wealthy you're a node being controlled by your impulses.

Calling something "idempotent" is fucking stupid. Why do you have to overcomplicate an already complicated shit such as terraform?

Why not call it unchangeable? Something that can be understood by a 2 year old. What even is the "immutable" word for if not even that is being used??? Why have 2+ words that define the same shit. Are u fking stupid who the fuck coined this phrase Idempotent and thought it was a good idea

When i read idempotent i have to remember and translate in my mind that it actually means "not changeable". On contrary theres "Non-Idempotent" so this fucks up the complexity even more cause Now i have to translate it as "non-not changeable -> which means it is everything But not changeable -> so if it is NOT not changeable -> it means it IS changeable" Fffuck offf

I’m working on a new app I’m pretty excited about.

I’m taking a slightly novel (maybe 🥲) approach to an offline password manager. I’m not saying that online password managers are unreliable, I’m just saying the idea of giving a corporation all of my passwords gives me goosebumps.

Originally, I was going to make a simple “file encrypted via password” sort of thing just to get the job done. But I’ve decided to put some elbow grease into it, actually.

The elephant in the room is what happens if you forget your password? If you use the password as the encryption key, you’re boned. Nothing you can do except set up a brute-forcer and hope your CPU is stronger than your password was.

Not to mention, if you want to change your password, the entire data file will need to be re-encrypted. Not a bad thing in reality, but definitely kinda annoying.

So actually, I came up with a design that allows you to use security questions in addition to a password.

But as I was trying to come up with “good” security questions, I realized there is virtually no such thing. 99% of security question answers are one or two words long and come from data sets that have relatively small pools of answers. The name of your first crush? That’s easy, just try every common name in your country. Same thing with pet names. Ice cream flavors. Favorite fruits. Childhood cartoons. These all have data sets in the thousands at most. An old XP machine could run through all the permutations over lunch.

So instead I’ve come up with these ideas. In order from least good to most good:

1) [thinking to remove this] You can remove the question from the security question. It’s your responsibility to remember it and it displays only as “Question #1”. Maybe you can write it down or something.

2) there are 5 questions and you need to get 4 of them right. This does increase the possible permutations, but still does little against questions with simple answers. Plus, it could almost be easier to remember your password at this point.

All this made me think “why try to fix a broken system when you can improve a working system”

So instead,

3) I’ve branded my passwords as “passphrases” instead. This is because instead of a single, short, complex word, my program encourages entire sentences. Since the ability to brute force a password decreases exponentially as length increases, and it is easier to remember a phrase rather than a complicated amalgamation or letters number and symbols, a passphrase should be preferred. Sprinkling in the occasional symbol to prevent dictionary attacks will make them totally uncrackable.

In addition? You can have an unlimited number of passphrases. Forgot one? No biggie. Use your backup passphrases, then remind yourself what your original passphrase was after you log in.

All this accomplished on a system that runs entirely locally is, in my opinion, interesting. Probably it has been done before, and almost certainly it has been done better than what I will be able to make, but I’m happy I was able to think up a design I am proud of.

Story of two poor puppies

when my mom returned from market, she saw a puppy with her
siblings surrounded by people choosing which one to take.
she pick one puppy. she's color is grayish black puppy with the tip
of his tail and a place in she's neck.

she whined and cried when she separated from her siblings and Mom.
but she quickly familiarize herself with the new family and place.
she was very happy when we bring her sister we found in the same place.
I take care of them.
I feed, wash and play with the new friends.
we built them a house. they were very happy and playful.
but things started to go downhill all of a sudden.
my parents start to prevent me from playing with them.
they say " We bring the puppies for them to be guards ".
they really hate dogs. they started to lock
the house and the window. they had to pass all day in the
same place
(How BORING) they pee there, eat there sleep there.
Since me and my sis prevented from take care of them, we couldn't
do anything all this only to make them cruel dogs and very unfriendly
to people.
when time pass, they started to forget them.
before yesterday, we remembered that we didn't
give them any food or water for the past 3 DAYS !!!
my sister unlock the door for them and they get out
from the house (~Prison~). they were completely
different. the gray puppy was very tired and depressed
and unhealthily skinny. the sister was fine.

we let them outside for few days when the gray puppy
started to get more and more skinny.

he lies on the floor all the day, when we are nearby, she
only wag it's tail no more.

Today, I wake up only to hear the bad story
the gray puppy, well we found her 0x00DEAD ! ! ! !

immediately after I heard the phrase, I burst into tears
I really couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even see that
cute face 0x00DEAD.

My sister's case was way worse than me. the is still
crying at the time of writing. we didn't see their funeral.

the other puppy was very sad because of her sibling

The Worst part is, we didn't name them or take ANY
photo with them !!! :`(

There is a phrase I wanted to use in context for a long time but the oppertunity has not precented itself until now:
I deem devrant partial semi-infinitely awsome.

National holiday in sweden today, started it by finding devrant... now it's time for bed.

So Im still a college student but my worst burnout happened a week before finals this year as a sophomore at DigiPen

On the same week, I had to conduct and submit 10 playtests for my competitive Unity game by Friday, submit said game polished and completed on Sunday, finish and submit my team game project that I've been working on the whole year with 10 other people also on Sunday (which we would discover so many TCR submission issues we ended up finally resubmitting on Thursday the following week).

On top of this I had to write a memory manager for my operating systems class due Thursday, a water retainment assignment involving recursive queues for my Data Structures class due Saturday, and to top it all off that class also had a final Thursday when that memory manager was due :'). I don't know how I managed to get OK sleep.

All stuff was due that week so all game teams could have next week before finals to work on submitting, so some CS teachers also move their finals to before that to theoretically distribute the load (which sucks for people in my major because we're almost a double major for CS and Game Design) However my team wanted to submit early to snatch some bonus points but we ended up having to resubmit late anyways :(. Due to the week of hell we were already burned out when trying fix our resubmission.

I love the school and the people in it but there's a reason why our most heard phrase is "I want to die" and no its not just a millenial thing I swear.

Somehow I found Rousseau's the social contract.

I'm early into it since you know fucking chomo faggots with no balls keep screwing the world up trying to steal real peoles personalities and make them queer which eventually will lead to a generation that murders them being bred.

Anyway I found a love phrase.

Slaves loose everything in their chains even the desire of escaping them.

He continues.

Force made the first slaves, cowardice perpetuated the condition.

In short
The world being full of cocksucking perverse house niggers that love the taste of table scraps is the problem of the free man whose life is being devoured by scum like tosensei

Why is it that search engines behave differently when you're using a mobile device versus a computer? I get far better results using a computer. On the mobile device the meta characters don't seem to work very well. For instance, I will use a minus sign to exclude a word or phrase and a whole lot of the results come back with that word or phrase in them. All you're doing is sending a string up to the cloud where the lookup occurs. What's the difference between sending a string from a mobile device or a computer?

I working on a phrase that means the same thing as "reinventing the wheel".

Three days out from a field trial, I receive a bug report and change request. A month ago I was told that testing had been completed and the feature set signed off.

Not only have all our manufacturers received their hardware images, not only have they fulfilled our orders but all units have been delivered to our customers!!

After pointing all of this out I hear that wonderful phrase all Devs know and love, "well how hard can it be?"

"Well how hard can it be to flash all of the hardware?"

That has been delivered to all of our customers?

In every state?

All over the whole country?

Just No!

When I was just beginning with Linux, I was watching a lot of tutorials about it. My friend (uses Linux 5 years)told me: "Everyone, in the beginning, should delete python on his system and then try to do something. That is the moment when a boy becomes a man." After this phrase, I thought: "What could happen?" And I did this. People on StackOverflow told me that I'm an idiot when I said, that I can not find terminal and there isn't any GUI. So don't f***ing do that sh*t

Well, so this time, it's not a joke....it's a moral kinda thing.....
Why do we want something?
We want something because we have the desire to know about it or we have the desire to achieve something or prove ourselves superior.
Why do we want to be superior?
People are so getting into the phrase, "Life is a race, if you don't run, you loose", that they unknowingly have the desire to be superior and fight for it.

This is totally not true. Life is not a race...it's an experience....we learn from life....we learn from everything and everytime we act. Life is not an assest that you race with. So, then why to race? Enjoy life. Gather true knowledge, not the so-called school's exercise book "knowledge".

Until we defeat our desire, till then, we are evils even though we think that we are good.

Desire kills, Defeating desire will give you a true life to live.

What do you mean phrase "Computer" 💻 ?

If someone asks you for a quote on a project and they use the phrase "It's like [SOCIAL_MEDIA_SERVICE], but for [TARGETED_DEMOGRAPHIC]" and they don't have VC funding, you're gonna have a bad time.

Is there any way to detect the current in focus document in an ide and get its file path??

I want to write a python script (or other language if necessary) to check files for a commented out phrase in the first line regardless of if I’m using visual studio. vscode. Or pycharm

Tried google and simple stackoverflow search. Don’t want to do a stackoverflow question till my idea is more fleshed out

Preemptive thanks for your time and assistance 🙃

Working in the phrase "Tighten up the graphics on level three" into as many serious meetings as possible.

I know it a strange thing to ask but I need help with English grammar ( I am not a English native)

I am doing an assignment on context free grammar program.

What the program need to do it "Produce a grammar tree based on the rule"

For example a sentence "Jame sat.", It will need to produce a grammar tree like this.

S
_____|___
NP VP
| |
N V
| |
holmes sat

The only thing I need to do it give a grammar rule to the program like this

S -> NP VP
NP -> N | Det N
VP -> V | NP

What the above rule said is that the sentence is composed of Noun Phrase and Verb Phrase and Noun Phrase is either is a Noun or a determiner and Noun.

Now here is the meat of the question.

I am having trouble parsing a grammar tree for this sentence "She never said a word until we were at the door here"

I have provided my grammar rule below. I think I forget to add some grammar rule or some of my grammar rule are incorrect. I am not a native English speaker so I am having trouble on it.

The search engine have fail me (I have look up various grammar tree) so I am asking for help on devrant. Grammar nazi are warmly welcome :)

S -> NP VP | S Conj VP | S Conj S

NP -> N | Det NP | N PP | Adj N | Det Adj N | Det N

PP | Det NOM | Det N PP

VP -> V | V NP | V NP PP | V PP | V NP PP Adv

VP -> Adv V NP | VP PP | VP AVP | V PP PP | V
ADJP

PP -> P NP

AVP -> Adv | Adv Adj | Adv AVP

NOM -> Adj Adj N | Adj N | Adj NP

ADJP -> Adj | Adj PP

**I am not sure about these two clause below**
VP -> V | Adv
NP -> Adj Adj N

Just woke up and this is the only phrase that I can remember.

Here it goes.

Tom stands for Tom Holland the airport hero that I passed by at the age 7.