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Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server
Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?
Manager: Yes
Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?
Manager: Yes
Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket
Manager: What’s so funny?
Dev: Nothing
Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.12 -
!Rant
Thought this was kind of funny for us lady devs/programmers, and something we can relate to.
The lady in the image is an engineer/programmer and is getting married but doesn't have any girlfriends (since she works in a mostly male oriented field, like us). So instead of having female bridesmaids she had her close brogrammers / college classmates stand up in her wedding with her. I mean, it was probably less drama, anyways! 😂
I'm the only girl on my team so I def relate!
*not my pic*
22 -
LOL this was actually a true story, it seems she had to delete her twitter account and make a new one! 😂😂😂
8 -
Boss: Hey funny guy, It's your First Work anniversary. Congratulations and now share your thought on completing a year with us.
Me: Thanks Lady, All I wanted to say is Life was good and then I joined this project.
Boss: Told you, Funny guy. Now get back to work and I want those fixes by EOD.
Me: 😑2 -
Boss: I'm going to push you into the water without a lifejacket, and you have to learn how to swim by yourself.
*Not sure he is trying to be funny or he is out of his mind.3 -
PO: we want this new functionality, a new api call is needed in checkout process
Devs: okay, and what should happen in case of error?
PO: dont worry, it wont fail. Never.
🙃3 -
My CTO prefers to hire very expensive consultants than to trust on staff. It's funny, because he also decided that all technical teams should run on the absolute minimal amount of resources.
You can't imagine how shitty it felt this morning when he sent an email talking about a security consultant that we should hire, just because he thinks the guy could "take our expertise to the next level".
They will charge us 450/hour to run assessments, to find the exact same things my team discovered a year ago.5 -
Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards? Because they use a strongly typed language.2
-
- Get invited to apply to job
- Technical interview, guy shows up late starts small talk wasting time and gives me the exercise
- Start implementing the first algorithm, finish it passing min test cases then realize there's a solution that would make both algorithms a breeze
- I pitch my solution realizing there's no much time left, cuz we lost almost 20 min of my test hour talking about BS plus the almost 10 min he arrived late, and reassure the interviewer it can be developed faster
- Interviewer says it doesn't matter, we should finish edge cases
- Kay no problem, finish the first algorithm successfully and explain pitfalls on the second part with the current implementation
- I tell him there's a better solution but he doesn't seem to care, he says time's up
Now here's the funny part.
I get called by the recruiter today (2 weeks later) and she says "They are happy with your soft skills but feel there are some gaps with your coding, they would like to repeat the technical interview because they didn't feel there was much time to assess the 'gaps' ".
Interviewers, either I'm competent enough to work for you or not, your tests must be designed to assess that, if you see you can't fit the problem you want in the time you have left change the problem, reschedule or here's an idea...LEAVE THE BS CHITCHAT TILL THE END AND START THE INTERVIEW ON TIME. When I do interviews I always try to have one complete free hour and a one algorithm exercise because I expect the candidate to solve it, analyze it and offer alternatives or explain it, I've never had someone finishing more than 2 an hour.
You can keep your job I'll keep my time. I'll write a similar problem on the comments to pass on the knowledge for people who enjoy solving these kinds of problems, can't give you the exact same thing, also tip guys don't do NDA's for interviewing it makes no fucking sense trust me no one cares about your fizz buzz intellectual property.
12 -
My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.
The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.
My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.
My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.
The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".
We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.
I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.2 -
Hope you survived the Monday;)
As I promised, I’d like to post my comic series “Destory” here regularly.
A story about two devs and their funny but serious project, on the hype technology - the blockchain.
6 -
Am I the only one who found Satya Nadella picture really out of context and funny.. its like the numbers represent real estate value of his heads surface....
10 -
Our boss did always the same thing. When there was a BIG potential customer who indicates a small interest in our software, then he lied constantly about features. After the customer bought our software we got a deadline and should develop the missing features. I could remember two features: The first one was a quote tool for a car transport company. The tool should estimate a price for a transportation from an email with no structure and the other one was an API which should be possible to write dynamicly to MySQL, MariaDB, Postgres, MSSQL, DB2, Mongo or better said any possible dbms. The API should guess the structure of the dbs and offer CRUD actions. The funny thing is must write the api with go. Yeah dynamic and GO.
At some time, we told him we wont make any overtime and if the deadline is not possible we told that immediatly the customers, so that they call him. Thank god I don't work anymore in this company.1 -
My older brother always tore the last pages of my comic books, and never told me why. I had to draw my own conclusions.1
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I have been working for my current employer about 3 years now. When I first got to work I was asked by another employee to work on an editor for certain types of files. We will call this employee Ed. Because his name is Ed.
Ed is a verifiable genius, and a genuinely great guy to work with. He is amazing with hardware and math. Ed has a need, or shall I say fetish. He wants an editor for some our proprietary files called "Settings files". They are just xml. Nothing special.
However, I have always had other priorities. We actually had a tense moment when I had to tell Ed my boss doesn't want me to work on the editor. I had started looking into working on the editor when my boss said stop working on this file. So since then it had become a running joke between Ed and myself. Well, I think it is funny, Ed smiles, but I know he wants this editor bad. Our boss even suggested at one time that Ed write this editor. He looked into it, but "other priorities" trumped this effort.
Okay, so now it has been 3 years and we still don't have this editor. Then I had an epiphany. Since Ed wants this editor I found an idea for the name of this program. "Settings Editor" is just too mundane. I now think it should be called: "Mr. Edit". I also found that the library we use for most of our development has text to speech built in. So when the program starts I can have it say: "Hello, I am Mr. Edit, the talking Settings Editor". I have never wanted to write this program so badly before. Muahahahahaha!6 -
BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...7 -
Two C strings walk into a bar.
The bartender asks "What can I get ya?"
The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic."
The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF()#$JF(#)$(@J#()$@#())!*FNIN!OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F!##@"
The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated."1 -
NEW TALES FROM THE FUCKING CRYPT. It's disgusting...
... how managers keep to invest money into totally useless gadgets at the company to keep themselves motivated with stupid toys, tech and gear. WHY in fucks name would you not spend the money on hiring more devs and a dev consultant?
It's funny how they presented the stats first: "yea well we have ten big projects in dev right now" (we are FIVE FUCKING PEOPLE, tells you everything, right) "... BUT WE HAVE BOUGHT NEW SCOOTERS FOR THE COMPANY!".
Ok... why though? Who would actually use those things except the ones that bought them. Just another way of spending more money to reduce the promised employee return on the company's profit...2 -
Hey here we go:)
My first comic series - “DevStory”
A story of two devs aiming at changing the world’s impact about cryptos by their own token project.
Bugs, cheap scammers, money, flying unicorns and a lot of laughs!
(Episode 1)
26 -
Looking around where I work, I'm reminded of when I was young and ambitious, like all the other kids around me at the time, with a dislike for all the older dudes and dudettes in upper management. With the exception of three other guys around my age, everyone, including the CEO, was in high school, middle school, elementary school, or not even born yet when I started my career. Just like them, I was plucky and chatty and (trying to be) funny and social. I didn't know how fast I would go from that set to the old fat guy that they look askance at and wonder how I'm still around with my weird ways and "boomerish", socially retarded behavior. What's really galling is that I'm solidly Gen X, like some of them, but I guess I talk more like a Boomer because my parents were older when I was born and I was kinda raised in that mindset. I'm the office schlub now. A man out of my time. And I've never been in any kind of upper management, even. I am Kevin Malone.
3 -
Morning there:)
To everyone who’s enjoying / doesn’t but is going to enjoy ( ̀⌄ ́) the DevStory:
here we go, with the third episode.
Leave a comment below and tell me your “dev stories” :)
11 -
My friend is learning PHP and I told him to install xampp but that fucker went nuts and installed MySQL too which didn't allow the xampp's SQL and ended in conflict.
Oh man that's so funny when non programmers don't do what we say.2 -
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Opportunity. That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!3 -
Oh man, it's so funny when people try to install npm via cmd and they can't understand, what fuck all errors they are getting.2
-
It's funny how you start feeling bad for the next dev taking over your project because it turned into a total spaghetti code shit show that will be impossible to maintain in the future with new features coming in.
Honestly... if a projects starts out with a certain scope which then gets extended EVERY FUCKING WEEK with requirements that can't even be met in the initial timeframe it's no wonder the code quality will decrease over time.
This just reminds me daily how important good project management (and I'm not talking about suit wearing pain-in-the-ass-managers) and the inclusion of devs in the planning process really is.
It's so fucking crazy that companies run like that with people up front that have NO FUCKING CLUE what they are doing, nor do they understand the mechanics, tech and effort that go into certain features. They're like "beep, boop, it's done by Friday you fuck!".
The funniest part of this stupid charade is that the closer we get to a new "deadline" (we will not meet the deadline anyways) the more nervous the "managers" get. WHY didn't you properly plan this shit in the first place? WHY didn't you care for the last six months where all this fucking bullshit could still have been prevented?
Meanwhile I'm just so sick and tired of this shitty project and this sucky company that I just don't have any motivation left to keep on working. It's so fucking hard and painful to work on projects that suck ass, are poorly designed. I just got to the point where coding is no fun any more. Thank god I'm out of here soon... fml5 -
Dad was taking me and my brother to work and we were playing with his pc. Our game was MS PowerPoint :D. We were adding funny images/emoticons to a slide and laugh. Sometimes we were printing our masterpieces. Good old days ...2
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A programmer puts two glasses on their bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case they gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case they don’t.2
-
I propose renaming the title "project manager" into "plim". Why? Well, there is an old soviet nursery rhyme:
I came up with a new word
A funny word called Plim
And I repeat it over:
Plim, Plim, Plim!
It jumps around shouting
Plim, Plim, Plim
Nobody cares about it
Plim, Plim, Plim -
In August 2021 I asked my bosses for a raise for my extra work that I done for the last 6 months to create the first 4 microservices in the company and deploy them in production on a new infrastructure that is cloud based.
Today 27/01/2022 they reported how happy they are of me and that they will take my proposal *in consideration*.
Now i am searching for a new job.
Funny part: I am simple guy if they would have given me a NAS from Synology with lot of space as a reward I would actually have been happy.
P.S. jokes on them, i left 4 easter eggs hidden in the app, pipeline, db and user manual.3 -
Someone's guts will be torn out tomorrow and put up on a nice clean razor barbed wire ...
I was wondering what the fucking fuck messed up my brain - till I realized that some dev mixed up the timezone on one of our servers. Dunno how the dev managed it - but the end result was not funny.
Due to the difference in time strings the newer backup had an older timestamp - and vice versa.
Which - when you want to do mass clean up and migration - is a very fucked up thing.
I had to manually check dozens of backups to make sure I got the right ones...
-.- knife goes in, gut goes out. Thx Bart Simpson.8 -
Hey devs!!
I just can't stop myself from sharing this.
Its been two years now ... my junior is working. and now she is handling standalone WP projects.. but somehow her task got stucked so I was asked to help her.
So I just said check the count of variables and she messaged me with code .. Ma'am this isn't working .. Haha.. I mean come on she better can google out atleast for syntax :(
<?php if(count($content2 == 3) && count($interestt2 == 3))
{
print_r($content2);
print_r($interestt2);
}else{
echo "not checked";
}
?>2 -
So, I am currently on Spring Break, and what do I do when I am on Spring Break: I take a moment to experiment with different languages. This time, I decided to check out Objective C since it mixes up two languages that I love dearly (but that I do not use outside of academic endeavors) which are C and Smalltalk.
Going around the net I found this https://github.com/Flying-Toast/...
Notice: I have nothing against Swift, I stopped developing apps for IOS back when Swift was in its infancy, so I was forced to use Objective C and tbh I never had an issue with it, I had learned it before through GNUStep, the language was obviously strange when I started learning it, but I did not hate it, I tried following Swift to see if I could use it at least in some portions, but at the time of its release it was still pretty much beta for me, so I passed. I feel it is much better now, but the issues with the language at this point in time I feel are more from the side of XCode which can either be just ok, good or an absolute piece of shit depending on the release. Either way, I found the link to be funny.2 -
I'm learning Rust as a case study for my own programming language. It's funny how many approaches exist to the humble loop.
- In classic procedural languages, a loop's job is to repeat actions, and as such it provides a multitude of tools to control this repetition.
- In all languages with iterators, a for-in loop is a construct that does something with every element of a collection. In languages with both iterators and generator functions, this can even be used to define a sequence in terms of another.
- In Rust, a loop is an expression that obtains its value through repeated execution. It can also be used like a classic loop, of course, but this is the interesting part.
- My little language is a functional language, so "loop" is the Y combinator. To loop means to define the value of an expression in terms of itself. It's the only looping construct, gets special treatment from the type checker and it's also used in recursive type definitions. -
The masculine urge to skew a scredriver in the lungs of the very funny colleague who place several random return statements inside their function
13 -
"Did you know that this popup saved the life of countless API calls by preventing users from frantically clicking the 'Continue' button?'
Another funny line I added to a dialog in my project today as one of its finishing touches :D -
What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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getting a scam message in the work phone saying it's from a rival company is really funny, might be the highlight of my week 😂4
-
Why are CSS animations so funny? I always have the best laughts when some page or element spin uncontrollably for no reason6
-
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.2
-
Isn’t it delightful when you come in to a large project to discover that they have a large underlying core that no one wants to touch but everyone relies on.
Quickly perusing the code you realize that the base was clearly created by someone who found their first tutorials for Java, but were previously a c developer.
It’s funny cause this code is of course from ~20 years ago and in different sections you can tell they were a C developer, a business admin, a Db admin, a junior conforming to pressures from others.
I recently looked at the deep rooted abuses of Java beans, and this entire internally created state management engine that serves no purpose but to create contrived complexity.
The use of propriety tools, that they paid lots for that perform incredibly simple tasks that have long since been solved by the open source community. Many of which are long defunct.
And the constant focus is on monkey patching the engine to solve small issues, which bloat the time to deal with issues. Since everything needs to be tested by their methodologies.
The inability to understand that the underlying structure is the issue and that tackling that, rather than just shifting the entire solution to new languages will suddenly solve the problems(or other underlying systems).
It’s just sad.1 -
little typo making my day now, and let to this little "improvment":
$ git config --global alias.vomit commit -
Follow up rant: https://devrant.com/rants/4943574/...
(Funny link btw.)
I tell him "Fine, upload it to the GitLab repo I created a week ago and you never used it." on Friday.
Today, the day *before the presentation*: "Here, have the GitHub repo, ask for permission and you're all set up.".
He's getting the boot.3 -
I find still very funny that Desktop outlook (So Microsoft) doesn't support MFA from Office 365.
I'm kind of tired to tell user go and geerate "app specific" pass which bypasses MFA.
Specially when even default Windows 10/11 mail client supports MFA just fine and fucking faster than outlook.
This is the part of my job I hate : Administrating users, search how to make thier PC/MAC work (Btw Mac client does suppoort MFA ironicly).
Can I just get back to Infrastructure, redis caches, step in Q# ? .4 -
Whenever I see a “poorly explain what you do for a living” writing prompt, I never know how to write mine. Web development is pretty boring and just doesn’t seem to have a funny enough answer. What would you say?7
-
Finally, I just received an OTP message that said it will be expired in 10 minutes.
Funny part is that i was trying to login 2 hours ago at thier(new client) platform to review.
And they said it is fully functional and you will have to fix some minor issues only.
I am thinking this way( it is so secure that you received otp only after it is expired).😅1 -
Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base? Because there’s a Shortstop in between!
-
My co-working space was too loud, so I created an app to shush them automatically
(that's the name)
It actually worked :-)
1 -
Some had teased me a bit on my previous meme so let me tell my anecdote...
I have to tell you a rather funny anecdote that happened to me during a job interview..
To put you in context, I am a front/back developer and the language where I perform best is JS. I started learning JS at an early age during an open source project to make animations on websites then I also quickly moved to the backend using NodeJS. I gained a lot of experience by going to small start-ups and this time if I wanted to try my luck on big companies in the field of video games.
So I wanted to present some projects to my interlocutor who seemed to be someone with an important position in the company, about 26 years old and we talked about the JS language. I showed him all my projects including those where I was doing free/open source and also in the field of video games such as volunteering like the back off https://mylolmmr.com And suddenly he called out to me and said "JS is not a real language".
I must confess that I was quite disturbed by his assertion and did not understand his condescension or his belittlement. This mind...
Especially since I find it extremely misleading to say that the JS language is not a real language when you know its advantages and disadvantages, but I did not dare to express myself on this subject and we continued the interviews, even though he saw that it bothered me.
The funny thing is that once the interview is over and I decide to go home and I receive a call from the company in question who wanted me to take a technical test telling me that the oral interview was successful...
I reassure you right away, I refused.. For a question of salary which was extremely low and obviously the bad experience with this famous director.
3 -
i really fucking hate books, books are so annoying. if you comment on this rant with "lol" or some shit, how is this funny? i have an extreme hatred for books and this is not a joke, i am anti-book.30
-
Have you ever felt this way?
Taking a tour back in my developer life when I have little experience on my stack I spend days trying to fix bugs and finish tasks.
The funny thing is that I felt I was working much harder and earning less and I felt being used but that's not true because its hard to say that due to my little experience and besides those bugs won't show up if I had much experience, the bugs are very much avoidable and to crown it all an experience developer will fix it in little time, though I won't consider myself super experienced but at least I can say am better than those times and to me I have achieved some level of experience to look back at my misconceptions in the past. -
I'm currently showing my new junior the ropes in the workplace. We'll be using Gitpod for pair programming.
Me: "okay so I think Gitpod will use my configuration if we use the workspace I made... are you familiar with vim keybindings?"
Junior: "😢"1 -
TrumpScript is one funny programming language that was formulated by four Rice University undergraduates. TrumpScript allows developers to operate with numbers that are bigger than one million. If programmers user numbers less than a million then it will generate a quote from Donald Trump as an error message: ”I’m really rich, Part of the beauty of me is I’m very rich.”1
Best mentor: https://devrant.com/rants/5266128/...