Boss: I need you to start on this new project, how long will it take?

Me: well, hard to say with no specs whatsoever...

Boss: just your best guess

Me: 4 to 6 month I guess?

Boss: so 3 months it is. When can you start?

Me: no specs, sir...and I said 4 to 6

Boss: the specs are almost ready, I know you can simplify it

Me: ...

Boss: just start with the basic infrastructure already

(4 months later)

Boss: here you are the specs, they might change a little in behaviour and design, but all the main stuff is here

(Hands me a A3 with a total of 21 pictures in InDesign)

Me: o....Kay. what happens when I click here?

Boss: oh, we should still talk about the app workflow, I'll get you updated

(2 weeks and 16 total rewrites of the "specs" later)

Boss: you told me it was a 2 months job, why aren't you finished yet? We must deploy in 3 weeks!

Me: ...

Taken from Reddit 😂😂😂😂

Nobody:

Senior frontend Dev at my company: "microservices best thing ever"

Also him: "Relational databases gonna die"

Also him (talking to the DB team): "You're gonna dissapear, Mongo is the future"

Me: "Eh... Dude, Mongo is still a database.."

Him: "Microservices"

Send help...

Dark theme is soothing 😋

Taken from Quora

Boot up/shut down(different os edition)

Windows:
......eh?....
......zzzz......z...eh?
......
.....
....hold up.....zzz
....eh? Oh right!....
......z.....ok ok I am here...what?
....z...zzzzzz

Mac OS:
........
.......
..eh?
...ok I am here wtf u want?

Linux (most distros)
....snores coke...what?I AM HERE LETS GO MOFOCKA

-----shut down
Windows:
Still eating glue...
....glue....glue....glue...
WINDOWS WILL UPDATE WHE...whst are you doing with that pillow shshuahahhaah..x___x

Mac OS
.....
..ok fuck u bye whatever

Linux (most distros)
Ok bye xoxoxo talk to you lateer
**dead**

*came in this morning to see this conversation in slack from the remote teams*

Dev: Hey guys, I'm trying to push to the develop branch, telling me its locked. Is there a new process?

Lead dev: Yes I locked it because the repo is now dead, the last release that went out is the last for this year and ever for this app. Were merging this app with another, starting from the last release's code. We'll all have to swap over to the new repo soon.

Dev: ... eh ok I didn't put anything in the last release branch as it wasn't urgent. Normally our process is anything in /develop goes out in the new year. I've been merging to /develop for the last few weeks ... is that code now gone?
*14 question mark emoji reactions*

Lead dev: Yes
*27 angry emoji reactions*

Engineering manager: WHAT? when was this decided? When was it communicated?

Lead dev: oh I assumed my product counterpart had been spreading the messages around, have they not?

Several teams: no, nope, first i'm hearing of it.

Lead dev: Ok, i'll ask them what happened. Be aware then that most of the stuff thats going into develop now, most likely won't be allowed in until March. They want to prioritise releasing this new merged app and don't want anything to impact it.

Dev: So wait, i'm working on stuff now. What do I do? Where do I base the branch? Where do I merge?

<no response>

*My team comes into the office*

Dev: eeehhh ... what does this mean for our past 4 weeks of work? and all the stuff needed to go out in January?

Me: not.a.fucking.clue

HR Project update meeting.
Duration: 1h
Content:
1) recap of previous meeting
2) overview of what we will discuss in next meeting.

When you spend too much time doing JS...

At the beginning of an interview...

HR girl: You know, that position you applied is already taken but I found some similar in our company.
Me: Uhm, ok?
HRG: What about this one? It's some programming... *pointing at some IT position regarding db maintenance* Do you want to try that?
Me: Sure, why not.

I was applying to student position at embedded firmware development at the time. I did some school project with MySQL but it was few years back and I happily forgot most about it.
Anyway, story continues.

IT manager: Hi, I heard you want to join our lines.
Me: That is what I heard as well.
IT: Eh?
Me: I came for completely different position actually.
IT: Uhm, ok. We have standardised test, let's see what you can do.

It was some basic stuff for db guys but I was totally lost. I was done after 3 minutes returning nearly blank paper.
We shaked hands, both agreed this is not well fit for me and I went away.

After this botched attempt HR girl remembered that there is another team looking for embedded developer students. I was accepted.

Corporates are marvelous.

Boss: if I could put together a counter offer, is that something you might be interested in?

Me: eh, no. I’ve accepted an offer for slightly less money than I’m on

Boss: oh ... oh ok. Right so there’s nothing I can do?

Me: afraid not. You can’t offer me a role not dealing with those people in the states, having to use their shitty custom tools or having to follow their bad practises all day.

Boss: ok ..... shit

*tries to convert a Windows drive into btrfs*
*copies the whole 1.4TB of data back from server*

Windows: Wait, you expect me to do more than browsing the Phasebuk and playing games? Over a million files?! No no no, can't do that.
*reboot after BSOD*
Ehm, a hard drive you say? A drive that I just fucked up? What are you talking about? I don't see any hard drive :/

Piece of shit.

Crappy Arch Linux laptop: ah, I see a new hard drive connected here. Limme mount it real quick for ya :3
Me: eh, not now. I want to format it first.
Linux: oh, cool! Your wish is my command <3
*formats hard drive to btrfs*
Me: alright, now please copy all that 1.4TB onto the drive and please don't overheat _/\_
Linux: Gotcha! On your commands sir!

See the difference? The mental communication level? Windows is like talking to an obnoxious grade schooler that just does whatever the fuck they want to. Linux on the other hand is so much more mature and capable. Guess which one I like the most.

Got laid off my by old employer back in 2019 because they have their priorities completely wrong.
Got a mail today whether I could fix something for them (ofc, they wanted me to do it essentially for free).
One of the websites I built for a customer back when I still worked there had a massive bug (that I was aware off and patched in later versions of the library causing it).
They never updated it so, I told them "just update the library".

Apparently, the idiot that was in charge of maintaining said site after I left didn't know how to and completely broke everything.
The hilarious part: While I setup everything using stuff like Docker and Git to make rollbacks easy...
That idiot went back to FTP and manually upgrading the databases through PhpMyAdmin :^)
He nuked the entire site.
Database? Gone.
Codebase? Borked (installed a version with a lot of breaking changes without properly reading the migration guide).
And knowing that shit company, they don't have any backups either.

They said "I wasn't needed because we have other good devs" when they laid me off.
Uhu, I can eh... see those good devs doing their job :^)

When your pc assigns you a Side Quest—I shall not fail you.

Gahaa!!! Finally back home, after 7 fucking hours of sitting in busses and trains!

BUT I GOT MY NEXUS 6P!! Yoo-hoo!!! :D

And I've got a nice story about it.

So when I bought it, the guy selling it to me was a nontechnical type (I think?) whose wife was the previous owner. So I thought to myself, cool a nontechnical user used it.. probably no hardware mods or anything to worry about. Apparently they even factory reset it for me :)

Now, when I left to go back home, I of course immediately booted up the thing and did the whole doodad of logging into it, setting up the device etc.

Then it struck me. When I booted up the device and wanted to log in, there was a lock from Google that required me to first authenticate as either a previous account of the device, or their unlock pattern. So I figured, eh fuck it, I'll just flash some AOSP without GApps or send the owner an email asking what the previous pattern is.

But I still had to wait 30 minutes at the bus stop so I thought to myself.. previous owner was a nontechnical woman.. maybe I could crack it. No way to know if I don't try. So I started putting in random unlock patterns.

3 attempts later - I shit you not! - pattern accepted.
Do you want to add this account?

Oh boy Google, of course I do! Thanks for letting me in pal!

3 fucking attempts. That's all it took to crack the unlock pattern of an unknown person. 😎

Unnecessary optimizations everywhere

Had this yesterday on my way back home from the meeting. Bumped into an old study friend who was never fond of Linux even for servers.

"so what do you use at your company?"
"oh uhm yeah uhm right.... Ehh yes ehhhh so uhm like we use like uhm Linux for the servers"
"ah, and? Works well?"
"uhm well uhm yeah ehh yeah works uhm pretty..... Pretty ehhhhhh good 😅. It appears to eh work.... Like uhm very good for servers after all..."

Hearing that coming out of his mouth....

Damn!

Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.

--- 3 months previous ---

Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.

CEO: documentation? on what?

Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.

CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.

lead dev: ..... eh ok

O2: *approved*

... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.

Today I was 25 years old, asking for a raise or a opportunity to reach the next level of my career.

My department manager simply said:
"I'm sorry, but in terms of salary you have already reached the end of your career."

Bye then :)

Interviewer: "Hi, we are searching for a junior frontend dev with 1 year of experience and strong skills with Angular".
Me: "I have never used Angular before but I have 4 years of experience, It's not a problem for me to study it and use it quickly".
Interviewer: "Eh no, we are searching for someone with very strong Angular skills".
Me: "That's fine, but sorry how can a junior dev with just 1 year of experience have already strong skills with Angular? He must have also strong skills with JavaScript in general and It's quite impossible".
Interviewer: "Ehh... ehm.... ehmm..."

Boss: hey mech eng, we need a setup modification

Mech: no prob, boss, we can have it prototyped in 3 weeks, industrialized in 2 months

Boss: oh, right then, go on

---

Boss: hey, Soft Eng, we need a functional modification

Soft Eng: no prob boss, we can develop it in 4 hours, tested and documented in 2 hours and integrated and shipped to the client by tomorrow morning

Boss: what??? One day?? You just need to edit a couple of lines of code! I want it ready in ten minutes top!

Remote manager: Hey, that contractor you are working with that sits with me. We are thinking of sending him over to you guys, get him a visa, pay relocation and all that stuff and have him sit with you guys as a full time employee. What do you think?

Me: .... eh ... look I have to be honest, that guy is awful. He doesn't listen to me, constantly working on other things, and the architecture he forced onto the rest of the team is some of the worst i've ever seen.

RM: hhhmmmm, ok but what if we have him report to you, can you whip him into shape?

Me: Honestly I think theres too much effort involved. We are very short staffed. I'd prefer to hire someone else here who has more experience. Its a firm no from us on this guy.

RM: Ok, understood, thanks.

*2 weeks later*

Contractor: Hey guys, was chatting to my manager last week and he said the company is finally looking to convert me to a full time employee, and best of all he wants to move me over to sit with you guys. Isn't that great?

..... not really no

"yes, sir, we block ftp and ssh connections from outside the benelux (shortcut for: belgium/netherlands/luxembourg, didn't say this part but it's a very widely known term here)"

"if you allow connections from INSIDE the benelux, why can't I connect from Germany, eh?!?!"

💀😶

JS memes are the best

My second job. I've been hired as a research specialist, not a developer, but they found out I could code during the interview.

Boss: hey, so we have our main product line that shares the control panel for all the models, right?
Me: unh, yeah
B: well, we need to know how it works.
M: sorry?
B: yeah, I mean, we should have a manual with all the tech documentation so we know how everything works
M: ...and didn't you handle the tech docs to the developers?
B: uh...no, actually we requests feature to the devs (note: external company) with a phone call, or email...now we need the specs.
Me: omg

...

The other company (which is part of the same group) handles me the source code.
It is a huge, 25k lines of spaghetti written by at least 7 people, one at a time, uncommented.
After a month I produce a 50page doc with how everything works, after actually compiling my resignation letter 3 times.

M: boss, here the docs
B: fine, I'll take a look
15 mins later
B: this is not what we need! You cannot describe those algorithm like this!
( I described the algorithms with their block flow, with a punctual verbal description)
M: umh.. So how do you need it?
B: we need an excel table, with all the entering conditions on the rows and all the exit conditions in columns, and the description of the condition of work in the crossing cells!
M: are you even serious?

Happy Christmas.

So I was at work and send to another location (distribution centers) and in the lunch break my guider for that day and I started a conversation about servers etc (he appeared to do loads of stuff with that). He recommended me all those programs but I didn't recognize anything so I asked him what kinda servers he ran. He runs a lot of Windows servers. No problem for me but I told him that I am into Linux servers myself.

Guy: "Linux guy, eh? That system is considered to be so secure but in reality it's insecure as fuck!".

Me: (If he would come up with real/good arguments I am not going to argue against that by the way!) Uhm howso/why would you think that?
Guy: "Well all those script kiddies being able to execute code on your system doesn't seem that secure.".

*me thinking: okay hold on, let's ask for an explanation as that doesn't make any fucking sense 😐*

Me: "Uhm how do you mean, could you elaborate on that?"

Guy: "Well since it's open source it allows anyone to run any shit on your system that they'd like. That's why windows rocks, it doesn't let outsiders execute bad code on it.".

Seriously I am wondering where the hell he heard that. My face at that moment (internally, I didn't want to start a heated discussion): 😐 😲.

Yeah that was one weird conversation and look on open source operating systems...

8:50am aight alarm clock, give me 5 more minutes

8:55am ok lets round it to 9, wake me up then

9:00am aight enough. lets just sleep for 1 more minute since 9:00 is too round

9:43am fuck

9:44am ok its time to finally study for the upcoming college exam

9:45am nothing but a fresh day to start studying for college

9:46am eh i dont have a lot to study so I'll do it in 2pm, I'll code my project instead

2pm hold on 5 more minutes until i finish coding this feature and then I'll study

5pm where the fuck is this bug coming from

5:504pm goddamn i found it

6:36pm holy shit its already over 6pm, I'll study at night

7:42pm ok its night now, time to study but I'll do it when i fix all bugs

8:14pm ok bugs fixed, commit. lets study

8:15pm you know what, im way too tired and exhausted from this coding, I'll take a short 30 minute break and then I'll study

10:15pm ok im feeling fresh bois lets study now theres not too much

1:31am damn this movie was good

1:32am fuck i forgot to study, I'll do it tomorrow

2:10am *posts this rant*

One month ago. By email.

Boss: so, this client A has a problem with one of our devices and he believes that it's a bug in the software.

Me: all right then, what happens?

Boss: well, he says that the parameter P in the option menu does not changes the device's behaviour as it is supposed to. I'll forward you his mail. You will find attached an excell file with the results of his test performed with and without the parameter active.

Me: < read mail, read excell file > well, boss, his tests are performed in completely different conditions, how could he expect to infer a meaningful results from this?

Boss: damn, you are right. Send him a test plan and follow up.

Me: < send detailed test plan >

No answer in a week. Then...

Client: hi, there, I made this tests, I attached the excell with the results, can you check the software now?

Me: < read another bullshit filled excell file with none of the suggested test performed >
You know what? Just download the procedures you are using from the device and send them by mail, specifying the software version you are using so we can perform some tests here in the lab and get yo a solution asap.

No response. For a MONTH.

Super Boss: client A still has his problem, how could possibly be that it takes more than A FUCKING MONTH to solve his issue??

Me:...

"Microsoft should not need to buy github, the platform itself should be ran by a non profit org like wikipedia or linux."

Add a herp a derp at the end. It will probably make it sound less stupid or hypocritical.

Seriously though, how many of you mecos actually pay for shit? Eh? How many of you donate to your fav Linux distros or web platforms?

Lets say that the entire devrant base did :) pretty sweet eh? There are still 28 million developers on fucking github.....now how many of those contribute to help account for server costs etc? How many actually use private paid repos etc?

And without adds and shit? This ain't Facebook!!

It makes sense. I am glad they did... and fuck you I would too.

I will see what happens before I put on my (disgusting) Richard Stallman Hat.

Today is finally the day of my hackathon, have been working with my team for about a month on a personal assistant already. I think we may stand a chance to get in the finals this year, unlike last year, when we started working only on the day of the hackathon.

girl: Why is your laptop heavier than mine?
me: I have more files than yours
girl: oh! it's true, you and movies eh.
me: laughing inside... hehehe

A friendly reminder that Deutsche Bahn fucking sucks.

Their trains show up 10 minutes later than they would have to everyday.

Once I saw that there was a train that was 120+ minutes late.

Today I had to wait almost 20 minutes at a SINGLE train station. Thus I couldn't enter the next train.

To my luck the next train arrives in an hour.

EDIT:

As a student it makes my life way harder than it already is.

It is not reliable at all.

They charge you with 60€ if you forget your ticket btw.

I don't forget my ticket though. My ticket is my campus card.

Their tickets are fucking overpriced and they are always damn late. I ain't paying for that shit. I would rather ride with a horse to the university than paying for a ticket.

Second EDIT as an update:

They just announced that my next train is going to come 10 minutes later. What a bloody surprise, eh?

My team's program for the Coding Contest.
Seriously.
Need I say anything other than

List<KeyValuePair<int, KeyValuePair<int, ...>>>

and

var v = list.Key.Key.Key.Value
var w = list.Key.Key.Value

?

But eh, it worked for the contest, that code is never to be seen again haha

Eh ehe hehe he eh ehehe

On top of burnout, codebase issues, spec issues, burnout, the product butt that keeps on crapping, burnout, burnout, loathing for my employer... My local Apple SSL cert expired. I can’t finish this and push it anywhere for testing. I can’t even run my own specs anymore. And I don’t have permissions to make a new one. I can’t do anything at all.

Ehe he hehe

Deadline is in two days, and I’m just sitting here laughing quietly to myself. I might finally be going crazy

I found a loose bit of tangle, started to pull, and the world decided it was time to fall apart. Reality said it’s time to go. And I wasn’t even a good screwdriver dev. Byeee ~

Execs: “We know the business, we should do this”.

IT: Eh, data shows the opposite though...

Execs: We don’t need data, we just know.

IT: Dafaq!?

Eh... I guess @No-One, @Someone and @Everyone are close enough... Now we just need @Anybody

{Context: English is not my native language}

The first time my code get a review ( by my boss that time)

Boss: Your code is full of butts 🍑

Me: Eh, What?

Boss: *showing his screen* see that? variables names: validateButt, contactButt, seeMoreButt..

Me: *interrupting him* oh, I mean button.

Boss: I know, just being sarcastic, but it'll be better to get another suffix.

Me: 😐

One of my top 10 worst meetings, was for an interview for a job I really wanted. The guy started off the technical interview by asking me about language features that had been replaced since before I started learning the language. Told him when I started learning and his reply was:

"Yeah I see that on your CV, but come on, you MUST know this stuff".

eh no asshole, because its been removed for 4 years, you MUST know its not relevant

*Me feeling productive on a day
Today I am going to start working on the complex part of my proect. Spends 1 hour deciding what all technologies to use , how to implement it, which design patterns to use .

Let's do it

*15 min later
Making some tiny css corrections

*3 hrs later
Making some tiny css corrections

*An eternity later
REALISED DIDN'T SET THE SIZE OF THE PARENT CONTAINER TO 100%

So much for thinking about being productive for today :(((

Canadian C:

#include<stdio.h>
#define eh ;
main() {
printf("Hello World") eh
}

C: hey mate, what's the best tool to open up this 31.1M rows x 106 cols CSV file?

M: Umh...Pandas DataFrame or R DataTable I guess?

C: all right, Excell will do, thanks!

M: erhm...yeah, anytime?

Ctrl+Q instead of Ctrl+W in Firefox. Yup happens every time.

I eh... was once munching on nutela straight from the jar while on a call only realised arpund 10 mins into the call that my camera was on and everyone could could see me eating straight from the jar (without a spoon)

They have no idea.

*sees a hint suggestion in Netbeans*
*Alt + Enter*
"Hmm, makes sense. "
*Chooses suggestion but error line still pertains*
"Eh...."
*Alt + Enter confusingly*
*sees a suggestion that changes everything back to original*
TFW IDE plays with you more than your girlfriend :(

Boss: We need health data for this iOS app.

Me: Cool, so we'll use apples HealthKit.

Boss: No that requires the user agrees to it.

Me: ... well yeah ... its private data.

Boss: No we need it to work regardless. If the user says no to HealthKit, just give them textfields for all the metrics HealthKit has and they can enter manually.

Me: .... but ... eh ....

Boss: and we'll partner with some companies and support their devices.

Me: ... see, the thing is ...

Boss: We also need to store it locally and then sync it to the cloud app. What do you think?

Me: ... ... ... no

Have you ever felt that you're being overrated by your employer ?

For our front end projects we use Cloud9 IDE

Now the business have around 100k+ files.

So Cloud9 is becoming slower and slower with every new project created.

So I was tasked to build a code editor where a new instance of that code editor will be created per project ( so, the new editor doesn't need to handle a huge file tree), so I "git clone" ACE editor and add to it GoldenLayout.js , FancyTree.js and some other plugins.

Now they think I'm a genius, and I'm like ... Eh? Should I tell them.. ? Will it backfire later ?

I kinda like the feeling.

What's the best thing to do in this case?

I got a crap raise — lowest I’ve ever gotten anywhere, and well below inflation — despite busting my butt, having somewhat better health and therefore productivity, etc.

I complained to my boss about it, and said it was insulting. He said that direct managers have zero say in raises, and instead it’s entirely up to execs and HR. Makes sense, since nothing makes sense at this company.

Anyway, he apparently talked to his boss, who talked with his boss, who talked with the execs and HR, and they decided to give me a raise on my raise, a whole $1k/year more, all the way back up to the usual insultingly-low 3%. Yay.

Their reasoning?
“Money is tight.”

The last all-hands?
“Record profits! Record sales! Record numbers across the board! And most of all: record profits! Give yourselves a round of applause for making this all possible!”

Money is tight, eh?
I hope they get smushed by a meteor, given a snuggle-struggle by a roving Somali gang, or kept warm for the rest of their lives by another Hawaiian/Californian wildfire.

Debug time, Eh?

LONELINESS IS REAL
I am a freshman in a university ( about to complete my first year ) with a girl to boy ratio of around 1:10. During my first semester I was spending a lot of time with friends, chatting up with people and making connections. Due to this my productivity as a dev, if I am even capable of being called that decreased ( I was not a developer before joining , but I had an aim of being one , esp at least the best in my batch ) after 1st year. In retrospect I did nothing productive till 3 months out of 4 in my first sem and the guilt hit me hard . During the last month I had to catch up with my much neglected studies and all I had done was a little bit of html and css, and barely scratched the surface of js( please don't judge me for this :) , I had to start somewhere < although I learned a little bit of C++ > ). BUT I WAS A HAPPY CUNT, and had no sign of lonelines. Now during this sem , I had made progress ( learn js with es6 syntax and still learning, did c++ and extended my knowledge ) . Currently I am working on my Vue full stack app ( along with express and some websocket library , TBD ) < yeh I learnt some backend too > , and increasing my knowledge of dsa using clrs. Although my productivity has increased manifolds but I know feel the need of closure. I am kinda happy with the fact that I know a lot of people around here ( thanks to my extroverted 1st semester ) but sometimes it hits me hard at night when I don't have a monitor to drown my eyes and thoughts in. I have increased my academic performance too but I need someone to share and express my feelings with. I could have made a girlfriend earlier but now most of them are taken and I have lost touch. But believe me, all I want is a companion to spend these lonely days and night ( not talking about as a friend ). Staying away from home isnt easy you know...m :(

KUDOS TO DEVRANT FOR DEVELOPING A COMMUNITY WHERE PEOPLE LIKE ME CAN FEEL SAFE IN OUR NATURAL HABITAT. I COULDN'T HAVE EXPRESSED MY FEELINGS ANYWHERE ELSE EXCEPT IN A PERSONAL BLOG ( where no one would have read it )

PS1: I apologise if I sounded arrogant about any of my skill, I didn't mean that way. I ain't even that good, just kinda proud of myself a little for achieving something I couldn't have thought.

PS2: Any type of suggestions and help is much appreciated ( considering I am a college student who went into some serious development 4 months ago , I am pretty impressionable ;) )

PS3: Please don't confuse this with depression. I am HAPPY BUT LONELY

PS4: Is there a way so that I can change my username?

I did a job interview recently for a company and the test was something like this.

In ruby, write a web server that will serve a specific line number from a text file.

I thought up a simple solution and a more advanced solution, but I opted to go with the simple solution and submit my work quickly. I made a nice web server with tests and everything and it used the sed command to get the line number from the file.

Now, they had various instructions, like it had to perform. They asked how it'd perform with 10G, 100G files. I thought "Eh... it'll be alright."

The solution they were looking for was the "advanced" solution that I thought up, which involved storing a binary file of 32/64 bit integers that reference the byte-offset of the line they're looking for. Basically a binary index file.

This violates all of my sensibilities, because I would never build a database indexer like this using ruby, of all things.

I thought it was a stupid test, and how do these companies honestly expect me to spend hours coding and then tell me I didn't go far enough? It's unethical.

I actually followed-up with the "advanced" solution a couple hours after hearing I was out, just to show them that their process is flawed.

Eh, windows, i do not think my RAM is that fast...

I fucking hate holidays. Every goddamn time when it's a holiday, that's when I need to go to the store and get something, only to find out that they're closed. And what for.. holidays are - to me at least - no more than an excuse for people to not go to work for the day.

So, now I ran out of booze, and can't continue developing and testing my breathalyzer until Monday.

Then it hit me.. what if I take all my Arduino equipment (laptop, jumper wires, ...) to the café and deploy my build environment on a table there?

Eh, no no no. I don't want some idiot to come up to me saying "YOU EVIL HEKORMAN!!!" and have to explain that just like when you call a banker who's working with the money vaults a thief, it's wrong to call someone that's developing shit an evil hacker.. one should strive to not throw mindless accusations out of unknowingness. Not that I'm a good example of that though. But still.

It's probably that or some stupid bitch coming up to me asking to hack her boyfriend's Phasebuk.. that said, that could probably be an opportunity to get in her pants. But then, I don't wanna insert my meat in an idiot like that... ._.

So, no booze it is then? Thanks national holidays!

"Ok Google, remind me every day before a holiday because I really couldn't care less about them!!"

Was talking to a woman who recently found her lost phone.
After talking about apps which track your phone I asked her if she had an iPhone or an Android.
Her response: "I've just got a Samsung eh"

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

Just finished making the interface for my app in WPF only to find out that it will be waaay harder to plug it to WPF than I thought.

In fact, it would be easier to just remake it from scratch in WPF - which I'm planning on doing when I get some free time.

Don't you just hate when that happens?

..eh, at least it looks somewhat good.

On reccomendation of @chabad360 I made this its own rant.

I switched from marketing to CS (complete with a three year degree, no Bootcamp). I still went to interviews as you'd expect a marketing man to go; in a suit. Commence the weirdest interview.

$I: interviewer
$M: Me

I: "You're not the typical engineer. Can you talk to real engineers?"

M: "could you elaborate"

I:"you're dressed in a suit. That leads me to think you're a MS user. Do you think you could talk to real, ie. Linux using engineers?"

M: " well, I haven't used windows in about a year soo..

I: "Mac isn't Linux."

M: "I'm aware. I've switched to Ubuntu so I could use KVM-QEMU android emulator with GPU pass through to train Deep Convolution Networks on mobile devices. Also had to compile Google's internal build tool because it had bugs I had to fix so I could compile the APK."

I: "ah, Ubuntu eh? **Insert Smirk** How about a follow-up?"

M: "no, I'm switching to Gentoo this week and would like to talk to real engineers about that."

I thanked him for the coffee and left.

Now realizing the whole "Fuck this shit, I'm gonna become a barista" was literally a midlife crisis.

Now, how do I find my way back to a brand new PhD application? Or a research job... Or a dev job... Honestly, I'd take whatever.

Side note, after weeks of being on my feet and working 6-8 hours a day, I have lost exactly zero kilos. This was a very bad idea. 🤦

So, I'm not the smartest, but at least now I have had two careers. How many of you can say that you've had two different careers in your life, eh?

I hate it when your non dev friend uses top notch hardware and I am stuck with a piece of shit junk

Does balding scare the shit out of anyone else here? I am 19 and have started showing signs of male pattern baldness *sigh*. Just hope to make it to 25 without balding completely.

I love this database primarily because it is cross platform and can be easily understood by anyone unlike SQL database files.

!rant
Wrote my first unit test. Strangely feels satisfying.

Got a new eval board. It came in with a stock firmware, had its own IP and naturally its own webGUI. I wanted to check what was under the hood. So I SSH'd in to the device, and was prompted to enter the username. There weren't any specs or documentation.

*Hmm, let's try root*
User: root
Password: *Eh? Well, what the heck* admin
.
.
.
root@evalboard#

Muhahaha!!! Meet your hacker, eval board!

I spent an entire week debugging my JS Gameboy emulator an year ago.
(The "C" register was read-only for some reason)
Turns out I typed "с" (cyrillic) instead of "c".

Breakup really kills the mood to work for a long time eh?

I have a multiplayer minesweeper project in the works. It's great, everything is super slick. Using SASS, Node.JS, MVC design, WebGL... It's a super great, modern project and I am very proud of it.

But I just can't continue it. I open my editor and I just ignore it. I play video games, go outside... Anything except code. It hurts to see myself do this.

I have some great designs for it. You're allowed to play anonymously or logged in. VS mode and everything.

I was going to share the discord link when I launched the alpha... But I think maybe I need to start building a community now so that I can gain my motivation back.

Before the breakup I worked on it daily. I was learning new technologies left and right (SASS being the largest, and WebGL is the next frontier)

It hurts to see. Today after I get off work maybe I will try harder.

Thanks to devrant , now I can be one those people trying to look social in one those so called meets with personal touch where everyone is scrolling their Facebook (still)

Seriously, fuck that incompetent ISP of mine.

Stores passwords in fucking plaintext. Does VoIP calling in plaintext! Passwords are sent over postal mail! Passwords are at least not sent in plain via email anymore when you want to reset them. The password reset form, "cannot contain `", "cannot contain "", "cannot contain '", "must contain a special character" because why the fuck not mess with people's password manager's password generation function over our own incompetence, right?! And showing all those errors for a single password? Eh, no. Let's just show one error that applies to whatever password you've given at that time. JUST ONE, because "reasons"! And to top it all off, when I finally made myself a nice password with some padding to remove unwanted chars and put that in my password store and on the website. THE BLOODY THING CAN'T EVEN FUCKING LOGIN?!

Now I ain't no ISP, but being a sysadmin clearly isn't a requirement when you're going to apply for work at an ISP, THAT DOES NOTHING BUT FUCKING SYSADMIN STUFF!!! Incompetent pieces of SHIT!!!

!Rant

Designer decide to have a meeting with stakeholders about UX/UI workflow for control panel of our new embedded system (no framework, no library, gui is bit per bit rendered on frame buffer).
A week later, still nothing on my table, not a mail, not a call. Meanwhile I wrote a framework, the control system, renderer, and messaging queues between tasks.
Wrote some widgets, a layout system and a view swtching mechanism, and a separate stack control to use a "back" button.

Now I am stuck for I do not know what should happen when clicking on various (non obvious) items on the touchscreen.
Fine, I'll ask the designer.

"Oh, I will write the workflow next week" (ETA time, 2 weeks. Seriously? You take a week to draw on Adobe Illustrator 20 screenshot with text and I have another week to write it from scratch in C?)
Ok, while you write it, just tell me what should happen when I click an active item.
"Well, we didn't talk about that. We just decided the colour of the icons on the screen..."
For fuck sake...

Q: Tell me what date types do you know.
A: Excuse me!? Date types?
Q: Eh, I see you didn't get it...

!rant

When people listen to a complete story and then ask who the villian was..

DEVS : It's like reading JavaScript and then asking what is "this"

Doctor: from 1 to 10, how much does it hurts?
Dev: eh.. well, you dont give much options

2007 - Hey you, can you hack my gf's facebook account?

2017 - Eh! Can you hack my boss's Bitcoin account? 50-50 deal :-)

"Eh, just push it to prod and see if anything breaks"

The entire system went down for hours, estimated loss north of $1M.

Yeet I just made a brainfuck compiler with python

Soooo I am guessing that if this year or the next is the downfall of fb then react is pretty much destined to die then eh?

"Your code is just about as useful as the __pycache__ folder"

Interviewing intern today:

"What text editor do you use?"
"Notepadd, Word, I'm okay with anything."
"Like, Notepad++?"
"Eh... Notepad, I don't know about the ++."

Goals for the next 100 weeks eh?
- Teach my 8yo and 11yo to be awesome java coders
- Take my 2yo to her first day at school
- Grow my department in work to over 40 people worldwide
- Start and finish my Masters degree in Big Data*
- Speak at 5 major international conferences (1000+ ppl)

I miss cigarettes.

Sometimes I am dying for a smoke.

This would happen to you after dealing with the web services of 2 campuses. Should have never stopped smoking eh?

Fuck

It's when you lack electricity that you really start to question your life style

My work is LITERALLY cock blocking me.

My wife and I scheduled a lunch 'date' at 12:30. At 12:10, I foolishly thought "Eh I'll check in my changes, I'm 95% sure everything will be fine". Wouldn't you know it, after compiling for 7 minutes, the build server throws an error complaining about package compatibility, which locally is just a warning. Now I have to babysit the good damn build.

I seriously thought about bolting and just dealing with it after lunch, but I'm a good little developer.

Me: eh probably shouldn’t push to prod on Friday, maybe not even before the first...

Co worker: no balls

Me:

2 things I'm working on now:

#1 a personal project I am hoping to commercialize and turn it into my moneymaker. Hoping it'd at least be enough to pay the bills and put food on my table so I could forget 9/5 for good. But it has a potential of becoming a much, MUCH bigger thing. This would need the right twist tho, and I'm not sure if I am "the right twister" :) We'll see.

#2 smth I'm thinking of opensourcing once finished -- a new form of TLS. This model could be unbreakable by even quantum computing once it's mature enough to crack conventional TLS. I'm probably gonna use md5 or smth even weakier - I'm leveraging the weakness of hashing functions to make my tool stronger :)

I mean how long can we be racing with more powerful computers, eh? Why not use our weakneses to make them our strengths?

Unittests are already passing, I just haven't polished all the corner-cases and haven't worked out a small piece of the initialization process yet. But it's very close

I had a project where I completely suprised the client and the company within the beginning. It was silky smooth, working on multiplatform ios android,standalone. I wrote the most complex shader I ever made. Everything was great and I even got a bonus for the project.
Then one day. Videos started to stutter. Not playing, completely black on some cases and some devices.
I started to think about reasons. I tried every solution I come up with. No success.
Updated all the codecs, middleware still nothing. Tried to solve the problem for a week. It was a total diaaster and I even thought I a dont deserve to be a developer.

We encoded the videos a few times. Decided to export the original video again, boom! It worked. Theres no particular reason why it worked. But it worked. I guess I am a good developer. Not the best but, eh.

Well on my last full-time job, that ware using cookies for authentication (not something new, eh?). The thing is, you see, the cookies had the 'accountId' which if you change to another number, kaboom you're that account, oh but that was not all, there was an option to mark the account type in there 'accountType', which was kind of obvious in VLE (virtual learning environment), 'Teacher', 'Student', 'Manager' put what of those values and boom you are that role for the session

Thing was open of SQL injection from the login form, from said cookies and form every part you can pass input to it, when I raised the question to my TL he said 'no one is going to know about thatt, I don't see what is the problem', then escalated to higher management 'oh well speak to *tl_guy*'

Oh and bonus points for it being written in ASP CLASSIC in 2014+ (I was supposed to rewrite, but ended up patching ASP code and writing components in PHP)

In 2015-2016, in a private college, charging kind-of big money per year

Taking a database class, prof insists on using Microsoft Sql server 2014. "Okay cool" said the Microsoft surface fan boy inside me as I installed it. "Holy shit this is using 6 fucking GBs?? Eh it's okay I trust" again said my Microsoft fanboy self. Finished installing, makes queries and it works. Cool.

Go to run Sql server again next day and get an error (nothing displayed, just a box pop up and then a crash) I use some Google skills. Change a bunch of shit and still it persists. "Just uninstall it and reinstall again" says my prof. I do so except random errors during installation saying Sql already exists even though I just uninstalled it. "Maybe it's some registry keys messing with it!" do some digging, remove unneeded registry keys and try again. Installation finished but a whack of features say failed to install.

I sit and try to work this shit out for the next four hours (not paying attention to my class) and still can't get Sql to completely uninstall itself. I try iobit uninstaller, command line uninstalling, fucking everything but still not working. Slowly my fanboy side is wishing that the windows symbol on the back of my machine was an apple.

I ended up having to backup all my files and reinstalling windows to get it working properly. Holy sweet fuck. The worst part is when this class is done ill probably need to reinstall yet again to save the 6gb it's sucking up. So if you're not sure whether you need something as heavy as Microsoft Sql server or not for your application, don't use it! It's a fucking virus that is super difficult to remove.

Tldr: life long Microsoft fanboy becomes apple convert in a day of using Microsoft Sql server.

Dear Depression Diary;

Didn't do jackshit today either.
Daydreamed about prince charming, but apparently my prince charming has been dealing with lots of trauma. Eh. It takes two to tango.

The "motivation letter" for uni has not been written yet, and I have serious doubts about writing it.

Me: Ah, just have to finish this one small feature today and this whole massive update is done. Everyone will be off my back, things will calm down. Gonna be great.

Life: hey man, you know what I was thinking? It’s been a really long time since you had one of those vomiting bugs ... you know the gut wrenching, massive headache, can’t do anything but stare at the walls kind of flu’s?

Me: ...... eh I’m ok thanks.

Life: oh buddy you don’t understand ...... RUN!!!

I accidentally created something adorable. See, what happened was I wanted to figure out how to programmatically create blobcats for different countries, since I’d done it by hand for every country represented at my company and wanted a quick way to catch up once we add people from different countries.

Enter Cloudinary!
Wrote a transform that would take the image, shrink it to 150 px wide, then add the blobcat emoji as the underlayer behind and above it, then add the little arms I drew die holding the flag on top.

And that worked! I had a folder of flags and the frontend could query them using the transformations and the country blobcats were born! I even added a preset so I could view the little blobcats with their flags when I looked at the uploaded flags

But then I’m like “Eh, each transform adds a thing against my limit and I really don’t want to go over if this gets popular (why do I ever think _that’s_ a possibility?). I know! I’ll just add the transform on upload and reupload all the flags to a different folder! Then I’ll just need to request the image instead of having to do the transform per request.

And that worked!

But I forgot I still had my preset transform on.

So in addition to the successful country blobcat, I had a preview of what I like to call papa blobcat with kitten blobcat.

!rant

Hmmmm they are selling some used dell precission t3500 desktops at work.

Intel Xeon, 8 gb ram, windows 7 for $60 bucks. Thinking about using it as an experimental Linux machine.

Yay or nay? What do y'all think? For $60 it certainly does not sound too bad eh?

When you are trying to be supportive to a colleague but he sees your act as condescension on your part. BITCH I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU, BUT UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO WORK WITH YOU SO PLEASE KNOW THE BARE MINIMUMS TO DO THE TASK. Also he complained to others that he was offended . He was tryna learn react before knowing es6 and nodejs , doesn't know asynchronous and was strongly suggesting that our whole fucking team move to React and I just suggested some topics to look to. I carried his ass once , and seems like now will have to carry it once more :(

//Random Mr. Robot thought//
So this picture and this quote in general has been in my mind quite recently. The first time I saw this scene it just passed through my mind as just a wierd quirk of elliot. But upon further thinking, I question that given Elliot is someone who specializes in network security in a sense. A part of which focuses on finding exploits in networks or even software in general( basically finding the worst in them). And the more I think about that,the more I come to realisation that just like most programmers mix together logic in their life in dealing with people, this scene stands out as an example of just that happening with Elliot and what perhaps, makes him such a good hacker. Perhaps we could all learn from this, or perhaps I'm just looking too much into this. Eh.

"Intense coding. A day passes. Wait, how the fuck did my code work? It doesn't make any sense!"

It happens so, so often, God why 😐

#1 life lesson learned from coding:
Don't work on projects for the government or any authority EVER!

I was depressed doing a course I hated.

3 years in and I switched to Computer Science.

Best decision ever!

Damn true.

Was interested to learn about OpenGL and WebGL. Just found out no fucking drivers exist for my graphics card on Ubuntu.
WTF AMD !!! Atleast provide some compatibility for your product if I am purchasing it !!!

Give Job

Naming variables with meaningful names

>Gets a new CPU for desktop (yay, went from R5 1600 to R5 3600X)
>Spends half a day flashing new MB BIOS (Needed to flash individual major versions in order, couldn't just go 1.10 to 6.40)
>Finally finishes preparations and goes to replace the CPU
>Cleans the old one and packages it to give it to a friend
>Has issues inserting the new one as the orientation arrow on the motherboard was very hard to make out
>Spends 30 minutes applying thermal paste, worrying about optimal spread
>Forgets which side the CPU fan goes on
>Finally boots back up... CPU fan is suddenly loud AF under load, but eh, temps under stress are sub-60, so, good

~~Next day~~
>Loud CPU fan is too annoying, opens the case again
>CPU fan is on backwards
Ugh
>Takes the fan off, turns it around and fastens again, puts PC back together and boots
>Is quiet again, nice
>Goes to work on the PC
>2 hours later randomly checks temps because no fan noise is weird
>CPU at 75dC, crap
>Opens the (live) PC, CPU fan is not spinning
>Has put the header on one pin to a side
>Unplugs and replugs it correctly
>Fan suddenly starts spinning very fast and cuts my finger
>Finally closes the case once more. All issues resolved

...Its situations like these that make me wonder... What would happen it I had to work with servers in person, physically lol

!Rant

How do you deal with open space offices?

I find it quite difficult to focus, the constant chatting, the constant questions, phone ringing, surprise meeting, more question, arrays of interruptions and questions again. I believe I would be a lot more productive if left alone in the total, undiscontinued silence.

Have you found your escape, your zen, your inner focus? Please share, I need some ideas

People distressed the fuck out of me today.

So now, 2:18 in the morning, I'm in bed, wide awake. Because anxiety is shit.

... And I have to be up early to do the work that I didn't do today.

Smh...

Why do people have to be such dicks?

Versioning that raises no questions for most of the world. The majority can't be wrong, eh?

1.0
2.0
2.1
3.0
3.1
3.2
95
98
2000
1000 (M)
10 (X)
5 (V)
7
8
8.1
10
11

My laptop's back is rugged and rough so I can't apply any sticker...
Imagine the horrorrrrrr

SO has now a totally different meaning

Have u ever had the perfect job opportunity and u screwed up? This idiot just did!! 😓😭 It's a 100% remote c# role. I literally had the job, all I needed to to was be patient and wait. But, noooooo I had to go and turn down the offer because it was "taking to long". He was getting the proposal ready and I was growing impatient. It's been almost a month since I started talking to the CTO and we were/are on the same level of understanding. He told me today just hours after I consulted with someone who's a business owner and he helped me write an apology to him. Man do I feel like an idiot. He didn't ask for a resume or references. Just seen my GitHub and a few game I did and let me talk to the lead Dev and I was in. The lead Dev even told me "welcome aboard, can't wait to work with you." AND I still screwed this op up!! Now he's telling me he will talk to the CEO and see what he says cause it maybe out of his hands.😞😞😞😞😞😭😭😭😓😓😓 What fool I am, eh??? P.S. which makes it even worst is that he reached out to me via LinkedIn without me sending him my resume or applying for any job that had posted.

Any comments?

Sitting down all day doesn't do my back much good, so thought I'd look for an electric back massager. And there's plenty around - great! So I do the normal thing I do and take a look at the reviews...

...but the reviews are completely unhelpful, because about 5% are the usual complaining it turned up late, 5% are maybe talking about using it as a back massager, and the remaining 90% seem to be using it as a vibrator. Some are even just bloody ambiguous. I'm still not sure if "takes a bit of work to get it in the right spot, but it's very effective when it's there" is referring to someone with a sore back, or someone who's sexually frustrated. Who knows, maybe both.

First world problems eh.

According to my LinkedIn, everyone is a Project Manager

ESET Antivirus is a strange animal. On one hand, it seems reasonably well written, because unlike Norton or F-Secure, it doesn't subject your computer to death by constant disk access and 100% CPU load for 10 minutes when you start it.

On the other hand, when I clicked the link in the mail about renewing licenses and filled out the form, I was not redirected to a page where I could enter credit cart details.

Instead, I got message that some representative would get back to me in 1-2 work days. Eh, what? It's a digital product for f***'s sake. Now, I suppose they'll send me a hand written letter (written using a quill, no doubt), delivered by a bloke riding a horse and wearing a tricorn.

Well, at least ESET virus definition updates are pushed on the internet, and not sent out on 5.25" diskettes.

Well not bad for my first try eh? I implemented a std::vector-like container and it's about 4 times as fast as std::vector

Me and my gf are looking for a house. Since we’re both on temporary contract we want a declaration of intent. For arranging a decent mortgage. My gf get’s called and signed within a day, getting compliments and a thumbs up.

I get called after three days; yeah eh we need to talk about this. I can’t sign this right now. A talk with both director and HR. Let’s get stressed...

It’s throw back Thursday!

Back to 1979... before the time of the red dragon book compiler book, (forgetting about the green dragon book) ... there was a time where only a few well written compiler and assembler “theory” books existed.

What’s special about this one? Well Calingaert was the co patentor of the OS/360. .. “okay soo? ... well Fred Brook’s Mythical Man-Month book I posted the other day. Calingaert is basically the counterpart of brooks on the OS/360.

Anyway, the code is in assembly (obviously) and the compiler code is basic.

Other than this book and from my understanding 2-3 other books that’s all that was available on compilers and assemblers as far as books written goes at the token.

ALLL the rest of knowledge for compilers existed in the ACM and other computing journals of the time.

Is this book relevant today, eh not really, other than giving prospective, it’s a short in comparison to the red dragon books.

If you did read it, it’s more of a book that gives you more lecture and background and concepts.. rather than here’s a swath of code.. copy it and run.. done.. nope didn’t happen in this book.. apply what you lean here

Yay! Finally got my first job in IT.

They call it just "IT admin/sysadmin", but it's... eh..
What I do is make sure the servers work (sysadmin part) and make desktop/mobile apps. So far, the company seems to be quite nice, there are already 4 devs who are friendly. *knocks on wood*

Will see how it goes, and I'd like to thank you for sharing your stories. Learned quite a lot from them!

Hmmm Netflix is drunk today eh..

My (optimistic) brain at 11:30pm right before bed: "You should totally wake up extra early tomorrow to FINALLY finish that last 5% of your side project that has taken you 10x longer to do than the first 95%!"

My (sleepy) brain at 7:00am: *Hits snooze.* "Eh, there's always tomorrow!"

For fucks sake, Amazon Prime has also decided that they are adding ads to their *paid subscription*. Because I guess paying them fucking monthly is not enough for them greedy fucks. It's not like they were loosing money either, the service had a slow but exponential growth ever since 2014 (slow in the sense that it was only hundreds of millions at first, but luckily it was tens of billions by 2022, poor amazon eh?) ... first fucking Netflix does this, and now these retarded fucks follow suit like little retarded ducklings with dollar signs for eyes. You can bet your fucking hats that the other services will jump on the adWagon soon too...

"you will own nothing and be happy".. yeah fuck you, you fucks. As if owning nothing wasn't bad enough, now that nothing comes with fucking ads on top FOR THE SAME FUCKING PRICE?!... And they have the audacity to fucking ask for *more* monthly money to get rid of the ads they oh so graciously provided?!

I don't even use fucking amazon prime, but what the actual fuck. This is *one* of the reasons I canceled my netflix sub. I'm not going to fucking support this behavior even if it doesn't affect me. But I guess some people keep showing netflix dicks into their gaping asses because they sure don't seem to be taking this bullshit back... And I assume even more people will keep sucking amazon dicks as if this was a-ok behavior.

god, shit like this really makes me angry...

*goes to management*

Me: So do you want the button to be up here or down here?

Management: OMG you finished?! So early?!

Me: Eh no, I just modified the HTML in the browser...

Management: But I can see the button right there!

Me: ...

Management: Well, leave it where it was.

It never was. And it is currently in two places.

This just happened....

Tester: My cluster is not working properly!!!
Me: What's wrong?
Tester: I don't know. I've checked all the logs available on the entire cluster. All i know is that node 1 and 7 is broken.
*ssh into the cluster*
node1
# less /var/log/<affected application log>.log
*no errors here everything is working properly*
node7
# less /var/log/<affected application log>.log
*goes down to the bottom and scrolls up a few lines*
<insert massive error here>

Checked all the logs eh?

* 1 day of requesting the feature, deadline not for a while*

switch{
case 1:

Manager: How's the new feature going?

Me: I've done a bit of the front end. Here's how it will look.

Manager: Oh great it's done! Does it do ABC as the client requested? Does it also do XYZ that I just thought about this second?

Me: eh this is just part of the front end, I haven't even connected it to the backend - I haven't even started the backend.

case 2:
Manager: How's the new feature going?

Me: I've done a bit of the back end.

Manager: ok. Can I look?

Me: we'll it's just code... *shows them the code*

Manager: oh... so it's nothing really. Call me when it is done
}

!rant
Looking for advice, serious advices.

I work in C.
Also, I work in Python.
I have worked for a couple of year in C++.
I have a fair knowledge of the Data Science workflow, and some experience in Machine Learning.
I have tinkered with some other languages (Java, Ruby, Go, JS among the others, nothing serious nor professional)

I'm the kind of person who needs constant problems to face in order to keep engaged, satisfied, happy. And I need to learn new stuff, or refining my knowledge constantly, or I stagnate. I believe that this is true for quite a share of people here.

I would like to spend some spare time (I seldom have) in a project. Personal projects are rarely good enough to improve one's cv, so I thought I could partecipate in some Open Source projects.

Does anyone here have some suggestion about some interesting and satisfying OSProject, or some general suggestion on the matter?

It would be so apreciated.

Recently I flashed Android 9 (Pie) on my Nexus, but to this day I still haven't logged into Google from it. One reason is because I don't know my password and I didn't git clone my password store yet (where it's contained). Another reason is because I want to reclaim my privacy and not be a data battery for a Matrix of convenience that feeds itself with my personal information. Eh, it sorta works out I guess. Yalp is an amazing alternative to the Play Store, and even offers its own shadow accounts to use along with Google Play.

One problem though, while I've noticed that I could log in with my own account to get all my premium apps (couple hundred euros worth, so not easy to just discard) it apparently violates Google Play's ToS to do so from a third-party app. So I'm a bit hesitant to do that. Do you know of any viable alternative way to preserve my privacy yet install, keep and have validated those premium apps? I could download them from e.g. BlueStacks and export the apk's, but that'd be tedious and wouldn't be able to get those apps validated on my phone unless I log into Google there as well (which kinda defeats the purpose). Any suggestions?

After more than one year, finally i am on vacation.
16 hours in, my Slack is on fire.

Another family member’s laptop fixed... aah sweet sweet dev life eh?!

So our main web server got ransomware'd.

By some miracle only a shared directory was compromised and not the whole server.

The server is on an end-of-life OS (Win Server 2008r2), no antivirus solution, no WAF, no log hardening or aggregation, so basically our Security MSP told us "lol good luck finding the attack origin, nuke it and rebuild it correctly this time"

Thing is IT leadership is like "Eh, no harm done, everything is fine" and want to sweep it under the rug and not report it to senior management.

How do i go about convincing them that this is actually important and for once in their life, they should give a fuck ? (This web server is the main moneymaker, it goes tits up and heads are gonna roll).

Me: Hmm... My Android phone has been acting strange lately, cell signal keeps dropping... Maybe I picked up a virus... let's flash the latest update.

Phone: Updating Done

Me: Hm... signal is still bad... maybe it's hardware... *Angry*

Phone: By the way you lost root

Me: @#$%$&&$%^#$!#$@$%$#%^ OK LETS SEE, SUPERSU, REINSTALL THE BINARIES... YES!!!

Phone: Reinstalling... Restarting...
......................................................
......................................................

Me: it's not loading.... why? NO! I bricked it..... NO NO NO NO.....

*1 hour of flailing...*

Hey Recovery still works! OK, let's try to reflashing the OS

Phone: Flashing... Restarting...

Me: Please, please... let this work.... it's not starting............. wait. IT LOADED!!!! WOOT!!!! AWESOME...

Phone: still no root...

Me: Eh...

And there went my most of my evening which I was supposed to spend preparing for an interview tomorrow....

I rebooted a device that everyone uses
It has not come online yet
It's been an hour, and counting...

What a good timing we're all working from home eh?

indent.py

Boss: we should cut costs
Me: I could move us to a cloud provider and we would pay about a quarter of our current costs and because we could scale keep our current capacity intact.
Boss: eh, that's too risky
Me: *watches us spend $10k+/mo in unused hardware* - okay.

Ladies and gentlemen, Introducing Rezn0v-Jr, this guy was born(created) yesterday on an underperforming device later shifted to my primary device. And is not complete machine learning type. He is Pythonborn (eh.. not Dragonborn). For now he can't understand human response but only can speak (print) few sentences.

PS- Chemistry exam on Tuesday
Update- I dropped my phone again right after post finished uploading.

Being a c# junkie moving to c++, I hated the archaic practice of declaring things in one file, then implementing them in another.

I have been using c++ as my main language for about two months straight now, and I went back to a c# project and I HATE not having them in separate files.

Funny, eh?

Have any of you ever done this or worked with people who do this?

I hate that "integer overflows" have become somewhat pop culture because anytime I see someone try to use it in a joke, they use it wrong.

I've even seen people confuse them with stack overflows and be like "my intelligence is so low it stack underflowed and became the max of an integer value!"

Or "It overflowed and became zero again" ah, I guess it happened to be unsigned and overflowed by precisely 1 then eh?

So cringe

%s attempts eh?
Someone messed up the code.

Does anyone here just wake up and feel shitty for absolutely no reason why ? When I say absolutely no reason means none whatseover from previous day etc . I wanna know if it's just me 😅

Writing an efficient, modern renderer is truly an exercise of patience. You have a good idea? Hah, fuck you, GPUs don't support that. Okay but what if I try to use this advanced feature? Eh, probably not going to support exactly what you would like to do. Okay fuck it I'm gonna use the most obscure features possible. Congratulations, it doesn't work even on the niche hardware that supports that extension

If I sound jaded, ya better believe I f*cking am! I cannot wait for more graphics cards to support features like mesh shaders so we can finally compute shader all the things and do things the way we want to god dammit

rant-ish*

PHP + jQuery + Excel
I am facing the holy trinity or something.
Cool? eh? No no, not as cool as the holy trinit holding excalibur.

One of the info is Gender : Male, Female. And they state that we must export the excel with selected gender by drawing a circle over the choice.

Not Gender : Male
But Gender : (Male) , Female

Consider my bracket as circle.

They are not even in seperate cells. So now I am spending days to draw a fucking circle over a text in excel export using php. Still failing. FML.

* I control myself from asking for coding tips here but I will appreciate anyone who can help me out regarding the issue in this rant.

Event Head: There is a theme available to save you some time.

*Sends over a Wordpress theme*

EH: I got us this new service where you can create a website just by drag and drop.

Sure, why not. How foolish of me to not know of WordPress and Website builder tools.

It is still blowing my mind how a button on my raspberry pi is programmatically functional in the same way as if I was programming a database and web app.

Fucking eh, why haven't I been doing this hardware stuff sooner? You can literally make physical shit happen. That is so cool!

Here's a thought!

Our bodies are mortal. And they are like flowers: they grow, blossom at their best and then begin their slow degradations, deaths.

Our mind is what seems to be the essence of _us_.

Now suppose someone finds a way to copy our minds into some tech so they could survive our bodies' deaths. Making us sort of immortal. Sounds cool, eh?

But that would make a copy of your mind. You would still be stuck in your mortal body while your copy would be immortal. Would you be happier to die knowing that it's YOU who is dying and not your copy, rather than dying w/o leaving a copy of you behind? Is a copy of you still YOU?

It could be YOU for others. But is it YOU for you?

The floor is Not Getting Shit Done Before Deadline

I know I'm out of the loop since I barely use these sites, but...

What is it with this seemingly ridiculous new trend on LinkedIn of replacing your meaningless job title with, somehow, an even more meaningless fake description of what you're doing? I'm seeing it all over.

Back in the day it'd just be "Python developer". Then the trend seemed to be a "Senior / lead / principle software engineer / Python specialist" (who cares if you're actually a senior eh, this is LinkedIn.) And if that wasn't ridiculous enough, now it's "Helping to transform the globe towards a greener future by implementing beautiful, robust code in Python 3.10" or similar. Who the hell wants to see this crap?!

So I'm struggling to finish this library which among other things is supposed to write flowing text. And this one's taking foreeeever and I'm hating it so much already.

I just keep daydreaming of starting a "simple" platformer. And then I go, "hm the parallax must be nice, it needs to have as many layers as possible, oh and look at this video, here they're even zooming and each layer rescales differently, good effect, I need to add that too. Also a plain platformer is just boring, it needs to have adventure elements, and even RPG too, yeah why not. Hm, it needs to have some motion blur, but oh I need this 1/48 shutter speed to make it look cinematic. Okay how do I go about adding this blur effect? What? Libgdx doesn't provide one out of the box? I need to use opengl shaders? A shader, eh... I'm not even sure what that is. Okay, let's see how to do it. Wow that's a total mess and resource hungry, and how will I calculate it all as to make it match the 1/48 thing?"

You know... Simple. And in the end, I'll abandon the library and won't get anywhere with the platformer (as usual).

Tsk tsk tsk

"Eh why my experiment won't stop?" Oh right I didn't write code that will stop it
*facepalm*

WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THERE AN OPTION TO QUICKLY JUST FUCKING PRINT A TABLE IN PHP???!!!!

I DON'T WANT TO SIT AND WRITE 50 MORE LINES FOR YOU TO DO SUCH A SIMPLE TASK.

I WANT TO JUST "SELECT * FROM BLABAL" AND PRINT THAT FUCKER IS IT THAT HARD EH?

My LinkedIn is usually pretty quiet. Recently I've received quite a few messages from recruiters. Some of them put numbers in and I look at them, well, the market looks hot.

I like where I am but doesn't hurt to have a look around eh? So I went through some interviews and shit. No preps, not trying to please anyone, being completely honest. And out of the 3 I tried, 1 got to the final round.

Before the final round, the recruiter kept harassing me (it's their job really) about what my "bottom line" is. She said they really liked me but I'm not up to their expectation as a senior role. So they want to proceed with a non-senior role, then climb my ladder up. I told her, I don't give a shit about the title. The she said for that, the salary will be "adjusted" (reads reduced). I told her, look, I said I wouldn't bother if the offer is anything less than X amount of money. Then she said but this company would offer 10% bonus, which will add up , mind you, "close to" X. She said she wanted to know so we don't waste the director's time (as the final round is to meet the bloody director).

I said, if I need to disclose my bottom line before going to this, which is pretty much my negotiation, then let's call it off. No point wasting my time either.

The next day I received the last call from her. They fucked right off.

I know everyone here already knows. But let me experience be another example of how a plague recruiters is. I don't have any experience like this before but this is probably a fucking lowball case too.

Oh my gosh. Windows is...eh..

I mean, it is outdated and slow, has bugs and many other stuff, but do you know why I use it? It is widely supported.

Compare application support on Mac or Linux! It is nothing compared to Windows.

However, I will still have to deal with it for a very very long time...

Guru meditation eh...

>Discovers a new low level profiling tool that could help us at work with stuck process debugging and gets all hyped
>Installs on test machine, tool doesn't work
>Wonders why. Oh. Needs a kernel module to work, compiled and loaded
>"Well, its my test machine... Guess that's no problem..." but... my hype died down a bit. Kernel module installation just for a new tool that aggregates all other commonly used tools? eh... Maybe it will blow me out of my shoes still

>Installs and loads the module
>Tool works. Turns out its just a htop-like tool, with shortcuts to launch specific other profiling tools like strace/ltrace/lsof/netstat/ss etc...
"Oh... That's boring. Maybe it has all those tools built in at least?"
>Tries to run ltrace - tool exits as ltrace is not installed

Lol
>Installs ltrace and launches tool again. Tries to ltrace a process and
>Nothing. Nothing happens. For seconds... Then kicks me off of SSH
WTF?
>Tries to ping machine... silence
Did... our net go down again? (Having issues due to a storm going over our area these few days)
>Pings google and... gets instant reply
More wtf
>Pings the hypervisor the machine was running on
Works like normal

Oh... Oh no. Please tell me it didn't!
>Logs into the hypervisor UI, checks machine state
Running OK
>Opens machine console aaaaand... Yep. Stacktrace as well as a lot of kernel mumbo-jumbo... It took the machine down to kernel panic.

I never went so quick from "We need this tool deployed everywhere" to "Omg I need to get rid of this crap as soon as possible" lol.

And just for those wondering, it was sysdig.

fuck oracle. fuck my company.

Using Oracle VM Manager/Servers to host Oracle Phone transfer solution without support coverage from Oracle.

Requiring Unix sysadmins to update to latest release and not telling that we do not have coverage from Oracle if anything goes wrong.

Gues what.. We've updated to Oracle VM Manager/Server 3.4.5 which was released this year and it uses fucking XEN hypervisor version 4.4.4 which has been deprecated and dead since who knows when. Latest release of XEN is 4.11. But that is not an issue, whatever, enterprise, legacy software, etc.

This fucking update introduced memory leak on the hypervisor which has been reported as per xen 4.4.4 history. Furthermore, we have no support from Oracle which means that I have to dig through mailing lists and limited information on the net since oracle has freakin support wall on nearly each of the major bugs found on that shitty software.

I have no idea whether any newer version of xen will work with that old Oracle Linux kernel or not.

Furthermore, Oracle provided great documentation on how to rollback the fcking update. Reinstall the hypervisor. Riiiight. XEN does not have export/import feature.

eh

Testing in production eh?

! Rant
I recently learned about rubber duck debugging hence wanted to buy one.
So went on to Amazon.in to find some.
And surprise surprise guess whom did I find in my instagram feed?
Marketing has turned into stalking these days eh?

Was going through old photos from university time and...I present to you the result of deadline + lack of sleep + boredom + shitty university project because somebody decided that CS folks needed to learn webdev in old ASP.NET.

Yes that is one query. I wrote the entire thing out as a string in my C# program in one go and tested it by running it from the program. Must've worked properly because I got them grades so eh. I recall I had one nested seven levels too (this is just 5) but I can't find a photo of it. These two queries did all the business logic. Yeah.

Apologies for the poor quality photo of the screen, I don't have the code so no screenshot, this is just from my photos archive

Didn't even ask for 2 sets, the devRant team is just awesome! Thanks!

On and @localhost, it seems like people are sending their setup, so here's my student one :)

1.Working on a repo's 20 day old version without pulling the changes first
2. Then blaming me to not tell him
3. Ultimately sending me a see screenshot of his code to incorporate in my code ( which he himself didn't write, but asked a coworker to do it)

WTF DUDE. Atleast you could have realised your mistake and not blamed me for it

Is it only me, or is reducing production code size by #ifdef'ing sh*t out sexy as F?

Nightly anxiety is a new concept that I'm embracing.

On tonight's episode:
> The boss did not like my work.
> He was being nice when he said it's good work.
> I am a failure and should immediately go and get a degree in nail design and work as a minimum wage nail artist. Or hair dresser. Or even cleaning crew.

... This is fun. 😐

Nothing's as fun as unraveling the mystery of how a certain dependency got pulled in transitively....

In a monolith.

With over 1000 dependencies.

Kinda like sorting rice by the size of each grain.

Things that make a friday entertaining.

💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩

Looks good for ₹500, eh?

I'm worried about me, and my future carrier path...
I don't know in what direction should I walk, to become the best as I can
And I'm going to be as best as I can...but Google Maps doesn't just show the direction, it gets lost as me...eh...
Yesterday, I've told to dev genie just 2 wishes, but as my third wish, I'd like to know in what direction should I walk, which roads should I avoid, what shall I do.

It's been years eh ._. oh my
how's y'all :3

Eh, Stackoverflow April fools day is TOMORROW!

Ex boss bought Embarcadero Delphi, Tokyo release and showed me how the environment looks like.

Its beautiful.

Say whatever you want. The dude would shred out large af projects and soultions from delphi faster than anything else I would have seen in other places.

The bad thing about it is that be was the only one that could do it because he was the only one that knew how to use it...the docs for it suck(imho) although reading code for Delphi was easy, tedious since it was literally a top bottom like a book sort of deal, but easy.

Kinda miss it to be honest. It was an interesting experience and people do look for delphi developers and pay them a lot, wonder if I would get another chance at it one day. We were designing some rather large systems with it and it was not web oriented(for web he used ASP :P my boi was unique eh?)

Oh well, well see

... Eh :)

let me preface with the fact that I'm now known at my new job for being the resident cli hipster. I can't lay any claims to knowing if it's "better" but I like it, I don't care if you do or don't, it just works for me and my flow

so at my job, we generally squash all our commits into one commit and delete the source branch upon merging; i accidentally committed all my work to an old, already merged branch, so my boss tells me it would be more of a PITA with the weird references we would encounter by merging the branch again, rather than just cherry pick the commits into a new branch, which i'm like "eh, fine.".

HIM: "You want to share your screen so we can resolve this?"
ME: "k"
HIM: "Oh, you won't be able to do this in a terminal, you are going to have to load up a GUI of some sort"
ME: "lawlz, no you don't"
HIM: "i highly doubt you will be able to accomplish that, but if you wanna make an ass of yourself, i'll humor you"
ME: "yeah, watch this"

> git log > log.txt
> git checkout <new branch>
> git cherry-pick <copy-paste-full-commit-hash-here>
> git push

ME: "done"
HIM: "what? there's no way you did it that easily, where are all your other commits???"
ME: "i usually try to amend my commits since we squash them anyhow. it really helps in situations like this"
HIM: "well, you go girl"

roll that up in your fancy degree and smoke it, why don't ya?

I hate python.

Who thought that creating a language that doesn't provide any backwards compatibility whatsoever without a way of managing versions is a good idea?

*while writing a function, sees mistake in another function unrelated to the one I'm writing* eh, can't be bothered to fix that right now, I'll wait for someone to file a bug

!rant
After 4 - 5 months of learning webD, I am trying to build my first fullstack web application (simple chat one ).

My stack :
FRONTEND:
Vue.js + Materialize

Backend:
Express ( handling routes )
Mongoose/MongoDB ( Database )
Socket.io ( web sockets for real time connection )
JWT

Had dreamt of this 2 months ago where I built a basic front end using html and css, and now porting it to Vue is like a breeze.

Wish me luck and let's hope it doesnot become one of the unfinished projects. ( My university semester exams are coming up , would have to complete this as fast as possible ). I am also learning DSA + STL and aim to learn basic python syntax before holidays so that I can focus my time on ML during them. It's so fucking overloaded that I have my doubts ::((

when you cant be arsed to do icons so you just use emojis for button icons.

btn.textContent = "🗑️"

because icon sets now have their own apis (like what ever happened to icon fonts?), and documents explaining what scripts and commands to run to *install fucking plugins* on software written to *supplement* doc servers. plugins and software whos host site returns an SSL error. nice.

to use web icons. downloaded only on request. from other sites.

seems kind of eh, tower-of-baylon to me. like a bird landing on the electrical lines near your house might cause a blip and break one or two icons on your slick 2020 web app.

idk just seems unnecessary, like if you're small, your gonna want to embed your fonts on the webpage instead of overcooking things and hosting *a fucking server* just to serve an api for fucking *icons*. and if you're large you're gonna reduce those requests anyway