*Client calles me at 7Am*

Client: why did you make everything smaller on my website ?

Me: look at the right side of your URL bar, do you see a minus sign ?

Client: yah, so ?

Me: click on it and set it back to default.

Client: oh ok this is working for me now, will this fix apply globally across the internet

Me: ...

Client: oh I think I asked a stupid question, thanks mate have a good day.

Me: you're welcome...

So this fucking happened today.

Me: *sees support ticket coming in about some kind of login issue*

Me: *opens issue*

"Hello, I can't seem to login. There's an error"

Me: *sighs and thinks "at least give me that FUCKING error message then." *kindly replies with asking if they could send me the error message*

"Here it is. I don't understand what is going wrong
and what I have to do"

Me: *looks at error message*

"Invalid customer ID. Please make sure that your ID is correct. You can find it in the activation email we sent you when you registered".

😐 😶 😦

Me: *thinking okay what the fuck, are you fucking retarded or something?*

Me: *kindly replies: "It seems that you are not using the correct customer ID. You might want to look for it in the activation email we sent you!"*

"Oh okay thanks, how did you figure that out?"

Me: 😵 😐 😶 😭 🔫

Seriously what the actual fucking fuck.

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.

Me: *programming*

Team: *furiously discussing something outside of my expertise*

Me: *programming*

Team: *finally acknowledging my existance* "Yeah, dude. We are going to delete te project and start over because we can't fix this issue [which we have never ever discussed with you]."

Me: "What, that's stupid."

Team: "Well, do you have any bright ideas to fix it?"

Me: "Gimme until tomorrow."

Me: *programming*

Team: *doing absolutly nothing*

Me: "I fixed it!"

Team: "Why didn't you do that a week ago?"

Me: "You didn't ask..."

And so goes te story of how i was almost killed by an angry mob.

Is eslint calling me stupid?

Too much stupid today..

Client: "Our server is almost full, fix it"

Me: "Okay, you can upgrade the VM, or I can see if theres anything that can be cleaned up?"

C: "Clean it up"

Me: *Finds 5 extra MySQL DB's that amount to 50-60GB in total*

Me: "Well I can remove some of your extra databases, and some of the local backups, as they're also backed up offsite. They're currently unused and dated back to the beginning of 2017, everything is out of date anyways."

C: "No"

Me: "Okay, is there a reason?"

C: "No"

Me: "Okay, so we'll upgrade the VM?"

C: "No"

Me: "I'm sorry, but those are really your two options"

C: "Just fix it"
...................
...................
...................
What in the ducking fuck !@#$#%?
If you're so fuggin smart, then why do they pay me?
I'm clearly stupid and unable to read your mind.

Friend: What is your New Year's resolution??

Me: 7680×4320

Friend: Stupid Nerd. *Walks aways*

The most stupid question you can ask at an open source software event?

"So, this system, is it open source?"

I asked this to a guy at a stand about the system he was presenting (forgot the project name).

He stared at me with a wtf face and then replied with "....yes.... of course.... this is an OPEN SOURCE software event?!"

I felt quite fucking stupid.

FUCK YOU, STOP FUCKING WITH ME! my stupid fucking colleague has just replaced all the semi colons in my repo with Greek question marks for the 5TH FUCKING TIME THIS MONTH. it wasn't funny to start, it isn't funny now, so take your fucking rat-like grin and hyena laugh and FUCK OFF AND WORK! fuck me

Designer: can we put the popup at the top of the screen?

Me: You mean op top of the navigation?

Designer: Yeah.

Me: I sure can. Would be stupid to block off the site navigation with a popup, but definately possible.

Designer: Cool, let me know when done!

Me: ....

Me: I am done.

Designer: Well now I can't click on the navigation anymore.

Me: That's correct. Let me know when you want to change it again.

*sigh*

Ssh'd into raspberry pi:

$ sudo ip link set dev wlan0 down

*waits 5 minutes for response*

Oh.. Oh yeah..

Me: *types "recursion" into google*
Google: Did you mean: recursion
Me: *clicks the suggestion, even tho I see no error*
Google: Did you mean: recursion
Me: ohh I see. I feel stupid

This should not be called wisdom teeth, should be called stupid teeth
Mother fucker is growing perpendicular.

What fuck is wrong with you bro , grow upwards you dumb fuck!!

FUCK YOU TOO COFFEE MACHINE!
HANDING ME YOUR STUPID FUCKING SHITTY WATER BACK. YOU'RE SUPPOSED BREW SOME FUCKING COFFEE TO FUCKING MAKE ME AWAKE WITH ONE FUCKING HOUR OF SLEEP NOT PISS IN MY CUP!
I'll just go back to bed...

Wife - my site is not working, everything in the code looks correct. But it is only throwing me 404 all over

Me - "blaming the teacher for giving bad shit"

Wife after googling - I fixed it, you have forgot to enable .htaccess in the virtualhost

FFS how long have I been this stupid?

Friend: hey I started learning java..
Me: great, good luck.

*After few minutes

Friend: Hey I heard you're good in java programming..

Me: yeah I know stuff.

Friend: So can you teach me all good things in java?

Me: but..

Friend: half hour is supposed to be enough, right?

Me: hell no, it's not like that..

this stupid thinks half hour is enough to transmit all my career to his stoned brain..

I am going to die!

So, I'm programming a control system for a prototype aerospace vehicle. You know, the stuff that needs to work to prevent falling out of the sky.

Anyway, test day was today (was -- not anymore). Wiring all the electronics, everything is actuating and works well. Except for one part, a little thruster for stability.

I spent hours - literally, fucking hours - trying to fix the problem. Wrong address? Wrong syntax? I had absolutely no clue what was wrong. Queue the hardware guy, $stupid:

$stupid: "How have you not got it working yet?!"

$me: "I don't know, everything I'm trying isn't working. I've spent hours digging through this code and nothing is fucking working."

$stupid: "Well have you set it up for the new thruster?"

$me: "What...What new thruster?"

$stupid: "Oh, the one we installed this morning, did noone tell you?"

WHY WOULDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?! COMMUNICATION 101!

Me: “I’m gonna rebuild this site from the ground up.”
Also me, 5 minutes into it: “Can’t figure out this stupid CSS thing I need to do. Gonna take a quick break.”
Also also me, looking at it 5 days later:

Everytime they force me to add and test stupid features. I usually end up making my own version, which they dump almost every time.

Lost the password to the main modem/router of our apartment (live in a normal flat of which the rooms are rented out to three students and me) which is in my room and tried to reset the fucker for a trillion times but couldn't get back in, the password didn't reset.

Took a closer look at the reset button and suddenly noticed some text under it saying "wireless connect". Then I noticed a tiny round "hole" above the reset text.

Fuck my sideways, I've been pressing the "wireless connect" button instead of the actual reset one every goddamn time 😐

I can now port forward again 😊

Interviewer: How will you solve the travelling salesman problem?

Me: *explains the solution on whiteboard*

Interviewer: It is slow. Can you do it in linear time at least?

Me: It is NP hard so it is not possible. For a restricted case, it may be possible

Interviewer: You are stupid. Do not apply again.

Manager in 1-1: You tell people they are stupid too often.... Dial it back a bit

Me: They are.

tl;dr stupid clients with their stupid requirements.

Client: (on Monday) hypothetically could you implement "A"?
Me: (on Monday) yeah I could do that by Friday, let me know if you want me to start it.
Client: (on Thursday) hey remember we talked about "A" well do "B" instead and I'll need it by Friday still.
Me: "B" is completely different than "A" and will take probably twice as long.
Client: but you told me you could do it by Friday.
Me: ............ I want to smash your face.

"Who the fuck wrote this stupid shit!?"
git blame

It was me...

HR: why you want to work with us.

Me inside: you stupid, because you need my skills and I need your stupid money, stop reading articles about stupid interview questions.

Me: because I love to work on such amazing environment, and I really love the technology you're using.

How stackoverflow works(for me):

- First some guru will downvote it & someone comments saying it is duplicate/easy/stupid/should be somewhere else.
- Then a very generous person comes in, says its a valid question, answers & upvotes it.
- After few hours/days, other people come looking for the same question & then they upvote it.

This is called a true happy ending.

How can people be so fucking stupid?

Imagine I made a program with two buttons, one that says "click here for x" and the other that says "click here for y" and they are asking me where to click for x.. Really mother fucker? Do you really have a PhD? Might me a PhD on retardness!! fuck you, I'm on vacation...

my co-web devs just introduced me to css grids.

I feel so stupid for not knowing this, how long has this been here? HOW COME I MISSED OUT ON CSS GRIDS

If Katie calls one more time, I'll hunt her down.

I said I don't want to be on your stupid caller's list. She said okay, then proceeds to call me 50 more times today.

Gets an email from office facilities.

Email - A package has been received under your name, please collect it at the mail room in the 5th floor.

Me (excited as hell) - Yay! My devRant stickers are finally here!!!!

Gets to the mail room as fast as she could only to find that the stupid package was a stupid promotional offer from a stupid bank sending me a stupid credit card that I never even asked for. That entire day was a disappointment :-(

When am I getting my stickers! It's been ages!

Argh!
Me: "Are these Os or 0s? In this shit font they look totally the same!"
Me tries to gess if they look more like circles or eggs.
Me remembers that there are no Os in hex numbers.
Me: "Stupid me! Better go to bed now..."

I really like JS, but sometimes it's just incredibly stupid.
NaN stands for Not-A-Number

typeof NaN
> 'number'

why are you doing this to me

Stupid tech guy: "You should use Windows, it's bettter"
Me: "No i quit Windows and use Linux"

At the end of the day he updates Windows and got a BSOD...

I laughed and walked off

*Wants to turn up brightness*
*Presses Volume up*
🤦

I didnt make my root partition big enough fuuuuuuuuck

Stupid fucking tutorial said "10GB should be enough!"

Should have listened to myself. Fuck me.

Intern complained to Manager that I have been googling to find code snippets

Manager confronted me during one of our meetings. I explained.

Manager felt stupid and seemed angry on the intern.

STUPID SHIT ASS EMAIL POLICIES NOT ALLOWING ME TO SEND CERTAIN FILE TYPES TO A SUPPORT MEMBER WHEN THERE ARE FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH THE PRODUCTION SITE. THE GUY THAT SET UP THOSE POLICIES CAN ROLL THEM UP AND STICK THEM IN HIS ASS.

There that's better...

Me: How big do you want the banner to be (in pixels)?
Client: Mhhh... do default size

DEFINE 'DEFAULT SIZE' STUPID MORON

Le me at the end of an interview

Recruiter: What is your salary expectations

*trying to find a good number but without exaggeration*

Me: well, about x USD.

Recruiter: that's ok for us.

Me inside: oh I should asked more than that! Stupid me.

After pissing me off for month or so with it's stupid bsods I've decided it's time to move on. Fuck windows.

This fucking stupid asshole developer, wrote every single SQL execution with string formatting. Made me a full sleepless night fixing this shit. Isn’t this a classical SQL injection sample?

You dumb, stupid fucking idiot.

Yes, that's me. Spent an hour debugging something, only to find out I wasn't paying attention when going through the API ref. Fucking fuck. Such a waste of time.

>Be me
>Have coder gf
>Goes to Disney world with family for vacation
>Me on the phone with her "can I just ftp over to you"
>Her *giggles*
>Me subconsciously "that was stupid but it didn't fail"

"Im gonna buy an Titan V for gaming!"
-Le "Friend" of mine

me:
A Titan V is for research and AI Applications...

Le "Friend"
Ayy u stupid Titan V best card!!!11!

Fuck this shit im fucking out of here...

People: "N00bPancakes! Your code broke something!"

Me: "Holy leaky diaper, I had a weird feeling about that code!!!! Stupid me!!! I'll get on that!!!"

-furious clicking-

Me: "How could this even .. .wait a second..."

- reverts last merge -

- still broken -

Me: "See I knew it wasn't my code...."

(´◔౪◔)

I hate it when stupid ideas go public and get a huge valuation. Snap at ~$24b just means more of my mother asking why I haven't made something like that yet and everyone else pitching me their dumb ideas at my birthday party.

”Can’t you install the new update while the computer is turned off?”

Things I hear at work..

When someone asks me a stupid question,
I always answer:
You have the Knowledge of the Entire world and human race in your pocket,
FUCKING USE IT! DONT ASK ME! GOOGLE IT! BING IT! WHATEVER! JUST DONT ASK ME!

Me: "What a stupid piece of shit documentation and software, it does not work!!!!!!!"

Also me: "Oh, this typo made everything _not-work_"

Him: Relation databases are stupid; SQL injections, complex relationships, redundant syntax and so much more!

Me: so what should we use instead? Mongo, redis, some other fancy new db?

Him: no, I have this class in Java, it loads all the data into memory and handles transfers with http.

Me: ...... Bye!

Update: On second job offer

There are multiple red flags detected early on. I guess I will reconsider the position.

1. They said there will be 5 rounds with no case study

2. They said they have the budget approved for the salary range I am looking for

3. Promised me for Senior Product role and are offering me for Product role all of a sudden

3. Schedule 4 rounds instead of 5

4. Finalised and proceeded for offer in just 2 rounds

5. Start salary negotiation saying they don't have enough budget for the range I am looking for

6. I read their Glassdoor and it is pathetic

7. Came back today saying I will have to do a case study and only then they will decide whether to hire me or not and previous selection confirmation was miscommunication (WTF!!!!)

TL;DR: HRs are assholes when it comes to salary and low ball you and fuck such company with toxic processes and no clear mentality.

ATMs without a 'back' button? ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Seriously, what's the fucking deal with these?? Who designs such a stupid interface? It forces me to cancel and re-insert every time I make a wrong entry.

Me, when read old code:
if z == true
return true
else
return false
Yeah, why not stupid fucker.

I hate it when you have non-developer friends because still to this day after 16 years they still ask me what do I do with their stupid confused faces. Bloody muggles.

So ... Facebook somehow found out I used a 'fake' rear name and forced me to switch it back ...

So now they can again sell my data, and I am again haunted by stupid ads I don't want ...

Fucking Zuckerberg!!!!

You motherfucking piece of shit application form...

I was filling a long form in a tab and I had another part of that form open in another tab.

They fucking logged me out of the 2nd tab and didn't notify or prevent me from filling up hundreds of fields in the 1st tab.

Now I have to fill them up again.

Fuck you and your stupid form. Die in hell you fucking stupid cunt.

I used to think my coworkers are stupid. Now I believe they are purposely making mistakes just to piss me off.

me: "ugh frontend is so stupid, i wish i only did backend"

also me: "i should be working on backend, but i just added some dopeass icons to my website"

What's the most stupid/raging way you broke a device ?

Me? I fell asleep in my bed, while reading some rants.. on my fucking phone and broke it while sleeping on it

I forgot my chargers for both my phone and my laptop at home 🤦‍♀
My phone is on 13% and my laptop on 35%.
I rely too much on technology ...

When I code for myself I do all the naming in German only. Mainly because that's how I can see directly if that stupid mess is done by me or the framework.

Guys, please help me answer this intellectual being. The more stupid the answer, the better. Even better is if there is like a fake loooooonnnngggg step by step guide of it. NB: tafadhali == please.

Q: Why isn't it working after a whole fucking day of trying?

A: Because I'm a fucking idiot. That's why!

STARTUP IDEA GUYS SUCKS!!!!

So today one of my friend asked me to do an app for him and finally share 50 percent of the profit that I get. His idea is to build an app that can measure air pollution level, water pollution level, soil fertility range. I was like "what the hell!"... The beauty is that he wants me to pay him 50 percent for giving such (stupid, retarded) idea.

Wondering when these "startup idea guys" will realize that ideas are cheap but execution is worth the millions! Fed-up with such stupid people.

She : You spend your whole day with your stupid computer ! That dumb machine is more important to you than me. We are done 😡

Me : Babe, I swear to God, you'll always be number one on my priority list.

She : Aww.. love you so much 😚

Me in mind : This must be the reason behind foundation of 0 index for Devs.

Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.

Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!

Well, I guess all the Linux folks are going to know what I am talking about. Do you know this feeling (Yes, you know. Don't tell me anything.) when you use Linux and nobody else uses Linux in your Work/School. And these people come to you and say.

Stupid people : Oh! You use Linux. That's bullshit!
Me : No it's not. It doesn't do 24/7 updates like Windows.
Stupid people : No, Linux is bullshit you don't have money for Windows. And Linux can't run professional Applications.

Unfortunately there is no medicine that cures dumbness. Just saying ...
I'd rather stay not dumb like these people instead of buying another Windows license.

Are programming related questions welcomed here? My stupid fucking questions always get downvoted at Stackoverflow and I feel discouraged and frustrated and just plain so stupid which don't really help me learn. . .

Stupid javascript.
Stupid hoisting-oblivious "frontend devs."
Stupid browser-specific javascript behavior.
Stupid thrown-together javascript minifier that literally only strips out whitespace and comments.
Stupid poorly-written javascript spamming my api.

Time to rewrite it. Grumble grumble. Soo not how I wanted to spend my morning-turn-afternoon.

Leading to the last but not least:
Stupid me forgetting javascript's quirks.

This happens more often than I care to admit.
I take a coffee, then I drink a sip.
Because it's too hot I put him aside.
Start working
Lose track of everything around me
Then when I am no longer distracted by the stupid bullshit line of code that I was stuck at, I go to drink the coffee and is FUCKING COLD!!!!!

You stupid shit jerk fucks.

Your request to disable the coming soon mode was hours ago. Of course google will show you coming soon text when you searched for it. It is not like google is under my arse or something.

And what do you mean it is not showing up on YAHOO!
Who the hell is still using YAHOO! ?
And that YAHOO! showed me that coming soon text result just like GOOGLE when I tried. So why is it not showing that to you? Oh right, maybe because you are old and stupid.

Today is already busy enough with packing our stuffs, stop giving us stupid tasks to fix.

Self reviews. They're stupid and people aren't good at it.

Just tell me how I did.

Men. Live with it.

(Stupid mistakes that kept me from sleeping.. 🤦🏻‍♂️ Lesson learned: Sleep.)

Well... I feel insanely stupid because I've been using windows for years an just realised that the file system isn't case sensitive... Mother fuckers...

(Yes judge me, I am a twat)

a little confession: i've rarely used test suites in my projects (due to laziness and lack of time).

i've started a new project and now i HAD to write tests in order to make my PM happy.

Then i had to refactor a lot of code.

IT WAS SO EASY WITH TESTS.
I WAS A FOOL.
STUPID PAST ME, STUPID!

Me to friend: I have finally unlocked the devRant C# shirt!
Friend: like, an actual shirt?
Me: no for my avatar, I'm so stoked!
Friend: so... It's not real? That's so stupid.
Me: you want to get deleted like I deleted Facebook? devRant swag is the best swag.

Thanks everyone❤️

Once I was coding a pool game, and didn't know why the white ball kept on going on forever. It was 4AM, so I was already a little tired as you can imagine.

The glitch came from the fact that I had designed a whole polynomial function to imitate the deceleration of the ball... I replaced it with two lines: one creating speed and deceleration value, and another one subtracting the deceleration value until speed was zero. And then I went to sleep.

Shit that annoys me: People use the store (insert google play/apple/other) rating with one star to ask questions instead of fucking filling the stupid contact form or send an email to tech support.

Fucking stupid bitch comes to me at 7 pm and asks an impossible task and after I clearly explain and say that I don't know how I gonna do it she asks it for early tomorrow...

Yeah, keep waiting...

Me. Everyday. I was actually fired for “unprofessional conduct.” Apparently screaming fuck at everyone and telling them to get fucked when they’re being stupid isn’t professional.

I like to think of my behavior as “informal.” 😉

Getting corporate VPN access:
PM: Here's the program to get in, it should work.
Me: Won't install.
PM: sorry old version, here is the new one.
Me: Can't get in
PM: create a ticket
Support: Not sure, just try again
Me: Still won't work
Support: We forgot to set some attributes in your account, should work now.
Me: Nope.
Support: We are investigating.
*two weeks later*
Support: should work now.
Me: No it doesn't you stupid f***tards.
*gives up all hope*

I gave you a nice date picker to use but instead you choose to type in the date. Type in an incorrect date and then yell at me for it. If I could enter the dates for you , you would not have a job .... stupid users

anyone else feel bullied when they put something on stack overflow for help
I'm just learning C++ for internship and they're so harsh and make me feel stupid :(

*logs in to pc*
- Your password will expire in 3 days. Consider changing it.
+ yeah sure...
*tries to change password*
- Your password must be different from your old 25 passwords
+ ....
+ What the fuck?!? I mean, really, what the fuck is this bullshit? You force me to use EXACTLY 8 char long passwords and this? Fuck you!

My roommate: why do you look so mad.

Me: stupid program is broke

My roommate: didn't you fix it yesterday?

Me: yes. I broke some thing else

Roommate: oh on a different project?

Me: nope same one.

Roommate: [walks away more confused than when the conversation started]

IT Head: Hey, can you check out why application X isn't working? I've already restarted it and it isn't working anymore.

Me: sure.

Me 20 mins later: hey, looks like it is all good, website is normal, server resources are normal, etc...

IT Head: no no, the windows sync app isn't working.

Me inside: are you fucking kidding me you piece of stupid shit? Quit IT for good and die.

Worst part:

Either "Can you fix my PC, it won't start"

Or "Can you hack <some instance here> for me because <some stupid reason>

Normal human: Visits web store -> orders for product -> leaves store.

Me: Visits web store -> Stares at header -> Stares at logo -> Check if colors match -> Scroll to footer -> Frowns at ads -> Scroll back up -> Multi click product item for debounce -> Fuck i clicked twice but it added the product thrice -> Closes tab -> Drives to local store -> Purchase product -> leaves store.

ugh... i lost code of my best project fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

And what's even more stupid? it had git versioning. almost around 65 commits. but recent fuckups with laptop crash, offline-online backup confusion led to me loose everything.
I just forgot to do one stupid fuck : git push -u origin master :"""""""""""""""""""""""""(

Oh fuck... OH FUCKING FUCK OF FUCKS!

So, I made an interview and recorded it with Audacity...

Stupid me only stopped the recording and closed it...

WITHOUT SAVING! I DIDNT FUCKING SAVE THE FUCKING RECORDING! FUCK!

I DIDNT SAVE HALF AN HOUR OF AUDIO! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN! IT DIDNT EVEN ASK ME TO FUCKING SAVE IT!
or was it??

FUCK NOW IM PARANOID!

Pausing music because I have to concentrate on a test case like crazy.
3 hours later...
Wait? Why don't I listen to music?
Ah I muted it like 3 hours ago :-/

Started working at 3:30am today.
That either means I am dedicated or stupid. Maybe both.
For sure, my boss doesn't appreciate it, so I guess that makes me stupid then :)

I was struggling with a task on a project and decided to call the colleague, who's working on this project as well (he built it, I am just on-boarding) to get some advice.

Literally the first thing he asked me was: "have you seen whom this task is assigned to?"

Fuck! So I spent about 1.5 hours on not finishing a task that I shouldn't have worked on in the first place. Great.

So, I'm the only iOS developer in the company working on this stupid app which is never going to succeed because the client idea is just plain stupid. Anyway, 6 months developing this crap, countless iterations, trillions of so-called retard "features", and now that we are almost there to go into production my PM decides it's a great moment to document every aspect of what was done and asks me to do it. Now I have 3 documents to write and around 80 bugs to review before Friday. Stupid me for thinking he didn't waste 6 months doing absolutely nothing while I was working 12 hrs a day to meet deadlines.

Regarding my last rant: I AM FUCKING DUMB!

When I receive data from the master Arduino, a hardware interrupt runs and oversteps my main loop stuff!

Lesson? NEVER WRITE HARDWARE LATCHES ON THE MAIN LOOP WITH A HARDWARE INTERRUPT WHICH IS MOST OF YOUR FUCKING CODE!!

My girl friend broke up with me few days ago without any solid reason. Today i stopped her and ask her why she broke up with me and she started giving stupid reasons whereas she was the one who was actually guilty of those accusations.

Having an philosophy exam in less than six hours. It's 2 am. Laying in bed, thinking about that stupid DNS bug and how to fix it. I have 4 1/2 hours of sleep left - wish me luck ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Users and Bosses.

I honestly don't know who is worse, the end user or the boss.

The boss thinks all you do is click a button and everything just works, so everything should take 30 minutes to complete, why on earth would it take a week to do something?

The user seems to think every tiny idea is the most important thing ever to add, so they tell said boss it must be added, and boss normally agrees.

I get it, Marge (Fake name), adding in a copy button because you're too dumb to press ctrl + c is way more important than updating the security after a Ransomware attack.

No boss, I can't add in 30 new things and make sure the security protocols are updated all before the meeting in 15 minutes.

If you think it's all so easy and just pressing buttons, why did you hire me? Anyone who can read and press a button should be able to do it....

So I've been working a lot with Docker lately (who isn't) and there was this one service always DIEING on me.
Docker logs showed me that it was killed because the container was unhealthy.
I researched for a whole day and couldn't find it...
After I got home it hit me like a hammer...
The healthcheck uses basic Auth and the password was changed yesterday...

How the fuck could I start to try every shit before I even checked if the request done by the healthcheck is working...

FUCK ME I'M SUCH A MORON SOMETIMES

I feel quite stupid asking this but what on earth is eng in English? In dutch it means scary but I don't think that that applies here 😄

(Translation services gave me the exact same word)

*Le me posting a rant on devRant
*Le Rant gets no ++1 for a while
*Yup it was stupid one, delete it

Ideal job?
The one that give me a roof over my head.
And pays my bills.
And bring food on the table.
And give me a lot of free time for my hobbies.
And avoids me to discuss with stupid clients.

Ok, maybe the last one is a bit unrealistic..

Today I wrote a mail to the company to record two weeks of illness. Now, the mail started off being about my holidays in a few weeks, but I decided to write the illness mail first. Stupid me forgot to change the subject from "holidays" to "illness"... I'm so fucked. Wish me luck!

"OMG PLZ HELP NOBODY CAN CALL ME!!!¡¡ THIZ STUPID PHONE IS SO SHITTY"

Did you press anything?

"NOTHING I SWEAR!"

Yeah, I see that you are messing with the settings. Is that nothing to you?

I can understand that you accidentally navigate to the settings, but if you blame everything on your phone and lie to me, expect me to do the same.

I'm on my first free lance project, and devRant asks me for my horror story. -_-
Well, I undersold myself and gave such a stupid time estimation. Fortunately, the client was smarter, and he wants just half the work in same time period and will still gave me the same amount xD

So I did not notice that my google chrome had another window and I accidentally closed the 2 chrome windows in the wrong order. Now my 1st chrome window tabs are all gone. Stupid me 😅

Yeah I'm an adult. No, it doesn't bother me that 6 years ago on the school trip I wasn't cool enough to be invited to the girls rooms eventhough my stupid friend was. Doesn't bother me one bit

working in IT support sometimes makes me wonder if people are really that stupid or they try to test me if i am really stupid.

I love when this happens to me.
1. Restarts manually the webserver.
2. 5 seconds later, i try to reach one of the websites and i am surprised of the 'the site is down' error and begin to investigate the reason.
3. 30 seconds later: "oh im stupid".

*Me Scrolling through devRant smiling at posts*

Boss comes from behind

Boss : Stackoverflow is a funny place 😂

I'm taken by surprise since I should be working, and im like

Ya amatuers developers asking stupid questions.. 😂
Damn you devRant Addiction. Phew !

I know I'm only an intern. But what in the actual sideways fuck. Are clients really this stupid?! They want to push the app into the app stores a week earlier AND add MORE functionality? FUUUUUCK ME.

Stupid piece of legacy shit needing to silent print without the dialogs in IE on windows 10.

this is proving to be a thing of nightmares.

this has worked for years but no windows need to block this “for security”

windows and security - i would laugh but this is going to keep me awake at night.

😯😂😂😂😂
Some times I open the production site and then try to make edits locally to fix a bug, only to realize that I was so stupid.

Thanks stupid workmates who fuck up the project first and then 4 hours before the deadline tell you without any feelings "it's late, I'm going to sleep".

NO FUCK YOU GET YOUR ASS HERE AND START HELPING ME

Me: man, I really want to work on my project but I don't know what to do

Brain: You should document your code, it doesn't have a single fucking comment, you stupid lazy fuck

Me: oh ok, I will do that ...

I REALLY HATE IIS. IT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING PLATFORM. FUCK. WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FUCKING ERROR LOGS YOU STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING CRAP. FUCKING KILL ME YOU STUPID SERVER ASS BITCH CUNT

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

Rant! I'm​ the only developer working in the company and everybody always comes​ to me and say, oh you are the IT guy can you fix my iPad?

F**$ no I can't... Stupid iPads..

Minecraft mods get me into programming. I used to spend hours yelling at Eclipse for not making that stupid JAR file! 7 years later, I'm pursuing a career as someone who spends hours yelling at a CLI assembler for not making that stupid ISO file! Good times.

Silly and stupid me.

Woke up.
Check phone. Check devRant.
Saw Trogus's filter update post.
Happy and left a comment.
Went to playstore and update.
Open devRant and use the feature.
Tried to filter only Rants and Questions type.
Happy and went back to sleep again bcz Saturday.
Continue the rest of day with other stuffs.
Use devRant again.
"Huh why the heck is the first post about some random quote?"
"Why the hell is second post meme"
"Why...why...why"
Check filter feature again.
Facepalm.

Silly me and stupid my eyes and useless my brain is not worthy for good and clean UIUX.

My internship is starting to make me feel really stupid

The issue seems easy but I literally have no clue what to do or even where to start. :(

My standard response for any stupid questions. If you haven't tried it already then don't bother me.

It continually never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me a question without doing the proper research beforehand. For instance, "How far is the Earth from Jupiter?" How am I supposed to know that? The only thing I'm going to do is Google it and then tell you anyway. Stop asking me stupid questions that you can easily search yourself!

Dear past me,

never ever offer a customer to rename their databases during migration.

Renaming databases in mysql is evil and will cost you more time than you think,

sincerely, my present me.

Ugh, stupid triggers and procedures >_>

That's it. I'm fucking retarded. I'm just so fucking retarded. I'm so fucking supid, it makes me wonder why do I even keep trying. I'm not sure I even have the energy in my fingers to keep typing this stupid rant.

I've been banging my head against this stupid fucking issue for A WEEK. Digging into the documentation, trying different library versions, trying to move stuff around even if it didn't make sense, trying to use different approaches because maybe I was missing something, or maybe I didn't understand some concept.
Surely spawning a child function from a parent can't be that hard, right?

Nothing.

Even tried it on a different OS - who knows, maybe it's Windows doing some if its magic fuckery?

Still nothing.

"Wait, why am I calling this function directly instead of calling its parent?"

Being away from my PC for a long time makes me think of stupid but concerning questions that others seems to care less about.

"Is the term 'spicy' really a flavor? or a sensation?" Some would argue that it's a form of allergic reaction tolerance.

Hey...just wondering...

In Germany its quite common for M$ nazis to call Windows "Windoof" , which means Win-stupid...

I'm not aware of anything similar in English or other languages...And that can't be ;)

Enlighten me please!

My non-coding friends think i am an amazing developers as i can create landing pages and small websites and they sometimes come to me with stupid ideas for websites.

I see loads of rants complaining about getting asked for tech help. And then I see Linux getting recommended as an OS.

Me? I'm telling everyone to use ChromeOS so they leave me the fuck alone.

In the future, I'll tell everyone they are too fucking stupid to own a computer and phone is the way to go.

Systems thinking, people.

Colleague: Let's see the luna(r) eclipse.
Me: But that was a while ago.
Colleague: No it is today. Let's go out and see.
Me: Out.!! But how could you run eclipse there?
Colleague: What??
Me: What..?? Oh...!!
*awkward silence*

All the while I was thinking why would a node dev require eclipse, when he could perfectly work with something like vscode. Feels so stupid.

Fuck college dude. My professor is a shit. I'm slow when it comes to instructions and some learning and so I don't usually get started as fast. Then after he decides to yell at me and tell me everything I'm doing is wrong he explains like I'm stupid and then fucking not even 30 seconds later asks me why im not 4 problems ahead with my paper.

GOD DAMN THE STUPID IPTABLES, aaaaah!

Today I learned that
iptables -I INPUT -i !lo -j DROP
and
iptables -I INPUT ! -i lo -j DROP

are two completely different rules, the first of which doesn't work (in ~99.9% of cases)

yet both pass and get added to the firewall. And both rules show exactly the same in the state listing (iptables -L -n -v).

And I was wondering why the hell the firewall wasn't working...

I am starting to get more and more ticked off when I google a language's function name, and the first result isn't the official documentation.

Come on, I don't care about some stupid article describing how a function works in 10 paragraphs, with modal windows all over the place annoying me about "subscribing to newsletter", cookies, registrations and so on.

I just need to find the stupid function description!

Before internship, js code with semicolons looked stupid to me. Then jshint happened and here I am at 3AM in the morning, adding semicolons to a forgotten but not abandoned design project of mine!

Me : "Wow, the Windscribe VPN is free for a whole year, and I can download up to 50gb of data per month!"
Me : *subscribe, install and launch the thingy, then proceed to start a 38 gb torrent*
Also me, literally 35s later: "... but why does the trending page of YouTube is full of american videos? Where did the french content go?"

I swear, one day I'll stop being this stupid.

Stupid people make me sad...

My fucking stupid idiot neighbor is replaying the same song since morning at max volume. It's killing me! Where can i buy a machete and wipe out this moron's genes from the earth?

So this company wanted their site launched early..so I coded for 3 days straight, hardly a wink of sleep and I launched it by the new deadline they gave me. Then they send me screenshots of a million problems with CSS and I'm like...THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU RUSH YOU STUPID PRICKS

My dad once told me "Computers are stupid because they do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do." and honestly that gets truer the more I mess with 'em.

For months I was weak and tired. All the stupid IT work drained me of power to develop cool stuff during the nights.

And then I discovered my wunderwaffe- machine capsule-espresso.

Oh boy that shit is amazing.

Built a neural network + plus major algo work to solve a stupid mobile game (Calculords).

I'm sure humanity will thank me later.

Opened firefox twice infront of boss and had devRant as the active tab, I hope he didn't notice, but I doubt T_T

I will only know if I saw a rant about me, other than that I think I'm good :3

That feeling when you view your older projects and see how distorted your code was, how much boilerplate code, realize how stupid you were.

Good to see how times have changed.

fuck this!
spent an hour trying get my website working (on a raspberry) ... no errors, dev tools gave nothing, php gives nothing mySQL related... weird.. debugged my code for an hour when it me... db on my pc for testing is not the same one as the "production" server. i am so fucking stupid... i need some sleep

! related

So there is this girl in my office from different team. We only talked over emails couple of times. I never got courage to go and talk to her in person. Sometimes I found her looking at me (** i guess**), sometimes she catches me looking at her. Smiles gets exchanged and that's it.

Didn't see her for 2-3 days. Checked in portal, turns out she left company. I'm feeling super bad right now. I can't focus on anything since this afternoon. I know this is not the place to share it, but I don't have anywhere else to share this...

Faaaakkkkkkkkk
Faaaccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I could've tried...

My shyness kills me more than anything else in this world.😞

It still amazes me that people willingly choose apple. After being given a MacBook for work, I sort of expected it to grow on me a bit. But no, it forces you to do everything in their stupid apple way. It is form over function in its purest form.

Me: "I'll use my old laptop as a server to access via SSH to do my Docker Tests. I don't wanna use Keyboard and Screen. So, I'll set up Debian Server"

Also me: "Oh, full disk encryption with a preboot Login required. That's such a GOOD idea"

Introducing: Stupid me 🤗

I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you hardly ever do any thinking and even on those rare occasions the results make me wish you hadn't tried.

Customers are so fucking stupid.

You're already on the page with a form with a "password" field and a fucking "save" button. WHY ARE YOU STILL ASKING ME HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PASSWORD???

FUCKING STUPID CUSTOMER WHY DON'T YOUR FUCKING KILL YOURSELF???

FUCK!

Me: Writing an amazing code
Client: say nothing
Me: making a stupid bug, the client complains, I fix it instantly
Client: WOW you're amaizing

I'm stuck in road traffic and it's giving me headache, i wish every driver knows at least FIFO rule, if it's on a computer the CPU will quit his job because of all those stupid processes :/

took me 20min to realize why windows wasn't recognising my flash drive:
it wasn't the usb stick I plugged in but the mouse's dongle... stupid me😜

I am both happy and sad looking at the code I wrote some time back. It makes me realize how much I have learned and at the same time how stupid I was.

Stupid !
Just 1 cup of cappaccino can make me stay awake the whole night :/
2 nights no sleep , not gonna get anymore caffeine tonight !

So in my last post I was angry that I didnt know many algorithms or how to make one, so you guys inspired me to learn about them and I found a course I'm gonna take about algorithms and such. I'm incorporating it into my learning schedule so let's hope this leads to me not being stupid.

If only this button could make this shitty work week end & launch me in to paradise. I've had it up to here with PMs, clients, sales and stupid people. Any one else? 😖🙋🏼👋🏼

...
Person me = new Person();
me.setAge(20);
int newAge = me.getAge();
System.out.println("Happy birthday! " +me.getName+ "You are now " newAge+ " years old!");

Happy birthday to me!😎🎊🎉🍻

(Probably stupid code 😂)

I feel like I'm too stupid to understand the Redux pattern. It makes me want to quit programming.

I fcking hate when my friends come to me for restoring his stupid blocked accounts like Instagram, Facebook, Google etc... OMG I'm a fcking computer technician not a hacker

The world is so stupid... An app called Die With Me works only under 5% battery and lets you chat anonymously... when the connection is lost its said "*Name* Is dead"
Really fucking stupid but worth a try... Why did i buy this ag

After reading so many peoples rants about Wix ads, I have been asking myself, "Why in the fuck are people on here seeing Wix ads? What in the hell happened to their adblock?! Did their adblock quit? Is adblock missing? Why is no one concerned that adblock is missing?! We need milk cartons and a search party formed ASAP!"

Follow up to previous rant:

Now after I realised that I'm a stupid motherfucker, today was release day. Or so it was planned.
Because turned out my colleagues/supervisors didn't tell me to test the app on Android 6 devices and I was sure that if it ran on the device they gave me (which I assumed was the only device of our clients) it'd be sufficient.
Now it was tested on an android 6 device and crashed constantly.
Wow... I mean... Just wow... Now because I don't have a working android 6 device (a colleague of mine is on vacation and locked our development devices for a different app into a drawer) I have to get the emulator working which took me about 2 hours because that dumb shit face of a laptop first didn't have the android-sdk-root set (took me a good hour to realise) and then the kernel for the avds was missing.
Also: windows updates.
FUUUUUUUUUUUU....

(PS: yeah I should have tested it on various devices and made sure it worked on at least most of them without being told so. Another example for my stupidity.)

EDIT: Now I don't have enough disc space for the kernel I need to install. Absofuckingfantastic

I fucking hate everyone who sends me a voice message, Just text me motherfucker how can I find some info we discussed earlier, you want me to listen to all your stupid messages with your lazy ass voice to only find the shit I'm looking for.

when the client starts asking for so much stupid changes.

Me: Ok sur, I will email you about those changes and the estimate time.
Inside Me: I may look calm, but inside my mind I killed you 5 times with 5 different ways.

Is inadequate a better word? how about stubborn lazy and stupid? Yeah, I think that sums me about up. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day... if that's even possible...

Having to use BlueJ makes me want to jump off a bridge. :)

Stupid fucking editor tells me I have errors in my code, even though it compiles without problems using the Java command.

Only got 2h of sleep instead of my usual 5h. I'm a walking corpse and there are still 7h left until I can go home 😴

Stupid, calming water-flow sounds are going to bring me down

My paper just got rejected. Again. The first time it was expected. But for this journal, it wasn't supposed to be. Some of the reviewers' comments are stupid. (for eg. I mention a no-loss algorithm fir a game which, so his/her comment is like what's no-loss? , like are you fucking kidding me, if you don't know that, then why are you a reviewer in the first place)

Anyway now I don't know what to do. I'm looking for more journals but all have so high impact factors and I'm not even sure confident to submit again. Had a good mind to mail the editor in chief but well, I don't think it'd help. What do you guys think?

In the middle of another project, another paper, online courses, now this. I'm just done. I didn't go home as well. It's around four o' clock in the morning here, so noone here is awake.

Can anyone hear me?

We are switching to an infinite scroll mode for our app. I told the backend dev in my project (we're just 2 people) I need an API to get more than one post at once.
He told me to use a loop to call the old URL 15 times.
...Not sure if stupid or just too lazy

All these random stupid ++ bombs, kinda makes me miss jASe when her used to ++ bombs everyone with all his accounts, only to delete them.

I just pretend to be socially awesome.

A generic relative :
"I heard you really liked that dish I made. It was my own recipe you know?"

Me :
"Of course I did! Really? Your recipe? waow!"

Dev me :
"Yeah right!....BTW you forgot to import RxJS you stupid cunt!"

Getting oversea calls all of a sudden. If you’re trying to scam me, at least speak the local language and check local time.

Talking to me in a language I don’t understand at stupid o’clock doesn’t help your case...

During one of the interviews that I had I was trying to be myself, a bit easy, fun and Normal and the dude interviewing me had a death stare face on the whole time.
The whole interview was weird, awkward and stupid. A few days later they made me offer that i had to reject because they wanted to pay me a trainee salary when had 3+ years of experience at the time.

The worst interview, I'll say the worst questions I ever being asked by stupid interviewer is "Where is your remote server located?", well I said "are your kidding me???" 😂 😂 😂

What did it tell me to???
Well, I was switching keyboards and started my desktop before i connected the new one. In my mind I was mocking the Mac. Now if I had a Mac it would not let me boot, stupid thing! Luckily I'm running Linux.
Butt wait! Never got that far! AMERICAN MEGANITWITS, if you ask me!

Sending webrequest to book car service, but the website isn't telling me if the request went through - just back to the same page with all info filled in. No error messages. Right now they either have 10 requests from me, or none. Stupid fucking site.

SO is like my SO
Yells at me for asking stupid questions. Hates it when I don't Google first. Tells me I'm too vague. Shuts me up before I have the chance to ask.

At the end of the day I've accomplished nothing with my code.

Me: So I'm going to study CS.
Dad: Are you going to be an engineer?
Me: Well I'll be a software engineer!
Dad: ???
Me: I'll write software for computers.
Dad: So you're not going to really be an engineer? So you are going to waste your life on those stupid computers... What did I do wrong.
😑😑😑

Just worked 12 hrs straight because the guy who earns more than twice my sallary (and ist currently on holiday in some fucking greek Island) ist to stupid to shit!!!!

This is unfair! You can not pay me very little because I am young and then give me all the responsibilities!!

Today has officially drained all the brain I didn't even have yesterday. Let's hope I get somewhere with this thing, or else all the brain I've wasted is going to be useless.

Also, fuck opencv's fisheye undistortion. Mofo, I don't have the camera params, how the fuck do you want me to give you your stupid kernel shit? Shut the fuck up from my face. Stupid hoebag.

... 😭😭😭😭😭

Immediately after I fix a big I'm super happy.

Then I think about how it got there I'm the first place and realise it's because I made a stupid mistake and I'm super angry with myself.

I didn't choose the bug life, the bug life choose me.