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Search - "tape"
Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*
NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.23
- Has a tape over his cam
- has a tape over his mic
- signs up under false names to everything
- never allows any device access
He wants the app to (unnecessarily):
- collect all personal details
- access to position
- access to contacts
- access to pretty much everything on users phone
Fucking hypocrite sack of horseshit12
25 phrases you wish you could say at work more often
(Warning: Contains naughty words...:-)))
1. Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
11. I like you. You remind me of me when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. No, my powers can only be used for good.
24. You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
25. Who me? I just wander from room to room18
One time my co-worker put a tiny piece of tape inside the USB receiver of my mouse which apparently makes any USB device stop working. It took me a while to figure out why my damn mouse wasn't working even though everything was properly plugged in and it had new batteries.
When I found the tiny piece of tape I was instantly knew who it was and it was pretty funny.10
My CEO: "So! You are the new guy we hired to design and manage the implementation of our new state of the art super-duper fancy ERP solution with badass Business Intelligence systems to grow our company which already spans over several localities across the county, that has to live for at least the next 12-15 years?
Please remember that the Windows Server in the rack in the basement needs replacement soon, and that our new fancy solution must not in any way utilize cloud-technology or SaSS! I don't like that! I think it's a scam! We store everything on premises, own our infrastructure and we buy our software...Because I think that is best!"
Me: "So... let me get this straight: You want me to build you a one-off, concept sports car that can outperform a Lamborghini using only plywood, duct-tape and a donkey cart?"
He walked off... I may need a new job next week!14
papr, the newest way to store your SD Cards. Fund us now on indieNoNo for 50$ a piece (TAPE NOT INCLUDED)6
!!linux dev lappy recommendations?
So, @Root might finally have a job! Woo!
(Pending a background check, drug test, cavity search, ...)
I'm excited, and kind of giddy. It's an open-office setup, but the devs are chill, the boss is chill (reminds me a bit of myself thus far, just... nice), pay is decent too. Drive is hell, but everything else feels kinda cushy. The parent company is super-stuffy corporate and has an HR and red tape fetish, but supposedly I won't have to interact with them at all. I start as soon as all of the background check nonsense comes through. (Don't get me started on that, please.)
One of the questions that came up, however, is what type of system I wanted to use. I requested a Linux lappy, and that's sadly a bit beyond the parent company's nontechnical IT department. They asked me for links to a few specific machines on amazon for options. (MacBook Pro or equivalent)
That's where this question comes in: Which lappys make great dev machines and also have decent linux (Debian/Mint/Ubuntu) support? The role is backend Rails development + some devops, so I don't need super-fancy graphics, though I will be attaching a 4k (hopefully IPS) display because space and pretty colors.
Recommendations welcome, as I should get back to them today!51
My current one. When I was chosen for my current job as the final candidate, he went for me partly because we've got the same favourite music and that made us click very well.
Now, a year later, it's still going awesome.
We can be serious but most of the time (when we see eachother) it's (savage) jokes, 'rekking' eachother and we keep eachother up to date on new music releases and festivals.
I remember this convo about music:
Boss: Heyy, this is a track I go hard on: Rejecta - Followed 😉
Me: oh yeah that one is awesome! Have you heard his other tracks?
B: HE HAS OTHER TRACKS?! 😍
M: Yaaaaas! He's got 'deserve to die', ''let my tape rock" and 'move my body'
B: OH MY GOD THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME 😍
M: enjoy man 😘
B: thankies 😊
He's not that much older than me and actually listens to advice.
Just an awesome boss in general!5
Bought a Microsoft surface (3 pro) from a colleague (more about how that runs later).
It had only one USB port and I definitely need more so started searching online for docks. They mostly seem to be about 100+ euro and all have hdmi ports and other shit other than USB ports as well but I don't need that.
Fuck it, let's get creative (and fuck 100 euro for something like this)!
Double sided tape (however you call that) + 2 euro USB dock:
Works like a charm!22
Having PHP as my most useful skill.
I know various other languages, but they're either too exotic for professional use, or my knowledge about them doesn't have the same depth as with PHP.
People joke about how awful PHP is, and it's not entirely true. The incongruous stuff such as confusing parameter ordering can be fixed with libraries. And PHP7 fixed a lot of the ugly stuff. A good dev can certainly write structured, readable, performant PHP code.
But there is a real hard limit. PHP is missing more complex type definitions present in other languages. A weak type system is like building stuff with popsicle sticks and bits of duct tape, it works fast and perfectly fine for small projects, but the lack of strictness is a problem when you have thousands of classes intertwined in all kinds of complex factory, service and repository patterns. And the simple type hints are still newish and fully optional, which means a lot of people don't use them.
So I regret getting stuck in this self reinforcing loop, where I learn more about a very imperfect language through employment, and keep rolling into jobs using that skill because it's what I'm most experienced with.17
I wonder if those people who give unwarranted useless advice to developers go to their doctors and do the same thing.
- Doc, just make a small slit, take out old heart, put in a new one, connect everything back as before and stitch it. Easy peasy. Shouldn't take more than a few minutes.
- my leg is fractured. Just open it and tape it back. It is a hack job, but it'll make the client happy for now. It will be quickly done.
- I think I have cancer. Just write a script to kill it. Shouldn't be too difficult.
Citizens are advised not to cover their Webcams and Mic ports by scotch tape or anything else, as the devices might get heated and may sometimes even burst.
Cooperation is expected from everyone.
Have a nice day :)12
Fucking printers are made by satan himself.
My printer apparently needs cyan, yellow and magenta for printing grayscale.
So suddenly my colours are empty
Bullshit but whatever, I used ducktape to tape of the little glas place where it checks inkt levels.
My printer thinks they are full and prints again. Booyah.
About 200 pages further it says they are empty again.
BULL FUCKING SHIT
The satan spawn that made my printer must have made the cartridges with a chip that has a maximum of pages. So even if the cartridge is FULL, the chip says its empty and so the printer thinks that as well
If i find the demon spawn that programmed the printers, I will make you program in brainfuck or whitespace for the rest of your life!!!!!!9
me, sitting @ college, soldering together a charging cable
someone: oh wow you can do this stuff? i thought you were a computer scientist, not an engineer
me: yeah i need an engineering degree to wrap duct tape around cables7
5 Types Of Programmers
1.The duct tape programmer
The code may not be pretty, but damnit, it works!
This guy is the foundation of your company. When something goes wrong he will fix it fast and in a way that won’t break again. Of course he doesn’t care about how it looks, ease of use, or any of those other trivial concerns, but he will make it happen, without a bunch of talk or time-wasting nonsense. The best way to use this person is to point at a problem and walk away.
2.The OCD perfectionist programmer
You want to do what to my code?
This guy doesn’t care about your deadlines or budgets, those are insignificant when compared to the art form that is programming. When you do finally receive the finished product you will have no option but submit to the stunning glory and radiant beauty of perfectly formatted, no, perfectly beautiful code, that is so efficient that anything you would want to do to it would do nothing but defame a masterpiece. He is the only one qualified to work on his code.
3.The anti-programming programmer
I’m a programmer, damnit. I don’t write code.
His world has one simple truth; writing code is bad. If you have to write something then you’re doing it wrong. Someone else has already done the work so just use their code. He will tell you how much faster this development practice is, even though he takes as long or longer than the other programmers. But when you get the project it will only be 20 lines of actual code and will be very easy to read. It may not be very fast, efficient, or forward-compatible, but it will be done with the least effort required.
4.The half-assed programmer
What do you want? It works doesn’t it?
The guy who couldn’t care less about quality, that’s someone elses job. He accomplishes the tasks that he’s asked to do, quickly. You may not like his work, the other programmers hate it, but management and the clients love it. As much pain as he will cause you in the future, he is single-handedly keeping your deadlines so you can’t scoff at it (no matter how much you want to).
5.The theoretical programmer
Well, that’s a possibility, but in practice this might be a better alternative.
This guy is more interested the options than what should be done. He will spend 80% of his time staring blankly at his computer thinking up ways to accomplish a task, 15% of his time complaining about unreasonable deadlines, 4% of his time refining the options, and 1% of his time writing code. When you receive the final work it will always be accompanied by the phrase “if I had more time I could have done this the right way”.
What type of programmer are you?
My dream is to build a shopping cart for web stores that doesn't fucking suck.
Seriously Bigcommerce, Shopify, Magneto, etc. All of you can eat bag of dicks and burn in hell for ever.
I don't care what languages you fancy, all of their stacks are a pile of shit, monkey patched together with popsicle sticks and duct tape and it all falls apart with high concurrency.
All their greasy haired sales teams will throw all manners of horse shit at the poor bastards who are trying to run a business so they can pad their commission checks... "High availability", "scalable", "reliable", "Increased conversation rate"... Lying dick fucks, all of them! I am calling them the fuck out on that snake oil they're all peddling.
The only thing worse than their shit APIs is the shit documentation and the shit support that accompanies them.
Support of these platforms are pretty much all the same, sure mayhaps one has 24*7 phone support and another closes at 9 or some shit like that, either way the only people they put on the phone are monkeys that will freeze up and say "I'm not a developer so I can't help you"... Guess what, "Eric"! I didn't ask if you're a fucking dev! I'm calling because one of your devs fucked up and I need you to tell him to unfuck it so I can get the fuck on with my day!
Their app/plugin market places are shameful to say the least. The overall quality of software is somewhat dire and it's mostly dominated by oversees developers who speak English about as well as the language they're developing with (not very well usually).
I could go on until I hit the character limit but I'm gonna end it here by saying, all shopping carts suck and they should burn for eternity in the depths of hell so that a savior can free all developers from this agonizing torment.9
My boss is technically my coworker.
I screamed my lungs out after it became clear that he didn't give a shit about employees that bring him money. After snatching all funds from a finished project on time, failing to deliver on the promise about bonuses (it's what I used to motivate employees to deliver the project on time), refusing to buy a new chair to replace the one held together by scotch tape and careful balancing, I decided to quit with maximum damage.
I screamed so that everybody would hear it. That encouraged another guy to get in with quitting, and within 1 month most of the team had quit, leaving the boss with a risk of lawsuits for prepaid contacts not delivered.
Knowing that piece of shit, he probably recovered and is treating other people badly, but at least every single person from the team experienced the biggest jump in careers straight after that.1
Paypal Rant #3
One day I'll go to Paypal HQ and...
... change all the toilet rolls to face the wrong way
... remap all the semicolons to be the Greek equivalent character
... change all the door signs so they say "pull" instead of "push" and vice versa
... modify all the stairs to have variable heights
... programmatically shuffle the elevator buttons and randomly assign the alarm key to any of the most visited floors
... pour cocoa onto all the keyboards and wipe them off cleanly
... attach clear duct tape over their mouse sensors and insert really weak batteries or mess with their cables
I'll wait a day or two until they experience a sudden shortage of developers, then bombard them with thousands of fake applications from seemingly amazing candidates, then write an AI bot to continue argumentation with HR.
I'll wait another week or so until the company dissolves and with them, all my issues in life.
No need to be overly vulgar this time because you all know the deal. I hate this fucking company. Please Paypal do us all a favor and go fuck yourself.9
I could be wrong, but I believe all devs love a clear section saying
"Getting Started" to any form of documentation5
It is 23:00 here in Germany and im about to start the nightshift in the workshop, but its 31°C outside and even warmer in here.
How am i supposed to write the CNC program?!
Its like Satans Anus in here. Fuck this climate change, we need to stop destroying our Planet.
Anyway, im going to tape my portable Fan to my swamp ass and hope for the best18
After a couple years as a developer I've learned that all those banking sites and cool online stores and apps are held together with old chewed gum, duck tape and that guys who has been in the office 48h straight and whose wife thinks he's dead.2
Why do I keep seeing children in every workspace I go to..? I can admit that I'm childish at times but... and this is just life advice?
Don't lie. Don't cry when you don't get your way. Don't claim I am lying when I prove you wrong.
Don't make a false accusation. You ALMOST LOST YOUR LIFE TODAY with that bullshit. One more word from your mouth to tarnish my reputation with a good group of people in that manner and frankly, I would've shot you dead in front of everyone.
Short version of the story behind this rant:
Someone accused me of sexual harassment because I (I wish I was joking about this) held the door for a female employee that works with me. I brushed off the bullshit that happened at the door but the customer went to the manager who, as a result, nearly fired me and sent me to court.
Fortunately we have a camera at the entrance which disproved the allegations of "he grabbed my ass while I walked through the door" and our security guard is a badass and kept the tape.19
Omg, when does the Stupid stop? New Zealand just passed a law that empowers immigration officials to compel travellers to unlock their devices. Otherwise, you pay a hefty fine. They are also allowed to copy the data and do God knows what with.
The horrible invasion of privacy aside, it also brings with it some legal hurdles. What if you are making a presentation or report to an investor or someone you have a fiduciary obligation with. You are carrying IP bound by several NDA's and other funding red tape that would end your life if it got out. Are you in breach if the data gets copied by the gov officials? Worse yet you have zero control over what they do afterwards.
I don't think any of this inspires investor confidence.
Government needs to stop touching things!8
Typically my low motivation stems from some form of management dickhead-itis, too much red tape or restrictive processes (current place took 3.5 months + 2 forms to order a webcam our client had paid for as part of the project ... it was €45).
How I deal with it? I try to give a go changing it, talking with managers, explaining the issues, suggesting alternatives. Such as removing your head from your ass, when done, it can have a wonderful impact to the team.
When that fails (not if) ... I quit. Which I actually just have. Got a job offer last week, although I really wasn't a fan of how things were going on this team, I was working on some cool projects and wasn't sure what was right for me, career-wise.
Then I had a argument with a new manager as he doesn't remember agreeing to allow the developers to estimate their own tasks. He was annoyed I told him we can't do X in 2 weeks, we previously asked for 2 months.
That was enough to knock me over the edge, so I handed in my notice, took the job with much more management style responsibility and hoping for a fresh start.1
Since this category is called rant/story, let me tell you a story today.
I went paragliding above the turqoise colored "dead beach" of Fethiye.
And boy was that awesome.
I was very insecure about flying first. I have such an anxiety. While moving up towards the "Babadağ" Mountain which is 2000 meters above the sea level, my hands began to Shake. We reached the Clouds. The pilot told me everything will be fine. He is doing that since 2006 and has 4 medals for Turkey's best long distance flyer and he also was a stunt man.
We ran down the Cliff. And as my butt was pushed against the seat, my anxiety began to lower itself.
We even did some stunts, but I do not have them on tape.
Those having such anxiety problems should definitely try this out! Really! :)13
I have an Amazon Echo.
I've enabled Hey, Siri.
I've given Google the OK.
I don't tape my web cam.
And I find it highly amusing that someone has potentially seen my fat, hairy ass strut naked about my home office while singing "What's up" at the top of my lungs. Perhaps multiple times.
Should I feel bad? That I may have cost the American taxpayer money in the therapy required to rehabilitate those FBI or NSA agents that have witnessed me in my full glory?13
Fuck these crusty equifax cocksuckers. This equifax hack makes me livid. Here's why: the entire purpose of the company is to collect absurd amounts of information about everyone in a country through methods that the subjects of the information gathering have no means to control, and there is no immediate penalty for them being irresponsible with it. If they lose all that data, they can only lose damages in class action, and I guarantee you they will learn nothing from it.
THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL TO ALL ASSHOLES WHO THINK PRIVACY AND SECURITY IS NO BIG DEAL. THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME, AND YET ITS STILL ONLY THE BEGINNING. HACKS LIKE THIS ARE SERIOUS ENOUGH TO RUIN PEOPLES LIVES
I say it over and over again, but nobody listens: half of the reason I don't trust these people is because they don't have a great reason to have that information and I know their IT is total shit and WILL be compromised because they probably figured Windows 2000 works why upgrade. You know I'm right. Their company has fax in the name
There's no need to explain to me why we need to have this in order for the banking and loan industry to work, im not stupid, but for fucks sake, put people's data under the care of their own hands. Have a multi key lock system so the user can control their data, and it's not just totally at your mercy. The fact that it is totally at their mercy is what makes it wildly evil.
If you own a company that is founded on the basis of personally fucking people and taking away their control and you're propped up by government regulations that limit the freedom of the market thereby securing you the freedom to never change despite your flaws, this is for you: im going to personally fuck each and every one of them through every hole in their body with an unlubricated baseball bat and force them to eat every pair of their crusty underpants and then hang them upside down and video tape them starving.
Seriously, it's not hard to design a system that still fills the need without making people surrender their god given rights. Let's just put all of these assholes in jail in Guantanamo bay for the rest of their lives. It's about fucking time.
I hate equifax, i hate credit reporting, I hate the state of personal privacy in the world today.
And I also hate pathetic little cocksuckers like Kim Jong un who are children barely conscious above the level of a single celled organism, who are forcing their subjects to live in a world where access to free information carries a death penalty.
I can hardly sleep at night knowing people are getting away with the worst crimes in the history of humanity and it's all because some developer somewhere did their bidding or did it poorly.10
Around 27 hours at new customer location.
They had a server failure due to incompetence.
They had fired their own IT guy and called us 6 months later because the server stopped responding.
First diagnostic. 2 drives are dead in a raid 5 with one hot spare. Raid controller then proved to be broken once the disks was replaced.
Waiting for new raid controller and installing.
Backup non existing, no one changed dat tape during the 6 months without IT. The tape was just a transparent plastic band, no media left.
Raid config is stored in static ram on controller, no backup!
Several hours in tech support to find out how to rebuild raid config from existing disks.
Proves to be impossible to rebuild raid set due to some checksum failures.
More hours with support to enable some diagnostic read only mode to mirror low level content to external drive.
Then many more hours to copy parts of the tree until it gets an error, restart after that and go on.
In the end we got around 70% back.
During this time I manage to be in contact with the raid manufacturers all support centers, one in europe, one in the us and one in Taiwan, switching each time one if them closed for the night.
The customer later declined a steady support contract due to us being to expensive ;)
Some just don’t want to learn.6
Okay, story time.
This rant is about the many mistakes I made at the time, specifically the biggest – but not the first – of which: publishing some preliminary results very early on.
So I posted a sarcastic question to the Software Engineering Stack Exchange, which was originally worded differently to reflect my frustration, but was later edited by mods to be more serious.
You can see the responses for yourself here: https://goo.gl/poHKpK
Most of the serious answers were along the lines of "multithreading is hard". The top voted response started with this statement: "1) Multithreading is extremely hard, and unfortunately the way you've presented this idea so far implies you're severely underestimating how hard it is."
While I'll admit that my presentation was initially lacking, I later made an entire page to explain the synchronisation mechanism in place, and you can read more about it here, if you're interested:
But what really shocked me was that I had never understood the mindset that all the naysayers adopted until I read that response.
Because the bottom-line of that entire response is an argument: an argument against change.
Nexus does not and will not hold your hand. It will not repeat Node's mistakes and give you nice ways to shoot yourself in the foot later, like `process.on('uncaughtException', ...)` for a catch-all global error handling solution.
No, an uncaught exception will be dealt with like any other self-respecting language: by not ignoring the problem and pretending it doesn't exist. If you write bad code, your program will crash, and you can't rectify a bug in your code by ignoring its presence entirely and using duct tape to scrape something together.
Back on the topic of multithreading, though. Multithreading is known to be hard, that's true. But how do you deal with a difficult solution? You simplify it and break it down, not just disregard it completely; because multithreading has its great advantages, too.
Like, how about we talk performance?
How about distributed algorithms that don't waste 40% of their computing power on agent communication and pointless overhead (like the serialisation/deserialisation of messages across the execution boundary for every single call)?
How about vertical scaling without forking the entire address space (and thus multiplying your application's memory consumption by the number of cores you wish to use)?
Some will say that the performance gains aren't worth the risk. That the possibility of race conditions and deadlocks aren't worth it.
That's the point of cooperative multithreading. It is a way to smartly work around these issues.
If you use promises, they will execute in parallel, to the best of the scheduler's abilities, and if you chain them then they will run consecutively as planned according to their dependency graph.
If your code doesn't access global variables or shared closure variables, or your promises only deal with their provided inputs without side-effects, then no contention will *ever* occur.
If you only read and never modify globals, no contention will ever occur.
Are you seeing the same trend I'm seeing?
When someone says we shouldn't use multithreading because it's hard, do you know what I like to say to that?
"To multithread, you need a pair."18
I started early in my childhood days, nobody had cellphone or internet here, my phone number was 3 digits long and my home country started to recover from 44 years of communism.
My first dev project was probably to copy game from newspaper to Atari 1300XE
Article listing was around 10 pages long and if you made mistake program didn’t run.
It took me a while I can’t remember how long but probably whole day and I was finally able to play it.
I don’t remember what was game about but later on I learned some BASIC from book and was able to color the screen and stuff like that.
I was about 6 years old.
I also remember that Atari computer had tape recorder where you put cassette to load game.
Some more complicated games were loading more then hour and you need to walk very carefully around or your walk can cause error and operation would fail.
Besides that there were national radio auditions about Atari where at the end they played code sound wave so you can record it on your cassette and then play software from radio on your Atari.
I never managed to do it cause I was living near military airport and pilots were practicing landing and starting above my home causing radio signal noise and breaking my software recoding.
I can probably say that highly accelerating plane could cause game loading problem and it’s not a joke.11
My laptop started making faint high-pitched noises - I hope I misheard and it's actually just some coil singing inside the power-supply and not one of the disks/something else - also, I seem to have dropped 4GB of RAM suddenly where there should be 8GB.
(Also, I should really wipe the messed up dual-boot still residing on disk from last semester and replace it by a fresh arch-only install. (No time and joy in debugging that right now.) Probably something for tomorrow evening.)
The device is ~8 years old by now and starting to fall apart - nothing duct tape can't fix - but I'm somewhat worried about the rest right now. D:
Meh, I really need that laptop during the next two weeks, I just hope the hardware doesn't die on me in the meantime because I can't wait for an order to arrive, let alone afford some cheap replacement.11
I'm on the phone with an elderly customer.
Customer: Yes, I just got my computer back and now it's not talking to my monitor.
Me: Okay, and the monitor cable is plugged in?
Me: Okay, I think I remember that you had a graphics card. Do you have a horizontal blue port?
Me: Okay. So let's look near the middle of your computer. Do you see a blue port?
Customer: I don't know. I know the blue monitor cable is plugged in, but I don't know what color it is.
Me: Alright, let's unplug the cable for a second.
Customer: Okay, done.
Me: Now let's look for those two blue ports...
Customer: I only see one.
Me: And it's near the middle of the computer?
Me: Okay, let's plug the monitor in.
Customer: Okay, done.
Me: Now does the monitor come up with anything?
Customer: Let me get to where I can see it... No, there's nothing.
Me: Even if you wiggle the mouse a little?
Me: Does the computer talk to the monitor if you move the mouse a little?
Customer: How do I do that?
Me: ...You take the mouse... and move it from side to side
Customer: Oh! I understand. Um, no. Nothing.
Me: Okay, well let's bring the computer in. I think I know what the problem is, I just need to put a piece of tape somewhere.
Customer: Oh, okay. Fine.2
After doing the work he requested as he wanted he was not happy. So i thought we sit and discuss what he didn't like. I was so wrong.
Boss: "...you know what I think you are: a fraud; Masquerading as a developer. The database design you have given is shit. The template I gave you I did in 1 hour. You took half the day."
He gave a simple template to use and he told me to come up with an ecommerce db design via downloading PrestaShop and seeing what is relevant to us.
Me: "what did I do wrong?"
Boss: "you think I don't know what PK means in database design? Why the fuck did you put this here."
Me: "can I expl..."
Boss: "I'm not finished, you been here half the month and what work have you to show for it..."
Me: "I have..."
Boss: "You shut up when I can speaking"
Boss: "You have no work to show for the time you have been here. I tell you what to do. I want someone who is proactive. My friend, you will do the work I tell you to do, you understand?"
Me: "yes but can I just say that I have been doing your work I have the contact the various developers as you..."
Boss: " You shut up when your boss is speaking. Can you do this work? (Slightly long pause)
Me: "I can do it. But, I have done the bits of the work you said I do. I was h..."
Boss "don't give me bullshit stories...you haven't done the work..."
Me: "But you have spoken"
Boss:" You know what Im giving you 1 weeks notice if you are not able to do the work. Can you do it?"
That moment!!! I was literally shaking I could have high fived his face with his laptop.
Me: "yes I can"
Boss: "Then get the fuck out of my sight and do it"8
I work as a software developer for a small and specialized company on a very popular, albeit niche, piece of system software.
This software has been around for a while, and in that while it has ages. If there is one thing you could say to have aged gracefully--well, this thing ain't it. The codebase itself is what anyone would expect of a large-ish C++/C product started in the mid 2000s: documented poorly (and where it is documented, documented *wrong*), full of obscure bugs, full of idiosyncratic design choices that caused the obscure bugs in the first place, and a code style--or rather a general approach to software engineering--taken straight fom the 80s.
It is also fair to say that the product has been developed by marketing. What started out as a company-internal project to help others get work done was perceived as valuable for others, quickly rushed out to market, and "developed" by listening to whichever customer screamed loudest at that point in time. ("Developed", in the "duct tape and WD40" style of development similar to an early 90s web page: the result has no class, no style and everything users find "interesting" to interact with is a java applet.)
About six months ago the powers that be finally acknowledged that a codebase that has not seen a single line of refactoring since its inception over ten years ago is not a solid foundation for further business. What was once an openly hostile attitude towards refactoring and general improvement of the codebase itself rather than the set of user-visible functions slowly morphed into a secretly hostile attitude. Upper-level management continued to denigrate developers seeking to improve the system citing their own experience ten years ago as reason why things must still be done exactly as they have did. Parts of this upper-level management were soon complimented on their work and it was suggested they take the next step in their carreer.
Which they did, with two toes of one foot. The other eight remained in internal discussions and, more importantly, inside the head and arse of the new managers. Which promptly turned just as secretly hostile and blocked all attempts at improvement. Instead it is highlighted that the developers are clearly not smart enough to do their jobs.
Meanwhile the entire project is falling behind deadlines. We've failed to deliver on three accounts already and are now nine months behind on another plan that was set for 15 months nine months ago. (Yes. We have officially started working on this thing, but no work has been done. More to the point, work has been *started*, but is stalled or rejected continuously because "that's not what we would have done five years ago" or "you can't change that, whoever wrote it must have thought about this a lot.")
And now upper-level management has begun reverting changes that same upper-level management has requested and signed off on. Without communication. So that developers don't start work on things they have not signed off on (because they don't read the plans or give any feedback). Because developers are not qualified for their jobs and must be closely monitored to ensure they don't break stuff. Which was already broken. Because the product has been bitrotting since birth.
Fuck my life.3
Introduction to graphics
Lecturer says "this is a very practical course. In fact I think we should have a practical exam"
All students agree. He would sort out that matter.
Meanwhile he taught us how to making shapes in java, then a house, then a game...
And the exam was for us to make a building where a user can walk through the building using the arrow keys...
What fun we had. We got out marks...and everybody did well!!!!1
I tried to contact a big German company about an API endpoint we might want to build a connection to. The docs are behind a login. I request login info through a form and get a mail that my request will be checked and I'll hear from them in 2-3 days. Because my boss wants this info until Friday, I try to call them.
First try: "we currently have a disruption in our phone central, please try again later"
2nd try: "sure, I'll put you through! *beep beep* - connection broke off
3rd try: "this number is not in use" (I used redial, didn't make a typo)
4th try: same as the 2nd try, again.
German red tape and technology at its finest. Fml.6
My situation: I got computer,router,phone,printer etc. all at one place
Now I decided to do some cable management...
I don't really know how to do cable management so I grabbed some duct tape ... This area now looks like this7
Your most paranoic internet experience?
Several years ago, I was going to watch my first porn movie, and I was so afraid of the porn page publishing on my facebook "Elizadeath liked Xporn.net" or something like that (I had family on my facebook friends) so I:
1.- Used an old tablet (even its screen was crashed)
2.- Removed all email accounts (it has Android)
3.- Uninstalled all the social media apps, including youtube
4.- Put a piece of tape on the frontal camera
5.- Bought new headphones
6.- Navigated at the Android's default browser instead of Chrome, and in "secret" mode
7.- Deleted the cache and history after watching the movie XD
What's your experience?23
Is the software at your company so bad that it's a miracle that anything works?
Does it feel like this colossal pile of broken electronics from the past 30 years duct taped together and patched with multiple tiers of adapters, wires spliced together with scotch tape, and someone on stand by with a fire extinguisher?
Do you feel like getting your product to work is like how we used to get things to work back in the eighties? Not just turning things off and on again, but things like hitting the tv to make it work again, blowing into cartridges, and the feeling of pulling on the starting cord on a gas powered mower over and over again to no avail?
That is exactly what my company's codebase is. A huge amorphous, heterogenous pile of shit that somehow works and occasionally has to be massaged to make it work again. Fuck my life.3
Instead of making business cards, I bought small index cards. The first time ‘round, I carefully taped four or five together with chalkboard tape and then wrote on them with gold pen. Now I’m just using the index cards and black pen since the reaction to that in person’s been positive. What do you guys think? Are people just humoring me in person?22
Some people tape up inputs like camera and mic to keep gov and hackers out of their private lives.
Me, I'm an exhibitionist.1
Here's a life hack for you.
If you're ever in need of a whiteboard for drawing/sketching, grab a few white a4 paper sheets, a roll of transparent duct tape, tape both sheets together side-by-side. Cover both sheets with tape
et voila! You have yourself a portable & foldable whiteboard!
The more sheets you involve, the bigger the whiteboard will be :)
P.S. It's very handy!!14
> Worst work culture you've experienced?
It's a tie between my first to employers.
First: A career's dead end.
Bosses hardly ever said the truth, suger-coated everything and told you just about anything to get what they wanted. E.g. a coworker of mine was sent on a business trip to another company. They had told him this is his big chance! He'd attend a project kick-off meeting, maybe become its lead permanently. When he got there, the other company was like "So you're the temporary first-level supporter? Great! Here's your headset".
And well, devs were worth nothing anyway. For every dev there were 2-3 "consultants" that wrote detailed specifications, including SQL statements and pseudocode. The dev's job was just to translate that to working code. Except for the two highest senior devs, who had perfect job security. They had cooked up a custom Ant-based build system, had forked several high-profile Java projects (e.g. Hibernate) and their code was purposely cryptic and convoluted.
You had no chance to make changes to their projects without involuntarily breaking half of it. And then you'd have to beg for a bit of their time. And doing something they didn't like? Forget it. After I suggested to introduce automated testing I was treated like a heretic. Well of course, that would have threatened their job security. Even managers had no power against them. If these two would quit half a dozen projects would simply be dead.
And finally, the pecking order. Juniors, like me back then, didn't get taught shit. We were just there for the work the seniors didn't want to do. When one of the senior devs had implemented a patch on the master branch, it was the junior's job to apply it to the other branches.
Second: A massive sweatshop, almost like a real-life caricature.
It was a big corporation. Managers acted like kings, always taking the best for themselves while leaving crumbs for the plebs (=devs, operators, etc). They had the spacious single offices, we had the open plan (so awesome for communication and teamwork! synergy effects!). When they got bored, they left meetings just like that. We... well don't even think about being late.
And of course most managers followed the "kiss up, kick down" principle. Boy, was I getting kicked because I dared to question a decision of my boss. He made my life so hard I got sick for a month, being close to burnout. The best part? I gave notice a month later, and _he_still_was_surprised_!
Plebs weren't allowed anything below perfection, bosses on the other hand... so, I got yelled at by some manager. Twice. For essentially nothing, things just bruised his fragile ego. My bosses response? "Oh he's just human". No, the plebs was expected to obey the powers that be. Something you didn't like? That just means your attitude needs adjustment. Like with the open plan offices: I criticized the noise and distraction. Well that's just my _opinion_, right? Anyone else is happily enjoying it! Why can't I just be like the others? And most people really had given up, working like on a production line.
The company itself, while big, was a big ball of small, isolated groups, sticking together by office politics. In your software you'd need to call a service made by a different team, sooner or later. Not documented, noone was ever willing to help. To actually get help, you needed to get your boss to talk to their boss. Then you'd have a chance at all.
Oh, and the red tape. Say you needed a simple cable. You know, like those for $2 on Amazon. You'd open a support ticket and a week later everyone involved had signed it off. Probably. Like your boss, the support's boss, the internal IT services' boss, and maybe some other poor sap who felt important. Or maybe not, because the justification for needing that cable wasn't specific enough. I mean, just imagine the potential damage if our employees owned a cable they shouldn't!
You know, after these two employers I actually needed therapy. Looking back now, hooooly shit... that's why I can't repeat often enough that we devs put up with way too much bullshit.3
It is time... to rant about macs!
No, seriously - I had such a different experience about which not many talk in real life or pretend that it never happens....
Model: 2015 mid MBP 15" with second to highest specs (don't have dedicated gpu).
Rattling fucking toy.... Yea, it rattles! If you shake/move ir sit in trait/bus - it non-stop rattles as a fucking toy. Worst part? It's confirmed issue by apple and it manifacturing issue that they are not keen on fixing!!!! WTF? We have 4 macs in our office - all of them fucking rattles... God help me how annoying that is. (Lose LCD control panel that unsticks from glue. Replacing it solves the issue for 1 month if you carry it anywhere).
Constant fucking crashing/updates.... Every morning I wake up and don't have an app that requires confirmation for restart - it's restarted. YAY, turning on all apps once again.... Why you may ask? Well, because if you tinker with software in any way - it fails to update it and hell breaks lose. It's been a long time since High-Sierra came around and the issue is still there (not running Mojave as it conflicts with soft I have... Woo!). Tried few times - updates fail. Resolution? Reinstall OS!
OS conflicts with applications - damn... People told me it works out of the box.... Yeah, as long as you don't upgrade the OS - then it breaks. Why? Well, because.
Piece of shit power supply. With 4 of our office power supplies - 2 of them failed twice withing warranty and once afterwards... Really? Not to mention that all 4 are starting to shear the sleeve or already did (mine is just wrapped with white electrical tape to give it a support... lol).
Bluetooth - who the hell needs that in mac, right? Well, people do. To start with - it conflicts with 2.4GHz wireless network - you might have one of those and not both at the same time. Next thing is using a device that needs constant connection (mouse, headphones, keyboard - non apple branded) - shit... They can't stay connected for more than an hour without any issues... Constant battle to re-connect it, to re-pair the device and all due to smart apple bluetooth settings. Hell, my mouse (logitech MX master) was even printing random symbols in some applications if moved. All of the issues went away after using a bluetooth dongle... WOO!!!!
Xcode... Ahh, you may never prepare your mac if you don't download 17GB of fucking xCode libraries that enables some tools to be installed/runned as you can NOT get them in any other way and you have to install full xCode software in order to get them... YAY! 17GB wasted on my 256GB SSD that I can't upgrade. GREAT!
OsX applications - ah, don't get offended but if you are using them and you are fine with them - you are probably a monkey that loves being told what to do. You can't customise any actions, you can't configure it the way you like - either you accept their default workflow or go kill yourself. Yep... Had issues with calendar, mail, iMessages, safari... None of them fit my needs :)
Resolution scaling... Fucking hell, the display is 2880 x 1800 but all you let me to use is 1440x900 without scaling? Am I blind to you? Scaling the resolution means that you are fucked if some applications don't support scaling very well. Looking at you Jetbrains - your IDES suck at scaling and slows down the pc to a potato....
Now the pros - keyboard is way better than the new ones, trackpad is GREAT - no need for mouse (using it on external 4k displays only), the battery life is great - getting around 6h of continues development time, 8 if using sublime instead of phpStorm and well, that's about it...
I've bought this device due to the fact that at that time mac and windows pc's with similiar specs costed the same while windows pc sucked with their quality of the device and trackpad... Now the situation is better and when time comes for a next upgrade - it's going to be one of these:
Razer Blade 15, Dell XPS 15, Lenovo Carbon X1 series.
And of course - LINUX. I've had enough issues with windows, and had enough of retardness of apple ecosystem, so switching it is a must for me.
Disclaimer: I might be an unhappy customer, a bit picky but I'd like my device to be setted up as I like and continue to have that until I don't like, not until the company decides to break it. Not to mention that paying almost a yearly salary in my country for one device - I'd expect it to be at least reliable and work without issues....
ps. You can disagree with me, this is my personal experience with MBP over the last 3 years :)10
Source code works on my local machine, even when I present it to the relevant users; no body panics its all part of the plan. Place it on the server and it does not work AND EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MIND!1
FFS, just because they do it that way on a competitor website doesn't mean it is either good, right or the best way to do it. My next door neighbours car number plate is held on with gaffa tape, im not about to copy that and suggest everyone should do it. Dim fucking irrational, know it all clients. GO FUCK YOURSELVES!! From my research i could probably run your business better than you anyway, your whole fucking outlook is fundamentally flawed. Cunts!1
My setup: AMD Phenom-2 1100T with fat cooler for silent PC, 16 GB ECC RAM, AMD Radeon HD-6850 passively cooled, WD Blue 1 TB HDD. One 22 inch monitor with 1650 x 1050.
The mouse is a bit broken because the click switch under the mouse wheel doesn't work anymore. The empty bottle in front of the PC is necessary for lying on the room light switch, or else it won't work. And the black/yellow tape is a fix for the worn out seat cover.
But the best, under the monitor, is the little green troll that serves as rubber duck.
This kid on the tape is me. I'm not even two years old there and I'm already messing around with wires.
Five minutes later on that tape I figured out how to turn the vacuum cleaner on and tried to tie it to the cassette deck.
No wonder why I'm a programmer now 😂
"Tar up your projects as version control."
- CS teacher
I understand git is hard (just the awkward syntax) and not part of a curriculum, but can it at least be suggested? A whole year later, I found out about git and it has made CS projects so much easier.
git commit -a -m "No more tape archiving"4
Thanks guys for the help in the last weeks.
This is what I was so hard trying to print.
Btw... reminder to self, plastic expands. That's why the stepper has duck tape instead of screws lol33
Do arcade games (Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Berserk) count? I got my allowance in quarters.
Atari 2600? Ti/99 with a tape drive to play a game at my friend's house?
Having to buy a 5.25" floppy in the HS bookstore for typing class on the TRaSh-80s and finding a way to put a break in the program and save it to disk so I got top score on assignments?
Tron. That's what really did it for me. To this day, I like to imagine there is a vast world inside the computer.
After a BASIC programming class in HS, I got an Apple IIGS and started writing my own load menus for these little games I'd find around FIDO and newsgroups. Instead of "PR#6, brun gumball" a nice styled menu would show where you could press the number of the game you wanted to play.
Who remembers sharing hacked PCP accounts to dial out of state BBSes?
Applied Engineering customers and 300 baud chatroom lurkers represent.
User #243, God's Country chat2
This shit happend when I tried to print devRant logo Key fob. The printhead totally scratched the tape of the buildplate. Luckily the printbead itself was fine. :/7
I rarely tell this story because it's hard to believe and would show me in a bad light if people don't believe its details. I know there have been foolish moves from my part, and more stuff should have been agreed to in writing, and I did step into a legal grey area. However I am pleased with what I did and how it all turned out, and this is as close to the truth as possible without needing to explain too many details.
I was once a team lead in an outsourcing company. We had a flexible payment plan depending on results. That helped me motivate myself and my team. Things worked great.
But then the boss started acting like shit:
1. Flexible payment means minimum, right?
2. Promises are made to be broken, as long as your employees have hope and work overtime for a whole month just to finish an important project before schedule, right?
3. Who needs a good, comfortable, SAFE work environment when you can save 30$ on not buying a new crappy chair in place of the old broken crappy chair, if it can be maintained standing by just a bit of duct tape and careful balancing on it? It's not like that developer who earns 30$ per hour has anything else to think about than balancing on a broken chair, right?
I'm a very calm person at work. I never ever raised my voice at anyone for 10 years of my career. Except this situation. I pulled the boss out of the office so his secretary wouldn't hear what I had to say. I threw this everything into his face.
A guy from sales got out of the office to go to the bathroom, and when he heard me, he carefully snuck back into the office (I didn't see him. He told me this over a beer after he left).
Of course I quit on the spot, convinced most of my team members to leave (wasn't hard, I just had to offer a secure plan, which I did), and helped my team members to get good positions elsewhere, and assisted others in starting their own business, by stealing customers from this company (the asshole did not foresee this when he prepared the labour contracts), after he accused me of plagiarism (that I stole code from somewhere else) and used that excuse to not pay me what we agreed upon.
I didn't want litigation. I just used karma, while remaining in the legal realm.
Within a month after this, more than half of his company was gone, and he was left with only a fraction of the revenue he was making before, since the only ones left were people that did not produce value (sales that had nothing to sell, accounting that had nothing to account, etc.), and just one person maintaining one remaining contract that was bringing barely enough money to sustain half of these people.
Now I want to congratulate you for actually finishing reading this :)2
PC survival lessons
1. Tape acts as a protection from extreme animals like humans bashing you up and falling apart into pieces
2. Repeat lesson 1 for eternity7
When you’re use to dark theme and the lights in your car are too bright, you black electrical tape all the things...
I’m either more sensitive to light, or I’ve adapted to dark theme-ing all the things.21
I pasted scotch tape on the small sensor under the mice of everyone (like 20 people). Then I used a black marker on the scotch tape so it wad completely opaque.
Result? Everyone panicked when they tried to use their computer because the mouse was not working.5
The 'i am a total noob' feeling is real fiah like a mix tape right now. last week on a personal project i had the problem of placing a div within a div and the buttons not being clickable. i fixed it by fixing the positions of the elements. today the same thing but will a scrolling div and f*ck me right i just had to forget the solution. now i have been stuck for hours trying to figure out the right way and fooling around with no solution. learn your fundamentals.4
Java teacher writes code on blackboard in comp lab
He tells us to try it out at our workstations.
We do. The code does work. We tell him.
He says: "There is something wrong with your compiler..."
Question is...we were around 30 students. Can all our compilers not work if we had used the lab before and the code we run worked clean??!?!?!?
We were flabbergasted2
Being thrown in the deep end, baptism by fire is the best/worst way to learn a new codebase
Its not appropriate for everyone but it weirdly works
Deep Thought Rant
It's funny how the world works these days...companies only looking for "senior *something*" developers to work...
Mentorship and internship also do matter. What's happening?...sure you can contribute to open source but having a mentor also helps. Working as an intern allows one to see not only tech bit but workplace environment. How to deal with deadlines, feeling good and wasted at the same time when one bug that took a 3 minutes to fix but 3 hours to find, presenting your work; well what's working only, being bashed when it's your fault or not (even though that sucks), learning from your mentor and so on
Are their companies that still do this?3
PLA doesn't like to stick to paper tape. Hmmmm who would have known. Well now i know and it fucking sucks since i have to reprint it. Dammit.
So instead of using tape to make the gap between bed and hotend smaller just adjust the z gap in printer.2
If something quacks that does not mean it's a duck. A duck has wings, can fly and is renowned for eating bread. For all you know what you have is a tape player.5
Restored from my backup. My home town 2004 setup, floppy disk drives, sound blaster audio card, dial up us robotics modem, nokia 3310 on the chair, lg hifi with cassette tape and cd, unitra amplifier, equalizer and sound columns. Panorama made using olympus c-720 uz.
Funny times ^^
high res image
I want you to imagine the cockpit of an Airbus A320, one of the most used airbuses worldwide and one of the safest means of transportation.
Now imagine removing the cover/mask of the cockipit and what you see is all the instruments are linked with tape and rope together.
For some reason I feel this applies to every major project out there :S
About a year ago a co-scout gave me: an FM radio, a CD cover, tape and some other random bits, and proceded to say.
c-s: Build a metaldetector from this, I don't know how.
c-s: You know computers, right?
me: Yes, but that is not "computers".
c-s: How hard can it be? We need a guide on how to do it in a couple of hours. Good luck.5
I haven't got tape to prevent my dinner from opening, but hey... trust me, I'm (almost) engineer 😏6
First off, I couldn't copy and paste "wk150" because it was an image, not text !
Coolest thing I've ever built was a building.
Foundations was brick pyramids buried in the ground to spread the loads of the post construction method. (eg. posts at corners, the rest of the building hangs on those.)
Built out of recycled church hardwood, designed to withstand 350 mph winds, no windows !
8ft by 10ft doors.
Had to move 200+ tons of soil by bucket and spade.
I also fell off the roof once..
But luckily landed in a pile of earth, I had piled up in case I fell off !
Built using prefab panels I put together on a jig. (So all sides the same.)
Then the winds came..
Mine was one of only two untouched.
I got the idea from both:
And visiting a hurricane hit area with just one building left standing built out of concrete and bricks, whilst everyone else's was just wood.
Not that wood isn't a good choice, after all, look at Japanese buildings:
Sadly it isn't still there, the local government knocked it down after I moved away !
I'd even got planning permission for it, so no idea why they would get rid of such a useful building !
Perhaps the next one I should make out of concrete and be harder to knock down..
Solo build, apart from the time when I got my Amazon like girlfriend to give me a hand to move the panels into place, as they was so heavy, I couldn't lift them by myself, and had no crane..
No pictures sadly, though I did video it, but the tape got left behind in one of my many moves. :-(
Did the architectural drawings myself too.
Lesson there, believe in yourself, you can do it !
Just takes persistence..
Friends said I was crazy at the beginning !6
I've tried so many ways for that at night or during walk spark of bug solving ideas:
- fluorescent ink on regular paper
- florescent mini whiteboards
- "alexa remind me.."
- writing down in my phone
- recording on my phone
But all of those due to my short term memory made me forget half the things by the time I opened the fucking phone/app, found where to grab the pen or the whole dance for alexa, to remember the exact phrase I have to spell out, when it should remind me, what time,..
Earlier today I remembered how I had a little tape voice recorder I used to use a ton, thankfully that tech advanced by now and found myself a stereo mic setup little voice recorder that can also act as an mp3 player!
Went for a walk today, while listening to some podcasts, then it hit me as usual on how to fix and implement some things that were awkward at best on paper when I left home, pressed the record button, recorded it and went straight back to music mode, which remembered where I left off!
I'm so indescribably happy, I ordered quite a bunch of the same to just throw around everywhere, at the bed, in the bathroom, kitchen, for walking outside, everywhere haha7
The wonderful feeling when i need to implement new functionality but it only takes a few minutes bc I actually created a framework that I can reuse instead of writing duct tape code from scratch 😎😊😆😙3
Just remembered an old dad story:
Around 30 years ago I started a game on my Commodore 64, I was about 15 at the time, and back then you had to load the games from cassette tapes.
So I started the cassette player and waited for the game to load, and when it was done I stopped the tape. My dad saw this and he asked :
- "Why did you stop the tape if you want to play the game?"
And I guess it is kind of natural for someone who used cassette tapes for listening to music, to say that :-) Still I laughed at my dad...3
When youre hired as a programmer and you miss programming. you code at home Because your work wont let you. Too many documents to create, too many tickets(IT operations) to create and too many phone calls(follow up on IT operations).
It feels like im wasting my days on a job that i dont care. Thank God for self projects.2
Overengineering. Finding the right point between overdesign and no design at all. That's where fancy languages and unusual patterns being hit by real world problems, and you need to deal with all that utter mess you created being architecture astronaut. Isn't that funny how you realize that another fancy tool is fundamentally incompatible with the task you need to solve, and you realize it after a month of writing workarounds and hacks.
But on the other hand, duct tape slacking becomes a mess even quicker.
Not being able to promote projects. You may code the shit out of side project and still get zero response, absolutely no impact. That's why your side projects often becomes abandoned.
Oversleeping. You thought tomorrow was productive day, but you wake up oversleeped, your head aches, your mind is not clear and you be like "fuck that, I'm staying in bed watching memes all day". But there's job that has to be done, and that bothers you.
Writing tests. Oh, words can't describe how much I hate writing tests, any kind of. I tried testing so many times in high school, at university, even at production, but it seems like my mind is just doesn't accept it. I know that testing is fundamentally important, but my mind collapses every time I try to write a single fucking test, resulting in terrible headache. I don't know why it's like that, but it is, and I better repl the shit out of pure function than write fucking tests.
When you are involved in a conflict of interest project and its kept under wraps ...but your IT director still wants you to do it because his friend needs something done but don't want to pay for it
Who else has faced this? Or am I the only one...?3
I'm still wet behind the ears as developers go, and about a month ago I cobbled together a webservice. After many bug fixes I somehow got it working as intended, held together by tape and shoestring and creaking all the while.
This week, one of the consumers of the service wanted me to open it back up to change the name of the request .xsd. no functionality changes, just a name change.
I protested, worried my service would fall apart if I breathed on it. But he insisted so I made the change.
I just tested it and... it's working as intended.
But I still want to be mad about this!!
The ethernet cable entry of my laptop is broken and now I have to use it with a tape! 😭😭 O don't want to take it back to the chipstore to they fix it!4
I fucking hate when someone says something broke the internet! Is it fucking down? Can I fucking play my games? Read my fucking email?
If so, the pictures of Kim's ass, or Nicki's assumed sex tape didn't break the fucking internet!
I learned about this supposed breakage after the fact, from news outlets talking about how is broke!2
The best way to describe what I had to do today is I "Channeled Macgyver"... now production is working.
⚪Data wasn't flowing as expected.
⚪Component written by our team was blamed.
⚪Boss asked me to bypass the component so data can flow.
Sure, I can fix that... Give me a car battery, a roll of duck tape and a butter knife. Data will be flowing in production shortly.
Sometime in the mid to late 1980's my brother and I cut our teeth on a Commodore 64 with Basic. We had the tape drive, 1541 Disk Drives, and the main unit and a lot of C64 centric magazines my dad subscribed to. Each one of the magazines had a snippet of code in a series so that once you had 6 volumes of the magazine, you had a full free game that you got to write by yourself. We decided to write a Hangman game. Since we were the programmers, we already knew all the possible words stored in the wordlist, so it got old quick. One thing that hasn't changed is that my brother had the tenacity and mettle for the intensive logic based parts of the code and I was in it for the colors and graphics. Although we went through some awkward years and many different styles and trends, both of us graduated with computer science degrees at Arkansas State University. Funny thing is, I kept making graphics, CSS, UI, front end, and pretty stuff, and he's still the guy behind the scenes on the heavy lifting and logical stuff. Not that either of us are slacks on the opposite ends of our skilsets, but it's fun to have someone that compliments your work with a deeper understanding. I guess for me it was 2009 when I turned on the full time DEV switch after we published our first website together. It's been through many iterations and is unfortunately a Wordpress site now, but we've been selling BBQ sauce online since 2009 at http://jimquessenberry.com. This wasn't my first website, but it's the first one that's seen moderate success that someone else didn't pay the bill for. I guess you could say that our Commodore 64 Hangman game, and our VBASIC game The Big Giant Head for 386 finally ended up as a polished website for selling our Dad's world class products.1
Lecturer: SOAP is insecure...
In interview: Any disadvantages you see with SOAP?
Me: The last i read SOAP is insecure. Im abit rusty with this knowledge
Interviewer: ahhh okay, SOAP is actually secure...
DAMN YOU LECTURER!3
Finding fragile balance between “we need to create a programming language to solve this task elegantly and efficiently” and “yo dawg here’s some php, go get that shit together”
When you have no work all week long because you finish 3x as fast as the estimates. You ask for more work, and due to "red tape" you can't even work on the back log.
Time to sit and look busy :).
Sadly, this is too common for me... I want to be buried in code and tasks! Not sit and twiddle my thumbs.7
I've actually really enjoyed getting to interview people. Mostly because I'm given the freedom to ask reasonable questions. At this point, my favorite is asking fresh grads to come up with requirements to make their favorite portfolio bit production-ready.
I want a list of things you need to fix because they're duct tape and bubblegum, but a lot of people sit there with passwords in plaintext and suggest new features.
Worst prod scenario experienced - on site in small African country working on CRM/billing system my colleague was testing some new SQL and after finishing decided to drop and recreate the DB. She thinks the process is very slow and suddenly realizes she is dropping the prod DB. In a panic she shuts down the system and starts doing a restore from tape, but is so stressed out she writes "tar cv" instead of "tar xv" and overwrites the backup with the broken DB. Took a while to clean that one up...2
Yet another thing i think is fucking stupid.. GDPR btw.
So, a guy in Denmark owns a grocery store and has an issue with people stealing from him a lot the last couple of years. He catches them on tape and shares it on social media to try and prevent it.
Im not sure why it didn't work to go to the cops, but it didn't.
What the owner ended up doing, was hang a note on the front of the store so people could see it before they entered, see attached image.
However, now he has been notified what hes doing is illegal, because the "user" doesn't consent clearly enough.
I dont understand GDPR, but if you do, you're probably gonna find mistakes in what i wrote.
Source for story: https://bt.dk/erhverv/...
Its his fucking store, if people steal from him he should be allowed to post it on pornhub if that was his desire.
It's illegal to kill someone, but if you're threatened on your life, you may kill in selfdefense.
To me, those are the same, just one is on a much more serious level of course.
I was very young, but my grandma had picked up an old apple 2 with asteroids on a 3.5 in floppy (maybe 1990) and it was really the first time playing games that it occurred to me that I could make them. From then on, I decided that I wanted to work in a space where my imagination was unbound and I could build anything I wanted from the ground up without any help. I've matured a bit since then, but I still find that basic love every now and again when I'm not dealing with red tape or fixing bugs in other people's code.2
Exclusive DevRant tutorial.
How to make any sticker you want.
Double side glue tape;
If (paper != photography)
One side clear glue tape
Print the logos you want in a piece of paper.
You can use photographic plastic printer paper and only double tape, or for cheaper options simple paper covered with clear tape.
Cut your sticker and your done.
Unfortunately I can't cut straight.
This is a free to share tutorial, written for me to practice and for you to enjoy1
TL;DR: A new "process" for collaboration between teams was created in order to stonewall requests from my team.
A couple months ago, we created a new Dev team that specializes in writing internal tools. This team was staffed with internal developers, and got a separate manager. The whole point of this team was to collaborate with my dev team so we can both help each other develop tools that the company needs.
One of the developers that was on my team went over to this team while he and I were still working on a big application. For a few weeks, he still worked on this application as he normally would, and we'd sit with each other and work through features together whenever we needed a fresh set of eyes.
Well, eventually his new team got protective of him and created a new "process" for our teams to request assistance from one another. So now instead of just popping over to someone's desk to ask a quick question, you have to send an email to the team and request that you can borrow that particular developer for a question, and then the entire team sits down and discusses whether or not they're going to allow that person to answer your question. Then after a week of discussion, if they decide to allow it, they schedule a meeting for a week later, in which you will get the question answered.
So instead of just spending 2 minutes to ask and answer the question, you have to spend weeks in order to request assistance, and then schedule a meeting.
It's ridiculous, and it's all because his team got protective that he was working with another Dev team. Dev teams collaborate all the time, and work together. My team is constantly helping other teams, and we don't have this ridiculous process. We get asked a question, and we answer it. Simple as that.
Last week, I sent an email for assistance in completing a feature, and didn't hear back. I talked to the Product Owner for the team, and he said "Just send an email," to which I responded that I did and hadn't got a response. He said "Oh....." I then told my boss that this is an enormous bottleneck, and he seemed surprised hearing that this is a bottleneck.
A week passed and today I still hadn't got a response, so my boss reached out to the Product Owner to push him. Finally, I got a response and they scheduled a meeting to answer my question 3 days down the road. So it's going on 2 weeks to get this simple question answered.
Normally I'd just have the other developer come over and help, but apparently they yelled at him the last time he did that.
The issue is that the process was created with the assistance of our "senior" developers, who never work with this other team in this capacity, so they just nodded and smiled and let them put this ridiculous process in place.
Like, get off your high horses. You don't "own" him, he's allowed to collaborate with other teams. This question would've taken literally 10 minutes, but because of your new "process" you've turned it into a 2 week debacle and you've effectively delayed the app launch with your pettiness.
They say that this process isn't intended to prevent us from getting assistance, and that might not have been the original intention of the Product Owner/manager, but it's very clear that the developers on the other team are taking advantage of it and using it as a big stonewall so they can beat around the bush and avoid providing assistance when it's needed.
If this becomes a trend, I'm going to schedule a meeting (which apparently they love to do,) and we're going re-work this entire process, because it's extremely counterproductive and seems to only exist in order to create red tape.3
Any other IT company is like:
* Task -> Designer -> Markup coder -> Backend -> Finish
Our IT company:
Act I: "Art of setting up contact with idiots".
*Cave scripts (aka "typical task")
Designer: -- "DAFUQ?"
Customer: *gives another interpretation*
Designer: -- "Erm... really? White text on white background?"
Customer: -- "Make a decision by yourself. I was expecting much more independence from you. You are an expert after all."
Designer: -- "Well. I'm making decision by myself. The text will be placed *here* and will be gray-colored, because *bla-bla-bla*"
Customer: -- "I disagree."
Designer: *1 hour of silence later* -- "Well...k."
Act II: "Design meets ar(u)tist"
*Something, that was drawn by dumb kid while smashing his own head against desk. (PSD layout)
* Salt (to pour it on open wounds)
Designer: -- "I'm seeing this task *this way*"
Markup: -- "And how do u think i should get this done? Have you even seen what you made?? This is bullshit!"
Designer: -- "It's not bullshit! It's a sci-fi themed layout!"
Markup: -- "With gameplay elements and graphics from Alien Shooter??"
Designer: -- "Well, I don't care." *brings new edits and changes*
Markup: -- "????"
Designer: *smug face* -- "!!!"
Act III (7 days later, 9 hours till deadline): "Short story about boy, who was trying to hang himself, but instead fell out from window."
*Markup, smelling like it went through hell and back (x1)
* Markup coder with fried butt (x1)
Backend: -- "What. Is. THAT?"
Markup: -- "It's a work we should complete in 9 hours."
Backend: -- "WE?? I know u mean me, but that's a nightmare. What the f*ck were you doing all this time?"
Markup: -- "Well..." *finds out that he was only watching films and sleeping* "I was making this thing up..."
Backend: -- "You mean "f*cking" *this* thing "up"?"
Markup: -- "Not without it"
(*3 hours of edits and changes of color from white to white later*)
Backend: -- "Well, let's do this."
*Picks PHP and tries to bundle it up with MongoDB. After some time tries to rewrite everything to JS and starts shouting something like "F***CK" and looking for window to walk through. Figures out that he is on first floor. And that he is too lazy to go upstairs*
Act IV (3 days after deadline): "Pain and misery":
*Something covered with insul(t)ating tape. (Final product)
Customer: -- "Really?"
Team: -- "Kinda."
Customer: -- "Well, thanks for your work anyway. It feels like it's going to disassemble right in my hands but it just works. Oh, also, you didnt made this in time, so your payment will be over9000 times lower. That's all"
Backend, on fluids: -- "Well...yeah..."
Markup: -- "Don't look at me like that. I really was doing my job."
Designer, with twitching eye: -- "Huh, I see. You worked so hard that we have nothing to eat now. Thanks for that."
Requirement: "Build teleport using a teapot and some tape"
Yesterday I spent most of my working day staring at the screen thinking about it, without being able to write a proposed implementation document. I felt the most useless person in the universe.
Me, today at daily stand-up meeting: «Honestly I have no idea on how to proceed, please assign me a different task.»
Manager: «Well, just think about it a bit more»
What happens when you give a database design to your boss as per what he wants done, he sees it is not impressed, scolds you, curses you out and claims you are 'fraud'. Then you tell him you can do better to redeem yourself...you submit the work better than the first time
And then he terminates you due to 'lack of proficiency'.3
Soo... Let me get this straight... My boss reeeeeeally wants me to reconfigure our database system to sync data between each of our 15 sites... Let me this about this...
Our database is an MS Access database originally written about 17 years ago. It was written as a standalone database that runs a unique instance for each of our sites.The person responsible for the database (still not the original developer) before I took over 6 years ago bragged about how they were "an 80s developer" (w...t...f!). Even with all of the fixes and additions (additions because... F&$#ing of course there are!) It's still basically held together by duct tape and spit.
Hmmm... Ok, still possible. What's the environment I'm working in... I have absolutely ZERO control of our workplace network... That's a whole other department. Due to the nature of the workplace (and it's sites) there is extreme limitation on network access.
Well... If I'm Reeeeeeally nice to the people in charge of the network, maaaaaybe they can give me access to a little server space.
A very long shot, but, doab.... Oh, the boss would really like this handled in the next couple months...
F$#k you! There is no way on God's (still) green earth that I... Alone... Can rewrite a legacy database... written across 4 or 5 different versions of FU$KING MS Access, and give 15 sites, with extremely limited networking, real time data sync in... Oh, a few months.
Now, I do not work with "computer people". I'm usually lucky when my coworkers remember their passwords (which, even if they don't, WHY tell ME! I don't run the network!)
And when I tell my boss basically what I just said... In a nice, pleasant way... They suggest I'm not giving the problem enough thought...
FU#K YOU IGNORANT ASS! Write me a ToDo list in MS Access (no, I'm not going to tell you where to start) in under an hour then, MAYBE, we can talk about... No... Just NO... Can't be done!
*Takes deep breath* so... Lovely weather we're having, right?3
How can you bring in a PBX device with no manual at all and the settings are all in Chinese and expect me to be a God and configure it?2
I write web software that gets sold to enterprise customers. A major part of the work flow is running reports that get exported as PDFs that users have to keep track of for compliance purposes. Just under a week ago, a select few reports quit printing. Once the issue worked its way through the red tape and eventually got to the point where a developer (me) could/had to look at it and pull server logs, I noticed that the report was trying to access a column that I had just created a week or so ago.
We have a six week release cycle. Six is a bigger number than one.
Turns out the production reports server was pointed at the preview environment which has a release cycle of whatever the fuck we want. To compound the problem, our operations team had a national holiday, so running reports was broken a full day before anything could be done. Then the next day, when the ops person got into the office, it took a few hours to convince them that yes this is a problem and yes this needs to be fixed.
But of course midday deployments/restarts of anything ever is out of the question. Chalk up another day of downtime. And of course we *just* sold to a new major customer.
Happy onboarding week guys.1
I once had a manager who demanded I physically print all of the Kanban cards and tape them to the office whiteboard. I was told to move the cards across the board after they were moved in TFS. I still had to keep up with my other duties in the QA department too!
Despite that, I still stayed on board with the company (the pay was good, and the work was simple.) As a QA teeter, I uncovered a rather nasty security vulnerability that would have put all of our customers data at reach to anybody. I advised my manager, and was told - just ignore it and ship the code please. I refused.
I was threatened with being fired, verbally assaulted, and challenged at the most trivial ways in everything I did after that.
Jokes on him now. I work from home in my dream job, doing what I love, with a manager who actually gives a rats ass about my concerns.
Moral of the story here - you don't have to agree with your subordinates , but you do need to validate their concerns.4
It looks like Windows almost stopped me from exiting the mall. I had to call customer care to save me from situation. The toll station froze on me. Why Windows? Why?3
So what do you call people who like Apple devices only or Android devices only? Or someone who thinks Apple devices are superior only or Android devices are superior only ?
I know there is SoundCloud, Earbits for music... Sometimes I use YouTube.
I am coding to get to my beast mode but my YouTube mix picks up a song I don't want and then I change tabs just to skip or change your mix...then poooofff
ALL OVA SURRRDDDDEN
You are watching "scaring cats videos"
So my first computer... My dad got a Laptop somewhere around 96-97 for work as he had to travel a lot abroad. He also used to take work home and work there in the evening or on weekends. I kindof asked if I could play with it and he just opened defragmenting and I loved the animation. At least I think it had some animation. I know another computer I got later had it. However like the second or third time he left me alone with it, I decided to find something else and somehow managed to instead of defragment the hd, format it. Or atleast delete like a few folders on it. However that game was "lame", so I went out to play with a friend, as the computer wouldn't respond after some time. I've never seen him as angry as when I got home.
Long story short, me and my brother soon got our own computer, like a really " old" one the company where my aunt worked sold. It didn't had a cd rom drive, just a 3.5 and a bigger drive. My dad later took the big tape out and replaced it with a cd rom drive. It ran win95 I think. And we later upgraded it to 982
A Chinese coworker who always brought a tea flavoured hand lotion bottle and applied it before coding on his finger tips and wore the same clothes from Monday to Friday changed only his shoes...2
I'm extremely lucky that I had parents who encouraged it. My mother was a programmer herself, working with punch tape.
They brought the family home a BBC and let me fiddle with it. When we had a PC they let me get Visual Basic (ew) which got me really interested in programming.
My first exposure to computers was the TRS-80 (a.k.a. TRASH-80) my mom (the city Library Director) bought for library patrons to use. It’s data store was on a cassette tape and programs came on cartridges, IIRC.
Around the same time I was learning to do Logo and BASIC on an Apple IIe in 5th grade.
My cousin’s Commodore 64 came next and my grandma saw how my interest in computers was blooming, so she suggested I use the savings I had built up from birthday money and mowing lawns to buy an IBM PC/AT 8088 clone. $1,300 later and lots of time in my basement figuring out how to build it all from separately-shipped components, I was on my way to learning Assembler, BASIC, and DOS.
Digging though my old emails found this joke sent to me long time ago. Think that originally was posted in a 1997 issue of Computerworld. Maybe you already suffered the effect of the "Opcodes" listed here. Hope that !tl;dr
ARG Agree to Run Garbage
BDM Branch and Destroy Memory
CMN Convert to Mayan Numerals
DDS Damage Disk and Stop
EMR Emit Microwave Radiation
ETO Emulate Toaster Oven
FSE Fake Serious Error
GSI Garble Subsequent Instructions
GQS Go Quarter Speed
HEM Hide Evidence of Malfunction
IDD Inhale Dust and Die
IKI Ignore Keyboard Input
IMU Irradiate and Mutate User
JPF Jam Paper Feed
JUM Jeer at Users Mistake
KFP Kindle Fire in Printer
LNM Launch Nuclear Missiles
MAW Make Aggravating Whine
NNI Neglect Next Instruction
OBU Overheat and Burn if Unattended
PNG Pass Noxious Gas
QWF Quit Working Forever
QVC Question Valid Command
RWD Read Wrong Device
SCE Simulate Correct Execution
SDJ Send Data to Japan
TTC Tangle Tape and Crash
UBC Use Bad Chip
VDP Violate Design Parameters
VMB Verify and Make Bad
WAF Warn After Fact
XID eXchange Instruction with Data
YII Yield to Irresistible Impulse
ZAM Zero All Memory
I'm an aspiring coder working some chappy administrator job just to pay the bills for now. My boss found out that I may actually be more computer literate than I let on.
Boss: "I want you to make X happen automatically if I click here on this spreadsheet"
Me "X!? That means processing data from 4 different spreadsheets that aren't consistently named and scraping comparison info from the fronted of the Web cms we're using"
Boss: "if you say so.. Can you do it?"
Me: "maybe.. Can I install python?"
Me: "what about node.js or ruby?"
Boss: "no.. I don't know what you're talking about but you're not installing anything, just get it done"
Me: "Errm Ok.."
So here I am now, way over my head loving the fact that I'm unofficially a Dev and coding my first something in Powershell and vb that will be used in business :)
Sucks that I still have to keep my regular work on target whilst doing this though!2
Coolest project I'll continually be working on.
Selling my Dad's famous BBQ sauces and rubs has been my hobby and passion for years. I'm lucky that my Dad was a computer enthusiast in the 1980's and also had a knack for marketing himself. All the while also being a somewhat famous character in the pioneering sport of competition BBQ cooking.
My brother and I shared the following machines growing up:
Commodore 64 w/ 2 Disk Drives, VicModem, & Tape Drive
Tandy 1000 Original Radio Shack IBM PC Clone
IBM 5150 w/ 20mb Hard Drive Expansion (Still Have This In Near Mint Condition)
Tandy 1000 RSX 386 with Win 3.11 For Networks
A Homebuilt Pentium 90 MHz Tower with Soundblaster and 16bit onboard video.
All that time on those machines learning various flavors of BASIC and crude graphic design got me where I am today.
That and learning how to BBQ... ;)8
So I had this friend who has his own company, hosting is part of their business. He gave me a VM to host some websites, test stuff and whatnot. Free. I have quite some important stuff on there (personal, and a few demo sites for clients). No backups of my own, because they do nightly tape backups, and RAID accross physically seperated datacenters. Today, he just shut down my VM - for personal reasons (really personal, nothing to do with his company whatsoever, he hates me lately for something I can't influence). He doesn't say weather or when Ill get the data, and gave me no time to pull it. Can/should I go to the police? I just want my data back, but I don't know if I can do anything as it was free (no contract).
I found a better solution than taping over your webcam:
Not using the shitty inbuilt screen in the laptop.
And if you need tape, use BLACK TAPE, because who wants a glow in the dark yellow rectangle above their screen...1
Client push back: when the client wants an impractical feature to be implemented and you tell them HELL NO, with a little sugar coating of course
Pycharm why you no allow me to continue to use the professional edition...
Damnn and they way pycharm has served me well7
There are days you feel like a God and there days you have no idea what you are doing in the dev space.
All in all perseverance with a whimsical tone
TL;DR: Computers and I go way back, but I don't know how I ended up as a dev - and am still not certain that's what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Rewind to the early 80's. My friends at the time got the Comodore 64 one after the other. I never got one. Heck, we didn't even have a color TV back then. Only a 12/14" small B&W TV. It's easy to conclude that I spent a lot of time at my friends'.
Back then it mostly was about the games. And, living in the rural countryside, the only way to aquire games was to pirate them. Pirating was big. Cassette tape swapping and floppy disk swapping was a big deal, and gamers contacted eachother via classifieds sections in newspapers and magazines. It was crazy.
Anyways. The thing about pirated games back then is that they often got a cracktro, trainer, intro or whatever you want to call them - made by the people who pirated the game. And I found them awesome. Sinus scrollers, 3D text, cool SID-tunes and whatnot. I was hooked.
My best friend and I eventually got tired of just gaming. We found Shoot'Em-Up Construction Kit, which was an easy point-and-click way to create our first little game. We looked into BASIC a bit. And we found a book at the library about C64 programming. It contained source code to create your own assembler, so we started on that. I never completed it, but my friend did.
Fast forward through some epic failure using an Amstrad CPC, an old 486 and hello mid 90's. My first Pentium, my first modem and hello Internet! I instantly fell in love with the Internet and the web. I was still in school, and had planned to enter the creative advertising business. Little did I know about the impact the web would have on the world.
I coded web pages for fun for some years. My first job was as a multimedia designer, and I eventually had to learn Lingo (Macromedia Director, anyone?) And Actionscript.
Now I haven't touched Flash for about 7 years. My experience has evolved back to pure web development. I'm not sure if that's where I will be in the future. I've learned that I certainly don't know how to do everything I want to do - but I have aquired the mindset to identify the tasks and find solutions to the problem.
I never had any affiliation with the pirate scene or the demo scene. But I still get a little tingling whenever I see one of those sinus scrollers.
Its funny when your code is tested by your peers and they approve it and it works...and when you present your progress to your PO he says it doesnt work...hmmmmm1
The beginning of my next blog post... at 6am.... Guess who hates his job and why?
<h1>Thinking Before You Code<h1>
The choices you make when you code a part of a program, or even the program itself, impacts everything around it. The importance increases as the size and the scope does.
Quick and dirty simple scripts that get a simple job done and rarely needs changing… fine.
A bunch of quick and dirty hacks all pieced together as part of a giant application... that constantly changes? That's duct tape code that will bite you in the ass later or will give birth to a maniacal raging psychopath that wants to kill you.
<b>SOLID, design patterns: saving yourself and others from you</b>
When I was about 10 years old, my maths teacher at school brought his Sinclair ZX80 into the classroom at the end of the Summer term to show his pupils. He'd written a couple of Math quiz programs that he showed us, and for 99% of the students that was enough - it was nice curiosity and diversion and the end of the school year. I however was fascinated by this little white lump of plastic.
When I came back to school after the summer holiday, everything had changed in that classroom.
Around the edge of room were about eight brand spanking new ZX81s with 16k RAM packs. They were all connected to a single tape deck in the corner of the room, into which our teacher could insert a cassette with the latest Maths program he'd written. All the pupils would be instructed to type LOAD "" and he'd press play on the tape deck - early networking!
From there I got my own first machine (a 16k ZX Spectrum) but I've never forgotten that initial contact.1
I keep seeing two philosophies bash heads at work.
1. "Hey, use these tools according to idioms and best practices for that tool. We worked hard getting this to work predictably, and it depends on you doing things consistently."
2. "Go pound sand, I want to do what makes sense for the project. To hell with your nazi conventions."
They're both right, and they're both idiots.
#1 is right because precedents exist for a reason. People did a bunch of stuff with their tools and got things to behave reasonably well, showing mastery over a stack. There could also be actual legal- and infosec- related reasons to following a protocol for changes, and ignoring those precedents invites disaster.
#1 is an idiot because there's a fine line between enforcing consistency and micromanagement. If the idioms they confuse with architecture are making it harder for other people to work, then they need to back off and let context, not ego guide the conversation. Good architecture should enable and encourage people to change the software in radical ways.
#2 is right because Context. Is. King. No project should shape around a tool. Tools should simply and objectively obey their users through good and bad use alike in service of the project. A culture that would oblige you to change for the sake of a tool is not an engineering-driven culture, it's a culture driven by self-anointed thought leaders who learned everything they know about software from Medium.com and Smashing Magazine. To enforce idioms and consistency blindly is turn the best practices found so far into the status quo that prevents change.
#2 is an idiot because there's a baby in the bathwater, which is some of that context they so treasure. By getting defensive with #1, they forget that the more they change, the more the team has to re-learn to adapt. The worst case is the cowboy that rewrites the implementation from scratch, causing QA to re-do ALL WORK and causing engineers to drop everything for one person's way of doing things.
The compromise is hard, but here's what I think it entails:
- Context really is king, but frame your changes in terms understood by how the team already thinks about the project; and
- Make those changes work independent of the tech stack on which they sit.
Doing this requires a solid understanding of, well, SOLID, and lots of patience dealing with ego and red tape.
This may seem obvious to you, but I'm so tired of watching the arguments at work about this degrade software quality and the end-user's experience.1
All married devs here who married devs
Why did you chose a dev and not another profession?
Of course skipping the love5
I fucking hate bereaucrats, those stupid fucking losers with a bus driver complex have nothing better to do than to make life miserable for everyone else.
You regulate when I'm allowed to work, open business, what I'm allowed to eat, drink, do in my own house. If I don't read you're senseless 300 page data protection acts, I'm going to jail for a 1k side project. If I visit a website, I have to fight through another 300 pages of cookie-red-tape.
I just want to 3D print a gun and start shooting (hi NSA)1
Something very interesting today
I worked on an API feature and it was approved and merge to the stable copy of the project. But then comes the demo.
Now we used Heroku(this devil)
The database uses sqlite. I can register an account on the web application. But the user table has only the admin account even though i have successfully managed to register.
I dont know what sorcery this was!
I simply went with the saying "it is working on my local machine"
Only to realise minutes to the demo the build pack was not done well at the beginning...
What is life...
You build, develop and test systems and software...but because its under the bracket of IT, they think playing music and kinda sorta being a DJ and watchman of a laptop during a promotion is sufficient for you.
my project would be to write clean and KISS code... not slap and green egg ham jam kind of sticky tape.
Had a Java teacher in my local TAFE start his lessons going further and further in history till he got to tape drives... Put students to sleep, literally...2
FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE
I have a shit ton work to do. Just finished (hopefully) all of my exams, came back to work and got tasked with simultaneously developing a new app (Android), adjusting some of my own code to work with client's specific requirements in completely different project (C#) and also I have to fix a legacy app (Android) because UE comitee will be visiting us on wendesday.
I've never seen this code earlier. I've never seen this WHOLE SHITTY PROJECT. Guy that was developing this left few years back.
It's a complete spaghetti. 550 FUCKING LINES OF CODE for a one class, most of the methods are deprecated and won't even try to work on Android > 4.0. No documentation. Nothing works. Whole code is ridden with bugs, warnings and looks like it's glued together with duct tape. I even had to migrate from fucking Maven to Gradle it's that old.
Can i just get a simple consistent react tutorial that goes step by step even when consuming an API...
IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK FOR?
Real question: what's the fear behind people putting tape over their Webcams? It's not that I don't believe they *could* be compromised, but why would anyone want to capture and go through hours of footage of me staring at my computer? My picture is on Facebook it's not a secret what my face looks like.19
Focus: Get up and walk around, disturb someone(calculated disturbing), break a window,
Procrastinating: DO IT NOW, JUST DO IT, MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE
Yes my 2 cents
I learned over this weekend that there are no good tape backup systems for Linux. Oh sure, there are a couple of open source projects like Bacula and AMANDA, but they're both a bit too much on the .conf file hell side for me. And fuck literally everything about .tar scripts.
And then you've got things like Backup Exec that, while having its own problems like not being hostable on a Linux machine, will talk to a Linux machine and its connected tape devices with very little hassle.
Linux people: UX is important! Licenses for expensive software are often cheaper than teaching people how to use obtuse systems!1
1. Windows domains as user@domain
2. Starting tape backups at 13:37, realizing they need about 5 hours and all company servers run on ~5% speed for others
3. Repeatedly opening and closing devRant multiple times a minute realizing it has been open currently
4. accidentally executing "apt-get update && apt-get update"
5. Trying every earlier password if the current windows domain password timeouted until I come to an not yet used one.
Ran a test today. It was comparing whether a the reducer returned the correct state when a type and list is passed to it. The test failed. But something very curious happened. I am using webstorm and so the IDE told me 'click to see differences'. I did and the message at the top read as follows "The 2 lists are identical" (The expected and actual result). So my test worked but it didn't work. What is life!? I finally got it working though😕2
Shallow() or To Mount()....shit react tests have been killing me. The issues on github have not been resolved. And our team lead has insisted on them even more. Haha they way I have been ditching them.
Damnnn my Team lead is hinting that i write a test for the feature I paired with a team member.
But the large django code base is ridden with abstract classes and classes and inheritance etc...its going to be a long night
This is great. I get to talk shit about idiots I work with. Have a guy who still thinks Tape Backup is a good solution2
Virus scan is crippling my computer, can't deploy till it's done! Might as well be using ticker tape to deploy these reports to the server.
Ok, so I have 47 60 minutes mini DV tapes that don't want to go to waste, does somebody have an idea for a project that I could use these tapes for?
EDIT: they are all in individual boxes, most of them are Sony, but some are Panasonic11
You wrote about all these elaborate pranks, yet the old "bit of scotch tape under the mouse" gave me oh so many laughs. Also surprising how many people can't figure out what's wrong.1
Is privacy really that big a deal some of the more tin-foil hats make it out to be? Look at Estonia, their government knows every last detail about an individual citizens life. Result: they are basically in a golden age as everything is efficient as there is zero red tape. This is what technology can achieve if we don’t bog ourselves down with non-issues5
When tackling a solo project, which one of these approach do you usually use (and prefer):
A) Mash up something that works ASAP while ironing out bugs and cleaning up code later on - a.k.a. "duct tape programming".
B) Have everything planned before you even start coding. Strive to get everything right from the get go. UML diagrams galore.
p.s., If none suits you, feel free to tell us about your preferred approach anyway. Those 2 are the only thing that came on the top of my head at the moment.
p.s.s., I'm all for A. Should you care about it.4
My parents bought a C64 when I was about 8. After getting bored of Flimbo's Quest and Klax, I started looking at the manual and discovered a world of creativity.
I remember slavishly copying dozens of lines of Basic code. After what seemed like hours I was rewarded with a tiny sprite of a balloon floating across the screen.
My sister thought I was crazy; I thought it was the best thing ever.
We never had a tape or floppy drive, so I copied the same code out at least half a dozen times!
Use Linear gradient ...
No use rgba
Arghhhh...okay rgba looks OK...wait linear gradient is better...no wait
I was out of work for 6 months...I applied at a company that takes in devs and trains them. There was a test, then a personal interview, then a bootcamp process...it was hard. But I pulled through.
Well here i thought i would have done work...and pooof its time to go home
All i did was refactor with and make PR...
I guess today was one of those days where little work was done
Tries to automate login with vb using I.E...
Gets stuck because login page is a hive of nested iframes with deep nested tags without defined names
Thought i'd try using VSCode.. initialized folder for git... and then proceeded to delete all my nodeschool work that i'd done over the past year... ARAGH!2
I have an ip-cam wich i want to install. I want it hooked up to a small webserver so people on tape get stored as image. Anyone who knows software for this? Something like zoneminder. Dono if that is good or not.
Repel people who think just because I did IT (and they skip the part to ask, what specifically in IT), I can fix their computers only and I'm of no use beyond that. Immediately they think "he is an IT guy maybe he can fix..." Vrooommm and they are no longer in my view
Magnetic repulsion like how Magneto pushed away Logan in "Days of Future Past"
I'm pretty sure remote teams don't work with the remote team doing all the coding and we have the same exact JD and in the same department...*sigh* when management are foreign, they really are afraid of letting the local tech team help out. No wonder we are 3, sorry 2 since a fellow dev left to a better job in Amsterdam
Why does the biggest mobile money payment system in our country have such crappy documentation! Arghh
And they tell us to read the DOCUMENTATION it has all the answers
So notable international development company who promised changes by 8 days ago but halted dev 2 weeks before delivery and claimed they were shippable but need to meet with us first admits that was a lie without admitting it... Also no longer stressing us for the next payment anymore... Looks like the shit is on the other foot now bruv!
This means 2 more months of me doing analyst and QA work.... I just want to cooooooooooode. I haven't seen the code for this application and I'll have the joy of integrating all the duct tape into our ecosystem. I can hear them reeling the duct tape off all the way in India at this point.
It's probably gonna be so shit...