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"I was wondering why Monitors sleep and Keyboards don't.
Then it occurred to me that Keyboards have two SHIFTS. 😆😆" -some guy17 -
The guy who did android dev before me in the company i work for, didn't get paid for 2 months, so he moved all the project files he worked on to an empty partition and locked the drive with Windows' BitLocker. He didn't give the password until he was fully paid. I kinda respect that guy.20
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This shit is real.
Guy comes to my desk.
Guy: Do you know Python?
Me: Yes
Guy: I want a program that reads a CSV containing IP addresses and tells which of them are valid.
Me: Sure thing. Show me the CSV file.
Guy: (Shows the file)
Me: (Writes a small function for checking whether the IP is valid)
Me: Done Here you go.
Guy: You should be using regex.
Me: Why? This is perfect. No need for regex.
Guy: My manager wants a solution using regex only.
Me: Why so?
Guy: I don't know. Can you do it using regex?
Me: Only if you say so. (Stackoverflow. Writes a humongous regex). Done!
Me: Just for curiosity, what is your application?
Guy: I will port it in Java. You see, regex is easy to debug.
Me: Ohhh Yes. I forgot that. Good luck with your regex.22 -
Ranted about this guy yesterday (who didn't get that we weren't hosting his server).
Today my colleague picked up the phone and was like "yo, I've got this guy on the phone asking for you *explains who it is*"
Me: Oh FOR FUCKS SAKE. FUCKING FINE, PUT HIM THROUGH 😡
Guy: hey! I just wanted to let you know that the issue has been solved, it was not on your end.
Although I know I'm not required to do this, I want to apologize personally for the behavior of my it guy. It wasn't okay and if you got any stress or whatsoever due to him, again, my sincerest apologies! I've had a talk with him, it won't happen again. Have a great weekend!
Glad those kinda people still exist!13 -
Guy called in:
Guy: hello, i can't seem to login to the sql database, could you check if the ip whitelist went right? It's on the *names server* server.
Me: *checks if guy is calling from an authorized number* - nope.
Me: I'm sorry but you're not calling from an authorized number so I can't check that for you!
Guy: no you don't understand. I don't want any of this not-authorized bullshit, I just want a solution for this right now.
Me: and I just want you to call from an authorized number.
Yeah, I actually said that. He wasn't very happy 😅
I'm still employed by the way 🤣12 -
Long rant ahead, but it's worth it.
I used to work with a professor (let's call him Dr. X) and developed a backend + acted as sysadmin for our team's research project. Two semesters ago, they wanted to revamp the front end + do some data visualization, so a girl (let's call her W) joined the team and did all that. We wanted to merge the two sites and host on azure, but due to issues and impeding conferences that require our data to be online, we kept postponing. I graduate this semester and haven't worked with the team for a while, so they have a new guy in charge of the azure server (let's call him H), and yesterday my professor sends me (let's call me M), H and W an email telling us to coordinate to have the merge up on azure in 2-3 days, max. The following convo was what I had with H:
M: Hi, if you just give me access to azure I'll be able to set everything up myself, also I'll need a db set up, and just send me the connection string.
H: Hi, we won't have dbs because that is extra costs involved since we don't have dynamic content. Also I can't give you access, instead push everything on git and set up the site on a test azure server and I will take it from there.
M: There is proprietary data on the site...
H: Oh really? I don't know what's on it.
<and yet he knows we have no dynamic data>
M: Fine, I'll load the data some other way, but I have access to all the data anyway, just talk to Dr. X and you'll see you can give me access. Delete my access after if you want.
H: No, just do what I said: git then upload to test azure account.
Fine, he's a complete tool, but I like Dr. X, so I message W and tell her we have to merge, she tells me that it's not that easy to set it up on github as she's using wordpress. She sends me instructions on what to do, and, lo and behold, there's a db in her solution. Ok, I go back to talking to H:
M: W is using a db. Talk to her so we can figure out whether we need a database or not.
H: We can't use a database because we want to decrease costs.
M: Yes I know that, so talk to her because that probably means she has to re-do some stuff, which might take some time. Also there might be dynamic content in what she's doing.
H: This is your project, you talk to her.
<I'm starting to get mad right now>
M: I don't know what they had her do apart from how it interfaces with what I've done.
H: We still can't have databases.
M: Listen, I don't do wordpress, and I'm not gonna mess with it, you talk to her
H: I won't do any development
<So you won't do any dev, but you won't give me access to do it either?>
M: Man, the bottleneck isn't the merging right now, it's the fact that W needs a db
H: I know, so talk to her
M: THE RESTRICTION TO NOT HAVE DATABASES IS NOT MINE, IT'S YOURS, YOU TALK TO HER. I can't evaluate whether it's a reasonable enough reason or not since I don't know the requirements or what they're willing to spend.
H: It's your project.
M: Then give me fucking access to azure and I'll handle it, you know you'll have to set up wordpress again regardless whether we set it up the first time.
H: Man just do your job.
At this point I lost it. WHAT A FUCKING TOOL. He doesn't wanna do dev work, wants me to go through the trouble of setting up on a test subscription first, and doesn't want to give me access to azure. What's more, he did shit all and doesn't want to anything else. Well fuck you. I googled him, to see if he's anyone important, if he's done anything notable which is why he's being so God damn condescending. MY INTERNSHIP ALONE ECLIPSES HIS ENTIRE CV. Then what the fuck?
There's also this that happened sometime during our talk:
M: You'll have to take to Dr. Y so he'll change the DNS to point to the azure subscription instead of my server.
H: Yea don't worry, too early for that.
M: DNS propagation takes 24 hours...
H: Yea don't worry.
DNS propagation allows the entire web to know that your website is hosted on a different server so it can change where it's pointing to. We have to do this in 2-3 days. Why do work in parallel? Nah let's wait.
I went over his head and talked to the professor directly, and despite wanting to tell him that he was both drunk and high the day he hired that guy, I kept it professional. He hasn't replied yet, but this fucker's pompous attitude is just too much for me alone, so I had to share.
PS: I named his contact as Annoying Prick 4 minutes into our chat. Gonna rename him cz that seems tooooooo soft a name right now.46 -
Conversation today...
Guy: "Hey I need a real quick script to pull some values out of an XML document...is that possible?"
Me: "Uh...yeah that's pretty simple if that's all it has to do."
Guy: "Ok excellent I'll send you some files and documentation."
Me: "Ok so is this like a one time use thing or do you need to parse multiple of these?"
Guy: "Actually it needs to run all the time, on this specific PC, watch directories for any files that are added, then generate a XLSX files of the values, and also log information to a database. Etc"
Me: "Oh that adds quite a bit of complexity from what you originally said. It's going to take more time."
Guy: "But you said it was easy."
Well fuck you...12 -
"I'm not paying for a website that's going to be free to visit, that doesn't make sense"
-A million $ idea guy
28 -
There's this guy that sits next to me in a class.
Guy: Hey, you're a hacker right?
Me: I'm a programmer.
Guy: Can you hack into my email account?
Me: Nope, I work in a different field of computer science.
In reality, I want to give him a piece of my mind.
I already know his email so I open up the login page and enter it. I click "forgot password", and it asks for his favorite teacher's name. Keep in mind that he made this account this year.
Me: So anyways, who's your favorite teacher?
Guy: *proceeds to give me favorite teacher's name*
Me: 🤦♂️
I change his password and log into his account. After that, I show him and tell him about how he should keep his account secure.
He left class with a priceless look on his face.14 -
I've tried to joke about it, but you won't pick up the hint. I've told you about the smell, but you think it is a joke. It's not. It. Is. Not. A. Joke.
STOP MICROWAVING FISH IN THE OFFICE YOU FUCKING SOCIOPATH!11 -
To the guy that invented NULL...
Thanks for nothing.
*This is a corrected version of the dad joke originally containing zero.7 -
People like this disgust me. I know one guy I worked with that bought his kid one of these, I asked him what for and he said: "there's that fortnite game everybody talks about"
Spoild brat.
16 -
Account guy saw me coding...
account guy: so you type a lot.. how can you remember so much??
me: ??
account guy: I mean there is NO LOGIC in what you do, so you must read these things and type them here... you need to remember a lot.. right??
me: ohh... that... well.. I have very good memory :)
p.s. last line was sarcasm12 -
Summary of the summary: Boss is an asshole. Root gets angry; boss leaves instead of picking a fight for once. This makes Root sad (and really angry).
Summary: Root has another interaction with her boss. The boss is an asshole. Root is a bitch. Root would have been so so so much more of a bitch if the boss actually fucking responded. Root is sad this didn't happen. Root might have gotten fired. That would have made Root happy. :<
-------------
Le wild blackout appears!
-- Conference call (the short-short version) --
Boss: *freaks out* Fix it! Why aren't you fixing it? You have to fix it.
Me: I'm already fixing it. 😕
Boss: You have to fix it! This is important!
Me: Then let's get off this call so I can focus on fixing it!
Boss: Okay but fix it! *begrudgingly hangs up*
-- Slack --
Me: (posting a running log of what I'm doing) This is what i discovered. this is the cause. these are the possible fixes. I picked this one because it's quick and has few consequences, though it may break ____ so it'll need followup fixes. I'll do those tomorrow. Blackout resolved!
Boss: (apparently doesn't even noticed I fixed his shitty service)
-- Next day --
Boss: I want you to work on [stupid shit] instead.
Me: But what about the followup fixes?
Boss: Top priority! because customer service!
Me: ... fine.
-- Next week (verbatim because wtf) --
Boss: Did we test that [resolution] on ______? No one thought to test this. It didnt cross anyones mind at all? Either you guys can make good decisions and document concerns or I have to be part of every decision [...]. But this is basic. SHould have been a team heads up and said if we are switching this what can it break and can we test it. [sic]
Me: Did you want me to resolve the blackout quickly and allow people to actually use our service, or spend two days checking everything that might possibly have gone wrong? I weighed the possibilities and picked the solution with the quickest implementation with the fewest consequences. You're welcome.
Me: (Quotes boss's "SHould have been a team heads up" and links my "this is what could go wrong" heads-up in Slack)
Boss: (pretends not to even notice)
Boss: (talks about customer service related crap)
What a fucking loser.
I'm so angry he didn't respond and start in on me over it. I wanted to tear him to shreds in front of everyone.
Related:
He tried adding another huge project to my plate earlier today, and I started flipping out on him for all these shitty sales features he keeps dumping on me in place of real work that i still get blamed for not finishing. The contractor stepped in before it got too heated, though, which is probably best because my reaction was pretty unprovoked. The above rant, though? Asshole doesn't read, just blames and yells when he's angry.
I really hate him.20 -
New guy: There's a memory leak in my code.
Me: You need to free the memory you previously allocated.
New guy: Already did that, deleted everything from my "Downloads" folder and some stuff from my Desktop.
Me: *Long Pause* Have you tried "rm -rf /" yet ?4 -
Ranted about him before but this just came to my mind again.
The fucking windows (to the max) fanboy I had to deal with for too long.
Every time I mentioned something about what programming language to use in a project he was NOT part of:
"I know it's none of my business, BUT I think you should use .net"
(All backend JavaScript and php guys).
Every time I mentioned something about what server system to use:
"I know it's none of my business but I think you should use Windows server"
(All Linux guys)
Every time I'd say something positive about Linux he'd search as long as needed to prove that that was also a windows thing (didn't even come close sometimes)
Every time I told the devs there about a windows security issue (as in "guys they found this thing, install the next update to stay safe :)" - "ahhh will do, thanks for letting know man!") he'd search as long as needed to prove that Linux also had had security issues like that.
(Okay?!? I know?!? I'm just trying to notify people so their systems stay secure and they're genuinely happy with that so STFU)
MOTHERFUCKER.17 -
Guy: you said you were a software developer right?
Me: Yes
Guy: Do you know how to reset my phone?
Me: You do know a reset will wipe out all contacts.
Guy: Yes
Me: What phone do you have?
Guy: iphone
Me: (looks it up on google and shows him it)
Guy: is that a special app?
Me: its google
Guy: oh
I swear this was tuesday night and i was the one out of us that was drinking11 -
One reason for tons of android permissions in simple apps.
I recently installed an app that asked for like 12 permissions. The app obviously needed 2 of them. No more.
I was also right next to the guy that made the app and asked him, wtf?!
The answer:
"We based out app on some other one that needs all that and even though we use just a couple of it's features we can't be bothered to remove the others from the code."
Fuck this guy. Or whoever ordered him to do that.14 -
Does anyone else have that one guy or gal you work with that's ALWAYS the one to find the weirdest, inexplicable bugs possible? Yup. That's me. Here's some fun examples.
*Unplugs monitor from laptop, causing kernel panic*
*Mouse moves in reverse when inside canvas*
*Program fails to compile, yet compiler blames a syntax error that doesn't exist*
*malloc on the first line of a program causes a segfault*
And for how the conversation usually goes
Me: "[coworker], mind taking a look at this?"
Coworker: "Sure.This better not be another one of 'your bugs'. ... ... ... Well, if you need me I'll be at my desk."
Me: "So you know what's causing it?"
Coworker: "Nope. I've accepted that you're cursed and you should do the same."9 -
This actually happend in my secondary school class. A new guy came to our class. The whole family moved from another city.
*new guy want to start conversation with me*
new guy: "So you into computers and stuff like that?"
me: "Yes" *seems like a cool guy , want to develop the conversation further* "what about you man? do you like computers? do yo program or smth?"
*new guy wants to look cool in front of me*
new guy: " Yeah dude, actually I am hacker"
*me saying to myself, oh fuck not again this shit*
he continues with: " Once I got into the NASA system"
*switches mode to making fun of him*
me: "what the fuck man? really? that´s freaking cool, how you manage to do that? "
new guy: " you know the thing when you press F10 when starting a comupter? "
me: "You mean BIOS?"
new guy : "yeah yeah man through that shit"
* I am done, laughing my ass off and walks away*1 -
Just had a Mac user in a Linux chat. Guy was trying to setup MySQL, yada yada yada... Turns out that the guy didn't know what a PATH is.
Let that sink in for a moment. A developer, with a hipster MacBook that probably cost him several grand.. but doesn't know what a PATH is.
Please kill me. 🙂🔫42 -
Seen on a lottery commercial:
Guy 1: That can't be right check it again.
Guy 2: Computers can't be wrong, they're programmed that way!2 -
A guy is sitting at a bar when the guy next to him lights up a cigarette. Horrified, the guy turns to him and says "hey! Don't you know the surgeon general warns that cigarettes can cause cancer!?" The guy next to him replies "I'm a software developer, I don't care about warnings. Only errors"2
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To the guy who said that java is the best programming language. Sorry if it has been posted before.
13 -
Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.
"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"
Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.19 -
In few hours I was with client showing his website after long time coding and designing.
Client: I think this is it, here your final $$
Me: Me thanks sir and bye
A guy came in.
Client: Oh! Wait, this guy is our it expert let see if he have any advise.
Me: Oops! Okay
Guy: So this website will showcase our products
Me: Yes,
Guy: What about security because I just got news that Russian hacked one big company.
Me: I don’t think Russian have time to hack your one page website
Out of the door...3 -
we had this guy once, who we gave access to our private repo. everything's all good until we noticed that our amazon bill was USD 8,000+!!! we found out that lots of servers got created and that's bec. this guy forked our private repo and his fork was a public one. our keys were still not in .env files and were part of the commit so some bot got hold of it and accessed our amazon account. we suspected that the servers were used for bitcoin mining. anyway guy was fired on the spot and we also learned our lesson to keep keys out of repos.14
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I don't wanna be that guy that posts jokes here but thought this one was pretty good:
What's the most popular language in programming?...
...Profanity6 -
Don't let the guy writing the client define the API. You'll end up with an API that only works for that client.5
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GODADDY IS THE BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTANCE
I WOULD LIKE TO MEET THAT GUY BOB PARSONS SO I CAN STAB THAT FUCKER IN THE GOD DAMMED BALLSACK15 -
:-)
I think that "family guy" is telling me That is time to close netflix and read something......
5 -
I hope we'll see more of Gilfoyle in the next season of Silicon Valley because that guy is fucking fire1
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Guy: We should build a Blockchain based review website.
Me: Why does it have to use a Blockchain?
Guy: That way we can verify that only real people are leaving reviews and not bots.
Me: That's not really how Blockchains work.
Guy: Blockchain!5 -
I really feel sad for the person that is going to manage my code in future :(
Poor guy will have nightmare about this6 -
You know that guy that types www.google.com in the omnibox in the Chrome browser. I work with him... 😑8
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C: hey mate, what's the best tool to open up this 31.1M rows x 106 cols CSV file?
M: Umh...Pandas DataFrame or R DataTable I guess?
C: all right, Excell will do, thanks!
M: erhm...yeah, anytime?11 -
I Don't want to be that guy that has stickers on his laptop that he didn't "earn" them.
That is, if I am not fluent in AWS I won't plaster their stickers, even though I attented one course one time.
Just a thought11 -
Heard this one on the lift today:
"I'm more of a backend guy"
You have to be really careful when you say that kind of stuff...7 -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
me: "Why not just use AJAX?"
guy who wasn't kidding: "Uh... oh is that a SOAP joke? Haha.."
:/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/ :/2 -
The guy who kept asking for my help... it's not that I have a problem with that, but his problems could be solved with a very simple Google search.6
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Stakeholder today. Guy is a flat out turbo cunt. I was listing various things that are not complete yet and he’s like “I could do that in an hour!!”
Could you though, fucko? Could you?6 -
I knew this guy was pure evil.
Deployment on friday night !
And that too before Christmas.
Thank god Santa doesnt use Tesla
5 -
Dad : My WhatsApp has an issue and you're a software engineer. Fix it
Me : Looks like a Android bug...can't do anything.
Dad : Come with me, this guy at the shop around the corner who does prepaid talk time recharge will fix it... learn from him
Me : facepalm , gotta kill that guy1 -
Brought in a meeting a really good idea. One guy out of 9 sayd, that it's stupid and we could not use it.
1 week later the same guy proposes the same idea to the boss and team. Took all the merit and when I confronted him, he denied, that it was first my idea.
Fuck my life...2 -
Whatever was running on that computer in Jurassic park with the gif of the fat guy saying "ah ah ah"
5 -
HR guy who was telling me that his company is one of the best when he was ofdering me a job, joined different startup after a month.3
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Some guy: Dude what're you doing?
Me: Making an app.
Goes ahead to ask what an app is, I give him a brief and try to show him some features of my app.
Some guy: So that means you can "make your own" facebook. Why not build something like Facebook or WhatsApp?
Speechless...4 -
Our team does not believe in keeping a documentation.
Says a guy after a major issue that was 95% caused by lack of any documentation.1 -
Discovered this awesome community some months ago, and I've finally decided to make an account :D
Guess I should write a rant now.
We were initially a team of 2 to do a 'simple' app with AngularJS, NodeJS and Kendo UI in 2 months.
We had some problems with it, mainly because I'm 'in charge' of a big Java web application filled with legacy code and in process of a 'big change that was planned to be deployed for all users yesterday', and my coworker (also the project analyst) was still learning how Node and Angular work. And I'm not going to lie, I'm still learning new things everyday.
Situation 1 month after our start: coworker fired (due to offtopic reasons), replaced by a younger girl, and me still doing changes in the Java webapp.
Thank god I work better when under big pressure :p2 -
"Dont jump. The bug has been fixed!"
(Plot twist: I'm actually that guy who's gonna jump) lmao
Whats yours?
49 -
[PM] - "Hey, <that guy> is joining our team for the next 6 sprints"
[Me] - "Really?, <that guy>? You want bugs? Cos' that's how you get bugs"1 -
I first got into software when found an broken printer abandoned in my front porch and u fixed it. That was when I realised that I would be an IT guy
.
.
.
.
.
.just kidding1 -
My first job was not exactly a job but a freelance project. The guy that I delivered the website to thought that I'd charge money each time I pressed a key on my laptop when we met.
Had to explain to the guy that that's not how it works. That's not how any of it works.4 -
That guy at the office who's constantly and vocally upset he hasn't gotten into Bitcoin a long time ago.
That fucking guy.5 -
This guy sitting next to me is coughing like he's dying.. If he gets me sick that may become a reality.5
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"You should record video tutorials of how to do stuff", people say to me.
#1 - I suck on camera. I have a really annoying nasally voice that I just can't stand to hear in my own head, let alone on video.
#2 - I look like every stupid a--hole fat old ugly white guy people love to hate. Nobody wants to see that.
#3 - I suck at remembering what the f$$# I was going to say to begin the video, to show the thing I was going to show, and how to end it without sounding like a complete #@#%@# moron.
#4 - %@%$#@ QuickTime! And any other video screen recording software that NEVER $%#@#$% WORKS for me!! I'll be in the middle of a very complex process I'm demonstrating and BAM! The whole recording crashes. Six takes and six more crashes later and I'm @#%#@# done with trying to do this #@$@#%.
Screenshots and text it is and always will be.9 -
This is a rant about that guy who is younger, more talented, smarter, more handsome and a super wizard in everything he does.. and still manages to be a nice guy.
Fuck you. It's unfair3 -
The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please
6 -
Tl:dr
Our post offices now test E-Voting and give 50'000CHF to the first one who manipulates the Voting system, on Gitlab, A guy named "FuckThePost" made the Source Code public.
Love that guy...
10 -
when my relatives know I'm studying IT:
"ooh, did you know that this guy made this and become rich, and this guy made this app and is rich now too, so why haven't you made anything yet?"
//its not that simple...3 -
Gotta love moments when you find legacy code like this :)
P.S. Yeah, that was the whole script, written by just one guy.
3 -
Good guy teacher doesn't care if you write Javascript global functions wrong on a test because "your editor will fix that for you"
-
How difficult is it to do things and do them properly? Clearly in 2019, very difficult. And why on Earth would you do things properly, when there's get rich quick schemes, shortcuts to be found and taken, and that filthy filthy legal tender. If the shitty implementation makes a profit, why do it properly? Makes no sense.
Except it fucking does. And you know why? Because of the guy that comes after you, that works with your fucking bullshit implementation and probably curses you to the moon and beyond in the process. Just like you probably did with the guy that came before you, with that bullshit you got tasked to work with. Don't be that guy. And don't be that guy to the next guy.
Still with me? Good. Here's the thing. You can do [insert job here] quick and dirty. But you're guaranteed to be checking back on it and fixing the crap later on. Or worse yet, someone else will be cursing you to the moon and beyond while they are fixing / working around your crap. So why not do it right in the first place? Is this why we can't have nice things?5 -
Ah yes, my favourite statement a client can say to me.
"I know a guy that will do it for $100 less"5 -
Me: We need to allow the team in the newly acquired subsidiary to access our docker image repositories.
Sec Guy: Why?
Me: So they can run our very expensive AI models that we have prepared onto container images.
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: So how we're supposed to share artifacts?!?
Sec Guy: Can't you just email them the docker files?
Me: Those images contain expensively trained AI models. You can't rebuild it from the docker files.
Sec Guy: Can't you email the images themselves?
Me: Those are a few gigabytes each. Won't fit in an email and won't even fit the Google drive / onedrive / Dropbox single file size limit.
Sec Guy: Can't you store them in a object storage like S3/GCS/Azure storage?
Me: Sure
Proceed to do that.
Can't give access to the storage for shit.
Call the sec guy
Me: I need to share this cloud storage directory.
Sec Guy (with aparent amnesia): Why?
Me: I just told you! So they can access our AI docker images!
Sec Guy: There is a ban on sharing cloud resources with the acquired companies.
Me: Goes insane
Is there a law or something that you must attempt several alternative methods before the sec people will realize that they are the problem?!?! I mean, frankly, one can get an executable artifact by fucking email and run it but can't pull it from a private docker registry? Why the fuck would their call it "security"?9 -
So by trying to make my avatar look like me as much as I can, I've came to realisation that I'm the most generic looking guy mother earth ever compiled. If that even makes any sense...
-
Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?
If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.8 -
Yay. I was yet again asked to make a whole module that is meant to compete with stuff companies have made who have funding of millions - without even a designer to help out. I'm the single frontend guy in the team.
"Let's make our website like that super beautiful website we saw that actually paid a designer, UI/UX guy, interaction designer and graphic guy. But let's not hire any of them. Who needs them anyway? Such a waste of money which their high fees"
I guess I'll just take "inspiration" from Pinterest/dribbble/behance1 -
It fucking pisses me off when people compare experience as a benchmark of his performance or knowledge while hiring for job and even salaries depend on that. How do you know that, that guy has jerked around while the younger guy with less years of experienco would work better and harder.
What is your experience with people like that?10 -
I used to work with a guy that fell asleep at his desk. Apart from that he was a great guy. Learnt a lot from him (sadly not the sleeping at the desk part).
-
Things you shouldn’t be:
1. Racist
2. That guy that interrupts the person next to him while he is trying to write code every 2 fucking minutes and asks dumb and meaningless questions3 -
I saw this picture and joked that the guy in the picture is in my pocket? Then I realized the guy is the NSA agent monitoring me. Ouch! Jokes on me...
9 -
My company employed a new back-end guy from a random country in Africa (our first non-european). After firing the internal IT guy a year ago, they have now noticed that he has fully protected our company from login attempts outside of europe. The replacement has no idea how to revert it and honestly is not an system administrator.
Our DevOps guy knows how to solve it but nobody asked him and he cannot be arsed.8 -
Co-employee in Slack: Let's get this bread
*1 hour later*
That guy: Bread has been acquired
Meanwhile me: *Forgot to eat breakfast and read the sentence wrong*
God I wish I was that guy5 -
Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.
While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!
All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”
IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong.... -
from the same guy that altered a table without warning: deleted a stored procedure without telling anyone14
-
Getting super fed up of that one guy in the office who refuses to conform to the code style everyone else is using on the project.4
-
tldr:
first year in college we programmed 24 hrs straight to fix somebody's mess before the deadline. Decided not to screw him over, instead he claimed to have done everything and we failed the assignment.
Long version:
var group= new[]{"Mike", "Gavin", "Gus", "I", "Ben" };
var client = "Jack"';
First year of college we had an assignment to make a web program for somebody.
Ben wanted to join our group and he already knew a client so we let him join.
After joining Ben wanted to be project lead, but we already decided Mike based on his experience.
Ben claimed to be much better in every way than Mike at and kept coming with stuff the following weeks why we should make him project lead. He kept pointing out when Mike did something wrong and he even came with an audio file where he clearly made jack say that he wanted Ben to be project lead .
After that we were all a bit pissed and told him that he should get it in his head that he was not going to be project lead and just start working on his part of the assignment.
We also found out that Ben was a documentation addict, what we could write in a small paragraph, he wrote a whole page about it. No joke, I rewrote a page of his in 5-6 rows with the same information in it.
No problem you thing, wrong! Because of this he kept bothering us arguing and claiming that our documentation was wrong because it was to short.
In the week of the deadline we asked Ben if he was also done, and told us that he was done for a while now.
The day before the deadline we came to school thinking we only had to do some merging and finishing up documentation.
Then we found out that Ben has almost nothing, and what he had the IDE was screaming that it was incorrect, spaces in Id's and css class names for instance. A really good programmer, my ass!
We were so pissed off at this point, but we had 24 hrs and needed to come up with a plan to fix it.
We decided that Mike and I were going to fix Ben his shit in the coming 24 hrs and Ben was going to make our last bit of documentation because we would not have the time for that, Especially if we had to argue with him like we had to do for each bit of documentation. Gus did not have time and Gavin could not program on his own yet, he wanted to help, but helping him help us would cost more time than we had.
We all went home after that and Mike and I started to program 24 hours straight while in a Skype call, making what Ben had 2 months for. Shortly before the deadline Mike looked at our finishing up documentation received from Ben and told me it was "Okay" and zipped everything up and uploaded it to school with a few minutes to spare.
After that we thought everything was good, we made Ben's part work and delivered it in time. We also decided not to throw Ben under the bus, because this would hurt all our grades because we did not work good as a group since we should have noticed it earlier.
A few weeks go by till the assessment.
The assessment start with asking if we want individual grades or as a group when you all think you did equal amount. We choose as a group, because if we chose individual not only Ben but also Gavin would get a lower grade and we did not think that was fair because he tried so hard.
We demo the product and the teachers are positive. When the teachers start about the documentation, the first thing they tell is that they found something interesting in the documentation, and they read it to us:
"I, Ben, have made all the documentation because my group did not want to."
That was so far from the truth, we all did make our documentation about the parts we made. Yes he did do overall a little bit more because every single bit of documentation we had to argue with him, so every time he volunteers to make it, we would all agree. And he made Mike's and i's last bit of documentation.
Telling the teachers on that point would not have mattered, it would only have hurt is in another way, so we did not and all failed the assignment. And we all felt like to strangle him.
This is now a few years back, but i still want too.1 -
Anyone else got some funny terms in their office like:
Rocketsurgeolist: Guy that knows everything about everything but hardly manages to pull anything off.
Maffamagician: A person that battles with math and spreadsheets
Marketard: Marketer3 -
That guy who thinks he know exactly what I'm doing better than me... Oh, you meant a different type of tool.
-
Sent my changes before everybody for code review, got git blocked because today was demo day, and ... And asshole guy merged his own PR without code review. That conflicted with my PR. I am going to start posting the shennanigans of asshole guy from now on, just to have a record of his stupidity.
10 -
Guess who implemented a whole new feature in 3.5 lines of code and a simple CSS class.
This awesome guy.
Take that, frameworks.6 -
Any devrant-ers at the Kansas City Developer's Conference (kcdc) right now? Right now = July 12th & 13th, 2018.
If you see me, I'm that guy who just grabbed a handful of life saver mints at the vendor booth. Yea...*that* guy.
Rant? Only thing so far is the heat (air conditioning can't keep up with the outside) and breakfast (see attached). I guess some people call that breakfast, but I suppose its better than nothing.
-
Wow, what a fuck up lol also love the guy that tweeted this, that changed his name to "reply-all isn’t funny or clever fyi"
src: https://gdprhallofshame.com/19-dear...
1 -
I guess im a pretty soft guy, but my boss keeps asking me to be rough with our clients because they are abusing our support service(me).
Im just not that guy..
what do?7 -
just saw that a guy liked his own linkedin post
doesn't get any better than this folks
welcome to hell6 -
I just watch WWDC 2017... To me it was honestly boring and I felt that no one the people that attended or the presenters were truly excited about anything. Except for Craig. That guy is always excited6
-
First day of work, the guy says that I must arrive until 9am, he isn't here, now I'm sitting waiting for him (it's 9:45)4
-
Do you know that feeling when you ask for help in a chat or board and some guy posts a link to the first google result by just googling what you asked?
I mean does that guy think that I can’t use google?
I wouldn’t ask for help if the answer could be found in google in a few seconds.
On the other hand you can’t be mad because he only wanted to help you.8 -
So, 2 weeks ago, some guy in here left a comment about how great i3 is, so I was curious and installed it.
Since then I spend the same amount of time on playing with i3 as on doing actual work. Not sure if I love or hate that guy, but i3 really is awesome.5 -
Back where I used to work, we had this a-hole call center guy who isn't a programmer but got promoted as our team leader. He said he used to program on his early days at the company (?) . He claims that made back-ups of his source code in MS Word and even tries to gives us a lecture about backing up programs.
I really hate those a-wipes who often get promoted and suddenly goes up to their heads
7 -
Me walking into Best Buy picking up a package wearing my Android hat.
Me: I'm here to pick up a package
Best Buy guy: That is a nice hat!
Me: Oh? Thanks! It my favorite
Guy: As long as it isn't Apple2 -
I love it when my boss says "review the code with this guy since he knows alot" and that guy wastes your time by just skimming my code and saying "where is the final product?". I don't get people sometimes. At least I impressed myself making a small chatbot.
-
There is always that one guy.. who doesn't give a fuck about testing and thinks he's not responsible for them...
Le Guy: lemme just push ma new code maan
Jenkins: Unit Tests failed - pls fix
Le Guy to the one who cares about testing: hey fuck uu, ur stupid tests are failing... fix them its ur problem.
*sigh*7 -
When that guy *always* starts trying to aggressively optimize his code right after writing it. It really is the root of all evil. DK1
-
an IT student from same semester another section.
met because I was helping with a side project. and he happens to be there.
here's the interaction:
guy: heard ... u work for a company..
me: ya.. um web development
guy: never heard of that ...wheyyyyyy ....re is it!
me: ʘ‿ʘ4 -
"try harder and smarter, we will do a training if needed"... A coworker replying to another coworker (non dev tech support guy who never used postman in his life) in public chat... And I can't help but think that he is implying that the tech support guy is stupid.
KNOWING POSTMAN DOESN'T MAKE YOU SMART!!! AND YOU NEED TO SHOW SOME RESPECT AND LEARN HOW TO SPEAK!!9 -
Is it that difficult to write a fucking commit message? I've told this guy 3 times and he still just commits 'dev' as a message.5
-
thankful for the new guy that handed me the opportunity to explain what the “cd” command does by linking him a pastebin that just says C DEEZ NUTS1
-
One developer got a code and had to add new feature so he writes new function in similar way that arleady written one. Pass the code to next guy.
Next guy: why did u write this function like that?
First guy: Coz one was arleady written that way
N: but it was written wrong
F: ...so now 2 are written wrong (no he will not fix it 😂😂)1 -
I wonder what this guy is doing now, he made the most upvoted rant on this platform and then ditched and probably doesn't know that He has the most upvoted rant.
https://devrant.com/rants/194632/...4 -
When friends and family still think that because I write software ("do coding"), I work for Microsoft. Or that I'm the guy to fix anything that uses electricity.2
-
That one day you realize you can be in an abusive relationship with your boss, and he's a sales guy, and gaslighting is what he does PROFESSIONALLY.4
-
"So.....I see that you're a strong SQL guy.....and this is a data role BUT can you help us clear out our web backlog?"1
-
That awkward moment when you stay late at the office and are blaring gangster rap and the cleaning guy comes around. #thuglife 😂😂😂
-
My business partner and I started working at our new office and this other guy who was our client and provided us Internet connection for very cheap price, asked us if he can come and hangout sometimes
My partner : yeah man, any time !!
That guy : thanks man
Partner : But only when we are not that busy and don't bring any other person unless it's a woman.
Me : what !!
My partner : what ?4 -
Showed a colleague how < uparrow > is used in bash. That poor guy....
typing everything again must be so hard2 -
That one time I answered a question on a forum and another guy was like: "Damn son, I wish I had thought of that! Wanna hang at this code-LAN next weekend?" 😅
-
So a guy trying to convince me that vim is bad, just told me that jetbrains is better than vim, which he accused as dead software, because the jetbrains website is better than vim website.5
-
In Grand Britain, a guy died because his cars cruise control locked a t 190 km/h. How is that possible ?!5
-
Back when I was younger, I used to do concreting. And our boss was an old school type of prick.
Pissed off one guy so much that the guy literally hurled a shovel at him lol. Then quit. -
I'm glad that, now that I'm not the only woman in my team, I'm not the only one who thinks Some Guy is an asshat3
-
In two weeks of christmas holidays my brain had enough time to fire the guy that was in charge of my sleep pattern and to hire a new guy with less experience that is really trying hard to fix the mess that has been left for him.
Went to bed at 5am...
Woke up at 9am...
I'm getting there!4 -
My friend asked me if "the thing that contains a character" is a bit or a "bite"
He is a hw guy and has an A from ict, HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THAT5 -
Publishing stuff and receiving feedback and improvement ideas is sush a great feeling. A guy opend an issue today asking for a feature to be implemented and he was very polite. Thanking me for my work.
This is way better than money. Money can't buy that feeling. People like this guy is the reason open source stuff lives. -
I think I must be in here somewhere but, I do have a guy that takes the ducky method too seriously and gas audible conversations with himself.1
-
Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.
SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.
*fast forward*
SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.
ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.
Fucking hell.11 -
That guy at the office who gets really irritated and worried about newly introduced technology. He would spend 2-3 days talking trash about it, saying how much he prefers the older and less efficient approach just because he knows it.
That fucking guy.2 -
When you are seeing a video tutorial and the guy remove a bunch of code that you didn't notice, and unconsciously you press 'ctrl+Z'
-
A client hired someone to work on a new feature while we were working on something else. The new guy makes huge commits that we don't have the time to read, really.
I merged and deployed my work only to find that the whole database was wiped. Apparently, the new guy pushed some code that reset the database.
I Spent the rest of the day looking through backups trying to restore the database.2 -
The guy who wrote a ton of legacy code at my company apparently had no idea that you need to close a file stream. And also that IO may throw exceptions.
Wooo1 -
Not a fight I was involved in but one I observed. A junior dev on my team and a server ops guy had major personality conflicts. One day the server ops guy had enough and physically went after the junior dev. I was senior but still pretty new to my own career and had no idea how to handle it. Server guy got fired soon after. I was glad I didn’t have firing power and that he didn’t even report to me anyways.2
-
guy creates very cool looking, advanced css effects library that went viral
guy puts it up on GitHub
guy writes a ranty post and pins it to top the of issues with stuff like "i'm not going to make this a module or library that can be installed, and also don't try because i've already created a seperate repo for that" ON AN OPEN SOURCE LIBRARY
dude, you already open-sourced it, people are going to use it however they want
idk, just found this to be a very weird vibe, thought i'd share. thoughts?13 -
As a bioinformatician I sometimes feel like I’m not fully a computational guy, but also I am not fully a biologist... anyone in an intermediary position like that?2
-
And there's always this one answer on stack overflow, that one guy,
Who searches for the same on google, copies and pastes it on stack overflow :D1 -
So I'm at this gaming event to enter in a small game I have been working on with fellow teammates. As an OOP, does anyone find the following conversation hmmm, odd?
Guy: I program for Microsoft!
Me: That's great! What's your favorite syntax?
Guy: I don't want to get into that? Me(inMyHead): 🙄😂😂😂👍🏾4 -
!ok
A guy just told me that printing variables to check for errors is better than debugging!
I am done talking to him 😂6 -
So this guy, was my teacher in college, and he started involving me in projects outside school, after that he recommended me to my current employer and is currently a guy I consider my personal friend. But the hest thing is that he has never cuf me some slack, he always challenges me to understand the why of the how haha, I can actually say that I have gotten to where I am because of him
-
Can't decide between the guy that used gedit to code and the guy who wouldn't read the documentation.
Wait, that was the same guy! -
I used to strive 7years back to become the company project manager. they agency was helping me to get there, and when they fired the old PM I thought "this is it!!!"
instead they hired another guy, which got me frustrated.
all that being said, I give that guy full credit for everything I know today. -
I was working with some guys on a plug.dj bot, and one of the guy knew shit about the module we were using.
He decided to add a copy-pasted code directly to master, wrecking the bot.
Never giving write access to that guy ever again.6 -
Last week-end I went to a hackathon organized by Microsoft Innovation Center, that was great ! I didn't win anything unfortunately but the guy from there said to my team "we want your project" before we leave. So we didn't won anything but you want our project ? Wtf guy ?2
-
One of the things that fascinates me about software engineering, is how there is no metric to determine who is the best software engineer.
The guy who worked at FAANG?
The guy who started his own company and created their own product?
The guy who owns a RGB and two monitors setup?11 -
Lodash, Rimraf, Grunt, Gulp... I'm still not convinced that our frontend guy isn't just playing Pokémon Go all day2
-
QA guy: Your app crashed on this Samsung.
Me: Checks Firebse logs and finds out that phone was rooted and tells QA guy.
QA guy: You must consider all use cases.
Fuck you dude!2 -
The programming guy at my work, someone who is educated, told me that the best programmers are self taught.. Is that true?5
-
So there's this remote guy on my team that basically doesn't do much and when it does fucks up. This is a guy with a lot experience but it doesn't seem even give a fuck. He doesn't pay attention to standups and he has more time than me in the project but doesn't know that much about it. There are rare times when he gives good ideas. However this happena so rarely that it is awful to work with him.1
-
Just opened Telegram to read new messages from a random group in which I was added by a total random guy. Saw that guy asking for some help on how he could get more free RAM in his phone for whatever reasons. Then saw this fucking asshole writing dumb shit instead of helping him and everybody is now praising him like God. I thought of telling that dick what he's upto, but just left that fucking group of morons immediately.
4 -
I once met a guy who seriously thought that JavaScript was an interpreted language, merely because it has an eval() function...9
-
There was this guy at university who pronounced 'branch' like 'brunch'. It was so hilarious that my friends and I had to hold our laughter back.1
-
Delays. Delays in payment, delays in scope and spec delivery, delays from the graphics guys, delays from the X guy, the Y guy, this company, that company. No matter what the reason, delays leave that leave the Dev waiting and sitting around despondent and losing interest faster than the second to latest viral video.
-
So I help I help this guy with setting up a Ruby Api backend for free.. First mistake,
Guy: hey you want something in return like LinkedIn endorsements.
Me: sure that be cool!
Guy endorses me for HTML...
Guy: your welcome!!!
Me: wtf.. HTML???
Guy: Dude your so ungrateful.1 -
Some music to start your day:
https://youtu.be/nSKp2StlS6s
https://youtu.be/xCGu5Z_vaps
That guy has much more on his channel. It's beautiful6 -
That moment when the code that was supposed to be removed in only commented out!!! The guy butchered a bunch of classes by commenting out about 1000 lines of code
-
ON THE PHONE WITH THE SHITTY HEALTH CARE PROVIDER THAT OUR COMPANY USES... THEY CANT PROVIDE AN EMAIL.... NOW THE GUY I GOT SAYS HE CANT ACCESS MY INFO BECAUSE OF A SYSTEM ERROR.... NEED TO TRANSFER TO ANOTHER GUY!!!!
WTF!!!!! DUMBASSES.... THEY SHOULD BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!
AND I NEED TO GET A NEW JOB... BUT PROLLY WONT BE DOING THAT FOR AWHILE.... :( -
Do you ever feel like no matter how much money you earn it just.. doesn't seem enough because you see certain people around you who earn even more? Whenever i hear my in-laws say 'oh that guy earns this much, this guy earns this much', i feel kinda low...19
-
Me (to Google): I need *this* WITHOUT *that*
Google: Okay, so you need *this* WITH *that* gotcha.
*SEO guy laughing at my misery*3 -
I love that moment in the company when my opinion does not matter about but the time gives the reason to the crazy tech guy that nobody listen in first place4
-
So funny thing happen yesterday night. I was attending a small talk at a meeting here in our town where one guy had to present some unconventional "React" methods and the other one had to present "ClosureScript".
The "React" guy didn't show up, and the "Closure" guy told us that this compiler is multi-threading but in fact by his examples was single-threading.
So instead of learning new stuff in there I just laugh my ass off because of this event. -
I have become the guy that sends emails to the rest of my team telling them that their code doesn't follow our team's style guide.2
-
This guy! I have a week off and he decides to rewrite the videos and video popups in this site.
He made it all so general that every video is loaded in every page AND auto plays.
Whenever a user is visiting his or her orders it plays all thos videos simulteously while not showing any video.
This guy.... -
This is an actual transcript...
Since it's way too long for the normal 5000 characters, hence splitting it up...
Infra Guy: mr Dev, could you please give some rational for update of jjb?
Dev: sparse checkout support is missing
Infra Guy: is this support mandatory to achive whatever you trying to do?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: u trying to get set of specific folder for set of specific components?
Dev: yes
Infra Guy: bash script with cp or mv will not work for you?
Dev: no
Infra Guy: ?
Dev: when you have already present functionality why reinvent the wheel
Dev: jenkins has support for it
Dev: the jjb is the bottle neck
Infra Guy: getting this functionality onto our infra would have some implications
Dev: why should I write bash script if jenkins allows me to do that
Dev: what implications ??
Infra Guy: will you commit to solve all the issues caused by new jjb?
Dev: you show me the implications first
Infra Guy: like a year ago i have tried to get new jjb <commit_url>
Infra Guy: no, the implications is a grey area
Infra Guy: i cant show all of them and they may hit like in week or eve month
Dev: then why was it not tackled
Dev: and why was it kept like that
Infra Guy: few jobs got broken on something
Dev: it will crop up some time later
Dev: if jobs get broken because of syntax
Dev: then jobs can be fixed
Dev: is it not ???
Infra Guy: ofc
Infra Guy: its just a question who will fix them
Dev: follow the syntax and follow the guidelines
Dev: put up a test server and try and lets see
Dev: you have a dev server
Dev: why not try on that one and see what all jobs fails
Dev: and why they fail
Dev: rather than saying it will fail and who will fix
Dev: let them fail and then lets find why
Dev: I manually define a job
Dev: I get it done
Infra Guy: i dont think we have test server which have the same workload and same attention as our prod
Dev: unless you test how would you know ??
Dev: and just saying that it broke one with a version hence I wont do it
Infra Guy: and im not sure if thats fair for us to deal with implication of upgrading of the major components just cause bash script is not good enough for u
Dev: its pretty bad
Infra Guy: i do agree
Infra TL Guy: Dev, what Infra Guy is saying is that its not possible to upgrade without downtime
Infra Guy: no
Dev: how long a downtime are we looking at ??
Infra Guy: im saying that after this upgrade we will have deal with consequences for long time
Infra Guy-2: No this is not testing the upgrade is the huge effort as we dont have dev resources to handle each job to run
Dev: if your jjb compiles all the yaml without error
Dev: I am not sure what consequences are we talking of
Infra Guy: so you think there will be no consequences, right?
Dev: unless you take the plunge will you know ??
Dev: you have a dev server running at port 9000
Infra Guy: this servers runs nothing
Dev: that is good
Dev: there you can take the risk
Infra Guy: and the fack we have managed to put something onto api doesnt mean it works
Dev: what API ?
Infra Guy: jenkins api
Infra Guy: hmmm
Dev: what have you put on Jenkins API ??
Infra Guy: (
Dev: jjb is a CLI
Infra Guy: ((
Dev: is what I understand
Dev: not a Jenkins API
Infra Guy: (((
Dev: (((((
Infra Guy: jjb build xmls and push them onto api
Infra Guy: and its doent matter
Dev: so you mean to say upgrading a CLI is goig to upgrade your core jenkisn API
Dev: give me a break
Infra Guy: the matter is that even if have managed to build something and put it onto api
Infra Guy: doesnt mean it will work
Dev: the API consumes the xml file and creates a job
Infra Guy: right
Dev: if it confirms to the options which it understands
Dev: then everything will work
Dev: I am actually not getting your point Infra Guy
Infra Guy: i do agree mr Dev
Dev: we are beating around the bush
Infra Guy: just want to be sure that if this upgrade will break something
Infra Guy: we will have a person who will fix it
Dev: that is what CICD is supposed to let me know with valid reasons
Dev: why can't that upgrade be done
Infra Guy: it can be done
Infra Guy: i even have commit in place3 -
Well I used to be that guy who was always cursing gradle sync but I realize I was just preparing myself for this, the next level!
10 -
My bank here in Philippines is having a glitch with there system since yesterday. the current balances of the depositors are not tally anymore and most annoying thing is they don't allow to withdraw money in their atm machines until now. I know its very difficult to fix this issue but we our need money in order to eat! 😢2
-
Debating whether to be the guy that posts deep slash depressing shit on here. Or let my other personality of a meme Lord handle my devRant3
-
In every single group project at my university, there is always that one guy that doesn't do shit:
Last year, we were a group of four students developing a website. One guy had never seen HTML before and was just filling the website with lorem ipsum and break-tags. One student didn't work a lot on the project, but developed a few bugs. The last guy, did not even spend 1 second working on the project.
A few days remaining before the projects deadline, and all we had left was to write a report on how we did acceptance testing. I was sure he would not get the same grade as the rest of us since I emailed the course coordinator, saying that this guy hadn't been contributing with shit.
However, just before the deadline, this guy starts making massive amounts of commits to the repo were he changed like one single character in our report, or just edited single words. The course coordinator probably just checked to see that everyone had committed to the repo, because everyone got the same grades!1 -
Where is that rant of that guy that said if this he gets 666++ he would cut his client's d/ck off and sacrifice him/the d*ck to Satan?7
-
Had a discussion with a fellow coworker about users experience.
This guy actually trying to convince me that the backend is more important for ux then the ui. And this guy is a senior with over 12 years experience. Damn this one is really stupid 🤦♂️🤦♂️14 -
As a guy, who has HTML as a main prog, I think that it is annoying that people think I can fix ANYTHING that is wrong about their mini laptop piece of crap.3
-
where was that guy that was citing "eFfIcIeNT MarKeT HyPoThEsIs"
clearly its a poor guy who doesn't know what math is
#quantsunite
3 -
Every place you work has that one person who seems to make everything difficult. It's better to be that person's friend, even if you disagree with 90% of what they do.
Sometimes, you are that guy. -
Read this and tell me this wasn't written by a guy that just broke up with his girlfriend:
http://andystanton.co.uk/BillStanto...3 -
Being the smartest guy on the team so spend most of the time cleaning everyone else's shit up in prod because they can't recognize what they wrote as shit.
O wait..... Hypothetical.... Hm...
I guess if you replace the proverbial shit with actual shit that would be worse... Smartest guy being a janitor...2 -
Happened way back when I was still in high school and facebook was relatively new. We used to own a cyber cafe.
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The Guy: (Talking to other customers) I'll have you know that I'm a graduate in Computer Science! *Proceeds to boast about self and other bullshittery*
Others: *In awe*
Me: *Veeeery Skeptical*
A few days later...
The Guy: (Talks to me) Hey, there seems to be a problem with your internet. I can't log in on facebook.
Me: Could you try to do what you are doing again?
...
The Guy: See, doesn't work.
Me: Have you registered your account on facebook?
The Guy: Huh? What are you talking about? I have my Yahoo! mail.
Me: ..You need to register your email on facebook in order to log in.
The Guy: What?? I don't get it. I am registered and have a Yahoo! mail!
Me: *Brain Sigh*
(I proceed to help him register his email on facebook)
The Guy: Oh, you had to register on facebook! Now I get it! I thought that if you created an email you can immediately use that to log in to facebook.
Me: *Internal facepalm x1000*
(This guy is a Computer Science graduate? Oh PLEASE. ) -
!rant
Since I see a lot of mixed opinions all over the place; is Python considered to be a "douche bag" language? :S
It just makes me feel self-conscious since that's the language I'm by far most familiar with... :( Should I consider focusing on another language instead?9 -
Every time I go to Germany there is at least one guy that just hates it when foreigners are hired for programming. That happens for every project. Last time one guy was even pissed that he had to sit at the desk next to us. Like we were lepper. He spoke very laudly about that. We get the hardest tasks, get paid less than them and still have to put up with this kind of behavour. Shame on you Germany.9
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I’m applying at Alorica to find out how much pain it is to be that guy at CSR
do I have a deathwish? -
Anyone here also knows/works with someone who is really great at POCs but sucks big time when it comes to the real thing? I hate that guy. Dont be that guy. That guy will be your team's downfall.
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Been working in a company that forces me to double up as their IT guy, getting dangerously close to socking the next guy who says they don't see their network drives. DANGEROUSLY CLOSE!!!! PUSH ME MF, PUSHHHH MEEEEEEEE!!!!1
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Couple of days ago i heard that the wannaB lead is going to leave us. I asked here if anyone could please fire the guy and... They actually kinda fired him...
The guy has serious skills but didn't live up to his promises.
I wonder who's next... -
I was a pure automation QA guy. And told every recruiter that I will do pure automation.
All told truth about profile except current one.
Here I am supposed to be a QA guy with 90%manual and just 10%automation :((
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Remember report a bug? Once I had a guy report a cockroach he saw in his kitchen that morning 😂😂 people are great1
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Biggest worry is that i dont become as irrelevant and useless as @SidTheITGuy.
That guy is out there unlocking levels of under-achievements i didnt even knew existed16 -
You know, I like complaining about other people. But, in reality, I'm really annoying. I'm that kinda guy that names every Excel spreadsheet, "data". Do you guys ever realise that you're more annoying than you let on?
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Have you guys seen that guy bought 80's Mac and found a hidden porn game on it? Then here is this https://goo.gl/7qEH8J
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The new guy goes on and on an on during Stand. He covers absolutely every little fucking thing he's done with anyone he's worked with.
Our new project manager laughs at EVERYTHING. It's not that funny man.
The support guy is also super annoying. We found out he was homeschooled the other day. That explains a lot.1 -
Dont be that guy, ok. Just clean up your shit and don't let shit go through you.
I will git blame you. I will judge you.
#leaveitbetterthanyoufoundit
2 -
I tried the portrait to look like me but Im a junior dev, not that senior dev guy you see on the picture...
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I'm I the only programmer who writes functions and queries?.. Most of my tasks revolve around that ,I'm a back-end guy 😂 😂3
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I get so tired of people hating on PHP, Javascript and promoting Python or C#/Java.
Python is basically Perl with slightly different syntax plus has py2/py3 issues. And suffers from pip like js does from npm.
Java/C# started as application languages, while PHP started in web servers (again from Perl but at least it now has full object support). So comparing apples and oranges is one thing.
Another one is that people don't seem to know much about PHP / js (and tbh not even about the languages they are promoting) when they try to hate. That just comes off as lazy and borderline idiotic. Don't be that guy.
If you have had a bad experience, maybe you need to open the documentation instead of copying code from stack overflow.
Again, lazy and unprofessional.
Devs are supposed to be able to find the most efficient solution, that takes as little code as possible, not as little time from them when they arent familiar with the subject.
Damn Im angry right now, this rant really worked me up! :D6 -
A guy asked me today why his code wont run and it didnt even have a single ; or endl; i straight up ignored the guy later he was all hyped he told me that the huge bug had beeb not using ; this noob literally taught he solved some huge bug....4
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A guy asked for retweet so that he can get free chicken nuggets for a year. Can I ask upvotes so that I can get free swag ???2
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Made some basic static sites in early 2010’s, started getting bootcamp ads frequently.
Eventually joined one & saw what I’ve been missing out on...actually tried in bootcamp and now I’m almost a real deal dev guy 👌🏿
...actually extremely happy but don’t wanna be that guy -
Put in 2 weeks of dev, it passes QA, guy that is presenting to customer checks it against the spec and after all of that half an hour before end of work day the day before guy is going to the client to present this he finds an error (I misinterpreted the spec)... Nope, not gonna code the changes all night so it's implemented properly for the presentation.
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I was a PHP guy most of my career and likes 4 spaces in tabs. Now that I'm a JS guy now I like 2 spaces in tabs and dislikes 4 now lol. It makes coding more compact.
I don't see the reason to use 4 anymore. Do you also like 2 spaces in tabs?15 -
That guy that made those videos of better programming experiences. With the live update of the pink flower tree, the game with different physics states simulated
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I miss the spammers, and being able to openly swear at them. Like that chaosesqueteam guy, ashishtikhile and etc.4
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A guy just asked me that he has this huge project and he needs a WordPress developer and m like :|
What should i tell him.... -
There's always that one guy who keeps tapping on Pokémon Go at work. Like fo real dude, we all want our own Charizard, but maaaaaaaan.
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Yes, I'm that sucker who writes by hand the copy paste code fields even if he already knows how to do that. I'm not proud of it but, what can I say? I'm a wet guy...
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client: I'd like to see this and that on this page.
co-developer: but those aren't in the requirement!
me: #facepalm thinking, "Who hired this guy?"6 -
You know that your are working with a DB-Guy when he provides you a "REST" interface that is outputting table data in JSON format and not even the JSON syntax is correct.
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