Hey, i want to make a game and i need some help, so I'm looking for a team.

What i need is:
2 programmers
3 graphics artists
2 level designers
1 music composer
2 dialog writers
1 web designer for page and forums
5 testers

What i will do, you ask? Well, I've got some really good ideas. I think the game should be like Final Fantasy, but bigger and better. I worked with RPG Maker for two months, but I'm best with ideas. I think my ideas would make some incred...

GO SHOVE YOUR IDEAS INTO YOUR ASS! The idea means nothing. I got an idea for the best game ever, right this morning while i was taking a SHIT!

Hobby teams need people who create content. And people who can do stuff will more likely work with someone who does stuff as well and has proven that he is able to get things done.

Me: *Puts on headphones*

5 minutes later

College: Hey man you busy?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: I am, but what's the issue?

Help him, Put headphones back on.

5 minutes later

Intern: I need help
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Fine, I've got time

Help her, Put headphones back on.
Beginning to feel a little pissed.

5 minutes later

PM: Can i get your help quickly?
Me: Can i finish this quickly?
PM: It won't take long
Me: Fine.
Me: *Takes off headphones*

Help her out, put headphones back on.

An hour later

Team Leader: Are you done yet?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Almost
Team Leader: How can you not be done yet?
Me: Ask everyone around you?

He bitches for about 30 minutes.

I decide not to put my headphones on and just float in the river of how pissed i am.

4 Fucken hours goes by, nobody wants jack shit.
Me: *Puts headphones on*

5 minutes later

Team Leader: Hey man can you help me out?
Me: *Takes off headphones*
Me: Sure Fine.

FUCK!!! EVERY! FUCKEN TIME!!!

-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --

Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.

Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.

Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.

Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?

Me: Only temporarily

Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?

C: application not working
Me: k. What changed?
C: we didn't make changes
Me: k... *gets a tech team (W) on the phone*
W: Hey, what's broken?
Me: C's application. How do things look?
W: running healthy. I'll check logs.
Me: thanks. *gets tech team (S) on the line*
S: hey, everything clear on our end, will check logs.
Me: thanks *gets tech team (U)*
U: hey! They asked us to deploy their new version today during normal deployment time. Is it acting up?
Me: C, what did you change?
C: nothing major, just how we connect to W and S...
W&S: are you shitting me???
Me: U, will you please roll it back?
C: no! Must stay on this version, you need to fix your side!!
Me: nope. *calls U boss (UG)*
UG: U, you have my permission to roll back, they need to fix. C, if your boss doesn't like it, have them call me.
*rollback fixes problem*

IF I FUCKING ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CHANGED, YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH, OR I WILL STRIP YOUR CODE OFF OUR FUCKING SYSTEMS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT. MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU AND YOU NEED TO BACK TO FUCK UP AND NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY JOB OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

classmate: Hey, "friend" told me you do freelance website development. right? I need to create a new website and need your help.

Me: umm... OK... what's it about?

Classmate: It's for my dad's friend's business.

Me: OK. but I will charge the standard rate.

classmate: No... I will make it myself. I just want your help.

Me(Internally): ...not again...

Me: Do it yourself then.

Classmate: It will be quick. an hour or two max.

Me: *speechless*

Classmate: And one of my uncle who did IT told me that c++ is faster. can we use that instead of HTML?

Me: huh...?

classmate: you don't know shit.

... classmate walks away...

This guy somehow manages to get As in exams (mostly cheating. and our papers are shitty theory papers which you can mug up. so that helps) and in a year will have an IT degree.

Avatar builder now live on desktop web! You can add/edit your avatar from your profile. We had a little help from our friends over at Toptal with some React work, if you're ever in need of some freelance skills you're lacking, check em out.

Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:

Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻‍💻

Me typing
git rebase --help
GF: What!? Oh... nevermind it says rebase. I thought it said rebae.
Me: What?
GF: I'm the only bae you need in your life!
Me: ... This is going on devrant.

There are times when being "friendly neighbor it guy" pays back.
I have a neighbors, their son is little less intelligent than average person after being injured in accident, I help them from time to time. He gets the pc trashed with adware, usual stuff, they ask me to clean it up.

Recently I broke my arm. They offered to cook for me until I recover to full health... Seriously, that's huge help when you live alone and spend most time working. I'm glad to have them.

Wanted to share with you guys, there are people who appreciate your help with their pc and can give back if you're in need.

Client: Sorry to bother you, but our developer team can not connect to your Web Service, can you help us?

Me: Of course, if you want, i can give you the code for that, i only need to know in what language are they developing.

Client: Sometimes they develop in spanish and sometimes on english...

Maybe i didn't ask the right question.

Sorry for my English.

Our teacher wanted to show us a video in class so she opened Internet explorer (windows 7) used bing to search for the video and clicked on the link.

The video didn't work and instead there was an error message saying 'Your browser is too old, please use a more modern browser, for example mozilla firefox'

She looked at the error message for around 30 seconds like it had just told her that it is gonna explode in a minute. After some time one of my friends asked if she needed help. Here is what happened:

F: do you need any help?

T: No (very serious voice)

Teacher shuts down computer, stands up, looks at our class angrily and says in a very serious voice:

T: you broke the computer although you aren't allowed to touch it!

Me: mother of god...

Chat with user:
Me: Hi, how can i help you today?
User: IT please come to my place i don't have internet connection and i need to finish my work, please please come quickly
Me: Are you in your computer?
User: Yeah.
Me: Amm, and how are you chatting with me?

"I need your help, just a small fix"

Next thing you know, you are part of another team and harassed for deadlines.

Didn't want to post it as there's been already a lot of posts like this. But I just can't help myself to rant over this. This happened yesterday. I helped him earlier with his phone.

Friend of my dad: Hey, I need your help with my laptop I bought from eBay.

Me: *flashbacks of devRant posts*

Him: Everything works. It's just that nothing comes up in display.

Me: Okay, you need to take that to a repair shop. If at least something came up on screen I could help.

Him: Aren't you a computer engineer? I bought this because I knew you can fix it.

Me: *more flashbacks*

Him: You gotta help me with this. I can't lose money on this

Me: You didn't even ask me anything before buying. Ask your buyer if they have a 30 day return policy.

Him: Why are paying this much to study Computer Engineering? I'll talk to your dad.

This people man. I told my dad and he never received his call anymore

So guys i really need your help. My girlfriend started getting phone calls at odd hours, so I got suspicious and started tracking her phone. Then I found out that she has been going to this guys house at wears hours, then once when I was tracking her my computer froze, so what could it be? How do I fix my computer

Other guy: Hello! I need your help! I don't have my password for my gmail ! Help!

Me: Okay, ... (proceed to guide him where to recover the passwords), Now enter you email in.

Other guy: Well i don't remember it either, Help me get my email.

Me: ...

Fml

Dear children let's talk about how to ask a f***ing question.

You don't just go "I need help. I can't figure it out." We had trainings on this, I sat through 3 hours holding your hand to help you try and understand things.

And yet now we have scheduled another 3 hours to help you figure this out because you said you were having difficulty with it because you couldn't figure it out. How about instead of just saying you "Need help", you start by
1. Explaining what you are trying to accomplish
2. What specific issue are you facing? Is there an error message or something?
3. What have you already tried thus far that didn't work?

Instead of "I NEED HELP I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT!" that is the sign of a lazy f****ing engineer, someone who doesn't want to think, who doesn't want to learn something new who wants to just coast by. Especially when this is going to become an increasingly important part of your job.

And of course you currently are still a whole job level above me because sitting around and keeping a chair warm for 10 years means you are a valuable contributor, instead of what you can actually DO!

This bugs me so much. So remember kids, when you need help, or need to ask a question, ASK IT THE RIGHT F****ING WAY!

True rant:

A student close to my place ask me to help him install some Software.

Me: Sure this does not take long.

Over to his laptop I noticed this weird popup on screen.

he said: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)

I'm clicking it away and opens up his browser typing in the address bar the search term for the software.

The Laptop quickly copy and paste my search term into a sketchy search website with not correct results..

Then another popup came again on screen.

His response: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)

I'm already internally face palming. but continue my effort to get him his software.

tried different approach on the searching part en trying to click the install button for the software..

and again. my click is high jacketed and it downloads something completely different.

and guess what.. a popup showed up

His response: Oh. you just need to click that away. :)

Stop Molesting your laptop dude! Fix your Shit I'm out!

Hey guys, dfox here. Due to many requests, we have decided that now you need only 100++s to get a stressball! Also, we've decided to make the collaboration free for everyone! That's right, any project you have in your mind, post a collab now to get help from other developers.

When everyone disturbs you every 15 minutes because they need help and then expect you to complete your own work to meet all the deadlines on time. FML!

It's fine if you're 'not good with computers' and need help. Ask me politely and sure I'll see how I can help and teach you what you need so that you can do it yourself in the future.

It's not fine, however, if you refuse to fucking learn after the millionth time I've taught you how to do the exact same thing because 'It's too hard' and 'I won't understand anyway'. And then proceed to call me a bad and ungrateful friend because I can't come to your rescue the very second you need me and don't seem 1000% enthusiastic to help at 1am in the morning when I'm still doing my own work.

Sure, I'm the 'tech person' amongst our friends. I *do* understand the frustration you experience when something isn't working. But that doesn't mean I'm obligated to be your 24/7 IT support, while listening to your complaints of how I was probably the one who fucked it up in the first place when I helped fixed your phone/laptop last time (for the record, this was *never* the case).

UGHHHHHHHH

ps: I just found this community and I love it already! Thought this mental rant I had earlier would fit right in lol
(Also, sorry English isn't my first language D:

I hate people... I hate stupid people even more...

A person asked on slack about where download a Programming Language server called Railo. The official site is no longer up because the software was forked and acquired by a new company.

I suggested just to download that fork since it's more stable. They said no, they needed to mimic their production environment. Makes sense, so I left it alone since I couldn't help further.

Another person on slack asked which version of Railo they need. The OPs response was, "Oh whatever version you have."

My response was... "WTF... the latest version of Railo is 4.3 and the fork is 4.5... the only difference is the new name and a couple of security fixes. If you want to mimic production then you need the exact copy.. otherwise, the fork will be your best bet."

Nope.. I need Railo... any version. They say again.

During a random meeting for a project:

PM: We'll need you to learn Go for this project. It says you know python in your job skills, so it should be easy.
Me: Uh, hiiii. I'm in security, not development. Can't help you, I really shouldn't even be here.
PM: I think Go has security built-in, does that help?
Me: ... I don't know, you need a developer.
PM: Do you know any Go people?
Me: I think that's something you should know.
- Silence enters the room -
PM: Yes perhaps, but you don't know anyone?

Fucking wat?

Interviewer: One last thing, hope you are not married.

She: No, but how is that relevant?

Interviewer: Well because this job involves a lot of traveling you see...

She: Makes sense Sir. Also, I have a lawyer friend, in case you need any help...

Interviewer: What help?

She: Help with filing for your divorce Sir, as this job involves a lot of traveling...

I'M NOT HELPDESK. I CAN'T FIX YOUR BROWSER OPTIONS. I LOVE YOU TO FUCKING PIECES BECAUSE YOU STOP THE INCREDIBLY FUCKING STUPID CALLS, BUT I CAN'T HELP YOU and now I feel like a prick. Call your boss and make him do his fucking job. Please. I don't want to scream at you. I need you in my life...

Customer care guys are stupid
Me : yeah, OS crashed. It keeps getting into bios setup saying there's no hard drive detected on this system and no recovery file found as well, what do ?
Him : "well sir, your OS has been corrupted and now you have to buy new licensed one, if you can just give me your location I can help you locate out nearest service centre which will help you install a new licensed instantly"
Me : *WHAT THE ACTUAL TRIPLE FUCK* atleast try to understand the problem first.
Him : No need sir, I already come across this problem and now you have to pay, as I was saying *beep*
*I smashed the phone*
After that I fixed it myself
These low level shit licking faggots need to get themselves fucked in the ass by horses and then apply the same conversation when the intercourse begins with the horse.
Also, if I could be placed in the same customer care cell, I would do better.
So wk62 too I guess

Client: hey ***, happy birthday can you help me fixing....
Me thinking: hell no, i deal with yall fuckers 364 days a fucking year and yall can't leave me the hell alone for one cocksucking day. I need this one damn day a year not dealing with yall assholes where i don't snap and drive 300 fucking miles to not drive a nail in a broomstick and drive it up your fucking asdls

~March 7~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, you will not take control of the servers anymore so you can focus on your real job, the company hire someone to do it
Me: Great, finally i can just program, thanks for the news boss

~Yesterday~
Boss: Hey cory, guess what, the person the company hired needs help to migrate some servers so you need to help him on weekend
Me: Well, it's ok i can do the job

~Today~
Director: Hey mr cory, we need you to help jonny on weekend
Me: Fine boss, i will be on weekend
Director: That's the attitude we need in the company, I do not know how much time you need but we're going to pay you 24 extra hours
Me inside ~every went better than expected~ 🤷‍♂️

Jr: I'm having a problem with my environment, can you help me?

Me: Sure! Did you switch to the latest Ubuntu LTS
so that your environment matches the rest of the dev team like you were asked to do the last 3 times?

Jr: No, I like Windows better because linux is too complicated. Can you just figure out how my environment is suppose to work and than fix what I did wrong please?

Me: No. Let me know if you ever need help with the our standard dev environment. Good luck!

After 16 years of porn addiction, I've finally realized that the only way to stop any addiction, is to take control of your mind. Nobody can help you, except make you realize the source of the problem or factors that cause it.

It's strange to describe how the mind works, sometimes we need stuff in our lives because we need to spend time on something to avoid the emptiness.

Free yourself from the things you love the most, in my case I love playing video games, it helps me feel complete, but in all honesty, I don't need it. I like drinking energy drinks, but in the end, I don't need that too.

My point is that once you find a way to deal with the things you can't live without, you find a way to live with it.

The only reason I watch porn is to reduce stress or have something "fun" to do.

As Bruce Lee once said: Be formless, be shapeless, be water my friend.

I like to think that he means to let the urge flow within you, but don't let it control you.

CEO - So... We'll have a new side project, it's a small thing, I spoke with a guy, he needs just a small thing...
Me - Ok....... So, what do you need me for?
CEO - Not much, this guy started a project but wants your help on a small part, and you already did something similar for us, so it should be fast, just copy and paste and change a little bit. You probably know better than me.
Me - *Sigh* ... So `friend`, what do you need from me?
Friend - So, I made a crawler that is storing some information on a local file, I just need to add multiprocessing and multithreading, a producer-consumer system with a queue so I can automatically add new links every now and then, a failback system, so when a process doesn't finish, it should be re-queued and crawled later, store all the information on a database cluster (that is not set up), [......]
Me - And when is this supposed to be up and running?
Friend - Your CEO told me you could do this by the weekend. Can we finish this by Friday?
Me - *facepalm* FML

I coded for a whole day (uninterrupted, literally woke up, grabbed my laptop and headphones and started) and suddenly, let wild parent shows up.
"Aren't you going to go out? You need to see some friends"
My response: As stated before, I have no friends, now leave
**Leaves**
**Comes back 2 hours later**
"Hey can you help me with my computer?"
Me: you didn't state the issue, what computer, what os, what you have done to fix it, have you even tried rebooting?
"Don't talk like that to me! Now come and help me!"
Me: nope, hint, answer the questions about your issue
"You rude piece of..."
**Starts screaming bla bla bla**

Wow, it has happened before that I treat people wanting help like me trying to debug, but I usually correct myself. I took it way to fucking far this time...

A colleague of mine from the administration department suddenly enters my room where my team and me are all busy and, without considering I'm talking with someone else, interrupts us.
he: "I needed to call you but your phone is in do-not-disturb mode"
me: "that's because I'm busy working on something urgent and I don't want to be disturbed"
he: "but I need your help!"
me: "we're working on a urgent thing, but, anyway, what's the problem"
he: "I need help with digital invoicing"
me: "I deal with programming, I don't think I can help..."
he (interrupting): "I created a digital invoice but I need to send a printable version to a customer"
me: "digital invoices should be XML files so you can't simply take the file's content and paste into Word and print..."
he: "in fact that's what I did and the result was horrible"
me: "I was saying just that. I'm sure, anyway, there should be some online tool for producing a well-formatted PDF from a digital invoice"
he doesn't say anything
me: "you can try with a search on Google..."
he: "but I'm not an IT guy, that's not my business"
me: "this has nothing to do with programming, you simply need to find a tool online for doing this"
he (disappointed): "ok, but this is computer stuff, I'll try..."

Q: I have been used as a Duck by a woman, what should I do?

> It's been more than 4 months she left my current company. She still uses me as a duck and to actually quote her here she suggests "no I used your confirmation to reach my conclusion". I need help.

A tip to tech folks from my personal xp.

If you fuck up and make an impacting mistake in your company, like taking PROD down, noone is going to fire you on spot. Assign some more mandatory trainings - maybe. So you'd be more careful next time.

See, it's not worth getting rid of someone who made a mistake. You should be seated down and insisted to fix it. If you don't - then they might consider firing it. If you do fix it [with help or alone] - you become a more valuable asset to the company as you prove you are responsible for your actions and you take it seriously. You show that you can clean up your own shit and you don't need a babysiter next to you.

If you simply make a mistake and they replace you with someone else, that someone else is likely to be unaware of your mistakes and is doomed to repeat them. It's just bad for business.

Ofc if you making mistakes becomes a tendency rather than an exception, it's also a red flag for the business.

Don't get too laxed! And always answer for your shit. Never hide a fuckup - always alarm about it asap so that corrective actions could be taken by respective organs of the company while you are fixing it.
Come up with an action plan, announce it. Estimate resources you need [like help from others] - announce that too. Update concerned parties every half an hour or so about the status. If you find you need anything else while fixing it or you come across some blockers/delays/change of impact - always announce asap. Do avoid false alarms and disinformation.

// inspired by someone's rant today

Designer Friend: Yeah, WordPress is a good tool of making website. I don't need your help next time.

Me: ... So how the hell can you setup a WordPress environment?

Dev: So we need around $50-100 a month to activate and use some key services that would greatly reduce our backend complexity. Would this fit into our budget? Actually, we've never really discussed in general what sort of tech budget we have to work with...

Management: UNTIL WE HAVE SUSTAINABLE REVENUE, OUR TECH BUDGET IS 0

FullStackClown: 0? Are you serious? You can't spare a few hundred dollars TOTAL over the next 3 months until our next round of funding clears?

Management: ALSO WE ARE REALLY GOING TO NEED YOUR HELP TO FIND PRODUCT MARKET FIT FROM THE TECH SIDE

FullStackClown: Oh no... we've gotten to the classic point where they think tech is the thing that will solve their problems... abandon ship...

N: Me
M: Mother

M: Can you help me? I can't update pages.

N: Sure *Checks problem* it looks like you installed it with the old apple account, you just need to reinstall it using your new one.

M: What about all my pages documents on icloud?

N: *Compares documents on mac to her other Apple devices that never had the old account* See? The documents would have to be on the new account.

M: Are you sure? I don't want to lose any documents.

N: I know, don't worry their on your new iCloud.

M: *Calls apple support*

N: *Talks to apple support who after an hour of chatting to her through me because I translate customer support to mother confirms what I was telling her*

N: Reinstalls pages and everything is fine.

I was originally going to make a post talking a bit about how people love to second guess anything I say but thought this story provides a decent example. When it's something of a personal nature or someone is asking for my opinion in genral then it's perfectly reasonable to ask multiple people. It doesn't bother me when someone asks for my help, it bugs the shit out of me when someone asks for my help and then doubts everything I say in this case even after providing some evidence to back up my claim and wasting a solid hour. If you ask for my help your trusting that I have the knowledge necessary to assist, if I don't know for certain I'll try googling the problem but even in that case calling support doesn't bother me because I clearly don't know how to help.

P.S. This was my first story, how did I do?

Hey guys! I need your help please. Dave got arrested this weekend on a charge of murder after someone said to him that HTML is a programming language. He's trying to make bail, but it's a lot because of his previous convictions. Any donations or even support using the #FreeDave campaign will be appreciated.

Co-worker: dude, I need your help!
Me: all yours.
Co-worker: can't fix that sh$t over here.

[IDE]
Err on line~~
badFunction(...);

Me: piece of cake, gimme your keyboard.

[IDE]
Build successeful.

Co-worker: duuude, how did you...???
Me: Better not look.
Co-worker: but I am curious to know, ya know
Me: promise not to scream, k?
Co-worker: I just hope it's none of your old-stylish jokes.
Me: oh dude, you know me for years, trust me, it's fine.
Co-worker: -_-

Send help..

The project we're currently working on:

- an angular codebase that's broken beyond recognition - nothing's working as it should

- user stories are estimated in hours, but estimations are treated as hard facts. Since the app is so broken, everything takes longer than usual and it's almost impossible to consider every potential hardship during refinements, therefore, we constantly need more time than we have estimated

- retrospectives (intentional plural here, since one time isn't enough) are used to discuss why we cannot manage to finish tickets within the estimations

- the design was made beforehand and is extremely inconsistent and inaccessible

- if you open a new ticket, you need to add a reason for why this ticket is needed - in addition to the ticket description..

- The moment you move a ticket to QA, the "Scrum Master" breathes down your neck, shoving new tickets in your face. Despite having to finish up the other two you're still working on

- multiple teams are working on the application, but - of course - communication is overrated.

I could go on, but I'm too tired..
We were supposed to help the client for a couple of months - we're close to a year now and still nowhere near done.

Manager: Hey software engineer, how's the project going?

Software Engineer: Good, just debugging my code.

Manager: Debugging? What kind of bug are you trying to fix?

Software Engineer: The ones that make my computer turn into a lava lamp.

Manager: Ha ha, very funny. But seriously, how can I help?

Software Engineer: Well, I need a bigger monitor. My current one doesn't have enough real estate to display all the errors.

Manager: How about a second monitor?

Software Engineer: No, I need a bigger universe.

Manager: I'll see what I can do. In the meantime, keep coding. We have a deadline to meet.

Software Engineer: No problem, I have all the time in the world. I just need to find a way to slow down time.

Manager: I wish I had your optimism. Just let me know if you need anything else.

Software Engineer: How about a unicorn? I heard they're good at coding.

Manager: I'll see what I can do, but in the meantime, stick to using a keyboard.

A recipe for COMPLETELY hacking me off - ask for help, pretend my advice is bollocks, then rephrase it as your own and follow it up with a smart arse comment.

"Almond, could you lend me a hand with this regex? I'm trying to match this particular group, but only if it doesn't have 'foo' after it."

"Sure, take a look at negative lookaheads - that sounds like it's exactly what you need"

"Nah that won't work for me, because I need to check for more than one character after it, I need to check for 'foo'"

"What? That doesn't make sense, you can..."

"Ah don't worry, I've found the answer by myself now, I can actually just add '?!' before the text I don't want to match and it'll do it - I'm fast becoming a regex expert here! Let me know if you want me to explain this to you"

DAHHHHHHH THAT IS A NEGATIVE LOOKAHEAD YOU CRETIN

My friend a backend dev who manages a little UI by using bootstrap themes. One Saturday he calls me up says "Dude, I need your help, we had a demo and the CEO decides to demo the project to prospective people on Internet Explorer. It looked alright on Chrome but the whole UI has gone haywire on IE. Need your help asap. Join me on screen share". I checkout his HTML code and find a file where the link tag is inside the body tag. I ask him to move that into head tag as in wherever the master template is, I tell him to change the doctype, add responsive meta tags, and even after all these, it just doesn't render bootstraps media queries. After beating my head for around 15mins, I see a drop-down caret in IE's inspector with 7 besides it, someone had set the compatibility mode to IE7. Why in the world would someone set an IE11 to IE7.
My friend heaved a sigh of relief and walked to his boss to show that he isn't a bad developer, his boss is just a bad user.

So today I got an email about a job opportunity. The email was in romainian. This is the exact translation and bear in mind that in romanian as in every other language (I guess) alot of english phrases sound very cringy. This is the email:

We need a fearless hero for the IT realm!
X company, a thriving insurance community, is looking for a real hero of software development that can make code using the .NET mystical hammer that can only be lifted by a worthy, deserving and responsible warrior.

You can't fly? Can't shoot lasers? You are not wasting your night time by looking at the moon on tall blocks wearing a cape? Then you could be the hero we need.

Do not worry, the position does not imply superhuman strength :)) However, it requires intellectual strength and attention to detail. You can even use your powers from a comfortable chair in a welcoming team full of other heroes ready to help you. We won't leave you alone, after all even Batman has Robin :))

I have attached all the information you need. Only The Chosen One can open the document so you will know immediately if you are right. :))

If you want to be responsible with your strength, then I'm waiting for your updated English resume with all your heroic deeds in the past.

Remember, not all heroes wear capes!

... WHAT THE FUCK IS .NET MYSTICAL HAMMER??? AND WHO THE FUCK USES ":))" IN AN EMAIL??

As a person who takes a lot of tech interviews everyday, here are a few thoughts

1. You DON’T need to know everything, it’s okay to say you don’t know things. Trust me, we know when you’re lying

2. Rule of thumb, the more the number of questions, the more we like you

3. We don’t mind you saying what you’re thinking when we ask a logical question. It might help us understand your approach to the problem and guide you.

4. Don’t google during telephonic interview, your stutter tells us the truth

Hey there! -first rant-

I need your advice mighty ranters.. I'm an introverted gal studying Computer Science at uni, and i love this field. Wanna be a web or app developer..

I need your help about 2 things:

1. Literally ANY advice, or things you wish you knew, when you were a rookie

2. I'm currently living in solitude, because of hard times in the past and i find making friends much more difficult at uni than in high school. It even starts to affect my productivity in a bad way. I have a hard time trusting people.
So any advice about this? How do you cope with too much solitude? Is there maybe a group for girl programmers? I don't know..

All advice are welcomed! (and IT jokes too, to make my day :D )
Thanks a lot !

Ps.: You are great! Awesome community.

To anyone asking for tips and tricks to start programming or become good at it, here is your ultimate golden advice: learn how to google and stop asking stupid questions like this before doing a quick research.

Reasons why:

1. You will most likely to learn better if you do your own research before asking for help. Even if you can't solve problem, you will be better and better at googling over time.
2. It is instant source of information. No need to wait for response (except response from server of course).
3. It takes only YOUR time.
4. Much more possible solutions/answers to your problems/questions.
5. Your quality of life will be improved over time. Not only your dev life but your daily life too.

* KISS (keep it super simple)
* don’t try solve a problem you don’t already have
* admit if you messed up. We can solve a problem early and minimise the damage. People should never be scared to admit when they mess up. No one is perfect.
* voice your opinion. You’d be surprised how helpful this can be to your team, as we need to look at things from all angles.
* help your team. If you see something wrong, make the team aware of it.
* ask if unsure, don’t assume

My Manager: Could you help "other manager" (OM) they need some very simple code changes.

Me: sure that will only take a few minutes *adds 15 lines of code tells OM one single line they have to modify*

Some other manager (SOM): Hey how does this work, I'm confused, do I need to do anything?

Me: Yes see the email chain you were copied on.

SOM: Actually let's have a meeting instead and all discuss this.

Goddammit this was a simple change to make your life easier now you are wasting everyones time by not reading the email

New job surprise: I will inherit a 900k lines of php code from a contractor dev shop. It is the company erp web app.
It has no version control, tests, architecture or configuration management of any kind.
There are just 1800 bug ridden files with almost no comments in a directory with lots of code duplication.
Also just learned that the contractor was paid a lot monthly for over 2 years for this monster.

I will need a raise quickly. At least management understands that I will need a couple of months to get a semblance of order in this madness.

And to you contractor I have your address and i'll try to restraint myself from vandalizing your house but I can't make any promises.

And fellow developers send help or beers or come and join me to teach this bastard a lesson.

Guy studies programming for a year.
Guy: I am going to start this amazing project wanna help
Me: Sure what is it
Guy: ***Long story of a decent idea***
Me: Sure Ill help, what do you need me to do
Guy: Only a few functions
A few days later...
Guy: Hey I don't where to start or how I should do it can you help me with like THE WHOLE PROGRAM?

If you haven't gathered from this story. Don't be that one guy who has an idea but doesn't write or make a plan for it as your just going to waste other peoples energy and resources.

I (don't) like how some people say "If your code needs comments, your code is probably ugly and should be rewritten".
Well, asshats. You have never considered complex calculations/functions or "temporary" workarounds, right?
Sometimes, you have to do it in a not-very-readable way for efficiency. There is no way around that in that case, and comments that either explain the code below or provide alternative, slower code that's commented really help others understand your code.
If I ever work with you and you don't bother commenting your code at all (or rather use slow code because more efficient code doesn't appeal to your "muh code dun need comments" approach), I will hate you.

Public CSS discord: "Oh, awesome thanks, man! No need to apologize, I'll check the code. I DM'd you."

DM: Total meltdown cry baby freak-out... "Oh yeah... well, if the code is broken - then why does my repo have 63 stars? I think I'd know if my code didn't work - it must be your computer. Why won't you let me team-viewer into your computer and see your screen? I don't care about your personal information. It's made with React, not CSS. I thought you would be helpful - but you're not at all. You aren't professional..."

Uh... (I can see the code... team-viewer isn't going to help you... and I'm at work... and I already spent 15 minutes helping you - you fucking prick)

useless fucking client bastards. i sent an email to all clients 2 months ago about gdpr and the impending deadline. Explaining that they need to update privacy and check webforms and internal procedures etc are compliant. I said I would help them implement any changes to their respective sites. Heard nothing from these fuckers... except this morning an email “what does the new gdpr mean for our website?”
FUCK OFF AND READ MY EMAIL, FOLLOW THE LINKS DO THE RESEARCH AND FUCKING SORT YOUR CUNTING SELVES OUT, I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING LAWYER.

So my teacher wanted to play a movie cos the class got good test results, and so she asked me how to play a movie on her laptop and get it on the TV and this is how it went down...

Teacher: Sukhi, do you think you could help me.

Me: Yea sure, what do you need help with

Teacher: So I want to play a movie tomorrow but I don't know how to get it up on the TV

Me: Oh its easy just get a HDMI cable and plug your laptop into it.

Teacher: Oh yea I have like 6 of those. Ok then see ya tomorrow.

*The next day*

Teacher: Hey Sukhi, heres the HDMI cable. *Pulls out a AUX cord*

Me: *laughing and crying at the same time*

Coworker: hi
Me: hi
... 3 hours later ...
C: hi
M: how can I help?
...
C: hi
M: HAVE YOU EVER USED COMMUNICATOR IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE? JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT IN FIRST MESSAGE, DONT WAIT FOR ME TO HI YOU BACK, WHAT THE HELL HOW MANY TIMES A DAY YOU NEED TO GREET ME

My manager: Hey don't be afraid to ask the team for help if you feel blocked on a task.

Also my manager when I ask for help: I think you need to understand the task better before you ask for help.

WTF! Make up your mind. Do you want me to make progress or not? Freaking sucks being the new guy. 😑

Byron (reckful) has committed suicide. He was one of the first big streamers on Twitch and a game developer.

He was suffering from depression and has been for quite some time. He always appears happy around friends. He did "joke" about committing suicide on his last stream. Watching the clip makes it obvious that there was some truth to the "joke".

Also, remember that you never know what someone online is suffering from or how that person may interpret a joke. Be careful and think about how your message is received.

Please seek help if you have suicidal thoughts or even signs of depression. It's not a sign of weakness. We all need help sometimes.

Added new hidden function in my service: If you don't reply with "thanks" after I send you requested data, I will not reply to your requests for 15 minutes.
Clients really need to learn some manners and I'm here to help.

Hey devs!😀

Will drinking coffee help you reduce your sleeping hours?
I'm used to sleep 6-7 hr but still need more time , wondered if I can reduce it to 4 hr with drinking more coffee.

Any pointers?

I feel like "programmers are not computer technicians" joke is kinda overused lately. It doesn' matter if we are not technicians, we are very knowledgeable in computers and people knows that. People of course will try to get help from you when they can so it's not a wonder that they ask you to help with something they are not confident. Everyone that exercises practical professions lives through that. If your sister-in-law is a mathematician it's normal to ask for help if you are not able to come up with the right algorithm for the task. People depend on each other. That's how we survive.
But I'm not saying start helping everybody that can't open a pdf file. Just know who to choose to help. If they are a capable person or someone that's a part of your everyday life they will most likely repay you when you are also in need. Believe me everyone needs help time to time.

Yeah, maybe I can solve your problem in 5 minutes with you. But first you have to spend 5 minutes explaining it to me, and I need to spend 5 minutes listening, and after we're done, it takes 5 minutes to remember what I was doing in the first place.

So you better be sure you could not have solved it in 25 minutes googling on your own, or you're effectively saying your time is more valuable than mine.

And if you spend another 5 minutes forcing me to spend 5 minutes listening to your goddam stories about what it was like growing up on your fucking farm, so help me jebus, I will take that idiotic thing you call a mouse and shove it so far up your ass you'll be scrolling with your duodenum.

!rant
If you don't even know what MySQL is, fuck off and let me do my job. Don't insist that you can't find the solution to the problem. That's why I'm here. Your incompetence and persistence are slowing me down and if you really want your stuff to be done on time, don't even dip your fingers into my codes. I know you may think that I need help, but your help is useless if you have zero knowledge and can't even understand the solutions given in stack overflow. I'm fine doing this on my own, so fuck off. Just. fuck. off.

So this dev writes me an email following a blog post I wrote for their job that they "have an error" - they don't show any output, what the error message is or anything. How can I help if you dont specifically state your problem? I'm not going to do your job for you!

and now its finally come full circle: they said they asked chatgpt and bard but it "just didnt work" - well yeah, those were trained on internet content from over a year ago - the api and tools have changed!

painful and annoying times ahead i'm afraid

you still need to do the damn work, i will stand by the fact that LLMs are overhyped non-panacea till i'm dead

I still can't get it why people looks at IT people as lowlife. If you need a new computer in your office I can get the right spec and help you to buy it. But moving the computer table is not my job 😠

I remember the first time I had a code block, I sat on my desk for up to 18 hours trying to fix it. In the end realizing that my impatience is not helping me. It was all in vain. A tired mind did not help.

I finally came to realise that I was lacking on knowledge and a tired brain did not help. I did it the next day but learnt a huge lesson. When it's just not your day, it's not you day. A fresh mind will help next day. Relax, do anything apart from code.

Too much of code can drain you of ideas and smartness. You need to let your mind breathe. Life away from the PC is important too.

Person: I need documentation for your program.
Me: Program isn't done yet.
Person: We want it anyways.
Me: Everything I document in dev will be drastically different once it's completed.
Person: Yes, we want documentation of what doesn't work so we can refer to it later for help.

I have a presentation which takes 10 min and must be about anything relative to computer .
Since the other students are very stupid , I might not choose a very advanced topic ( after thinking about encryption i realized this)
So i need help!

What is your recommandation for the subject?

Ok guys. I have a very important question to ask you.
I need your help. How do you explain to your girlfriend/boyfriend that you are a developer so you need to spend a lot of time on your computer? My new girlfriend does not want to understand.
Thanks guys.

Hiring a third party to help us with something...
Third party: yeah okay, we know what we need. Can we get access to your git repo
Me: sure, I'll make sure you'll get it
(To the admins): hey can you get them access to our git server?
Admins: did they sign the personal data processing contract?
Me: oh they won't work with any personal data. It's a dev server and they only need access to the source code. And the usual contracts and NDAs are already done
Admins: well we still need the other one.

... Sure. Why not. Just delays the start of the process for... Like a week and a half until that useless bit of paper has passed through all the necessary departments. Not like time's an issue. Right?

They said: hey, we need to hire a guy to work directly with you and help with your everyday tasks.
They didn't say that he will be in a different country.

This moment when you help your friend with data conversion code 😀.

By converting "super" mathlab script into real C# application so you don,t need to read the whole freking 1GB file into RAM and writing it into another 1GB matrix in order do save the result because mathlab is crap 😤.

Then that feeling when you want to create better mathlab from scrach in C# and you are actualy succeding 🤔.

Did i mention about grafical blocks for interface like in lego NXT2.0 😏

Is mathlab that crap or is programming that easy?

Hey devs, really need some help here. This is driving me crazy...

We're currently taking issues from the company via mail. We've got a group mail that goes to the three of us at the IT department. Problem is, colleagues just forward customers emails without event trying to help, which means that we get stupid issues like "I can't sign in", and no further information. We're currently using Jira, and I was thinking perhaps we can set up a Jira Service Desk? Then we could have an internal help desk where issues could be submitted, and require some important fields, and perhaps add a checklist. Have you had any experience with Service Desk? Do you think it would be a good idea to have a "normal" person have an account there as well to filter out the normal "Have you tried restarting your computer" stuff? Is it suited for non-developers?

Any other ideas?

Yeay, messy question, but I'm fucking desperate...

Ahhh DevRant, lemme tell you, having a girlfriend is great. Especially when she's there for you through possibly the toughest time in your life. Needless to say, I'd like to take on the incredible task of trying to show her my gratitude and love by using my programming prowess to make her something...

Unfortunately, I am stumped. I'm not much for art so I can't create Something overly visual for her, but I want it to have meaning. Any ideas folks? Seriously, what can I make my girlfriend? I need help :/

If it weren't for poor documentation I'd be retired by now.

We didn't all write your library. In fact, only you did. So, some helpful documentation would really help us all out. Can't believe the number of times I need to read source code to figure out what the hell you are doing.

I've been inspired by cpg grey (I think that's the name), mainly his 10 tips on how to be miserable, to write a blog or some kind of post explaining the 8 things you need to do if you hate your coworkers and want your codebase to go to shit.

So it'll be like a anti-SOLID, anti-pattern type of blog promoting every code smell imaginable

I feel like 8 tips to fuck up your codebase (php perhaps) might he more memorable than actual helpful advise. I'm sure that this has been done before, but I was wondering:

Do you think this would be effective? Would it help people understand why not to do the 8 tips? Does this reverse psychology work?

Fucking managers
Now I know why companies with shitty managers don’t grow

Me conversing with my senior as to how to make one of our functions scalable which around 10k devs would be using.

Manager walks in

Manager: how’s function x going

Me: great , will be done soon

Manager: you need to finish it by today

Me: can’t do it , too many sub functions need to be reconfigured( which was his job)

Manager: take *insert some managers asslicker’s name*’s help

Me: okay

We will finish it by today , but everybody know how “robust” the output will be

P.S. I didn’t argue because I’ve done that before and it’s like hitting your head on a wall. If you have read my previous rants, you would know

Job frustrated me again today.

The shit just keeps on commiting suicide...

Cannot talk much about it, but essentially it's faulty software killing randomly one or one up to N servers running elasticsearch...

Conversation between me and a good friend:

Me: No gaming today, work todo.
Him: noooo...
Me: Yes...... Could u go buy some groceries? Household help is sick.
Him: maybe...what u need?
Me: coffee. I need frigging fucking coffee.
Him: ok. How bad is it.......
Me: empty today.
Him: will be at your house in hour. DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.

...

It's funny how good friends immediately sense danger and become very attentive when the lack of coffee and myself is mentioned in one sentence.

Me: Ah, that solved my problem. Let me share what worked for me by adding a comment to the already posted solution. Seeing that the solution didn't completely solve my particular issue, maybe it will help another poor soul.

Stack Overflow: You need a reputation of 50 to comment. You're reputation is only 25, you are crap and nobody wants to hear your solution that could "help another poor soul". It would probably just add clutter and help nobody. You are crap and nobody likes you. Good day to you."

devRant.. I need your help.

So for the last year I've been self teaching myself python, go, & haskell. I've really been enjoying myself, to the point we're I would like to make it my career. Insert problem, I stumbled upon ECU(engine control unit) reprogramming & flashing, and instantly fell in love with the idea. However I can not find any information it. Every college I've called talks to me like I just asked them to teach me witchcraft.

Does any dev have experience with ecu programming? How did you get into it?

Thanks!

So the other day my car broke down and since the shop wanted a lot of money I asked a friend of mine who knowns his way around cars for help.
Just when we finished repairing it I was like "whenever the Zombie apocalypse starts you'll be really useful, me instead won't be since no one might need computers anymore" . His response was epic:
"Nah, you will simply build a terminator with your computer skills and it will kill all Zombies!"
Now I am actually looming forward to the Zombie apocalypse!

TL;DR: us geeks will build terminators in case of zombies!

I'm writing a book that teaches everything I have learned in the past 20 years about writing small niche software and selling it.

Need some help from my fellow DevRanters.
Anyone who comments here with something constructive gets a free copy when it's done.

When I say:
"Why don't you just write your own software and sell it to end users"

What is the first thing that pops into your head?

Is it "I don't know how to advertise"
or
"that's a pipe dream"
or
"I tried starting my own business, but _______"
or
"I am doing that, i have this side project "
(how long have you spent on that side project?)

I need to know all your concerns questions fears, skepticism etc around the idea of writing your OWN software.

After 20 years I have like, so much knowledge, but it's sometimes hard to get it all out, UNLESS someone has a question or concern, then, out it comes.

So, I'm going to (hopefully) collect all the questions here ... and answer them, and it'll help me out a lot to extract this knowledge.

A lot of stuff I do without even thinking and realizing all the years it took to even know that.

What would you like to know the most?

You have the skills, you have the know how, you can probably see it in your head, so what's stopping you from making the leap?

Guys I need your help about iMac vs PC

So I have finally got some cash in my hand to spare. Enough to buy an iMac 27 inch or a high end PC.

I used to game a lot but I've slowed down eventually to be more productive.

I mostly work on node, c++ and Java.

I used to use a Macbook Pro and I felt it was really productive.

Any thoughts?

Need a C++ partner..

I'm self taught developer and it's kinda hard to understand the code of your own.. since c++ is not an easy language to master I need partner whom I can easily discuss code and topics of c++. I'm in slack too and it's great community .. has people who always willing to help you out.. but the thing is it's really weird to ask simple question there again and again.. so i wanna have some partner to discuss C++ code easily..

Helping your family with their computers would be much more pleasant if they used right language:
"PLEASE, we NEED you superior problem-solving intelligence and self-confidence, because we are too stupid and anxious to do it ourselves! Please help us!!!"

NEED IDEAS:

Guys, help me. What should I take to reduce my cafeine over day?
Anyone here is trying to get your cafeine level lower?
Suggestions?

Me 🤗"Since you know the domain far better than me, can I ask you to help me understand if I managed to cover all the edge cases with these UNIT TESTS?
😒" no no no, you don't need to check for those cases, you already do that in your code"
🤗 "I'm sorry, I must have explained myself badly. I have written these UNIT TESTS exactly to ... TEST if those CHECKS in my code work and what I need is you to tell me if there are additional cases ..."
😫"but you don't need to!!! You already have that logic in your code"
😐😵☠ 🦍💊🔫🔪"you know what? I'm gonna give them a second look. Thanks"
And then I moonwalked out of the room

!rant

Guys I need your help, I'm considering the corporate life, and I have two major options

Option A:
A software factory where I would be working on maintaining existent systems and adding features, but I would learn a lot with their shadow program.

Option B:
An IT department where I would use a lot of different technologies, .Net, Java, ADF, etc, maybe even hardware but I would be paid the fifth than with A.

So what do you think?

!rant

Today is the day, i'll finish up all the contract work that sits on my desk, cash in the money and finish up the free website i made for a befriended gamedev.

I've been sooo angry about other humans over the week but escaping into development and helping the few friendly humans out there is making me calm again.

If anyone of you feels down, grab a tee, clean your desk, take a bath and just start coding silly things, or try to help a mate in need. :-)

Hey guys! So I need advice/strategy’s on how to let someone go in your life. It all started when I became friends with this person through other mutual friends, at first I didn’t even think twice about him. But now we started talking more and I realize he’s funny and nice, however, he does do some pretty bad things I don’t agree with. And whenever we are in public he ignores me and goes off with my other friends, how do I stop stressing about this. I really just want to let go of this person and move on, go back to not even thinking twice about him. I need help on how to do this, thank you so much for your time and advice.

Okay ranters, I'm asking for your help.

I'm currently an IT Technician at a facility. I am doing this part time while finishing up my last year of college. I graduate in April of 2017. I just received a job offer to do Web Development part time in the same city. I'm not sure if they will work with my schedule, but they say they will. I will need to learn PHP, because I haven't used it yet, but learning a new language is easy for me. I'm done with most of the difficult classes in my CS program, but I will need some time devoted to study. I'm unsure whether the job is a golden opportunity or if I'm going to screw myself over and be unable to graduate. What do you guys think?

Alright, as some of you already know, I got a gaming PC recently. I have a PS4 and an Xbox one but this is the first time I'm about to play PC games properly with a GTX 1070. I'm extremely thrilled. So please PC gaming masters help me to find good games. I play Forza Horizon 3 now. I love that game. I need to get another game or two. I was looking at Mafia 3, new Assassin's creed and FarCry 5. I need your help to figure this out. What should I play?

Hello guys, I need your help.

Recently we purchased new property for our company. And we are about to start working there in few days.

And now we are searching quotes to stick on wall there.

Can you guys help me with this?
Please suggest me some quotes.

!rant

hey dev's,
I need help for choosing laptop.
I will need it for deep learning.

DELL G7 7588
config:
pro : i9-8950HK
gpu : GTX 1060
ram : 16 gb ddr4
ssd : 512
hdd : 1TB

your reviews please

Okay, I really need some help here.

We're building quite a large application that will serve as the backbone for the whole company. We have to implement some sort of role system. We're debating whether or not to store roles in the DB or in code (some sort of config file). Personally I don't see any reason to do so. What's your thoughts?

rant == false && help == true
I usually don't like posting non rant stuff here but I need help.
How do you usually design your service communication class?

I am working on a mobile app which contains talking to a REST service, I usually put all network calls in one class. Down side if it becomes a big class it becomes a pain to maintain. Any thoughts?

For a backend service I usually go with Repository design and it is working out well for me. But for mobile Apps I'd like to see if there is a better approach

Hi ! This is not a rant but more like a need for help.
Currently i am working in a retail job , but i am planing to open my own business where me and my team can develop apps and webs.
My family and friends are telling me that i will fail.
What should i do , chase my dream and become unemploymed for a short period of time , or continue the way i am living ?

Thank you for your time and patience , and i am sorry for grammatical mistakes !

Is it appropriate in terms of time, to learn c as your first language?
I mean, some of my classmates prefer to use python or java as their first language.
Help please, I need help

IntelliJ, IntelliJ I love you but please tell me why making a jsp file from scratch doesn't work in the servlet but your template for a jsp does. It makes no fugging sense to me. StackOverflow doesn't know and I went there for help.

I was debugging that shit for 5 hours today over an issue that was fixed in 3 minutes. I need ice cream.

When you're so exhausted that the weekend isn't enough for you to reset anymore, that your manager won't pull you off the project because client likes you (or that he just doesn't want to lose the project), that you can't quit, or kill yourself (because you start getting those ideas), since sister depends on you financially and you just care for her that much, you just keep going, wearing your smiling face at all times, trying to continue shitting code because it's your job, and what's left of you deep inside is yelling for help.
Man, do I need a new job.
No worries people. I just really need some whining right now. Hopefully I get news from my latest interviews.

I need your help with ideas for toy projects in android to get a portfolio.
For backend I know node, Python and Java.

I have no idea what to do and I must have something up my sleeve before I can apply for my first dev job.

Thanks!

Boss:"I need you to help your colleague finish up this java project, but you still have to meet your deadline on web app you're working on and we have an ecommerce website that needs to enter first phase next week".
Me:"la la la la la..."

When I created stubmatic (a http mock application), we were using it in our internal project. First time when some other project expressed their interest, I was happy and eager to help.

So the person they sent for the training asked me his first question: "I followed all the steps, but It is not working"

I quickly checked his code and replied "you're using GET instead of POST method"

Then his second and last question about stubmatic was "why don't your code understand which method has to be used? Why should a client need to tell every time?"

Ummm... silence

I know there are a lot of “devs” out there who only feel responsible for the ‘code’ - but you aren’t.

You’re responsible for the end product too.

When you help build a steaming pile of shit - it’s your fucking fault. It’s not the boss’s fault - it’s everyone who let it happen’s fault.

These hell-holes like Kaiser Permanente and Covered California - and nearly all the government portals and the banks... and almost everything I can think of - are way past unacceptable. You are hurting everyone.

If you are putting these pieces of trash into the word: you need to rethink your life. If there is a hell, you are going there.

Wake the fuck up.

You’re going to have to use these things when you are older. Your kids will have to use them. Your parents will have to use them.

Set an example. Stop making horrible things that don’t work and hurt people.

Today.

Start changing - today.

!!!Question here!!!

I am enrolled in a full time course (bachelor of Engineering, Computer Engineering), currently in second year, will be in third by June 2017, and I have a job offer from a Japan Based Company, so it legal to do the job while being enrolled in a full-time course? Also, if I drop from the course and focus on job, so will that be good?

The package is really good, but the degree is important (at-least in India), I want to know about other parts of the world also.

I am inclined towards joining the job, but then it frightens me as the culture here is (degree is important, talent is not!), but I have faith in myself, after watching many motivational videos on youtube, I feel like following my passion, but then I need to be practical as well.

What to do, what not to do? I need your help, please let me know what are your views?

I'm refactoring one of our react apps. And want to kill people so much !!!! Why the hell do you write if true return true else return false ?!?!!! Decomposing coupled classes in independant on es doesn't work if they are still coupled !!!!! Reducers must be done in functional !!!!!!
If you can't write in english then don't FUCKING WRITE IN ENGLISH YOUR FUCKING COMMENTS !!!!!!!! Comments are there to help other to understand YOUR code, other need to be able to réas it !!!!!

WHY ?!?!?!

On the bright side it means some dojos....

From Documentation:
"A SHA256 HMAC is created outside of Bronto. If you need help with this step, contact one of the developers at your company."

Yes because, cause every company has a developer.

*Only developer at company*

!Rant
Hey guys I need your help.
I have developed a snippet manager which currently is used by over 280 users from a lot of different countries on a daily base, which is very nice.
(For those wondering the app is called "SnipAway" just search on it on Google it will pop up)
But my main problem currently are the translations. I've created them using Google translator mostly for the languages I don't speak.
I would like to ask for some help from my fellow devRanters. I would need translators for the following languages:

Italian
Spanish
French
Russian
Japanese
Turkish

If you can help translating please comment so I can send you the translation file. The file is not very big so translating it should not take long.
Also if you speak another language that's not in the list above still comment i wouldn't mind to add the language to the app.

Thanks

Hey guys
I'm trying to do something different from the usual and need your help.
I want to install linuxCNC in a pen drive (as in a live CD, but with the file system in the PEN which is usable)
I want to plug it into my mother's laptop, use it with my machines, then just unplug and it will run the native windows for my father.

How can I do this'?
I only find Live CDs, and I'm afraid of ruining my OS when If I try to install (afraid of installing on the SSD instead of the PEN).

Hey, freelancer programmers, web developers, etc. I need your help. I’m writing a “Mother of All Blogs” post about why clients should a) pay you for your work and b) expect to pay you your asking rate. I’m trying to make the argument more forcefully that you get what you pay for with this work and that when you cheap out you only hurt your business bottom line. So, what are your experiences (positive and negative) or points that you would make to a potential client, who wants you to work super cheap or even for free, that you find are irrefutable about this topic? I want to include as many as I can! Thanks.

When your VP Engineer says we DONT NEED AN ORM.

Raw sql queries are just fine and he even can help with that!!

It's only monday.

Hi!
I was trying to format my backup drive (/dev/sdb)
Was focused on eating also at the same time
Wrote sudo fdisk /dev/sda and didn't notice and changed the partition type to GPT(although it was already like that)
I gave me message that will do on next reboot
My dumb mind didn't suspect, instead rebooted (facepalm)
Lost all my data
Instead of trying to recover was quick to install OS
Permanently lost my data
Help me I need hopes and tricks to move on

How did you cope up with yourself once you lost all your data?

Devranters, you should make your products available on local stores in Asia, esp India. Like on Flipkart. I seriously need a 'stress ball' 🤔. I read it can help me stress more. Hence rant more! Not a coincidence

1) No, i don't want subscribe your newsletter.
2) Thanks, i know about cookie law. Thanks again.
3) Don't worry, i don't need your help now.
4) You are very kind, but i don't want new subscription.
5) Sorry, i don't have a time for your survey right now.
.
.
.
One of that fucking modal windows should contain fucking phone number i fucking need. Web WhoTheFuckingCareVersion.

Guys help me grow my small collaboration group. If you're interested in learning new things,collaborating new ideas or just wanna talk to some cool cats then join us. My goal is to grow it as much as possible so anyone can find the help they need on their next/current idea. If interested drop your email and ill send you an invite to our slack. I don't care what your skill set is. You might learn something new. You might not . if anything youll make new friends:)

Guys I need your help.
Recently there has been questions on whether there's a developer oriented dating service which made me think of buiding one.
On research I noticed that people have tried but you always end up with more people from the outside.
So I decided to make my service as developer friendly and user unfriendly as possible.
it's more command based rather than normal click and touch inteefaces.
More like the shortcuts on your ide or the terminal commands.
As part of my research involved talking to other developers and came the desire for more opinions.
here's what I have:
- Github sign in/up only
- Link github stats to account
- Messages (obviously )
- links to your social accounts
- use of devrant avatar
What am looking for is:
+ what do you guys need from a dating service.
+ name you musts, avoid the ones named by others
+ name what you expect to know about the person on the other side before talking to them and before meeting with them.

My friend tried to disassemble FakeSMC (hackintoshers where are u at) into assembly code.

My friend: yo dude, let's look at FakeSMC's ASM!

Me: u stoopid or wut

My friend: don't worry, it's gonna be so much fun!

Me friend after an hour and an accidental modification the the file through ASM: bro i need your help, my hackintosh won't boot and I need your backup

When you’re frustrated and think you need another developers help, exhaust all of your resources before you ask. Google it, look for similar functionality in the app to mimic, ruminate for a hour. We are all working through challenges.

When my brain was overloaded and overwhelmed during rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, my life and my thoughts were a complete mess. Somehow, when I heard or imagined plurals of certain words, like "cans" or "cups", my brain painted pictures of a cute civilization of living soda cans. They fought oppression that came from us humans, but lacked mental capacity to do so. I felt really sorry for them and wanted to help. The more ordinary the word were, the more striking effect it had on me.

The rapid-cycling fashion of bipolar disorder is often triggered by unfit prescription medicines. This kind of disorder is among the most lethal mental disorders there are, with a huge percentage of patients committing suicide.

If you can't make sense of your thoughts, if your emotional responses seem inadequate or too strong, to the point when you can collapse crying after some random thought, stop whatever you're doing and seek help. Ask friends and family to find you a psychiatrist, as by the time you need help, you may lack mental capacity or emotional resource to find a doctor by yourself. To me, even the idea of leaving my bedroom and going somewhere was painful to think about.

If your thoughts appear to be "put into your brain" against your own will, if they make no sense, don't attempt to make sense of them. They are nothing but a random noise produced by overwhelmed synapses.

Me: *ask well detailed questions around Ruby on Rails and responses in JSON that won't fucking work because I don't know how to make it work my way*
Someone : *Answers*
Me: *tests the solution. Nothing works, his ruby syntax is from 1995, and it doesn't help me
Me: "Sorry but there's a syntax error in your answer, I don't know how to make your answer work. Plus, how should I edit my json.jbuilder file with your answer?
Dude: " I am not a RoR developer by trade, I just know how HTTP works :)"

WE ARE BOTH FUCKING LOOSING TIME HERE YOU FUCKING MORON

Same dude: " I don't see any of that in your code and I'm not sure what you want to edit? Seems to me like you don't really need to, but I'm not sure"

YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING ROR DEVELOPER, YOU SAID IT YOURSELF, SO WHY DO YOU KEEP BOTHERING?

(n.b. : I litteraly pasted his two last answer. Didn't edit anything)

Not a data loss exactly but a loss indeed.

It was my first week at my first junior developer job, I was just learning git and completely messed it all up. I lost around 3 hours of work.

I didn't want to ask anybody for help (because of that useless junior feeling, you know...) and wasn't as good using Google as I'm now.

So I re-did all the work. Thankfully, I have a decent memory.

If there's something to learn here is ask for help when you've used all your resources and still think you need it. Nobody is going to have a bad opinion about you ;)

I need your help please !
I'm about to buy a netbook to use it as a portable dev environment ; it should be able to run Eclipse, some code editor, GCC, and a virtual machine.
I've found a Lenovo E135 with 8GB RAM for only 100€ but the main problem is that his processor is an AMD E2-2000 (only 1,75GHz, and AMD)... Will it be enough to do what i want ?
I've also found a Lenovo Thinkpad x230 with a Core i5 (2,6 GHz) and 4 GB RAM for only 170€ but the problem there is the battery (the core i5 consume much more power)
Which one should i buy ? (Knowing that i have only 100€ but i could manage to get the missing 70€ for the x230)
Thanks for your help !

Hey developer community.
Need to ask you all something.
Do you consider "To be good at competitive programming" or even experienced at that, with some kind of benefit in your fields ? Maybe even that can help in getting job interviews which are rather difficult to score by applying online. Just need y'all two cents. :)

I need your help... This is my 11 year olds math homework, one of the questions anyway... I cannot work it out.

Mrs choy spent exactly £10 on exactly 100 eggs.

Large eggs cost 50p
Medium eggs cost 10p
Small eggs cost 5p

For two of the sizes, she bought the same number of eggs.

How many of each size did she buy

Deep learning. Working on an image classification problem for a big company. The "boss" ask me to teach an AI to classify images into a few classes.

"Mmm, ok...I just need to create the dataset and then build the AI...so.."

Where is the problem??

The problem is that the classes are so perfectly similar that no one knows how to help me create the dataset and I have to do it alone.

That's how you spend your weeks in a loop where you look at thousands of images over and over just to have something decent start your work.

After that I felt like...
"I'm the hero they deserves, but not the one they need right now" - Cit

So sick of my coworker explaining to me how I should do a task. Dude, I've already planned out how I'm going to handle the situation. If you really want to help, wait until I create my pull request, review it, and then make your suggestions there. Unless I ask for your advice on how to do something, I don't need you to tell me how you would do things, especially since i have, what, 5 years working in the framework when you have 2 months?

Code as often as you can. Don't burn yourself out, you don't have to strive for a daily masterpiece, but do something.

You're just starting and these new skills need constant work I you don't want to lose them immediately, so if your company tries to put you on something else that's not your job, don't be afraid to say no. If you start working IT for them "just to help out, just for now", you'll undo all your hard work and have to start again from scratch down the line.

#include <helpme>

Ok guys I kinda need your help. I have to write a python project for my school in 3 days and instead of saving everything in files I want to have a database. So my question is can you suggest the most simplest and easiest db to create and connect to Python for a few simple tables. Also the easiest to set up on another computer since my professor will probably want to try it at home.

Also I have to learn Python in 3 days, since I already know a couple of languages, I'm confident I can pull it off. Why I'm asking for help is I need to document it all, that will probably take a chunk out of these 3 days.

Hello together.

I need your help. Im a junior Pentester.

Tomorrow I need to pentest a Macintosh workstation but I have no idea where to start. Users can login via LDAP and I will do a white box pentest.

Any suggestions where to start?

Everyone: Keep people safe and work from home!
My power company: We were going to turn off your power for maintenance but now we won't to help people work from home.
Also my power company today : Hope you didn't need your power to work from home. Good luck with that.

🤦‍♂️

Having to approach your manager and bringing you that you haven't been meeting your deadlines due to being distracted dealing with depression is by far one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.. If you need help reach out someone is always willing to help!

Ok devs, need your help a little bit. Planning on buying a laptop. I'm confused between these two:
1) System76 Serval WAS
2) MacBook pro

Which one should I get and why? Need your opinion. Also, open to any other suggestions.

Hello. I desperately need someones help to help me set up python flask starting template website with apache on digital ocean server. Over teamviewer please.

I promise you there is not a lot to set up cause i have been configuring it for days. If i waste too much of your time trying to set it up, i will pay you.

Thank u. Anyone interested leave me your discord.

If any of you are quite good at :
- bootstrap 4
- wordpress

i NEED YOUR HELP
i got headache

i need someone to explain me the practices of both

If any of you are able to during skype or discord call , just comment and I'll leave my skype.

Thanks

!Rant
#serious inputs needed

I need help identifying that one big problem that all devs face. Irrespective of the language, domain, etc.. And I wanna solve it. I need your inputs on what bothers you the most, and what tech you work with.. Then we can upvote the comments that are applicable to all of us.. I'll setup a github once we come to a conclusion

Hello everyone. I need your help and suggestions. I submitted an app to the Apple app store and got this response.

___________________________

Your app or metadata includes an account registration feature, which is considered an access to external mechanisms for purchases or subscriptions to be used in the app.

To resolve this issue, please remove the account registration feature and any other fully qualified links to your site that could indirectly provide access to these mechanisms, such as links to web pages for support, FAQs, product or program details, etc.

____________________________

My app only has a signup form that signs the user up on Firebase. What are my options? Is a simple signup form not allowed in iOS apps? This just does not make any sense to me. Please let me know what you would do.

Hello i'm self-taught developer and im looking for a job as junior i need any suggestions to improve my cv and if i write in the cover letter that i will work for your company first 3/6 month with minimum pay will this help me to get a job

All app/web layout designers, I need your help with layouts for my app. I am struggling with a very specific thing: image sizes. What are the general guidelines for touch devices and windowed programs? Should I eyeball the max width and height? What if it's on desktop and I am making the window larger / smaller?

Any help is absolutely appreciated, I had perfect success in all of what I worked on in the app until now except this. I just can't get it right.

Hey devRanters! I need some help looking for a powerful laptop around (or obviously less than) $1000. Cousin recently stepped on my old reliable laptop and figured it was time for an upgrade. Any suggestions / experiences with your own laptops?

When I hear something like "well, I didn't think it would be that hard so I gave it a shot and now I just need a bit of help..." I know I'm usually waking into a disaster. This would take me half the time if you didn't try it on your own. What a mess!

cataloguing and accounting for known unknowns and knowing when exactly you need to turn them into knowns (if ever).

basically getting used to the idea that you're always in some way and to some degree stumbling in/through the dark because your light is too dim to illuminate everything, so you have to choose the right direction to point it in. getting lost isn't not knowing what's everywhere around, it's not knowing what's in the specific direction that you need to go in.

oh and, also, sadly, this shouldn't be true, but at least in my life it is: there's nobody to ask for help when you're the one others come to to ask for help. either I solve something, or it will stay unsolved. which is... stressful and exhausting, and often desperation-inducing, but i guess it is what it is...

The SIM card saga goes on:
To verify yourself, you need to go to some postal office and show them your ID and stuff. Not that this is complicated or anything (well actually, it is. Welcome to 2018 in Germany. We use more papers than potheads for the simplest shit), but you need to have a valid ID. Valid as in NOT EXPIRED. What the fuck. Why does my ID expire. Do I stop existing 3 years after getting it? What does it mean if it is, why is it culpable to have your ID expired. And who gets charged for having none, I mean obviously my ID doesn't identify me anymore?
What the hell man. I don't exist for 6 months now. Am I law free as not identifiable entity or how does it work?

And now the real question:
We got something called Bafög in Germany. Basically you get a bit money while studying. (I still work tho, I don't get really much from it.)
To apply for it, you need some tax number, which seemingly can be seen as a proof of my existence and my identity.
Why is this enough, why don't I need a valid ID there?

Germany is weird man. On the one hand government is all social and you get help if you need it but on the other hand you need to sacrifice 17 virigins to apply for said help..

Hello fellow Ranters,

I'm in need of some help, I want to try building a small website, like maybe 4 pages worth of work for my uncle. But I'd like to build it in such a way that a non-programmer (my uncle) could upload photos to a portfolio section through an administrative console page. I'm doing this mostly to learn how to build something like this and also as a side project to help out my uncle.

From what I've read, I'm thinking that Angular (maybe?) might be the right way to go about building dynamic pages, but I'm not really sure and was wondering what you guys would suggest? If possible can you please also recommend a place where I can find examples for something like this?

Thank you in advance for your help and recommendations, I really appreciate it!!!

In my head: Look man, I'm not saying you're lying. I just need examples of these reported failures. Call times, caller IDs, etc. I am trying to track this issue for you, but we've had no failures, and the call samples you provided show that the calls went through. We've tested the calls and they went through. You tested the call with your cell and it went through. Can you please provide examples of failures? That's what I need to help you. I'm not calling you a liar. Oh, and by the way, GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Ive repeatedly posted this over and over and i will continue to because i really want this collaboration network to grow! If you're not interested then share this with anyone who might be:

"Guys help me grow my small collaboration group. If you're interested in learning new things,collaborating new ideas or just wanna talk to some cool cats then join us. My goal is to grow it as much as possible so anyone can find the help they need on their next/current idea. If interested drop your email and ill send you an invite to our slack. I don't care what your skill set is. You might learn something new. You might not. If anything youll make new friends :)"

Hey Guys!! I need your help. Next week the new company I am working for has a costume party and I am thinking of a funny nerdy costume but all I was able to think of was Jenkins😂
I hope you got better ideas!!

I'm have an English test this week, and I need help! What are some important norms, rules or standards when it comes to software development/coding/programming/whatever? The task is to write about such norms and social construct of your future profession, and how important they are.

Fellow C++ Devs, I need your help on this one. I have to write a converter for view in geom format to obj, so I can visualize it with blender or similar program. Do you guys have any ideas or suggestions?

Thanks in advance.
Have a great a day !

Sooooo, would need a little help here please.
Would like to switch from OpenSuse at home to some other Linux distro. (Side note: using OpenSuse at work and at home, would like to discover something new).
Already tried Ubuntu but really didn't like it. Arch Linux was okay though.

Saw some of your pictures of your nice customized desktops and would like to try something like this, but really don't know which distros can do this.

While searching a bit I found three which look/read quite interesting:
Devuan, Alpine Linux and Sabayon Linux.

What would be your thoughts on those, or which distros would you recommend?

Would be grateful for any advice. 😊

Hey guys, if you are a member of the computer class in school, what would you do in the festival in which you introduce your class to others and do some interesting activities.
I need to answer this question in a school computer class new-person Interview so I would love to get your help!
For example, playing a game we made etc.
Or some mini game ideas

There is always this moment where a family member needs your help by something computer related, sadly I don't have time at the moment of need but after some hours I get to it and "debug". Everytime I debug on my own PC I need like a full day but on a family PC I get done in like 30 seconds and of course they'll ask why I wouldn't have done it earlier if it's that easy 😢

I am working on a pub-sub based protocol (like MQTT) with some added features. I am developing a python based server for my protocol which can be run on distributed architecture with load balancing without any tweaks. I am planning to make this server and the protocol open source.

The whole thing is getting so complex that I think about scrapping this project sometimes. I need your inspiration guys. Really, I need it. I know this protocol will be good enough to help people working on IoT, chat or any pub-sub based application if I can complete it. Cheer me up, please.

When you’re frustrated and think you need another developers help, exhaust all your resources before you ask. Google it, look for similar functionality in the app to mimic, ruminate for an hour.

Need help

I recently applied for an internship and had the interview already so far it went great but they did request some code to see my logic in development.

Currently I'm working on a permission based user account system in php so that a single system can be used for both mods and regular users and should be quite easy to implement into a site build from scratch.

What I wonder is if it'll be interesting enough to show to them.

The company develops wesites, apps and educational games.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I need your help guys...My company wants to save money on buying Photoshop licence and use Gimp instead. We only need some of the features, and most of them are achievable with Gimp so that's not a problem. The issue is that the tool that is mostly used is the Ruler with it's Straghten option. Doing it with Rotate tool in Gimp is a huge pain in the ass and it decreases productivity. Is there any way to get this Ruler>Straighten like combo in Gimp? Or any other tool?
Thanks

TLDR; Send help, need VR video player that works on all the platforms (not IE, that can burn in hell)

Okay, don't get me wrong; I love iOS and most of it's features like being able to connect to the same WIFI-networks without having to fill a password twice.

But holy shit; Fuck Safari.

They made it so hard to access the stupid motion thing which you can use for VR.

Why do I know this? Well of course I have been building an app for a client which needs to display 360 degree video, which would be best viewed by turning your phone instead of swiping across your screen.

!Rant
I need your help gaiz. I need an idea for a project. I have to be tech specific here as I am currently learning ASP.Net from my college curriculum. Pls halp.
A coder in need is a coder indeed.

Hey guys ! I need your help for something.

I'm a student in Belgium that will become self-employed as frontend+backend developer (during my free time)
In Belgium and as student I will have no charge.

What would be a good rate per hour ? Some already suggest me 30-40€/h but as I'm free of charge others suggest 25€/h

What do you think ?

My dear developers I would really appreciate if you could recommend me technology for diving into web development. I am thinking about django/python or laravel/php but I am not sure.

I know it is opinion based question but I need your help to decide..

Hi guys ,
I need your help
I have to query to impala and store the result in a panda dataframe .
But as the data is very large it not happening can you give any suggestions
Thanks

When you ask for help, and they tell you you are on your own with this one bud. No wonder I hate my job some days, the fact that the project is due at 4, it's 2:30, and I still need help because I'm lost and am said one man army of IT. Nah, your on your own with this one. FML

could anyone help me calculating costs for AWS and Google Colab Services? I find it quite intransparent...

i would like to host 1x Python App which runs once a day or week (API call, enrichment uf JSON, JSON 2 CSV, FTP transfer). runtime is probably a few seconds, something between 1 and 5.

in AWS i created a Lambda function and for scheduling i guess i need CloudWatch. what really grind my gears is the combination of free contingent and paied service - i really don't have an overview right now, so my question here: how could i calculate it and what would be the monthly/yearly costs?

in Google Colab created a notebook and for scheduling i would need Google Cloud Scheduler. as far as i understand the hosting of the notebook is for free and the costs of cloud scheduler is $0.10 per job per project per month. 3 are for free. so 1 project, 1 job = scheduler for free?

Also, i'm open for other services such as digital ocean droplets or similar.

thx in advance for your help!

Hey guys. I need some help setting up cPanel on two centOS VPS. I want main vps to act as main cpanel vps (with ns1) and secondary vps to act only as ns2. Anyone knows of a good tutorial? I've searched a lot but most of provided tutorials are incomplete. They don't explain how to park your first domain to WHM and how to setup nameservers

Guys, need your help. What are some interview question for junior QA? Aaand, what do I need to review? Thanks a looooot!

Alright, I need your help! (Im going to so fucking regret this...) My external backup HDD is corrupt, the EaseUS Trial (piece of fucking garbage tool) can detect all the data, but im not going to pay 50-80 bucks for this (fucking piece of shit) tool...

What do you use for data recovery?
Or should I just torrent (Hate me, but im not going to pay for a tool im going to use ONE time) some other (not so piece of shit) tool?

Hello fellow devranters,
I never thought I'd make a post like this but I need your help/opinion.

My thesis work is about to get published, I worked on a C++ software that solves what we call equivalent reactor network models (basically, different ideal chemical reactors interconnected in various ways). This extends an ecosystem in my research group that is OpenSMOKE, and every collateral applications usually follows a xxxSMOKE naming scheme.

I came up with NodusSMOKE (Nodus is Latin for fishing net) first but it doesn't feel right. Other names I came up with are LinkSMOKE or NetworkSMOKE.

I believe here I might find people who are much more creative than me. I kindly ask your help my dudes.

So my coworker asked for help with his work. I understand that sometimes talking about the problem with someone else will help solve the problem, but seriously, don't ask me "How do I fix this?". If you wanted me to help you fix something, go to lunch and let me work on it for a couple of hours. I can't fix something by telling you what to do. I need time to look into the problem myself, do research, and run tests on my own. Telling to do that over your shoulder is a complete waste of our time.

Also, his attitude of complete helplessness is tiring. It's hard to help someone who continually reminds you of how much he just wants to give up.

Best place to get a job as a postgraduate fresher with a CS background?

Need Guidance and if possible referrals too...
Pls provide your suggestion in comment box..
Need Help....
please help me out...