Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

Person: HTML is a programming language
Me: No it's not
Person: Yes it is it can compute things
Me: No it can't, and what do you mean?
Person: Have you ever heard of a script tag
Me: That's not fucking HTML that's JavaScript.

We need more JS devs for our frontend.
After half a year of PM complaining that he doesn’t find devs, he finally came back to us:
„Sorry guys, I found two devs, but they are not Java developers, they only do JavaScript“
Me:
Team:
*both speechless*
TeamLead: „... wait, you searched for Java devs half a year?“

So just saw this course online the logo and title are two different languages not the best first impression

“Any application that can be written in JavaScript, will eventually be written in JavaScript.” — Jeff Atwood

Fast-forward 20 years, a plane crashes, they find and open the black box and in the flight logs they can see the cause clearly: ”undefined is not a function”.

Client: Why did you use Vanilla JavaScript? Even my child doesn't eat vanilla.

Me: Uhh..., you realise we are not talking about ice-cream right?
Right?
RIGHT?

Don't know if it was already posted. Best way to add 2 numbers so far

If you feel useless, remember, Word has a dark theme

Was about to try a JavaScript course on Stepik, but what did my eyes have to see ...

Overheard this phone conversation:

"So I have to use Internet explorer since it is the only one that supports JavaScript.

I had to upgrade Java to use it, and now it has to be internet explorer, not even Chrome or Firefox supports JavaScript."

I honestly wanted to punch her in the face.

The only correct way to write JavaScript is whatever you were not doing last week.

Me 5 years ago : "Guys we are gonna have a perf..."

CEO : "Not now, we need to deliver that functionality asap"

Me 3 years ago : "Guys, performances/scalibiluity will hit us like a trucK'

CEO : "Not nowem a new functionality needs to be done ASAP"

Me 1 year ago : "We are gonna be hit by a tank. We won't even understand what happens"

CEO : "I'm sure we can manage"

2 Days ago : Plateform quasiment down, response time in MIONUTES instead of milliseconds, database on fire.

CEO : "WHAT THE FUCK !!! GO FIXC I ASAP WE CANNOT HAVE THAT SHIT HAPPEN".

This is a brief summaru of working in a startup.

We have an API which returns 600 MB of JSON.

Because client "Wants to see everything first and then apply filters, just like Excel".

FML
Edit and ofc thier laptops with core i3 and 4GB of ram can't even process that.

I see my boss interested in learning new languages as if it is gonna be some sort of holy grail but his logic remains the same.

I'm in a step of my life that I finally understand that this language fight is a total waste of time:

PhP is fucking delicious to deploy

Java is fucking delicious to work with spring boot

Python has a fucking delicious syntax and I wanna marry it

Go is fucking delicious to outperform others

Anyway, my point is that when you get the hang of it you should learn concepts and improve your logic instead of hoping language x is gonna save you, its not.

"JavaScript was built in a weekend"

Yeah it was ... But not the version we have today ... Twats saying well I'm sure you can build this app in a few hours 🙄

My company wants to start using Node.JS.

JavaScript.
They wanna use JavaScript.
For everything.

JAVASCRIPT.
FOR EVERYTHING.

Scene;

**Asshat enters break room after meeting**

**Asshat turns to Asshole**

Asshat: “Oh here in a year or two we’ll just be rewriting all of this is Node.JS.”

Asshole: “JavaScript. You’ll be rewriting it in JavaScript. And fucking WHY?”

Asshat: “It’s better”

Asshole: “It’s not really a general use language. Why wouldn’t you guys choose Python if you wanted to write EVERYTHING in a goddamn scripting language?”

Asshat: “Google uses Node.JS”

Asshole: “For back-end web development type stuff. I doubt their accounting systems are written in fucking JavaScript...”

Asshat: “Python is oooooold.”

Asshole (to himself): No you’re old, you stupid, ancient fuck.

**Asshole rolls his eyes and walks away**

**Asshat continues his ignorant chuckling**

End Scene;

Clearly years of fixed format RPG programming has killed too many of Asshat’s brain cells.

Newbie Coder : "... I mean Java and JavaScript are pretty much the same"

Me : *triggered*

Had a client who was not satisfied with dropdowns, nor checkboxes. He wanted dropdown checkboxes.

Well, horrible shit but nothing javascript can't do.

When beginners came to know that Java and JavaScript are not same

My mother.

She explained to me what “algorithm“ is. I was 14. Instant love for the domain. In 2 days, I knew exactly what I want to do with my life

F1: why you always use Go and Django for web applications.
F2: umm, because it's not JavaScript ?

DO NOT USE JAVASCRIPT FOR PUBLIC WEBSITES IF YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE IT!!!

Almost every fucking day, I click a fucking button and NOTHING HAPPENS. I open the console and find tens of JavaScript errors, that *I* have to debug and fix in order to proceed.

FUR FUCK SAKE, JavaScript is not strictly needed, those fucking React and Vue are also not needed. Just now I wanted to download a form: IT'S A FUCKING PDF FILE, why the fuck are you putting your broken JavaScript function to let me download it!? PUT A FUCKING DOWNLOAD LINK YOU FUCKING MORON!

Nobody is forcing anybody to use JavaScript or those fucking fancy frameworks, SO WHY THE FUCK PEOPLE OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS THAT USED TO WORK SO WELL!

In an interview and the interviewee says he can code JQuery but not Javascript...

so i guess ill use my code.org teacher for this:

"credit card information is encrypted with the public keys"

"lists and arrays are the same thing"

"javascript is a powerful, fast, programming language" (bhahahaha)

"javascript is [only] used in web browsers"

"java and javascript are *extremely similar* but not the same"

No I definitely would not fancy having JavaScript written on me.

Senior Dev: "-bleep- I hate Javascript. It is such a pain to have to debug in Chrome"
Mgr: "Why are you 'having to' debug in Chrome?"
-in an almost 'you didn't know?' condensing tone -
Senior Dev: "Because you can't debug Javascript in Visual Studio."
Me: "Umm...pretty sure you can."
Senior Dev: "No, its impossible. I have to make a simple change in Visual Studio, save it, deploy all the files to the server, restart IIS, open up Chrome and use it's developer tools to find bugs. -bleep- Javascript sucks sooo bad."
-I do a quick search on stackoverflow-
Me: "No, I'm looking right at it on stackoverflow. You can debug Javascript in visual studio just like anything else."
- Mgr looks over and smiles, not trying to laugh -
Senior Dev: "Hey, did you watch that scene in Stranger Things...man thats a good show ..."
- other devs jump in to comment about the show, completely dismissing the VS/Javascript conversation -

Not sure WTF just happened.

Master vanilla JavaScript.

Once you do, you'll be able to quickly learn how to use all the frameworks.

And no, jQuery is not vanilla JavaScript.

FrontEnd developper :

Hello here is the STATIC page you asked. Only takes 300 MB of frameworks to make it work.

Are these people on crack or something ?

Yesterday,
I was a bit drunk.
But I wanted to improve security of the company. So, I went in Azure and activated “Security defaults” which forces MFA for all users in the company. (Because RH always forget to enable MFA for new employees, and I actually care about security)
Then I went in office 365 management and instead of resetting MFA for all users (Forcing everyone to redo MFA setup), I (by mistake) clicked on reset all passwords.
I tested my own account it was fine and went to sleep.
Got a call from CEO at 7am, all 30 employees cannot login in, cannot work.
What a shit show I made…
I have a call with CEO in about 2 hours, I don’t even know how to justify myself…
So children: don’t activate company wide options while drunk. Ever.

Java in 2000: Just to be clear, JavaScript is not my kid

Java in 2020: Just to be clear, JavaScript is not my dad

OH MY GOSH SHUT THE CRAP UP. I AM NOT INTERESTED. I DON'T EVEN CODE JAVA.

I'm a JavaScript developer. And I don't respond to this spam. Ugh!!!!!

"To use the clock you need Adobe Flash"

Really 1&1? You really need flash to show a fucking clock? Its not that hard to do this in javascript, or? Even if it is an analog clock :D There is even a tutorial of the "quality content page" w3schools about implementing this in javascript ... just whyyyyyyy? it 2018, not 2004.

(1&1 is an german ISP. This message occured in their webmailer using it without flash.)

What did we buy ?
Ryzen 9 and Radeon 6800 XT
What are we playing ?
Open TDD and factorio.

Yep, Can confirm, no lags.

Ok. Who's car is that ? And what is it doing 650km from New York ?

WTF!! I want a JavaScript solution.. not jQuery!! When JavaScript mentioned in the question, why the hell people answer with jQuery solution and also same solution multiple times.

Me : Sending company wide email.
5 seconds later,
Me : "Oh new email"
Me : From myself :(

Recruiters, please understand that only because Java and Javascript share same Letters its not the same language ! Just like Ham and Hamster are not the same thing

When I was really young:

"No, JavaScript is not java."

Dear Recruiters: Java IS NOT JavaScript!!!
>:-(

Hiring junior devs is a game of Russian roulette.

You can get some one who is smart and loves coding. In this case stack, limitations etc don’t matter and experience will be great for junior and the rest of the team

Or it will be a lazy person who watched 5 videos and think to be better than everyone else. 95% of juniors are these fuckers. Takes about 1 week to find out and fire… which starts the 3 months recruiting loop again.

Appretnly for 5 devs + 1QA we need now :

A project manager
A scrum master
A VP of engeneering
Another person I don't remember title.

yep 2023 will be "productive"

Fuck it, I am not going to use any semicolon in my next javascript project.

The amount of much political correctness in the dev community just pisses me off sometimes.

I've watched "Use the right tool / language for the job" has become *THE* excuse for shitty tools and languages. 

Case in point -- JavaScript. If you want to make a website that interacts with the end user, the right tool is JavaScript. But that's because IT'S THE ONLY TOOL. Does that make it a *good* tool?

HELL NO.

/midranttimeout

Brendan Eich, I forgive you. You had 10 days and a corporation on your case.

That's not saying JavaScript doesn't have some good things in it. It does. But "Javascript the good parts" is a fucking thin book.

Sure, some amazing things have been written in JavaScript. Great communities have coalesced around this cancer.

BUT THATS IN SPITE OF JAVASCRIPT, NOT BECAUSE OF IT. AS A LANGAUGE IT'S STILL A STEAMING PILE OF DOGSHIT.

A master can draw great art with a shitty piece of charcoal. That doesn't make charcoal THE BEST DRAWING TOOL EVARRR. It's just a testament to the master's craft.

If you started your programming journey with JavaScript, do expand your horizons.

Break free from Stockholm's syndrome.

Discard your cognitive dissonance.

See JavaScript for what it is -- a shitty language everyone was forced to use. 

PS: Don't even get me started on Java ...

Let's start 2023 !

WHO THE FUCK imagined that having language like YAML is a good idea ??

Fuck you and your spaces. No editor produce any decent errors messages except "Your spaces are wrong".

When you edit an Azure debops pipeline, it's just 5 min ti do thing, 35 minuites to figure ou where to add/remove spaces.

NO, I WILL NOT read 25 pages of documentation to add a single step into pipeline.

Fuck YAML !

My computing teacher says that html is his favourite programming language to teach.

He calls JavaScript Java

Needless to say he's not very good at teaching us html and js.

Me : Who wrote that monstrosity of code ? I’m going to kill someone!
Git blame !
Me : Oh never mind, it was me 4 yeas ago.

Me : "hey front end dev, here is an API returing a list of objects, put them in a table"

*Some hours later

Front end : 'Done !"

Me :" Where are the totals?"

front end : 'Api doesn't give me totals"

me : "Calculate them. Just do a sum"

front end : 'I don't know how".

Yeah, "front end" apprently means only html css.... FML

"Why am I a horrible person for following standard linting and thus not using semicolon in my JavaScript code?"

Next rant

"Sometimes I think people who don't use semicola in JavaScript should be shot on the spot."

Lol, love you devrant

This rant is aimed towards those who hate on JavaScript developers and the JS language:

Dear Asshole,

I am a JavaScript developer by choice.
I think JavaScript is great.
I agree that JavaScript have some bad sides to it, but I believe that the community is driving good change to the ecosystem.
I appreciate other models of other languages.
I do not include 3rd party NPM modules without checking their source and credibility.
I will not use a framework (i.e. react, Vue, Anguler) if it's not needed.

And finally:
I can do any software engineering tasks a software engineer is supposed to do.

Kind regards,
Nedo-the-angry.

I’m fucking done….
I don’t even know what to tell.
I’m a CTO in a startu. We have pretty good traction, my salary is about average senior dev salary (plus 10%).
I’m good financially.
But I have no more pleasure in work. Like at all.
“This API call performance is bad”
Yeah I know, maybe you shpuldn’t try to call it for 1000 objects at the time ?
“We need to reduce Azure cost”
Yeah I know, but are you ready to live with performances downgrade it will generate ?
“I don’t understand on what thing you worked past week, where is a devops card ?
Fuck you, I’m in extenuating fire mode, I don’t have time for a fucking devops card
“We should migrate whole stack to modern technology, like JavaScript”
Thank you for your imput, Blazor WAS created to avoid JabaScript
“The client has only 1.000.000 records and API doesn’t return them all”
Use fucking paging moron. And BTW, I’m adding “number of authorized requests” shortly.
I can go on and on and on for hours. But the idea is : I completely lost the will or motivation to do anything. I’m considering just to quit and go back to be Junior dev for a random company.

Oh JavaScript... can you seriously not even increment the exponent of a float without barfing?

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*

I need to put that cat ON the table. Because in reality this cat is actuallt on the table !

Stupid javascript.
Stupid hoisting-oblivious "frontend devs."
Stupid browser-specific javascript behavior.
Stupid thrown-together javascript minifier that literally only strips out whitespace and comments.
Stupid poorly-written javascript spamming my api.

Time to rewrite it. Grumble grumble. Soo not how I wanted to spend my morning-turn-afternoon.

Leading to the last but not least:
Stupid me forgetting javascript's quirks.

All B2B solutions boil down to "How I import your Excel"

This week I had a technical interview for a Python developer position.
They asked me Javascript questions.
Not a single Python question.
Fml

Am I the only one ?

15+ years in c# / .net dev and I still google "c# string compare ignore case" each time. Its just fucking faster than to remember exact syntax of the "StringComparison.OrdinalIgnoreCase"

Why some recruiters can t understand this: javaScript is NOT java!!!

I like how I transitioned from learning Java to Javascript because I thought they were related in sone way.

When my teacher first introduced Javascript, he told us this is NOT your grandfather's javascript. Next thing he told us was 'What is this?' My seatmate and I looked at each other perplexed. My teacher once again said 'What IS this?'. It turns out we needed to first learn about the context of 'this' -_-

That moment when you discover Java was a lie o_o

Way to go Hitachi !! My almost oldest hard drive.

65644 hours "on". Still working lol.

No other language can do something as fucky as javascript.

"7 high severity vulnerabilities"
$> npm audit fix --force
"13 vulnerabilities (11 high, 2 critical)"

How is this fixed?!

It will be a great day when JS finally prolapses under the weight of its own hubris.

Ahahaha

More of a suprise.

Just by error double clicked on WINDOWS machine on a BASH (.sh) script.

Welp, some randon bash processor appered and script was executed correctlly.

I almost shit my pants, it's a script which changes production env.

I was expecting a notepad lol

JavaScript is fun when your not fucking bad at programming you stupid jquery-loving, abstractionless, monoparadigm, encapsulationphobia fucks

I'm not really keen in relying too much on JavaScript to render a properly functioning web page. HTML and CSS is now than good enough for it nowadays.

But if due to technical limitations, i have to use JavaScript, I make sure to not use jquery.

I don't like jquery.

Client : We have performance issues on <this> page.

US : Testing with their data on : Xeon : All good, Core i7 : all good, Core i5 : all good, A smartphone : all good, core i5 UM version from 5 years ago (You know, 1.8Ghz, 2 cores, not 4) : all good.

US : Could you share your screen and show us ?

Client : Sure ! Shares his screen. Chrome is already opened. Refreshes the page, after 15 seconds, chrome : Would you like to stop script on this page ?”

US with mic on mute : “WTF?! It cannot happen here. It’s only a list of about 500 rows!”.

US : “Hello, could you open a tasks manager?”

Client : “ Sure, but I need to do it through here”

Some random VID interface popping up. Opens tasks manager with a beautiful “48 vCPUs detected”.

I have no idea how their virtualization is settled, but it seems to be messed up. Tomorrow going to be fun. I have a call at 9am to explain them their problem. Their IT will hate me forever.

If anyone has tips on Chrome through virtualization, please tell me.

EDIT : Yes 48. Not 4-8. It's not an error

Another JavaScript API 💎: months are zero-based, but days and years are not. 😒

I can't take any more CRUD.

That's it.

It seems all I do every day is CRUD, CRUD and more CRUD.

It's easy, it's fast, but fuck me... Give me at least some data manipulation to do, SOMETHING where I actually need to enable my mind, and not just "write code while watching netflix".

I always laugh when I see "google" and "private" in the same phrase

Not easy being JavaScript developer #javascriptfatigue

I just had to explain to someone why Java isn't a suitable shorthand to JavaScript. Then he told me not to lecture him, because he's a CS graduate. Seriously.

New Icon for Microsoft Edge Canary.

I'll just leave it here.

And the bartender says, "Success, but your not ready"

So a JavaScript function walks into a bar

One of our clients is called Skynet. Should I be worried?

Rule number 1 in performances debug :

It's always I/O.

If it's not IO, then the code should be REALLY bad.

Did a nasty thing in prod...

Very nasty.

So nasty even default graph tells me something about going yolo in prod.

Maybe it's weed. But feels like that graph tells me not to trry this shit ever again.

Sorry mate 😉 can't get away with saying you use Dreamweaver and not expect some evil banter 😈 I mean it's nearly as bad as saying java is javascript

ALWAYS read warnings guys.
Story time !
A client of ours has a synchronization app (we wrote it) between his inhouse DB and our app. (No, no APIs on their end. It’s a schelduled task).
Because we didn’t want to ask them for logs every single time, the app writes logs to disk (normal) and in Applications Insights in Azure.
When needed, I can go in portal, get all logs for last execution in a nice CSV file.
Well, recently we added more logs (Some problems were impossible to track).
So client calls us : “problem with XXX”
Me : Goes to Azure, does the same manipulation as always. Dismiss a smaaaaaalish warning without reading. Study logs. Conclusion: “The XXX is not even in the logs, check your DB”.
Little I knew, the warning was telling me “Results are truncated at 10.000 lines”.
So client was right, I was wrong and I needed to develop a small app to get logs with more than 10.000 lines. (It’s per execution. Every 3 hours)

My bootcamp instructor recommended the book, “ Eloquent JavaScript,” This is one of the 1st things I read. I’m not encouraged.

When you realise the actual language name is ECMAScript, not Javascript.

*My whole life is a lie*

Found an answer on Quora discouraging to learn Javascript because "it's not as important as php". It was a question about frontend development. Soooo 2000

Just saw an ad on LinkedIn.

First line: looking for JavaScript developers of all levels

A bit further down...

Requirements: 4+ years of JavaScript experience plus whole front-end stuff

The fuck is wrong with people?

At least the salary is not crap.

These script kiddies fuck with my error metrics! I want 0 !

I swear I'll find them! Even enabled IP log for every request contain “.php”.

Needless to say, app is not even in PHP and PHP isn’t even present on server

We started working with some pretty big (in data volume) client. Around 4.000 projects with about 10 to 15 deliverables by project. Our software helps them plan/manage that.
US : Hey, so on this page we only display first 10, so it is fast and you can adjust using filters.
Client: No, I want to see all 4.000 projects on the same page
US : Well, for one year it will generate : 4000x10(deliverables)x12 editable fields. Your browser will crash. (No time to add virtual scroll)
Client: No, I want to see all 4.000 projects on the same page
US : Ok, here is pagination to help you.
Client: No, I want to see all 4.000 projects on the same page
US: …
Tomorrow is going to be fun.

After more than 24 years in dev, I still don't use RegEx and I have no idea how to write one without using an online builder.

I also refuse any Pull requests contaning regEx..

Problems with redis... timeout everywhere...

30k READs per minute.

Me : Ok, How much ram are we actually using in redis ?

Metrics : Average : 30 MB

Me ; 30 MB, sure ? not 30 GB ?

Metrics : Nop, 30 MB

Me : fuck you redis then, hey memory cache, are you there ?

Memory cache : Yep, but only for one instance.

Me ok. So from now on you Memory cache is used, and you redis, you just publish messages when key should be delete. Works for you two ?

Memeory cache and redis : Yep, but nothing out of box exists

Me : Fine... I'll code it my selkf witj blackjack and hookers.

Redis : Why do I exist ?

Fucking “front end” “Seniors” who can’t write a single line of TypeScript. Honestly FUCK YOU ALL. Waste of money on you.

FUCK IT

After YEARS of research, I couldn't find a single working load testing tool

So this weekend I created my own. With blackjack and hookers.

It's limited to my app, so not reusable, but wow in 1 weekend I got more data and found more infra problems than in the past 3 years.

Once understood javascript, it's not so bad. Particularly if used with Typescript

You know that web development realy took the wrong turn, when complex java project compile way faster, than simple javascript one.

Not to say that javascript is interpreted programming language.

I'm hal laughting, half facepaling.

Use multiple servers they said
It's gonna balance automaticlly your load they said.

Well, they didn';t accoubnt for a MEGA badly writen API whic can block a whole server for a minute.

Or, but it's not the end !!!

So you see ? 1 at 100%, 1 at 0% ? Quick maths : Average 50%.

Autoscaling kicks in at average 40% for 2 minutes.

So it kicks in... Created a 3d server... Which is still booting !!

And some trafic redirected there.

Sooo. Users on a 100% server : Bad bad bad for them
Users on 0% server : No problems
users on a new 3d server : Wait 15 seconds, then it's like 0%.

Fun fun fun. At least I know now which fucking API does that.

Dear JavaScript,

"TypeError: Object(...)(...) is undefined" is not a helpful error message.

Sincerely,

Me

Java is not Javascript

people who don't use semi colons in JavaScript. I know it's not required but God does it drive me nuts.

also one line if statements that don't use brackets.

ahhhhh

Me: JavaScript, you are crazy...

JavaScript: honey, you can not live without me... If you survive without me, leave now!!!

(That was three years ago)
and I am still writing #JavaScript applications

I am a Windows person. I always argue how great it is.

Well, not today.

I was today years old when I learned that you CANNOT uninstall store app via store ;p You need to go to settings / apps and functionality / your app / uninstall

The photo app (Yes the one bundled with win10) doesn't work if you use Hard drive compression AND it is a symlink for OneDrive (So you don't need to keep all photos on the drive). Fucking Paint works without problems.

Email client : If you alt+tab too fast after hitting 'Send email", there is 50% chances that email won't be send. Basiclly you need to hit "send" and wait until you see it in "sent" folder.

Well, as i'm ranting, here for Linux too :
I have a small ubuntu server VM, worked very well for last 6 months. Now "System in read only mode". Fucking apt-get upgrade fucked with something. I don't want to look, so I'll just rebuild a fresh vm.

And macOS should take sometyhing too : Who the fuck decided "enter" is for editing the name of file ?! really !

Well, ALL os are shit, all have downsides, I need my own OS. But I still want AA games... So windows for me.

Ohh..The title says there is a job for javascript developer. Let me check the JD(hoping they are not looking for experience in Meteor, ember, backbone, knockout)
*Opens JD*
WTH!!
People really need to know the difference between the Java and javascript. It's so simple
Java is to javascript as Car is to carpet

What was the most stupid thing interview ever do to you?

My side of story. He (interviewer, also a developer) try to convince me that JavaScript and Java are the same thing. Which we all know that is not...

He said "I can't hire someone who don't know basic of computer science , this is basic that JavaScript is from Java"
(Isn't ecmascript or something?)

Saying JavaScript is From Java is a wrong statement. There are differences between having a DICK and Being a DICK.

I swear to God it's people like this that just get on my nerves
"Oh look at my fucky javascript code"
"Let's tag it as JAVA NOT JAVASCRIPT BECAUSE IM AN UTTER IDIOT"
It appears that proper tagging is not just a devRant issue.

that feeling when you reuse a compoinent you wrote 1 year ago and all bizzare magic still applies and everything just works as expected.

When your egghead boss (who is a dev, BTW) fails miserably in understanding that JavaScript fetch does not behave like the default synchronous nature of requests in Python.

After failing to make him learn about the asynchronous nature of JavaScript promises, he ends the discussion by saying "that's why python is better than js"
*facepalm*

Here go again.

Java isn't Javascript...

An IT recruiter company... Well... Not that IT

Everything is fine ! No errors !

Ahahaha.

I'm creating a "bring with you" Linux install. So I got a 512 GB USB key. (You know, to even have some persistance).

Linux flashing tool : are you sure ?

Fun :)

!Rant

I have not slept in 28 hours.

I discovered Quantum computing, pubo and simulators.

I FEEL it can solve my business problem, but it is fucking time consuming to write this code. (In a good way).

I do not need sleep at this point, I need answers!

Anyone with good links to either pubo examples or a useful quantum algorithm, I’ll take it ! (not the random number… I have already run that on a real QPU 9Still no idea how much that run cost in $)!)

god i despise these "javascript is bad" articles. everyone seems to be jumping onto that train ever since the WAT talk.

javascript is a *weakly* typed language with implicit type conversions, that's why `{} + []` gives you `0`.

it is not easy to be the most widely used language, and to maintain compatibility across varying platforms.

please think twice before dismissing hard work.

/rant

Not a rant. Just how far technologie came.

on the right:
1 Episode of a new show, 4k hdr etc : 9GB

On the left:
Whole season (26 episodes) of startrek Voyager (DVD quality).

I find this pretty much fun.

I just encountered a NaN in Java (not JavaScript)

Hey dear HR people and Headhunters - learn to write proper Joboffers - when someone is a JavaScript developer and even writes JavaScript for 10 years for a living doesnt mean he can or wants to write strict typed TypeScript out of the box using an library ecosystem and NOT a framework already written with TypeScript (React vs Angular)

Write TypeScript developers in the job offers when you search them: TypeScript !== JavaScript.

april fools of Windows 11 :

Decided to connect me at 100 mbps instead of 2.5gbps to local network, I'm still looking how and why.

node js hipsters bother me...Not every problem is solved with javascript!!!!

I’m fucking lost.

So, situation. I have a SQL table with about 3M rows (not a lot).

I have indexes. Indexes are used. BUT when I add where clause (On indexed column), it’s super slow. Around 10 seconds.

If I do select * (ALL 3M rows) and THEN I filter then on webserver side, it takes 0.5 seconds.

HOW my manual filtering is faster than DB filtering with indexes? I even tried bubble sort. Bubble sort is faster than SQL ‘where’. HOW ?!

I do not understand….

And if I add group by….. WELL, 25 seconds SQL time. 2 Seconds if I do select all and group by in code manually.

Does not make ANY sense to me.
What am I missing ?

Front-end programmers work on all the snazzy Javascript that you may not be aware you rely on so much when killing time on StumbleUpon.

Devops (By Azure) is so stupid.... (I won';t even start of YAML, it will be a 10pages rant).

me : Ok I have 5 projects, each has it's own Azure conexxion for deploy.
Me : Can I do just ONE shared connexion ?
Devops : Yes. You need to click 150 buttons and it's done !
Me : Ok. /* doing actions */
Me : Ok ready !
Me : Project 1 do your release pipeline !
project 1 : Sure, just wait 5 minutes.
5 minutes later
Project 1 : All good.
Me :Ok now sharing test ! Project 2 : do your pipeline !Project 2 : Sure ! It's strated !
Me : Ok I'll go take a beer
... 1 hour later..
Me : project 2 ? PROJECT 2??!!!
Me : fine... going into logs.
Message : You must accept the shared conexion from Project 1 before pipeline can run
Me : WTF ? I literally just SHARED it to project 2,3,4,5 !!!

Why that idiot check ?!

One thing is sure, I hate devops more than I hate JavaScript.

so i gave in and started learning JavaScript, its not as bad as i thought, really prefer the es6 stuff, makes some things so much simpler.

Went on Vacations to Dominican republic !

It's a paradise !

Going back to Canada in 2 days... Oh WAIT ! Positive covid PCR test, welp, 14 days to stay in a hotel room :( And ofc need to take vacations days for that

and hotel only offer 7 days, other 7 will need to pay :( But at least I have a nice view

I have this web development course(on the university), and we are not allowed to use javascript. Only php, html and css. FML

Be proficient in JavaScript.
JK
It's not possible.
Let's start by mastering reactjs.
HAHAHA IM KILLING MYSELF

Got blames for 2 hours because our product went down.

Because the provider of license managment went down.

Well, now I put in place a "fuck you" work around. If licensing provider is down, people can still connect and use product (But not create new accounts).

So silly.

Like GNU - GNU is Not Unix, there should be JNJ (or JINJ) - JavaScript is Not Java 🤔

I admit i don't like JavaScript... not one bit and mainly because it is not strongly typed. The idea of Typescript is interesting.
Anyways, i decided to jump in and learn Angular... So do you guys have any advice for me?

Me : Hey Azure, I have a problem with "this" blade in Azure portal. It's not working

Azure : Disable your adblock

Me : NO

Waiting next response

Never tell 60 users on a demo to "click on this button" at the same time.

Infra went "poof". No time to auto scale in this scenario.

Usual usage of app : 4 to 5 personns who do actions in the windows of 2 seconds.

Fuck you Twillio.
You bought a perfectly good email service (SendGrid) and now this service is just.. failing.
All of theirs Ips are getting blacklisted. Our clients are calling us (Of course they are).
People cannot reset passwords, cannot get ANY email notification.
Right now, SendGrid is blacklisted by majority of anti spam systems.
Twilio, fuck you again. This service we were using for more than 5 years without ANY problem. Twilio fucked up.
Fuck you Twlio again. And when we create a “critical” ticket, all you have to say is “Meehhh we’ll contact you in a week” ? REALLY ? Even Microsoft contacts us in 2 hours for critical problems.
Sorry it needed to come out.

> Wants to learn something new (pref not JavaScript)
> Can't find anything that's as dope as Spring boot (java framework).
> C# sucks
> Python ain't going anywhere
> PHP is dated
> Go sounds like a good choice but so damn non-useful if you don't do ultra concurrent stuff at google

Ends up getting more used to JavaScript
Suggestions? For summer learning... Freshman year.

nobody :
Literally nobody :
Microsoft : Great news ! We added integrated blockchain in Azure SQL !

How about fixing :
performance issues
Stability issues
Reservations issues
Pricing
vCore counting

For the umpteeth time, head hunters Java and Javascript are NOT THE SAME THING!!!

Another JavaScript joke because, why not?

Still curious though.. Which Frameworks (for JavaScript and PHP) do you guys actually use?

Am I crazy ?

Right now we have an API which returns a full planning for a week for 300 employees with indicators (Like "late", "may be postponed" etc) in 4 seconds.

I have a pressure, people telling me it's not fast enough.

I honestly think it is fast.

In order of data it'a around 100 MB of JSON. AND you can do actions on the whole set if needed.

Long story short, I think 4 seconds to get all that data is pretty great. Customers think they should have it instantly.

(Never mind the whole filtering system at thier disposal, they literall only lod the full set and then MANUALLY scroll (Yes there is a quick search box)).

What can I do more ????? cache that ? I can. But they also expect that any changed value is reflected.

And we fucking do it. While you are on the page there is a SignalR conenxion created and notified when any of data is changed and updates it on front. Takes around 500 ms.

Apprently "too slow".

I honestly don't see what we can do more with our small 4 dev team.

Give me 56 developpers I can do something, but right now I'm proud of result.

I think I'm still under NDA.

But I wanted to share, that shit after 6 months figured out that the ONLY time I can breath is weekend.

And I'm telling this in a GOOD sens. It's one of the reports I get 1-2 times a week, but this one struck too much close to reality ':)

Why so much hypocrite Devs here ?
Examples :
I don’t use VScode because it sends telemetry.
Same for Windows 10
Same for half other products.
Like YOU don’t collect telemetry in apps YOU build. And if you don’t, have fun debugging without any data beside “It doesn’t work” comments !

The "JavaScript-based web app" starter pack.
Build web sites, not web "apps".
JavaScript is an enhancement, not a replacement for HTML.

that ankward moment when you generate a javascript infinite loop and you are not able to close or reload the window

"The job description requires Java, and this candidate knows Javascript, are they interchangeable?"

No they are not, lawyer handling H1B immigration cases. No they are not.

In case the kiddos ask if you can hack Facebook or whatever, here's a nice little JS code. Copy paste it into the URL, hit enter and select + edit whatever you like!

javascript: document.body.contentEditable = 'true'; document.designMode = 'on'; void 0

ps: in chrome the 'javascript:' at the beginning gets removed so you'll have to manually add it. not sure about other browsers

Not bad vs 2022. Not bad !

I wanted to write that (really, not a joke).
Sometimes, auto complete just works.

For all you complaning about Windows updates.

The last one requires you to accept new Terms of Service.

So just don't accept the : no updates EVER.

Auto tuning for Azure SQL databases is cool but :
DON’T allow it to automatically drop indexes ! (My bad, I should’ve tested that before)
It dropped one of the most used indexes in the DB. Yep, just like that. 150+ timeout exceptions and customers going crazy

I';m officialy spending 30$ / day on cigarettes.

And average of 20$/day on beer.

Where do people find motivation to stop these things lol ?!

A lot of money here xD

Spending half the day wondering why the longest javascript calculation in existence is not matching client supplied excel by 0.22 percent.. Realised one number was parseInt'd instead of parseFloat'd... FML

To have only one Javascript framework which everyone can use which does not do breaking changes every fuckin 6 months or year. And newer versions are backwards compatible. And will not endorse in any framework wars

You win Linux. That was the last straw. I will never install ANY linux distribution ever again.

Setup a simple FTP server. What can possibly go wrong ?

Ok now I want it to point to /media/ftp

Easy, right ?

Just add local_root=/media/ftp

Weeeeellll nop.

Not working. Completly ingnoring this setting, all users log to home directory.

#chroot_local_user=YES

tried, no effect.

I'm wiping this server and installing windows server there.

Too bad, the process started very well, the machine is fully confiogured, ready to go, DNS working every thing working. Except this shitty FTP.

So FUCK YOU linux wioth config files, WELCOME windows with nice GUI where I can just SELECT the default ftp folder

What does a Typescript developer tell Javascript developer ?

"You are not my Type"

I'm reading 'JavaScript: The Good Parts'. Nearly a quarter of the way through and all I've read about are bad parts. I thought this would make me like JavaScript more, not less!

RANT
JetBrains should be renamed in “Shit for brains”.

Actually no. Even the dump I take in the morning has more intelligence than ANY product of that “company”.

What a fucking waste of time…

Learn modern Javascript, Python, data science, machine learning, to catch up and not be outdated

Why is javascript such an ugly language :/ It's pure chaos and it's not fun to read.

We have pretty fast and lean dev process between QA/Design/Devs.

But sometimes, it's going to shit ;p

QA :
An option "ROLE" is missing for grouping in that table.
So 5 min to create ticket, assign someone from design on it

Design : Yeah, this is true. We missed that option in our design.
Proceds to modift figma by adding an option "Role" to a drop down.

Reasigned to Junior dev.

Junior dev : I have no clue how grouping works with graphql.

So at least 30 min.

Reasigned to me.

Me after 1 min of looking at it : PR chhanges on screen shot :

Facepalm... Everyhtibng was already in place, someone forgot to add id AND name, not just name.

Git blame => Or never mind... it was me..

Honestly if another person complains about how Java and JavaScript are not the same at all I'm gunna be mad

Worst week ever.

Servers are on fire. Respoinse times out of control

Some SIMPLE SQL queries (literaly select * from whatever where Id = id) timouts at 30 seconds.

No idea what's goining on (And I have full logs of all api calls and all DB queries). No way to find how to corelate this data.

Ok, I added 1000$/month on Azure and the problem is "masked", but not resolved.

I have dumps, I have logs I have everything, why the fuck I can't find the 1 or 2 APIs causing that ?!!!

Now I feel better.

WHAT COCKSUCKING LUNATICS DECIDED TO MAKE A PDF ONLY ABLE TO DOWNLOAD WITH JAVASCRIPT.

I CANT DOWNLOAD YOUR FUCKING PDFS TO SIGN BY TONIGHT BECAUSE ALL I HAVE IS MY IPad. WHICH DOESNT FUCKING HAVE JAVASCRIPT

THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE TO USE JAVASCRIPT AND THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM. GO CASTRATE YOURSELF WITH A RUSTY KNIFE

I knew I wasn't very good at SQL, but here is a proof.

Need to make a bulk recalculation action. Basiclly precalculate some values in a separate table to speed up acess.

1 day of work : Fully SQL solution with triggers.

Execute for test : 35 minuts !! for

Me : fuck that

Today : 7 lines c# solution (Took me less than 2 hours) . Same database, saame data set : 10 seconds execution.

Well, I guewss I'll never try again fully SQL solutions lol

Discussing with the boss:

boss: < How is it going? >
me: < I'm trying to rewrite this horrible javascript code with typescript >
boss: < But release cannot support typescript >
me: < I can compile typescript locally and then release >
boss: < You are not listening to me! we can not execute a script in typescript >
me: < In fact we will use a script in javascript >
boss: < So why are you rewriting it in typescript? >

And so the discussion continued for another 20 minutes...

We are recruiting a front-end developer for 90k/year.
He refused to implement a simple ordering on our test, telling us “There are libraries to do that”. Apparently, TypeScript is not front-end.
Kindoff questioning our decision now.

Learn JavaScript.!!

Everybody talk about functional programming, I was thinking why php json_encode is not working on large array.

Javascript is Awesome.

My team lead thinks using a double Not operator in javascript is too confusing and not readable.

Opinions?

Any code should be simple and easy to read / understand.

I just reworked an old stored SQL proc.

Went from 102 lines to ... 10.

More I code, more I realize that maintainability, readability, comments and unit tests are more important than actual code. (And performances ofc. But if 1 line code does it in 1 second and 500 lines code in 0.2 seconds, I’ll take one line solution every time)

JavaScript may not last when people would realize it is not related to Java.

Anyone has a better way to calculate / display advancement % ?

I';m using that by habit for the past 15 years. But it's kind of boring to write every time.

client: i want u to build me this site and please disable javascript on it

me: thats not a very good practice but whatever

client: Remember... No Javascript...

...

i smiled because it took me 10 seconds to get the reference

I am not an actual dev but I just started using devRant. is that ok with you devs? Also I will always mix java with javascript. Sorry

JAVASCRIPT IS NOT THE SAME AS JAVA!!!!!!

I need to relax, just heard my friend saying he knew someone at Oracle ‘you know the company that owns JavaScript’. I just yelled at him.
Ok now CALM DOWN🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬😤😤😤😤

Friend: Java and javascript are the same..
Me: You're kidding me right? It's like comparing a Ferrari to a bicycle. Not even in the same leagues man!

!Rant

Was thinbking about a frequentlly asked feature in app since December 2022.

Solution cam to me last night, 1 hour to do a POC, working.

3 days next sprint to implement it properly.

Feels good :)

Trying to put together all the code of my ajax request into a function so I do not repeat myself. The code works perfectly outside but not in the function. Well fuck JavaScript. I've been stuck here for two days.

Is it not okay to code javascript on intellj?

Out out new guide lines for pull requests.

Reviewing around 10 PR today. All respect them

Overload is pleased. ;O

How do you clean up branches while working with PR ?!

It’s a nightmare. For each “bug” or feture there is a pull request created. As far as I know you MUST create a branch.

It’s easy to clean up GitHub (I’m just deleting branch after accepting PR. Which actually doesn’t even delete it for X days or something).

But local branches. OMG. It takes me at least 10 min/week to clean up and some of our devs don’t bother. They literally have 50+ local branches.

How do you manage that ?

I’m just about to write a script which deletes every local branch except selected (Yep UI with list of branches). But seems like overkill.

Not sure how to feel.

Just landed on a stackoverflow querstion. Originated by myself 5 years ago. With a long discussion and a solution.

Sooo how the fuck I don't remember it at all ?

fuck javascript

took me an hour, but I finally figured out why the date was so wack

can you?

admittedly not strong in js, cuz I hate it

So JavaScript/ES6 is kicking my ass. I'm not used to front end development as much. Idk when to use javascript and how. I dont know when I need to manipulate the DOM and how I do it. It's a new concept and I'm hoping PHP isnt gonna have as big of a learning curve..

After 2 interviews and a complex case study made to apply for Javascript Architect I was asked to travel from Brazil to Germany for final interview. First question:
Interviewer: what are things that you want to learn next.
Me (dumb): Maybe some functional language like Erlang
Interviewer: why not Javascript?
Me (dumber): Javascript is not that good for functional

Man, I WAS nervous that day 😭

First "computer" : Electronika BK. Had some fun with table software and some basic

first X86 : Intel 80286 with wooping 1MB of ram and 40 MB hard drive.

First fun experiance :

Me : "I'm gonna clean folders"
Me : "What are these files on the c: ? I'll move them into a folder"
(Youknow like io.sys, autoexec.bat)
Reboots :
Computer : "Please insert a boot drive"
Me : "The what now?"
Needed some help to fix it.
At least I learnt how boot loader works and wrote my own small thingy in asm

If I have to write that web component again just because “well I think this technology will be better” I’m going freak out...

Is it too much LinQ for others devs to get ?

Personally, I don't think so.

More and more people will hate javascript..even if they are not using it LOL

Fuck them all who say Java and JavaScript are the same !!!

Feel like to punch them at that instant.

How can Javascript, one of the MOST WIDELY used and MATURE languages with A MILLION CANCEROUS FRAMEWORKS, NOT have a basic collections class? Are data structures not important in Javascript?

I've been struggling all night trying to get Sets working - surprise, they're utterly useless in Javascript cause you can't define the set comparator.

I just lost it when I found out THERE ISN'T EVEN A QUEUE. WT-ACTUAL-F

When as JavaScript developer you need to do Java Android. And not the simple kind of tasks... I have 0 knowledge on the whole Android platform.. FML

When you used ALL time for refactoring and there is no more time left for much needed work

BANano, a free library that transpiles B4X (a crossplatform development tool) source code to JavaScript.

It allows users who are not fluent in JavaScript to make PWA's and dynamic Websites using a VB-like language and the Abstract Designer native to the B4X tool.

Do you think that not declaring datatype in JavaScript is an advantage?

I'm most into C# which I find extremely difficult to get used to it.

Ok. that made a full circle.

I needed for ONCE to manually do git things.

(There is a plugin in V which wil lrecompile SCSS to CSS if CSS file is deleted, I want to comit delete).

WHY DO I HAVE VIM ON MY WINDOWS ????

And most importantly, how do I exit it ?