Favourite Programming Quote - Whats yours?

"A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things." - Bill Bryson

Me: *accidentally opens DevTools*

1.269427 milliseconds later...

Person: TEACHER! He’s HACKING INTO GOOGLE DRIVE!!!

Teacher: *glances at computer* Oh my gosh! That is ILLEGAL! Go to the office immediately.

I reluctantly headed to the office and calmly explained what happened. Luckily, some people have a bit of common sense and let me go.

Watching normal people use a computer is incredibly painful.
* slow typing
* slow mouse movements
* mouse is used for everything
* instead of hitting the back button, they'll load up a website and go through 6 pages again.
* no shortcuts!

Someone lost their tabs today (Windows crashed), so I said "press ctrl + shift + T". They were so amazed that keys could do something so advanced.
Dhcosncowhtoehwurt hrnxkxxhry he.

Honestly, if people learned how to use keyboards to their full potential, they could shave off 1-2 hours of their normal work PER DAY!

- Girl: I don't understand how some people can be so foolish and decide to study computer science.

- Me: Hm, true. So what did you study?

- Girl: Tourism and sports science. And you?

- Me: Nothing. I'm a truck driver.

"serverless" is a stupid name. There's always a server, just not yours. It's just as dumb as people thinking "cloud" means there's no computer. There's always a computer, just not yours.

Got a phone call: I got an error, what do I do?
Me: what kind of error?
Her: I closed it.
Me: what did it say?
Her: I don't know, it was a window with "ok" and "cancel"
Me: why didn't you read it?
Her: I don't understand this computer language.

/me dies a little inside.
There is nothing quite as stupid as people who refuse to read their own language as soon as it appears on a screen.
They make those things for a reason.
This happens too often.

Girlfriend: "My computer is so slow!"

Me: "Have you tried turning it off and then on again?"

Girlfriend: "That's not funny, I actually need help."

Me: "Okay babe, I know you think I'm being an ass right now or tying to be funny, but honest to god half of what pays rent here and buys you so many flowers is me telling people to turn something of and then on again. Just try it."

Girlfriend: *Restarts computer*... "You were right..."

Me - "Has anyone changed the password on the print computer"
Him - "It's the same one."
Me - "Carrots99?"
Him - "Yeah, what's the message that comes up?
Me - "Password is incorrect."

The dumbest conversation I've ever had in my fucking life. You little shit, I know you changed the password just to fuck with people. You've been reading too many books on elevating yourself, tried to be important for something. It means fuck all if you can't remember what you changed it to. So you held up two hours of my work, not to mention everyone else, because you can't help but stick your beak in shit. You dont think people can't see what youre doing? Watching you scurry over to the computer with a big smile, only a to fuck off silent as a mouse not to be seen mumbling some shit about a system administrator. Yeah you forgot it you prick.

Stop sucking up to the boss, and commanding people on what to do, when you're as junior as junior gets. Don't change our fucking passwords, just so you can have the whole team approach you the next day asking for you, then not remember them. You cunt.

So what are you studying?

Software Engineering.

Oh, so sit infront of the computer everday?

For the most part, yes, but I also d...

What a waste of time, you and your videogame-internet. Back in my days...

-every conversation with elderly people ever.

What people imagine when i talk about computer stuff :/

I met my girlfriend cooking. She has no programming experience whatsoever and is quite computer illiterate. But that's fine as that's not something I need in a partner.

She regularly asks me what I'm working on. I'll try to explain it, and sometimes she definitely gets it, but sometimes she's clearly lost as fuck. She'll enthusiastically say things like "that's awesome honey!" To things that are just explanations. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Most of the time it leaves me in this weird confused state, like she's just pandering.

But I know she means well and wishes me the best. She's an amazing woman, and even if she doesn't get a single thing I try to explain, I'd much rather be with that than the "Why the fuck are you always playing on the computer?" Types of people I meet far more often.

Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?

Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.

Manager: Isn’t that for video games?

Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—

Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!

Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.

Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?

Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.

Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.

Dev: …

Computer Science is probably the only major where if you suck at it and end up dropping out, you're more likely to be a leader than someone who is good at it and sticks with it.

There were roughly 200 people in my freshman class majoring in CS, by my sophomore year that number had dropped to about 120. A lot of people dropped out because it was too damn difficult for them, and they switched to less technical majors like "Business Information Technology" or "Management Information Systems." Almost without exception, the people who dropped out are now managing teams of developers, they actually have programmers reporting to them. Seriously, WTF?

This isn't even the worst of it, there are people who majored in art history who are now "product managers," who take the word "manager" in their job title literally, they think they're above developers. Some of them will even profess with no small amount of pride that they "know nothing about technology." You can hear the pride in their voice when they say it, as if they're saying "I'm a lot of things, but at least I'm not a geek." Is there any other field of study where people boast with such pride that they know nothing about it? I mean, very few people will say "I know nothing about history" or "I know nothing about literature", and if they do say it, they'll say it with a bit of humility. When it comes to Computer Science though, knowing nothing about it is almost a badge of honor.

Rant the f**k over.

Electronics store clerk: "Can I help you?"

Me: "Good afternoon sir. I'm a developer and lifelong PC gamer. I received a second hand PS4, and might buy a next gen console at the end of the year. People tell me that in front of this soft wide desk chair people call a "couch", you need some sort of large computer monitor to enjoy console gaming"

Clerk: "Yeah, we sell TVs. What TV do you have now?"

Me: "I don't own a TV. I just want a huge 4K computer display with a good response time, excellent refresh rate, and great contrast"

Clerk: "OK so this is an entry level 55" smart TV. It's 120hz, QLED, has full array local dimming. It's great for gaming. It's €1000. We also have this LG OLED smart TV for €1200, which is a step up in terms of contrast and response time..."

Me: "Wait... Smart TV? No, I don't want a TV with an operating system. I want a computer display."

Clerk: "There aren't a lot of big computer displays. We have this ASUS ROG 55" computer monitor. It's also 120hz. Very similar response time, but the brightness and contrast aren't as great, it's edge-lit"

Me, trying really hard to make out the contrast differences under ugly fluorescent lights of the store: "So it's a worse big couch display, without smart OS. How much is it?"

Clerk: "€3500"

Me: "So what you're saying is that while the displays are similar or even better, the operating system on all these TVs is so incredibly bad, you have to give €2500 discount for people to even buy it?"

Not my mom, but my wife's whole family. I'm a software developer.

So we're invited to her grandmother's 85th birthday celebration with pretty much every family member they could think to invite. 100+ people, and we all sit down in a circle in a huge room to watch a video that my wife's father and aunts/uncles put together.

They start the video and there's no sound. I'm a software developer, so I'm not an expert in hardware issues. I try to turn invisible, because every tech person knows what comes next, and this is in the center of a room of people I don't know.

After about 15 minutes of people struggling to get the audio working, one of the people remembers I "work with computer". Soon I have a dozen people calling me to the center of the room.

I begrudgingly make my way to the computer and projector. Upon inspection, I find that the computer is connected via VGA to the projector.

Me: "This cable only carries video. You need a different kind of cable, or you can hook up an AUX cable--the kind you use for headphones."
Other Guy: "I used this cable earlier and the audio was working."
Me: "...that's weird. Well, can we try plugging in an AUX cable?"
Yet Another Guy: "Will this help?" Holds up an HDMI cable
Me: "Oh, yeah! That should do it."
Other Guy: "I tried plugging that in, but it didn't change anything."
Me: "Hmmm..." Quickly unplug VGA and plug in HDMI, then click play.

The sound comes out in its full cheesy music glory. Everybody cheers, and I walk back to my seat. Throughout the rest of party, I'm approached by various other family members who ask me if I can fix X since I'm a "computer guy". Isn't it great to work in tech?

Heard this from a young lady today in the train while she was talking on phone:

"Software guys has the easiest job of all. All they do is sit in front of the computer and does stuff. That doesn't challenge you does it? No offence, I mean I'm not trying to offend anybody blah blah blah...."

Ummm Sorry lady I think you just offended thousands of people although you tried your best not to offend them.

So many people are applying for computer science majors that it's making me nervous.

My classmates don't know shit about tech yet almost all of them are applying for CS. It's even the most popular ranked major in the US.

I don't think I stand a chance against them. They all have higher GPAs than me, and they participate in clubs and sports.

If those cave people get accepted I'm not going to be too happy about it.

Notice :
We strongly advise people to use Windows as their primary operating system as it provides a totally free and a great tool or a utility known as Backdoors.

Here's a simple explanation of a backdoor for the people who don't know what a great tool it is :
Just as most of the citizens have a secondary door to their home through the yard, similarly a backdoor is a secondary access to your Computer which you (not us) can use it in cases of emergencies when you forget the passwords.

Please cooperate
Have a great day :)

For those who were wondering, since my last post had some people who seemed interested, here's my progress on my 8-bit computer. I've got the clock on the left hand side, and the 2 8-bit registers on the right hand sign. (The power strips in the middle are going to be used as a bus)

So after I spent around 1 hour 35 minutes debugging a client's problem to end up with finding out he had no actual internet without him saying so I think I can finally catch a break and relax..

NOPE

I get an urgent call that a computer that needed tending to was down and needed to be up by tonight

I rush to the office of the said computer only to find the one of the worst things imaginable.

I can see the computer clearly shorted and lo and behold, the CD tray is out with a MUG.. yes you heard that right.. A MUG FULL OF TEA sitting on it..

I literally scream at the employee asking him what a mug was doing there and instead he calls ME DUMB saying that if it wasn't intended as a cup holder what was its use?

SERIOUSLY?! ITS 2017 HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT GRASP SOMETHING AS SIMPLE AS THIS

Friend: "Don't all computer science people learn multiple languages so they can use the right one for the job?"

My reply:
We learn multiple languages because some asshat before us had a hard-on for it and now we need to keep that shit running and we don't have time to rewrite it.

It was fun to watch my entire high school (~1200 people) freak out when I ran "net send * Big brother is watching you..." on what I found to be an insecure computer in my high school's library. Every single computer in the building displayed the pop up message. The town's IT director even showed up to figure out what happened.

I was caught, but they were more happy it wasn't a hacker, and that I discovered that the IT firm the town hired totally botched properly implementing network security, so I was let off the hook.

Client: I am unable to turn on my computer after running you app. Can you plz help me out.

Myself: Sure, since my app is corporate web app and nothing to do with OS lvl functions but still I will help you. (Didn't really had a choice🙄) Tell me your exact scenario.

Client: I think I was downloading some torrent as well, and then I am unable to turn on my computer.

Myself: Ok, try restarting your computer. Press power button 1-2 times.

Client: Nothing's happening.

Myself: Plug in your charger and try again.

Client: ohh! It started.

Myself: DUCK FACE😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑
( Disconnect the call immediately) And start writing code for people who doesn't even fucking know how to start the computer.

!rant
Handed over my keys and computer to my boss a moment ago and left the office for the last time. Spent 3 years there, and most of the people there came with me from my previous job I spent another 3 years at.
Feels heavy to leave a bunch of great people.

Two weeks until I start my job as a developer at a game company though.
Took me 6.5 years of work to finally get there.
Super stoked!

And I won't lie, some stickers on my new work laptop would not be a bad thing.

Co-worker: hey, can you create an email?

Me: yeah, who needs one? There are no records indicating any new people starting for another two weeks.

Cw: if for Stan, he started today. Also he needs a computer set up.

Me: who the hell is Stan and why are there no records of this person?

Cw: he's new, he started today so we didn't need an email or computer before today.

Me: I get that they're new, but what happened to giving the IT department at least 3 days notice on new hires so I can make sure things get taken care of?

Cw: you know how it is around here, nobody gets notice for anything. So can you get that email and computer setup for me, he can't work without them.

Me: I get that we don't actually plan for anything around here and that 90% of my job is fixing that failure, but hiring someone isn't like a system failing, people don't just show up and say "I start today" they have to go through interviews and background checks and other stuff, someone besides this person knew they started today so I don't think it's too much to ask that I get an email when the offer is extended to the person so I can prepare a system.

Cw: well we interviewed him two weeks ago and he accepted the offer last week, he's here and waiting so just as soon as you can please.

Me: well here's an email, the computer is gonna have to wait, I have a lot going on today and I don't have any computers ready right now.

*Seriously tempted to make them wait till next week to cover the 3 days notice I've asked for 100 times*

"Dude, don’t you hate it when people say "well yes and no" like they are some kind of goddamn quantum computer or something?"

Feeling blessed, left the army after 5 years, 3 deployments, to attend 3 years of computer science school and get a stable lifestyle.
I've got a supporting girlfriend, mentally never felt better, and for the next 3 years, this is my seat and view in class !
Happy coding all, and have a nice day✌️

What people say : My computer is a mess and it works damn slow.

What I hear : I don't know fuck about using a computer

I really f*cking hate it when someone tells me they use PC and they look weirded out at me when I ask what operating system they use and say 'well I use PC so windows obviously' and then I'm like ' PC STANDS FOR PERSONAL COMPUTER NOT FOR F*CKING WINDOWS', man, can't stand those people

people: What do you do?
me: I'm computer engineer.
people: Ah! You fix things then. Can you fix my TV?
me:

Got basically nothing done yesterday because I was absolutely exhausted the entire day. Thanks, doxxing thread. But I couldn’t sleep anyway so whatever.

Told everyone at home that I wanted a really productive day tomorrow (today) because of it.

Guess what happened?
Endless fucking distractions.
Because of course.

• Cooking since apparently it’s my job.
• Extended computer repair and maintenance, since that’s apparently my job even when it’s not my computer.
• Conversations.
• Children following me.
• People paraphrasing politics.
• People summarizing stupid fail videos.
• People relating stupid prank videos.
• More conversations.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• Endless noises from children’s toys, tablets, playing, etc.
• Children following me when I leave.
• Taking half an hour to order food instead of five minutes.
• Cleaning since nobody else ever does.
• Picking up toys since nobody else will and I’M FUCKING TIRED OF STEPPING ON AND TRIPPING OVER THEM.
• More fucking food prep.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• More conversations.

Is it any wonder I’m so fucking pissed off every workday?

I can’t wait to move so I can have a fucking office with a fucking door and a fucking lock. And you know what? I’m going to splurge and install some fucking soundproofing, too.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!? I’M PAYING FOR YOUR FUCKING EVERYTHING. FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

The other day I got a call from Windows Support about my computer being infected with a virus. I only have a Mac but knowing this was a scam call I played along for 15-20 minutes. Then I finally told the person calling that I don't have any computer running Windows and he got quite angry and wondering "why are you wasting my time?". Told him it was to prevent him from calling and scamming other people. He yelled "fuck off" and hung up. Made my day :)

How do you handle these phone calls?

We had a short power outage this morning. 30 min later I got an "urgent" call that someone's "computer" was not working in another branch of our company.

Not one person in that branch could figure this out so after them repeatedly messaging and calling me for around an hour I decided to come over.

I found out that the power wall plug to the monitor has a switch on it which this person accidentally kicked...

I fixed his problem in around 20 seconds. This same employee was one that somehow had his email account previously "hacked" and 8000 phishing emails were sent from his account in 1 hour.

I honestly think it is amazing people like this can even use a computer at all...

My family: Can you repair the printer ?

Me: No ...

My family: can't send my emails, fix it !

Me: No ...

My family: why this people can share my photos on Facebook ? Stop it now !

Me: Then stop sharing all your god damn life each time you eat, fart or go to the bathroom !!!! For fucks sake !

Also me: why have I started computer science ?

People who claims "XXX is slow" should put screenshots of:

- CPU/MEM stats
- Task bar in full, to see how much crap is in background
- Desktop, to see how clean your computer is

If you don't have i7/16GB or you install gazillion of background apps, then your "slow" argument is simply not valid.

Trying to explain to a coworker that the AJAX call he would like to do will not work due to same-origin policy restriction.

Coworker: «But for me it is working.»
Me: «What browser are you using?»
Coworker: «Internet Explorer»

LMAO

I really hate how people see Bachelor of Computer Science as a meme.

I think it's because everyone who has a Computer calls himself a IT-Expert. So today on Xmas family joined for a meal, we talked about work and study and stuff...

Auntie: "So why do you need to study to Operate a Computer, my Son built one by himself without studying, you should study something solid like economics"

First I thought this was a meme, later I found out she was dead serious.

All the math, physics, scientific research, papers, software engineering just to operate a computer 😂

I'm not gonna call her names, because it's Xmas so:

father forgive them, because they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.

C'mon people! Spread the word! "The cloud" is not "just someone elses computer", it's a completely different way to compute!

I'm so tired of the oversimplifications done trying to explain the consept. The massive amount of work, sweat and tears put into the orchestration, automation and abstraction layers to deliver truly elastic, scalable and self healing infrastructure, applications and services deserves a fuckload more respect than "just someone elses computer"!

Hosting and time-sharing have been with us almost as long as we have had computers (mainframes etc), but dismissing the effort of thousands upon thousands of devs and ops people to make systems robust and automated enough to literally being able to throw a wrench in the engine any time during production and not have the systems suffer is fucking insane!

The whole reason the term "cloud" is so fitting is not just because it was coined from the cloud-shape used in technical and non-technical drawings and illustrations symbolising the internet, but also because of the illusion of magic it gives the end-user not being able to see "whats inside the music box".

I was trying to fix my computer illiterate sisters computer, then I found out that there were two anti-virus programs that tried to delete each other.

When trying to delete the software I found out that the system admin does not have permission to use administrator rights at all. So in frustration I copied any valuable files, and reinstalled the entire OS.

Sometimes I wonder how people end up in these situations. She had 4 different anti-virus programs and still ended up getting multiple viruses! xD

If I tell normal people I'm a computer programmer, I always get asked to fix something hardware related.

If I tell normal people I'm a software engineer, I get a "that's awesome" and don't get asked to fix anything. I'm sticking with this option.

How people see me:

Father: computer nerd (he's a coder too)
Mother: website maker and computer nerd
Brother#1: some computer wizard
Brother#2: noob web coder (he codes as well, but systems programming) - thanks bro!
Colleagues: The ALIEN™
Girlfriend: 404 not found
Friends: The NERD™
Dog: some hooman spending lots of time behind those lighty rectangles

Fyi, I am passionate about computers in all domains and always helped debugging people

My solution to not being overwhelmed with futile demands? Talking to them in complicated words, so they will only ask questions about true problems and not garbage :D

Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.

Nope.

Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥

I fucking hate when people say that I play with the computer just because I'm 15 and they can't belive that I actually do developer's stuff. FUCK, SERIOUSLY.

Guidance counselor at school: so what field do you want to go into?

Me: computer science

GC: what does that entail?

Me: programming

GC: that's like super repetitive, right? You're a smart kid don't do that

In my head: no you mf dingle-dong. That's the job that will take your job away from you in the next 5 years

Ffs, why do people think coding and entering data into Excel are the same things?

Company is about to move. Fellow developer jokes on a general meeting that people should delete stuff on their computer to make then easier to transport.

I'm not sure everyone got the joke....

Christmas.
The only time where computer scientists and other people agree how trees are shaped.
Now we only need to convince them that the tip is in fact the root.

I go to techno hardcore parties. The volume is so loud that usually nobody speaks to you, but you can take pictures in a very crowded environment, so when you put them on Facebook people think you are a social person, while in the reality you talk more with your computer than with humans. :D

To all the people complaining about a windows update breaking their computer.

A linux kernel update just broke my computer.

Non IT people controling the IT departments and ruining the development culture.

No one (where i am from) anymore considers the software life cycles, initial r&d work, normalized relational db or using proper algorithms. All this stuff is critical for critical systems but people just want the softwares to work on the front end and make money, no matter if its all duct taped underneath. And I strongly believe this is happening because of non IT people and marketers sitting on top of IT departments.

Computer science people have kind of lost all respect. They are constantly yelled at by non IT people and asked to do year's job in months.

This makes me sad

The bane of my existence is people who get into computer science classes because they just want to make video games and get angry when they actually have to learn things

Everyone in family and friends allways ask me "You're a programmer and know a lot about computer, so why you're not in Facebook/Twitter/Instagram?"

My answer: We create these services for you (average people) we don't use them ourselves. It's a security hole to put your information in public.

There are cybercrimes. That means you can be put to jail for performing certain actions with your computer. I’m taking about serious crimes like hacking crucial governmental servers but not about insulting people online. I’m talking about something that’ll make government chase you.

Every action at the computer could be done with keyboard only.

My face when there is finite sequence of keys that you press one by one and then become a criminal. And go to jail.

My face when if you put that sequence into script file, there is file that you double-click and instantly become criminal.

Press here to go to jail. The whole new level of abstraction.

Really makes me think.

I coded for a whole day (uninterrupted, literally woke up, grabbed my laptop and headphones and started) and suddenly, let wild parent shows up.
"Aren't you going to go out? You need to see some friends"
My response: As stated before, I have no friends, now leave
**Leaves**
**Comes back 2 hours later**
"Hey can you help me with my computer?"
Me: you didn't state the issue, what computer, what os, what you have done to fix it, have you even tried rebooting?
"Don't talk like that to me! Now come and help me!"
Me: nope, hint, answer the questions about your issue
"You rude piece of..."
**Starts screaming bla bla bla**

Wow, it has happened before that I treat people wanting help like me trying to debug, but I usually correct myself. I took it way to fucking far this time...

People that don't know what you do, think you're just a lazy introvert that sits on the computer all day

Now, I am very shy and introverted.
I have always been that way.
I really hate having to socialize.
I've recently forced myself to talk more to people and it seems to work pretty well.
I may still love my computer more, but slowly I am getting better.

We have a ver crappy Internet connection at my office (I believe it's 100Mb/s for 50 people to share), so when somebody starts downloading a big file they pretty much hijack all the available bandwidth and fuck up everybody else.

Now, we have ONE, just ONE SINGLE FUCKING COMPUTER RUNNING FUCKING WINDOWS 10 AND EVERY WEEK IT FUCKS UP THE ENTIRE OFFICE'S INTERNET CONNECTION WITH ITS STUPID FUCKING UNCANCELLABLE MANDATORY UPDATES.
FUCK YOU MICROSOFT.

When you tell people you're a computer science major and they tell you you should get an education degree as well, because "our nation's children need to learn how to code." Which is fine, but no one tells my male peers they should become teachers instead of working in industry. Just saying. Doesn't make me mad, I just think it's funny

Lurker here.
Just wanted to highlight the irony of specializing in human computer interaction and automation, while people avoid interaction at work.

When I started studying CS, my dad was very upset. He told me he couldn't undersand why was I studying that if the only thing I could do afterwards was to open a computer repair shop and charge people to install antivirus and word. He's not saying shit now when I earn more than he has ever had and lend him money knowing he cannot repay me.

Made a bunch of bad decisions.
This one is the absolute worst.
Studying biology as a main subject intstead of computer science in high school.
Indian people in here would know, studying PCMB is no less than being a dare devil. 🤣
Why did I do that ?
I didn't want to get into medicine.
I just wanted to study it for fun.

And thought, I'll be able to study all of computer science in college 😶.
Its totally useless now.
How much of biology do I remember now ?
Not much.
Studying CS would have been much more beneficial for me.

Rant about a german problem in english

I think we as the people should just sue the german government for neglect of progress and neglect of the education system. If your not familiar with the state of german IT we have worse internetspeeds than uganda or the notoriously shitty australia, our neighbourstates look at us in disbelief while laughing in optic fibre. Our school system seperates all students after 4th grade in 3 tiers, the lowest one gives you the future perspective as a social security case. The second and highest tier require masses of useless knowledge, so called "competences"(Kompetenzen) which are totally useless skills with no real world application because they are derived from real skills, a median ground between all possible applications of that skill. And while doing that they terribly insist on doing everything the "proper" way, meaning handwritten. Most people you would expect to have basic computer literacy, meaning age 40 and below, are incapable of using basic functions of a non-smartphone computer and do not understand the slightest of what they are actually doing or supposed to do. And I mean nothing technical. Germans are the reasons they still put word as a job requirement for devjobs because this disqualifies half of our population. This leads to many people having the archaeic "we versus the machines" mentality, thinking that if they ever let the computer do parts of the job, they will then lose all of it to the machines. Thats why you never strive past basic mathematical principles in mathematics, which is a big misnomer because you never do actual mathematics, only calculating and basic calculus and statics. If you get to use your calculator, its some basic casio with no actual functionality then standard operations. And even using that is shunned upon. How is this country ever supposed to become something more than it was in the 90's, if we teach people nothing of use and kill all progress in its root.

No grandpa, I don't scam people online. I am a web developer - I earn my living online, building web apps, plugins, etc. (and stuff that you won't really grasp). And again, stop telling people that I'm lazy - I don't watch movies on my computer from 8AM-5PM. Lovely grandma, please don't believe him.

At school we have a little maker-space and there are a group of students who come in all the time just to play video games on the computers. Not only are they not doing anything productive, they’re loud and clutter the space with people watching the play.

Today I wiped the computer and installed arch linux (with a desktop environment but not set to automatically go to the desktop environment. I hope this will solve our problems.

Can't stand people who compare high powered over priced MACs to regular cheap entry level consumer computer. Compare like for like....for Fuck sake. This dweeb just compared a £2100 MAC and a £600 consumer computer......!!!!....!!!!!

Hey, I had a question. How social are you all IRL?

I'll explain myself. IRL, I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me (which I don't seek) for example. And regarding friends, I've never had more than one "buddy" each school year, unconsciously dropping them once we weren't linked by school anymore. There is only two people I have kept throughout the years and that I'd call friends, one of them is my girlfriend.

That being said, I know I'm especially asocial, but I'm curious how everyone is here :)
We often hear "Computer people don't have many friends blabla" but I'm curious about that ^^

So, I'm studying computer engineering in school, so a lot of people have decided I'm the tech one in the group and come to me with all there computer problems.

I'm constantly explaining basic things about their computers, how to exit vim, why using git is a lot easier then having 100 versions of files, how to change directories from the terminal. Simple things like that and while I normally don't mind, all these people are also in computer engineering and should really know all this stuff too.

Anyone else just watch people try to use a computer and just wonder

What happened to common sense

People were posting their programming companions. This one kept me amused through my early days with a computer. Who else remembers?

"So you are a computer geek right?" Yeah!

"So how do I hack my friend's Facebook profile?"

HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS PEOPLE

I had this situation quite several times. pls

A computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things.

"Son ur always sitting at home at computer, ur a computer guy so how come u didnt buy one of those crypto coins and become rich with all that computer knowledge you have. I hear in news all the time how people get rich with crypto. If i had the computer knowledge like you do i would be rich a long time ago. Why dont u buy crypto and be rich from it? U study computers so it should be easy for u to do it"
- dad

my blood before: 🩸🩸🩸

my blood after: 🩸🔥🩸🌋🩸♨️🩸🔥🩸🌋🩸♨️🩸🔥🩸🔥🩸

Classroom fuckery: I'm in a Computer Information Technology program and I usually spend the last hour of class working on code. Most of the people in this program are going into networking or security. This kid looks over and freaks out, starts yelling that I'm breaking into the school's network. I was on freecodecamp.com.

Dear Teacher.

Thank you for forcing me to use a windows computer for your lecture, even though i have told you that i don't have any windows machine.

Thank you for forcing me use 3DS max for your simple fuckin trash that needs 20 minutes of work, whilst i could have used gladly Blender.

Thank you for making me deal with that shit that i won't touch again in my life again just because you teach a simple lecture that isn't cleary for computer science which i and many people study, but for people who deal with graphics.

What more joyful i would have done rather than downloading 8GB of software to use once in my life

Thank you, you piece of shit.

The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...

Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job

My life is just a series of disappointments right now from the people around me. Both personally and professionally. Glad I get to spend most of the time staring at a computer. Lifeless, yet the only rational elements in my life!

I’ve been programming for 20 years now. My friends and family never really understood what I did back in the days. And they still don’t.
All they saw was a kid who was good with computers. Your friendly neighborhood tech guy who would take a look at your computer for free.
I’m sure most of you have been in the same situation.

When people ask me what I do for a living. I’d just say “something with computers”. Because most of the time they will ask me to look at their computers and I’d reply with “oh that’s not what I do”.

When I was younger, I’d try to explain what I actually do for a living. To really tell people the problems we as a programmer solves on a daily basis or the things we create. That’s really hard to explain to “common” people.

So whenever someone asks me what I do for a living? It’s always something with computers ;)

The number of people who responded to this with bile such as “yeah but how well” or “i bet she can only write hello world”.
Its sad that this attitude still exists in our industry. If you havent seen the story she responded by clarifying that she is on the iOS tutorial team for Raywenderlich, and has a bachelors degree with a double major in Computer Science. But she shouldnt have to explain that just because shes a woman. Are people that insecure about their knowledge that they need to resort to demeaning other peoples? for shame.

We have this incredible Jira system that allows anyone with half a brain to report anomalies, add some screenshots in it, a description, links, everything.

Then WHY THE FUCK would you add a fucking docx file in which there are 2 lines and one screenshot? What blocked you to add the fucking content of your docx shit to the fucking Jira?

I swear to god, some people should be medically forbidden to come close to a computer

Best thing to do when you're having a bad day:

> Post a video on YouTube telling people that you're developing a machine learning algorithm for drones to identify obstacles.
> Show them a basic HTML code on your computer screen.
> Disable the comments

I'm a student in applied computer science and yesterday I had a course where we use drupal and we needed to update our drupal site. The professor told us at the beginning that in a previous lesson some people needed more than 2 hours to do this. I started laughing because whybin the world would you need more than 2 hours to update a site, right?
It took 3 hours to update my site -_-

How I HATE being treated as a 24/7 IT helpdesk just because I studied Computer Scieeeeeence. People come to you with a billion questions every day!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

One of my biggest annoyances: people say 8bit to describe anything remotely pixellated. These morons could look at a black and white computer image and say 8 bit

Hey! You there!
Are you sick of windows 10 sending you intrusive reminders about updates? Are you tired of random unscheduled restarts? Tired of feeling like you have no control over your own computer?

Take back control!
DO THE FUCKING UPDATE, YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT, USELESS, LAZY, PIECE OF DRY WANK!

Seriously guys: pick a time convenient to you, and take 5 or 10 minutes (when you're likely spending hours at your computer), and do them. Not only will you get rid of the annoying notifications, but you'll also keep your pc safe and secure by keeping up with security patches. C'mon people, it's really not that difficult.

And can we please, for the love of all things holy, stop the circlejerking? You're developers, you are the computer proficient. The only things a PC will do are the things you tell it to do. Dig deep, dig into the registry, dig into the services manager, dig into the fucking settings cos a good number of the most common complaints can be fixed in the basic options menu. Tell your computer to stop doing the things you don't like and it will stop.

It's really not hard!

Not sure if thats just me, but I absolutely can not stand watching people work on a computer slowly. Like: Watching people copy a text into a different window be like:

Select text with the mouse...
Move mouse down for 20 seconds until everything is selected ..
Right click
Copy
Click on Taskbar to open different program.
Right click in program
Click paste....

I .... just ... can't man.
Its: Ctrl+a, ctrl+c, alt+tab, ctrl+v

(And that is just one example, there are worse ones)

Maybe that just me, but I am so used to using my computer fast, and I optimized the shit out of my workflow.

People telling me what to do. I am 19 yo. I havent got into university, i have passed the bachelor's degree exam with 83.5% in computer science, i am employed in web development and i like it. Im not even thinking about going to university for now, not even getting a driving license, the stress is too big for now. I love traveling by bike. I enjoy listening to heavy metal and hard rock and I love peace more and i enjoy talking with people.
The biggest hurdle is people who tell me "do that because everyone does". And I'm not talking about my mom. She supported me everytime. I'm talking about people who doesn't belive in someone's knowledge and bothers the others. It's good if you give me advice and talk with me about it, but never be strict about that advice.

People:
- human brain is imperfect, makes too many mistakes
- let's make a computer that could perform perfect precise calculations
- computers are imperfect, require a set of clearly predefined rules [by human] to operate
- let's create a computer that behaves like human brain - an AI
- ...

Guess what's gonna be the next entry :)

Blue pill: master LITERALLY every computer language on earth and be able to use them to their full potential to create LITERALLY any idea that comes to you.
Red pill: master LITERALLY every linguistic language that exists and be able to speak fluently with every human on earth
...........................
I picked the blue pill and people thought I'm weird.

A classmate's earphones once stopped working, I went to go look at it. After a bit of tinkering, I said, "The speakers on these are toast, you'll need a new pair." Then, some random kid grabbed the tablet mind you, and not the earphones, played in the settings, and said "Fixed." I then told them, "This is a hardware issue, not a software issue." What's worse? Some people said "So, software and hardware are the same thing."
Mississippi is just full of computer Illiterates.

My first rant. My very "african" dad just told me coding is for people who want an excuse to sit in front of a computer all day. An excuse for laziness.

it's funny coming from someone who never paid a single attention or gave me a single penny to support me 😪

bool rant = false

I became my school's computer club president just last year. Although it's a computer club most of them aren't specially good in computer. We learn Photoshop for mostbof the time. So I decided to bring in unity3d and teach it myself.

I did managed to teach them in a slow pace. What came to me as a surprise is that I inspired another student to held unity class in school to teach other students game making .

Sometimes little thing we do may influence people in a big way we don't know.

This is kinda the silliest thing ever but...

In a class with a computer lab, one of the other people who uses the same desktop as me started taking screenshots at exactly 1:11. I followed suit and started taking screenshots at 11:11. I still have no idea who they are...

Now is almost the end of the year, and I really want to know who they are if only for the satisfaction, so I was thinking and came up with a solution that would take minimal social interaction. I wrote a Python script to take a screenshot every eight seconds and hid it on the computer, running. It saves the screenshots to a folder that is nested in another one, so the likelihood of someone finding out about this is pretty low. So anyways next class day I'm going to sift through the screenshots and find out who this is and probably some stuff about them given that I get to see over an hour of their computer activity. Fun stuff!

TL;DR I'm using Python to stalk kids at my school...

Interviewer: "Is studying computer science the best way to prepare to be a programmer?"

Bill Gates: "No, the best way to prepare is to write programs, and to study great programs that other people have written. In my case, I went to the garbage cans at the Computer Science Center and I fished out listings of their operating system."

Honestly I see more and more abstraction layers added and from year to year less people understanding how a computer and some algorithms works. In the end it would be like the mechanicum or whatever the name was of the w40k universum where the specialists have not a damn clue how their creations (in our case software) works and how to optimize it anymore

"I'm not very smart with computers"

Why do people say that? Obviously you may not know 100% of what you can do with a computer, but NO ONE does! I get that some people know slightly more than others, but it all comes down to how much time you put into learning it!

And how do you even respond to that? "I know, I'm dumb." You can't ignore it or affirm it, you just have to awkwardly acknowledge and then change the subject. Ugh...

Wait... Do people really think C is an accurate way to learn how a computer works... Please tell me it isn't so

Anyone else experiencing moments like 'you sit behind a computer all day, how hard can your job be?' or is it just me?? 🤔
I'm getting tired of this shit... Especially when it's comming from a person who relies ob tonns of apps to do their goddamn job.. :/
I'd get it if it was comming from a farmer who actually has to work hard to produce the food for us.. or any of the blue collars..but from white collars?!? Dafuck?! Yeah, I may not be the person writing the code for your precious little apps, but they're written by people just like me, who sit behind a computer all day & code.. :/
Show some respect ya cunts!!

I'll be honest, I've never understood why people say that numbers generated by a computer are pseudorandom and not random.
I know a lot of algorithms for number generation, and I implemented mine, based on time of invokation expressed in nanoseconds, taking digits, manipulating and transforming them. Then I analyzed the probability distribution and it's absolutely flat. So, if you know the Touring test, we can use a modified version of it. If I give you a sequence of random numbers generated by a computer and I give you a sequence of random numbers invented by a person, and you can't notice the difference, so the test is passed.
What's wrong on it?

Sometimes I feel people underestimate us.

During all my life, people has asked me if I can fix their *any device* because it goes slowly/something doesn't work.

But, of course, for free. Because they think the only thing we do is pushing 3 buttons and everything is done. They think everything solves itself easily.

Then is the fact that we should be able to fix everything always. Even if the hardware is broken. Even if there isn't any way to solve the problem.

I think we deserve a little bit more from society. I don't expect people to understand what we do but at least something better than the guy who formats your computer when it starts to go slow.

(Maybe I'm the only one who feels that way or it's just where I live, idk)

I took a Computer ethics class some time ago, and at some point, we talked about honesty in Computer Science.

There was one thing that bothered me that we never had the chance to touch on, but how do I know that the button I'm clicking is doing what I want it to do?

I mean seriously there is really nothing that is stopping someone from making fake buttons that pretend to do what they say they are doing. I might be uninstalling something on my computer, but can I "really" trust that the software was "completely" removed?

As a developer I always strive for honesty, but that doesn't mean other people are.

How do you guys deal with this?

After many years... I truly believe that non IT people belive that this is how programmers work:

- Goodmorning computer. How are you? Can you make me a program? I want the program to include an userfriendly userinterface, database, optimized code, documentation and dont forget that i dont want any bugs! Thanks computer. I'll get back to you when my coffee is ready.

Just tell me why are the people who don't even know how to use computer properly, Studying Computer Science..

How do I really explain to people that I am a computer engineer and not a technician? Seriously. I'm tired of it.

And what is worse, everytime I try someone ends up with the impression that I am some incompetent egomaniac trying to hide his flaws.

My university alerts all student and staff any time a phishing email is reported. I've yet to attend one class, and I've received a few dozen emails alerting you of phishing emails being sent. It's sad people can't notice the pattern of the emails, and realize right away "Hey this is a bullshit email" and not rely on the alerts.

It's the 21st century; basic computer competency is a necessity.

Some people write unreadable horse shit pretending to be code it even puzzles the computer.

Hi devRant!

I take a CS class in the UK and can not believe how people use technology. Almost everyone is using smartphones and stuff but somebody can't get out of fullscreen in chrome.

He thought he broke the computer smh

Why do theoretical computer science and maths lectures mostly start at 8 am. I am a nocturnal creature to me is like having to wake up at 3 am for others. There are other kinds of people that like to get up early so here is a suggestion: Why don't we agree that all lectures start at 11:00 earliest? It is a good time in the day for a lot of people and I would have the time to inject myself with some Mate tea.

Cheap computer, Broken AC, Fresh coat of off-white/grey paint, Torn chair with ciggy burns in it, non-adjustable cubicle desk that is wayyyy too high, people from unrelated departments popping by every 15mins to give me an update I didn’t ask for on their inconsequential lives or their opinion on whatever the fuck is the biggest trending hashtag right now.

May I never go back into the office again.

#thoughtsandprayers

I was amazed by an elderly man on the subway yesterday, he pulled out his tabled and stated reading a book on it. Thinking of that I know way too much younger people who can't even use a computer properly..

People think I don't get angry easily at office. I just don't want to get angry, at least in real world.

My mind is constantly clouded with "throwing things away, smashing my computer to crumbs, telling people to go die, fuck off, punching faces, kicking butts, committing murders and nuking the whole world".

I feel like "programmers are not computer technicians" joke is kinda overused lately. It doesn' matter if we are not technicians, we are very knowledgeable in computers and people knows that. People of course will try to get help from you when they can so it's not a wonder that they ask you to help with something they are not confident. Everyone that exercises practical professions lives through that. If your sister-in-law is a mathematician it's normal to ask for help if you are not able to come up with the right algorithm for the task. People depend on each other. That's how we survive.
But I'm not saying start helping everybody that can't open a pdf file. Just know who to choose to help. If they are a capable person or someone that's a part of your everyday life they will most likely repay you when you are also in need. Believe me everyone needs help time to time.

What I say: I'm a computer science major.

What people hear: I can resolve any tech issue you have or will ever have on any machine that exists in this universe. I am jacked into the Matrix at all times. I am the IT god. Look upon me and despair.

What I mean: Sometimes I try to tell the computer to do something and I cry when it doesn't work.

People who reuse variables.
Yeah, sure, let's just go declare
number1 = g * 86;
Oh and 10 lines down let's reset it
number1 = 0;
I WILL FIND YOU. I WILL DESTROY YOUR SMALL RAM 'ed THING YOU CALL YOUR COMPUTER.
Variables should be made for one purpose and one purpose only.

I pasted scotch tape on the small sensor under the mice of everyone (like 20 people). Then I used a black marker on the scotch tape so it wad completely opaque.

Result? Everyone panicked when they tried to use their computer because the mouse was not working.

Not only coding, but studying Computer Science has changed a lot in my life. For example, learning about CPU scheduling algorithms made me manage time for my personal tasks a lot better. Earlier I used to waste a lot of time by doing tasks in out of sync order. Also coding made me realize how dumb most people are!

Alright, I need suggestions. I live in a small town and outside of my primary job, I own my own IT business. A lot of (l)users have eagerly asking if I’ll be teaching classes to explain some of the key things a computer is capable of doing. (Most of them will be elderly.)

How much would you charge for this? I’ve got about 20 people confirmed and I was thinking about doing 20$ a head. What seems reasonable? Keep in mind, this is a smaller sized town.

When you learn something interesting and you have no computer people to share it with.

1) I don't have to talk to other people while doing it.

2) The computer does exactly what I want it to do and failure will always be an error made by me, not someone else. That makes it satisfying.

3) I'm pretty good at it. It's just fun helping other people at school and creating small programs to solve problems.

[on git] "how can I use the remote to see what's on my local computer? How do I know if someone else has cloned so I don't edit their files?"

By itself, not terribly stupid... Git can be complicated... But this is coming from people who are supposed to be familiar with basic CM, but aren't.

You know. I think people trashing chatgpt detracts from the fact that if it is actually functioning as stated it's still a goddamm miracle of science!

I mean are we all really that jaded ?

You can type a plain English request in and a COMPUTER PROGRAM sends you a Novel response that may reflect the bias of its dataset and the bias of people trying to keep "secrets" but otherwise it sends a response formulated from extensive data.

That's a breakthrough

Quick acting like an alpha that was frozen years ago apparently is the RTM!

I still can't get it why people looks at IT people as lowlife. If you need a new computer in your office I can get the right spec and help you to buy it. But moving the computer table is not my job 😠

Sure, there were always people who influence me. Actually, I like to feel when superior manager or officer could help me to develop myself.
Nevertheless, there was one man who opened for me this "Pandora box". He was my first computer class teacher. I was 10. After next two years I got my first money for localizing ZX Spectrum games.

Omg how stupid some people are... Today at my university I used the first time one of the computers in the computer room and there is a portable Firefox installed in a shared space on the computer and that is also where it saved settings etc. So this is the same for every user on that particular computer.

And when I checked the security settings I found that about 10 different accounts were saved and accessible with website username and password.

So of course the shared space Firefox is bad, but you still shouldn't save you password on a public computer :S

PS: If anyone needs a webmail account or an account for the german university network contact me :P

THOSE PEOPLE/TEACHERS WHO PUT TWO SPACES BETWEEN SENTENCES, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. ITS NOT THE FUCKING TYPEWRITER AGE, THE COMPUTER DOES SPACING FOR YOU. MIGHT AS WELL DRAW SERIFS ON WITH A PEN AFTER PRINTING BY THAT LOGIC.

What really gets on my nerves?
People that think I can fix every computer problem there is, just because I'm a developer and therefore must know everything about PCs.

What do I look like, a Tech Wizard?

Have higher technical schools with computer science as one of their topics (such as the one I visit) introduce people to how RAM works in detail earlier than in fourth grade, which would really help some of my classmates.

I see loads of rants complaining about getting asked for tech help. And then I see Linux getting recommended as an OS.

Me? I'm telling everyone to use ChromeOS so they leave me the fuck alone.

In the future, I'll tell everyone they are too fucking stupid to own a computer and phone is the way to go.

Systems thinking, people.

People who code should know how to build a computer for themselves

So I just got into computer science College after a long period of being exited as all hell. Letting my dreams run wild with all the people that I'll meet and how we'll share information and debate over serious issues. less than a week into college I find out that people don't know shit and some of them are asking : "where are the brackets on the keyboard" while others ask what's the difference between Gmail and mail...............
I was devastated. (still am)

me: * is on Devrant at school*
teacher: what's devrant ?
me: it's where I go to complain about you
teacher: ...
yea. so fun story, my first computer science class I took freshman year where I knew more about programming than the teacher, not to mention most of the people in that class had 0 interest in actually learning computers

Today in programming class.
FizzBuzz on a sheet of paper. I mean, of course I aced the one thing I do in every language I learn. :)

Our teacher then proceeded to talk about the fact that some people, even having studied Computer Science, were unable to make a FizzBuzz program.

w h a t ?

So apparently there's going to be some sort of "link tax" for creating hyperlinks to other peoples websites.

What's next is the EU government going to start requiring people to register a license to run a webserver on their computer?

I seriously hate it when people expect me to know every. Single. Thing. About their computer just because I know how to format a usb... Honestly I think the lack of formal computer education in schools (at least in America) is gonna screw us over in the long run...🤔

I didn't really plan to study computer science, it just kinda happened. So when a few years into school my GPA was low my mom concluded it wasn't right for me.

Thing is, I knew I was good at programming and problem solving and so did my classmates. I even helped people who the school system said were smarter than I was.

So now I am constantly doing projects and freelancing with hopes that I'll prove myself to her.

...

For as long as I can remember I watched my dad at his computer doing work and programming, so I got interested in computers. I started using and mastering computer skills when I was 5 and helped people with their computer problems. I was hesitant to learn how to program because it looked hard, but I eventually have I'm and started to learn Java at 12. I started by making Bukkit plugins for Minecraft (1.7.10). I learned to program, because I knew that computers will one day help people, and I wanted to help people too.

How on earth are there people in their second year of a computer science course who are unable to understand how to read build errors. It's honestly not that hard, just look at the fucking build log and see where the error is and what type of error it is, but yet they don't bother reading the log and say that their "compiler is broken" when their 5 line code won't work.

If this was still first year I'd understand since many of the class didn't have much programming knowledge, but if you're in your second year and you struggle with this (that too for a Hello World script) it looks like you aren't even bothered and just expect the computer to magically understand what you mean.

Instead of asking how old people are, how about this:

Post the specs of the first computer you regularly used. I will start.

Tandy 1000 SX. Not one, but TWO 5 1/4" floppy drives. An 8088 CPU and 640K of RAM. The operating system was MS-DOS 3.2, which was always in the A: drive.

We used it to make papers for school in Wordstar, and my parents made spreadsheets in Lotus 1-2-3. We learned to type on it. We played Space Quest, King's Quest, Carmen Sandiego, and Lords of Conquest on it. We transcribed BASIC programs from the, "BASIC Training" column in 3-2-1 Contact magazine.

We LOVED that computer.

CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

The Matrix. Then use the brains of the people plugged in like a computer cluster for large calculations.

Seeing how smartphones are advancing every year, I would say in about 10-20 years, we will see lots of people using smartphones as their personal computer

What do you think?

I'm out of high school now but one of my 'fondest' memories of being known as the computer geek was that people would always ask me how they could use the inspect element tool to change their grade permanently. I never had the patience to explain lmao

I'm studying Computer Science and Engineering in Uni.

People don't understand the most fundamental principles of programming at all. Variables and functions are like a foreign language to them.

I get that not everyone knows everything but if you decide to go to uni to study programming, and you have never programmed before. Are you really in the right place?

Don't feed the pigeons.
A cautionary tale.
When you feed the pigeons they keep coming back. They don't stop pestering you for help, and they don't ever listen to you.
I gave my father-in-law my old laptop, and installed the latest version of Office 2016 because I'm a nice guy.
Now, every week at family dinner there's something he needs me to help him with.
Mind you, his previous computer had Windows XP and the one I gave him had Windows 7. So it was quite the texh upgrade for him.
Except one of his octagenarian siblings wrote a family recipe book, and wrote it in Word Processor. (because Old People!) Well fuck of course it has pictures, clip art, special formatting, vertical and horizontal lines. It worked fine on XP because Word Processor was supported by XP.
The following is me explaining to him over the phone why his recipe book wouldn't load into Word. I was in his house picking up 2000 rounds of ammo for my and my wife's pistols (target practice) while he was out and about.
FIL: "It's the link on the desktop. It comes up in Word on the old computer but when I tried to put it on the new computer it wouldn't work. I used a thumb drive."
Me: "Okay well I tried to..."
FIL: "I don't know why it would work in Word on one computer and not the next."
Me: "Okay, well I clicked on the link to the file on your old desktop and it opened in Word Processor, not Word."
FIL: "No it opens in Word on the old computer, but it won't open on the new one."
Me: "It opens in Word Processor on the old computer, it won't open in Word on..."
FIL: "Which computer are you sitting at? The old one is on the left." (as if I wouldn't recognize the computer I had for three years and just gave him a month ago!)
Me: "The old one."
FIL: "Okay so it should open in Word on the old computer."
Me: "It won't. It will open in..."
FIL: "I was thinking maybe it had something to do with a screen that popped up when I logged in to the new computer. Something about antivirus software?"
Me: "It will open in Word Processor on your old computer, but it isn't formatted..."
FIL: "Yeah, it's a '.-w-p-s' file so it should work in Word."
Me: "Word Processor is a different program from Word. This opens in Word Processor."
(long silence)
FIL: "So which one do I have?"
Me: "You have Word Processor on the old computer."
FIL: "So how do I get Word Processor on the new computer?"
Me: "You don't. It is defunct software, it was discontinued ten years ago. You can try to get a converter online, but there's no guarantee it'll work."
FIL: "Alright, I'll be home in a few minutes. I'll take a look then."
This was at 10pm last night, and I'd been out all day since 7:30am. He still didn't believe me that the book was written in Word Processor until I showed him the different startup screen for Word Processor, where it says "Word Processor" plain as day.
I fed the pigeon. And it looks like there's more of this to come.

Not all computer programmers are NERDS people just assume you are a nerd once you tell them you write code

Why do people always start new projects a month before the company closes for Christmas?

I told them how tired I am, plus they know I've just come out of final year computer science degree exams, and at the end of a massive code and infrastructure migration. My brain is absolute paste.

!rant

I trolled my friend by telling him that there's a 100 MB data transfer restriction on Windows right now because of the Ransomware that's floating around the internet.

I can't believe it worked and now he thinks he couldn't copy anime or games from me because it exceeds 100mb file size.

What's your best troll moments to people who're not computer techies?

yeah I am a software engineer.
yea I am a programmer too.
yeah I am behind my laptop all the time..

but no I don't want to fix your computer.
I have no interest in changing your windows, installing antivirus on your pc and so on..

just understand it , God damn these shit people :(

What it is like when computer people talk to humans: (credit Gary Larson, Far Side)

I really enjoy programming but I don't care about having the latest smartphone or the more powerfull computer. I'm not a tech guy, not even a geek... Sometimes people don't understand me for that, am I the only one ?

Maybe i should start a new tiktok account and fake saying how im easily hired working a 150k$ a year job in some tech field. Copy paste generic advice. Talk shit about technology i use at my job and help people how to learn it. Etc. And then after a few weeks when people get to know me and trust me i start a course. Or buy me a coffee donation page where i scam money from people who ask me questions about my 150k$/year job.

Seen others do it like Baxate Carter. So i wouldnt be the first one scamming people this way. I have absolutely no morals of "scamming" people for money EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as all of these companies have no morals paying me 500$ a month, or not paying me at all.

companies believe it is MORAL to pay someone $500/month for a FUCKING BACKEND SOFTWARE ENGINEERING JOB WITH A COMPUTER SCIENCE DEGREE. if that is considered as MORAL then i too believe taking money from people to ask me questions about my imaginary 150k$ job as donations is EQUALLY, MORAL.

FUCK YOU.

i understand and accept why some people prefer mac.

every mac i have ever used has shit the bed during normal use. while windows and Linux machines have too, however less frequently. unlike mac there is always something i can personally do about it to fix the problem.

i like having complete control over my computer and don't like the idea of paying a premium to be told how i can or can't use it.

I dislike ignorant pricks that insult others while being wrong.

I dislile people that feel the need to insult others based on their choices or prefferences for products, music and stuff like that.

I dislike people that are so blatantly arrogant that they refuse to acknowledge being wrong because of some weird made up status in their head (i.e i have a phd...i cannot possibly be wrong)

I really dislike teenagers that think that they know shit. They never do, suprisingly we have many of them here...

I dislike people that find ways to justify being assholes to others.

I also dislike people that hide behind a keyboard.

I dislike people that tend to follow trend opinions: "lolz mac suckz i kan du errthing in LenIXxX" shit like that irrititates me, also the php hate wars, I see people bitching about not having a job or experience in the field because they wont hire them for whatever hipster shit they are not using.......yet they make fun of people with php skills that have been on the industry far longer than what the haters have known how to use a computer....ah and some of them here are also on their teens....

All in all. I hate assholes really. I see many of them in this industry, and even tho I have seen a couple of them in here the great majority of the user base is absolutely amazing.

:) y'all beautiful people have a great weekend!

Pet peeve: people who photograph their computer screen to show you what's on it.

What kind of pranks have you had in your office when people leave their desk without locking their computer?

In an office where I used to work, we would send an email from the offender's account to the extended org about how he/she loves bacon.

One guy would start sending messages to every personal IM contact: "you suck." Over and over.

(pseudorant)
Any ideas on how to end with computer scams (fake Microsoft support calls, money flips and the other gazillion)?
I'm really tired of this. A$$#les abusing unsuspecting people, abusing our elders, shielded behind a remote control session.
I know that this is very I.T. I'm just appealing to the extremely powerful distributed knowledge of all SUPERB people in devRant.
Thanks and hope that this was not tl;dr

I've worked for 2 firms with billion dollar revenue on contract basis in last years, but I'm still a year away from graduating.
It feels suffocating when after a great night of work I have to go to class among people who don't care about programming at all

I just want to graduate and leave this place...

Ps. Attendance is compulsory in my college and I take computer science classes

Pss. I already make thrice of the highest package in offered in my college for last three years!

Why do people think that I'm a computer technician? I'm not here to fix your WiFi or make your system faster. Leave me alone! I got my work to do.

when other than IT people use linux first time on your computer and ask u where is "START" button and where is "My Computer "

As a computer science graduate, I'm still trying to convince the people around me that I'm not a computer engineer.

Quite tired of hearing the line: "but computer-skilled people are the most sought after" when I'm here trying to find a job for ages.

After being on devrant for a while, I've been inspired to move to Linux, and my desire to learn is making me consider Arch. My only issue is that I don't have a computer to swap OS', because there are some people who depend on my laptop when I'm not home (more on that another time, maybe), and they will have a fit if I switch. 😥

Anyone have any experience on booting from a external HDD (and not a stick)?

300 fucking people.

and only 120 are allowed to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING while everyone else can go fuck themselves in a COMPUTER SCIENCE COLLEGE

why is this restricted so much

why such a small amount of people are allowed to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING

are you telling me i sacrificed my time and wasted 2 years of my life on college because i wanted to study SOFTWARE ENGINEERING, just so i can go fuck myself after 2 years?

someone explain this to me

this is unacceptable

1] Being able to say "the easy way or the hard way" when people ask if you can build them a website/app

2] Telling people they can't afford me when they ask if i can help them with something computer related

3] The feeling of encountering a problem and solving it gives me a drug-like high when i've finished a project. Even the feeling of finishing all the day's tasks and having time to work on ongoing greater tasks fills me with a sense of accomplishment and victory.

People think that computer science is the art of geniuses but the actual reality is the opposite, just many people doing things that build on each other, like a wall of mini stones.

Donald Knuth

I just realized that when people call a computer stupid, they're not even insulting it. Of course it's stupid. It's a stupid machine that can do smart things

When people (mostly girls) ask me what I study in college and immediately answer themselves with "oh it's IT or something like that, right?" a part of me just dies. They literally think I'm studying how to work at help desk or fix printers. I'm not even exaggerating, a girl once told me she actually thought that. I'm not sure if she's just dumb as fuck or if most people actually think that about computer science, hopefully it's the former...

I need an AI that can figure out how to compile this POS project at my company. Nobody who works here knows how to compile the damn thing. The last guy that might have known his computer was wiped. I am going to ask that people document their current build environments and how to build. That way 5 years from now I don't have to deal with this shit again.

Why people suck at theory even being damn good at something... Fucked up computer networks paper !!! :/

I am seeing a lot of people infuriated a lot about windows10 updates.
And I am just sitting here on win7 with disabled updates.

Waiting for some free time to fetch my new computer with ryzen, throwing some linux dist on it and virtualize the shit out of windows for gaming only.

Ive been thinking for a few now that if like to begin a social program to get old people to play computer games.

They are often bored as fuck， cant move much and have no mental challenges.

I mean what else than video games could save the day?

Old homes with puzzles and missing pieces. Dementia neighbours. Ots a no brainer!

People want a computer for their pockets, not a locked-down glorified iPhone.
Google does not quite seem to get that.

My lecturer gave us a piece of very buggy software with no API which we use to model computer networks. It literally says in the assignment specification "Your program must run for at least 60 seconds before crashing."

These people are setting us up for failure.

I’ve never bothered to try Linux as past experiences with it is not as amazing as people say. What advantages does Linux have to Windows? And it terms of real life usage, such as developing software or websites for a local company, why choose Linux over Windows when the majority of the companies users would use Windows anyway?

All I can think is that I should have a computer specifically for Linux so I can still test things on a Windows computer.

!rant
Recently I started to be interested in how code actually work. I do a for-loop or an if-statement but how do they actually work at the lowest level.

Another thing I've been interested in is security. I thought about learning how to hack my own systems in order to learn how to write more secure code and keep people out. But I'm a little afraid that as soon as I start look at how to hack, the police will storm through the window and take my computer 😂😂

Got pulled away from the beauty of code yet again today to moonlight as tech support. Two people in my office got "bitlockered" in the same day... Imagine turning on your computer and finding out it needs a bitlocker recovery key when you never enabled bitlocker. Thanks Windows 10 + Dell.

Love when i go to computer stores, i simply make a little bash code which displays numbers matrix-style and all the people just stare amazed.

A person asked me to look for parts to build a computer for her. She has a tiny budget and wants to play games. I asked what kind of games and she won't tell me more than "games from steam". She won't even give me an example. Also, she doesn't want to buy parts like the psu and housing used, but I already have problems fiting anything better than onboard graphics into this rediculous budget. Why are many people so ignorant?

code reviewed a "senior" developers code (guy has been at the companyny since noah and his clay computer tablets), he replied with my comments against it stating he has more experience than i have and that i shouldnt do anything except just sign off the stuff to production, stuff goes to production and breaks a massive financial cluster fuck of a mess, who gets the blame for releasing the code to production ? Junior me !!! gotta love it when management needs scapegoats of FIFO people.

“Your code is so shit I could use it to torture people.“ - Some random kid from my Computer Science class (No, it wasn’t directed to me)

Seems to me some companies only want people who have read computer science books back to front.

What is the fucking point of asking me a question, to then say it's wrong, and then just repeat what I said but in a way that sounds like it is directly from a book?

Who the fuck cares what the difference between c++ and python are, I don't want to work with python anyway, and the job has nothing to do with python?

#madness

Hi everyone my name is Dylan, but people call me solario eh im an empty web developer! no ideas in my head about what i should create next, the only thing that helps is InnerText in this senario i found my first application on school computer!!! no more web based glitchy ides i have the perfect one right here =D,

For sure you know people who ask you like "hey, you do something with computer, right? I have a problem with my (insert random device here)."
Of course I am looking forward doing so! I was playing with jboss and oracle all the day and like to do more computer stuff! Yes, today, I know it is important because your mom can't play candy crush right now...
No! Stop! After fixing PCs for nearly free in my spare time, I am blocking all these questions now and focus on doing things i like in my spare time. Are you still fixing other people's stuff for free? Stop it. Enjoy life!

When you realise the headset for your iPhone 7 cannot be plugged in to the computer and people are talking as fuck around you. Thx Apple...

Man .. sitting for hours ,staring at computer screen is damn tyring.
I'm having concerns about my health already ,I wonder how people in the industry manage it.
And yeah ,my back aches so bad😭😭