Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

Modern web development is fucked. Just absolutely, totally screwed up.

I want to create a simple to do list web app. Look for a tutorial: "OK guys, this is really easy, it just takes five minutes."

First step, install these:
- Git
- NPM
- NodeJS
- Express
- MongoDB
- Docker
- React

Second step, npm install about one million modules. Don't question what they do or why they're there.

Before you know it, six hours have passed and you've got a code base of 3GB and you haven't even _started_ on your app.

FUCK that shit! I can create this web app with Internet Explorer and Notepad.

Well guess what, I was coding with a friend of mine in a café .The waiter took our orders ..glanced at our screens( We were using Linux terminals ..fucking npm I swear) and then a few minutes later the manager comes up and says - ”Sorry ,but I am gonna have to ask you guys to leave " ..We were like wtf man ? Well apparently the staff felt that we were hacking using their WiFi .. God fucking dammit..typing on terminals is not Hacking .

I believe by the time Elon Musk sets up a colony on Mars, npm will be done installing those fucking dependencies.

Company: "We'd like to use SQL Server Enterprise" MS: "That'll be a quarter million dollars + $20K/month" Company: "Ok!" ... Company: "We'd like to use Babel" Babel: "Ok! npm i babel --save" Company: "Cool" Babel: "Would you like to help contribute financially?" Company: "lol no"

npm i -g npm

ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!

jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(

I just hate npm dependencies.

If you want to write a small website with npm dependencies (some frontend deps like Bootstrap and some development deps like gulp or babel) you will have more npm dependencies in your project than own code. It is ridiculous, how some lazy developers just add dependencies to their projects, without evaluating their dependencies. The source code of one of my projects is around 4MB (without any dependencies). If you then run yarn as required, it grows to around 80MB (where 73MB are node_modules).

This is just terrible.

I rant about this, as I made the mistake to upload my node_modules directories when restoring a backup of my server. Worst idea one could ever have.

junior dev: how do i-
senior dev: RTFM
junior dev: `npm install rtfm`

"I hate C# and Java because compiling takes forever. That's why I use JavaScript."

npm install && gulp

...9 years later...

If I was the creator of npm, you'd be running

`npm please install` instead of

`npm install`

When you found an API for Dominos Pizza on NPM.. I think i eat pizza tonight

*while still in bed, watches couple of videos of Google presenting flutter and building apps in less than 30 minutes*

*this is freaking interesting*

*gets out of bed, opens Firefox and types: " learn React native", installs VSC, npm ....*

I don't understand how my brains works 😒

Holy fuck, the state of npm

Question: "How do I make a GET request in NodeJS"

Accepted answer: "Use the http library it has built in get functions, its quite simple"

I FUCKING KID YOU NOT, THE NEXT 10 ANSWERS: Use this npm library, it's super great ;)

Me annoying our dev:

Me: “Is your npm watch running?”

Him: “Yes!”

Me: “You better go catch it then... 🤣”

Him: “....”

I think we gatta let him go :(

Everytime I try to do

`npm install -g`

Just looking at mustache.js for templating, and I found this on their npm page... enjoy.

Working with a team of 5 for a college project.
Told them how to use GitHub.
Guess what.
Fuck you and fuck GitHub, they are sending me Dropbox links to download project (npm modules included).

I’m out, fuck this class and fuck college i just can’t

Laziest thing!!!??? You better ask me when I was not lazy. Framework here framework there, library here library there.

npm install 29282818 packages

Bye

$ npm audit

> found 19 vulnerabilities (10 low, 5 moderate, 3 high, 1 critical)

$ npm audit fix

> fixed 0 of 19 vulnerabilities in 11987 scanned packages

> (use `npm audit fix --force` to install breaking changes; or do it by hand)

$ npm audit fix --force

> npm WARN using --force I sure hope you know what you are doing.

Me too, buddy. Me too.

I just saw

`git add . --all&&git commit -m update&&git push`

as a npm script hook m) I don't even care, just surprised it wasn't named yolo.

Fuck npm and the whole npm community!
Seriously, what a piece of completely uncontrolled cat litter!

First experience was getting malware from an npm package which I ranted about a while ago. That it can even happen is beyond my imagination.

Second experience was today when our app broke because a fucker who wrote a library doesn't understand semantic versioning.
If you're gonna publish an npm library, please do the whole fucking world a favour and learn how to version your shit correctly, so my app doesn't break! If you do BREAKING CHANGES don't change the fucking last version number you filthy piece of garbage!

Phew, that felt good 😧

If your npm/yarn config breaks on windows clap your hands
👏👏
If your npm/yarn config breaks on windows clap your hands
👏👏
Express generator doesn't work, and sass will up and break because there is no support for windows clap your hands
👏👏🎵🎶

Sigh.......das it...i am bringing the mac or one of my Linux machines tomorrow........

Really, I hate this composer / bower / npm shitholes!

Why the hell is my app 300MBs?!? Because that shitty pudding composer decided to download the ENTIRE git including README.md, examples, 5 hours of assembly-giraffe porn, my granny's pajamas and two wraps of kebabs!

How hard is it to define the folder that contains the REQUIRED library so that our project might stay at 5MBs instead of 300?

Oh F***, not again!

Bob, every single time you "patch" the servers I run into issues, that you cannot fix.

Bob: "heuuu... I don't know anything about python or npm or any of that"

Then stop touching it!!!

Dear devRant,

I know you will hate me if I do this, so please set me straight,

I have urges...

Urges to create my own, fucked up flavor of markdown....

and worse yet.....

to make it a JavaScript templating engine.................

and publish it to NPM......................

I know you can do it. You can stop me before I commit this atrocity.

Oh yes, I very much like you, Mr. 1337-DevPro-Ultra-Haxxor. Thank you for using a boilerplate from github, that is bloated like some random female pr0nstar after an orgy. Oh and it is also very funky of you, that the setup scripts and tasks only work on Apple OSX, because using a simple gulpfile with 3 npm dependencies and 5 lines of code would not be trendy enough.

Some JS "devs" should be punished by drowning in their own feces aka a mix of bower, yarn, npm, brew and the crusty stuff that is left behind after running it.

When I Install An NPM Package .........

1.Runned The Install...

2.Watched the Progress Bar For 2secs

3.Got Bored, Opened Chrome for some entertaining content ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

4.Rechecked the Install after 20mins still 15%

5.Did take a break, ate something

6.Rechecked still 27%

7.Watched a little while the progress bar until I saw the Fatality.

CMD Has Stopped Working...

Once I was frustrated by a Javascript bug

So I Googled "Retarded JS'"

And holy fuckkk

I found a npm module 😁

Then I Googled "Asshole JS"

Holy mother of all fuckkks

I FOUND THE COOLEST JS LIBRARY EVER 😁😂

Fuck, I just lost a node module name.

A few days ago I had an idea for a node module, checked npm to see if the name was taken and it was not. Today I was going to publish it and found out someone registered it 2 days ago.

Now I'll have to think of another name or publish it under my username...

The fuck did I do wrong?

So I had 11 vulnerabilities 1 high.
I just npm audit fix

Now it’s 44 vulnerabilities

Hmm our bundle js is already 1.35Mb maybe I should do something with that.

... Insert 2 hours of frantic webpack magic + babel-preset tweeking, tree-shake code optimization ...

- npm run build
- bundle.js => 1.37Mb

Great Success! I'm going to take a lunch...

Why the hell would I apply for a job as a JS developer when you can't even write proper JS? You're advertising on fucking NPM!

I just published my first npm package, then accidentally spilt a cup of water on my MacBook.

Landing Page takes a minute to load...

Web Dev: Maybe I should another npm package to show a loading animation while the site loads... maybe even a small game...

-- So you like npm? Upgrade to version 5 to use its sweet features!

OK. Let's run `npm install npm@5`. Erm, my npm is now a broken mess, not finding `semver`.

-- Well, since you like npm you also will like yarn! It's just facebook's npm. So run `npm install yarn -g`

Yeah, but I wanted `npm@5` not `yarn`.

-- Then just run `yarn global add npm@5`. You then have npm@5.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

And yes, that works.

Damn... some dude has his full SSH credentials to his webserver in his published NPM package...
I have to tell him 😅

I'm starting to hate js. Every library needs atleast 1000 other libs. I just blew the node_modules folder to 100mb with just one npm require

Modern tragedy in four lines:

- I just bought a new 1TB SSD
- Look at all this free space
- Let's do npm install
- Oh no

First I used to curse Gradle !
Then i started using npm
RIP!!!

I find it ironic that some python devs hate on nodejs because of npm modules. But then go ahead and create a virtual environment for every new python project.

Ooh, look! Node got async/await!
Ooh, look! I can lint shell scripts with shellcheck!
Ooh, look! Webpack 2 has been released!
Ooh, look! I can switch over from npm to yarn!

There is so much stuff I want to upgrade and optimize in our project, that I forget about the actual JIRA ticket.

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

npm WARN deprecated

The 3 words I ignore most in my life.

Just run “npm install”.

Mother fucker, if that worked, or if the six hours I spent trying to unfuck your dependencies worked, we would not be having this conversation.

I know last year suddenly lots of animated login popped out.
NPM actually uses one... and it doesn’t look that good

$ npm install ...
$ added 10 packages from 7 contributors and audited 21813 packages.

I realized that after some point you don't even think about your project dependencies growing. Because even adding 10 packages, it looks like it doesn't even changes the total number of packages. 21813, 21920, 21980... Does it even matter? Fuck.

Accidentally copying my sex tape into an npm repository without realizing, publishing it, and having it be downloaded billions of times before I could unpublish it.

You know... fuck frontend development.

I don't mind developing a nice interface and thinking about how users will work with my software. But I HATE (lack of a stronger word) the whole npm/grunt/bower/yarn/everyfuckingframeworkclient chaos.

Can we just pick ONE fucking tool and mature it.

...

There

npm i

Now waiting for the Internet to download....

I want to build an Android app...
buuuut
- I hate NPM (NodeJS is neat, but NPM is annoying af)
- I hate Java
- I hate Dart
- I hate Windows

Fuck my life...

Him: "I don't need source control, it's just another program that does unknown things on my source files. What if one day it stops working?? How do I get my files??"

Me: "you could say the same thing on 90% of the tools you use every day... Like when you restore npm packages by GUI"

him: "what are those? I don't use them"

Also him: "command line is vintage"

`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`

63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.

To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!

------

`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.

ugh.

I should just quit. I am not paid enough to deal with this pissing contest.
Reviewer:
Need to add instructions (on readme) for installing pnmp, or if possible, have the top-level npm i install it (lol).
Also, it looks like we are no longer using lerna? If that's right, let's remove the dependency; its dependencies give some security audit messages at install.
Me:
it's good enough for now. Added a new ticket to resolve package manager confusions. (Migrate to pnpm workspaces)
Reviewer:
I will probably be responsible for automating deployment of this (I deployed the webapp on cloudflare pages and there is no work that needs to be done. "automating deployment" literally means replacing npm with pnpm). I disagree that it's good enough for now.

Imagine all readmes on github document how to install yarn/pnpm.

Lesson learned:
If you think an OOP static site developer can't handle modern JS framework, you are probably right.

I feel JS has taken over...

The good.

Easy to learn, thus everyone knows it

The bad.

Everyone knows it, so npm has disgusting code that's used in prod.

Npm itself is still an unstable mess at times.

No one knows what it is to be a good programmer .

Dozens of frameworks every year since everyone thinks they can make it a bit better.

Classes still suck , no interfaces !

Day 3 of getting this god forsaken react app to launch!!

My fucking god you cock suckers make life difficult.

Npm install - they say
Npm start - that say
Npm - go swallow my god awful error log and fix all these dependencies
Npm - here's a dependency that didn't install but I need it
Npm - what do you mean your not using a fucking Mac with sass files!
C0D4 - I'm this.close() to fucking stabbing someone!

seeing these things make me very uncomfortable, I feel like reaching into the software and wiping it off, makes me wonder how much of a mess this npm ecosystem is going to become, I really dont know much of how these things work. I figured the issue could probably be the same across languages, libraries sitting atop libraries until the whole thing becomes unmanageable. I'll stop rambling now

that's the installation of expo-cli

I swear to god if I see another goddamn todo list tutorial im gonna fucking switch careers. JS fanboys with their blogs... jesus christ i thought npm was spoiled but god, try googling angular tutorials... Seriously, you pick a framework and write a useless shitty blog article about the most obvious implementation? Is that your thing now? Write a tutorial on how to make a mailchimp clone? too hard? I thought so. Your mum must be very proud of you crackhead

How I wasted my Sunday:

A programmer I know claimed that his Nodejs app was lightweight since it only relied on 2 dependencies (express and mongodb)

So I wrote a script to recursively transverse the npm dependency tree and count the number of dependencies there actually is

Installing those 2 packages alone means your app depends on 73 pieces of software in total

In conclusion, nothing written in Node is ever lightweight

Oh yeah, it was also Easter I guess

I hate npm now I hate yarn too.
Leave them for a day, this depreciated that depreciated..
Now my patience depreciated!

As a guy who really just started his web development life I just say the most fun I have is clicking the refresh button ( or npm does it for me ) and seeing my magic work, unless it doesn't and then I press again , maybe this time it will ..

Who here is programming with React Native and is crying about it?

It's so volatile. Shit it has done so far:

- Randomly changed my IP location that it serves to and npm start that shows the welcome information keeps the old IP address, so I spent way too long trying to figure out why it wasn't working.

- Constantly having to rm -rf the node modules and npm i them because Expo randomly starts loading so slowly that you want to scream.

- Downgrading my react-native-scripts version in the package.json because it hangs forever on the starting packager.

- I also had to downgrade my expo dependencies because during one of my node module reinstalls, it would update the version and apparently Expo is incompatible with its own updated version.

And now I'm randomly getting an error that's apparently a known bug in one of the react dependencies and now I have to downgrade that as well.

Just. Why.

<rant>

The current state of WordPress developers:

😠 everything that came before me was completely broken
😴 everything that comes after me is unnecessary (i.e. npm, Node, React)
😱 everything I work with now is perfectly fine don't effing touch it (i.e. Gutenberg, Build tooling)

</rant>

npm install stuff

I should call myself a "full-stack developer" now.

Empty create-react-app...262Mb

I do like npm but something has gone pretty fucko along the way.

sometimes I can't understand how I got my senior web engineer position at my age.

but then I look at my fellow senior cursing about some stuff that he doesn't understand and doesn't want to understand (today it's npm) and then I feel ok again :D

Comment of the week! I'm so sad he didn't catch the reference, but if the guy offers to teach him I'm down to learn 😂

On another note I can't blame him, I probably would have run npm -i gamma 😅

HOW THE FUCK

DO I USE A NPM PACKAGE

THAT DOESN'T SUPPORT IMPORT X FROM PACKAGE

IN A TYPE:MODULE

REPO?

WHY THE FUCK CAN'T NODE JUST SUPPORT BOTH

WHAT IN THE FUCK

HOW DOES WEBPACK LET YOU USE BOTH?!

I CANNOT FIND A WORK AROUND FOR ERROR

SyntaxError: The requested module 'file-type' does not provide an export named 'default'

WHAT THE FUCK?

DO I NEED TO USE A DIFFERENT PACKAGE?

WHAT THE FUCK

I like npm errors.

So i installed nodejs on termux on my android smartphone to watch npm fail, even when I take a walk.

Great times!

Sometimes I write "nom run serve" instead of "npm run serve" and it makes me crave a donut.

Put stickers on your notebooks!

I was at an event where different companies present themselves to the students at my school. There was one company that I wasn't interested in at first but then saw a git and a npm sticker on one of the notebooks standing at their booth.

Long story short: I talked to them and now got an internship there.

Realized there was a bug in my npm package that made it hard to update the state of the input field conditionally (rather than explicitly through user action) and fixed it, wrote tests to ensure it was working the way I thought it was, updated the dist, updated the package version, merged, cut a GitHub release...

Then uninstalled and reinstalled it in the project I’m using it in and it didn’t work. What the eff, I think. Take a couple hours furiously trying to figure out why the hell the behavior doesn’t seem to match the behavior of the new version.

Then it dawns on me. I check the package.json.

“react-autosuggestions”: “^2.1.0”

.... I forgot to do the “npm publish” step.

*head desk*

-> Contribute to Zulip's mobile app on github.

-> Contribute to babel.

-> Build 5 npm packages.

-> Dive into Haskell.

-> Have 100,000 ++s on devRant😁

-> Make a private project I built on github public.(still thinking about it).

"How much of a dev are you, if you use other peoples work and just glue it together?" I once asked a friend who really loves npm and everything.

I know about code reuse and maintainability and all that but geez we had a long discussion..😅

you motherfucking cocksucking ass wipes.

How fucking hard is it for you JS cockheads to have STABLE fucking code?

So hear I am, thinking through a side project for data extraction and loading to automate some shitty part of my job, that could be used by the broader team... and decide to use electron.... I know it's a clusterfuck, but this wouldn't be a big application, so against my better judgement I run:

npm install electron
npm start
...
Error: unknown spawn

🤷‍♂️ you had 1 fucking job... 1 fucking lousy shit stain of a job, and you can't even have something run out of the god foresaken box without someone debugging your shit.

Now who has a WORKING alternative to electron?

“Overhearing powers of the Fullstack dev”

We have an internal control panel (BEEP) to manage our dev Tomcat instances. The other day, with one of my muggle friend, I was trying to restart an instance. There’s a checkbox to clean the host tmp files and directories, ingeniously named as - Purge cache.

Innocent Me (to my muggle friend): bro would Purge cache delete the application log files?

__(Fullstack dev overhearing us)__

Muggle friend: Purge ca... (gets interrupted my the Fullstack dev)

Fullstack dev: so the thing is ... it’s like ... (gotta be consistent with the opening) what “npm purge” does is it deletes the files which are not being used.

Confused Muggle friend: bro it’s a BEEP option to clean the tmp dirs.

Fullstack dev: oh I thought you guys were talking about “npm purge”

Angry muggle friend: then WHY THE FUCK did you answer if you didn’t know [...] the fuck we were talking about.

Calm fullstack dev: FYI. Might help you someday.

Deeply-hurt Me: (what the fuck is “npm purge”). Hey man do you mean “npm prune”? Because they don’t have an npm purge. And what do you mean by “it deletes the files which are not being used”?

Confident Fullstack dev: NO

Me: (cries in npm)

More to come!

I'm in a place where running npm install takes up to 10mins, so I reuse the node_modules folder.😅

Nice! I wanted to add avatar to my npm profile.

Looks like I can only change my npm avatar using Gravatar.

Great! Let me see what Gravatar is about.

Hmm...To open a Gravatar account, I need to create a WordPress account.

....

I will just keep my shitty pixel avatar in npm. Thanks

After two months of NPM hell I have made the decision to stop trying to catch up to this Javascript insanity.

The salary I would make if I understood this shit is not worth my sanity. Most people develop a career, but all I seem to develop is RSI and a seething hatred for humanity.

When I switched to Reactjs and replaced NPM with Yarn

Earlier this day, I was about to start a new project. So I copied my favourite gulpfile.js into that projects root and installed all dependencies with npm. After running Gulp for the first time it threw an error.

Silly me tried to fix stuff and got googling the error and trying random things... After a break of a few hours I just fucking rerun Gulp and read the fucking error completely. It stood there. The fucking solution just stood there, run "npm blah --force" to reconfigure package blah....

Of course it worked right away and I finally could start working. But this shit took way too long. Why I just can't read the fucking error message. Damn

Started learning NodeJS...
Now I have to npm install brain to think 😕

P.S: I like it though😂

Boss: Hey! I know you just got everything working on that new project. But good news: I have a repo you can clone and we can work together. So just clone that and look at my changes, find something that’s broken, and work away. Oh, I also modified everything to use HTTPS locally. HTTP won’t work anymore. Alright, I’m off on vacation! Ciao!

… and that’s the story of how I spent a day and a half fighting with NPM, Brew, setting up a new CA and self-signed cert, and getting passenger to work with it. The good news is that I can connect locally via 443. The bad news is all assets use http and are thus blocked for being mixed-content. And idk how to fix it. Joy!

Not mentioned: npx removing a required package every time I run it, version mismatches, and the usual NPM problems.

So i recently had to go back to windows while testing the notification feature in devRantron. Doing this only reminded me why i switched to linux 5 months ago. After having to restart my pc, reinstall c++ build tools multiple times, regedit and switching back and forth from powershell and cmd i managed to install a NPM package. Linux is <3

I hate Sass.

When installing all NPM dependencies with npm i, it's always quick, but not with sass. Ooooh myy goood. It starts compiling. It always misses something. Your node version is always not what sass needs. It pulls out gyp which requires some native shit. The build is never reproducible, it always fails with some horrible two mile long poorly-formatted stacktrace that is just gibberish.

More than that, sass is just poorly designed tool used by frontend fuckboys to write imperative, nonstandard, non-maintainable styles. If you know shit about css, you don't need sass.

I'm so happy it's going to die along with gulp. Webpack and css modules are here.

Yes, css-in-js that has a runtime penalty is also shit. If you like its syntax but dislike everything else, use Linaria. It has no runtime penalty and looks just like other css-in-js solutions.

Used a starter to scaffold a new project. Have never used that starter before but it has more than 1400 starts on Github.

Two days after.... so far so good. The created project structure used some tools I haven't used before, some are good, others are not so good, but anyway I am towards the first release of my codes. I have done countless 'npm run build', 'npm run test', 'npm run fix', etc., but.... my fault, I haven't committed once since starting the project, thinking I would commit when the next function is implemented, next test case passed.... after all, what could go wrong anyway?

Finally, one last test case passed, I think I will commit and run 'npm publish'.... but wait, had a glimpse of the scripts section in package.json, there's a command named 'all'. An voice came out of nowhere was talking to my subconscious mind, "all.... build, lint, prettier, test..... yeah you should run all... it's another build script, the worst you can get is just some harmless error messages.....", and my fingers typed 'npm run all'...

Time stopped for a few seconds, file structure in project explorer was shifting, files & folders were disappearing & appearing, what's happening... and I looked at the 'all' script closely for the first time....

WHAT THE HELL, WHO SHOULD PUT 'git reset --hard' IN A BUILD SCRIPT WITHOUT ANY PROMPT????!!!!!!!

MY PLAN WAS TO COMMIT AND GO TO SLEEP, IT'S 1AM NOW!!! WHERE CAN I RECOVER THE LOST FILES????

After struggling with js for a while, bless the ocaml ecosystem and community, now i actually get shit done instead of fighting with npm.

Is programming a girls dream come true?

I want a package for something so I search NPM, 50 results.

I could spend a life time browsing, shopping for packages, trying them out to see if they fit.

It's all I bloody do these days.

Today in some onboarding meeting i was laughing my ass off.

We were setting up the development machines that we got from the client to work on via citrix.

You guys probably know, that when you put your npm projects too nested into your filesystem, that packages randomly start not behaving because of too long file names or path names and stuff like that. That seems to be a problem with all OS (to be fair i havent actively looked for a solution, but it happened to me on Windis and Linux, so i'm just assuming here)

but even more so for some packages on Windis, when the project is not running on the same fucking drive letter than where your OS is running on. Like... wtf?

Had two UI5 projects pulled, both of them on D:. The first npm install went through flawlessly, the second one has a number of random errors, me and the other dev didn't know what they were. So what i suggested is to move this project onto C: and try it again. Turns out that was exactly it. Et voila, npm install ran through without any hiccups..

So i just created my own npm package. And published 3-4 days ago.

And don't know how but there is already 60+ weekly downloads.

So thanks for them who support me😅

After years of working on projects where you git clone, npm install, npm start, I get catapulted into this PHP nightmare built on Symfony, and that has zero documentation or tests...

I hate Mondays.

Are you.. are you telling me .. that every time ..... every time ..... I've been running ..... npm i something .... it's been putting ^version into my ..... package.json file ?!?!?!?!!? SO THAT IN THE FUTURE WHEN I COME BACK TO THE PROJECT AND DO A FRESH NPM I .... THE VERSIONS WILL ALL UPDATE .... AND THAT'S WHY I'M ALWAYS DEALING WITH BUGS WHEN COMING BACK TO PROJECTS EVEN THOUGH IT WAS WORKING WHEN I LEFT IT A FEW MONTHS AGO.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I love how NPM packages explain their options.

Fake sticker story time. It is fucking on fire. Then I press npm install twice. Forgot node modules in gitignore. Then got push to production served by Jenkins. Now get the fuck out of here.

just realised that "have you tried to `rm -rf node_modules/ && npm i` is the js adaptation of "have you tried turning it off and on again".

Me: does literally anything
Npm: breaks

Why NPM? Why must you do it? This is the third time this week on a third system. I just wanted to update so my packages would work. But nooooooo. Oh you wanna update? It'd be a real shame if I, I don't know, didn't update properly whatsoever and all of a sudden couldn't find any internal modules I need to run.

"Just use npm i npm@latest"

Yeah I would except for the whole I can't use NPM at all thing. even npm -v breaks. Can't find internal module. So I literally have to wipe eveey trace of npm/node and do a clean install.

It's so frustrating! I can't do any work because I spend all my damn time fuckin around with NPM.

Friend asked me how to start a node server. I gave her starter code and told her to do “npm init” then “npm install” ur modules. This is what she did

seconds into 2019

I see one incompetent fucker asking to eval in Node.js..
A FUCKING FETCH OF A NPM MODULES IN CDNJS

you know what's the reason?

node_modules

Fucking kill me unless you're some dumb bitch who uses npm modules like some braindead motherfucker who doesn't know what a number is, node_modules takes only an average of 3.6MB

Compared to RubyGems who takes 40+
Or Pip

Seriously stop this. I wanna hang myself because my 2019 put me in a shit mood

What seemed like a simple task of upgrading our angular project and adding universal to it, is slowly beginning to feel like an impossible mission.

Fuck you npm, fuck windows and fuck whoever thinks javascript/typescript can be used for every god damn thing.

I fucking give up

The moment I need internet to do things (npm with angular), but the company moved to a new building and internet is screwed. It'll still take a while to set up. So now I'm sitting here, ranting on devrant and doing nothing.

My exact face and thoughts right now:

I need to create a npm module for creating react-native app with MobX and TypeScript.
The whole setup is a nightmare.
create-react-native-typescript-mobx-app seems insane

I just need to get this out.

NPM is not the worst dependency manager. It is way beyond any word in any language that can describe the most negative thing about it.

I developed nodejs projects. I like JS, it's a great language to work with. But not NODEJS, not NPM.

I can run my app in a F* browser but not once, not a single time that nodejs and npm can run at the first time. I spend way more time to build a working environment with nodejs and npm than to build my own app.

whoever developed these two pieces of crap had brains that filled with mud. And who gave them the courage to even put it out for people to use? JS is such a good language and they have ruined it.

There are so many dependency managers out there couldn't they just take a look at how human beings do things? I mean they have never seen APT or Composer or something else that actually work?

Or they just had so much ego that they had to let other people to feel how difficult their lives are.

I don't care about how you manage the dependency and I shouldn't. You people made these crap with one purpose that chould help others to develop easily but NOOOOOO, we have to spice it up, right? You just have to make it fat and greasy, right? You just have to make it doesn't work. I bet you people just redefined the F* CONSTANT of "How to Develope a System that Doesn't Work".

I don't know if NPM genius have ever did a information collection of their system. I bet most function that has been invoked is "throw error".

The funny thing is on NPM website, they provide Enterprise Solutions.... I would sue them for fraud.

While sitting in a train (5 hours trip) I really want to code something, unfortunately I dont have my laptop with me, so i just connected with ssh from my phone to my ubuntu vps, created some project via npm and use android app to edit the code. It is not perfect but works. Someone else code like that?

npm merge master
git i

I made a CLI tool i named it CRAO, its for creating react apps offline, cuz it wraps up all the necessary modules, and its fast.
Check on NPM Create-react-app-offline

Wish installing a Vim plugin were as simple as installing an Npm package. Yet another time when I try to learn Vim. :|

I want a tool called "bogo-npm" which creates a VM and then installs random versions of npm and dependencies in a cycle until the build is successful. It'll probably be the biggest optimization that dogshit ecosystem has ever seen.

I'd just let it run over night and save myself the urges to strangle every single fucking developer who added dozens of dependencies to a stupid near-static website.
And the creator of the abomination called `npm uninstall` which for some fucking reason does the same as `npm install` and then obviously fails because that's the reason I wanted to remove that package in the first place.

We need more heroes like that leftpad dude.

I'm so fucking fed up with the npm ecosystem. Every single god damn time I've had to do anything it always takes DAYS to figure out how to get anything working and I always have to try multiple tools or libraries to final get it half way sorta.
I'm so fucking annoyed right now. They always turn out not that great, have lacking features or trivial oversights in functionality and ALWAYS have garbage documentation.

I just want to build a fucking npm library with TypeScript to be used with node. That's probably the NUMBER 1 use case so how fucking hard can that be?

So obviously I start out with tsc. That's quite simple, compiles all my stuff and shits out .js and .d.ts files. Okay so how do I use them via es6 import? I don't fucking know, because it doesn't work no matter what I do. The 'module' option in tsconfig is absolutely useless btw. It does *literally* fuck all. Nada. Absolutely nothing.
Okay I'm far from defeated, maybe I'll just have to bundle it. So I waste two days finding something that half works (I'm using fusebox right now) and at last I get a stupid es6 module as a single bundle... But what about type the declarations? They are nowhere to be seen and of course there's no option for that. Because Fusebox the pile of shit that's oh so well Typescript integrated apparently doesn't think TYPE DECLARATION FILES are needed. What the actual fuck.

And that's where I'm now. I need the fucking .d.ts files so I can use it as a module with import. Do I really need another fucking piece of shit tool that bundles these files? Honestly fuck all of this. "Oh the Javascript ecosystem is so great" YEAH fucking great, alright. Where 90% of the ESTABLISHED tools and libraries (we don't talk about the landfill of all the other shit) flat out don't do what you need. Again, how fucking hard can it be to make a npm lib with typescript? That should be NATIVELY SUPPORTED. If not by npm atleast by typescripts tsc.

FUCK NPM. FUCK JAVASCRIPT. AND FUCK THE WHOLE ECOSYSTEM

The whole fucking npm i fucking hate it.

Most of my worthless time i'm doing backend jobs. But when i wanted to make a simple web frontend from my app with vue - hell has begun.

The first week was "wonderful" but after that... i needed to update dependencies.

I don't wanna describe my frustration when everything was throwing a whole avalanche of errors

I hate npm i really hate npm

Updated my personal site to use bulma CSS framework last night. Pushed it all up, then realised github pages doesn't do npm install before it builds the site. So there was no CSS for a bit.

The only way around was to commit node modules folder to git repo. Feels wrong but better than having no CSS.

I guess that's what happens when you use a free service 😁

Microsoft buys npm
Am I the only one seeing a tendency of a few big companies (Microsoft, Apple, Google, Yandex, Tencent and 10-15 more) slowly (or not so slowly) acquiring more and more small companies? I hope however that it stays as transparent to the end user; I also hope it even helps, because I hate getting used to a product/service and then the company dropping it because they have no resource and/or interest in supporting it (Google Inbox anyone?)

"Did I seriously just use brew to install NPM so that I could install bower so that I could use a Ruby gem?"

I find it so ironic that people love to rag on those who copy code from StackOverflow when most of these same people use tools like composer or npm.

At least you can vet code snippets.

I had a problem - X

I googled, problem -X

Google - npm install --save X

Problem solved

When I search for problems with npm libraries and StackOverflow's answer is

"just downgrade the package to {VERSION} and it should work"

It makes me wanna die. How in the clusterfuck is that an acceptable solution?

Every nodejs programmer:

How do I check this variable is an array?
npm i isArray

This is by far the most creative way so look for a job. It happens, when you install core-js. It prints out a job-search at the console.

So my coworker was trying to `npm install` after I recently installed Ubuntu on her machine and for some reason , I was doing something else, some jdk not being installed error popped on her screen.

She proceeded to have a mini freak out telling me that npm wasn't working because java wasn't installed and I started hysterically laughing in the middle of the office with my boss next to her staring at me... So I said firmly ( while laughing ):

"no bahuhaahah that's not hahahaha the case."

Still can't understand wtf she thinks happens with stuff in a computer... Cmon...

So I actually prefer npm to most other package managers (with the exception of go's package handling).
Like you need to look no further than to pip's hell of package management, to start appreciating how clean npm is.
***Shots fired***

I updated NPM for good, but now i'm starting paranoid 😫

Could access every website but github.com “all of a sudden”...exp stopped working npm was broken...macs are so stupid then.....

I dumbed....it was all my fault. </duh>

Yesterday I blocked my kids’ access to the internet .. and just blocked the IP4 access of my mac. What a genius. It appears github (and not other sites) requires IP4 whereas most now use IP6.

Thank God for npm install.. i can catch up on my sleep

Finally found a free noun on npm... I realized though, I have no idea how to promote a package I've built anymore. The internet is too noisey... Hmmm, how do you successfully get the word out these days?

I did npm install 1 hr ago. It's still on 70%

Setting up npm private registry and mirror is like setting up machine for handling ddos attack.

Last time I was tuning linux kernel tcp ip stack by adjusting default variable values was ages ago but if you see 100 open sockets in a matter of second after you try to install single frontend dependency you start questioning your life.

I learned today I can "npm install" directly from a GitHub repo. This allowed me to create a React component (viewer of gLTF files) for a 3D game and share it with my team. I know I could've published it to npm registry, but I didn't want that since it's a very specific component for our project, and private npm packages are very pricy.

Hope this random !rant will be useful for someone wanting something similar.

Worst: Spending a week in npm, node, react hell trying to triage a ReactNative iOS/Android app that even the OG dev couldn't fix and FAILING.

This is the only code in like 20 fuckin years that beat me.

Best: Watching the fall of western democracy with a giant shit eating "I told you so" grin.

If you write a blog post on how to build “some-component” and the first step in your article is to run “npm install framework-some-component”…

I hope you die in a fire.

Sometimes, when I’m stressed, I do this thing that I really enjoy looking at: installing updates.
Homebrew, pip, npm (global & local), apt, even manual updates in apps. This in several machines.

I like having the logs flow smoothly. It’s soothing.

I wonder if NPM prevents allowing a package to be it's own dependency. If not I have important trolling business to tend to.

So true.
I was 7 years old when I exexuted npm install. Now I am 21 typing npm run start

npm is the WORST MISTAKE THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND TO SOFTWARE ENGINEERING. I HATE IT AND I REGRET EVER READING ITS DOCUMENTATION, SO MUCH WAISTE OF TIME ON ABSOLUTE JUNK

Just got intern to “help me” on project. Told him to install nodeJs and run ‘npm install’ inside project folder that he pulled from git.

He ended up running ‘npm install’ inside C:\Program Files (x86)\nodejs

Don’t have slightest clue how he got this idea, ... I just wanted to smash my head through window by that point. Similar shit repeated whole day long.

Just needed a good looking material os datepicker - ended up wrestling with react, webpack, npm and gulp. 3 hours later, ta-da, I have a datepicker! webdesign nowadays...

I have reinstalled node js 3 times to run JS scripts and "npm run dev" is not starting up the server. This is quite frustrating.

Windows Subsystem for Linux has given me more problems in the last 48 hours than any other "os". Npm barely wants to function and God forbid I run mongodb.

I have officially decided to use CI (Jenkins) at work because "apt-get update && apt-get upgrade -y && composer self-update && composer update && npm update -g && npm update && bower install --allow-root && gulp" after a pull doesn't seem healthy 😂

Am I only one who forgets to do
npm install
after cloning repo ,
and then stress over errors appearing on terminal

So there I am sitting in front of my laptop, and trying to npm i and I am getting all sorts of sha mismatch errors.

After lot of debug I conclude it is coming from the proxy as it refuses to download and supplies the error page.

It says it's because I'm using the old proxy so they give me the new URL which I set up and it works.

All good until my password expires. I use our bash script to change it. NPM is buggered again throwing the same errors.

Go to IT, tell them the saga begins.

After a countless hours of looking at the log files we notice that the npm registry is set to http instead of the standard https (thanks bash script). so our firewall blocks the download.

Sorted, finally.

Almost. NPM now works fine, but when I go and I play around with node and axios, I get my requests time out. My instinct says its the bloody proxy again.

So I hit up my trusted WIN Support guy and he confirms that the url is not blocked. So he starts monitoring whats going on and turns out, every time I run the node app, node casually ignores the system-wide proxy settings and tries to send the request as the PC rather then my username.

Since the pc's don't have rights on the proxy it is being refused...

Thank fuck for the corporate proxies, without them, I could just develop things not ever learning these quirks of node...

We moved to Yarn too fast. It keeps failing my build. I miss npm :(

* package-lock.json * merge conflict

ME: fuck fuck fuck, C-s I-Search: HEAD
ME: this shit is much i can't handle it, fuck

ME: rm package-lock.json ; npm install

Almost 800MB of dependencies just to download the damn npm, sometimes I wonder if some part of the software developement world is going crazy

I love the whole NodeSchool thing, so not really a dis to them - but this is a good example of some of the problems I have with web tutorials. I think things like npm should be explained before you have someone use them. Just like jQuery, you can end up with a majority of people taking parts of their stack for granted.

npm install yarn

I feel guilty...

I committed a sin for which I can never forgive myself.

At work, we were using some react plugin but it was lacking some functionality.

In the end, I forked the repo and released plugin on npm -_-

FML, I contributed to this stupid shit while I was happy with despising over this stupid framework fad from other side.

Ps: It was friday.

FFS, I wasted my time reinstalling nodejs just to update my npm and tried npm i -g npm.

Outputs a success status but when I check via npm -v it's still the same old version.

Or maybe I'm just too dumb that I don't know how to do it right.

It's almost 4 am
I want to continue developing my vuejs stuff
The files are in a folder on my desktop
I open the Terminal to navigate there
I type 'npm desktop'
Suddenly the whole terminal is filled with an error message
I suddenly realize why

Story of my life

Things i have changed during this quarantine :

1. Switched to yarn from npm
2. Started using vim as default code editor.
4. added Ubuntu Subsystem
3. Picked Firefox .ditched chrome.

Do you have any new changes?

For a long time I could not understand how do people put up with watching ads in Android apps. Then it dawned upon me: they grew up like this and they never had a proper classic old-school desktop experience. Back in the day it was unimaginable to have intrusive ads. I will never put up with intrusive ads. I despise it

Now even developer tools have ads, like Docker or NPM

Devrant Community: Why is the user base shrinking?

Also Devrant Community: Fuck you green dot! You are the scum of the world. Fuck your mom, fuck your asshole with a giant npm download. If I could zip bomb all of your devices I would. We need a green dot genocide!

PS: It is not that I disagree with our welcoming committee. It is more of an observation. I am pretty sure I participated in this behavior.

Rust's DX is incredible. I previously published a couple packages to NPM and every step of the way i had to fight with NPM, Webpack, Rollup, Typescript and the mass of third party plugins for all of these that wired them together. Here it's literally just

cargo publish

"npm i {name} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{name} needs {dependency} v5.0.1"

"Oh, okay, I install that one then, no problem"

"npm i {dependency@5.0.1} - - save-dev"

-ERROR: "{dependency@5.0.1} needs {dependency} v3.1.1}

"Oh, okay, makes sens I guess, I'll" install that one to then."

"npm i {dependency@3.1.1} - -save-dev"

ERROR:"Nah"

"Son of a.."

Had an idea for a Webb app tonight that I could use to test some new things out. Didn't get round to the new things but 3 hours later I do have my IDE set up, quarter of a billion npm modules and a gulp flow so complicated it feels like the file system is a rubicks cube...

How often does this happen to you?

Hmm I need to install the nodemon package, ok so I enter:
npm install -g nodemon
Result:
npm WARN
npm WARN
npm ERR
npm ERR
npm ERR....

I then wonder why would it not work??? Then after looking at the errors I realise ohh:
sudo npm install -g nodemon

This literally happens to me almost every single time I install a package.

The massive DDoS attack that took down the internet this morning, hit NPM too and I just cleared out my node modules without realizing it. :'(

I just woke up and on my computer screen there’s big announcement.
Github launching code package registry beta program.
Available repositories: npm, gem, mvn, docker, nuget.

Sometimes the days are so bad that I almost feel like giving up on this, fuck you npm, fuck you angular material constantly changing shit all the time and fuck you fellow dev who keeps fucking around with global CSS stylings

Hi friends and others. There is a task I want to automate. I want to convert .docx files to .pdf and then minify those. Are there JavaScript libraries or npm- packages which can do that? Because I would like to use Gulp or Webpack for this task. I would not mind if external APIs are involved, but I would rather not use those if not required.

Pls share your wisdom. Bye.

laravel is a very serious framework

there is a laravel this for every that

I have to deal with npm too? impressive

was looking for a simple to learn framework just to take my mind of js and someone recommended laravel.

I don’t like conference wifi. I‘m currently in a workshop at AngularConnect, and currently more than 40 people trying to npm install at the same time. And probably the people in the other workshops (with the same wifi) doing similar things

git
Linux
VLC media player
Inkscape
LibreOffice
Metalsmith js

100's of low-level NPM packages I don't know the name of

First rant!
Ah, npm... Lots of packages use ES6 syntax because it's nice to write, and then transpile to node-compatible code either with CI or a precommit script. Just spent a whole day trying to figure out what was wrong with my project, when it turns out I just had to tell webpack to ignore node_modules *except* for this specific package. Sigh.

What do you do when you are hungry/peckish and it's late?

It's 🌃 time and I don't have anything to eat (except maybe some stupid cookies)

I wish I could do
'npm i snacks'
or
'sudo apt-get snacks'

And I would receive snacks from my computer or something..

npm might also give some extra snacks plus ingredients as dependencies 😅

Maybe I can make coffee..☕?

Waking up at 4:30 am is a some sort of enlightenment. For example, today I figured out that using sudo with npm is generally a bad idea.
-_- Well...

Developing front-ends used to be about translating a business use case to an interface. Now I spend days and weeks getting tooling to integrate properly: webpack, babel, React, Vue, SSR, Nuxt, NPM packages, build & CI pipelines, storybooks, and resolving incompatibilities. It's become such a grind I haven't had a single satisfying, productive workday since 4 months.