“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? You have such a great personality”

“I’m a programmer.”

“Oh. I see.”

The story of the $500,000,000 error.

In 1996, an unmanned Ariane 5 model rocket was launched by the European Space Agency.

Onboard was software written to analyze the horizontal velocity of the spacecraft. A conversion between a 64-bit floating point value and a 16-bit signed integer within this software ultimately caused an overflow error just forty seconds after launch, leading to a catastrophic failure of the spacecraft.

That day, $7 billion of development met it's match: a data type conversion.

Today we were all called into a meeting and the CEO was livid. He went on a rage about how the CTO was wasting money on useless shit (GitHub Enterprise). He said I bought laptops for a reason if there’s a fire someone better protect our assets and code. He wouldn’t reason with us and went into github and deleted everything. The CTO was fired and no one is leading our team. Wondering if I should quit 😶

Is Microsoft going to ruin GitHub? NO!

Are we going to get amazing git integration in VSCode? ABSOLUTELY!

They're a 600 billion dollar company and they're one of the leading contributors to open source. They know the community they are handling and how fragile it is. This is just a developer trust move from them.

Stop pretending this is the end of GitHub, cause it isn't.

So the head developer at my company quit, and I was chosen to replace him. I haven’t even graduated college yet and am already leading development at a company with over a million active users. Is this real life?

I actually took the time to explain to a recruiter that java != JavaScript... He told me they were similar enough... I put it in terms he'd understand: "If you want to make money, you need to understand that they are not similar. If you keep saying they are and send your clients a dev with no java experience, you'll lose clients. if you send devs to a place that's looking for something they don't know, you'll lose devs. Your pitch reeks of desperation and you'll be out of the business within a year unless you actually start listening to the people who know the tech."

I almost felt bad, but... He kept pushing when I said no, haha.

My worst dev sin is not throwing people under the bus, even when they deserve it.

Literally or metaphorically? I'll leave that up to the imagination.

------

I believe my second-worst sin is my tendency towards perfectionism. It's hard to finish projects quickly if everything has to be nearly perfect. I still make deadlines, but this is due to overworking, thus leading to burnout.

I could relax more if only I sacrificed my principles...

I started my first job with no degree and no real experience. It was a sink or swim kind of place. Six months in, I was working on a bunch of projects independently, then they hired a new junior developer, and told me it was my job to mentor him.

a lot of the time I knew what to do to get the job done, but I didn't know why. He always asked why... Learning something is one thing, teaching it is another. This guy was the best co-worker I've ever had because he pushed me to be much better while we learned together.

College placements, one of the leading tech companies comes to hire people on day 1, I miss the first round coz I overslept, woke up and realized the test started an hour ago, finally went in after the test was done. They still let me take the coding test but with reduced time, and kept talking to themselves that if this guy gets through, I'm fucking done with placements. Managed to do well in the test and then proceeded to the interviews, aced the interviews and was offered a job. People at work still call me "that guy who turned up late and still got the job"

A story about the shittiest boss I ever had.

We were a consulting company, I was leading the dev team. We're on the phone with a client who needs a change to the software we're maintaining for them.

Boss (mouthes at me): How long?
I (hold up 3 fingers, mouth back): 3 days
Boss (to client): You have it by tomorrow. *hangs up*
I: What the actual fuck?
Boss: You said 3 days, 3 times 8h is 24h, better order some pizza and Red Bulls for your guys.

He pulled stunts like this all the time and yet genuinely seemed surprised when I quit.

Tomorrow I will be rolling out a completely brand new system company wide. Spent the last year working on it.

First time ever leading a project of this size and importance.

Wish me luck. 😫

And that was the world's leading professional social network, ladies and gentleman!

Every job description out there:
" JUNIOR XY position.
Requirements: 50 years experience of Assembly, Java and Masonry, HTML, cloud based computing and artificial intelligence. Must be able to write algorithms like Hummingbird. Fluent in English, Mandarin and Latin. Must have five doctor and two Bachelor degrees. Experience in leading a Fortune 500 company benefitial.
Renumeration: 5 rice grains"

unpopular opinion: I love Windows 10

My first job was at a web agency. Non tech background, trying to transition into tech through frontend. Month 1: graphic designer, month 2: CSS guy, month 3: UI guy, month 4: in the frontend team doing react, month 7: leading the team, also doing some rails backend, month 9: full stack, month 11: leading web team.

How? Everyone else in the dev team left at month 7 lol. Literally thrown into the middle of the rainforest, fighting bugs by myself. But became so good at debugging and learning on the spot. Left at month 12 for a better job.

Found this on a leading Indian job portal. What were they thinking?!

The server for an internal application was acting up, but everything was working fine locally. After an 18 hour day, I just rerouted the traffic to my dev machine and left it on overnight so I could go home.

A piece of me hates myself and also loves myself for that one.

I see software engineering mostly devolving to be simpler syntax, more widespread and reach more range of people, including non-tech ones.

That’s now obviously leading to more crappy javascript code, more abandoned frameworks, libraries, more shitty software and more dev rants.

Some people assume that since I am techy that I have a really good laptop or setup.

Nope.

Just have my raspberry pi 3 as my main computer. Go Linux🔥🔥

I was building a controller for an autonomous RC car at a racing competition. We were having issues with line detection leading to poor performance in the steering module. For the drag race we pioneered an innovative new steering strategy: never steer. Won the event.

Four meetings today.

Legal was not involved in legal agreement changes until I refused to make them without Legal signing off. Legal changed several things, leading to:

Project scope changed size from large to minuscule to small to medium.

Details changed at every step.

Despite being incredibly structured and process-heavy, people at this company are so disorganized. 😕

I've dreamed of learning business intelligence and handling big data.

So I went to an university info event today for "MAS Data Science".

Everything's sounded great. Finding insights out of complex datasets, check! Great possibilities and salery.

Yay! 😀

Only after an hour they've explained that the main focus of this course is on leading a library, museum or an archive. 😟 huh why? WTF?

Turns out, they've relabled their librarian education course to Data science for getting peoples attention.

Hey you cocksuckers! I want my 2 hours of wasted life time back!
Fuck this "english title whitewashing"

If you look at my profile, please don’t wait for my username to load because it never will

The intern has directly editted the CSS file then push to the repo.
The senior optimized the old codebase and compiled the SCSS with gulp leading to the CSS file rebuild.

The vicious cycle continued until code review which was like 2 weeks later.

The company got a new office just in time for the "company summit".

I checked out the address on Google maps. It's a cinderblock building with the number spraypainted on the side, a battered cyclone fence in front, a cyclone gate off to the right side (apparently falling off) leading to a random battered shed, and immediately on the left is a dental office with bars on the windows. Also, the fence has spikes on top.

I'm terrified.

Rant from my old company:

CEO decided he could cut costs by outsourcing to cheap devs in other countries.

Does this, the new hires are super incompetent. We're now paying for a whole team that is adding work cause they keep fucking up.

Leadership is super happy with the "savings" (which is basically just the team here working harder to fix everything).

All the smart people start leaving, leading to a downward spiral.

Last I heard, one of my junior co-workers had been promoted to senior (he hardly had any coding experience).

Fuck them all

I did it! My Senior Project is done! Seven months of my life have been spent leading up to the completion of my game engine and it's finally over. It is awful and should never actually be used by anyone, but it's done and that's all that matters.

And as my final middle finger to my school's administration, somebody has to grade a binder comprised of nearly 200 pages. That's what they get for not listening to me when I told them that it was a huge project and adding more to it. Dear administration, f*** you for making my life more stressful than it needed to be.

All these rants about forgetting semicolons: what kind of IDE are you using? o.O

It today's team meeting my manager asked, "What is GitHub?"

Seven years leading the group. Hired with no dev knowledge. Can't be bothered to acquire any.

Show up on time.

Be prepared.

Have a list of things that need to be covered if you're leading the meeting.

Stay on track, don't let people start talking out of one tangent, I tend to suggest people discuss it afterwards or email about it.

Take the meeting seriously, otherwise other people will not.

Know how to talk a language everyone understands. Sometimes people with key info just aren't very technical.

Following Ely's golden rules for meetings, my meetings are rarely longer than 20 minutes.

I'm just realizing recruiters are willing to buy you lunch. New goal: eat for free every Friday until the new year...

So... Facebook canceled our plugin since we did not update it to newer version.
Fine.. I'm fine with that. There was no time for that since there's was some very very very fucking important projects, tasks and side requests requested by administration for customers that are actually not real customers since they don't pay or have a contract yet (or ever will!)
Administration... Wtf our plugin is not
working?! We are receiving complaints from (paying) customers!!
Me. Since you assumed the team leading and revoked my rights on leading the team we are doing shittttt work for non paying customer...
Administration... Resolve FB issue then do non paing customer work. Hum! bether otherwise.. No, otherwise. No. Do both ASAP
Me. Sure! It's Friday, I'm overtime already by 10h at lunch time,. So I'm fuck off outa here and pick up on whatever I'm keen to on Monday morning after guide the other colleagues on the crapp you dropped on them with your seagull managent!
This means I might start on Wednesday!
Xau

Devops here, Devops there ... Stop with this bullshit, less than half of the guys with Devops on their CV truly are Devops.

Same shits for Fullstack or Scrum Master, and I think I know why.

Because recruiters and companies absolutly ignore what it truly is : "Devops ? That's the new name for sysadmin hipster, believe me we're not hiring Sysadmin anymore but Devops now.".

So now they want more and more people with these profiles.
This is just leading everyone to become what they're not.

Please get your facts straight before fucking everything up.

It takes me longer to write a cover letter than it would to write an app that generates customized cover letters.

Stupid javascript.
Stupid hoisting-oblivious "frontend devs."
Stupid browser-specific javascript behavior.
Stupid thrown-together javascript minifier that literally only strips out whitespace and comments.
Stupid poorly-written javascript spamming my api.

Time to rewrite it. Grumble grumble. Soo not how I wanted to spend my morning-turn-afternoon.

Leading to the last but not least:
Stupid me forgetting javascript's quirks.

My boss back in 2013 asked me to figure out why he was getting birthday notifications from his pet social media project almost a week early. It turns out the previous developers had written their own date library in which every month had exactly 30 days, leading to a year that was 5–6 days short of what it should have been. Apparently those morons didn’t know that some months have a different number of days than others. Or that leap years are a thing. Or that there’s a standard library full of tried-and-true functions that handle these kinds of things for you.

This is a first... my app got rejected by Google. :( I haven't even been rejected by Apple yet! lol

Client : I have a big budget for this Project

*delivers price*

Client : We have to go lower with the Price or I see myself forced to hire an indian developer

background : Client wasted over 70.000£ in the last 10 years on his Logistics Website. Why ? Kept hiring cheap "global leading it companies" from India

Client support ticket: we printed the ID cards without leading 0’s can you fix it with software?
Me: unfortunately we cannot because the ID number can be any length. ID 123, 0123 and 00123 can exist. What barcode would 123 go to?
Client: this is ridiculous we will cancel our contract.
Me: i’m sorry we can’t correct for a mistake on your end.
(Side note: I know allowing 0123 and 00123 is dumb but my team didn’t design the business logic)

You will know your 2 year old dev team is messed up when the 'best programmer of the bunch' does a line like:

boolean check = ...some logic...;
if(check == true) {...

:/ and I'm going to be leading this team..

My manager is instructing my team to add a feature that can only be enabled for users by running an update script in the database.

When I argued that it's not really "complete" if it can't be turned on without someone going into the production database, I was told that not only is it complete, but they plan to have our non-technical customer service enable it for customers if the customer requests it...

Apparently giving everyone and their brother write access to prod is a good idea, but implementing a checkbox is a "waste of time and would cost too much money".

Probably going to float my resume... :-p

!dev

My boss told me that I should improve my posture since I was slouching. He said girls really dig good posture.

1. Highly doubt that
2. Is that why his wife married him?
2.5 If so, that’s low standards
3. I’m a programmer anyway so I’m afraid I’ll need more than good posture to get a girlfriend🤷‍♂️

The best part of being a dev? The social skills associated with most developers. :-p

I'm at a casino and can't stop thinking about how these terrible machines are programmed, and how likely I am to lose any money I bet.

Better late than never. 3 monitors for my pc, 1 for the Mac mini.

@localhost I finally cleaned up the empty beer bottles and soda cans, so... lol

I wouldn't have known stack overflow was down all day if it weren't for devrant, because even though I'm a "software engineer", I spend all day in meetings and fixing environment issues.

Interviewing tip #2: If you're going to lie about what you do at your current job on your resume, remember what lies you put...

I wonder whether this is a bug in Chrome, or if it's just Google drawing the conclusion from my northern geo-position, that we still haven't left the stage of building longships, raiding England and Scotland, burning monasteries and writing awesome poetry and literature in weird characters sets.

Well, I'm not Ragnarr f*cking Loðbrók or Egill Skallagrímsson, so I can't read electronic component data sheets the way those guys did.

I'll go grab my chisel, so I can carve a bug report into a suitably flat stone and shove it down the TCP/IP series of tubes leading to Google.

C: “Look, I agree that these are likely leading practices, but we really don’t need all that.”

M: “These aren’t even leading practices, these are the bare minimum practices to help ensure secure login sessions and that account passwords aren’t trivially compromised.”

C: “How do I put this...? You’re trying to secure us against the hacker. That’s a noble goal. But my only concern is the auditor.”

M: “...”

I never finished college. It says so on my resume, in plain English. I don't try to hide it.

A recruiter tells me I'd be a good fit, I give the green light, and he calls back two days later to ask: "Hey, when did you get your degree?"

Me: "I didn't."

I haven't heard from him since. Is it that hard to read a resume?

Hey everyone, I’m new to devRant! Love to get to know the other developers out there. Anything big I’ve missed out on in the last 937 days that devRant has been around?

Too many night shifts.

But it's done.

After the last migrations my emotional state is... Questionable.

VM migrations between different CPU vendors and generations leading to segfaults because of unsupported X86 extensions.... Thx for doing that at 23 o'clock after 8 hours of work....

Forgetting a left over NIC in a virtual machine, creating a routing loop, leading to very erratic behaviour and fun things.

Someone forgot to check the '"Unique" box, mass spawning a cluster of VMs with same MAC adresses....

DNS fuckery since someone thought that reboot would flush the cache of an DNS server.... Nope most DNS servers have persistent caches. You'll have to flush manually.

And let's not forget the joy of the 12 plus pages of when and where to move VMs, harddrives and VLAN configuration.

Oh migrations are such a festival of joy.

Finally done with that shit -.-

I've had my stickers for months now, and I finally have the perfect place for them. Amazon prime day convinced me I needed a beer fridge in my office...

Day 5, saga of fighting crystal reports and Oracle drivers: I have finally lost the rest of the hair on the top of my head, and fear my beard may be thinning. My rubber duck seems to be suffering from a personality disorder... things aren't looking good.

Got an email from IT saying that a new anti ransomeware software is being installed company wide, but it doesn't play well with visual studio. His suggestion is that each time we need to compile, we run a batch file, reboot, compile, run another batch script, then reboot.

...he's in IT?

To all those who love Linux more than Windows, I am with you.

But try using a Raspberry pi as your main computer and you can see why I want to deal with Windows hellhole again.

So, I'm a Jr. Webdev started one year ago to work on a €200mln. retail platform. Our development team consists out of my Sr. dev who designed the whole platform and it's basically his baby. Now he's leaving and it's expected from me to do new developments, support, meetings with managers from all over Europe, roll-outs in new countries, deal with all the issues SAP has, eat their bullshit when they can't upload a .csv file because they are too stupid to check for missing leading zeros. Listen to important their new functions are that they want because 120% of the salespeople needs it. How stupid can this company be to take the financial risk? I'm done.

I have to work with an unbelievable stubborn (and incompetent) "project Manager)

He just actually tried to convince us that leading 0 in some" hexadecimal" strings get truncated.

I know that does not sound like something to lose the mind over, but these wrong facts do come up ever so often. It knaws on my sanity.

Resume says: Entry level marketing position for a leading company in *censored* industry.

Reality: I stand beside the road waving a 6 ft tall tall sign for a few hours a day while watching YouTube videos at the same time.

3 hours...

3 damn hours for 200 lines of bash code.

Exorcism, Magic I don't care.... But please make a special person never touching bash programming again.

I ripped my hairs out. Really.

Till I realized someone wrote functions with _logical_ return true codes as numbers.

0 - as logical false, for failure
1 - as logical true, for success

Leading my brain into a severe segfault fun.

Why... Oh why.

Second fun part as I corrected that...

Someone wasn't fond of exit codes at all.

Script is now 86 % rewritten....

God damn it, if you don't like a languages fine.

But inverting core logic should give a free trip to the electrical chair.

Dear "Create a web API with ASP.NET Core" official MS tutorial:

you betrayed me. I came to you like an innocent child and you fucked me over, you abused my trust, forcing me to follow insane instructions leading to no result other than the loss of my childhood and my day.

I feel like a child raped by some perv-priest or monster father.

I had a soul ready for a space walk,
and now I have just a hole full of your cock

So I am assigned to a new team to take over the leading position because the guy who did it up till now quit. And there is this guy who today seriously shared his screen with my boss and the rest of the team to point out that I formatted something wrong...

Realy it was something like
super.doFunctionA().thenFunctionB() instead of putting it like
super
.functionA()
.functionB()

He said he wanted to call me out early to avoid spreading of this "wrong formatting"

He wants to start a war? This fuckhead can have it!
Soon I will be the one who writes his tasks... hf

Just logged into Google play dev console and noticed an app i made a couple years ago at a conference has 300 downloads and a good rating. I don't care to share the app name though, as it may tarnish the rating if other developers saw it, haha.

The power went out at my house. I live in the middle of nowhere, so I don't even have enough service to load the rant feed most of the time... I have no idea if this will post. What am I to do? I'll have to go outside or something? :-/

Just got the darkest mode on devRant and it’s fucking amazing.

The medium darkness looked so gross that I used the whitess mode until I felt like I was blinded by the light and got the darkest theme instead.

My eyes thank me, my bank account doesn’t.😂

I've been in the programming world for like a year and a half. I've had relatively notable achievements - first place at hackathons, completed kinda remarkable projects, I even got to teach programming to interns at a leading communications company in my country. However, I still feel like a beginner. I'm not confident enough to contribute to projects. Maybe it's because I'm self taught, but is this common? When did you feel like you were ready to proceed to the next level?

Holy moved notifications, Batman! I like it, but boy was I confused when my hamburger didn't have lettuce on it.

I've just started using VS Code, and it makes me almost regret buying a Webstorm license.

Clown manager put three juniors (and ”senior” dev on work visa) on new project.

They will never finish it.

It’s too hard for them with some legacy dynamically created complex database queries which will spook the hell out of them!

But managers like, ”it’s going to be good” and ”making good progress”.

Fuck no! Putting juniors together? With little support? It such a waste. They spent weeks just to get even the slightest progress.

No best practise. No tests. Just hacking away.

It’s a failure of the management! We fail our juniors and they will quit as soon as they get the chance and they feel like they have some wind under their wings.

”It’s going to be good”

Pff. Clowns leading this company.

I mentioned earlier that I did well in a tech screen. It was 2.5 hours long.... Now they want me to do another 2 hour interview. How am I supposed to find a job while working without getting fired? ? ?

When you accidentally click on Android Studio while working on something else....leading to 30 seconds of frantically going through task manager and command prompt to kill it before it claims every resource your computer has.

I feel like thinking you clicked on AS is the real life dev equivalent of a falling dream....

Leading a team of 10 people, 5 environments (3 non prod 2 prod) to support, 25 formal deployments per week, and all I have is one fucking repository in fucking svn.

My CTO strongly discourages working from home because he insists that "leaning over to the next cube to ask a question" is far better than sending a message, email or making a phone call. He went as far as saying it takes too much effort to do the latter... How is interesting someone while they're working more efficient???

I got an email about the job opening of a "HTML Developer" in a leading telecom company in our country.

A HTML Developer? Really ? Are you expecting a html only website in this day an age? How can you be a "leading company" when you did not even know the correct term for a front end web development job post

Was showing the new guy how to write a fairly simple database query with a couple of joins.

Spent 3 hours trying to figure out why it didn't work.

Finally discovered that I had randomly chosen one of the 3 records (out of a possible 15,000+) that had leading white space.

Ctrl-Z back to the first query I wrote (3 hours ago), and it works perfectly.

New guy learns a more valuable lesson than I originally intended.

Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4 this year

Yahoo Answers attempted to be Quora, but it was quickly populated with some really dumb questions, leading it to be called the ‘dumbest place on the internet’

A fellow <insert some data science title here> giving me more acknowledgement than all of the old guys running the show and, erm, "leading"?

Fucker left me behind, good for him.

Ranting is great, you guys are cool, but sometimes I’m just here for the memes🤷‍♂️

Was working on a client's project. He had given clear specs. Work went delightful with less or no hacks. Then I get asked to add a extra feature which I had little thought about. Now I think it's a small hack and can be done. But here I am. One hack leading to another. I am too deep into ugly hacks. Maybe I should stop software development and join postal service to sort letters. I feel so incompetent.

This is meant as a follow-up on my story about how I'm no longer and Ada developer and everything leading up to that. The tldr is that despite over a decade of FOSS work, code that could regularly outperform a leading Ada vendor, and much needed educational media, I was rejected from a job at that vendor, as well as a testing company centered around Ada, as well as regularly met with hostility from the community.

The past few months I have been working on a "pattern combinator" engine for text parsing, that works in C#, VB, and F#. I won't explain it here, but the performance is wonderful and there's substantial advantages.

From there, I've started a small project to write a domain specific language for easily defining grammars and parsing it using this engine.

Microsoft's VisualStudio team has reached out and offered help and advice for implementing the extensions and other integrations I want.

That Ada vendor regularly copied things I had worked on, "introducing" seven things after I had originally been working on them.

In the almost as long experience with .NET I've rarely encountered hostility, and the closest thing to a problem I've had has been a few, resolved, misunderstandings.

Microsoft is a pretty damn good company. And it's great to actually be welcomed/included.

Recruiters on linkedin...

Recruiter: You'd be a great fit for this senior position! Let's chat!
Me (knowing I'm not senior level): Sure, let's chat!
Recruiter: Wait, you only have 3 years experience. You're not really qualified.
Me: Yup. You should probably look at a profile before starting a conversation.

!devrant

So today my CTO reigned, and I heard rumours that they probably will have me as the next CTO. Me personally, I'm not ready for this ... Even as a Senior Software Engineer , sometimes I have obstacles leading the my Juniors (6 of them).

Also, for the same pay, I rather maintain my current position.

I am not ready yet.

Finds interesting looking "graduate' software development role...

"PhD desirable, leading university, straight As at A level"

Wow.

I'm considering getting a mini fridge for beer because my kitchen fridge is too far from my desk.

DevOps takes away my admin access in team city... ask devops for a change to a build runner, devops asks how to do it?

Good thing they locked it down!

It's 2016, and I'm fighting with a version of Crystal Reports that was developed for VS2005. My employer claims we're on the cutting edge... I WANT A NEW JOB.

Apple products are so fucking overpriced. Here is an "Apple TV Remote Loop" (that holds the remote to your wrist). It costs ₹ 1500

For people outside India, his shit costs more than 1 year of unlimited calling phone plan from the leading provider, with 24 GB data and complementary TV and Movies subscription. (₹ 1299)

If you're expecting a call from a company to do a phone screen, make sure your phone is charged... if it dies before you can even tell me why you're looking for a new job and I still can't reach you 15 minutes later, it's very off putting.

First time dealing with the rejection process from Apple, and it couldn't be more frustrating. I asked for clarification 3 times and got the same exact response all 3 times... LET ME TALK TO A FUCKING HUMAN!

Installed my telecom service provider's app for checking new packs. Didn't remember the password. Hit forgot password! I get my password in plain text in sms!

Fuck, it's one of the leading service provider in the country!

Till now i had only read about it, but never encountered it! Any ideas as to how to approach them?

Why not release the devrant (mobile+web) client on github (and maybe gitlab for people that would actually contribute but are special about the usage of github) so people could contribute to it, leading to faster progress? I thought about it now for a bit and couldn't see any problems with that, since the current apk can be anyway unpacked via freely available tools (appcelerator doesn't make it too hard either anyway 😕) and the website/api isn't any secret either (see the 4000 clients getting patched together out of zombie like api calls)

Anyone else here that doesn't answer people that only write "hi" to initiate a conversation?

I always feel like they try to put me in charge of leading the convo. You wouldn't call someone and just say Hi, now would you?

I just had a new employee, barely out of school, question whether or not we are ready to start a big refactor of an aging legacy system. She knows nothing about the system we are about to attack, barely has 12 months experience as a developer and knows nothing about the past 6 years of countless meetings, discussions and experience leading to the decision to refactor. Still, she's not "convinced" we are ready to get started.

Gen Z - they sure are something different. God damn it, I know it sounds old but where's the fucking humbleness? Spoilt little shits, the world is fucked.

Asked to research angular 2 and do a POC on my own time, get assigned to a legacy product last updated in 2011, to watch all the new hires get put on the new tech.

Worked on an Android app that synchronized contacts. Didn't consider the contact id may change, leading to (rare) cases of properties being synchronized to the wrong contacts. Only found out later in production when one of my frequent contacts called - and my phone showed a wrong profile picture for him.

Anybody else felt a pressing why crisis leading to procrastination, a sense of impending doom, and and constant failures or feelings of failure.

My ex boss , keep interrupting the project I was leading.. and half way through . He decided to make a huge db redesign just to disagree with me.
Simply I didn't go to office the next day and never since !

I sometimes like to believe I'm of at least average intelligence, being able to write software and all...
Then my lawnmower breaks and I spend a whole day trying to replace a head gasket...

We had a thunder storm with pretty strong winds while I was at work. A transformer across the street blew up (came off the pole, lots of fire, pretty neat)... I had a meeting at 4:30 and was told we were still having it even without power or internet. the meeting organizer never showed up.

...I could have gone home and worked because our vpn and dev servers are on another state that still had power.

Most hours worked in a row?
18
Most bourse worked in a row coding?
20 mins

I don’t have time for anything else when I work 18 hour days.😐

Me: the web app is downloading a lot of static content while loading the page, leading to the app being very slow in low bandwidth locations. can you ensure compression is enabled while serving static files ?

UI Developer: sure, I'll look into​ that. Btw, I have a question reg that.

Me: yes, pls.

UI Developer: once the compressed static files are downloaded to the browser​, should I write a separate module to uncompress them ?

Me: :-(Strategic Facepalm)

I swear I didn’t hit delete and then confirm delete... Then why do we have 3 different software analytics that show all the mouse clicks leading up to and including the mouse click of you deleting the customer... thank goodness I set up soft deletes instead of hard deletes like the legacy system use to be.

!dev
Deutsch Bahn, again: A delay of 8 minutes (the DB officially recognizes this as late) results to an impossible to reach connecting train leading to a total delay of ca. 2 hours, as I cannot use the Inter City train anymore, but have to use a "Regional Express" instead.

Out of 5 times travelling this route, I arrived 2 times 2 hours later.

I have more side projects than I'll ever be able to finish. When I do finish them (or at least get a mvp), I have no idea how to market them, and in many ways, I don't even want to. I'm worried that it will kill the fun of it for me.

Did well at a tech screen today. it feels good to NOT feel like an idiot after an interview.

Got promoted to a managerial position recently. How you guys with a similar experience have transitioned from coding all day long to leading fellow coders?

As I am now in a leading position in the middle of a agile transition:

has anyone got a source for a project done completely with user stories?

I am searching a real life example with already finished stories an active backlog and a documentation.

I just can't wrap my head around it. When and what do you document? In which Form do you document? How are you writing user stories with more content like diagrams and such?

(we use jira and confluence but just started with stories)

I read some articles on the topic and watched some talks but sill don't get the picture.

Oh,I have learned a lot, I would not say from programming but from the career as a whole

Never get peer pressured
Always show empathy
If in a leading position, taking care of people is your top priority
Overconfidence will destroy a lot of good work
People by definition will always remember your mistakes
Never get over involved in the company you are working for, it's just a job
Your health is more than important
Nobody knows everything
Always be humble
There is a lot of bullshitters out there
Success is relative
Competition is high and there is always someone with better skill set, so you will suffer if you don't accept that

Upsides of an atrocious, 10year old legacy PHP/(improperly used) CodeIgniter codebase:
When you actually manage to force it to be able to do the new thing it needs to be able to do, you feel like a God.

Downsides of an atrocious, 10year old legacy PHP/(improperly used) CodeIgniter codebase:
Everything else, especially the process leading to that single upside.

How I program at home

Leading back in my chair throwing a stress ball in the air listening to a YouTube video on how thanos is the boss baby cartoon randomly shouting F**k and furiously typing before my idea goes away

How I program at school/work

Stares at screen muttering swears and wanting to take a nap while googling basic sh*t

Got a virus (was stupid enough to rely on Defender coz didn't want to compromise performance).
Hell I right-clicked > scan with defender and it gave it a clean chit.
Later got every click on any page leading to some porn website (that too fuckin clickbaits not the real ones -_-)
Installed Kaspersky on trial > virus removed.
BUT the fucker modified files.
Reinstalling Firefox disinfected it,
BUT I CANT REINSTALL EDGE.
Another full-OS reset.
I guess this is how women in their late 30s feel like..
'Ill never get the luxury of settling down'
*sigh*

I really got in love with nodejs and shit. And to be honest, the whole async thing isn't that shitty either. I mean the performance itself seems to be whack af (see onoff benchmarks for reference) but your whole project is more responsive.

BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE THE ASYNC WRITE DOWN OF A SETTINGS FILE FOLLOWED BY SOME STUPID CRASH INDUCING MISTAKE I MADE MYSELF, LEADING TO THE WRITE FUCK UP AND ESSENTIALLY ERASE THE FUCKING CONTENTS OF THE DAMN SETTINGS FILE IS JUST LIKE SMEARING TOOTHPASTE ALL OVER MY FRIGGIN BALLSACK!

Heya @Fast-Nop

Here's to your many sevens (7).
Beautiful assembly, perfect with that leading three (3).

Cheers mate

I think dark mode is the best thing ever invented and glad devRant has it, otherwise I would have been blinded by my bright white screen.

*Awkwardly starts playing Blinded by the Light song*

Therapy is hardest when you're starting it IMO. I don't like talking about my vulnerabilities with people face to face very much, I get pretty defensive about it. We've agree that I'm suffering from a high level of anxiety which is likely leading to depression and we'll be working on solutions in the coming weeks.

Over the weekend I stopped programming and dedicated myself to more leisure. Went out for a hike (literally) and got a PS4, my first new gaming machine in over two years. Been playing Horizon Zero Dawn.

I'm starting to feel a little bit better. :)

Boss: "Drop everything and help us test this application, right now!"

Me: "The environment isn't even configured properly.."

Boss: "yeah, we'll get to it"

Fuck you, Monday.

What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

I always wonder why the IT guys seem to be short tempered when dealing with dev related issues.
Now I understand...

For a few days I have to help my colleague setting up his new project and dear Lord...
I thought I have enough patience because I am a woman...

This guy is very very junior, I couldn't get any input/ideas from him when debugging
Dear god, help us because I am the only one with enough experience in this project.

I don't know if this was the worst interview I've ever had, but a technical director is looking at my resume, then asks, "So you like programming?"

me: "Uhm... yes, very much so. I typically have at least 4 or 5 side projects going at once on top of my full time job."

Interviewer: "tell me about one."

I tell him, and this process reported 4 more times, as if he wanted to be sure I had 4-5 side projects going... it was almost a little bit like meeting with Peter Gregory from silicon valley, but not quite as awkward.

I was working with my embedded systems friend a few days ago on a website, and since we work with electronics, it was something new.

I then went home and started learning web development.

Holy shit I love it

I will continue to until it’s time to know about JavaScript

I spent 2 hours fighting with itunes connect last night to find out that one of their Ajax calls was throwing a 500. Seriously, Apple?

It's 3am, just submitted an app for review for iOS... go to take one last test drive on the release build for android, and I get stuck in an infinite loop of "system up stopped working". An factory reset and an hour later, I'm saying fuck this, android waits, and fuck whatever Xamarin did to my phone. While I'm at it, fuck Apple for making me have 20+ icons in different sizes, and their shitty walled garden approach to a so called marketplace.

I decided to start learning about hadoop... I found a great, free tutorial, but it expects me to know python. ...well it looks like I'm learning two things at once.

Fuck you, Mr. Robot. That's some shit...

While testing the latest version of an app I'm building (side project), I actually laughed out loud and was having fun. Even if it goes nowhere, this was worth it.

During requirements gathering:
Listening.
Writing requirements as stated.
Not designing in my head.
Asking leading questions that validate said faux design.

Supposed to be getting ready for a wedding. hanging out at Xamarin dev days in Boston instead.

Not exactly a dream abour coding but my favorite instructor in college.

I dreamt the secret police came to arrest him on campus since his methods teaching cod were unorthodoxed.

As they were leading him away I was screaming and crying - “He’s the best teacher here, what are you doing!”

weird

Craziest deadline: job processing system for a manufacturing company, Android app, live updating web interface, integration with 3 existing systems, custom/new database and workflow... 9 days from concept to prototype. I was the only dev on it.

Yes, the product sucked, and no, I didn't really sleep.

I was hired as a team lead. I'd only managed small online teams before but now it's an office job. Any books and articles on technical team leading you may suggest?

Have you ever had to fire someone? or get someone fired?

I’m thinking about a time when I should have made sure a guy was fired.
He had no business leading a project, and I knew this early on when he suggested connecting a public frontend straight to a clients’ ERP.
I wasn’t on his project but I ended up cleaning up his mess when shit hit the fan.

When you realise a so-called app developer has used nvarchar columns to store every single date record, in every DB table of your platform.
Using d/m/Y format.
Without leading zeros.
And, in just a few tables, m/d/Y.
*sigh*

How many boring monotonous corporate meetings, leading to no helpful conclusion or action item, is too many in a day?

Jesus please I just want to work!!!

Watching Silence of the Lambs, and all I can think:

if (!lotionedSkin) {
hose();
}

Today I got paid 75 bucks for the last four weeks of full-time work at an internship but was expecting 1500. Turns out 1500 was an yearly stipend. Haven't been learning much coding in the past 5 weeks so I'm thinking of not turning up from now on. I architected the whole application and was in the middle of leading a team to build the front-end. These skills will be handy later down the track but won't help me get a job...

upgrade to the latest pre-release of Xamarin forms for a shiny new feature, now nothing works even after reverting. You'd think I should know better by now.

My computer is as fast as using free proxy chains on the deep web

I love identity framework... Up until MS decided to use strings as a primary key. Seriously?

The lack of one (no thinking about long term design and issues) leading to poorly designed systems that crumble when it needs to be scaled and has massive bus factor and code duplication.

Halt and Catch Fire is having another great season. Lived those days and it is so true. CompuServe, Compaq, Commodore, 5 1/4", Tandy 1000, Byte Mag, Atari, The Well... The tech you see is really 1985ish. Attention to detail is appreciated by long time technologists.

H&CF is about building a tech business and much applies to today's startups. That two brilliant tech women are leading the charge adds to it. All the characters are great Cameron, Gordon, Donna, the devs at Mutiny and Joe channeling Jobs (in my opinion) is spot on.

Any H&CF fans have an opinion?

After months of waiting, I finally got a license for visual studio 2015. I'm far more excited than I should be...

My company has been looking for a lead app dev for the past three months. I got the news yesterday that they hired one. Which was super unusual because he's leading a team of two people, you'd think myself and the other guy would have been part of the interview process to make sure he matches our personalities and can do what we need him to do since it's a small team we need someone who can perform.

Find out it's the guy who left in January. I'm not sure how I feel about this. He was super fucking disorganized. I had to spend 2 weeks fixing his git issues because he hadn't committed his code for something like 4 months before he left.

He's a nice guy, and usually chasing new trends. But I need someone who I can look up to and who can juggle a bunch of stuff. If you're disorganized I don't think the regular person can handle leading a team of guys.

I've only been at this company for a year and a half, but I keep getting wet feet and nervously looking around. No promotions, a 2% raise. But I also don't want to hop ship because my place before was an ass disaster too and I think I left 2 years in.

Most interesting bug (recently at least)... In JavaScript, you can create a date with new Date(dateString).

...if it starts with the year or is ISO format, it will take the user's local timezone into account. if you did something like new Date('6-Jun-16') it doesn't care about time zones... so depending on how we passed a date via the api, we'd get a different actual date.

Anyone here worked a whole lot with low level programming?

I have always worked with high level languages like Python and C++, but I’ve also had an interest in working with embedded systems, real close to the metal.

Any directions on where I should go to start learning low level programming? Sites, languages, etc?

Appreciated devRant fam!😊

I'm gonna spin this as ridiculously awesome meeting. My company is currently expanding the local satellite office in to a full site. Part of that includes building a local presence for recruiting efforts.

I was part of a meeting I organized at my alma mater between my executive partner and two deans of the college. I am leading the effort to help them align their curriculum with modern practices, training them on free software licences with my company, and more. As well, there's an opportunity to train students on an untouched area of big data in the medical industry.

Less than 2 years with the company and partners (local, national, and international) in the company within my work area are sending me kudos.

Keyboard layouts/localization seem like something went horribly wrong and nobody decided to clean up the mess.

And now we have multiple layouts where the fucking alt key doesn't even work exactly the same between them, how is that even possible? And who thought it was a good idea to differentiate between left and right alt, shift and control keys, leading to subtle issues nobody asked for?

In Vim I made a keyboard shortcut with alt and on the British layout it only works with the left alt key, on the US layout on both. Wat.

Today is just me and my friend, two embedded systems geeks making a website.

It’s going awful but it’s fun as hell😂

name: ash williams
weapon of choice: chainsaw hand

name: john rambo
weapon of choice: heavy machine gun

name: kiki
weapon of choice: teleport behind you, create a door leading who knows where, drag you in, close the door shut, make it disappear into nowhere

I was on glassdoor today, and a survey came up. The survey looks like market research for a product that sounds like it will be exactly like one of my side projects... Deciding if it's worth scrambling to beat them to market with what's barely a MVP and no marketing resources, or just chalking it up as fun and good experience.

I want a robot that can do just one thing, just so I can say fuck you to these forms.

Well that, and maybe one other thing but let’s not talk about that😉

You know, like be able to see what cars and signs look like in pictures. Geez, what the hell were you thinking about.

I hear a lot of advice saying to never take a counter offer when leaving a company. Does anyone have an experience where it has worked out?

DREAMS: I was given a junior, my journey for leading a team is starting!
REALITY: this guy works 4 hours per day, 3 days off per week, during those 4 hours 2 of them are spent solving trivial supposed he's supposed to handle on his own by now, he doesn't write documentation, on top of that he takes vacations here and there and I'm honestly not sure what task I'm even supposed to give him because at this point it's just easier to work a couple hours overtime and just do his stuff myself.

I'm torn on dev bootcamps.

On one hand, I learn the most in hands-on direct tinkering and bootcamps tend to exude this with well-trained instructors following best practices.

On the other hand, the short timeline means corners are cut and an overwhelming amount of material is dropped all at once leading to a leaky retention vessel at the end.

I prefer ramping up learning over a period of time to gain experience than a fire hose approach.

Manager: We gotta new module to develop for our existing product. As I'm leading the team, I'll be involved in designing the module.

Me: Okay.

Manager: *Just after a couple of hours, sends me these lame block diagram which doesn't make any sense*
There you go, this is the complete architecture of the module. Start developing it.

Me: *Woah!!* 😵

In recent time my anger comes from a junior dev who keeps saying he's got no time to test and breaks working code leading to others getting the blame and the team leader not addressing the problem.

In the past it was micro managing managers who thought they knew how to make a UI best, and also that one project where they gave a client carte blanche on changes to avoid legal trouble. Nothing more infuriating than multiple people telling you how to change things over and over while you're being passed around in their power struggle.

So in my company there few small teams all with lead devs. One team is leaded by a girl who changed her profession. She's good at architecture/Dev stuff. But one thing she's terrible at is her leading role. She won't confront any bad behavior, she won't ask about any problem with the tasks. She won't ask her tram how long will the tasks take, so she puts her own valuations.

But the killer is she's whining everyday to the management about her team members. That they didn't do their tasks/don't want to cooperate. Never looking in the eyes even when she whines about a person in the same room.

Another thing is that our CTO is always doing her leading job, confronting team members, giving them reprimends. She lost all her authority by this. Nobody respects her. And after a slight note about her behavior you just gonna get a big talk with CTO and nothing will change.

Another thing is that, she Nevers connect with her team. Don't talk together, won't go with them for the coffee, never at the integration parties.

That CTO connection is another topic...

Oh and I'm by the next month I'm gonna be throwed into her team, so wish me luck...

So... I’ve recently started a new role, and luckily I’ve established myself as someone that knows his shit (more or less) TM.

I’m leading the charge on tech debt, and raising issues about it, first on my radar is the monstrosity of their approach to app config.

It’s a web app, and they store config in a key-value table in the database.

Get this. The key is the {type}.{property} path and this is fetched from the database and injected *at construction* via reflection.

Some of these objects get instantiated dozens of times per-request. Eurgh.

Some people are plain worse than a windows update.

Please overcommunicate! And ask questions. Assumptions are leading to nothing but overwork in a project where there are 8 devs contributing on a single codebase.

Someone was not telling important details which lead to a lot of work leading in the wrong direction.

Asking that someone why he hadn't shared that earlier was seen as complete disrespect against all management.

Last week we heard all about the bad recruiters... Does anyone have good experiences with recruiters?

I was just about home from a long day of work and just blew a tire on my truck. Not flat, blew.

That wasn’t the bad part. I was so excited to get home since I figured out a bug in my code while I was at work that I had been trying to fix for a while now.

By the time I got my tire on, I had no idea how to solve the bug.

Recently started reading about how businesses startup and grow. As much as I hate to admit it, their problems seem more daunting than technical challenges developers face. The nature of problems is so much more dynamic, unstructured and nuanced. After all, leading strangers to work towards your personal vision is kinda neat!

A lot of hate on the jokes/memes here but since I don’t have twitter and Reddit, I have the joy of seeing these as original.

You know, just a few to keep the variety going inbetween the “Fuck my boss” and the “PHP sucks ass” rants

CTO sends out a mandatory meeting invite for "Company Culture." No further information provided, scheduled the day before, and everyone is expected to drop everything to go to it... I think the meeting is unnecessary, this has said enough about the "culture".

Very useful!
It's not just about code but the whole package.
Watching great programmers fail miserably at project management, research, documentation, team leading and acting professional is just embarrassing, especially when they slate those who went out to educate themselves.

🎙️ Mic drop, I'm out!

I just can't believe in what state are the "leading" eCommerce systems. It just gives me depression and I'm totally desperate. :(

After 10-15 years one is xml hell, another is insane modules DIY administration, and the last one is bugy slugish mess. Try to guess which one is which.

Fuck AngularJS' scope fuckery. Yes it's legacy shit in an old project.
A minor change fucked up the model scope shitfuck thus leading to improper input model fuckvalues.
Go rot in pieces and perish.

"Scrummerfall" - pretending to follow agile/scrum while adhering to deadlines set by management.

I’ve been on devRant for a very short period of time and I’ve seen too many posts about PHP fucking people in the ass.

Is it really that bad?(I’m an embedded systems geek so don’t ask me why I don’t know anything about PHP)

Visual Studio: Leading cause of chronic depression and suicide among the developer community.

FYI, please don't use the leading blog CMS for a custom ecommerce site ... That doesn't even have a blog.

Is it just i have bad luck or do all developers by the time they get to lead just stop caring?
my leads always seem to be the least team-focused members of the group.

FREAKING STUPID **** EXCEL
Goddammit, spend hours and hours debugging a csv file generation... It always missed a zero.... Guess what: Excel deletes fucking shit leading zeros -_-

When everything passed to the front end is in the form of a magic array... all values are grabbed using an arbitrary index...

There is a reason why we have Static Code Analysis tools.

Also, there is a reason why we have options to configure them.

Idiots will either try to follow things blindly, or try to skip it altogether. Depends on the monkey leading the band.

What is the leading cause of dry skin? Towels

Simply the fact that i didn't started my dev carreer earlier because of lets say reasons which costs me 7 years of time which on one hand gave me a whole lot of experience across some fields but god damn it sucks being near thirty and still being a student while other friends are already leading teams and working on million euro projects -.-

Been ‘working’ on this game for the last 5 months now. I love making it but I haven’t gotten any where because there are too many bugs. Like, it’s all bugs.

I started the project when I started learning game development and with all the time I’ve put in it I don’t want to kill it.

Anyone else have a project that they are working on, where they don’t even make progress on it, they just fix bugs?

Took my three weeks paid summer vacation, but ended up coding almost two of the three weeks.

The geniuses in charge decided that everyone should be forced to take vacations anyway due to corona and it under no circumstances could be postponed.
Only SLIGHT FUCKING PROBLEM is that our product delivery is in 2 days.
Lets send the lead developer, and most of the seniors away the month leading up to the release, that could in no way go wrong.

Predicting a hilarious explosion of urgent tasks the second i step in the door :D

So I’ve been programming for a little over a year now. Not too long, but long enough to realize something.

Everyone always talks about imposter syndrome and I don’t understand it. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like an imposter when I code, or that I’m a dumbass and can’t code or something(Well, I have definitely felt like a dumbass when I code but that’s because I am sometimes)

What makes you feel like you have imposters syndrome and how so?

The bipolar nature of leading a startup tech team:

It's either no one needs you, or the problem is big enough to have you push 5 fundamental fixes from abyss to upstream.

The next time I have the brilliant idea to make a visual studio multi solution template, will someone please slap me? What a fucking nightmare.

"Hello. My name is [...] and I'm working for ONE OF THE LEADING COMPANIES IN THE [gibberish]. I see that you have experience in Java and C#. We are looking for people like you for a JavaScript Dev position. If you are interested, please send you CV [...]"
HOW ABOUT QUACK OFF AND DO SOME RESEARCH BEFORE CONTACTING PEOPLE!?

I absolutely HATE the leading underscore in .NET variables.

I systematically destroy them 😈

So we used to build these awful "promotion" pages for a leading manufacturer in the area. Because the website was old as dirt, there was no CMS and everything was static html using Coldfusion for a few include files like for the nav and such.

Every year we would get a new project to tweak the promotion details a little, and change the year from 2011 to 2012, etc.

My predecessor put the digit "1" in an HTML file called year.html, then included it like:
"valid from January 1 though December 31, 201<cfinclude template="year.html">..."

Why? Just why? And if you're going to use include files, for Pete's sake at least use the proper .cfm file extension!

Damnit, devrant! I started watching Mr Robot because of you, and now I'm going to be up all night binge watching.

The age-old question between `DD/MM/YYYY` or `MM/DD/YYYY`.

After some shower thoughts, my new preference is `YYYY/MM/DD` for Americans and Lithuanians (only 2 that I know) it just looks like the year has been placed first, otherwise, they read it as normal. To everyone else, the date is reversed and therefore will be read in reverse leading to the same answer.

In addition, `YYYY/MM/DD/some-dated-file` as a file path works exceptionally well for storing files as it uses the least amount of repetition.

I needed to do some maintenance on some of the text views in my app because they were sticking to the center and not to the leading edge (aka left).

This is harder than it sounds like.

Email today:

"Forgive me for this direct approach. I'm from (business) and wanted to give you the opportunity to opt out of our future weekly emails."

Being a project lead would be fun I thought... boi I was wrong!!

It's still early on but I will be a project lead in the next 6 months or so... and I'm running this project for a few months and taking over a couple of tasks from the actual project lead but now he's on holiday and everyone is looking at me!

I need to get used to this...

Considering a contract to hire position. Do these usually result in full time employment? I've never done contract work.

Can't really say it's the most pissed off I've been probably at mild annoyance. So for the last two years I've been stressing that in order to do my job efficiently. I need handovers and documentation. It's a ball ache I know but definitely needed.

Well after not being listened too for the last two years we now are getting a documentation process. Why? Because a lack of documentation was the leading cause to a data breach.

Yeah I've been stressing that scenario for the last two years. But no one gave a damn until it happened.

Someone I met this week that runs a marketing business approached me about contract work. huge projects, huge money, but it's "take this existing site and app, re make it, and re brand it". idk if I want to go down that path...

Never use a device to debug if you also use that device for devrant...

Haas cnc machines have an sdk... Not only did it not work and crashed the machines, but most of the documentation was "to be added"...