FUCK MY BOSS WHEN HE SAYS HE DIDNT SEE ANY UI CHANGES AFTER NOT SLEEPING FOR 24HRS TO GET THE ENTIRE BACKEND REWRITE DONE. I WENT OVER THE ACTUAL CHANGES WITH HIM 100 FUCKING TIMES! I GET THIS MESSAGE AFTER FINALLY GRABBING SOME FOOD "What did you do, you said you were going to work on the site??" FUCKFUCKITYFUCKFUCK!!! FUCK YOUR MONEY AND YOUR JOB!!!! AND WHILE IM AT IT FUCK WEBDEV!!! 🖕FUCK YOU GUYS🖕 IM GOING HOME

/rant Thank God for devRant

Last hour of my job today:

Hardstyle blasting out of the speakers at full volume

Everyone drinking a beer

Boss coming in with "Fuck this shit we're gonna game!"

This is what I call a good end of the work week 😍

I got a new job almost triple my old salary, I will move to a new city. I'm happy as fuck!

Client: "This has been broken for weeks! Why is it still broken!?!?"

Me: "Did you tell anyone it was broken?"

Client: "Well...um...no..."

I may be good at my job, but I have not been able to (nor do I want to) develop mind-reading abilities. Now please fuck off (so that I can go fix it).

At the airport.

Security: Please put all your electronics in the bin, including your watch.

Me: No problem

<goes through scanner>

Me: there was an Apple Watch in here and now it is gone.

Security: Oh, you lost your Apple Watch?

Me: No! I put my Apple Watch in the bin like you instructed and YOU lost my Apple Watch.

Security: It must be in the spinners.

Me: So my $500 Watch is in the spinners being run over by bins?

Security: you have to put the small things on the bottom.

Me: It was on the bottom and I did as you asked, this is entirely on you. Do not try to shift the blame to me again please.

Security: As I said...

Me: As I said, Do not try to shift the blame to me again. This is entirely your responsibility once you separate me from my electronics so you can perform security theatre. Have a nice day.

—————

Fuck this god damn security theatre. Fuck the dumbasses they hire. Fuck your country. Fuck your god damn feeling of insecurity. Fuck Your ineffective security theatre.

Sick my fucking dick until you choke and gag you worthless pieces of shit. Homeless people the street provide more security than you incompetent, under-educated assholes. Fuck you

And yes, I have 2 fucking laptops. I have a real fucking job where I provide actual value and for that I need a work laptop. I don’t come to work in a stupid looking outfit with a chip on my shoulder looking to inconvenience people. I come to work to provide real value to someone.

Fuck you and your worthless bullshit

So I just got rejected for a job for being too introverted.

They were very impressed with my advanced and broad technical knowledge but they said I'm "too introverted to hang out with cool, young people". That's ageism and that's illegal. Anyway.

I have more knowledge than most senior specialist devs (I've worked with them and I know them) but just because I'm a reserved and thinking person, I'm not welcome in this society of idiots and I don't get a job.

Two words: fuck society.

HOW TRANSIT SHOULD WORK
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨 🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ glad there's another in 6 minutes!

HOW TRANSIT DOES WORK (IN THE US)
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ not another for an hour
🚶‍♂️ hope I don't lose my job.

FUCK... THIS WAS JUST THE WORST WEEK I'VE EVER HAD IN MY JOB. LITERALLY WANNA JUST THROW MY DESK TO MY BOSS AND THEN CLEAN HIS BLOOD WITH HIS LAPTOP COMPONENTS AND THEN SELL THEIR ORGANS TO THE BLACK MARKET, USE THAT MONEY TO BUY A MACHINE GUN AND USE IT AGAINST THAH GODAMN CLIENT...

Received a website from a developer in my freelancing job today.

Everything rolls. Literally everything. Text, images, links every GOD DAMN THING HAS A ROLLING ANIMATION. WHAT THE FUCK

I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)

I got fired.

Worst job I ever had, they extended my probation period, called me "over maintenance", said my work was good but not good enough for the effort, If I take a lot of care doing my work then it's "over preparation", if not good enough then it's "not detailed enough", I don't ask enough questions? I must be unmotivated, I ask too many? I take up too much of other people's time.

Fuck them all. I hope they get a taste of their own medicine.

So I was just about to learn Angular for my job. Right after I installed it and initialized the first app folder I was told I don't need to learn it anymore.

Me being happy, right click folder, delete...

Deleting 30.035 files (225 MB)

WHAT THE FUCK

Got basically nothing done yesterday because I was absolutely exhausted the entire day. Thanks, doxxing thread. But I couldn’t sleep anyway so whatever.

Told everyone at home that I wanted a really productive day tomorrow (today) because of it.

Guess what happened?
Endless fucking distractions.
Because of course.

• Cooking since apparently it’s my job.
• Extended computer repair and maintenance, since that’s apparently my job even when it’s not my computer.
• Conversations.
• Children following me.
• People paraphrasing politics.
• People summarizing stupid fail videos.
• People relating stupid prank videos.
• More conversations.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• Endless noises from children’s toys, tablets, playing, etc.
• Children following me when I leave.
• Taking half an hour to order food instead of five minutes.
• Cleaning since nobody else ever does.
• Picking up toys since nobody else will and I’M FUCKING TIRED OF STEPPING ON AND TRIPPING OVER THEM.
• More fucking food prep.
• Endless random nonsense comments from children.
• More conversations.

Is it any wonder I’m so fucking pissed off every workday?

I can’t wait to move so I can have a fucking office with a fucking door and a fucking lock. And you know what? I’m going to splurge and install some fucking soundproofing, too.

WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!? I’M PAYING FOR YOUR FUCKING EVERYTHING. FUCK THE FUCK OFF!

First rant here!

So i just inherited this legacy application in my new job.

I started looking at the code and it just doesnt make sense!

What the fucking fuck!!

Well what the fuck. Life just won't stop with the dick punches this year.

To recap: My wife had me arrested on bs charges. While i was in jail, she packed her shit and left. She filed a restraining order, which i fought in court amd won. I have visitation with my daughter every other saturday and every Monday. I lost my apartment because she left, so I'm homeless. Living in my car.

Today, I was fired from my job of 6 years. Fuck me.

I'm starting a new job next week so I don't currently have a desk, but my boyfriend loves the cross stitched Yoshis I made for him!

Also, fuck cross stitching. It's the worst. I'm never doing it again. What was supposed to be a Christmas gift turned into a belated Valentine's gift.

Ordered a new 34" Dell Monitor which should have been delivered today. The lazy ass mailman tried to scam my neighbor by telling him to pay 1000€ for the packet... (Amazon doesn't use cash on delivery)
FUCK OFF IDIOT, I HOPE YOU LOSE YOUR JOB BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO DO YOUR GOD DAMN WORK AND COLLECT THE PACKET ON MY OWN.

Hey devRant. What the fuck is up?

I'm new and just wanted to say hi or whatever. I don't even work in any computer science related job. I'm a fucking welder.

I have aspirations one day to be just like you nerds. I fall asleep at my desk almost every night taking random online programming classes which I lose interest halfway through to some OTHER class and redo the same shit.

Is this what it's like to be smart?

Wife has literally the best IT job in the city. First wall of miners up and running. From my previous post of the 8 card boxes to this -- stacks of them and more stacks of bitmains. Fuck I wish these were ours. I know one IT honey that's getting chased around the house tonight cause she's sending me pics like this:

Dear Marketing Guy,

You had no right to manipulate the perfectly working "WordPress" site, but since you have done it by injecting a script you found on the internet in functions.php, It is now my unpaid job to fix this mess.

Yours truly,
Underpaid Developer

P.S. Fuck you

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE!

Just when I thought today was my last day at this job they tell me contract has been extended by another 5 weeks... Fuck yes! :-D

Fuck. My new job in the public sector requires me to sign paper applications to access JIRA or git. It takes them 4 days to process, so now I am waiting at home doing nothing. I’ll still get paid a competitive developer salary, though.

If you are a EU citizen from a country that subsidizes Poland, you can be sure that your taxes are well spent on my couch :)

It is very hard to make me mad.

But if you imply I "didn't do anything" or that my job is "easy" because all I do is just ”sit in front of a computer” 9 to 10 hours a day then you can go fuck yourself.

*rants to some people I met in a cafe about how irresponsible making a ground rail live is*

Girl: "well people do make mistakes, right"
Me: "but they shouldn't! It's civil engineering ffs!"
Girl: "that doesn't change the fact that it's impossible for people to not make mistakes"

*realizes that I'll have to explain redundancy*

Me: "okay, so I have 2 mail servers. If I make an inevitable mistake, during an update or so, it only affects one of the servers but not the other one. So service is uninterrupted."
Girl: "that's far too complicated and technical.. explain it more easily."
Me: "alright, what job do you have"
Girl: *tells her job*
Me: "alright, so imagine that you get sick or go on a holiday or something. When there's someone else in the company that's got the same skills, they can ensure that the job gets done regardless. That's redundancy."
Girl: "aah, still too complicated!!"

What the fuck?! I removed all of the technical stuff and it's still too complicated?! How willfully ignorant or plain stupid can you be?!! Well fuck her then, but not in the way of taking her home. Now guess why I don't really like the muggles in my town. Fucking idiots!!!

"But muh BuzzFeed, conspiracy theories, deferring updates because they hog my WiFi, and casual games on my iPhone"

FUCK!!! FUCK PEOPLE!!!

Fucking co-worker!!
This asshole blamed the delay in delivery of the project on me.
I mean what the fuck dude, I was just helping you out. That wasn't even my job.
Pathetic people!

So Someone in my team decided to create a cron job that auto send email to the client that says "GO FUCK YOURSELF" in clients' Hostinger (shared hosting) account .

My friend , why?

A recruiter asks for my LinkedIn credentials to save me from the hassle of updating my profile.
Is this the new 'send me your cv in .doc format so I can write whatever I want in there'?
I'm not even looking for a job and I don't know who you are! Fuck off!

I got my first job!

A real, full-time job that doesn't pay me shit!

I haven't even graduated Uni yet!

FUCK YEAH! 🍻

Got a job as a controls engineer. Told my parents.

Parents: Good Job!
Brother: Bro! How you make so much money?
Me: I went to a tech school and learned how to do technical stuff.
Brother: Oh... fuck that shit!

Everyone was really supportive. Been slowly gravitating from controls to more pure software. But a lot of the software I write is for controls and automation of machines.

When you get a client from real MOTHERFUCKING hell.

You just really FUCKING want to say this:

Scorched earth MOTHERFUCKER. I will massacre you. Now SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO MY JOB.
First, take a big step back and literally, FUCK YOUR OWN FACE.
I will rain down an ungodly FUCKING firestorm upon you.
You're gonna have to call the FUCKING United Nations and get a FUCKING BINDING RESOLUTION to keep me from FUCKING destroying you.
I am talking SCORCHED EARTH MOTHERFUCKER.
I will MASSACRE you.
I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

But for your own sake you keep it at this:
Yes sir/ma'am :).

I'm freaking the fuck out.
After months of learning from bootcamp and on my own, after a month of no resumes replied to, after almost giving up I finally got a job opportunity in front-end web development.
The thing is, I have to pass their online test to verify my JavaScript-fu.
3 hours.
4 tasks.
And I feel like garbage who can't understand even the most basic algorithms.
By the power of Grayskull, I don't think I have the power...
Wish me luck.

-made a password-protected zip to backup my homedir
-launch the update to Fedora 28
-oh look Jessica Jones season 2 is available on Netflix

...

Some hours later

-Fedora 28 boots
-copy back my backup.zip
-shit what's the password already
-proceed to bruteforce the zip
-let's go back to Netflix while it's doing the job

...

Some hours later

-password: test
-proceed to self-fuck

To the junior student in my university who copied my CV from top to bottom:

Fuck you and your cockless ancestors. I hope you never get a solid job using that CV. I curse you and your copied CV and all the others that might use it. You are the reason why companies make the recruitment process to complicated. Because retards like you can't be bothered to use your creativity to make something original. Fuck you asshole

Fuck me! I'm frustrated as fuck, because I'm too scared to quit my job.

The boss just fired her assistant and now wants me to do her job. I'm INCAPABLE of doing phone calls and set up meetings; furthermore THAT ISN'T MY FREAKING JOB! Holy shit, what do I have to do?

I'm scared to not being able to find a job in few days/weeks. Any suggestion? Should I swallow it and keep working here while searching?

I aged badly in 2 years because of this job.

I found an interesting job post on SO, I decide to apply. It comes with a programming test. A simple unit test that must pass (see current-1 post). I get it passing, go to send off my resume and code and the fucking email they supplied isn't valid or active. Fuck you. Eat dicks. Useless fucking HR.

Thank fuck I was so early at work today.

As I did walk past the server room I heard something really loud behind the door. I was still in zombie mode (It was way too early, usually I´m here 2 hours later...), so just stood there looking at the door for a while.
Needed about 3 to 4 slow thoughts to decide what the fuck is happening.

My last thought was just: Man why is it so loud here. That´s the server room. Oh fuck!

The second I opened the door this rancid burning hot air straight out of satans anus almost melted my face off.
The servers were trying to maintain their cooling by almost puking out their guts with the those poor little fans they have.

Turns out one of the air conditioners failed and the backup didn´t start. So I started it manually.

Where the fuck is the admin? That´s not my fucking job!
What the fuck am I doing here so early?

Fuck those clients which are surprised when they get an invoice when they ask you to do something for them.

I think it's as simple as:

- you know my hourly rate
- you ask me to do some work for you
- I give you an estimation
- you agree with the estimation
- I get the job done and show it to you
- you accept the edits/solutions
- I send you an invoice with less hours than estimated
- you agree with the invoice and pay

It seems that every step is going well, except the last one...

Well... fuck you too.

Allright, I'm pissed.

Warning: more than 4k characters written by a non native english speaker ahead.

Legend:
Storytelling
> Short summary of the current situation
> "Something being said"
> (Something being thought)
* Actions *

-- Background --
In an attempt to reorganize my desktop I accidentally deleted a folder I called "development". In there I stored links to all my IDEs (Not sure how you call these in english), but also some workspaces like unity (Not much stuff there, processing (just some hobby stuff) AND Eclipse (FUCKING EVERYTHING RELATED TO SCHOOL WEB DEVELOPMENT). Now 3 days have passed and I realized this important folder was missing. Cleared that windows trash the instant I deleted the trash on my desktop.

> Shit, Regret

Install a file restore programm. Do every possible search. Nothing found.

> Big shit

Deadline was in like 3 days. Week was fucking rough so:
> "Screw this, the teacher nevet corrects the assignments and also fuck JSP"

Fast forward 2 months to last week. Teacher starts checking assignments.

> Fuck

* Sees pattern: Only students with missing or bad marks are checked. *

* Feels save *

Teacher approaching me while working on current projects.
* Doesn't feel save anymore *
> "Well, I'ld like to see your THAT programm"
> Well fuck
* Tells the truth *
> "Well that's unfortunate, but I must write a mark. Do you really have nothing to show?"
* Remember that I worked on the school pcs when I started *
> (Better than nothing. Gotta try it)
* Teacher checks programm, not pleased *

> (Fuck me, but at least it's over...)

> Nope

* Teacher calls me over *
> "With the mark I had to write today you can't reach that good mark even with a good examination, what are we gonna do about this?"

> "Well, there were other assignments that were never checked. Could we replace that mark with one of those?"

* Teacher agrees *
> (Srly bless this guy for that support)

My best choice was an Android app we had to develop during December in pairs. I did the front end (90% of the whole work) and my partner the backend (10 %). I also did 30 % of these 10 %, because I had to review the shit he wasn't able to debug himself.

> brainlogic.exe provided by windows vista

This distribution was partly my fault since I overestimated the work needed for the backend, but also the fault of that fucker. I mean, he didn't tell me the professor already provided 90 % of the backend...

Rest of the week was really busy (always 1 or 2 things to study for each day, workout and family stuff).

Yesterday (It's past 12 already) I arrived at ~9 pm in the dorm I could finally start reviewing my code.
Internet gets shut down at 10 pm.
Gotta hurry.

* Opens project *
* Sees half a year old code *
* Fights urge to puke *
> (Alright I gotta do this. For the mark!)
* waits for gradle to index files *
* Remembers the fact that I haven't opened Android Studio in the last 2 months *

For those who don't develop with android studio: This is an equivalent to ~10k windows updates waiting to be installed

> (Well, gotta work with this kinda old version)

"gradle sync failed"
> ( Ok, just restart it. You're fine )
* Android Studio doesn't react anymore and/or renders *
* Waits 5 min *
* Restarts laptop *
* Android Studio is reacting again*
"gradle is synching"
9:45 pm: gradle is done and I can finally compile my app

> FML

* Sees App launched on phone *
* Almost pukes again *

> (This was the assigment for the UX chapter, so design doesn't matter)

UX is decent. Proceeds with testing stuff. Save paths work, but some bugs can be caused by going of it

* fixes as much as possible *

* Takes quick look at backend *

Date date = new Date (GregorianCalender.getInstance().getTimeInMillis());

C'mon, I asked you to be the backend. You got 90% of the methods already written by the teacher and had 2 months to write the interfaces to my Front end AND you come up with shits like that.

Note: this example is a minor example of brainlogic.exe

I did what I could to make improve my situation. Hopefully he doesn't discover the bugs. And If it's a backend bug then I could't care less, since that was not my job!

Wish me luck for today!

Fuck ever working for a company that doesn't know shit about the worth of a developer ever again.
> be me
> just got my first class masters in Soft Eng that I worked hard as fuck to get
> get a job for a pretty well known medical company here
> offered a bit less than what I was expecting but fuck it, it's a job straight out of uni doing what I want to do
> fuckitwhynot.mp4
> stay for a year with no bonus programme, no pay review, no objectives, no perks, literally fuck all
> see literally every other position in the company be promoted and actually supported from IT & the developers
> feelsBoomerMan.jpg
> get the hail mary recruiter "you'd be great for this role" linked in DM
> follow it through and go to the interview
> nailed it
> comes to negotiating a starting salary and they actually laugh at my current rate and immediately raise it by about 30% with bonuses, reviews and all that shit occurring regularly
> later virgins

Just landed summertime job at Autodesk. My first IT related job experience. Happy af

Fuck me right

What kind of dumb fucks are making these job application forms, initially I thought asking my “sexual preference” was weird but then I saw these !!!!

How does my earlier financial condition or what my parents did when I was 14 help my job application when now I am 28 !!

The fuck

I just got a response from a recruiter saying that I didn't pass the screening because "they need people with degrees". Why the fuck didn't you mention that in your job requirements before wasting my time? Fuck recruiters and their degrees!!

I'm really close to just quitting coding all together. This job is sucking the life out of me. I've lost my interest in code and the idea that there are better jobs out there.

My "boss" who's not even really my boss but behaves like he is, is micromanaging my every tag, and is an information hog. He doesn't document, he doesn't tell me anything, I've been here six months and still don't know half of what I need to know to do my job properly!

I'm expected to implement a new responsive design, but we don't have design specifications.
Cool, you'd think, new ideas, complete overhaul! Let's get a good foundation in bootstrap going!

WRONG! It needs to fit in with the old, fuck- ugly pre 2000 design.

Not because of any design constraints in particular, but because HE wants it that way. You know what was fucking trendy in 2000? Tables. Tables fucking everywhere. YOU KNOW WHAT TABLES ARE NOT? RESPONSIVE YOU FUCKING ICE LOLLY CHEWER!

We have no development timeline, no process management, no fucking project management. THE FUCKING PASSWORDS WERE STILL STORED IN PLAIN TEXT UNTIL LAST MONTH YOU IRRESPONSIBLE BANANA DEEPTHROATER! 😤😤😤😤😤😤

I'm doing my best here to get something resembling the old page, but there needs to be some fucking compromise! We are in fucking 2017, let's work with Bootstrap instead of against it, how about that you fucking bald cactus!

I know enough about UI to know that the way we're going, this is just going to be another unusable fucking clusterfuck.

YOU KNOW THE BEST FUCKING PART? I'M A FUCKING BACKEND DEV AND I WAS HIRED AS SUCH! GIVE ME A DESIGN TEMPLATE AND I'LL DO MY BEST TO IMPLEMENT IT, BUT FUCK YOU FOR EXPECTING FRONT END LEVEL DESIGN KNOWLEDGE YOU DUMB FUCKING SPAGHETTI!

Hello devRant, i think this is my first story here, but i want share my happiness with you.
After working 1 year as C# dev and no reaction of my current company to my claims:
I get a job with 25% more pay, christmas and vacation bonus und 5 more holidays!
Holy fuck that`s so cool.
Hope you guys have a good week!
Please excuse my english skills ;-)

I hate fucking searching for new job! But I hate my company also! And I hate autocomplete trying to suggest ducking! No I am never going to write fucking ducking!fuck!

TIL that my company has an HTML/CSS guy whose only job is to optimize others frontend code and he has a higher pay scale than me.

How the fuck that skill could end up into a legitimate job profile!!!!

Fuck I love my job, my boss and I are absolute food fanatics and talk about weird and wonderful things we cook...

He knows I bloody love curry so he brought some in for me to have for lunch and he's bringing me a shit load of fresh grown vegetables...

And to think I chose IT over being a chef.... (Still no regrets)

Business: we need feature x in two
Days, highly urgent!
Me: fine, here’s a shitty implementation we can live with until you decide how to Actually make this work in the future.

2 days pass...
Me: where’s the content for feature x?
Business: awaiting approval

5 more days pass...
Me: I’m guessing this super urgent request wasn’t needed after all?
Business: it’s still awaiting approval
Me: so... I’ll just go and remove this feature, and revisit when its actually needed.
Business: no, it’s needed now, we are just waiting on approval
Me: 🤷‍♂️

Duck my life sometimes.
I could have built a full fledged system of this shitty hack job instead in the time taken to approve a useless piece of content.

Fuck all the companies that doesn't specify that they won't provide sponsorship for the applicant before job application.

I applied to this fucking piece of shit company that took me an hour. Created a custom cover letter and modified my CV just for them.

And they reply me with an email saying that they won't provide sponsorship and have rejected my application.

You motherfucker can refuse me in 5 minutes, but you piece of horseshit can't be bothered to write a simple point in your job description.

Fucking die in hell. Fuck you.

Who the fuck doesn't use responsive design. Oh yeah my Job. Thank God I quit Friday. Fuck this old ass dirt company

On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.

Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?

(A fucking pushy assrat of a LinkedIn recruiter called me at my job today, this is my message after he cowardly hung up before I could inherit the call from our secretary)

Dear Mr. $PUSHY_RECRUITER

Please don't call me again, as I already wrote you my unavailability in March.
I don't see your logic in calling me AT MY JOB. It does not make any sense except if you just wanted to call me to see if I'm still there and then hang up like a fucking coward.
If you really wanted to hire me, you should have written me a more thorough description about the job after my initial message of unavailability thus creating the chance for me to reconsider your offer.

But since you seemingly thought it was an absolutely great idea to call me at the workplace (thus making me look really bad in the eyes of my coworkers) I wish you a sincere and honest "fuck you".

Please don't ever call or message me again.
I am extremely happy at my current job and will not consider leaving in the next 100 years.

Signed,
Yet another pissed off developer.

I bought flowers for my date. Online.
When I registered, the website send me via email my 30 character long password.

😥

So I try "forgot password". The genius website sent me, guess what, my 30 character long password...

For fuck sakes!!!! You had one job.... Hash the fucking password!!!!

I'm afraid these people will probably get hacked soon (murphy law).

Sha256.. Guys please...

Sometimes i fucking hate my job.

Fuck

I already wrote one rant about how my family deals with me being a developer, but this rant I wanna dedicate to people close to my family and what they actually think...

Earlier this year I ended school, so I was supposed to find a job. Well...I live in region where only small IT "companies" exist. It is really hard to find job as a developer around here. These small companies either do not want to hire anyone or they just hire people with super amazing university or just family members and friends. Anyway, I did not want to move to the capital city, so I just kept seraching...and that is how this family friends started to be fucking toxic.

While searching for job everyone just kept telling me how am I lazy as fuck and will not just go digging fucking drains or work for minimum wage to some korean shit company around here. Of course not literally, but I can see when someone starts to look at me as I am completely crazy. Our family lost many fake friends who just do not understand because of this. But it did not ended here...

When I finally found a job 1.5 month earlier, I was so happy. Job from home in relative good company. Ho Lee Fuk! Nobody believes me I am actually working. People look at me as I am a lazy fuck laying all day in bed and watching fucking TV. I am done with these dick people.

End of story.

You guys get promotions?!

I’ve had to quit and find another job for every title and pay bump I’ve ever received... but I’m at a place now where I’m actually learning a ton of shit, my salary is damn decent (compared to all my previous jobs), and I’m having a blast diving in and working on actual projects vs boring as fuck maintenance / helpdesk type work.

I’m excited! I start my new (and first ever!) job as a dev today. I hope I do well. I’m surprised I got hired too, as I don’t have much professional experience to my name, but this is my dream and there’s no way I’m going to fuck this up! Wish me luck!

Why the fuck do employers post remote position jobs, only to let you know in the first call that they require the employee to live in/near a certain city. That's not a remote position and it happened several times in my job hunt

10 years experience in DoD C4I enterprise hardware and software.
Looks at civilian job (requires A+)
Gets A+
Looks at civilian job (requires Network+)
Gets Network+
Looks at civilian job market (requires Security+)
Gets security+
Looks at civilian job market (requires CCNA)
Getting CCNA
Looks again at job market (requires CCNP)
Fuck...

Job interview "we don't think you have a strong enough background"

Looks back at my 5 million dollar military flying robotic server FML

Idiots just prefer to berate you for using computer more than they do.

Fuck you. It's my tool that helps me do my job.

Don't compare me to some smartphone addicted teens.

I am quitting my job in the next couple of weeks. I don't even have a job lined up. I can't deal with doing Design work as a developer when you have a whole ass design team. Like what the fuck. Then I nearly do development. Oh and your gonna bitch at me when I mess up in design, then threaten to fire me? Well you can shove that shit all up your entire ass. Fuck this Job. I am doing my own thing. I don't care if I become homeless cause Fuck I'll be more happier I did that then be at this concentration camp. I am gonna live my life and own. Cause fuck everything corporate Jobs is fucking life sucking. Please Fire me. I GIVE NO FUCKS ANYMORE. Sick of being depressed and stressed. I want to be a real developer!!!! argghhhhhhhhhhhh

Now realizing the whole "Fuck this shit, I'm gonna become a barista" was literally a midlife crisis.

Now, how do I find my way back to a brand new PhD application? Or a research job... Or a dev job... Honestly, I'd take whatever.

Side note, after weeks of being on my feet and working 6-8 hours a day, I have lost exactly zero kilos. This was a very bad idea. 🤦

So, I'm not the smartest, but at least now I have had two careers. How many of you can say that you've had two different careers in your life, eh?

!Dev

WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO MEET STUPID RELATIVES.

I HAVE NOT MET THEM FROM PAST 5 YEARS AND NOW MY PARENTS ARE FORCING ME TO MEET THEM SAYING THAT YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO MEET THEM FOR QUITE A LONG WHILE (BECAUSE I AM SHIFTING 5000 KM FOR JOB).

NO, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AND WON'T TRAVEL FOR 6 HRS JUST FOR THEM TO SAY YOU ARE SHY. NO I AIN'T SHY YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

My ideal job: leave me the fuck alone, I know what I'm doing.

I passed my exam (did well even), signed up to be a blood donor and landed a job interview all in one day. If all days could be like that.. Now to go look my coworkers in the eyes like I'm not getting ready to jump ship but I'm secretly so excited I can barely sit still 🤭😂
(yes I know a job interview doesn't equal I got the job already, thanks and calm the fuck down, dads 🙄 only an idiot would only have one other thing lined up. Plan C, D and E are on standby too)

Started part time job at a company, had to log my time on timesheets. Said fuck this and now the whole company logs their hours on a custom web based time logging system which I built.

First day of my new job tomorrow.. nervous as fuck, still looking forward to it:)

New year, new job, new home.. it’s gonna be good!

Just wanted to share this:)

Seriously fuck this place!

For this $200 per month job, i have to work ovetime and no travel allowance and boss begged me to work this sunday too..

Fuck my life

Holy fuck I did it. I convinced my non tech manager not to do code QA after he brought the whole system down approving things without testing them and getting devs to make changes that caused bugs. Don’t get me wrong he threatened to fire me twice during the conversation but I dunno…I think I’m just about ready for my second dev job anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Got an interview in 3 hours for a senior backend php engineer position. If it doesn't work out im gonna get stuck in a job as a wordpress dev which i hate. pray for me.

Got a job offer. Pays more than my current job (~13% increase) and allows me to commute. However, less freedoms. This is weird to me - the job is for a small firm (20 employees), and my current is huge (~25-30k). Now I can work from home when I need it, and flexible hours (aka, get in whenever I feel like it). New job had in contract "No remote working" and "Work hours are 0800-1600".

Think I'm gonna turn em down.. Fuck being locked down like that, honestly.

Fuck sake :(

So I just checked my bank to find out I'm in an extra £300 debt because my fucking letting agency took my rent AFTER I MOVED IT FOR £98 BECAUSE I COULDN'T AFFORD IT.

Why the fuck is the world throwing turd after steaming turd at me, first the streets, then family, then job, then debt, now a constant barrage of shit. Just feel like ending it now so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore, fuck the human race and the shithole upside down society they've made :'(

What the fuck man.
Why even I am working with this assholes.
Yesterday,Our technical support guy reinstalled windows(I don't mess up with technical issues because then it will be my part time job,so I show that I don't know anything about hardware).
He installed fucking 32 bit window,He was trying to installed 64 bit version thunderbird.

He wasted my whole day.

Aye so i got a new job, and its android. I thought "yeah sure, ive been a java dev my whole life, it will be easy".

And it is easy.

But its like a fleshed out java, with a trillion built in classes and xml (seroiusly, fuck xml), and also the studio eats away my ram.

I might actually quit. I'm within weeks (Army-stupidity pending) of working remote and not having to interact with my boss face to face, and I might quit.

2 week long call, everything I suggested was turned down/dismissed by him. Turns out, the second thing I suggested may have resolved the issue... After he decided he was going to take over the call.

While I was on the call, he ran the coffee maker, the kettle, banged his dishes around in the metal sink, and honestly tried to create as much noise as humanly possible, as he does for all my calls. I have multiple signs up requesting people be considerate.

He works for a different company, so I can't call HR, and I'm at the end of my patience.

Parked the car in a parking lot 15 mins before job interview. Plenty of time to spare.

Go to pay for parking.

Ticket machine doesn't accept cards. Fine, I have notes.

Ticket machine doesn't accept notes. Shit, I need to go get change quick.

FUCKING FUCKER DOESN'T ACCEPT £1 COINS WELL WHAT THE FUCK TO YOU ACCEPT THEN YOU FUCKING FUCK I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR MY JOB INTERVIEW OR GET A £80 FUCKING PARKING FINE

How. The. Fuck...do these people has a job:
Me: How much to repair my Nexus 6 screen? It's not full smashed.
Tech guy: We'll need to see the phone
Me: Why? I need the screen replaced
Tech guy: Ok...send us a screen shot. it could be a cheap fix

Fucking me side ways! Really?

Recently started a new job and had a fellow employee find a 27" monitor for me. The monitor did not have an hdmi or usb3 cable to hook it up. I make a request to help desk for a new one where their response is:

HDMI cables are not standard equipment and must be approved by your manager.

Okay, I forwarded it to my manager and it still isn't approved. So it is day three of having this nice but blank monitor on my desk! Fuck it, ordering from Amazon.

so ive been looking for a java internship for the past days but fuck me, ive made a very huge mistake......

I FORGOT TO ADD JAVA TO MY CURRICULUM

*flips chair*
*flips table*
*flips shit*

hopefully they will see my extra message/letter and read because if they only look at my cv, and see theres no java there, im gonna be rejected real fast :(

wish me luck guys, i went from job hunting to internship hunting bc im reallt desperate now

I had a zoom meeting with a new company who came looking for ME. I did NOT look for them. I already have a job (but they pay 3-4x more than my current job).

It went well. How the fuck was this a technical interview. Guy only asked me what ive worked on so far by now. Nothing technical n shit

At the end

Hr asked me how much bands i want 💰💰💰(here we fucking go again)

I had to stall it and avoid question. The guy started rolling his eyes and turned off his webcam. The fuck is your fucking problem Bitch?

Then she said we cant move to the next 76th interview unless i say range or minimum. I don't give a fuck anymore. I said my minimum

She started writing it down and, i have never in my life seen someone disconnect a zoom call after that.

Literally hr was saying Thank u for taking the time to join the interview, the guy also said thanks, i started saying thank you for your time an- they fucking disconnected the fucking call. In the middle of my fucking sentence. I did not manage to finish my fucking sentence from how fast they disconnected.

NOW I'LL ASK FOR DOUBLE OR NOTHING AT THE END INTERVIEW DUE TO THIS BEHAVIOR. GET FUCKED

Me: develops my first android app with firebase by google.
Me: finishes app, tests it and it works.

Firebase after 3 months: we were first going to scale our servers on our own based on how many people are simultaneously using your app. But now fuck you, we will have a cap of 100000 simultaneous users.

Me: fuck this kills my app if it scales. Have to Shard everything on the db side and overhaul the entire app to work will multiple db instances. Takes a month.

Android after 6 months: dude your app is working fine without any hiccups. Let me fuck it up. We will stop all your services when your app is not running or backgrounded. Also we will make it illegal to start services in this case and we will throw exceptions.

Me: what the actual fuck. They now want me to focus on a JobScheduler, fine... But now even intent services won't work properly. So use a job scheduler to start a JobIntentService which is essentially another job scheduler for queuing. wtf android.

Ps solved it and works again.

PS: WAITING FOR ANDROID TO FML WITH ANOTHER NEW VERSION. Maybe they'll say you can't run your app at all now

Why the fuck does YouTube shows me ads about wix and other Website creation Tools? Google you know better then anyone what Job i have and even know that i have a Google play developer account connected with my google account.

WORST: moved from Canada to France and went from a company with agile methods to one without methods.
A 8 months nightmare...

So much useless meeting, for no result
A drupal project... with a junior team with no drupal experience at all.
And a general "i don't give a fuck" feeling from everyone.

BEST: My new job. Building from scratch a Team with agile methods, backed by my hierarchy.

Is this learning job cpu intensive or memory intensive?

I don't know and I don't give a flying fuck, because it's 6:20pm and I have not found any of my favorite servers free to rerun this shit the whole fucking week, so this server (which I have actually killed before, btw) can suck a dick and do its fucking job.

🎤🖐️

(Disclaimer: This rant is satire and only here to feed an algorithm by @PrivateGER)

This FUCKING fuck company where I had my fucking shit internship - just fucking asked me to freaking work for another project and fucking baiting me with a shitty damn payment for my little shit project I had (and still fucking work on today) while I had this damn internship. This idiot wants me to fucking waste my free time besides FUCKING SCHOOL (doing my absolute nonsense uselessfuck Abitur) and my lovely PASSIONATE GAME PROJECT with shit damn HTML-ing and CSS-ing and good damn JS-ing - for a SHITHEAD-200€ JOB. This bastard wants me to register my ass as a "Kleingewerbe" (dunno english therm but it's a small similar for to being freelancer) probably to enslave me or USE me as a cheapass worker. I'll call this dude today and politely tell him to FUCK OFF!!

(Nothing against the company, they're freaking cool! The dude too)

I swear if I quit my job as a developer and became a stripper I’d still get adverts from udemy, code academy and the rest about become a developer 😭😭😭 when will they fuck off

FUCK ALL THOSE MONKEYS THAT WROTE ALL THE SHITTY CODE WHICH I'VE SPENT THE MAJORITY OF MY DAYS HAVING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE SHIT IT DOES AND WHY I CAN'T JUST BURN IT....

AND WHY THE FUCK DO BUSINESS USERS SEEM TO THINK THAT DEVELOPERS CAN UNDERSTAND ALL THEIR BUSINESS TALK...

IF I UNDERSTAND ALL OF WHAT YOU DO, YOU WILL BE OUT OF A JOB....

P.S. APPARENTLY ONE OF MY MEDS SIDE EFFECTS ARE INCREASED IRRATIBILTY. THE SLIGHTEST ANNOYANCES NOW PISS ME OFF...

SO APPARENTLY THAT MEANS I HAVE A FREE LICENSE TO BLOW UP N RANT ON THE JOB RIGHT?

... 🖕

I really despise the non-tech sluts who think their only job is to hold meetings and "talk". "Do you wannaa taalk about iiit?" Fuck you bitch you're not my therapist.

Last I started my new job, and I got 2 new laptops (one from my job, amd a separate from the client, as I'll be there full time for at least a year). The work one was pricy af imo (P50, ~2500$ ex. VAT), then I got the client one... wtf is wrong with these people, the laptop cost fucking 6000$ (again, ex. VAT).

Now on the personal side I'm cheap as fuck, and the current laptop I use is one that was meant to be scrapped at my old job that I took home to fix. While it's fun getting those laptops, my brain cannot stop thinking "why the fuck do I need 64 gb ram, 2tb storage and 500gb NVME ssd to basically write text?"

My Lazy Habits:

1. Not testing my own code thoroughly... cuz fuck that. That's the tester's/QA's job.

2. I create slack commands to get certain things done, so I dont have to get up and open my laptop each time I receive a ticket.

3. Ask more time for development that I actually need so I can fit in couple naps here and there.

4. Falsely claiming that I am busy when someone invites me over meet or a phone call. Like just text me.

5. Factoring my laziness in when I design features LOL.

Some people in my company wants reports in excel but doesn't know how to use filter. Their daily job requires them to have excel knowledge. What the fuck is happening over here. Motherfuck!

taxes. what the actual fuck? I finally graduated and got my first 6 figure job, only to find out the federal government basically takes 1/3 of my pay??? WHAT??? Why are we all okay with this? I feel fucking robbed. I worked so hard to get here, so many sleepless nights, so many all nighters studying, just to get 1/3 of my money stolen from me? what the fuck?????

You know what really grinds my gears? When new employees start shouting out suggestions of what feature we should do.. and how stupid this/that thing now.. or how slow that page is.. or how there's a bug somewhere.

WHAT WOULD'VE WE DONE WITHOUT YOUR OPINION?! thank you so much!!!

+10 points if their job has nothing to do with product or development

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP
please!!!

Getting a tour today at my new job (non-dev related, just pays the bills). it's quite a travel AND RIGHT ON THIS FUCKING DAY THE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION PLANNER IS GIVING 500 ERRORS. FUCKING FUCK FML.

So, CS student here.
Gave TCS "national" level test.
Quoting from the question:
"if you have 3 bytes of memory, it can be used to represent 2^3=8 values in the memory"

This test is a waste of at least 30000+ human hours and these guys didn't even put 24 hours of effort to make sure questions are correct.
Fuck this fucking IT industry.
Fuck the people who designed this testing process.
Fuck the people who endorsed this process.
Fuck the management for passing it as a test.
The people who wrote the test question can go die in hell.
It's not my problem that their mothers fucked Neanderthals.

Uh! All I want is a job but ended up wasting 200+ hours of time.

As a fresh/recent graduate, how I'm supposed to get a job if the minimum requirement for an internship or entry-level job is 2-3 years of working experience! And why the fuck my open source and personal projects don't add any value to my experience!

!rant
Hey guys, sorry for disappearing... I haven't been in my good days lately.
Other than that... two days ago I said fuck you to my burn out, got tired of doing nothing and start job hunting.
Yesterday I've sent 3 e-mails.
Today I got phone calls for 2 Interviews.
That's the good part of being good at a specialized job :D

Way after office hours, random ping!!

Client: Hey man you're a ninja, i have heard so much about you from my team, you're really good. Thanks for everything.

Me(Overwhelmed): Gee, this is my job :)

C: So, can you do a small change to the website!! 😨

Me: Okay

2 days later. After office hours!!

C: Hey Ninja... and all that crap...

Me: Starts typing... Goes offline!!
Fuck you!!

Ohhh! That feeling when you quit your stupid job . Now i can say whatever the fuck i want to my boss and his loyal bitches. Without giving a flying fuck.
Sorry, i get so excited.

Guess who got fucking fired. They want someone more experienced. Well fuck off. Its no wonder why there are no front end developers in your company. Now until the end of this month I have to find some job because of bills.. Going to try freelancer and check a couple of companies in my area. Any tips on how to get a freelance job?

I'm in deep shit, barely managing myself,
> Fuck Domain resellers who don't know their job (that's not you Jase)
> Fuck GoDaddy
> Fuck cPanel
> Fuck WordPress

That concludes, a friend called in a favor to host a WordPress blog with our hosting and domain from re-seller

and fuck that re-seller with cactus in the ass, for being a hack and saying it is not possible to transfer the domain to my hosting account.

I'm pretty fucking sure that if I were to quit my job, I'd have to gather the fucking requirements, create the fucking user stories, and then JIRA the ever-living fuck out of it before I could submit my fucking resignation.

I just want to write fucking code.

Fuck you companies that have hidden requirements in. their. job. offers.

It's so annoying to spend my valuable time on an application for a job that I think myself a perfect fit for, just to find out that they are looking for applicants "with more experience in..." (fill in the gap)

Just fucking put it in the requirements already and save us both our time.

So my manager calls me in today and says "Congratulations for getting the excellence award, but I'm sorry we can't give it to you as you're still a contract employee. But hey you did a good job 👍"

IDK if I should be happy or sad. Or just say FUck my luck and get back to coding 😂

It's cool.

I have less than four weeks before I have to have my project production ready

But why not make me waste my time in useless web based fucking trainings for bullshit HR issues I'll never deal with.

"Don't give gifts of more than $100 to potential clients!" Shut fuck up I don't work with clients.

Piss off and let me do my job.

Job posting: "we require 1.5 years of experience in iOS development"

Also job posting: *doesn't mention a requirement for a degree*

Me: "Cool, this looks exactly like a job for me, I'll send them my résumé!

Recruiter returns to me a day after with this:

"You said you have no work experience, we said in the posting that you need to have 1.5 years of work experience"

THE JOB POSTING DOES NOT MENTION THIS ANYWHERE, THEY ONLY MENTION EXPERIENCE IN IOS DEVELOPMENT

WHY MAKE IT SO AMBIGUOUS AND THEN CHANGE YOUR STANCE

When I finally get a fucking response from a recruiter after sending my résumé to dozens upon dozens of companies, it's a bullshit response.

FUCK YOU.

Note: I am aware of the massive amount of AltRant crashes, I am sorry for making it worse. I need to work on 2 more major final tests that I must pass, but I think I will start fixing some of the crashes today.

I hate my stupid non confident ass.

I was just negotiating for a pay for a project that I would work at after my day job, because I'm familiar with it and they really can't get a better person to finish it. And I get shy when talking to the boss and totally lowball it and now I'm working for peanuts.

Fuck. :(

My developer career has ended before I even start. After failing to get a job, I have started a business men services company. Maybe in the future, I will include software development to the business. So no more rants from my side at least for one year.

Fuck you all fucking retarded companies who wants junior developers with the same experience of senior developers.

Owner of the company I freelance for: The proposal I sent yesterday to [PR Company we do work for] got bounced back. They said it was incomplete.

Me: Well no shit, they didn't provide us with a detailed itinerary of everything they need, nor did they give us access to sections that they want copied to the new website. I can't and won't provide a full quote when I don't have all the information needed to build one. I would be guessing at this point and it would be shitty guesses.

Owner: Here's a proposal they got from another company. We need to make it like this [sends file].

Me: They mention a one sentence footnote about what I laid out. Everything else is marketing jargon that I don't know, because I'm a developer, not a marketer. I'm not sure what it is you want me to do, because you're asking the wrong person.

Owner: Are you going to help me or not?

Me: Help you with what? You got my notes. Paraphrase them if you need to, but I have more important things on my agenda, like being a web developer, not a proposal drafter.

I've never solved any LeetCode problems.
I've never gotten grades above 80% in my academics.
I've never taken an online course in anything.
I've never gotten any certifications other than my Master's degree.
I've never written a CV for a job application.

How the fuck did I manage to survive for 7 years in this industry?

Dear project managers.

Go fuck yourselves, stop hindering me in my ability to do my job. My job is to get the job done, I know exactly what exists where. If I request something, fucking get me it you useless cunts.

You're wasting time and resources with your lack of technical knowledge and making life difficult for the rest of us.

Sincerely, Frustrated Developers everywhere.

Finished my internship today, turns out I won't be getting hired because upper management is cutting back due to COVID.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck, compared to the horror stories I've read here, it was beautiful. The work experience was super worth it though, despite the intern pay. Time to start looking for a real job I guess.

Man fuck the heat, fuck the chaos and prolonged temporariness of the weeks after uni ends, fuck my executive dysfunction, fuck the job hunt process and fuck my crumbling body that I never bothered to fix because the train ticket was a serious financial commitment and because, again, executive dysfunction.

Fucking hate my situation right now. And the fact that it's not actually bad as far as human situations go doesn't help one bit.

Ok I'm seriously getting sick of this shit, my new manager wants us to have the fucking 12 hour night shifts from the office for .....no reason??!! for her own fucking entertainment I suppose!

I knew the day would come where my happy times at the new job would be over, my target now is stay 3 more months so I've been there for at least a year then see what happens. fuck me.

Doing e-learning for a job

One of the examples provided:
"You could be late for work (fail to meet your objective of being on time) because you're hit by a car whilst crossing the road"

Are you fucking kidding me, I think being late to work would be the least of my worries. Fuck corporate bullshit.

I have a new Job as a full stack developer, so Im here to tell my story, you see,I told my boss today that im quitting,
Which he replies by telling me to wait, to see if he can get the CTO to pay me more,
now the CTO sais, "HE IS ONLY A BACK END DEVELOPER, HE'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT, I THING WE ARE PAYING HIM MORE THAN ENOUGH" So I said fuck him and left :D

Fuck you to the hunt and peck "tech lead" who did his utmost to stop me from getting promoted by trashing on my reputation behind my back.

That was really the last straw for me at that job. I quit to work on my own projects.

I will never work in big tech again.

Fuck people that do not show up on Mondays because"they're sick".

Thanks for extra workload of two more people on top of my already two-man job.

Recently got out of the military now I work a full time job, have a wife and a 15 month old son, go to college full time online and try to learn Java and android development in my other time. I want to work as a developer so badly but I'm just not good enough yet. It's also super hard to know what level of knowledge you need to obtain a job because all entry level positions want you to have years of experience in 10 fucking languages and shit like what the fuck? No breaks, hungry to succeed.

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

CoolFuckingStoryBob

So I found a job that fit my stack perfectly
I phoned the CEO and we had a mini phone interview, it was easy
And the next day I had an offline interview
It was fast as fuck. I answered all of the questions, showed my projects and we were done in 30 mins, pretty good huh
So the CEO tells me to wait a week
It's strange but ok

The week passes, and you guess what
"We can't hire you, you psychological portrait does not fit in our team..."
I'm like bitch, what the fuck

I had declined other offer cuz I though there was no reason not to hire me

Also this is a small company tho, I should've saw it coming 😐

I am currently blocked from doing my job by a firewall policy handed down from corporate that prevents WSL2 from connecting to the internet. Three days of no dev environment and counting.

We make linux software to be hosted on linux in linux containers in linux. We use linux command line tools to make it work.

"NO! WE ARE THE ALL-POWERFUL IT DEPARTMENT AND YOU MUST USE WINDOWS BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY."

SonarQube reduces our code quality through arbitrary nonsense rules, and it's inability to understand perfectly decent Kotlin code. Unfortunately we have a CTO who is completely enamoured with it. I hope someone from Sonar is reading this: You made my pleasurable Dev job a misery, and it may very well be the thing that makes me quit. Fuck your arrogant product. I honestly wouldn't mind it so much if your UX offered a way to discuss each warning and provide affected code snippets so you could argue your case and collaborate on the rule set. But no, you know my code base best right? Fuck you and and your ivory tower.

I'm an embedded devices dev. As part of my job I take off the shelf devices and write libraries so that our JavaScript team can interface with them. If I have to deal with one more custom implementation of a standard protocol I'm going to freak the fuck out. Like fuck there are only 5 or so major communication protocols at the hardware level there is no fucking reason to reinvent some shittier protocol over a well documented, widely used protocol that has been around for 30 years. (Modbus for anyone who cares)

I have been drawing nothing but FUCKING CIRCLES on pieces of paper, and it has slowly piled up on my desk over the course of a week. I have been getting stares from people in other departments, and I am pretty sure they think I am starting to lose it.

FUCK.

I finally implemented something today tho, and all that doodling and spaghetti code was totally worth it to see it actually fucking work on the first run. Jesus Christ, I fucking love my job.

!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.

“You want to know the answer to that” is the answer I got to my question about a piece of code...
I guess he thought he’s too good for the job.
The dude had decent amount of knowledge but was arrogant as fuck.
Every time I asked him a question he would react as if I was making him work without pay that too on a Sunday (it wasn’t)
P.S. fucker got rejected

I'm forced by my job to use this fucking unusable piece of horse shit also know as a Windows operating system.

And it's not only that I have experienced every fucking corner case bug that is possible to occur in our universe.

Not only that that for last 2 years I seen more blue screen than blue sky.

Not only that forced updates fucked my schedules so many times that now I'm really *afraid* to turn off my computer off because I have zero guarantee that I will be able to restart it in a reasonable amount of time.

No, neither of those broke me.

The thing that kills me everyday is, piece by piece ...

WHY THE FUCK THERE IS NO SINGLE, USEABLE, SANE TERMINAL EMULATOR ON WINDOWS

I JUST WANT TO TYPE SOME COMMANDS, COPY/PASTE TEXT AND SCROLL

IS IT TO MUCH ?????

FUCK CMD
FUCK POWERSHELL
FUCK WSL
FUCK ALL THOSE WANKY THIRD-PARTY EMULATORS
FUCK EVERY-COMMAND-LINE-REALATED THING ON WINDOWS

FUCKING USLESS SHIT
CANT EVEN DO SOME SSH COPY/PASTE SHIT
WITHOUT SOME WEIRD CHARACTERS POPING OUT EVERYWHERE.

AND FUCK THAT EVERY ONE OF THOSE MUST HAVE TOTTALY DIFFERENT SET OF KEY SHORTCUTS

AND THAT FUCKING BELL
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN PUT A FUCKING BELL SOUND AS DEFAULT SETTING ??

GO TO HELL MICROSOFT

I WANT MY LINUX BACK

I don't know if this is a problem only in Belgium or also in other countries but while I love Bluetooth for audio playback (headsets, speakers and everything) despite being extremely convoluted as a protocol.. FUCK Bluetooth keyboards.

Several of them I've tried. Several of them, from various brands. Pairing, setting the Belgian keyboard layout (which on that shitty Android 7.0 tablet that I want to use the fucking things with apparently has to be done *every fucking time you connect*, because reasons) all well. Except half the keys don't fucking map properly. A keymap, it doesn't get easier than that! How hard is it to make buttons map to the right keys!? They're literally fucking push buttons on a matrix! Seeing which points in the circuit make contact and sending that off to wherever it needs to go!

And to put the icing on the cake? USB keyboards with the same fucking layout settings work without any problems. So it's extremely likely that it's something in those shitty keyboards' controllers or Bluetooth going full rart on all of them.

Of course, Bluetooth being as convoluted as it is, manufacturers just copy each others' implementations of it if they can.. so there's that.

Can really nobody make a product halfway decent anymore before putting it on the market!?

Another one bites the dust.. JUNK!!! Every single goddamn one of them!

my job is to build to spec and get things working

NOT to fuck around with git's exotic features so the fucking commit history "looks nice"

its called a version control system for a reason. SO YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR FUCKING VERSIONS

IF YOU WANT A NICE PLOT, GO READ A BOOK OR WATCH A DRAMA MOVIE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fuck all these companies!! Every time I'm looking for jobs in my area all job descriptions only make me realize that I won't fit these environments and I'm better off starting my own business but I can't think of anything useful to do ... FUCK!!

I'm an angular 1 dev...so already you can tell, im a rare bean...i didn't go to university and i left 6th form (college)after 3 months....have a job due to experiences coding. as it was my passion since i was about 12. so all i can say is FUCK U DEGREES,I DON'T NEED YOUR EXPENSIVE ASS,
also this is my first post :)

Just got an invitation for my first job interview ever... uh... fuck.

Wish me luck!

I'm pissed off as fuck. By far these were the worst fucking 2 weeks in a very long time.

My grandma died. At work I had to do shitty tasks and IT support for stupid end users, like an overpayed PC technician. I couldn't find any time to write a single line of code on any of my personal projects.

And I still can't find a fucking developer job. I feel like I'm stuck in this IT hell forever.

Kill me

I wanna be a millionaire, so fuckin bad.

So, throughout this week there have been massive trials and tribulations regarding my lack of coding practice however through many nights and days coding I have almost completed the task I was set last week.

I didn't realise how out of practice I was so this posed as a big challenge for me. However I pulled through and tomorrow it will be ready to send for the interview!

I also have another test to do in vanilla php - Typical blog which would be such a doddle now I'm back in the zone. I just have to remember I'm not using Laravel!

The sense of accomplishment is real and I'm so relieved I've come this far. Maybe I will have this career of my dreams which I rightfully deserve.

Below is Stripe, doing random tests :)

Windows FUCK you, you had one job, one fucking job to update it and you ruined it.
I trusted you even though everybody said don't.
I didnt remove you i dual booted you when everybody said FUCK windows.
I had my data.
I had games.
And you FUCKING ruined it.
And listen:

FUCK WINDOWS. I am switching to linux!

update : love my new job... but, holly crap the sharepoint environment is a cluster fuck... guess who has to fix it... -!-

Why the fuck they keep insisting a backend developer to do frontend shit?

No fucking shit I'm slow on this crap. And i told them several times it's not my forte.And they keep inisting to keeping a high standard blah blah blah

Ffs just hire a frontend already.

I'll find another job. I don't care at this point.

FUCKING IE!
Anyone please remember to ask if the project|s that you're going to work on do|es need Internet Explorer support.
If it's the case just expect any resemblance of modern frontend development skills go backwards into the backward compatibility territory and never going forward.

I'll start looking for another job, can't be bothered for this payment and regressing my dev skills for client needs.
Again FUCK YOU IE!

Holy shit seriously: Fuck MSOffice. Fuck it right in the eyehole.

As desktop software, it's just brutally terrible. On my work mac, it's just sweaty garbage. The latest insult is that on the most recent update, msword stole the default file association from preview.

Libre isn't terrific, but at least it's closed when you close it. For that reason alone, it's orgasmic by comparison.

Because there's justice in the world, my job is not a document-centered one, so I have no real use at all for an office app, let alone the specific macros and formulae that the msoffice versions of these apps provide, so I couldn't give less of a shit about losing functionality.

The headline and main thrust of this rant is "fuck msoffice so hard that it dies of eye-fucking."

So, you are telling me that I should motivate myself? For working in a dead end job with no scope of promotion, no imminent raise, ever changing job requirements, layoffs, empty cubicles, zero SDLC process in place, no oversight from upper management, it is somehow my fault for me being late to work everyday?

One of these days, I'm going to fling my resignation paper at your face and drop the mic!

Man, Fuck you son!

Worst: Getting struck with Corona when moving to a European country via job, everything went shit, visa late, starting job is late and never certain, for 8 months I was in limbo.

Best: Finally got job and moved, been playing video games all day because it is government job and no way to check what I am doing. Fuck it, I dont like software development as my salary job, just as hobby.

Bye, have to play game.

FUCK MY LIFE!

MY DEPARTMENT IS IN SEARCH OF 3 PYTHON DEVS (1 expert, 2 "normal") FOR DEVELOPING AUTOMATIC THINGS!!! I would seriously apply because it's like my first dev job without having attended University.

But only for two years... After that I have to reapply for my old job.. but it's two (expert 3) salary groups up from mine...

What to do?

Also fuck python but I would learn it for God's sake

A day can hardly pass now before I get numerous unsolicited messages on LinkedIn from recruiters that want to know if I'm miserable at my current job and want to jump ship.

It used to be very fascinating back in the days but kinda annoying these days. My inbox is now full of such messages and it's beginning to get to me. I even got one a few days after I started a new job. Like what the actual fuck. My profile clearly says I recently moved to a new company.

I also have numerous pending friend requests from a lot of recuiters like i want my network to be filled with only recuiters. That's not why i joined LinkedIn and have an up to date profile.

I just want to be left alone and not be bothered and mentally harassed by recuiters on LinkedIn. Is that too much to ask???

FUUUUUUUUUUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCK ! Sorry I needed to let this out. I make extra hours since a few weeks and this only because 1. I'm the only dev of the team (will seriously need more people). 2. I have to manage people remotely which, as a 3 years old experienced dev, is not what I expect of my job. 3. I need to finish the job of an intern (not even her fault but de was asked to make powerpoints and stuffs instead of working on the module we need).

And today we just asked me if I can work on saturday. NO. I love (or used to?) my job but this can't last for ever.

I don't know what to do with my life anymore, as a self taught web developer, I started like anybody doing HTML, CSS and js, and then I met PHP and WordPress.
why the fuck PHP is ugly ? and why WordPress is uglier ? I tried to learn how to build a simple plugin in WordPress but the hooks system make me want to kill my self, how the fuck PHP powers 80% of the web ? every time I write PHP I wish I was never born, the problem is that I can't change job because I am old and I live in a fucking country who is technologically primitive, they fucking know only PHP and JAVA, no Node, No Ruby, No Python, only fucking PHP.
I learned React, I learned Node but you know what I did this last year ? I raped a themeforest theme for about dozen plus websites, A SINGLE THEME FOR MORE THAN DOZEN CLIENTS, my boss does not care, only me who is not sleeping at night because a tried to customize a Prestashop theme and it gave me cramps in the stomach, I feel depressed and useless, I want to quite my job but I can't, I have mouths to feed, WHY THE FUCK DID I FELL IN LOVE WITH PROGRAMMING, I was happy fixing computers, what can I do if the only project that I have are WordPress and Prestashop?
how did you do to stay sane when working with wordpress and prestashop ? are you not human ?I can't take it anymore.
I need a new road map, fuck it I will focus only on JS and Node and fuck PHP.

Just had a call to follow up a job aplication that was sent in, he is very confident that we need to arrange an interview and wanted to let me know he couldn't do this week. FUCK OFF YOU FUCKTARD, I wouldn't wipe my arse with your aplication your waisting my fucking time with bullshit crap like this in a job application! Your not going to get the job dick head! You have zero fucking experience or any ability to do the job!

Think it's beer time 🍺

Need to implement something huge on a app that I'm working on.
The design team is not from my company.

All the design that I have is in a PDF that I can't extract the images and they are low res.

How the actual fuck do they expect me to do a good job if I don't even have the design and assets to work with

Two states of a developer every day:

• Fuck this job. I hate everyone and everything. My code sucks. It's not working. Why did I choose this career?! I am so miserable.

• It works! I'm a programmer god. Oh my goodness I'm smarter than everybody.

I'm a .Net developer from Morocco, i'm currently working on an accounting software for this fucking company owned by an American boss. And i'm handling every single aspect of the project including the back-end (C#), Database (Sql Server), Reports (crystal reports, ABAP, VSTO), and design (UI, logos, animation...). For a salary of 300 USD/month, with no insurance, no transportation fees, and no fuck given about my health or my coworkers'. Not mentioning the shitty working hours and condition.
This is my first (job)

Why is it ok for a girl to live off her husbands salary and not vica versa? Like fuck it ill do the dishes and play games all day and to hell with my 9 to 6 job. Starting to seem the only way i’d be able to code what i want not what im asked too 🤷🏻‍♂️

Love my new job but fuck they are way behind in any kind of modernization.

Just saw a demo over zoom where someone was showing the team how to change the margin on an error page.

They literally changed the HTML directly in prod using the VIM. So first of all no web modernation because there was no build, no deployment, not git, no pipeline - NOTHING!

This project went from 40 people to around 200 in 6 mos. You can't have all these people in prod just making fucking changes.

If this job did not pay 110k a year I would bail.

Got contacted for a job "interview" by a company because they were looking for "people with my skill set". All my profiles say I am a fullstack web dev with experience in frontend js frameworks and js and php backend frameworks.

Come in to find the "interview" is an exam. Ok, fine. My brain could do with some exercise.

After the basic IQ type questions, I get the web dev exam.

It is 95% of the questions are about CSS and HTML basics.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

Normally I don't give a shit when I lost a job opportunity.

But dude, this year everything is bad as fuck. I moved out (yet again) to marry and start a new life.

And as I said a previous Rants, I got a client that just made me lost another client when they started to get shady. For almost a god dam month now, I can't find even a crappy job.

This never happened. I got more than 10 opportunities. A handful of interviews, a few tests and none of them gave me a job.

Now I have one week to get married.
The money I saved whent to all expenses. And now my anxiety is kicking in like it never did in years.

I really don't know what to do and I
can't fucking sleep.

!rant

I was coding some simple themes for a management system I'm currently working on my job, then I remembered about @Alice and I thought to myself "Fuck it, why not?" and added a subtle pink theme

I am working as a junior in a company that pays me minimum wage and doesn't give a single fuck about my existence.
"Change the job", you say?
Well, that's what I am trying to do for, like, 3rd month now. No one wants to invest into junior...

Every day I go to work with thoughts about quitting, but I need a job... Even if it's like this...

fml.
F
M
L

fuck it!
I quit my job to pursue PHD, my career was of only 5 months.

My first dev job evolved from an internship and ended with me screaming “fuck” at people for a few months until they finally got sick of it and gave me the boot. It was a fair call 😂

resigned from my current job, feeling good. fuck that shitty company.

Create my own company and finally release my app. Quit my current job and eventually start doing whatever the fuck I WANT rather than whatever the fuck I HAVE to.

I have only one life. Is it that much to ask to have it for myself, not sold to someone else?

I hate my fucking job but I can't resign as I can't afford myself financially. Fuck my life

I just got a fucking job again after 2.5 months between jobs and the new place has been allowing (if not encouraging) the piracy of Windows Server in client environments... I thought this place had so much potential but I was wrong.

Going to start looking for another full time job or really buckledown and try to get my freelance project/business started.

BTW fuck microshaft for expensive licensing, but I’m not risking my certs and professional career for some idiots trying to pirate software.

For context, I'm a web dev student. One of my modules is UX.

These are my exam questions.

Now, please tell me HOW THE FLYING FUCK this is relevant to WEB DEVELOPMENT?

Seriously, I get studying UI, but uncanny valley; really??

Fuckin' hate being a student. Give me a job.

The disconnect between the hiring process and the actual job in software development is mind boggling.

They give you an online test in the first step. You can't open a new tab otherwise that's considered cheating.
Holy crap, it doesn't work like that in the actual job. Googling things is a SKILL every dev should possess.

I've started telling hiring managers I'm not interested anymore in the job the second they pass me an online test.

I created a YouTube channel for this exact reason. Go watch me code on camera so you get to know my coding skills better otherwise go fuck yourself.

I've been using visual studio for years and always found debugging pretty fun. At my new job I have to use xcode and FUCK DEBUGGING IN THAT ILLEIGBLE SHIT TIER DEBUGGER. and fuck objective-c, at least you can ignore the objective part and just code c..
I never thought I would say this, but damn, I miss Microsoft.

I hate my brain.

When I want to program it's always when I'm outside doing chores, on a trip or when I'm at my non-dev job.

When I finally get home and ready for working on projects my brain feels like watching Schwarzenegger films instead.

Fuck you brain.

That moment when you just quit your successful paying job just to have more time to study and try to pass the fucking piece of trash math exam.

Fuck my asshole, fuck my life and fuck that motherfucking college degree. If I don't pass, I will eventually kill my self or quit college.

Jeez, I wonder what was in my head when I enrolled in college, oh wait.. Parents, society brainwashed me to think I need top tier education to be a successful computer programmer engineer.

Fuck you society, fuck my brain, fuck everything.

I fucking hate Microsoft. I fucking HATE it.

I'm supposed to be setting up a Hyper-V VDI environment on a Windows Server 2019 instance. I got all RDS roles installed, but can't see any fucking templates to make a collection out of.

I don't think that the RDVH role got installed correctly because it can't communicate properly with the RDCB, but both roles are installed on the SAME SERVER. I get stupid and unhelpful errors like "Error: 0: ScenarioBasedDeployment: Job Finished for Cmdlet" and when I tried to create a Quick Start Deployment: "QuickVMCollection: Provisioning job failed. Reason: ". Yeah, I typed that correctly. No reason listed.

I reach out on Technet, and I'm told that I need to contact Microsoft Support directly because my problem is beyond the scope of the forum.

I try contacting Microsoft Support, and they want to charge $499 for a one-time helping fee.

My company does not want to spend any money, and we do not already have support services.

I'm supposed to have VDI set up and working by Friday.

Fuck YOU.

Maybe i should start a new tiktok account and fake saying how im easily hired working a 150k$ a year job in some tech field. Copy paste generic advice. Talk shit about technology i use at my job and help people how to learn it. Etc. And then after a few weeks when people get to know me and trust me i start a course. Or buy me a coffee donation page where i scam money from people who ask me questions about my 150k$/year job.

Seen others do it like Baxate Carter. So i wouldnt be the first one scamming people this way. I have absolutely no morals of "scamming" people for money EXACTLY THE SAME WAY as all of these companies have no morals paying me 500$ a month, or not paying me at all.

companies believe it is MORAL to pay someone $500/month for a FUCKING BACKEND SOFTWARE ENGINEERING JOB WITH A COMPUTER SCIENCE DEGREE. if that is considered as MORAL then i too believe taking money from people to ask me questions about my imaginary 150k$ job as donations is EQUALLY, MORAL.

FUCK YOU.

Fuck...
I'm not getting that job then.

So I just had one of those interview coding tests on hacker rank and screwed it up big time.

I'm a C# guy and it was a Java position. I worked with Java, like 10 years ago, and they're pretty similar so I brushed up over the last week when I had free time.

Absolutely blew it. It's not like it was hard, I just got into one question (of 6) and it ate up all of my time. The task was simple, make a JSON call, read the data, check if you need more calls, pull out a data field from all the concatenated results and return it in a sorted list. ONE HOUR it took me. A combination of not knowing the API well enough, simple syntax errors and relatively slow compilation.

Godammit.

The next question was implement an Object hierarchy but since I'd run out of time, all I got was the class declarations before the timer ran out.

fuck, fuck, fuck.

I guess the test did it's job and weeded out someone who can't contribute to the team...

Fuck my boring job.

You want me to work in-loco, even thought my job can be done remotely? That's fine.

Your company's offices are located in a expensive district of a expensive European capital? That's fine too.

You want to pay me a salary so low, that I can only afford to live 2 hours away from work? Fuck That!!!

If your company is in a expensive location, either offer me a high salary or stop bothering me with bad job offers.

So recently I got a new job in a respected creative agency with a good salary. FYI, I am a junior web dev with merely 2 years of experience. Office and everything is great about the job except the job itself. The senior dev have left the agency before I came and now they expect me to build a fucking transnational crm web application all by myself. And the deadline is in 6 weeks which only 4 left now. I don't want to believe that how they fucking give a junior dev such a big web project to build. In the beginning I wanted to resign but then I decided to build it. I have some difficulties but I think I'll manage to finish it. Just wanted to share how fucked up my current situation is. Fuck the managers btw.

My main mailbox is so full of spam i almost missed a good job test. Wtf
And these mails are so fucking irrelevant loan, cars, bank, life insurances... I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FILLING MY MAILBOX YOU ASSHOLES 😠😠😠

and what's even more weird is how they all have one common sentence in exact formatting : "you can simply WIPE Out your mail from the mailing list".

I feel as if my email has been hacked. Any suggestions?

Lab needs a crawler to download some assets, none of my business though

But why not

Haven't touched crawler for two years

Google for latest state of art

Found scrapy

I have to define a class for a crawling script?

Got scared

Went back to beautifulsoup and request

Got the job done in 20 mins

Fuck yeah

Just arrived for an interview for my very first coding job. Everyone wish me luck! I'm gonna fuck up their shit for real. 😂🤣🤣

still the most humiliating thing in the world is being interviewed by someone half your age for a job that is beneath you and being expected to answer their cookie cutter questions.

'how would you handle this'... well. first I'd start by putting my cock up their ass, and then when they said ow, i'd ask what was the matter....

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'D HANDLE IT ! JESUS CHRIST !