Customer support story time: (swearing in Dutch because it sounds more fun but it's general swearing so no translation needed I think (will translate the non obvious parts)

Me: good morning, how can I help you?
Client: hello, I have a question for you.
Me: go ahead!
Client: alright so.... one sec, let me turn off my music.
Client: hey Google
.
.
.
Client: hey Google
.
Client: Heeeey Gooooooogle
.
Client: HEY GOOGLE, GODVERREDOMME
.
Me: 😆
.
Client: REAGEER GODVERDOMME. "HEY GOOOOGLE"
.
.
Client: VIES VUIL TYFUS DING, LUISTEREN. HEEEEEY GOOOOOOGLE
.
.
Client: JA GODVERREROMME, LUISTER GEWOON, FUCKING KUT DING. *SHOUTS WITH ANGRY VOICE* "HEY GOOGLE HALLOOOO LUISTEEEEEREEEEEN" (oh for fucks sake, LISTEN fucking piece of shit)
Me: *desperately trying to keep it together*
Client: IK DOE HET ZELF WEL JEZUS GODDOMME *FOOTSTEPS, MUSIC STOPS* (Translation: I'll do it myself, fucking hell)
.
.
.
Client: finally, sorry for that 😅
Me: *still trying to control myself* no problem!

Great translation by Netgear.
Apparently they're not sure what a Mac-address is...

Translation: My Samsung picture app wants to be allowed to make and receive phone calls...

WHY IN THE FLYING FUCK DOES MY STOCK GALERY APP NEED TO MAKE PHONE CALLS????

A year ago I would have said:

"Because I love solving logic puzzles, there's no greater joy than finding a very simple, elegant translation of a user's requirements into code"

Then 2020 came. I'm SO FUCKING FED UP with coworkers and managers who miss all the required competence to organize and communicate about projects as they are fundamentally incompatible with the concept of working from home.

I'm quite sure I'm the last one to give up at my work.

The company chat has completely died down. I've tried setting up meetings, but even my bosses show up irregularly, confused about why I'm calling them in the middle of their Netflix marathon.

So if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. My answer is now:

"I'm a developer because I get nearly 6 figures, for going through my Steam Library while completely shitfaced at 11AM. When I sober up in the afternoon, I work on some hobby projects. I get to spend 500/m on ordering sandwiches"

Translation:
System Test
632 BUS got fucked

As a developer in Germany, I don't understand why anything related to development like IDEs, git clients and source code documentation should be localized/translated.
Code is written in english, configuration files too. Any technology, any command name in a terminal, every name of a tool or code library, every keyword in a programming language is written in english. English is the language of every developer. And English is simply a required skill for a developer.
Yet almost everything nowadays is translated to many other languages, espacially MS products. That makes development harder for me.

My visual studio menus are a mess of random german/english entries due to 3rd party extensions.

My git client, "source tree" uses wierd translations of the words "push" and "commit". These commands are git features! They should not be translated!

Buttons and text labels in dev tools often cut the text off because they were designed for english and the translated text is bigger and does not fit anymore. Apparently no one is testing their software in translated mode.

And the worst of all: translated fucking exception and error massages! Good luck searching for them online.

Apple does one thing damn right. They are keeping all development related stuff english (IDE, documentation). Not wasting money on translations which no developer needs.

"best translation service in the world"

This kind of bullshit advertising is the reason everybody thinks we can do that every new whimp of the client within a few minutes.

Fuck off! Making real custom websites/apps takes time, planning, design, coding and testing. Its not just pressing a few buttons.

Translation: Make a website? 30 minutes.

🤠:Hello, I need a website for my professional website. But anything more than $500 is unrealistic.

Translation

🤡:I am a stupid assclown that the future will leave behind and time will forget.

Translation: "Jesus has recommended your skills" 😇😎

Job Ad: You will report to leadership stakeholders on key progress initiatives and collaborate on business value add action objectives.

Translation: Have boss. Do task.

This kind of user dropped his head when he was a kid

Translation: “The creator said this is made by indonesia but the desc uses english :cringesmiley”

I thought there was no worse freelancer site than fiverr.

*insert "Boy you were wrong" here*

freelancer.com

No. Just No.

- Limited to 8 bids as a free account
- You get 1 bid back every 90 FUCKING HOURS
- CLIENTS ARE EVEN MORE RETARDED THAN ON FIVERR
- HALF OF PEOPLE WANT YOU TO SELL YOUR UPWORK ACCOUNT TO THEM
- 5€ FOR 2000 WORDS OF TRANSLATION? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING? END YOURSELF PLEASE
- "Design a custom social network (video chat, chat, forum, shop and payment gateway) quick!!!" for 100€, within one day.

What the fuck.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Front End programming is the worst of all worlds.

I am a Full Stack developer that during every interview says "i can do front end stuff if needed". Something gets lost in translation and becomes "I do only front end stuff".

I don't mind front end development, but i hate urgent nitpicking that happens every time. Everyone else on the team works by regular tasks and deliveries (sprints and release dates), but my work consists of being the brush of the creative mind of someone else, that could not figure out how to make a good design before sending it out to me.

I am not a designer, a designer job is a creative one, i am just a brush that the team uses to complain why this button looks wrong on this not designed platform.

I really fucking hate when people or companies do shit like this..

Apparently Google is changing the salad emoji, which is a bowl that contains lettuce, tomato, egg, onion and stuff like that, to the same, but without the egg.

Why you may ask?
Well.. they did it to "make it a more inclusive vegan salad".
ITS JUST SOME WHITE PIXELS FOR FUCKS SAKE. How would any vegan, besides the crazy ones, be upset about a moist egg in their crisp salad?

I cant even.. im out of words.. fuck.

Additionally, the news page i read it on have been so kind to host a poll of what people think about it, whether its a good idea or not.

Ill let the image speak for itself, if you really need a translation, dont use google translate, ask in the comments.

Well, I mean, it’s a no-frills explanation at least...

SALARY: $80k to $100k

TRANSLATION: $80k

LEARN THE FUCKING WORDS!

I know that English isn't the native language of my country, but for fucks sake, if I'm telling you the right way to say/write it, remember it!

It's called ROM not ROOM
It's called Mod not Mood

Am I good with Custom ROM's? Yeah
Am I good with Custom Rooms? No, I'm not a fucking interior designer

Am I enjoying Moto Mods? Of course
Am I enjoying Moto Moods? Vruum Vruum bitch.

I actually wanna RAGE QUIT right about now!!!

I wanna fuck off and go somewhere where my talents are appreciated and I'm actually listened to! I'm reaching the point where I hate my job and don't actually want to be here any more.

I asked to be able to work from home (long story... see previous rants) and that was "shut down" after numerous attempts and even when working from was a prerequisite that somehow got lost in translation.

I was stuck in traffic for almost 3 hours yesterday and it is known that there are currently roadworks on my route, and yet they don't seem to move on the notion of working from home.

When I work it out, I sit in my car on average for over 40 hours per month! That's another fucking work week just so that I can get to and from work everyday. Again, they can say what that want, but I mentioned it several times that I wanted to work from home.

They're story is... "We've never had anyone work from home before so we wouldn't know how to approach it". Ok fine, I guess... FIGURE IT OUT, FFS!!!

The other thing was that I would be the "team leader" of the project. With me speaking to a management, they made me the leader. Big fucking whoop! My next question is the leader of what exactly are you making me? Because at the moment I'm the only fucking person working on the project! The other chap who is on "my team" is so busy with these other small side projects that in the 6 months he's been here, the only time he's actually had anything to do with the project is when he's peeped over my shoulder! Also, there was supposed to be more than just one other developer on the "team", but alas!

I'm not happy here at all anymore and I am actually starting to feel the depression creep in and there's nothing I can seem to do about it! I can't stand the traffic to and from work and they have not tried to make anything worthwhile when I get to work, even after my numerous requests!

[shit energiya] (щит энергия) — is “shield energy” in Russian. This is what happens when you transliterate carelessly

People giving Xcode bad reviews for being english only.

Stay the fuck away from development if english is a problem for you! 🤬

I'm already annoyed by the translation craze everywhere in development.

At least Apple remains sane in that regard.

“Competitive pay”

Translation: We are so embarrassed about how fucking little we are offering we can’t even bare to say it out loud. Maybe after 7 rounds of interviews when we feel a little more like friends we’ll be willing to let you know but only if you promise not to tell anyone.

—-

I’ve noticed literally every company with *actually* competitive pay will tell you RIGHT OFF THE BAT what that range is because they are PROUD OF IT.

Anyone who doesn’t? Well you fill in the blanks.

Your translation ist kaputt!

My toddler is still learning to speak. We know some numbers now. Today he was counting items on the table, and I quote [with LT->EN translation]:

ZERO
ONE
TWO
THREE

I guess I'm doing something right as a parent. Proud of him and myself .

"Unless it's the big red button with launch codes, there are no buttons you can press that I can't unpress"
Translation: you have to TRY to mess up so bad it's beyond repair.

Company: We have a fast paced and exciting environment!

Translation: Management doesn’t plan at all and changes their mind constantly so everything is done in a rushed last minute fashion. The excitement stems from a constant need to look over your shoulder in anticipation of the knife in your back after you are blamed for some issue inevitably arising out of the panicked fashion in which the business constantly operates.

This was posted by the largest German railway company "Deutsche Bahn". Rough translation: "Today's quiz photo shows modern fiber optic networks as part of our control center components - who knows what their purpose is?"

That explains a lot. Someone should tell them.

Translation: “The Password is to long. Please choose a Password that is not longer than 12 Characters.”
Oh, and the Password can only contain Letters and numbers 🙃

I'm 18, asking my granddad a basic question. It was in danish, translation may not be as funny.

Me: Do you have a phone with a screen you can press?
Granddad: Yes
Few moments later...
Granddad: But i dont know if anything happens when i press it.

German autocorrect always changes "git" to "gut" (good). Lead to some funny moments. (Translation) "Clone the good stuff" or "There is nothing better then gut"

CVs be like:

"Voluntarily worked as a tech consultant in impoverished communities to promote social mobility and empowerment through the implementation of a specialized computer science learning program and interactive software handling sessions."

Translation: helped my parents attaching word docs to their emails.

Network Address Translation (NAT). Rooted so deep, most people don't even know it's a hack

I agree too, google translate

TLDR; Wrote an awesome piece of code, but there's no one capable of understanding how hard it is.

I spent an entire night building an insanely complicated automation script, that picks out certain configuration files (in javascript fml), does some crazy parsing to pick out strings, passes them into a free translation API, translates them, and does more insane parsing to insert those strings as javascript objects.

Spent 3 hours on the bloody parsing algorithm alone.

Manager: Oh this language is really nice. Good of you to discover it can do that.

I didn't "DISCOVER" it ffs! Its a product of my head! I built the damn algo from scratch.

Seriously, screw non devs who trivialize the complexities of writing a good program. Its NOT as simple as opening notepad and typing in

import {insanelyComplexSolution} from 'daveOnTheInternet'

The following is written in Latin, German, and English, and is written in a custom script called "VuetendScriptor" aka "MadScript".

Translation as follows:

Hello devRant!
I am very happy to announce my new script "MadScript". I am so happy right now! I have wanted to do this for a long time! Thank you everyone for your help! I could not have done this without you!

German printing company's order form. Great example for how to make me NOT order there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Show all nodes (9500 More)"

Translation: "Papier und Auflage" == "Paper type and amount"

"We're going to need to migrate our database and reformat it so it works with the new app."

Translation: we've been using Excel up until this point and need you to convert it to SQL. Oh god, people.

Some interesting news:
(Non-literal translation)
Steam is currently working on a Windows emulator that may run any games from your steam library on Linux.
What do you think guys?
I like that Steam cares about Linux users.

When i successfully install Arch on my system.

Translation : sometimes i think i am god

Trending in India now.

Translation: Your Computer can have internet access without Wi-Fi, if your computer is a iPad Pro.

Video explains this cutting edge technology named "LTE".
Much innovative, very computer

Our internship and placement tests start from 30th and this is message we got from our coordinators.
😤
(We do have WiFi on campus and in labs ,idk why they aren't letting us use that!!)

They are asking use to use the DONGLES ! who the hell has those, these days !
Uni's response to this : if you can't get your own internet source,then don't give the test. (Translation : we don't give a single flying fuck)

Got my self a Jiofi ,I hope it would work fine.

BUT !!!!!!!!
Often our phones catch no network in the labs ! And if they do,the internet speed is slow.

The tests will go GREAT ! 🙃

Job ad: Must have large amount of experience working in a completely unstructured environment, be hyper innovative and be willing to work HARD and have a PRODUCT MINDSET!

Translation: Management doesn’t know what they want and even if they did they are completely incompetent at communicating what that is. You will be accountable for reading their minds and coming up with something that makes them look good. This task is impossible so you are expected to sacrifice every spare second of your life in vain pretending it is possible. If you do somehow achieve it you will not be given any credit due to your “product mindset”.

"That's two weeks worth of development."

Translation: "It will take me 3 hours, the remaining one week, 6 days and 21 hours will be spent on Reddit."

I love mondays...

I think it doesn't require a translation, it's pretty international.

Oh the irony.
Translation:

Warning
The certificate of this website is not trustworthy. Proceed anyway?

I'm going to kill management.
After a serious migration fiasco at one of our biggest costumers the platform was finally usable again (after two days instead of 10 hours) and, of course, users started to report bugs. So good old po came in ranting that we as qa did a horrible job and basically tried to fault us for a fucked up update (because we produced user pain, which of course not being able to log in didn't do). Among the issues: If the user has more than a hundred web pages the menu starts looking ugly, the translation to dutch in one string on the third submenu of a widget doesn't work and a certain functionality isn't available even if it's activated.
Short, they were either not a use case or very much minor except for that missing function. So today we've looked through the entire test code, testing lists, change logs and so on only to discover that the function was removed actively during the last major update one and a half years ago.

Now it's just waiting for the review meeting with the wonderful talking point "How could effective QA prevent something like this in the future" and throwing that shit into his face.

I mean seriously, if you fuck shit up stand by it. We all make mistakes but trying to pin it on other people is just really, really low.

Password policy for a big water company site in Spain.

Translation: Between 6 and 10 characters (only letters and numbers, no spaces)

In guess they have a VARCHAR(10) password field in their db?!?

So, got yet another one of those, "Ha! Sending this from your own e-mail address is proof I've infected your machine and recorded video of you synced to your browsing history! Send me bitcoin!" e-mails today. Just with a fun twist:

He claims to have infected my computer on November 8th, 2018 (for later readers: 4 days after the e-mail was sent).

Was about to give them points on creativity the other day; got a Japanese translation of it that was actually pretty spot-on all things considered, and then a Korean copy of it again the next day (just in case I couldn't read English or Japanese, I guess?).

But seriously, you're trying to pull this kind of scam, and can't even tell your bot to successfully pick a date *in the past*?

Hi everyone, just discovered this wonderful community and I've got a new rant just for the occasion.

I work at a creative agency and we offer writing, design and web development.

This client wanted the whole package, so we've written a ton a copy, got it approved, sent it to translation, got it approved, designed both print and digital assets and developed a website.

Everything was looking good, files sent to the printer, website ready to be deployed...

Then we get a call and a PDF of text changes. The stuff is already printed.

The business owner's wife (not an employee) took it upon herself to make changes to the text, some of which have grammatical and spelling mistakes.

Everything has to be delayed, files have to be resent to the printer, project goes over budget, we're pissed, the printer is pissed and their director of communications is pissed.

What a shit show. I wonder who's going to get thrown under the bus for this one.

Found this gem 😂

TRANSLATION

Java for believing programmers

For who?
Young male,
which want to pray together,
and at the same time make first
steps in programming

How old you need to be?
Up to 25 years

What do you need?
Holy Bible
Laptop
*you just need 500 mb RAM and WinXP

If you don't know how to explain about your software, but you want to be featured in Forbes (or other shitty sites) as quickly as possible, copy this:

I am proud that this software used high-tech technology and algorithms such as blockchain, AI (artificial intelligence), ANN (Artificial Neural Network), ML (machine learning), GAN (Generative Adversarial Network), CNN (Convolutional Neural Network), RNN (Recurrent Neural Network), DNN (Deep Neural Network), TA (text analysis), Adversarial Training, Sentiment Analysis, Entity Analysis, Syntatic Analysis, Entity Sentiment Analysis, Factor Analysis, SSML (Speech Synthesis Markup Language), SMT (Statistical Machine Translation), RBMT (Rule Based Machine Translation), Knowledge Discovery System, Decision Support System, Computational Intelligence, Fuzzy Logic, GA (Genetic Algorithm), EA (Evolutinary Algorithm), and CNTK (Computational Network Toolkit).

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

Conversing with developers can be frustrating.

Here is a good one from today. 2 people 1 women (let’s call her W) and one man (let’s call him M)

W: “Hey guys! Our team is looking for lots of great developers. Front end, back end, data, dev ops. At above market salaries with a great team! Reach out to me is you want to chat. I would love to hear from you.”

Translation: I have a great offer and want to help others achieve and strive in their careers.

M: “also, guys/less-gendered-alternative plz” proceeds to chastise this women about using the word guys.

Translation: I have no level of social awareness, but I have a need to feel big and important. So I’ll take offence for those who aren’t offended to make me feel better about my lack of fucking personality.

————

I’m not really concerned about opinions about the gender issue. It isn’t about that.

It’s just tiring dealing with these people’s bullshit.

It’s time to grow up folks, stop arguing on the fucking internet.

————

I also once saw a developer chastise 2 women we worked with while we were out for drinks for the exact same thing; using the word guys.

He was so busy “defending” them from themselves that he ended up making them uncomfortable and then they left.

He was saying “don’t exclude women” while fucking excluding the only women there.

What a fucking douche.

So today I got an email about a job opportunity. The email was in romainian. This is the exact translation and bear in mind that in romanian as in every other language (I guess) alot of english phrases sound very cringy. This is the email:

We need a fearless hero for the IT realm!
X company, a thriving insurance community, is looking for a real hero of software development that can make code using the .NET mystical hammer that can only be lifted by a worthy, deserving and responsible warrior.

You can't fly? Can't shoot lasers? You are not wasting your night time by looking at the moon on tall blocks wearing a cape? Then you could be the hero we need.

Do not worry, the position does not imply superhuman strength :)) However, it requires intellectual strength and attention to detail. You can even use your powers from a comfortable chair in a welcoming team full of other heroes ready to help you. We won't leave you alone, after all even Batman has Robin :))

I have attached all the information you need. Only The Chosen One can open the document so you will know immediately if you are right. :))

If you want to be responsible with your strength, then I'm waiting for your updated English resume with all your heroic deeds in the past.

Remember, not all heroes wear capes!

... WHAT THE FUCK IS .NET MYSTICAL HAMMER??? AND WHO THE FUCK USES ":))" IN AN EMAIL??

Both bathrooms on the floor being used. Had to go downstairs to use bathroom.

Translation:
I took this shit to a whole new level.

Just enrolled for uni and…. they email back my password in clear text…

Translation: "... using the secret access keys", yeah secret my ass, and they send you the password even when you change it so what's the point in letting me choose the password, just send me one i can't change.

Luckly it's computer science or else it could have been worse 🤔

Translation: participate

not install, not get
participate...

So we are implementing a big and very complete localization management system on my company. The system has great features, indeed, but:

1. We cannot use the browser back button, because it is js and it appears no one cared about it (I am not a js Dev, but you can UAE the back button on my site that has js);

2. It is very customizable, but not intuitive. So you have one million options and you never know where to change what you need;

3. It has a save button everywhere, but most options are saved automatically, so you never know when you need to save. Actually, people from the webapp company use the save button as refresh, once we cannot use the browser refresh button;

4. Combo boxes load the elements while you scroll them, so to scroll to the bottom, you need to keep scrolling several times, waiting it to load the elements;

5. It does not allow you to open more than one tab of it at the same time. So if you need to see more than one information from different items, you need to navigate and wait the loading times to see what you need;

6. Emails are not sent in a different thread. So each action that send emails you need to keep waiting until the emails are sent (sometimes there are several emails sent in one action) to continue using it;

7. They not only store and send back your password by email if you loose it, but, as admin, if I click the button to send the user password to him/her, it keeps a copy of the email with the user password in my sent items;

8. To be able to send emails (they are really necessary), I need to include my SMTP info with login and password. So they have not only the system password saved, but everyone email login and password as well.

I am sure there is more, but I can't remember for now, and we are still trying to figure it out how to back our data, as it appears the only possible backup is their own.

In spanish we don't say "stop being afraid" o "have no fear" word by word through translation. We say "ya no seas panocha" which roughly translates to "find bravery within you" and I think that this is beautiful.

For people that are constantly afraid we don't call them fearful in standard translation, we refer to them as "panochon" which attempts to remind them that they are in fact brave.

Use the word my friends. No sean panocha.

So I started in a new job a week ago for a two weeks probation period, im getting payed double than my last job but it's so professionally frustrating.

They use a full php stack with a framework called tinymvc that I never heard of and the last commit is from 2009.

Beside this they implement some sort of "flexible" MVC where a great amount of the logic are inside the views. They have one model for each entity (in theory) but in reality one model have methods for a lot of tables.

Beside this the i18n is done by querying the database for all the translation strings and copying it in every user session, so every session file it's about 400kb where around 380 are duplicated translations.

The views folder is empty because they decided to modify the framework to look for the views in another folder called resource's and the development must be done connected directly to the production database

Above all this shit all the many-to-many relations in the database (MySQL) are handled creating a comma separated field on one of the tables, completely breaking the reference integrity.

So, after a week of work I can't stop thinking who the fuck developed this? In which world this shit is okay? How can I work around this big lake of shit?

I feel quite stupid asking this but what on earth is eng in English? In dutch it means scary but I don't think that that applies here 😄

(Translation services gave me the exact same word)

Translation:
"Artificial intelligence for homework?
I want to program a artificial intelligence that can do my homework. I can sell it then. As language I would like to use either batch or HTML. Does anyone know good tutorials?"

This is hilarious!

Well I FUCKING FINALLY managed to build a program that makes my dad's printer print automatically.
Have ranted about this on my previous rant.
My recent approach was actually overengineered all over the top. I was using pyautogui to simulate the mouse that would call the settings window on Windows, which would print a nozzle test (the translation for "Düsentestmuster" according to google?). The more I worked with it, the more I would have had to care about edge cases when calling the settings and god knows what else...😖
So I left the idea.
What I came up with was a python script with some copy-pasted code of an example from the win32print api that printed an image that I specified, so it would use all inks. Somehow it works perfectly...
After that I used the win32api. ShellExecute() with ghostscript to print a PDF for the PGBK ink.
Finally a batch script to run this python script on the task scheduler. No converted .exe as dependencies and whatnot let it all go to hell.😒

It's not quite what I had originally anticipated as a solution but IT FINALLY FUCKING WORKS!!
...😪 It took way longer than expected and although I somehow couldn't manage to print all on 1 paper, I'm still satisfied that it really works.

That's all, had to vent my frustration and share this personal success.

The German translation is really bad. :/

So, I wanted to find a new way to arrange my language's alphabet. Atm, I'm loosely using latin's system even though my system is weird;

A B K D E F G H I IE SH L M N O P R S T U V

So, I remember that another language (I think Japanese) uses a poem with every letter to figure the order of their letters, so I decided to do the same.

Only problem is: My current word list is very limited, some of the letters I needed only existed in specific words (aka, the word for "Dark") so I ended up making a very depressing poem.

Enjoy! Or not.. I'm not going to tell you what to do.

English translation below. I also will post images of it written in my language's script, as well as one line in my language's cursive script (I'm not doing the whole thing in cursive because fuck that)

Senarseha:

Seh ninfuat seh nem fieta; Seka sato nem fiekm juna jenes sermin.
Seh ninfuat sif nemsin netua niet; Seka sem sedma nemat sargo no
nrokniet sam fiekmin sehim sepra.

Sehim sinta nem nara niv nakliet.

Seh nem sine fieta.

English:

I say I am well; But all is dark before day begins.
I say it isn't too much; But this place is a farm of
preasure that blackens my soul.

My mind is ever in agony.

I am not well.

PayPal always making me laugh. A photo I tweeted some years ago...
Translation:
Placeholder: (Optional)
Validation: This field is mandatory

Translation: Husband who's addicted to video game, stabbed to death by wife.

When i heard about declaring video game addiction being a disease, i thought they meant it was because people died..but not like this!😂🤣😂

WHY THE FUCK DO MY TEACHERS KEEP USING SHITTY TRANSLATIONS FOR PROGRAMMING CONCEPTS?! Like dude, everything related to programming is in english, just use the fucking terms in english for fucks sake. There are some words like "array" that fit into portuguese sentences without needing translation, so why translate it?

Why do you use acronyms in portuguese? People in the Database Systems class will later read a lot the acronym DBMS but won't know what the fuck that is because they teach the acronym SGBD, which is a translation.

It's so cringy and useless, so many terms the students will have to translate back to english when they get out to the real world because everything related to programming is in english.

"oh but what if the person doesn't know english" you don't even have to know english, just associate the concept (which will be explained to you in your language) with an english word. Also if you don't know english you'll have a very hard time, so I'd suggest taking english classes as your electives.

Ok I'm done, I got it out of my system.

Fucking websites that has forms with an option to opt-out (instead of opt-in) for newsletters.

Translation of the image:
"I do not want receive the monthly newsletter with discounts and informarion about the newest smartphones"

Bought a series on Amazon, "Normal People". Trailer was English, my profile is set to Germany/English, but when I started the film, it was the German dubbing audio, with no option to switch to English. Could be worse, as I am a native German, but often 80% of the original atmosphere of anything gets lots by translation and German studio speakers.

Just in case staff at Amazon wonder why I rarely watch nor buy anything from them, this is one of the reasons. Of course they wouldn't, I'm just one in a million customers, but fuck them anyway.

devops guy: "Shut up, Perl is awesome. It is the best Swiss Army knife language."

I agree. Let us observe the architect in our metaphor, in charge of building our new building, insists on doing it ALL with a Swiss Army knife.

Yes, I agree with your comparison very very much.

(translation... I want to use Docker, a temporary db, and continuous integration. He wants to continue writing and reading tons of shit to a mess of JSON text files all over the place.)

Machine translations + ads = ❤️... The dialog says: "You have to update your Android rocket launcher or your phone will be locked in one day."

I fucking hate stupid accountants!

Yesterday we went to a customer to talk to the accountants because we want to remove one of their unused PC's in the office.

First, just the way they think (and talk if) they are the most important and it's absolutely critical everything works 100%. I see they are important but not 100 times more important than everybody else!

They called us their EDP-guys (EDV in German, that's the translation I found). That insulted me a bit. I'm rather called IT-guy, I don't know anything about the fucking EDP systems nor want I to. I'm there to make sure the hardware works. But whatever, fine, call me what you want.

Then they straight up threatened us, because their work is so important, they can't afford to have downtime in their systems. They don't really care, but the bosses of us both do and if we fuck up they (the bosses) will hold us responsible. There is a fucking update for your piece of shit software (datev)! I don't do the update, I'm just responsible that the update can be deployed on the hardware. I'm not responsible if this update fucks your system and frankly I don't care!

I could tell them all of this but they won't listen. They always talk in this patronising arrogant voice, because they are so important and we better don't fuck up the update.

I'm there to help. I don't want downtime for your systems. I want you to work with our systems the best you can.
But fuck you, I hope the server burns down!

No, this is not a joke/meme.

So I was searching the internet for 2-in-1 laptops -- looking around what could be my next lappy if my current xps13 died. I had a hunch the xps13 convertable is quite overpriced and was looking at lenovo offerings to compare.

This is what one of the largest LT e-shops suggested to buy along with the lappy :)

Dangerous times these are I guess.. Everyone and everything needs protection

[I assume you won't need translation ;) ]

I think this guy deserve to be place here.
Translation for kids part

" I will complain to dad about you then you will get punished"

Sometimes you read a translation so bad that you realize it has to be from Google Translator. And sometimes you read a translation **so bad** that you realize it has to be from a person.

So snapdeal is ecommerce site as Amazon in India
Translation :
"You assholes, why are fucking us in the ass ?"

Guys what I want to know is how do you secure your code so that they pay you after you deliver the code to them?
So recently I was in this internship that I secured with an over-the-phone interview and the guy who was contacting me was the CEO of the company (I'm going to refer to him as "the fucking cunt" from now on). He asked me to do some OCR and translations and I managed to write a few scripts that automate the entire process. The fucking cunt made me login remotely to his desktop which was connected to the server (who the fuck does that) and I had to operate on the server from his system. I helped him with the installation and taught him how to use the scripts by altering the parameters and stuff, and you know what the fucking cunt did from the next day onward? Dropped contact. Like completely. I kept bombing emails upon emails and tried calling him day after day, the fucking cunt either picked up and cut the call immediately on recognising its me or didn't pick up at all. And the reason he wasn't able to pay me was, and I quote, "I am in US right now, will pay you when I get back to India." I was like "The fuck was PayPal invented for?" Being the naive fool that I was, I believed him (it was my first time) and waited patiently till the date he mentioned and then lodged a complain in the portal itself where he had posted the job initially. They raised a concern with the employer and you know what the fucking cunt replied? "He has not been able to achieve enough accuracy on the translations". Doesn't even know good translation systems don't exist till date ( BTW I used a client for the google translate API). It has been weeks now and still the bitch has not yet resolved the issue.And the worst part of it was I got a signed contract and gave him a copy of my ID for verification purposes.
I'm thinking of making a mail bomb and nagging him every single day for the rest of his life. What do you guys think?

Translation: "how much do you charge/ to do this tattoo, about 70 cm/ on a guy who's not awake"

"BUSCAR TODO"

This Spanish translation for "SEARCH ALL" just tricked me into thinking that a translation is missing 😅

Fucking facebook researcher that make underfitted neural nets and fuck Mark that it's a marketing genius, the only idiot that can make news from a failure. The CEO of Tesla knows it and said Mark is not an AI expert. Bug not feature, it's only a poorly trained and poorly designed neural network having a bad representation of concepts, not a new language and not the fucking apocalypse. Google faced and solved the same issue when start ed using neural nets for zero-shot translations without using english as a translation bridge.

Me: We have a new research project for you. We need you to test these 2 new services, see how they will fit into the new application, look at alternatives if necessary etc. At the end we need you to write a report with your findings, showing how you would integrate them to achieve X, Y and Z, and how much it would cost each month.

Dev: sounds good, I'll come back to you when I have it.

*2 and a half weeks later*

Document paragraph 1: The new language translation service doesn't support the languages we need.

Document paragraph 2: Here's my proposal for integrating the new language translation service.

*review*

Me: So I had a look at the doc and it says it doesn't support the languages.

Dev: yeah unfortunately not.

Me: Ok, so when you discovered that, why didn't you look for an alternative? Or come back to me and say it's not going to work.

Dev: I dunno, I thought you'd want to see the rest of the research first.

Me: ... not if we know for 100% undeniable fact that it will never function.

Dev: Ah ok, I didn't think of that. I'll do that next time, don't worry.

... aw how sweet, he thinks there will be a next time. Poor guy.

This is the best translation Facebook has ever come up with.

Why does this even exist??😢
Translation:
Knowing the road on the Internet with Internet Explorer 9.

Meanwhile at my place (Translation L-R):

"Wow! Are you good at hacking?"
"Please hack my neighbor's Wi-Fi"
"Download me some movies!"
"Are you good at math?"
"Please fix my phone!"
"Can you remove the virus on my computer?"
"How many hours do you sleep in one day?"
"Put some cheats on this game!"
"Please hack my boyfriend's Facebook account!"

Yep, my family and even the entire neighborhood are ignorant of what I do as a dev!

FFS I'M NOT A PC REPAIR MAN!!! 😤😤😤😠😡

Stories from Gary #000

Short background info:
So I'm working as a game dev for 3 years now and by now I can say that I've seen some shit. Mostly because of one of our game designers, let's call him Gary.

So Gary, from here on called GDG (Game Designer Gary), is a regular game designer (GD). His job is to come up with new game ideas, commission the assets, make sure that translations are done, etc. - simply put, he has to get a lot of shit together before we can start working on a new game.

Would be no problem at all if GDG wasn't lazy as shit and would work for once in his life. No dev really wants to work with him anymore, since he's known for calling a game or any issue "ready for development" even if half the assets or specs are still missing.

Let's move on to a particular situation that happened a couple of months ago.

I had an issue assigned to me, which was about implementing the translations for a new game. As I read the issue and checked if everything I needed was given, I noticed that the most important part was in fact missing - the keywords for the translations.

-.-

So, I called GDG and asked where I could find the keywords, to which he responded "Oh, I'm working on them right now... and by the way I got a weird bug with the translation program. Can you come check it out?". Sigh. I went over to his office, rambling about how I should be able to help him with a program I rarely use and which was written ages ago.
As soon as GDG saw me coming roundbthe corner, he started explaining how the keywords aren't ready yet, since the program to create translations and their keywords won't let him name a translation.

"I can create new translations, but I can't assign a keyword to them."
"Okay, show me what you did", I told him, eager to leave.
He started to type the keyword, which turned out to be huge ass long and immediately I noticed a little counter, like "x/50", directly beneath the text field started to count up with every new character GDG typed. See where I'm going with this? HE WASNT ABLE TO RENAME A TRANSLATION BECAUSE HE WAS TOO LAZY TO FUCKING READ AND CONCENTRATE FOR ONCE. Sorry for that, but even thinking about it gets me angry again.

To some this might sound like nothing, but it really got to me at this point. Maybe it will become more understandable as I post more GDG stories.

tl;dr: A 40 something year old man, who's been working in his job for over 10 years wasn't able to use a program which he daily uses and asks me for help, only to find out he's a complete dipshit.

Was in our mail today... It's a magazine where you can take evening classes in the IT branch. Who can see the error? It can be found without speaking french. Here is the translation of the headline: Application programming in Java.

(Hint: Web development was on another page.)

I started writing a basic translator for a language I invented. I’m currently stuck in my code, not because I don’t know what to do, but because I have to change a few endings in my language 😭

Not only Windows can show this "strange" error messages: Today I got this beauty while importing an SQL-dump.

(Translation: "Error on import: error on statement #1: not an error. Execution will be aborted and the db will be reset.")

A: "Mate, do the translations"

B: "Fine, but you guys implemented the translation service so repetitively..."

A: "No, this is not repetitive, that's how we need to do it"

*sigh*

PS: Whenever I call the "trans" method, I think of transgender, don't ask why

The student assistant gave me a half point penalty for writing down to much comments! Direct translation:
To much of this kind of comments is not needed, the code itself is clear on its own.

When you are so into C# that you even speak it...

Translation:
Languages
- German
- English
- C Sharp

And another shitty hoster...
Translation:
“The password is to long. Please choose a password that is not longer than 16 characters”

Google translation of "Docker" in Greek:

):pss limenergatis means a dock worker aka docker

in 2017 i published my first website. it was basically a remake of google's translation telephone, because google shut it down. unfortunately, the translation api costs money, so rather than pay, i set up a gscript api endpoint that translates it for me.

apparently when you use gscript, translation is free. this was back when i was 14, which is crazy to think about.

Never believe that you have the benefits of a work from home internship, with stipend; and the comfort of your home.

Indian parents be like, "Beti bachao beti padhao; beta dhaniya lao pudina lao"...

Which translates to, "Save daughters, educate daughters; son go bring dhaniya and pudina from the market"...

Dhaniya and Pudina are some vegetables, whose translation I don't know :P

😂😂😂
Translation will ruin the fun tho😅

Pretty sure I'm going to win the lottery with these numbers xD

Rough translation:
Here are your lottery numbers.

No Rows Founds

Musk's OpenAI beat the top professional Dota2 players in the World. That's pretty impressive. AI has a lot of potential for the future. BTW, any Dota2 players here? My son complains that he ends up on Teams that don't speak English. Dota2 can be modded. Imagine a mod that interfaces with Google Translate and does on the fly translation. Beyond my experience level. Way beyond.

RANT

We use Exact for our time sheets/hour tracking. How it's supposed to work:
-Manager plans my hours in Exact.
- I work those hours on the given projects
== All fine till here ==
But then ... there is a button (don't know the correct translation) "realise" which books the planned hours for me. So I don't have to do it manually.

This simply didn't work!! No one seem to know why not... Not even the guys at Exact.

Since it's web based I opened the developers window and looked for the call behind the button. You would think it would be at least an Ajax call thingy (I'm not completely into JS)
Turns out it's a readable JS function!

It doesn't stop there... It first makes all calculations on what to display, at last, at the fucking end, it checks a setting whether to proceed the booking or not!!!!

So I found and switched the setting and tried the button again.... Now it fucking works...

No fucking way I am going to tell Exact what the problem is 😫

This one is more for the (surprisingly many) german folks here.

Explanation: Nobody would translate children to "Kinder" in the context of nodes in software.
The translation would be correct in the context of an ordinary family, but in software the translation of e.g. "Reply(s)" would be far more appropriate.

This pic is from my class messenger group.
Translation:

Dear teacher! Our group have chosen another web builder for the project, we hope it's not a problem...

Yeah, I use templates which I can copy code from to my group's site, but for the love of *!#* life I consider myself a noob beginner even tough I've been in this field for a year or two now but I can code with more confidence now. What the hell are these people going to do if they only willing to rely on school and wix...

But I can always be wrong, these are just my thoughts.

Was working on my game engines scripting language for the terminal and this is how things went in roughly the space of 30 minutes

"Ok let's get a basic language structure defined..."

*Time passes*

"Ok, so now I have basic structure and concepts of a potential auto translation framework, external library use and just a dash of complicated file structures and use"

And I still haven't written a single line of code except for ignoring whitespace when starting to lex the file to transpiling ;-;

Are there more people here who prefer codual over visual?

UML diagrams are fun and all, but I personally prefer to have a code example over an uml diagram when it comes to a few classes that work together. Not exactly sure why I prefer it that way, in my head I translate uml to code in order to understand it better and if you show me a piece of code I don't have to do that translation.

I wonder what you guys' thoughts are 🤔

Australian translation of Gherkin keywords

I need to rant about life decisions, and choosing a dev career probably too early. Not extremely development related, but it's the life of a developer.

TL;DR: I tried a new thing and that thing is now my thing. The new thing is way more work than my old thing but way more rewarding & exciting. Try new things.

I taught myself to program when I was a kid (11 or 12 years old), and since then I have always been absolutely sure that I wanted to be a games programmer. I took classes in high school and college with that aim, and chose a games programming degree. Everything was so simple, nail the degree, get a job programming something, and take the first games job that I could and go from there.

I have always had random side hobbies that I liked to teach myself, just like programming. And in uni I decided that I wanted to learn another language (natural, not programming) because growing up in England meant that I only learned English and was rarely exposed to anything else. The idea of knowing another fascinated me.

So I dabbled in a few different languages, tried to find a culture that seemed to fit my style and attitude to life and others, and eventually found myself learning Korean. That quickly became something I was doing every single day, and I decided I needed to go to Korea and see what life there could be like.

I found out that my university offered a free summer school program for a couple of weeks, all I had to pay for was the flights. So a few months later I was there and it was literally the best thing I'd done in my life to that point. I'd found two things that made me feel even better than the idea of becoming the games programmer I'd always wanted to be. Travelling and using my other language to communicate with people that I couldn't in English. At that point I was still just a beginner, but even the simple conversations with people who couldn't speak English felt awesome.

So when I returned home, I found that that trip had completely thrown a spanner into my life plan. All I could think about after that was improving my language skills and going back there for as long as possible. Who knows what to do.

I did exactly that. I studied harder than I'd ever studied for anything and left the next year to go and study in Korea, now with intermediate language skills, everyday conversations no longer being a problem at all.

Now I live here, I will be here for the next year and I have to return to England for one year to finish my degree. Then instead of having my simple plan of becoming a developer, I can think of nothing I want to do less than just stay in England doing the same job every day, nothing to do with language. I need to be at least travelling to Korea, and using my language skills in at least some way.

The current WIP plan is to take intensive language classes here (from next week, every single weekday), build awesome dev side projects and contribute to open source stuff. Then try to build a life of freelance translation/interpreting/language teaching and software development (maybe here, maybe Korea).

So the point of this rant is that before, I had a solid plan. Now I am sat in my bed in Korea writing this, thinking about how I have almost no idea how I'm going to build the life that I want. And yet somehow, the uncertainty makes this so much more exciting and fulfilling. There's a lot more worrying, planning and deciding to do. But I think the fact that I completely changed my life goals just through a small decision one day to satisfy a curiosity is a huge life lesson for me. And maybe reading this will help other people decide to just try doing something different for once, and see if your life plan holds up.

If it does, never stop trying new things. If it doesn't (like mine), then you now know that you've found something that you love as much as or even more that your plan before. Something that you might have lived your whole life never finding.

I don't expect many people to read this all, but writing it here has been very cathartic for me, and it's still a rant because now I have so much more work and planning to do. But it's the good kind of work.

Things aren't so simple now, but they're way more worth it.

"Translation is not a matter of words only: it is a matter of making intelligible a whole culture. " - Anthony Burgess

Today.

Client: “can you make this last minute change to something fundamental?” (Paraphrased)

Me: “yes it’s doable but a major pain in the ass at this late stage”

Client: “great! Well if it’s just a quick change sit tight in it just now and i’ll let you know tomorrow if it’s to go ahead”

Me: “is this real life?”

Go home windows your drunk. Yes i want to but i have to use you
Translation:

Microsoft Windows
This application doesn't react. The program could possibly react i
again if you wait.

Do you want to kill this procrss?

I work in a big German company and we are a lot of teams building the company website.

Obviously the website is in German but almost all the devs are not German speakers, included the testers.

To make the work easier in the frontend we use sometimes the translation function of chrome and it's funny because a lot of time I got a bug opened by a tester for a wrong label because HE FUCKING FORGOT TO DISABLE THE TRANSLATION AND HE THINKS THAT THE LABEL IS IN THE WRONG LANGUAGE

Guess it's time to ditch ProtonMail as well.

Translation: "[Update Google play services.] ProtonMail won't work until you have updated Google Play Services."

I know I'm almost an anti-Google nazi at this point, but ProtonMail was one of the only remaining apps not needing Google to work, and now it's a "sin equa non" condition. I'm very disappointed. Guess I'll have to switch this address to Tutanota or host my own email server.

Edit: why the fuck would my autocorrect capitalize nazi?

!rant real talk though.

I am frustrated. Lately i have been having a slow time on the job, and it somehow dulled me down a lot.

In games you often have to think about transforms and rotations and offsets and hell knows what else.

I am usually pretty good at 3d object manipulation, it's one of those IQ test skills i generally score well on.

However lately i have not been able to come up with jack shit, i am simply unable to coherently think through a set of positioning and rotation changes to aquire the correct outcome for a mechanic and it pisses me off.

I have to fall back to slow as all hell trial and error and i don't even know what to do otherwise. It's been months now, do i have brain cancer or some shit? Arrrrrrg!

When you Render something and the name is just perfect!

Translation: Catched encoding buying Toilet Paper

I'm currently between jobs and have a few rants about my previous job (naturally). In retrospect, it's somewhat therapeutic to range about the sheer brainfuckery that has taken place. Enjoy!

First, let me set the scene: legacy B2B web app made with LEMP stack and sencha ext.js 3 + 4 (don't ask) and a lot of madness. Let's call that app "Alpha".

Alpha is a self made CMS build for typical ERP stuff. Yes, a self made CMS: entities are containers, containers have types and fields and values. Like so many legacy PHP apps, it does not have a dedicated FE: the HTML is rendered on the server and then spewed out to the browser.

Easy right? Coding like it's 1999! But there was a twist: Because everything is basically a container, the HTML-templates are saved in the DB. Along with the nessary JS and the CSS. And the translation variables. Why? Because fuck you! That's why. Who needs a git history anyways.

For some reason, Alpha was kinda slow.

There was also an editor, that allowed you to modify templates (web, mail, pdf) on the fly in prod. Because templates contain repeating data (header/footer), one template could contain additional templates. Much confusion. You could change templates via migration (slow, boring) or just ctrl-c/ctrl-v that sucker (fast, much excitement).

Did I mention Alpha was slow?

On with the rant: e-mails! How do they work? Noone knows. How to send mails asynchronous in PHP? Witchcraft is the only possible answer to that riddle. Here is your enterprise™ solution:
1. create mail
2. insert mail into DB
3. WAIT UP TO 59 SECONDS FOR A FUCKING CRON TO SEND MAIL

Why? "Because that way, we can resend mails in case the network is down :)"

Same procedure for the SOAP-API (db-queue + cron). You read that right: all requests to various other systems are processed once a minute.

Alpha slow.

Alpha was only one of several systems. Imagine a bunch of monolithic php apps, interconnected via SOAP, REST and GraphQL like a godamn intergalactic orgy. Image having to debug that cluster fuck.

Let's say there is a bad request. These things happen. No biggie. Remember the db-queue? Let's try to send the bad request a second time! And a third time! Still no luck? How odd. Let's create a specific file in a specific directory: a LOCK-file. Now, "the db-queue is on hold and no request gets processed :)"

Golly gee thanks Alpha.

Anyhow, did you know that MySQL has a join limit of 61 tables?

In my opinion, russian nation's chronic inability to fight oppressive regimes is partly attributed to one interesting quirk the russian language has.
When talking about injustice committed against someone, or making threats to commit said injustice, the actor is completely omitted.
Here's an example:
“Надо будет — найдут”, roughly translated to “they could find you if they wanted to”, is a common phrase to use when talking about proxies, VPNs and other online privacy measures. But the word “they” in English translation is nowhere to be found in the original text! Let's examine the literal translation:
- “надо будет” — “the need will arise”
- “найдут” — “will find you”
The English phrase “they could find you if they wanted to” can be easily challenged with a simple question: “Who's they?” The government? The corporates? The regime? The CIA? Who exactly?

English language can mimic that with passive voice: “you are being watched”, “you are an easy target”, etc. But in active voice, you can't avoid using “they” or some other actor.
In russian, you can. And you will. Indeed, this is how russian people converse. It's a very specific, very common pattern that never really changed.

It's a very powerful thought-terminating cliché built straight into the language. You can't fight an enemy that has no name and no word to describe it, not even a euphemism. The very language you THINK in prevents you from analyzing the entities that oppress you.

In a Tom Scott Plus video where he tried tightrope walking, he learned that they don't say the “F-word” — “fall”. You can't say “I'm afraid I'll fall”. You have to find more specific alternatives like “I'm afraid I'll lose balance”. The word “fall” in this context is a thought-terminating cliché. There is no going back after you “fall”. But if you “lose balance”, you can “regain balance” — the lack of a thought-terminating cliché promotes problem-solving.

Russian language is the same, but in soviet russia, language terminates you, I guess.

Months on this project and it STILL doesn’t work. Way too many links in the communication chain and everything is getting lost in transmission and in translation because of foreign language barriers.

All of this will be my fault when it fails, even when it’s provably actually not. The joys of being the single wringable neck.

The genius design of “Techno-city”, now defunct tech retailer.

By merely rearranging letters of the brand name, designers created a whole narrative. The flexibility of Russian language allows that.

Translation:
They aren't Sith
Techno-city
Shadows of their cells
There are hundreds of them
They bring networks
This packet carries them
Carry the next big thing

Bug raised: "Please investigate these CRTICAL issues immediately, the system is not working properly"

Translation: "We're too stupid to use our own system, the system that we created the specification for. Please re-educate us and explain that these are not actually issues (immediately). But we're gonna CC every motherfucker in the company so they KNOW you fucked up and the pressure is on you to fix it, bitch! Huehuehuehue"

!dev

fun fact: when the world made the switch to the Gregorian calendar in the 1500's, we lost about 8 years in translation, so technically, this is the year 2012.

so…

let's make a translation website game thing

ooh! web hosting! check black friday deal!
buys website + hosting
~$100

oooh, let's check out google's translation api

>0.00001$ wtf no i aint paying that shitz or i wouldnt been a h4x3r

how can i work around this?
i know! ill make an iframe and input text as if i were a user

firefox: fuq u bish google isnt allowing framing for its translations

well gonna find another work around tommorow

maybe share the link too :)

I don't fucking care if you don't understand what I'm trying to convey, I've documented how to configure email with your fucking iPhone (even though I don't own one), I will not fucking guide some FUCKING idiot from management to teach them configure the same documented thing.

It's fucking email, you log in with your credentials and settings are fetched, how is this difficult to understand you FUCKING idiot?!?!??

Also, pic related, translation "I don't give rat's ass" or "I don't fucking care"

When you are told the app you worked on is scheduled to go into production on Friday.....

My reaction was "Aise kaise?"
(Translation -How even?)

This made my day: (Translation: In reality the earth is a star with 12 spikes and generated by this css script.

"Yes, that's possible."

Translation: "I don't want to look like a fucking complete yoghurt, but I have no idea how I even tied my own laces this morning - so god only knows if this is possible"

When you let your friends test you application. All of this happened in about 3 seconds. I directly shut down the server haha. Translation: "page ... couldn't be loaded."

I think my company used to work with an innovative developer centric approach to software development where you make commits based on the state of the developer rather than the code. 😂

Translation : "My DD is going to fail hence I commit" and "I'm tired".

Translation:
"According to Xiaomi, the U-Disk (Xiaomi's new USB drive) has UDP technology that prevents damage by splashing and dust."

HOW A TRANSPORT PROTOCOL CAN'T PREVENT THAT?

What's next? "The new notebook has HTTP technology that makes it waterproof."

- finish mEMeOs
- learn about cryptography and finish dogecrypt
- finish translation iteration and get it to 2500 unique visitors on awstats
- make a good, solid android app
- tell people i know python (i dont😉)

I guess that’s it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I kinda wish there were more…

When we subtract some number m from another number n, we are essentially creating a relationship between n and m such that whatever the difference is, can be treated as a 'local identity' (relative value of '1') for n, and the base then becomes '(base n/(n-m))%1' (the floating point component).

for example, take any number, say 512
697/(697-512)
3.7675675675675677

here, 697 is a partial multiple of our new value of '1' whose actual value is the difference (697-512) 185 in base 10. proper multiples on this example number line, based on natural numbers, would be
185*1,
185*2
185*3, etc

The translation factor between these number lines becomes

0.7675675675675677

multiplying any base 10 number by this, puts it on the 1:185 integer line.

Once on a number line other than 1:10, you must multiply by the multiplicative identity of the new number line (185 in the case of 1:185), to get integers on the 1:10 integer line back out.

185*0.7675675675675677 for example gives us

185*0.7675675675675677
142.000000000000

This value, pulled from our example, would be 'zero' on the line.

185 becomes the 'multiplicative' identity of the 1:185 line. And 142 becomes the additive identity.

Incidentally the proof of this is trivial to see just by example. if 185 is the multiplicative identity of 697-512, and and 142 is the additive identity of number line 1:185

then any number '1', or k=some integer, (185*(k+0.7675675675675677))%185
should equal 142.

because on the 1:10 number line, any number n%1 == 0

We can start to think of the difference of any two integers n, as the multiplicative identity of a new number line, and the floating point component of quotient of any number n to the difference of any number n-m, as the additive identity.

let n =697
let m = 185
n-m == '1' (for the 1:185 line)

(n-m) * ((n/(n-m))%1) == '0'

As we can see just like on the integer number line, n%1 == 0
or in the case of 1:185, it equals 142, our additive identity.

And now, the purpose of this long convoluted post: all so I could bait people into reading a rant on division by zero.

I was helping a friend with her computer when an alert from the antivirus tells me there is a virus in the computer. I tried to delete it and the computer shows this alert (the translation would be something like: The action couldn't be performed as the file is a virus).

FUCKING WINDOWS I KNOW ITS A VIRUS SO LET ME DELETE IT. 😩😩

I've been working on an ERP system for several years and we had a module to record your presence time.
The code was absolute shit but at least the method names matched.
The method to record the end of your work was named "outhouseRecord".
One translation for outhouse seems to be a toilet outside.

Wanna play a game?

Rules :

1. each contestant writes a long word in their native lang ( or one they know ) in this format : [ word ], [ lang ], [ chars count ] - [ approximate or exact translation to EN ]

2. the word must be verifiable in one or other way in the net ( so no freshly made up words r used )

3. u can refine ur answer, but max 3 words per account

The longest of them all wins.

I'll start w/ my 1st try :

непротивоконституционствувателствувайте, BG, 39 - do not be unconstitutional

So no decent internet for me the whole damn weekend and I have no more podcasts left to listen to while working. FUUUUU ...
The internet "technician" that was supposed to connect the house to VDSL really fucked my connection up - I escalated through support and I can't fix it.
(I hate it when I can't fix things myself! Especially electronic ones! Especially simple electronic ones! Damn it!)

Einmal mit Profis arbeiten!*

*[Translation, angry German to angry English:
I'd very much like to work with professionals. One. Fucking. Time.]

Apparently they knew how to program in bible (partial translation of a traditional passover song below):

If He had brought us out from Egypt,
and had not carried out judgments against them
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!
If He had carried out judgments against them,
and not against their idols
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!
If He had destroyed their idols,
and had not smitten their first-born
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!
If He had smitten their first-born,
and had not given us their wealth
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!
If He had given us their wealth,
and had not split the sea for us
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!
If He had split the sea for us,
and had not taken us through it on dry land
— Dayenu, it would have sufficed!

Interesting password recommendation here...

Translation:
- A form with to fields: Surname and password.
- Below the form is a text: "For signup please enter your name and a password (e.g. your email address). With your name and password you can change your data anytime and may get access to the memberlist."

Bonus: There is a "help"-button (outside of the cutting) which even *recommends* the use of the email-address as the password!
Extra bonus: The password field is a normal text one.

IF THE EMAIL ADDRESS HAS TO BE SUBMITTED, WHY NOT JUST ADD ANOTHER FIELD OR AT LEAST LABEL THE FIELD CORRECTLY!

Update: After this form, you get to another form, to enter you email address...

Translation resources :

DeepL
Babel fish
Bing translate
Google translate

Thanks Android for the ANR window!

(Translation: Process system is not responding)

Lost in translation:

Prod down and investigation for 3 hours because of empty line in translation file.
fml

Job review time,
(just a random pick from the a list).
---
"Engineering Lead"
Translation: "Chief Calculator Officer"

"Anyone can design or spec a product, get it manufactured overseas and get it to market. But will it be good? Will people buy it?"
Translation: "We're looking for a miracle"

"Take on a top notch team that is going places in Electronics, R&D and advanced product development."
Translation: "Professional Excel engineer wanted"

"This company is a little-known success story that has been operating for over X years, making mission-critical electronic equipment for use by consumers, professionals, government and industry."
Translation: "Design weapons and tamagotchis."

"Working as part of the Senior Leadership team, you will have charge of the I.P. engine and product development team spinning up new ideas and throwing them out the door."
Translation: "You're success is our success. Your failure is your failure."

"The Role
- Generate New Ideas
- Push for new products
- Drive manufacturing
- Manage a cross disciplinary team that includes Electronics, Software and Mechanical
- Project Manage new projects to completion
- Interact with marketing and sales to drive results"
Translation: "We've never hired one person to be a whole team before but we think it will work."

"On your first day, we expect:
- Strong Leadership experience and skills
- Solid Engineering Fundamentals
- Experience taking new and existing products to market
- Experience with manufacturing high-tech, mission critical equipment
- Commercial Acumen
- Bachelors in Electrical or Electronic Engineering"
Translation: "We expect you know where to hide the drugs already."

"Nice to have:
- Experience with Defense or Medical Systems
- R&D background
- MBA, B. Commerce or similar"
Translation: "By clicking on this job ad your background check is already under way."

"In return:
- A loyal and oustanding team will be there to support you
- Extremely knowledgeable experts to guide you
- Incredibly smart founders to mentor you
- The opportunity to work on a real product
- Extremely generous salary package"
Translation: "Our last dev has removed the Warrant Canary. Can you pleeease put it back?!"

Programing courses in my country
Translation:
Learn PHP in only 2 hours and half without any prior knowledge

Don't translate your shitty software automatically dipshits. I'd rather have no translation than one that doesn't make any sense

Wanted to try Looplabs.

This idiot client wanted me to code within a laravel app. He wanted me to use laravels translation helpers. He also wanted me to put every piece of code into a php file in the public directory and I must not change any of Laravels framework files...

I denied.

The earliest high-profile “native ad” I know of happened in 1831, when Alexander Pushkin released “Evgeny Onegin”. This is a very big deal. Russian Empire had huge cultural influence back then, and it was fashionable. Everything coming from it was cool. Sobranie London still has Russian Empire coat of arms as their logo. Also, Pushkin is regarded by many to be the best Russian poet ever, with Evgeny Onegin being his flagship masterpiece.

So, Breguet, the watch company, decided to advertise in this very piece. It went like this (sorry for the lack of rhyme and the overall lameness in my translation, it is hardly possible to translate Russian poetry to English):

Wearing a wide bolivar hat,
Onegin is going to the avenue
He's chilling there until
Breguet that never sleeps
Chimes him that it is time
To go and get something to eat

To put it into a context, it's as if someone bought an ad in Romeo and Juliet.

Git Commit Part 3:
28d48b0 This is why the cat shouldn't sit on my keyboard.
95df68f I must enjoy torturing myself
c5acfc2 Fix my stupidness
3a57702 I hate this fucking language.
6cb212a Too tired to write descriptive message
292b1e2 That last commit message about silly mistakes pales in comparision to this one
f4a091f Does not work.
5af1ca1 small is a real HTML tag, who knew.
e7d2d84 Best commit ever
f54d32b de-misunderestimating
f587ca1 Added translation.
352e29c Future self, please forgive me and don't hit me with the baseball bat again!
54403a6 Now added delete for real
9f42f38 Who knows...
5df8457 more ignored words
56bd0ef Added missing file in previous commit

i was trying to explain my vision of a client's site to him without using any technical terms, so the most used term was "thingy", "there gonna be a lil thingy here, a thing for login and stuff there, yea all that, got it, the theme gon be blue [...]".

PMs are strange. I spend over a year to perfect a self optimizing, state agnostic End2End test with almost no flakyness and they're like "Yeah, nice". I write a frickin 15 line php script to display in which translation file a certain string is defined and they act as if I'd just walked over water.

(In the meeting) "Yes everything seems to be progressing forward at an excellent rate, I'm seeing lots of synergy in the team."

Translation: "Where the fuck am I and what the fuck am I doing...?!"

This is probably the worst place to start my Rant saga but this is recent (this is one of the last few episodes of a 3 series cluster fuck of a job so you're missing out on all the straws that go into breaking the camels back and making him unaccommodating)

TL;DR I do good work, management dont like me and go out their way to try and fuck up my days

So, lets start, I'm a contractor, got funeral Tuesday, book leave, book WFH for day after.

I leave in 3 weeks, woman who is the CIO's right hand bitch takes me into a room the next day or so in the morning to discuss my WFH day. Leave on tuesday is cool but this WFH day...there's only so long until I'm gone so they want me to stay in for more face-to-face time blah blah blah (considering this woman isn't even part of the project I'm working on anymore because she decided to deflect it onto a underqualified junior with no PM experience)

So I sit there, thinking of all the blood and sweat that I have shed, the mountains I've moved just to be told to move the mountain somewhere else and whether coming in would kill me (in other words im fucking burnt out!!! I have built their GDPR database and app backend single-handedly with no requirements, project managers who can't plan and being chastised for asking for documentation/plan/anything written down and having the CIO who is also the fucking DPO ignore any emails/slack I send him relating to the project and having to keep up with a team of devs....).

So because there was a momentary silence, she decided to fill the gap

"Oh, you've done some good work so far and I wouldn't want you to ruin it all in these last 3 weeks. So just come in on the Wednesday so that we can have you here."

Hmm....yeah...i didn't notice what she had ACTUALLY said there, still thinking about can i be fucked? So she decides to add

"...there's only 3 weeks left, wouldn't want you to burn any bridges. Remember, we still have to give you a reference"

....Okay....shots fired. So i respond

"You saying, if I take a WFH day, you'll give me a bad reference?"

"Noooo no no no, not saying that, just that you've done good work and we wouldn't want you to ruin it"

"With one wfh day?"

"We just want you to come in because the developers might be coming here that week"

"Oh... I hear that...what day?"

"I dunno, it's not been booked yet"

".............................I'll think about it"

"There's nothing to consider"

*Start leaving room* "I'll think about it...."

So cool, obviously, had a think, decide to shoot over an email (or more accurately, a collection of bullets). Which basically said, in devRant translation, "Fuck y'all, I'm WFH on that day, I wish a motherfucker would fuck up my reference, we can go that way if you want it. *snaps fingers* I. WISH. YOU. WOULD! "

Woman says "I wasn't threatening you, was just saying...dont ruin your last 3 weeks, wouldn't want you to burn any bridges and that we still have to give you a reference"

What kind of Godfather comment is that?

Come in today, the CIO, who is a prick who don't like me for whatever reason, sends me long email trying to disrespect me and in the midst says "I’m sorry that you have chosen to react like this, I’m sure that [my bitch] was conveying a position that your last three weeks of contract are crucial for a smooth handover. I have made the decision to not require you to work from home on Wednesday. I understand you are on leave on Tuesday and therefore this is now extended to include Wednesday. I look forward to seeing you back in the office on Thursday. I hope this will make the situation better for all parties."

.................................thought you lot needed me in the office to ensure a smooth handover................logic..........people.............where the fuck do you get yours from!?!?!?!? All this just so they can say "We made the decision at the end :cool:"

!Rant
Hey guys I need your help.
I have developed a snippet manager which currently is used by over 280 users from a lot of different countries on a daily base, which is very nice.
(For those wondering the app is called "SnipAway" just search on it on Google it will pop up)
But my main problem currently are the translations. I've created them using Google translator mostly for the languages I don't speak.
I would like to ask for some help from my fellow devRanters. I would need translators for the following languages:

Italian
Spanish
French
Russian
Japanese
Turkish

If you can help translating please comment so I can send you the translation file. The file is not very big so translating it should not take long.
Also if you speak another language that's not in the list above still comment i wouldn't mind to add the language to the app.

Thanks

Polish Translation for Microsoft Visual Studio...
Hope you figure out what is wrong witch that shit
Good Job Bill...

Mozilla you stinking kangaroo pouches!

When you set an object's CSS translation via JS like so:
obj.style.transform="translate(0px,0px)";
and then read it back, every browser including FF until 66 gives this, with additional space:
"translate(0px, 0px)"

However, bloody FF 67 returns "translate(0px)". Because it's always a good idea to just introduce external changes nilly-willy, right?

That screwed up my crappy string slicing because it relied on the presence of the comma. It was a quick and dirty solution, but with additional future proof if/else logic, it wouldn't even be quick anymore.

Besides, the whole string slicing looked like yo-yo code anyway so that I instead added shadow integer variables to the objects. That solution not only works, but is even faster.

A language translation software

Victor Pelevin is an iconic Russian writer. I won't describe him here (5000 characters is not enough), I just say I think he's one of the greatest if not THE greatest modern author.

Here's the tea (sorry for my bad translation):

"Some of our illusions feel more real than other illusions. A kid is urinating in perfectly real toilet when he's sleeping, he hears a perfectly real sound confirming this, yet he's still unsure.

A grown up, mature man is different only because he also shit himself.

Grown ups have no doubt about reality, that doubt that helps the kid to get closer to the truth. But grown ups have 'scientific explanations' that toilet is real because there is sound of urine, and the sound of urine is real because toilet is made of ceramic, so because of it we all should be working 24/7.

To help grown ups wake up from this 'reality', death exists."

I am currently lost in translation.
Damn, standardization are important.

I am working on integration of biggest payment company in Japan. Their technical guys doesnt know much Emglish.
Their documention of APIs were literally translated into english without any standardization by their dev guys.

And now I am trying to map what they mean in standard terms.

Psst I no english speaker.

Hey guys.
Doing my first tutorial... (starting slow). Need help with translation.
How is the item in the picture called in English? It's a plastic bag to place papers and documents inside

Here at the end of high school they make you create a sort of mini-thesis and/or a conceptual map. I found mine in midst of full blown bedroom chaos, dated one year ago (it's in italian because I am italian but you can definitely ask for translation). I got that fucking diploma despite all the issues I had and still have. Fuck 'em.