"Do you easily get offended?"

"We have a bro culture here. [Some other stuff and examples] So do you think you can fit in here?"

"Tell us about a time you had to communicate with people who are not as technically capable as you."

I can remember more but cba tbh.

- had an interview going well
- existential crisis kicks in
- fear of being found out to be a fraud and phoney kicks in

This is why I can't have nice things! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

!dev

My mental health has been down the drain b'cuz of circumstances. And unfunnily, it did end up taking the better of me. yet folks around me still do not believe it's a thing that people don't want to live anymore; rather it's a "childish" thing and "are you so weak" thing.

And I'm just gonna tell you, if you ever said that to someone who feels like the world is coming to an end for them, you're an unbearable ass, and you're probably one reason that person wants to off themself.

Living around some people is just torture on its own.

Got about 6 hours of work done in 2. Where's my fucking prize?

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

TROPHY WIFE!!!

Say all you want, the job requires tolerance and ability to stroke some ego. Really demanding hours and maintenance too. I just didn't fit the bill.

A good project is a finished project.

Keep all of yer fingers crossed.

I'm negotiating my PhD proposal.

Ok, I really gotta start looking for jobs.

— says while lying in bed with depression

It's 20-fucking-21 and I'm still asked to provide paper copies of my thesis. 😐

It's snowing outside and I don't have a usb to copy my shit and bring it to the "copy and bind" guy, so this is gonna be fun. (said no one, ever)

Oh, also, offices are closed so handover is going to be even more fun. 😐

Don't tell anybody but I basically spent 8 hours today trying to write one email.

In this episode of "office drama", we have the head secretary asking me if I want to contribute to the gift for the baby of some guy I don't know well. (I'm new to the office btw)
When I refuse, saying that I don't know him well enough to want to contribute, she says "that's okay, but we won't be collecting for a gift for you once you have a baby. We want to be a '''team''' ".

😐

I just said "that's fair", but maaaaaaaan! Since when is it okay to demand that someone participates in a gift, while ignoring their social or financial circumstances? 😤

Update: went to her office to talk about this "being a part of the team" and clear things up. She said, and I quote "I don't have time for this". And by that, swords have been unsheathed. I guess there is no pleasing some people.

Random advice: don't get an AI degree. It's as useless as a liberal arts degree considering how most countries are still using stupid systems.

What's an office?

So, seems like I'll be continuing my research career, via a PhD in AI. 👀🤞

I just applied for one of those big big biiiiiiiig companies in robotics...

Something in my mind is telling me that I am actually losing it. Like, my mind. I must be losing my mind. 🤔

Oh well! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Yo, is this devrant or spamspace???

Like, do you even fucking work, mates? Are you a dev? How doesn't a fucking legacy code piss you off on a daily basis? What are all the ways you want to respond to your customer's/PM's abuse? Does your lead dev even know jackshit?

Where did all your quality rants go? Why do you all sound like second graders writing essays for school? Have some passion for your job, and hatred for the incompetence for others!

Now, go produce some quality rants! Funny ones too! Bonus points if it's angry-funny.

Remember the super duper company I applied for? (Last rant)

Well, I did their coding challenge. And after many years I had to do a metric crapton of C++. It's not a fun language. It's frustrating how human-unfriendly it is, and maybe one reason why I low-key like it.

Anyways, here's hoping that I didn't fuck up too much.

On a side note, I realized tensorflow actually has a cpp api. I think I'm gonna work with that in my next mental breakdown. 🧐

!rant

Ehem.
My second paper got accepted in a sueprb conference.

Recruiter: "How do you see the future of the field?"

Me: "... How do I see the future of neurorobotics?"

Hom: "Yes"

Me: 😐 *baffled*

!dev

Fuck Deutsche Bahn in the arse with multiple cacti. A country that is proud of its railway, cannot actually fucking manage to get one fucking train moving on fucking time.

Have I ever arrived anywhere on time? Fuck no! Deutsche bahn can promise to get you there, but never actually manage to get you there! Fuuuuuuuuck!

!dev
My neighbors are absolute assholes.

I can't get enough sleep. This is driving me nuts. Worst of all, they're all students. I've called the cops on them once, but still the same behavior.
Am about to lose it, ngl.

Perfect job? Does it even exist?

We do a job because it's something others consider tedious or difficult or time consuming.

So my perfect job would be one that feels like a hobby every day and pays very well.

That moment when your supervisor gets back to you so fucking late that you consider dropping out literally days before finishing your degree.

Lol. Kill me right now please.

// ToDo: Done

"His graphs are bigger than mine."

🤐

Y'all need to chill!

**DO NOT** downvote a newbie's post without telling them why. It may sound like a spam to you, but it's someone's best effort at an icebreaker joke. 😠

As a PhD student, I do not dare have hobbies. I mean, I don't exactly have time for it. I could make time for it, but then the phd would take forever.
☹️

1. Still dying.

2. Withdrew my application for some job saying "the environment seems unproductive". I'm proud of me. I've never withdrew an application whenever I was unemployed so this is a first. This time it wasn't them telling me I'm not "the right fit" and I kinda feel like I should do this more often but like what if I could survive the hostile environment and earn something instead of literally continuing looking for jobs and this is giving me anxiety and I'm rambling but I can't stop oh my god what have I done... 🤧

Why the absolute fuck do I need to have nvidia membership to download cudnn? What evil do these mofos think people achieve with free access to a fucking programming tool?

Jesus on a bike! I nag about open science and all I end up with is always these spying morons, who purposefully disable scientists. Fuck!

If👏you👏need👏my👏info,👏then it's👏not👏free.👏

I rewrote my resume. It is getting shorter and shorter. Scary.

But I was thinking, that during interviews, I never get to ask the important questions. Like, I do need to ask a few things that are important for me. Those that are not written in their websites, and they will do their best to hide.

So I came up with a list of questions:

1. Do you pay for overtime work? what is the basis of pay? hours or work-module? how realistic are the work-modules?
2. Have you ever had issues with employees from minority groups?
3. How do you address employee's professional concerns? for example, about technological debt.
4. what's the policy for meeting and daily interruptions during brain-work? Are people ever forced to participate in meetings that could be summed up in emails? what's the company policy for initiating a meeting?
5. Who designs the software? Are the requirements always non-negotiable? do the direct developers have a say in design matters?
6. How close are job requirements (as advertised) to actual tasks I need to perform?
7. What's the company policy for motivating the employees?
8. How does the company deal with mental health issues? is it acceptable for people to take leaves due to mental health issues? Has anyone ever done it?
9. How does the company deal with individual needs for working methods and space? Specifically, how does that apply to meetings? Do you have company-wide meetings? How often are they? What's the impact on productivity? Can employees not participate? Do they have to have an excuse to not participate?
10. Do developers get to develop their skills during worktime often? Or is it a "do it in your own free time" kind of thing? Are there any resources available to those who want to develop their skills further? Is it included in the career planning and employee performance review?
11. Assume I work for your company for a year. What are the benefits I can potentially gain in a year from working here, aside from adding a line of work experience to my resume?
12. Does the company provide any form of free feminine hygiene products in the bathroom?

Any questions I should add?

The division between chilling and working is absolutely gone when both happen in the same exact space.

The system is fucked. Can't abandon ship, but let's pray that I can make my own system out of it, or rather, translate it, without too many issues. 🤞

P.S. I swore at this computer way too many times. I don't think I'll survive the robotic apocalypse at this rate. 😬

The way this job search is going, I think I'm gonna become a barista instead.

Now realizing the whole "Fuck this shit, I'm gonna become a barista" was literally a midlife crisis.

Now, how do I find my way back to a brand new PhD application? Or a research job... Or a dev job... Honestly, I'd take whatever.

Side note, after weeks of being on my feet and working 6-8 hours a day, I have lost exactly zero kilos. This was a very bad idea. 🤦

So, I'm not the smartest, but at least now I have had two careers. How many of you can say that you've had two different careers in your life, eh?

Le me: Doing research
Le me: Touches hair out of habit
Le hair: "FREEDOM!!!"
Le hair: falls out
Le me: OH NOOOOO
Le me: gets disturbed and distracted
Le project: "FREEDOM!!!!"

*spins around in her work chair*

Lost my focuuuuuuuuus! 🙄

Woke up after a 2-3 hours nap at night just to have a career-panic and apply for all the jobs I'm overqualified for.

... Now I regret it.

😐

As 22.2.22 is coming to an end, I've sent an email to request for another PhD position.

That's all.
Wish me luck.

I don't. I let it sink in and destroy me from inside. 😐

Nothing is working today. 😭😭😭😭

My perfect results of Friday have all disappeared.
It now seems like everything was running on magic on Friday. 😭😭

Got reminded of this job search bullshit they say after interviews, when they say you're not "fit for the culture" but they want you to be "challenging the status-quo".
Like, take a fucking pick. Either you want someone who follows and fits in, or you want someone who innovates and stands out. 😒

Java's shitshow, or why I'll never like java, the language:

The fact that you cannot read the length of an iterable at any point in time without iterating through it. Did I just read this from DB? Yes, I did. Do I know how many items I read? No. Why? Because fuck the designers of this shit language and all its shitty third-party libraries. 😠😠😠

Instagram just imported my birthday from my Facebook, which btw, was not specifically linked when I used to post on Facebook.

Mark Fucking Fuckface Fuckerberg's team is destroying Instagram now. Ffs. 😒😒

Why is everyone okay with this invasion of privacy? And when is telegram launching an image sharing platform?

Why is nobody getting back to meeeeeeee?? 😭😭😭😭

Fuck this code, and fuck you too. I'm going to bed. ☠️

ノಠ益ಠノ彡┻━┻

Doing so much paperwork I basically have no time for the actual work. 😐

Thanks for not having proper api documentation, moron! 😒

Some company invited me for coding challenge. Tbh, I can't be arsed. Why can't they look into my fucking git? There is way more info there about how I actually work, so why the fuck not look at what I have done than their fucking exam project?
Urghhhhhhh

It's fun getting migraines when you have to stare at a screen for a living. 😐😒😒

Welp, thanks companies for canceling the open positions. 😐 Particularly those I applied for. 😐

Legit can't remember. I've been driven by anxiety of deadlines for so long (and also, had no real vacation) that I only can work if a deadline is approaching fast.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

!dev (or maybe dev? Idk)

I'm a strong starter but not a strong finisher. I have rarely ever enjoyed putting "final touches" on anything. This is why I would appreciate working with someone who's a strong finisher and is not a credit-thief. But in this day and age for some absurd reason one must be both a strong starter and a strong finisher. One should be a complete person. 🙄

Cyber security. Deep knowledge of cyber security and networks is what I wish I had. The math stuff that no one bothers with, specifically.

Look, I'm not even mad that your dataset is the spaghettiest of all spaghetti, but why do you have ten different jupyter notebook files lying around?

I mean, I'm not implying that a monkey has more brain in his armpit than you have in your entire body, but like, you call this a dataset while all over seen so far is half-processed garbage. You could've just dipped your pc in sewage and the results would still be cleaner than this.

Luckily, your paper is half decent so what the hell, let's see if I can fish anything useful out of this. But I swear to god if I come across another static path in this... And here we go! Another static path! Ladies and gentlemen, I propose we get this guy's phd back until he learns to fucking do a decent code.

(It's actually a massively complicated project, so it kinda makes sense to be this big of a mess. But still!)

Not a coworker, but this guy who I went to uni with and was a real life saver when I was really down. (we played minecraft together)

... So, he is a real genius. One of those guys who I legit couldn't keep up with. His brain works, he doesn't bullshit his way through, he's not pretentious, he is legit a down to earth rare genius. Yet, he doesn't use his talents enough, he likes to work or go home to play minecraft. And he doesn't politically care enough, so I am almost sure that he will end up getting stuck in the defence force.

We're still friends. And I try my hardest to not be nosy and nag at him that he can do better. I mean, he is happy the way he is, and he is not ambitious. But the memory of him is a reminder that not everyone who gets somewhere is the best and brightest.

It's not a compsci paper if it doesn't start the intro with "Recent advances in [insert name of subfield] show that ..."

* installs pybullet via pip
* imports pybullet
* Runs

NoMmoDUlEFoundErRrRRRrroR: no module named pybullet

... Get fucked. 😐

Half the papers on multimodal learning refer to studies on human children learning. Makes me wonder why we never study animals to know how their multimodal learning works so fucking well that some newborns can function straight out of the womb/egg.

I was an embarrassment in my final meeting.

Kill me now. 😫🔫 ⚰️💀🥀

Expat issues of the month is that the HR is taking its sweet time, while I'm trying to find a house and probably need to provide employment certificate or some shit.
So basically, I'll arrive in a month and either be homeless, crash on a friend's at least an hour and half away by PT, or pay for hotel or airbnb.

... Heaven and hell, could you please work together on solving this, particularly the house issue? Because neither am I made of money nor my nerves can currently take this, specially with this upcoming surgery thing. 🙏

My little drawing tablet is finally here! 😁

I have started drawing, but the improvements to my skills are gonna take a loooooooooong time.

Plus, I have a slow and old lappy available now... which freezes in the middle of drawing but oh well! Better than nothing! 🙂 Little improvements matter.

Today was a short exhausting relatively happy day. 🙃

From Nathan W. Pyle's insta page.

Is this learning job cpu intensive or memory intensive?

I don't know and I don't give a flying fuck, because it's 6:20pm and I have not found any of my favorite servers free to rerun this shit the whole fucking week, so this server (which I have actually killed before, btw) can suck a dick and do its fucking job.

🎤🖐️

Wrote the fucking state machine and the damn concurrent states.

I feel like a fucking hero!

My sole purpose of staying in this field is to make a robot that cooks and cleans for me.

Like, everything else sucks rn.

Dear Depression Diary;

Didn't do jackshit today either.
Daydreamed about prince charming, but apparently my prince charming has been dealing with lots of trauma. Eh. It takes two to tango.

The "motivation letter" for uni has not been written yet, and I have serious doubts about writing it.

Current lappy got about 4GB RAM and not enough cores. I can't even run krita without it slowing down more the more I work on a file.
It would be frustrating if only I wasn't so depressed.
So yeah, due to being broke and lack of nerves, I'm gonna completely stop working on the comic for now.

I get surprised everytime my mom sends me something on discord. 😐

Idk why, I cannot fathom that my online presence is so violated by someone who used to nag at me to do my homework.

We need to start banning parents from joining certain networks. Just saying!

Biggest dev career dream? 🤔

World domination. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hey you asked for dreams and never said anything about them being realistic! 🤪

I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP!

and it now has a functioning linux 😁

I fucked it up once tho. I removed the entire network manager by uninstalling bluez. How the fuck, I don't know.

If things get confirmed, I may have news.
Otherwise, I have disappointments.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And then suddenly NoMad was no more... 👀

What the duck? 🦆

First draft of motivation letter done.

... Now, I'm gonna go cry in a corner and eat cake. In no particular order.

Motivation 404. I'm as slow as a drunk turtle today.

So, I dare you to tell me something motivating!

So, I'm trying to process the feelings from not getting accepted for the PhD project I applied for a while back. And it's just unfair. They've recruited people with no publication and less GPA than me. I also doubt any of them would be field-wise more relevant than me tbh. (Wouldn't be surprised if they hired MBA grads) I have all the relevant qualifications that even people working on that project do not have. I could easily get this project going beyond what they are doing with it rn. It's unfair. But it's life. And life goes on.

Am I angry? Yes. Am I disappointed, also yes. They didn't give me any alternative offers either. So I am going to steal the project and finish it so they have to throw all the money they've invested in the toilet.

... If only I wasn't depressed and could bring myself to apply elsewhere again. 🙄

My supervisor's flaky attitude is annoying the shit out of me.
Mate, why would you agree to hire me for the project I wanted to do (and get me to move halfway across the planet) and then tell another colleague that I'm focusing too much on my project and they should give me their extra work?

Like, I get it but I don't get it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Java. AGAIN. 😡

so, I am trying to get a csv opened and read, and then search through it based on values. Easy peasy lemon squeezy in python, right?

Well, damned be java. You need a buffered reader to read the file. Then you have to "while(has next)" the whole damn thing, then you have to do something with the data that you read one by one, right? Well, not to be disappointed, they do have json libraries, but you **have to install** the plugins for it. Aka you have to manually add the libraries or use some backwards manager like maven.

Gotta admit, jdbc is neat if you're anal about your sql statements, but bring the same jazz to csv, and all the hell will break loose.

Now, if you just read your json data into multiple objects and throw them in an array... Kiss shorthand search's ass goodbye, because this mofo can't search through lists without licking the arse of every object. And now, you have to find another way because this way, you can't group shit you just read from csv. (or, I haven't found a way after 5 hours of dealing with the godforsaken shitshow that java libraries are.)

Like, I'm devastated. If this rant doesn't make much sense to you, blame some java library for it.
Shouldn't be too hard.

I slept on my phone.

Like, physically ON my phone.

Now I'm worried it might be broken in ways I haven't noticed yet... 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dunno if it's just ADHD or what, but I just had a whole bag of marshmallows and a mug of coffee and I'm falling asleep. 😴😴😴

Also, if somebody finds my motivation, chain it to something please. SOB keeps running away.

DXB (airport)'s WiFi doesn't let you call through whatsapp or telegram or even discord. It also does not let you send a whatsapp voice message, which has me very puzzled.

And all I wanted to do was to call my mom. ☹️
(I might also be running a slight fever, which makes me very emotional and sensitive)

Gotta be honest, getting around illustration software is actually hard. There are just too many items, and my view is small.

Head spinning... 😵

Mate; I've been reading for over a week to understand some concept.

All I have after all this time, is existential dread, lack of self-esteem and a fear of being too stupid to ever understand this concept. 😤

As someone into the cutting edge research in tech, it is my pleasure to inform you that I finally bought a pair of Bluetooth headphones. 😁

Yeah, nah, the irony ain't lost on me.

I fucking get a nomad wireless charger and THE NEXT DAY nomad releases a better one 😞

Not goals. More like dream...

... To get into that one uni that I actually want for phd.

I have gotten so spoiled playing with robots and neural networks, that I can't even imagine falling that badly from grace to go back to... web development. Like I'm not looking down on it, it's just that I found my passion and there is not enough jobs available out there for me without going through phd or high-end research.

... And I honestly don't have a backup plan. There are choices, but I don't like any of them. So here goes hoping they accept me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Special thanks to "-red" for making up for all the ++ I lost yesterday.

Who deleted their account, btw?

Dude, publish your damn dataset with your damn ML study!!!! I'm not even asking for your Godforsaken model!
😡😡🗡️🗡️⚔️🔫🔫🏹🔨

FUCK YEAH!

Found the audio settings again and now the demo runs. The stupid robot 🤖❤️ does what it's supposed to do! 😁

I may actually make it to this paper deadline! 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

While browsing friend finding apps I realized that I'm actually a lame person.

Wow. Thanks technology. Defo needed that leg up to the noose. 😒

When I told someone to read the docco+wiki and ask me if there were problems, for them to come back every five mins to tell me "so, how does this all work?"

I wrote the wiki and it was A-Z. There's nothing I knew about the product that wasn't in the wiki.

It took me so much self-control to not bash his head into my monitor.

If people and companies I email could stop ghosting me, that'd be greeeeeeeeeaaaaaat.

!dev

I need to rant about something that has been on my mind lately.

Someone, actually. Friend/romantic interest of mine, from a few years back.

NGL, I liked him. A lot more than I should have. The man had his own issues, but I refused to tolerate his poisonous behavior. Truth be told, didn't want to hate him, even though he was trying his best to get me there. And so, one day I ended up blocking him after a fight. A few months back, I tried to reconnect. Same behavior. But this time around he did say that he was done with me. So instead of sitting through the torture of his "reasons why you suck" presentation, I blocked him again.

Now, I hope he's doing well. Never wanted anything but happiness for him. And as much as I miss him, I think it's better for him to stay away from me too. I mean, if I trigger him that badly, maybe I shouldn't be around him anyways.

Nowadays, I'm staying away from someone else again. Similar scenario. Reason being that I was actually being mistreated, and again I refuse to be tortured to the point of hating the object of my affection.

I wonder if I get attracted to the torture. I'm okay with dying alone tbh, what I'm not okay with is falling for those who don't want my love and much rather kill it.

... Actually, at this point in life I don't even want to fall for anyone anymore. (That is not the same thing as dating someone I like tho. That, I would do) The darker side of me says those who I fall for are all the same type of disappointment, but the brighter side says that I am enough, complete as is, and not everyone needs someone else. idk maybe I'm being a tad narcissistic, or hyper-independant, or flakey and afraid of attachment. But that first friend occasionally pops up in my thoughts, and reminds me that not everyone appreciates when you don't let someone make you hate them.

Oh well. *sigh*

it's one of those days I wish I could put a muzzle on everybody...

Anyone from Netherlands or nearby building something awesome where i can help?

I will be digital nomad for the months of September and October in Netherlands and wish to join anyone there and would love to contribute my web development skills 😊

Am I the only one whose brain fully stops when going through an emotional rollercoaster? And then the same brain tries to find escape and fucks up magnificently by causing unnecessary drama?

Ever noticed whenever you actually need a friend, none of them can be reached?

Technology has failed me. Where is my robot companion?

Bought flowers and right now they're right next to the laptop. The laptop is looking so pretty!

My desk is also looking scenic and shit, that if flowers were cheaper I'd make a flower crown for every robot I work with. Lol.

If my boss says "Don't think in the solution space; think in the problem space" one more time, I'm gonna start crying in pain and banging my head against a robot. 🙄😂😂

Shout out to the guy who called some job ads "Santa's Wishlist".

1. I'm sick with a cold. I'm dying.

2. You know, it feels like some objects' destiny is bound to mine. Like this woolen shawl that over 15 years ago I used to use to keep my head warm in the heavy snow, then forgot it existed and now it resurfaced as I was talking to mom about my head being cold while having the cold.

3. If things go well, this shawl will come with me on my next trip. That is, if this cold doesn't make a stop in afterlife.
**achoo**

When I worked in a non-dev env, the best part was that I was done with work after working hours. I didn't stress out or even think about the issues. It was something for tomorrow or someone else to worry about. And so, I was not mentally exhausted and stressed out all the damn time.

So, I shall try to bring that mentality to my dev life too. With this new position I'm starting soon, I really want to do well for at least a few years. And that would need me to chill the fuck out. Particularly after work.

Woohoo! Upgraded again and nothing went up in flames!

Such a stressful night.

Laptop's battery seems to have died.

Why? Whyyyyyyyyy? Why? 😭😭😭😭

Why me? Why now? Why these stuff always happen at the worst times?

I'm afraid if I post any more rants about how much I'm hating this job search, someone might actually start planning for my murder.

Seeing as it's been an eternity since anyone has done this....

Happy 10k day @NoMad

Filled a form where I had to put my name down as "Executive researcher" (just means that I'll be carrying the study) and now me feels disoriented and very confused. 😕

Heh.

But me is important. Me is executive something! Pehehehe.

Here comes the story how I became a DevRanter.
When I was young, I built an expensive gamer-machnine, so I had to crack games. I Got used to computers, so I startet an apprenticeship in IT. I finished with good grades. I left everything and everyone behind and moved in a city, found a parttime job as a PHP developer and started studying CS. After 5 years doing work as developer, studying CS, creeping around as soldier, I finally finished and graduated. After a few months working fulltime (same job), as my life began to settle down and I got bored.
A flatmate (also CS) laughed his ass off about something, then he introduced me to DevRant. It became part of my life to read DevRant, to overcome boredom. But there are not enough new Rants.. I'm f'cked. OK, I resigned my Job, and my flat and signed up for the BS in natural scinces at university in an even bigger city. I will again leave everything behind to begin a new life. Now I'm planing to freelance to pay the bills and challenge me again. Wish me luck :)

So I am beginning this new life with writing this story, how i became a dev. I klick Post, and bang! "please verify your email before ranting.. blah" I got no mail, no span, nothing. Resend.. wait.. nothing. I WAS BORED AGAIN!! FUCK YOU MAIL-SERVER, WHY CAN'T YOU SEND AN EMAIL WITHIN SECONDS OR MINUTES, WE ARE IN 21ST CENTURY AND THE INTERNET CONSISTS MAINLY OF OPTIC FIBER CABLES!!
And this is, dear DevRant community, how i become a Ranter, just then when I wanted to Post my first story.

Last night by accident I put my phone on coconut paste. (don't ask.)

Although it doesn't show signs of damage, and hopefully it hasn't been damaged, my heart is still not at rest. I had enough panic for one year.

But why does this keep happening to me with tech stuff accidents? Whyyyyyyy?

I swear, 90% of the times I edit a message after posting, I'm turning "your" to "you're" and the other way around.

Occasionally have to edit typos that autocorrect has adapted to for some reason.

Linkedin/Jura/Monster/[other job finding websites] should add a feature:
A button that reads "lying mofo or dumbass" on each job ad.

For those employers and recruiters who don't understand that neither a senior role nor any role that requires a PhD is classified as an "entry level".

Unfortunately there are so many such dumbfucks I can't blacklist all of them from my job search. 🤬

"make" is taking a good hour.

I want to go home. 😐

*raises head to glance at terminal again*
... I think it felt me. It just finished. Lol.

Is it bad that I'm excited about going back to work from tomorrow?
Like, I haven't even done jackshit throughout the break, and so it won't be easy jumping back in with both feet.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In today's episode, I did all programming tasks before 10 AM roles around while sitting on the toilet. The rest of the day, I shall just sit in my bed and try to edit this stupid video.

I should also look for more jobs, but hell, I studied so much to do what I like but there's literally no market for it... I kinda feel the liberal arts students now. Lol.

Legit have to control myself not responding to subtle sarcasm or passive aggressiveness in people's rant or comments with utter salt and shade. 😒😒😒

Note to self: Live and let die.

If my stomach start rumbling in the middle of the next zoom meeting, I'm prepared to commit Seppuku on zoom.

Can't take being more embarrassed. 😒

/jk

I'm too broke rn, so can all my tech devices not act up and cooperate until I have some disposable income again?
I'd appreciate that lots.
Cheers.

ROS is on top of that list. It's a disappointment that has turned into an industry standard.

If ROS can make it, you can make it too!

I'm so anxious about exam results. This could be my last real semester if only I don't fail.

I'll be old and grey before MongoDB finishes installation. 👩🏻‍💻↘️🤶🏼

Welp. My mental health is down the drain.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it, but I am well aware of the situation. I can't even bring myself to sleep on a proper time frame, and depression is crawling back like an abusive ex.

There. Complete failure. Where do I sign out for this life?

Footnote:This is not fishing for attention, more like ranting in the void. (or trying to) Apologies to the one who I should've probably talked to about this, but never did.

!dev

Out of shower, I sit on bed staring at my phone cuz I don't know who to talk to. This is the shittiest stage of the lockdown. When you've bore your close friends, exhausted your "I'm gonna find new friends online" options, and now you're -I am- circling back to remind yourself of all the people who put you aside. Just making yourself sadder remembering how each one of them shared a lot of their life and feelings with you and then how easily they went like "Nope. Don't want to deal with you". Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that's everyone. Every friendship has a proper "distance" but I just don't know why some people are like asteroids. Or rather, their interests are. They come quick and crash your mental barriers and tell you everything there is to know about them but then something shinier catches their attention or they realize they actually won't be able to have you -me- as a sidepiece and then they just... Fuck off.
And I don't know, maybe they think I'll remember them as the one that got away, but sadly, they just become "another one" in a list that I can't remember past the last 5-6 of.

Anyways, I miss the days when I could sit next to a friend, or hug a friend, or just looking into someone's eyes from less than safe distant and seeing how the details of their face change as they speak, and how their emotions flow.

I'm tired of all the zoom and vc and...

I'm just tired. 😢

UE4 to UE5 migration is not going smoothly. Particularly, UE5 likes to break physics. So now I have to deal with jittery objects that sometimes shoot themselves across the room.

... The reasonable explanation is that the env is haunted. 👀👻

When AWS logs won’t check themselves

I want to rant about my supervisor but I'm emotionally too exhausted to even put sentences together.

Keras was throwing errors...

Since I thought it was a tensorflow issue, I went up and down and all the way around. Installing all tensorflow shit like a bijillion times.

... But it wasn't. It was the fucking ipykernel...
It took me a good 5-6 hours.

I pulled a 12 hours day today.

... Somebody hug me plz 😢

🤯
I am beyond burnt out. I still need to finish some stuff over the freaking holidays. Sucks to be me, literally, figuratively, and really.

*Sobs in TTS robotic voice*

So,

A) I suck at digital drawing.
B) They have not invited me to the third interview like they said they would in the second interview.
C) I am still working on the PhD application. Still think the CV is bad, the SOP sucks, and back and forth emailing professors about recommendation letters. I am not built for this, but who is. So out of comfort zone. So unrelated to actual research or brain capabilities.
D) Moving in with parents is all fun and games and "I can do this", until you get stuck inside with them for over a month because of lockdowns.

... I hope next year is going to be better...

Note to self:

DO NOT listen to Albinoni's Adagio or you ain't gonna get shit done. 🤦

Meine erste post in Deutsche als die sprache fur die automatische testen. Ich spreche deutsch nicht gut, daher entschuldigen Sie mich bitte beim allen Deutschen menschen.

I want to learn something new and programing related. But got no idea what. Make suggestions, if you wish.

Just sayin, most people can't tell the difference between unconventional and insane.

Dude. Tensorflow version changes are so fucking bad. It's even worse with keras because they create an echo chamber for shit. I'm trynna reset a fuckin model here, yet everything throws 99 more errors to the pile. Like, wtf?

***** For stackoverflow enthusiasts: found a solution, don't need your groundbreaking shit either.

I.Need.2.More.Fucking.Percent.Accuracy.You.Piece.Of.Shit

Half my Instagram likes are just me scrolling down and randomly stopping so it accidentally counts as a like.

Good luck trying to find what I've liked tho! Instagram protects that shit more than the nuclear codes.

Who the fuck developed this shit?

!dev #SocialIsolationIsBad #I'm_waiting_for_this_script_to_finish

I'm the one who intentionally creeps out everyone who like her, and then sits on the toilet shedding internal tears of self-pity that "nobody likes me" and then does the comfort talk of "I'm a strong independent moldy potato and need nobody".

Anyways, came full circle now can somebody hand me more toilet papers, please? 🚽

Trying to write my intro for my page on uni's website.
It's making me frustrated cuz I'm starting to think of all the things I haven't done but I should've. 🙄 Compared to the rest, I've been very slow. 🐢

☹️🐢 is me now.

Got into a fight with a teammate last week (acting PM, she was) over how she basically failed to do her job.
Got blamed for talking about it by project owner. (basically, they wanted to make themselves feel good by passing down the blame down the blame chain... But I rebelled)

... Don't want to walk into the same meeting tomorrow. 😢😔😞

If 3D design software could agree on the same fucking format being used the same fucking way, that'd be greaaaaaaaattttt!

*Drinks a jug of coffee*
*Falls right back into a coma-like sleep*

Fuck my sleep schedule.
Lucky to not have a meeting today.

Guys, check your tags before posting on weekly rants. There are a few of you still posting under previous week's tag. The question and the answer don't match. 😛

Also, I think I just scared someone off because I mentioned the wrong tag. 😬

Rewrote half of a fucking paper. Also, some moron has been mis-editing my last work on this. They managed to write barely-english sentences in the middle of a well-thought-out section and break it completely. I'm glad last time I wrote these stuff I winged it, but if anyone gives me shit about stuff I carefully wrote right now, or edit it into rubbish, I will literally burn this paper to ashes.

Actually let people in? IDK, as someone who's trying to finish her last academic step, I am mostly killing time instead of doing something useful.

Jesus fuckin Christ!!!!

This Iran situation is getting out of hand on the internet!! You have IRGC members publicly try to terrorize people through social media! I checked out some posts on insta, following their hashtags in their language, and then ended up in one weird account posting severed heads! Like, what the absolute fuck???

I know people who own social media platforms are not responsible, but fuck I am terrorized to my bones right now! How does the algo not stop this shit?

Duolingo used to be better. New updates and restrictions are shit. Specially the whole "take a heart away for a mistake, five mistakes and you can't use the app for hours". Like, I get it, you couldn't manage the traffic. But this is ridiculous. Also, where did the lesson overviews go?

Webtoon's app finally brought out a dark theme, but unfortunately it's too dark.
Like, it's the wrong shades and hurts eyes. 😕

Progress:

Drew all day. Threw out all of them.

😐

Wasted all morning trying to work on my defense. Brain is not responding. Then sat for some data exploration cuz I got tired of wasting time and brain is like "woah! I love this! Let's do this!". 😐

My defense is gonna be a shitshow. FML. ☠️

Can we get a translator bot? I can't copy paste the text in app, so every time I want to translate some rant, I have to copy rant link, open it elsewhere, copy the text, and then go translate it.

Like, bots must do it easier and faster, right?

Urghhhhh why does it feel like Monday? Where's my coffee? Where's my computer? What time is my meeting? Urghhhhh

Semantic bug:

Updooting someone's rants until you scroll down and realize they're the same person who said a moronic thing you have already downdooted in the past.
Then contemplating if you should take all the updoots back. 😐

I can't motivate myself to read or understand all these papers and tutorials... I wish I had a backup brain somewhere. 🙄

1.
Accuracy 0.90 achieved so easily, makes me wonder if I've done something wrong. Lol.

2.
My neural net models are the only things in my life doing well. I think I chose the right career. Lol.

3.
Rerunning experiments is not fun. But getting better results is really... Ego stroking.

Me: figuring out APT-69420 (hacker group) representative is a girl.

Also me: Woohoo! You go girl!

Also me: ... Wait, am I being sexist?

😐 idek anymore...

Anyways, them camera footages they released tho...

Am annoyed. Not mad, just very disappointed. So the guy I emailed yesterday about doctoral research positions hasn't responded yet, and this is causing me somewhat of rejection anxiety, specially considering recent events.
Honest to god, if this one fails I'm abandoning academia and research and making cool stuff. Fuck society. I could make so many useful life saving stuff, but they didn't let me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, I'm enjoying my current minimum wage occupation. It's stressless and repetitive and I pay fuckall for tax. I didn't want to go antisocial, but I was driven here. So there. This is why y'all can't have nice things. 🎤💧

School's intro to computers, when I was 12, was the formal beginning. But I think the real start was before then; learning how to give people an order/direction they can't possibly fuck up.

!dev (or maybe dev. Idk)

I have over-read, over-thought, over-drank and over-bought.

Uni shut down.
Lol.
So, what's my plan for this unplanned in-house vacation, you ask? Idk. Probably just staying in bed. Maybe bother with finishing all the damn annoying books I've left unread. Yay.

Also, FYI, about 99 years before covid19 broke out, the Spanish flu wiped out millions. We'll be fine. Lol.

And today, Ubuntu decided to commit harakiri after a self-suggested update.

Shit has been hitting the fan since, like, Thursday. Left and right, bad news and issues. I feel like I'm reaching my limits tbh.

For this new project I'm looking into a neural network the same way neuroscientists look into brain and ngl, it's so fucking cool.

Model without conv2:
"I'm gonna be poor and miserable and barely give you .96 acc after much training."

Model with conv2:
"Ahoi! Look at me score .95 in the first epoch!"

😤

After finishing the last presentation for this degree, first thing I'm doing is getting rid of my mustache. 😐 👸

Reading a paper on DBMS architectures, and I quote:

"In the seventies, the scientific discussion
in the database (DB) area was dominated
by heavy arguments concerning the most
suitable data model, sometimes called a
religious war."

... and here I thought language argument was a religious war. :/

Noname Russian $17 wireless charger somehow makes less high pitched coil noise than my fancy nomad charger.

Yes it’s ugly. Yes the led is blasting and yes I painted over the led with a black nail polish.

I disassembled the nomad charger and located the coils that were making noise. I’m going to either fill them with epoxy (a common technique used by gpu enthusiasts to get rid of coil noise) or replace them completely.

TL;DR:
nomad — bouba
noname russian charger — kiki

Any fun discord servers y'all know of? I need new friends... 😬

Motivation : 0/0 available.

... Can this thing write itself, please? ceebs.

Here's a weekly topic suggestion: professionally, whose respect do you want to have?

I feel like a sailor waiting for an upcoming voyage. Restless, yet hopeful, yet a bit anxious about what will happen.

Also, am unemployed now. Lol. Feels awesome... Except for the financial part. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, am making way too many philosophical decisions as I stand at the edge of an important phase of my life. And rediscovering a part of my personality I forgot existed.

Anyways, hopefully future brings more robots, more AI, more fantastic things to build, and more money and success.

I've got a Rubik's cube on Friday.

On Sunday evening, I solved a cube for the first time ever.
For the last two days, I've been solving them a lot. Seems it helps a bit with anxiety. Overall, my brain functionality, I'd argue, has improved.

It's funny how little obsessive things make one survive.

On the other hand, I don't think I'll stay obsessed with it for long. Pity that this nice little while of less anxiety is so short.

I turn into a 2 yrs old whenever I'm editing a 3D model.
From the perspective that I want to throw everything in sight and my response to everything is "No!". 🙄

Things I didn't say to this project advisor, which I wish I could have:
1. Tales of your incompetence do not interest me.
2. You cannot just say something is bad and have absolutely zero direction of how it could be improved. You cannot criticize and then in response to "how do you want it changed?" say "idk".
3. You're incompetent, and I have zero clue as to whose ass have you kissed to get to where you are.
4. I hope you suffer, more than you make people who work with you suffer.
5. Now I know why the other guy resigned.
6. I'm glad that this project is over by the end of this week. I'm just afraid that you may drag it out for longer, so my fears don't let me enjoy the idea of not seeing you ever again.

electrineer, why u copying me? 😝😝😝

It is really really really hard to do anything, including development or studying, when you're worrying about losing your teeth.

You can't imagine the anxiety.

None in the last few years. But my supervisor was a gem that I wished I could pack in a bag and take with me elsewhere.

However, I can recall an old job that had a lot of "weekly" meetings that I used to sleep at. If you have a weekly meeting without an agreed upon or relevant agenda, chances are it's a snooze fest.

Am going through documents and found an old review on a paper I wrote in semester 1. Now, I wouldn't say my paper was either good or bad. There was not enough guidance provided in the unit and I was unfamiliar to the scientific asshole community so I tried my best.

But in particular, fuck reviewer 2. He doesn't understand basics in English and he has the audacity to make judgement. Like, I am not "misspelling" you moronic asshole who doesn't even know the difference between American and English spelling.

He wrote three fucking pages. This moron wrote about half the length of my paper about why my paper is shit. I hope he chokes on shit.

He goes on to why every figure was useless or wrong; How no section is related to another; How everything is either not explained enough, or explained too much. The audacity is what he suffers from throughout the review.

In conclusion, and given the contrast between reviewer 1 and 2, I'd recommend reviewer 2 goes on to fuck himself. Moronic bastard.

It's a pity that I know this will happen again in future. God this makes me so angry. Gah.

Every general meeting with a CEO who has never tried the freaking product or prototype and has zero technical knowledge.

As well, just about two out of three meetings with a HR person.

I've had meetings with a CTO too where it legit could be a boring handbook or email used for inducing sleep at night.

Keras went tits up...

┻━┻︵ \(°□°)/ ︵ ┻━┻

I want a cozmo and a vector. 😛 (the robots, I mean)

I'm broke tho. Wishful thinking, this is.

Latex, can you for once be nice and not fuck up my images, please?

Can you stop pushing this image which you clearly have enough space for to the next page and leave the previous page completely empty??

Got a deadline coming up and not in the mood to work. Like, brain is not cooperating at all. ☹️

... Maybe I'm just too stupid for this.

The list is long... Very long.

*Anxiety is seen smirking in the background*

If Angela Merkel, Julia Gillard and Bernie Sanders were in charge of the internet, what would change?

Woke up, worked out, went back to bed. (?? Yeah I'm surprised too) Slept for an hour, woke up again, worked tirelessly and finished the slides. (Not as easy as you think. Had to drag out and undust a few jupyter notebooks again, plus realized that the stupid past me has deleted a bunch of notebooks because of lack of space, and I had to remake one again.)

Now I have to figure out why google slides doesn't like to play my videos, and write my script (don't give me the "don't practice too much" bullshit or "don't need a script". That's for losers. You gotta practice enough that you can cite your presentation even if you got a concussion in the middle of the presentation. Plus, you can modify content in the middle of presentation based on the crowd vibe but you can't do that without knowing your script by heart, can you?) Aaaaaand what was I saying... I forgot... Geez ... Well, wish me luck. This week is gonna be tough. And next week. And probably the week after. Ew.

Waiting for the floors I just mopped to dry, and I'm still thinking about migrating and if, for example, the swiss give me a good job offer, I would most likely stick around. I don't hate to stick around Europe, but it defo doesn't have any of the elements I like. (megacity, snows, English speaking, multicultural, non-torturous migration laws)

Like, I'm at that point where I'm not making enough money and want to leave (also, gaining the freedom to leave from degree soon enough) but I absolutely hate my home place (personal reasons) but they pay a crapton better, plus I can get social security benefits.

... And I want to do a phd. 😐
Someone beat some sense into me please.

This item on my TODO list reads "Finish the paper" but it's more like wishful thinking. I have very few pages available (cuz IEEE still can't afford to give you free pages all the while being fully electronic and each extra page costs like €1000000) and much more to explain. As well, am trying to fit words by removing other words...

Fuuuuuuuck youuuuu toooooo IEEE.

Another log in issue because of moving from country to country...

If only I had a dollar for everytime a system didn't let me in after I moved... I'd be financially comfortable.

!dev

This is a weird Christmas. Got sick recently, so won't be drinking. Covid, so won't be going out. Fam is halfway across planet, so won't be really spending time with them. Won't be having heavy food either.

Overall, this is an extended weekend for me.
🍵

Night time depression+anxiety combo is super fun!

Specially that part that tells you "check your emails" and then you find like 69 more reasons to worry.

I should just call it quits and become a middle manager. Or is it too late? 😬

I think, right now, it's bitting more than I can chew.

I get my hands on way too many projects because they're easy and then problems pile and I end up being behind schedule on everything.

That, and maybe sometimes subconsciously thinking I'm invincible. It's a direct psych response to those telling me I can't do shit, and then I do shit out of pure stubbornness, and then I have super-confidence for a short while. (Even if I don't show it)
I just don't think it's healthy.

Honestly, I think this one is yet to come for me.

I've had a few bad experiences, but the worst ones are the ones where I couldn't find the time or brain to get some work done properly and therefore did bare minimum, so I basically was driven to shame because my teammates did almost everything.

Second to that, are times where I had to go through drama because teammates were absolutely incompetent or power hungry or inflexible.

Otherwise, it's "live and let die".

Note: I use "teammate" in general sense, equaling "coworker", "colleague", "the guy who's supposed to give me details or access" and "those in on the project" in this rant.

I love it when people say "I wanna play around with tensorflow".

I was nearly about to punch someone today.

So, this guy is taking issues with my 3D model, yeah? But it's not the model he has issues with, it's that "why doesn't this include the stuff """I""" need?". Well, you giant man-baby could have actually visited the model like two months ago when I made it, but noooooooo let's leave it until a few days before his massive demonstration is due. Plus, the pieces I received from someone else also didn't have this info, so, like, where do you want me to get them from? Oh, from the "other" model that was literally delivered by a third party like two weeks ago? Nice. Hold onto your breath while I go rip that model apart piece by piece and put the info you need, in the format you need, in this model. 😒

... Jeeeeeez. And my computer broke down two days ago. 🤦

Could this get any worse? It could, but didn't. Luckily, someone else gave me a hand, so now I just need to go to work on a weekend just to install unreal engine again just so I can rip the second model apart for this one piece that he "really needs".

The worst part? I'm sure all of this tantrum is actually so he can justify why his work is ... well... "not working".

Let the finger pointing games begin!
(Actually not afraid of that at all. My boss knows better so yolo)

Idk, my brain is eeeeeeeeeek.